HOW TO

COMMUNICATE
WITH FRIENDS:
The untold secrets on how to
talk with friends and maintain a
healthy relationship.

Clark S. Davis

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All rights reserved. No part of this publication
may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in
any form or by any means, including
photocopying, recording, or other electronic or
mechanical methods, without the prior written
permission of the publisher, except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and
certain other noncommercial uses permitted by
copyright law.

Copyright © Clark S. Davis, 2022.

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Table of contents:
INTRODUCTION:
CHAPTER 1:
COMMUNICATION IN FRIENDSHIPS
Communication Strategies for Friends
CHAPTER 2:
WAYS TO IMPROVE COMMUNICATION IN
FRIENDSHIPS
How to Deal With a Friend Who Talks Over
You
CHAPTER 3:
STEPS TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR
FRIENDS WITHOUT FEELING NEEDY
How to communicate in conflict with your
friend

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INTRODUCTION:
Every good friendship involves mutual respect
and trust. However, these components won't be
there without work and attention from both
sides. Effective communication is important to
create and maintain a healthy, stable basis for a
friendship. To communicate properly, you need
to know how to listen, create trust and deal with
any problems that may generate conflict.

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 CHAPTER 1:
COMMUNICATION IN
FRIENDSHIPS

Communication is the primary building

component of our friendships.
It is through communication that we transmit our
ideas, emotions, and connection to one another.

Developing effective communication skills is

crucial for successful relationships, whether
parent, child, spouse, or sibling connection.
We all have had instances where we have felt
heard and understood and we’ve all had
experiences, and also where we have felt
misunderstood and even disregarded.

Generally, when we feel heard, we are less

irritated, agitated, and more receptive to settling
difficulties than when we feel misunderstood.
Feeling heard and understood also promotes
trust and care amongst individuals.
Communication is a two-way process.

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For communication to happen there must be a
sender, who sends a message, and a receiver, to
whom the message is conveyed.

In effective communication the sender is clear

and properly delivers the message she is seeking
to send. Also, the recipient readily gets the
message.

Miscommunication happens if the sender does

not convey a clear message and/or the recipient
does not grasp the message sent by the sender.

Many factors may come in the way of excellent

communication. For example:

● When we bring up other concerns and

topics unrelated to the subject at hand.

● When we presume we know what others

are thinking, or that they should know
what we are thinking.

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 ● When we presume we know what is best
for others and strive to persuade them of
this.

● When we concentrate on what we want to

say while others are talking—instead of
listening to them.

All of these problems either restrict us from

giving a clear message or prohibit us from
receiving the message the other person is
attempting to give.

Communicating successfully needs practice and

effort. It is not something that comes easily for
most of us.

Below are some keys to excellent

communication. These abilities and tactics may
appear unusual and uncomfortable at first. But if
you stay with them, they will become normal in
time. As an extra benefit, you will increase all of
your communication with people:

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 Communication Strategies for Friends

When a buddy has a hearing issue,

communication may be difficult and irritating
for everybody concerned. The following tactics
may assist to increase the capacity to
communicate more effectively.

The number one thing to remember for both

parties is to be patient with one another. Try not
to lose your anger or let your irritation show.

1. Get their attention

Getting someone's attention before starting to
talk will help them to know to pay attention. If
you start speaking before capturing their
attention, numerous times the beginning of the
discussion is missed completely and they never
truly “catch up”.

2. State the subject

State the subject of the impending chat before
going with any specifics. This is incredibly

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beneficial when switching subjects throughout a
discussion.

3. Maintain eye contact

It is always simpler for persons with (and
without) hearing loss to be able to see the person
that they are talking to. There are visual signals
that might assist to fill in the gaps in a dialogue.
Be cautious to maintain eye contact and keep
hands and items away from the face.

4. Be careful of your surroundings

It is simpler to hear and follow speech when
there is no background noise around. Try to
remove any interfering noises so that the
dialogue is more readily heard and
comprehended.

5. Speak calmly and clearly

Speak calmly and clearly without screaming.
Raising your voice too much might do more
damage than good when it comes to interpreting

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speech. Speaking in a slow and straightforward
way will make it much simpler to stay up.

6. Rephrase when they don't hear you

If repeating is required, reword the statement or
query. This will help the listener to catch distinct
terms and be able to put things together. Also,
when the listener requests for anything to be
repeated, it is good to let the other person know
what you heard the first time so that everyone is
on the same page.

