Brain-Based

Conversation Skills
Participant Manual

Brain-Based Coaching Certificate | Part 1

© NeuroLeadership Institute (NLI) 2015. All rights reserved.

Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual | Brain-Based Coaching Certificate, Part 1

SCARF® is a registered trademark owned by Dr. David Rock and used under license by NLI.

This manual and the coaching techniques described in it are furnished under license and may be used or copied in accordance with the terms of
such license. The license granted allows participants who enroll in an Results Coaching program to utilize the models and tools within this manual
for one-to-one coaching or coaching small groups, either externally or internally in an organization. The models cannot be taught or supplied to
others without permission. The approach to coaching contained in this manual cannot be sold to an organization directly or indirectly, except where
a coach is delivering one-to-one or small-group coaching themselves.

The information is furnished for informational use only, is subject to change without notice, and should not be construed as a commitment by
NLI or its subsidiaries. NLI assumes no responsibility or liability for any errors or inaccuracies that may appear in this manual.

All writing, artwork, and images in this manual are protected under international copyright law. The unauthorized incorporation of such artwork
or information into any new work could be a violation of the rights of the author. Please be sure to obtain any permission required from
NeuroLeadership Institute International prior to any usage.

Written by Results Coaching Systems International, GPO Box 395 Sydney NSW 2001 Australia.
Table of Contents
Program Information 4
Program Objectives 4
Learning Outcomes 4
Program Details 4
Your Personal Goals 4
Program Materials 4
Program Overview 5
ICF Core Competencies 6
of Coaching
Gaining a Coaching Credential 9
Frequently Asked Questions 9
NLI Participant 11
Course Agreements
Orientation 13
How It All Fits Together 13
How We Learn - 14
The AGES™ Model Clarifying 66
The Learning Journey 16
Six Insights About the Brain 17
Defining Coaching 18
How Results Coaching 18
Differs from Other Fields
A Theoretical Approach 20
Theoretical Approach to 21
the Results Coaching System
Principles of the Results 22
Coaching System™
Module 1: Brain-Based 25
Conversation Theory
Establishing Coaching 25
Effectiveness
How We Change 27
The Brain at High Level 28
The Limbic System 30
The SCARF® Model 32
PRE: Applying the SCARF® Model 36
Choose Your Focus™ 38
Module 2: Brain-Based 40 Module 9: Elements of 95
Communication Insightful Conversations
Fixed vs. Growth Mindset 40 Trust 95
Listen for Potential™ 43 Framing the Conversation 96
Other Keys to Listening 44 Acknowledgement 97
The Clarity of Distance™ 45 Completion 99
Other Communication Skills 47
Module 10: Developing 101
Speak with Intent™ 48
New Habits
Module 3: Conversations 51 Types of Habits 101
that Generate Insight Keys to Building Habits 102
Why Insights Matter 51 Implementation Intentions 102
Conditions for Insight 52
Module 11: Action to Habit 105
Four Faces of Insight™ 53
The REVIEW Model
™
105
Module 4: The Dance of Insight™ 62
Module 12: Coaching 109
Overview 62
with Presence
Permission 63
Placement 64 Coaching Presence 109
Program Completion 111
Questioning 65
Module 5: Impasse to Insight 69
Veto Power 69
Self-Directed Feed-Forward™ 70
SDFF ™ in the Workplace 71
Module 6: Insight to Action 74
CREATE® New Thinking 74
Designing Actions 79
Module 7: Emotion Regulation 81
Labelling 83
Reappraisal 86
Direct Experience 89
Module 8: Bringing the 92
Conversation Together
The Top Insights into 92
Coaching Conversations
The Top Pitfalls of 93
Coaching Conversations
Program Information
Program Objectives Program Materials
This program supports participants to develop • Your participant workbook (this manual)
strong brain-based conversation skills, and have • Set of flashcards
insightful coaching conversations.
• Quiet Leadership – David Rock

PRE-READING
Learning Outcomes
• Quiet Leadership, Part 1 PDF extract – David Rock
• Discover key insights about the brain
• Communicate using a wide range of techniques BOOKS
• Gain skills to generate insights and learning Here are a few recommended readings to help you
• Develop confidence in regulating emotions develop your skills as a Results Coach,
• Help your coachees build new, positive habits in alphabetical order:
• A User’s Guide to the Brain – John Ratey
Program Details • Coaching with the Brain in Mind – David Rock
and Linda Page
Your Name: • Learned Optimism – Martin Seligman
• The Mind and the Brain – Jeffrey Schwarz
Your Phone Number: and Sharon Begley
• The Path of Least Resistance – Robert Fritz
Date Program Commenced:
• Personal Best – David Rock
Location: • Social – Matt Lieberman
• Social Intelligence – Daniel Goleman
Lead Trainer: • Your Brain at Work – David Rock

Co-Lead Trainer: ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

(e.g. papers, articles, audio, and video) can be found
Assistant Trainer: on the resources page for this program, which can
be accessed with the password provided to you in
Program Assistant: your welcome email.

Your Personal Goals - Three things I want from this program are:
1.

2.

3.

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Program Overview

Orientation Course Logistics

Six Insights About the Brain
The Results Coaching Approach

Day 1 Module 1 Brain-Based Conversation Theory

Module 2 Brain-Based Communication
Module 3 Conversations that Generate Insight
Module 4 Dance of Insight™

Day 2 Module 5 Impasse to Insight

Module 6 Insight to Action
Module 7 Emotion Regulation
Module 8 Bringing the Conversation Together

Day 3 Module 9 Elements of Insightful Conversations

Module 10 Developing New Habits
Module 11 Action to Habit
Module 12 Coaching with Presence

