Jenell Wilkie

Jenell Wilkie

A Waterways Project Publication Richard Spiegel Barbara Fisher codirectors Thomas Perry administrative assistant Judith Rosenbaum Teacher

Richard Organisciak Superintendent Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education Schools & Programs 2000 Ten Penny Players with funding support from the NY State Council on the Arts

Brooklyn College Academy Madeline Lumachi Principal

In loving memory of my Aunty Joy Joycelyn Agard.

You screaming my name Is driving me absolutely insane. Some say I am to blame, But they dont share my name. Called a million times a day, But never once to say, Youve done ok I hope I one day may

What?

A million times get to call your name And see if you react the same way. Screaming back and asking for release Just a few moments of some peace. So get off my back And step away Give me a few moments A few moments to pray.

When we first met Who wouldve ever known Our destiny was set It was written in stone.

Destiny

A moments glance From your eyes to mine Would make my heart dance As though we were intertwined. The touch of our hands When in passing Would make my hairs stand. The feeling is truly enchanting. Now its like Heaven And all I can say Is, I didnt know then That you felt the same way.

We always seem to say Hey, I aint gonna be that way. But when our time comes to seize that day We fall back in the same old trade. We sit back and talk Of the wrongs they did to us But when our time comes to walk that talk It turns out we all just pass

Lessons

Thinking back on the things we learn from young We look at how wrong they seemed And how different we would be But pass the same things down to our sons. See in the end When we look back around that bend Its up to us to change things Before our life ends. To change those wrongs Done oh so long And create our own new songs. 5

Truth What is truth? It is the opposite of a lie, What you see When you open your eyes. The truth is What keeps things real. What others see When you show how you feel. If used for good It can make the unjust just. If used for bad It has the power to make you mad. Either way, itll set you free And make it easier for you to breathe. If locked inside all you have is a lie; And if lie begets lie You shall become more blind. So, if the truth is what you seek, Open up. If the truth is what you seek Dont keep it shut. 6

Truth

Deep within my insides, Lies my dark side.

Two

Sinister, strong Mad, and bold. My struggle no one knows This struggle is untold.

Fighting, Clawing away at my very mind. I battle, Striving to keep this darkness confined. Pacing, up and down Round and round Yet, not moving.

Breathing, While in each breath Beseeching mercy from madness Hiding within all my sadness. 7

In, Breathe to keep the struggle alive Out All tension that I might survive In and out In and out Hoping and praying Without use of my mouth. I breath, I live I survive Awaiting the next battle With my dark side.

Sunshine, shine brightly Upon me, fruit of thine earth. Shine brightly on all.

Sunshine (haiku)

(Untitled)

Thy love you expressed to me With all your heart and so much glee, Enchanted me totally Almost nearly captured me. In the sweetness of thy tone Thy words sweep swiftly through my bones, Carrying me to a place Where I would not let thee Love me at a lower rate. But at this sate You say I deserve In this place You and I alone, But alas I am no clown. Your ending words Have made my heart frown; Seeing then your true desires To extinguish my deep fires. So be gone from my view For me truly you never knew.

Every minute Of every day I sit here wondering In dismay If I could ever See again This one I called More than my friend, Confidant favorer Advocate for my mind. I hope and pray I shall find This one That understood my soul; This one That spoke and made me whole. When down and stressed And no one else understood I spoke to her And then she would Say, "with faith all things are possible. And I held those words to be infallible Until that day She went away. 10

Striving For Sanity Despite Emptiness

Then I stood and listened To others say, Shes gone home now to be with her Master, When I just thought it a tragic disaster. Thinking, If possible why didnt you stay? Why did things have to be this way? But deep inside I truly know It was your time, Your time to go. Your time came As mine will too And then that day I will see you.

11

You keep beating me And pushing me away. If this is how its going to be Then Im sorry, But I cant stay.

Stand

In this turmoil youve made me endure, Im afraid If I dont leave now I might end up on the floor Bleeding to death And asking, My God, why? Did you hate me so much? Did you want me to die?

