the MONEY

Relief for Your What to Wear on

Financial Rage a Date That’s on
AKA Gen Z’s Biggest Valentine’s Day
Feeling About but Not, Like, *for*
Valentine’s Day
Y’Know? Page 23

Falling
Sorry, but No for
Haircuts Will Be
as Cool as These
Page 18

We Got Inside
Your Dumbest
Ex’s Head “Love is tight. When
(It’s scary here?)
you find it, you
A Catsuit on Our fight for that sh*t.”
Cover Star and
a Catsuit on You!
Are We Being
Pushy? Maybe!!
Page 84

Me and OnlyFans
and…My Parents
Page 42
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Page 14
Alien Green Everything
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Party’s
Not Over
Page 76

C O V E R P H O T O G R A P H S B Y A M B E R A S A LY
C O V E R FA S H I O N B Y C A S S I E A N D E R S O N
COURTESY JULEE WILSON.

On Madelyn: Alex Perry catsuit. Tabayer necklace. Jade Trau earrings and ring (right). Jacquie
Aiche ring (left). Hair: Ted Gibson for Starring by Ted Gibson. Makeup: Jen Tioseco using Dior
Beauty. Manicure: Zola Ganzorigt using OPI. Tailor: Irina Shishko. Production: Crawford & Co Pro-
ductions. To get Madelyn’s look, try Clean Fresh Skin Milk Foundation, TruBlend Minerals Bronzer
in Golden Sunrise, Exhibitionist 24-Hour Kohl Eyeliner in Black, Exhibitionist Stretch & Strengthen
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1
 And Now, a Word From
Our Robot Overlords
I asked ChatGPT, the new AI bot
that’s suddenly everywhere, to read
our magazine. Here’s its review.*

The Etch a Sketch Effect Will Explain

Every Breakup You’ve Ever Had
PAGE 36

“The article presents an

interesting perspective
on a specific phenomenon in
relationships and provides
insight from experts in
the field of psychology and
relationship coaching. It is
worth noting that the article
is written in a personal
and opinionated style.”

Help! I Can’t Stop Cyberstalking

People From My Past
PAGE 46

“The article suggests that

if this behavior is starting
to feel like a time suck,

Mad Money the reader should try to

replace it with something
more nourishing or positive.
As an AI, I am not capable
It’s not just that Glass Onion and Outer Banks star Madelyn Cline
of giving personal
looks money on our cover (and here, and on page 66, and *espe- advice, but the article
cially* on page 70)—this is the Money Issue for other reasons. provides some helpful
Like, for example, this ever-looming and ever-stressful recession/ insights and suggestions.”
inflation mess. Or how crypto was supposed to save us but
imploded instead. Or the increasingly undeniable and infuriating
fact that our generation is so much more financially screwed than What to Wear on a Third Date That Just
our parents were, with less spending power and heavier debt. So Happens to Fall on Valentine’s Day
According to new Cosmo research, “being able to pay PAGE 23
my bills” is a worry that’s taken
up residence in the mind of basi- “The article suggests to
cally every reader we have. And extravaganza of private planes and avoid being too obvious with
rocket ships—it’s no wonder 75 per- the Valentine’s Day theme,
at a time when traditional finance
which could convey a strong
advice blames your Grubhub cent of you tell us you want to eat the
message of interest and
habit for problems that are way rich. You just want them to pay their
commitment, which may make
outside your control—or when, fair share of taxes first.
the other person feel
hell, climate change is blamed on Turn to page 57 for a special sec-
uncomfortable if they are not
your use of a plastic straw instead tion all about your money anger and ready to take the relationship
of billionaires’ carbon-emission what to do with it (next Grubhub to that level yet. It could
order: rage with a side of revolt?), also convey a message of
and then turn to any other page for a trying too hard to impress
palate cleanse. Or, you know, shop- or not being genuine
ping ideas for spending the money or authentic. It could lead
you do have. It’s me, hi, I’m the prob- to an awkward situation.”
GILES: ALLIE HOLLOWAY.

lem, it’s me

*I edited the transcript of our convo

Jessica Giles down for space (ChatGPT replies in
EDITOR-IN- CHIEF paragraphs) but didn’t change its
language or message. Bot’s gonna bot!

2 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Editor-in-Chief
JESSICA GILES
C R E ATIV E D I R ECTO R Mallory Roynon
E XEC UTIV E ED ITO R Sascha de Gersdorff
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FAS H I O N D I R ECTO R Cassie Anderson
ENTERTA I N M ENT D I R ECTO R Maxwell Losgar
D ES I G N D I R ECTO R Jose Fernandez
FE ATU R ES D I R ECTO R Erin Quinlan
A RTI C LES D I R ECTO R Madeleine Frank Reeves
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N E WS A N D P O P C U LT U R E D I R ECTO R Alexandra Whittaker
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M A N AG I N G ED ITO R Christopher Dean
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glasses for
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each, byfar.com
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F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 3
T h e Fi r s t Pa g e

What Type of
Billionaire Would You Be?
This is the part where I make you look (way) inward. Prepare.
BY AN NAB E L IWEGB U E

1. A family of six behind you 5. Your current dream

at airport security is about vacation is...
to miss their flight. How are a Me resplendent on a
you telling them they can’t white-sand beach in the
cut the line? Turks and Caicos.
a By looking straight ahead b A whale conservation tour
and ignoring the kids’ plead- in the Azores.
ing faces.
c Free-climbing cliffs in Tanza-
b I might not even notice? nia. Or, like, on the moon.
c With a full-blown diva
meltdown of my own. 6. Death row meal. Go:
a A sample platter of truf-
2. Imagine you’re commission- fle fries from all the best
ing an artist to compose your restaurants.
personal theme song. What’s
on that artist’s résumé? b A homemade comfort meal.
a An EGOT, obviously. c Anything I’m super allergic
to that I’ve never gotten to try
b A reality competition victory. before. (This isn’t gonna end
c Daily TMZ coverage. well anyway.)

3. Your bestie just got a pro- 7. You’ve suddenly been

motion! How do you react magically bestowed with
to the announcement text? the power to time travel.
a A thumbs-up. What’s your first stop?

b A heart emoji. a A visit to my future self so

I can see how I’ll age.
c An exclamation mark.
You know, for emphasis. b I’d bring a vaccine back
from the future.

4. If you had the funds to c I’ve always wanted to insert

employ a personal staff, myself into a significant his-
who would you hire first? torical moment and alter the
course of human events.
a A hair and makeup artist.
b A social media manager 8. Finally, how do you prep
whose entire job is to brief your breakfast cereal?
me on what the other
99 percent is doing. a Milk before cereal.

c A scribe who records all my b Cereal before milk.

best thoughts and ideas. c Dry, baby. Dry.

MOSTLY A’s MOSTLY B’s MOSTLY C’s

The Queen of Versailles The Absent Do-Gooder The Chaos Agent

CARLTON DAVIS/TRUNK ARCHIVE.

Actual glitz and glam (versus your current
IG-filtered version) would come so
naturally to you and your “if you’ve got it,
flaunt it” mentality. Because honestly,
the only thing more fabulous than you is
an extremely rich you, and hey, your
followers need something to aspire to.
Congrats on being holier—and significantly
richer—than thou. You’d basically be
a saint…or as saintly as anyone who’s kind
of out of touch and hoarding a small
percentage of the world’s wealth can be.
Just try to turn some of that performative
goodness into real-life impact, okay?
Daily private parkour lessons?
Buying an island on a whim?
Not understanding the term “balance
sheet”? NBD. You’d feel at peace letting
your cash burn because it’d be all
about your motto anyway: We’re here
for a good time, not a long time.

4 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
THE TASTE
YOU LOVE,
AT A PRICE
YOU’LL LOVE.

All trademarks are owned by Société des Produits Nestlé S.A., Vevey, Switzerland.
we all bring unique flavor to the bowl

mms.com

© 2022 MARS OR AFFILIATES

 Sorry, You’ve Got Plans Why Can’t We Quit the ’90s??
Page 10 Page 14
Anna Says Hi, BTW
Page 12

pop cult
Your Queue
Looks Empty.
Let’s Fix That.
You bring the popcorn,
we’ll bring the picks.
B Y TA M A R A F U E N T E S

Emily
February 24,
Theaters
While plenty of people
can recite lines from
Emily Brontë’s bleak but
somehow also romantic
Wuthering Heights from
memory (thank you,
SparkNotes), few can
talk about the author’s
actual love life. This
(bleak but somehow also
romantic) movie will
make you feel like an
expert in that too.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 7
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P O P C U LT E xc u s e s to Sta y I n

Freeridge
Now Streaming, Netflix

I know what you’re probably

thinking: Do we really need
an On My Block spin-off? A
few minutes of this witty series
will convince you that we do.
The
Watchful Eye
(And no, you don’t need to
Now Airing, Freeform have seen the original.) (But
Finally, a thriller to fill the
Cruel Summer hole in your
seriously, watch the original
heart. Mariel Molino stars too.) This iteration has witches,
as Elena, a new nanny in
New York City’s exclusive gnomes, and a new core four
Greybourne apartment
building. Pay attention to trying to break a curse. Abbott
the details—even the wall-
paper can give you clues
Elementary breakout star
as the mystery unravels.
Kelly Bishop also stars, so
Keyla Monterroso Mejia
between her and Milo over
to the right, this page is basi-
proves she’s comedy’s latest
cally a Gilmore Girls reunion. gem in the lead role.
For when you tell yourself
10 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 “just one more episode…”:
 Get Lit

STONE COLD FOX,

by Rachel Koller Crof t
February 14

Champions Amelia, An ambitious woman

meets her match when she
March 24, Theaters by Mimi Webb tries to marry for money in
Woody Harrelson is a March 3 this gripping thriller.
disgraced basketball With powerhouse vocals
coach hired to lead a and lyrics that make you
team of Special Olympics want to scream along,
hopefuls. You’ve seen this Mimi Webb is music’s
story before, but the film next big name. “House
stands on its own thanks on Fire” feels like the
to some “did they really 2023 pop version of
just say that?!” comedy, Carrie Underwood’s CLYTEMNESTRA,
especially from actor “Before He Cheats,” and by Costanza Casati
Madison Tevlin, and ballads like “Last Train March 7
emotional scenes that will to London” depict Fans of Circe and Elektra
turn you into a puddle. heartbreak perfectly. should pick up this
powerful Greek myth
retelling.

WHAT HAPPENED TO
RUTHY RAMIREZ,
by Claire Jiménez
March 7
This novel follows the
The Company family of a woman who
You Keep mysteriously disappeared,
only to show up on a reality
February 19, ABC show 12 years later.
Are you ready to meet
your new favorite bad
boy? Milo Ventimiglia
BLACK CHAMELEON: JACKET DESIGN BY CHRISTOPHER SERGIO;
JACKET ARTWORK BY DELITA MARTIN. ALL OTHERS: COURTESY.

plays a con man named

Charlie in this fast-
paced series. When he
accidentally sleeps with a
CIA agent, it goes from BLACK CHAMELEON,
your average spy-crime by Deb orah
thriller to the sexiest show D.E.E.P. Mouton
March 7
on TV (which is saying
something). You’ll have to Mouton transforms the
watch and see if the Black women in her life
into legends in this moving,
ensuing cat-and-mouse
genre-bending memoir.
game forces them closer
or leaves them both
brokenhearted.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 11
P O P C U LT Fr i d a y N i g ht P h o n e C a l l

You Missed a
Call From
Anna Kendrick
Luckily, we picked up.
And wow, was it a
delightfully cozy chat.
B Y E M M A B AT Y

t should surprise absolutely

I no one that in addition to act-
ing (see: her very spooky new
thriller Alice, Darling) and direct-
ing (see: The Dating Game, her upcoming
directorial debut about a game-show
serial killer), Anna is exceptionally good at
setting the mood on a rare night in. Also
not surprising: That mood is super intimate
but also smart and fun and not just a little
bit weird. She says you’re welcome.

Anna, hi. It’s finally the weekend. How

are you getting your relaxation on?
I was doing one of my favorite procras-
tinating activities, which is planning trips
that I’m never going to take. Where you’re
like, Where are the Maldives? Maybe I’ ll
KENDRICK: VICTOR DEMARCHELIER/AUGUST. LIPS AND CELL PHONE: GETTY IMAGES.
go there.
I usually order something healthy to eat. And then
That is highly relatable. By the way, I lit two hours later when we’re down the rabbit hole
a candle specifically for this call. Are
you a candle person? ordering ice cream sandwiches.
Girl, you’re really going to ask me if I’m a
candle person when I have an entire Oh, so you like a serious watch. Something intellectual.
cabinet dedicated to candles? My best I do. I like when you can be chatting and then something in the show will
friend is like, “Do you really want to spend catch your attention for three seconds because you’re like, Wait, what
all Saturday shopping at Candle Delirium the fuck did they just say?
in West Hollywood?” Yes, I do. There’s
something about the experience of buying Is there anything in your house that might make someone say “WTF,”
a candle, like, When I go home and light something that’s special maybe only to you?
this, I’m going to become this woman that I’ve had my mom’s old Ouija board for years. It was the Ouija board
has the life that smells like this candle. I that told her she was going to marry a guy named Will, which she did.
keep saving the Le Labo ones for a quote, You know, they got divorced, so I don’t know how special that shit is.
unquote special occasion. When, Anna?
When the pope comes? Here’s hoping it’ll bring you better luck. I’m crossing my fingers.

Oh, also, we did a “Cups”

12 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 oral history with Anna:
Mixes Well
P O P C U LT Cr i t i c a l T h i n k i n g

What Even Is a DVD?

And why are people saying they’ll save TV???
B Y TA M A R A F U E N T E S I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y G I S S E L B AT R E S

L
et me first take you
back to a much simpler
time. The year was
2013 and I was a senior
in high school with
two main things on my
mind: college and the show Glee. The
latter had me obsessed, to the point
where I’d buy DVD box sets of each
season. When a rejection letter from my
dream college convinced me my life was
over, my mom cheered me up in the best
possible way: by buying me the new Glee
season on DVD.
Let’s now pretend this scenario
happened in 2023. It would likely involve
my mom emailing me a link to a digi-
tal download or a Netflix log-in. And
that would be…fine, I guess. There’s just
something special about a tangible copy
of content you love. Like, framed photos
and picture albums exist for a reason,
you know? Plus, wrestling a DVD out of
a box and nestling it into its little tray is
an ~experience~ of the sort that clicking
“next episode” just doesn’t deliver. There’s
no waiting for your internet to buffer
while you skip to the best scenes. And the
bonus features! Special commentaries,
deleted scenes, bloopers, on-set pranks!
So, yes, this is a very passionate
personal argument in favor of DVDs—
but it’s also more, because bringing them
back isn’t just about nostalgia. See, last
June, after seven years on Netflix, Glee
suddenly moved to Hulu and Disney+,
leaving people without those subscrip-
tions bereft of their go-to comfort
rewatch. It’s a common, and increas-
ingly expensive, tale. There were Netflix’s
original Marvel series (now Disney+) and
Friends (Netflix, then HBO Max). The
Harry Potter films have moved so many
times, you’re probably better off just
picking another franchise. And remem-
ber when people threatened to cancel
their Netflix when The Office moved to
LOOK WHAT WE FOUND
Peacock? As long as this keeps happen-
IN THE BASEMENT!
Doesn’t this setup just exude ing, we’re all stuck playing a never-ending
retro-sexy chic? game of “Where Is My Show Now?”

14 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Don’t Know
How to
Watch One?

STEP 1:

Get a DVD.
This is probably the
most important step,
as without it, well,
you’re going nowhere.

STEP 2:

Take it out of the

box. Very carefully.
You may want to wear
gloves because a
scratch could mean
technical difficulties.
Unless you like
watching things with
missing scenes.

STEP 3:

Put DVD in
DVD player.
That’s not even the worst of it. In special about having access to the origi- Click the button that
the months after WarnerMedia and nal version of A Thing. Like that Game of opens up the disk
Discovery merged last spring, more than Thrones scene with a modern coffee cup holder (still cool,
80 shows and movies just disappeared that was later edited out—because if a decades later!), then
remember you didn’t
from HBO Max so that its corporate title is only on streaming, it can be altered actually turn on the
overlords could save money (something at any time. That’s what’s happening with DVD player first, so
about residuals and licensing fees and tax Stranger Things. Some fans believe the press that baby again.
write-offs, ugh). Fans were given barely
any notice before great series like Minx STEP 4:

were pulled. (Thankfully, Starz has since It’s the only way to Assure yourself
that nothing is
picked it up.)
Being able to possess a physical copy hold on to your wrong.
of a series is the closest you can get to a favorite show forever. That whirring noise
guarantee that you’ll have it forever and that sounds like some-
ever. I suppose I should also acknowledge thing is screaming
that you could theoretically purchase creators have been going back and edit- inside your DVD player
is a good thing.
some of your beloved content on iTunes ing old scenes, including one of Jonathan
Head back to your
or Prime Video. But not all of it. Legend- taking pictures of Nancy. (Showrunners couch, where all your
ary (a reality competition focused on the have denied it but did say they might go snacks are.
LGBTQ+ ballroom scene) and Gordita back and tinker with a mention of Will’s
Chronicles (one of the few Latinx shows birthday because they forgot it when STEP 5:
of 2022), for example, aren’t available this writing season 4. Which is…wild?) Don’t get too
way. And who knows if what’s for sale now So consider this an urgent call to comfy.
will still be there in 5 years…or 10? action—both to rally for alternative view- Oops, you left your
By the way, it’s not just fans who risk ing options and to stock up on box sets DVD remote (different
missing crucial material. The creative of anything you couldn’t live without. from your TV remote)
teams behind projects could also lose Maybe buy a few as gifts for friends while on the other side of
big. This is why Dickinson creator Alena you’re at it. Because DVDs are more than the room.
NATALIA DYER: COURTESY NETFLIX.

Smith begged Apple TV+ to give her “the
ONLY copy” of the show, as she explained
on Twitter. Imagine working on a project
for years only to have to chase it around
platforms whenever you want a refresher
or a line for your résumé.
Finally (I’m almost there, promise),
don’t tell me there’s not something
just a way to watch something. They’re a
STEP 6:
way to keep our favorite things—and the
Enjoy!
memories we have around them—alive.
Click play and
TAMARA FUENTES is the associate entertainment watch this blessed
editor at Cosmopolitan, where she covers TV, movies, content!
music, and books. She is also a member of the Television
Critics Association and Latino Entertainment Journalists
Association.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 15
 Not Slimy, Yes, We This Lotion
Your Stylist Me + Makeup: “Cleanical” Is
Promise Understood Though…
Is Waiting The Saga Cool Now
Page 17 Page 23 Page 26
Page 18 Page 24 Page 28

Poster Girl jumpsuit,

$224, poster-girl
.com. JW Anderson
sandals, $595, bag,
$990, jwanderson
.com. Bottega
Veneta sunglasses,
$635, bottega
veneta.com.
Bagatiba earrings,
$180, bagatiba.com.
Lady Grey ring
(left), $276, lady
greyjewelry.com.
Marrow Fine ring
(right), $5,850,
marrowfine.com.

