Why am I as I am?

How does my personality influence my

thoughts, behaviour, and emotions?

How does it influence the choices I make

and the way I relate to my partner,
children, colleagues, and friends?

Use at least three personality theories to

substantiate your argument

Tutor: Ms. Claire Borg

Name: Quintano Daniela

Institute of Family Therapies (BA 1)

19th June 2023

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Introduction

Along this essay I will be discussing about three theories which I chose and intrigued
me the most. Firstly, I will be explaining each theory, following the theory I will
discuss about myself and why am I the person that I am today. Hence elaborating on:
Why am I as I am, and how does my personality influence my thoughts behaviour
and emotions. I will be conjoining these with each chosen theory. Subsequently I will
discuss on how the chosen theories influence the choices I make and the way I relate
to my partner (relationships) colleagues at work and friends... again I will be
connecting my professional and personal experiences to correlate with each theory.

Three chosen Theories:

1. Behaviourism Theory

2. Attachment Theory

3. Psychodynamic Theory

1. Behaviourism - B.F. Skinner (1904–90)

Behaviourism is a theory that focuses on observable and measurable behaviours as

the basis for understanding human and animal behaviour, (Drew, 2023), stated.

Skinner was the exponent of the theory of learning, in which learning is a process of
‘conditioning’ in an environment of stimulus, reward and punishment. He believed
that it is i simply more productive to study observable behaviour rather than internal
mental events, PHILO-Notes, (2022, 1:59:00). Hence, also believed that we can be
trained into changing behaviours, basically like a dog. If we provide a stimulus, a
certain response is expected. This theory is all about the ‘cause and effect’ or
‘stimulus and response’ rule. According to, (StackPath, n.d.), Skinner explains the
difference between informal learning, which occurs naturally, and formal education,
which depends on the teacher creating optimal patterns of stimulus and response,
(reward and punishment). Hence that response gets determined by a high probability
of it being repeated. This is famously known as ‘Operant Conditioning’. There are five
major principles of operant conditioning which can be used to change behaviour.
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These are known as: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, positive

punishment, negative punishment, and extinction. Extinction for example, befalls
when a response is no longer reinforced or punished, which can lead for the
behaviour to fade or fully disappear. Skinner claimed that the idea of free will was
just a myth and that all human behaviour was a direct outcome of conditioning,
(Cherry, 2022). He also believed that emotions may be translated into a person's
proclivity to behave in certain ways. Example: if someone feels angry towards
another individual, they are more likely to engage in actions that involve
anger/frustration behaviours and emotions. Such as yelling at them or even
physically lashing out against them.

Personal
Regarding this theory, I found several aspects which I could resonate with and bring
out my own examples. Going back to childhood I did receive positive punishments
and punishments by application from my parents as like almost every child, I did
misbehave a lot I remember my father spanking and shouting at me to make me stop
screaming while he was watching t.v and couldn’t hear properly. On the other hand,
my mother used to do a lot of negative punishment, for example not letting me
watch cartoons when I did not finish my homework, or else having to finish my
homework before letting me play my favourite video game or meeting my friends. In
secondary when doing well in exams I always received praise and even got books
during the Prize Day, these used to inspire me further to keep on getting good grades
for the upcoming scholastic years

Professional
At work, I don’t really experience a lot of positive reinforces since unfortunately with
the governmental sector sometimes they do not give that much praise or a reward
especially during daily tasks. One example which falls under positive reinforcement
however is, that every year the heads and managers give certain marks based on:
work ethics, productivity, working with others, skills and performance etc.. this
strengthens my behaviour as it adds praise and helps me to achieve further
acknowledgement when it comes to progressing a scale and attaining better salary.
In my pervious job I remember an experience which falls under the positive punisher,
I have failed to hand a project on time and my boss scolded me Infront of my co-
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workers. I made it a point not to finish given work duties late in the future, so that I
avoid being scolded at, again and avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.

