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Exist. Anxiety and Exist. Guilt 2
Exist. Anxiety and Exist. Guilt 2
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Summary
58
If a man in the morning hear the right way, he may die in the evening
without regret.
—Confucius
EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY
EXISTENTIAL GUILT
we were living in bad faith (Sartre, 1956). For me, it is a sense that I
abandoned myself at that moment and instead serviced another
reality at the expense of my current experience, needs, and choices.
The effect is that at some level I feel I let myself down and did not
make the choice when I had it to make. Now that my deeper, reflex-
ive self has failed me, I feel I have let myself down on many levels
and I am acutely angry, despairing, and full of regret. I also experi-
ence that I can do nothing about it. Here we can see that some
regrets—existential regrets—include a feeling of existential or
ontological guilt, the guilt one feels in having abandoned the self,
having let the subjective self down, or, as May (1983) expressed it,
having forfeited one’s own potentialities.
I propose that those regrets that are most painful and remain
with us longer are existential regrets, which lie at a crossroads of
existential anxiety and existential guilt. Here we couple existen-
tial guilt in having abandoned the self, having let the self down,
with existential anxiety in confronting our inability to go back and
reclaim the moment when we had the ability to choose.
Existential regrets may also come from betraying ourselves in
other ways. Sometimes we consciously consider our choices and let
ourselves down by choosing to do what is easier rather than
responding to our inner values, integrity, beliefs, potential, and
knowledge. As Maslow (1967/1993) pointed out, although we have
an actualizing tendency, we also sometimes defend against growth
through what he called the Jonah Complex:
Mistakes
Choosing
Thrown Condition
SUBJECTIVE DEFINITION
Van de Velde insists that his week at Carnoustie was nothing but
positive. “I gave 100% at Carnoustie and I walked out there with my
chin pretty straight. And it wasn’t quite enough. But I’ll tell you
this—I couldn’t live with myself if I’d tried to play safe and then
blown it. There was no guarantee that I’d make a six if I’d played
safe.”
This is a confession, and all that I say from now on will be perhaps
my last confession. What I want is for someone, after they’ve heard
everything, to say . . . “Her many sins are forgiven, for she loved
much.” (pp. 9-10)
Sinatra, like Piaf, had much success, but also many troubled times.
They both lived lives that some would view negatively. However,
when speaking of regret and existential regret, the origin and defi-
nition of the experience lies solely with the person experiencing it.
Therefore, we should be cautious with clients in assuming the cli-
ent does experience regret. Instead of assuming it is there, probing
excessively for it, or accusing the client of denial when it is not ex-
perienced, therapists should remain aware of its possibility and
foster a climate conducive for clients to discover and express regret
when it emerges.
CLINICAL IMPLICATIONS
SUMMARY
ence will help facilitate the life force that engenders a determina-
tion to move past the paralysis and learn from the experience.
After working through these bad faith, existential regrets, they
may experience a determination to live more choicefully, intention-
ally, subjectively, and affirmatively in the future.
REFERENCES
Reprint requests: Marijo N. Lucas, Ph.D., Graduate Psychology, P.O. Box 521,
Immaculata University, Immaculata, PA 19345-0521; e-mail: mlucas@
immaculata.edu.