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Malia Garcia

Prof Strasberger

Eng 206

14 Dec 2022

Somewhere In Between: Growing Up Filipino American

Pick a Side: My Story

"Do you feel more American or more Filipino?" This was a question a Filipina named

Lia recently messaged me, challenging me to think deeply about my intersecting identities. I had

never really thought about it because I grew up around people with a similar upbringing as me:

children of immigrants that lived in a predominantly Filipino community in the United States. I

lived in a suburb right next to San Francisco called Daly City. Approximately a third of Daly

City's residents identify as Filipino, making it the town with the highest concentration of

Filipinos in the United States. Because I grew up in a predominantly Filipino community, being

Filipino was an identity I took for granted. I was not discriminated against for my ethnicity and

openly shared my culture, thinking it would be socially acceptable and normal for the rest of my

life.

My mother immigrated to the United States when she was seven years old, and since

then, she has assimilated into American culture and lost her ability to speak Tagalog. On the

other hand, my father immigrated when he was eighteen, making my parents' assimilation

experiences and ideals vastly different. My mom is much more westernized, whereas my dad is

much more connected to his Filipino identity. Because of this, I have felt more connected to my

mom and felt an invisible barrier between my dad and me.

Growing up, I remember attending family gatherings and being confused most of the time due to
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the language barrier. I would wonder what my relatives were saying because I could not fully

understand Tagalog, only select words I already knew. My inability to understand and speak

Tagalog made me feel alienated, and I often had to ask my mom to translate what they were

saying.

Things got better when I entered an elementary school in my hometown, where fellow

Filipino Americans my age surrounded me. I was comfortable packing Filipino food for lunch

and speaking "Taglish (English + Tagalog)" with my peers. Overall, I had a positive experience

because I had the privilege of being myself and expressing my cultural identity.

It was not until I attended a predominantly white high school in San Francisco that I struggled

with my Filipino identity. I was no longer the majority and experienced racism for the first time.

In my college application essay, I wrote, "Although my ethnicity caused me to stand out, it also

confiscated my individuality. My classmates and teachers confused me with other Filipinas in my

community. These microaggressions kept stripping away my identity and impacted my

perception of being Filipina. I began feeling it was my fault for being misidentified when I heard

classmates saying, 'All Asians look the same.' At the time, I wasn't aware that I was encountering

racism, but I recognized something was wrong. To fit in at school, I rejected my ethnicity,

prioritized other people's views, and conformed to the dominant culture." My conformity

changed how my peers back in Daly City viewed me. They said I had changed and become

"white-washed." Before the pandemic, I code-switched and altered who I was according to where

I was. Ultimately, I became lost between my two identities and felt like I had to pick a side. I

thought, "Should I be who I was before high school, or should I alter my identity in a way that

allows me to fit in at school?"

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Filipino Representation and Undoing Stereotypes Over the Years

My sister, Trisha, is ten years older than I am, which means she is a millennial, and I am a

part of gen z. We grew up in different times, making a significant difference in growing up

Filipino in the United States. In the early 2000s, cancel culture and political correctness was not

as prevalent as today. In today's society, people are easily defamed for offensive comments or

jokes rather than given a chance to reflect on their mistakes. My sister recalls comedians making

jokes about Filipinos eating dogs or mockery about Filipino accents. A specific example she

gave was when famous Filipino boxer Manny Pacquiao was interviewed, people laughed at his

accent rather than focusing on his matches. Instances like this do not happen as much due to

cancel culture, but it still added to Filipinos being seen as the butt of the joke.

When I asked my sister's fiance, Ysaac Yukee, if he could recall any offensive jokes, he

said, "Nothing I didn't think was funny. I can see a lot of traditional Filipinos feeling offended by

accent jokes, dog-eating jokes, etc. I think as a Filipino American, it is easy to laugh at your own

ethnicity because you can escape to your other." Ysaac meant that he laughed when Filipinos

made jokes about their own culture and parents, but when it comes to non-Filipinos cracking

jokes, it was offensive and unacceptable. On the other hand, my friend Samantha Glean said that

she does not know of any Filipino representation in media, exemplifying how overlooked

Filipinos are in American pop culture. The scarcity of Filipino representation sends the message

that Filipinos are not significant in the United States and worthy of being shown on the big

screen. Sam added, "Having this feeling like I don't belong is confusing and exhausting, and

many people — especially in the entertainment industry — forget to represent Filipinos as a part

of the Asian community." Filipinos are often left out when it comes to Asian discussions and

representation. In high school, I noticed that most of the Asian history taught featured Chinese
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people, Japanese people, and Koreans. Many ethnicities make up Asia, but most remain

unknown or scarcely talked about in American media. Ever since I moved to Orange, I have

encountered people telling me that they know I am Asian, but they are not entirely sure what

Asian I am. In one encounter, after telling a friend I am Filipino, he said, "For me, it is pretty

easy to identify if someone is Chinese, Japanese, or Korean." That is true for many people due to

the lack of exposure to other Asian groups. In the past decade, the Asian community has

celebrated films such as Crazy Rich Asians, Shang Chi, and Everything Everywhere All At Once.

