Saying "thank you" really makes a difference

in social relationships
By Lisa A Williams, The Conversation, adapted by Newsela staff on 07.20.18
Word Count 641
Level 820L

Image 1. Even though it's a simple thing to do, saying "thank you" can make a big difference! Photo by: Mehmed Zelkovic/Getty Images

Most of us were taught that saying "thank you" is the polite thing to do. Now, scientists who study
human behavior suggest that saying "thank you" goes beyond good manners. It also helps our
social relationships, like our friendships.

The act of saying thank you is a way to express the feeling of gratitude. According to scientists,
gratitude can help us make new friends.

As with all emotions, gratitude can be both felt and expressed. There have been lots of studies
done on how feeling gratitude can help relationships grow. Feeling gratitude leads to more trust
and fewer arguments.

There are fewer studies on expressing gratitude.

Studying Gratitude In Academia

This article is available at 5 reading levels at https://newsela.com.

Monica Y. Bartlett is a scientist at Gonzaga University in Washington. She and I wanted to study
how expressing gratitude affects new friendships.

For the study, we created a false mentoring program that supposedly was run by the university. As
mentors, college students would give advice to high school students, the mentees. We asked 70
college students to take part in in our program. We wanted to test gratitude in this setting.

All of our participants were asked to give advice on a writing sample from a high school student.
College applications need a writing sample. The writing sample was one that the high schooler
planned to use when they applied to college.

A week later, all of the participants received a note

supposedly written by their high school mentee. For
half of the participants, this note simply recognized
the advice. It said, "I received your feedback through
the editing program. I hope to use the paper for my
college applications."

For the other half of the participants, the note also

included an expression of gratitude. It said, "Thank
you SO much for all the time and effort you put into
doing that for me!"

Then we told the mentors that they could write a note to their mentee if they wanted to. We would
give the mentee the note if he or she was accepted to the university.

Participants were left alone to decide whether to write a note.

Would participants take the opportunity to start a friendship with their mentee? Would this
depend on whether the mentee had expressed gratitude?

Gratitude Affects Perception

All but three participants wrote a welcome note. The three participants who did not leave a note
had received the cards that didn't express gratitude.

The participants who received a note expressing gratitude from their mentee did something more.
Almost three-quarters of them left their contact details in their note. Less than half of the people
who received the note without gratitude did this.

Next we tested what might explain this difference. We looked to how participants rated their
mentees at the end of the program. We had asked if they thought they seemed warm and kind or
smart and capable.

The mentees who had written a note with gratitude were perceived as warm and kind. This
explained why their mentors were more likely to pass on their contact information. Expressing
gratitude makes people seem warm. People are more interested in becoming friends with someone
who seems kind.

Seeking Friendship

This article is available at 5 reading levels at https://newsela.com.

Starting a new friendship can be risky. We like to be selective. We choose to spend time with
people who will most likely become good friends. Saying "thank you" is more than an expression of
gratitude. It may be a sign that a person is a good choice for friendship.

Many questions about the effect of gratitude remain. Our study proves there could be a benefit to
saying "thank you." Think about that the next time someone gives you a ride or shares a treat.

This article is available at 5 reading levels at https://newsela.com.