IELTS Corrections Page 1 of 14

OVERALL BAND SCORE 6.5 6+7+6+7

SEE BELOW C&C LR GRA MODEL ANSWER

WRITING TASK 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that developing countries need financial help from
international organizations. Others think that it is practical aid and
advice that is needed.

Discuss both views.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from
your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 2 of 14

Original answer -

Opinions are divided on whether it is better to call for international

financial support for underdeveloped countries or offer merely partial
aids and counsels. Even though it is understandable why some think
developing countries struggle without help from advanced economies, I
believe the poorer should only partly receive the proposal from the
richer.

The supporters of international subsidy claim such practice is the most

effective approach concerning hunger and poverty eradication of
stagnating countries. There are several economies encountering
financial distresses year by year and find no other better solution but to
ask for assistance from their international peers. Nonetheless, I find such
a tendency rotten to the core since every nation is gifted with a certain
amount of resources that can be well utilized under the right hand. Most
of the underdeveloped countries are run by the corrupted government
in which group benefits and conflict of interests take a terrible toll on
economic growth. Even worse, some countries heavily rely on
international support without seriously battling their difficulties in the
first place and indifferently take the support for granted. Therefore, the
heart of the problem stays unsolved, leading to an endless loop.

I believe the best way is to offer practical aid and advice to such
countries. Avanced economies are more than welcomed to share their
experience and expertise in particular fields which the underdeveloped
ones are in shortage of or incompetent at. For instance, Vietnam is well-
known for its agricultural economy, especially rice production; however
the produce fails to meet the high standard imposed strictly by
European Union. Hence, those with advanced knowledge, such as Japan
or Israel, should provide Vietnam with thorough advice on efficient rice
production techniques and technologies for better improvement that
can eventually lead to a more sustainable development.

In conclusion, I agree that no man can achieve success mostly on their

own without collaboration and support from the others, especially

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 IELTS Corrections Page 3 of 14

regarding developing countries. However, practical aid and advice are

encouraged to be provided so that misplaced reliance can be avoided.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 4 of 14

OVERALL BAND SCORE 6.5 6+7+6+7

TR – Task Response nb – GRA and LR errors have not been corrected

Band score 6
The question does not ask for your opinion, so you shouldn’t give it. In a
question that doesn’t ask for my opinion, I would just present my ideas.
For example, I’d give arguments for and against giving financial aid in
main body paragraph 1, and then the same for practical aid in main body
paragraph 2. My conclusion would summarise the main ideas and I
would not give my opinion.
See the phrases in bold. It looks like you’re trying far too hard and you
end up with unnatural words and phrases which detracts from the
overall clarity of your ideas.
I gave you 6 because by giving your opinion, you’re not answering the
question with sufficient accuracy.
Other ideas
• Financial aid is often in the form of loans and when they can’t be
repaid, organisations like international banks try to seize assets
• Countries receiving it don’t use it for its intended purposes
• If the aid is a financial gift, the donating organisation should
monitor how it’s used
• Countries giving aid do so with conditions like supporting certain
policies at the UN
• Look at different circumstances – maybe the country is suffering
from natural disasters, in which case practical aid would be the
most useful. After a war, perhaps practical aid would be needed
to rebuild infrastructure like roads & bridges

ADVICE ON BRAINSTORMING FOR TASK 2

As you’re planning and writing your answer, remember to constantly
ask yourself if you’re answering the question. Check back to the

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 IELTS Corrections Page 5 of 14

question a few times as you think of ideas to make sure they're

directly relevant.
• Make sure your introduction directly addresses the question.
• Make sure your ideas address all parts of the question. If the
question asks for solutions, in the plural, you must suggest at
least 2.
• Make sure your main ideas, as stated in the first sentence of the
main body paragraphs, are directly relevant to the question.
• Make sure your supporting ideas, which follow the main ideas in
the main body paragraphs, directly support the main idea.
• Make sure your supporting ideas are developed, which means
there should be more information in the form of evidence,
reasons, and/or examples.
• Very often, the optimum number of supporting ideas is 2. This
allows you to develop your ideas and your less likely to have
isolated, unsupported ideas that could get you a 6 for TR.
“some may be undeveloped/unclear” – band score 6 TR.
• Be especially careful if you’ve answered similar question before,
as there will always be important differences.
• Make sure your conclusion directly answers the question, that
it is consistent with the ideas in the main bodies, and that it
does not contradict the introduction.