7. Ask the proper questions

Ask questions that need more than a yes or no
response to be confident that the audience is
following. Ask questions early on so that you are
confident from the outset that they are following
along.

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 CHAPTER 2:
WAYS TO IMPROVE
COMMUNICATION IN
FRIENDSHIPS

A lack of communication is one of the primary

reasons friends dispute and even occasionally
lose their connection. Things that aren't a huge
concern originally become turned into a large
problem simply because one individual didn't
adequately communicate to someone else.

Listen
By far, a lack of listening skills is the largest
difficulty in communication. It is the cause
behind:

Hurt emotions (when a buddy believes you aren't

listening)
Misunderstandings (when you presume what a
buddy is going to say and miss the real meaning)

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(when you assume what a friend is going to say
and miss the actual point)
Arguments (when you barely hear a few words
and become furious because your buddy doesn't
seem to be saying what you want them to).
Learn how to actively listen, where you
completely comprehend what your buddy is
saying. In addition, it will assist your buddy feel
that they are being heard.

Know What You're Going to Say

If you're the sort who begins a tale and doesn't
know how it finishes, you can be doing the same
thing in regular contacts with pals. Maybe you
think of something you want to tell them, but
your mind wanders and you wind up talking
about a lot of other things instead.

This is good if it works for your friendship, but

if you're experiencing a lot of
misunderstandings, it's time to utilize the mental
edit button.

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How to detect if you're rambling on too much?
Look out for scenarios like these:

● Your buddy grew furious because they

took what you said personally, although
you didn't intend it that way.

● Your buddy thought that you were

whining about something when you
actually weren't.

● Your buddy informed you they were

weary of hearing the same old tales from
you.

Identify Times When the Message Gets Lost

Are there any moments when you and a buddy
typically misunderstand each other? Did you
make arrangements through Facebook that got
screwed up? Or email a pal saying you were
going to meet them someplace but they never
showed? Or maybe your buddy became furious
with you because they felt you were making fun

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of them in an email, while in reality you were
trying to be compassionate.

If there are particular scenarios that frequently

produce issues between you and your buddy,
adjust the way you interact. We may grow all too
accustomed to utilizing email or Facebook, for
example, instead of merely picking up the phone
and leaving a message.

If the technique of communication you're

utilizing isn't working, go with a new one. You
may have to move beyond your comfort zone in
order to do this.

Bring Up Your Points When the Time Is

Right
Very frequently it's not what you say, it's when
and how you say it. Certain discussions simply
work better when the moment is perfect.

Avoid moments like this:

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 ● You're both in a rush and need to depart.

● Your companion is busy with work or the

kids.

You're at a party.
The attention is on someone else (at an awards
banquet or birthday celebration, for example) (at
an awards banquet or birthday party, for
example.)

You're among a gathering of individuals who can

overhear you.
It may be tough when you're furious at a buddy,
for example, and you simply want to get the talk
over with because you know it will be
unpleasant. But the grownup thing to do is wait
until you have the chance to talk things over
properly. Without it, you'll wind up producing a
greater issue in your friendship.

Learn to Be Assertive

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Many people assume being assertive implies
walking all over others, but in truth it really
means that you boldly communicate to others
when you have something to say. This implies
that instead of waiting to let a problem grow,
you address it immediately away. Or that you
boldly offer your perspective, even when you
know your buddy disagrees. You do it with
respect and don't quarrel, but you don't allow
someone else to dominate the discussion either.

Being assertive implies that when friends

overstep their limits, you kindly reprimand them.
This helps keep conflicts to a minimal and
enables you to prevent the unpleasant sentiments
that might arise in a connection over time.

Make Sure You're Calm

If you're furious, you will surely say things you
don't mean. There are certain things that, once
you say them, you just can't take them back.
Instead, wait until you've calmed down, even if
it means a day or two later.

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If your buddy wants to chat and you're still
unhappy, tell them:

● "I definitely want to speak about this with

you, but I'm pretty unhappy right now and
want to wait until I can clear my thoughts.
● I believe it will be best for our relationship
if I give myself a day to think about this."

Ask Your Friend How You Can Both

Communicate Better
If you discover that you and a buddy have
regular communication issues, don't accuse them
of doing anything wrong. The issue may be on
your end. What's more, different groups of
friends communicate differently, so what works
for one buddy may not work for another.

