The Polarity Discharge

Method
By Adam Mussa
The Polarity Disharge Method

Dedication:

Introduction:

You’re Not Broken; The System Is

Can You Trust Yourself? (After Reading, One Of These

Two Things Will Happen)

What You’ll Learn

Now, I’m Not Saying Therapy Can’t Help

Part 1: The Three Ds

Ch. 1: Dissolve Misconceptions And Neutralise

Flashbacks

You’re Not Broken

Time And Understanding Doesn’t Heal

Toxic Metaphors

The Quickest Path To Disrespect From Others (and

Isolation)

How To Make Higher Self Worth Decisions

Your Positivity Scaffolding Is Keeping You Stuck

You Shouldn’t Communicate Your Needs

Why You Resist The Best Parts of You

Your Potential is Disempowering You

Why Re-wiring Your Brain is A Bad Idea

Please Know That You Matter

The Irony of Worrying About The Past

Will you risk or gamble?

Self-pity
 The Ugly Bentley Phenomena

Mental Fog - Literally

Stop Trying to Recover or Heal, Do This Instead

What About Your Children?

Do You Have The “Boundary Disease?”

Can you allow yourself to be safe?

Procrastination Is Making You Tired

Liberation vs Maintenance

Trauma Isn’t “In The Body” -- So Where Is It?

Dissolve and Neutralise Visual Flashbacks

Symptoms vs Trauma Itself

Ch. 2: Discharge Polarities

The Two Types Of Survival

Why Are Polarities So Important? (The Polarity

Matrix)

The First Polarity: Love vs Hate

The Second Polarity: Control vs Chaos

 The Third Polarity: Wanting To Live (Thrive) vs
Wanting To Die (Survive)

Ch. 3: Devote Your Life To Living From Your Essence

Part 2: The MUSSA Method

Chapter 4: Don’t Step Out Of Your Comfort Zone –

Expand It

Psychological Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort

Zone

Before

After

Physiological Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort

Zone

Before

After

External Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort Zone

Effects of Unifying The Mind And Essence

Before

After

But Will This Work For People Like Me?

Chapter 5: Time Upon A Once

Conclusion: The Door To Your Freedom Is Through

Your Blind Spots
Dedication:
To Julaybib and other nobility. And also everyone I’ve
ever worked with. Ultimately, that work has resulted in
this book.
Introduction:
You’re Not Broken; The System Is
You’ve probably been through every type of therapy
known to man -- CBT, hypnotherapy, NLP, EMDR, EFT ...
maybe even FBI and MI6 -- and after so many attempts
you might be left thinking, I’ve tried everything and I’m
still broken, so there must be something wrong with me.

That’s not to say that therapy didn’t help you cope and
manage, didn’t possibly save you from suicide. In fact, it
may have helped you a lot… at rst… but then results
dwindled.

If mainstream haven’t worked for you, let me assure you

they haven’t worked for hundreds or thousands of others
either. Including the therapists in those mainstream
methods who studied psychology and healing modalities
- to heal themselves - they’re called wounded healers.

You can use your failed experiences with therapy as an

excuse to quit, and you can cling onto the dogma of
whatever healing modality you wish to believe in, or, you
can realise that you need something else. Something
entirely unique.

Psychologists give me many reasons trauma can’t be

eradicated at all. Yes you read that correctly. Many
therapists believe that the best you can do is just learn to
accept your lifelong torture and keep plodding along,
coping and managing.
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Other therapists will say that it can be done, but it’s a
lifelong journey. And then there are those that dismiss
trauma completely and just reduce it to your body storing
some stuff and you just need to jiggle it off or something.

And yet I have eradicated childhood trauma for adult

survivors within 6 weeks - countless times.

40% of those I’ve done it for have been therapists.

Therapists that were fed up of life getting harder and
harder with time. Therapists that decided that freedom
was more important than ‘being right’, or their world
views.

And with each one of those therapists, my only caveat

was: I shall work with you, but you accept I will not
explain what I do as, or before, I do it. You can gure it
out after if you wish.

Dr Catherine, who had done over 30 years of therapy,

overcome her trauma in six weeks.

“I’ve had 30 years of counselling and not felt free, not felt
the anxiety or the fear leave me. I wasn’t living. I was
barely coping, hanging on by the skin of my teeth. And
now, after six weeks, I’m living.

Your life is worth taking a chance and trying because it

can change. That is true happiness. I feel so different. I
feel like I’ve got a chance to go forward and live a rich
life. A really rich life. It’s changed so much in these six
weeks. The closeness I have with my boys, the feelings
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of love that I’m getting from my mother, the loss of an
addiction, and feeling okay and enjoying actually
reaching out to people. I feel like I’m thriving. I’m living.
Before I wasn’t living, I was surviving.”

QR

Can You Trust Yourself? (After Reading, One Of

These Two Things Will Happen)
After reading this book, one of two things will happen:

1. You’ll waste a few hours of your life and be sure that

this bald Scottish man was trying to scam you.
However, you’ll no longer have that niggling worry
that you missed out on a fantastic opportunity nally
to heal your trauma.

2. You’ll agree that this bald Scottish man is not lying

and actually has helped over 3,000 people over the
past 20 years. And you’ll learn why the results from
therapy don’t last and what to do about your
polarities to nally live a trauma-free life.

So, are you willing to trust yourself to decide to keep

reading?
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What You’ll Learn
Here’s just some of what you’ll learn:

• the difference between coping or managing with your

trauma and being liberated from it totally - and why
you always want to choose liberation

• why traditional trauma therapy can work for a little,

then things go back to the way they were

• what these blasted polarities are and how they were

set up

• what it feels like to discharge some of these

polarities (hint: it will feel like you’re nally starting to
live, like Dr Catherine above)

• why reliving the past or trying to analyse it is the

worst thing you can do

• why success is much harder for survivors and why

many of them sabotage it when it comes

• why you can’t accept love and intimacy, or you fear

abandonment

• why you probably feel tired all the time

• why survivors get bromyalgia or other neuro-

immune issues
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• know why you either have a simmering underlying
murderous rage or a cold, detached numbness ... or
both
 Now, I’m Not Saying Therapy Can’t Help
People often say they’ve been to therapy and are getting
on better than before. That is entirely reasonable and
true.

But there’s a big difference between coping and

managing versus liberation.

If you have panic attacks, it’s wise to carry a paper bag

and learn a breathing routine to manage panic attacks.
When a panic attack occurs, breathing into a bag will
help you feel better. However, that doesn’t mean the
problem has been xed.

You’re still living with panic and anxiety, and you still
need to carry a paper bag wherever you go.

What if you could feel safe without the bag? What if you
no longer needed the bag because you no longer had
anxiety — and you knew that with con dence?

Coping strategies are all well and good — certainly better

than nothing. But they’re a completely different thing than
liberation, which we all want and deserve.

For childhood trauma, nobody wants to settle for

management. You’ve only settled for management,
because therapists have told you it’s the only way.
Because, according to them, you’re broken and can’t be
xed.
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They’re wrong. You’re not broken; the traditional system
is not designed to end trauma.

If you have to constantly do gratitude journaling, belief

work or new types of therapy, you’re trapped in a
therapist-induced coping loop. Again, these strategies
are great for short-term relief but useless for liberation.

You picked up this book because you no longer want to

live with the pain of your childhood trauma. And that’s
precisely what we’re going to do. We’re going to set you
free.

It is impossible to heal childhood trauma and a lifetime of

pain in six weeks,
Part 1: The Three Ds
Ch. 1: Dissolve Misconceptions
You’re Not Broken
Before I shunned mainstream psychology, I was a
roaming therapist for Paul McKenna’s of ce. Paul was on
the popular British daytime show, This Morning, every
day. His of ce would be inundated with phone calls
afterwards.

He had a team of therapists all throughout the country,

and I was the guy who travelled to wherever we didn’t
have therapists -- like the Isle of Man or even Germany.
Eventually, though, I settled in Birmingham -- where I live
now -- and opened my practice.

Then I met Lorraine, who had been agoraphobic for 15

years and hadn’t been able to even attend her mother’s
funeral. But she was a charming woman. The only
human being she was in contact with was her postman,
and they fell in love.

After a two-hour home session, she could go out, and we

went to the local supermarket to test her results.

Taking an agoraphobe to a busy supermarket in the

middle of the day is like taking someone with a fear of
heights and dangling them off a cliff. Despite this ultimate
test, she was ne.

Given the sweetness of her story - with the postman and

her remarkable recovery - the papers came, took
pictures, and featured us both.
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A month, or so, later, I called to see how she was doing.

“Totally ne. I’m still going out of the house all the time. I
never feel that fear again -- no matter where I go or what
time. I go wherever I want, with whomever I want. No
problems.”

But that wasn’t the end of her story.

“But I feel this emptiness. This sadness that I used to

think was the agoraphobia -- it’s not gone, and now I
don’t know what it is.”

I couldn’t understand it. How could I solve someone’s

biggest problems and have them not be happy
afterwards? She used to be stuck at home. Now she
wasn’t. What was missing? I had to gure it out.

I called other ex-clients whose cases had been

especially dif cult. People who had seen lots of
therapists before me or had problems for 15-20 years
before we had supposedly xed them.

There seemed to be two groups of clients.

The majority were “ xed” and totally happy, and then the
minority who were “ xed” but would tell me, “I still feel an
emptiness, and I can’t gure out why.”

Some were xed and happy, and others were xed and
empty. It didn’t even make sense!
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I dug deeper and deeper into the second camp and
found they all had something in common. Every single
one of them had experienced childhood trauma. Whether
it was emotional neglect, physical or sexual abuse, a
combination of or all of the aforementioned, all were left
with an empty sorrow.

Before coming to me, their symptoms were all different --

agoraphobia, other phobias, depression, self-harm,
addiction, anxiety, OCD and more -- but the cause
seemed the same. We could always erase the
symptoms, but they would be replaced with that
emptiness.

I had always been proud that I had xed these people

who thought they were broken, but it turned out I had
only done so super cially. It annoyed me to no end. Like
most mainstream therapy, I could ease symptoms for
survivors of childhood trauma, but the results never
lasted long.

No matter how powerful a therapeutic modality may be, it

can’t liberate you from the trauma – hence Lorraine’s
underlying sorrow and emptiness – which persisted.

That’s how I began this journey, which led me to create

The Polarity Discharge Method.

*****
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 But rst, I had to dismantle the broken system that had
perpetuated these problems -- and made you feel
broken, even though you’re not.

You’re not broken. The system is.

If you’re a childhood abuse survivor, you’re living with

three or four hundred polarities, yet you’re still reading
this book. You might be a mother or father or employee
or business owner. Somehow, you’re still functioning.

And I say, hats off to you. You’re not just functioning;

you’re over-functioning.

Polarities are a byproduct of trauma. A part of you

believes one thing, but another part believes the
opposite.

As the American rapper says, “I hate you. I love you. I

hate that I love you.” Or Celine Dion: “Impossible to live
with you, but I could never live without you. I hate you;
then I love you.”

That’s a polarity.

Polarities are the underlying reason for your inner

turmoil. The constant push-pull battles you experience
with yourself and others – like love-hate, trust-distrust or
live die.

These polarities are debilitating but utterly normal in

survivors. Often, professionals confuse contradictions (a
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typical result of trauma) with a diagnosis of bipolar or
borderline personality disorders.

A polarity is when two opposites become one – you can’t

have one without the other.

A non-survivor loves or hates someone. A child abuse

survivor loves and hates at the same time – which makes
relationships extremely dif cult (almost impossible). The
love/hate polarity (which we’ll discuss in-depth later)
directly affects your self-worth and ability to accept love.

If someone gives you love, you respond with hate.

If someone gives you hate, you respond with love.

If someone loves you, you push them away. You feel

creeped out (a form of hate) and become uninterested.
But the moment they walk away, you want them back
(love).

Do you see the dynamic?

Since love cannot exist without hate (and vice versa), a

polarity exists. Have you ever wondered why you nd
yourself loving hateful people (narcissists)? That’s why.

But you’re not alone, and there is hope.

This same thing happened with a client of mine, Afshan –

a 41-year-old pharmacist and single mother of three. She
had a string of failed relationships, starting with her failed
marriage.
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When we spoke for the rst time, she told me about her
latest – a narcissist that she had broken up with a dozen
times over the past three years. He would always return,
act all sweet, and then show his true colours. She’d
break with him and then miss him tremendously. She
loved him. She detested him.

I asked her, “What will you never be able to enjoy if you

don’t overcome your trauma?”

She replied, “A hug. And letting my children love me.”

Does that sound familiar?

She is craving pure love and a sense of security, but her

polarities won’t allow that.

And that’s just the result of one polarity. The average

child abuse survivor has anywhere between 300-400
polarities – which intersect and create a matrix of issues
and symptoms, like anxiety, self-hate, murderous rage
and confusion.

Can you imagine the amount of energy it takes to have

so many opposites ghting against each other? You’re
probably constantly tired, regardless of how much you
sleep. You probably procrastinate, right? These are all
emergent issues. They don’t exist because of one
polarity per se (like how self-hate or murderous rage do).
They exist because so many polarities exist.
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But there’s good news: You’re not broken or weak. You
are simply overworked. You’re not malfunctioning; you’re
over-functioning.

If we can simply discharge your polarities, you will be left

with energy and tranquillity. Your trauma will fall away,
unable to be held up by the polarities.

Three weeks into my program, Afshan told me that she

had taken the most potent laxatives available for over 30
years just to go to the bathroom. She never realised it
was related to her trauma.

After three weeks, she stopped taking laxatives and went

to the bathroom every morning.

That’s what happens when you are relieved from the

burden of holding up your polarity matrix. And that’s what
this book will teach you how to do.
Time And Understanding Doesn’t Heal
If agoraphobia can be cured in a day, how can it be that
time heals?

Everyone loves to say it: you just need time, because

time heals. Or just as bad, that understanding heals. If
you just take ages and ages to dig into your problem
from every angle, you’ll magically pull the plug and live
happily ever after.

I’ve worked with many people who had a 10-15 minute

incident of sexual abuse as a child, and it has scarred
them for life. And you’re telling me that change can’t
happen quickly? If you can be traumatised that quickly,
why can’t you be healed that quickly?