2. ‌Attachment – John Bowlby (1907-1990)

John Bowlby’s was one of the founders of the Attachment Theory (from the 1957
along the mid-70s.) It contains a psychoanalytical, biological, developmental,
ethological and evolutionary approach. An attachment bond develops between the
child and his caregiver. John Bowlby came up with the basic formulation of the
theory. He consequently revolutionized one’s way of thinking when it comes to how
crucial the bond with the child and the caregiver is, simultaneously with the effect of
disruption through separation, deprivation, and bereavement. (Bretherthon, 1992, p.
1)

Bowlby’s 4 stages of attachment are:

1. Pre-Attachment Phase – (Birth – 6 Weeks)

2. Indiscriminate Attachment Phase – (6 Weeks – 6 to 7Months)
3. Discriminate Attachment Phase – (7+ Months)
4. Multiple Attachment Phase – (18 Months – 2 Years onwards)

According to Bowlby the first 3 years of the child’s life are extremely vital. Babies are
naturally born with behaviours such as: crying, laughing and babbling to receive adult
attention on their specific needs, (StudiousGuy., 2016). Hence, adults are biologically
programmed to respond to their signals.

Expanding Bowlby’s joint work and theory, Mary Ainsworth’s inventive methodology
did not only make it possible to test some of Bowlby’s ideas through empirical
observation, it also helped develop the theory further and is responsible for some of
the new directions that the theory has taken. (Bretherthon, 1992, p. 1). Ainsworth
contributed the concept of the attachment figure as a secure base from which an
infant can explore the world. She came up with the concept of the motherly
compassion towards the infant signals, hence the development of ‘infant-mother
attachment patterns’.

She grouped and categorized the relationship attributes infants had with their major
caregivers within perceiving how these babies responded to everyday stressful
situations. (Chen, 2019, p. 11). According to Mary, attachment can be quite complex,
that it evolves in multiple forms. She wanted to investigate the security of
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attachments in young children. Where she developed a procedure containing eight

steps, analysing how the children exhibit their behavioural attachments and what
their individualized style happens to be. (Health Research Funding, 2022). Over her
observational work, she discovered three primary attachment styles:

A. Anxious avoidant or detached

B. Securely attached
C. Anxious Resistant/Ambivalent (Hill, 2001, p. 153)

Personal

This theory was quite overwhelming as it brought up flashbacks of what I’ve been
through. Reversing to when I was a child in my home environment, my mother
always gave me attention however I think sometimes it was a bit mislead. Since I am
an only child, the focus was always on me. That goes to show why I am as I am now
as an adult. I do see myself as having an anxious attachment style because both my
parents mainly my mother always had high expectations from me and always put
certain pressure on me to strive for the better. I remember being very anxious during
exams and especially my marks, always with the fear of ‘’not being good enough’’
therefore always thinking that my parents might punish or neglect me since I have
not made them ‘’proud enough’’. As an adult now, and even along my teenage years
I’ve always noticed that these past experiences of the environmental upbringing still
affect me on how I think and behave when I am with my friends and even in past
relationships. It happens occasionally that I think for example that, the significant
other is going to leave me or that I am not good enough or looked down on if I say
something ‘wrong’. These often leave me emotionally exhausted, with a lot of
overthinking about several negative trivialities and anxiety or separation anxiety/
fear of abandonment.

As I realized that my mum most likely has an anxious attachment issue. I began to
comprehend that my mum didn’t have the right father-bonding attachment as a
child. They used to live in America, when my mum turned 10 years old (which to me
is quite a critical period as the brain starts to develop and wire itself to new
surroundings, be extra wary of things and start to adapt to new situations as well).
My mum, along with her siblings and my grand mother all came to live in Malta.
However, my grandfather continued to work in America, so during most of her
childhood and teenage period, she was raised without him emotionally and
physically. Hence, he wasn’t emotionally available for her. And she did not receive
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the right emotional stability from her father figure. When I asked her to elaborate
on such, she told me that it did affect her, and she used to write him frequent letters,
begging for him to come back and how much she misses him. I alleged that maybe
this was portrayed on me, as her issues did affect me. Till this very day my
environmental upbringing effects me on how I feel with others along with my
behaviour.

My father also wasn’t emotionally available when I was younger... as he was always
at work. I remember myself clinging to him and not wanting him to go to work
because I was scared, he would not come back... I also realized by now, that my
mother unintentionally found an emotionally unavailable husband, possibly also with
an avoidant personality. I have read and researched several times that anxiously
attached individuals often then to seek without realizing, avoidant attached
individuals. Also, my father never really had a high interest on what hobbies and
things i wanted to learn when I was younger. He always came up with excuses and
didn’t acknowledge my needs as a child, the academic part was the only necessary
thing for him. The relationship with my father made me realize also that my ex-
partners especially my ex-boyfriend had a very avoidant personality. So, the pattern
had repeated itself without me realizing.