Alien gree
n is puttin
BY R AC g the “ext
H E L TO
RGERSO ra” in extr
PHOTO
GRAPH N AND A a terrestria
S BY CH
ELSEA K
NDREA
YLE
ZENDEJ
AS l.

16 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 T H E LO O K B i g Ac c e s s o r y E n e rg y

WHO NEEDS A
SPACESHIP?
1
If you’ve been
paying attention,
you’ve noticed
that the suddenly
very fashion-y
shade is every-
where. And
why not? It’s
flashy! It’s fun! 11
You can dip a toe
in or go full ’fit!
Welcome, friends,
2 to this spectrum
of optionality.

10

3
PROP STYLIST: KALEN KAMINSKI. HAIR: JEANIE SYFU/ATELIER MANAGEMENT/AMIKA HAIR CARE. MAKEUP:
WILL METIVIER. MANICURE: SHIRLEY CHENG AT SEE MANAGEMENT. MODEL: EMMY LIU/ELITE MODELS.

1. Loewe sunglasses, $380, loewe.com. 2. Poppy Lissiman

bucket bag, $120, poppylissiman.com. 3. Half Magic eye paint
and liner, $24, halfmagicbeauty.com. 4. Joanna Laura
Constantine earrings, $240, joannalauraconstantine.com.
5. Urban Decay eyeshadow, $21, ulta.com. 6. Emma Brewin
4 bucket hat, about $390, emmabrewin.com. 7. Keane glass
ring, $75, keanenewyork.com. 8. Charles & Keith boots, $93,
charleskeith.com. 9. Pear Nova nail lacquer, $13.50, pearnova
.com. 10. Bea Bongiasca ring, $1,150, beabongiasca.com.
11. Tort hair clip, $33, tortware.com.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 17
 T H E LO O K Love T h i s fo r Yo u

Tell Your Hair 2023’s Best

Bowl cuts work best on

FROM LEFT: COURTESY GREGORY RUSSELL; GETTY IMAGES (2); COURTESY ERICKSON ARRUNATEGUI; COURTESY ETCHER SALON; COURTESY HIRO; GETTY IMAGES; COURTESY MAREN MORRIS.
thick waves and curls,
Chabbi says. If you’re
lacking in the texture
department, enlist the
help of volumizing wave
spray (like Ceremonia
Guava Beach Waves,
$20, sephora.com).

1 Waist-Long Layers 2 The Bowl Bob

Truth: Most of us aren’t The key to making this skew chic Parisian
blessed with this kind of natu- versus awkward middle school? Layers
ral length, so most of us will be that end right at your lip line, “to round
bringing clip-ins to our next out the shape and add the right amount
appointment and asking the of volume,” says hairstylist Adel Chabbi.
stylist to cut them in soft layers. Bonus points for throwing in a wispy
bangs situation.

1. 2. 3.
YOUR A H Y D R AT I N G A S M O OT H I N G A NOURISHING

UNIVERSAL
L E AV E - I N CREAM OIL
air
our h
Hi, y g
ggin
TOOL KIT
is be Adwoa Beauty Living Proof Fable & Mane
es !
e Melonberry No Frizz MahaMane
fo r t h Hair Milk Smooth Styling Smooth & Shine
No matter the cut, these Leave-In Cream, $42 Hair Oil, $36,
Conditioner, for 8 oz., fableandmane
six stylers are must-haves. $24 for 8 oz., sephora.com .com
sephora.com

18 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Because you two are
gonna spend lots of time

Cuts Are Here stalking these on IG.

BY B ETH GI LLETTE

Give this style

some added
bounce by glid-
ing a 1-inch curl-
ing iron along
face-framing
pieces, twisting
the iron inward
at the ends.

3 A Modern Shag 4 The Rachel 2.0

Aka the “wolf cut,” according Yeah, just like everything else
to your FYP. Find a stylist who ’90s, it’s back—but modernized
will cut your hair dry, Chabbi with more length and less volume.
says. “It’s how to make those Chabbi recommends cutting
choppy angles blend with layers just around the face and
your natural texture.” leaving the rest of your hair alone
so it doesn’t look too flippy.

4. 5. 6.

A VO LU M E - A FLEXIBLE A S P E E DY
on
B O O S T I N G F OA M M i st a y H A I R S P R AY B LOW D RY E R
spr
hair st yl-
re
JVN Embody befo extra Arkive Bio Ionic
or
Volumizing ing f ithout Headcare Smart-X High
Foam, $29, l d w The Mastery Efficiency
ho e ss.
sephora.com st i f f n Hair Spray, Dryer, $329,
$20, arkive ulta.com
headcare.com
 Read the
Hottest Cosmo
Stories Ever
CLEAR YOUR CALENDAR AND
DIM THE LIGHTS.

Only the horniest, most lip-biting, most give-

you-tingles-down-there hookup stories make
it into our collection of Confessays.

READ THE LATEST CONFESSAYS HERE

To read every
Confessay—a new
story comes out on
cosmopolitan.com
every other week—
you need to become
a member of Cosmo
Unlocked.

Join Today
cosmopolitan.com/go/join
or scan to join

PROMISE YOU
WON’ T REGRET IT.
 T H E LO O K T h e A s s i g n m e nt

A bright-colored bag to
contrast your neutral(ish) outfit,
please. And we will permit a heart
(at left) but only if it’s subtle!

What to Wear on
a Third Date That
Just So Happens to
Fall on Valentine’s
Day When Your
Mood Is “Things Are
Going Well but Let’s
Not Put Too Much
Cute shirt and jeans, meet
corset and cargo pants, aka the
less obvious, more memorable way
Pressure on It”
to have an only semi-awkward,
maybe-successful date. The answer is a corset
top. Always a corset top.
BY DAN I E LLE FLU M
( H I , T H AT ’ S M E I N T H E P I C S )
PHOTOGR APH S BY RU B E N
CHAMORRO
HAIR AND MAKEUP: CAROLINE BARIBEAU AT HONEY ARTISTS.

Zimmermann corset, $895, cargo pants, $1,350, zimmermann.com/us. Manolo Blahnik mules, $745, manoloblahnik.com. Jennifer Fisher earrings, $450, bangles,
$250 to $275 each, jenniferfisherjewelry.com. Safsafu necklace, $290, ssense.com. The M Jewelers ring, $110, themjewelersny.com. By Far bag, $625, byfar.com.

Pop right inside our styling

brains, why don’t you? F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 23
T H E LO O K Pe r s p e c t i ve

I’ve Been Single for 8 Years,

and TBH, I Blame Makeup
I wish I were kidding when I say my love life is directly related to my eyeshadow obsession.
BY B ETH GI LLETTE

H
i, I’m Beth and I’ve been
online dating since my
18th birthday. I’ve prob-
ably swiped through the
entire city of Chicago
and about half of New
York at this point. And
all I really have to show for it is a few
dozen matches that went absolutely
nowhere and one kind of amazing story
about hooking up with a CIA agent… Beth, 26 ...
who only disclosed their identity after
dumping me.
What does all this have to do with
makeup? I’ll tell you: I’m not excessively
picky. All I ask for is a sense of humor.
I’m not super exclusive—I’m open to
dating men and women. What I am is an
ardent lover of makeup, and it shows.
My profiles are filled with photos of
me sporting glitzed-out cheekbones,
vibrant red lipstick, meticulously
blended watercolor eyes, and neon
graphic liner. To me, this makes perfect
sense because makeup is basically my
everything—the basis for my job, what
I do for stress relief, how I communi-
cate my mood and feelings. But lately,
I’ve started suspecting it doesn’t make
perfect sense to others, that maybe my
beauty looks could come across as a little
intimidating? Or something? There was
only one way to find out.
Over the course of a recent night,
I changed all my profile pics from
makeup-heavy selfies to no-makeup
makeup (or actually no makeup) shots.
The next day, I was a little surprised and
pretty deflated to find quadruple the
number of Likes I usually get. Why did
it take deleting all my favorite photos
of myself for romantic prospects to pay
attention to me? Had I found a disheart-
ening solution to getting more matches:
giving up a part of myself?

24 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 These more
au naturel pics
I reached out to Erika Kaplan at scored me 12
new matches.
Three Day Rule, a matchmaking and ...
Beth, 26 I’ll take it.
dating coach service. She wasn’t that
shocked by the results of my experiment.
“On apps, most people are looking for
someone who’s genuine,” she said. “And
some don’t see makeup as an expression
of self and art and fashion. Instead, they
see it as a way to cover up, signifying that
someone’s trying to hide themselves.”
Essentially, countless swipers out
there have been conditioned to think
of makeup as a mask, something akin to
catfishing, arguably the thing people
on dating apps are most afraid of (other
than, you know, accidentally matching
with their cousin). And by swipers, I don’t
mean just men—I generally get the same
radio silence from women when my pics
are full of makeup. Which is frustrating
because when we’re not chatting on an
app with romantic intentions, women The
constantly compliment my makeup. Makeup
“While some people may see That Got
you with a full face of makeup Me Dates
and think you look amazing as a
friend, they may assume you’re This isn’t just
fake or disingenuous when view-
ing you as a potential partner,” my job—it’s
explained relationship therapist
Jennifer Silvershein Teplin, the
basically my
second expert I called to help me
untangle all this.
everything.
And, I mean, fine. I too am
afraid of being duped in the (simple eyes, glossy lips) plus shots from Kjaer Weis The
confusing and complicated world of the many makeup-related events I get Beautiful Tint, $45,
online dating. And I wouldn’t want to to attend as part of my job. These get credobeauty.com
meet up IRL with someone who looks across the idea that this is both what I
completely different than their profile do for a living and my greatest joy. I’ve
pictures. But…given that there’s minimal added some non-makeup-specific pics
GILLETTE: COURTESY. PHONE: DANIELLE DALY. MAKEUP SWIPES: JEFFREY WESTBROOK.

space for nuance on dating apps, how
am I supposed to show my personality
in a way that’s true to me but that won’t
scare people away? Kaplan’s advice:
Upload photos that tell a story, like shots
of me doing things I love and being my
happiest self. “By giving someone a peek
into your life, they feel like they really
see who they’re talking to, which makes
you look more trustworthy.”
The thing is, wearing makeup is me
doing what I love, and I’m not willing
to abandon this big part of myself just
to get more matches. So I chose to take
this advice but interpret it in a creative
way. You won’t find any next-to-nothing-
on-my-face photos in my profiles these
days. But you will see a mix of beauty
looks, including some pared-down ones
too, like one of an all-pink outfit I wore in
Miami on a friends’ weekend that made
me feel hot, a headshot taken in my very
cool office, and a selfie (of course) of me
at Fashion Week.
This new set of images fully encom-
Sunnies Face Lip
Treat in Juice, $16,
passes who I am, hopefully without sunniesface.com
implying that I’m trying to hide anything
with makeup. And so far, it’s working.
I’ve had more first dates in the past few
weeks than I’ve had in the past few years.
Just don’t expect me to show up wearing
anything less than a shimmery lid and
some smudgy liner.
BETH GILLETTE is the beauty editor at Cosmopolitan,
covering skin, hair, makeup, and more. She can generally
Tarte Tartelette
be found talking about the latest beauty trends or the Tubing Mascara,
musical genius that is the Jonas Brothers. $24, sephora.com

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 25
T H E LO O K Yo u r s . M i n e . O u r s .

SMOOTH OPERATORS
My sister and I (below) learned
early the power of a
good ash-busting moisturizer.
2

Did You Lotion?

A simple question that goes so,
so deep. Beauty editor-at-large
and new columnist Julee
Wilson breaks it down.
Not to sound dramatic, but moisturizing for
Black folks is a *big* deal—so important that we
use the word “lotion” as a verb. See the above
question and “Don’t forget to lotion before you
leave this house!” and “Lotion that beautiful
skin,” all things my mom would say when I was
growing up. This idea of lotioning (yes, also a
word) is a unique cultural nuance that still lives
on: When I asked a few fellow Black women at
3
Cosmo (they = Gen Z, me = millennial) whether
my mom’s words rang true, their responses
ranged from “hell yeah” to “1,000 percent.”
We agreed that our parents’ pleas were
layered with meaning. They were impassioned
reminders to cherish our brown skin—despite
what the world might
think of it—and to
keep in mind that It’s an
4 when we step out impassioned
into that world, we
are representing the reminder to
8
Black community. cherish our
Rocking a set of ashy brown skin.
elbows, knees, or
ankles might exacer-
bate hurtful stereotypes that Black people are
unkempt, unprofessional, and unattractive (all
obviously lies, fallacies, and just plain BS).
It’s yet another weighty burden people of color
must shoulder, one that I acknowledge but also
choose to reclaim as meaningful self-care. So
when you catch me glistening out in these streets,
slathered in my favorite lotions and potions,
please know it’s both for my people and for me.
1. Nopalera Original Moisturizing Botanical Bar, $30,
COURTESY JULEE WILSON.

nordstrom.com. 2. Beneath Your Mask Heal Whipped Skin

5 6
Soufflé, $28 for 1 oz., beneathyourmask.com. 3. Supergoop!
Body Butter SPF 40, $38, supergoop.com. 4. Oyin Handmade
NoAshAtAll Cocoa Butter Lotion, $10 for 8 oz., oyinhandmade
.com. 5. Vaseline Intensive Care Cocoa Radiant, $4 for 10 oz.,
drugstores. 6. Loewe Paula’s Ibiza Eclectic Body Lotion, $73,
perfumesloewe.com. 7. 54 Thrones Big African Beauty Butter in
Ugandan Vanilla + Ethiopian Honey, $38, sephora.com. 8. Body
by TPH Softer Than a Mutha Body Butter, $12, Walmart.

26 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Don’t let a

get in
the way.
©2022 Haleon group of companies or its licensor.

When You Need

A Little Space
(The Good Kind, Obvi)
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C O S M O P O L I TA N . C O M / C O S M O L I V I N G
T H E LO O K B e h i n d t h e B ra n d

You’re About
to See Rose Inc
Everywhere
File under: celebrity beauty
line worth buying.
BY L AU RE N BAL SAMO

You know what happens Eventually, she part- Satin and Shimmer Duet
Eyeshadow, $30 each
when you’re a beauty editor nered with biotech company
with nearly a decade of Amyris (the force behind
experience? You’ve covered other buzzy brands like
every model, actor, musi- JVN and Biossance) to
cian, influencer, and reality formulate everything from
TV star’s beauty brands— lipsticks to cleansers. The
and you can count on one line, which debuted in 2021,
hand the products you’d uses clean, science-backed
actually want to put on ingredients and packag-
your face. ing that’s recyclable, refill-
On my own short list is able, and/or made with
Rose Inc from model and recycled materials.
actor Rosie Huntington- In other words, Rosie
Whiteley. Her skincare is herself is not the only draw.
simple but effective, her “People love this brand
multitasking makeup is for its performance and
some of the best I’ve tried, ethos—not for me,” she
and her packaging is mini- says. I suspect it’s probably
malist perfection. It’s all a bit of both. I mean, have “I’m such an avid
about “glowy skin and you seen her IG lately? (Go makeup lover—there’s
quick, easy makeup” that’s ahead; I’ll wait.) nothing in the Rose Inc
going to still let you look like
you, she explains.
line that hasn’t been
She first started Rose touched by my hands.”
Inc as a content platform
in 2018 before looking for
a partner to expand into
the product space. “In the
beginning, there was a
lot of ‘We already have a
half-baked brand that you
can just come in and stick
your name on, and we can
launch in six months. And it’s
pink, so it’s great for you,’”
she says. “But I just felt Satin Lip Color Ultra-Black
Rich Refillable Lash Lift
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 Poor Little Rich Boy But Why, Evil Exes?
Page 31 Page 36
Open Secrets
Page 34