People will say that it’s easier to break than build. But
trauma breaks nothing. It simply creates a structure on
top of your pure, innocent self. So if it’s easier to break
than build, there’s no reason that structure can’t be
broken quickly.

We’ll get into the speci cs later, but I want it to be clear

that change can and does happen quickly when it comes
to trauma. Some of the worst traumas, like short
encounters of sexual abuse, are often the longest lasting.

If some awful, untrained person can screw someone up

for life in just 10 minutes -- doesn’t it stand to reason that
someone who has been training for years might x you in
a short time?
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People think that for therapy to work, it needs to take
years. Ridiculous. My programs are six weeks and can
undo trauma that hasn’t changed after years and years
of work.

Your entire being is a system. You can try to treat your

issues one by one, but as soon as you x one -- another
problem pops up. The system has to safeguard itself.
When you change one thing, other things change in
response.

Business coaches teach you how to change an entire

company -- not an individual department. If you change
one part of the company, but the others don’t like it,
they’ll change destructively in response. They’ll ght
back.

Trauma is like bending a piece of metal. If you bend it

slowly, it always goes back to how it was. If you bend it
quickly and intensely, it sticks for a long time. But that
works in both directions – to bend and to unbend.

But Adam, the psychologists will say ... understanding

heals, and understanding takes time.

I’ve been doing this long enough (over 20 years) to know

that my claims will be met with resistance – especially by
therapists and healers.

Though I’ve worked with dozens of therapists, coaches,

and even doctors and psychiatrists who have healed
their own traumas through this work – others who have
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gone through decades of ineffective therapy will still call
me a charlatan.

That said, I don’t mind. I do my work for those willing to

try it because I only care about those I can help. And I
want you to know that it’s possible to live your life without
minding what others think.

An inner sense of tranquillity is possible.

If understanding heals, why do my clients who are

hypnotherapists, CBT and EMDR practitioners still need
help? Some know multiple modalities and taken dozens
of courses, and read more books than I’ve heard of.

They still have their issues. They probably understand

their problems far more than I do, yet they still can’t x
them. But they still come to me asking for help.

Understanding does not help x you.

For example, cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) is

about being logical with everything. You analyse yourself,
and then you analyse how you analyse yourself. If you’re
constantly thinking about how you’re walking -- thinking
about every step you take -- you will trip up.

Why did I get triggered?

And why did that trigger me?

And why did I react in that speci c way?

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And on and on and on. It’s a never-ending loop.

It’s like when you’re in the lift. There’s a mirror behind

you, and there’s also a mirror in front of you. Suddenly,
there are a million versions of you. That’s what CBT (and
psychoanalysis) is like.

You’re told to analyse yourself. But when you’re

analysing yourself, are you still yourself? Are you
someone else? How can you be outside of the box and
inside of it simultaneously?

Even if it were possible for you to analyse yourself, the

second you’ve done it -- you are no longer the self you’re
analysing. So you’ve got to start from scratch, again. It’s
a recursive, never-ending loop.

People spend years and years understanding their

problems from different angles, with different therapies
and modalities. Trained or not, they’re often more
knowledgeable than me and their last two therapists put
together.

They’ve accumulated all of this knowledge and xed

absolutely nothing.

So how is it that understanding heals?

This emphasis on time and understanding makes things

worse.

Psychoanalysis is all about entrenching yourself in the

problem over time so that you can understand it. But as
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you do that, you create an identity around that problem.
You start seeing yourself as a survivor. That identity
keeps reinforcing every time you think about it or see
your therapist.

I hate the term survivor. If you are committed to seeing

yourself as a survivor, how can you ever feel free?

Almost all therapy types require you to revisit the past

constantly, and you keep burrowing deeper and deeper
into your box of trauma. Neurologically, revisiting your
trauma reinforces the trauma in your brain.

We know this intuitively. The more you think about

something, the better you get at thinking about it. The
more you see it and identify with it, and feel comfortable
with it. Practice makes permanent.

Every time you revisit your trauma, you are forced to

relive it. How is that a form of release? How is that
supposed to make it weaker rather than stronger? Re-
living your trauma is a mini-retraumatization … done over
and over.

Hypnotherapy is often about unlocking memories that

your brain has forgotten. That’s the dumbest thing I’ve
ever heard. It was bad enough that it happened once.
Why would you want to relive it and remember every little
detail?

As we’ll discuss in later chapters, the residue of that

trauma matters. You lived it, and it created polarities in
 your being. If you’ve forgotten the memories, all that
remains are the polarities. Instead of digging the memory
back up, why wouldn’t we just eliminate the polarities?
Part of my work involves discharging ashbacks -- if you
struggle with those -- but even that is done by rst
discharging the polarities. Because when they lose their
power, the ashbacks lose their meaning and emotion.

After watching a horror movie, you leave the movie

theatre. It’s done and dusted. What if you rewatched the
movie every single day and were even told that it would
help with your nightmares? That would be insane.

Earlier in my career, I worked with someone who had

been watching horror movies constantly since he was 17
years old (we met when he was 43). They were the only
movies he would watch. He was addicted to drugs and
said he would constantly hallucinate monsters. In about
two hours, I taught him how to take his images of
monsters and turn them into cartoons with funny voices
like Bugs Bunny and shrink them. This was before I
niched down to working with childhood trauma survivors.

We xed his problem quickly, and he lived happily ever

after. But you’re reading this book because there’s more
to your story. A simple exercise isn’t enough.

After most people watch a horror movie, the horror ends.

Since my client watched the same lm over and over, the
horror would never end until we interrupted the cycle.
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Most therapists are making you watch your personal
horror movie over and over. They may not intend it, but
they’re helping program a belief into your mind that this
movie never ends.

I assure you: The way to end the horror isn’t to keep

replaying it repeatedly from different angles. Living your
trauma once was enough for you to endure.

Let’s change the channel.

Toxic Metaphors
The Quickest Path To Disrespect From Others (and
Isolation)
If you’re constantly blowing things out of proportion,
people will actively distrust your opinion because you
don’t see reality for what it is… and they would rather not
have the drama.

Knowing that you’ll erupt, they’ll hide things. Sometimes

maliciously and sometimes to save you from a needless
explosion.

The result is a feeling of being disrespected and isolated.

How To Make Higher Self Worth Decisions
This is a big deal. A. Big. Deal:

One reason people make the wrong decisions is that

they don’t know the difference between needs, wants,
and likes.

So, for example, I’ve spoken with many ‘survivors’ who

say:

I’d ‘like’ to overcome my trauma, but I ‘need’ to get a

conservatory.

I’m not judging… but since when was a conservatory a

need?

Remember that a need is a necessity that you can’t live

without. Like food.

A want is something that removes dif culty. A cooker for

cooking the food.

A like is something that makes life even easier. A

microwave.

For most people, a conservatory is a like because A)

they can live without it, so it’s not a need… and B) it
won’t remove a dif culty; it’ll just make things nicer.

Now here’s the question… is liberating from your trauma

a like, a want, or a need?
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 Let’s nd out.

Will it make life a little bit nicer?

If so, it’s a like.… go buy a nicer car or diamond necklace

instead.

Will it remove dif culty from your life (dif culty can be in
your mind, at work, or at home)?

If so, it’s a want…

Will it save your health?

If so, it’s a need…

That’s about you. What about your family or loved ones?

Will it make their lives nicer?

For them, it will be a like.

Will it remove A LOT of dif culties for your kids, partners,

colleagues?

Then for them, it’s a want.

Will it stop them from having mental health problems or

harming themselves?

Then for them, it’s a need.

I do this all the time with stuff I consider… I have to know

if it’s a like, want or need… for me and others.
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Then I can decide if and what to do about it.

What is overcoming child abuse trauma for you… a like,

want or need?
Your Positivity Scaffolding Is Keeping You Stuck
Positivity… it’s just proof of negativity.

The more positive you are, the more negativity you’re

hiding.

Hear me out:

It’s the same with the word “empowered”. When I’m

working with someone, and they’re feeling better, and
they say they feel “empowered”, I think: “Oh, more work
to do”.

Empowered means you have something to break

through. A challenge that needs your empowerment to
overcome.

Why build up resistance inside yourself, then ght that

resistance with your empowerment?

It’s just proof that you’re still self-hating.

But that’s what ‘survivors’ do. Instead of dissolving their

internal resistance, they increase their positivity. But
then, to balance the increase of positivity, their resistance
also increases.

More positivity breeds more (hidden) negativity.

It’s like driving the car with a foot on the breaks and the
other on the acceleration.
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 There’s a lot of unnecessary effort. Much burnout
follows.

You can’t stop being positive because your negativity

would show, and you wouldn’t know what to do with it. I
get that.

That’s why this isn’t something you can just do by

yourself.

Con dence is just that—a con.

Do you feel con dent that you can make a cup of tea, or
are you just competent?

These popular psychology concepts are dangerous

enough for those that haven’t suffered trauma; they’re
worse for those that have, because of their polarities.
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You Shouldn’t Communicate Your Needs
This goes smack bang against what popular psychology
advises you, I know.

“Communicate your needs.”

No.

Hear me out. You might actually agree.

First, the people who say this don’t even know what a
need is!

A need is something urgent.

Without a need, you could almost die.

So a need is shelter, food, bodily health etc.

The problem is this… if you take a “want”, which you

CAN live without, even if it’s with a bit of dif culty, and
you turn it into a need, you create weakness and
dependency.

For example, I want a car, but I don’t need one. But if I

tell myself that I need a car (instead of want), I create a
sense of despair inside.

Then suddenly I wonder why I’m anxious!

When someone comes to overcharge me for a car, I will

likely pay the extra price… because I believe I NEED it. I
can’t do without it.
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Instead, if I remember that regardless of how hard life is
without a car, it’s not actually a need… then yeah, it’s still
not a plush life, but I don’t feel that sense of despair,
urgency or insecurity.

I can look around for another car.

Now… here’s the thing:

If you truly need to communicate an actual need (not a

want that you pretend to be a need) with someone, then
that’s an awful place to be.

If you have to tell someone not to beat you to death, you

shouldn’t be communicating with them… you should be
leaving.

If someone’s tearing your house down, you shouldn’t

communicate with them. You need to take action.

Now, if you communicate a want… like: I want you to

give me more attention… that’s different.

That’s not a need. That’s a want.

And if you remember that, then it won’t seem so

daunting, and if they say they can’t or won’t, it doesn’t
become an existential crisis. Instead, you realise it’s a
want, and you can be more objective about its
importance to you.

… so you can decide about what to do next.

Calling a want a need makes you needy. When you’re
needy, you’re unattractive.

When you’re needy, you’re more vulnerable and more

likely to lose in a negotiation.

Making a want into a need creates irrationality. If you

believe you need to be loved, you might leave a fantastic
relationship because your partner was busy for two
weeks.

Or you might stay in a non-loving relationship for fear of

ending up somewhere worse.

It stems from the same cause - you’ve mistakenly made

a want a need.

So… don’t communicate your needs.

Communicate your wants and your likes.

For many adults with child abuse in their past, the

polarities cloud their judgement and make it very dif cult
to distinguish a need from a want… I sympathise with
that reality.

If you’re ready to move out of coping and managing

trauma into liberating from trauma, let me know.
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Why You Resist The Best Parts of You
When you have a strength that causes others to take
advantage of you, you’ll hide it.

Yes, if you have money, you’ll attract thieves… but that’s

what banks are for. Banks enable you to enjoy using that
strength (money) whilst protecting you against thieves.

What would be the point of having money if you had to

bury it and could never access it?!

It would cause you anxiety, and there would come a time

when you wished you never had it :-(

And so it is with your personal strengths.

What could you have achieved if:

You didn’t hide your love and care

You didn’t hide your intelligence

You didn’t hide your beauty

You didn’t hide your ambition

You didn’t hide your very self!

The good news is that if you’re reading this, you’re not

dead. You can start using your strengths to your
advantage and keep you safe from those that mean to
harm you.
If you think you’re worth it, that is.
 Your Potential is Disempowering You
Potential — another word borrowed from physics and
applied in psychology as a metaphor. And again, it has
toxic implications.

When it comes to electricity, potential dictates how much

power is actually available. It’s not a stagnant potential.

But for humans, the greater you think your potential is,
the more signi cant the difference between where you
are and that potential becomes… and the more daunting
it seems.

There comes the point where too much potential

becomes scary and moves you into what I call ‘potential
paralysis’.

It’s when the difference between where you are and your
potential is so great that you don’t know where to start. It
overwhelms you. It disempowers you.

Ironically, to achieve more, your potential has to be only

just a little beyond where you are at the moment. That
way, it’s enough to motivate you without becoming
daunting.

This ts in very well with the concept of ow, as

described by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi… and yes, you
have the great potential to pronounce his surname
correctly :-p
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Mihaly says that to enter that state of ow, you need to
do something suf ciently challenging to require growth,
but not too challenging that you lack in skill and capacity
for it.

I’ve never heard a successful person say: “I have so

much potential”… because they don’t. They have only as
much necessary to take the next step… and keep doing
that.

This tendency to aggrandise your potential is part of the

wanting control and chaos polarity… as well as a few
other polarities.

Once discharged, attendees all say the same thing: “I’m

just getting things done”.
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Why Re-wiring Your Brain is A Bad Idea
Ahhh… another metaphor borrowed from computing and
dropped onto psychology.

“All you need to do is rewire your brain.”

How much of it?

Which part?

For how long?

And what if the trauma isn’t even in my brain?!

I see adverts for this kind of thing plastered all over

Facebook. And most of those I have worked with have
spent years and fortunes ‘rewiring’ their brains… to no
avail.

Because:

1) Trauma manifests in the brain. It doesn’t reside there.

2) You’re not a robot, and there are no wires in your

brain.

“All you need is to rewire” - they say, again and again,

like a brain dead robot.

I think it’s pretty sad to even equate trauma to bad habits

that need to be re-wired. It proves a lack of appreciation
for how complicated and intermeshed the whole thing is.
And ‘re-wiring’ is just so much work… work that doesn’t
pay off.

Work that leaves you thinking that you didn’t do enough

of it, that you failed… so you start again, too engrossed
in the outcome to realise that the method doesn’t work!!!

No need to re-wire. You need to Discharge your

polarities.
Are You Expecting Your Partner To Leave?
Are you aware that you might expect your partner to
leave

It could come in the form of, “When he nds out the true
me; he’ll be disgusted.”

