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Stylianopoulos Toward A Theology of Marriage
Stylianopoulos Toward A Theology of Marriage
Stylianopoulos Toward A Theology of Marriage
the book of the Holy Gospels, the Cross, the rings, and the
crowns. The larger setting is the whole sanctuary with the
icons of Christ, the Theotokos, the Apostles and saints, and the
living icons of the priest, the groomsmen, the bridesmaids,
and all the people of God who have come to be joyful wit
nesses of this communal event. The priest begins with the
invocation: "Blessed is our God always, now and ever, and
to the ages of ages."
The great litany of peace which follows is familiar from the
Divine Liturgy and from many services of the Orthodox Church.
The full litany itself is a fairly late addition to the Betrothal
Service according to the manuscripts. The petitions offered
specifically for the betrothal ask the congregation to pray for
1 ) the couple's salvation
2) the granting of offspring for the couple's propagation 1 0
3) the granting of all the couple's requests which lead to
salvation
4) the granting of perfect and peaceful love and divine help
to them
5) their blessing with concord and strong faith 11
6) their preservation in blameless conduct
7) the granting to them of an honorable marriage and un
dented conjugal life.
The two subsequent prayers are very ancient and already
occur in the Codex Barberinus dated in the late eighth or
12
early ninth centuries. They are both brief. The first calls
upon God to bless the couple and to lead them to every good
work (cf. Col. 1.10). This blessing is invoked against back-
Thessaionike interprets the candles as symbols of the prudence (σωφροσύνη) of the
couple and the action of divine grace in them, P.G. 155:509B. One is reminded of
the Parable of the Ten Virgins in which the Groom is awaited with lighted lamps.
So the groom and bride anticipate the coming of Christ and His blessing of their
marriage. Symeon also reports that the priests as well held lighted candles as signs
of festive joy.
10. Etc διαδοχήν γένους is general but probably in the context ( παρασχβθήναι
αν τοις) is more closely related to the couple. In the main prayer of the betrothal
one fmds another reference to the propagation of all humankind.
11. In some manuscripts this petition is unnecessarily repeated, the first petition
calling for their "protection"/"preservation" (φυλαχθηναί), while the second for their
"blessing" (εύλοτηθτ^αι). " B e l a t a πι'στις" should probably be translated "strong"
or "secure" rather than "sound" faith since the assumed context is not heresiological
but general.
12. Trembelas,p. 9.
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 253
the Church. The prayer concludes with the call for the protec
tion of the couple in peace and concord.
The high point of the Service of the Betrothal is the pro
nouncement of the betrothal blessing and the giving of the
rings. The priest takes the rings, makes the sign of the Cross on
the forehead of the groom and bride and pronounces the
blessing in the Name of the Holy Trinity (Άρραβωνίξβται, ò
δούλος τον ©eoo. . .). He then places the rings on the right
hands of the groom and bride, and the best man or maid of
honor exchanges them. This whole act, of which the blessing in
the Name of the Holy Trinity is fairly recent in the tradition,
shows great diversity in the manuscripts. 17 Central is the giving
of the rings as a pledge of the betrothal. A variety of traditions
has been associated with the rings as well. 18 The older codices
finally say nothing of the participation of the groomsman or
maid of honor in the exchange of rings.19
17. The present form "αρραβωνίξerai b δούλος" is missing from most codices.
Some codices contain only the blessing "In the Name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit" or other diverse blessings. In some codices the priest gives
the rings to the groom and bride without saying anything. In one codex, after giving
the rings and pronouncing the blessing in the Name of the Holy Trinity, the priest
also says, " l Αρμόζεται b δούλος του Θεού" and conjoins the hands of the couple.
See Trembelas, pp. 20-21 and 36-37. So also Symeon of Thessalonike, according to
whom the couple's hands were subsequently separated and again conjoined during the
Service of the Coronation, P. G. 155:508D and 509C.
18. Already in Jewish betrothals a monetary gift or a ring was involved as an act
of the groom's acquisition of the bride. The groom gave the ring to the bride and he
recited: "Behold, you are consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of
Moses and Israel." By accepting it the bride showed her consent to be his wife. See
Encyclopaedia Judaica, 11, 1032, 1041-42. In the Christian tradition Clement of
Alexandria (Paid., 3.11) reports that a ring was given to the woman as a sign of authority
in the disposition of domestic affairs. More than a thousand years later Kritopoulos
interprets the giving of rings (in plural) as a sign of mutual offering on the part of the
groom and bride. See. Κ. Καλλίνικος, ΧΡΙΣΤΙΑΝΙΚΟΣ ΝΑΟΣ ('Αθήναι, 1958), p.