Instead, ask your buddy for thoughts on how you

two might connect more successfully. Say
something like:

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 ● "I see we've had a few misunderstandings
recently when it comes to meeting up after
work. How can we address this? Do you
want me to contact you before I leave?
Send you an email?"

● "I put on your Facebook wall about the

party, but I assume you didn't see it. I use
Facebook a lot myself, but if you don't
that's alright. Let me know what's the best
method to reach you so I don't leave you
out next time."

● "I know you've been sending me SMS

throughout the day, but I really can't get to
them. Can you phone me instead? I can
chat to you more easily that way."

Work Toward a Goal of Bettering Your

Friendship
Make sure all your conversation has an aim to it:
to develop your relationship. If you're talking or
doing things that don't enhance the friendship,

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maybe it's a good idea to simply leave them
alone.

Ultimately, you want your friendship to be a safe

zone, where you both feel comfortable sharing
what you have to say without worrying about
being judged or misunderstood.

How to Deal With a Friend Who Talks

Over You

One of the fundamental wants we all have is to

just be heard. We want friends to listen
thoroughly in order to comprehend our thoughts
and ideas. In order to achieve this, a friend has to
be adept in active listening, where they not only
stop to let you talk, they take in the nonverbal
signs you’re providing them as well.

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People are seldom adept at listening. This is true
even of our dearest friends at times. We live in a
busy world, and the capacity to set it all aside
and concentrate on someone else is missing in
our culture as a whole.

The trouble is, friendship fades when one of the

pals doesn’t feel valued. If you have a buddy
that continually speaks over you, here are some
advice on how to manage it.

“You’re Talking Over Me” or “Please Hear What

I Am Saying”

We have to educate others on how to treat us.

Perhaps a buddy doesn’t recognize that chatting
over someone else is a terrible thing. Maybe they
grew up in a home where everyone interrupted
each other and they believe this is typical
behavior. Perhaps they feel talking over someone
displays excitement, or maybe they genuinely do
think they know better and don’t want to hear
what you’re saying.

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If this individual has several long-time pals or
one close closest buddy, chances are they have
formed a practice of interrupting. This is true of
strong friends who have known each other a
long time and understand each other’s
characteristics. Interrupting grows more regular
and forgivable since they know their relationship
won’t be destroyed by it.

But even with long-term friends, there are

moments when one person simply has to be
quiet and devote their complete attention to the
other buddy. If your friend’s continual
interruption is affecting your friendship (even if
they don’t plan to destroy the connection), you
have to let them know.

If you continue to say nothing and instead grow

quietly upset when they blab over you, you’re
sending them the message that this is alright. So
it’s up to you to let them know it isn’t.

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First, start small with the obvious. Some things
to say to cease their interruptions:

● “You’re talking over me”

● “Please listen to what I am trying to say”
● “Please hear what I am telling you”

Say one of these statements quietly to give your

buddy an opportunity to take a step back and
understand that the way they are aren’t reacting
isn’t acceptable to you. It puts a distinct pause to
the discourse that lets them know you need to be
heard.

When Interrupting Continues:

Some friends establish a practice of interrupting
which becomes part of their personality. If
you’ve let them know you don’t like it and they
persist, you have to speak more forcefully about
it.

First, utilize specific instances when they have

interrupted you. Don’t say “you constantly butt
in” or “you are always cutting me off.” Give

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them an example of when they cut you off and
how it made you feel.

For example, “You spoke over me while I was

attempting to tell you about my sister. I feel like
you haven’t truly heard what I’ve attempted to
convey about her situation.”

Your buddy may react, “I know what you’re

going to say, that’s why I interrupt” or “I’ve
heard it a million times.” If that’s the case, urge
them to kindly withhold judgment and actually
listen. Tell them that although they believe
they’ve heard it all, you don’t feel heard, and
you’d want to be able to clarify yourself without
interrupting you.

Keep Your Cool With Someone Who

Interrupts:

People who interrupt you all time have their own

issues, but it doesn’t mean you need to call them
out. Chances are that a buddy who speaks over

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you is insecure, frightened that their own ideas
will be questioned. Attacking them verbally in
response isn’t beneficial to the present situation
or your relationship as a whole.

Don’t do the following:

● Point out how many times you’ve sat and

listened to them. (Chances are you’ve
listened to them much more than they’ve
listened to you, but they won’t perceive it
that way.)

● Use the “always” term to characterize

their conduct. (“You constantly
interrupt!”)

