.

Please go and read the first book to this sequel, The Shade of Werewolf.

This story contains sexual scenes and foul language. Reader discretion is advised.

Cover by YourFavoriteGal her covers are so beautiful!! I recommend 10/10!

0. honey

I wake up to the gentle sound of the water beating against the shower floor. My
hand mindlessly stretches and I feel that Calvin is missing from his side of the
messy bed. The spot where he had fallen asleep is still warm, and so are the
memories of only hours before.

Sitting up in the large bed, I glance out the sliding glass doors and take in the
view. The room overlooks the ocean, and the waves crashing is enough to put even a
insomniac asleep. A tired smile grows on my lips, because everything is so
beautiful.

I have spent two years with Cal, and it's been the best years of my life. He is the
one. The moon goddess did me right on him. I'm so grateful to have a man like him
in my life.

Come shower with me, stinky. Calvin calls for me through the mind link we share. I
roll my eyes and let a smile grow on my face. Although he can't see it, I'm sure he
knows that he put one there.

I don't argue against the idea, although I do relax in the sunrise for awhile
longer. Cal takes long showers, and I'm sure he knows that I'll be in there with no
questions asked. The boy knows me too well for his own good.

"Baby," Calvin pokes his head out of the shower and pouts his bottom lip. It makes
me giggle because he looks so young. "The water is going to get cold, come on." His
voice is still filled with sleep, and it proves my theory that he had just woken
up.

"Its five in the morning, Cal." I roll my eyes and climb into the shower. He
smiles, and I take in the view of him. I don't know how, but throughout the time
we've been together his muscle mass has gotten bigger, and so much more defined.
Water droplets trail from his chin down to his abdomen.

"Perks of being Lycan." He murmurs, pressing a kiss against my cheek. "We never get
tired." He kisses by my earlobe and I push his face away from mine.

"You might not, but I do." I pout. Calvin smiles and leans back towards me. I can't
help but giggle at his persistence.

"Newborn." He reminds me, pressing a gentle kiss against my mark. After nearly two
years after Calvin had bit me, he still refers to me as a newborn. I've recently
been changed to a Lycan, and my body is apparently still changing. I don't get it,
but I have to take Cal up on it since he's the only one that really knows.

"Geezer." I joke, smiling up at Cal. He playfully rolls his eyes at me and presses
a kiss on my lips. I pull away before anything more happens, and I can hear Calvin
let out a sigh.

"When are we going home?" I ask, knotting my eyebrows. For our two year
anniversary, we flew out to California and have yet to leave.

He leans forward and presses a kiss to my nose. "When ever," he mumbles. I tiredly
look up at him and shake my head.

"We have priorities back home we need to get done, baby." I pout. "I love it here
but we need to go back home soon." I kiss his cheek. He sighs out in defeat.

"You are my priority, baby." He chuckles, "but we've over did our stay, no?"

"Two weeks over." I smile. "Besides, there's nothing we can't do there that we've
done here, right?"

Calvin looks down at me with a amused smirk on his face. He cups my cheeks and
pulls me into a quick kiss. "Some things." He winks. "I'll book a flight, but until
then; no more worrying, okay?" He chuckles.

I smile, "yes, Alpha."

Under my gaze, Calvin tenses at my submission to him. He blinks and his eyes turn a
shade of yellow. Something about saying that to him makes his wolf go wild.

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and giggle. "What's wrong?" I ask, batting my
eyelashes at the man I married.

He inhales deeply and pins me between him and the shower glass. Just the simple
submission to him turns him on more than anything. His wolf likes being in control,
and I like it too.

I crane my neck when his mouth reaches my mark, and one of his colossal hands dips
between my legs. My hands latch onto his shoulders because I wasn't prepared to
wake up and bone him.

I'm still sore from what he did last night to my body. My eyes shut and I whimper.
"Cal.." my voice comes out more of a moan than anything.

"Je veux ma langue entre tes jambes, mon petit loup." He brings his mouth against
my ear and demands what he wants from me. I shut my eyes, too focused on what his
fingers are doing to really understand him.

Calvin is a gentleman, and at the same times a complete monster. He knows how to
treat me. Just like any man should treat their woman. He can be rough with me, but
he never hurts me and he always makes up for it later. I like being submissive to
him. Sometimes.

Before I can even agree or disagree with whatever he had whispered to me in French,
the shower water is being shut off and Cal is sitting me on the ice cold counter
top.

"Cal it's co-" he cuts me off by pressing a kiss to my lips. I quickly wrap my arms
around his neck and hold onto the tongue tied kiss. His canines gentle run over my
bottom lip at they begin to extend. Cal tugs my hips closer to him, and I feel the
warmth of his chest against my sex.

I crave him, although I've had him so many times before. My want for this man is
undying, and he's someone I'll need forever to satisfy me. Nobody else ever will.

I whimper against him, aching for him to finish me off. Cal chuckles and breaks our
kiss, making me pout in protest.

He roughly pushes my legs apart, as he breaks the kiss and kisses my nose instead.
I whimper, my hands shooting onto his that rest on my knees, I give Cal a playful
smile.

"You're going to break me, Cal." I roll my eyes. He quietly apologizes and kisses
my cheek.

I shut my eyes, and blow out a quiet breath. Calvin and I have been non-stop, and I
think it's time I cut him off. Only for a while though. He's too easily distracted,
and his wolf is starting to get used to getting his cravings when he wants them.
It's easier to train a habit, than it is to break it.

I flinch when the warmth of his tongue comes into contact with my sensitive bud. My
hands shoot to his curly mess of hair, and my mouth falls open.

Quickly, my breathing turns into pants as he continues to attack my sex. He gets

more satisfaction in this than anything, I swear. I try to make some distance
between us, but a low growl from Calvin makes me go completely weak.

He has so much control over my body. It's his. I can't help but love it though. His
large hands push my legs further apart, and I whimper because I don't think they
could possibly go any further.

It doesn't take long for me to explode around his tongue. However, he doesn't stop.
I feel completely drained from my last high, and I haven't exactly come down from
it.

"Ca-cal.." I whimper, tugging at his hair. I need away from this dangerous
pleasure. It's an unbearable amount. It feels too good to make him stop, but I
don't think I can handle any more of it.

"Cal, please.." I ache, wiggling around trying to break free. I gain enough control
to cup his cheeks and force him to stop before I lose control all over again.

"Sorry," he says with a soft smile. Calvin's face is glistening, and I smile back,
holding onto the image as I shut my eyes and try to regain composure.

"No more," I beg, my body trembling from what he had just done. "I didn't even know
you were going to do that." I whimper. "You're supposed to give me a warning before
you-"

"Tongue fuck you?" He finishes my sentence, "and, I did, my little wolf." Calvin
presses a kiss to my lips and I taste the flavor that Calvin is so obsessed with
lingering on him. His tongue runs over mine briefly and I open my eyes to look at
him.

"All I really registered was I want legs, my little wolf." I open my eyes and smile
at my mate. He rolls his eyes and kisses me again.

"Close enough." He chuckles, "I was trying to see how long it would take you to
scream," he wiggles his eyebrows.

"You're such a pervert." I giggle, quickly taking a towel that Cal holds out for
me.

"I was close."

"Very close, alpha." I agree.

Translation:

Je veux ma langue entre tes jambes, mon petit loup // I want my tongue between your
legs, my little wolf.

1» discussions

We arrive home, greeted by none other than the Moore's family. Benjamin, Ally, and
their daughter Leah.

Not long after Benjamin and Ally found each other, my best friend ended up pregnant
with Leah. She was born, and then the two of them married. I'm so extremely happy
for my best friend and her little family.

Their smiles make one light up on my face. I'm tired, worn down, and all I want to
do is crawl into my own bed and sleep the rest of the day away. Flying is so energy
draining, especially with the security one must go through.

"Ray!" Leah's voice shouts my name the best to her abilities. Her bright brown
eyes, matching her mothers, light up and she smiles widely in Ally's arms. The
little girl reaches out and I take her into my arms and giggle.

"Goodness Leah! You've gotten so big!" I point out. She has grown so much since I
saw her only weeks ago. Her hair- that's pulled into a little bun- bounces as she
nods her head back and forth.

"Oh! Gosh! Is that Minnie Mouse on your shirt?" I grin. Leah looks down at her
shirt in confusion, and then looks back up at me with a mischievous grin.

"That's my favorite!" I grin, tickling the little girl who looks so much like her
dad. She turns into a fit of laughter in my arms before I finally set her back on
her feet and watch her scramble away.
I turn to the sound of the car trunk being slammed shut. Calvin holds several bags,
and even has my makeup bag over his shoulder.

"Here, let me get something-" I offer, but Cal cuts me off before I can even reach
for anything.

"No, baby. It's fine. You just go relax, okay?" He kisses my forehead and I nod is
defeat, doing the only thing I can do and open the front door for him to get
through.

"You've got him so whipped." Ally says with a giggle. I roll my eyes and look at my
best friend with a fake surprised expression on my face.

"Hey, don't act you Ben isn't whipped either." I wiggle my eyebrows. Ally's cheeks
go red with embarrassment. Oh, how the tables have turned. She used to always be
the one embarrassing me.

Calvin has rubbed off on me, to say the least. Something about making someone
embarrassed is amusing, to an extent. She pulls her lip between her teeth and
shrugs her shoulders.

"Ah, so?" Ally wiggles her eyebrows at me. She casually takes a seat on the porch
swing and I take a seat in another chair to face her.

"What?" I wonder, completely confused. What could this woman possibly be thinking
about? She's crazy!

"You know, what." Ally says lowly. I furrow my eyebrows, trying my best to figure
out what she's talking about.

I suppose the look that I give her is enough to let her know that I have no idea
what she's talking about. Ally lets out an exaggerated sigh and sprawls out and
kicks her feet on the swinging chair.

"Are you pregnant?" She asks, her voice getting high pitched. Suddenly, I gulp. The
thought of being a mom terrifies, but excites me at the same time.

"Ally- no." I frown. She asks me this every single time we're around each other.
It's always the its time you have one! I beat you to it and found my mate after
you!

It gets old. Fast.

"Oh come on, Gray! You and Calvin have been married for two years- and how ever
long you were together before that!" She rolls her eyes and smiles.

"Two years isn't even that long, Ally." I shoot back.

"Two years of - that I know of- you guys being intimate, and not even one pregnancy
scare." Ally points out.

"Because we're careful." I shoot back, harsher than I should have.

Ally's jaw drops. A look of anger flashes across her face and then it fades
quickly. "All I'm saying is that, I would love a baby to play with, that isn't
mine." She forces a smile onto her face. "I don't know, have you and Calvin ever
even talked about it?"
"Not really, no." I admit. Calvin and I never really talk about having a baby. Deep
down I know that he wants one, but I just want him to talk to me about it.

"Baby," Benjamin's voice cuts our conversation short. He gives Allison a stern
look. "Enough." He warns.

Ally frowns at Benjamin, who looks pissed off at her for even bringing up the
subject. "We're going to head home and let you and Calvin get some rest. Don't
listen to Ally. She's insane." Benjamin says, Leah waves, and Ally leaves with a
look of disappointment in her eyes.

As soon as their red car leaves the driveway, I heard upstairs towards our bedroom.
Calvin is shirtless by the time I'm there.

"You and shirts will never be friends, will you?" I ask, climbing into bed and
resting my head on a pillow. Something about your own bed is the best feeling ever.
I missed it.

Calvin looks down at me and furrows his eyebrows. "I have a hard time wearing
shirts when I can go shirtless and have you eye-fuck me all the time." He chuckles.

"I do no-" I start to say, but I'm cut short by Calvin.

"You're doing it right now, love." An amused smile grows on his lips and I roll my
eyes. I can't deny that I was looking at his torso, so I shamefully roll over and
snuggle into the pillow.

"Leave me alone." I flip him the bird and shut my eyes. Calvin laughs, but doesn't
push to keep the conversation between us going. Instead, he lets me rest while he
finishes doing what ever it was he had been doing before I came upstairs. I fall
asleep.

"Good morning," Cal says softly as I enter the kitchen. The smell of what ever he's
cooking has woken me from my nap, and I don't think I've ever anticipated food more
than I have right now.

The food sears and I quietly respond with a quick, "afternoon, what are you
cooking?" I stand on my tiptoes behind him to try and see, but it's useless. Calvin
chuckles and steps to the side, showing me the pan of grilled chicken and
vegetables.

"It looks really good." I smile, looking up at Calvin while he reaches above me
into a cabinet. He looks down at me and raises an eyebrow.

"Looks?" He jokes, "I have never fed you anything that just looks good." He
chuckles. I casually roll my eyes and slip out from between him and the food.

"Ah, I guess you're right." I shrug my shoulders and lean against the island.
Calvin likes to cook, and I love watching. Mainly because I suck at cooking myself.

After awhile, everything falls quiet. The searing of the food stops as soon as
Calvin turns off the heat, and it seems as though everything stops.
"Gray," Calvin says softly, turning to face me and leaning against the nearest
counter. Fuck, by the look on his face I did something wrong.

"Hmm?" I hum, avoiding any eye contact. My mate lets out an exaggerated sigh and I
can feel the emotions radiating off of him. I know he has to get it off his chest
and talk to me about it, but I hate when it gets so awkward like this between us.

"Allison called me." His voice is soft, tender, and broken. I glance at his face
quickly as shoot my eyes back to the floor where they belong.

"What'd she say?" I ask softly, focusing my attention on everything but Calvin. I
know what she said, and I hate talking to Calvin about such a touchy subject.

"She told me that the two of you are arguing." He says in response. I can feel his
eyes on my hair, and I hate it. I want to be able to look at him, but I can't.

Because I know I'll see the hurt in his eyes. The pain. The disappointment.

"We're not arguing, it's just a simple disagreement, Cal. There's nothing to worry
about-"

"She told me why the two of you got into that disagreement, Gray."

» continued

My apologies for leaving the last chapter on a cliff hanger.

As soon as the sound of Calvin's voice hits my ears, my eyes snap to his. I can see
the physical ache in them, that he lies to me tells me isn't there, and my heart
nearly shatters on the spot. How can I do something like this to him?

"Why haven't you told her?" He asks, knitting his eyebrows together and trying his
best not to make his voice rough. I chew on the inside of my cheek as I force
myself to keep eye contact with him. I should be so ashamed of myself, but I am.

"I can't, Calvin." My voice can barely be heard. It feels like I've only just moved
my lips, but I know that he heard me.

I watch his eyes move around my face, waiting for a more explanatory response. His
chest moves slowly, and I wish this would have happened after at least twenty four
hours home.

"I can't tell her something that I can't even tell myself, Cal." I swallow, hard.
The pressure coming with his stare is enough to make me cry. Just this kind of
discussion with my husband makes me feel like the worst woman out there.
Truth is, Cal and I have talked about a baby and I've been lying to Ally about it.
It's not that I don't want her to know, but it's heartbreaking to even tell myself
that it isn't working.

Cal and I have been trying to have one for nearly a year and a half, but still
nothing. We even went as far as going to the doctor to find out why.

The doctor had told us that, because Calvin is a full blood Lycan, the chances that
I can conceive a baby by him are low. Very, very low.

My chest tightens, and tears threaten to fall. I know that Calvin has told
Benjamin, just by the way he had stood up for me earlier against Ally. I look at
Calvin quietly, taking in the look of hurt in his eyes and I let let a sigh.

"Gray," Calvin says my name as I walk out of the kitchen. As soon as I'm out of his
sight, I wipe the tears away from my cheeks.

The only thing he wanted besides a mate, was to have a family again. I can't give
him that. It makes me sick that I can't even give the alpha the heir he wants.

He continues to tell me that it's okay. That I'm the only thing that he really
needs, but it's not. I know how much he wants one. I can see it when he holds Leah.
It breaks me apart knowing that I may never be able to give that to him. To us.

"Gray," Calvin catches my hand and I try my best to yank myself out of his grip.
"You can't just walk away from me like that." His voice is soft, and it sounds more
hurt than ever now.

"Just let me go." I say wiping my eyes with my freehand. "I can't talk about this
right now." I whimper, jerking in his solid grasp, trying to break free.

"Then when Gray?" He asks, "when are you going to talk about it?"

I glance at him through the corner of my eye and shake my head. "Just let me go,
Cal." I let my head drop and a single tear hits the floor. "Please."

"When are we going to be able to sit in the same room with a baby? We can't even be
in the same room as each other when Leah is around, Gray. For God sakes just talk
to me about it!" My eyes connect with Calvin's, and what I see makes my whole body
hurt, beginning with my heart.

Tears fall down his face. A man, so strong and so worried about the way others see
him- is crying right in front of me. His eyes are burning red.

We went to the doctor nearly two months ago. We haven't even talked about it with
each other. Because it hurts. I keep pushing it off, and he never pushes me to
continue talking about it. At least, until now.

"What is there to talk about, Calvin? We can't have a baby.

Nous ne pouvons pas avoir de bébé." I snap coldly. I don't mean to, but I'm
hurting.

"I don't know what else you want me to do!" I whimper. "I'm sorry that I can't give
you the family you want! I'm sorry that I can't! I'm sorry I'm not good enough!" I
shout.

Suddenly, he releases his grip around my wrist, and I jerk my hand to my chest.
"You think that?" He asks, knotting his eyebrows and looking me over.
I look into Calvin's eyes, and let out a sad sigh. I don't respond, because I don't
know how to.

"Children or not, Gray, I'm in love with you and that isn't going to change." He
says softly, cupping my cheeks and kissing my forehead gently. "I will tell Allison
if you will not." He assures me. "I'm tired of hearing how upset she makes you over
this."

"It's fine Cal-"

"No, it's not. But I promise you that we will have one, even if it's not in her
lifetime."

I look at Calvin and swallow. "Don't make promises that you can't keep." I whisper.

He kisses my forehead again. "I love you, Gray." My eyes focus on his cheek, and my
body is numb. As though he hasn't touched me at all, I feel so distant from him.

"I love you, Cal." My voice comes out in a defeated way. All I want is to make him
happy, but the one thing he wants- I can't give him.

A single tear falls down my cheek, sneaking past Calvin's careful gaze, and lends
on my shirt. "So much." My chest hurts, and suddenly my appetite is completely
gone.

"Come and eat, baby." He whispers, rubbing my shoulders gently before pulling me
against his chest. I shake my head against the idea.

"I'm not hungry." I frown, forcing the idea of a warm meal away from me. I'm too
upset to eat- and if I do it may backfire on me.

"Will you at least try to eat something?" He asks softly. "It'll make me feel
better." Calvin pushes his fingers through my hair and I rest my head against his
chest.

"I'll try, Cal." I murmur.

"Are you going to tell her, or do you want me to do it?" He asks, rubbing my back
gently. I let out a tired sigh and pull my head back to look up at my mate.

I beg him with my eyes for him to tell her. I know how much he wants me to do it,
since I'm her best friend, but I can't even talk to him about it. An ache in my
chest makes it hard to even look at Cal.

"Hey," he cups my cheeks as my feelings transfer to him through our bond. I shut my
eyes and relax in his hold. "Don't get worked up, love. I'll tell her." He kisses
my cheek and I nod my head.

I hate how I can't say it.

I hate how I force Calvin into it.

I know how much he's hurting.

I kiss the tears from his cheeks and feel him relax against me. "It wouldn't be so
bad if we didn't have so much pressure on us, you know." He says softly, holding me
tightly.
"We have an eternity, Gray. Don't forget that." He assures me. With this alone, a
wave of relaxation washes over me. "I don't mind having you to myself for a while
longer." He chuckles, kissing my nose.

I grin, "don't tell me you'd be jealous of a baby."

"Honey, I'm jealous of the pillow you sleep with at night."

2» pack

Yesterday wasn't my day. Neither will today be. The truth has come out to Allison,
and my family. They know what I was never able to tell them, and I know that now
Calvin and I are going to have to ride through the pity-party stage.

All of the I'm so sorry! The constant, you can always adopt! They're all the same.
Every. Single. One. Of. Them. It'll be the same thing with everyone until they all
get the hint that we're tired of their useless apologies.

I'm already sick of it, and it hasn't even started yet. Although I had fun on
Calvin and I's trip, I craved to be home. Now that I'm actually here- I'm ready to
leave again. It's so strange how that works. We always want what we don't have.

"Morning, Luna." Benjamin says, ruffling up my hair with one hand and sipping
coffee in the other. I squint my eyes and slap his hand away from my hair before
it's a knotted mess.

"Don't call me that, loser." I roll my eyes, "but good morning." I flash him a
smile which he kindly returns.

"Your husband gets mad when I don't call you that." He says, sipping his drink
casually and shifting his weight on his feet.

"My husband gets mad when you breathe in my direction- don't listen to him over
that. You're my friend." I smile.

"Best friend- in law." He corrects. I roll my eyes at him. Ben is a funny guy, but
Calvin is too strict with him.

"Speaking of my husband, I thought he was with you?" I knot my eyebrows. Ben gives
me a confused look and looks around the room.

"He's currently having a long discussion with Allison. He kicked me out." He

shrugs. I look at Benjamin trying to read his emotions, but he's too good at hiding
them.

"We are at the pack house, lets be social butterflies instead of sitting in here
watching.....?" Benjamin glances at the television.

"American horror story." I finish his sentence, and then shake my head. "I don't
want to. I don't feel good." I lie. Truth is, I stayed up most of the night
thinking things over in my head. Imaginary scenarios ran through my mind last
night, making me more upset than ever.

"You're sad, Gray. Not sick." He corrects me bluntly. "Lets get your mind off of
it, okay? There are so many people here that love hearing you talk about Calvin and
get away with it." He winks. I roll my eyes.

"I'm going to miss the rest of this episode!" I frown.

"FINE. After this episode, we're going to socialize. Okay?"

"Fine." I agree, curling back into a ball on the couch and focusing all of my
attention back on the tv show. Ben takes a seat on the rocking chair and kicks it
back.

I hear him curse under his breath as his coffee spills on his arm, and I can't help
but giggle.

"Not funny." He grumbles.

"Pretty funny. You should maybe try drinking that out of one of your daughter's
bottles, no?"

"That's something Calvin would say." He chuckles. For awhile, it falls silent
between us. Suddenly, as curiosity eats me alive, I sit up at face Benjamin.

"Ben?" I wonder, catching his attention. He hums in response. "Why didn't you tell
Ally?" I ask. She has been so in the dark about it and this whole time Benjamin
knew.

He sets his drink on the table and shrugs his shoulders. "If it would have been
Ally and I, I would have wanted to tell the two of you in person, rather than have
one of you spread the news to the other one. You and Ally are really close, and I
wanted to make sure that you told her and not me. After all- I'm second best when
it comes to you." He gives me a playful smile.