Commented [TG1]: There are two

Opinions are divided on whether it is better to call for international proposals, so it’s not clear which one
financial support for underdeveloped countries or offer merely partial they should partially receive
aids and counsels. Even though it is understandable why some think
Commented [TG2]: You’re
developing countries struggle without help from advanced economies, I attempting to paraphrase too much,
believe the poorer should only partly receive the proposal from the and changing the meaning, especially
richer. in the words in bold
The supporters of international subsidy claim such practice is the most Commented [TG3]: The question
effective approach concerning hunger and poverty eradication of does not ask for your opinion
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 IELTS Corrections Page 6 of 14

stagnating countries. There are several economies encountering Commented [TG4]: You mean the
financial distresses year by year and find no other better solution but to UK?
ask for assistance from their international peers. Nonetheless, I find such Commented [TG5]: Good main
a tendency rotten to the core since every nation is gifted with a certain idea, but hunger and poverty
amount of resources that can be well utilized under the right hand. Most eradication are not mentioned in the
of the underdeveloped countries are run by the corrupted government question
in which group benefits and conflict of interests take a terrible toll on Commented [TG6]: It’s better to
economic growth. Even worse, some countries heavily rely on avoid hyperbole. This isn’t a political
international support without seriously battling their difficulties in the manifesto
first place and indifferently take the support for granted. Therefore, the Commented [TG7]: Not all are
heart of the problem stays unsolved, leading to an endless loop. gifted equally. Compare the oil-rich
I believe the best way is to offer practical aid and advice to such countries in the Middle East with
countries. Avanced economies are more than welcomed to share their Japan, for example
experience and expertise in particular fields which the underdeveloped Commented [TG8]: Relevant
ones are in shortage of or incompetent at. For instance, Vietnam is well- supporting ideas
known for its agricultural economy, especially rice production; however Commented [TG9]: Good main
the produce fails to meet the high standard imposed strictly by idea
European Union. Hence, those with advanced knowledge, such as Japan
or Israel, should provide Vietnam with thorough advice on efficient rice
production techniques and technologies for better improvement that Commented [TG10]: Relevant
can eventually lead to a more sustainable development. supporting ideas
In conclusion, I agree that no man can achieve success mostly on their Commented [TG11]: This is the
own without collaboration and support from the others, especially first time you’ve referred it this
regarding developing countries. However, practical aid and advice are Commented [TG12]: Strange and
encouraged to be provided so that misplaced reliance can be avoided. inappropriate
Commented [TG13]: The question
does not ask for your opinion, so you
shouldn’t give it. Just summarise the
main ideas from the two main body
paragraphs

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 IELTS Corrections Page 7 of 14

C&C - Cohesion and Coherence nb GRA and LR errors have not been
corrected

Band score 7
The organisation is good.

The paragraphs have clear central topics.

Cohesive devices are used correctly, with some errors in other linking
devices and referencing.

Many of the phrases I’ve corrected, especially the deletions, are

examples of overwriting.

PARAGRAPHING FOR TASK 2

I recommend you write 4 paragraphs as follows:
• Write an introduction, that explains what the question is. After
reading the introduction, the reader should have a good idea what
the essay is about, and what your position (opinion) is. It should

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 IELTS Corrections Page 8 of 14

be possible to write an introduction in under 50 words. It is not

necessary to write a long background statement.
• Write 2 main body paragraphs. This should allow you to expand on
the ideas sufficiently to persuade the examiner that you’ve fully
supported the main ideas. If you write 3 main bodies, it is more
difficult to expand and support them sufficiently to get a high
score.
• If it’s a two-part question, answer the questions in the order
they’re given and write one paragraph per question.
• The main body paragraphs should be 100-120 words, and each
paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and 2 or more
supporting ideas which support the topic sentence with reasons,
evidence, and examples. Do not waste time with lots of
background information.
• The topic sentences should directly address the question.
• The conclusion should be consistent with the introduction and the
main ideas, and it should not introduce new ideas. It should
directly answer the question. Do not leave the examiner in any
doubt about whether you’ve answered the question.
• If you write a third paragraph in a discuss both sides question to
clarify your position, make sure that give a good reason to reject
one of the sides. If you just restated the original ideas about one
side, the examiner may decide you have covered one side more
than the other.
• It is also ok to write a third body paragraph in a to what extent
question if you have main ideas which both agree and disagree
with the proposition. Avoid short paragraphs, with under 70
words, as it may be difficult to show a clear central topic in a short
paragraph.