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
ICF Core Competencies
of Coaching
1. Meeting Ethical Guidelines
and Professional Standards
Understanding of coaching ethics and
standards, and ability to apply them
appropriately in all coaching situations.
• Understands and exhibits in own behaviours the
International Coach Federation (ICF) Standards of
Conduct (see list, Part III of ICF Code of Ethics),
• Understands and follows all ICF Ethical
Guidelines (see list),
• Clearly communicates the distinctions between
coaching, consulting, psychotherapy, and other
support professions,
• Refers client to another support professional as
needed, knowing when this is needed and the
available resources.
2. Establishing the
Coaching Agreement
Ability to understand what is required in the
specific coaching interaction, and to come
to agreement with the prospective and
new client about the coaching process
and relationship.
• Understands and effectively discusses with the
client the guidelines and specific parameters of
the coaching relationship (e.g., logistics, fees,
scheduling, inclusion of others if appropriate),
• Reaches agreement about what is appropriate
in the relationship and what is not, what is and
is not being offered, and about the client’s
and coach’s responsibilities,
• Determines whether there is an effective match
between his/her coaching method and the
needs of the prospective client.
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3. Establishing Trust and
Intimacy with the Client
Ability to create a safe, supportive
environment that produces ongoing
mutual respect and trust.
• Shows genuine concern for the client’s welfare
and future,
• Continuously demonstrates personal integrity,
honesty, and sincerity,
• Establishes clear agreements and keeps promises,
• Demonstrates respect for client’s perceptions,
learning style, and personal being,
• Provides ongoing support for and champions
new behaviours and actions, including those
involving risk taking and fear of failure,
• Asks permission to coach client in sensitive,
new areas.
4. Coaching Presence
Ability to be fully conscious and create
spontaneous relationship with the client,
employing a style that is open, flexible,
and confident.
• Is present and flexible during the coaching
process, dancing in the moment,
• Accesses own intuition and trusts one’s inner
knowing—“goes with the gut,”
• Is open to not knowing and takes risks,
• Sees many ways to work with the client, and
chooses in the moment what is most effective,
• Uses humour effectively to create lightness
and energy,
• Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments
with new possibilities for own action,
• Demonstrates confidence in working with strong
emotions, and can self-manage and not be
overpowered or enmeshed by client’s emotions.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
5. Active Listening
Ability to focus completely on what the client
is saying and is not saying to understand
the meaning of what is said in the context
of the client’s desires, and to support client
self-expression.
• Attends to the client and the client’s agenda,
and not to the coach’s agenda for the client,
• Hears the client’s concerns, goals, values and
beliefs about what is and is not possible,
• Distinguishes between the words, the tone of
voice, and the body language,
• Summarises, paraphrases, reiterates, and
mirrors back what client has said to ensure
clarity and understanding,
• Encourages, accepts, explores, and reinforces
the client’s expression of feelings, perceptions,
concerns, beliefs, suggestions, etc.,
• Integrates and builds on client’s ideas
and suggestions,
• “Bottom-lines” or understands the essence
of the client’s communication, and helps the
client get there rather than engaging in long,
descriptive stories,
• Allows the client to vent or “clear” the situation
without judgement or attachment in order to
move on to next steps.
6. Powerful Questioning
Ability to ask questions that reveal the
information needed for maximum benefit
to the coaching relationship and the client.
• Asks questions that reflect active listening and
an understanding of the client’s perspective,
• Asks questions that evoke discovery, insight,
commitment, or action (e.g., those that
challenge the client’s assumptions),
• Asks open-ended questions that create greater
clarity, possibility, or new learning
• Asks questions that move the client towards
what they desire, not questions that ask for
the client to justify or look backwards.
7. Direct Communication
Ability to communicate effectively during
coaching sessions, and to use language that
has the greatest positive impact on the client.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
• Is clear, articulate, and direct in sharing and
providing feedback,
• Reframes and articulates to help the client
understand from another perspective what
he/she wants or is uncertain about,
• Clearly states coaching objectives, meeting
agenda, and purpose of techniques or exercises,
• Uses language appropriate and respectful
to the client (e.g., non-sexist, non-racist,
non-technical, non-jargon),
• Uses metaphor and analogy to help to illustrate
a point or paint a verbal picture.
8. Creating Awareness
Ability to integrate and accurately evaluate
multiple sources of information, and to
make interpretations that help the client
to gain awareness and thereby achieve
agreed-upon results.
• Goes beyond what is said in assessing the
client’s concerns, not getting hooked by
the client’s description,
• Invokes inquiry for greater understanding,
awareness, and clarity,
• Identifies for the client his/her underlying
concerns, typical and fixed ways of perceiving
himself/herself and the world, differences
between the facts and the interpretation,
and disparities between thoughts, feelings,
and action,
• Helps clients to discover for themselves the new
thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, moods,
etc. that strengthen their ability to take action
and achieve what is important to them,
• Communicates broader perspectives to
clients, and inspires commitment to shift their
viewpoints and find new possibilities for action,
• Helps clients to see the different, interrelated
factors that affect them and their behaviours
(e.g. thoughts, emotions, body, background),
• Expresses insights to clients in ways that are
useful and meaningful for the client,
• Identifies major strengths vs. major areas
for learning and growth, and what is most
important to address during coaching,
• Asks the client to distinguish between trivial
and significant issues “situational vs. recurring
behaviours” when detecting a separation between
what is being stated and what is being done.
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9. Designing Actions
Ability to create with the client opportunities
for ongoing learning, during coaching and
in work/life situations, and for taking new
actions that will most effectively lead to
agreed-upon coaching results.
• Brainstorms and assists the client to define
actions that will enable the client to demonstrate,
practise, and deepen new learning,
• Helps the client to focus on and systematically
explore specific concerns and opportunities that
are central to agreed-upon coaching goals,
• Engages the client to explore alternative ideas
and solutions, to evaluate options, and to make
related decisions,
• Promotes active experimentation and
self-discovery, where the client applies
what has been discussed and learned during
sessions immediately afterwards in his/her
work or life setting,
• Celebrates client successes and capabilities
for future growth,
• Challenges client’s assumptions and
perspectives to provoke new ideas and find
new possibilities for action,
• Advocates or brings forward points of view
that are aligned with client goals, and, without
attachment, engages the client to consider them,
• Helps the client “Do It Now” during
the coaching session, providing
immediate support,
• Encourages stretches and challenges,
but also a comfortable pace of learning.
10. Planning and Goal Setting
Ability to develop and maintain an effective
coaching plan with the client.
• Consolidates collected information, and
establishes a coaching plan and development
goals with the client that address concerns and
major areas for learning and development,
• Creates a plan with results that are attainable,
measurable, specific, and have target dates,
• Makes plan adjustments as warranted by
the coaching process and by changes in
the situation,
• Helps the client identify and access different
resources for learning (e.g., books, other
professionals),
• Identifies and targets early successes that are
important to the client.
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
11. Managing Progress
and Accountability
Ability to hold attention on what is important
for the client, and to leave responsibility with
the client to take action.
• Clearly requests of the client actions that will
move the client toward their stated goals,
• Demonstrates follow-through by asking the
client about those actions that the client
committed to during the previous session(s),
• Acknowledges the client for what they have
done, not done, learned, or become aware
of since the previous coaching session(s),
• Effectively prepares, organises, and reviews with
the client information obtained during sessions,
• Keeps the client on track between sessions
by holding attention on the coaching plan and
outcomes, agreed-upon courses of action,
and topics for future session(s),
• Focuses on the coaching plan, but is also open
to adjusting behaviours and actions based on
the coaching process and shifts in direction
during sessions,
• Is able to move back and forth between the big
picture of where the client is heading, setting a
context for what is being discussed and where
the client wishes to go,
• Promotes client’s self-discipline, and holds
the client accountable for what they say they
are going to do, for the results of an intended
action, or for a specific plan with related
time frames,
• Develops the client’s ability to make decisions,
address key concerns, and develop himself/
herself (to get feedback, to determine priorities
and set the pace of learning, and
to reflect on and learn from experiences),
• Positively confronts the client with the fact that
he/she did not take agreed-upon actions.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Gaining a Coaching Credential
Frequently Asked Questions

What will I receive after On completion of the three-day (BBCS) or the full program (BBCC),
completing this program? you will receive a Brain-Based Coaching Certificate. Your certificate will
list the relevant ICF training hours and Core Competencies, and can be
attached to your ICF application.
You will also receive the NLI Results Trained Coach logo for use on
advertising and promotional materials.
Please note that in our efforts to become an environmentally-friendly
company, we now only issue digital copies of the certificate.

What are the attendance We require 90% attendance. This means completing 10 of the 12
requirements to obtain a Brain-Based Conversation Skills modules, including the Orientation call,
certificate? and 14 of 16 Brain-Based Coaching Certificate modules. It also means
attending 90% of any given teleclass and completing assignments
between sessions.
Catch-up classes and recordings are not available. If you miss more than
10% of sessions, you will be given the option to postpone your training
or join another program (at an additional administrative cost).
Our attendance requirements are aligned to those of the ICF.

Does this program include an We offer an optional Results Certified Coach (RCC) assessment upon
assessment? completion of the Brain-Based Coaching Certificate program. We
recommend this assessment for anyone who wants increase his or her
competence, confidence, and credibility as a coach.
The assessment evaluates your coaching skills and application of the
Results Coaching System, based on the ICF Core Competencies for
coaching. The assessment may be suitable for ICF credentialing application
purposes, depending on the type of application you are lodging.
Upon successful completion of the RCC assessment, you will receive
a certificate and the NLI Results Certified Coach logo for use in
advertising and promotional materials. Please note that in our efforts
to become an environmentally-friendly company, we only issue digital
copies of the certificate.
Information on how to register for the RCC assessment plus pricing
information will be provided by email approximately four weeks after
completion of the Brain-Based Coaching Certificate.