Or: I’ll see his true colours soon enough.

Or: he won’t stand me for long.

For relationships, this saying is true: “Fear it, appear it.”

An important fact to remember is that, neurologically,

there isn’t much difference between fearing something
and expecting it.

And so, when you fear your partner will leave, you
behave in ways that ultimately cause that.

Some survivors complain their partners will leave them

but deep down, they don’t want to change it.

For some, it’s a way of punishing themselves. For others,

they believe they don’t deserve to be loved, and for
others, they don’t really want to be with that person.

In all cases… the potential for them to be beautifully and

nurturing-ly loved and loving is impossible.
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 Please Know That You Matter
Sometimes you just have to decide to do something even
if it doesn’t t your current circumstances. You know it’ll
bene t you, and you don’t want circumstances to dictate
the quality of your life.

So you decide, and you see what happens.

And circumstance usually obliges.

People are always asking for self-mastery… but then

they give circumstance the nal say. And so self-mastery
goes on the back burner. Again. Till the next disaster.
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The Irony of Worrying About The Past
Worry is supposed to be about the future: “what if?”

But because of trauma, survivors worry about the past.

They’re constantly trying to change it.

Then they project it onto their present and future… but

instead of changing their present, they go back to their
memories and try to change that.

It is nothing short of frustration and torture. Not to

mention an absolute waste of time and internal
resources.

The good news is that once your ashbacks are

neutralised, and your polarities are discharged, you stop
worrying about both the past and the present/future.

Worry is usually coupled with procrastination, and that

gets dropped too.
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Will you risk or gamble?
Doing nothing whilst your ship sinks is a gamble.
Jumping onto another vessel may be risky, but it’s more
controlled than staying on your ship and hoping for the
best.

Leaving an abusive relationship is risky. Staying in it is a

gamble. I prefer risk over gamble.

Hoping that your trauma will magically disappear is a

gamble. Investing time and money to get help is a risk
because there are no guarantees.

When it comes to change, you can’t be objectively 100%

sure about it because if you were, you would have
changed already.
Self-pity
This is big.

Self-pity is felt as a substitute for self-love. It is not self-

love.

Do you feel good when someone pities you?

I don’t.

If I did, it would be like saying: yes, I’m weak and

pathetic.

So a part of me hates the one pitying me.

Now… imagine being pitied all the time?!

That’s what many survivors do to themselves. And then

they hate themselves for pitying themselves.

Self-pity may be well-intentioned, but in reality, it is an act

of hate. It is harmful. And there is a difference between
mercy/kindness and pity.

Mercy comes with-OUT judgement; pity comes with it.

Kindness comes with empowerment; pity does not.

Self-pity is a declaration of powerlessness.

The Ugly Bentley Phenomena
So I was taking my son to the Chiropractor, and we
stopped at the lights.

In front of me was a black Bentley. I saw it and thought…

“it’s so boxy – like, how can it be so ugly?”

Then - and this is the important part - I caught myself

thinking, “but it’s a Bentley; it is beautiful”.

Notice how I almost didn’t trust my senses and made up

excuses for the Bentley.

Yes, this is subjective, and I apologise if you have a

Bentley :-p

But the lesson is important.

Many survivors do this with partners… they see that

they’re not good enough but convince themselves that
they are.

Or it’s done oppositely as well: when delegates of the

program get HUGE gains, they downplay them by
saying, “this is probably not important, but.….”

I catch it, of course, and we work on it.

The Bentley effect - it distorts reality.

Now everyone does this to one extent or another… but
survivors do it because of their polarities, and it’s more
pronounced. Much more pronounced.
 Mental Fog - Literally
One thing people do when being bombarded by
ashbacks they don’t want to see is that they literally
make their thoughts fuzzy… unclear… foggy.

I worked with an architect like that. He was super

creative and arty. Visually advanced, but with memories,
they were all unclear - the good and the bad ones.

It’s a defence mechanism, but it comes at a cost. It

doesn’t help much because though you may not see
those ‘scary thoughts’, you still know that they’re there…
so it’s a coping and managing strategy, not liberation or a
true solution.
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Stop Trying to Recover or Heal, Do This Instead
Survivors keep saying that they want to recover from
their trauma, but there’s nothing to recover from… not
emotionally and psychologically at least.

Hear me out.

I think that… recovery is something you do when your

bones have broken, or your immune system has been
attacked.

If someone is too busy, would you say they need to

recover from being too busy?

Trauma didn’t break you. It caused you to over-do, over-

think, over-feel, over-worry.

Now, yes, overdoing anything results in problems… but

those problems aren’t the result of weakness. They result
from too much strength, too much doing.

And you don’t recover from being too strong.

This is important because when survivors un-traumatise -

notice how I didn’t say heal or recover - life becomes
easier for you than for those who never experienced
trauma in the rst place!

Why?

Because you have strengths they don’t. For sure.

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Except that after un-traumatising, you are now not using
those strengths against yourself.

Think about this… what do all the following have in

common:

Yoga,

CBT

Counselling

Psychotherapy

Personal development

They all involve more doing or more thinking… how will

doing more of what’s causing the problem help you?
What About Your Children?
So many survivors stop themselves from having children
because they don’t want to harm them… either directly
by continuing the cycle of abuse or indirectly by not being
excellent parents.

Those who decide to have children usually either spoil

them for fear of being too harsh or are too disciplined
with them for fear of spoiling them.

Underlying all of the above is a lack of self-trust and

constant self-doubt.

I want to buy them x, but I won’t in case I spoil them.

I want to discipline them, but I won’t in case I break them.

I want to have kids, but I won’t in case I damage them.

You’re just resisting yourself.

And the genuine issue is that you’re not RELATING with

your kids. You’re not doing what needs to happen now.
Instead, you’re doing what you think needs to prevent a
future you’re afraid of.

And unfortunately, that’s exactly how that future, the one

that you fear, will be created.

Why?
Because when you’re reacting to yourself, instead of
relating to your children… they feel that disconnect. And
it doesn’t feel like love. It feels like tolerance or lack of
love.

They feel your inner war, and they think they are the
cause :-(

Almost every graduate of the program that is a parent

reports a much easier, more dynamic relationship with
their children. And that many of the behavioural issues
their kids have disappeared.
Do You Have The “Boundary Disease?”
We have to be careful how we use language.
Unfortunately, a few terms used in popular and modern
psychology are toxic.

Boundaries are one of them. Potential is another. And

there are more. Not least of which is the word vulnerable.

[breathe Adam, breathe …]

But right now, it’s about boundaries.

A boundary is an absolute necessity… and if you break

it, you are trespassing or waging war on another land.

Why would we bring such a loaded, brutish word into

anything related to psychology?

It’s not about marking your boundaries… you already

know what they are. Your body lets you know.

Some people have too many boundaries, and they’ve

isolated themselves.

Do you want to be a boundary warden or just to live

happily?

Intimacy and boundaries don’t mix so well.

What happens if you change your mind about your

boundaries? Do you have to keep a list of who knows
what about your boundaries so you can update them
accordingly?

Narcissists are people that like to conquer. Boundaries

attract narcissists. When you talk about yourself like a
piece of land, you attract narcissists.

There’s so much more to say… but talking about this

pisses me off… so I’ve said enough for those who are
smart enough to get the picture.

Boundaries will not relieve you of that inner hole, and

creating a fence around that hole will only ensure that it
remains.

Ready to be human and not a piece of land or a

boundary warden?
Can you allow yourself to be safe?
If you felt safe and then suddenly something threatened
that safety… sometimes your mind can make the wrong
conclusion.

It wrongly concludes that you were harmed BECAUSE

you thought you were safe: “Because I let my guard
down, I got burned”.

That decision is made so subtly, so insidiously… and

then, as with all subconscious decisions, it’s consciously
forgotten but acted upon religiously for life - unless it’s
removed.

People with this belief that letting their guard down will
cause harm… usually have a few symptoms:

1) They nd it dif cult to enjoy life. They can’t because

enjoying life would mean having to put their guard down
momentarily.

2) They usually have a martyred air about them - which

is ironic because martyrs aren’t about self-safety.

3) They martyr themselves for others to protect them,

hoping that the favour will be paid back… but it’s not.
The people they sacri ced for get to enjoy their lives. And
by enjoying their lives, those people are letting their
guards down… which is sinful in the eyes of the martyr.
Feelings of resentment and betrayal follow.
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4) They create danger for themselves through the ill
health of constantly being tense. Stop. Think about that.
In their effort to create safety for themselves, they are
creating danger.

5) They will never feel safe because they have

internalised danger

6) They can be blind to actual danger because

sometimes they can’t see over their own guards to see
when people are actually attacking

7) They live in constant resistance: resistance of bad, of

good, of others, of self, of past, of present, of future

No words can describe the relief they experience when

they change.

Many polarities are associated with this. The one I talk

about is the “wanting to die whilst wanting to live”
polarity.

It’s a wasted life.

Procrastination Is Making You Tired
When you think about something going wrong, your body
tenses… though nothing is actually happening on the
outside. It’s just a thought.

Your neurology reacts and spends effort.

It’s the same when you think about doing something.

So if you think about taking the rubbish out 500 times,

and you don’t… you’ll have just spent 500 times the
neurological effort of actually doing it, without doing it!

Therefore procrastinators feel tired… even though they

are not achieving anything.

They think they are doing nothing, but they’re doing

much more than non-procrastinators. But they achieve
much less for each ‘ounce’ of effort they put in.

Not to mention that they’re practising spending effort

doing nothing… so they’re getting better at
procrastination.

This is a symptom of the “wanting control whilst wanting

lack of control” polarity.

Maybe you’re ok to keep living the rest of your life like

this, but if you’re not, let me know.
Liberation vs Maintenance
“I’d like to get a bit better.”

My reply… “sorry, I don’t work small scale. I only work

with people ready to be totally liberated from the trauma.

You can’t really get better with trauma - only without it.
You are traumatised, or you’re not.

If you are, then yes… you can learn better coping

strategies, better management strategies. Those
strategies help you REACT better, but you’re still subject
to the trauma. But trauma is trauma.

And unfortunately, regarding complex trauma, things get

worse with time because you get older and weaker,
whilst the trauma gets more practised and stronger.

I’m writing this email because I want you to stop torturing

yourself by thinking small. You can’t drown less. You’re
drowning or not. And so it is with trauma.

Living with trauma is costly. It costs you your

relationships, romantic and otherwise. It costs you a
career or a promotion. It costs you tranquillity and inner
peace.

It costs you contentment. And no amount of shopping or

holidays can ll that void up.

It costs you self con dence and, sadly, maybe even self-
respect.
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It’s hard to believe in a life without trauma, especially if
you’ve done therapy. But therapy isn’t about liberating
from trauma. Therapy is about coping and managing…
learning, analysing, understanding. Then HOPEFULLY,
something magical should click into place.

But it doesn’t… there’s still that emptiness.

If I’m wrong, let me know.

Trauma Isn’t “In The Body” -- So Where Is It?
The phrase “trauma lives in the body” is popular and
completely wrong.

You have a conscious mind, a subconscious mind, and

what I call your essence. This pyramid can represent
their relationship to each other and you.

As you can see, at the top is your conscious mind.

Underneath, is the subconscious. At the bottom lies your
essence.

Notice the sizes. The weakest part of you is your

conscious mind. As we’re taught in psychology, the
conscious mind can only deal with seven bits of
information (plus or minus two) at once. It can’t do much.
Your subconscious mind is much stronger.

When you rst learned to drive, it was a mess. First, you

had to look in the rearview mirror. Then, the side mirrors.
Then, to address the clutch. Finally, the accelerator …
the people around you … the other cars … the stop sign
… then a yellow light … a highway sign ... it felt like way
too much to deal with.

After learning how to drive, it shifted from a conscious to

a subconscious process. The many steps become
automatic and habitual. You don’t need to consciously
remember to look for cars or check your mirror when
merging. Sometimes you go for a drive and can’t
remember how you got there. You were focused on
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talking to your friend on the phone, listening to your
favourite song, or eating an apple.

Clearly, your conscious mind can deal with the least

amount of information. Your subconscious is much more
powerful.

Finally, there’s your essence. You can call it your spirit,

soul, or whatever else you prefer. It’s the part of you that
cannot be harmed, no matter what. No one can taint your
essence. No one can break it. No one can take it away
from you.

Some therapies deal with the conscious mind, like CBT,

counselling and psychotherapy.

Other therapies deal with the subconscious mind, like

NLP, hypnotherapy, EFT, EMDR, belief change and
energy work.

The issue with conscious mind therapy like CBT is that

it’s purely logical. If logic were enough, all you would
need to understand is that: your trauma is in the past.
You’re not ve years old anymore. Therefore, nothing is
currently happening to you. Just know that you are
presently ok and, therefore, can be happy.

Obviously, that doesn’t work.

If logic can’t x your trauma, then trauma can’t live in the

conscious mind. Otherwise, xing your logic would x the
trauma.
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Many people know this, so they assume trauma must be
in their subconscious mind. But all of my clients have
tried subconscious modalities like hypnotherapy and
EMDR -- and you may have, too -- and they haven’t xed
the problem either.

So trauma doesn’t live in the subconscious mind.

Finally, we know that our essence can’t be tainted. If

that’s the case, trauma can’t be there, either.

If trauma doesn’t live in the conscious mind, the

subconscious mind or the essence, where could it
possibly be?

What about the body?

Have you ever heard of phantom limb pain? It’s a

fascinating phenomenon supported by tons of scienti c
studies. For example, if a soldier goes to war and gets
their leg amputated, they obviously no longer have that
physical limb. And yet: many of them continue to feel
pain in that area as if the limb is still there. Their leg is
gone, but their leg pain remains.

For the longest time, it confused doctors. They can’t

inject your imaginary arm. They can’t massage it. How
can you feel pain in something that doesn’t exist? What
were they supposed to do?
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If trauma was stored in the body, cutting the limb off
would remove the pain (trauma). But it doesn’t. The
trauma is there, but the limb is not.

That’s why things like bodywork, yoga and breathwork

(sidenote: I hate that term - why should breathing be
“work?”) can help in the short term. They can never heal
your trauma.