549. The references to rings in the great betrothal prayer interpret the ring as a sign
of authority and honor, or as a sign of the truth of something (Thamar). In the be
trothal ceremony the ring is the visible sign of the betrothal vows or pledge-the
symbol of the betrothal. Two rings made of gold, silver, copper or iron may be used,
according to the codices, the ring of greater value given to the groom. One codex
speaks of a single ring which the priest gives to the groom, who then gives it to the
bride, kissing her on the forehead, while she kisses the groom's hand as a sign of
reverence and obedience (Trembelas, p. 21). The rings are basically the visible
pledge of the betrothal anticipating marriage. See also Symeon of Thessalonike,
P.G. 155.-508AD.
19. Completely omitted by all the older codices, this custom seems first to arise
in connection with the coronation. One codex informs us that the groomsmen par
ticipated in the giving of the common cup to the groom and bride (see below, note
42). The liturgical participation of groomsmen in the marriage rite is probably based
on their active role in the 'match-making' and the contractual arrangements for a
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 255
tended rite which calls upon God to bless and protect the
betrothal. God is the Creator of man and woman and the One
Who joins them in an indissoluble bond as part of His redemp
tive work in bringing all things into their proper unity. In the
betrothal two purposes of marriage according to the Genesis
narrative are affirmed: the woman's support of the man and
the propagation of the human race. Several references to chil
dren, purity of conjugal relations, and human procreation
occur in the rite. Many more petitions and prayers speak of
God's blessing for the stability and well-being of the betrothed
couple.
The most essential act is the liturgical pronouncement of
the betrothal in the Name of the Holy Trinity and the giving of
the rings as a sign of the unbreakable commitment of the
couple, presupposing their mutual consent, and sealed by the
sign of the Cross. The betrothal takes place against the theo
logical background of Christ's betrothal of the Church, which,
however, is not emphasized in the rite. Yet this is a legitimate
theological connection which, just as in the case of marriage,
draws the betrothal into the same mystery of the union of
Christ and the Church.
The term αρραβών ('betrothal'; cf. also the verb άρραβωνί-
ferat in the betrothal benediction) is quite significant in this
regard. An ancient Semitic loanword, it is used in Hellenistic
times as a legal and commercial technical term meaning "earnest
money," "down payment," or "first installment" validating a
contract and securing a legal claim to something. Through St.
Paul's decisive use of this term for the eschatological gift of the
Spirit (II Cor. 1.22; 5.5; cf. Eph. I A4),αρραβών takes on pre
dominant theological significance in the patristic tradition
signifying the present blessings of salvation in the Holy Spirit,
the new life in Christ, and the redeemed life of the Church.
With regard to marriage, äßpaJßuv signifies the betrothal as a
'first pledge' or first guarantee toward marriage. Certainly this
pledge is not simply legal and commercial, but above all per-
sonal and spiritual, sanctified by the Holy Spirit in the Service
of the Betrothal. Against the theological meaning of marriage
as an image of Christ's union with the Church, the betrothal
{αρραβών) is theologically suggestive as the image of Christ's
betrothal of the Church by the gift of the Holy Spirit-the gift
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 257
22. ώσπερ . . . oi επί τών ycmojv αρραβώνες ους αλλήλοις οι Ύαμοΰντες διδο-
aoLv, eyyvúvTCU τα μετά ταύτα . . . ούτως . . . και ή "απαρχή τον Πνεύματος"
τουτ' εστί το μερικόν του Πνεύματος χάρισμα, ο " εστίν α&ραβών της κληρονομιάς
ημών" την èni καιρού δοθησομενην καθόλου χάριν ήμΐν βέβαιοι. Frag. Rom. 8.26;
P. G. 85-.1700A. For Symeon the New Theologian, see ΦΙΛΟΚΑΛΙΑ, Τόμος ΓI
(Παπαοημητρίου: 'Αθήναι, 1960), pp. 250-51.
23. So in the oldest codices. In others also as follows: 'Ακολουθία γάμου fìyovv
στεφανώματος. 'Αρχή του στεφανώματος. Ακολουθία είς yάμoυς. Τάξις έτερα
του στεφανώματος. Κανών εκκλησιαστικός είς yάμov. 'Ακολουθία είς στεφό\νους
τους νομίμω yéytu συναπτομένους.