I roll my eyes. "Actually, third best if you include Leah." I grin. "But thank you,
Ben. I wish that I could have been the one to tell her but I just can't bring
myself to-"

"I know Gray, but don't beat yourself up over it. It's going to happen- no matter
what the doctors say. You're a lycan for gods sake. You two are going to be the
ones to have the very first born Lycan, and it'll happen when the time comes." He
assures me.

I look Ben's expression over and fall quiet. I don't want to argue against what
he's saying, but I don't exactly believe everything that he's saying. What if the
moon goddess never gives us that chance?

After the show is over, I follow Benjamin- almost unwillingly- into the kitchen.
His mother, along with some of the other pack members are in there socializing.

Before I met Calvin, the pack I was at was a reasonable size. I knew everyone, and
they knew me. However, here it's different. I have trouble remembering exactly who
everyone is. Like at a family reunion. They all know me- but I have such a hard
time remembering them.
I mean- the only reason they remember me is because of who I'm married to. "Ray!"
Leah shouts in her grandmother's arms. I smile widely as she reaches out for me and
I take her.

"Hi honey! Did you have fun with your grandma today?" I ask. Leah nods happily at
me and looks towards Ben.

"Daddy!" She squeals, reaching out for him. I fake a pout as Ben takes her from me.
Musical baby.

"Traitor." I playfully pout at the toddler. She sticks her tongue out at me and the
room bursts out into laughter.

"Hey, that's not nice." Ben scolds Leah.

"Good morning, Luna. How have you been?" Benjamin's mother, Karan, says with a wide
smile on her face.

"I've been wonderful, how about you?" Since the day I met her, she has been nothing
but sweet to me. She is one of the many people I can remember and actually go up to
start a random conversation with.

"I've been great, Leah has been keeping me on my toes." She laughs, looking towards
her granddaughter with a wide smile on her face. The amount of love for her
radiates throughout the room.

"I bet. She's just as clumsy as her dad, no?"

"She's not that bad compared to Ben." Karan says with a laugh. "My son is a very
intelligent boy, but if he were to star in Snow White, clumsy would be his
character." She giggles.

"Mom, I'm not that bad."

"You drop a jar of pickles every time you pick one up." She says with a laugh.

"I have to agree with your mom, Ben. She isn't too far off."

"Hey, that was one time." He frowns. I roll my eyes at him and look towards Karan.

"You were kicked out of three Walmart's when you were twenty because you knocked
over isles on accident." Karan laughs loudly.

"Ally is pretty clumsy too. Lets pray Leah doesn't take up after either of them in
that department." I laugh. Karan joins in, and even Ben laughs a little.

"Gray." Calvin's serious tone catches me off guard. The room falls quiet and I
quickly turn to face him.

"Lets go." He says roughly. I quietly chew on the inside of my cheek and look him
over.

"What?"

"I said, lets. Go." He's pissed off about something. I swallow, and turn to the
crowd of people behind me.

"I-uh-I guess I'll talk to you guys later." I say with a sigh.
"Good luck." Ben says softly, and I hear Calvin growl out at him, but before he
does anything serious, I touch his arm to calm him.

We round the corner, and I push Calvin away from me. "What the fuck is wrong with
you?" I snap, angry that he had to ruin the good time I was having.

His nostrils flare, and his eyes are narrow. "We're not having this discussion
here." Calvin's voice is ice cold. I flinch at the sound of it, and glare at my
mate.

"I'm not just going to leave without an explanation, Calvin." I growl. "You can't
just come up to me acting like such a dick without a reason!"

His nostrils flare in annoyance. "Don't argue with me, little wolf." The venom in
his voice makes me want to literally choke him. I ball my fists at my sides, and I
continue to glare.

"Don't treat me like I'm a fucking baby, Calvin. You can just go home by yourself."

"Gray." He warns, daring me to defy him again. Calvin is physically shaking at this
point, and I know that what ever he's angry about is making his wolf even angrier
than he usually is.

"No, Calvin! I don't want to go home with you if you're going to continue acting
like such a dic-"

"I want to be able to tell you alone, Gray. It's about your parents." He says,
looking into my eyes. The anger on his face continues to burn like a never ending
fire. I swallow.

Suddenly, I realize that his anger is a mask for something deeper. More emotional.

3 » Calvin's Point of view

Anger, worry and confusion. Every single emotion in between consumes me. My body
goes numb from the words Eric Kingsley had just spoken on the phone.

My eyes fall to Allison's, sitting across from me and giving me a just-as-worried

look. It falls quiet. Too quiet.

"Sir-" Kingsley says through the phone, trying his best to regain my attention.
Allison and I make silent eye contact, and she takes that moment to leave without
another word.

I'm frozen in my place. Unable to make a sound. I had to have heard him wrong.
There's no way this could have happened. Not to Gray. She doesn't deserve something
like this.

Why is the moon goddess so cruel? Why can't she give us a break? I clench my jaw
and squeeze the phone tighter in my grasp.
"Don't." I snap into the microphone. "We will be there in a few hours, Kingsley.
Thank you." My voice is harsh, as I try to collect my thoughts.

Instead of ending the phone call like any normal man, my anger gets the best of me
and the phone turns into parts in my hand. I throw the remains of the phone against
the wall, and tug at the ends of my hair.

This can't be happening. What am I supposed to do? I've never had to personally
deal with this in too long. My heart breaks. Not only because I loved them, but
because I love Gray.

How the hell am I supposed to tell her that her parents are dead?

Tears form in my eyes. I told myself not to get attached. Yet- here I am. Weak. The
thought of losing yet another person close to me tears me apart.

What's really getting to me, is imagining how Gray is going to react. I shouldn't
be telling my twenty year old mate, that not only one of her parents died, but both
at the same time.

I force myself to my feet and out of my office. Allison and I had spent the day
talking about what the doctors had told Gray and I- and I thought that was the
icing on the cake.

Rakasa yearns to be beside his mate. Holding her and consoling her until the grief
of her loss is gone. However, he and I both know that something like that never
goes away. As mean as he is, when it comes to Gray, everything makes him weak.
Especially hearing her cry. All because he has no capability of fixing it.

The sound of Gray's laughter brings me towards the kitchen. Just hearing it tears
me apart, because I know that this will be the last time I hear it for awhile. I'm
going to miss it.

"You drop a jar of pickles every time you pick one up." Karan says joining in with
Gray's spontaneous laugh.

"I have to agree with your mom, Ben. She isn't too far off." I sigh in defeat. As
much as I hate to say it, Gray and Ben are best friends. I hate taking her away
from him when she's having such a good time. Even Rakasa loves seeing her so happy
and enjoying herself while we're away. It makes him feel safe, knowing that she's
secure.

"Hey, that was one time." Benjamin frowns. Gray rolls her eyes, like she does to
everything. How the hell am I supposed to tell my angel that her two favorite
people are dead?

"You were kicked out of three Walmart's when you were twenty because you knocked
over isles on accident." Karan laughs loudly. I flinch.

"Ally is pretty clumsy too. Lets pray Leah doesn't take up after either of them in
that department." Gray pipes up, laughing. Karan joins in, and even Ben laughs a
little.

"Gray." I call my mates name. The room instantly falls silent as if they all have
just saw a ghost. Her head snaps to me, and she knits her eyebrows together. So
beautiful.
"Lets go." I say, hating how I had to ruin such a genuine moment for her. I'm about
to ruin her entire year. I couldn't give her a baby, and now I've got to inform her
that her parents will no longer be around. For good.

"What?" Her stance wavers, and she flinches at my tone. Shit. I hate that my anger
gets the best of me.

"I said, lets. Go." Stay calm. I want to hold her, and inform her where nobody else
is around. She needs privacy, and so do I. A lump forms in my throat, but I hold my
ground.

"I-uh-I guess I'll talk to you guys later." She says, sighing loud enough to let me
know she's disappointed. It hurts me even more. I should have just waited to tell
her.

"Good luck." Ben says softly, patting Gray on the back. I growl out in annoyance,
but before I can do anything to harm him; Gray rests her hand on my forearm.

I inhale deeply, collecting my thoughts and rethinking my actions. Through the time
I've been with her, I've learned to keep my self control. I never want to hurt her-
or anyone in front of her. She's too sensitive for that.

We round the corner, and she roughly pushes herself away from me. "What the fuck is
wrong with you?" She grumbles, angry that I had to ruin the good time she was
having with her friends. Just like I always do.

My nostrils flare. "We're not having this discussion here." My voice comes out as
cold as ice, and even I flinch at the sound of it. My mate glares back at me,
trying to decipher me.

"I'm not just going to leave without an explanation, Calvin." Her voice is filled
with so much venom. "You can't just come up to me acting like such a dick without a
reason!"

My eyes narrow at the woman before me. "Don't argue with me, little wolf." I hate
when she defies me. I hate that she can easily call me a dick, and I hate being so
mean to her. I can't help it. I ball my fists at my sides, and I continue to glare.

"Don't treat me like I'm a fucking baby, Calvin. You can just go home by yourself."
Fuck. I swallow hard, but it goes unnoticed by my fuming mate.

"Gray." I warn, daring me to defy Rakasa again. Im physically shaking at this

point.

"No, Calvin! I don't want to go home with you if you're going to continue acting
like such a dic-" I feel like such an asshole. My jaw clenched and all I want to do
is wrap my arms around this girl, and tell her what's on my mind.

"I want to be able to tell you alone, Gray. It's about your parents." I say looking
into her beautiful eyes. The anger on her face continues to burn like a never
ending fire. I swallow. I can't let her know how weak I'm am. Not now.
4» time

To everyone that's upset about the last chapter, my apologies.

Time passes as I look at Calvin like he has just grown a second head. What did he
just say? I had to have heard him wrong.

I talked to them this morning. They can't be dead. Quickly, I shake my head. "No."
This can't be happening.

As reality sets in that Calvin would never lie about something like this, and the
grief on his face- I feel my stomach drop. He reaches for me, but I take a step
back.

"This isn't real." I refuse to believe it. Ren and my mom are alive. This is just
some sick dream. No, nightmare. My heartbeat quickens, as I watch Calvin's every
move.

Tears stream down my face in a matter of seconds after he's told me what's going
on. Calvin looks at the floor for a moment before back into my eyes. He too has a
few tears.

"I wish that we're the case, Gray." Calvin's voice is softer this time as he
reaches for me. I don't fight him, but I also don't run to him either. I'm numb.
Even my mate can't help this. My tears block my vision as he wraps his arms around
me in a tight embrace.

In this very moment; everything comes crashing down on me. Every ounce of my
emotions finds its escaping point. Reality hits me that I will never see my mother
or Ren again, and how quickly it happened. I cry because they're gone, and there's
nothing that can be done to stop it. My mother and step-father are gone. I cry for
my little brother...

"Liam," I manage to whimper through my tears. Calvin sniffles as he eases his grip
on me and lets me move to look up at him. He is at his breaking point. Cal's eyes
are swollen, and the wetness of his cheeks tells me that he isn't as heartless as
he tells me he is.

I quietly reach up and wipe his cheeks dry. If Calvin weren't the one to tell me
and console me, I may have gone crazy.

He lets out a sad breath and kisses my forehead. "Your baby brother is okay. The
Kingsley are taking care of him right now." I nod my head, and when Calvin goes to
give me a kiss- I turn and let him place it on my cheek instead.

I don't want to talk. All I want is to sit in a quiet place, and think.

"I'm going upstairs." I say quietly, turning and leaving him standing where he is.
I know he hurts just as much as I do- and I can't bare to stand there without a way
to change all of this.

I need time.

So does he.
Hours pass, but my pain does not. It feels as though the longer I sit alone and
think about it, the worse the pain gets. It's become physical. My heart hurts just
thinking about it.

I'll never be able to see my mom again. No more hugs. No more of her spontaneous
laughter. Nothing. All I have from this time forward are her memories.

She won't be around to see herself become a grandma, or even watch Liam graduate.
She won't be there for his first days of school- or dance with him on his wedding
day.

Liam isn't even old enough to remember who she is to him. It tears me apart
thinking this. My little brother will never be able to truly know his mom in a way
like I had. But- I'll be damned if he won't know anything. I'll be the one to tell
him everything about her; and Ren. They were good parents, and they didn't choose
for this to happen and to leave him. Leave us.

I rub my swollen eyes and head back downstairs. Calvin's deep voice fills my ears
as he continues a phone call. Just the sound of it alone puts me at ease.

Cal is sitting on the couch, his eyes focused on me but his mind focused on what
ever is being said on the other side of his phone call. He's shirtless- like
always- and his torso is covered in a thin layer of sweat. I don't know what he was
doing before the call, but I know he wasn't just sitting around.

Calvin pats his knee, and I quietly take my time to straddle his lap. He groans and
adjusts himself before rubbing my thigh. "Thank you, Ben." He says lowly. He hangs
up the phone without saying goodbye, and he rests it on the couch.

"Did you sleep at all?" Cal asks gently, rubbing my cheeks. I look at my mate and
shake my head. I wish that I could have slept. However, I never do.

Since I'm Lycan, I don't need as much sleep as I used to. Usually, I can run off of
five hours- while Calvin can sleep for a mere three and be able to stay up for days
on end. The man hardly ever sleeps- but he always makes sure to lay with me at
night.

Calvin frowns at my response. My eyes wander away from his and to his sweaty chest.
He and I do different things when we're upset. I cry- while he works out. He works
out a lot because he's almost always pissed off about something.

"Are you hungry?" Cal asks, quietly rubbing the tops of my thighs. I let my eyes
travel back up to his face. Shaking my head against it, I press a kiss against his
cheek.

Slowly, carefully I press kisses against his neck. My mouth finds his weak spot,
and he tenses underneath me. Calvin cranes his neck to the side, and holds me
tighter against him.

My tongue darts out, running over the claim I've made on his neck. A throaty groan
erupts from him as my teeth grazes the spot.

Quickly, Calvin pushes my waist back away from him. He's trying to hide what's
coming up. I need a distraction. Even if it won't be that long.
My hand travels down his abdomen, and start to reach into his pants. However,
Calvin is quick to grab my wrist and stop me.

"No, Gray. This isn't what you need right now." He says roughly. I pout as I look
at him.

His nostrils flare, and he holds a warning look in his eyes. The pout on my lips
turns into a frown of disappointment.

"You say that- yet you've been trying to hide your boner from me since I've came in
here." I comment, raising an eyebrow.

Calvin frowns. "This isn't what you need, Gray-"

"I just want a distraction, Calvin. Even if it only lasts for a little while.." I
say softly. He holds his breath and looks me over.

"A distraction isn't going to numb the pain, Gray." He says roughly. Ouch. "Things
like this- you can't get away from. There's no such thing as a distraction when it
comes to grief. I'm sorry."

I chew on the inside of my cheek as I look Calvin over. His voice is monotone, and
I'm sure he's fed up with the way I had just tried to come on him.

"But-"

"No, Gray. I'm not going to do that to you while you're hurting like this." His
voice is softer now, and he's telling himself more than me what he isn't going to
do.

"I love you," he mumbles, pressing a kiss to my cheek. I chew on the inside of my
cheek, and I feel my eyes burn and the pain rushes over me again.

"Je comprends enfin combien je les ai aimés, et Calvin; Je ne veux jamais vous
perdre comme si je les ai."

_____

Translation:

Je comprends enfin combien je les ai aimés, et Calvin; Je ne veux jamais vous

perdre comme si je les ai.

I finally understand how much I loved them, and Calvin; I don't ever want to lose
you like I have them.

5 » baby brother
The day after my families funeral, Calvin and I head back home with my little
brother.

I thought that after the funeral, the pain would lighten up. However, I was
completely wrong. The second I entered the funeral home was the second that
everything became so real to me. All of this really happened.

I still cannot believe it, even when I was surrounded with everyone I love- looking
at two caskets. Their pictures above each one of them, happily smiling and holding
hands.

It tears me apart, because my little brother had no idea what was going on. He
would look between Calvin and I with a curious expression on his face; wondering
why I was crying.

Even Calvin cried. In front of everyone. The fact that he had done this made it
that much harder on me. My family had made such an impact on everyone's lives- and
now they're just gone. In the blink of an eye.

I hate that I never got to say goodbye in person- and I hate myself for moving on
with my life. They should have moved into a house near us- and lived safely. This
should have never of happened.

"Honey," Calvin's soft voice fills my ears as I sit on the bed. I hesitantly look
up towards my husband with a sad expression on my face.

We have been home for hours, and all I've done is lock myself in my bedroom to
grieve. I pull my knees to my chest and wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

Calvin holds Liam, who is peacefully sleeping with his head on Calvin's shoulder.
The little boy is shirtless, his hair is ruffles and his face is red. Since he's
been here, he's cried. Liam was a momma's boy, and was attached to my mother at her
hip.

"Will you please come and eat something?" He asks gently, stepping carefully over
to the bed and resting Liam on it. The baby's eyes fly open and he begins crying
again.

Calvin lets out a sigh and climbs into bed next to him. Pulling the infant close,
he plays with his hair and quietly sings a lullaby to him in French.

"Bonne nuit, mon ange

C'est l'heure de fermer les yeux

Et de mettre ces questions de côté pour un autre jour

Je crois savoir ce que tu me demandais

Je crois que tu sais ce que j'essayais de dire

Je t'ai promis que je ne te quitterais jamais

Et tu devrais toujours savoir

Que où que tu puisses aller

Où que tu sois

Je ne serai jamais très loin"

I swallow, hard. Slowly- but surely, Liam falls back to sleep against Calvin's
chest. He would make such a great father.

A tear falls down my cheek as he continues his lullaby to the sleeping toddler.
Making sure that the boy is asleep, and is going to stay that way until he's well
rested.

"Baby I-"

"It's okay, Cal. You didn't do anything wrong." I say softly, wiping my eyes free
of any remaining tears.

Calvin goes quiet, but watches my every move. His eyes flicker from me to Liam, and
then back to me.

"He's hurting," Cal says softly, running his fingers over the little boy against
him.

I knot my eyebrows. "What?" He's too young to understand. Liam is just a baby. He
doesn't know any better.

"He's you're little brother, Gray. Your ache is his ache. He's been watching you."
Calvin says gently.

"Downstairs earlier, he heard you cry and he tried his best to get up the stairs to
see what was wrong-" Calvin looks at Liam once again. "Please don't give up on
him." He pleas.

I swallow, hard. Looking between the boys beside me, my heart tears into a million
little pieces. The image is bitter sweet. If it weren't under these circumstances,
I'd be in love with this.

"Baby I-" I pause and look at Calvin. Does he think that's what I'm going to do?
Lose everything? Maybe that's what he did. I don't know.

"Cal I'm not giving up on either of you, I can promise you that much." I assure
him, leaning over and pressing a kiss against his forehead.

A sound of satisfaction and relief comes from my mate as he shuts his eyes. He's
exhausted- everything that's happened has completely drained him.

Calvin worked so hard to make everything perfect for the funeral, and spent most of
the day when we got home setting up a last minute room for Liam.

I wanted to help- but I wouldn't have been very useful. He ended up doing
everything on his own- mostly. Benjamin came over, and the both of them assured me
that it wasn't a big deal that I wasn't helping.

"Do you want me to move him into his room?" I ask softly, looking down at the two
boys. Cal tiredly looks up at me and shakes his head against the idea.

"He can sleep with us, baby." His voice is thick and I know before I started
talking he was on the brink of falling asleep. I watch his eyes shut slowly.
Calvin deserves so much more than what he gets. So many people still believe that
he's this heartless, get-whatever-he-wants-king. However, that's far from the
truth.

Calvin goes out of his way, even when it hurts him, to make other people happy. He
has stopped numerous amounts of time to help Benjamin and his family over the past
two years I've been with him.

He has worked for what he's got, and when that's threatened- he does get mean.
Ruthless even. The man refuses to give up what is his, but will give up his time
for someone that needs it.

I'm in love with that. He is so selfless, and always tries to make the best of the
worst situation. I wish more people could see him the way I do.

Calvin deserves a family. He deserves to have his kids running to him when he gets
home, or have them draw him pictures- and everything in that matter.

However, the only thing going right for him; us, is our undying love. I can't ever
stop loving this man, because every day when I wake up next to him- I find
something new to love.

I glance over at Calvin's sleeping form. His head resting on Liam's chest, and a
arm loosely thrown over him. Calvin's bottom lip is pouted. He looks relaxed, and
as if he doesn't have a care in the world.

Quietly, I lean over and give him a butterfly-like kiss on the lips. I rest my head
on a pillow and shut my eyes.

"I love you," my voice is so quiet even I can hardly hear it.

"La déesse m'a béni avec l'amour de ma vie, mon petit loup" he whispers back.

___

Lullaby translation :

Goodnight My Angel

It's time to close your eyes

And put these questions aside for another day

I think I know what you were asking me

I think you know what I was trying to say

I promised you I would never leave you

And you should always know

Wherever you go

Wherever you are

I will never be far away

La déesse m'a béni avec l'amour de ma vie, mon petit loup

The goddess blessed me with the love of my life, my little wolf.

6» change

Calvin and I's lives have completely changed since Liam had been with us. A baby in
our home has changed everything, the house is always a mess and it's louder than it
used to be.

I knew that it would happen, but I never thought Liam would have to come live with
me. Calvin and I wanted to have a baby eventually, and if we ever did- at least we
would have months to prepare. Liam was out of the blue, but I want him here with
me.

Quietly, I rest a sleeping Liam in his bed and sigh. He has had so much energy
today, and once it was gone he was a nonstop fit of cries. I eventually got him to
go to sleep, and hopefully he'll sleep long enough for me to get some rest.

He's been here for over a month, and he hasn't settled. Liam still looks for my
mom, and often times even says her name as he cries. I don't know what to do- I got
him a stuffed teddy with a picture of her and Ren in it, and that seems to make him
feel a little better.

He shouldn't have to hurt this bad. He's a kid for crying out loud. Little kids are
supposed to be happy and playful, but Liam is the opposite. I mean- he does have
his happy times, but most of the time he's cranky or easily agitated at the
smallest things.

I push hair from his face, taking in his features that resemble my mom so much. I
miss her. More than anything.

Even Calvin was affected by what happened. He's been quiet, hardly ever talking
about it, and never even glancing towards the picture of them framed on our wall in
the bedroom. He's just as torn as I am, and I hate that I can't do anything about
it.

I leave the room, careful of how quiet I am, and crack the door as I exit. This is
the first night he'll be sleeping alone in his room, and I hope it isn't a mistake.
Liam has been sleeping in bed between Cal and I.

Walking into my bedroom, I find it completely empty. Calvin's scent lingers, but
the bathroom is just as empty as the bedroom. I call his name softly, and sigh in
relief when I see him on the balcony.
The sun is setting, and the locusts have began their chirping. Cal stands, leaning
over the railing and looking out at the woods. He hasn't been out in awhile.