l ove s t u f f

30

The Tale of the
Valentine’s Day Curse
Determined to approach 2023 a little…differently,
dating diarist Zara Field* revels in the first
few weeks of a high-potential relationship. But there’s
something her new flame isn’t telling her.
I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y @ R O S E C O L L A G E
NEW YEAR’S EVE
Did you spend your NYE on a corpo-
rate Zoom? No? This girl did. My
company had a new product going live
at exactly 12 a.m., so the only thing I
watched drop was my last crumb of
joy. Then again, a friend of mine went
home with a Tinder rando who asked
her to narrate depressing news head-
lines while he masturbated into a tube
sock, so it’s all relative.
Anyway, every January, I pick
a word that defines how I want to
approach relationships for the next
12 months. 2021’s was “reciprocity,”
which challenged me to end one-sided
friendships and romances. Last year, it
was “untethered,” freeing myself from
expectations and commitments. This
year, I’ve decided to go with “bold,” a
call to more bravely and authentically
pursue what I want.
And what I want is this: more sex
but with fewer people. With an actual
partner, perhaps? Is that a “bold” ask?
Feels like it. And if it doesn’t work out,
it is the Chinese zodiac Year of the
Rabbit—and we all know I love my
favorite vibrator.
MONDAY, 7 P.M.
Hot take: I still love the convenience
of dating apps. Although I don’t love
that Hinge keeps resurfacing Sean, the
finance guy I dated who was spooked
by my hilariously funny butt-plug video
(it was a whole thing, remember?). I
mean, come on. But I digress. With my
new 2023 approach in mind, I match
with Walker. He’s a 29-year-old philos-
ophy major now in his last semester of
business school. I guess mental mastur-
bation doesn’t pay the bills.
*As always, all names have been changed.
Our banter is quick and clever.
We’re contrasting his lifelong desire
to go to Burning Man with my lifelong
desire to avoid being in any desert
climate and having to barter for basic
necessities. “Want to FaceTime?” he
asks. Damn. It seems I’ve already mani-
fested “bold.” I run to the bathroom to
throw on a little blush and mascara
before my phone rings.
Team, Walker is really attractive
and has the cutest shy little laugh.
We end up talking for hours, bopping
from one debate to the next. He asks,
“Would you gift your future child the
chance to be 10 percent smarter,
“Don’t all your book clubs end with make-outs?”
taller, kinder, or happier than they
would otherwise be?” prompting a
lively nature versus nurture discus-
sion. I don’t know if virtual sparks are a
thing, but I’m receiving whatever vibes
he’s sending.
SUNDAY, 7 P.M.
Okay, so Walker in person is kinda
wonderful. We FaceTimed just about
every day this week, making our first
date feel more like a sixth. We get Thai
at an incredible hole-in-the-wall spot
and then go for a walk—on which he
holds my hand. Talking to him still feels
effortless. Sure, there may be a very
light whiff of moral superiority hanging
over his words, but he seems to genu-
inely enjoy when I push him to consider
things differently. We part ways with a
hug, leaving me wondering if he’s just
here for the discourse.
LOV E ST U F F Za ra Fi e l d
A few minutes later, my phone
buzzes. Probably a sweet text about
how he wanted to kiss me and missed
his chance—“Hey! I’m excited for our
next date! In the meantime, here’s some
content for you to read. Can’t wait to
hear your thoughts.” I get his favorite
short story, a long poem, and a book.
Excuse me, is this homework? And is it
weird that I’m kind of turned on by it?
FRIDAY, 8:30 P.M.
Walker and I have now been on two
more dates with—surprise, surprise—
plenty of deep conversation and
ZERO MAKE-OUTS. At one point, he
goes on a particularly convincing anti-
consumerist rant that almost inspires
me to Marie Kondo all of my belong-
ings. I change his name in my phone
from “Walker” to “The Penniless Poet.”
As we wrap up yet another dinner
of stimulating conversation sans physi-
cal stimulation, I jokingly ask, “So, was
this a date or a book club?” “Is there
a difference?” he responds. “Don’t all
your book clubs end with make-outs?”
He finally kisses me, running his hand
down my back until it rests perfectly on
my tailbone, using his fingertips to pull
me in closer. If this is how book clubs
end, I’d have joined one way sooner.
My car arrives too quickly (why is an
Uber only ever actually two minutes
away when you least want it to be?)
and we’re both left wanting more. At
least, I am.
SUNDAY, 6 P.M.
We’re at his apartment for a cozy night
in. And I am not exaggerating that I
am stunned by his place. When I say
this man lives a life of minimalism, I
mean that monks have more material
possessions. His closet is empty. He
has just a few shirts and pants in his
dresser. (Yes, I checked.) In contrast,
I used to work at a top fashion brand
and I live for a sale. “Let’s remember
that 40 percent off a very large number
is still a very large number,” my dad
has been known to warn me when I’m
shoe shopping.
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 31
LOV E ST U F F Za ra Fi e l d
I am nuzzling Walker’s chest as we
watch a movie. He lifts my chin up and
kisses me. All these deep conversations
have really intensified our connection.
It feels easy, natural, like we’ve done it
a million times. So, yeah, I’m really into
this guy, even if he thinks four pairs of
boxers is the appropriate amount of
underwear for a grown man to own.
SATURDAY, 10 A.M.
Walker invites me on a romantic retreat
to his parents’ house just outside the
city. Don’t worry—they’re out of town.
(I also checked this, still scarred from
that time the doctor I dated a while
back surprise-introduced me to his
entire family. *shudders*)
Having a car in New York City is the
equivalent of owning at least another
five pairs of boxers on the grown-
man scale. Walker picks me up and
we stop at a suburban grocery store
Honestly, I love giving blow jobs.
Probably because I’m damn good at it.
32
on the way, laughing as we meander
through the aisles. I’m feeling kind of
shocked that it’s so early in the year
and I’m already in the early stages of
something that seems so promising.
Because this is what I look for most in
a partner—someone who makes even
the most mundane tasks feel like an
adventure.
We finally roll up to his parents’
house and it’s a…mansion? Palace??
Estate??? There’s an elevator and a
basketball court. The entryway is full
of family photos. His dad with President
Obama. His dad with the Dalai Lama.
WT-actual-F. I thought I was dating a
nihilistic graduate student knee-deep
in student debt, not the son of a seem-
ing gazillionaire. “You know I have you
saved in my phone as ‘The Penniless
Poet,’ right?” I say, laughing.
I begin to realize that his minimal-
ism may come from “rich person guilt,”
like he’s trying to compensate for being
THE WEEKS BEFORE
VALENTINE’S DAY
randomly born into privilege. “This is
why you’re supposed to google people,
Zara,” my friend replies when I text her.
But the truth is, this is why I don’t. I don’t
care how good his family’s connections
are. I only care about how good our
connection is.
We make dinner and it’s fun. So
fun. It’s like we’re playing house, and
it’s sexy as hell. As I dry the last dish he
washed, he reaches to pull my sweater-
dress over my head, then leans in to
kiss me. I get off the counter and lead
him into the private elevator, leav-
ing a trail of our clothes on the floor.
I kneel down and start sucking his
cock. Honestly, I love giving blow jobs.
Probably because I’m damn good at it.
Walker pulls me up, turns me around,
and pushes me against the mirrored
elevator walls to enter me from behind.
Whoa. Our intercourse is definitely as
intense as our discourse.
We have sex in the elevator, in his
family’s private movie theater, in their
game room complete with a plush
15-person couch pit. “Damn, you’re
amazing,” Walker says, breathless.
And now we’re coming up on my least
favorite moment in a new relation-
ship: V-Day. Like Barbossa’s crew in
Pirates of the Caribbean, I am eternally
cursed. Do I really believe in curses?
No. But I believe in data. And the trend
line here is not great: There was my
college love, the private equity bro in
London, the pro baseball player. The
man who spent a year convincing
me to give him a second chance. The
engineer who professed his love for
me and promised a four-part roman-
tic evening. The “Zara, you’re the girl
of my dreams” lawyer. I could go on.
Every single one of these relationships
imploded right around—if not on—
Valentine’s Day, leaving me stranded
like the runner-up on The Bachelor.
Here Walker and I are. The conver-
sations are engaging. The sex, now
plentiful, is even better. It seems I’ve
manifested my 2023 relationship goal
really damn fast. Our “book club” of two
meets three times a week, so I wouldn’t
have time to date other people even if
I wanted to. I don’t want to jinx it, but…
could this finally be the partnership
that breaks my V-Day curse?
Catch up with Zara from
the very beginning:
 Let's Make Things Exclusive

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LOV E ST U F F Playthings

Permission
to Wear
Your Sex Toys
in Public This is multitasking at its finest.
UNBOUND: MATT EVANS.

BY VE RON ICA LOPEZ

34 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
1. UNBOUND BANGLE
HANDCUFF BRACELETS
Just as chic as regular
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those new to bondage
because its bead fasten-
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2. UNBOUND NIPPLE
AND CLIT CLAMP
Layer this delicate set
over your undies when
you’re out and about,
then slide the clamps
(they’re covered with sili-
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over your nips and
clit when you’re ready
to get intimate.
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3. V FOR VIBES CLIO
VIBRATING RING
Made from aluminum
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4. BIJOUX INDISCRETS
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2
5. CRAVE ICON CUFFS
Stacked together, the 3
elegant leather pair
makes for an edgy
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This stainless steel
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7
LOV E ST U F F D a te S m a r te r

The
Etch a
Sketch It’s not you, it’s him.
B Y K AY L A K I B B E

Effect Will Explain

Every
Breakup Stop me if this sounds

You’ve familiar. Your relationship

is going great (no, like,

Ever Had for real though), when

your boyfriend gets some
bad news. Maybe he got
passed up for a promo-
tion; maybe his childhood
dog died. Whatever it is,
it has nothing to do with
you or the state of your
union. And yet, faster
than you can say, “Hey,
man, you’re being weird—
what is happening?”
you’re single.
You, my friend, may be
a victim of a little thing
I like to call the Etch a
Sketch Effect. Reminder
if it’s been a while: An
Etch a Sketch toy has no
“backspace” button—if
one little aspect of your
design doesn’t go accord-
ing to plan, you have to
shake the entire thing
and start from scratch.
Still with me? Okay.
From what I’ve gath-
ered—and I’ve gathered
a lot in five years as a
sex and relationships
writer and twice as long
as a sex and relationships
haver—this is what many
cishet men seem to do in
the face of a particular
challenge. They shake up
their whole lives, includ-
ing your relationship, in
an effort to correct one
small thing.

36 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Why Though?
If the term Etch a Sketch Effect
sounds unfamiliar, that’s
because, hi, I just coined it.
But you don’t have to take only
my word (although you totally
could) that this is a Real Phe-
nomenon. Psychotherapist
Rachel Sussman, founder of
Sussman Counseling in New
York City, is also familiar with
this pattern. She says it’s usu-
ally an attempt to hang on to
power when things feel cha-
otic. In blowing up his life, “fir-
ing things and people he can
control,” she says, your partner
is trying to reclaim a sense of
agency. Probably because he
was never taught to process
emotion in a healthy way.
Now, is it cishet men’s fault
that they were born into a soci-
ety that discourages them
MAIN IMAGE: MICHELA RAVASIO/STOCKSY. COLLAGE: KHADIJA HORTON. SEX AND THE CITY, GILMORE GIRLS, MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL: EVERETT COLLECTION.
founder of breakup coaching
and dating strategy center
Lovistics, confirms this really
is more of a male thing. As
we’ve already established,
cishet men aren’t socialized to
express and process their feel-
ings, leaving them out here
operating on a lower level of
emotional intelligence than
their female counterparts.
(Sorry to everyone for this
general truth.)
Sussman adds that men
tend to have a more difficult
time taking advantage of the
support systems available
to them. So while women’s
more advanced EQ (brag)
may find us expertly juggling
simultaneous stressors, a
comparable lack of coping
skills is more likely to send
men running for the nearest
a reluctance to seek help,
and your boyfriend’s work
problem just became your
relationship problem.
How Do We Stop This
From Happening?
If you fear you’re about to be
Etch a Sketched, first things
first: Know the signs. If your
partner is going through it—
especially if the “it” in question
is a work-related setback—
look for changes in his com-
munication patterns, Juarez
says. He may seem distant,
withdrawn, or even irritable.
Then your best bet is to try
to bridge that communication
not a criticism), and offering
your support. If it seems like
you’re still barreling toward
Splitsville, Sussman suggests
getting very real. Ask your
partner why, exactly, he thinks
breaking up with you is going
to solve his problems, and
remind him that you want to be
there for him—and you can’t
do that if he dumps you.
All this said, it’s obviously
not your job to single-hand-
edly save a relationship that
someone else is willing to blow
up. Remember, you can bring
a horse to water, but you can’t
make him drink it. (In this case,
the horse is your boyfriend and
the water is going to therapy
instead of throwing away a
perfectly wonderful relation-
ship.) The hard truth is that
haters gonna hate, etches

from even having feelings
in the first place, let alone
dealing with them? Not neces-
sarily. But is it still pretty damn
inconvenient for those of us
who would rather not have our
relationships upended by
uncontrollable events in
someone else’s life? Uh, yes.
Is It Really Just Guys?
To my “not all men” folks out
there, I hear you. But relation-
ship coach Natalia Juarez,
exit, even if they don’t really
know why.
Then there’s the fact that
the catalyst in these situations
is often money- or work-
related, Juarez notes. Thanks
to all that same societal condi-
tioning, men tend to see them-
selves as providers, Sussman
says, which means that a
chunk of their self-worth can
hinge on career success. Pair a
work-related spiral with an
underdeveloped EQ and
gap. Juarez recommends
approaching the subject in a
nonconfrontational way, pro-
viding concrete examples of
the vibe shift you’ve witnessed
(presented as an observation,
gonna sketch, and dudes are
sometimes gonna break up
with you because of factors
that have absolutely nothing
to do with you.
So I’ll leave you with a final
thought: If after your extremely
sensible and compassionate
intervention a man still wants
to treat you and your relation-
ship like a literal toy, I say let
him shake things up like the
child he is so you can move on
to more mature playmates.

Yeah, You’ve Seen This Before

Sex and the City Gilmore Girls The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

Carrie Gets Dumped Via Post-it
In maybe the most iconic onscreen
Etch a Sketch of all time, Carrie’s
insecure writer boyfriend Jack Berger
(the actual worst) is dropped by his
publisher and swiftly breaks up
with Carrie via an “I’m sorry. I can’t.
Don’t hate me” Post-it note.
Jess Straight-Up Abandons Rory
To be fair, there were a lot of issues
with this relationship. But it reaches
its ultimate breaking point after
Jess finds out he won’t be graduating
from high school. What does he do?
Promptly moves across the country
without even telling Rory.
Man Hates Job, Leaves Wife
Joel is a disgruntled VP at his
corporate job with dreams of starting
a successful comedy career…
until he bombs onstage, blames
his wife Midge, and announces
he’s leaving her for his secretary
that very same night.

Your no-BS breakup

recovery plan. F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 37
 Honestly, WTF? Hey, Mom, I’m Famous! Insta Stalking, but
Just a “Mid-Century Ski Trips, Sooo Cute
Page 39 Page 42 Make It Extra
Modern Sex Dungeon” Amirite? Though
Page 46
Page 40 Page 44 Page 48

l i fe s t u f f
We Need to Talk
About 41%
IUD Insertion The increase in
IUD appointments
at Planned Parent-

and Pain
hood clinics in
the three weeks
after Roe fell.

Post Roe, birth control that

lasts up to 12 years could
literally save lives. But
there’s a catch: Getting it
can feel like death.
BY AS H LE Y O E RMAN

Y
our work wife. Your
sister. All of #IUD
TikTok. And anyone
else part of one of

FROM LEFT: SERGEY FILIMONOV/STOCKSY; GETTY IMAGES; AMOR BURAKOVA/STOCKSY; SHUTTERSTOCK.

the loudest whis-
per networks in the
health space. They’ll tell you about
the pinching, the stabbing, the
searing cramps that made them
see God. And sure, people like to
embellish when recounting horror
stories, so it’s important to look at
hard data too. Like the fact that 78
percent of women found getting an
IUD to be moderately or severely
painful, according to a study in
the Journal of Family Planning
and Reproductive Health Care.
Or that in a recent Cosmopolitan
poll, 69 percent of respondents
said getting the procedure was
“pretty awful, actually.”
So here’s the big question then,
the reason this story is even a story:
Why do many (if not most) doctors
still tell patients that IUD insertion
involves just “some discomfort”?

38 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3

The answer is—as you’ve already
guessed—complicated. Let’s start with
the procedure itself, which honestly just
sounds ouch. First, a doctor will use a
tenaculum (move your eyes to the right) on
the outside of your nerve-packed cervix,
aka the tubelike tissue at the top of your
vagina. They’ll insert a probe-like ruler
through your cervical opening to measure
your uterus, then remove the ruler and
push through a slightly wider device that
deploys the IUD, placing it at the tippy-top
of your uterus. Next, they’ll withdraw the
device, cut the IUD strings (leaving them
peeking out of your cervix for when it’s
time to take this thing out), and remove
the tenaculum. The entire process takes
about five minutes or less, says Amanda
M. Silbermann, MD, medical director of
New York University’s Langone Obstetrics
and Gynecology Associates.
When Meghan’s* doctor explained
she’d feel some light cramping but only
for a few seconds during her IUD insertion,
“I wasn’t nervous about it,” she says. “Then
I remember saying, ‘Oh, fuck,’ because it
was pain I had never experienced before.”
She took deep breaths, thinking, Oh my
god, it’s never going to end. Ultimately,
Meghan was happy with her IUD; she’s
“If men were having this
procedure, it’d be done
under general anesthesia.”
just frustrated by the disconnect between
the way her doctor described what was
coming and what she actually felt.
In the medical community, the thinking
is that even if IUD insertion is uncomfort-
able, it’s over quickly and you can get a
decade of contraception for your trouble,
says Jessica Horwitz, MPH, chief clinical
officer at national women’s health care
clinic Tia. It’s the kind of reasoning often
rooted in the institutional dismissing of
women’s concerns and complaints—a
systemic (and sexist!) issue that allows
many docs to accept that “discomfort”
as status quo.
BUT STILL...WHY??
Look, it’s not that doctors DGAF about
your pain. It may just be that there’s not
much they can do about it. Unlike with, say,
a biopsy, practitioners typically don’t offer
The internet’s definitive
guide to birth control.
Oh, this? Just a tenaculum—a
tool developed more than 100 years
ago that seizes and holds the cervix
in place during your IUD insertion.
any kind of medical-grade relief during
or after IUD insertion. Topical lidocaine
hasn’t been proven to work. Paracervical
blocks, where a local anesthetic is injected
into your cervix before the procedure,
could help with the tenaculum part of
the process but might do nothing for
when the IUD goes in (anecdotally, the
most painful part). Some clinicians will
recommend up to
600 milligrams of
ibuprofen—accord-
ing to a Cochrane
Review, though,
most nonsteroidal
anti-inflammatory
drugs like ibuprofen
aren’t effective in
reducing insertion
pain in people who
haven’t yet given birth. And per other
studies, ibuprofen taken in advance may
not reduce post-IUD-insertion pain either.
Feeling frustrated? You should be.
“Sometimes I joke that if men were
having this procedure, it would be done
under general anesthesia,” Horwitz says.
But the danger associated with undergo-
ing general anesthesia is significantly
higher than the danger of the IUD inser-
tion process alone, she adds. And injecting
lidocaine into the cervix is also painful and
could just prolong the entire process.
Plus, despite so many women sharing
their stories, it’s hard to predict who will
and won’t feel blinding pain. Some lucky
patients do experience that mild-level
discomfort doctors speak of (especially
after giving birth vaginally, says Horwitz)
or almost no pain at all. Anecdotally, says
Dr. Silbermann, “we know the procedure is
L I F E ST U F F T h i s I s I m p o r ta nt !
pretty uncomfortable, but overall, patients
tolerate it rather well.” (See our earlier note
about feeling frustrated!)
THE PAIN VERSUS THE GAIN
Until science takes a more active interest
in women’s bodies, we’re left with a birth
control option that for many is ridiculously
painful to get but is incredibly effective for
all (IUDs are more than 99 percent effec-
tive, to be precise).
In the meantime, your best bet is to
team up with an honest doctor. That’s
what Claire*, herself an MD, did before
getting an IUD. Her physician told her
it’d be “about seven seconds of the worst
pain of your life.” And it was. “Once the
process started, I thought, I am so fucked,”
she remembers. But she still feels thankful
that her doctor was up-front about what
felt like being “overzealously whacked in
the cervix during the most intense period
cramp of your life.” All good doctors, she
adds, should be equally straight-up with
their patients.
You should also feel free to ask a lot
of questions. If you’re nervous, request
help for your anxiety or inquire about a
paracervical block. Get your doctor to
detail the different types of IUDs (some
are smaller than others), and align your
procedure with the tail end of your period,
when your cervix is slightly more open. If
you don’t feel like you’re being taken seri-
ously, find another doctor.
Finally, let your provider know what the
insertion really felt like—especially if they
downplayed the whole thing. It’s not on
you to change the entire system, but being
real might encourage more honesty for the
next person in the stirrups.
*Last name has been omitted to protect anonymity.
L I F E ST U F F I t ’s a V i b e

“Good lighting is

Bretman important, obviously,

and I’m all about the
natural light! I use one

Rock’s of those suction-cup

phone holders they
sell for your car on my
window when I

Bedroom Is capture content.”

