May 16th 1961

Today was the most unexpected birthday I have ever had. I woke up at 5 am as usual and
started preparing for the day while my pig of a husband was still sleeping and snoring like
a pig. Surprisingly, I happily made anchovy toast and fish cakes for breakfast and started
prepping to make my favorite Yorkshire pudding, and cheese and potato flan for lunch.

Now that I think about how happy I was early in the morning, I should have stayed inside
my home and never gone to the park. Although I don’t regret one bit of it, meeting him
just brought too many bittersweet memories from the past. It made me yearn for the life I
could have had and started daydreaming about what life would be like if we had entered
into the covenant of Holy Matrimony and declared our consent before God and his
church.

It was now all too late for regrets.

I have now become bound by the chains of marriage and motherhood. I have been
molded into an ‘ideal housewife’ and stripped of my freedom and happiness. Now I live in
this cold house devoid of warmth and love, cleaning, cooking, and looking after the kids
all day while my husband made pub his choice of home.

I expected today to be no exception, for it to be the same old routine of trying to keep my
sanity intact and get the housework done while the three little he-devils scream their
heads off for attention. But, I thought why not go to the park for a change and have a
picnic with myself and celebrate by the 30th year of still being alive, while the kids played
around.

I had a cup of hot coffee and ate my still-warm and toasty anchovy toast before waking
the kids up and getting them ready for the day. After an hour of headache-filled screams
and tantrums, I finally got them ready and fed them breakfast. I then took a jar of icy cold
water and poured it down on my good-for-nothing husband. My, my, what a reaction I got
out of him. This useless man wouldn’t have got me a gift, let alone remember my
birthday. So why not treat myself with one? I laughed at his pale dumbstruck face that
was slowly resembling a tomato out of anger and splashed the remaining water on him.
leave no regrets for the future. Who knows when I will be in this mood again and pour
cold water on him again?
I quickly left the room before he started screaming and quickly made lunch and packed it
before heading off to Birkenhead Park with the kids.

Only when I arrived at the park I realized how plain and out of date my clothes were. I was
wearing a baby pink cropped sweater with a pink circle skirt that was fading out of color. I
had paired my outfit with my three-year-old worn-out white gloves and dusty pink cloche
hat which was given to me as a wedding gift from one of my close acquaintances. I walked
along the ‘coronation walk’ with my kids while taking in the scenery and sniffing the cool,
pine-scented air.

I slumped on a nearby bench and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to block out the feeling
of desolation that often swamped me. I let my mind wander to those amazing days when I
was single. I would go on dates, go to work and hang out with my friends. I would go to
boutiques, throwing my money on the latest clinched waist dresses and slim skirt suits.
People used to stare at me with envy, but now they stare at me with pity. I don’t blame
them, I went from looking like a Hollywood actress to a homeless street rat roaming the
streets with three leeches constantly sucking me off dry.

That’s when the most unexpected event happened. My youngest child’s wail broke into
my thoughts and my eyes met his, making my body freeze. The man I once loved and
cherished. At that exact moment, a strong wind whipped us, piercing my clothes with icy
darts and giving me goosebumps. My heart started thumping fast and loudly. Everything
around us froze, even the whining and bickering noise of my kids. He gave me a casual
nod, his eyes glistening and warm, but I was unsure of the meaning.

Before I could control myself, I started a conversation with him, desperately wanting to
cling to this opportunity to relive those once-happy moments. We stood a while in
flickering light, rehearsing the children’s names and birthdays. His glance swung swiftly to
my kids then me. “Thank god I am not in her shoes,” his gaze says, making me feel worse
than I already did.

He smiled once again but this time indicating his departure and I felt a prickling sensation
in my throat. He left again like he did all those years ago taking my heart and happiness
along with him and leaving me feeling void and heartbroken. I looked at my kids and
whispered to the wind “they have eaten me alive”.