Caught my wife cheating on me with a policeman.

It's been over a week now since I went through my wife of 2.5 years' phone and
found out she had been having a relationship with the SRO Officer at the school she
works at. We have 1 child who is 3yo, the other guy is also married with a child.
She admitted it had been on and off for 6 months or so. She was pregnant last year
and mis*carried at 12 weeks. My first thought was questioning if it was mine. She
told me it was never physical and it was only ever just words, pictures, and
videos. I saw things I never knew she was capable of. She told me she had been
mostly unhappy our whole marriage and that I was never emotionally available. I'll
admit I had been verbally ab*usive at times. .

Fast forward 5 days after telling her we needed time apart and splitting time with
our daughter, I spoke with an attorney and didn't like what he had to say. I make
9x +/- what she makes because she has never worked full time since we've been
together and we have put a lot of time and money on additions to our house, on top
of rental property I had prior to our marriage. I wasn't ready to start that
process so I let her come back. I have already started therapy, but she still
hasn't even though she said she will. A part of me regrets letting her come back
because she basically got off with little to no consequences. I think I want to
work things out but I know she gaslights me and and is extremely manipulative. I'm
just lost and depressed and I'm hoping to find answers through therapy.

Quick backstory: She got pregnant as soon as I finished my undergrad (she dropped
out and hasn't gone back to finish), I rolled right into my masters program when
our daughter was born. I was never not working full time, and I've also been in the
reserves for going on 7 years now, which she admitted to being mostly involved with
him on the weekends I was gone. I knew I was busy, I just thought it's what I had
to do. We weren't married when she got pregnant, we were barely even dating. I fell
in love with her quick, even before she got pregnant. She has told me in the past
that this was forced and I feel like she resents me for our relationship, and I've
I've also told her before that I'm not sure if we'd be married if it wasn't for our
daughter. Is there any hope for us?

Update.

It's been about 3.5 weeks since Dday now. I paid the retainer this week and will be
going in today to sign some stuff. I'm going to take a descent hit because she
doesn't make hardly any money, but I'll manage (as long as I can somehow negotiate
me keeping the house). I ended up telling APs wife and we stayed in contact for a
couple weeks trying to figure out what we could. They both had the same story of
not being physical, just the zexts, pictures, and videos. He did tell his wife that
he could've done whatever with her because she was so persistent and he couldn't go
through with it, but who knows.. Doesn't make a difference to me, but they are
trying to work it out so more power to 'em. They still work together but my STBX
says they don't speak, still doesn't make a difference for me.

Our living situation is becoming frustrating. At first I thought we would maybe try
and work things out. We're both in IC, but I told her last weekend I wanted a
divorce and would like her to move in with her mom, where she will inevitably end
up going because she can't afford anything on her own yet. She said she's not
leaving because that means she's taking the blame for all of this and she refuses.
I want to keep the house because I don't have anywhere else to uproot as quick as
she could, and our house is a gold mine with an unfinished addition I quit working
on last month.

She said I neglected her so much and was only committed to work, grad school, home
projects, etc. It's difficult for me to not lose it when she still continues to
downplay her actions. She says that our marriage has been a wreck for as long as
she can remember and that she would rather be poor and feel wanted than rich and
feel neglected. I have been leaving work early and picking up our daughter more and
giving her baths at night more. It's not that I didn't want to before, I just
worked late a lot and I just thought she enjoyed doing that stuff more. I told her
my mistakes stayed inside our family where she went outside of it, but she still
refuses to believe our mistakes were different. I feel like I can admit I lacked in
the husband department, but I don't want to believe I wasn't a good father..

We were planning to sell our house this month and living at her moms while we built
on property we were supposed to buy this month too. I was leaving for Officer
Training in August with the Air National Guard. I was supposed to take my boards
exam the 22nd of this month. I also picked up a PT consulting job just to get some
extra money for vacation this summer. I know I stretched myself thin, I have always
done that. I'm only 26 and I know I've accomplished so much, but it honestly feels
like it was all for nothing. All of these plans are shattered and she says they
were always my plans not hers. I tried asking her opinion on so many things and her
response was always "I don't know". So I always made the decisions with job
changes, moving, finances, etc. I just feel so lost in life now, and wish I knew
what the future looked like. I still think about if it's worth sticking it out
because her family is the only family I have too, and it's going to be very
difficult to let that go on top of all the other changes. I know deep down it
probably wouldn't work out though. I'm a planner and I try to have short-term and
long-term plans, obviously I know things change, but this scenario has completely
wrecked my train of thought and I honestly have no idea what to do with anything
anymore.