RYAN GOSLING’S AMAZING TRAIN ADVENTURE

“Ryan! Hey, Ryan! Wake up”

Ryan Gosling awoke to the shuddering sound of a train starting. His Boston
crown, Johnlinson, was yelling at him.

“Oh thank god, you’re awake. Ryan… something terrible has happened.
You… you fell asleep, and everyone left without you. There’s no way to get
back to them now. The train just left without warning.”

“Shit.” Ryan exclaims. “I’m screwed.”

“Yeah, you are. Well, we may as well get off at the next stop.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” sighs Ryan.

“I always am, Ryan. I always am.”

Ryan then falls asleep once again, but is rudely woken up by the squealing
sound of train brakes being applied. They have arrived at a station. Ryan
looks up at a sign that reads, “Welcome to ye olde cat and dog and pig and
mouse and cow and cattle and sheep!”

“Hmm.” Ryan says. “Weird name.”

They get off the train and walk into the strange little town. Suddenly, they are
greeted by the sound of clashing metal and children crying. Oh no! They have
wondered into a third world country! And everyone's British!

"Crap! We have to get out of here, this is hell!" says Ryan.

He turns around to go back on the train, but it is gone.

"B-but it was just there!" cries Johnlinson.

"Well, now we only have one option. To get through this, together." proclaims
Ryan. "We can do this!"

Suddenly, a strange man in a top hay and monocle walks up to them.

"Blimey mate, ain't you look a bi' lost! 'Ere, lemme help you wiff yoor
predicament. You wanna coem een fir sum tee? Ooh slavery hohohoho!"

Ryan, with no hesitation, pulls out his sword and decapitates the scary British
man.

"Phew, that was close! But now everyone's mad at us. We gotta run!" yells
Johnlinson.

They run through the angry hordes of scary evil British people with hot cups of
tea, crumpets and whips. The British are shouting things like, "OI!" or "GE'
BACK 'ERE YOU MUPPET" or "YOU KILLED SIR BARTHOLOMEW
PATRICK STANFORD JOHNSON ESQUIRE!"

Ryan and Johnlinson then run into a dentist's office, which scares the British
away because of their bad dentistry and health issues.

"Thank god we escaped them! I though we were done for… I thought we

would catch Britishitis!" sighs Ryan.

"Uhh…Ryan… I think I've caught it… I think I've caught Britishitis!" says
Johnlinson, coughing loudly.

"No! Johnlinson, how! How can the world be so cruel"!

Ryan holds Johnlinson in his arms as he slowly slips from life.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!"

Johnlinson says his lasts words before his inevitable demise.

"I…love y-you…Ryan… don't…ever forget m-me…"

Johnlinsons eyes close, and his breathing stops. Ryan holds him tight, not
wanting to let go.

Suddenly, Johnlinsons eyes reopen. His breathing starts again, and his heart
starts beating.
"Johnlinson! You're alive! It's a miracle!" yells Ryan in delight.

"Oi blimey bruv, I'm feelin a little exasperated. Anyone got any tea and
crumpets, I'm famished!" says Johnlinson, suddenly British.

"Fuck."