Attitudes in Approaching Sexuality

by a friend

After sharing about some of the struggles I had with the overwhelming barrage
of sex in our society and resulting war in my thought life, one man’s counsel to me was,
“Just stop doing it.” After a silent pause, I wondered, “Did he knowingly just punch
me in the stomach? What about the electromagnetic pull that appears unannounced
and uninvited and quickly lulls the conscience to sleep while blurring all but the object
of it’s desire.” I always felt horrible for stumbling over and over again. I doubted my
faith, I blamed my dad, I even wanted to die.
I longed for someone who had looked at this complex issue deeply and had some
perspective, some insights that could actually help. You don’t tell a fruit tree to stop
bearing fruit. If it is bearing sour and rotten fruit you must look deeply to correct the
problem.
God sent a man to help. Tony had a heart for guys who struggle and was really
thankful that God had brought me into his life. He invited me to dinner with his wife
and kids several times and began building a relationship with me.
When I brought up the worst stuff I could think of, when I shared everything
(some things for the first time): my fears, my failures, the disgust I felt with myself.
He heard it all. And I was loved. He told me out God’s view of all that and about God’s
view of me. He called me a prince, a man with a heart of gold, a friend that he was so
thankful for. I began identifying some strongholds. My self-hate, my fears, and my
misunderstandings of who God is. Something began to change. It takes a lot of time
for these deep inside things to change.
Tony taught me that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. SO I began
to praise God for things about myself. Even sexual things. I began talking to God as
soon after a fall as I could, rather than waiting my usual three day “outside-the-camp”
period till I felt a little better. I would call and tell Tony that I messed up. He would
quote Proverbs 24:16 about the righteous man rising again and call me a righteous
man. He believed in me because God believed in me and that is when I began to believe
in myself.
We tried lots of different ideas, code words, e-mails, phone calls, etc... The
struggle weakened. It stopped being an all day battle. Lots of the struggles happened
after 10pm. I believe sleep or the lack of it has something to do with the struggle.
Tony shared another perspective with me that made a lot of sense. He said
sexuality is not something you can turn off till marriage. It is like a car, you don’t just
pull over, shut off the engine and walk away. You learn to handle the car.
• You drive respectfully. Obey the speed-limits, stay within the lines, watch the signs.
• You drive gently. How do you treat the car, do you know how the breaks work, the gas
pedal, etc?
• You drive lovingly. Stay on the road, avoid the ditches and the pot holes.
• You drive gratefully.
Tony said these are the attitudes from which to look at sex. We need to Glorify God
in the sexuality He designed.
 Purity & Dating
1. Thought Questions?
How would you define purity? In your heart? In practice?

What do you feel to be the Biblical purpose for dating?

What distinguishes a dating relationship from a marriage relationship?

What factors would be important in determining God’s will for a mate?

2. Good or Loss? In the following verses what potential good comes from purity
or might be lost from impurity?
Ezekial 6:9

Isaiah 33:15-17

Psalm 24:3-6

Matthew 5:8

Romans 1:24-32

2 Timothy 2:20-22

Titus 3:10-11

3. Scripture Memory for Purity:

Job 31:1; Psalm 101:2-4 Isaiah 33:15-17; Matthew 5:8; Romans 6:11-12; 1
Corinthians 10:13; Ephesians 4:22-24; 1 Peter 2:11; Philippians 4:8; 2 Corinthians
10:4-5; Psalm 24:3-5; Romans 13:13-14; 2 Timothy 2:22
 Purity
4. BEFORE YOU ARE TEMPTED...
A. Plan Ahead
I Corinthians 10:12 A- Admit you’re vulnerable
Galatians 6:7,8 B- Believe God’s warnings
Proverbs 22:3 C- Construct an escape
I Samuel 20:4, 16, 17 D- Demand one to hold you accountable
Proverbs 4: 14,15 E- Escape temptations early
2 Timothy 2:22 F- Flee lusts (don’t resist)

