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Day3-How To Talk To Anyone
Day3-How To Talk To Anyone
Foreword
What is that magic quality that makes some people instantly loved and
respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In
business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their
“Midas touch?”
Leil Lowndes has spent her career teaching people how to communicate
for success. In this book, Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire
success techniques — she takes the reader from first meeting all the way
up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life.
1. How to fascinate everyone without saying a word
First impressions have awesome potency. The first impression you create
is a brilliant holograph. It burns deep into the acquaintance's eyes and
stays in his memory forever. Therefore, it is important you get the first
impression right, and you only have ten seconds.
Your body communicates before your lips move, your whole essence has
been transported to your acquaintance's brain before you utter the first
word.
The exact moment that two humans lay eyes on each other has awesome
potency.
Use the flooding smile technique: Do not flash a quick smile when
exchanging pleasantries with someone, as though someone else could
obstruct your line of sight and be the beneficiary instead. Rather, look at
the person's face for a second. Soak in their persona before giving a big
warm smile, which floods and overviews your eyes. This technique will
engulf your acquaintance like a warm wave. This split-second delay will
convince people your smile is genuine, and it is meant for only them.
A big sweet smile is an asset, but it can be more impactful when it comes
slower, this way, it has more sincerity, credibility and is personalized for
who it is meant for.
• How to appear intelligent and insightful to everyone by using your
eyes
The sticky eye technique entails pretending your eyes is glued to your
partner with a sticky warm taffy while he converses with you. Do not break
eye contact during the conversation, and if you must, do it slowly and
reluctantly, slowly stretching the gooey taffy until you break the tiny string.
A study found that the subjects reported feelings of fondness and respects
for their colleagues who courted their eye blinks during a conversation.
• How to make somebody fall in love with you using your eyes
By using the Epoxy Eyes technique, you can make anyone fall in love with
you. It is a technique with a powerful punch. To use this technique, have
your eyes glued on your target no matter who is speaking, keeping looking
at him, in a way that says “I only have eyes for you” or “I can't take my eyes
off you.”
Have your eyes only on the listener, your target, not the speaker. Be
extremely interested in his reactions.
You can win anyone's heart by using the Big-Baby Pivot technique. The
moment you are introduced, reward your new acquaintance with the warm
smile, a total-body turn, undivided attention you could accord a tiny tyke
who crawled up to your feet, turn your acquaintance face up to yours, give
a big toothless grin. Pivot 100% towards your new acquaintance and say, “I
think you are very, very special.“
The more intelligent the individual, the more he is uninterested in small talk.
Before uttering a word, take a “voice sample of your potential listener and
detect his state of mind. Like a “psychic photograph,” determine if the
expression on his face looks blitzed, bored, or buoyant. If you want
somebody to agree with your thoughts, you need to match their mood to
their voice tone, before starting small talk. This is the “Make a Mood Match
Technique.”
Small talk is not a discussion about facts, it is about getting people at ease.
You need to know your listener's mood. To be a top communicator, pick up
your listener's tone and duplicate it.
This is often observed in nursing mothers, to quiet her baby, she does not
shake her fingers and scream shut up. No! She picks up her baby, and
cries “Ooh, ooh, oh,” sympathetically, she tries to match her baby's misery
for some seconds. After which mother and baby are transitioned into
hush-hush happy sounds. See your listener's as big babies.
• How to sound like you have got a super personality (no matter
what you're saying)
This entails using the technique Prosaic with Passion. Are you worried your
first words will come out wrong? Don't be! About 80% of your listener's
impression of you in the first instance is not about your words. Almost
anything you say at the first instance is fine. No matter the text, what
matters is a positive demeanor, an empathetic mood, and a passionate
delivery — you need to sound exciting.
Your first words are okay, so far it puts everyone at ease and sounds
passionate. You can achieve this by convincing your listeners they are
okay, and that you share a lot in common.
The Whoozat technique is the most effective but highly underutilized (by
non-politicians) meeting-people method. All it requires is to ask the
party-giver to introduce you or simply introduce one or two facts, and turn
them into ice breakers.
Oh, you do not have a host for Whoozat? No problem, use the “Eavesdrop
In technique.” Simply slide behind the group of people you want to infiltrate
and eavesdrop. Wait for an excuse, and jump right into the conversation
with “Excuse me, I couldn't help but overhear…”
To find out what a group is up to without asking any questions, you should
adopt the "What Do You Do–NOT technique." A cogent sign you are part of
a group is the absence of this question: "What do you do?" Of course, you
will need to determine that, but not with those dirty words that label you as
a social climber, ruthless networker, a wife hunter, or a gold digger.
Big cats never ask, “What do you do?” they find a subtler way to find out
without asking outright. By not asking this question, you appear principled,
even spiritual.
A more refined way of asking is, “How do you spend most of your time?”