Everything
You Hoped
It Would Be
And this peek inside his place
is our gift to you, as the first in
a new series where we head to
the homes of Hollywood’s elite
and ask them to spill on all
things decor.
BY HAN NAH CH U B B

G
oing out on a limb here, but
it’s probably pretty rare in
celebrity land to publicly “I have incredible
charcoal sheets that
describe your bedroom vibe were made by a Hawai-
as “mid-century modern sex ian artist named Jalene
dungeon.” But the OG influencer and Kanani, of Noho Home.
I tried to work with
beauty guru—who contoured his way to local artisans as much
fame on YouTube before getting his own as possible when
MTV show and multiple Big Beauty Brand furnishing my room.”
collabs—is nothing if not true to himself,
and he’s worked hard to make sure every
inch of his Hawaii home reflects his unique
personality. “I feel like the rest of my house
is bright and open-concept, but my bed-
room is giving cave,” Bretman says of the
dark and moody spot. “When I’m in here,
I feel like I’m in outer space.”

40 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 1

Your followers know you love

crystals. How many do you
have in your bedroom?
1. “The majority of my crystals
are in my attic. I try to keep
them pretty far away because
2
sometimes they give me weird
dreams. I do have carnelian
right next to my vanity though.
Its coloring looks like fire,
and as a Leo, I love that.”
Crystal Love Collective carnelian
freeform crystals, $14 each for 101 g
to 200 g, crystallovecollective.com
3
Any surprising tchotchkes?
2. “I just got a ’90s lava lamp!”
Lava 14.5" lava lamp, $25, similar
styles at target.com

What’s one splurge (besides

that bed!!) that was worth
You have lots of
cool furniture, but is there
every penny?
one piece you consider 4. “I had been eyeing this mir-
a major flex? ror for a while, so when I was
3. “My bed. I ordered it in April, with my interior designers, it was
and I didn’t get it until Septem- the first item on our list. It’s not
ber. It taught me that patience the original Ettore Sottsass for
is a virtue, because it was Poltronova Ultrafragola mirror
completely worth the wait.” [editor’s note: IYKYK], but for a
Roche Bobois Sacha dupe, she was still hella pricey!”
Lakic bubble bed, $12,720, Eternity Modern Ettore Sottsass
roche-bobois.com reproduction mirror, $2,709, eternity
4 modern.com

If you could pick the piece

that’s the most “Bretman,”
which would it be?
5. “My bedside lamps were very
much designed for me. They’re
orange and they look sort of
like water droplets. I like to think
I’m shaped just like them.”
Lotus Atelier mushroom lamp, $80,
amazon.com

What books are on

your nightstand right
this very second?
6. “That’s funny because I actu-
ally only have two books on my
5
nightstand right now and one is
mine. The other is Becoming, by
Michelle Obama.”
Becoming book, $19, bookshop.org;
You’re That Bitch: & Other Cute
Lessons About Being Unapologeti-
cally Yourself book, $30, bookshop.org

7
It’s probably safe to
6 assume you own lots of
beauty products. Where
ROCK: EMMAN MONTALVAN.

do you store them?

7. “I have this really cute vanity
on the right side of my bed—it
just screams Paris. I love that
it has a built-in Bluetooth
speaker too.”
Everly Quinn vanity, $2,000, similar
styles at wayfair.com

More Bretman for ya

right this way. F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 41
L I F E ST U F F I t ’s Pe r s o n a l

Ever Wondered How

Your Parents Would React
if You Joined OnlyFans?
I Found
Out.
Sorry not sorry if I’m
giving you anxiety just
thinking about it.
BY ALEXIA WOODS
AS TO LD TO HAN NAH CH U B B

I
’ll be honest: I never
expected to end up in the
sex industry. I always loved
math and wanted to work
in finance—and I did for a
bit. But for me, that meant
a boring-as-hell desk job
with a $28,000 starting salary, which I
had to supplement with a side hustle at a
restaurant. When the pandemic hit, I got
laid off from the latter just after moving
out of my parents’ house and in with my
boyfriend. I was paying my half of the rent
with what felt like next to no income, and
suddenly, that jokey line we’ve all heard
people say—“Ugh, maybe I should just
quit and join OnlyFans”—made a whole
lot of sense.
That is how, in the spring of 2020,
Alexia Woods was born. She’s the alias I
created when signing up for OnlyFans and
similar sites like PocketStars and Fansly. As
ALEXIA WOODS/@ALEXIAWOODS11

Alexia, I post nude pics and spicy videos,

upload pay-per-view content, and chat
with fans via the sites’ messaging tools. I
also share PG-yet-suggestive content on
Instagram and TikTok to bring people to
my paid pages.
One thing I never do: IRL meetups or
video calls. This is mostly for personal

42 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
safety, but in the beginning, I had another
reason. I wasn’t ready for anyone—espe-
cially my parents—to put a face to my fake
name. (My boyfriend and sister were the
only ones who knew, and by the way, they
totally supported me.) That first year, I
posted content that showed me only from
the neck down.
Then I started doing research, really
listening to my fans and seeing how other
OnlyFans creators were doing things. And
it became very clear that I could make so
much more money…if I actually showed
my face. Was I scared shitless at the pros-
pect? Yeah, absolutely. Even though it’s
one of the world’s oldest professions, sex
work is just so stigmatized. I didn’t want to
deal with anyone’s judgment. And I didn’t
want my mom and stepdad to hear about
it from someone other than me. I had
heard horror stories of people’s families
disowning them when they found out.
Still, I knew if I wanted this to be a real
career, I had to try. I started with just one
selfie. Posting it was nerve-racking for
sure, but it also made me feel powerful
to know people might pay through the
nose to click on my photo. They did, and react. Driving forced me to stay calm as last year to start build- You wouldn’t
believe how
I started uploading more shots, while I gripped the wheel, took a deep breath, ing my Alexia Woods many lingerie
watching my earnings quadruple. In less and spoke my truth. It’s a very good thing brand full-time, I’ve sets I’ve ordered
than a year, I started making upward of she wasn’t the one driving because she become one of the top this year.
could not hide her shock. She 1 percent of earners on
just sat there, processing, saying, OnlyFans. (I typically have between 500
“Oookay…oookay.” Eventually, she and 1,200 subscribers, and my base fee is
I had heard recovered from the surprise and
told me she’d support my deci-
$15 a month, so…you do the math.)
It’s kind of a given that you have to
horror stories of sion—she just wanted to make have thick skin to be in this business and

people’s families sure I was safe.

“I don’t wanna know any
show so much of yourself. I’m proud of
my work, and I know my parents are too.

disowning them. details,” my stepdad said when

$20,000 per month. Real money that
could help me buy a house and pay for
my future kids’ education. And I knew it
was time.
I decided to tell my mom while we
were in the car on our way to get wine for
a friend’s baby shower we’d organized.
Although we’ve always had a great rela-
tionship, I had no idea how she would
he found out shortly after. He
wasn’t exactly happy about the
news, but he did promise he would
stand by me. To say I was relieved by both
their responses is an understatement, and
the resulting conversations have actually
made our relationships stronger.
Telling my parents helped me feel
more positive about my work too. I truly
feel like I have control over my own time
and body, and the financial stability is
everything. Since quitting my day job
These days, my mom is genuinely inter-
ested in hearing about the DMs I get, the
outfits I order, and my continuous struggle
to figure out how to pay taxes. She might
not be able to brag about my career to her
friends like she could if I were a doctor or
a lawyer, but that’s okay. I’m at the top of
my industry—and I’m making more than
those doctors and lawyers are anyway.
ALEXIA WOODS is an adult-content creator. She lives
in the UK with her partner and their two cats. You can
find her on Instagram at @AlexiaWoods11.

1 Post on OnlyFans 12 Videos on TikTok 7 Hours of Hustle 24/7 Messaging

A Day in My subscribers get I share 3 vids a At least! I’m a stylist, I’m always replying
My Life as 1 photo dump a day, day on 4 different editor, director, to fans who DM me—
Alexia which can feature accounts. Anything model, and accoun- otherwise, they
up to 14 snaps. to hit people’s FYPs! tant all in one. might lose interest.

Want more personal essays

like this one? Scan away, bb. F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 43
L I F E ST U F F C o s m o ’s M u s t-V i s i t L i s t

Hate Skiing? Go on a Ski Trip!

Let everyone else schlep the gear, pay outrageous lift fees, and get goggle tans.
We’ll be using those charming lodges for an actual vacation, because…
BY KRI ST Y ALPE RT

HAVEN’T YOU ALWAYS

WANTED TO LIVE IN
THE HOLIDAY?
If the whole finding-yourself-in-
a-snowy-cottage thing sounds
pretty damn appealing, may
we suggest Breckenridge,
Colorado, for your main char-
acter moment? You don’t even
need a car to get around this
luxe yet laid-back resort town.
Walk, trolley, or bus—all for
free—your non-skiing self to a
tarot reading at Be Your Own
Guru Wellness or a hands-on
BreckCreate workshop in the
Arts District before choosing
something to cuddle up with
from Ole Man Berkins book-
shop. Breckenridge Stables
will take you up the mountain
in a horse-drawn sleigh for
cocoa and views, but the vibe
is just as cozy underground
at Mimo Fancy Tapas or from
the heated confines of Cabin
Juice inside the Gravity Haus
hotel.

TIPSY SNOWSHOEING
IS MORE FUN THAN
SPIN CLASS
Fresh powder + heavy pours?
That’s the sort of winning
combo you’ll find at Michi-
gan’s Boyne Mountain Resort.
MAIN IMAGE: LEAH FLORES/STOCKSY. ALL OTHERS: COURTESY RESORTS.

Plan your trip around the

Samuel Adams Wicked Air &
Après event in February so
pros can do the skiing while
you do the après-ing. When
in Michigan, it’s all about
imbibing in wonderland-like
conditions (igloo bars, winter
biergartens) between snow-
shoe treks. To do Boyne Moun-
tain right, ride the Hemlock
chairlift to the top. Then walk
the SkyBridge suspension
bridge and order a warmer
(i.e., hot chocolate with booze)
from the Eagle’s Nest.

44 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 1. Stowe, Vermont
2. Boyne Mountain Resort
3. Sundance Mountain Resort
4. Zenergy Health Club
5. Le Massif de Charlevoix
6. Breckenridge, Colorado
2 3
GUESS WHAT?
YOU’RE A “SKI-SPA”
PERSON NOW
The only winter gear you’ll
need for your new preferred
pastime is a swimsuit (okay,
sure, and a beanie…bring
that too). As for the best
place to fully embrace this
evolved you? That would
be Sun Valley, Idaho, where
nobody thinks twice about
the windchill. You’ll sunbathe,
snowbathe, and regular-
bathe your way through the
area on a magnificent tub
crawl. Zenergy Health Club &
Spa, the Limelight Hotel’s hot
4 tub, and Sun Valley Lodge’s
outdoor pool are all solid
choices. Pick up an oat milk
latte and a vintage outfit at
Maude’s Coffee & Clothes,
then book it up the Round-
house Express gondola for
post-treatment fondue on
Bald Mountain.
I MEAN, THINK
OF THE OUTFITS
The best ski towns have
their own dress codes, like
Sundance, Utah. Yes, the
famous film festival spot has
impressive slopes, but the
real focus should be on the
fashion. You can schedule
your day around wardrobe
changes: faux fur for your
custom perfume blending
class, matching loungewear
separates for the spa, state-
ment snow boots and gloves
for shopping on Main Street,
and oversize chunky sweat-
ers for late nights at the Owl
Bar…the list goes on. Save
room in your suitcase though,
because you’ll soon see why
the General Store is a favor-
5 6 ite outfitter for trendy visitors
and locals alike.
Even more escapes,
curated just for you. F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
YOU’LL LITERALLY
NEVER HAVE
BETTER IG POSTS
Just imagine the amount
of content that comes with
posting up fireside in a
picturesque mountain town.
Perfect example: Stowe,
Vermont, which is basically
a snow globe IRL, beautifully
preserved buildings and all.
You’ll spend most of your
downtime at the Whistle-
Pig Pavilion, warming your
hygge-loving heart in front
of an oversize stone fire-
place while its flames heat
giant wheels of raclette and
Bavarian-style pretzels. The
firepit outside the Lodge at
Spruce Peak’s ice rink is also
especially grid-worthy—even
more so when s’mores are
involved. Pro tip: Stash your
phone away to fully embrace
the zen moments inside the
spa’s Sanctuary Lounge.
FOOD JUST
TASTES BETTER
ON A MOUNTAIN
The fresher the air, the more
incredible your meal tastes.
These are just the facts. The
scenes of Le Massif de Char-
levoix, in Quebec, might have
something to do with it too.
Here, charcuterie boards
are served both on- and
off-piste, and silky crémeux
au chocolat satisfies better
than any cup of cocoa ever
could. Skis aren’t required on
the resort’s gondolas if you
want views, but you can just
as easily drive to the summit
and sip wine while peering
down from the Camp Boule
buvette de montagne restau-
rant. Remind me again why
you’ve ever passed on a trip
like this?
C o s m o p o l i ta n 45
 Help!
I Can’t
Stop

Cyber-
Stalking

People Dear Minaa,

I’m lowkey obsessive about checking
in on people I used to know. Every
husband and married her much younger
contractor. I’m really only invested in

From
time I open up my phone for a good
ol’ mindless swipe ’n’ scroll (which
is, uh, often), I mentally run through
a checklist of people I like to keep
their posts—not their actual lives, which
for the most part are super different from
my own. If I’m not online, I’m not thinking
about them at all.

My Past virtual tabs on. My newly married ex

from college? On The List. My former
middle school BFF who’s now a mom
of two and the proud new owner of
Daily social media scroll a lake house? Also on The List. So
starting to spiral? Our are a slew of other now-strangers I
advice columnist, therapist haven’t interacted with since Obama
Minaa B., helps you get a was in office.
Let me clarify that I don’t truly care
handle on your habit. about these people, like my friend’s
I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y D E R E K A B E L L A mom who recently divorced her
Yet I just can’t stop myself from check-
ing up on them, even though I promise I
don’t actually want to know the name of
my ex’s new puppy (it’s Ruby) or anything
about my former cheer coach’s MLM
hustle. So my question is: What is going on
and why can’t I quit? Is it normal to know
so many details of super-random people’s
day-to-days? I would love to physically
and emotionally unfollow these folks and
get back so much wasted time.

46 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3

Dear Reader,
First of all, your behavior is completely
normal. People like to judge those who
habitually scroll Instagram or TikTok, but
that act is really no different from eating
a snack when you need a mental break or
having a glass of wine when you’re feeling
stressed. It could be that your mind craves
the stimulation and pleasure it gets from
watching the lives of others. (Plus, social
media algorithms are designed to keep us
coming back, so trust that you’re not the
only one caught in this cycle.)
You might find it hard to quit because
it’s natural for our brains to desire a reward
during downtime—and that reward can
fuel further cravings. In his book The
Power of Habit, author Charles Duhigg
Got a question for Minaa?
Ask away!
describes three elements that go into the
making of a habit: a cue, a routine, and a
reward. The cue is an internal or external
thing that triggers you to take action—for
you, it could be boredom or listlessness.
You might not like how you’re feeling in the
moment, and that prompts you to resort
to something that makes you feel better.
Your routine is picking up your phone, and
your reward is the quick dopamine hit you
get from scrolling.
Following seemingly random people
can also create a false sense of intimacy.
You know so many details about their lives,
and the more you learn, the more you feel
like you’re right there with them personally.
Even if you haven’t spoken in a decade
L I F E ST U F F Fre e T h e ra py
and you don’t actually like them, you’ve
formed an attachment to their updates.
Your emotional connection to them may
be an illusion, but it’s a powerful one that’s
hard to give up.
Another factor is that your scrolling is
likely a source of escapism for you. You
get to leave your own life for a minute
and investigate how things are going
for others. And because you did actually
know these people at some point in your
life, it can be intriguing to see how their
stories are playing out. Again, this is very
normal and not necessarily unhealthy—
especially if the short-term reward you get
isn’t creating long-term consequences like
feelings of anger or sadness about your
own circumstances.
Your emotional
connection may be
an illusion, but it’s a
powerful one that’s
hard to give up.
All of this said, because your social
stalking has started to feel more like a
time suck than a source of relief, you can
try to adjust your daily ritual. One way
is to swap it for something that’s a little
more nourishing for you. What activities
make you feel good? What might promote
positive change or teach you something
instead of just distracting you? Try what-
ever comes to mind as a replacement for
your scrolling.
Ideally, you’d do something that
doesn’t involve your phone at all, like going
for walks or talking to friends in person. Or,
if you must, think about other things you
can do on your device—like listening to an
audiobook, journaling in your notes app, or
playing something stimulating like Wordle.
Will you get as much of a rush as you do
from a deep scroll through your ex’s grid?
Maybe not right away. But you’ll be setting
up new habits and working toward the
release you’re craving.
MINAA B. is a therapist, writer, and speaker and the
author of the upcoming Owning Our Struggles: A Path to
Healing and Finding Community in a Broken World. She’s
the founder of Minaa B. Consulting, where she works
with organizations to help them develop psychological
safety, and she sits on the mental health advisory
committee for Wondermind, a mental-fitness company
cofounded by Selena Gomez.
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 47
L I F E ST U F F Fu r Yo u r I nfo r m a t i o n

You’re Not a Regular

Dog Mom, You’re a ~Fiscally
Responsible~ Dog Mom
Hi, “pet debt” is very, very real.
BY CH RI STE N A . JOH N SON

m, so, Ameri-

U cans collectively
spend a lot on
their animals.
Like, more than
$123 billion in
2021 alone, and inflation is
only making that already
bonkers number creep even
higher. Which is probably
why more than 75 percent of
owners say rising pet-related
costs are challenging—and
that a surprise $1,000 vet visit
would send their bank account
into shambles, according to a
recent LendingTree poll.
LET’S MAKE
As an aspiring dog mom,
FURBABY this situation is definitely not
SHOWERS going to work for me. I want to
HAPPEN
be able to spoil my new child
You’re becom-
ing a pet with cute stuff (on top of, you
mom! Your know, making sure I can cover
friends who their basic medical and life
had *human* needs)—but I also have other
babies did financial goals to crush and
it, so why
Beyoncé ticket money to save.
shouldn’t you
make a regis- So I asked the patron saints
try and spoil of pets, aka some very smart
your new lil money experts, how to navi-
one with ador- gate this cuddly but expensive
able gifts? new world.
Everything’s
the same,
except bones Pet Insurance Is an
are involved. Absolute Must
From around $20 a month, it’s
not nothing. But it also pales in
comparison to the thousands
CHRIS CRAYMER/TRUNK ARCHIVE.

