Things Women Want From the Men in Their Lives

TABLE OF CONTENT

● Key points
● Specific to Romantic Partners
● Traits of Moral Integrity
● Types of Satisfying Intimacy With Romantic Partners
● Traits of Relational Sensitivity
● Types of Satisfying Intimacy With Romantic Partners
● What Everyone Deserves

KEY POINTS
What women seek in heterointercourseual romantic partners, male friends, and men in general,
is the same as what they seek in any friend.
Traits that women tend to value and need most from their romantic partners are integrity,
sensitivity, and intimacy.
Women need the men in their lives to be feminist allies who want to see them succeed.

I’ve conducted a lot of research regarding women's friendships and the ways that people can
most effectively maintain healthy connections over the long term. In a recent study, however, we
explored what women, from 18 to 75, need from the men in their lives. Not surprisingly, the
qualities women seek in heterointercourseual romantic partners, male friends, and men in
general, are not all that different from what they seek in a friend. This makes sense: Any good
relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities.

Specific to Romantic Partners

Women don’t need partners who invest all their energy in trying to prove how strong, manly,
masculine, macho, or heroic they are. They just want men who are willing to meet them where
they are and treat them fairly and equitably — and are able to make sure that the romantic
spark keeps burning.

There’s no reliable assessment that can predict whether someone is going to be a good match
for you or not; no dating-site algorithm can accurately predict the human heart. Even when a
potential partner brings all of the following qualities to a relationship, that's no guarantee that the
two of you will have good "chemistry" or meet up at the right time for each of you to enter a new
relationship. However, recognizing what we know that we need from the important people in our
lives increases our “relationship quotient” so that we can at least be aware of areas worthy of
enrichment prior to establishing a new romantic connection.
The traits that women tend to value and need most from the men in their lives can be
categorized in three discrete areas: moral integrity (from all men); relational sensitivity (from
friends and partners); and satisfying intimacy (from romantic partners).

Traits of Moral Integrity

Mutual respect is an all-or-nothing proposition: Once a person loses respect for a partner, all
bets are off. Women should be given the same respect that men offer other men. When a
person is made to feel disrespected or patronized, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather
than later. In terms of romantic relationships, even when you’re angry or disappointed by a
partner, respect should be maintained.

Open communication that occurs regularly and tactfully is essential. A healthy relationship
flourishes when communication is clear.
Honesty is another "make or break" trait: Don't give someone any reasons to doubt you.
Trust and trustworthiness allow relationships to deepen.
Taking responsibility for actions and behavior. Long-term healthy relationships require a high
level of maturity. Without it, disagreements and conflict worsen as couples engage in the “blame
game.” Communication fails and emotional damage can be done that cannot be easily repaired.
Traits of Relational Sensitivity
Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion.
Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other's
feelings. Recognize that a partner’s trials and tribulations matter to her and that partners’ roles
are to cherish and care for and about one another.
Friendship between men and women is also desired. Being a friend to your partner means
treating her in the patient, accepting manner in which you treat other close friends.
Emotional maturity is essential. It’s okay to have some childish fun when it’s appropriate, but it’s
important for women and men to behave like grown-ups when it’s time to do so, too. Being
aware that brute strength does not equal intelligence is also helpful in maintaining healthy
communication and connection. Sometimes it’s better to sit back and think through problems
before trying to manhandle your partner into a forced solution.
Being supportive of the women in your life can do a world of good. Supporting your partner is a
primary role. Whether your partner or a friend needs emotional or practical support, be there to
assist in small and big ways. Whether it’s taking time to listen, or more active involvement in
major decisions, child-rearing, finances, etc., make your presence a positive and supportive
one.
Sensitivity, coupled with validation of your partner's experiences, is essential. The cultural
experiences of adults vary greatly based on gender identity. Recognize your own biases in how
you view other women and imagine how your partner might be negatively affected by a world
that sees women as less than. Don’t assume she is making things up when she shares stories
of prejudice, discrimination, or unfair treatment. Gender roles constrain behavior; playing a part
in breaking down harmful gender roles at home and in the workplace benefits both men and
women. Don’t make women jump a higher bar to prove themselves – women and men should
be afforded the same rewards for the same investment. Gender shouldn’t be a disadvantage in
a relationship or a workplace.
Types of Satisfying Intimacy With Romantic Partners
Bring adventure and excitement into the relationship, in safe and welcome ways. Challenge
your partner’s perspectives and allow your own to be challenged as well. Open yourself up to
new experiences and ways of thinking as you make it safe and inviting for your partner to do the
same. Intellectual stimulation keeps relationships dynamic.
Companionship and partnership go along with friendship and create the glue that keeps most
long-term relationships moving forward. No one realizes how little energy they might have for
intercourseual activities once kids arrive, or jobs demand longer hours, or illness or disability
occur; there will be times when loyal companionship is what both of you need most from each
other.
Saying “I love you” may not be easy; these words can be highly charged. Sadly, some people
believe that saying them makes them vulnerable and more likely to be hurt. Your partner,
though, deserves to be made aware of your love. If saying those three words just isn’t going to
happen, make sure you show your partner love in ways that matter most to her. We all need to
feel loved.
As for intercourse, women ask that men don’t make everything about intercourse – i.e., don’t do
favors that you assume will result in intercourseual favors being done for you. Your good
behavior should not be viewed simply as a means towards a particular end. Good intercourse
can’t be bought, and by expecting intercourse as a payoff for doing something that pleases your
partner, you turn a potentially romantic encounter into more of a business deal. Few and far
between are the women who want to feel that they owe intercourse to a partner.
intercourseual activities that are geared to pleasing your partner, not just yourself, are what your
partners need you to provide. intercourse should be a fun adventure that allows partners to
explore and expand their intercourseual connection, not just a repetition of the same old, same
old. As one participant shared, “Men need to ditch the myth of female intercourseual purity once
and for all: With the right partner, women enjoy intercourse every bit as much as a man.”
What Everyone Deserves
Women need the men in their lives to be feminist allies who want to see the women in their lives
succeed every bit as much as they want to enjoy their own success. Men should take time to
recognize and acknowledge a woman's strengths and respect her for all that she brings to their
relationship. And when it comes to romantic connection, women want the same things men
want; they might just want them in a different order.