B. Flee These Temptations

Job 31:1,7,9,11 Tempting Sights
Romans 13:14 Tempting Thoughts
I Thessalonians 4:3-5 Tempting Acts
Proverbs 18:1 Isolation
I Corinthians 15: 33,34 Bad Company
Proverbs 28:1 Anything producing Guilt or Shame

5. WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED...

A. Use God’s Resources
2 Corinthians 12:9,10 T-Trust in God’s grace
Romans 8:5 H-Heed the Holy Spirit’s leading
Acts 3:16 A-Apply Christ’s name
Ephesians 6:18 N-Never stop praying
Jeremiah 23:24 K-Know God is watching
Proverbs 7:1-5 S-Saturate your mind with Scripture

B. Use Self Control

Romans 8:8 ASK- Would this glorify God?
I Corinthians 6: 12,13 ASK- Could this become habitual?
I Corinthians 11:1 ASK- Should I do this with others?
I Timothy 4:15 Strive for progress
Philippians 4:8 Re-direct the stimulus
Jeremiah 29:11 Wait for God’s best

6. IF YOU STUMBLE ...

Psalm 32:5 A- Ask for forgiveness
Proverbs 28:13,14
Proverbs 24:16 B-Bounce back
1 Samuel 30:6
Ecclesiasties 4:9, 10, 12 C-Call whoever holds you accountable
James 5:16
Psalms 50:22 D-Determine where you went wrong
Haggai 1:5
Matthew 5:29 E-Earnestly prohibit a sin to re-occur
Ephesians 5:11-13
Matthew 26:41 F-Face up to your vulnerability
Psalms 118:8
 A
Look AT GOD’S PERSPECTIVE
LUST: Matthew 5:28; 2 Peter 2:19, Romans
13:13-14, Genesis 2:18, Romans 6:13, 19

HOMOSEXUALITY: Leviticus 18:22-24; 20:13;

1. The adjective used more in God’s name Romans 1:26-27; 1 Corinthians 6:9;
than any other is holiness. 1 Timothy 1:9-10
2. Holy in various forms occurs 600
times in the Scripture. PREMARITAL SEX: 1 Corinthians 6:9, 13-20;
3. The only attribute given 3 time 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8; Hebrews 13:4-8
expression.
4. Infinite holiness – infinite hatred of
sin.
5. The Holy God owns us and has made us His holy
dwelling place. 1 Corinthians 3:16
6. Therefore, we must be holy in all things 1 Peter 1:15-16.

Marry?

the right thing at the

wrong time is the
2 Corinthians 6:15

Heart for People?

Basic Character?

Circumstances?
Romans 16:3-4

-School or Career
Genesis 29:20

Proverbs 24:27
Commited and

Engagement -

commitment.
Pslam 119:63

wrong thing
Friendship &

-Training: walk &

A Christian?

1 Peter 3:1-8

Timing and
Amos 3:3
growing?

decisive
-Self Control
“Jazz”

-Life Goals
-Parents
ministry

Dating Quiz
Planning to date or planning to mate? Friendship or more?
1. 1 Corinthians 3:16 Would I think or do this in God’s presence?
2. Proverbs 18:1 Is this relationship causing us to exclude
others for spending time together?
3. Titus 3:10-11 Are we becoming more and more argumentative?
4. Proverbs 31:30 Am I concerned primarily about appearance?
5. 1 Timothy 5:2 If she were Jesus Christ’s sister, would He
be doing or thinking this?
6. Ephesians 5:3-5 Does our conversation tend toward the
physical?
7. 2 Corinthians 6:14 Can I share freely about my love for
Christ and the ministry?
8. 1 Peter 3:3-4 Is my focus and primary attracton on inward qualities along with an
appreciation for the outward qualities?
9. Genesis 2:18-25 If this person is not God’s choice or if it is not His timing am I willing
to give them up or to wait?
10. 1 Corinthians 7:32, 35 Is this person a help or a hindrance to my really loving and serving
God?