VITAL

Thank You
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A caring devoted sacrificing mother

A tough insensitive bread –winner father
An ideal elder son who does what parents, and school
want him to do and excels
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• There is younger child , who does not follow the dotted line.
• Even though he tries very hard does every thing the elder child
does but he fails. The reaction of parents, teachers and the
society is to punish. 3
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Everybody Assumes that he is deliberately being naughty and so

they -Scold-Beat-Humiliate-Push the child more-Use emotional
blackmail -Use fear of being sent off-Finally being sent off to
boarding as a reformatory
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• Who is a child? What role the parent must play?

• What is the role of schools? What has changed in the
environment – value orientations? What are the elements
of care giving to children? How to handle problems?
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• Children must always obey parents, school ( any authority)

• Children must some how do whatever their parents want them to
do
• Children must become like the most successful “ other child” -
Children must achieve the dreams their parents could not 6
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Nikumbh Sir : -Actually looked and observed

-Listened deeply - Tried very hard to see -find the cause for the “ bad “
symptoms
-Used intelligence and creativity and not just old methods to solve the problem

-Researched the problem

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• Mother cared but did not go beyond this. She never researched
and tended to follow her husbands paradigm of parenting. She did
not use her brain creatively - Father belonged to the old school of
parenting- “ Spare the rod and spoil the child” OR Beat them into “
shape” - Worse both desired “ shape “ that they wanted
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• School- Principal and teachers labeled Ishaan has

“Indisciplined” or badnaseeb “ rebellious” and so on
• The school did not have a clue that Ishaan had a
learning disability. If Schools do not know – who else will
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know?
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• Provide clothing, food and shelter and then expect children to do their bidding - Children
are not machine; every child is unique and has a different inner potential - Compare two
brothers Ishan and Youhan both living in the same environment one is very good in
studies while the other is good in painting and jigsaw puzzle - It is so surprising that
Youhana –elder brother appreciates and praises Ishan’s talent while the parents are so
ignorant about it. - Sibling comparison or peer comparison should not be done-every child
should be recognized as unique and his/her inner potential should be recognized and
nurtured. 10
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• The same attitude of realizing their own dream through their children manifests when
Youhan the elder child loses the match instead of consoling and cheering him the father
is annoyed and looks at the winner child.
• Children should be taught that real failure is in not trying. It does not matter how many
times you have fallen but how many times you got up.
• Similarly everybody cannot become Doctor, Engineer, or MBA –a society also needs
painter, writer, sports players, musicians…. 11
 • Parents Impose their own expectation and ambition on the
child
• For them child getting a good job is the life objective
• Nobody worry about the talent
Remember the first meeting of Ram with Ishan fathers when the
father says Is talent ka kya faida ? The teacher Ram comments
Sarre unglian ek jaise nahin hoti- ungli ko keech ke barabar
bana do chahe ungli toot kyon na jaaye.
• Examples of suicidal case children cannot bear the weight of
the parents expectation.
• Parents wants to grow and reap toppers
• Recent cricket sensation –Pravin Kumar used to get beaten for
practising cricket, it was his self belief that he did not left his
talent inspite of zero resources, constraints and opposition.
• Life objective should be that a child should be happy in his /her
life
VITAL12
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Duty of he parents should be to be with their children in their

developing age; laps are more important than laptops
• Strong, silent , unfeeling and in control - Blames mother for all the ills-patriarchal attitude
- Takes unilateral decisions -They are not strong with the outside world - Ishan’s father is
a typical stereotype father
beats Ishan –calling names- idiot, duffer and slaps/beats him - Blames/pile on the
mother –Puja karo iski - Cannot face the neighbours aggressive attitude on threatening
and complaining; all his machismo is on his family while he is very courteous/polite with
the neighbours 13