"Cal?" I say softly, stepping out onto the balcony with him. As safe as this thing
is, I hate going on it. They always scare me.

He takes in a deep breath and the cherry of a cigarette lights between his
fingertips. Suddenly, I frown at the sight.

"You were doing so good-" I pout, he had quit awhile ago because of the little
babies running around. Now, seeing him like this makes me more than upset.

He blows out the smoke away from me and then turns his attention to me. "I don't
know what else you want me to do, Gray." His voice is monotone. I flinch at how
emotionless he sounds.

He goes to smoke some more of it, but before he can I rip it from his hand. The
look of disapproval he gives me makes me want to slap him.

"What do you mean, Cal?" I say softly, knitting my eyebrows together. Quietly the
man runs his fingers through his hair and lets out an exaggerated sigh.

"I know that I was doing good- but I can't just keep letting all this stress build
up without any kind of relief." He sighs.

"Stress over what, Calvin?" I ask softly, I put out the lit stick in my hand and
toss it over the balcony so he doesn't consider touching it again.

"The pack, The people- Liam. You." He blows out a deep breath and lets his eyes
flicker back over the balcony. The hurt in his eyes shines through to me, and I let
out a soft sigh of my own.

"I'm okay Calvin-"

"Gray. I've seen your thighs, and I've heard you crying in the shower." He says
abruptly. My heart nearly stops in my chest at what he has just said.

Truth is, I'm everything but okay. He's known- but he's left it alone because he
didn't want to make it worse. I can understand that. Yet- it pains me to see him
like this, so hurt over what I've done to myself.

"Calvin it's okay- I'm okay-"

"No you're not, Gray. You've been wearing pants to bed- you never do that. Were you
ever going to tell me, or did you think I wouldn't notice?" He says, keeping his
eyes away from me. "Do I not make you happy?"

The heartbreak in his voice tears me to pieces. I don't know how he saw my thighs,
but I know he thinks it's his fault I put them there.

"Hey-" I say quickly, cupping his cheeks and making him look at me. There are tears
in his eyes as he keeps eye contact. "I'm okay," I croak, "I was just sad- but
Calvin you make me so happy." I whimper.

"I wish I had more to give you." He says softly, running his thumbs over my cheeks.
I shut my eyes and shake my head. That's impossible, because he's already given me
everything and beyond that.
"Come inside," I whimper softly hoping that he will listen to me. Calvin quietly
glances towards the woods before obeying what I asked of him and going in before
me.

I stand where he once was, and breathe deeply. The woods reminds me of the day I
was with Ren, the day I met Calvin. It's borders marked with his scent, and
patrolled by many faithful pack members. Beyond that is danger- and that's exactly
where Calvin was looking. I hope that what ever he was thinking about, he doesn't
decide to go towards the hidden dangers.

"Baby," Cal calls from the doorway, tearing me from my train of thought. I turn to
face him and hum in response. His breath taking body is exposed, only covered by a
pair of boxers. The tattoo on his chest rises and falls with every deep breath he
takes.

He nods his head, signaling for me to come inside. Without a word, I step inside
and he locks the door behind me. Quietly, he moves the curtains to hide the sun for
tomorrow morning and disappears into the bathroom.

"Come here, I've missed cuddling with you." I say when he comes back from the
bathroom. Cal gives me a playful smile, his lack of sleep evident, but he climbs
onto the bed without any argument.

Calvin smiles and presses a kiss to my lips. I sigh in relief, because this is the
first kind of real contact we've have for nearly a month and a half. I've missed
him. So much. Liam has interrupted us, during the day, and at night he sleeps
between us.

He holds my hands above my head with one hand, while the other grabs the hem of my
pants. I quickly pull away from the kiss and whimper. "No Cal- don't take those
off. Please." I don't want him to see what I've done. I'm ashamed, and I don't even
want to see them myself.

Calvin releases his grip on my hands and I quickly press them against his chest.
"Gray I-" he sighs in defeat. "All they are, are little scars. I've got hundreds of
them on my back- it only means that you're stronger than people think you are." He
nudges his nose over the mark on my neck and sighs.

"Cal-" I whimper when he grabs the hem of my pants and tugs them down my hips. The
sparks instantly hit me when his fingers skim over the outsides of my thighs. I
don't argue nor fight with him as he tugs the pants completely off my lower half.

Calvin tosses the fabric somewhere behind him and instantly his eyes land on the
marks on each of my thighs. The tally-like-marks are slowly fading, but a single
still sore mark continues to ache. He traces his fingers over the lines and I
flinch.

The pain in his eyes makes me want to hold him down and protect him from the entire
world. However, I can't, and the only thing I can possibly do is love this man to
death.

In one swift movement, Calvin is underneath me and I'm left straddling his hips. I
take in a sharp breath at the feeling it gives me, he props himself up on the
headboard and sighs.

"Six." He says softly, "Mom, Liam, Ren, our infertility- what are the other two
for?" His eyes wander from the marks on my thighs up to my face. I blow out a soft
breath and focus my attention on the tattoo above his head.
The moon, surrounded by words in French. For she tamed the beast, guided by the
moon. I trace my fingers over the meaningful tattoo and don't dare look Calvin in
the eye.

"Rakasa." My voice is low- "because I'm not the wolf he needs me to be," my head
slowly drops and I let my eyes land on Calvin's.

"And the last is for you. I love you too much to let you go- and just the thought
of that made me put that there." I give him a defeated look. Calvin doesn't say
anything, instead he looks back towards the marks and runs his fingers over them.
I'm glad he didn't say anything, because if he did I know that I would have ended
up crying.

Cal says nothing, pressing a kiss to my chest. Shutting my eyes, I rest my chin on
the top of his head and feel his hands against my thighs.

"I'm so in love with you." I whisper back, craning my neck when his lips connect
with his mark.

"Let me show you how much I love you." He says softly next to my ear. My fingers
curl into his thick hair, and with a simple nod of my head- Calvin gets all the
approval he needs to continue with what he wants to do.

Seconds pass by slower as he pulls his mouth away from me. His fingers, rough and
overworked, skim up my torso as collect the oversized shirt pooling at my hips. The
warmth of his wrists grazing my ribs sends sparks along my sides as he pulls the
shirt up and over my head.

He takes in a sharp breath as he takes in my naked upper half. His thumbs rub over
my empty belly, where we had been trying so hard to get a baby only a month ago. He
looks like he's afraid that he's going to hurt me because of it.

I guide his hands up and rest them over my breasts. I love how his hands fit
perfectly around them, like that's exactly what they were made for. I hold his
hands there, enjoying the warmth and tingling feeling it gives me. I don't want him
to let go.

Slowly, I bring my mouth down to his and inhale the smell of toothpaste lingering
on him. My mouth moves slow, teasing him and slowly I inch my tongue inside,
running it against his own. He groans and moves his hips lightly.

"We have to be quiet," I say softly, kissing him again. Cal chuckles and moves his
mouth to my neck. I've never felt so apart from him, and now that we're connecting
again- it's the best feeling in the world. Relief washes over me, because part of
me was afraid that he may have been falling out of love with me.

My eyes shut as his lips find the tender skin between my breasts. Quietly, my
breathing hitches and my fingers tangle in his hair while he litters my chest with
kisses. His agonizingly slow kisses is enough to bring me over the edge, Calvin
draws out his touch- blowing warm air against each little kiss he makes. Making
sure that I feel every. single. thing. that he enjoys doing to me.

I gasp when the sharpness of his teeth runs over one of my sensitive buds. He
chuckles and runs his tongue over the over reactive spot- making up for the pain he
had just caused me. Once Cal has finished teasing on nipple, he moves to the next
until they're completely sore.
Calvin lets on hand slide to my neck, while the other gently runs over the fabric
of my underwear. He puts pressure on the base of my throat as he attacks my neck
with his teeth, nibbling and making the flesh raw.

I lose my breath when suddenly his teeth sink into the side of my neck. He holds
his hand against my throat again, applying a little more pressure to keep me quiet.

He pulls away, my neck and core both throb- the only difference is my core is still
aching to me touched by him.

"I like that," I whisper, nibbling on his earlobe. Calvin growls lowly in approval,
and whispers a soft 'I know' back to me.

I reach between us, and insert a finger in myself because Cal is taking too long. I
throw my head back and let out a pant, aching for something bigger than what I'm
trying to pleasure myself with.

"Fuck that's so hot." He groans, watching me intently. His mouth is on my chest in

a matter of seconds, and he's pulling my legs further apart.

Calvin replaces my fingers with his, and I instantly grab ahold of his shoulders
because he's always so rough. I bite on my bottom lip as the roughness of his
worked fingers rubs against my walls, driving me closer to my breaking point.

I buck my hips, and whimper softly into his ear as he nearly brings me over the
edge. Yet- he quits. Right before I'm there. I frown in displeasment and tug at the
ends of his hair.

He brings his glistening fingers to his mouth and smiles in satisfaction. I knit my
eyebrows together as I look at him.

"What?" My voice is breathless and hardly above a whisper.

I'm trying to figure out if I want to tongue fuck you, or wait another night to do
that. His voice comes through my mind and I feel a pool forming in my underwear
again.

Another night, no more teasing. I beg, I know that I've soaked through my
underwear- the tip of his hard on presses against them and I know that he can feel
it. I reach under me and palm his over excited member through the thin material of
his boxers.

The groans, and wastes no time in flipping positions. Calvin pins me beneath him,
his eyes on fire as they lock with mine. "Fuck I've missed you." He whispers, his
mouth connects with mine in a open mouthed kiss. His tongue dances with mine, as I
force his boxers down as far as I can possibly reach. Cal kicks them off the rest
of the way, and helps me out of the only piece of clothing I have left on my body.

I wrap my hand around his sex and he groans, bucking his hips in my grasp. Calvin
tugs me back over his body, and lets me sit my sopping wet core on his abdomen. I
buck my hips, the heat radiating off of him is inviting, and the feeling of his
muscles against my throbbing core can be the reason that I have my orgasm.

He chuckles, lifting me and carefully carefully me onto him. I stiffen at the

feeling of him. I'll never get used to how big he is. My teeth sink into my lower
lip as I adjust to the sheer size of him, I throw my head back and moan his name as
quietly as I possibly can.

Calvin is a beast. Especially in the sheets. He's an animal in bed, but I don't
mind at all. I enjoy it. I sort of am the same way- I think.

His hands remain on my hips, guiding me in sensual rhythm. Our hips meet, driving
us closer together. The feeling of him filling me is driving me wild, and I can't
get enough of him.

I move painfully slow, desperate to make it last. I've missed him- and I'm going to
show him just how much I savor each moment with him. His hands dig into my skin as
he watches me the best he can. I roll my hips against his and Cal throws his head
back. I do it again and again, adoring the reaction it gives him.

It doesn't take much longer before my eyes roll back and I ride out my high. I moan
Cal's name and dig my nails into his skin, as he continues to grind our hips
together.

My body aches, but it can't get enough of him. The more he moves, the closer I am
to my second orgasm. I rest my forehead against his shoulder and whimper softly as
he continues to do what he's doing.

He bucks his hips and forces me down into him harder than before. "Fuck, Gray I'm
about to-"

I cup his cheeks and he looks at me, it's short lived because his eyes roll back
and his orgasm fills me. A loud groan escapes his lips and I quickly cover it with
a kiss. He pants heavily as he tries to collect himself from his high while I
shower him with kisses. His body twitches, and a thin layer of sweat covers his
face.

I nibble on his ear as we sit where we are, he holds me against him trying his best
to catch his breath.

He groans and tugs at the ends of my hair. "Do you feel better?" I ask, playing
with his soft hair. He chuckles and looks my face over.

"Much better, mi amore."

7 » made

Sunlight pours into the bedroom, pulling me from my slumber. The thick smell of sex
from only hours before and the smell of bacon frying in a pan fill my senses. The
soft sounds of slow, classical music plays downstairs- along with Liam's laughter.

I rub my eyes and glance at the alarm clock on Calvin's side of the bed. I haven't
over slept, and I'm completely thankful for that. However, if it were up to me I
could probably sleep in all day today. My body is sore and I could use a bit more
rest. However, instead of doing what my body begs me to do; I climb out of bed and
tug on Calvin's shirt from the previous night.

Our wolves are reconnected in more than just a sensual way. Bringing us together
like that connects our wolves, giving us a greater understanding in our minds,
bodies, and hearts. I can physically feel his relief after what he had done, and I
have no shame in it. After all, I did marry the man. I'm allowed to get dick
whenever I feel like it. No shame.

Entering the bathroom, I sigh at the image staring back at me. My neck and chest
are littered with little bites and bruises, and my hair is a complete mess. I
somehow manage to get a brush through it and throw it up into a ponytail. I'm not
too worried about the way I look, I usually never go anywhere.

Once I'm done washing my face and brushing my teeth, I head out towards the
kitchen. There's a loud banging sound, followed by Liam bursting into a fit of
laughter. I smile.

I've hardly heard him laugh since he's been here. It's such an amazing sound to
hear, and it's one I can never grow tired of. The kid is a heart-stopper. Even for
a two year old. He makes me want one, and not want one at the same time.

"Liam-" Cal groans, and when I enter the kitchen Calvin is squatted picking up
pieces of pancake off the floor. Liam's plastic plate is sitting in two pieces next
to Cal, with a wide smile on his face. I can't help but giggle.

"Ray!" Liam beams, his hair is messy and he has syrup on the side of his mouth.
Calvin turns his head towards me and smiles.

"Good morning, love. Did you sleep well?"

"Like a rock." I smile.

"I know," he tosses the pancake into the trash along with the broken plate. "I
tried to wake you up but it was completely pointless." He chuckles.

I shrug my shoulders and kiss his cheek. "Yeah, yeah. Not my fault." He snickers
and says something under his breath, but I don't pay much attention. I wipe Liam's
mouth with a wet rag and toss the rag into the clean sink.

I look at Calvin and give him a smile, "you're such a great husband." I'm so glad
he did the dishes, because I didn't really want to.

He raises an eyebrow and looks me over. "What do you want?" I let my mouth gape
open in fake-offense and smile.

"Am I not allowed to just tell you how great you are, because you're the whole
package."

"Okay, now I really know you want something." He smiles, "what is it?"

I roll my eyes and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Nothing." I grin looking at
his exposed chest. His skin is littered in scratches, bruises, and bite marks. I
hate how aggressive I get, but I guess pain is pleasure to him.

While I begin making my plate, Liam decides that it would amuse him to throw his
cup on the ground. The loud thud is followed by liquid spilling from the side of
the now-cracked bottle of juice.

"Fuck-" Calvin curses, picking up the cup and putting it in the sink.

Liam watches him, and gives him a mischevious grin. "Fuck" he says back with a
laugh.

My eyes go wide. "No! No!" I scold, "that's a bad word. You don't say that." I try
my best not to laugh, but I don't want to teach Liam that it's okay to cuss.

Liam pouts, and I quickly point a finger at Calvin. "No cussing around babies," I
frown. Calvin sighs and and tosses the rag back into the sink. He walks over to me
and presses a kiss to my cheek.

"I'm sorry baby. It won't happen again." I take a bite of my bacon and slap his
hand off of my hip. Cal frowns, but doesn't argue with what I had done. My body is
still on fire from last night, and just that kind of touch alone leaves me wanting
more. However, that can't happen.

"Benjamin will be here shortly to discuss something with me. Eat, and keep an eye
on Liam. He actually listens to you." He grabs my hand and presses a soft kiss to
the back of it.

"That's because you don't get onto him."

"I may be able to kill a grown man, but I can't get past those little puppy eyes he
gives me." He chuckles. "I'll be in the office if you need anything."

I frown. "Don't say that." I don't like how he had just said what he did. It's
bone-chilling. He sighs out loud and I quickly peck his lips. Calvin leaves us to
do his work without another word.

Once I'm finished eating breakfast, I grab Liam and we head into the living room.
He's walking, so I sit him on the floor and turn on spongebob. Hopefully this will
distract him for awhile. Hopefully.

The quiet is ripped away as Benjamin barges through the front door like he owns the
place. "Hey Gray!" He smiles, and then smiles towards Liam who is now running to
him.

He lifts Liam into his arms and ruffles his hair. "Hey little guy. Giving your
sister trouble?"

"He was being good and sitting still until now." I frown. "What's up?" By what's
up, I mean- what the hell are you two going to talk about?

Ben gives me a smile. "Nothing, your husband called me to have me help him get some
stuff sorted out. I won't be long so I figured Ally and the baby would stay home."
He shrugs.

"Ben," I frown. I want to know, and it's easier for him to fess up to something
than it is Calvin. I mean- unless I bribe Cal with sex. He always talks. Pulling my
lip between my teeth I try to think of what's going on.

"Nice try, Gray." Calvin says leaning against the wall. "Ben, meet me in my office.
I can't let you get tricked by her." He sighs.

I give Calvin a glare as Ben sets Liam on his feet and walks down the hallway. My
eyes flicker from the television to Cal, and back because I know that I've been
caught.

"What's wrong?" He asks, knotting his eyebrows and squatting in front of me.
Carefully, Calvin grabs my hands in his and lets out a sigh.

"What are you keeping from me?" I knot my eyebrows. "You never do this anymore, and
you've been acting weird. What's going on?" I ask quietly.

Calvin glances towards the walkway and lets out a breath. He opens his mouth as if
he's going to explain himself, but he shuts it quickly.

"Nothing, Gray."

"It isn't nothing, Calvin James. Whatever you're not telling me, I hope it's worth
it." I pout. He lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through his hair.

"You're not going to drop it, are you?"

"Oh, just wait until Benjamin leaves." I grumble, completely annoyed. I am his
luna, and his equal. He needs to keep me informed on this kind of information, that
he seems to be keeping to himself lately. It's irritating, and humiliating because
I never know what's going on.

Calvin sighs and kisses my cheek. "I'm looking forward to it." He rolls his eyes
and leaves without another word. Arrogant asshole.

8 » sleep on the couch

I wake up to my body being picked up from the couch. I had put Liam to bed hours
ago, and I tried to keep myself awake by staying in the living room. Yet- Calvin
some how managed to keep what ever he is hiding from me, from me. He knew I would
eventually fall asleep, and I'm almost positive he was waiting and hoping that I
would forget.

Tiredly, I rest my head against Calvin's shoulder and inhale deeply. He's already
showered, and he's missing all his clothing except for a thin pair of boxers. My
mind aimlessly wanders as he carries me to our bedroom, where he assumes he's going
to be sleeping.

My back hits the mattress, and I look up at Calvin. His hair is weighed down by
water, and I'm not going to lie- he is so breathtaking. "Go back to sleep," he
whispers, dipping his head down to mine and leaving a gentle kiss on my lips. His
kiss is too light. Almost as if it didn't even happen. He knows he's in trouble.

I intertwine my fingers in his hair, and tug his lips back to mine. He chuckles,
blowing out a heavy breath that smells like toothpaste, and kisses me again. Calvin
leaves butterfly kisses all over my face, and I quietly wrap my legs around his
waist so he can't leave me.

He growls once my smell hits him, and I giggle. "What? I had a good dream." I kiss
his forehead and sigh. Calvin kisses my cheek and I gently guide his face to the
crook of my neck.

"You smell delightful, little wolf." He mumbles, kissing my mark. I crane my neck
and my breathing hitches. His little kisses are enough to have my peak.

His nose runs over my skin, leaving goose bumps along my arms. I shut my eyes and
guide his head lower. "Have a taste, if you'd like to, Alpha." My hands tremble as
his lips touch my stomach. The warmth spreads through me, and the need for Calvin
is worse than ever. I had no intention of this.

I pull my bottom lip between my teeth as Calvin tugs my shorts from my lower half.
His eyes flicker from mine, to my lace underwear, and the back at me. Slowly,
without breaking eye contact, he kisses my overly responsive bud through the thin
fabric, and traces his tongue over it. I shiver in delight, because he's so good at
what he does.

I try my best not to throw my head back, because I want to watch him. Cal nips at
my thigh, and shuts his eyes- focusing all his senses on my sex drive for him.

His eyes open and meet mine, and they're pitch black. Suddenly, I go frozen. Calvin
is rough, but Rak- he's excruciating. I chew on my cheek and can't tell him no as
he tugs the thin fabric from my body, exposing me to the cool air and his hot
breath right on my wetness.

He chuckles at my reaction and kisses just below my belly button. I never intended
on sleeping with Cal tonight, but right now that's where it's headed. In all
honesty- I don't mind it either.

Calvin tugs my legs over each of his shoulders, and mumbles something in Italian
that I couldn't quite understand. My body is begging for his touch, anticipating
what he is about to do.

Unable to wait any longer, I grab his head and push his mouth down onto me. A growl
rumbles from his chest from my controlling action, but Calvin doesn't hesitate to
let his tongue do what it wants to.

A loud moan of pleasure passes my lips, and I quickly cover my mouth because I
don't want to wake the baby up. Cal chuckles, his eyes flicker to mine as he eats
me.

I bite down on my palm, silencing my moans as Calvin's canines nip at my swollen

clït. All I can feel is immense pleasure, and I throw my head back as I get closer
to my high.

My breathing turns to pants as I try to keep myself from going over the edge too
soon. Tugging at his hair, I push him harder against my sex. The roughness of his
growing beard rubs against my legs- and although it hurts, it's the best feeling in
the world.

It doesn't take long before I bite down on my lower lip and tug at the ends of his
hair, coming undone around him. My eyes shut as I live out my high and trying my
best to come back down to reality.

Cal makes his way back up my body and grins. He dips his head down and kisses me
gently before pulling away and looking me over. I can taste myself now- as I stare
up at him.

His mouth finds its way to my cheek, then below my ear, and eventually back to my
neck. The kisses are slow, and I can physically feel how worked up he is over our
sexual encounter.

My hands slide down to Calvin's waistline, and he groans when I manage to slip my
fingers inside and skim over his sensitive member. Slowly I wrap my fingers around
it and feel the way he tenses from my grip.

Cal groans as I pump my hand over him a few times- before stopping completely. He
lifts his head and looks at me directly with disappointment in his eyes. I almost
feel bad.

"Why'd you stop?" He asks, his breathing is unsteady and his eyes are darker than
the sky outside. It's almost terrifying- I mean it would be if it was my first time
seeing him like this.

I raise an eyebrow. "Why don't you go ask your buddy Ben to help you out, since you
like keeping things from me." Calvin's mouth gapes open, and he clenches his jaw as
he hovers over me.

He glances towards the window and then back at me looking more than furious.
"You're not serious." Calvin's muscles are tight, and the annoyance from my
decision have him looking at me like he wants to kill me.