In the age of online dating, finding love has never been more accessible. It can be as simple as
filling out a compatibility quiz, or swiping right if that's more your speed. But online profiles don't
always tell the full story, and meeting up with someone you connected with online can lead to
some surprising discoveries. Getting to know the real person behind the profile is an important
step, and before you can decide whether or not to commit to a person, you need to know what
you're actually looking for and what they themselves are looking for in a partner.

"Any good relationship is built on some basic, down-to-earth qualities," says licensed counselor
Suzanne Degges-White. While superficial qualities like good looks and sexual chemistry are
some of the early indicators of compatibility, there are a few more significant, must-have
characteristics women look for in the man they hope to spend the rest of their lives
with—characteristics that aren't as likely to lessen with time.

While no two women are the same, we rounded up eight of the essential qualities that experts
say all women want in a man. Read on if you need a few pointers.

Confidence
When a man believes in himself, knows who he is, and knows what he wants, it's very appealing
to a woman, and is usually something she can tell simply from the attitude he exudes.

It’s important to note the key distinction between having high self-esteem versus an over-inflated
ego. While women want a man who is confident and self-assured, they don’t want a man who is
overbearing, has to be the center of attention, and thinks he’s the most important person in the
world.

Being confident means being comfortable with who you are and believing in yourself and that
you’re worth taking the time to get to know. Women respond to the positive and upbeat energy a
confident man is putting out in the world, so long as that confidence doesn't overextend into
egotism. When a man doesn't feel the need to compete with or belittle others to lift himself up, it
will go a long way in winning a woman's attention.

Trustworthiness
When a man is honest and trustworthy, he instantly becomes more appealing and desirable to a
woman. If he’s dependable, truthful, genuine, and speaks from the heart, he's a guy who is
worth pursuing, as people can take him at his word. "Trust and trustworthiness allow
relationships to deepen," says Degges-White. After all, a woman needs to know that, if a
relationship is to last long-term, she'll be able to rely on her man just as he should be able to
rely on her.

Integrity
Having integrity means acting virtuously and having a strong moral character. Women desire a
man who is honorable, fair, and ethical. In terms of relationships, having integrity can help
strengthen the bond a man has with a woman, as his moral principles will guide his behavior
and help him to be the best partner that he can be. Bonus points when that integrity extends
beyond the relationship and a man can treat others with fairness and kindness.

Compassion
A man who is compassionate and empathetic is one step ahead when it comes to attracting
women. Women want a man they can open up to, whether it’s about a bad day at the office or in
regard to their deepest hopes and fears. Having empathy means that you’re able to understand
another person's point of view and can sympathize with what they are going through. Women
are highly interested in a man who has the ability and desire to show care and concern for
others, too.

Emotional Availability
Women desire a man who is emotionally honest and forthright rather than a man who is cut off
and emotionally unavailable. While fully and openly expressing feelings may seem strange or
awkward at first, it’s important to be able to show a vulnerable, emotional, and human side of
yourself in order to build a lasting relationship. Women prefer a man who isn’t afraid to show
their true feelings and discuss them openly, instead of a man who keeps everything bottled up
inside of him. And yes, sometimes this means talking about previous relationships and sharing
parts of your past.

Respect
In order to have a healthy, happy, and successful relationship, both partners have to treat each
other with respect. If a woman feels taken for granted, dispensable, or treated poorly by a man,
she'll likely drop him in order to avoid a broken heart. "When a person is made to feel
disrespected or patronized, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later,"
Degges-White says. A woman will be more drawn to a man who shows her care and gives her
the respect she deserves.

A woman will be paying attention to your ability to show respect not just to her, but to others as
well, especially her friends and family. A man who can show respect to others is ahead of the
pack, and that won't go unnoticed.

A Sense of Humor
You don’t need to be a stand-up comedian or a comedy writer to capture a woman's attention,
but having the ability to goof off, joke around, and have a sense of humor is highly appealing.
"When two people are laughing at the same thing, they are basically saying, 'I share your
perspective, your values, and I certainly share what you think is amusing'," says Jeffrey Hall,
Ph.D., associate professor of communication studies at the University of Kansas. Hall's study
into the relationship between humor and romance found that the more times a man tried to be
funny and in turn the more times a woman laughed at his jokes, the more likely she was to be
romantically interested.1 It's simple science that a man who exudes a happy, lighthearted, and
positive energy into the world will make a woman want to be around him.

Maturity
Odds are that if the above traits apply to you, you've probably already got the maturity part
down. It's important to show a woman that not only are you emotionally mature and able to keep
an open line of communication, but also that you're mentally mature and capable of behaving
like a grown-up when it's time to do so. You can show this by thinking rationally, not
overreacting, and solving problems together after careful discussion. That's not to say you can't
have fun and be silly together, as allowing that vulnerable side of yourself to show is a sign of
maturity in itself.