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
How does this program help me
gain an external credential with
the ICF?
What else do I need to apply for
an ACC credential with the ICF?
Where can I find a mentor coach
for my ICF application?
Where can I get more
information on gaining an ICF
credential?
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Brain-Based Conversation Skills provides 24 coach-specific training
hours and 12 self-study hours towards an Associate Certified Coach
credential with the ICF via both the Accredited Coach Specific Training
Hours (ACSTH) and Portfolio Routes.
The Brain-Based Coaching Certificate, of which this program is Part One,
meets the full training requirements of 48-coach specific training hours
and 28 self-study hours to apply for the ICF Associate Certified Coach
credential via both the ACSTH and Portfolio routes.
You will need a coaching log demonstrating 100 hours (75 paid) of
coaching experience with at least eight clients. The coaching log template
preferred by the ICF can be downloaded at their website (see details
below). You will also need 10 hours of mentoring with a qualified mentor
coach and to pass the ICF Coach Knowledge Assessment.
Any coach with an ACC, PCC, or MCC credential with the ICF is qualified
as a mentor coach. The ICF has a mentor registry on their website.
For further information on your development pathway, you can contact
the NeuroLeadership Institute Global Coach Certification Coordinator
at coachcertification@neuroleadership.com, or go to the ICF website
www.coachfederation.org and look under Individual Credentialing.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
NLI Participant
Course Agreements
These agreements cover the Brain-Based Conversation Skills and Brain-Based Coaching Certificate programs.
They are agreements you make with yourself, and are designed to create the best learning experience for
yourself and the group. Please read, sign, and date, and bring any concerns you have to the training team.
1. Confidentiality
Confidentiality is an integral aspect of being a coach,
and one that is also central to creating a safe place on
our training programs. All coaches and trainers must
keep everything that happens within the program
completely confidential. It is permissible to share your
experience of training and your insights, remembering
to protect the privacy of other participants.
I agree to keep everything that happens in these
programs confidential.
2. Openness to new ideas
Many of you are already highly trained in different
areas of personal development, training, business,
and mentoring. In order to make this course
effective, it is important that, at times, you allow
yourself to learn new ideas, concepts, and
frameworks that may contradict what you already
know and use.
I agree to be open and participate fully in the
learning process.
NLI training programs can be challenging, and many
participants at some point are stretched in some way.
This agreement is about committing to completing
the course and contacting the training team for any
necessary support.
I agree to complete the program no matter
how challenging it may seem.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
3. Being present
Please aim to be in an optimal state for both training
and partnered work, particularly when coaching
others. This may include getting sufficient sleep and
nutrition, putting aside any distractions or emotions
as best you can, and ensuring you are not impaired
by drugs or alcohol.
I agree to do my best to be in an optimal state
for all training and partnered work.
4. Attendance
We start every session exactly on time. On live
training days, please return from breaks at the
requested time. If you are running late for a teleclass,
please contact the assistant trainer or program
assistant at least one hour prior to commencement.
I agree to be on time for all training sessions.
The training team will plan on you being there
the entire duration of the training as a requirement
of completion (see below). If you have to leave
a session, please let the training team know as
early as possible.
I agree to not leave a session early without
speaking to one of the trainers.
There will be vital information at each session, and
each module builds on the previous one. Completion
of the program is based on the ICF requirement of
90% attendance of the total number of modules.
This means completing 10 of the 12 Brain-Based
Conversation Skills modules, including the Orientation
call, and 14 of 16 Brain-Based Coaching Certificate
modules. If you need to miss more, you will be given
the option to postpone your training or join another
program (at an additional administrative cost).
I agree to attend a minimum 90% of all sessions.
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5. Completing all elements
There will be additional work assigned during the live
training and between every teleclass. This will often
include practicing things you have learned during the
session. Completing these assignments fully is vital to
your learning experience. You may need to be very
proactive to schedule your additional work when it
involves program partners.
I agree to complete all the additional work
between sessions.
Catch-up classes and recordings are not available.
All modules are covered in your Participant Manual,
and we recommend working with your classmates
(BBCS) or assigned weekly partner (BBCC) for notes
on missed modules before the next session. We do
understand that emergencies occur, and will work
with you to accommodate these on an individual
basis. Please be in contact with your training team
to discuss.
I agree to be responsible for making up any
modules missed before the next session.
6. Coaching
In order to make the training valuable, we may
request permission to coach you as part of the
learning experience. This may be uncomfortable
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
at times; however, we find this is an important part
of the learning. The trainer will always ask your
permission before offering any coaching, and you
have the right to say no.
I understand that the trainer may ask to coach
me in front of the group within this training.
Make sure you have permission from a person before
coaching them. Unsolicited coaching can be very
damaging to your relationships. This is relevant in the
training room and everywhere else.
I agree to ask permission before coaching
anyone in or outside the course.
7. Communication
We request that you bring any concerns or questions
you have about coaching, training, or anything to
do with NLI to your training team. We recommend
that you speak with the person best-suited to do
something about your concern.
I agree to speak to the training team about any
concerns or questions about the training program.
SIGNED
DATED
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Orientation
How It All Fits Together
The Brain-Based Coaching Certificate program is
designed with the brain in mind. At its foundation
is coaching theory, supported by contemporary
neuroscience. The three-day program Brain-Based
Conversation Skills applies this theory by introducing
models and frameworks to give participants the skills
to have brain-friendly coaching conversations.
Participants who continue on with the Brain-Based
Coaching Certificate learn a structure to run a formal
12-session coaching engagement and tools to deepen
the coaching journey.
At an organisational level, these elements work
together to build a coaching culture.

Notes

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
How We Learn - The AGES™ Model
NLI programs employ a learning approach based on
the most recent findings from neuroscience. These
have been summarised into a four-part model that
describes how to make learning stick: Attention,
Generation, Emotion, and Spacing.1 Below is a brief
description of each element and suggestions on
how you can optimise your own learning process.
ATTENTION
A region of the brain called the hippocampus plays
a key role in learning. When activated sufficiently,
it creates deep circuits that can be easily retrieved.
For this to occur, the brain needs just the right
balance of chemicals: Dopamine for a feeling of
reward, and norepinephrine for alertness. This is
most likely to happen when we pay close attention
to something relevant and interesting. The concept
of “undivided attention” is key here.
Attention is maximised when a variety of learning
techniques are offered. One reason for this is that
novelty raises dopamine levels.
In this program, we deliver learning using a
combination of visual, auditory, and kinesthetic
elements (for example, slide decks, storytelling,
group discussions, role-playing, scenario planning,
and games).
Tips:
Find ways to refresh your attention whenever you
feel it start to flag, for example:
• Stand up and stretch.
• Ask a question or volunteer an idea.
• Go outside in the break.
• Eat and drink when you need it to maintain energy.
• Give yourself permission to “mind wander”
for a moment.
• Practise mindfulness in the moment
(for example, focus on your breathing).
• Start taking notes, or stop taking notes
(i.e., do something non-habitual).
• Resist the urge to multitask (for example, turn
digital devices off, and put them out of sight).
What else?
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
GENERATION
Research shows that one of the keys to optimising
learning and building long-term memory is to create
“ownership” of new content. One way to achieve
this is to encourage the learner to think about the
meaning of the information and compare it to
their existing knowledge. Richer associations are
generated when the learner finds ways to transform
the knowledge so it is meaningful to them. Because
each brain is unique, a large part of learning should
be self-directed. Immediate feedback on any errors
is also extremely helpful.
We give you opportunities to give yourself feedback
after coaching practice, and also to receive feedback
(with permission). Every time we ask you to draw,
write, or discuss what you are learning, we are
helping you generate.
We also aim make learning situations as “real” and as
personal as possible, because this activates the social
circuits in the brain. Studies are showing that we
feel strongest about social issues and pay the most
attention to them. 2
Tips:
• Draw diagrams, mind-map or concepts, take notes
in colour or using markers.
• Explain what you are learning to someone outside
the program.
• Talk to fellow students in the break about your insights.
• Ask questions.
• Volunteer to answer questions asked by the training
team, and focus on making new connections,
rather than getting it right or wrong.
• List or visualise real-life situations where you could
apply the concept you are learning.
• Practise the skills in the scheduled sessions and
whenever you get the opportunity.
• Connect the frameworks, models, and concepts
you are learning to existing ones you already know.
• Look for opportunities to apply what you have
learned at work or at home.
What else?
1
Davachi, L, Kiefer, T, Rock L, and Rock (2010). Learning that lasts through
the AGES, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue Three
2
Lieberman, M.D. (2013) Social: Why Our Brains are Wired to Connect. New
York: Crown Publishers.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
EMOTION
Studies show there is a strong connection with how
vivid a memory is and how emotional the original
event was.3 Both strong negative and positive
emotions have this effect, but research shows too
much negative emotion interferes with the learner’s
ability to think creatively.4
In this program we aim to create strong positive
emotion overall, and to balance it with a mild amount
of negative emotion—enough to help you stay
alert. That is why we focus on what is working, with
frequent acknowledgement, and also “put you on
the spot” and ask you for your comments throughout
training sessions.

Tips:
• Ask first what is going well before what needs
to change.
• Reduce any negative emotion using labelling:
Jot down one word to describe how you are
feeling whenever needed (see Module 7 for
more information).
• Practise mindfulness during the training:
Take three deep breaths, and focus back on the
present (see Module 7 for more information).
• Help create an environment of trust by sharing
openly and respecting confidentiality.
• Practise positively acknowledging yourself and
others during the program (see Module 9 for
more information).
What else?
SPACING
There is a wealth of research showing that better
results are achieved when learning is distributed over
time, rather than crammed into a few large sessions.5
Spacing allows the brain to further digest new
content and over time build new connections, even
when learners are at rest. Spacing forces the learner
to retrieve data that has been forgotten, which
actually assists the creation of long-term memories.
Research has not yet identified the optimum gap
between learning sessions, but it is clear that any gap
is better than no gap at all.
Our live training sessions have built-in breaks and
reflection time so you can digest what you have
learned. The teleclasses are spaced at regular
intervals to allow you time to “forget” what you have
learned, then retrieve it during the practice sessions
and in the learning debrief the following week.