24. Trembelas, ρ. 10.
25. Meyendorff, ρ. 31.
26. After the Lord's Prayer many codices also contain the invocation: "Τά προη-
yιaσμèva âyia τοις αγιοις" and the people chanted " Εις άγιος, etc Κιριος" as the
couple received Holy Communion. Trembelas, pp. 15-16.
258 THE GREEK ORTHODOX THEOLOGICAL REVIEW
27. Many codices also include Psalms 8 and 20 (LXX) at various places during
either the Betrothal or Coronation Service from which today are retained only the
following verses: " "Εθηκας ènì τήν/άς κεφαλήν/ας αυτοΰ/ών στέφανον/όνους έκ
λίθων τιμίων" and "Kúpteó ©eòc υμών, δόξχι καί τιμ$ στεφάνωσον αυτούς." In one
codex the curious tradition is reported of girding the groom with a sword while the
priest chanted "Περι^ωσαι την ρομφαίαν σου" (Ps. 44.3 LXX), probably as a symbol
of authority (perhaps first done in the case of kings). It should also be noted that in
the same codex the priest asks the couple about their mutual consent, a tradition
preserved to this day in the Slavonic tradition. Trembelas, p. 22.
28. Σωφροσύνη has strong connections with sexual modesty.
29. Προς το συμφέρον is difficult. Hapgood's translation "as is expedient for
them" smacks of modern utilitarianism and contraceptive convenience. The edition
by Williams and Norgate has "as is fitting," which is so vague it is almost meaningless.
Συμφέρον is that which is "beneficial," "profitable," "expedient," "advantageous,"
"useful." In the prayer, προς το συμφέρον in general applies to the couple as also
probably to children-a general reference to child-bearing as a blessing.
30. A bit redundant following the previous petition. Εύτεκνία comes from the
archaic εύτεκνέω, which means to be happy in children. Ευτεκνος is one blessed with
children. Εύτεκνία therefore can mean the blessing of children, fruitfulness, or nappi
ness in having children. Sometimes the adjective ευτεκνος is used for 'fair' children.
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 259
The prayer builds on Gen. 1.28; 2.21-24, and Mt. 19.6, con
cerning the creation of Adam and Eve, their blessing to multiply
and dominate the earth, and the indissolubility of the conjugal
bond(e*> μέλος δια της σνξιτγίας), and continues with many ref
erences to God's blessings of Old Testament couples and their
procreation down to the birth of John the Baptist, the Virgin
Mary and Christ Himself. The prayer then asks God/Christ 31
to bless the couple's marriage as He blessed that in Cana of
Galilee, thereby showing that lawful marriage and procreation
from it is according to God's will. The particular blessings
asked of God are: peaceful life, longevity, prudence, mutual
love in the bond of peace (cf. Eph. 4.3), long-lived posterity,
the gift of children, 32 and the eschatological crown of unfading
glory. The prayer may originally have ended here with the
eschatological reference. In its present form it includes addi
tional requests for longevity, unassailed conjugal relations, and
abundance of spiritual and material blessings. With regard to
material goods, the prayer significantly asks that the couple
may abound in them so that they may also share them with
others in need. This is a well-placed reminder of the fact that
Christian marriage involves not only an inward, but also out
ward, movement.
The second and longest prayer, also present as the second
prayer in the Slavonic tradition, is of later origin, but Trem-
belas cannot firmly date it. 3 3 The prayer begins with refer
ences to God as the Celebrant of mystical and pure marriage
(i.e., sacramental marriage, perhaps an echo of Eph. 5), the
Law-giver of physical marriage, and the Provider of all spiri
tual and material blessings. It then builds on the creation
story adding Gen. 2.18 and 2.23 to the basic texts of Gen 2.24
and Mt. 19.6 which already occur in the first prayer. Thus this
new element is added that the aloneness of Adam, underscored
by his joyful welcome of Eve (Gen 2.23), is corrected by the
creation of woman in order to support man (Gen 2.18). Against
31. As in the case of the betrothal prayers, so also in the prayers of the Crowning
Service, a prayer often begins by addressing God and then clearly develops into an
address of Christ without sharp differentiation.
32. Tr¡v eni τέκνοις χάριν could also mean "grace on the(ir) children" but not
"gratitude from their posterity" as in Hapgood's translation.
33. He finds no evidence of whether the prayer derives from the older Constanti-
nopolitan tradition or from the time of the printed prayer books in Venice, p. 12.
