AT NIGHT THE STATES

Alice Notley

Yellow Press
Chicago
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Some of these poems appeared in the following publications:
Oink, Ahnoi, Gandhabba, The World, B City, Shiny, St. Mark's
Poetry Newsletter, Environs, Exquisite Corpse, & Big Fish in Exile.
The poem "Sweetheart" first appeared in MARGARET &
DUSTY (Coffee House Press, 1985). Many of the poems were
distributed as hologrpah postcards by the Alternative Press,
for which purpose they were originally written. The author
is grateful to Ken & Ann Mikolowski for their part in the
generation of said poems.

Publication of this book is supported by grants from the

Illinois Arts Council and the Chicago Office of Fine Arts/City
Arts I.

Library of Congress catalog card number: 87-51506

ISBN 0-91628-18-X

Copyright© 1987 Alice Notley

All Rights Reserved.

Cover design & drawings: George Schneeman

Typeset at Word City: Chicago Print Center

Yellow Press books are distributed by:

Small Press Distribution, Inc.
1814 San Pablo Avenue
Berkeley, California 94702
Address all orders to them.

YELLOW PRESS
2394 Blue Island
Chicago, IL 60608
For Peggy DeCoursey

& in memory of Ted Berrigan

TABLE OF CONTENTS

COMPLINE 1
TED 2
VITAMIN EQUALS CIGARET 3
"grace him my heart there grown pale" 4
"I want to/dream your face" 5
He is, he is not 6
COUNTRY SONG 7
"At one point I was sitting at a large wooden table" 8
A GIRL FOR NOVEMBER 11
"Baby Lovely" 15
"I didn't writef"Joe' s Jacket"" 16
I HAD A DREAM THAT I 17
SONG 18
12/18/83 19
A STORY I TELL 20
'83 21
SEE YOU 22
THE 10 BEST WEATHERS OF 1983 23
THE TEN BEST ISSUES OF COMIC BOOKS 24
SWEETHEART 25
"Toward him your dreams are" 26
"You are freed" 27
"Could only" 28
POEM 29
SONG 30
THE WORLD'S 21 GREATEST ANIMALS: A PLAY 31
SOBER HEART, 32
MY HEART 33
SEA FLU 34
"Even as we get better" 35
VALENTINE 36
437 E. 12th St. 37
"I go there then" 38
AFTER TED FU 39
SOMETHING OFFERED 40
UNSITEL Y STAR 41
3/22/84 42
FROM THE DREAMS 43
MARCH 25th 44
POEM 45
ME 46
SONG 47
AROSE 48
HOW TO REALLY GET AN APARTMENT 49
CUMMINGTON 50
"Then & there we were" 51
LA MORT 52
L'ETOILE 53
"King/Kiss/Kind/Rest" 54
BECAUSE BORN 55
"not having been" 56
"Mother, a flower" 57
LOVE, 58
IT WOULD 59
BACKYARD 60
WEEKEND WEATHER 61
DAHLIAS 62
"Your face comes clearer" 63
AUTUMN 64
ASIDE: VOICE 65
AT NIGHT THE STATES 69
AT NIGHT THE STATES
 COMPLINE
The Earth is one word deep
that is your name.

1
 TED
He's on the boat
in my heart
the sky part

On earth
we have only
his picture:
ourselves.

8/8/83

2
 VITAMIN EQUALS CIGARET
I dreamed he came back secretly for a few
days ... there had been some delays .. .I asked him if
he wished he could really stay & be living again.
No, he said, he was tired of having to be so
masculine, captain of a ship too tight, too small
even. He wanted to be more feminine, quieter for
a change ....

8/20183

3
grace him my heart there grown pale
joy to hear and see him kind
but now I speak only to air
yet how like my mind he is to me

912183

4
I want to
dream your face
your lovely face

But you've taken

it so far away
my dreams can't
find i t -

every day for 13

years, love
your face-

& now it's unfair to

ask you to
appear just one
more time

just once, in the

World of Sleep
to reassure me
just once more

Tell me I'm strong

Tell me, Love the
others too
Tell me how
No you don't
have to

9/12/83

5
 He is, he is not

No harm will befall

in chaliced neighborhood
but what rings to wear
to insure this?

