Relational dialectics is a communication theory.

This theory means that all interpersonal

relationships contain contradictions and tensions arising from the confrontation of two
arguments. Based on the research done by Baxter and Montgomery, they shown that the
relational dialectics can be classified as internal dialectics and external dialectics.

In terms of internal dialectics, there are three core ongoing tension played out within a
relationship, which are autonomy–connection, predictability–novelty, and openness–
closedness. According to the dialectical point of view, the relationship partner is constantly
oscillating between each of these three poles. Through each pair of tensions, we can see
that two people in a given relationship need these two elements; but it is impossible to
satisfy both needs at the same time.

The autonomy-connection dialectics refer to the tension between the desire to connect with
a partner and the desire to maintain a sense of independence. Simply put, in interpersonal
relationship, there will be a contradiction between one party "need personal space" and the
other party "want to be accompanied". There is a struggle of wanting to be independent and
the desire to be connected with others. For example, John and Alice are in a romantic
relationship. After a long night at work, Alice just wants John to relax and chat with her about
what happened today. However, John prefers to play video games with his friends or
exercise alone on many nights. On the other hand, when they drive out to play, Alice prefers
to sit quietly or sit alone in the car to see the scenery and visit shopping websites. However,
John likes to talk to Alice and listen to music while driving. They try to make connections and
want to have common interests and spend quality time together, but at the same time they
need a certain degree of independence and want to have their own space and time to do
what they like. Strategy

The predictability-novelty dialectics refer to the tension between stability and spontaneous
opportunity. To put it simply, in interpersonal relationships, one person needs to build inertial
familiarity, while the other needs some change and freshness. For example, Shawn and
Grace have been married for 4 years. Their relationship is still very strong. They enjoy each
other's company and often express their commitment and love to each other. However,
behind the scenes, they have begun to express some opposing needs in their relationship.
Grace is a very extroverted person who likes freshness and go out often and try new things.
However, over the years, Shawn has become more conservative and more willing to
maintain a predictable feeling in his daily life. Although Shawn is satisfied with the
predictability in this relationship, Grace feels that there is not enough novelty, and said that
her relationship with Shawn needs more excitement and novelty. strategy
The openness-closedness dialectics refer to the tension between wanting to be completely
open or honest while also wanting to maintain one’s privacy. To put it simply, in interpersonal
relationships, there are sometimes doubts about how much self-disclosure should be made,
hoping to share certain things with others, but also hoping to have some private thoughts
and feelings. Example and strategy