260 THE GREEK ORTHODOX THEOLOGICAL REVIEW
complete and fulfilling, without apology, provided of course there are legitimate
grounds for not having children, and not just selfishness. That mutual fulfillment,
and not child-bearing, is the primary justification for marriage, see Meyendorff,
pp. 15, 48 and Karmires, p. 206. Some Church Fathers, however, see marriage in
a negative way as resulting from the Fall and chiefly for the purpose of procreation
and guarding against fornication (partly influenced by Paul).
48. The references to pure conjugal relations both in the betrothal and the
crowning rites imply marital sexual fidelity, and not any negative connotations
about sex in marriage. Although there is in Christian marriage such a thing as marital
modesty, what St. Paul would call treating each other in honor and holiness (I Thess.
4:4), sex in marriage is God's gift and should in no way be impugned but enjoyed.
Scripture, the marriage rite, and the great Fathers of the Church as well, such as
Chrysostom, affirm the joyful holiness of sex in marriage, which in no way should
be associated with the abuse of sex in various ways and degrees outside of marriage.
However, there is also a strongly negative tradition about even conjugal sex, especially
in monasticism. See, for example, George Khodre, "A Great Mystery: Reflections
on the Meaning of Marriage," St. Vladimir's Theological Quarterly 8 (1964), 31-37.
49. For a superb interpretation of the three verbs of Gen. 2:24, "leaving,"
"cleaving," and "becoming one flesh," as applied to the total reality of marriage,
see Walter Tiobisch, I Married You (New York: Harper and Row, 1971).
50. I fully agree with G. MacDonald, Magnificent Marriage (Wheaton: Tyndale
House, 1976), p. xxii, who writes: 'The relationship of a man and a woman in
marriage is the prime relationship of all mankind, superseded only by that relation-
ship which man establishes with his God." Thus the husband^wife relationship has
precedence over the parent-child relationship, which we often forget!
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 267
au Xle siècle (Paris, 1970), a translation of the German original Formen, Riten und
religiöses Brauchtum der Eheschliessung in den christlichen Kirchen des ersten
Jahrtausend (Münster, 1962). This fine study offers valuable sections on the history
of the institution of marriage and the development of the rites of marriage in the
ancient Church up through the third century, as well as in the Orthodox Church up
through the eleventh century. It is not a patristic theology of marriage as such, but
certainly an extremely valuable background contribution to it.
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 269
66. So, it seems to me, Meyendorff at limes in his book, when he refers to mar
riage as a sacrament of the Kingdom. True, if this means that marriage, as any other
aspect of human life can express the mystery of God's presence. But marriage does
not have the salvifíc powers of Baptism and the Eucharist, which unite us with Christ.
TOWARD A THEOLOGY OF MARRIAGE 277
Recommendations
On the basis of the above study, I would like to make three
specific recommendations regarding Orthodox marriage.
1) The diversity in the development of the marriage rite as
evidenced in the manuscripts suggests a fundamental fluidity in
the liturgical texts which never seem to try to reach some ab-
solute canonical norm as often supposed. The litugical texts
are always in process. They respond to the life of the Church
rather than to some ideal canonical liturgical formation. There-
fore, the historical development of the marriage rite invites
liturgical revision. My recommendation is that the current
marriage rite most definitely needs revision especially for the
sake of brevity, the elimination of repetitions, and enrichment
through prayers that are closer to the lives of the Orthodox
faithful. Of course, the basic structure and beauty of the rite
should not be changed.
2) We noted as well the importance of the participation of
the Orthodox couple in the sacrament of marriage. In this
connection, it is crucial that the betrothal and/or marriage vows
be restored to the rite. The mutual consent of the couple, a
constitutive factor in the sacrament of marriage, is extremely
significant and must be given liturgical expression. Otherwise
the Orthodox couple remains totally passive in the blessing of
their own marriage, perhaps a signal to the passivity toward
their marriage as a sacrament for the rest of the spouses' lives.
3) A final related recommendation is that clergymen, theo-
logians, and Christian teachers should more often articulate the
total view of the sacrament of marriage involving personally the
couple itself. The sacrament of marriage, as we noted, is not
merely the text of the rite, or the external blessing, but above
all the persons who are married by God's grace. The sacrament
of marriage (as also the other sacraments) does not exist in
vacuo. It exists always in married people. Sacramental mar-
riage continues as a spiritual reality throughout the spouses'
lives. Blessed by God, their whole life is the sacrament ot mar-
riage which may be deepened and experienced in its total full-
ness as the spouses grow in Christ.
^ s
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