Tips:
• Get a good night’s sleep whenever possible,
especially after each of the live training days.
• Schedule assignments and practice sessions so
that you have time to digest what you learned.

What else?

3
Jensen, E. (2005). Teaching With the Brain in Mind, 2nd Edition.
4
Subramaniam, K. et al. (2009). Positive mood and anxiety modulate anterior
cingulate activity and cognitive preparation for insight. Journal of Cognitive
Neuroscience, 21, 415-432.
5
Davachi, L., Kiefer, T., Rock D., and Rock, L. (2010). Learning that lasts
through AGES, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue Three.
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The Learning Journey

There is a clearly identifiable series of steps that we all go through when learning a new skill, habit, or way of
thinking. These steps sometimes bring strong emotions as we struggle to learn something new. Being able
to recognise these steps in yourself and others will help reduce the tension and challenges inherent in going
through change and in learning new habits.

UNCONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE CONSCIOUS COMPETENCE

This is a stage of unawareness. We literally don’t know
what we don’t know and it doesn’t matter to us.
For example: If we’ve never used a piece of software
before, we may have a general idea of what it can
do, but we don’t know how to use it. We may simply
be thinking about the possible advantages of using
this software.
In this stage, we’re starting to become competent,
but we’re very aware of what we’re doing. We tend
to feel a little excited about what we can do but still
have to focus on what we are doing.
For example: We are able to perform certain
functions using the software and navigate the
menus, but it still consumes a lot of mental energy.

CONSCIOUS INCOMPETENCE UNCONSCIOUS COMPETENCE

This stage tends to involve some degree of
awkwardness, embarrassment, fear, and uncertainty.
Suddenly, we’re conscious of what we don’t know.
For example: The software is loaded, but we can’t
make sense of the drop-down menus, or figure out
how to perform a certain basic function. This stage
can throw some people off, as they’ve moved from
blissful ignorance to uncomfortable awareness.
It can be easy to get frustrated and give up here.
The new learning is totally a part of us. We no longer
spend conscious resources on the new habit or skill;
it’s a normal part of who we are.
For example: We use the software to perform our
tasks without thinking twice about it. The new skill
is fully embedded in our brain.

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Six Insights About the Brain
The Results Coaching System is a brain-based approach to coaching. This means that we explain and teach
coaching through an understanding of brain functioning. This body of knowledge is based on a wide range of
research by thousands of neuroscientists. The following are six insights into the brain that help explain how and
why coaching works.
1. THE BRAIN IS A
CONNECTION MACHINE
The brain creates millions of new connections
each second. The brain loves to make connections.
Wide-scale connections that are novel are energising
to the brain. When we make new connections like
this, useful neurotransmitters like adrenaline and
dopamine are generated that drive people to want
to take action. When we are unable to make a
connection—when we can’t think our way out of
a problem—we hit an impasse. Coaching helps
people resolve impasses that they have not been
able to solve by themselves.
2. UP CLOSE, NO TWO
BRAINS ARE ALIKE
Everyone has a unique set of connections for how
they think about things. Your pathways are different
from everyone else’s. Basic physical and mental
functions, like moving a limb, use similar circuits,
but thoughts about more subtle issues, like goals
and motivation, involve complex individual sets of
circuits. How you solve a problem is just how you
would solve a problem; other people are likely to
use quite different mental pathways to get there.
3. THE BRAIN HARDWIRES
EVERYTHING IT CAN
New ideas or behaviours use what is called “working
memory,” which is a very limited resource in the
brain. Therefore, the brain prefers to hardwire any
behaviour, thought, or activity that is repeated,
so one literally doesn’t have to pay it any more
attention. Coaching, which involves getting people
out of automatic pilot and into more conscious
thought, takes significant effort to leverage this
brain preference for hardwiring.
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4. HARDWIRING DRIVES
AUTOMATIC PERCEPTION
Our perceptions are driven by deeper, hardwired
circuits—old habits—much more than by receiving
data fresh from the world. As a result, people
perceive the world according to their beliefs and
attitudes, rather than seeing things as they are or
as they could be.
5. IT’S PRACTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE
TO DECONSTRUCT OUR WIRING
Attention itself creates change in the brain. Hebb’s
Law (1949) put simply is, “Cells that fire together wire
together” This means that trying to get rid of circuits
by focusing on them is often ineffective—we end up
deepening them instead. This explains why focusing
on solutions creates solutions, whereas focusing on
problems seems simply to create more awareness
of problems.
6. IT’S EASY TO
CREATE NEW WIRING
The brain creates new connections all the time.
Every time we travel to a new part of a city, meet
a new person, or understand a new idea, we literally
create a new “map” in our brain. Creating new
circuits can be quite easy. The key, if we want to
create a long-term (hardwired) circuit, is to pay it
lots of attention. Attention, in the form of quality
and quantity (seconds) of focus, is what changes
the brain over time.
Reference: For more on the six insights, refer to
Part One of Quiet Leadership by David Rock.
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Defining Coaching
The Results Coaching System defines coaching as,
“Facilitating positive change by improving thinking.”
The coach’s role is to facilitate or to “enable.”
The focus is on a certain type of change—positive-
focused change, as opposed to deficit-focused
change.
This definition allows for the idea of understanding
the brain in order to improve one’s own and other
people’s thinking. The role of the coach is to help
people think better, not to tell them what to do.
HAVING A POSITIVE IMPACT IN A SHORT
AMOUNT OF TIME
As coaches, we usually go into a conversation with
the intent of having a positive impact. We want
to help or support someone to achieve a specific
outcome (Position A, below).
But, so often, things go wrong: People take things
the wrong way, they don’t understand where you
are coming from, or you wanted different things
from the conversation, and so on. We may still get
there (Position B, below) but it may take a long and
winding route.
The Results Coaching System is about getting from
A to B in a much shorter amount of time.
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How Results Coaching Differs
from Other Fields
The Results Coaching System is not a religion;
or a philosophy; or a set of instructions, rules,
or guidelines for living.
The Results Coaching System does not tell you how
to live, how to think, or how to act, nor is it a course
that you “take.” The coach does not have a preset
conversation or presentation to run through (though
sometimes there are certain types of conversations
that need to happen). The coach is there to facilitate
a conversation, to allow a discussion to unfold in
a way that’s appropriate to the coachee.
Results-trained coaches do share some common
values based on a set of shared principles, like
integrity, an awareness of the power of emotions,
and a belief in human potential.
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM IS NOT
COUNSELLING
Coaching is focused on where you are now, where
you want to be, and what you will do about getting
there. Coaching is about moving forward, not
analysing the past. Coaching looks at “how,” not “why.”
Coaching does not try to solve people’s personal
problems or issues, though sometimes they get solved
along the way. It is not just solution-focused; it is also
very action-based, helping people come to solutions
and also helping them to take committed action.
While many skills are common to both coaching
and counselling or therapy, the role of the coach is
still vastly different. A great coach rarely asks, “Why?”
Rather, they often ask, “How,” “What,” “Where,”
“When,” and “Who?”
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM IS NOT
CONSULTING
Results Trained Coaches don’t give advice—unless
highly appropriate. Even then, they help people to
make choices between ideas rather than telling
people what they “should” do.
A consultant does a job for you, whereas a coach
supports you to do the job better yourself. A consultant
provides facts, figures, reports, information, or
some other kind of “work,” whereas a coach has a
conversation to support you to be the best you can be.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Coaches don’t need to know everything about an
area to coach a coachee in it. In fact, we tend to be
better coaches when we know just a little about an
area rather than a lot.
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM IS NOT TRAINING
Results Trained Coaches have no pre-set curriculum
to follow; the coach does not have information to be
“imparted” to the coachee. There are no coach-driven
outcomes—only the goals that the coachee sets.
Real coaching is when the agenda is driven
exclusively by the coachee. Just as every brain is
different, coaching is a different experience for
each and every coachee.
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM IS
NOT MENTORING
Mentoring tends to be focused closely on career
development. Coaching is far broader and is
applicable to any area of work and life. Coaching
tends to have more structure than mentoring, for
example, having defined goals and sessions. The
coach is also usually willing to stretch and challenge
a coachee significantly more than a mentor would.
Mentoring is giving people advice based on your
experience. A coach, conversely, does not even need
specific information about their coachee’s area of
expertise to coach them.
This is an interesting paradox that some people find
challenging when they first hear about coaching:
The more a coach already understands about a
person’s situation, the less effective the coach tends
to be. For example, if you’re coaching someone in
an industry you have worked in yourself, you may
have a preset notion of what the right answers are.
A little bit of knowledge about a coachee’s area of
interest can be helpful. A lot can be a hindrance.
The less you know about a specific domain the
coachee is interested in, the more you can listen
and be truly present with the coachee.
Some people ask themselves at this point, “What
about all that great experience I have, all that training
and insight? Can’t I share that with the coachee?”
To the coachee, this will usually feel like you have
an agenda on the table, rather than like you are
supporting them to learn.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM IS NOT
MANAGING THE COACHEE
While coaches do help people manage their
work and lives, being a coach is not being
someone’s manager.
The key differences are that coaches don’t set the
agenda or guide their coachees in any particular
direction. A coach holds the coachee accountable to
him or herself, not to the coach. Although coaches
stretch their coachees, they do not “get on their
case” as a manager might.
THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM DOES WORK
WITH THE COACHEE’S AGENDA
The agenda in coaching is not the past. The agenda
is not what the coach wants the coachee to do
(though it can be incredibly challenging to put this
aside at times as a coach!). The agenda is definitely
not what’s wrong with people and trying to fix it.
In coaching, the agenda is the coachee’s agenda,
but not just any agenda. It’s the coachee’s agenda for
themselves and for their future. And, if they haven’t
got an agenda, it’s about helping them create one.
For example, an agenda for who they want to be,
how they want to live, how they want to work, and
how the coach can help them get onto and start
moving down this path.
The agenda is to help the coachee be more of who
they already are and who they have the potential to
be. So, coaching is the art of facilitating a person’s
learning journey.
The coachee learns without anyone teaching.
The coachee gets into action without anyone telling
them what to do. The coachee becomes more
motivated without being pushed. And the coachee
gets smarter and more balanced without anyone
telling them how to do things better. The key to this
is the coach leaving their own agenda at the door
and being there completely for the coachee, totally
committed to them and their path. The coach has
to be almost “invisible” in the process.
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THE RESULTS COACHING SYSTEM DOES FOCUS
ON THINKING
Often, we focus on what we can see, as illustrated
by the iceberg model, below. In other words, we
focus on results and on the behaviour of individuals.
However, results and behaviours are driven by the
feelings and thinking of the individual. As Results
coaches, we focus at the level of thinking, and at
the same time we help coachees regulate their
emotions. This is what makes coaching such an
effective tool for change.

