Genuine compliments 

build relationships, improve communication, motivate

people, and boost one's self-esteem and self-confidence. Families can practice
giving and receiving compliments by making a specific time to do so. Perhaps it's before
or after dinner, or before a family meeting.

Yet, consistently, receiving a compliment brightens people's day much more than

anticipated, leaving them feeling better, and less uncomfortable, than givers
expect. From the outside, it seems obvious that receiving a compliment would make
someone feel better.

What is the impact of compliments?

Research shows that compliments often make the receivers feel better than most
people anticipate. Compliments also improve the mood of the compliment giver. People
may want to explore becoming more generous in complimenting others

The Value Of Praise

Humans find praise uplifting. That's because it releases the feel-good hormone
dopamine into our brains, which is nature's way of saying, “Keep doing what you're
doing!” This motivates us to move toward the behaviors that helped us feel so good.
Scientific studies have shown this time and again.

Praise looks towards the past: it's recognition for a (past) job well done. Feedback, on
the other hand, is about the future: the goal of positive feedback is to encourage
similar behavior in the future. Praise is about saying “thanks”; feedback is about
saying “keep doing that” or “more like this please”

How does a compliment help to improve your self-esteem?

The person giving the compliment often knows all the moving parts involved but wants
to highlight my accomplishment specifically. The same can be true for compliments on
appearance. If someone says to me, "Hey Will, your skin looks nice today!" it's much
better for my self-esteem to simply respond, "Thank you."

Why complimenting is an effective response in a speech act?

Compliments are expressions of positive evaluation that commonly occur in everyday
conversational encounters among interlocutors of equal or higher status. A compliment
may be used to open a conversation or to smooth conversational interaction
by reinforcing the links of solidarity between the interlocutors

Giving a genuine compliment is an amazing positivity boost! But compliments are not only
good for the recipients—they’re good for the people who give them as well. When you go
out of your way to say something nice and give thoughtful praise to another person, it
amplifies your self-confidence and nourishes your self-esteem.

You can make someone’s day by sharing your positivity in the form of a genuine
compliment. Telling someone, with a smile, that they have beautiful eyes, or that the color
they are wearing suits them, will also increase and enhance your own sense of well-being.

The act of giving compliments creates a virtuous circle. Telling someone that they have
made a positive impact on your life, or that you admired the way they handled a situation, is
a powerful gift. You reinforce their value in the world, while strengthening your
relationship.

Compliments make other people feel good and make others want to be around you. In fact,
giving compliments is a form of leadership and influence, because people love to be around
positive people, and will be more likely to follow your example and listen to your ideas.

Be a source of positivity and happiness in the lives of others. Everything you give will come
back to you many times over. Take a few moments to think about the last time someone
gave you a genuine compliment—and not just a casual compliment, but a genuine piece of
specific, thoughtful praise. How did it make you feel?
Compliments don’t just make others feel great. They also enhance our own self-confidence.
Giving a genuine compliment requires us to look for the good in others. In doing so, we also
start to see the good in ourselves. We realize that we are all on the same journey together
and that each of us has value to share with the world.

Seeing the good in others has another powerful benefit. By appreciating and respecting
others, we become a magnet for their reciprocated love. So, how do you give a compliment?
First of all, you give it—freely and without the expectation of anything in return. This may
feel awkward at first, but that’s OK. If your compliment is genuine, the receiver will feel the
power of your words. They will see warmth in your smile and genuine appreciation in your
eyes.

After you give someone a compliment, don’t expect them to respond immediately. Many
people won’t know how to react to a genuine compliment at first—people are often so
surrounded by small talk and commercial messages and insincerity that a genuine
compliment might take them by surprise. Just remember that you are bringing good into the
world by seeing the best in others and putting your appreciation in words.

Sometimes, the most effective compliments are the ones that focus on the details in people’s
lives. We are naturally skeptical of big claims and generalities. But when someone pays
attention to the small things that bring value to our lives, their words carry credibility and
power.

For example, if we say, “You have beautiful eyes”, we are focusing on an obvious trait and
inviting an awkward silence or a polite “thanks.” However, if we ask “That scarf really
compliments your beautiful eyes—where did you find it?” our compliment seems genuine
and we invite further conversation without embarrassing our friend.

It’s also important to remember that some of the best compliments have nothing to do with a
person’s appearance. For example, you might say “It was very brave of you to speak your
mind on that topic. Were you nervous?” or “It must have taken a lot of courage to go on that
trip. What was the highlight for you?”

Why is this important? It’s because people cannot always control their appearance. In fact,
even some of the most beautiful looking people might be uncomfortable being
complimented or judged on their appearance alone. So instead of focusing your
compliments on people’s appearances, look for ways to compliment people for their
character, their actions and their choices.

Another key to giving genuine compliments is empathy. Rather than telling someone what
we think they want to hear, we should tell them what we genuinely think is special about
them. Be honest. In order to give a true compliment, you need to put yourself in someone
else’s shoes. In a world filled with cynicism and negativity, looking for the good in others is
a big step towards a more positive life.

Genuine compliments form powerful bonds between people, but they don’t have to be given
face-to-face. We can also do more to create a spirit of positivity and gratitude in our
interactions with people online.

Think about your own “Friends list” on Facebook. We have hundreds of friends on
Facebook, but how connected are we really? The problem with having a “like” button is that
it makes it too easy to passively engage in the important events that happen around us.
Facebook can be a wonderful tool to make new friends and stay in touch with old friends,
but we should avoid superficial interactions and look for opportunities to give genuine
compliments to the people that matter to us.

When a friend moves to a new house, don’t just click “like” – say “What a wonderful
picture of your new home! I can just imagine your kids laughing as they play in that
beautiful oak tree in the garden!” If it’s someone’s birthday, remind them of a special time
that you spent together and how important they are. Look for ways to give public, specific
compliments to your friends on Facebook—share a story about a time they helped you
through some challenges in your life, or give some details about why they are so beloved. It
really makes a difference.
Learning how to receive a compliment is almost as important as learning how to give one.
Too often, women in particular tend to deflect praise. Have you noticed yourself doing this?
Have you noticed how some of the most generous and capable and well-liked people in your
life are the ones who struggle to accept a compliment?

If someone gives you a genuine compliment, remember that this is their gift and accept it
graciously, with a smile. It takes confidence to give a compliment, so, don’t devalue the gift
by playing it down. Simply saying “Thank you, that’s very nice of you to say” is enough.

On a deeper level, learning how to accept a compliment with grace demonstrates self-
confidence, which itself can contribute to a more positive life. Take a moment to think about
the last time someone gave you a genuine compliment. How did you react? Did you accept
their gift with grace?

Compliments are not treasures to be hoarded. Their value multiplies with use. Every time
you give a genuine compliment it will get easier. And, since compliments start with
empathy, using them will help you to see the world in a more balanced and positive way.
Let others see the good that you see in them. Your life and theirs will be better for the
effort.

This is a  guest post  by Margaret Manning of  Boomerly.com. Boomerly is an online service
that helps people over 50 to build meaningful friendships with people who share their
interests.