● Talk about the stuff they discuss all the

time and you’re sick of hearing. (Someone
who interrupts a lot generally speaks more
about their concerns than other pals.)

How to Maintain Dignity With an

Interrupter:

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Interrupters aren’t only impolite, they also grow
loud. The louder you would attempt to speak to
be heard, the louder they’ll answer. This means
you’ll both be raising your voices to each other
and neither one of you will be listening.

Instead, back down. Remain quiet, remove

yourself from the situation (walk away from
them or respectfully hang up the phone), and
regroup.

A person who continually interrupts either isn’t

conscious of their conduct or doesn’t know how
to actually be a friend. This is particularly true if
they whine or vent to you but still interrupt when
you need center stage.

Spend some time away from that buddy and

minimize discussions with them. Perhaps there
are simply certain issues you feel you can’t
speak about, so you can meet your buddy and
just avoid certain topics.

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Perhaps you learn that they weren’t the excellent
buddy you thought they were. Where you
wanted someone to provide support they could
only hear their own voice. In this scenario, walk
on from them and seek out new, gentler friends
who understand what give and take in a
relationship is all about.

Most of all, don’t become upset with this

individual. Forgive them and recognize that not
every friend you meet will be able to react the
way you want they would. Continue meeting
new people and steadily displaying your
vulnerable side to the folks you’ve created trust
with.

What to Say When They Ask What’s Wrong:

Your buddy may not have any clue why you’re

furious with them or why you’ve pulled away, so
if they ask, explain to them gently why you’ve
stepped back. Don’t take this opportunity to
release your wounded emotions or anger on
them, but explain to them nicely that this topic is

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important to you and you just wanted to be
heard. (Here’s more on being gently honest with
a buddy.)

Remember that everyone has a different degree

of comfort with communication and even
friendship. Your buddy may fail to notice the
problem even after you explain or perhaps find
your thoughts “silly.” Allow them their feelings
and go on to share your story with another friend
who will care enough to listen.

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 CHAPTER 3:
STEPS TO COMMUNICATE WITH
YOUR FRIENDS WITHOUT
FEELING NEEDY

Get Clear On What You Want

Before you can convey your demands, it’s vital
to be clear on what they are. As Thais shares:
“We cannot assume that the people in our life
can read our thoughts and show up the way we
want.” And you can’t convey to your pals how
you want them to come up unless you are clear
on that first.

This may seem straightforward - of course, you

already know what you need, right? Maybe. But
frequently what we desire from a connection and
what we truly need might be two different
things.

Consider this: If a buddy frequently bails on the

plans that you’ve made, you may believe that

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you need them to stop being so flaky. (And that’s
a reasonable request!) But your needs will never
be dependent on someone else’s behavior.
Instead, think about how their flakiness makes
you feel: ignored, irrelevant, or even abandoned.

Perhaps, instead, what you need from your

buddy is to know that you’re a priority in their
life and that they want to spend meaningful time
with you. So analyze what it is you believe you
need from your friendship, and then dig a little
further. Get clear on what it is you genuinely
desire before you attempt to explain it.

Avoid Being Accusatory

It’s easy to want to blame your buddy whenever
they didn’t or couldn’t offer you what you need.
But what if they were coping with their issues?
What if they didn’t notice you were distant or
hurting?

What if they wanted to assist, but they didn’t

even know what you needed?

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As with any effective relationship
communication, avoid laying unneeded blame
on the other person and accept responsibility for
your own emotions and needs. Try to avoid
blaming words if your friends haven’t yet
acknowledged or supported your needs; instead,
use “I” statements to accept responsibility for
your emotions.

Instead of saying, “You never make time for

me!” consider addressing them: “I feel like I’m
not a priority in your life. I need to sense that
you want to spend time with me.” This method
empowers you by enabling you to accept
responsibility for the one thing you can
genuinely know and control: your own emotions.

Communicate From a Place of Calm

Conversations that have the potential to become
emotional or heated should always be conducted
with purpose. When you’re articulating what you
need (assuming that those requirements have not
been satisfied), your talk may quickly get
contentious. And that makes logic, right? If

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you’ve been feeling unsupported, you could also
reasonably feel resentful, frustrated, or even
furious that your buddy hasn’t been showing up
for you the way you need them to.