Ring me with cloths of

old jokes & nights, but
in secret - those who
breathe must now keep
you from me

(as if you weren't the air

I breathe; and
they can breathe theirs)

I will always keep

you hidden.
You will always keep
me safe.

9/21/83

6
 COUNTRY SONG
Appalachia is my own spine
The Missouri's between my footsteps
Shiprock is my back brain
& San Francisco my white white teeth & smile
LA is my solemn little person before dawning
& I'll live to see Texas in the morning someday
With my blue desert eyes
With my big Yellowstone past
With my Pennsylvania motel little hands

10114/83

7
 "At one point I was sitting at a large wooden
table, near the ruins, (Greek), & I was trying to
spell out, using spaghetti (in sauce), several
sentences, which I had gotten right in my head &
was quite satisfied with, the first of which was
something like, This will be a personal version of
the history (&thus, harmless.)"

10115/83

8
 A GIRL FOR NOVEMBER
When I woke up she was gone.

Guy into phone, corner of 11th & A, wind November

with duffle coat: "I'm Mr. Wonderful."

When I woke up I didn't feel good.

glossy orange string on sidewalk

1 apparition
stares curiously at me, oh well
Where is John?
Everytime I have a hard week
my refrigerator breaks down.

How many pages will it take for

Joseph to get to Egypt?

Last night I
dreamed me & my friend Sherry
were these highschool girls & we met
Bob Dylan. Then we came to visit him in bed
surrounded by thousands of highschool girls.
Do you want us to go to the dance? Sherry
said. Aw, No, Bob said, it will last till
3 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. It will cut into
some a your classes. We nodded, & left.

I don't like November light. I said yesterday.

George said he liked it. He's a painter. So I guess I'd
better like it. There isn't very much of it today.
No there it is, all inside a certain grey.

11
Autumn leaves on my desk
2 of them

I had a small religious experience

early yesterday evening
which is about the size I like them
viz
it was raining
though not in the kitchen
& leaves, yellow
were falling
& there was a dark blue cave
somewhere
maybe not precisely
there
the gods were there
they take care of you, they were indicating
via ...
they're there for you
the gods
when you die
and now

And that is why when I was little

I liked to go for car rides in storms
I thought it was all about sex
though I didn't know the word sex
but that was only part of it
or all about destiny
but that wasn't all of it
it was about
And then the phone rang

But last night I didn't even dream!

You didn't?

No!

*
12
Part of my brain is shaped like a
diary. It is the same size as the entire
rest of my brain, but
part of it is always left blank.

I know who I "sound like"

I know who my love is
I know that I have kept faith with
the movie stars of my youth,
my love,
and myself.

*
Today I cleaned a window. I cut my finger on it

To the best of my knowledge today is Joanne's birthday

she gave me those golden apples there, right there

a year & a half ago

Today is all crystal & blue & golden yellow, dry as glass

& warm, & I am too. There is not a drop of moisture in

my body
Humidifier humming away behind my back

... company.

I had a friend who taught me bawdry

but I learned it all so slant-wise!

He liked that position, I guess

13
Me, I have never considered a position
to be a "position"

more like "the only honorable predicament"

or "the only place to be"

Forgive me for seeming abstract,

but I no longer have a lover.

But I am here.

11183 - 12/8/83

14
Baby Lovely
Dear Baby Lovely
Yellow geranium leaf
Scorpio is over & done
Days go by but you
stay secluded
in your onyx jet walled villa on the
dark side of
our other Mother

11183

15
I didn't write
"Joe's Jacket"
about the way I
felt today. Luckily

I had "Joe's
Jacket" to read
instead. Is it
my jacket, too?

Yes, as poetry will, still,

protect me from all
real
harm.

Nov. 16, 1983

16
I HAD A DREAM THAT I
I had a dream that I
was marrying myself.
Looking through a
crystal; & from among the
millions of refracted
brides she walked towards
me, white veil & dress & bouquet

11122/83

17
 SONG
Angel of, Angel of,
Bring in the coffee to me
So I can grow up old
But old that they kiss
I want to be kissed again
kissed sometime like
when I would feel it
that would be best
when I can feel it again

12/10/83

18
 12/18/83

You're completely exhausted.