You can answer this question using the "The Nutshell Resume technique."
Take a cue from how job-seeking top managers uniquely tailor their resume
for each position they apply for, tell a unique story about your professional
life for each listener. Before answering the question "What do you do?" try
to identify the particular interest the person could have in the response.
"Could it be a business concern? Hire me? Buy from me? Become my
buddy? Marry my sister?"
Wherever you go, tell your own story in a unique way to everyone that
asks.
The author's friend Roberto was out of work, he applied for two positions;
one a sales manager in an ice cream company, and head of strategic
planning in a fast-food chain. After extensive research, he found out that
the ice cream company had difficulties with sales, and the food chain
company had international expansion aspirations.
Did he forward the same resume to both companies? No! His resume
captured his education and work experiences, and never deviated from the
truth. However, in the resume he forwarded to the ice cream company, he
included his experience in doubling the sales figure of a small company in
three years. In the resume sent to the food chain company, he highlighted
his experience working in Europe and other foreign markets.
Both firms offered him a job, so he decided to play them against each
other. Roberto went to each explaining he wants to work for the company
but had a better offer and a higher salary from another firm. As a result, the
two firms started a bidding war, he finally chose the food chain company as
it almost doubled the initial salary offered him.
Always ask yourself how your professional experience could benefit the
other person. When meeting a loved one or potential friend, make your life
sound fun to the other person.
To sound smarter than you are, inculcate the “Your Personal Thesaurus
technique.” Look up some of your common words in the thesaurus. Just as
you would slip into a new pair of shoe, add a few new words to your
everyday vocab, to see how they fit. If they sound superb, start making
replacements.
Note, the creative vocabulary of a rich individual and an average,
middle-of-the-road one is differentiated by only fifty words. Replace some
of your common words for two months, and you will be in the verbally elite.
Consider the commonly overused words like good, pretty, nice, or smart,
grab a thesaurus, and start replacing them.
So, you are in the gathering with a pasty smile on your face, scared of
uttering a word, so you do not appear ignorant. So you are an outsider, and
you suffer in silence. So how do you overcome this challenge?
You can get a head start by using the “Scramble Therapy technique.” Every
month participate in an activity you have never done before, do something
you never dream of doing — scramble your life. Go to an exhibition,
participate in a sport, hear a lecture on a new topic. You will get 80 percent
of the right lingo and appropriate insider questions from the experiences.
Use the "Baring Their Hot Button technique" before you jump blindly into a
drove of dentists or a bevy of bookbinders. Find out the hot issues in their
fields, every field has burning concerns which are oblivious to the outside
world. Ask your informant to tell you about the industry buzz. When it is
time to heat the conversation, push those buttons.
Before you jump into a drove of bookbinders, find out the hot issues in
their fields, and push that button.
• How to secretly learn about their lives
This can be done using the “Read Their Rags techniques.” Is your next
client a skier, surfer, swimmer, runner, or golfer? Or are you attending a
social function filled with Zen Buddhists, accountants, or anything similar?
Several monthly magazines can help you uncover information that will
make you sound like an insider, all by reading the rags that serve their
racket.
The “clear custom techniques” teach that before going to foreign soil, get a
book that contains the dos and don'ts of that part of the world. Before you
compliment anyone's possessions, make gestures, give a gift, or shake
hands, check the dos, and don'ts book. A gaffe could gum up your gig.
If you squint your eyes well enough at a flight of birds, you will see
swallows flying with swallows, finches soaring with finches, and yellow
birds winging with yellow birds. The avian apartheid escalates.
You will never see a yellow bird hanging out with a yellow finch or even a
barn swallow with a bank swallow, In summary: Birds of a feather flock
together.
People are most receptive to those they feel have the same values in life.
Watch people closely, observe the way they move. Big movements? Small
movements? Slow? Fast? Old? Young? Trashy? Classy?
Evoke your listener's lifestyle or interests, weave vivid images round it. To
make your words carry more power, use terminologies from your listener's
world, this will go a long way to show your partner you share their interests,
and like them.
Are you an unconscious ummer? Don't be! Use the “Employ Empathizers
Technique” Vocalize complete sentences to show empathy and
understanding. Your phrases like “I see what you mean” garnished with
something like “That's a lovely thing to say.” This increases your empathy
towards your listener and encourages them to continue the conversation.
Studies have shown that hearing compliments from a new person is more
potent than when heard from someone you know already.
Compliments have more credibility when said to an attractive person whose
face you have never seen.
You will be taken seriously if you start your comments with some
self-effacing remark, but this is only when your listener perceives you as
someone higher on the totem pole. If lower, it will reduce your credibility.
Every once in a while, introduce a few comments into the conversation that
says something positive about who you are talking with.
Once in a while, say something positive about who you are talking with.