Still, this is a tough concept to understand. I mean, your

conscious mind has symptoms. When you experience
trauma, you’ll have brain fog. Confusion. In your
subconscious mind, anxiety will arise, seemingly out of
nowhere. Random ashbacks that you can’t explain with
logic. And you certainly might have symptoms in your
body, like pain, fatigue or bromyalgia.

But your trauma isn’t in any of those places. Nor is your

essence.

So, where is the trauma?

Imagine the pyramid again: Conscious, subconscious,

essence. Now, imagine something in between your
subconscious and your essence. Imagine it as a sheet of
tracing paper.

Therefore, anything that comes up from your essence

must pass through that tracing paper.

That’s where the trauma is. Between your subconscious

and essence.
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You can heal the conscious mind, but the trauma isn’t
there. You can heal the subconscious mind, but the
trauma isn’t there either - it lies below it.

People constantly tell me they’ve done subconscious

work like hypnotherapy and felt amazing for a few
months. Then, suddenly, everything came back. That’s
because subconscious work is just like painting over
mould. If your landlord painted over mould before you
moved in, you wouldn’t see it for a while. You might not
have noticed any symptoms in the short term. But
eventually, you realise that there’s mould in your house.

Similarly, many therapies can help you cope and manage

your pain. But they don’t x your trauma until you remove
the tracing paper.

Once we remove the paper, there will be nothing

between your pure, untainted essence and the
subconscious or conscious mind. This means your pure
essence can ow freely. You can have access to that
beautiful feeling at all times.

When I started doing polarity work, people would tell me

the same phrase all the time, verbatim. After the work
was done, they’d say, I have found myself, and the world
has changed.

I didn’t get it. Why didn’t they tell me they had changed?
What did they mean?
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Beforehand, people often say I wish things could just go
back to the way they used to be. They don’t mean that
they want to be ve years old again. Instead, they want
to regain access to their untainted essence.

Until we remove that sheet of tracing paper from you,

none of these other modalities will work.

It might seem frustrating at rst. But you know what this

all means?

That you’re not broken.

I don’t even like to use the word heal because it implies

that something in you needs to be xed. That’s not true
at all.

Every time you try to “ x” something -- or a therapist

does the same -- you’re putting in extra effort.

You aren't the problem. The problem isn’t what you’re not
doing. The problem is that you’re doing too much.

These modalities are creating too much effort in the

wrong places. All we need to do is pull the tracing paper
out, and then everything can ow as it should.
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 Dissolve and Neutralise Visual Flashbacks
When your brain thinks that something is signi cant but
doesn’t know what to do with it, it repeatedly brings it up.
To let you know it needs to be dealt with.

To stop this from happening, we rst need to

contextualise its signi cance — to allow it to settle.

Second, we tell the mind how to “code” it, so it’s no

longer emotional.

Many people think it would be better to forget memories

like that. Still, in reality, each experience in life is an
opportunity to learn.

When ashbacks are so emotive, the learning doesn’t

happen because they’re so intense and visceral. They
create an obsession. They become the centre of focus —
which stops us from being able to step back and learn.

But once they’re contextualised and neutralised, the

learning begins.

Plus, what does forgetting actually mean?

I’ve worked with many survivors who don’t consciously

remember their trauma. They’ve consciously forgotten,
but they’re still affected. They get triggered without
knowing why.

It’s debatable if people can even forget on an

unconscious level. Even if they can, it doesn’t mean that
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they live happily ever after. The number of
hypnotherapists — who can not only hypnotise others to
forget but also themselves — is testimony to that.
Symptoms vs Trauma Itself
This chapter may not be comfortable to read, but it’s
essential. If you remember one thing from this book, it
should be that no matter how much work you do on your
symptoms, you’ll never heal your trauma unless you
work on it directly.

Many survivors tell me they’re doing therapy and feel like

some symptoms are easing, but something doesn’t feel
right. Despite the “improvement,” they feel like they’re
growing more entrenched in the hole of their trauma, and
they don’t know why.

Again, that question comes up: Am I broken?

You are not broken. There is a big difference between

working on the root of your issues (the trauma itself) and
the branches (the symptoms). Therapy deals with
symptoms; I deal with the root.

When you go to a therapist and tell them you have

trauma, they’ll ask: What problems is it causing?
Naturally, you’ll tell them your symptoms – things like
depression, anxiety, fear, self-sabotage and inability to
accept love. So, they’ll work directly on your symptoms
(the branches).

But if you ask the therapist what trauma is, they’ll say
something vague like “something created by a traumatic
event.” But they can’t tell you exactly what it is. So how
can they help you get rid of it? I de ne trauma as the
polarity matrix. If you get rid of the polarity matrix, you
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 get rid of your trauma. If you work with a therapist and
get rid of your symptoms, the matrix (and therefore your
trauma) remain.

For example, take Teal Swan, famous for her programs

on working with trauma. If you go to her website (as of
this writing), she will ask you which of the 68 symptoms
you are experiencing. And if you are reading this book
and have trauma, I guarantee you’ll have at least 15 of
them. Trauma never causes one or two issues – it
causes signi cantly more.

Her list of 68 is missing quite a few (like self-harm, over-

disciplining or under-disciplining children, people-
pleasing and more), so let’s just pretend there are 100
issues (and in reality, there are more). With 100 issues,
maybe you experience 20.

Even the best coach or therapist will take something like

ve sessions to heal one of those issues. If you have 20
issues, that would take 100 sessions to be healed. If
you’re going to a therapist once a week, that would take
two years!

Now, what if it takes 10 sessions to heal each one?

That’s four years. How about 15? Six years.

But that’s not even the biggest problem. The change will
never be permanent if you haven’t dealt with the tree’s
roots. Even if you can cut off all branches, they will grow
back.
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 I’ve spoken to countless survivors who say they got rid of
their issues over a few years of therapy. They felt
amazing! Then, suddenly, six months later, they were
despondent, numb, empty, broken. Back to square one.

The point is: When you work with symptoms, it takes

ages to see actual change (and costs tons of money).
And even if things go somewhat well, the change is
never permanent. Your trauma is still there, and
symptoms will return.

You’ll also experience emergent properties. When

multiple polarities are present, speci c issues like
bromyalgia, chronic fatigue, having a scatterbrain,
forgetful brain or feeling numb will emerge. So even
while some of your symptoms may improve, other issues
will arise.

There’s only one way to heal yourself permanently:

Discharging polarities.
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Ch. 2: Discharge Polarities
The Two Types Of Survival
Look at the picture below.

This exercise is simple. As you can see, you’ve got a

person on the left and another on the right. Going by
pure instinct -- your gut reaction -- which picture
resonates with you more?

Then, ask yourself: Why does it resonate more?

Write your answer down on a piece of paper.

I do this exercise all the time with clients and potential

clients, and the answers fall into two categories. Neither
is right or wrong -- they simply describe the two types of
survival.

If the image on the left resonated with you more: You feel
like life is all about putting out constant res. You try and
try to succeed, but success feels impossible. It’s heavy.
Day in and day out, you feel burdened by the gravity of
success, and it’s exhausting.

If the image on the right resonated with you more, your

attitude is, “Screw the world. I’m going to prove to
everyone I can make it.” Subconsciously, it might be, I’m
going to prove to my abuser that I’m worthy. You exert
more effort than anyone else, and you actually succeed.
But you burn out. You do well nancially and lose it
overnight. You build a great relationship and then throw it
away.
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Or maybe you don’t ruin things, but you succeed and
then feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness. You
worked so hard to get where you are, and then it doesn’t
feel like it was worth it.

No matter which picture resonates more, you feel tired

and empty. Either you try and try and try and can’t get
your foot in the door -- or you try and try and succeed,
but then it feels like it was all a waste and cost far too
much.

Both ways of surviving are perfectly valid. But neither is

effective.

We’ve already been over why traditional therapy doesn’t

work -- it takes place above the lm blocking access to
your essence. But there’s another problem with standard
approaches.

No matter what you do -- even if it’s something

seemingly “positive” like a new exercise or diet routine,
gratitude journaling or af rmations, all that does is work
on your self-love.

I probably sound crazy right now, telling you that working

on self-love is bad. It’s not that self-love is bad (of course
it’s good!), but working on only self-love is a trap.

When you were abused as a child, the traumatic event

you experienced created a polarity inside your being.
That polarity is the lm.
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A part of that lm is self-love, but another is self-hate. So
even if you work on habits or therapies that make you
love yourself, another part of you still says, I hate myself.

That’s how polarities work. Every time you feel you love
yourself, another part of you says, I hate myself. The
more you love yourself, the more you hate yourself.

Therapy and those other “good” habits only work on one

side of the polarity equation. For example, if you have a
dark force within you and act upon it, you will feel self-
hate. But another part of you will feel self-love -- that’s
why you did it in the rst place! Perhaps that part of you
loves the attention.

When you work with just one side of the polarity, the
other comes back with a vengeance. Ideas like
mindfulness sound nice in theory, but the average
childhood abuse survivor has hundreds of polarities
working together at one time.

That’s like standing in the middle of a tornado and

asking: What are you mindful of?

It’s impossible to do.

Fortunately, there’s a better way.

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Why Are Polarities So Important? (The Polarity
Matrix)
Let’s show the importance of polarities by explaining a
common one: trust issues.

For a non-survivor, this looks like two parallel lines -- one

is trust, and one is distrust.

If this person visits a good therapist, they’ll work on this

polarity and solve it in two or three months. After that, the
problem is gone and shouldn’t return. Distrust is gone, so
trust remains.

For survivors, things are entirely different. Instead of

parallel lines, your lines are crossed.

At the point of intersection lies the polarity. Now, what

does that mean? It means that these two feelings always
coexist. When you feel trust, you also feel distrust. And
vice versa.

But almost nobody (especially not survivors) only has

one polarity. Let’s see what happens when we add other
common polarities: love and hate; and connection and
disconnection.

Not only does each of those have its own polarity -- but
each polarity connects with other polarities. Now, you
have a messy polarity matrix with nine polarities.
 Trust and distrust create confusion, which often creates
bipolar symptoms -- because your trust is constantly in
ux.

Now, love and hate together? That also creates

confusion and bipolar symptoms. And, you guessed it,
the same goes for connection and disconnection.

Anyone with three polarities will feel a lot of confusion,

and many of them will be bipolar.

But that’s just the beginning. What happens when you

look at the other points of intersection? Love and distrust
make you feel torn. Connection and distrust make you
feel caged or imprisoned -- wanting to run away.
Connection and hate? That leads to self-hate and self-
loathing because you feel connected to someone you
hate. Love and disconnection? If you feel disconnected
from someone you love, you’re going to feel lonely.

Trust and disconnection? You trust someone but feel

disconnected -- so you feel abandoned.

For each box, there can be multiple problems and

symptoms.

Not to mention: The average survivor has 300-400

polarities. Imagine that there were 81 boxes, each with
multiple problems inside.

That’s what traditional therapy does: it tries to solve each

problem one at a time. Even if a great therapist can do
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that in two months -- it will take the average therapist 162
months to discharge all of your polarities ... which is 30
years.

Now, does it make sense why therapy takes so long for

childhood abuse survivors? It would be like trying to get
out of debt by going door to door and asking for pennies
or cents. It’s the completely wrong way of doing things.

The work that we’ll be doing with polarities is completely

different. In traditional therapy, even if you’re able to x
one problem at a time -- there’s still an empty box there.
Hence that feeling of emptiness my clients described
before I changed my methods. And hence people having
their problems xed for months or even years before
being triggered without explanation -- and being back at
square (or box) one.

The only way to get rid of the box is to discharge the

polarities. If you discharge each connection, there’s no
longer anything to hold the box together. The line
between the two disappears. They’re no longer
connected. Everything falls out. The box disappears, and
with it goes your problems.

You become like a non-survivor. This is a liberation

program because it unplugs you from the trauma matrix.
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The First Polarity: Love vs Hate
As we discussed before, most survivors have 300-400
polarities -- so to understand their importance, we’ll just
examine the three most common.

Love vs hate, control vs chaos, and thriving vs surviving.

They lead to three common traps: the understanding

trap, the analysis trap and the survival trap. If you get
stuck in any of these traps, it will be impossible for you to
become free of your trauma. These traps keep you stuck.

Once we understand them, though, you’ll know why

you’ve been stuck.

Let’s start with wanting to love and hate at the same

time.

Whenever you feel or think about love, hate joins the

party -- and vice versa. You want love, but it makes you
feel hate. You give love, but it always comes with hate.

If someone gives you hate, you have to give them love --

because both have to exist simultaneously. If someone
loves you, however, you give them hate. It feels too good
to be true. Is it a trick?

For example, I’ve met many survivors who love and hate
their mum. Or they meet someone who fancies them --
and immediately hate them. I’m walking away. But as
soon as you walk away, they begin to hate you. And now
you feel love. Wait, I think I love you. Come back. Then
 they bring love, and you’re back to having cold feet
again.

In these broken relationships, there’s always someone

who has to chase -- because love and hate must exist
simultaneously.

Now, how does this polarity come to be? A common

example is sexual abuse. If you take the abuse out of
sexual abuse, there is just the biological pleasure of
sexual sensation, as well as the feeling of being special
and attered.

Then, of course, there’s the abuse part. The threats. The

feeling used. The inhumanity. The secrecy. The shame.
The pure hate.

Sexual abuse takes this one thing assorted with positivity

and love -- sex -- and tacks on the horrors and hate of
abuse.

Since love and hate are happening simultaneously, the

psyche thinks the two must coexist. That’s how polarities
are created.

Similarly, this happens with physical or emotional abuse.

Someone you love -- a mother, uncle, father, etc. --
shows you hate by abusing you. Your feelings of love
have now been tarnished by insults or violence -- and
hate.
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The people who you love? They show you hate.
Strangers whom you don’t love? They don’t show you
hate. So your psyche thinks that love must come with
hate. It thinks that they only hate me because they love
me.

It’s twisted and horrible, but it’s the truth of your trauma.

It may make more sense with an analogy.

I have a tiny piece of plastic on my computer to cover the

camera for security. It weighs about 50 grams and is
entirely replaceable. It cost 10 pounds.

Now, imagine if you met someone on the street and they

showed you the same piece of plastic. But they told you
it was 500 grams of gold -- even though it looked and felt
the same as my piece of plastic. They want 25,000
pounds for it.