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 IELTS Corrections Page 9 of 14

Opinions are divided on whether it is better to call for international Commented [TG14]: Good
financial support for underdeveloped countries or to offer merely partial
aids and counsels. Even though it is understandable why some think Commented [TG15]: good
developing countries struggle without help from advanced economies, I Commented [TG16]: see LR
believe the poorer should only partly receive the proposal from the Commented [TG17]: see LR
richer.
Commented [TG18]: good
The supporters of international subsidy claim such a practice is the most
Commented [TG19]: better: to
effective approach to hunger and poverty eradication of stagnating
alleviating problems like hunger and
countries. There are several economies encountering financial distresses poverty in developing countries
and they can find no other better solution but to ask for assistance from
Deleted: concerning
their international peers. Nonetheless, I find such a tendency rotten to
the core since every nation is gifted with a certain amount of resources Deleted: year by year
that can be well utilized under the right hand. Most underdeveloped Commented [TG21]: countries
... [1]
countries are run by the corrupted government in which group benefits Commented [TG22]: good
and conflict of interests take a terrible toll on economic growth. Even
Commented [TG23]: good
worse, some countries heavily rely on international support without
seriously battling their difficulties in the first place and indifferently take Deleted: of the
the support for granted. Therefore, the heart of the problem stays Commented [TG24]: good
unsolved, leading to an endless loop. Commented [TG25]: good
I believe the best way is to offer practical aid and advice to such Commented [TG26]: see LR
countries. Avanced economies are more than welcomed to share their Commented [TG27]: good topic
... [2]
experience and expertise in particular fields which the underdeveloped
Commented [TG28]: see LR
ones are in shortage of or incompetent at. For instance, Vietnam is well-
known for its agricultural economy, and especially for its rice production; Commented [TG29]: good
however, the produce fails to meet the high standard imposed by Commented [TG30]: better with
... [3]
European Union. Hence, countries with advanced knowledge, such as Deleted: strictly
Japan or Israel, should provide Vietnam with advice on efficient rice
Commented [TG31]: or This ...
being
[4]
production techniques and technologies for improvement that can
eventually lead to a more sustainable development. Deleted: those
Deleted: thorough
In conclusion, I agree that no country can achieve success mostly on its
own without collaboration and support from the others, and this is Deleted: better
especially true of developing countries. However, practical aid and Deleted: man
advice should be provided so that misplaced reliance on financial aid can Deleted: their
be avoided. Deleted: regarding
Deleted: are encouraged to
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 IELTS Corrections Page 10 of 14

LR- - Lexical resource nb Some GRA errors have not been corrected
Band score 6
The vocabulary used is adequate, but there is not enough accuracy for a
higher score.
Attempts to use higher level vocabulary result in more frequent errors,
but the meaning is generally clear.
You are trying far to hard with your vocabulary. Very often simpler is
better.
Deleted: to call for
Deleted: merely partial
Deleted: counsels
Deleted: er
Deleted: partly
Deleted: proposal
Deleted: the
Commented [TG32]: better:
advocates of
Commented [TG33]: not
Opinions are divided on whether it is better provide international synonyms, and the word subsidy is not
financial support for underdeveloped countries or offer aids and advice. used in this context
Even though it is understandable why some think developing countries Deleted: subsidy
struggle without help from advanced economies, I believe the poor
Deleted: concerning
countries should only receive the practical help from richer ones.
Deleted: of stagnating
The supporters of international financial support claim such practice is Deleted: distresses
the most effective approach to hunger and poverty eradication in
Deleted: year by year
developing countries. There are several economies encountering
Commented [TG34]: see C&C
financial distress and find no other better solution but to ask for
assistance from their international peers. Nonetheless, I find such a Commented [TG35]: better: to be
unhelpful
tendency rotten to the core since every nation is gifted with a certain
amount of resources that can be well utilized in the right hands. Most Deleted: under
Deleted: hand
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 IELTS Corrections Page 11 of 14

