Small favors

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/5851252.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: Choose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Supernatural
Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Character: Castiel, Lucifer, Amara (Supernatural)
Additional Tags: Pining, 11.10 coda, 11x10, Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details,
Post-Episode: s11e10 The Devil in the Details, The Darkness -
Freeform, s11 coda, Destiel - Freeform
Series: Part 1 of sleep well
Stats: Published: 2016-01-29 Words: 474

Small favors
by tco

Summary

There is no life after love, Castiel supposes, saying "yes" to the devil.

„Can you really beat her?” is the most important question.

It’s the Big Thing that matters. It’s making things right, finally.

But it’s also a small, selfish thing and he knows that. He allows it this once – for the first and for
the last time.

See, there are just certain things he doesn’t want to experience (he can’t).

And if he might get the luxury of not suffering through those, he’ll lap salvation like a stray thirsty
dog, which he is, if you put things into perspective and Castiel does put it alright – he knows his
worth, he knows his place: there is none.

His face is getting ripped into pieces, were there a tomorrow, he would be painted with colors just
like spring is radiant with flowers.

He is the shield, so he shields Dean. Takes one blow after another, it fills him to the brim with
understanding: he is not the hero.

Dean doesn’t even spare him a glance.

Somehow, that hurts more than the Devil’s fist.

Mostly because there is something that he has to let sink in, even though he denies, and denies, and
denies: Dean’s longing is steadily waning, his love depleting.

He’s being replaced with the poison Dean cradled in his arm for so long.

She ran in his veins, she boiled in his heart, they were locked with one key, they were one.

Soon, Castiel knows, Dean will miss her more than he ever missed him. He’ll touch her where
Dean will never touch him.

A bond is being replaced with another and it’s not long before he will feel the old one break once
and for all.

And this is what he doesn’t want to live through – because the worst way to die is when you die in
someone’s heart.

He’s pissed, he’s jealous, he’s alone and he gets beaten into puppy chow, while waves of the
Darkness are washing him out of Dean’s chest, out of his head, so subtle and slow Dean doesn’t
even notice he’s changing.

But Castiel can feel it. This is how he’s really dying. This is his least favorite way to die, and he
tested plenty.

Lucifer knows and he promises peace. Castiel has questions, it's about small favors, actually:

Can you take my senses so I won’t feel him slip away?

Can you take my eyes, so I won’t watch him come with her?

Can you take my ears so I won’t have to listen to the silence of all the things he’ll never say to me?

Can you take my hands, so I won’t crave to touch him?

Can you take my mouth so it won’t thirst after him?

Take it all away – he begs the Devil. – He’s the crack in my chassis. Fill it. Take it all. It’s not
needed anymore – Castiel cries. – My love is expendable.

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