You look at it. It’s black. You hold it. It’s light and feels like
plastic.

How would you feel in that scenario? Put this book down
for 30 seconds and write an honest answer.

I often do this exercise with clients and prospects. Some

say they feel tricked. Others say the stranger seems
crazy. Various feelings come up, from anger to insult to
confusion and even the sense of, “I need to save this
poor, confused guy.”
Now, imagine the same scenario -- but the other way
around. The stranger is holding something that appears
to be gold, but he tells you it’s plastic and worth 10
pounds. He lets you hold it. Feels heavy. Feels like gold.
But he only wants 10 pounds for it.

You show it to your favourite, most trusted jeweller, and

she agrees. It is actually a half-kilo of gold, worth 25,000
pounds. But you can have it for 10.

Now, let’s try the same exercise. Put this book down for
30 seconds and write your most honest answer: How
would you feel?

Again, there will be a variety of answers. Some people

want to come clean and save the man. Others still feel
like it’s a trap -- even though the jeweller told them it
wasn’t.

Finally, some people would feel angry. It seems

ridiculous: Why would you feel angry if you’re getting an
objectively great opportunity that you can choose to
accept or decline?

There are multiple different reasons that people give for

being angry. Still, after doing this with over 1,000
survivors, there are many angry people. Some ignore the
objective information and still feel cheated, which makes
them angry. Others feel angry at the pity of it. How can
this person be so silly that they’d give away valuable
gold? It reminds them of their own feelings of weakness.
 To summarise: In the rst scenario, someone has
something worth 10 pounds, but they want 25,000
pounds. In the second, they have something worth
25,000 pounds but only want 10 quid.

Now, who knows you better than you?

Ignoring the idea of God or a higher power -- on Earth,

nobody knows you better than you. Someone could
study you in a cage for 30 years and still know less than
you know about yourself.

In the scenario of childhood abuse survivors: You feel

that you’re broken, or perhaps dirty or unworthy or
wrong. At the same time, you want love. You want to nd
someone who will treat you like a million dollars.

If I can nd someone who loves me and treats me well,

I’ll nally feel whole. I’ll nally love myself.

But do you see how this is the same as the gold

metaphor?

You see yourself as a 10 quid piece of plastic. Even if

you can nd someone who sees you as a 25,000 quid
piece of gold ... how would you feel if they started
treating you well?

Is this a trick? Is there a catch?

You’ll feel confusion. Fear. And as in the gold analogy,

many of you will respond to the love with anger.
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Who could blame you? The situation feels like a sham.

Not to mention: The other person sees this too. They see
you as a million-pounds worth, but you’re willing to
accept poor treatment. Narcissists see you as a target.
This person gives themself up for cheap, so I can take
them for a ride. Good people feel cheated. I treat you
well, but you won’t accept it?

This is where many survivors are—stuck in between two

polarities, always on the chase or being chased.

It all comes down to self-love and self-worth. We all know

we should love ourselves, but we don’t. Our self-worth is
lacking. We don’t feel we deserve it.

Perhaps we do af rmations and therapy to try and

increase our self-worth and, therefore, our self-love.
Even so, we’re willing to accept bad from others. We still
see ourselves as plastic instead of gold.

Now, let’s do another exercise I often do with survivors.

Try to answer this question: Why love yourself? What’s
the actual reasoning behind it?

People say things like, “I deserve it.” Or, “If I don’t love
myself, I can’t expect others to love me.” Others go
completely blank. “I don’t know why?”

Now, how about this question: Why hate yourself?

What’s the reasoning behind it? Many of you do feel self-
hate, but do you know why?
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People say things like, “I do things I’m not proud of. I feel
like I’m not good enough. I’ve made too many mistakes. I
feel guilty.”

These all sound like perfectly logical reasons to either

love or hate yourself.

But here’s the good news: Whether your answers were

one of those I listed, or something else, I can promise
you something. Your answer is wrong.

The answers to why love yourself and why hate yourself

can’t be answered by logic. Period.

Why?

Any reason you love yourself can be used as the same

reason you hate yourself. I’ll give you an example.
Imagine walking by a playground and seeing 20 kids
aggressively, despicably bullying one poor child. Would
you show love to the bullied child by defending him? By
taking him away? By teaching him how to protect
himself?

Or would you think, if 20 kids are bullying one kid, the kid
must deserve it? Would you join the bullying and instead
show him hate?

Most people, of course, would choose to show love -- in

whatever way they felt was best. They would see 20
people sharing hate and give as much love as possible
to balance the scales.
 Now, what if the kid being bullied were you?

While seeing yourself bullied by 20 kids: Would you show

yourself love, or would you think if 20 people hate me,
there must be something wrong with me.

When I do this exercise with survivors, they inevitably

say, “I’d feel like something was wrong with me.” Instead
of giving themselves love, they would give themselves
hate.

In the rst scenario, you saw one kid (a stranger) being

bullied by 20 -- and assumed that the mob was wrong
and the kid deserved love.

In the second scenario, you saw one kid (yourself) being

bullied by 20 -- and assumed that you were wrong and
that you deserved more hate.

The scenarios are precisely the same. In one, the logic

made you give love. In the other, the logic made you give
hate. The logic is awed. In scenarios of love and hate,
logic doesn’t cut it.

Maybe the physical bullying scenario doesn’t resonate

with you. Maybe you would give yourself love in the
second scenario. What if it were emotional bullying?
What if the 20 people told you your nose was too big, or
you’re too fat or skinny or too ugly or too promiscuous or
too prude? Would you show yourself love, or would you
assume that they might be right -- that’s something
wrong with you?
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Would you really have picked up this book if you
responded to the hate of others with self-love?

Logically, you might even know that their words aren’t

true. But when you hear these things repeatedly, it’s
natural for the human psyche to believe them.

What’s the point of this exercise? To show you that

there’s only one reason you love yourself and one
reason you hate yourself.

Any reason you come up with for loving or hating

yourself is wrong. The logic and explanations are all
invalid. There is only one correct answer.

I want you to take a deep breath, grab a notebook and

write these two sentences down.

The only reason you love yourself is that you do.

The only reason you hate yourself is that you do.

Everything else is an excuse or psychobabble.

Maybe you think, I love me because God loves me. That

sounds nice. But then, when you sin, you hate yourself
because God suddenly hates you. But does God can’t
love you and hate you at the same time? The logic
doesn’t work.

This isn’t about whether or not you believe in God. It’s

about taking back your self-sovereignty.
If you want to hate yourself, that’s ne. But take
ownership of it. You don’t hate yourself because of God
or anyone else. You hate yourself because you do.

If you want to love yourself, you don’t need an excuse.

Maybe you still don’t believe me. Maybe you need

another analogy. Let’s try something with lower stakes.

I live in Birmingham. If I want to go to the city centre, I

take the bus. There’s the action (taking the bus), the
reason (I want to go to the city centre) and the outcome
(I get to the city centre). It works. It makes logical sense.

You can think of self-love with the same logical structure.

Perhaps you think I love myself so that I can love others.

I love myself (I take the bus). So that I can love others

(so that I go to the city centre). I can love others (I get to
the city centre).

But what happens when you get to the city centre -- do

you remain on the bus? If you don’t stay on the bus after
getting to the city centre, why would you continue to love
yourself after giving love to others?

Again, let’s suppose you love yourself so that you can

love others. Once you get married, have two children and
love them ... would you stay on the bus? What’s the point
in loving yourself if you already love others?

If I paid you 50 quid to x my sink, would you continue

paying me after you’ve xed it?
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 If you love yourself in order to love others, you no longer
need to love yourself once you love them.

You nd the perfect partner. They love you. You have

children. They love you. You only loved yourself in order
to get to that point. So now it’s pointless. You no longer
need to love yourself.

You loved yourself in order to solve a problem. Once the

problem went away, you stopped doing what you did to
solve the problem. It’s common sense. Who could blame
you?

Any reason you give why you love yourself is the

very reason you will stop loving yourself.

You can trick yourself in the short term with af rmations,

but as soon as you get what you want -- you no longer
need to love yourself. Suddenly, you go from treating
yourself like a million pounds -- which made others fall in
love with you -- to treating yourself like 10 quid. Everyone
around you feels conned. They get angry. They leave.
Who could blame them?

Self-love can’t come from a place of logic. If it does, it will

cease as soon as you get what you want.

The same goes for self-hate. I hate myself so that I can

get better. Is there ever going to be a time when you
cannot get better? When you’ve reached perfection? You
hate yourself until you can no longer get better -- but
there is never a time when you can stop improving.
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If hating yourself makes you better -- then the better you
get, the more you’ll hate yourself. Hating yourself made
you great, so hating yourself more would make you even
better.

The richer and more famous celebrities get, the more

they often hate themselves. The more likes they get on
their posts, the lonelier they feel.

Now: If you had an enemy you hated, would you want

what was best for them? Of course not. So if you hate
yourself, do you actually want what’s best for you?

If you hate yourself but think that hating yourself more

will make you better ... and you can’t trust an enemy ...
are you seeing how the logic falls apart?

This all sounds confusing because it is logically

inconsistent. And yet, this is how we run our lives. With
completely awed logic -- which sounds alright at rst,
like I love myself so that I’ll love others -- but ultimately
breaks down when we dig in.

You can give whatever pleasant-sounding excuse you

want, but it’s all false. You love yourself because you do.
And you hate yourself because you do.

If a child is abused by someone they love, they will hate

themself so that they don’t have to hate the person who
did it. If I hate myself, then they can continue to love me.
It’s the same polarity, in a slightly different form. It’s, I
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love me, but I want another to hate me -- or I hate me,
but I want another to love me.

You hate yourself so that you can love another. But the
problem is: You will never dare to love yourself. If you do,
you will have to hate them because that’s how your
polarity is set up.

There’s only one way out: to discharge the polarity so

that you can love yourself and them at the same time --
or love yourself and hate them with no internal con ict.

The problem is that when you have this polarity, you

can’t love and hate separately. Any time you love, you
also hate -- and vice versa. Once we discharge the
polarity, we move from love AND hate to love OR hate.
Living under that polarity attracts narcissists and
abusers. Living free of that polarity attracts the healthy
people you want and need.
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 The Second Polarity: Control vs Chaos
When life is going well, do you ever have an eerie feeling
that something bad is about to happen?

That’s the second polarity talking -- wanting control and

chaos at the same time. Life is good, so you feel like
you’re in control. Which triggers the contradictory desire
of wanting chaos.

When this polarity is present -- whenever you feel like

you’re in control, you have to create drama. You hate the
drama, so you try to create control. The cycle never
ends.

Whenever you see problems, you have to stick your

nose in and x them. You don’t want to buy a successful
business; you want to buy a failing business to x. If you
nd the perfect partner, they’ll eventually feel boring.
Then, you’ll nd a chaotic partner.

How does this polarity come to be?

In the case of abuse, the survivor was threatened or

attacked and, of course, felt out of control. So they tried
to control the situation but were unable to. If you tell them
to stop, they continue for longer. The more you try to
control the situation, the more out of control it becomes.

Your brain sees this pattern and thinks, control and lack
of control are the same thing. They always have to exist
together. So whenever you see something good in your
life, you expect something bad to happen. And vice
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versa. Your psyche sees patterns, especially as a child,
and thinks that’s how the world always is.

Are you still unsure if you have this polarity? One of the
most common symptoms is the use of the term survivor. I
hate that term dearly. It’s just as bad as the term victim.

The problem is that the word survivor is in the continuous

present form. You never say I survived. You always say I
am a survivor, as in I am surviving. It never ends.

Why do we insist on using that term?

You’re not seven years old anymore (or however old you
were when abused). So why are you surviving? You
already survived. You lived through the pain.

The term survivor, however, brings chaos to the control

you would feel if you let it go. If you weren’t a survivor,
then nothing would be wrong. Your psyche needs to feel
the chaos of ghting to survive.

It’s time for another thought experiment: Does the past

exist?

If your answer is yes, please tell me: Where does the

past exist?

You can’t touch the past, but it does exist in the mind. We
can’t take a screwdriver and x your past, but it does
exist neurologically.
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Close your eyes and imagine you’re standing on the
pavement outside your home. Now, imagine someone
you love crossing the road. It could be an animal or a
human. Suddenly, you hear the honking of a huge truck
and bam -- a collision -- and blood splatters on your
ground.

Now, open your eyes. How do you feel?

Pretty horrible, I bet.

But I told you it was just make-believe! Why should it

matter if it wasn’t real? Why do we feel bad if we imagine
something horrible that didn’t happen?

Our imaginations are tremendously powerful, and our

nervous system doesn’t know the difference between
real and imagined. Neurologically speaking, whenever
you remember the past, the past is actually happening to
you. You are literally living the past, even though it’s not
physically happening to you.

When you visit a therapist, and they ask you to tell them
what happened, it’s a form of re-traumatization. You are
forced to live through the abuse again. That’s why our
brain represses memories. It doesn’t want to experience
the pain again.

An innocent visit to the therapist can be almost as painful

as being bullied, neglected or raped again.
You feel in control, so the need for chaos comes up --
and you remember the past and experience the pain.

The term survivor has connotations of resistance. When

you were a child, you resisted the abuse and survived.
But you’re not a child anymore. There’s no one in front of
you right now to resist.

But in order to be a survivor, you need to create

resistance. Many of us do this by recreating the past so
that we can have something to resist.

If your identity is survivor, but there’s nothing to resist,

then who are you? You’re no longer a survivor. You’ll
have an identity crisis.

A friend of mine calls himself a problem solver. When he

doesn’t have something to x, he dgets. If there’s
nothing to x, he doesn’t know who he is. He doesn’t
know what to do.

You’re a survivor because you want to exert control over

chaos. But to do so, there needs to be chaos. There
needs to be resistance. You control by resisting.
Therefore you live in a constant state of ght.

Unsurprisingly, most people with this polarity feel

constantly tired, no matter how much they sleep. They
may have chronic fatigue or bromyalgia.

How can you expect to not be tired if you’re constantly

resisting something?
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 Even if you’re aware of this, you might resist the
resistance by ghting your tendency to ght. How can
you not be tired if you’re constantly resisting yourself?