I look up at him and frown. "I am, Calvin." He chews on his bottom lip and then
smiles out of anger.

"And I'm going to assume until I tell you, I'm not going to get anything?" His eyes
flicker over my body and then back to my face.

I nod my head in agreement. "Unless you'd like to tell me now- and I can help you
out with this.." I mumble, raining my hand over the erection in his pants.

Calvin pulls his lip between his teeth trying his best to keep control of himself.
"Baby I can't tell you-" he sighs. "I want to, but I just can't yet. You have to
believe me." He frowns.

I pout. "You can sleep on the couch or in the spare room or something. Turn out the
light when you leave." I grumble.

Calvin's mouth falls open and he starts to argue, but instead he climbs off the bed
and leaves with the flick of a light. I'm almost upset that he didn't even kiss me
goodnight- but that will slide. There's more important things that he's keeping
from me than a kiss.

"What the hell are you doing?" Calvin asks, making me jump. I glance back down the
the computer and try my best to think of what his password might be. Cal won't tell
me what's going on.

"What's your password?"

"You won't find what you're looking for on there, Gray." He says lowly, leaning
against the doorframe. I glare at him and raise me eyebrow until he gives me his
password. "My little wolf." He sighs.

I type in the password, and a photo of the two of us on our wedding day pops up as
his background. Files line both sides of the computer, each carefully labeled and
alphabetized. My eyes wander around hopelessly, because I'll never be able to know
what he's not telling me without a label.

"Just give up. I know you better than to keep something like that on my computer."
He sighs out loud. I glance over at him before falling back in the chair. Crossing
my arms over my chest I pout in my husbands direction.

"Just tell me-" I grumble. "It can't be that bad-can it?" Thinking over what it
could be, a thousand things come to my mind.

"No Gray I'm not-" he says quickly.

"Are you cheating on me?" My heart nearly breaks at the idea of it. It's been three
days since he's slept in the same bed as me- and before that I didn't give him the
attention he needed. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe he found somebody to replace me
for awhile..

Tears form in my eyes, and Calvin is quick to rush to me and deny what I had
assumed. "No, no, baby. Nothing like that." He wipes the tears from my eyes and
kisses my forehead.

"I would understand why if you are- I mean maybe she's pretty and can actually have
a baby- or-"

"Shut up, Gray." Cal says with a low growl. "I'm not cheating on you, and I never
want to. I don't care if we can't have a baby, and you're so beautiful. You and I
both know that- why are you being so emotional?" He knots his eyebrows.

I pout and my bottom lip quivers. "I don't know, Calvin. I just don't feel like
your equal when you keep stuff from me.. I just feel like your....bitch." I
sniffle.

"Fuck- are you on your period or something?" His eyes meet mine and I shrug my
shoulders. Maybe I'm about to start, who knows. "Stop that. Don't call yourself
that because it isn't true, Gray. You're still a newborn, and I don't want you
doing anything reckless if I set you off- I will tell you when the time is right."
He presses a kiss to my forehead.

"Well you act like I did something wrong-" I frown, looking into his eyes and
watching as they flicker from me to the computer.

"How?" He wonders, his eyes meeting mine. I pull my bottom lip between my teeth and
wipe my eyes with the back of my hand.

"You've been sleeping in the spare room and you haven't kissed me goodnight or good
morning or-" I sniffle.

"You're the one that told me to go sleep in the spare room, Gray." He sighs in
defeat. "I didn't think you wanted me to kiss you because you were mad at me." He
frowns.

I rub my nose and glance towards Calvin's computer. The picture of us is one of my
favorites. My mom and Ren are in the background, laughing and smiling while Calvin
and I are in the midst of a slow dance. His hands rest easily against my hips, and
his eyes are bright as he looks at me. My arms are draped around his neck, and I'm
looking back up at him with a huge smile on my lips.

"Why are you crying?" Calvin asks, as new tears fall from my face. I look towards
him and my bottom lip quivers.
"Because I want to be this happy again-"

Suddenly, Calvin doesn't have anything to say. He just looks towards the picture on
his home screen, and then back towards me. His eyes are dull, and his mouth gapes
open.

"Yeah, you're definitely about to start." He kisses my forehead. "But I assure you
Gray, that I will make you this happy again. You just have to wait and see." He
kisses my forehead yet again.

"Liam is over at Ben's for a little while, so how about we just look at some of our
wedding pictures and take a nap- okay?" He offers, gently lifting me and sitting me
on his lap in the chair.

Cal opens a tab, and all of our wedding pictures pop up. Quietly, I rest my head
against his shoulder and watch the happy pictures flick by. Occasionally I would
smile, as Calvin mumbles stuff against my hair. His large hand gently rubs my leg,
and it slowly relaxes me.

"mon petit loup, la chute de plus en plus

en amour avec vous chaque jour. vous êtes mon trésor." He kisses my forehead, and
as we continue to look at pictures, I shut my eyes and let myself drift off to a
much needed sleep.

I wake up with my head against Calvin's chest. His hands gently play with my hair
as he watches what ever is on the television. A wave of relief washes over me, I'm
not too sure if it's because I took a nap or because Calvin is relaxing, but either
way I'm enjoying it.

I stretch out, and snuggle my head back against Calvin. I could sleep so much
longer but I know I won't be able to fall back to sleep any time soon.

Sighing out loud, I feel Calvin shift beneath me. His fingertips graze over my bare
legs, and then back up my spine. The feeling is soothing and I tiredly rest my head
back against him.

"I'm still mad at you," I say softly letting my hand fall against his chiseled
abdomen.

"I'm still madly in love with you." He responds. Suddenly, my heart nearly stops in
my chest at what he says. I can be mad at him all I want to, he refuses to take it
personally. The man doesn't let my anger towards him get to him, especially when he
knows that it is better than the other option.

I shut my mouth and don't say anything in return. I hate when he does that- and I
hate how it makes me want to forgive him. However, being me, I hold my ground and
refuse to accept it. Calvin has been keeping something from me, and I demand to
know what it is.

I lift my head and look at Calvin. His eyes are dull from staying up late and
getting too little of sleep, his beard is growing back in, and his shoulders are
healed. Usually, his shoulders are littered in little scratch marks that I adore
beyond words.
What ever is going on, he has been working himself to death over it- and he's been
deprived of everything, even the gym. I wish he would tell me what's happening so
maybe I could try and help him a little bit. However, he refuses to.

I rub my hand over his rough cheek and he tiredly shuts his eyes. "Did you sleep at
all?" I ask- pushing his long hair out of his face. It's to the point where he ties
it back into a bun, and in all honestly- it's hot.

Cal's eyes open and meet mine. He shakes his head no in response. "Baby, I was too
worried about you.." he shuts his eyes once again as I continue to play with his
hair, and I gently kiss his cheek.

"Take a nap, Calvin. I'm fine- just a bit moody." I mumble softly near his ear. I
shift to crawl out of bed to leave him alone, but Calvin quickly catches me.

Suddenly, he's spooning me and snuggling his face between the crook of my neck.
"Don't you dare leave me, my little wolf." His voice is pleading as he wraps his
arms around my stomach and holds me against him.

My body fills with warmth as my lower half presses against his. Our legs tangle
together, and his breathing on my neck creates goosebumps on my arms.

My hands slowly slide down and I intertwine my fingertips with his. Calvin may be
one of the most powerful men on the earth, but he is also one of the softest men. I
adore the idea that he can't sleep without me, and that he needs me just as much as
I need him. He admits it too. Which I love, because I never have to fight with him
about what he wants from me.

Quietly, he plays with the wedding ring on my finger. "I met a woman when I was
younger." He says softly, his hand now rubbing over my knuckles. Calvin's mouth
rubs against the back of my neck as he tiredly talks.

"Oh?" I hope he isn't going to tell me about their sex adventures. I hate that.

"No Gray-" he sighs. "She had the darkest black hair and the lightest blue
eyes...it was so amazing." He mumbles gently. His voice is hardly audible.

"Mhmm.." I mumble, interested in what he has to say about this woman. He kisses the
back of my neck and lets out a deep breath.

"I met her when I was just starting to get my name in the werewolf world. She was
the leader of a pack- much older than I was. Her name was..Candy. She's the one who
taught me control." He starts slowly.

"Candy... she was into stones and gems. She believed that everything has a future,
and a past. Even if that person has already taken their final breath-"

"Why are you telling me this, Calvin?" I wonder out loud. He's going on and on
about this Candy lady, and it's making me somewhat jealous.

"I'm telling you this because, I know how much you're hurting and I believe that
some people go, so there's room for new. I probably sound like such a asshole right
now but I promise I don't mean to-" he sighs.

"Wolves aren't just born and created. They're older than I am- and they make their
way back in different bodies, Gray. Maybe they left, so they can be reborn again. I
don't know- but I believe that they will find their way back into your life." He
kisses my shoulder as I lie there. His words sink in, and I knot my eyebrows.
"Where are you going with this?" My mind wanders. Calvin's hand gently rubs my
belly and I can feel my heartbeat pick up.

"No Cal- you know that we can't have one..." I frown. He lets out a heavy breath
and runs his nose along my neck.

"I know." He finally admits. After all these years of him saying that we can prove
the doctors wrong, he finally admits that it isn't going to happen. The
heartbreaking truth makes me want to crawl out of bed and get as far away from him
as possible, but I stay. I love Calvin too much to leave.

He promised me everything my heart desired, but the one thing it aches for is the
only thing he can't give me. It tears me to pieces to even let him know that. I
shut my eyes and feel his heavy breath against the back of my neck.

10

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I sip on a mug of hot tea. The aroma fills my nose
while Calvin's soft snores fill my ears. The house is quiet, and since Cal has
fallen asleep I've been stuck alone; thinking.

I bring the mug to my lips and then back into my lap. My mind is on a constant
replay of everything that has happened to me in the past year. To us. This year
seems to be a huge disappointment. Not only were we told that we won't be able to
have a baby; that Cal has been waiting so long for, but the only family we have is
dead within a blink of an eye.

Without a doubt, I am happy with Calvin. Up until now, I've never hated life. Since
this year has began, I don't think that I've stayed genuinely happy in quite
awhile- and I know that Calvin knows that. I also know that deep down, he is just
as unhappy. I just hope that what ever it is, is something we can work through. I
love Calvin too much and I'm terrified to even think about him letting me go.

I run my fingers through my hair as I sit; completely filled with fear. All I am
doing is trying to figure out what is happening to me. My head throbs as I continue
to sulk, and come up with nothing. Losing both of my parents has changed my life
completely- but I'm trying my best to keep my sanity for Cal's sake. He needs me
just as much as I need him.

Glancing down at the marks on my thighs I sigh. I let myself break, and not because
I chose to. It just sort of....happened. I've made marks on myself to replace the
pain that has still kept its control over me. Maybe sometimes it's better to
express saddens than to keep it in; because cutting myself only made me feel worse.

As quietly as I possibly can be, I rest my mug on the bedside table. Calvin makes
me happy. So happy. Yet- I can't rely on him to be my distraction at every passing
second. It's impossible, and as hard as he tries to- I can't let him. He shouldn't
have to spend all his time worrying about me, but instead he should be able to have
time for himself.

The ringing of Calvin's phone makes me jump out of my own thoughts. My eyes flicked
to the phone as it rings, and I consider answering it for him, but decide its best
not to. Quietly, Calvin stirs and rolls over to answer his phone.

"Hello?" His thick voice is filled with sleep. Calvin runs his hands through his
hair as he stretches and makes no effort to sit up. He glances at me and then back
to the sheets on him.

"I don't know, that really isn't up to me Benjamin. You can talk to her about it."
Without a second of thinking about it, Cal hands the phone off to me. To this day
Calvin still gets protective of me and jealous when I am with Benjamin. He's one of
my best friends, but never does Ben call to talk to me. So, the fact that I'm
talking to him on the phone makes me feel so weird.

"Hello?" I say quietly, unsure of what he wants from me. Ben chuckles on the other
end at how hesitant I am.

"Hey! Gray! I have a quick question!" He exclaims. My eyes flicked to Calvin and he
raises an eyebrow. My husband lays, relaxed with his hands behind his head on the
bed. He watches me quietly, as I watch him.

"Yes?" I ask softly. Pulling my lip between my teeth I try to guess what he has to
ask me.

"Can Liam spend the night? Ally keeps asking and i keep telling her that it's up to
you guys and-"

"If you don't mind, Benjamin. I don't want you to feel like you need to-"

"Oh it's fine! You and Calvin deserve a break- after all you guys did get forced
into parent hood without a warning. I'll call you if we need anything I have to go
Ally is hollering for something-" Ben hangs up without another word and I quietly
sit there, upset that he didn't even say goodbye.

"I guess Liam is staying over there." I say softly, resting his phone beside my
lap. My eyes rest of Cal's toned arms as I force myself not to be upset by the
whole ordeal. "I trust them," I assure him because I know that he is just as over
protective of Liam as I am.

"Why are you crying?" Calvin asks softly as he quickly sits up. I quickly wipe my
eyes and shrug my shoulders. I don't know why I'm crying. I miss my parents, and
I've been over thinking. He wraps his arms around me and I quietly rest my head on
his shoulders.

The few tears that managed to fall stop, and I sigh out loud. "I honestly don't
know." I press a kiss against his collarbone and pull away.

"You're so confusing, but I love you." He mumbles softly. Calvin grabs the still
warm mug of tea off the bedside table and takes a sip.

I scrunch my nose. "That's gross." Calvin finishes drinking what he wants of it and
raises an eyebrow.

"Honey, my mouth has been on parts of you that you don't like to speak of, sharing
a glass of tea with you is one of the cleanest things I've done with you." He gives
me a look and my cheeks burn red.

"Don't talk like that," I feel embarrassment fill me. Calvin always has a way of
making me feel uncomfortable- mostly because he likes the dirty talk. I mean, so do
I, but I'm not going to admit it.
"Why do you always get so embarrassed?" He knots his eyebrows. "It's just the two
of us." A slight frown rests on his lips as he says so and I shrug. "Besides, I
know how much you like it when I go down on you I-"

"Fuck you." I pout, now the only thing on my mind is Calvin's tongue on me. The way
it rubs against my- "I know what you're trying to do."

"It's working, no?" Cal gives me a innocent smile and I pull my lip between my
teeth. Suddenly the thought of me on top of him isn't such a bad idea. I mean- I
can have him whenever I want because he's mine. He gives me whatever I want,
whenever I want it.

"Nope." I mumble. He sips on the mug of tea and runs his fingers through his hair.
For a split second I wished I was the mug, feeling his mouth on me in my most
secret places..

"You're such a bad liar, Gray. Say the words and I'll give it to you." He smiles.
Calvin's eyes don't leave mine as he brings the mug back to his lips. My eyes
wander over his muscular body, littered in scars and tattoos.

I sit there, contemplating. As much as I am mad at him, I also physically crave him
and I know that there's is no way that I can satisfy myself with my thoughts. His
eyes roam me as I think it over. Finally, I come to my conclusion.

"I'm mad at you, remember?"

"You can still be mad at me while you fuck me." He raises an eyebrow and I quietly
let out a breath. I watch as he rests the now empty mug on the table and he turns
back to face me.

"Fine," I roll my eyes.

"Fine what, little wolf?" The mockery in his tone makes me even more angry with
him. I chew on the inside of my cheek and I glare at him as a stupid smirk grows on
his face.

"I want you to fuck me, Calvin. Like you mean it."'

"Like I mean it?" He pulls his lip between his teeth as he cups my cheeks. I look
him over and quietly lean towards him, letting my lips run over his.

He inhales deeply, and tries to slip his tongue into my mouth. Before he can manage
to do so, I pull away. His eyes follow my every movement and his chest rises and
falls heavily as he waits for me to give him the okay.

Calvin never forces himself onto me. He never just does it without asking or just
assuming from my body language. He's the type of man to wait until I say that I'm
ready for him.

I feel the ache for him below me. My body is begging to be filled by him, and him
alone. The wild heart rate in my chest is there, and I shut my eyes. My head spins
with irrational thoughts and I can feel my wolf becoming jealous at the idea of it.

I place my hand flat on Calvin's chest and push him onto his back. He lets out a
heavy breath and catches himself on his elbows, taken back by my force. Straddling
him, I dip my head down and carefully rest myself against his sex. He groans and
his hands rest against my butt. His eyes shut as he inhales my scent. I kiss his
lips gently and sigh.
"I want you to make it hurt, Calvin." I watch his whole demeanor change. Suddenly,
his eyes meet mine and his breathing catches in his throat.

"Are you sure?" He asks. Calvin has only ever let his wolf have completely control
while in bed with me one other time. That was while I was still human, and to this
day he still apologizes for how much pain he had put me through. But- truth is, I
liked it. I've been craving his beast, and my wolf is aching to connect with him.

I push my fingers through his hair and grind my hips onto his. He hisses in return
at the feeling of me, and I nod my head quietly in response. Slowly as my agreement
sinks in with him, his mouth connects with mine. The slow tongue tied kiss is
agonizing, drawing out our time together and making me feel the need for him even
more.

Our kisses intensify, his grip on my butt gets rougher and he presses his finger
against my sex. Moaning into his mouth, I push myself back out his hand- begging
him to just take me.

He cups my sex in his hand and squeezes. Pushing all four of his fingers against my
sopping wet core roughly, leaving a sting and a ache for him to do it again.

Then, so suddenly- he flips us. His wild eyes are on mine for only a split second
before they fall to my underwear. He is quick to tug them from my body and fling
them somewhere behind him in the room.

Calvin kisses below my belly button before running his nose between the slit
dividing my legs. He blows out a heavy breath, flicking his tongues over my juices
to get a taste, before he pulls away. I frown, because I was hoping he would
continue with his tongue assault. It's my favorite.

Calvin and his wolf are complete opposites. He takes his time with me, making sure
that he isn't the only one getting everything. Cal is gentle and always makes sure
that I feel... special. While his wolf, so dominate and aggressive- only considers
himself. My wolf is there for him, his satisfaction, his pleasure. His beast is
rough in the spur of the moment, but as soon as he's finished- he's just as gentle
as Calvin.

My mouth gapes open as his teeth scrape over my neck. The painful sting that comes
along with his bites leaves my skin tingling and wanting more.

"Calvin," I whimper when his hands leave my body. I arch myself up to him, trying
my best to make some sort of contact with him, but I fail miserably.

He smirks down at me, satisfied by my need for him. Then; he gives me what we both
need.

11

My apologies, I'm so sorry that I've been so inactive lately. Between school, work,
and my life at home, I've hardly had any time to myself.

please forgive me, and enjoy this chapter.

Light shimmers it's way through the curtains, lighting the room with hues of orange
and yellow. Carefully I️turn to face the clock on the bedside table and sigh out
loud at what it reads.

5:53 am.

It was only a few hours ago when Calvin and I️had finally went to bed. The only
reason we did is because he finally got tired. My body aches, but somehow I️manage
to reach out to touch Cal. Instead of touching his warm body like I️had expected; I️
touch the ice cold space where his body had been when I️fell asleep last night.

I️knit my eyebrows together in confusion and glance towards the bathroom. Empty.
The satisfaction I️had before is replaced with disappointment. I️never ask Calvin
to stay with me; but shouldn't that just be a given? Even if I️am married to the
man, waking up alone after a night like ours; still makes me feel like I'm only
wanted for sex. No matter how much I️know it isn't true- it still tends to get to
me.

Sitting up in the bed, I️look around at my surroundings. The room is askew, and the
headboard has a large crack down the center of it. My wrists have bruises, along
with a few more places on my aching body.

Sighing out loud, I slip out of bed and tug on Calvin's shirt from the day before.
It's long enough to go down to my knees, but the material hugs my hips. The sheer
disappointment of that alone makes me disgusted with myself.

Since I've been with Cal, I've gained weight. He tells me constantly that he
doesn't mind; and it's good that I am. I was underweight, and now it just goes to
show that he's treating me right as Cal likes to put it.

Quietly, I wander out of the bedroom and down the staircase. The very last step at
the bottom creaks. It's something that has always been there, and no matter how
hard Cal tries fixing it; it just continues.

No lights in the household are on. Except for his office. I furrow my eyebrows at
the sight of it. It sparks my attention because Calvin hasn't used it in weeks. He
never uses it, and when he does it's to keep something from me.

A small anger ignites at the sight of it, but I swallow it down and inch towards
the room. Carefully placing my feet I'm as quiet as a mouse. Something falls and
makes a loud thud, followed by a murmured 'fuck'.

I can't help but gasp because the sound startled me. I inch closer, hoping to be
able to see what Calvin is doing. A shadow moves across the doorway, and seconds
later Calvin is leaning against the frame.

"What gave me away?" I frown, crossing my arms over my chest. I've been practicing
my stealth but nothing ever seems to get past him. He raises an eyebrow.

"Honey, what didn't give you away?" His eyes rake over my body, taking in the few
visible marks he'd left on parts of my skin. "You smell like sex, and the way you
were walking sounded like a squirrel jumping in leaves. You're not sneaky." He
smiles.

Instead of taking his joke, I frown. "I shouldn't have to be." Calvin aura changes
suddenly. "Why are you up sneaking around in your office right now, anyways?"
Knitting my eyebrows together, I know that I've got Calvin in the palm of my hand
now. He may be good at lots of things; but he's awful at lying to me.

Calvin steps out of the way and let's me into the office. Papers are strung
throughout the room, a fresh cup of coffee sits on the edge of the desk, and a
framed picture from our wedding day rests beside it. I glance over at Cal, and then
slowly ease my way towards the picture.

A sigh passes my lips as I take in the memories caught in the image. We were so
happy then. That day, it was like nothing in the world to bring us down or ruin
anything.

Calvin reaches over me and plucks the picture from my fingertips. My heart sinks
and when I turn to look at my husband, he looks the exact same as he did when I
first met him. His sculpted jaw clenches as he looks at the frame in his hand. He
has aged; maybe not physically but deep inside of him something has changed.

All his dreams of finally getting some rest and giving his title to his off spring
is crushed. His eyes flick to me, his pupils grow like they always do when he looks
at me and a sigh passes through his lips. "I hardly sleep, so I figured I would
catch up with my work. What about you, little wolf? Why are you sneaking around the
house trying to find me? I know that you're tired, and I know that you sleep, you
aren't fully changed yet." His voice is as smooth as honey, and every word he says
makes me frustrated, yet drool over his accent.

"You seem off, Calvin." I get straight to the point. "I'm worried about you like a
good wife should be. Are you going to tell me or are you going to continue to play
dumb and avoid me?" My attitude kicks in and I don't know if it's because I'm tired
or truly upset, but at this point I don't care. All I want to know is what's wrong
with my husband.