I forgot that we carne horne.
Get out of the tub before your skin wrinkles
Walking towel. Pull yourself together and
get dressed.
I have to see how much I've spent.
Can't see it. Sitting live
No poetry.
We are young. I need a different capstone
for the first half.
What is beautiful tonight?
Red holly berries
& the dark leaves are
(You're just this girl,
he once said,
who gets your rocks off by writing
poems). & my bereavement. It's
beautiful
& there's a blessing on it too
even though it's the worst
the worst I've ever. And
there's gaiety
Because we have a kitten,
But to get on with it
And then they pity you
Pretty angel, pretty angel
that same old begrimed
old stern, too,
one. "But I don't know how to leave you
And I'll never let you fall
And I don't know how you do it
Making love out of nothing at all"
(What if those are the best lines? ...
Out of nothing at all.

19
 A STORY I TELL

So supported, from a wall

you can cry so
an instance of this a
thousand, a thousand years
light & dark parts, as in
a picture Child arranged
to have a mental
yet a sanctuary
trying too hard
you are trying too
to tell something
are a woman who has
never appeared in a
prose & how can
that be?
A meteor brought me to Earth
where I fell in love &
bore earthling sons
to my beloved. And now
I am an earthling
I have cried earthling
tears & can never re-
turn to my planet of
I've forgotten its name
But loving the Earth
too much, I
will
Acceptable, but a, Vague,
greatest fear, No,
I will now never have
a greatest fear.

12183

20
 '83

this is serious shit

starring me

(Haiku to tune of
bird snaps thread)

111184

21
 SEE YOU

I see you with the

landscape that I am.
When I see you with
only my eye, it
hurts my eye. Why?
The way you never
learn when you study, love.

1/1/84

22
THE 10 BEST WEATHERS OF 1983
1. Sunny & cool

2. Sunny & mild

3. Snow, no wind

4. Clear, very cold, no wind

5. Clear, chilly. & windy- stars

6. Very very windy

7. Very hot, steamy

8. Heavily overcast, nearly purple

9. Raining all night

10. Snowing all night

23
THE TEN BEST ISSUES OF COMIC BOOKS
1. X-rnan #141 & 142

2. Defenders #125

3. Phoenix: The Untold Story

4. What if ... ? #31

5. New Mutants #1

6. New Mutants #2

7. Micronauts #58

8. Marvel Universe #5

9. New Mutants #14

10. Secret Wars #1

1114184

24
 SWEETHEART
If I address it to you I have not, have I,
let go of you yet. I'm sorry.

"Goodnight, Mom." "Goodnight, Honey."

And before that I saw a white leopard

leap across my room. I'm
not wearing contacts, have flu

It's been quite a day. Shaky

Snow is white
I would like not to think, it
makes me foreigner of myself I'd like

this strange enrichment of the

spirit I feel though bereft
but I'd like this lovely inadequate
apartment
but I'd like my music
my mental music not to
suddenly render me rawly sad
"You have empty honey" "Yes, I have"

this person who sleeps in my bed

she's slept there forever and yet
there was another
when it was another
bed looking so same so recently
but that I would have to remember
(strangely an involuntary measure)

0 Poem really addressed

to me, it's you are found indulgent
fit and of comfort, lustre, real light
I praise you, thank you
for being what I have tonight

1118/84

25
Toward him your dreams are
Without their powers
Toward you they seem to deliver
His love as if from where.
There is no Where.
There is no his.

1123/84

26
You are freed
But you will not listen
All kinds of things
In the sun. I try
thought intangible
out into the paths
tears fall
And I am proud.
It is a stone
thinking.

1/25/84

27
 Could only
move as far away
as one who standing still
hands the thief
a miracle

broken-hearted is more
person than half-
hearted is

What good is that

though?

the poets know. But

I don't.

1125/84

28
 POEM

Crocus there, store bought

Window there, dark tonight, rainy
tomorrow. Heart there, red
invisible deep down & blue
sweetest you there too and
with angels o'er your surface
& an ocean of own heart.
I will never fuck you again
You're one of the faraway mapmakers now
the scent of pine, then gone.

212/84

29
 SONG
Yes I still hate
I want to
till I'm
gleaming
pure. I still
know who
I hate. And
you don't want
to hear it.
Fine. This
year's crocuses
are white.