Now especially I’m finding it even harder to explore new relationships, without giving
bad signals or be too clingy. It’s not easy trying to work on my anxious attachment
style, giving the fact also that my previous boyfriend of almost a decade has ended
the relationship with me for several reasons including rejection. According to (Chen,
2019, p. 12) ‘’Adult relationships involve a lot more complexity, but it almost always
boils down to this: When we get close to someone and come to depend on them, in
stressful moments we show our true attachment style’’. From my point of view, this
phrase could not have been explained better.

Professional Self

Regarding professional self and the way i relate with this theory when it comes to the
workforce, I do find my myself feeling rather anxious at times. I had quite a previous
toxic job environment and I was expected to give more than I could whilst not being
appreciated that much. Therefore, it caused me more anxiety which I am still
struggling with in my current job. I often suffer from levels of insecurity, worry and
self-doubt that I am not doing my job well enough and that the other colleagues are
going to look down on me. Sometimes myself doubt counteracts with wanting to rely
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on some members of my team to help me finish my work or give me their approval

that I am doing the given task right. I am willing to work further on reducing my
anxious type by correlating to what ensued in the past and why I act this way. Thus, I
will be able to improve. Professionally I have to believe more in myself and develop
more security when it comes to the workforce vis a vis other colleagues. Hopefully I
will achieve my true goal regarding the psychology field in the future.

3. Psychoanalytic Theory – Sigmund Freud (1856 -1939)

Psychodynamic theories focus on the psychological drives and forces within

individuals that explain human behaviour and personality, according to, (Teater,
2015, pp. 813-820). Such theories originate from Sigmund Freud's psychoanalysis.
Where he focused on the unconscious mind as the primary foundation of
psychological distress and dysfunction.
The drive theory of Freud involves the three states of being. Which are: the id, ego,
and superego. These are necessary in understanding the unconscious role.

 The Id: is the unconscious that seeks self-gratification and fuels instincts.
 The superego: is the conscious moral reasoning which based on one's moral
values and society's values.
 The ego: is the mediator between the id and the superego, which seeks to make
decisions based on the id's instincts and need for self-gratification, (Spielman et
al., 2020).

To easily explain the concept of conscious versus unconscious experience, Freud

compared the mind to the example of the famously known iceberg. According to him
just around one-tenth of our mind is conscious, and the rest of our mind
is unconscious. The unconscious brain denotes that type mental activity that we are
not aware of and are not able to access. In the iceberg example this can be shown as
the part where the iceberg is under the water hence its not showing from above –
hidden thoughts, patterns, feelings, past issues, unpleasant memories and traumas,
difficulties etc. Basically, all of which the individual has repressed at the very bottom
of the brain or in Freud’s case example, the bottom of the iceberg. He stated that
certain intolerable urges and desires are kept in our unconscious through a process
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called repression – The major aim of this defense mechanism is to try and minimize
feelings of guilt and anxiety. Yet, while repression might initially be effective at
calming these hard emotions, it can lead to more anxiety further on through the
person’s life. Freud also believed that repression could lead to psychological distress,
(Cherry, 2023) stated.