"I don't avoid you, Gray. There's a reason why I don't talk about my feelings. It's
not that I don't want to, I just can't quite put them into words." He rubs his
temples and rests his elbows on his desk. "It's- just think of it like this. I see
you crying all the time because I can't give you what you want. Even when you try
to hide it from me, I still hear you. It makes me feel like such a terrible person
and I can't stand it. I feel as though as long as I'm around you, you won't be
happy. I just...." he lets out a shaky breath, "I just don't think I can make you
happy anymore. Not like I used to."

"No, Cal." I swallow, the heartbreak can be felt throughout the room. "You make me
so happy-" but yet- something deep down in me tells me different. I feel weird
saying it, and I hate to deny the fact that maybe, just maybe what he had just said
was true. Maybe we were so excited by one another a year ago, maybe it was the
chase- I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that we can't have a baby; that's driven
us apart.

I'm so in love with Calvin, but the truth is- I don't think it's going to work out.
He and I; I want to say that we're too different or give some lame ass excuse- but
there is none. I love him and he loves me, but being together isn't what we need.
My heart is in a different place, and the void just can't be filled. He knows that,
and I know he's tired of seeing me like this.

His eyes show his age as he looks at me. Everything that he's ever witnessed, every
memory of what has made him who he is- shows at this very moment. There's an
emptiness in them that wasn't there before. His eyes fall to the floor as he waits
for me to say something, but I am left speechless. I know exactly what's going to
come of this.
Me telling him that I'm still happy was a complete lie. I'm never happy anymore.
Not because of him, but life in general. He has showered me with everything I could
ever possibly want; but I still feel empty. I want my parents,to be with them.
Talking to my mom would get my mind straight. Yet- I can't. I'll never be able to.
So I have to be the big girl and make my own decisions. I swallow my pride and
fight the tears in my face.

"What are we going to do?" My bottom lip quivers but I don't let any tears fall.
This is life, and now that I'm a Lycan; I'll have to figure out just how to live
it. No matter what heartbreak or troubles may come for me. He looks back up at me,
and this time; he's actually crying. Calvin, crying. Those words don't belong in
the same sentence. My body goes numb and I begin crying myself.

"I don't want a divorce, Gray. I love you with all of my heart. But I want to see
you happy. Even if it isn't with me."

12

"Don't worry, Gray." Ben says with a smile of sadness on his face, "you know that
he loves you and you'll be well taken care of. you guys just need time to clear
your heads. That's all." I quietly wonder if he's right, but I don't let him see my
doubt. Ben has a good head on his shoulders. I want to believe him. Whole
heartedly. That wont happen though. The only time I'll truly believe it is when it
comes true. If it ever even does. Right now, I know Ben is just trying to cheer me
up and try to find the good in all of this, but unlike him- I cannot. He's trying
his best to be positive about the whole situation. He's being a good friend, and I
truly appreciate everything. It isn't what I want to hear, but its for the best. We
will find each other again. Hopefully.

A long moment of silence passes before Ben throws this arm around my shoulders and
pulls me into a hug. "you'll be alright, Gray. Life just has a funny way of doing
things. Just be though and you'll go far." I give Ben the fakest smile to match
with all the bullshit coming from his lips. If only he were right. I still cannot
wrap my head around the fact that Calvin had asked for a divorce. We were fine, I
thought. I figured it was just a bump in the road, but apparently to him it was
more than that. I never thought he would actually leave just like that. I was so
blindsided by my own thoughts and emotions I guess I never really noticed how
unhappy I made him each time I cried or anything. I'm so selfish, but I cant do
anything to fix my mistake now. I want to run to Calvin and tell him what's on my
mind, but I know just as well as he does that now is not the time.

"Ally should be home in an hour or so, so you're stuck with me. Sorry the house is
a wreck, Leah is a mess, but you're welcome here for as long as you need. Cal would
prefer you to stay here anyways, just in case, but you are not forced to stay here-
just do whatever will make you happy." Ben smiles briefly as he grabs my bag off
the floor and motions towards the hallway. I only packed a bag because as soon as
Cal had broke the news to me, I was so ashamed of myself I just couldn't bare to
even look at him. Quietly, I follow Ben down the hallway decorated in images of
their happy family. In a matter of moments we end up in the spare bedroom. Its
walls are plain except for a few coloring pages that had been scribbled on and a
image of Ally and I when we were younger framed on the end table.

Ben grabs a scribbled on piece of paper and a teddy bear off the center of the bed.
"Leah drew you this, this morning because she was excited to have you come over to
have a sleep over, The teddy bear was my idea, and this one is Leah's favorite. She
doesn't share this thing with anyone, not even me, so you must be pretty special to
her." He grins. The pink teddy bear is holding a heart to its chest. 'love you
more' is written in white on the heart. I smile. I remember giving this to her on
her birthday one year. She was so disappointed because all she wanted was Barbie's,
but I had gotten her a bear. 'Its a toy for babies' I remember her saying. When I
had heard that, my only response was- 'you will always be my baby, until I have one
of my own.'

"Leah is the cutest. You're sure that Liam wont bother her? I have a little feeling
that she may get a little jealous that she wont be the only baby for awhile." Ben
chuckles and shakes his head. "Leah was excited to hear Liam is going to be over.
All she talked about on her way to school was how she couldn't wait to be home to
show him all of her toys." My smile grows brighter. Ben throws his arms around me
and pulls me into a tight hug. "get some rest, wolfie. I know you need it. I'll
come get you when everyone arrives." My smile fades and I quietly just nod my head.
I don't want to be left alone. I don't want to sit and be trapped in my own
thoughts. Before I can ask him not to leave, Ben lets me go and shuts the door
behind him. His footsteps grow quiet, and so does the room.

I sit at the edge of the bed and run my fingers over the comforter. The smell of
maple from a scented room spray fills the room. I cant remember the lest time I was
here, Nor can I remember the last time I had to fall asleep alone. Lying back in
the bed, I shut my eyes and let the cold devour me. I'm not used to being by
myself. It hasn't even been twenty four hours and I already hate not having Cal's
body wrapped around me to keep me warm. A single tear runs down my cheek as I
snuggle against the mountain of pillows. slowly, that single tear turns into many.
How could I have been so selfish? How can I still be so selfish to still want to be
with him even though I don't make him happy anymore? a million 'what if's' cross
through my mind, but none of them beat the thought of if I hadn't been so stuck on
having my own baby, we wouldn't have separated. If Calvin alone was good enough for
me, we wouldn't be in this predicament. This is all my fault, and because of that
we both have to suffer. My world is crashing down around me, and I cant do anything
to stop it or save myself. All I can do now is watch it fall- after all, I am the
one who destroyed it in the first place. Slowly I fall asleep.

I wake up to a pair of brown eyes looking into mine. They're as innocent as a fawn.
"you're awake!" Leah exclaims, cupping my cheeks and smiling widely. Her eyes light
up. I grin back at her and pull her into a tight hug. "I've missed you so much" She
squeals and shimmies out of my grip before I can squeeze her too tight. Leah pauses
and cups my cheeks again. "your eyes are puffy- my eyes are only puffy when I cry-
is you ok?" My smile turns into a frown. Even a three year old can see the fact
that I'm completely heartbroken. I rub my eyes and let out a quiet sigh.

"I'm ok, Leah, I'm just sad." I pout. Leah cocks her head to the side and knits her
eyebrows in confusion. "do you want me to call uncle Cal? He can make you feel
better, I know-" She is cut off by Ally. "Leah, enough." Leah looks at her mother
and then back at me. "did you guys break up?" Her happiness turns into sadness.
"did you guys break up? " her voice cracks and a pout forms on her cute face. My
bottom lip quivers. "Mommy bought ice cream, she says that helps your heart when
you're sad, do you want some?" She gives me a quick smile. "go have daddy makes you
and Gray a bowl, please?" Ally smiles at her daughter, and Leah happily jumps up to
run to her dad.

Ally lets out a sigh and sits next to me on the bed. "hey honey," her voice is soft
and gentle. Not like it usually is. Ally has always been loud and free spirited.
Nothing has ever really made her like this. She is usually the person who
recommends a night on the town to just forget anything. Apparently, marriage and a
daughter has completely changed her. I look into her eyes and she pushes hair out
of my face. "Ice cream is the first step of healing a broken heart" She smiles.
"apparently Leah had a little boyfriend at school. We found out about him when she
came home crying saying he broke up with her. Ben was completely shocked about her
having a boyfriend, it was really funny. We told her ice cream helps and gave her
some and right after she was okay-" Ally smiles. "Now she's a firm believer that
Ice cream heals a broken heart." I cant help but smile.

Leah comes in carrying a bowl of ice cream, concentrating hard on keeping herself
from spilling it. She hands me the bowl of different flavors, and Ben walks in with
three other bowls. We all sit on the bed, eating our ice cream. "it's better when
you have people you love around you" Ally whispers in my ear. "It's the secret
ingredient". I look at the happy family surrounding me, and for once- I finally
realized that I had more family than just my parents. At this very moment I feel
okay, as if I'm going to be okay. Even if Calvin isn't beside me. I know that I am
loved, and I know that's whats going to keep me going for now. "Is Liam here?" I
ask quietly. Ally and Ben look between each other and Ally lets out a soft breath.
"Ben is going to go pick him up soon, He wanted you to get settled in before we
went and got him for you." I sigh out loud, because I know when she said he she
didn't mean Ben. nodding my head, I continue eating my ice cream in a comfortable
silence. It's embarrassing to know that Cal left me. It's even more embarrassing to
have to tell them what happened. The way I had explained it to Ben was simple. I
cared too much about myself to see how unhappy he was.

Leah leans against me as she eats her ice cream, making me feel like im doing
something right. Even if she is so little, she is one of the only reasons I had
agreed to stay in this town. She has always been like my best friend since she was
born. Ally has been my bestfriend all my life, and she's so much like her mom I
cant help but love her just as much. "thank you guys, so much, for everything". I
smile, wiping a stray tear from my eye.

I know that it'll be hard, but it will be okay.

13:

As the days drag onto weeks, and the weeks into months, the only thing coursing
through my veins is sadness and the thought of Calvin. I had told myself I would be
alright without him, but the truth be told; I am nothing without that man. He was
the one who brought out my happiness, in it's most pure state. The feeling of his
embrace was what kept me asleep all night long. Now I find myself waking up every
hour of the night, reaching for someone who isn't there. Ally and Ben always try
and keep my mind off of that man, but nothing works. It comes in spurts: I am okay
but then five seconds later my mood completely changes. I don't understand how one
man can change my life completely.

My heart yearns to be with the man that I love, the one who has changed me into a
wife, a lycan, and most of all a woman. I had been so childish to put my own wants
before his needs. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy, and I wouldn't even
let him get that. I would love to hear from him just one more time. I'd tell him
that I was wrong and the time apart has made me realize what I have done to be in
this situation. I will not beg for him back, or even try to sway him. He is better
off without me right now. I love him, so I will let him be happy- even if it's not
me.
Time seems to go slower as the days go by. Seconds turn into minutes, and minutes
turn into hours. I cannot tell how many times I've glanced at the clock, and glance
back at it hours later after lying in my bed staring at the wall, only to see that
five minutes have gone by since I last checked. Time is all that I have now, and
it's a painful companion. It constantly reminds me of how much time I'm wasting.
Ben and Ally had me believing that things would be alright, but it was all just a
joke. I shouldn't have trusted them, because they are happy so they don't really
know what they're talking about.

I can still feel the warmth of his fingertips running over my cheek. The beat of
his heart through them against my skin. I calm at the thought of him. The sound of
heartbeat racing when he looks at me, and reminds me how long he has been waiting
to fall in love with someone and truly feel that indescribable feeling. Then, his
warm breath comes closer to mine, the warmth of it hitting my skin like a brick.
Oh, how I desperately long to have him here with me. To receive a tender kiss from
the man I love so much that it hurts.

"what have I done?" his voice is full of longing. Even my dreams still remember him
so accurately. His fingers run over my cheekbones, more broad than when he left me
from not eating. The bruising around my neck from where I had tried to end it all a
week ago. If it wasn't for Ben, I would be resting easy right now. I feel bad for
the couple. They have let me in, and all I have done was be a burden. I man, I
tried to kill myself in their own home. I feel as though my warm welcome isn't much
of a welcome anymore. I know that they want out just as much as I do. The
heartbreak in his voice brings me back to my dark dream, I wish I could see him- I
never can when he comes to me in my dreams. The warmth of his lips press against my
cold cheek and I can hear his sobbing as he grazes the bruises on my neck with the
tips of his fingers. I hate how broken he sounds. Every dream is always the same. I
yearn to hear Cal happy again, but it just doesn't happen.

I savor the moment when his lips are against me. This is the only time I truly feel
whole, but at the same time completely empty because I know this is all just a
dream. I long to see his eyes, even if they are full of heartbreak. I want to be
held by him, even just for one last time. How can I ever forgive myself for being
so selfish? How could I ever let the most important thing to me go so easily? I
begin to cry."no, no, no little wolf. please.." Theres a crack in his voice as he
begins crying too. "I thought that I was helping, but I have made it worse. I love
you so much, please don't forget me." Forget him? How could I? My heart shatters
and I shake my head.

"I love you more, please come back to me" I whimper.

a/n

Hello guys, prayer circle here. I want to take a moment to address all of my
readers at this time. I sincerely apologize to everyone who has been waiting for me
to update my book. I do not have any kind of excuses, I have just been busy with
life, I work 90% of the time to TRY and make sure my bills are paid and in my free
time I have a side gig because it still isn't enough. Once I get free time the
story will be updated.

Please forgive me. The book will be completed. Don't give up on me. love you all.
....

If you all would like to earn a FREE $5 all you have to do is sign up for cashapp
using my code! (It'll help me out a bunch considering I'm so piled up with bills.)
it will cost you nothing but signing up. It's an app to send and receive money and
you can even get a card shipped to you to use your money directly or you can add a
bank card and have it transferred instantly!

Try Cash App using my code and we'll each get $5! QSBWSRL

https://cash.me/app/QSBWSRL

14

Calvin:

"Why the hell would you do that? Do you not get the fact that you're supposed to be
leaving her alone?" Benjamin's voice raises as I turn my back to him and focus back
down at the map on the desk.

"Benjamin." I warn. My body begins to heat as my wolf begins to feel challenged. I

take out my marker and focus in on the map. "He has to be here. Our troops have
searched the entire area but somehow we missed this." I point at the little area,
an abandoned home- no larger than an one car garage.

"That can wait, Calvin." Ben grumbles. "Why the hell have you been sneaking into my
house?" I turn to Benjamin, his eyebrows are knitted and he has a sour look on his
face.

"I do not have to explain myself to the likes of you, Beta. Don't push it."
Benjamin's facial features harden as he stares at me.

"Calvin. I don't care what I am to you- I'm being a friend and protecting my
family. You are not to step foot into my home without my permission." He pauses
before collecting himself. "She keep's crying to me about these damn dreams. I can
smell you all over her damn room when I walk in there. One day she's going to
realize that it really is you and not a dream- and then what? What are you going to
do?" He sneers at me.

My heart sinks at the thought of her crying for me. All she has wanted for the past
months is just me. Not what I couldn't give her. She has changed and grown so
strong without me. I need her to be as strong as possible. This is the only way.

"Unless you want me to rip your head off and you not be able to go home to your
child, I'd advise you keep your god damn mouth shut and round up a few tracker's to
see what's going on in this area."

"Are you threatening-"

"You're dismissed." I mumble, looking back at the paper map. I hear a huff from
Benjamin, a faint chat on the mind link, and then the door to my office slamming
shut.

I sit in silence for awhile, wondering why Gray had ever even put up with me. How
could she possibly miss me so much that she can't even get out of bed? Is it wrong
of me to focus my attention elsewhere- and then make her suffer when I visit her in
the early hours of the morning?

All her suffering is being caused by me. I cannot help myself but to be selfish and
gaze upon her beautiful face while she's asleep. It kills me to see her cry, and it
kills me even more having to leave her. Right now, she's better off without me;
although she's suffering time will heal her.

I wish I could feel more, but everything is numb. My emotions had been killed long
ago and were replaced by a complete monster. Gray was my only sanity, and now that
I do not have her to keep me calm; my anger is like an open flame.

My mind wanders as I think about my mate. Her body trapped in my mind. Every single
curve. I cannot take the thought of her soft ample breasts that fit so perfectly in
my hand. Nor can the sound of her saying my name when my face is buried between her
thighs and her fingers are so tangled in my hair as she begs me for even more.

I grip the desk roughly, hearing it splinter at my fingertips. What I wouldn't do

to have that girl on this desk right now, begging me to fuck her like she had used
to. To hear her whimper when I first begin because to this day she still isn't used
to it. No matter how often we would go about it.

I grumble under my breath and break through my thoughts. "Fuck." The lump in my
pants pulses at the thought of her. I can't help but think of how sick of an
individual I am for wanting to take Gray to my bed after everything I have done to
her. What she needs right now is a friend, but that isn't what me nor my wolf want
to give her. I want to be good and do what's best for Gray, but I'm too selfish for
even that.

Ben, send Gray home. I grumble over the link. I need to be close to her. She is my
only sanctuary. Even if I'm not hers. She is to come in. Alone.

This is wrong, my wolf grumbles to me. I huff in response. He wants to bury himself
inside of her just as much as I do. I love that woman, but I can't do anything with
all of this pent up inside of me. Is it wrong for me to use her the way Luna's were
meant to be used by their alpha? I would rather be with my little wolf before
anyone else.

I shut my eyes and rub the bridge of my nose. After awhile of being alone, I hear
the front door open and shut quietly from downstairs.

I can hear her heart beating from here. She's nervous. I am too. However, the smell
of her is completely intoxicating. That alone is the reason I've been driven mad. I
knew she was in heat when I saw her last night. I had to fight every single urge to
not take her then, and forget about everything.

"Come, little wolf." I mutter, hoping her hearing was well enough adapted. She
hasn't fully shifted yet- but I know her wolf is whole. My little wolf still has to
go under training which Benjamin was responsible for. He has made up a million and
two excuses for not beginning what I had told him to months ago. Then again- I told
him to never force anything on her. She goes at her own pace.

The stairs creak as she tip toes up the stairs. Her breathing softens as she gets
to the top of the stairs. I make my way to the door frame just as she comes to the
very last step. Our eyes meet and a gentle smile grows on my lips.

Gray's hair is thrown up in a messy bun. Little baby hairs are sticking out here
and there- and she's still dressed in the same baggy t-shirt and black yoga pants
that she was wearing last night. She needs a shower, and a nice meal like I had
used to prepare for my Luna. Her eyes that were once dull- suddenly fill with a
light as she looks at me.

The smell of her is intoxicating. I try my best to not make it noticeable, but I
soak in the sweet scent. In the blink of an eye, she has her arms wrapped around my
waist and her head buried in my chest. The sounds of her cries muffled into my skin
make my heart yearn to do anything I possibly can to make things right. I pause,
taken back by her sudden affection before I wrap my arms around her and kiss the
top of her head. We do not speak a single word. I just enjoy the feel of her in my
arms, the sense of security this woman brings me. Feeling her hold me like this,
makes me realize exactly what I have been missing for months. I can't believe I
ever let this woman go.

"Come," I mutter in her ear, letting her body go. She reluctantly lets me go and
follows behind me as I head towards the bedroom. I glance at the messy floor,
knowing what she is going to start thinking- before I head to the bathroom and turn
the shower on. She always takes the hottest showers possible, while I prefer mine
on the coldest setting. As a Lycan, my body is always tense and the only thing that
cures my sore muscles is a cool shower.

I glance to Gray, who has a terrified look on her face as she glances to the
shower. "I'll leave you be. The water is just the way you like it." I don't dare
look her in the eye, because at this moment it's like the first time we met. She's
absolutely terrified of what I'm capable of. I cannot blame her. I'm terrified of
what I'm capable of.

Her eyes wander from the water and back to me. As I start to brush past her- she
catches my bicep with a shaky grip. "Stay." She whispers. "Please." Gray's pleading
eyes flicker back to the water. A sigh passes through my lips. I'm thankful for her
wanting me to stay. Even if it is to just hold her under scorching hot water.

I give her a gentle half smile, and rub my thumb over her cheekbone. "Of course I
will, little wolf." My voice comes out almost too quiet. As if I myself and trying
to hide my feelings. I haven't been this emotional for a few months now. I watch as
her eyes light up for a split second. Gently, I press a kiss to her forehead and
feel the sparks shoot through my body. When the time comes, I'll have to mark her
again. My scent has faded on her, and the only remaining part of my mark are two
freckle like spots on her neck.

I carefully grab the bottom of her shirt and tug it over her head. Gray puts up no
sort of fight what so ever. Once the shirt is off of her, I toss it somewhere
behind me on the floor. I stand there in shock, looking at my mate. She is tinier
than she was when I brought her here. Her stomach so flat her hips poke out-
stretch marks have appeared from where she has lost so much weight. Her breasts are
smaller in size, and I can probably count every single one of her ribs. I hadn't
realized how bad it had gotten. How could my second in command let my mate go like
this? How could he not take care of her when that's all I asked of him.
Why did I expect him to take care of my mate when he can hardly even take care of
his own. She doesn't make a move to hide herself, instead she tugs her pants from
her body and steps inside the shower without another second of eye contact.

What have I done? My wolf whines. I shake my head. I never thought this is how she
would cope with this. My eyes stick on her as she turns away from me and lets the
water run over her. I gulp.

My wolf is yearning to slam her against the wall, and show her just how much he had
missed her. However, she is frail and now is not the time. She turns around and
furrows her eyebrows.

"Are you going to come in here and help me take care of this heat, or are you just
going to stand there and have a pity party about what's happened while we've been
apart?" Her voice is filled with anger, sadness, and most of all need. Maybe she
was aching to have me the moment she walked in like I did. She's so damn hard to
read.

I let out a breath. "I didn't-" I stop talking and slip out of my sweatpants,
joining Gray in the shower. The warm water nearly burns my back, but it doesn't
take long before I get used to it.

I gently cup her cheek and press my lips against her forehead. "I've missed you,
Gray." I go to kiss her forehead again, but she tilts her head and catches my lips.
A fire ignites inside of me, and my other hand grabs at the back of her thigh,
bringing it up to my hip. She looses her balance and stumbles back against the
glass.

I groan into her mouth, aching to have all of her. She reaches down between us and
grabs me at my base. I suck in a sharp breath, unable to keep myself steady with
his tiny hand wrapped around my sex. Gray smiles and trails her lips to my neck.
"How much did you miss me?" Her voice softly whispers.

"A lot." I manage to huff out. My eyes nearly roll the the back of my head.