217/84

30
THE WORLD'S 21 GREATEST ANIMALS: A PLAY

Announcer: Ladies & Gentlemen, we would like to present

the world's 21 Greatest Animals!

(The animals enter one by one. The name of each is announced

as the animal bows briefly, then exits.)

Announcer:

1. Rat 19. Black Sea Bass

2. Scorpion 20. Crab

3. Tiger 21. Mongoose

4. Frog

5. Cockroach THE END

6. Hamster

7. Chihuahua

8. Prairie dog 2/84

9. Muskrat (With assistance from

A. Berrigan, E. Berrigan, &
10. Okapi E. Nauen.)

11. Chuckawalla

12. Snake

13. Opossum

14. Eagle

15. Phoenix

16. Whale

17. Hippopotamus

18. Baboon

31
 SOBER HEART,

heart
not ungentle
fierce, cavernous, sistering, over-
used, unscarce, half-divine

mammoth comedian
manufactured
heart
softness of growing
Lower than the species
Humor of Angels
Titan

A floor with rugs

2/7/84

32
 MY HEART
How can I send my valentine?
Just send it not sending it
I've been thinking red hearts every day
Not sweetly near violently
I think them like I look at
flowers, white light, blue
light, I think my red heart
to whoever is receiving it
whoever it is you are.

2/11184

33
 SEA FLU

I have a fever Darling

& do not rest
my feet are dry my eyes
splendor caress
of a ship's relentless
memory, splendid pulse
am I, straight to
a self accepting with-
out remorse, this
All I could wish,
had, & now tongue of a poor
God's loneliness, is it

2112184

34
Even as we get better
we say we
never will. It's
the truth, in a
way, I never
will. A place to
start from Paumanok.

2/12184

35
 VALENTINE
Heart a mess
dirty, tear smears
Then I'm lucid
Use me for glass
Then Then
What then?
Careful of a World
Tending to it of it
That's us.

2114184

36
 437 E. 12th St.
Sunny knees
Same
as 1970
I remember this light
I remember
writing this poem
when he left me
to my poems
the first time and
I wrote this
clumsy, fierce
poem.

2/22/84

37
I go there then
from here
as one and
turn. I
cross but I pass
Ms. Later
returning fast to
me, lonely in
her nightie.

3/2/84

38
 AFTER TED FU
And all the money I've ever spent
it falls on me as rain
And when I leave I won't be at
this glowing town again

And I will always be the same

Unrecognizable to my mirror
As year after year I face my love
& bodings of its needs' expenditures

Here's the good part: you

& writing this here right now
"Blue" I'm not, though I so say
Or though later that so be true

So when I leave it's

"Be seeing you."
As it is, again, now.
Be seeing you.

317/84

39
 SOMETHING OFFERED
Something offered ancient
mercurous thing else misfortune
as in "the ship plows the sea"
mingle with me and the
bones of the digits light
either human or animal
earth, and place amounting
to nuptial
a mathematimaid
like a tree in compliance
perch of perfecting
cloth of
thing told again
unchanging saintwise
relent to associations
pliancy of
or suffering at which
something is achieved
animal token unblush part

3113/84
 UNSITEL Y STAR

Forced to consume by use

like always to be consumed, in use
the Hulk stays sane
We're having a spirit contest
Because in the main series
Rick Jones died in his head.
To sleep, dream, I believe.
I know why the Hulk went berserk
He believe that love was meant for
when people used to be dumb
Hurt next April
Now they're desperate see
but I believe in this trial
the thousand arms of Love
almost unrecognizable, Love, because
the little self is canny.

3/14/84

41
 3/22/84

Here are the famous clouds

again, but it is warmer.

Now it's an hour later.

We two are my heroes, and
our children are, too.

Now it's time for 'back to.'

Wait for, it's time to

I certainly wouldn't
want to be guilty
of resisting release, would you?
(No, I never thought so.)

It's Spring here on Earth.