Personal Self
Even though the id is mostly important early in the baby’s life when it comes to the
demands with the reward of satisfaction. Sometimes I do see myself getting driven
by the id in certain situations. This is because sometimes my behaviour relies a lot on
my emotional self, and I tend to be quite impulsive and rather spontaneous. For
example, I sometimes burst out words with my friends and family without even
thinking twice, then I get misunderstood or end up with a conflict with my closest
ones. In relationships my id is not that strong I guess, as I’ve always loved to take
things as slow as possible and see how the relationship evolves and where it leads to.
An instant desire for intercourse or a one-night stand in the dating aspect for
example, was never my go to or a self gratified desire to be fulfilled. I always think
twice and weigh things properly before actually acting on them. Most times I try to
let my ego come into place to try to be as realistic as possible especially when it
comes to making future decisions and to act and be more reasonable in certain
commitments. For example, before taking this course/degree I thought about it a lot
before committing to it since it is a long journey that will change my life both
currently and in the future. Regarding the super ego in relationships, whilst writing...
I thought about my ex-boyfriend. He had quite a strong one, as he tended to be quite
critical and judgemental when I make a mistake and when we did not agree on the
same things, because our mindset and levels of maturity were different. During the
end of the relationship, we were not on the same page unfortunately. This created
tension and I used to constantly feel judged and misunderstood.
From this theory, the part of the unconscious mind is the most part which really
fascinated me. I think its so powerful even though it’s hidden under the surface
(Freud’s ice-berg’s example), Personally I am aware and realized that I have had
several emotions hidden. From last summer onwards I began delving deeper into my
subconscious mind to try to understand why I act in certain ways, why I suffer from
certain issues, why I behave the way I do, why I have an anxious attachment, my
teenage toxic relationship and from where my eating disorder primarily evolved.
Obviously, I had very overwhelming, dark, surprising, and hurtful flashbacks. This
made me realize that I have suppressed all the above for an interminable number of
years... this brings me to the comprehension of how powerful our brains are, as to
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protect us they try to make us supress and even erase very negative memories.
However, I embrace this journey because personally I think, the longer one
suppresses the bigger the wave will be and will crash you, hence the more painful
the emotions will be once the person comes into realization. On the final note, the
ego is a part of the psyche which mediates between the super ego and the id, so I am
trying to keep a balance between both forces, especially when it comes to making
important daily and future personal decisions.

Professional Self
At work, I do struggle from anxiety at most times. That is when I sometimes notice
that the id takes over, which leads to my impulsivity, irritability, and even destructive
behaviour. At times I cannot tolerate people’s or other work colleagues lack of
honesty and disrespect since regrettably at work, they don’t see me as a human
being but just like some sort of object or robot that does the work. Which is why, as
mentioned in the personal self I am trying to work on balancing the id and super ego
(in this case the id especially). The super ego tends to be quite demanding, thus I will
end up putting pressure on myself and on the ego. The superego can be so
overwhelming that it skyrockets which and contributes to the feelings of anxiety
which I experience.
Shifting to my subconscious mind, since it is shaped by the experiences that I had
growing up. I am aware that it leaves me with some deep ingrained ideas about
myself especially on how I interact with colleagues and the way they see or judge
me. For example, I am always feared of being judged on how I portray myself or how
I do the required tasks properly because when I was a child my parents always
expected a lot from me and wanted me to be as perfect as possible, hence I
remember being also looked down on in my previous job because I might not have
been as good as the other workers since I struggle from distractibility and lack of
focus. This I know might be a part of my ADHD, but unfortunately at work, especially
in the governmental sector these things are not given any important and managers
don’t care or even want to try to help.

Honestly, I do try to identify what might be holding me back and highlight certain
areas of improvement so that I can push myself to the next level. I also try to work in
my own way which helps me to focus and not let my ADHD get too much in the way.
(For example, i listen to music while working as I tend to get very hyper focused with
it, or else I take small breaks in between tasks). When it come to how the other
workers might see me, I try to keep in mind that it might not always be the case and
that it is all coming from me along with some of the negative previous experiences.
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Conclusion
To conclude, vis-à-vis the behaviourism theory I did not find it very east to resonate
with my own self, as I found several information and differences that were quite
broad, I started to get confused at times and how to properly apply them. I delved
deeper and managed to envision certain childhood memories to express myself. For
Freud’s theory I realized how much the id, ego, and super ego along with the
unconscious, really affect me from my past experiences till this very day. I
exceedingly love the concept of Freud’s iceberg. The attachment theory is the one
which applied to me the most. Several flashbacks from my younger self came up and
also managed to evaluate my parents stuff and attachments… it was quite
overwhelmingly satisfying indeed. I am now learning to see certain behaviours, issues
and actions in a clearer way when it comes to those close to me. Whilst learning
about Bowlby’s theory along with Ainsworth’s further experimentation, both were
certainly an eye opener. Freud’s and Bowlby’s theories particularly, intrigued me to
further my interest in their exceptional virtue.
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