(tens of thousands?) you’ll

spend if your pet breaks a
leg or, say, ingests your favor-
ite Acne Studios scarf. “Stuff
happens, and no one wants to
be in financial disaster mode
when it does,” says Vivian Tu,
CEO of Your Rich BFF.

Some other crucial intel, so

48 you can get back to snuggling:
 All the $$$
You Need
Before
Bringing
That Baby
Home
Getting a pet is like
prepping to buy a
house—you need
a good chunk of
change saved up
for necessities first.
Take a gander at
these up-front costs
First, see if your existing for owning a dog or
renter’s or homeowner’s insur- cat, according
ance comes with any built-in to the American
pet coverage and/or check Society for the
Prevention of
what your employer might Cruelty to Animals.
offer. Nothing? Scroll through Ideally, says
Pawlicy.com to compare plans, Clarissa Moore,
and call 800-PET-MEDS to find you’ll also have
deals on prescriptions. Some $100 to $250 in
emergency cash set
big-box stores like Petco also aside because, just
offer lower-cost insurance, like in regular life,
says financial coach Clarissa you never know.
Moore, founder of Clarissa
Explains Money. SPAYING/
Oh, and look into liability NEUTERING =
$300 $150
insurance while you’re at it,
because (1) it’s possible your VACCINES =
good boy may someday bite $300 $175
someone and (2) one thing COLLARS AND
about people is they’re going LEASHES =
to sue you if they can. $60 $15

Insurance! Because (1) it’s possible

MICROCHIPPING =
Personal Loans > Plastic $20 $20

If the above tip came too late LITTER BOX = your good boy may bite someone and
for you and a mega vet bill $20
(2) one thing about people is they’re
just arrived, it’s natural to want
to whip out your credit card.
SCRATCHING
POST = $15
going to sue you if they can.
Don’t, Tu says. “You’re much CARRIER =
better off going to your bank $50 $40
and asking for a personal
CRATE/KENNEL = “Payment Plan” Is a Community Resources
loan.” Yes, even for what may $60
seem like a smallish amount. Term You Should Know Are Also a Thing
TRAINING
Credit cards tend to have Sit with your finances for Some animal shelters offer vet
CLASSES =
sky-high interest rates—often $200 a minute and figure out a loans and grant programs,
between 20 and 25 percent— reasonable amount you could and a lot of veterinary schools
GROOMING
compared with as low as spend each month toward run clinics, Tu says. There are
TOOLS =
5 percent for personal loans. $40 $20 paying off your pet debt. Then also nonprofits that provide
The entire process can take up call your vet’s billing office and financial assistance, like the
MAX PAPENDIECK/TRUNK ARCHIVE.

to two weeks, but once you’re
funded, you can pay off that
invoice in full. “Credit cards
are only good if you can pay
them off fast,” Tu explains.
If you can’t and a bank loan
also doesn’t work for you,
keep reading.
ask if they will accept monthly
TOTAL
installments. “You never know
FOR DOGS =
$1,280 how open your vet is to nego-
TOTAL tiation until you actually ask,”
FOR CATS = Tu says, so don’t be embar-
$705 rassed about taking this step.
It could be just the thing that
saves you a ton of stress.
Pet Fund and Friends & Vets
Helping Pets. Just peep the
fine print on the latter because
they can involve lots of paper-
work. But that’s kind of okay,
right? You’re a parent now, and
wouldn’t you do anything for
your kids?

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 49
 Treat Yourself One Vineyard to Rule Them All
Page 51 Page 52

bites
Let’s Start
Romanticizing
Breakfast
in Bed for One,
Shall We?
New columnist
Alyse Whitney has
oPiNiOnS about food
and your life will be
genuinely better when
you listen to them.
PHOTOGR APH BY CH E L S E A K YLE

Hi, it’s me—recipe
developer, dip
queen, guest judge
on Netflix’s Easy-
Bake Battle, and now
your resident food
whisperer.
FOOD STYLIST: REBECCA JURKEVICH. PROP STYLIST: KALEN KAMINSKI. MANICURE: SHIRLEY CHENG. WHITNEY: ANDREW BUI.
Welcome, everyone, to my
delicious little corner of
Cosmopolitan. Let’s kick
things off with my favorite
weekend ritual. It’s a low-fuss,
high-reward version of self-
care that normally involves
me crawling back into my
unmade bed, still in pajamas,
to rewatch episodes of The
O.C. Tucked into my cozy duvet
cave, I have a TV tray on my
lap—holding something very
eggy and very cheesy—and
a big ol’ glass of creamy cold
brew in my hand. (Pausing to
say I see you, people scream-
ing, “But the crumbs!” to which
I respond that it’s still worth it,
and in my case, what the tray
doesn’t catch, my dog Miso
definitely does.)
Anyway, I consider all
this a romantic gesture I
do for myself because, yes,
romancing yourself is a
real—and, IMO, pretty neces-
sary—thing. It’s pretty easy
too: This egg sandwich falls
somewhere between my most
simple (avocado toast) and
most showstopping (smoked
salmon Benedict) brekkies. The
sausage is homemade and the
eggs are cooked like a square
omelet with gooey American
cheese inside. The patties also
freeze perfectly, so Future You
can bust one out for a killer bite
whenever the craving strikes.
How’s that for some eggces-
sively (sorry, but I do love a food
pun) scrumptious me-time? If
you’re in the mood for even
more “damn, that looks good”
snacks and full-blown meals
that require the absolute bare
minimum on your part, you
know where to find me. I’ll be
here for you all year.
@AlyseWhitney
BITES D o i n g t h e Le a s t W i t h A l y s e
Better-Than-
Drive-Through
Breakfast Sandwich
MAKES 6 PATTIES (SAVE SOME
FOR LATER!) AND 1 SAMMY
Yes, You Can Make Your Own Patties
1½ pounds ground pork
½ teaspoon kosher salt
½ teaspoon red pepper flakes
½ teaspoon garlic powder
½ teaspoon onion powder
½ teaspoon dried rubbed sage
½ teaspoon dried thyme
1 teaspoon everything bagel seasoning
plus more for coating the patties
20 cranks freshly cracked black pepper
1 tablespoon maple syrup
½ teaspoon canola or vegetable oil
Now, THE Sandwich
1 extra-large egg
1 teaspoon milk (or water)
½ tablespoon unsalted butter, softened
1 slice American cheese
1 English muffin, sliced in half and toasted
Ketchup or hot sauce (optional)
1. Place the pork in a large bowl. Combine all
of the seasonings in a separate small bowl,
then mix them into the pork using a spatula.
Mix in the syrup.
2. Divide the mixture into 6 equal pieces and
roll them into balls, then flatten each until
you have round patties that measure
4 inches across. Sprinkle a thin layer of
everything bagel seasoning on both sides.
(Now is a good time to freeze any extra
patties by separating them with parchment
paper in a plastic freezer bag.)
3. In a small (6-inch) nonstick skillet over
medium heat, heat up the oil. Add your patty
and cook for 2 to 3 minutes per side, or until
its internal temp gets to 165 degrees.
4. Whisk the egg in a bowl with the milk and
a pinch of salt and pepper. Add the butter to
a skillet over medium-low heat. Pour the egg
in and tilt the skillet so it coats the pan. Rip
the cheese slice into 4 squares and layer
them in the middle over the egg. Using a
spatula, lift up all sides of the egg and fold
them over the cheese. Place a lid on top, turn
the heat to low, and let the cheese melt.
5.Stack the meat on the bottom half of the
English muffin, followed by the egg, ketchup
or hot sauce (if desired), and the muffin top.
Enjoy immediately, preferably with a
generous helping of Seth Cohen on the side.
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 51
 # 10
EARLY MOUNTAIN
Madison County, Virginia
March
Virginia may be the
birthplace of American
wine, but Early Mountain is
the state’s future, grow-
Madness, but ing ridiculously good petit
manseng (white) and a
petit verdot–merlot blend
It’s Vineyards that’s perfect for sipping
on the stone tasting patio
overlooking rolling hills
and rows of grapevines.
(And it’s also not really March
Madness.) B Y K R I S T Y A L P E R T
What do basketball brackets
and wine have in common?
Absolutely nothing. Unless you
consider pitting America’s top
#4
vineyards against each other
to find out who’s the best... GRUET WINERY
Middle Rio Grande Valley,
which we did. We sipped, New Mexico
swirled, and even spit (hi, we’re Gruet can trace its roots
to France’s Champagne
not amateurs) the country’s top
region, and its tasting
wines in the most beauteous of rooms in Albuquerque and
Santa Fe are full of the
places, and although we’ll be most “champagne-like”
tipsy for the next few months, sparkling wines in America.
Go for the blanc de
we found the winners. Behold blancs and stay for the
this delicious dream team. wine-paired caviar flight.
52 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
#9
OLD WESTMINSTER
WINERY
Piedmont Plateau, Maryland
Pop a Farm Fizz while
touring this juniper farm
turned winery, then crack
open a can of Carbonic
Cabernet Franc back in
the lofted tasting room the
second your wood-fired
pizza arrives. While you’re
at it, order extra cans and a
charcuterie board too.
#3
INGLENOOK
Napa Valley, California
Just like with filmmaking,
few people do it better
than owner Francis Ford
ALL IMAGES: COURTESY VINEYARDS.
Coppola. Tastings are
cinematic—charcuterie
in a candlelit cave—but
so is sipping at home.
Pair his cabernet sauvi-
gnon with The Outsiders
and save the Rubicon for
The Godfather.
We see you,
world travelers:
 BITES T h e C o s m o Fo o d G u i d e

Of course there’s Tus-

Go Global cany and Champagne
Pfalz, Germany Hawke’s Bay, New Zealand Valle de Guadalupe, Mexico

With (duh), but wouldn’t it be We’re calling it: This spätbur- Chardonnay and cabernet The crisp sauvignon blancs
nice to brag that you’ve gunder (pinot noir) region, sauvignon just like in Napa and tempranillos from Baja
Your Wine sipped the vino in these home to the world’s largest wine Valley—except in freaking California are proof that
Tour also-very-cool spots? festival, is the next Burgundy. New Zealand. Mexico really does have it all.

#8
LOOP DE LOOP
VINTNER
Columbia Gorge, Washington
Winemaker Julia Bailey Guls-
tine lives next to her grapes
in a vintage trailer so she can
watch over her vineyard like a
doting mom. Her Wallflower
Project label basically says
“screw you, 2020,” proving
her wines are bolder than the
wildfires and pandemic that
tried to ruin them.
#7
WILLIAM CHRIS
VINEYARDS
Hill Country, Texas
These 100 percent created-
in-Texas wines are some of
the best in the world—yes,
world—with the awards to
prove it. There’s not much better
than watching a fiery-red
sunset on the covered patio…
except maybe doing exactly
that while holding a glass of
Hunter, which is also fiery red.
#6
DR. KONSTANTIN
FRANK WINERY
Finger Lakes, New York
The family-run vineyard makes
the best Rieslings this side of
the Atlantic. It’s also among
the few U.S. vintners that make
rkatsiteli, a European-style dry
white (the grapes grow on the
peaceful slopes of Keuka Lake,
right near the tasting room).
Happy grapes, happy life! Isn’t
that the saying?
#5
SOTER VINEYARDS
Willamette Valley, Oregon
Biodynamic grapes 101:
good for the planet and
even better in a glass. At
least, that’s the case with
Soter’s fruit. This Oregon
“farmyard” (farm + vineyard)
includes a kitchen garden
that grows all the ingredients
for its fahncy and very
worth it four-course wine-
tasting lunches.

# 1

RIDGE VINEYARDS
Sonoma County, California
This sustainable spot

#2 has been perfecting its

ROSEROCK DROUHIN
Eola-Amity Hills, Oregon
Véronique Boss-Drouhin
grew up among the vines in
Burgundy, where her family—
the Domaine Drouhins—has
made wine since 1880. She
now vinifies pinot noir and
chardonnay in Oregon
among ancient white oaks,
enchanting meadows, and a
creek-fed pond. So, yes, we
also wish we were her.
cabernet sauvignon and
zinfandel since 1962, and
by “perfecting,” we mean
they’re already pretty much
perfect. Sipping your way
through a roster of reds
while soaking in views from
the elevated patio, or grab-
bing some pals and book-
ing a private tasting near
century-old vines before
zipping through the vine-
yard on an electric go-kart?
Name a better way to week-
end. (There isn’t one.)

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 53
 Aries Taurus
Pisces season may have
you listening to Spotify’s
Sad Girl Starter Pack
playlist on repeat—but
your love life is actually
thriving? You’re developing
new crushes and going
on so many dates. It’s
all setting you up for a
super-romantic birthday
extravaganza in March.

Gemini Cancer
For months, Mars has been
in your sign, pushing you to
go a million miles a minute
all day every day. I know
you’re exhausted, Gem, but
the closer you get to Aries
season, the easier things
get. After Mars enters Can-
cer on March 25, you’ll
finally be able to relax.

Libra Scorpio
Sorry, but your Pisces
centered, but get ready to season for your sign, season is full of busywork,
prove those haters wrong. whether you’re hooking up, and March contains lots
Pluto entering Aquarius in dating, or spending some of astro weather in your
March means you’re fos- quality time with your part- opposite sign, Aries.
tering (and learning about ner. And when Aries season Meaning: You need to find
yourself through) your “b” starts on March 20, it’s the balance, especially in your
relationships—your besties, perfect chance to upgrade relationships. But as the
your boo, your business those relationships. Oh, sign of the scales, this is
partners, and...yes, even and you’re making all kinds honestly kind of NBD for
people you have beef with. of new friends too. you. You’ve got this!

Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces

GETTY IMAGES.

Every sign gets a little emo Letting your walls down Wow, you’re not holding
during Pisces season, but is hard, but Pisces season back—if you have some-
you are...really going there. is helping you open up and thing to say, you’re gonna
Take this opportunity to speak your mind. You’re say it. This is great for pur-
get back to your roots, feeling more extroverted, suing your ambitions, but
spend time with family and proudly sharing your you run the risk of being a
friends, and recharge your opinions, and spending little, well, ruthless, espe-
batteries. You’ll need the tons of time with other cially when Pluto enters
energy—Aries season is people. Enjoy it now, as your sign at the end of
one of the most exciting Aries season spells all March. Just remember that
times of the year for you. relaxation all the time. compromise is often okay. worth it.

Some b-day gift inspo for

54 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 your favorite Pisces:
T

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 55
TRAVEL LIKE AN EDITOR

POUR ON THE GOODNESS

shop.torani.com

EYEWEAR WORTH THE HYPE

womenshealthmag.com/eyewear
 All the Rage Catharsis Cloud Making Change
Page 58 Page 60 Page 63
Wheel of Wrath Swiftie Uprising

EC
N
S

TIO

Apparently You’re Pissed

About Money!
We asked, you exploded. Young women aren’t just “feeling the economic pinch”—
they’re feeling the economic urge to punch a hole in the f*cking wall. Inside,
the results of Cosmopolitan’s first-ever (extremely cathartic) survey of financial fury.
BY E LIZ AB ETH KI E FE R I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y J I A Q I W A N G

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 57
S P EC I A L S EC T I O N B re a k i n g t h e B a n k

The
Anger
Census

Findings from
a Cosmopolitan
survey of
501 women
ages 18 to 44,
conducted via
SurveyMonkey in
December 2022.

36 %
say their money
rage has
“increased
dramatically”
since the
pandemic hit.

Our financial
system is… aybe it was the ATM fee that plunged your account into overdraft or a rent
hike that stretched your budget past the brink. It could have been a boomer call-
ing you out for buying too much avocado toast (which…you’ve never actually
done) or someone you follow on Instagram posting a “new house who dis” pic
without acknowledging it was a cash offer funded by the Bank of Mom and Dad.
Whatever set you off, it’s clear that money rage—yours, ours, everyone’s?—is in
the air. Our survey of zillennial women quantified the vibe: A large share of you are beyond the point
of ambient financial frustration and are feeling full-on livid. And when we asked you to sound off
on the subject, your responses revealed a widespread struggle to survive, let alone thrive, in a shit-
sandwich economy that feels less sustainable by the day.
“The social system is becoming unlivable for many people, including some who are relatively
privileged,” says cultural philosopher Nancy Fraser, PhD, author of Cannibal Capitalism. This,
17%
friends, is what happens when lack of money + lack of time + lack of options = declining quality of
Fair life for folks across the board.
39%
And make no mistake, Fraser adds: It’s a feature, not a bug. “The system incentivizes powerful
Completely investors, corporations, and people dedicated to amassing more and more profit to help themselves
4 4% fucked freely to a lot of non-monetized resources—from nature and the environment to the unwaged care
Flawed work that women especially do in families, communities, and neighborhoods.” And now? Many of us
have hit our breaking point, which explains why we seem to be witnessing “a multidimensional crisis
of the whole social order,” says Fraser, one that many young women have long sensed was coming.
At the same time, Cosmo’s survey revealed glimmers of promise, a belief that this system might
not have to be this way. Respondents showed broad support for programs that guarantee every-
one a basic income, for the expansion of health care services and debt cancellation, for universal
childcare and family support policies that actually support families. Admittedly, the gap between
“appealing” and “possible” feels pretty huge right now. The hope here is that catharsis can bring us
a little closer. Because if you’re angry…well, you’re paying attention.

