hi

way to get to know each other in the first conversation

although i have little experience in this i do have enough common sense to say that asking
about a time that i got angry with my ex and the way that i handle the situation is not
normal at all. normally, we just talk about our work, study, casual life, hobbies,...

but i can understand, you dont want to waste time, you have in your mind the type of
person that you want, you already have a list of questions to ask that person.

but that's not good, you're prepared, but the person's not. it was overwhelming to me to
answer those questions, especially when you ask me who i am, this question is fucking hard
to answer, i do see myself differently from time to time, that is my existential crisis.

may i ask you, when you were 23, what did you have in your mind?

when i answer your questions, for me it's not just about the questions that you ask me, i
want to give you a broader perspective, how i see myself, what matters most to me at the
moment.

so i told you: I see myself growing a lot compared to the time i was just graduated from
university. you can infer from that that i value self-development, i'm happy to see myself
getting better day by day. that is also the reason why told you i use this app because i want
to learn something new. im not afraid to learn and change. im super curious.

is that a personality trait? i think it is. you want to know my personality because you want
to know how i handle things in relationships right?

absolutely im not a hot tempered person. but i think it's still not a good thing. at least hot-
tempered people understand how they feel and are able to express it out. im not hot-
tempered, but i suck at expressing myself either. i tend to keep the feeling for myself and
not express it out, i run away instead. ill share some of my experience. when i was in high
school, that time i shared a dormitory room with a roommate, i was unhappy with her at
some points, such as she kept looking at my stuff and she wanted to know everything that
 i was doing, i felt like i didn't have a private space and that was kind of disturbing to me.
but i was unable to tell her, so i kept a distance with her and treated her differently than
other friends, she could feel that too that and just until the end of the semester everything
exploded and i wrote a letter to say sorry to her. we still keep the friendship until now
though. that's not a very good way to handle conflicts right?

and my friends tend to describe me as an introvert and they feel like there are walls around
me that i never let them down to make real connections with people.

yeah and i dont know how to fix that. i dont know how to let the walls down.

i guess i was in depression for quite a long time. i never have deep conversations with dad or
brother or mother, i can never feel that i am supported emotionally by them. my brother was
bullying me my whole childhood. growing up i was body-shaming by boys in my class and
never got any attention from my homeroom teacher. in my university years, i got rejected by
my crush, never knew how to get better with my appearance,...

and, as a matter of fact, i have never had a boyfriend. i was lying to you, to avoid an awkward
situation.

that's heavy right? those are my life stories :))) when i get to hear other people's stories, it was
surprising to know that many people tell the same stories. the point is, when we're unhappy we
will have a story to share to make sense of what we are feeling. although i could say that i dont
sit on those things anymore but to explain to you and for you to make sense of what just
happened, i decided to share.

but now, i think im already a better version, im trying to open my heart, to learn how to love
myself, accept myself, then love somebody and move forward.

oke to talk more about me, now i'll tell you the good part. i never talk shit about other people. i
dont gossip around and i always find the good part to remember them. for example, the
dormitory roommate, she has good attention to detail and she has good control over things in
her life, she's simple in her style and never wants people's attention, she's good at cooking too.

I'd like to believe that everyone has their own way in life and in a relationship i think it's good
that we know our way and respect and support others. i'll keep myself independent and i don't
rely too much on the partner. there's a story that i really like: a girl traveling around the world
without her partner and when she came back, she told her partner that: see, Im ok without you
but i want to have you in my life.

i think i could be a good partner, willing to change to achieve the peacefullness of the two and i
will support the partner emotionally. i will be there when they need me.
for my preference, i like guys who are not judgemental, i hope that that person will not put too
much pressure on me, love me unconditionally, teach me how to love with tenderness, happy
to see me get better everyday and support me emotionally too.

for you, i see that you're an interesting person, you have good communication skills and you're
serious with your goals in life and stuff, i think just knowing you in my life can be a big
motivation for me. i hope i can be bold like you when im 28. and more importantly, you're kind
from the inside. but the thing is, you have too little time to truly listen to people and if things
dont go your way you would react immediately.

im so sorry i wasn't honest to you and maybe we're far too different in terms of the mature
level, which made the conversation go wrong. for my side, you'll be potentially a good partner.
but if you think that it's too much from my side or the relationship is not promising to you then
it's totally ok, i understand.