"Prove it."

15

Gray:

I wake up feeling the worst I had felt in months. It isn't a sickness in my stomach
making me need to throw up. It's the time of feeling where you know what you had
done was wrong and you just want to punish yourself in any way possible. My body
still tingles as I roll over, feeling the warmth of the body next to my own.

The heavy breathing next to my ear warms my neck, and the grip Cal has around my
waist is like that of a cobra's. I try my best to keep my heavy eyes open, but
exhaustion is beating me right now. I shut my eyes and tell myself just five more
minutes.
I lay there in my thoughts, wondering why I had just let him in so easily. Maybe he
would have changed his mind and taken me back? No. Calvin doesn't get influenced by
that. He wouldn't. Maybe it's the fact that I desperately wanted him. In ways that
I shouldn't have, and I cannot blame it on my heat either. I wanted it. Even before
I had gone into heat. Does that make me an awful person?

I shouldn't have given in as easy as I did when Calvin had just given up hope on
this relationship. Angry at Calvin and I both, I lay there and contemplate what had
actually happened.

Carefully, I lift Calvin's arm from around me and stumble out of bed. A loud crack
of thunder sounded outside. I had been so caught up in my own thoughts that I
hadn't even realized that it was raining. The droplets fall hard enough to make
little tapping noises on the window. Thoughts roll into my head. What else had I
missed out on? I nearly forgot that it's spring time again. When was the last time
my skin really got touched by the sun's rays?

I grab a shirt and some boxers from the closet and throw it on. It swallows me. I
rub my fingertips over my stomach and frown in disgust. It grumbles, but all that I
can think about is how I let this man tear me down so much. So much that I want to
come crawling back, and beg him to forgive so he will never do it again.

King.

I mock the name for a split second. The man lying in the bed on the other side of
the room, is just a man. He has thoughts, ideas, and he has weaknesses. Calvin was
built on pain and suffering, and as much as he tries to avoid it. He does it. The
man before me watched me suffer, all because I couldn't carry a baby. He didn't
harm me, but ripping me away from the only thing I love was just as painful.

His hair is a mess of curls on the top of his head, his stubble is growing back. It
defines his jaw. Calvin's lips are pouted. The black blanket is barely covering his
manhood.

Letting out a deep breath, I throw my hair up into a bun and walk out of the room.
The house looks the same. Right down to the blanket I was using before I left-
still sitting in the same spot I left it in. The kitchen is clean, but the trash
has a few different kinds of take-out from what I can see from my view.

Cal always disliked going out to eat. He always told me that it wasn't healthy and
in order to become more in touch with my wolf I shouldn't eat so many
preservatives. Yet, every time I would ask he wouldn't hesitate to take me
somewhere. He's a weirdo.

I want to forgive Calvin, but deep down I'm still hurting and I refused to forgive
him until I'm healed. I look at the back door, and then back down the hall where
Cal is asleep. I'm not ready to handle whatever it is Calvin wants.

I open the door, and leave.

Once I get out to the sidewalk, suddenly my feet become heavy. Every step away from
him, gets harder and harder. What am I so afraid of? No. What has he done to prove
that he needs me. Calvin has done nothing but avoid me since he dropped me off. No
contact. Not even a damn phone call. Then he decides to show up one day while I'm
asleep and fuck me? I am not that wife.

With the new-found reminder of why I'm mad at Calvin in the first place, I keep
moving forward. Calvin may know my body- but he damn sure doesn't know anything
about my mind. Clearly. It's pretty pathetic considering the man can hear almost
every thought that I have. I don't know why Calvin thought having sex with me was
the right choice. He was able to control himself before, why couldn't he last
night?

I just walk. My pace slowly turns into a jog. Then I run, feeling the wind against
my face. The feeling is freeing, almost as if I were flying in this very moment. My
body relaxes. I stop from jogging and inhale the fresh air.

"What are you doing out here by the barrier?" A voice shouts at me. I snap my head
in the direction of the sound and frown when I see Ben, patrolling.

I raise my eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be happy that I'm outside?" Benjamin looks me up
and down and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Yes. I am. However, considering that you're dressed like that this close to the
barrier may cause unwanted attention to outsiders- not to mention the smell you're
giving off right now." He coughs to clear his throat and looks to the ground for a
moment before looking up. "Sorry Gray."

My frown gets heavier. "All I was doing was going for a jog. I finally feel okay
for a split second and you ruin it." This causes Ben to frown.

"Look Gray, I trust you out there alone- but until you're out of heat I can't let
you get past." He pauses. "Why are you out at five in the morning, while it's
storming outside anyways?"

I had forgotten about that again. Maybe I can't handle myself outside of the pack,
since I can't even remember that it's raining out. I look up at the sky and a
raindrop lands on my nose. "What's he that rusty?" Ben laughs.

"You shouldn't have let him take me." I grumble.

"What happened?" Ben looks shocked. "Didn't you want to go back home?" He furrows
his eyebrows.

"I did, but I don't know Ben. I couldn't control myself last night and he didn't. I
just wish he would have waited and proved to me it wasn't just that."

"If I'm seeing this clearly- you're the one that made it a one night stand. You
left. I doubt Cal knows you're out here." He smirks, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes he does." I lie.

"Want me to call hi-" he starts off but I cut him off.

"He'll find me eventually. I mean- I'm sure he's following the scent all the other
guys are." I frown.

Benjamin doesn't look so amused anymore. "You're welcome to go back to my home. I

can walk you there if you want." He looks somewhat upset by something. I pout, and
Ben pulls me into a hug.

"I'm okay." I assure him.

"Let's go eat? It's my lunch time anyways."

16

Benjamin and I ended up at Ihop. It's dead inside, but the waitress seems pretty
friendly. She talked to us about how her kid accidentally stuck a nerd up his nose
once before. I found it pretty funny. After we take our order and my stomach growls
loud enough for everyone to hear, we sit in a peaceful silence for awhile. The
quiet clanking of a fork against a plate is heard by the older couple in the back
corner.

"So have you talk to Calvin at all?" Benjamin breaks the silence. I sit the drink I
was sipping on down and focus my attention on him. I figured this was coming. Ben
has his own little ways of squeezing things in.

"All dirty talk. Why didn't you get me a damn chasity belt?" I play frown, trying
to crack a joke. Ben perks up a little bit and scratches the back of his head.

"Anyways, you haven't talked to him?"

"No," I say. "We banged, fell asleep and I left before he woke up. What part are
you not understanding?" I sip my drink while Ben rolls his eyes.

"I mean, you have been waiting so long and had so much to say. Why did you leave?"
He points out.

"I-" I begin to stutter. Do I even know the real reason why I left? I mean I
practically begged Cal to sleep with me and then I'm mad at him for actually doing
it. It doesn't make sense. I'm mad at him for abandoning me, and I'm mad he kept me
away from everything he did.

"Listen Gray." Ben lets out a sigh. "I'm worried for the both of you. You hardly
ever eat, or get out of bed. You're not the Gray I knew before.-" he presses his
forehead into his hand and blows out a breath. "Cal- All he does is work, and he's
mad all the time. If we're being honest, I've come home a couple times from him and
I fighting." I frown at the idea. Calvin has been more angry, and has had less
patience with Ben.

"That isn't my fault." I furrow my eyebrows. "You didn't deserve that, Ben. I'm
sorry." Ben looks back up at me, the frown still on his face.

"It's his own," he states. "Calvin pushed you away, knowing it would break his
wolf. I don't know how he hasn't blown up yet." I purse my lips.

"What do you mean blown up?" I lean forward, completely interested on what he has
to tell me.

"If he blows up, Gray, his wolf will take complete control and he won't be able to
stop. Calvin has held back so many of his wolf's cravings. He will kill whoever
gets between you and him, and if he gets control over his wolf again then some of
the changes would be irreversible." My heartbeat quickens.

"But it can't just snap back to normal." I say nearly panicked. Ben sighs and
supportingly touches his hand onto mine for a brief second.

"I know, Gray." He gives me a half smile. "But it'll work out." I let out a heavy
breath.
"How do you know that will happen? Calvin is older than anyone, and the only one
like him?" I furrow my eyebrows once again. My head is spinning with questions.

Ben looks confused. He thinks for a moment before answering. "It has happened once
before." He lets out a heavy breath. "I figured he would have mentioned it by now.
Calvin only has so much control over his wolf. That thing has so much power it's
crazy-" he starts to babble and then shoots back to what he was saying. "The last
time Calvin lost someone so important to him was devastating. He lost control..."
Ben swallows harshly. "That wolf is a monster when it doesn't have Calvin to
contain it. What I'm getting at is, if Cal loses his fight because he can't get you
back- it might be a repeat of what happened last time."

I swallow hard. I've seen Cal angry, I can't even imagine him before worse than
that. Even when he pretends to be angry with me it's scary. A chill runs down my
spine.

"What...happened..?" I gulp. "Last time.?"

Ben bites his lip and looks around. He shows me the scar running from his wrist all
the way down to his elbow. I look back up and Ben, wondering what he was going to
tell me.

"When I was eleven, it happened. My dad was his beta. He went crazy one day- and I
was going to go show him something that I had made for him. I didn't know he was
mad, and he went to attack me but my dad jumped in to keep him from hurting me
anymore. I think his nail got me, but it was down to the bone." Ben sighs. "Then he
ran off for months. No kind of contact. My dad had to play his role for a long time
until he finally came back a few years ago...with you."

I scratch my head. So much is coming into my head. Calvin could have killed Ben,
years ago. My heart is racing. "Wh-what made him go crazy?" I question wearily. I'm
terrified to know, if it had gotten that bad it had to have been something
horrible. My mind races from scenario to scenario.

"He never told you..?" Ben looks confused. I shake my head, confused on what he's
trying to tell me.

"His so-" the waitress comes up and abruptly stops Ben from saying anything else.
"Hi guys! Sorry your food is a little late, we had some people not show up this
morning. Does everything look alright?" She asks after putting the food onto the
table. I look at the delicious food in front of me and say a thank you before she
walks off.

"What were you saying?" I ask Ben. He takes a bite of eggs and looks at my plate.

"Eat your food and I'll tell you." He gives me a smirk, pointing to my food with
his fork. "All of it." I frown.

We eat our food in complete silence.

Half way through our meal, Ben's phone rings. He takes it out of his pocket and
answers it immediately. Ben doesn't even get to say hello before the other line is
blaring so loud I can hear the anger in their voice.

"She's right in front of me. She's fine." He mumbles, I can see him cowering down
in his seat. He must be on the phone with Cal. Just the rumbles of his voice on the
phone is making my wolf yearn for him. Ben puts his fork down and lets out a
breath.

"She's eating, you wouldn't want her to go hungry- would you?" Ben snaps into the
phone. "I didn't think so. So let the poor girl eat, and I'll bring her back."

I frown when Ben makes eye contact with me and mouths a sorry.

"I'll bring her to you, sir. We're at ihop right now." He looks down, as if he's
bowing to me.

"Not yet." "Fine." Ben hangs up the phone and gives me a look.

"Cal is on his way to come get you. He won't let me bring you home." I purse my
lips as he speaks. Ben tried, but if I were him I wouldn't argue too much either.
As much as Ben stands up to Cal, I would have never of guessed that Cal nearly
killed him.

"Please eat, Gray. I don't want you to not go hungry." He frowns. "I'm really
sorry."

17

The car ride home with Calvin was silent. Other than when he tried to start a
conversation with me by asking me what the hell I thought I was doing out running
while I'm in heat. It really wasn't the kind of thing you say to someone who you
just left with your friends. Cal's grip on the steering wheel looks like it's going
to break it, and he's going unreasonably fast. I must have pissed him off.

When we pulling into the driveway, Cal puts the car in park and turns to look at
me. His jaw is clenched, an his hair is a mess. "Please never run off like that
again, Gray. I was worried sick about you." He goes to reach for my arm and I jerk
away.

"You were worried about me?" I furrow my eyebrows. "You didn't call or anything
while I was staying with Ben and Ally. You didn't care how I was doing. So don't
you dare say that you were worried sick about me after you got what you wanted from
me." I growl loudly. "You, the first time you see me all you want to do is sleep
with me? Why wouldn't I run off? You made me feel like that's all you wanted from
me, and it's been proven." I cross my arms over my chest.

"You didn't care last night." He says with a straight face. It wasn't the usual
cocky attitude that he usually gives me. He furrows his eyebrows. "You wanted it
too." He clenches his jaw. "I clearly remember you pushing my head in between your
pretty little legs to take care of you." He grunts out. As much as I hate to say
it, as mad as I am at him, it made me feel wet down below. I swallow.

"I'm in heat, Cal. You're lucky I didn't fuck your best friend because I was so
desperate." I huff out. A loud growl shakes the car and I shoot my attention right
back to the Alpha.

"Don't." He growls again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I will go crazy." He
whispers, breathing heavily.

"You only wanted me back now because you would go crazy without me." I snarl, I
feel my claws begin to extend.

"I wanted to get away from you because I couldn't give you what we wanted. I was
tired of hurting you and I wanted to leave to try and let you be happy with someone
else." He huffs out. "But our bond is broken and my wolf is outraged by it." Cal
grumbles. "Please, let me calm down."

"So you are going crazy! Ben was right!" I exclaim angrily. Ben never got to finish
why he had gone crazy the last time. Calvin whispers something under his breath
about Ben and looks back at me.

"I did. I'm trying to prevent it from happening again." He says angrily, but
calmly. I stare at him, I look the man in front of me up and down before continuing
to argue.

"What happened last time?" I remark narrowing my eyes at him.

Calvin looks at me and clenches his jaw. "I went crazy."

"Why?" I push the subject. I need to know what happened that made him do it before.
Someone had to have been in his life before me.

Calvin clenches his jaw. "It doesn't involve you." He hisses.

"As your wife, it does involve me. When it's this big of a risk, I need to know
what caused it the first time." I harshly say. "Tell me, or I'll let you go."

Calvin stares me down like he wants to kill me. He looks down at his hands and then
back up at me. The air is thick, and there isn't any kind of noise. I stare back at
Calvin, trying to match his deadly gaze.

Why doesn't he want to tell me? The fact that my question is making him look at me
like that sends chills down my spine. Calvin has been around so long I didn't think
anything would bother him by now. I mean, this was recent considering it was ten
years ago.

Calvin flares his nostrils, giving up on the staring contest. He lets out a sad
sigh and looks back down at his hands. "I lost my son, Gray." I instantly feel a
wave of regret. Calvin's feelings intertwine with mine and it makes me feel like
I'm sinking.

I don't know what to say or do, or even think. Cal had a son that he never told me
about through the entire time we've been together. I feel betrayed that he never
told me what he had just said. I gulp. I can feel Calvin's pain from losing that
child. It's coursing through my veins.

"I was going to tell you, but it's a hard thing to bring up Gray. I haven't talked
about it with anyone." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. "His name
was Mavi. Maverick. He was four." He grips the ends of his hair and pulls on it as
if he's trying to punish himself for what happened.

I'm in shock. I sit still, looking at Cal with tears in my eyes. I wouldn't have
pushed him so hard about wanting a baby if I would have known. I would have
understood more about him, and maybe I would have even gotten to hear stories about
maverick. I never would have guessed this man would have had a child with anyone.
He doesn't seem like the kind of person who would of wanted one back then.
"His mom wasn't a shifter. Maverick was such a strong little boy, but when he got
older his body couldn't handle the powers my wolf passed down to him and he-" Cal
sighs loudly. "I don't want to talk anymore." He grumbles. Calvin quickly gets out
of the car and slams the door behind him, leaving the car rocking when he walks
away.

Tears begin to pour from my eyes from the heartache. I've been betrayed, and
heartbroken at the same time. If I would have even been close to thinking he would
tell me something like this I would have backed off from him. I feel a tightness in
my stomach, and I quickly jump out to puke. The thought of what had to of happened
to that little boy made me sick. I wipe the tears from my eyes and then my mouth.
Even I don't have anything to say.

I compose myself the best I possibly can and step out of the car. Guilt consumes
me. Why must I be so nosey? I know it has to hurt him, no matter if it happened
years ago or yesterday. I know the hurt is still there, and I can only imagine that
it's worse than losing your parents.

"Gray, please come inside." I look up and Cal is standing by the garage. I guess he
turned back to make sure I came inside safely. He inhales deeply and raises an
eyebrow. Letting me know that I'm still in heat. I can't help but notice how dull
his eyes look. He hadn't been crying, but it's like all the life had just drained
from them.

"I'm coming." I shut the car door, and not even a second passes before Calvin
clicks the lock button on the remote. I drop my head and go to walk past him.

"Hey," he says as gently as possible. "Please don't think I'm a monster." He

swallows harshly and my mouth gapes as I look up at him. "If I could have told you
sooner I would have. I'm sorry." His voice cracks. As a tear rolls down his cheek,
I place my hand on his back and we walk inside.

As quickly as the tear came, Calvin managed to compose himself. "Truth is," he
starts. Calvin pauses and looks at me. "I know that I might lose you for good if I
tell you this. All I want is for you to be happy. I'll be fine. I have managed by
myself for years. I do love you, Gray. Please don't forget that." He rubs my cheek
and lets out a heavy breath.

I knot my eyebrows in confusion. What is there to tell me that he still hasn't

mentioned?

"I ended things between us because you wanted a baby. I want one so badly, I would
love to have some with you. Yet, I am absolutely terrified because of what had
happened to Maverick. He was so small and innocent, and I let him suffer because of
the monster that I am. Because I was his father, he didn't get to make it. You
wanted one so badly, and I wanted to try and give you that. I just wasn't ready so
I-" he drops my hand and glances out a window for a moment.

"You what, Cal?" I feel a ball growing in my throat yet again. My heart pounds.

"I can't lie to you anymore. I let you go hoping that you would find someone else
who could give you that baby. I don't want you to carry my spawn. I don't want them
to be too much like me and not be able to handle it. So I... I prevented it." He
slowly says.

He prevented it? "What do you mean by that?" I get a decent idea. I just want
further clarification from him.
"I did everything I could possibly do to keep you from getting pregnant." He runs
his fingers through his hair, and looks like he had just made a horrible mistake.

He made sure to not get me pregnant, and yet consoled my every single time I took a
test. He had gone behind my back, and lied to my face over and over again. My
bottom lip begins to quiver and I try my best to fight it off.

"So, you just used it as an excuse to have sex with me?" I whimper. Cal had
promised to keep trying for a baby until we had one. If he was preventing it, was
he only using my vulnerability against me?

"I-" he shuts up. His eyes dart around the room. "I enjoyed it, yes. I had no
intention of hurting you- I was just going to wait until I was absolutely ready. I
hated watching you cry because of what I had done. I couldn't stand seeing you hurt
because of me anymore so, sending you away to find someone who can take care of
what you want now was my best option. I guess that was shitty of me too." He drops
his head and a single tear drops onto his t-shirt. "I'm sorry to be such a bearer
of bad news today. I'm truly sorry for hurting you in the ways I did."

"Why didn't you just tell me..I would have understood." I manage to choke out. My
heart has been hurt too many times to count by now. The ache in my chest feels as
though my heart with explode soon. I really would have understood. Yet, he had told
me he was ready. All I was to him was some kind of sex doll that cried all the
time. I feel like a joke.

"I was scared to. I'm terrified to even tell you right now because I know I won't
have you anymore." He whispers. I inhale deeply, and when I exhale... my limbs
crack. I open my eyes and I'm pinning Calvin on the ground, snarling in his face.

'How dare you!' I hiss, my wolf's drool puddles beside his head. Calvin's eyes
flash with fear. 'You are not a man. That beast is just like you.' My nails dig
into his chest and Cal lets out a ear bleeding growl.

'This beast has taken care of you better than anyone else has.' His wolf grumbles
back. 'Who could have resisted such a body like yours.' It challenges. I can hear
Cal and his wolf fighting for control inside of his head. It sounds painful.

'That's not true.' Calvin finally gains control. 'He is a beast. I am a monster.'
Cal closes his eyes and puts his neck on display. My wolf lunges at the opportunity
to attack, but I stop myself when I notice the two faded dots on his neck.

The light scars from where I had sunk my teeth into him bring a light back into my
mind. We used to have so much fun together, we loved each other. If someone were to
have watched our life like a movie, they could see how toxic we had become for each
other. Cal has become so weak. The alpha, has just surrendered to me.

He catches me while I'm off guard and pins me below him somehow. I should have paid
more attention and strikes when I could. He snarls above me and I wince as his
nails dig into me.

'Listen petite loupe, you may be my equal but you will not overpower me. You submit
to me. You are mine. Don't forget who put that mark on your pretty little neck.
Nobody will forget who's you are.'He hisses in my ear.

18
'Do you really think that I will be loyal to an animal?' I growl, managing to
scratch his face with my claws. He stumbles and loses his balance.

'You are weak and you need me. Don't forget that.' I hiss. Things have escalated
quickly. His wolf is being extremely dominant right now. I continue to test his
patience.

Cal growls and it echos through the house. 'The only thing I need from you is
between your pretty little legs. If not that, you have no other use for me.' I
tense.

I lunge at Calvin, sending us both flying into a table. The sound of glass crashing
fills my ears. I snap my teeth at his face, missing my only a few millimeters.
Instantly, it turns really violent, very quickly.

I cannot believe that man that I had decided to marry. I really thought that he was
better than what he actually is. My mind is racing and my body is aching, but he
has hurt me for the last time. I will either come out of this by myself, or dead.

Calvin has dug a hole for himself that I don't think he can be pulled out of. He
creates destruction with everything and everyone in his path.

I feel glass tear into my body as we roll around the floor drawing blood from one
another. Calvin eventually has me pinned beneath him, waiting for me to continue
challenging him.

'You are strong, my love. Where did all of this come from?' He mocks. I had never
been able to shift on command so easily like I had just done. I've never been so
angry that I have shifted. Calvin really does bring out the worst in me.

I snap up at him, and my teeth scrape the side of his face. The taste of blood
fills my mouth and instantly, Cal attacks yet again. My blood boils, and I fight
back. I kick his large body off of mine and stand my ground. My dusty gray coat is
sticky with blood, and the floor has new red stains all over it.

Cal circles around me repeatedly. Waiting for me to make another move. I am his
mate. I am his equal. Just because he is older than me, doesn't make him any
stronger. If I really wanted to, I could be a deadly match for him; and I could be
torn to bits. Either or.

I keep my eyes locked on his. Calvin is locked away, and his wolf has gone into
complete fight or flight mode. 'Enough.' I huff out. Cal is bleeding is several
places, and his eye looks as if it's about to become swollen shut. Any more
fighting and we'll both have to explain ourselves to Benjamin, or we'll both kill
each other. I'm not too sure. It's already gotten too far out of hand.