That being said, it’s not likely that you’ll

successfully explain how you’re feeling or what
you need if you attempt to chat with your buddy
from that negative mentality. Instead, have a
purposeful (and possibly, planned) talk when
you’re both calm and prepared to discuss
something deeper. Let your buddy know what
you want to speak about so that they don’t feel
ambushed and may potentially prepare some
discussion points of their own.

Include Steps to Support You

You’ve already gotten clear on what you need;
now become clear on the activities your buddy
can do to help you. “Being upfront with others
about what we want is a sort of compassion and
helps the connection to flourish from a position
of limits and intimacy,” says Thais.

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Of course, it might seem irritating when your
friends — the ones who are supposed to know
you best — can’t read your mind or
miraculously know what you need. But knowing
accurately how to help you is hardly the
indication of a strong relationship anyhow.

A friend who actively listens to your requests,

then purposefully executes the best measures
you’ve requested them to do is a genuine
indicator of a friend who cares.

Think about the needs you identified in the

previous phase, then write 1-3 actionable ways
your buddy can best support that need. Be honest
with yourself and with them about the practical
actions that will fulfill your requirements.

Offer to Return the Favor

Now, it’s time to turn the tables: Encourage your
buddy to communicate their needs with you, and
show your readiness to help them too. In freely
stating your wants, you’ve also shown them that
this is a safe and welcome contact to have.

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That being said, make it very clear that the
interaction is two-way, and that you are open to
accepting inquiries from them as well.

This is what makes a relationship a relationship

after all; it’s the meticulous dance of managing
each other’s needs, supporting each other’s
wants, and learning and developing individually
and as a unit because of your willingness to hear
from and support one another.

“Asking for what you want from a friend,

whether it’s for them to show up for you in a
specific manner or to stop doing something that
hurts you, is challenging and demands us to
directly address what it means to take up space
and to feel worthy in that space,” says Thais.

If you haven’t yet completely established that

feeling of worthiness — the confidence to
recognize what you need and think that you
deserve to get it — give yourself grace and look
at each occasion to articulate your needs as an

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opportunity and a practice. Remember that the
friends that are suitable for you will always be
able to receive that.

How to communicate in conflict with

your friend

The cornerstone of all relationships is founded

on honesty and trust. It’s alright to display
vulnerability, to be mistaken, or to just plain
break down from time to time. Each individual
has something to contribute and something to
learn. Conflict may be regarded as the means to
pass down such information.

Every struggle with another is an opportunity to

strengthen our reaction. They provide us the
opportunity to cultivate patience, respect for
others, detachment, and compassion. The extra

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advantage is enhancing our connections and our
capacity to communicate.

1. Think about whether something has to be

expressed right now, in this time.
Sometimes the chance will be missed if not.

2. Think about the other person’s state of mind.

Is he/she fatigued, under other stress, or not in an
ideal position right now to have a sincere talk?

3. Consider whether you have solid control over

your emotions.
Also, examine whether you have the necessary
perspective to cope with the probable
implications.

Email, messages, and mobile phone

conversations are not a great approach to
establishing the desire to chat about anything
significant.

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4. Hold off on the confrontation if you believe
the moment is not suitable.
There is a distinct difference between avoiding a
challenging issue and methodically choosing the
optimum moment to conduct a potentially tough
talk.

5. Focus on breathing to help manage your

emotions.
If you begin a challenging talk beginning from a
position of controlled emotion and grace, the
route will be smoother.

6. Keep your viewpoint wide and realistic.

Don’t put too much significance on a single
lecture. Most of the growth in relationships
comes from a series of dialogues as they unfold
spontaneously. Try to remain in the now and
limit unnecessary drama by bringing up old or
irrelevant concerns.

7. Listen more than you say.

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It’s OK to be heard, but if you are not listening
to the other’s answer, the conversation is
worthless.

8. Avoid introducing needless drama.

These actions never help to heal a situation and
eventually cause greater sorrow to those
concerned. These include ultimatums, ranting,
threatening to break off the friendship,
name-calling, and personal assaults.

If it comes to it, go away. Breathe, move back,

and let go sometime before you attempt again.

9. Acknowledge the emotions.

If you accept that someone is upset or wounded,
you may better comprehend the sharp or harsh
remarks that may be coming from them. You
may opt to assist them to cope with their feelings
or let them recover their composure to discuss
another time.

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10. Clear the emotional fog sufficiently to hear
the message.
If you need to ask for clarification or even repeat
what you believe the other person is trying to
communicate, so be it.

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