A Theoretical Approach
INFLUENCES IN ALL TYPES OF COACHING
From a distance, it looks like coaching might be
just the simple act of helping people set goals
and achieve them. However, once you start to
understand coaching, it emerges as a rich and
complex field, with a wide range of influences.
These influences include related disciplines such
as philosophy, psychology, counselling, learning
theory, change theory, systems theory, and others.
Within each of these fields, there are hundreds of
insights, models, and approaches that either inform
or influence the field of coaching. For example,
within the person-centred approach is the idea of
asking people questions using the Socratic method.
This idea of bringing people to their own insights
through questioning is at the heart of coaching
and is one of the oldest ideas within the field of
philosophy, dating from around 400 BCE.
While trying to understand all these influences could
be overwhelming, it is helpful to know that coaching
does have a history and what this history is. This can
give coaching practitioners greater confidence in
their profession and in their skills.

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Theoretical Approach to the Results Coaching System
The Results Coaching System draws more heavily
from a few specific fields—at the heart of which is
contemporary neuroscience—surrounded by systems
theory, change theory, learning theory, and positive
psychology.
There are also four foundations that these five
pillars rest on. They are ontology, health research,
psychology, and psychotherapy. While most coaches
do not directly study these fields, coaching techniques
draw from the rich history of these five foundations.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
The coach practitioner may find it sufficient to
understand that there is a foundation to coaching.
The coach, who wants to be a scientist-practitioner
or master coach, will want to dive deeper into
understanding the history and influences of
coaching to build strong intellectual frameworks for
understanding the art and science of coaching.
Coaching with the Brain in Mind by David Rock and
Linda Page is a good resource for deeper study.
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Principles of the Results Coaching System™
SELF-DIRECTED
LEARNING
Because no two brains are alike, we all learn better
when we find our own answers. The Results
Coaching System helps people answer their own
questions. The coach is there to support the other
person’s learning journey through a structured
questioning approach, rather than by directing or
advising. The coach works with the maps in the
coachee’s brain.
Being self-directed is the way we learn, think, invent,
create, solve problems, visualise, rethink, and
re-engineer. This all happens within the process
of making our own connections.
So, if we want to improve the quality of others’
thinking, our best option is to help them process
ideas better: Things like helping people make their
ideas more clear, or finding relationships between
concepts, or prioritising their thoughts.
When people make deep new connections in their
own mind, there is a tangible release of energy, a
discernible “aha” moment that fills them with a desire
to take action. The energy created by an insight is an
important source to be harnessed. Letting people
come up with their own ideas is a deep well of
motivation that is incredibly useful when coaching.
STRETCH
People work at their best when they are challenged
and stretched. This occurs when they have just the
right amount of positive stress, which is also known
as “eustress.”
Researchers have known for a hundred years that
there is a “sweet spot” for peak performance. More
recent research by neuroscientist Amy Arnsten
shows this is achieved when our brains have just
the right balance of two chemicals: Noradrenaline,
the chemical of alertness, and dopamine, the
chemical of interest. If the balance is not right we
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
SOLUTION
FOCUSED
Coaching is not about searching for the cause of a
problem. It is about searching for the best possible
solution. It’s about setting your sights on where you
want to be and systematically working toward that
end, focused all the time on solutions.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with focusing
on problems; in fact, the resulting conversations
are often quite interesting. The issue is that there
is simply a more useful place to put our attention
when the objective is about real change rather than
interesting conversations (such as in coaching).
Focusing on problems leads us to the past. It leads us
to try to change what cannot be changed. Focusing
on problems can lead to blame, excuses, and
justifications. It’s also complicated, slow, and often
drains our mental energy, chewing up resources that
could be used to shift impasses.
Focusing on solutions, on the other hand,
immediately creates energy in our minds. It helps the
brain stay in a positive state, which in neuroscience
is known as a reward or toward state. As a result, we
get more creative as we open up to new ideas and
possibilities.
are either under-aroused (bored) or over-aroused
(overwhelmed).6
Individuals vary as to how much stretch they need
to feel engaged and alert. This variation is likely due
to a combination of genetic factors and hardwiring.
Therefore, as coaches, we aim to stretch each
coachee appropriately.
Stretch is achieved by giving people a chance
to develop their thinking along new lines, and by
supporting them to take on actions to do things
differently.
6
Arnsten, Neurobiology of Executive Functions: Catecholamine Influences
on Prefrontal Cortical Functions, Biological psychiatry, 2004 Oct
(published online).
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 POSITIVE
STRUCTURE
FEEDBACK

Coaching is about providing positive reinforcement, The Results Coaching System is a structured
not pointing out what people do wrong. Coaches approach to producing change. Results Trained
are a rich source of encouragement and support that Coaches take time to be methodical, to get
grows people’s confidence and performance. organised, and to set things up for maximum
success. Formal coaching is delivered within a
Learning anything new requires substantial brain
structured framework, working within a series of
activity until what the coachee is learning is
coaching sessions, establishing clear and specific
hardwired. Acknowledgement and encouragement
goals, and running the coaching sessions according
from the coach helps create a toward state in the
to a clear framework.
brain, which makes it easier for the coachee to think
in new ways. Many of us have a strong tendency to To do things differently or to think along new lines
criticise ourselves, particularly when we are learning takes energy; we use working memory for these
something new. Acknowledgement helps coachees processes. Having a familiar structure for coaching
avoid the negative emotional state that self-criticism conversations and coaching sessions allows
can create. coachees to focus on their thinking rather than
what might happen next. This supports coachees
Positive feedback is also a signal to the brain to do
to maximise the use of their working memory and
more of something. It reinforces any new wiring the
embed the new wiring.
coachee is trying to develop so that it eventually
becomes a hardwired habit. For example, by giving
positive feedback when you notice the coachee
focusing on solutions, the brain sees this as a reward,
which helps further embed this new habit.