Perhaps all you do is tense. You brace for impact. You

prepare for the next trigger, thought or fear. By preparing
for life’s next punch, you tense up and exhaust yourself.
That makes you more tired. Creates stronger
bromyalgia, MS or other autoimmune diseases. Many of
my clients feel their skin constantly burning. This
resistance can get bad.

Wanting control and chaos also leads to excessive trust

or distrust. You trust people blindly and often get screwed
over, or you distrust everyone, which leads to poor
relationships and loneliness.
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The Third Polarity: Wanting To Live (Thrive) vs
Wanting To Die (Survive)
The third polarity is wanting to live and die
simultaneously -- or you might call it wanting to thrive
while wanting to survive.

There are two de nitions of the word surviving. One is

the obvious, biological one: if you’re surviving, you’re
literally staying alive. Eating, drinking and breathing with
a roof over your head.

The other is the psychobabble de nition, where surviving

means struggling. Pushing through another day.

When you’re struggling – to you, the word surviving

means struggling. When you’re not struggling, the word
surviving means what it’s supposed to mean -- staying
alive.

Back to that word, survivor. If you identify as a survivor,

you want to win the struggle so that you can thrive. But if
something good happens, or therapy starts working, and
you start to thrive, there’s a problem.

Remember: to you, survival means struggle, and thriving

is the opposite of surviving. So if you feel like you’re
thriving, you also feel like you’re not surviving. Thriving
feels like death.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you have a

fear of success. As soon as you start to see success, you
get scared. That feeling of thriving is the opposite feeling
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of surviving. It feels awful. Why am I here? Why did I do
this? I wanted to thrive, but now I feel like I’m going to
die.

You want to live. You want to die. It’s a trap and leads to
self-sabotage because you can’t win.

Logically, you know that success is safer than failure. If

you have 20 million pounds in the bank, you’re less likely
to die. However, from an emotional standpoint -- thriving
is the opposite of surviving, and surviving is life. So,
thriving feels like death, as illogical as it sounds.

If success feels like death, of course, you’ll sabotage

yourself. One of the students in my program, Colin, has
built different multi-million pound businesses. He’s a
brilliant guy, yet he’s ruined every one of them. It’s a
constant up and down, and it drove him to suicidal
thoughts.

He didn’t know why he was doing it, but he knew that he

was sabotaging himself.

But emotionally, when he succeeds, he feels like he’s

dying.
Ch. 3: Devote Your Life To Living
From Your Essence
“We discussed two types of survivors in the previous
chapter. Now we discuss the types of thrivers. Or rather
type. In my opinion, there’s only one type of thriver.
Someone who’s comfortable with themselves and is able
to enjoy their progress.”
Part 2: The MUSSA
Method
Chapter 4: Don’t Step Out Of Your
Comfort Zone – Expand It


The MUSSA Method is all about multiplying and
expanding your comfort zone – instead of stepping
outside of it – as the new age self-help motto goes.

Survivors have been outside of their comfort zone for

long enough. Asking for another step, further away from
it, is cruel.

First, the comfort zone needs to be found, embraced,

and expanded. This happens naturally and subtly as you
discharge your polarities. Being comfortable means that
you’re more resourceful, less defensive, more open,
more aware, able to spot opportunities, not caught in a
vicious cycle of FOMO. Your actions become calm and
measured.

While practising The MUSSA Method, you’ll experience

three types of effects:

Psychological effects, physical effects, and effects on

others. Finally, you’ll experience the effects of unifying
your mind and essence.

Let’s dive into some speci c examples from my clients.

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Psychological Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort
Zone
Before


Julia:

“I’ve lived with the dread of the day for so long I never
thought it would ever change.”

Theresa E.:

“Before, when I woke up in the morning, I would just

wake up with lots of anxiety.”

Theresa D.:

“I typically have some reservations in social situations.”

Dr Nolwenn:

“I get angry when I’m driving.”

Laura D.:

“Before, it was so so hard to get through every single

day. I don’t even know how I got through every day.”
Ilana:

“I even felt victimised by my own dogs. And it meant that

I was exhausted because I was refusing help all the time
– and felt lonely and unsupported, and then angry and
resentful about it.”

Hari M.

“It didn’t feel safe to feel really happy.”

Esther:

“Being the person who pushes themselves too hard was

an addiction. I struggled to be in a job because I never
felt part of anything, never felt part of a team. I had not
lived in one place for more than three years since I was
17.”

Christina:

“The amount of energy I had to put in before, during and

after for the tiniest bit of joy – was staggering. I was
hypersensitive, hypervigilant, couldn’t live with anything,
and felt like an imposter.”
After
Julia:

“Even the night before I went back to work – the rst day
back at work – I slept the entire night. That never
happens. I’m always anxious and worried about coming
back to work.

When his side of the family would visit, he would do all

the cooking – because I just don’t believe in myself. I
think that they won’t like what I’ve cooked. This time I
thought, ‘Nah, I’ll give it a go.’ It wasn’t out of a jar. I
made it myself properly, and they actually did really enjoy
it!”

Annita:

“It’s absolutely ne and safe to not be a people pleaser,

and I’m actually enjoying not being a people pleaser and
being my own person. In my own time and in my own
way, I can give as much as I want to.”

Dr Yetunde:

“The gains have built with each successive week. I’m

seeing increased honesty in relating to the people I love.”



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Theresa E:

“I very easily try new things now – and people that know
me are just surprised. I’m a lot more social and
comfortable around other people. It’s not hard. It’s just
happening without me really doing anything.

I had a pattern of either overeating or undereating –

always having trouble balancing food. Since the
programme, food has just become food.

I don’t need to create drama to reward myself with food. I

can just love myself all the time and be kind to myself all
the time – and I have no need to punish myself.

I don’t really care what other people think anymore.

Before, I worried very much about other people’s
opinions and wouldn’t express my own opinion.

In short, I’m much braver than I was before.”

Theresa D:

“I now say what I need to say, and I can do it calmly.”

Shazia:

“It’s quite funny because each week, I think to myself,

‘what more can I gain?’ And each week, something
subtle changes – and has a huge impact.

I used to feel that people were manipulative – even when

they were looking out for me. I now realise that most
people don’t have an agenda.”

Senga:

accepting others different point of view rather than

challenging them all the time as I might have done before

Sarah M:

Talk more freely with friends and family

Roberto:

That shaking that hasn’t left me for years of my life

Rebecca:

Life just seems a lot easier

There’s space where there wasn’t before

Pauline:

“I just feel a real sense of calmness.

I feel safer in myself.

I used to always be on edge – hypervigilant alertness. It

was tiring. That seems to have just disappeared!

I also haven’t felt the need to have a drink – which was

my go-to coping mechanism.”

Dr Nolwenn:

“With my colleagues, I can put my opinion across without

feeling awkward. I don’t get triggered anymore. I always
asked God and the universe for help – I couldn’t take it
anymore. That has changed.”



 Nisha:

internal battle that this is it this is what I feel

I used to be able to read books and nish a book in a

day. And for the past ve, six years, I wasn’t able to...
one page, two pages... And then I moved on. Couple of
days ago I was able to read half a book and then another
half completed.

Don’t really care anymore whether someone’s watching

or not I’m just gonna do what I think is right

battling with lots of anxiety and stress but outwardly I’m

trying to come across calm

I was able to be assertive to a colleague who didn’t

speak to me very well and I never thought I could do that

Despite the fact I walked in and within ve minutes like

ve things went wrong I still had a good day and I still
wasn’t stressed It’s just amazing

Nicole:

I met up with some friends and I did not feel like an

outsider in the group



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Mehmoona:

“I used to constantly think, ‘what can I do to get out of

this house?’ Now, I’m happy at home. It’s a massive
achievement for me.”

Lyn Warren:

“Everything used to feel like such an effort. Now, things

don’t feel like an effort. I feel like I am nally present in
my life.

I have more energy. I am no longer procrastinating.

I no longer get startled when people walk in the room.

I can deal with dif cult life situations from a position of

neutrality.”

Laura D:

“I used to be severely triggered by others’ anger. In fact,

it was almost paralysing.

Now, it just rolls off my back, like duck feathers.”



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 Keith:

“I ght and argue less with my wife. I went from scared

and unsure if I could handle my life and career to feeling
con dent I can handle things.”

Jessica:

“I’m not stressed anymore. I’m not overwhelmed

anymore. I’m not frustrated anymore.

I’m not rushing anymore.”

Irene:

No big deal

Hari:

Being like having a conversation with somebody and an

old dynamic or an old sense of way of being or energy
has just dissolved right in front of my eyes you know just
felt it go
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 Hannah:

I don’t feel that struggle anymore

a real sense of stability and security that before I didn’t

have

I’m in the Piranese just living in my life

I’m not looking over my shoulder I’m not expecting

someone to do something bad towards me

Drina:

“I no longer mind attention. I actually quite like talking

about myself! One of my friends has told me I seem
much more con dent.

I no longer feel guilty about relaxing.

I can sit out in the garden and enjoy my breakfast without

doing 1,000,001 jobs at the same time.

When I get together with my friends (it’s usually eight of

us), I nally feel that I’m actually part of the group. I can
accept their praise, and actually believe they mean it.”

Esther:

“I’ve always been frightened of swimming. Yesterday, I

went to my rst swim session, and it was brilliant!”
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Coral:

Aware but not hypervigilant the way it was before

Christina:

If I didn’t agree with your thoughts or actions, it always

led to a confrontation. That happened a couple of times
this week.

They’re no longer confrontations. They’re conversations!

I feel con dent and kinder. More patient with myself and
accepting of others.

Conversations used to be hard work. Now, I’m enjoying

them. You know – we can just talk!”

Caroline P:

Anger was my one way of expressing expressing pain

loneliness sadness something I was struggling with

I’ve gone from, I believe a person who was very, very

sensitive about many things to a person who’s laughing a
little more. Not worrying about anything. I’m de nitely not
analysing everything people are doing around me
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Anne:

The polarities have sort of highlighted and xed as well

problems that I didn’t even really know were such a big
problem

Angel:

It’s just a relief, it’s a relief, over and over again

[long sigh] allowing myself to be supported



Amanda:

He’s cleared this heavy feeling in my chest and in my

throat

Arlene:

I no longer need to plan conversations with people. I can

stop things when I’m tired and rest when I need to.

Even to give myself space – like right here when giving

this testimonial. I don’t need to practice or get it perfect. I
can just show up, live in the moment, be authentic – and
be in allowance of whatever comes out.

I am able to accept and receive help more easily. I have

found a new sense of ‘good enough,’ which I had never
allowed myself before.”
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Alex H:

things that break around the home would have usually

sent ime nto a spiral but yeah I’m doing that now

Backing off with my girls in turn they’re coming to me

we’re talking more so much more open

Afshan:

“After doing the program, I was able to get rid of a

narcissist that had been around for 10 years. There was
no other way I could’ve done it, and I mean that from the
bottom of my heart.”
Physiological Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort
Zone

Before
Tania:

“It could make me cry, to be honest with you. It was so

painful – in mind, body and spirit.”

After
Tania:

“It’s only Week Three for me, and I just can’t get over the
difference in my body pain. The ME seems to be
diminishing quite a lot.

I feel my hands not aching so much. I have so much

more energy.”

Senga:

“My left leg and knee – and my hip were always sore.
That pain is gone.

I’m sleeping better. I still wake up early, but I sleep more

soundly. I no longer wake up numerous times through
the night.”



 Rebecca:

“I’ve seen a noticeable increase in the range of emotions

I’ve been feeling.”

Dr Nolwenn:

“I’ve managed to go through my days without putting

unnecessary pressure on myself – and being able to
nish the day without being completely exhausted.
Today, I still had energy at nine o’clock in the evening.”

Julia:

“I had my rst week without any anti-depressants in

years, and I can’t believe how well I’m doing.”

Hari:

“I’ve had a hernia for over 22 years that I constantly had

to push back in. Since hearing the trust audio from
Adam, I felt myself drop down and sit properly into my
body. The hernia doesn’t pop out anymore.”

Hannah:

“I feel a lot lighter. When I run now, I’m able to achieve

paces that I only achieved with quite a lot of intense
physical training.”



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 Drina:

“My tinnitus has disappeared. It’s such a relief because I

haven’t got that stress and tension in my neck and
shoulders.

My colitis, which I’ve had for 20 years now, has just

cleared up, and it’s gone.”

Dr Catherine:

“One of the reasons I have so many respiratory problems

is that I can’t cough. I haven’t been able to cough in a
long time, maybe 12 years or more. So everything sits
inside, and I get infections.

I nally have started coughing – and I almost couldn’t

stop! I feel that it was getting rid of the stuff I needed to.
So much nasty stuff came up. And I’m sure emotionally I
get rid of loads of stuff too.

I used to have to use a coughing machine every day,

three or four times a day. To be able to do it
spontaneously is brilliant.

For 20 years, I’ve been attending breathing clinics – but

instead of my breathing getting better, it actually got
worse. Now, it’s getting better! It’s opened up so much
for me because I feel like I can do things. I’m able to
breathe properly. I can do so much more.”
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Alex H:

“Everything around me has been ampli ed. The birds!

The noise! The wind! Smells! Everything.”

Afshan:

“As silly as it sounds, I’ve been constipated for as long as

I can remember. I’ve had tons of investigations done by
gastroenterologists with no improvement. Now, every
morning I wake up and have the natural urge to go within
a half-hour.”

Arlene:

My pain level is way down

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External Effects of Multiplying Your Comfort Zone
Merilees:

“The whole household is calmer as a result of me taking

the program.”

Drina:

“The program has made a massive impact on my family

– especially my boys. Their anxieties have lessened, and
my oldest son’s OCD has ceased.”
Effects of Unifying The Mind And Essence


ithout a polarity matrix, there’s no barrier between the
conscious or subconscious and the essence. There’s no
longer the feeling of ghting against self, the uphill
struggle. That’s gone.

Before
Afshan:

“I would wake up with this feeling of sadness – I didn’t

even realise it was there until after – when it had gone.”

Dr Yetunde:

“I was always angry with one person: me.”

Tania D.:

“I was lost. I didn’t feel like I wanted to get up anymore.”

Stephanie:

“I would just drink tonnes and tonnes of wine. I never

thought I would be at a stage where I would really be at
peace.”
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Shazia:

“There was a feeling that I never recognised as

loneliness, until it disappeared. Before that, it was
constantly there. It was almost like an ache, a cold ache,
and I don’t have that anymore.