58 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3

“Being constantly behind
on everything—credit
cards, fees, loans—and
still barely getting by.”
The Consumer Price Index
(it tracks inflation) increased
7.1 percent year over year. At
the same time, wages rose
only 5.1 percent, meaning that
even if you got a raise, that
bump was likely crushed by
your cost of living—and you
can’t just budget your way out
of not having enough money,
says political scientist and race
scholar Patricia Posey, PhD. In
short, you’re probably way bet-
ter at managing money than
you’re giving yourself credit for.
A Pote n t
Sampling
of S h* t
Yo u’re M a d
About
And some words on
misplaced rage.
“How is student loan
forgiveness getting put
on hold??”
Tuition and fees at univer-
sities have risen by triple-
digit percentages since 2003.
Last August, the Biden-Harris
administration announced
plans to forgive up to $20K
in student loan debt among
qualifying borrowers—then
state GOP legislators rallied
to cancel the cancellation
because of questions around
legality. The program may
be stalled for now, but the
upshot is that zillennials have
officially mainstreamed the
concept of debt cancellation.
“Not being able to afford
not having a roommate.”
Last April, the U.S. median
monthly asking rent soared
17 percent year over year, to
a record high of $1,940, per
Redfin. That plus a dearth of
available housing led more of
us to cohabitate out of sheer
desperation (cut to you listen-
ing to a horny threesome on
the other side of your bedroom
wall). Rent has eased a bit in
recent months, but pro-tenant
activists are still working for
protections across the country,
which can’t hurt to have.
“My partner and I still
can’t afford daycare even
with two incomes.”
Between 1995 and 2016, the
hourly cost of childcare rose
86 percent. Working moms
bore the brunt and left the
labor force in droves. It hap-
pened again during the pan-
demic, when shutdowns in
childcare services sparked
a “she-cession,” another hit
to women’s earning power.
Fortunately, universal pre-K
programs—good for kids and
parents alike—are gaining
traction. (Fair pay for educa-
tors needs to happen too.)
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
“How is it even possible
that a single bag of
groceries can cost $200?!”
Basics such as eggs, flour, and
coffee are probably what’s kill-
ing your budget. Bottlenecks like
extreme weather and geopo-
litical upheaval depressed the
supply of staple goods. Then
some food suppliers raised
prices above inflation costs,
reaping huge profits. A surging
food justice movement (check
out @FoodChainWorker and
@BlackFoodJustice) may
inspire reforms and more
grassroots efforts like commu-
nity fridges.
When we asked you who
was responsible for your
financial frustrations, 38
percent placed the blame
on…yourselves. Here’s the
thing though: A lot of
rage-y money experi-
ences are manifestations
of a much larger macro
mess. This is how your own
issues fit into the bigger
picture. (And PSA: Give
yourself a break, please.)
“I’m watching my retire-
ment fund tank. How am I
going to live in 40 years?”
Our dependence on personal
investment portfolios to fund
our geriatric years has roots
in the Reagan era, when com-
panies began swapping pen-
sion plans for 401(k)s, shifting
the financial risk to employ-
ees. Which one could say is
annoying. But if you’re young,
consider letting your nest egg
coast on autopilot for the
moment. “Paying attention to
a long-term investment is not
always helpful,” says certified
financial planner Samantha
Gorelick of Brunch & Budget.
C o s m o p o l i ta n 59
S P EC I A L S EC T I O N B re a k i n g t h e B a n k

A l l t h e Pe o p l e Yo u Wa n n a
Ye l l a t R i g h t N ow
Time for a collective primal scream: These are the folks you deemed
most infuriating when it comes to money issues.

My rich
friend
who
Congress My mom,

The
Anger
*pretends* Elon watching
me eat
she is ramen from
Census

working Musk her second

house
47
My
% Literally
say the American
dream is a “nice- every
sounding idea
that’s actually
founding
father

boss
impossible and
unattainable for
most people.”

75 %
say we should
“eat the rich,” with
57% calling for My health
the rich to “pay insurance
their fair share of
taxes” first.
provider

My
sh*tty POTUS
landlord My
student
Billionaires Myself loan
in general officer
60 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Don’t Worry—
Your Financial
Schadenfreude
Is Mostly
Healthy

Go ahead. Mock Samuel

Bankman-Fried. It’s fine. In
fact, it speaks well of you
to delight in the ruin of this
man-baby billionaire and
founder of the dubious crypto
exchange FTX, a person
once hailed by Forbes as the
“richest 20something in the
world.” You are not a bad per-
son if you tingle with pleasure
because Sam was barred
from his vast Bahamas fief-
dom, legally grounded at his
parents’ house while awaiting
trial for eight criminal counts
of fraud and other charges. Th e Revo l u t i o n W i l l N ot
If you relish the idea of him
flipping forlornly through his B e To u r i n g V i a T i c ket m a s te r
childhood Harry Potter novels,
A case study in constructive fury.
yearning to be a precocious
magic boy again, you are
petty. You are also virtuous.
“When we root for the
wealthy getting their due, it
may stem from our justice or those personally traumatized by the online ticketing nightmare
system’s legacy of letting of Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour last November, please accept our sympa-
them off the hook,” says ther- thies. For anyone who missed the melee, a recap: Before tickets went
apist Megan McCoy, PhD, on sale, Ticketmaster, the exclusive seller, created an early-access link
assistant professor of personal for “verified fans.” The goal was to outsmart bots and scalpers. That
financial planning at Kansas very much did not work. The site crashed and glitched, stranding fans
State University. (Bankman- in the queue for hours, with many losing their seats on the checkout page. A batshit
Fried has pleaded not guilty resale market arose, in which a single ticket climbed to nearly $95K.
to all charges.) These rare Millions of furious people melted down on social media, inspiring many a meme.
instances can feel like a cor- But the debacle also marked a consciousness-raising moment, as fans connected
rection for all that we know to their experiences to broader economic critiques of how megacorporations with
be inequitable and financially outsize market shares can become de facto monopolies that mistreat customers
fucked up. with impunity. The twist here is that the fandom didn’t stop at merely being mad—
Sure, check yourself if they mobilized for vengeance.
you’re rooting against real Fifty-plus Swifties who also happen to be lawyers, comms pros, tech workers,
people you know—well, the and government employees formed a group called Vigilante Legal—after Taylor’s
ones who aren’t running song “Vigilante Shit”—and filed a Federal Trade Commission complaint against
Ponzi schemes—which can Ticketmaster and its parent company, Live Nation. (The group’s tagline: “Look what
be a symptom of harmful you made us do.”) Meanwhile, the Gen Z–led pro-democracy platform Voters of
envy, says McCoy: “Then we Tomorrow unleashed SWIFT—Swifties Working to Increase Fairness From Ticket-
need to start a self-reflection master—to advocate for broader antitrust legislation. Some 250-plus fans have
process that explores how we now joined a separate class-action lawsuit under California’s Unfair Competition
can gain more confidence Law, seeking what could be millions in cash damages. And the U.S. Department of
and overall okayness with our Justice is reportedly planning to pursue an antitrust investigation of its own.
own life course.” Otherwise, Call it a successful pilot experiment in class rage: If enough people get pissed
laugh away. – ERIN QUINLAN enough about something at the same time, it’s possible to take on powerful systems.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 61
 How About
Opening a
STFU
Account?

Nothing sparks money rage quite like advice

that doesn’t even remotely reflect the reali-
ties of your life. These five ancient, ubiquitous
tips—even if they work for some people—
just need to die already. There, we said it!

SO SICK OF... INSTEAD, HOW ABOUT...

“Renting is like See if your landlord

throwing money reports your rent to a
away—save for a credit bureau—if you’re
down payment!” paying it on time consis-
Thanks, but I don’t tently, it improves your
want to be locked credit history. If not, check
into a property out RentTrack, a platform
The deed when the that makes it possible to
world is aflame? automate that expense.
Anger
Census “Freeze your It’s cool if you want to rein
credit cards—lit- in your CC purchases.

44
erally, in a block of But also, don’t be afraid
ice—so you’ll stop to take an active role in
using them.” Um, managing debt. Plug your
% except I literally numbers into a payoff
support the idea need credit cards calculator, research zero-
of universal to survive. interest transfer offers,
and empower thyself.
basic income.

“Save six months Talk to your inner cir-

19
of expenses in cle about pooling cash
an emergency reserves in a shared emer-
fund.” Right, so I’ll gency savings fund: Many
%
just stow all that banks allow for multiple
say the cash in a Scrooge joint account holders,
nonexistent McDuck–style and chances are slim that
social safety net swimming pool in you’ll all need the money
enrages them. my mansion. at once.

“Cut out nones- Scolding yourself for

sential purchases enjoying a turmeric latte
to save hundreds,
even thousands,
does more harm than
financial good. Are you
Yo u r
of dollars every
year.” Cool, guess
generally making progress
toward your goals? That’s Pe rs o n a l i ze d
I’ll never have fun the more critical question.
again. And tbh, you deserve nice G u i d e to
things regardless.
M o n ey
“Leverage your Extra cash is great, but
free time by start-
ing a side hustle.”
spiritual payoff matters
too. Factor in the value of
Re b e l l i o n
CAN I NOT LIVE? things that aren’t mone- Find the path for
tized: sleep, sunlight, actu- your wrath.
ally seeing friends instead
of responding to their texts
with the “haha” reaction
four days later.

62 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 S P EC I A L S EC T I O N B re a k i n g t h e B a n k

A The Internal
Operative

You’re tenacious, direct, and

preternaturally diplomatic.
You’d do well as an insur-
gent force for good, navigat-
ing imperfect spaces as you
actively work to make them
better. Consider channeling
your gifts into local politics—
no elected office too small—
or starting a union convo in
your workplace. For inspira-
tion, check out Dissent mag’s
podcast Belabored, a fascinat-
ing probe of labor organizing’s
past, present, and future.

Start

B The Prosperous
Troublemaker

What’s your Grade school report cards

You know you’ve been dealt a
activism vibe? described you as... sweet hand, and you’re cool
with enjoying that. But you also
want to spread the wealth,
whether that means pressuring
well-heeled friends to cough
Will they WE RIDE Off in my A natural leader up cash for urgent causes or
take a AT DAWN. own world. (“bossy” if your reforming the tax code to sup-
teacher was port working families. Con-
check?
nect with like-minded folks via
problematic).
Resource Generation, an org
that rallies privileged zillenni-
als to become leaders working
toward the equitable distribu-
Like, a big one? Friend-date move: tion of wealth, land, and power.

Yes, with at No, but

least one
comma.
every dollar
counts!
Split
the bill.
A
Pick up
the tab.
B
C The Alt-
Innovator

Your approach to life defi-

nitely doesn’t involve chas-
Which White Lotus character ing a fancy job with a corner
What’s your tolerance level
office. What you may not real-
for bullshit? speaks to you?
ize? Tons of people share your
values. Work on building com-
munity connections that yield
collective good: a monthly
free store or clothing swap, a
Very low, I can take it Harper Daphne Lucia renegade vegetable garden,
thx. if there’s a “Force the “Do What You “Your Rules a listserv for bartering skills.
Conversation” Have to Do” Don’t Apply to Suggested reading for the
payoff.
communal lending library you
Spiller. Sullivan. Me” Greco.
should totally start: Radical
A B C Intimacy, by Sophie K. Rosa.

More reading and listening

recs for money rebels. F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 63
 I N T E R V I E W B Y E M M A B AT Y P H O T O G R A P H S B Y A M B E R A S A LY
FASHION BY CASSIE ANDERSON

When you go from trying to find work to bona fide star in just three years,
it might feel like you got a lucky break. Unless you’re Madelyn Cline.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 65
Previous spread:
Alex Perry
catsuit. Jade
Trau earrings.
Tabayer neck-
lace. Jacquie
Aiche ring.
This page:
Grover Rad
mesh top and
leggings. Paris
Texas boots.
Tiffany & Co. Elsa
Peretti earrings.
Tiffany &
Co. necklace.
 ’ve always read other people’s cover stories that start like this. ‘Having lunch
with so-and-so at somewhere.’ Like, ‘She sits across from me and….’”
Madelyn Cline trails off as she slides into her seat, seeming to grasp what
until recently felt unimaginable to the 25-year-old: She is now the so-and-so.
(And I truly can’t resist, so yes, she is indeed sitting across from me in a booth
with Pacific Ocean views at Malibu Farm, the kind of L.A. place you get after
typing “beach aesthetic” into Instagram Explore.)
Unimaginable to her because just three years ago, she was still a literal unknown struggling
to get auditions. Not too long before that, she was living out of her car. And then…“it” happened—
that almost mythical Hollywood win. For Madelyn, “it” went like this: Netflix hired her to costar
in its 2020 teen adventure drama Outer Banks, which quickly became one of the service’s
most streamed shows (season 3 premieres February 23). Then came an American Eagle deal.
Then she was cast in this winter’s blockbuster mystery Glass Onion. And suddenly, she was
all anyone could google.
Now she’s at lunch with that expression on her face. The one that comes from finally looking up
and feeling almost shocked that you’re here. I recognize it because I’m wearing the same one—a
few years ago, I wasn’t a person asking these kinds of “what’s it like to be one of the world’s most
exciting new stars?” questions over salmon Nicoise salads either. So maybe we’re both soaking in
the moment a little. I make one of those jokes that’s not actually a joke about how I’m writing
down her exact outfit (cream-colored cropped turtleneck, matching puffer vest, black jeans,
white sneakers, and a little bit of eyeliner from yesterday’s cover shoot that she couldn’t get off).
She kids about what else I’m writing. At one point, she gets annoyed with a persistent fly, kills it
with her bare hands, and slips into a serious magazine writer voice: “She killed a fly. She would
hurt a fly.”
Once we really get into it though, we both move past the What This Moment Means shock, and
Madelyn remains fully present—impressive eye contact, zero phone-scrolling breaks—and
disarmingly nice (she is, in her own words, one “friendly motherfucker”). So nice, in fact, that she
offers to split the check with me, even though it’s my literal job to pay the bill. I get the feeling this
is the first and last time she’ll have to offer.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 67
 “I had let people in
and then felt like I couldn’t
get anybody out.”
How did you unwind last night? It was a 10-hour shoot day Did you see modeling as something you wanted to do as a
and you spent a lot of it holding a 12-pound bowling ball. career? Or did you also want to act?
I’m tired just saying that. For a while, I didn’t know if I was going to pursue acting. I was
I went home and made homemade Animal Style fries, like from young. But then I realized that there is this formula for life—you
In-N-Out. But when I put the fries in the oil, it was so hot, it just go to school, you go to college, you find someone you fall in love
exploded. They were scorched on the outside and completely with, you find a job, you get married, you have kids, you live that
raw on the inside. And I had a couple of glasses of wine and out, and then you retire. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But
watched Game of Thrones. I just thought, How am I going to be a good parent to my kids if I
haven’t learned, if I haven’t lived life, if I haven’t seen
Well deserved, because you’ve had a wildly the world? I have things I have to do first.
busy few months. The Glass Onion So I auditioned for the Governor’s School,
press tour looked like a lot. London! a boarding school for the arts. I can’t sing
Toronto! Thailand! I was at the for shit, but I prepared “Defying Grav-
world premiere in Toronto—you ity” from Wicked. It’s a tough one,
looked beautiful, by the way. but I was like, Well, I saw it on Glee,
Oh my god. That dress. It was so I can definitely do it. That was
funny because when I sat down mistake number one. Number
on the stage for the Q&A, the two, I had to prepare a comedic
dress ripped up the middle.1 and a dramatic monologue. I
So I was holding my clutch got done with the first one,
in front of my crotch. They and they stopped me and
offered me a microphone to said, “This isn’t going to be
answer a question and I was a good fit for you or us.” I
like, [shakes her head “no”]. didn’t even make it through
Like, oh my god.2 my audition.3

Wait, that’s hilarious. I God, how discouraging.

didn’t notice! And speak-
ing of press tours, you’re
back at it, promoting
the new season of Outer
Banks. I mean...have you
slept since September?
I was on the phone with my
parents last night and they were
asking about what my schedule’s
going to be like. My dad was like, “I
just can’t believe at 25, you’ve traveled
to more places than every single person in
your family combined.” Sometimes I get really
overwhelmed. But then perspective comes and I’m
just filled with gratitude.
You grew up, ironically, in South Carolina, near where
you film Outer Banks. Did you have a life like your char-
acter Sarah Cameron’s?
When I was younger, my mom would take me downtown to hotel
restaurants, which to me were really, really fancy. She would teach
me table manners and how to order. Otherwise, I would have
my nose buried in books that were about some crazy adventure
teenage kids would go on, how they’d get lost along the way and
find their best friends. I would finish and my heart would ache
because I loved those characters so much.
When I was around 11 or 12, I got scouted by a model scout
and my family went to New York for the summers so I could work.
I started to save up for college, which I was really excited about
because I was like, I’m helping my parents. I feel really proud of that.
But as the rest of your
origin story goes, you
quit college just weeks
into your first semester,
packed up your car, and
drove to Los Angeles to pur-
sue acting again, against
your parents’ wishes, right?
I was so naive. I think they were
afraid I was going to get beaten to
a pulp. When I first got here, I couldn’t
book anything. There’s, like, a thousand of
me. I was starting to feel like, Have I made the
biggest mistake? I had the worst day job ever. And
then my roommates and I got bedbugs. I was living out of
my car for a little bit. I was like, Fuck, I could be in college right
now. But at the same time, I was like, We’re living. I had blind
faith. I was like, I’m going to put my whole left ass cheek into
being an actor.
Probably still better than studying for a midterm.
Truly.
1. The dress in question was a black lace Armani number with a peplum waist,
and readers, it was incredibly chic, rip or no rip.
2. At this same premiere, a giddy Madelyn and costar Kathryn Hahn spent a lot
of time holding hands. “Kathryn is a blanket,” she says. “A warm hug of a per-
son, so fucking funny. I look at her and I’m like, I want to be like that. I want to
speak with so much confidence but also like I don’t give a fuck.”
3. I sincerely hope Madelyn sent the Governor’s School a signed Glass Onion
poster. But I know this “friendly motherfucker” is not vengeful enough for that.

68 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
Gucci vest, pants,
boots, and gloves.
David Yurman
earrings.
GCDS dress and
platform sandals.
Jacquie Aiche
earrings. Cartier
bracelet.

Diesel top and

shorts. Pīferi plat-
form sandals.
Pomellato ear cuff,
necklace, and ring
(right). Tory Burch
cuff. Sylva & Cie
ring (left).

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 71
“I live for having
72 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Versace swimsuit.
Alexis Bittar bangles.

stories to tell.”
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 73
Eventually, you booked Outer Banks. How did it feel to get
your first big Netflix paycheck?
I went straight to Urban Outfitters. I was like, Oh my god, all the
cool clothes are at Urban. I had money that I could spend for the
first time—I went a little bit nuts. Later, my accountant sat me
down and was like, “Look, if you keep spending like this, you’re
going to be starting from scratch.”

I’ve heard stories about actors who realized there was a

pay discrepancy between them and their costars years
after the fact—do you talk openly with each other about
that kind of thing?
We all make the same amount. It’s an ensemble and we all work
equally as hard. We were really open about wanting the same
for everyone and to feel that everybody is compensated fairly.4 Miu Miu cardigan.
Tory Burch shirt.
Celine sunglasses.
Was there ever any question that you, personally, would
return to Outer Banks for season 3? Because there were Hair: Ted Gibson
those rumors.... for Starring by Ted
I remember getting tagged in something and I was like, I’m not Gibson. Makeup:
Jen Tioseco using
returning for season 3? That’s the only time I’ve ever gone to Dior Beauty. Mani-
social media and addressed a personal rumor. But when I did, I cure: Zola Ganzorigt
misspelled the word “grateful.” I was a glass of wine deep at that using OPI. Tailor:
Irina Shishko. Pro-
point, like, Okay, I have to delete this now. But there was never duction: Crawford &
any question. I love Sarah, and I love this job. Co Productions.