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Notes

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Module 1: Brain-Based
Conversation Theory
Establishing Coaching Effectiveness
A CURRENT CHALLENGE

Which quadrant do you usually coach in?

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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
THE TAPS™ MODEL
As coaches, we can often see what is happening in a
given situation, and our desire is to help our coachee
move forward. The TAPS model shows the different
approaches we can take.
We may ASK questions about the PROBLEM (top-left
quadrant) so we can understand it and then tell the
other person what we think they need to do.
From there, we may TELL the person about the
SOLUTION as we see it (bottom-left quadrant). This
is the approach most often taken by managers, and
often by coaches as well. It works well when you are
the expert (such as in a technical field) or where the
answer is fixed (such as around policy and procedure).
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
Asking about the problem and offering solutions
doesn’t work so well when issues are variable and
of a personal nature. The other person may resist
suggestions, or fail to take ownership of the solution
you suggest.
When the answer is not clear and there is an
opportunity to help the other person develop his
or her thinking, this is when we can ASK about the
SOLUTION (top-right quadrant).
When coaching, we want to shift the majority of our
questions into asking the other person to clarify their
thinking about the solution.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
How We Change
As coaches, we help people move towards their
long-term goals, and this requires changes in their
behaviour. So it makes sense to understand what
the brain needs to change. Below is a framework we
have put together that captures what we see as the
four key elements of change.
As Results coaches, we start by creating a state in
the brain that helps the coachee be open to learning
and change. We call this a toward state. The process
continues with the coach helping the coachee to
make new connections and see things in a new way.
We refer to this as facilitating insights, which create
energy, motivation, and commitment.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Once an insight has occurred, the coach supports
the coachee to tap into the energy generated by
the insight and helps the coachee set specific actions
that will take them towards the desired outcome
or the solution.
Then, over many conversations, the coach follows
up on these actions, and continues to facilitate
conversations that generate further insights.
Over time, this leads to the awareness of existing
habits and the development of new habits that
support the coachee to achieve their goals.
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The Brain at High Level
THE CONSCIOUS BRAIN
The cortex is the outer covering of the brain.
It’s a tenth-of-an-inch thick and covers the brain like
a sheet. The prefrontal cortex (PFC) is just one part
of the overall cortex. It sits behind the forehead and
was the last major brain region to develop during
human evolutionary history. The PFC is a measly
4 to 5% of the volume of the rest of the brain, but
making decisions and solving problems relies heavily
on this small region.
PRIMARY FUNCTIONS OF THE PFC
The PFC is responsible for high level thinking
processes such as deciding, understanding,
memorising, inhibition, and recall. It controls
“working memory,” which is how we hold information
in mind in the short-term and then process it.
LIMITATIONS OF THE PFC
While the PFC is critical to our day-to-day lives,
it is very small and comes with limitations.
The PFC is energy-intensive: Every thought takes
effort and uses up limited resources.7 While the PFC
is only a few percent of the brain’s overall size, it uses
up a lot of the brain’s glucose and oxygen resources
when active.
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© Neuroleadership Institute 2015
The PFC is small: The PFC can generally hold about
only four pieces of information at any one time, so it
is important to use your PFC wisely.8
The PFC processes information in a serial manner:
Working memory can only do one thing at a time.
While you can hold several chunks of information
in mind at once, you can’t perform more than one
conscious process at a time with these chunks
without impacting performance.9
The PFC is fussy: Our working memory needs just
the right neurochemistry to operate at its best.
Dr. Amy Arnsten from Yale University has referred to
the PFC as the Goldilocks of the brain, needing not
too little, not too much, but just the right amount of
neurochemicals to operate most effectively. This is
what Arnsten refers to as the “inverted-U” influence
of dopamine and norepinephrine (adrenaline) on
prefrontal cortical functions: Too little represents
fatigue or boredom; too much means the system
is stressed and out of control.10 11
The PFC is easily distracted: We are constantly
bombarded with distractions—both external and
internal. It takes glucose and energy every time
we manage these distractions, leaving fewer
resources for the important functions of deciding,
understanding, memorising, inhibiting, and recalling.
7
Vohs KD et al, Making choices impairs subsequent self-control: a limited
resource account of decision-making, self-regulation, and active initiative,
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 94 (2008): 883-98.
8
Cowan, N The magical number 4 in short-term memory: a reconsideration
of mental storage capacity, Behavioral and Brain Sciences 24 (2001): 87-114.
9
Rock, D.,Your Brain At Work, 2009, Harper Collins.
10
Arnsten, Neurobiology of Executive Functions: Catecholamine Influences on
Prefrontal Cortical Functions, Biological psychiatry, 2004 Oct (published online).
11
Vijayraghavan S, Wng M, Birnbaum SG, Williams GV, Arnsten AF, Inverted-U
dopamine D1 receptor actions on prefrontal neurons engaged in working
memory, Nature Neuroscience, 10 (2007): 376-84.
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THE NON-CONSCIOUS BRAIN
By contrast, another part of the brain holds all our
hardwired information and habits: Walking, talking,
the way we type or use a computer, etc. Compared
to the PFC, this part of the brain has a massive
capacity. It also requires minimal effort to operate,
and it is not easily distracted. And, unlike the PFC,
it can multitask very efficiently.
To understand the difference in capacity between
the working memory (conscious) and hardwiring
(non-conscious), imagine that the working memory
is a cubic foot and hardwiring, by comparison, is the
size of the Milky Way Galaxy.
The difference between the conscious and non-
conscious parts of the brain can be distinguished
by the state we are in: Are we being reflective
(conscious processing) or reflexive (non-conscious
processing)? Are we aware of our thoughts,
or operating on automatic? The experience of
learning a new skill, such as driving a car, illustrates
Cleeremens A, Conscious and unconscious processes in cognition,
12
IntEnc Social and Behavioral Science, 2001.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
the shift from conscious to non-conscious, and
how something repeated even a few times begins
to become part of our “hardwiring” and, thus,
something we can do on automatic. As we first
learn to drive, every fibre of our being is focused
on this new task. We concentrate intensely. As we
start to master the skills, we consciously focus less
and less on each task (such as braking, signalling, or
checking for oncoming traffic) as these skills become
a hardwired part of us.
Another way to think about non-conscious
processing is to reflect on all the things we can do
without really being able to explain them. Ask a
native speaker to explain the grammatical rules of
their language, and they will struggle. Ask someone
to describe how to walk, and they will struggle
to describe the actual process to you. But they
can do it without even thinking.12 We rely on our
non-conscious for all our habitual behaviour, from
breathing to riding a bicycle.
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The Limbic System
The brain is much more than a thought-processing
machine. Its fundamental purpose is to keep you
alive. Every moment, your brain decides if the world
around you is dangerous or helpful to this purpose.
Sensing either danger or reward, even at surprisingly
subtle levels, can have a dramatic impact on how
and what you think. Automatic responses to dangers
or rewards are thought of generally as emotions.
Your ability to regulate your emotions, instead of
being at the mercy of them, is central to being
effective. As James Gross said in his Handbook of
Emotion Regulation, “We are both governed by—and
the governors of—our emotions.”
Emotional experience is connected to a large
brain network called the limbic system. The limbic
system includes brain regions such as the amygdala,
hippocampus, and insular, which are all connected
together in various ways.
The limbic system scans data streaming into the
brain, telling you what to pay attention to and in
what way.
THE BRAIN’S ORGANISING PRINCIPLE
Dr. Evian Gordon, CEO of The Brain Resource
Company, and Lea Williams, director of Brain
Dynamics Center, showed with the 1-2-4 Integrate
model that the overarching organising principle of
the brain is to classify the world around you into
things that will either hurt you or help you stay alive.13
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When the brain detects a threat that could endanger
your life, you experience a “primary threat” and
non-consciously take action to stay away from that
threat. Primary threats include seeing a ferocious
dog; feeling hungry, hot, or thirsty; or even seeing
an angry face in a photograph.
When the brain detects something that could help
you survive, you experience a “primary reward” and
non-consciously take action to move toward that
reward. Primary rewards include food, money, love,
or even a familiar face.
In other words, the brain is constantly making toward
or away decisions.
IMPACT OF A THREAT RESPONSE
When the limbic system is overly aroused by real
or perceived dangers, our alertness is heightened as
the fight-or-flight response kicks in, and our ability
to perform habitual behaviours is enhanced.
However, the brain’s functioning is impaired in
significant ways. The limbic response reduces
resources available to the PFC. With less glucose
and oxygen available, the complex maps in your PFC
required for conscious processes do not function as
they should. Your pre-existing limitations get worse.14
The threat response decreases wider perception,
cognition, creativity, and collaboration. We have
a reduced ability to clearly see issues, solve problems
and work with others. We tend to get “tunnel vision,”
focusing in on problems and detail. In other words,
a threat reaction can have big implications.
Rock, D Your Brain At Work, 2009, Harper Collins
13
Rock, D SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and
14
influencing others, Journal of NeuroLeadership 2008.
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IMPACT OF A THREAT RESPONSE ON PERFORMANCE

BAD IS STRONGER THAN GOOD

In the brain, there is a lot more physical real estate given to threat—we walk towards, and we run away.
The limbic system fires up far more intensely when it perceives a danger compared to when it senses a reward.
The arousal from a danger also comes on faster, lasts longer, and is harder to budge. Even the strongest toward
emotion—lust—is unlikely to make you run, whereas fear can get you moving in an instant.