42
 FROM THE DREAMS
Come live on the floor with me, he
said, & I did that, gladly. Even
below the bed.
The floor was softer, a rug, I was
Grace to him who filled me, we
smiled; I laid my head on his belly.
Write the play of Phil & Dan, he said,
the Berrigan Brothers, us. There was
more & prettier snow, still, on the
lower Alps than the higher ones.
My marriage has left me early
though he & I share somewhat
the vehicle of only myself.
He said, "Did Anne really say,
'Do children still like White Christmas?"'
He was laughing, it made him laugh.
But in, as it were, my mother's house-
sick for 3 days; he didn't eat.
My mother self told me
to leave him alone with his liver
And before he died the shamaness I did
bless him (I would grieve later).
His real last words must be:
"May your Days be Merry and Bright;
and May all your Christmases be White."

3/84

43
 MARCH 25th
I threw out something

dear-

useless suitcase

black, he had since

summer Buffalo -

I can't wish anything

Or I will die of it.

44
 POEM
Why do I want to tell it
it was the afternoon of November
15th last Fall and I was waiting
for it whatever it would be like

it was afternoon & raining but it

was late afternoon so dark outside my
apartment and I was special in that
I saw everything through a heightened

tear, things seemed dewy, shiny

and so I knew there was a cave
it was more or less nearby as in my
apartment it was blue inside it

dark blue like an azure twilight and the

gods lived in the cave they who
care for you take care of at death and
they had cared for Ted and were there for me
too and in life even now

4/5/84

4S
 ME

I will compass my
release towards your
lips, through
which I will pass
past the hut of my
own forehead and into
the litter light
of the preserver.

4116/84

46
 SONG
They say my eyes weep
New York City coquettes
turn' d Destiny's dark jewels
as if she wears me
and I know it not

They claim to see to say

as I only know
I return & return, for you, each day.

Durable juices Enclosed of the Bum.

Daisies were another one.

4/84

47
 AROSE

Did I dream of a flower

last night or the night
before? That I saw as
if the answer to
the question I'd asked, which
I can't remember. But
in my dream this
morning, I decided it
was a rose and it
rematerialized, or rather,
I held up a hologram
of it & showed it to the
boys- Hurry,
I can't hold it here
much longer, I said,
Is it the right one?
They said, Yes.

4113184

48
HOW TO REALLY GET AN APARTMENT
(from a dream) 4/19/84

.. .In same building I pass by apt. which

used to be Jack Kerouac's, no traces of him
left in it, they say gloomily. Then I'm ring-
ing the buzzer of the building-my buzzer-
! already have an apartment in it, but a
girl tells me how you really get one, i.e.
get the landlord to acknowledge you have it.
You buy a certain kind of salt which comes
in a small colorful salt-shaker-it's a
"good Republican brand of salt"-& you
stand at the building door, holding out
the salt-shaker, whenever the landlord
walks by & say, "Would you like some of
this wine?" After some weeks the landlord
will say yes & then the apt. is really yours.
I think to myself, this is too complicated
even to remember.

49
 CUMMINGTON
They write about the weather when they live here
if they write. We saw trees pretty mute-looking though
it's April. Sun & snow. Didn't go to
see: HARD TO HOLD, SPLASH, SWING SHIFT,
ROMANCING THE STONE. Alone in a sleepingbag,
dark in the blue, softly seared by sense of
you- it's not that I'm tired of growing
lonesome, lonesomest, it's that and that I
in this waiting, for what, is an always
that I must encompass, walking, as if
I figured to the world, more than ever.

4/21/84

50
 Then & there we were

always full

we went as close to

a moan of each kind

as kind permits

its body

But

we were different

& from each other

and if I was too care-

ful it was from being

ours

But I wasn't too careful;

for you are gone, and I am now

only mine.

5/12184

51
 LA MORT

The cuckoo can't sing

& tell us no lies

Can't wander as
I was wont where

so, where? And no Lombard

for me, anywhere

Except remains in my mother's

suitcase. She brings

us the tidings
& tells us no lies.

June, 1982

52
 L'ETOILE

The star, desire,

is herself
skin shining
in the
black evergreen
night.
Change is
thoughtless,
her fire hair, she
was always
already there.

June, 1982

53
King
Kiss
Kind
Rest

6/20/84

54
 BECAUSE BORN
Because born that way
Where I saw & drank in so much
Possessed to blossom across my back
To open up & look out any more
Will say, Let me ask are you ready yet?