I was very, very cold. Almost robotic, in every sense.

Even with my kids.”

Pauline M.:

“I feel like I didn’t know what to do with my emotions. I

felt like I was asleep.”

Nisha:

“I was tired of not knowing who I really am.”

Mehmoona:

“My mind was crazy.”

Julia:

“I used to hate getting out of bed – dreading the

mornings. Sometimes I didn’t even want to be here
anymore.
Esther:

“There was a lot of numbing. I would hide my emotions

so far down inside of me – like a box in a trunk – in a
case, under the oor.

I would hit myself. I would punch myself. I would pull my

hair. I would punch my face.”

Dr Catherine:

“I wanted to hurt myself because I hated myself so

much.”

Christina W.

“I was really fragmented. Like, parts of me were laying

everywhere.”
fl
After
Christina W:

“I brought all of those pieces back together, and I now

feel whole.

I have shaved off all that is not me, and I haven’t even
had to work at it.

I’m just more free and calmed down, and I feel a lot
quieter.

I used to look at other people and think, ‘that’s how I

want to be.’ I would imitate others to pretend to be them.
Now, I don’t do that anymore. I’m quite happy with who I
am.

I don’t feel like an imposter. I don’t feel like I’m faking it. I
feel genuinely ‘me.’

Me’ is coming out, and I love it.

 Theresa E:

“I approach everything with a feeling of greater inner

peace, a new calm and con dence.

My biggest peace of mind is that I’m able to let people

solve their own problems. I don’t see them as my
responsibility anymore.

I don’t have so much background clutter. It’s t so much

easier to focus and get things done.

I have a core sense of calmness that I’ve never

experienced before, which is really amazing.”

Raheel:

“The program doesn’t deal with the super cial or

super uous. It only addresses the root, core issues – and
everything in between just aligns and xes itself. Then,
you can ourish.”

Yetunde:

“ I have more compassion for myself.”

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 Theresa D:

“I’m feeling more like the me that I’ve imagined myself to

be.

I’m not relying on others as much for love, comfort or

reassurance.

I’m not as worried about what people think about me.

I have less sense of obligation to others where it’s not

warranted.

Even though it appeared to others that I was calm, I

didn’t feel that way. Now, it seems like the inside is
starting to match the outside.”

Tania D:

“My mind feels a lot more gentle with me.

I’m happy for no reason.

It feels okay to be me.

I have been laughing at myself a lot more.”

Stephanie:

“I’ve been singing more, and I’ve been laughing more. I

nd things funnier than I used to.

I am able to stay present and not want to escape myself.”

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Shazia:

“The whole day, today, I was experiencing life – rather

than role-playing.”

Sarah M:

“I really enjoy being in my own company.

I have this general sense that everything’s gonna be

okay—a general sense of feeling calm, worth and good
enough.

I don’t need to switch my head off because there’s

nothing going round and round to switch off.

Before, I would be too preoccupied with my own thoughts

to be able to deal with my children’s issues – but not
anymore.”

Roberto:

“I have been waking up to mornings of just absolute,

sheer joy again. It feels as if I won the lottery.

I realise that I feared my own power, in my solar plexus. I

now feel this effortless stride – as if I’ve got all the hours
in the world.”



Rebecca:

A lot less cluttered

peace, space, clarity, and just not overthinking. It was an

uncomfortable place to be in to start with because it felt
like a bit of a void as like I wasn’t who I used to be I
wasn’t who I thought I was gonna be I’m just me, here,
now.

just realise that this is how we’re feeling and just be okay
with it so that’s the most certainly a gain

is allowed me to have more clarity on really who I am

and what I want

Being able to say no

Pauline M:

There’s a softness within

yeah I’m just happy to be with myself

don’t think I’ve ever felt this sense of peace inside

be able to be with me and not be frightened



 Dr Nolwenn:

My doctor told me that I look lighter, happier and much

less stressed

I feel more loving as well more loving of myself more

loving of others

more at peace, more settled

don’t have this numbness feel

Nisha:

“My inside and outside match. I’m proud of myself. I feel

like, gosh, I’m beautiful!

I’m not ‘faking it to make it’ anymore. I’m actually more

con dent. I’m actually happier.

I feel that I’m worth listening to.”

Nicole:

“I’ve started to feel comfortable in my own skin. I smile

when I say it because I can’t actually believe that I’m
saying it.”

Merilees:

“I’ve enjoyed food for the rst time in such a long time.

I’m also not on my phone all the time.”

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Mehmoona:

“My emotions prior to joining the programme were very

much all over the place.

I care for myself, and I love myself. My mind is at ease.

My mind was crazy before.”

Matt:

I used to carry a lot of heavy sort of lower emotions

beforehand certainly

Lyn W:

“I’m not scared of the future anymore.

This week I actually woke my husband up laughing in my

sleep, rather than screaming and being sad.”

Laura D:

Got more organised

Keith:

Makes that inner ght out of the equation so you can

then, all those things I learned in the last six or seven
years, all of a sudden, almost entered my mind and it all
became clear

Getting more energy

more calm more peaceful

I think before I speak

It’s freed up my mind to be able to gure out how to be

better at life

Dr Jud:

“I’m no longer the defeated perfectionist.”

Irene:

“I now live in a place of self-love and tranquillity.

Emotionally stable.

I like observing myself now, in a very non-judgmental

way.”
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Hari:

“There’s a quietness inside me now that was not

available to me before.

I have stopped ghting myself.

By releasing so much shame, it’s like I can’t even feel it

anymore.

It feels like there have been a lot of miracles while I’ve

been doing this course.”

Hannah:

“Like what Adam says, I feel liberated. I feel like I’m

myself again.”
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 Esther:

“Trauma is like a house of cards. When you take away

some of those things, it starts to collapse.

I feel the anger towards myself dissipating.

I’m trusting my inner voice, which I’ve never done before.

The biggest thing is when I’m getting out of the shower

and look at myself in the mirror, completely naked. For
the rst time in my life, I don’t feel absolute detest and
hate for myself.

Instead, I look at myself and go, wow. I don’t look so bad

for nearly 50!

It used to be unbearable to have attention on ‘those’

areas of my body. I couldn’t connect with my husband.”

Drina:

“I’m just proud of myself, in general.

I used to just put on a really smiley face when I was

feeling down. Now, when I’m smiling, I can honestly say,
‘this is me.’ I’m really happy.”

Deb C:

De nitely more accepting of myself

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Coral:

I don’t feel anything like that now (shame) I feel like I’ve
got a dignity

myself criticism has been replaced by self love

I realised now there were things to ght but it wasn’t me

that should be fought

Dr Catherine:

There doesn’t have to be a battle there doesn’t have to

be con ict

Caroline:

“I am nding who I am, and also enjoying and accepting

who I am.

I’m accepting that I’m getting older.

You’re connecting with yourself along the way and

learning. It’s the most wonderful experience.”

Arlene:

“I feel less chaotic. I live a life of choice, and I am

abundantly grateful for that.”



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Annita:

“Ignorance isn’t bliss. It really wasn’t blissful. I have

proven to myself that I am worth it. I can stay the course.

I have emotional choices now. Before, it felt like I was at

the mercy of my feelings.

It doesn’t feel sel sh at all to look after myself.”

Annika:

“My mind feels healthy, my mind feels clear. I can see

and hear and feel things for what they really are. My
mind is sharper.

So much inspiration has come back to me again. I’m

creative again!

I’m okay with who I am. At peace.

I have a smile on my face that I haven’t had for a really,

really long time.

I have a sense of serenity.”

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 Anne:

“I’m very grateful to be alive.

The polarity-discharge work with anger is phenomenal

because I don’t fear my anger anymore.

My emotions are not a problem.”

Angel:

“There were so many profound moments throughout this

course.

Inner peace was my wish, and I have nally got it.”

Alex H:

“Thank you. For the rst time, I actually love me.

This is the deepest calm and peace that I’ve ever felt.”

Afshan:

“You can survive a narcissist, but you need to x yourself

rst.

I now know I’m not for everyone, and I don’t see that as
anything personal – which I did before.”
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But Will This Work For People Like Me?
Keith:

After completing Adam’s Tranquil and Cherished

program, I went from being very scared and unsure to
feeling like I can nally handle things. It was exactly what
I needed. I’ve done so much work with different
counsellors and different folks along the way over the
last several years, and it’s been dif cult. But the way that
Adam handles the trauma piece and the polarities and
wanting to go two ways, at the same time, makes a lot of
sense. And it works.

Through the program, I gained a lot of things. I gained

more energy and procrastinated much less. I’m able to
just focus on what needs to be done when needed, what
I need to do, and I take care of myself for the future a lot
better. I’ve cleaned up my shop, I’ve cleaned up my yard,
I’ve cleaned up my home. And this is all in just six weeks.

Of course, I still have struggles. But instead of dwelling

on things that come up and not knowing what to do, I’ll
make a plan and put something in place to deal with it.
Or it’ll be eliminated altogether. If it’s something I can
manage quickly, I will plan to set some time aside to take
care of it. Once it’s done, it’s done. And then I have to
have more free space to deal with other things.

It’s freed up my mind to be able to gure out how to be

better at life.
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 Less ghting. Less arguing with my wife. Less arguing
and anger towards my children. Less frustration and
more capacity for love and understanding.

I used to struggle with boundaries and sticking up for

myself. If somebody were a little bit aggressive with me, I
would just fold and hide. Now, I can deal with problems
as they come. If somebody is angry at work, I can show
teeth and growl if needed or defuse the situation and
move on. I don’t sit there and think about things for days
on end. I just see it as it is. Deal with it. And carry on.

I’m more calm. I’m more peaceful. And after a lifetime of

struggling to get along with my mom and dad, I’ve been
able to heal those relationships. They struggle with
trauma themselves, and I now feel like I can be a leader
for them.

Before the program, I was struggling nancially with my

business. I was doing okay but not making as much
money as I wanted to. During Week Three, I actually got
a message for a lucrative, long-term contract (I’m a
welder) during one of our calls. Things are looking much
better nancially, and I’m better able to deal with that
customer in a way that will promote more work in the
future. It’s pretty amazing how much has changed in six
weeks.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect. I was really

struggling with trusting this Adam fellow, wondering how
this would all go down. But it ended up being perfect. He
knows his stuff. It couldn’t have been simple how he
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 discovered all of this, but the way it’s presented is so
simple. I’ve been working on this stuff for 6-7 years, and
this was the rst time my trauma was actually dealt with
directly.

The way Adam deals with trauma takes your mind out of
the equation. The inner ght is completely gone. In six
weeks, I feel like I matured 10-15 years – and went from
an immature kid to a mature man. Even though I was
unsure in the beginning, it was way better than I
expected. It’s hard to believe that such change is
possible until you actually go through it, but I couldn’t be
happier with the program. I feel more capable and
con dent in all aspects of life.
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Some Other Results:

Angel:

“I’ve changed more in two weeks of the program than

with 20 years of counselling.”

Julie:

This program has brought me inner peace, and there’s

nothing more priceless than inner peace. Life still
happens. I still have emotions. But I now nally have a
way to deal with it all. My true essence has nally come
out. The person I’ve always wanted to be and hoped was
there is right here.

I didn’t have to change myself or ght against the grain of

who I am. In this program, you become who you really
are and who you want to be. You become more yourself.

If some people don’t love me, I’m okay. I know I’m not for
everyone, and I don’t take it personally anymore. If
someone sent me a text message with the wrong tone, it
used to wreck me.

Now, I feel more valued. I feel more loved and respected.

And I allow others to do things for me where I wouldn’t
before. I wouldn’t even allow my kids to do things for me,
because I felt it was all my responsibility. But allowing
them to do things for me has allowed them to love me as
well.
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Drina:

I felt so alone before starting the course. I didn’t know

anyone who had been through the experiences like me –
and it was lovely to hear and celebrate everyone’s gains.

Before the course, I never would have told other people

about my experiences. I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t know
who I was. I didn’t have my independence or identity. I
was struggling at work and would cry on my commute.
Stressed, missing deadlines and not asking for support.

I’m a teacher – and I’ve never felt so clearheaded. I can

fully concentrate on my work and ask for support when
needed. I’ve dealt with tricky conversations with ease,
which I would have normally pushed under the carpet.
I’m no longer putting on a brave face at work – I walk
around happy.

A coworker told me I’ve looked extremely happy since

September. They’re right. I can honestly say that I’m
super-happy, and I’ve never been able to say that before.

I’ve always had a close group of friends, but I would

never open up to them. THey’ve noticed a change. We
met up recently, and they told me I seemed like a
different person. ‘You’re glowing. So much more open!’
They couldn’t believe the difference.

On our rst video call, I wouldn’t even look at myself. My

eyes were darting everywhere else. I wouldn’t smile. I
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didn’t look like this. Now, I’m looking at myself and
smiling.”
Angela:

“It’s been two weeks since I completed Tranquil and

Cherished. Back then, my life felt like chaos. A constant
push and pull. Massive trust issues everywhere. I know it
will be an ongoing process, but I nally feel like I have
ways of dealing with those issues.

I’ve had so many profound realisations during the

course.

I have a history of trauma and abuse and have done

many years of therapy – but I’m also a counsellor myself.
For the rst time, this work went straight to my heart. It
felt like Abdewl understood me and my pain in a way that
no one else (including myself) had ever done before.

I’ve never been a crier, but the process has been quite
tearful. Not the sort of cry where you get engaged with
yourself, but a pouring out and cleansing. It’s just relief,
over and over again. Letting go of all of the pain I’ve
been carrying – so much pain. I don’t think I’ll ever
understand or know where it all came from, but all I know
is I haven’t got it now. And it’s good.

The biggest thing I struggled with was inner peace. I had

so much internal con ict. It was awful. I couldn’t rest. It
was like I was at war with myself. I struggled with
decision-making, trust, con dence, self-esteem and self-
love. Wanting to feel loved, but not letting anybody in to
do so. And then feeling guilt and shame for feeling like a
handful.
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 I smiled and laughed on the outside like everything was
ne. But I wasn’t being real with people. There was
chaos on the inside. Everything was not ne.

I can ask for help now. I’m not obsessed with needing
attention. That’s peaceful in itself. I don’t measure
everything I’m doing anymore – whatever I do; it feels
okay. I’ve also been better with my money, which was a
nice bonus.