Have you been able to take more of a role in your charac-

ter’s development?
There was one scene after Sarah loses her virginity. In the script,
it was written that she sits and looks in the mirror and kind of
touches her face. Like she’s thinking, Am I different or more special
now because someone gave this to me? And I remember think-
ing, It’s not a gift. This is something she’s chosen. When you make
that call in an empowered way, as Sarah has, that’s her choice.
I wanted Sarah to be more empowered than that.

That comes across in the episode. And it seems like the

show’s romantic storylines have other connections to
real life—you and Chase Stokes, who plays John B., dated
for a year and then broke up in November 2021. Has it
been awkward working together since then?
We always said that the job remains untouched. Nothing else,
personal or negative, will touch the job. And while that’s not
always easy, our job is to leave the show better than we found
it, to leave the season better than we found it. And I’m really
appreciative of that.
I imagine it’s weird to even be in a situation where you
have to decide: Is this a thing I’m going to talk about
publicly or is this a thing I’m going to keep to myself?
My thing is, I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I am a really
private person. There’s a part of me that is for me and nobody
else. But in hindsight, duh, making my relationship public made it
everybody else’s business. And I realized the negative side effects
of that while going through the breakup, realizing I had let people
in and then felt like I couldn’t get anybody out. It just hit me like a
freight train. I wanted us both to move on and be happy. People
see the need for sides. There are no sides—there’s no winning
or losing in a breakup.
Wise words. And I apologize for basically ignoring every-
thing you just said about privacy, but on the off chance
you’re interested in telling me...are you seeing anyone?
I am happily taken. All I know is he makes me incredibly happy. And
I’ve truly never been happier, and I feel very, very empowered.5
That’s so great.
Love is tight. And when you find something like that, you fight for
that shit. And also, you fight to keep it yours, you know?
And you’re like, I’m not fucking this up. I refuse to fuck this
up. And it changes your life in the most beautiful way.
Yeah, it does. I’m probably blushing right now.
4. Another thing about the Outer Banks costars? “We call each other on our
shit,” Madelyn says. “Jonathan Daviss, who plays Pope on the show, is a big
one for this. If I’m having a moment where I’m getting a little bit too in my head,
he will be like, ‘Get it together. Look around. Look at life.’ We’ve been there for
each other literally almost every single step of the way.”
5. Since Madelyn and Chase broke up, she’s been at the center of multiple dat-
ing rumors, but only one of them is real. I won’t name names, but if you want to
do your own internet sleuthing, I shall not stop you!!

74 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Okay, I’ll stop! And do a conversational pivot into safer
territory. You had a quick arc on Stranger Things as Tina
in season 2. If you were asked to go back for the final sea-
son, would you do it?
One thousand percent. I was really intimidated being on that
show. And when I wrapped, Natalia Dyer and Joe Keery were in
the makeup trailer, and I was saying goodbye, and Joe came up
and gave me the biggest hug. And Charlie Heaton was really
FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.
sweet. I doubt they even remember, but it stuck with me. I just
remember feeling like, I don’t feel like so much of an outsider
here. Now, on Outer Banks, I want to re-create that for everyone.
Do you still get intimidated by your peers?
I saw Seth Rogen at an awards show and I was starstruck. I went
up to him and said, “Hi, I’m so fucking sorry, I’m a huge fan. I love
you and love literally everything you do.” And I made him laugh.
I made Seth Rogen laugh. I can die happy. I mean, it might have
been a pity laugh. But I’ll take it.6
And now you’re a person who makes other people feel star-
struck! Did you know that there is a whole trend on TikTok
called Madelyn Cline Lips?7 What’s your product regimen?
I love a lip scrub. I also do lip contour. It creates a shadow and
makes them look more full. But also, I got a lot of my features from
my granddad. Thanks, Pop-Pop!
And that brings us back to where we started, with your
family. How do your parents feel now about your decision
to pursue acting?
I first moved out here and it was like that Frances McDormand
line from Almost Famous, “Rock stars have kidnapped my son.”
But now they’re stoked. When I was younger, I would read maga-
zines and look at those girls and think, She’s so lucky. She gets to
travel. She gets to do what she loves. Now I’m on the other side
of it and I’m thinking about what my reaction as a 16-year-old
would have been. It’s always fun to talk about the ride getting
here. Even though it was tough, I look at it really fondly. And I live
for having stories to tell.
6. Yes, we do currently have an email out to Seth Rogen to see if he remembers
the joke. Watch this space.
7. For the uninitiated, fans try to imitate Madelyn’s lips by using lash glue to flip
up their top lip. It’s honestly equal parts genius and concerning.
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 75
 MY SUN, MOON, AND MY SIGNATURE COCKTAIL THE ONLY OUTER BANKS MY MOST RECENT SPLURGE
The RISING SIGNS STAR I’D TRUST WITH THE
AUX CORD
Cosmo
Quiz
AN ACTOR I’D LOVE TO THE GLASS ONION
WORK WITH CASTMATE I’D CALL IF MY
LIFE DEPENDED ON IT

MY IDEAL DINNER PARTY GUESTS

THE BEST ROAD TRIP ALBUM

SOMETHING ON MY
BUCKET LIST I’VE
COMPLETED
Vintage top, The Quality
Mending Co. Altu
shorts. Pīferi platform
sandals. Mejuri earrings.
Jacquie Aiche ring.
Why do we all act like the end of winter has to b e un-fun? Here’s
to living— and lo oking—like the b all’s ab out to drop all year long.
WORDS BY L AU R E N B A L S A M O PHOTOGRAPHS BY MIKEY ASANIN FA S H I O N BY A N D R E A Z E N D E JA S

FROM LEFT On Celeste: Diesel dress. Alexis Bittar twisted hair clips. Colette Malouf clear orb pin. Deborah Pagani pearl pin. L’Enchanteur sculptural comb.
Ariana Boussard-Reifel gold hair pin. Swarovski crystal orb pin and earrings. On Molly: Nanushka dress. Lelet NY hair bow. Mateo earrings. Alison Lou ring.
On Madison: Versace dress. Joomi Lim spike headband. France Luxe wave headband. The Hair Edit gold chain headband. Aliita earrings. On Da’ani:
Alessandra Rich dress, Mytheresa. Commando bralette. Ariana Boussard-Reifel bangles (in hair). Jenny Bird bangles (in hair). Kenneth Jay Lane earrings.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 77
 Give your
dress a run for
its money
They used to say
take one thing off
before you walk
out the door, for
the ~subtlety~, but
2023 doesn’t have
subtle vibes, does
it? Go big and
go big—wear the
giant Kristin Ess
Hair Pearl Party
Bobby Pins, $12.
Jonathan Simkhai top and
skirt. L. Erickson pearl hair
twist. Jennifer Behr pearl
bobby pins. Swarovski
earrings. Minnie Lane ring.
Anne Sisteron rings.

78 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Alessandra
Rich dress and
necklace.
Jennifer Behr
headband.
De Beers
Forevermark
earrings. Anne
Sisteron ring.

Face access is a
privilege
Nothing to see here, just a matching nail-veil situation that’s radically cool in
a you-don’t-follow-trends-you-set-them kind of way. Keep things simple(ish) with a
press-on mani (we like Tom Bachik x Impress Press-On Manicure in You Fancy Huh,
$9) and a claw clip that holds your hair and this Jennifer Behr headpiece in place.
 Sportmax dress.
Jennifer Behr
bobby pins. Prasi
earrings. Anne
Sisteron ring.

Meet the Eyeshadow

Stack™ We’re going to skip the part where we convince you to try it (because…see above),
although it *is* super easy and also iconic. All you need is two creamy pencils (like
Fenty Beauty by Rihanna Flypencil Longwear Pencil Eyeliner in Bad Bride and Lady
Lagoon, $23 each). Trace one above the other from your lash lines up to your brows.
 Bubble ponies for
president Your hair is just as
worthy of bangles
as your wrists are.
Start by getting
a few packs of
braiding hair or
clip-in extensions to
beef up your pony.
Then you’ll also
need some clear
elastics to create the
bubble segments
plus shiny bracelets
to layer over them.
Alessandra Rich dress,
Mytheresa. Commando
bralette and briefs. Versace
platforms. Ariana Boussard-
Reifel bangles (in hair). Jenny
Bird bangles (in hair) and
rings. Kenneth Jay Lane ear-
rings. De Beers Forevermark
bracelet. Fry Powers ring (left).

Can’t hear
you over this
volume
XXL pony, meet
XXL heels. These
hot-pink plat-
forms surprisingly
go with just about
anything and
make the most
extra getups even
more extra.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 81
 You cannot
resist the
bow Either because
they’re truly just too
pretty—especially in
a half-up, half-down
Bardot moment
like this one—or
because we won’t let
you. They work on
topknots, ponytails,
and low buns too.
Pro tip: Secure
the base of a bow
with a few bobby
pins to prevent it
from slipping off or
coming undone.
Clio Peppiatt dress. Manolo
Blahnik pumps. Jennifer Behr
hair bows. Rebecca de Rav-
enel earrings. Cornelia James
gloves. Alison Lou ring (left).
Elizabeth Cole ring (left).
Jade Ruzzo ring (right).

So theatrical!
Friends, there’s
not much better
than the drama
of a trendy opera
glove, as both
statement piece
and item to slowly
peel off at the end
of the night. Wait,
should we make
“Get Un-Ready
With Me” a new
TikTok thing?

82 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 Alberta Ferretti
dress. Gucci hair
clips and earrings.

Hair: Anike Rabiu

and Taichi Saito.
Makeup: Tiffany
Patton and Alana
Palau. Manicures:
Elizabeth Garcia.
Models: Celeste Luz,
Molly McArthur,
Madison Johnston,
and Da’ani.
FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.

One last (extremely

chic)
Yeah, it’s bejeweled barrettes, obviously. Cluster
them above one ear and throw on a set of matching
thing
earrings. Now you’re ready—have a great time!
The
Workwear
Resurgence
Fashion has
fully embraced
business casual again,
but it looks
way different than
before. Has
PHOTOGR APH S BY E DWI N ZHANG
FA S H I O N B Y S A L LY A N
WO RDS BY R AC H E L TO RGE RSO N
Arrived

84 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
(Cat)suit
and Tie
Bodycon jumpsuits
are the new easy
way to make a
bold monochrome
moment happen
at work. Slip on
some practical
slingbacks and
statement jewels,
and you’ve got
yourself a fierce
office ’fit.

Saint Laurent by
Anthony Vaccarello
bodysuit, pumps,
earrings, and bracelets.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 85
 That’s a
Bright Idea
There’s no reason
gray, black, and
white should have
a monopoly on
business casual.
Bold color choices
look strong and
confident. No one
will even ask why
you’re sitting on
the floor.

Christian Dior
top, jacket, skirt,
and pumps.

86 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
Power
Player
Fashun insists we
look to the past for
sartorial inspo,
so bring a little
’80s to the cubicle.
Head-turning
looks only in 2023.

Emporio Armani
blouse, trousers,
and sandals.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 87
 Yes, Jeans
Call corporate and
tell them to update
their handbooks.
And if they don’t,
fool them by wear-
ing denim in dress
form. They’ll never
see it coming.

Loewe dress, pumps,

and bag.

FOR SHOPPING INFORMATION, GO TO COSMOPOLITAN.COM.

88 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
Busti-yay
Designers every-
where (and,
like, three of our
latest issues) are
begging you to
enter your corset
era. Consider it
on-display tailor-
ing. And isn’t that
the definition of
classic workwear?
I rest my case.

Gucci jacket and

earrings.

Hair: Tao Liu.

Makeup: Huo Wen.
Model: Dari/MM
Models. Set design:
Du Haitian.

F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 89
News reports in recent years have exposed a litany of horrors endured by women sentenced to U.S. prisons.
an unheard-of experiment, incarcerated women were moved to a prison camp on a multimillion-dollar

to the

90 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
Now, in a special investigation, Cosmopolitan reports on another bombshell: During the pandemic, in
private farm, where dirty, dangerous, meagerly paid work changed their lives forever.

at

BY ELIZABETH WHITMAN PHOTOGRAPHS BY CAMERON DAVIDSON

 1. M AY H E M
“Everybody who works at Hickman’s, get up! Pack
your stuff—you’re being moved today!”
Corrections officers swarmed the Santa Rosa Unit
at the Perryville women’s prison in Goodyear, Arizona,
barking orders and handing out trash bags for belong-
ings. Many women were alarmed. We’re being moved to
Hickman’s? How?
The officers weren’t sharing a lot of details. The
women would be loaded into vehicles, that much was
apparent, then dropped off at one of the company’s
properties not far from the prison. Those who refused to
go would automatically lose their jobs at the commercial
egg farm, officers said. There was vague talk of other
disciplinary action too, a frightening possibility.
It was March 25, 2020, and the world outside was
plunging into crisis. COVID-19 was a deadly new
pandemic. At Perryville, lockdowns were rapidly taking
effect. First, visitors were barred from entering the
grounds. Then came rumors that prison officials would
be shutting down all jobs beyond prison walls—jobs
on the fire crew, jobs in a state hospital kitchen. All the
outside jobs, that is, except for those at Hickman’s Family
Farms, one of the Arizona prison system’s biggest clients.
Many women at Perryville needed their jobs to pay
for basic necessities—things like regular soap and
toothpaste—and to help build a financial cushion for
after their release. Working for an outside client paid
better than working for the prison itself, where you
might make 25 cents an hour as a groundskeeper. Still,
even the highest-paying outside jobs paid far less than
minimum wage after deductions by the prison, and some
gigs were more grueling and dangerous than others.
The officers’ yelling roused Shelly* from slumber.
She had gotten back that morning from her graveyard
sanitation shift at one of the Hickman’s plants. During
the days, she’d do her best to sleep off the pain and
bone-deep exhaustion that came from hand-scouring
egg waste, often with a tiny wire brush or scrub pad,
from industrial machinery all night. Now she had to get
out of bed and return to Hickman’s? To stay? She knew
she had to go. Even though everything about the place
was horrible, she had a promise to keep: When she got
out in a few months, she and her daughter would find an
apartment together. She needed every cent.
That day, Shelly and approximately 140 other women
rode out to Hickman’s in several trips, some from the
prison, others from the barns and processing plants after
finishing their day shifts. Some were scared, unsure of what
lay ahead. One driver tried to lighten the mood. “This is
groundbreaking,” he said. “You guys are gonna be a part
of history. This is the first time this has ever happened.”
This, it turned out, was a prison labor camp, created
just for them.
Shutting down all prison work crews would have
been uniquely devastating to Hickman’s, which had
more than 200 incarcerated women and men making up
at least a quarter of its total workforce. The farm, one of
the largest egg producers in the country, depended on

92 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
 “ We l o s e o u r f re e d o m .

we’re m a k i n g .”

Previous spread, left: Jessica was incarcerated on-site at Hickman’s Family Farms for eight months. Previous spread, middle: She and the women were housed
in the warehouse structure shown at far left. Previous spread, right: The prison camp was adjacent to the egg producer’s retail store, where a giant chicken
mascot presides. This page: Corrections officers at Perryville prison, shown here, told women they would lose their jobs if they refused to move to Hickman’s.
 Tight clusters of bunk beds in the Hickman’s warehouse did not allow for safe social distancing.
the cheap, readily available labor it got through Arizona
Correctional Industries (ACI), a self-funded division of
the Arizona Department of Corrections, Rehabilitation,
and Reentry (ADCRR) that functions in part like a staffing
firm, funneling incarcerated workers to private clients.
In the frantic weeks of March 2020, Hickman’s, ACI,
and ADCRR hastily engineered a work-around to the
looming COVID lockdowns. Hickman’s could continue
using incarcerated workers on one extraordinary condi-
tion: Those workers would be housed outside the prison,
at Hickman’s itself.
And so as all other off-site work shut down, Hickman’s
remained the only private company in Arizona allowed
to use incarcerated workers on its own turf. Two national
experts in prison labor who spoke with Cosmopolitan—
Corene Kendrick and Jennifer Turner, both with the Amer-
ican Civil Liberties Union—could cite no other instance of
a state corrections department detaining people on-site
at a U.S. corporation for the corporation’s express use.
Within days of the plan’s approval, a roughly
6,000-square-foot metal-sided warehouse on the Hick-
man’s lot at 6515 S Jackrabbit Trail in Buckeye, Arizona,
had been repurposed from an apparent vehicle hangar
into a bare-bones “dormitory.” It sat in plain sight, about
200 feet back from the road, near the Hickman’s corpo-
rate headquarters and retail store, where an electric
signboard and giant 3D chicken beckon customers in for
“local & fresh” eggs. Over the next 14 and a half months,
some 300 women total would cycle through this prison
outpost, their waking lives largely devoted to maintaining
the farm’s operations while the pandemic raged.
Eleven of these women—all incarcerated for
nonviolent offenses, which one could argue is beside the
point—shared their firsthand accounts with Cosmo-
politan. Our nearly yearlong investigation also turned
up thousands of pages of internal ADCRR emails,
incident reports, and other documents exposing a hast-
ily launched labor experiment for which women were
explicitly chosen. Housed in conditions described by
many as hideous, the women performed dangerous
94 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
work at base hourly wages as low as $4.25, working on
skeleton crews decimated in part by COVID. At least one
suffered an injury that left her permanently disfigured.
These are their stories.
2. S Q UA LO R
As upset as Shelly was at the abrupt relocation, she
and some of the other women experienced a surge of
excitement in their early days at the Hickman’s camp.
Everyone received full-size toothbrushes and brand-
new blankets and pillows—unthinkable luxuries back at
Perryville. We’re being spoiled, for being incarcerated!
Shelly thought at first. A food truck dished out fancy fare
like pulled pork sandwiches and salads. Members of the
Hickman family who own and run the farm came out to
serve some meals.
But superficial niceties belied the actual conditions,
Shelly and other women told Cosmopolitan. They were
assigned to prison-made bunk beds spaced so tightly
that social distancing was impossible. The desert can
get cold in early spring. When she went to bed in the
predawn hours, Shelly shivered herself to sleep in her
coat and thermals; the warehouse building had no
built-in heating or cooling, and the portable units in the
space proved no match for the climate. Because the
warehouse also lacked plumbing, a mobile trailer with
six cheap, grimy shower stalls had to suffice for personal
hygiene. About a dozen porta potties stood in for actual
toilets, separated from the sleeping area by a mere
OPPOSITE PAGE: SHUTTERSTOCK.
partition. Shelly recalls a disgusting scene with waste
tanks filling far more quickly than maintenance crews
could handle. Inside the sleeping area, the sickening
odor of raw sewage only intensified as the weather
heated up.
That summer, outside temperatures regularly
exceeded 100 degrees. On a number of dangerously hot
*Name has been changed.