Cal lunges at me as soon as I say something. Instantly, I shift back into my human
form. Cal is nearly snapping down on my neck but stops when he sees my face.
Something snaps him out of his angry state, and he transforms back into a man and
he's leaning over and grabbing my cheeks.

"Are you okay?" His voice sounds concerned and he shakes his head to clear his
thoughts. A look of worry crosses over his facial expressions. My heart pounds as
he pulls his hand away with blood on his fingertips.
I glare at him. He must have been blacked out during that entire thing. "I'm fine."
I growl. He has blood on his cheeks, and two wounds that drag down his eye. His
body has several cuts on it and the floor is covered in a mixture of glass and
blood.

I push Calvin off of me. "You ruined our wedding pictures." I point to the broken
frames on the floor and stand up. I walk off to take a shower without another word.

Once I get out of my very painful shower, I step out a dress myself in a tank top
and some old sweatpants. I eye my body in the mirror, some of my wounds have
swollen- others have begun to bruise. Challenging Cal was not my best idea, but I
wouldn't take it back. I hope that he got what he wanted out of it. It sure did
help with my anger towards him.

I head back to the room where I had left a Calvin. The mess was completely cleaned
up. There is no sign of my mate in here, so I quietly step outside to see if he was
maybe in the garage cooling off.

Luckily, my first guess was correct. Calvin is leaning against the garage, blood
covering his upper half and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He looks like he
has just come back from a fight with another male. His hair is in knots, and his
eye is swollen nearly completely shut from the damage I had caused.

"You really are going to be the reason I'm dead." He lets out a laugh trying to
break the silence. "But I still love you." Calvin takes a long drag from his
cigarette and blows it out away from me. The smell makes me want to vomit.

"Come inside and clean up. You're probably scaring the neighbors." I take the
cigarette from his mouth and put it out on the ground. "And stop smoking those
nasty things." I huff out. Calvin glares at me, but doesn't argue when I drag him
inside.

As much as I hate him right now, I don't want him to be hurting. I lead him
upstairs and into the bathroom inside of our bedroom.

Calvin looks at himself in the mirror and reaches up to touch the scratches on his
face. He hisses at the pain and looks over at me. "I'll be honest, I didn't think
you had it in you. Little wolf- you really do surprise me." He chuckles. I roll my
eyes angrily and turn the bathtub water on.

"I hate you." I mention to him. He lets out a sigh and nods his head.

"I know you do." He agrees. "But I will always still love you, baby." While the
water is running, I motion for him to sit. I grab some tweezers and go back to him.
Carefully- I being to pull out the chucks of glass that had made their way under
his skin.

Calvin flinches multiple time, and even growls a few. It sort of reminded me of the
scene from beauty and the beast. Except, neither one of us are the beauty. If you
really think about it, we both are the beasts. Neither one of us is truly a good
person. I mean if I was I probably wouldn't have been lied to so many times. I mean
Cal said he was scared, and I forced that on him.

He wraps his large hand around my thigh and rubs his thumb over a dark bruise. It
looks as though his mind is racing with millions of things- yet he didn't say any
of them.

I turn the water off and look at him. "Wash yourself off. You look like you just
killed someone." I grumble. Calvin looks between me and the bathtub as if he's
contemplating actually washing it off. I go to step out of the room and Cal stops
me with a 'wait-'

I stop and turn to him. "I'm sorry for what happened. He is angry. He is strong,
and I am becoming weak minded. I didn't mean anything I said. You are right, and
I'm sorry for just playing with you and getting myself off while you were really
heartbroken." He sighs. "I was just afraid that you may not want me if I didn't at
least pretend to try and give you want you want. I'm sorry for enjoying it." He
sighs. I growl in return.

"Please sit in here with me. He is driving me insane." Cal looks at me pleadingly.
His eyes wander back to the bathtub and he hisses in pain when he stands up. Cal
strips off his clothes and climbs into the water.

He sinks in slowly, I can tell he's in pain just by the way he clenches his jaw.
"So it was just about sex to you?" I ask, sitting next to the bathtub.

Cal grabs a bath sponge and begins to try and rub the blood from his body. "The sex
was nice, but that is not why I did what did, Gray." He flinches when he runs over
a wound. "I did what I did to try and make you as happy as I could for the time
being. I realized that I may never be ready, and I couldn't bring myself to tell
you that so I just pushed you away. I stayed away as long as I could but you being
heat made it so hard and with my wolf in more control than I am, I couldn't keep
myself away any longer." He sighs. "Maybe there were better ways of doing it, but I
panicked and didn't want to lose my wife." He looks at the water turning a light
pink and frowns.

"As much as I deserve to sit in this blood water, I think I'm going to take a
shower. Thank you for running the bath for me." He says softly. Cal pulls the drain
plug and stands out of the water. The water falls from his body like a bloody rain.
He turns the shower on and steps in without another word.

Today has been mind blowing. In a crazy sense. Not only have I found out Cal used
to have a son. He also used me as a sex object when I really wanted to try for a
baby, and we got into a full on wolf fight. Ninety percent of those end fatal.

"You know, I do know that you hate me. I will never live what I did to you down."
He says over the water. "If you would like to leave, you can. I won't chase after
you this time. I'm sorry." He mumbles.

I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Instead of saying anything,
I leave out the bathroom door. When I shut it behind me, I begin to hear his
suffocated sobs.

I wander into a spare room, and make myself comfortable on the bed. Like I do every
time I have a bad day, I try to sleep it off.

19

Getting into a relationship is hard. Your struggles become your partner's. Your
life revolves around them, and theirs does yours. Nobody said it was easy, but
nobody said it was this hard either.

Marriage seemed like a dream before all of this. Calvin loved me, and I loved him.
It was simple. However, Cal is scared. A man as old as him, who has been through so
much. Is scared. Of Us.

He never seemed like the type of man to even lie to one's face because he can hold
his own. He is a king. If he can be dishonest to his wife, who else is he being
dishonest with. What else do I not know? There is always some sort of secret he
doesn't mention to me.

For some reason, I jump when there's a knock on the door. Cal walks in before I can
even say anything. In his hand he has a bowl with some strawberry ice cream, and in
the other he has a movie. I look at him, wondering what he wants.

"I figured you would have left." He says softly. Anger flashes through me. Does he
just want me gone that easy? "I'm glad you didn't." He clarifies. "If you'll have
me, I brought you some ice cream and was hoping we could watch a movie together.
Like we used to do." He gives me a hopeful smile.

As much as I want to spend time with him, I also don't want to. He has made me go
basically crazy within the hours that I have been home. It doesn't even feel like a
home to me anymore.

"I let Ben know what happened, so he wouldn't freak out when he saw you. He's mad
at me and wants to come get you. Please let him know if you want to leave. I won't
be mad." He sighs, stepping further into the room and handing me the bowl of ice
cream.

He steps to the television and pops the movie into the DVD player. The previews
begin to play. Cal takes a seat at the edge of the bed and looks uneasy. His heart
rate is up. He looks at me, waiting for some kind of response.

"I want a home, Cal. I don't want to keep moving back and forth from your house to
his." I move the spoon around in the bowl. "I want to feel like I belong
somewhere." My bottom lip quivers. Calvin scoots close to my and tucks some hair
behind my ear.

"It's my fault you feel like you don't belong here anymore. I promise you, you do.
I shouldn't be here." He lets out a heavy breath. Tears begin to pour down my face.
Everything had been hidden by anger until now. I'm still angry. God I'm angry. I
just can't hold onto the rage the way I want to.

Calvin takes the bowl from my hands and sets it on the bedside table. He shouldn't
be the one consoling next after he has been the one who broke me so bad. Cal wraps
his arms around me and pulls me into a tight embrace.

"I want to hate you." I whimper, slamming my hand into his chest. Cal presses his
chin to the top of my head and rubs my back.

"I know." His voice cracks from him trying to keep himself together. I pull my head
back after awhile and look up at him. "I hate me too." He reassures next. "You are
too good to me, Gray. I do not deserve someone as beautiful as you." He sighs,
pressing a kiss to my forehead. "I just wish I understood how to be a good man for
you." His kiss lingers on my forehead as if this is the last time he'd ever see me
again.

My chest feels heavy. I have an undying need to be with a Calvin. My body, mind and
soul craves to be with him. He has made me so strong. He has tested me beyond
belief and I have come out a better person each time. Maybe giving him another
chance wouldn't be so bad, but I don't want to put myself through that again.

I swallow my pride and do the first thing that comes to mind. I bring my lips to
his. Instantly, a wave of relief washes over me. Yet- it feels off. Calvin doesn't
kiss me back. He just sits there. I pull back, just to see the confused look upon
his face. He looks uneasy. Terrified even.

He looks at my eyes, and then back down to my lips. I don't know what I'm thinking.
I try again, and this time grab the back of his head and pull him to me. Calvin
lets out a unsteady breath and kisses me back. The kiss I had only planned to be a
gentle one, turns into one of those eat-their-face-off makeouts. He wraps his hand
around the smallest part of my waist and pulls me on to his lap. A low groan fills
my ears from our close contact.

A wave of need rushes over me that is out of my control. I grind my lower half
against his and Calvin instantly breaks the kiss. "Please don't make me lose
control, Gray. I don't want to do that." He sighs, leaning back and propping
himself up with his arms to get a better view of me. I get disappointed.

All I want to do is distract the moment with him. The good him, the one who knows
me. Who can make me feel good, and take me away from this god forsaken world for
awhile. I frown. As bad of an idea as it is, I want to hop on the chance.

"But I want you to." I whimper, running my finger over the sore on his cheek. "Make
me feel better." I pout my bottom lip out. I want to use him to feel good. Like he
did to me. I guess we both have done it to each other.

I want our bodies to entangle. I feel complete with him. I don't think I will be
able to get that kind of feeling with anyone else, and I don't want to try it out.

His hand rubs my thigh, and he looks from it to my face. "Little wolf, it would be
wrong of me. We both need time." He says softly.

"I need you." I murmur. His eyes flicker to me once again.

"Baby- no.." he argues. "Sex isn't going to fix this."

I pout and lean closer to his face. "Do you not want me?" I try to tease. "Tell me
you don't want me." I demand.

Cal looks me up and down. His hand trembles as he reaches for the small of my back.
"There's no denying that I want you." He murmurs. He leans forward almost touching
my lips. "Right now, I want nothing more than to hold you. I haven't in too long."
Calvin wraps his arms around me and holds me in a suffocating hug.

I bury my head into his chest and let out a heavy sigh. I want to be mad at him for
everything. I want to scream and break things. How am I holding myself together? He
is hurting too. It's like this sixth sense or something. I can feel his pain. Deep
down, I'm mad at myself more than anything. I drove Calvin down a path that he
didn't even want to do. He was scared, and I was desperate. It wasn't good enough
for me- and I'm angry that I was still so upset.

His heartbeat slows as he inhales my scent. Our bodies seem to melt together. My
wolf aches to be with her mate. I shut my eyes.

"You keep me sane, little wolf. Thank you for not killing me." He says softly. I
glance up at him and roll my eyes. "You could have, you were really holding back."
He scratches my head and sighs.

"You are a very fair opponent."

_____

20

"Did you love her?" I break the silence. Calvin runs his fingers over my face and
tucks a chunk of hair behind my ear. It isn't angry. It isn't forced. Everything is
calm.

"Who?" He wonders, scrunching his eyebrows. His eyes search mine for some kind of
answer, and he eventually realizes who I am talking about. He lets out a breath and
responds.

"I did." He says softly. "We fall in love with many people in our lives. You are
the last love I will meet, for now." He smiles. I knot my eyebrows at him.

"So eventually you'll move on?" I wonder. "Why didn't that work out?" Calvin shrugs
his shoulders.

"I will never find anyone that compares to you. The only person I can ever love
besides you, has to be like you." He kisses my forehead. He doesn't say another
word.

"Can you at least tell me about her?" I wonder out loud. What was she like? What
made Calvin want her?

"What is there to tell you?" He wonders back to me, confused. When I do not answer
him, he speaks up. "I figured you already knew."

"Calvin, if I knew the answer, why would I have even asked?" I watch him wet his
lips. I sit up and focus completely on him. Why is he acting like this?

"You have a million and one questions, but you already know them. You just have to
get in touch with yourself first." He smiles and pokes his index finger to my head.

Out of reaction, I rub my forehead where he had poked me and frown. What does that
even mean? I look in Calvin's eyes hoping that he could hint towards a more clear
answer.

"I'll just show you some pictures of her." He kisses my forehead and leaves the
room without another word. I wonder why he still has those pictures. He has given
me absolutely nothing to even wonder about this women. Nothing. It sort of bothers
me he still keeps her pictures somewhere. How often does he look back on them?

Moments pass, and Calvin walks into the room with a plain black photo album. He
sits down at the edge of the bed and lays the album in front of me. "I've been
waiting for you to ask me about my last." He says gently.

My jaw clenches. I do not know why I'm getting so angry over the way he speaks
about her. I wasn't even born yet. I have no right to be angry.

He opens it to the first page. My blood boils. It's an old piece of paper with a
phone number scribbled on it. There's a name above it.

Zella Mae

I flip to the next page. It's another piece of scrapbook paper that looks like it
had come from the office.

Calvin, if you want to see me it would be in your best interest to take me out
instead of pretending to be sick just to say hello. You are making so many people
worried about your health. See you tonight at 10, don't forget to bring flowers.
Xoxo.

Zella. 10.1.88.

Looking up at Calvin, he is reading over the letter as if he is watching the memory

of when it actually happened in his head. "I used to go to the local clinic right
out of town all the time just because I was so drawn to her. She definitely knew
what she was looking for. She made me really nervous." He points out the next page
to me. My eyes scan over it quickly.

There are dried pressed flowers, a piece of yellow cloth, and a small polaroid
picture. Calvin has put a lot of work into this. I grab the book and pull it closer
to get a better view.

It's a picture of the two of them together. Calvin looks quite different with the
way he had dressed and done up his hair. He is smiling, holding a bouquet of
flowers with a pretty girl on his hip.

I focus my attention on the girl in the picture. "She's beautiful." I say under my
breath. Her hair stretches down to her sides in a curly manner. She is wearing a
simple yellow dress. Her eyes are a beautiful shade of brown. They're both smiling
really wide in the picture.

"She was. That's a picture of us on our first date. We went out and watch a movie,
but I can't quite remember what it was. You remind me a lot of her." He smiles and
leans forward to kiss me. He hesitates. "But you're angry." He adds.

I open my mouth to say something but quickly shut it. He's right. I am angry? And
for what? That my husband loved another girl before me? I shouldn't even be mad
about that. He had a whole life without me. I should be happy he had someone before
me instead of having to wait as long as he did.

"How do I remind you of her?" I wonder. "Why are you so stuck on her?" Does he love
her more than he can ever love me?

"Everything about you. Especially how stubborn you are." He doesn't see an issue
with it. Can he not feel the pain he's causing me?

I flip through page after page. When I finally open it to a picture of Maverick,
Calvin takes the album back from me. "I let you see her. I'm not ready to open that
book any further yet." He says abruptly, setting the album on the dresser.

I nod my head. I understand. His child is a very touchy subject and I will respect
his wishes. Calvin lays back in the bed and pulls me next to him.

"Why didn't you stay with her?" I wonder.

"I couldn't. She couldn't stay." He says softly, pushing hair from my face. He
leans in and gives me a gentle kiss on the cheek. "But she will be with me
forever." He assures me.

"What do you mean she couldn't just stay? You guys had a kid together." I mutter,
looking into Cal's eyes.

"Baby, I have forgiven her." He says softly, holding me a little tighter than he
had been before. "She was in pain. I knew she would be okay."

"I lost her that same day that I love Mavi. She just couldn't handle the pain." He
sounds pained. "I didn't want her to go, but she wanted to and I couldn't stop her
in time." I suddenly get what he means by she couldn't stay. A lump in my throat
forms.

"Calvin I'm so sorry-" I start to whimper, but he silences me.

"Why are you sorry? I finally have you back in my arms." He whispers, nuzzling his
head into my neck.

My heart stops. My body freezes. What is going on?

I shut my eyes.

A mirror is standing in front of me. I push the hair out of my eyes and look at my
reflection. A set of eyes that do not match the ones I have woken up with every day
of my life meet mine.

"Hello, Gray." The reflection speaks to me. The women from the picture Calvin had
shown me is standing in front of me. Her long black hair flows aimlessly at her
waist.

"I am Zella."

My mouth gapes open. "I am your wolf." I furrow my eyebrows. If she is my wolf, why
does she look like this? I have spoken to my wolf countless times. Never have I
seen her come to me in this kind of form. My mind is playing tricks on me again.

"Do not call yourself crazy. You are anything but that, dear. You have found out
who I am, and what I once was." She continues, placing a hand on top of mine. "So I
would like to introduce myself, sorry that I am late. I couldn't just tell you
everything in the beginning. I needed strength." She gives me a gentle smile. It's
like talking to your grandma is she were the same age as you.

"But Calvin said you weren't a shifter." I point out. I clearly remember him
telling me that.

"And he is correct. I wasn't. I was never a shifter." She clarifies. "When I first
met Calvin, I would have never guessed Werewolves even existed." Zella begins.

"Calvin was never born a werewolf. He never came from a generation to even have any
kind of werewolf blood in him. He was created." I remember this story from how
Calvin had put it.

"Since he was only created, he never had a soul mate created for him. He was the
first in hundreds of years to be the only werewolf to not have a soul mate out
there. Not even in a wrong generation. Calvin was alone." She motions to the side
of her, where it's an memory of the two of them dancing to some pop song.
"However, when he met me something clicked between us. He had finally told me about
him being a werewolf. I thought it was all crazy at first. Somehow he had convinced
me to let him mark me, and call me his soul mate because he truly believed I was
his one. The pain was in unbearable, but I loved Calvin and tolerated everything
that came with that mark. He meant everything to me. When he made that mark- he
created this. Us." She motions between her and I.

"He created this line. You and I are one, I was his wolf's first true love, so when
he made his claim on me, he made me his, indefinitely. I chose you, because you are
stronger than I was. He is scared, but he loves you."

Cal is pinned on top of me, rubbing my face when I open my eyes. He looks panicked,
and he lets out a heavy breath when I reach up to gently rub his cheek.

"What happened?" He says worried. He checks me over one last time before climbing
off of me. I knot my eyebrows and rub my head. I had some kind of..supernatural
meeting with myself.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I give him a gentle smile. "That I am her?" I
clarify.

Calvin grins from ear to ear. "I cannot tell you about yourself, Gray. I knew from
the moment I felt the pull it was hers. You are the first reincarnation of my mate.
I love you with all of my heart, and I can never let you go again." He assures me.
"I just do not know how I got so lucky to have a second chance with you, and I've
messed it up." He sighs.

I frown. He has done a lot of shitty things to me. "I'm just scared. I don't want
what happened before to happen again." He sighs.

"It won't happen again." I assure him.

I lean in and give him a kiss.

21

"Get on your knees." Calvin says roughly, grabbing my hair roughly and pulling me
from our heated kiss. My breath comes out in pants as I try to calm myself from the
kiss that was only supposed to be short and sweet. My body is on fire, and the
aching sensation on got worse when he demanded me to get on my knees for him.

I oblige silently. My knees touch the hardwood floor and I gently rub him though
his sweatpants. A low growl erupts from him. "I just can't-" he hisses abruptly
when my mouth wraps around his swollen manhood. "Control," he growls, gripping my
hair roughly and controlling the speed of my movements.

"Shut up." I mumble, going back to what I'm doing. I drag my tongue slowly over the
tip of him, and watch him melt in my grip. He forced my head back down on him and I
whimper when his manhood hits the back of my throat. Calvin instantly lets go of
me. I glance up at him and give him a smile.
His eyes roll back and he growls. "Come here." In one swift moment, I'm sitting on
top of Calvin's chest.

"je veux te manger, petit loup" his body is hot, and his fingers glide over my
lips. A shiver runs down my spine. Over the time I have been with Cal, I have
picked up some of the things he says in other languages.

"je veux voir tes yeux rouler en arrière" he whispers against my ear. My eyes shut
as his hand makes it way down my stomach.

"tu sens si divin, mon amour. laissez-moi vous faire crier." Cal inhales deeply,
his two fingers gently press into my sex. Instantly I melt into his touch. Calvin
leans forward and catches my lips with his.

He groans. I can't help but grind myself against his fingers. My soaking wet sex is
begging for something more. My heart pounds. Everything about what we are doing
seems perfect. Like nothing had ever even happened between us.

All too fast, it stops. My gaze meets his momentarily, his large hands grip the
backs of my thighs and in one quick movement- I'm on his face. Cal pushes my
underwear to the side and flicks his hot tongue over my sex.

I whimper loudly. Calvin has tried to get me on him like this several times. I have
just not been so on board with the idea. However, now that I'm here I am not
complaining. My body melts into his touch. The warmth of his wet tongue dragging
itself through my hot sex is enough to drive anyone crazy.

My hands latch into his hair, and my hips impulsively buck. I throw my head back
and whimper his name. He knows what he's doing, his grip on my thighs tighten.

All too soon. He has us switched again. This time, Calvin has gotten me face down
on the bed. He grabs my knees and positions me on the edge of the bed with my
backside in the air.

"I have been playing nice too long, little wolf. Let me know if I'm being too
rough." He says without any kind of smile. His eyes are dark. Before I even have a
moment to consider a response, he slips my panties out of the way and forces
himself into me without a warning.

I Yelp in surprise, Calvin grabs my hips and lets himself lose control.

__

Sorry for the short explicit chapter LOL. Enjoy.

22

She was beautiful. Her eyes sparkled like the night sky. Her hair fell down her
back as if it were made of silk. I'm sure her skin was soft, and I bet she had the
warmest laugh.
Stop it. She grumbles, inside my head. I can't help but compare myself to the
person he had before. She got him. Not me. She was the one who got to carry his
heir, not me. She was the one who got told she was the love of his life. Not. Me. I
am nothing more than a blueprint that had been lost for ages that had sloppily been
built back together. I am not me. I am just a replacement of her.

I've always felt this empty void in me, could that be it? Has it been because of
her this entire time? I cannot blame her for any of this, as much as I want to. I
stare at her picture with a thousand questions in my head. I don't look a thing
like her. There is something about her that seems familiar- but I know that's just
the wolf's spirit that had resided in the both of us.

I think about how much her heart must have hurt making the decision that she had
chosen. How hard did she think about it? I feel her grief thinking about her lost
pup. My wolf still grieves over the loss. Is that why it's been so hard to control
my wolf? Is this why I have such a hard time creating a bond with her so that I can
shift? I've shifted before, but it has been a slow and painful process. The only
time I can really bring her out is when her emotions get the best of her, and me.