When I ask for support, it’s like I never realised that love
and support had always been available to me. I didn’t
even know it. People have told me I’m more patient and
more sincere. Less defensive.

Right from the beginning, I realised that I was never

going to “get to” happiness. I was destined to constantly
chase it – so I’d create drama after drama so that I could
create solutions. I was never in the moment. Never able
to enjoy myself. Now when stuff comes up, it comes, I
deal with it – and then it goes.

I feel much more connected to my children.

What Adam brings is so vast – truly beyond my

imagination. I couldn’t have gotten this change with years
of therapy. As a counsellor, I’ve worked with trauma and
abuse for years – and I’ve realised the limits of what I
can realistically achieve with my clients. I’ve referred
some of my key clients to Adam because I want them to
feel the peace I’ve gained. I had two of my clients join his
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program in one week, and I’m so proud and happy for
them.

Thinking back: I used to feel turmoil, confusion, stress,

sadness, pain and suffering.

But how do I feel now?

I feel optimistic. Hopefully. Proud. I feel free to be myself

and to love and respect people. I feel precious, inner
peace – which was my wish all along.
Chapter 5: Time Upon A Once
I like to leave the best til last. Always did. Even as a kid,
at dinner, I’d eat the rice and leave the prawns till last.
Then slowly, I would devour them.

The only problem with that was if I was sitting next to

someone who “ass-umed” that I didn’t like prawns
because I wasn’t eating them. And they would help
themselves, thinking they were doing me a favour.

I’m going to do the same here... the Underpinning

Modules are the rice. The actual program is the part you
will savour.

Let’s jump straight into the weekly Underpinning

Modules... and in the next section, we will devour the
actual program:
Week 1 - Reclaimed Time:

We Discharge the Polarities that create the following

symptoms:

• Constantly reliving the past

• Being aggressively positive

• Chronic worry

• Fear

• Flashbacks

• Nightmares

• Panic attacks

• Stuck in the past

• Neglecting the present for the future that never

comes

Which means you:

• Learn from the past

• Leave the past behind

• Allow the universe to be a friendly place

• Feel tranquil and at peace

 • Enjoy the present without being haunted by
ashbacks

• Sleep comfortably and wake up rested

• Trust your mind and emotions

• Respond to the present instead of reacting to it

based on the past

• Stop procrastinating

• Allow and construct a pleasant future instead of

using the future as an excuse to escape and
daydream



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Week 2 - The Trust Compass Algorithm:

We Discharge the Polarities that create the following

symptoms:

• Self-doubt

• 2nd guessing

• Being gullible and easily tricked

• Blind trust

• Blind distrust

• Can’t trust instincts

• Distrust self

• Looking for faults or problems

• Can’t ask for help

Which means you can:


• Make decisions clearly and with resolve

• Self-trust

• How to see and test truth from illusion

• Know how to test people to know what they’re

trustworthy for and what they’re not trustworthy for

• Trust people appropriately and proportionately to

how trustworthy they are

• Feel con dent and secure, distrusting the people

that deserve it

• Become far more intuitive and self trusting

• Befriend yourself

• Recognise the good in people and things so that you

can create win-win situations

• Build relationships full of intimacy and trust

• Build a network of reliable people to help you ascend



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Week 3 - Thrive Life:



We Discharge the Polarities that create the following
symptoms:

• Hyper-vigilant

• Unable to keep boundaries

• Delaying childbirth

• Possessiveness

• Jealousy

• Cut off from kids

• Over-spoiling kids

• Dark thoughts

• Blame self for actions of others

• Feel used

• Mean and nasty to others

• Suffering constantly



Which means you can:

• Be calmly vigilant

• Be comfortable in your skin and what you want

• Feel fully able to nurture, support and protect your

children

• Feel loving and adequately giving to your children,

without the guilt that makes you overcompensate or
the fear that makes you over discipline

• Feel cherished and admired

• Connected to your children, able to play, give and

receive love.

• Feel eager and willing in the morning instead of

dreading another day.

• Know when it’s your fault so that you can take the
appropriate action, and when it’s someone else’s so
that you’re not needlessly blaming yourself.

• Feel equal and respected, instead of used and

victimised.

• Nurturing and caring without being taken advantage

of
• At ease and at rest inside and with the world



 Week 4 - The Digni ed Self



We Discharge the Polarities that create the following
symptoms:

• Rejecting love

• Feeling rejected

• People pleasing

• Self-hate

• Shame

• Guilt

• Comfort eating

• Addictions

• Overweight

• Never tting in

• Hiding

• Isolation



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Which means you can:

• Accept love, compliments, gifts and care... without

feeling that there’s a catch, or that it’s dangerous

• Feel included and respected for your uniqueness

• Self-respect and self-love... resulting in the respect

and love of others, instead of a needy addiction to
people-pleasing

• Self-determination and sovereignty over self

• Self-dignity and worth

• Self-assurance and value, instead of guilt

• Enjoy food and other desires instead of comfort

eating or addictions as a form of escape

• Slim and become healthy and self-caring

• Be valued and enjoy the presence of others whilst

being able to say no and spend time with yourself

• Allow others to see you without feeling that they will

harm you or trap you somehow

• Feel connected with self and others instead of

isolated and misunderstood
Week 5 - Purifying Bliss:

We Discharge the Polarities that create the following

symptoms:

• Feeling dirty after sex

• Attracting narcissists

• Intimacy problems

• Damaged or spoiled goods

• Immense sorrow

• Partner feels unloved


Which means you can:

• Feel satis ed and adored during and after sex

• Attract people who allow you to grow and who

respect you, instead of narcissists

• Connect emotionally and sexually at levels that you

never thought were possible, without ashbacks or
random triggers spoiling things

• Feel accomplished and worthy instead of damaged

or tainted
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• Feel immense tranquillity and joy, instead of an
unknown sorrow

• Allow your partners to grow through their love of you

• Allow yourself to truly call forth the best in your loved

ones



Week 6 - Self Sovereignty:



We Discharge the Polarities that create the following
symptoms:

• Feeling worthless

• Feeling wasted

• Waiting to be saved

• Feeling powerless

• Never feeling ready

• Being constantly in debt

• Overgiving, even when you don’t really want to

Which means you can feel:

• Experienced, wise, mature and sturdy... instead of

worthless, wasted and “I just know that I have so
much to give”

• Reclaim control and sovereignty over your destiny

instead of waiting to be saved.

• Powerful and resolved, instead of powerless and

reactive

• Willing and able, instead of never ready, always

procrastinating or suffering from perfectionism
 • Free of nancial self hate and nancial self-
sabotage, instead of being in debt and broke

• Give because you want to, and not because you’re

scared of what will happen if you don’t



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You also get two extra resources:

A- Unshackled Self:

We Discharge the Polarities that create the following

symptoms:

• The identity of a survivor

• Feeling like you don’t know yourself

• Your inability to be exible

Which means you can:

• Finally be free to enter the orbit of success instead of

suffering the gravitational pull of the survivor identity

• Know yourself better than ever before instead of

seeing yourself through the eyes of the abuser

• Have the ability to be exible whilst staying true to

your deepest core, instead of being stuck or off the
rails





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B- Freedom Station:



We Discharge the Polarities that create the following
symptoms:

• Being bribed by the love of others

• Inability to experience true love

Which means you can:

• Stop being bribed by the love of others and attract

genuine friends and love that is non-destructive

• Open yourself to love in its truest, most freeing form

to feel whole and complete

That was 60 symptoms.




Nooooooo ... remember when your teacher made an
intentional mistake to see if you were paying attention?



We do NOT work with symptoms. We discharge
polarities. And that gets rid of those symptoms. 60
symptoms are listed there. 60.



Let’s do the maths. A word of warning, though ... these
numbers are scary.



But the reason they’re important is that unless you
understand them, you’ll never truly appreciate why
symptomatic therapy is such an uphill struggle.


OK... here are the numbers:

If each symptom took ve sessions in therapy, at £50 an

hour (the cheap rate)... that would be £250 per symptom.

... times 60 symptoms... equals... £15,000.

That’s the optimistic cost... if you needed ten sessions for

each one, that would be £30,000.

If you went to a more established therapist and they

charged you £100 an hour... then more.

That’s how much you would have to pay if you were to

tackle each symptom by itself with therapy... only then to
have it come back a few months or a couple of years
later :- (

Can you see why it’s so important to discharge the

polarities instead of wasting time and money per
symptom?

So you might be wondering…

If that’s what the Ex-survivor Trauma Liberation and

Intimacy Awakening Program Underpinning Modules are,
what the heck is left for the actual program?

We’ll get to that in a second. First, let me explain the

chapter title: Time Upon A Once.
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Trauma is the process of living your life (time) based
upon a snippet of time before (once). Even if you still live
in an abusive situation, it’s usually a replay of previous
abuse.

By discharging your trauma matrix, you remove your life

(time) from being hinged on the traumatic experiences of
the past (once).
Conclusion: The Door To Your
Freedom Is Through Your Blind
Spots
To recap...

1. Symptoms are not trauma; they’re symptoms OF

trauma.

2. Dealing with symptoms does NOT give permanent

results.

3. Dealing with symptoms is extremely expensive.

4. Dealing with symptoms is slow... and each year that

you remain traumatised costs you at least £10,000, if
not £20,000.

So far, we have spoken about what you’re aware of. But

even if you were to get rid of those 60 symptoms in the
Underpinning Modules (described in the last email), you
would still feel traumatised.

And that’s because...systems have emergent properties.

An emergent property is something that is created due to

the interaction of the system as a whole and not due to
any of its parts by themselves.

So, for example, the polarity of trust and distrust creates

the symptom of 2nd guessing yourself. But chronic
fatigue isn’t created by one polarity... it’s created
because 300-400 polarities exist and resist each other.

Here’s a list of some of these emergent symptoms:

• Procrastinating

• Bad memory

• Foggy mind

• Scatty brain

• Not wanting to wake up

• Dreading another day

• Numb and unfeeling

• Confusion

• Self-hurt

• Wanting to give up

• Coping and escaping mechanisms

• Generalised anxiety

• ADHD

• Relapsing

• Mood swings
 • Overwhelmed easily

• Feeling that you’re running in lead boots

• Chronic fatigue

• Continue onto the next generation

• Abusive partner

• Feeling con icted

• Disappointment

• Spiritual bypass

• Shopping therapy

• Insomnia

• Always tightly wound

• “Catastrophising” and expecting the worst

• Financial struggles

Those are examples of emergent properties. There are

many more. Why is this important?



Because they don’t go away until approximately 85% of
your polarities, have been discharged.



And there’s a very speci c way that I use to go polarity
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hunting and see those hidden polarities.



It’s by uncovering your blind spots.

You see, you have two types of blind spots:

• Negative blind spots: the wounds you have just

gotten used to. You’ve lived with them for so long
that you’ve become blind to them.

• Positive blind spots: you don’t know what you don’t

know.

And the idea is to get you to see both blind spots. As you
do, I can then discharge the polarities, creating them.



The only way to do this is in a group setting. Not an
alcoholic’s anonymous type... or those crazy blind-
leading-the-blind groups. No.



You’ll notice your negative blind spots when you hear
another survivor talking about their issues, and you
realise that you have them too.



And you’ll notice your positive blind spots when another
survivor mentions something they want for themselves,
which you never considered because you were blinkered
by your polarities.

That is the meat of the Ex-survivor Trauma Liberation

and Intimacy Awakening
Program.

It’s through the live interactions, with a small group

setting and a bigger group

setting, I can nd your unique polarities (usually

200-300)... and then discharge them.

The result is a feeling of being cleansed. Getting lighter.

In each call, I start by asking people for their gains... the

stuff that’s shifted. It’s incredible how many times
someone will say: “oh my God, I had that gain too, but I
didn’t even realise!”

Then we move on to challenges you want me to work

on... again... I hear it all the time: “I have that too... I
didn’t realise”, or “I’d love to be able to do that... I didn’t
think it was possible”, or “I never even considered that”.

Then I discharge your polarities.

The peculiar thing is that 4 or 5 weeks in, so many

delegates when I ask them if they have any challenges
they want me to work on... they say with concern: “I can’t
think of anything”.

Then 2 seconds later, they’re laughing: “oh my God, I

literally don’t have anything I want to work on”.

When I ask them about their gains: “I just feel good.

Calm. Sorry.”
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They’re apologising because they’re used to the drama...
to having massive shifts.

But the real proof that they’ve un-traumatised is the

underlying peace and stability that is now an integral part
of their life.

I love my job. I love hearing how pleasantly surprised you

become when life just becomes easy, and there isn’t any
more need to be super positive.

So that’s basically it:

• The Underpinning Modules tackle the polarities

common between 85% of survivors

• The program itself tackles the rest, the 200-300

polarities that are unique to you - that create
emergent symptoms.

If the Underpinning Modules tackle about 100 polarities

and get rid of 60 symptoms, that would have cost you a
min of £15,000 (minimum) with conventional methods...

... then the actual program gets rid of 120-180... which

would have cost you £30,000 (minimum) with
conventional methods.

Which is a total of £45,000. Sheesh!

Except... because they’re emergent symptoms, they hide

behind your blind spots.
So you would never have seen them... and never even
had the opportunity to pay to x them!

So you’d have paid £15,000 to x only the issues you

can see but still felt an underlying sense of emptiness.
Only then to have those issues return at a later date.

Isn’t that quite something!

Not to mention the cost of keeping the trauma (£10,000)

a year... whilst you work with symptoms only.

We’re talking close to £100,000 lost on temporary

results, and unearned money.

But you would never have realised that reality because

those losses would be spread over years...

It makes me sad, frustrated and angry that this is the

reality for survivors.

***

OK... so now you know how I work, why I do it that way,

and why therapy doesn’t work for trauma.

Don’t worry; the program doesn’t cost anywhere near

£45,000... or even £15,000.

But today, if you buy it... you also get a hot air balloon for
free. No, just kidding. This isn’t an infomercial.
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If you want to discuss joining the program, you need to
speak with a team member who will make sure that I can
help you... and assess your needs and how many weeks
you’ll need on the program.

Then we can quote you a price... and if you can make it

work... we start.

Be your best,

Adam “Trauma Liberator” Mussa