Still, all three blockbusters feature the narratives of people who identify as Chinese.

In recent years, more and more Filipinos have stepped into the spotlight in American

media. In May, Filipino comedian Jo Koy released a movie with Steven Spielberg called Easter

Sunday. For about twenty-two years, the only American film to have a primarily Filipino cast

was The Debut, which was released in 2000. RnB artist H.E.R, who is half Filipino, was cast for

the live-action Beauty and the Beast film as Belle and pop singer Olivia Rodrigo is one of the

biggest names right now in the music industry.

Filipino fusion food has become popular in San Francisco, undoing the oppressive

stereotypes that Filipino cuisine is bizarre, disgusting, and odd. In Oracle Park, the home of the

San Francisco Giants, many baseball fans can be seen enjoying lumpia, a Filipino eggroll. The

dinner scene in Jo Koy's film Easter Sunday was a huge deal because it captured Filipino cuisine

in a positive light, enticing non-Filipino audience members to crave Filipino food. Overall, the

increase in Filipino representation and popularity of Filipino cuisine has instilled tremendous

pride in Filipino Americans, attempting to undo the many years of oppression against Filipinos.

Something that needs to be addressed is that Filipino actors are often given non-Filipino roles.

Some may argue that Vanessa Hudges in the High School Musical Trilogy was huge for the
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Filipino community, but I somewhat disagree. In the movie, she is depicted as Mexican

American rather than her true identity as Filipino American. Filipino American actors are

depicted as other ethnicities or races in many films and shows. For example, Lou Diamond

Phillips, who played Ritchie Valens in La Bamba, is actually Filipino. Also, Nico Santos played

Oliver T-sien, a Chinese Singaporean man in Crazy Rich Asians. I am trying to understand why

Filipino narratives are so challenging to come across when they are one of the most prominent

immigrant groups in the United States.

Erasure of Filipino History in the United States

While the lack of representation and abundance of misrepresentation are harmful to the

Filipino American community, the erasing of Filipino American history is as or even more

detrimental. I attended a college preparatory school in San Francisco, a city deeply rooted in

social justice and diversity. California itself has the most Filipinos out of all the 50 states.

Despite this, I only learned two things about Filipino Americans during my four years in high

school. At the bottom of a page within my first-year ethnic studies textbook, there was a small

paragraph about Filipinos being labeled as monkeys for American zoo exhibits. Then during my

final semester of high school, I learned about how Filipino farm workers in California marched

with Ceasar Chevez, improving working conditions for California laborers. When receiving my

high school diploma, I learned one positive thing and one negative thing about my own history.

From that point on, I took it upon myself to learn more about Filipino American stories, hoping

to instill a sense of pride and contextualize stereotypes used against Filipinos.

The International Hotel (1977): One of the First Filipino American Communities
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In Jeff Chang's book, We Gon' Be Alright, he notes that "people of color are seen as

moveable." When I first read that quote, I instantly thought about the International Hotel in San

Francisco, one of the first Filipino communities in the United States (Habal). Although other

minority groups lived in the hotel, most were first-generation Filipinos, also known as the

Manong (Nakanishi). In 1968, the residents were told that their homes would be destroyed and

turned into a parking lot. Within the history of other minority groups, it can be observed that

urbanization has broken down many minority communities. For example, Little Tokyos and

Chinatowns within the United States have been torn or decreased in size over the years. Before

the residents were evicted, the International Hotel was rich in culture and diversity, allowing

immigrants to assimilate easily and adjust to living in the United States. It was also affordable

housing for retired Filipino and Chinese farm workers. In the International Hotel, people could

meet others with similar experiences and cope with the struggles of being an immigrant. In

response to the eviction, the residents protested to keep their housing. Unfortunately, despite

their efforts, the 150 residents were kicked out of their homes in 1977, and the International

Hotel was demolished in 1978. The story of the International Hotel exemplified how the agenda

of the affluent white population were prioritized over minority civil rights. It saddens me that

after nine years of protesting, a community many Asian Americans turned to for support and

guidance was destroyed due to racism.

At the same time, my hometown, Daly City, was formed due to racism. In the 1960s,

redlining was a massive problem in San Francisco. Redlining was a discriminatory practice that

indicated which neighborhoods and areas people of color could or could not live in, essentially

segregating white people and people of color. When I looked at old redlining maps, I saw that

Daly City was okay for people of color to live in, which is most likely why there are so many
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Filipinos there today.

Struggles Being Filipino American

A common problem brought up by my sister and Samantha was the demographics

question on standardized tests. Many Filipinos are uncertain whether they should consider

themselves Asian or Pacific Islanders. In most Asian conversations and issues, Filipinos are

rarely brought up or considered Asians. Also, when asked, Pacific Islanders do not consider

Filipinos as Pacific Islanders but as Asians. Both groups fail to claim Filipinos. Over the years, I

have seen more Filipinos identify as Asian, but there are some instances where I come across a

Filipino that identifies as Pacific Islander. Personally, I identify as Asian and never considered

myself a Pacific Islander.

