Author: Samira Kasam

Course: ENG 098

Instructor: Fran Grimes
Researcher: Damean
Summary: Samira Kasam tells the story of her Indian identity and how
her parents want her to embrace her Indian culture even though she is a
first generation American. Through this narrative, I was able to pick up
that her parents don't want her to be sucked into the American culture.
That being the freedom to go out and date and talk to whoever you want.
Kasam illustrates her parents as traditional Indian parents. Meaning that
as a woman Kasam is not allowed to interact with boys without being
questioned to the ends of the earth about who he is, where he comes
from, and especially what is his race. This question of race is able to
lead to the notion of an arranged marriage. Kasam is able to flush out
and clearly indicate that her parents are going to arrange a marriage for
her. But the kicker in this situation is that since she is American she has
those American values and she does not want to be in an arranged
marriage. She wants to freedom to choose who she wants to be with.
Through these traditions, Kasam notes that she believes she should not
fall into the patriarchal role of the tradition of being married off to a
stranger as there is no real way out. Kasam end with an understanding of
her parents and why they are possibly the way that they are and is
hopeful in her future in being able to pick out her own partner.

Code:
Instilled Nationalism: “I have no problem with acting Indian, or dressing Indian.
….You have to be proud of being Indian. You have to dress Indian, talk Indian, eat
Indian, and most of all, act Indian." I am not the only "Indian girl" who gets these
monthly lectures from my parents.
Culture Clash - Open Parental Communication: Being a first generation
"American" is a challenge in terms of "Open Parental Communication My parents
happen to be very strict and extremely old fashioned which makes it very hard for
meto communicate with them.

Traditional Indian Patriarchy: I am 18 years old and still living with my parents.
"Why?" you ask. I'll tell you why. An Indian girl can't leave her parents' house until
she is married. She can't have boyfriends, and she can't go out with any guy until
she is engaged and, of course, after that the only guy she would be allowed to go
out with would be her fiancee.

Fear of cultural loss and adaptation of another: So now you might ask why my
parents are so strict. Well, my parents are afraid that I might forget my culture and
inherit the "American Culture."

Traditional Parental Control-Child Distrustl: They are also afraid that I might
start dating and either end up getting pregnant or end up marrying someone they
don't approve
of. My parents do a good job to avoid that from happening. I can't talk to boys or
have them
call me, and if they do end up calling me, I get questioned.

Patriarchal parental Control-Mystery box Wedding-Female Opression: My parents

hold a strong belief in arranged marriages and that is why they happen to be strict
in some cases. My parents' marriage was arranged. My mom didn't even get to see
my dad until the day before their engagement. My dad, on the other hand, had seen
my mom's picture. My mom didn't have a choice to marry whoever she wanted to
marry. She was forced to marry my dad. My parents weren't the only "arranged
couple."

Generational Victimization:First it was my great grandparents, then my

grandparents; it came down to my parents, and I happen to be the next victim.
Marriage for Capital Gains- Child Retaliation:"I will find the perfect man for you.
A Doctor or an Engineer. I'll throw you a big wedding and buy you a new car as a
wedding present," says my dad. All I want to say is "Dream on.”

Traditional retaliation-Cultural clash-There is no way I am getting into an arranged

marriage. I choose who I want to be with and with whom I want to spend my life. I
mean, think about it. What if he's a bad kisser, or horrible in bed, or has a major
attitude problem, is too controlling, too dumb, too stupid, has a weird laugh, a long
nose, is too skinny, too fat, too dark, buck-toothed, etc., etc., etc.? See what I
mean? The worst part about arranged marriages is that there is no return policy. If
you don't like it you can't return it or exchange it for something better. At times I
feel like taking a bucket full of water and dumping it over their heads and saying,
"Wake up. You're in the 90's."

Non-open Parental communication-Familial Toxixity- My friends always tell me,

"Why don't you try talking to them? Maybe talking to them might straighten things
out and, if not, at least it might bring you a little closer than before….."I don't want
to hear anything else; that's it."

Retaliation-complacency-understanding-Hopefullness. I love my mom and I want

to see her happy. I know that its hard being a parent. You have a lot of
responsibilities to take care of.
You have to work and take care of your kids, make sure your kids don't turn out to
be total
failures in life. You have to teach them what's right and wrong. You have to stand
by their sides
through thick or thin. And sometimes you have to be strict with them or else they
might be
misled by their friends or, simply, peer pressure…….So I guess my parents aren't
that bad after all. I understand why they are so strict. Theylove me and they want
me to have a better future. They don't want me to fall into any peerpressure or do
anything that is wrong, like drugs or getting pregnant. They want to see me live a
happy and a successful life. They want me to have all the things in life that they
never had or couldn't have. I still think that the arranged marriage issue is going
too far but I guess I will just have to work around them. I am sure that when the
time comes everything will be just fine. HOPEFULLY!