But now it is time For me for me to leave. Step back into the world And relearn to breathe.

Looking back on all those chances I had Why did I stay? I just made you mad.

12

I could die today. I could die tomorrow. I shouldve died yesterday, But yesterday was not my time. I used to stare out the window Looking into space, so blind. But, then came that man. Yesterday was not my time. I used to hate the world For the trials it let me find. But, then came that van. Yesterday was not my time. I used to wake up every day Wondering if today Id lose my mind. But, then came the Lord. Yesterday was not my time. He grabbed me and pulled me in, Told me hed erase all of my sins; And as I ventured to ask why He said, Yesterday was not your time. See, my child, for you I have plans. It may take a while, But youll understand. So just hold on a little longer. 13

Shaken

These things shall make you become stronger For you to accomplish all your goals And become greater than all your foes. And, as I contemplated all these things, I barely heard the angels sing, Others may come and go as may. But, yesterday was not your day.

Wasting it foolishly, as a child; Waiting to see what comes your way; Watching as you let it pass you by; Wanting to jump in and take charge; Waking each morning with the sun; Weeping when others time is done; Wondering what tomorrow brings; Hoping it brings new and exciting things; Dreaming of surpassing all your goals; Fearing youll never surpass your foes; Passing through day to day.

Time

14

Bleeding inside And nowhere to run, Funny how everyone thinks Youre having fun. You wear this disguise To hide those poor crying eyes. Some seek my demise As I struggle to rise Up above my sorrows, Insecurities and fears; Reaching plateaus Others never dared. I try to step up Out of this pit, While still trying To avoid all the hits. Those hits That push me back down, But I keep smiling to the world While my soul holds a frown; Smiling to those Who dont understand How I struggle to meet Others' demands; 15

Scared

Battling against My deep drawn pains; Struggling to erase Those horrid stains So awful that I choose To lock them inside; Lock them away Inside my mind. Yet my soul, Im afraid, Might give me away; Then, will I choose to remain here? Will I choose to stay?

16

Now in this time, Of which I imagine To be of most unutterable pain, Remember that The day will come When youll see The sunshine after the rain. You will come to a point Where you will realize That although she is not here There is nothing for you to fear. So, when you feel a warmth, Know deep in your heart That you two are never apart.

Painful Moments

17

Im not ready to close your eyes. No, Im not ready to say goodbye. So many things I still want to do; So many things I still want to say to you; No, Im not ready to say goodbye To my close friend Who stood steadfast by my side. No, its not that Im yellow Or my mind too slow To understand you must now go. Im just not ready For you to row that boat Down that everlasting stream Leading right into Eternity. No!!! Im not ready to let you go. My mind sometimes goes blind When I think of a world without you; Afraid that I must might find Without you I cannot make it through. Say what ye may, But understand it will not stay this way. I will see you again! You who have been so much more 18

Goodbye

Than just my friend. I will see you In the end Up on that chair beside God Without the worries of a Job To be done Left un-done; Left to the study of one young. But for now I will stay here In this land Of utter despair; Doing my best to make you proud Letting not by my judgement pass one cloud; Remembering good things from our past; Remembering good times, down to our last.

19

Journey past Journey through Journey out Stand tall. Stand strong. Dont pout. Journey out Journey past Journey through All the struggles that life throws at you. Journey out Journey through Journey past. These here pains were made not to last. And if you make it out And if you believe youll make it through Without a doubt, I do assure you, Youll no longer be Cant you see In the eyes of both you and me An outcast.

Journey

20

Last night You said you loved me And that nothing Could stand above me. I responded And said, I love you, Hoping you knew Id always be true.

Last Night

If this is love We claim we feel Then it should be wondrous In all its appeal. In warmth, comfort and affection It should guide us In the same direction. If this is love We claim we feel Then it should be honest In all its appeal. It should be tender Passionate and devout 21

And not be cluttered By worldly clout. Extravagance is infatuation. Love is simple with no stipulations. If this is love We claim we feel Then others should see That it is real.