underdeveloped countries are run by the corrupt governments in which Deleted: of the
favour factions and conflict of interests take a toll on economic growth. Deleted: corrupted
Even worse, some countries heavily rely on international support
Deleted: government
without seriously battling their difficulties in the first place and
Deleted: group benefits
indifferently take the support for granted. Therefore, the heart of the
problem stays unsolved, leading to an endless loop. Deleted: terrible
Commented [TG36]: better: to
I believe the best way is to offer practical aid and advice to such make matters worse, […]
countries. Advanced economies are welcome to share their experience
Commented [TG37]: better:
and expertise in particular fields which the underdeveloped ones lack or remains unresolved
are incompetent at. For instance, Vietnam is well-known for its
Commented [TG38]: better:
agricultural economy, especially rice production; however the produce
resulting in a vicious circle
sometimes fails to meet the high standard imposed by European Union.
Deleted: more than welcomed
Hence, those countries with advanced knowledge, such as Japan or
Israel, should provide Vietnam with advice on efficient rice production Deleted: are in shortage of
techniques and technologies for improvement that can eventually lead Deleted: strictly
to a more sustainable development. Deleted: thorough
Deleted: better
In conclusion, I agree that no man can achieve success mostly on his
own without collaboration and support from the others, especially Commented [TG39]: better:
production of higher quality produce
developing countries. However, practical aid and advice can be provided
so that misplaced reliance on financial aid can be avoided. Deleted: their
Deleted: regarding
Deleted: are encouraged to

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 IELTS Corrections Page 12 of 14

GRA - Grammatical range and accuracy nb Some LR errors have not

been corrected

Band score 7
There is a range of complex structures with sufficient accuracy to get a
band score 7. Be careful with tenses.
You need a higher level of accuracy for an 8 for GRA.

Opinions are divided on whether it is better to call for international

financial support for underdeveloped countries or to offer merely partial
aid and counsel. Even though it is understandable why some think Deleted: aids
developing countries struggle without help from advanced economies, I Deleted: counsels
believe the poorer should only partly receive the proposal from the
richer. Commented [TG40]: see LR
The supporters of international subsidy claim such a practice is the most
effective approach to hunger and poverty eradication of stagnating Deleted: concerning
countries. There are several economies encountering financial distresses
year by year and they can find no better solution than to ask for Deleted: other
assistance from their international peers. Nonetheless, I find such a Deleted: but
tendency rotten to the core since every nation is gifted with a certain
amount of resources that can be well utilized under the right hand. Most
underdeveloped countries are run by the corrupted government in Deleted: of the
which group benefits and conflict of interests take a terrible toll on
Commented [TG41]: better word
economic growth. Even worse, some countries rely heavily on
order
international support without seriously battling their difficulties in the
Deleted: heavily
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 IELTS Corrections Page 13 of 14

first place and indifferently take the support for granted. Therefore, the
heart of the problem stays unsolved, leading to an endless loop.
I believe the best way forward is to offer practical aid and advice to such
countries. Avanced economies are more than welcome to share their Deleted: welcomed
experience and expertise in particular fields which underdeveloped ones Deleted: the
are short of or incompetent at. For instance, Vietnam is well-known for
Deleted: in shortage
its agricultural economy, especially rice production; however the
produce fails to meet the high standard imposed strictly by the
European Union. Hence, those with advanced knowledge, such as Japan
or Israel, should provide Vietnam with thorough advice on efficient rice
production techniques and technologies for better improvement that
can eventually lead to a more sustainable development.
In conclusion, I agree that no man can achieve success mostly on his own Deleted: their
without collaboration and support from the others, especially regarding
developing countries. However, practical aid and advice should be Commented [TG42]: see LR
provided so that misplaced reliance can be avoided. Deleted: are encouraged to

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 IELTS Corrections Page 14 of 14

Model answer –

None available for the question you did

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Page 9: [1] Commented [TG21] Tony 24/10/2020
10:24:00

countries which encounter financial distress often believe the best solution is to ask for assistance from their
international peers

Page 9: [2] Commented [TG27] Tony 24/10/2020

10:53:00

good topic sentence

Page 9: [3] Commented [TG30] Tony 24/10/2020

10:55:00

better with this

Page 9: [4] Commented [TG31] Tony 24/10/2020

10:57:00

or This being the case, […]