days, Shelly and some of her fellow overnight workers
were allowed to bring their pillows and blankets into an
“entertainment” trailer—their TV room, essentially, which
several women say was the only spot with effective air
conditioning. The women slept on the hard floor.
Although corrections officers and ACI staff super-
vised the labor camp, it is unclear which entity was
directly responsible for maintaining and funding it.
Eventually, months into the program, the temporary
toilets and showers were upgraded to something slightly
less putrid. But accountability was scarce. A spokesper-
son for the Arizona Department of Occupational Safety
and Health could not say whether or not the agency ever
inspected the warehouse for compliance with federal
rules on labor camps but did say that prisoners fall
outside of its jurisdiction. Arizona law, like many other
states’, does not treat incarcerated workers as “real”
employees. For the Perryville women, most basic work-
place protections didn’t apply.
And then, of course, there was the work itself. Each
night on duty, Shelly’s crew cleaned two processing
plants top to bottom, using tools, hoses, and industrial
agents until every crust of dried egg, every broken bit of
shell, and all bird excrement were blasted away. Other
women vaccinated massive barns of live birds, packed
giant pallets of eggs, and euthanized older “spent hens”
The
o f ra w s ewa g e
a s t h e we a t h e r h e a t e d u p.
When private companies pay the Arizona prison system for incarcerated workers’ labor, the workers themselves get less than half.
! Danger: Extreme Heat, Toxic Chemicals, Risk of Electrical Shock,
by the thousands. These jobs, typical of some farmwork,
would leave many of the women bruised and scratched,
their hair crusted with yolks and whites, their skin burned
from cleaning agents, their uniforms soiled with chicken
feces. The work was so disgusting that some newcomers
would puke on their first shifts.
Jobs at Hickman’s also brought exposure to moving
mechanical parts, fumes, extreme heat, toxic chemicals,
precarious heights, and risk of electrical shock, according
to ADCRR and Hickman’s own description. Since 2018,
14 people, including one woman in this story, have sued
Hickman’s for workplace injuries sustained while incarcer-
ated. Of these cases, two have been dismissed, three are
pending, and eight (including two cases consolidated
into one) have been settled. In court documents, Hick-
man’s has repeatedly denied responsibility for the injuries.
Some women believed they were chosen for the
pandemic crew because they were better workers
than men were, because “girls kick ass,” as one put
it. But that wasn’t the whole reason. An audio record-
ing of a key meeting held shortly before the camp’s
opening, provided to Cosmopolitan by a whistleblower
who requested anonymity, reveals a more troubling
explanation. In the recording, a person identified as
ADCRR director David Shinn explains that the ADCRR
“somewhat chose female inmates because they certainly
are a little less challenging to manage—and far more
compliant in many settings.” Shinn also said that the
women had worked on the site before and were there-
fore “uniquely trained” to keep the farm running—the
latter assertion later echoed in a public statement by
Hickman’s president and CEO Glenn Hickman and
in ADCRR’s emailed response to Cosmopolitan when
asked to elaborate on Shinn’s remarks.
The closed-door characterization of women as
compliant is troubling, says Erin Hatton, PhD, a sociolo-
gist at the University at Buffalo-SUNY and the author of
Moving Mechanical Parts, Fumes, Precarious Heights ! Danger:

Coerced: Work Under Threat of Punishment. As of 2021,

women made up 7 percent of all incarcerated people
in state and federal prisons, up from 4 percent in 1978.
In roughly that same time frame, the number of women
detained in all U.S. prisons and jails increased by more
than 475 percent, to 152,854 in 2020.
For Hatton, the merging of prison unit and private
workplace rings an alarm for all incarcerated people
but especially for women. In this setting, the workplace
is “effectively empowered with the power of the state,”
Hatton says. “Whenever any entity wields that much
power over a person—not just in terms of keeping their
life organized behind bars but in terms of quality of the
housing, in terms of their job, what work they’re doing,
their safety—I get concerned.” The women could quit
Hickman’s at any time…but at what cost and to whom?
A March 24, 2020, letter sent to households in
the community, signed by Shinn and Glenn Hickman,
explained the camp thusly: “[The] decision to temporar-
ily house inmates at Hickman’s is necessary to ensure a
stable food supply while protecting public health.”
Jessica netted
of
m o re t h a n
4 0 h o u rs o f ove r t i m e .
3. C O N TAG I O N
2020 was Stephanie Scott’s second stint at Perryville,
and she was determined to turn her life around. The
work at Hickman’s is “not for the weak,” she says, but
she enjoyed the physical movement and aspired to
something better: “I wanted to make my family proud.
Like, ‘Look, I was in prison, but I worked my ass off.’” She
started in sanitation, then transferred to processing.
As all companies do when contracting with ACI, Hick-
man’s paid minimum wage ($12 per hour in Arizona
in 2020) for the women but not to the women. ACI
received the money, then paid the women from $4.25
to $5.25 an hour. The difference went toward ACI
staff and corrections officers plus various fees—a
practice that’s currently legal. On top of that, ADCRR
imposed its own heavy fees on the women’s take-home
pay, including 30 percent of every paycheck for “room
and board.”
That summer, after a few months in the Hickman’s
camp, Stephanie came down with COVID symptoms.
Her positive test landed her in a solitary cell at Perryville
for three weeks while the virus racked her body. Linger-
ing effects, including ulcers in her throat, left her unable
to work for two months. Her income ceased during that
time, she says, which isn’t surprising: Arizona law does
not mandate sick pay for incarcerated workers, even if
those workers get sick at the job site itself.
Still, Stephanie blames ADCRR for those hardships,
not Hickman’s. She went back to the camp as soon as
she felt strong again. The way she views it, “Hickman’s
had to deal with all these women that they didn’t even…I
don’t think they really knew what they were getting into.”
As COVID began to take its toll, the company found
itself down at least a dozen women in September. That’s
when Frecks arrived. With less than a year left on her

Incarcerated workers have helped make Hickman’s into one of the biggest egg suppliers in the U.S.
 After a March 2021 fire at Hickman’s killed 165,000 hens, incarcerated women were assigned to clean up the birds’ remains.
sentence, Frecks (her nickname) had been working on
the prison’s fire crew until the pandemic shut it down.
She loved that team, which fought blazes throughout the
state. She felt a sense of pride in upholding public safety.
Frecks had worked for Hickman’s during an earlier
part of her sentence and quit after a coworker’s chicken-
vaccination gun nearly stabbed her on several occa-
sions. If she didn’t need the money so badly, she never
would have moved to the camp.
Assigned to overnight sanitation this time around,
Frecks says she and other women worked overtime to
cover crew shortages. Soon, she felt like she was being
run into the dirt. A woman who spoke with Cosmopolitan
on condition of anonymity also described the intense
strain. “When crews started getting hit with COVID, we
went out short,” she says. “Some days, we would go out
with 5 or 6 girls instead of 14. Whoever we had would
go.” Shelly says she worked in leaky work boots for so
long that the skin on her feet turned black.
Pay records confirm that women at the work camp
were clocking as many as 128 hours within a single two-
week pay period. Jessica*, who spent eight months of
her sentence housed at Hickman’s, shared an October
2020 bank statement showing that she netted just
$424 for two weeks of work—and that included more
than 40 hours of overtime, which paid extra.
Some women decided the toil wasn’t worth it and
quit. Some refused to go back to the camp after getting
sick with COVID. Hickman’s vice president of operations
Billy Hickman seemingly struggled to keep tabs on all the
THIS PAGE: COURTESY BUCKEYE VALLEY FIRE DISTRICT.
women coming and going. “If we have pulled 21 off the
last two weeks, why are only 8 in quarantine?” he wrote to
an ACI supervisor in early December. As the year came to
a close, the Hickman’s work camp was 42 women short.
4. B LO O D S H E D
Crystal Allen had two fully functioning hands when
she moved to the warehouse camp in June 2020. By
mid-November, she was down to one, as she would later
detail in a lawsuit against the farm.
Like Frecks, Crystal had worked at Hickman’s in the
past. She was lured back in part by the post-prison
opportunities Hickman’s offered to those who worked for
the company after they got out—perks like transitional
housing. She knew the job would be hard, but Crystal
was a master of positive self-talk. Even when she had to
sweep wet chicken shit off a conveyor belt, sometimes
using her arms, she took it like a champ.
On November 10, Crystal woke up at 3:30 a.m. for
her regular barn shift. She arrived on-site and noticed
one of the feed hoppers wasn’t filling properly. Elabo-
rating on the allegations in her lawsuit, she tells
Cosmopolitan she switched the system to a manual
setting, as someone had once shown her how to do,
then climbed up to smooth the feed into place with her
right hand, steadying herself with the other. Suddenly,
she says, the hopper jumped to life, running over part
of her left thumb. Crystal yanked off her sock and
wrapped it around her hand to stanch the bleeding.
Her injury was so severe that she had to be transported
to a hospital. The tip of her finger had been perma-
nently amputated.
And yet that wasn’t Crystal’s last shift. After recover-
ing in Perryville quarantine with a course of antibiotics,
she returned to Hickman’s in early 2021. The optimist in
her wanted to believe the farm would improve safety
measures in the wake of her injury.
Placed on a bird movement crew upon her return, she
witnessed a blasé approach to daily safety meetings.
Records show that these meetings were typically about
six minutes long. According to Annette Austin, who also
worked with live birds, the meetings were of little value.
“They usually didn’t pertain to anything you were doing
that day,” she says. “You had to sign something saying
you were there.”
Incident reports suggest that at least 19 incarcerated
women working at Hickman’s sites sustained injuries
of varying severity between March 25 and the end of
December 2020. This reflects a national pattern of
agricultural workers being hurt on the job: at least
F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 C o s m o p o l i ta n 97
At the Hickman’s Tonopah location, cage-free hens crowd into fenced areas.
Crystal had
t wo f u l l y f u n c t i o n i n g h a n d s
w h e n s h e m ove d
By
m i d - N ove m b e r,
11,880 in 2020, with an additional 368 dying from work-
related injuries. Crystal’s lawsuit was moving through the
court system as this story went to press. In a response
to her lawsuit, Hickman’s claims Crystal was trained
to avoid “pinch points” and denies being at fault. Says
Crystal, “Hickman’s could not have cared less about my
injury and proves this by putting the blame on me and
others who have been injured at their farm.”
5. I N C I N E R AT I O N
The work camp was entering its second spring when a
massive blaze tore through two Hickman’s barns, cause
unclear. One worker was reportedly hurt, and some
165,000 hens were killed, either incinerated or suffo-
cated by smoke. Jessica was put on a crew of women
98 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3
tasked with cleaning up the hen carcasses, stacked
in cages multiple tiers high in a footprint that encom-
passed tens of thousands of square feet.
Prior to the pandemic, Jessica had worked other
off-site jobs—at the auto auction, at the state hospital.
Grief brought her to Hickman’s, she explains. Her son
died in the spring of 2020, killed in a horrific accident.
The prison wouldn’t let her attend his memorial (offi-
cial policy for closed caskets and cremated remains).
Depression set in. Languishing in bed, with all other
off-site jobs shut down, “I had to do something to move
forward,” Jessica says. “So I went over to Hickman’s.”
At first, she worked on an overnight sanitation crew
like Shelly did. She’s short, so she was often one of the
women who squeezed into the narrow spaces within
processing machines to scrub. At the end of some shifts,
she’d return to the warehouse and apply thick lotion
to the chemical burns she had sustained. She used her
earnings to buy antihistamines at the commissary and
took them like sleeping pills.
Jessica eventually transferred to a barn job, which
led to her being on fire cleanup. She and the other
women climbed up and down, opening each cage,
hurling carcasses to the ground. A putrid, feathery sea
rose underfoot, high enough to reach their knees. She
had always felt bad for the birds. Even the cage-free
hens were confined within a vast maze of fencing. Any
freedom at Hickman’s was illusory.
Jessica says she shoveled the dead chickens into
chest-high barrels that she pushed to a disposal belt
at the far end of the barn. Eventually, the women got
wheelbarrows. The job took weeks. Mice arrived to feed
on the rotting remains.
By then, Jessica’s boy had been gone for nearly a
year. She quit Hickman’s as the anniversary approached.
Perryville required anyone leaving the work camp to
quarantine before rejoining the general prison popula-
tion. For once, Jessica would leverage a rule in her favor:
She would use her isolation time to mourn.
Sensitivity review by JoyBelle Phelan.
 6. R E V E R B E R AT I O N Hatton views it differently. “No matter how many
times they say it’s about rehabilitation and opportunity
and skill development, that does not seem to be
The Hickman’s dorm program ended in early June
what’s happening here,” she says. It’s more about
2021, as COVID vaccines became widely available.
the forces driving vulnerable women to accept subpar
Once again, officers arrived and handed out trash bags.
conditions when there are few, if any, alternatives.
Women packed their things. The entire unit was back at
Says Hatton, “There’s an economic push that will
Perryville the next day.
compel them to tolerate too much.” That’s not compli-
Stephanie’s sentence ended that November. She left
ance—it’s desperation.
with about $19,000 for her three-plus years of labor,
Frecks got out in April 2021 and moved to the East
a sum she says would have been double if the prison
Coast. She reflects on her Hickman’s time with anger,
hadn’t taken so much. “Where does all our money go?”
the state’s exorbitant fees on her earnings being their
she asks. A 2020 Arizona state audit shows that from
own affront. “We lose our freedom. We lose our rights,”
2016 to 2019, ADCRR sent millions of dollars collected
she says. “Let us at least keep what we’re making.”
in large part from prisoners’ room and board fees to
Although Crystal had once considered working for
the State General Fund, a pot of money that supports
Hickman’s after her release from Perryville, scheduled
multiple agencies. The wages of incarcerated people
for this April, she’s officially done with that idea. “I aspire
are taxed, too, if they make more than $600 a year.
to find myself in some type of service work,” she says.
Stephanie stayed on with Hickman’s as an employee,
Shelly hung on as a Hickman’s employee for nearly a
moving into company housing. She has since relocated
year after her release and says she made around triple
to California. She says Hickman’s gave her another shot
what she earned for the same work while incarcerated.
at a normal life, a view that aligns with the company’s
Eventually, she found an apartment with her daughter
positive public messaging on prison labor. “They do
and now works in hospitality. She’s grateful she had the
want the best for us,” Stephanie says.
Hickman’s job and grateful she survived it. “When you’re
During Cosmopolitan’s months of reporting, Hick-
working your butt off and you’re just being put through
man’s Family Farms and its executives, including siblings
the wringer…it just does something to you,” Shelly says.
Glenn, Billy, Clint, and Sharman Hickman, did not
“I honestly don’t know how I made it some nights.”
respond to multiple phone calls and emails containing
Jessica, released in the summer of 2021 and now
detailed questions and interview requests for this story.
working at a methadone clinic, believes Hickman’s
An Arizona corrections spokesperson declined
is profiteering at best. The Perryville women were
to make any ADCRR or ACI personnel available for
the perfect captive laborers, she says, “because they
interviews. (Shinn stepped down from his role in January
have no responsibilities. They don’t have anything else
and could not be reached for comment.) In a writ-
to go out for. They are workers, all the time.”
ten response to one set of questions, a spokesperson
emphasized that jobs at Hickman’s are voluntary, adding
that the work camp provided “all necessary accommo- ELIZABETH WHITMAN is a writer based in the Pacific Northwest whose
dations” and that ADCRR’s partnership with Hickman’s work has appeared in The Guardian, The Nation, and Nature, among other
provided “critical job skills for inmates.” publications. She also co-owns and runs a small vegetable farm.

Multiple women who were housed at the Hickman’s camp say they no longer enjoy eggs.
T h e La s t Pa g e

Putting This on Your Cool-Girl Radar

Immersive-installation artist Rachel Rossin is making genius work about your relationship with
technology. Consider this an FYI for your name-dropping and museum-visiting purposes.
BY AN NAB E L IWEGB U E

The Maw
Of ’s on-site
exhibition
in Berlin.

ARTWORK: RACHEL ROSSIN, THE MAW OF, 2022. META QUEST 2, HAND TRACKING, 5-CHANNEL VIDEO, LED SCREENS, SOUND. INSTALLATION

TIERANATOMISCHES THEATER, BERLIN 2022. COURTESY THE ARTIST, PHOTO: FRANK SPERLING. ROSSIN HEADSHOT: TIFFANY NICHOLSON.
VIEW OF THE EXHIBITION KW ON LOCATION: RACHEL ROSSIN THE MAW OF, BY KW INSTITUTE FOR CONTEMPORARY ART AT
At Cosmopolitan, we’re all
about two things: women
and women’s advancement.
For this year’s International

I
’ve always made art and liked traditional art mediums with visual tropes
magic,” says New York City– from sources like video games, phone Women’s Day, we’ve
based Rachel Rossin. “And as apps, manga, and film, creating fantastical teamed up with 11 other
soon as I could understand avatars and augmented reality installations. Hearst magazines and the
what a computer was, I Her pieces, full of colorful artistic Whitney Museum of
imagery, give off a cybercore American Art to amplify
aesthetic that’s super cool and the voices of female artists,
things around.” She did plenty super thoughtful. including Rachel Rossin.
of that, working in computer Rachel’s latest proj- Her multimedia, multipart
programming and graphic ect, The Maw Of, is both (actually, multiverse)
design before starting a an in-person and virtual projects are the perfect
full-time art career. experience programmed, illustration of how it’s women
Now she wants you to designed, and animated who are defining, leading,
contemplate the ways in almost entirely by her. and shaping the future.
which you use technology. The IRL portion, which was
Like, really contemplate them, hosted by Berlin’s Tieranato- This program is being
misches Theater in September presented in partner-
ship with Johnnie
what it means that tech now interacts 2022, included a sculpture piece Walker, which has
awarded more than
with—or, let’s be honest, runs—nearly every and a virtual reality element. Online, visitors $1 million in grants to
part of our lives. can reexperience their physical surround- women-owned busi-
nesses and is helping
One way she explores this theme is by ings via The Maw Of ’s AR lens by scanning women overcome
playing with the boundaries between our a QR code. Turn your attention to the bot- historical barriers by
showcasing stories of
physical and virtual worlds. She melds tom of this page to ooh and aah for yourself. their progress.

Ready, set, enter

100 C o s m o p o l i ta n F E B RUA RY & M A RC H 2 02 3 The Maw Of :
 $299

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