By using the “Killer Compliment Technique,” you can make your listener
never forget you in a hurry. During the conversation, search for one unique,
specific and attractive quality he has, and at the end of the conversation,
look him straight in the eye, say his name and finish with the Killer
Compliment.
They have never had the chance to read your body language or know how
you dress, all the perception of you have come through the tiny filaments
from thousands of miles away. They feel they know you from the sound of
your voice. This is how powerful the telephone is, but not accurate.
Use the “Talking Gestures Technique.” See yourself as the star of a radio
drama every time you have a call. If you want to be perceived as someone
engaging, turn your smiles into sounds, nods into noise, and gestures into
what your listener can hear. Replace your gestures with talk, then boost the
whole act by 30%!
• How to sound like you are closeby even if you're hundreds of miles
away
People tend to pay more attention when they hear their name. Use it often
when on the phone than you would in person to keep them engaged.
Calling your listeners name re-creates the eye contact you might give in
person. It will sound pandering, saying someone's name repeatedly face to
face, but on the phone, there is a physical distance that may be a thousand
miles away, so, spray your conversation with it. This is the “Name Shower
Technique.”
Use the “Oh Wow, It's You!” technique when answering the phone and not
an “I'm just so happy all the time.” Your calls should be answered
professionally, crisply, and warmly. After you identify who is talking, burst
into a huge smile that will engulf your face and sip into your voice. This
way, your caller feels the giant fuzzy smile is reserved for him only.
• How to get what you want from big shots on the phone
Whenever you need to call someone's home, always greet and identify the
person who answers. When you go visiting someone's office twice or more,
make friends with the secretary. If she is close enough to answer the
phone, she is well placed to sway the VIP's opinion of you.
Find out “Who's coming?” asked the party-giver about the guest list, a
politician will jot down the names of those who interest him and try to meet
each.
The big cat arrives early to start hitting the marks as each guest arrives.
Most times, the VIPs come early to get some business done before the
regular party regulars, who incidentally do not like to be the first at a party.
Once they have met one, they are on their way to the next.
• How to avoid the common party blooper
The “Munching or Mingling Technique.” Politicians want to be belly to belly
and eyeball to eyeball with their constituents. Just like big winners who are
well versed in the science of spatial relationships and science of proxemics,
they are aware that any object except a belt buckle can wedge a brick wall
between two people. For this reason, they never eat or drink at a party. You
can either come to munch, or mingle, but do not do both. Be a good
politician, eat before you come to the party.
While at the doorway, do not stand and take a “look at me pose.” You are
not Rubbernecking the Room to show off, it is for you to diagnose the
situation you are walking into fully. Take cognizance of the bar, lighting,
and most important the faces. Observe the buzz of the crowd, listen to the
music, and the clinking of glasses.
• How to meet the people you really want to meet
To achieve this, use the “Be The Chooser, Not the Choose technique” the
love of your life, your lifelong friend, or your business contact who will make
a significant contribution to your future may not be at the party. But
someday, he will, therefore, make every party a rehearsal for that big day.
Do not wait until the day that he approaches, make it happen by exploring
every face in the room, switch from waiting for “ships passing in the night”
and move to “Capture whomever you want in your life.”
Using the “Lend A Helping Tongue technique,“ you can win anyone's heart
even if their mouth is faltering. Whenever your partner's story gets aborted,
let the interruption play out itself. Give him time to dote on the little darling,
or pick up the jagged pieces of China, or give their dinner order.
When it has been sorted, simply ask him “please get back to your story.”
Or, remember where he stopped and then ask, “what happened next after
the …… (and fill in the last few words)?”
Whenever you ask for a favor or a meeting, divulge the particular benefits.
Inform the other person what's in it for you and what he stands to benefit. If
a hidden agenda comes to light later, you may get labeled as a sly fox. This
is the “Bare the Buried WIIFM (and WIIFY) technique.“
Whenever you ask for a favor or a meeting, Inform the other person what's
in it for you and what he stands to benefit.
• How to make people want to do favors for you
To make anyone do you favor use the “Let 'Em Savor the Favor technique.“
Whenever your friend agrees to a favor, allow him to enjoy your
beneficence before you make them pay the piper. For how long should you
wait? At least twenty-four hours.
Using the Tit for Tat technique, you can get any favor you want from
anyone. Do someone a favor, it becomes apparent he owes you one, wait
for some time before asking to “pay.” Allow him to enjoy the fact that (or
fiction) your gesture was out of friendship. Do not make it an apparent tit for
their tat swiftly.
Conclusion
If you understand human nature and their habits, it becomes easy to hone
your communication skills and improve your relationships. Always make a
good first impression, convey a positive body language, assume
non-threatening postures, and prepare adequately for meetings. The
techniques in this book will help you become confident and comfortable in
making new friends quickly.