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The SCARF® Model
“We don’t expect someone with a broken leg to ‘just get over it.’ And yet when it comes to the pain
of social loss, this is a common response. We intuitively believe social and physical pain are radically
different types of experiences, yet the way our brains treat them suggests that they are more similar
than we imagine.”
Matt Lieberman, Social

As we have seen, the brain has two functional states: The SCARF Model (Rock, 2008) is a summary of
Toward and away. When you feel a toward emotion, important discoveries from neuroscience about the
you see more options, choices, opportunities, and way we interact socially.
can receive or take in more information. In other
words, it is easier for you to create new wiring. The model is built on three central ideas:
Examples of toward emotions include interest,
1 The brain treats many social threats and rewards
happiness, joy, curiosity, and excitement. Coaching
with the same or even greater intensity as physical
is by nature a toward experience.
threats and rewards.15
The opposite is true for away emotions; you see
2 The capacity to make decisions, solve problems,
fewer (if any) options, choices, opportunities, and
and collaborate with others is generally reduced
your ability to receive information is more limited.
by a threat response and increased under a reward
In other words, it is much harder to create new
response.16
wiring. Examples of away emotions include fear,
anger, frustration, confusion, and pain. 3 The threat response is more intense and more
common, and often needs to be carefully
The big surprise is that in the brain, social threat and
minimised in social interactions.17
reward are treated with the same intensity as physical
threat and reward.

15
Lieberman and Eisenberger (2008). The pains and pleasures of social life: a
social cognitive neuroscience approach, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue One
16
Elliot, A (2009). Handbook of Approach and Avoidance Motivation
Psychology Press
17
Baumeister, RF et al (2001). Bad is stronger than good, Review of general
psychology, 5(4): 323-370.
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The purpose of The SCARF Model is to provide an
easy way to remember and therefore act upon the
social triggers that can generate both the toward and
away responses. This is important in the workplace,
as the brain deals with the workplace first and
foremost as a social system.
The SCARF Model is made up of five domains:
Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness, and Fairness.
These five domains have been shown to activate the
same primary reward circuitry that physical rewards
(like money) activate, and the same primary threat
circuitry that physical threats (like pain) activate.18
Understanding these five domains as primary needs
helps individuals and leaders better navigate the
social environment in the workplace.19

Rock, D (2008).SCARF: a brain-based model for collaborating with and

18

influencing others, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue One.

Rock, D (2009).Managing with the brain in mind, Strategy + Business, Issue 56.
19

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 STATUS:
LESS THAN OR BETTER THAN OTHERS
“We desire status because it signifies that others
value us, that we have a place of importance in the
group and therefore are connected to the group.”
Matt Lieberman, Social
Status, to the brain, is an extremely important
resource. Your brain is constantly monitoring your
status in any group. It literally assigns you a number
in that group. When you feel like you’re going up in
status, you start to feel some of the toward emotions.
For example, when you are acknowledged for your
work in front of peers, your brain experiences physical
and psychological rewards, including the release of
the feel-good hormone, dopamine, and a sense of
“A perception of reduced autonomy—for example,
feeling more secure and confident about yourself
in that group. We are constantly looking for ways to
increase our status and feel good about ourselves.
If you feel your status going down, you start to
feel more of the away emotions. For example, if
someone criticises you in front of a group of peers,
there is a release of the stress hormone, cortisol,
and you feel less secure and confident in the group.
The brain doesn’t differentiate between physical and
social threat and literally sees a drop in status as a
physical threat to your life.
CERTAINTY:
ABILITY TO PREDICT OUTCOMES
“The brain likes to know what is going on by
recognising patterns in the world... [It] likes to think
ahead and picture the future, mapping out how
things will be, not just for each moment, but also
for the longer term.”
David Rock, Your Brain at Work
Certainty is a fundamental driver of the brain. The brain
is a prediction machine, mapping past experience
to the present. Whenever we experience some
uncertainty, we get a limbic system response. In other
words, we experience more of the away emotions.
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For example, if your manager requests a meeting
in her office without explaining what you will be
discussing, you may experience uncertainty and the
away emotions. However, if your boss takes the time
to explain what the meeting is about, what you need
to do in preparation, and what you can expect to get
from the meeting, then there will be less uncertainty,
and the limbic system is less likely to be negatively
aroused.
A small amount of uncertainty can be pleasant,
but when we get too much uncertainty, the limbic
system takes over.
AUTONOMY:
SENSE OF CONTROL
because of being micromanaged—can easily
generate a threat response... Presenting people
with options, or allowing them to organise their
own work and set their own hours, provokes a
much less stressed response...”
David Rock, Managing with the Brain in Mind
Autonomy is the experience of having choice.
When an individual feels there is some choice
in a given situation, then they are more likely to
experience toward emotions. When that individual
feels they don’t have any autonomy or choice,
they may experience away emotions.
For example, when your boss tells you what to do,
there is no autonomy, and you may experience
anger and frustration at not being given a choice.
If your boss asks you for your opinion and/or gives
you options, then you feel like there is autonomy,
and you’re more likely to experience toward
emotions, such as motivation and commitment.
Research has shown that in a stressful situation
where people feel like they have choice, they
experience hardly any stress. The opposite is
also true.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
 RELATEDNESS: WHAT IS YOUR SCARF® ORDER?
IN-GROUP OR OUT-GROUP

“Social connections are essentially the original SCARF DOMAIN

Internet, connecting different pockets of
intelligence to make each pocket more than it
would otherwise be by itself.” 1

Matt Lieberman, Social

2
Relatedness is about whether you consider a person
a friend or foe. When you connect with people you
3
like or can trust, you get a decrease in the stress
hormone, cortisol, and an injection of the feel-good
hormone, dopamine. In other words, you experience 4
more toward emotions.
When you meet someone you don’t trust you start to 5
feel more of the away emotions. There is an increase
in cortisol—and possibly adrenaline—if the other
person is considered a major threat. For example,
if the last time you spoke to a colleague they
criticised your ideas, you might consider them a
threat and experience away emotions the next time
you see them. You also will probably not listen to
what they have to say. On the other hand, if you’re
meeting with someone who has been encouraging
of your work, you’re more likely to trust this person,
listen to this person, and feel toward emotions.

FAIRNESS:
PERCEPTION OF FAIR EXCHANGE

“The extent to which employees perceive decisions

to be fair in their place of work can account for 20%
of the differences in their productivity.”
Matt Lieberman, Social

Everyone likes to feel that they have been dealt with

in a fair manner. When we feel that we have been
treated unfairly (for example, in a pay review), we
experience away emotions, such as disappointment,
anger, disillusionment, and frustration.
When we are treated fairly (for example, receiving
more than we expected in a pay review), we feel
toward emotions, such as joy, happiness, motivation,
and commitment.

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PRE: Applying the SCARF® Model
The Predict-Regulate-Explain (PRE) model was presented at the 2012 NeuroLeadership Summit in New York,
and is outlined in the Rock and Cox paper, “SCARF in 2012.” The article states, “Having a memorable language
for social threats and rewards allows us to notice these experiences at several points that we may not otherwise:
Before, during, and after an emotion-producing event.”20

Before an event – PREDICTION After an event – EXPLANATORY

Having the language of SCARF enables us to predict
ahead of time the potential emotional impact of
an event, and take steps to minimise threat and
maximise reward in ourselves and others.
During an event – REGULATORY
Through the language of SCARF, we can use
emotional regulation techniques during an event
to dampen down any negative limbic response.
Labelling and reappraisal are particularly useful
tools in this stage.
SCARF can also help us explain and therefore better
understand an emotional event after the fact, again
through having the language to describe the impact
of the event, creating more certainty through
normalising and allowing us greater choice in
future behaviour.
PRE can be a useful model to have in mind as a
coach. It can help you plan how to manage threats
before a coaching conversation, as well as providing
a way to help coachees regulate any emotions during
or after emotion-producing events or conversations.