Friendship lost Fear Regret Sorrow Anger Excitement Prestige Joy Friendship made.

Moving

22

Lord, Lord, Lord! Why doesnt anyone Listen to me? Why cant my soul Be radiant and free? I walk Through this place, Day to day, Struggling to find My perfect way Way back to those lessons I once was taught And find out how I went Where I not ought. Lord, Lord, Lord! Why cant they Just let me be? They call my name, But when I speak They still cant see I just dont bother. I say, "Why me? 23

Listen

The most beautiful of all feelings on Earth Should not hurt. It should be warm and comforting. Love is affection, Tenderness, passion and devotion; Not the pain or anger Some might call love, Or how they express their love. That love is not true love. True love is not only the physical, But what is inside. And, if there is nothing inside Then there is no love there. True love Is only found by those open to feel it.

Love

24

Had I then sight Of this great disaster I wouldve tried with all my might Until I was master. Master of this thing We call time Tried and mastered it To my own design.

Missing You

Where time would have paused At our last, brief meeting And wed spoke of what caused My constant feeling. The time we had left I was untold When your soul time swept My skin grew so cold.

Hearing the news of your grand departure I was left to live with regret and painful torture. 25

I fear it. It scares me. I yell and scream, But no one hears me. I am afraid Of what it can do. I am afraid Of knowing its true.

? I.C.

It destroys nations, Small and large; Conquers some souls; And then takes charge.

I sit alone, Contemplating worldly doings, Slowly realizing It lies within every human being. Dreadingly realizing It lies within me.

26

Can you now see Why my soul not fills with glee When I see it inside Both you and me?

Wasting Waiting Watching Wanting Waking Weeping Passing Wondering Fearing Dreaming Hoping Beginning Ending

Time

27

Man of peace and love, Man of hopes and dreams, Dreams that reached the sky, Dreams for a time like no other time, A time when racist ignorance And bigotry would not exist, Hopes for a world, A world where wed recognize each other For the brothers and sisters we are Under one God, Hopes for a hopeless world, A world that would shatter his dreams In a bullet, This man, Man of peace, Man of love, Lost in that one bullet, And a sound rag out With that one bullet As if all time had stopped As the impact reached his chest, One bullet that would take with it One of our nations greatest Leaders and champions, And with him his Utopia. 28

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

If all are for one And one is for all Then any mans death diminishes me. As members of this great race, We, the many pieces, Should act as a whole. So, the faults of one Are the faults of all. And the joys of one Are the joys of all. If one child starves We hunger.

Any Mans Death Diminishes Me

If one man lay homeless In the street We are all cold. If we feed the starving And home the homeless They will have joy. 29

And their joy completes me. Any mans joy completes me. Because I am a member Of the whole.

Fear Love Anger Anxiety Hate Nervousness Enthusiasm Passion Remorse Confusion

Emotions

30

My love, thy words do wound me To deny my love for thee. My heart to thee I did confess And yet, you left it in such mess.

A Hearts Wish

It is true that youth does not last And that present shall become past. But my love for you shall move through time, Living and lasting longer than wine.

Do come with me and be my love And we together shall stand above All new seasons of endings and beginnings. Our love shall stand there still living, still living. So put behind all hurt of thy past And understand our love shall last, That my promises shall come true, For in my heart there is only you.

31

Since that first day When I saw your sweet smile, Your luscious lips, Your walk and your style, The attraction I felt, Something said it was true. That night that we kissed I knew it was you. That you and I Were meant to be together And that our hearts Would soar higher than any feather. For a time this dream was reality But when you left I went into insanity Missing your body within my arms Missing that smile that wit and that charm. That love that we shared I feared. Fore never in a thousand years had I dared To dream of a man like you. To dream of a man Who makes me feel like you do. 32

A Dedication from the Heart

In Search of a Song Volume 779

A Waterways Project Publication 1999-2000