And I will say

Just one person, should I confess
I must go my way still
What else do you see.
I could have stayed forever in your arms.

July 7, 1984

55
not having been
oneself & so not
having been sung

having & not having

having not you
but me

suddenly perhaps
having new self sing it
so & so I will, I do

& so that's all for now

having just a little
& it being sung

July 19, 1984

56
 Mother, a flower

Father, a flower

she's pretty mouth, she looks

looks small, serious. Over pink
blue that's not being there now
the green of her green kerchief is

continued mild
warm high
mild experience

(memory of Atlantis)

A PASSING THOUGHT

white leaf

57
 LOVE,
I can't think of that
Let me help and one
Green is for always then
Let me lay my head upon
I will not fasten it
Will not hold you to me

You to it I'll be one

Will that be better then
That I may not think upon
Love is taken through it
One is a rose and me
A lover still loves for that

July 28, 1984

58
 IT WOULD
it would be that
but only if I knew how
again
Could something like
that get lost? no only
a little a little lost

but if only I remember

how I mean she or I
oh a freight train goes by
& they always do & did
do
I mean a real one too
that I'm not on & am it
very seriously

in this serious love world

that one
where something oddly music
will pass through your
night
and it will be me
sweet me

Aug. 3, 1984

59
 BACKYARD

The cat' s eye marble is green.

One sandal. Shade. If I were a
girl from the Sagamon River, or if
I am. I then turned to the page
called Free. The wind in my
hair & the church in my head
& the reticence of. No I
haven't been waiting. Expression
of engine of an intimate clime
It must still be love which I
talk. But you see. Shaky as
pale lavender ones. High talk to cure
an old tired fear. There's an
old plastic coffee cup in the
forest of the lemon tree. But
what I mean is. White
oleanders in the sky attached to
leaves. If you love me, all
of nature, let the wind blow.

Aug. 4, 1984

60
 WEEKEND WEATHER
Whether in the course of
and in my arms when that was
the childish happiness of
a mirror when that was
was that of course happiness but now

Or now when all is course

course of what we know now that
life the new stranger embraced
until dawn and familial and
the new mirror ages

Still I, I and know of

its veiled still I in the
course of you and that all
that courses through the
mirror that opens to song
as always as my love's cradled thought

Aug. 27, 1984

61
 DAHLIAS
Darkest blackish dahlias I've seen
blind dark fire winter windows black
enclosure within
our life like a heart:
I dreamed our dead couldn't
write their letters of explanation
& I felt so tenderly sad for them.

9/14/84

62
Your face comes clearer
as time passes
its back to me
as if goodby were
forever younger
like your face

10/6/84

63
 AUTUMN
A lovely name carved above the grass
Magnetizes to it its wife - a moment -
the life of roundabout sky breeze red
leaves taken whole with a car away.
The name endures, the life's lips
tangled in all & its cast, speaking
become freely, are that, will be, & be.

10/8184

64
ASIDE: VOICE
I love your voice.
And when they die
their voices will still
live together.

12184

65
 AT NIGHT THE STATES
At night the states
I forget them or wish I was there
in that one under the
Stars. It smells like June in this night
so sweet like air.
I may have decided that the
States are not that tired
Or I have thought so. I have
thought that.

At night the states

And the world not that tired
of everyone
Maybe. Honey, I think that to
say is in
light. Or whoever. We will
never
replace you. We will never re-
place You. But
in like a dream the floor is no
longer discursive
To me it doesn't please me by
being the vistas out my
window, do you know what
Of course (not) I mean?
I have no sweet dreams of wake-
fulness. In
wakefulness. And so to begin.
(my love.)

At night the states

talk. My initial continuing contra-
diction
my love for you & that for me
deep down in the Purple Plant the oldest
dust
of it is sweetest but sates no longer
how I
would feel. Shirt
that shirt has been in your arms
And I have
that shirt is how I feel

69
At night the states
will you continue in this as-
sociation of
matters, my Dearest? down
the street from
where the public plaque reminds
that of private
loving the consequential chain
trail is
matters

At night the states

that it doesn't matter that I don't
say them, remember
them at the end of this claustro-
phobic the
dance, I wish I could see I wish
I could
dance her. At this night the states
say them
out there. That I am, am them
indefinitely so and
so wishful passive historic fated
and matter-
simple, matter-simple, an
eyeful. I wish
but I don't and little melody.
Sorry that these
little things don't happen any
more. The states
have drained their magicks
for I have not
seen them. Best not to tell. But
you
you would always remain, I
trust, as I will
always be alone.