Ysaac said that growing up, he struggled with identifying as Filipino American because

he did not have the same cultural values as traditional Filipinos, such as his parents. He was

raised by strict Filipino parents, where respect was expected to be given but not expected to be

received. Ysaac mentioned not being allowed to look his parents in the eye when talking to them

and fitting into certain expectations, aligning with intergenerational cultural dissonance. He

explained that intergenerational cultural dissonance (ICD) is “a clash between parents and

children over cultural values.” This happens due to the generational gap between immigrant

parents and their American children.

A movie that realistically depicts the struggles of being Filipino American is The Debut

(2000), starring Dante Basco. His character, Ben, wants to go to art school, but his father wants

him to be a doctor and constantly guilts him by saying that he sacrificed so much when he

immigrated to the United States. While Ben has problems with his father’s expectations, he
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struggles with accepting himself. He hangs out with only white people, does not know how to

express respect for his older relatives, and feels disconnected from peers that are proud to be

Filipino. In the movie, he talks about how as a kid, he would sleep with a clothespin pinched

around his nose so that it wouldn’t be flat, conforming to eurocentric ideas of beauty. Throughout

the film, he reassesses his priorities and how he wants others to perceive him.

My sister and I have a completely different experience than Ysaac’s and Ben’s. As I

mentioned previously, my mom immigrated when she was seven. Because my mom was raised

similarly to how Ysaac was raised, she is much more laid back regarding my sister and me.

Unlike my mom, I was allowed to leave home for college and hang out with my friends

whenever I wanted. I recall my grandmother and our relatives asking my mom why she would let

me go away for college instead of somewhere local. While most Filipino parents would

disapprove of their child having a non-STEM major, my mom has always been supportive of my

dreams and values my opinions.

While my family was not the source of my struggles being Filipino American, I found

that attending predominantly white schools has impacted my identity, especially Chapman. In

Orange County, there are few Filipinos that I can relate to, and there is no space for me to

express my cultural identity. It has been three months since I moved out of my home in Daly

City, and it has honestly deepened my appreciation for my hometown. I miss having unlimited

access to Filipino food, hearing old Filipino ladies gossip as I walk around the mall, and cracking

jokes that only Filipinos would understand. By stepping out of Daly City, I had new perspectives

on my identity and figured out what being Filipino American means.

Do I Feel More American or More Filipino?: My Answer

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Metaphorically, I describe my identity as lying in the center of a compass rose, between

East and West. I am Filipino American, never identifying as one over the other. I explained that I

could not turn on or off my identities, and I have perceived and experienced the world with both.

My ideology and values are American, but my favorite foods and physical features are Filipino.

Although some people around me may not view me as American due to my Filipino features, I

know how much my American identity has shaped who I am, how I think, and how I act. I will

never be able to experience what it's like to be solely American or solely Filipino; therefore, I am

not one over the other.

Conclusion: Daly City, the In Between

Trisha, Samantha, and I went to the same elementary school, where we had the

opportunity to grow up with others that looked like us, thought like us, and struggled like us.

Trisha said, "We (her and her classmates) understood and had common knowledge of Filipino

culture, values, mannerisms, language, and food. I had the open space to grow up to be my true

authentic self and didn't have to change/hide my culture to fit in. I know people who struggled

growing up as the "different" kid and, as a result, have childhood trauma from being poked fun

at." Adding on to Trisha's last statement, Ysaac and Sam mentioned how they sometimes think of

their Filipino American friends who did not grow up in a Filipino community and how

suppressing their identity while growing up has created insecurities.

While meeting people with different backgrounds and ideas is essential in one's growth,

one should feel comfortable in their own skin and have their feelings validated by those similar.

Filipino Americans' struggle of being in between identities makes Daly City the perfect place to

be oneself and express one's identity. In high school, I felt too Filipino for the white kids, but if I
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were to go to the Philippines, they'd say I was too American to be a true Filipino according to

their standards. In Daly City, I constantly meet people who just get me and understand what it's

like to be Filipino American. They understand the pressures of pleasing our Filipino families

while meeting American society's expectations. They know what it's like to be completely

confused within our family members' conversations because our parents never taught us Tagalog.

Growing up in Daly City allowed us to be comfortable with who we were and instilled a sense of

belonging. Like Ysaac said, "It's easier to grow with each other rather than without." Daly City

remains my safe space to explore my identity so I can be true to myself, even outside Daly City’s

borders.
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Works Cited

Chang, Jeff. We Gon' Be Alright: Notes on Race and Resegregation. United States, St Martins

Press, 2016.

Easter Sunday. Directed by Jay Chandrasekhar, performances by Jo Koy and Eva Noblezada,

Universal Pictures, 2022.

Habal, Estella. San Francisco's International Hotel: Mobilizing the Filipino American

Community in the Anti-Eviction Movement. Ukraine, Temple University Press, 2007.

Nakanishi, Don T. Asian American Politics: Law, Participation, and Policy. United Kingdom,

Rowman & Littlefield, 2003.

The Debut. Directed by Gene Cajayon, performances by Dante Basco and Dion Basco, Celestial

Pictures LLC, 2000.

Interviewees: Trisha Garcia, Ysaac Yukee, and Samantha Glean