"You are not her." I jump out of my seat and put the picture behind my back. I had
snuck into Calvin's 'red room' and was looking at the pictures lying on the
dresser. I promise I didn't go through anything at all. I didn't even touch the
doorknob on the inside of the room.

"What are you-" Calvin cuts me off before I can even try to lie about what I was
doing. He probably thinks I'm weird, but I just don't feel good enough. I feel like
I'm just a replacement piece in this puzzle. I fit, but do I really match
everything else around me?

"Your thoughts are loud, dear. Very loud. Would you like to talk about what's going
on in there?" He taps his index finger against the temple of his head. "There is
only so much you share through our link, and I would just like to talk about
anything you might need to get off your mind. I know things are strange right now,"
he lets out a heavy breath.

I ponder for a moment. Calvin looks lost, and very very afraid. What is he so
afraid of? Isn't he supposed to be the meanest werewolf alive? The ticking of the
clock makes me lose all sense of focus. You are not her. My wolf repeats in my
head. No, I am not her. Just a failed replacement.

"You should listen to her." Calvin says softly, stepping further into the room. He
walks over to the child's bed and smooths out a wrinkle in the comforter. "She is
wise beyond her years." He adds.

Are my thoughts that strong that they're just breaking through? I have a hard time
listening to anyone, why would I listen to an animal?

Animal! My wolf barks back in repulse. Calvin watches me for a moment, waiting for
the response I cannot give him. What do I even say? "If you want me to get rid of
her pictures I will." He keeps pushing for something. Anything.

He lets out a heavy sigh and reaches for the teddy bear on the bed missing an eye.
It's fur is matted, and honestly if I didn't know the meaning behind it I would
wonder why he hasn't just tossed it in the trash. Calvin brings the bear up towards
his face and deeply inhales. I watch him clench the bear a tiny bit tighter in his
hand.

"I just want you to know that because she was weak, she has also made you so
strong." He says gently. "She had to
brought you to me." I match Calvin's
his hands. "I wouldn't even call her
took so much courage." Calvin smells
nose.
make a hard decision, but because of that she
gaze. He walks to me and I study the bear in
weak though, because the decision she made
the bear again and let's it linger by his

"After Mavi was born, Zella and I had our downfall. She was head over heels for
him. I was her second love compared to him." He lets out a sad laugh. "I put all my
good creating her wolf." He says gently.

"Your good, equals my bad." I look up at him. "Your wolf was created entirely out
of love and to top that off I have more love for you. Gray, you are the one that I
love. You wolf is just a... how did you think of it earlier? A rough draft? Yes.
Your wolf was just a rough draft of who you really are. Rakasa might be connected
to her- but you make my heart skip when you smile. YOU are the reason that I've
been trying to be the best possible person I can. I'm just so afraid-" he sighs and
holds the bear towards me.

Calvin reaches behind me and pulls the picture from behind my back. "I just don't
know what else to say to make you believe me when I tell you that I love you for
who you are. Not who you were." He sets the picture on the dresser and pulls me
into his chest.

He puts the bear against my chest and squeezes me against him. "I hate myself,
because I thought what I was doing was a good thing. Turns out- I was doing it for
the wrong reasons, and she did them for the right reasons." He smiles.

"She knew what she was doing, bringing you to me." He kisses my forehead. "She
wasn't the one ready to lead the pack, or even handle me forever. She was my guide
to you, Gray." I inhale a deep breath to keep my emotions at bay.

The strong scent of bananas fills my senses. I knot my eyebrows and look up at him.
"Mavi's favorite food was bananas. I swear he was going to have a heart attack
every single time we ran out." He chuckles. "Maybe that's why everyone says I go
bananas now."

I giggle a little bit. "Truth is though, Gray. He is the reason that I'm so
fearful. This life I live is a reason alone to be fearful." He tucks a piece of
hair behind my ear. "I'm so afraid that I won't be able to protect you or-" he
looks down and sighs.

"I'm just so fearful something will happen, because as the king of alphas- no
amount of power will stop those who want to destroy that power."

I hold Calvin a little tighter. "I would love to see our pups outside playing in
the dirt; but little wolf..I just don't think I can bare it." He drops his head
against the top of mine. "You have the most beautiful smile, and the most dazzling
eyes; that I would love to see on our baby." He whispers. "I know I wouldn't be
replacing Mavi, but god I wish I would have been able to protect him and watch him
grow up." I gulp. "I just am so afraid that what happened, might happen all over
again."

Do not be afraid, our fate cannot be taken from us. It is a gift.

My wolf pushes herself forward and assures Calvin.

—-

Do not be afraid, our fate cannot be taken from us. It is a gift.

Dante Alighieri

23

A few weeks go by, and I spend a majority of that time with Liam. Because of all of
the events that took place recent; Ben has demanded he be Liam's caregiver until
Calvin and I 'figure our shit out'. Ben is doing what's in the best interest for
him, and I am truly grateful.

Liam is so big, and already getting so strong. He can walk now and occasionally
slips up and calls me mama. I hate it. I want so desperately to have our parents
back. It kills me knowing he will grow up without his actual mother or father. So,
as Calvin and I work out our problems; my dearest friends are giving my little
brother the best life they possibly can. They said I can come visit anytime and
each day Liam is over there, the more in love with him they fall. I'm afraid they
might not let me have him back, but where he is he has a sister that isn't twenty
years older than him and parents.

After Calvin's heart felt conversation with me the other day, he has been shut away
in his office doing god-knows-what. He calls it work but I call it hiding from his
own emotions. I wouldn't ever actually say that to him because he would just deny
it. Yet he knows I know. I think that's what drives him to lock himself away
longer.

It's so strange the way he is. One day he is the most loving person in the entire
world, and the next day he is just a zombie. Picking your brain for details and
just zoning in on it. Sometimes his thoughts slip through to me, but most of the
time it isn't even a full sentence. A few examples of this would
be; ...lover... , ....see the bump.. , ..her smell ,

It is just down right weird and I can't make sense of it. Every single time I try
to think into it, it ends up just giving me a headache. What Calvin has said to me
has really helped change my mindset of Zella, but sometimes I still can't help but
compare myself to her. I think the thought of just being a replacement will always
weigh heavy in the back of my mind until I eventually believe myself when I say
that it's not true.

I flip over the piece of fried chicken that I'm cooking and set the cooking
utensils down. It is going on nine o'clock at night and I have yet to see Calvin
since I woke up this morning at six thirty am. It makes me sad that he puts his
entire life on hold for 'work'. His office is such a boring room too, I would have
pulled out every strand of hair by now.

I've never understood why he locks himself away in there. Must be an old person
thing. I think.
"I'll have you know I'm not old, just...very wise." Calvin shoots back in the link.
I grumble at my wolf for letting my thoughts slip through. The link is so wishy
washy because it hasn't been completely established yet. I don't understand why
marking me full takes so much time, but I guess I will just trust Calvin. He is the
only one of his kind, no doctors know really anything about him. He is remarkable.

While the chicken finishes up, I mix up some honey mustard to dip it in. I prefer
ketchup, but Calvin thinks that it is the nastiest thing on the planet; as long as
you don't say anything about pickles. He despises those. Finally I pull the chicken
from the pan and set it with the rest of the tenders I've prepared.

I plate the food, making sure to add way more to Calvin's than my own. He eats more
than a pig does, I swear. Before I leave the kitchen with both plates I turn and
make sure that everything is turned off. Then I make my way down the quiet hallway.

"Benjamin, I understand how all of this sounds," I hear Calvin on the phone. "I
just don't know how to go about do this again. It's been so long." Cal lets out a
heavy breath. "I mean, you were only what? Eight? Nine?"

I reach the door and everything gets quiet. "I have to go." Calvin says abruptly
ending the call. Rude. I was trying to eves drop. The door creaks open slowly, and
Calvin raises his gaze from the floor. He doesn't look like he has been sleeping
well.

"Did you enjoy your time with Liam today?" Calvin asks with a gentle smile,
completely changing the mood of the room. I give him a smile back. "It was fun, but
I really think Liam would like to see you." My voice quiets after the first few
words. He tilts my chin up with his fingertips and lets out a sigh.

"It isn't how you think it is, little wolf. I'm just very tied up with work." He
sighs. "And-"

"And if it were your actual kid would you fail to give it attention too, or is it
just because it's my little brother?" I frown, holding his plate out for him to
take. "I get that you're busy, but I didn't marry you so that you can lock yourself
away in a office."

"I take care of forty five different packs just in this country, Gray." He says
lowly. "I don't think you understand how far behind I've gotten from your outbrea-
I mean, our issues." He rubs the bridge of his nose because he knows that I'm going
to lose my shit from his choice of wording.

"Look, I'm sorry Gray. Today has been very stressful and the only thing that's been
on my mind today is my face between your legs." He grabs the plate with one hand
and grips the doorframe in the other. "Thank you for the food. I'll treat you to
dessert." He leans forward and pecks my forehead. Before I know it, the door is
shut on my face.

What the hell?

24

What the hell? Why would Calvin do that to me? I know that I may have gotten off on
the wrong foot and came at him a little aggressive- but he shut the door. On. My.
Face. After I brought him food and everything!

"Are you serious?" I grumble aloud. Quiet. I can hear the crickets chirping
outside. I clench my jaw and reach for the doorknob to open it. As soon as my
fingertips touch the knob, the latch clicks and he locks the door.

Wow. Just...wow.

"Fuck you," I mutter and walk away from the door. It's quite unlike you to make the
first move, little wolf. Calvin says through the link. I groan and stomp myself
back down the hall. Who does he think he is?

I stop in my tracks when I hear Calvin cough. I pause for a moment longer, waiting
for him to open the door. He never does. My frown grows.

I get that he's all emotional and on his man period, but this is just dramatic. Why
are men like this? I remember the time that I made my dad cry and he was mean to me
for a whole week! This is so much worse than that, and Calvin hasn't been mean
about it up until now.

...get it together...

I drag myself up to my bedroom and make my way to the bathroom to take a bath. I'll
take his words and get myself together. Once I get to the bathroom I take a long
look at myself in the mirror. I don't look dirty, or anything like that; I just
think I look different. It's not a bad different, but ever since I met Zella I feel
as though something has changed in me. I lean closer to the mirror to get a better
look at myself. I furrow my eyebrows as I look at my collar bone. Cal has done some
serious scarring there. There are scars that look like puncture wounds, scars that
look like they drag- some fade and some are deep. Every time he has bitten me it
has been extremely painful, and they stay swollen for so long. He says that it's
because the mark is turning me into a Lucan. However; I believe the mark is just
making me feel beautiful.

Ouch. I brush my hair out of the way and step back from the mirror. I continue to
gaze at the spot, and as my eyes drag along my beat up collar bone; I notice
something about myself. Why hadn't I noticed it before? When did it do that?

I run my fingers over my mark, and my heart rate picks up. What is this symbol in
my collar bone? I stare at it a minute longer before I turn to the bathtub faucet
on and dump bubble mix into the running water.

Why do I discover everything at once? I swear I cause myself to be so crazy

sometimes. It is very overwhelming. The bath water slowly fills, and the bubbles
expand. A sigh passes my lips.

I can't help but think about the time that Calvin had stood in an ice cold shower
just to help me cool down when my heat first started, and when he ran that cold
bath for me. He was so nice. He is still nice, but he is just consumed in his job.

I mean, right now. I have to admit I am a distraction. I distracted him a few times
under the table, but that's beside the point. I pull my lip between my teeth when a
cheeky idea pops into my head.

I climb into the bath once the water is full enough and stop the flow of the water.
Bubbles cover my entire body and I let out a relived sigh when the warmth touches
my skin. I love the feeling on the water almost burning it.
My mind wanders as I just lay with my eyes shut. Slowly; my mind makes its way into
a trance.

Gray I hear her voice. Zella is active. She usually stays pretty dormant. I
breathe, relaxing myself even more. I acknowledge her.

Bare his anger no mind. She soothes me. I knot my eyebrows and continue to listen
for her. We have opened wounds he has just patched. Just remember that flowers grow
back even after they're stepped on. She is so gentle. How are we each other's
match?

She's right. I opened such a big wound. Losing a child is probably one of the
hardest things to bare, and I forced him into telling me. He wasn't even ready yet.
I feel awful for that. I feel awful I keep pushing for a baby. I've calmed down,
and accepted that my brother is the best I'm going to get for awhile.

He still doesn't have to shut the door on my face though. She grumbled back to me,
which I take it as her way of agreeing with me.

I shut my eyes, and Zella guides me to a daydream.

"He wants to mark you." Calvin says, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I look
up into his eyes and gulp. I look around at my surroundings. It's dark out, the
stars are shining. A full moon glows brightly in the sky. I smile. This all seems
so familiar.

We are sitting on a picnic blanket, our legs entangled together and not a single
care in the world. "What do you mean?" I ask quietly. The word sounds so strange,
yet so familiar.

"He wants our souls to make their way back to each other through each lifetime."
Calvin smiles, hugging me tighter in his arms. Forever? And ever? Calvin is the
sweetest man alive, I love him more than anything in the world. His hand moves from
my face and rests on my swollen stomach.

"I want us to be forever." He smiles, his gaze falls down to my stomach and it
seems as though his smile grows. "You, me, and the watermelon seed in there." I
smile and gaze at the man before me. How could I say no?

"And you won't get tired of me?"

"Darling, I couldn't get tired of you if your breath smelt like garlic the rest of
eternity." He laughs. I laugh back and pull him in for a kiss.

"So is that a yes?" He asks with a huge grin. I laugh and nod my head in agreement.

"Yes!" I giggle.

The dream finished just as fast as it had started. Everything felt so familiar.
Like it had happened before- but it wasn't me. I knot my eyebrows together in
confusion. Why did she show me that?

His wolf waited so long to have us back in his arms. I sigh. I wish she hadn't
shown me that. She lived out my dream and now Calvin won't live it with me.

I will be patient with him. I can't promise I won't kill him one day if he
continues to be hateful to me though. I dare him to close another door on my face.
I sit up in the bath and let out a heavy breath. Maybe I should have actually eaten
my food instead of being all pissed off. Nah. My stomach growls, so I wash my body
and don't bother with my hair. It was washed last night.

Once my body is clean, I pull the plug in the bath and climb out. I wrap myself in
a big towel and walk back to the mirror. My eyes rake over my mark again, wondering
what it is. It's so strange, and nobody I know has one that looks like this. What
is Cal doing to me?

I walk to my closet and dress myself in a pair of forest green lingerie that I
haven't worn before. It is a lace bra that is see mesh in the center so you can see
through it, a tiny green thong, some tight green thigh pieces that is all tied
together by straps and mesh. It's quite eye catching. I let my hair down my back
and smile satisfied. If he's going to be mean, I can play mean.

I walk back down stairs and head straight to the kitchen. What do I want to eat?
The chicken I just cooked? No. I open the fridge and smile when I see a left over
cinnamon roll in a bag. "Score!" I cheerfully exclaim to myself. I pop the treat
into the microwave to warm up because they're always better hot.

When the microwave beeps I yank the door open before it lets out it's last loud
beep. I tried to take a but but jerk back because it is way too hot. Instead of
letting it cool I decide to take a bite and to the ahh ahh huhhh haa and fight the
heat. As I'm burning my mouth I go into the living room to turn a show on. Reba.

I would have to say that out of everything, Reba is probably my favorite show. I
sing along to the theme song as it begins to play. I turn the sound up and belch
the words out that has absolutely no meaning to me. "Gray!" Calvin yells over the
sound of the tv.

I turn the volume down a tiny bit. "Gray, come in here." Calvin calls from his
office. I roll my eyes and pauses my show. "I was watching Reba! What do you need?"
Spoken like a true married couple.

"I don't have time for your jokes, come in here." He sounds mad. I stand up and
unwillingly walk down the hall to his office. The door is open, and Calvin looks up
from his computer and focuses his attention on me.

He's wearing his old man glasses.

He looks super hot in them though. It makes me mad he just sits in here in a pair
of sweatpants, no shirt and glasses and I miss out on it all.

"What's up?" I ask, stepping into the room at taking a seat across from him. "What
did I do?" Calvin gives me a wide smile, and his eyes rake over my almost bare
body. I forgot what I was wearing.

"The outfit choice is very inappropriate for the conversation that I wanted to have
with you," he grins. "But-" he tries to fix the bulge in his pants without me
noticing. I noticed.

"What kind of conversation?" I grin, slowly walking towards his desk.

viens me monter his wolf growls lowly. Calvin pinched the bridge of his nose and
sighs.

"Please ignore him, and sit. As beautiful as you look I need my Luna for this
discussion." He looks at me, his eyes stay on my body and the way it moves as I
walk to the chair and take a seat.

I clear my throat when his eyes linger in my chest a second too long. His attention
focuses back on my eyes. "Gray, I want to tell you that I'm sorry I've been a dick
all week," I shake my head in agreement and he rolls his eyes, "but I have good
reason, for being like that towards you and everyone else. A lot has happened and
I'm just at a complete stand still." He pushes his glasses up his nose and scrolls
on his computer for a moment. Calvin then slides a piece of paper towards me. I
take the paper but nothing on it makes sense.

"Over the past week I've had both an alpha and beta at another pack pass away. They
were hospitalized and I was hoping that they would pull through but unfortunately
they didn't." He says with a power in his voice I don't hear very often. It makes
something in me start clawing it's way out. What happened to them?

He shifts in his seat and I raise an eyebrow. Mr. Man over here is getting all hot
and heavy he can't concentrate. I lean forward towards the desk.

"What I need your help with is-" he gets quietly suddenly and taps his finger
against the desk. "Please sit down," he huffs out in a struggle. I look stupid as I
sit back straight in the chair. Leave it to me to do the dumbest thing in the most
serious of situations.

"The other night I was informed by another pack that a fire broke out." Fire. I
tense, because that word is the same one that made me lose my family. "They're
still trying to find the cause, and it seems to have been on purpose. We lost the
alpha and our beta for the pack." Cal explains, suddenly coming forward with why he
has been so rude recently. "Now, my Luna, I apologize for my actions recently. I'm
stuck. I don't have anyone who is qualified for the job-"

"What about Ben?" I propose. Calvin's eyes meet mine and a look of grief sparkles
in them. He lets out a heavy breath and leans forward on the desk.

"Baby, I've thought about it a million times." He assures me. "He has been my beta
for a very long time, and I know that he's ready; but I can't just rip him away
from his home. He has a baby, a wife-" it isn't about any of that though. I can
tell from the way a Cal even says it. Deep down inside Calvin doesn't want to let
Ben go, solely because he is afraid that he won't be able to protect him.

I know Cal has been there since Benjamin was a boy. Deep down I'm sure Cal sees him
as an adopted child more than anything. He has this thing about him, Calvin. He
always says he is heartless, evil- but deep down he is none of that.

I place my hand on his and smile softly. "What if we go first, and figure
everything out there. Let him cover here for awhile and get everyone prepared." I
offer. Cal smiles back softly.

"I want him to have a choice, Gray. He has been good to me, and I will never force
him to do anything like that."

"I know, but do you honestly think he won't want it?"

Definition:
viens me monter : come ride me

25

la meute des secrets

The pack of secrets:

Calvin and I didn't get very much sleep that night. In fact, he didn't sleep at
all. He stayed in the office, tapping things on the keyboard of his computer. He
seems on edge about the whole situation. I know there is probably more he isn't
telling me, but I don't want to argue with him over it. The truth always comes out
eventually.

I ended up falling asleep on the couch. Not for a long time, only a handful of
hours but it is better than nothing I suppose. Im not sure when I'll completely
turn Lycan like Calvin says I will, but I feel bad I wasn't there to help his
anxiety all night.

A large hand rests on my shoulder as I begin to wake up from my much needed sleep.
"Hey," Cal whispers; kissing my cheek. "It's time to wake up, the car is waiting
for us." He says a softly as possible. I take in a deep breath and my sense pick up
the fresh scent of berries.

I furrow my eyebrows still trying to completely wake up. It's still dark, but the
sun is beginning to rise. "You can sleep in the car baby, we need to go." He urges,
glancing out the window by the front door.

I quietly sigh and sit up. I wish he would have been this nice to me this whole
time. I drop the blanket covering me and rub my eyes.

Cal takes in a sharp breath. I forgot I never changed, I just sat in the living
room watching tv basically all night. I finally stand completely up and Cal hands
me my fuzzy white robe. I give him a look and he lets out a sigh.

"I won't make you change, just put this on please." He emphasizes the last part. I
simply shrug the robe onto me and it hangs from my shoulders.

Je veux vraiment te baiser jusqu'à ce que tu cries mon nom. His wolf responds
internally. I look up into his eyes, and it's obvious he's mentally fighting
himself from his urges. Cal grabs the strings of my robe and ties them around my
waist.

"It'll have to wait." He says out loud. I raise an eyebrow. I'll give him the
benefit of the doubt and pretend like I didn't hear what his wolf said.

"What?" I ask, watching his every move.

"Baby, enough questions." He sighs and kisses my forehead. "Let's go, I already
have your things packed and in the car." He assured me.

Then, just like that we are out the door and on our way to a new destination. The
four hour car ride was quiet and relaxing, but I didn't sleep. Between Calvin's
mind link slipping through and all the things he was thinking about doing to me,
his hands on me, and just my mind racing I couldn't fall asleep at all.

I should have changed, but no matter what I look like Cal still has his mind. He
nestles his head into the crook of my neck and inhaled deeply.

"We could just do it." I say softly. I don't want the driver to hear. Cal laughs to
himself next to me. He moves his legs around in the car and looks towards the
reflection of the driver.

"Tony has been good to me, I don't want to make him that uncomfortable. You can't
even be quiet, love." He responds.

I open my mouth to say something back but I can't think of anything. Other than
stroking his ego, but I won't do that. "I have other plans for that," he grins. He
rubs his thumb against my thigh slowly.

I left out a shaky breath. Why does this man enjoy teasing me so much? He seems to
get a kick out of it.

"While we're on the subject, is there any requests? I planned on going to a shop
down here that has some great...items, and was wondering if there was anything
specific you'd like?" He wonders.

I purse my lips and look Calvin up and down. "A threesome with your bestie would be
nice." I grin. Calvin frowns and he fights himself to not growl out loud.

Tony, the driver is very much not a werewolf. Just a business man Cal has worked
with for a long time. It's better to keep our secret than expose it.

"That's not funny." He frowns. "I don't think your friend would like that idea very
much either." He reminds me. I roll my eyes. Cal can't ever take a joke.

Definition:

Je veux vraiment te baiser jusqu'à ce que tu cries mon nom : I really want to fuck
you until you scream my name