70
At night the states
whistle. Anyone can live. I
can. I am not doing any-
thing doing this. I
discover I love as I figure. Wed-
nesday
I wanted to say something in
particular. I have been
where. I have seen it. The God
can. The people
do some more.

At night the states

I let go of, have let, don't
let
Some, and some, in Florida, doing.
What takes so
long? I am still with you in that
part of the
park, and vice will continue, but
I'll have
a cleaning Maine. Who loses
these names
loses. I can't bring it up yet,
keeping my
opinions to herself. Everybody in
any room is a
smuggler. I walked fiery and
talked in the
stars of the automatic weapons
and partly for you
Which you. You know.

At night the states

have told it all already. Have
told it. I
know it. But more that they
don't know, I
know it too.

71
At night the states
whom I do stand before in
judgement, I
think that they will find
me fair, not .
that they care in fact nor do
I, right now
though indeed I am they and
we say
that not that I've
erred nor
lost my way though perhaps
they did (did
they) and now he is dead
but you
you are not. Yet I am this
one, lost
again? lost & found by one-
self
Who are you to dare sing to me?

At night the states

accompany me while I sit here
or drums
there are always drums what for
so I
won't lose my way the name of
a
personality, say, not California
I am not
sad for you though I could be
I remember
climbing up a hill under tall
trees
getting home. I guess we
got home. I was
going to say that the air was
fair (I was
always saying something like
that) but
that's not it now, and that
that's not it
isn't it either

72
At night the states
dare sing to me they who seem
tawdry
any more I've not thought I
loved them, only
you it's you whom I love
the states are not good to me as
I am to them
though perhaps I am not
when I think of your being
so beautiful
but is that your beauty
or could it be
theirs I'm having such a
hard time remembering
any of their names
your being beautiful belongs
to nothing
I don't believe they should
praise you
but I seem to believe they
should
somehow let you go

At night the states

and when you go down to
Washington
witness how perfectly anything
in particular
sheets of thoughts what a waste
of sheets at
night. I remember something
about an
up-to-date theory of time.
have my
own white rose for I have
done
something well but I'm not
clear
what it is. Weathered, perhaps
but that's
never done. What's done is
perfection.

73
At night the states
ride the train to Baltimore
we will try to acknowledge what was
but that's not the real mirror
is it? nor
is it empty, or only my eyes
are
Ride the car home from Washington
no
they are not. Ride the subway
home from
Pennsylvania Station. The states
are blind eyes
stony smooth shut in moon-
light. My
French is the shape of this
book
that means I.

At night the states

the 14 pieces. I couldn't just
walk on by. Why
aren't they beautiful enough
in a way that does not
beg to wring
something from a dry (wet)
something
Call my name

At night the states

making life, not explaining anything
but all the popular songs say call
my name
oh call my name, and if I call
it out myself to
you, call mine out instead as our
poets do
will you still walk on by? I
have
loved you for so long. You
died
and on the wind they sang
your name to me

74
but you said nothing. Yet you
said once before
and there it is, there, but it is
so still.
Oh being alone I call out my
name
and once you did and do still in
a way
you do call out your name
to these states whose way is to walk
on by that's why I write too much

At night the states

whoever you love that's who you
love
the difference between chaos and
star I believe and
in that difference they believed
in some
funny way but that wasn't
what I
I believed that out of this
fatigue would be
born a light, what is fatigue
there is a man whose face
changes continually
but I will never, something
I will
never with regard to it or
never regard
I will regard yours tomorrow
I will wear purple will I
and call my name

At night the states

you who are alive, you who are dead
when I love you alone all night and
that is what I do
until I could never write from your
being enough
I don't want that trick of making
it be coaxed from
the words not tonight I want it
75
 coaxed from
myself but being not that. But I'd
feel more
comfortable about it being words
if it
were if that's what it were for these
are the
States where what words are true
are words
Not myself. Montana. Illinois.
Escondido.

6128/85

76
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