Rock, D and Cox, C (2012), SCARF in 2012: updating the social neuroscience
20

of collaborating with others, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue Four

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IMPLICATIONS FOR COACHING

PREDICT
What are some things you can do when STARTING a coaching conversation to minimise threat and maximise reward?

REGULATE
What are some things you can do DURING a coaching session to help manage the emotion in the moment?

EXPLAIN
What are some things you can do as a coach AFTER a coachee has experienced an emotion-producing event?

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Choose Your Focus™
There are five places, or levels, on which we can
focus whenever we are thinking about or working on
any issue or project. The level of focus can determine
whether we are in a toward or away state. These five
levels are a simple distinction for helping ourselves,
and others, see where we’re coming from at any
time, and thus have some choice over where we
put our energy.

1. VISION state. However, by focusing first on Vision and

The goals we set in coaching are at the level of vision.
Vision is about your direction, where you are heading,
and why you are heading there. Vision is not detailed;
it’s broad and emotive. By focusing on vision, the
coachee is more likely to be in a toward state.
2. PLANNING
Once you know where you are heading, planning
is about how you are going to get there. Planning
involves thinking about the processes, not the actual
doing. Focusing on the Planning level supports the
coachee to be in a toward state.
Planning, the coachee is likely to be in a toward
state about the Detail level.
4. PROBLEM
Problem is the territory where things go wrong.
Focusing on problems is, unfortunately, a common
part of being in business, as there are lots of them.
It is possible to focus on problems but not be
coming from a Problem focus. You could tackle a
problem from a Vision perspective or from Planning
or Detail. Focusing on things from a Problem
perspective tends to be tense, disempowering,
and more likely put the coachee in an away state.

3. DETAIL
Once we know where we’re going and how we’re
going to get there, we need to take action. Detail is
where people naturally tend to put all their energy.
If we focus on detail without first focusing on Vision
and Planning, the coachee may go into an away
5. DRAMA
Drama is the place where vision, planning, detail,
and even problems disappear, and all that is left is
emotional charge. Drama is the least empowering of
all the ways to focus and usually means the coachee
is in an away (and limbic) state.

Where and how can you use choose your focus?

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Notes

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Module 2:
Brain-Based Communication
When communicating as coaches, our aim is to listen and speak in a way that maximises the coachee’s use
of their working memory and minimises any limbic-system arousal. Put another way, we need to ensure our
coachees are in a toward, rather than away, state. This helps us have maximum impact as coaches. It turns out
that what we believe about a person’s ability to change has a big impact of whether they do actually change.
This new research is captured in the work of Carol Dweck and Heidi Grant-Halvorson, as outlined below.

Fixed vs. Growth Mindset

In the nature-vs.-nurture debate, do you believe that who we become is predetermined by our genes (nature)
or as a consequence of how we are raised (nurture)? Research suggests that a person’s belief in whether
intelligence and talent are innate or are developed over time dramatically impacts how they approach learning
and growth.
In her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Carol Dweck makes the distinction between a fixed
mindset and a growth mindset. 21 People with a fixed mindset believe they can’t get any better, so they don’t
put in as much effort to improve. People with a growth mindset believe they can learn and improve, and their
performance is generally better as a result. Below are some common thoughts associated with fixed and
growth mindsets.

FIXED MINDSET: “BE GOOD” GROWTH MINDSET: “GET BETTER”

Believing that intelligence and talent are static Believing that intelligence and talent
and can’t be changed in any meaningful way can be developed

Leads to a desire to look smart Leads to a desire to learn

Feedback can be a setback Feedback is a chance to learn

Stretch goals are risky Stretch goals are helpful

Motivation comes from approval Motivation comes from mastery

Focus on what you are good at Focus on where you can develop

Others’ success can be a threat Others’ success is something to learn from

(Dweck, 2006)

Dweck, CS. (2006). Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, New York:
21

Ballantine Books.
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UNDERSTANDING THE TWO MINDSETS
“The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well, is the hallmark
of a growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive in challenging times.”
Carol Dweck, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

Below are examples of some common thoughts associated with fixed and growth mindsets.

FIXED MINDSET GROWTH MINDSET

Proving yourself Improving yourself

Demonstrating your skills Developing your skills

Performing better than others Performing better than you did in the past

Internal dialogue: Internal dialogue:

“Am I able to do this? Maybe I just don’t have “I’m not sure I can do this right now, but I will
the talent…” give it a go.”
“It’s not my fault. It was someone else’s “If I don’t take responsibility, I can’t fix it.
responsibility I need to listen and learn.”

(Grant-Halvorson, 2013)

PRIMING FOR GROWTH

No one is ever either all fixed or all growth all the time. As Paul Heslin says, mindset is a continuum; however, we
tend to gravitate towards either a fixed or growth mindset.22 The interesting part is just how easily we can prime for
one or the other. When we test, we prime for fixed; when we look for improvement, we prime for growth.
Your mindset as a coach has a big impact on the people you coach. In the table below are some examples
of how small changes in the way a coach communicates can shift the focus from fixed to growth mindset.
To prime for a fixed mindset, it helps to focus on the process and not the content, and to use words like
improve, develop, learn, and grow.

Albrecht, S. (2010).Handbook of Employee Engagement, Edward Elgar

22

Publishing Limited.
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MINDSET AND LANGUAGE

TYPE OF CONVERSATION EXAMPLE FIXED MINDSET EXAMPLE GROWTH MINDSET

“Improve my public
How goals are worded “Nail public speaking.”
speaking skills.”

“Where do you think the

How goals are “You can do this! You have such
stretch might be for you
communicated a way with words.”
around this goal?”

“I can see how keen you are

“This is going to be a walk in
to get stuck into this goal.
How effort is encouraged the park for you. You are already
What area would you like
so confident!”
to tackle first?”

“You communicated that topic

“You’re so good at
How positive feedback so clearly. I have noticed a real
communicating!
is delivered improvement around your use
You are a natural!”
of metaphor.”

“I know you haven’t achieved

How corrective feedback what you wanted in this area.
“You didn’t do your best here.”
is delivered Are you ready to focus on what
you have learned?”

“What ideas do you have for

Problem solving “What will you do now?”
doing this differently next time?”

REFLECTION

What are three things you will do as a coach to communicate a growth mindset?

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Listen for Potential™
Priming for a growth mindset begins with how you
listen. What you listen to is as important as what you
listen for.
Most of the time when people listen, their attention
is on how to identify gaps and solve problems. This
is where our brain naturally goes because it loves
making connections, and also because it’s organising
principle is to minimise threat first.
Often when people listen, their attention is on judging,
assessing, trying to sound smart, noticing distractions,
trying to size other people up, confirming their own
thoughts, or being self-conscious to the point that
they are only listening to themselves.
Listening with a growth mindset means focusing
our attention on people’s strengths, goals, and
possibilities. We refer to this as listening for potential.

When listening for potential, the coach focuses their attention completely on the coachee.
You encourage and support the coachee to be the best they can be, by listening to them as if
they have all the tools to be successful and can benefit by simply exploring their thoughts and
ideas with you.

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Other Keys to Listening
LISTEN MINDFULLY
When you are listening to a coachee, focus
completely on them, giving them your full attention.
When you notice yourself drifting off into other
thoughts, bring your attention back to the coachee
and the present moment.
When a coachee knows you are really listening, they
feel acknowledged and valued. If they sense you are
not fully present, you can lose their trust.
Listening like this is like a muscle that can be
trained. It goes a long way towards establishing your
Coaching Presence (ICF Competency 4). When we
master immersing ourselves this way, conversations
become alive and compelling.
LISTEN WITH EMPATHY
Coaching requires getting yourself fully into the
coachee’s world, while maintaining some distance
and objectivity. Try considering what it would be like
to be in the coachee’s situation—imagining things
from their perspective. A good guide for maintaining
the right balance between empathy and distance is to
be aware of exactly what the coachee is feeling, but
not to dwell in that feeling yourself.
LISTEN AT ALL LEVELS
Coachees do not always articulate everything
that they are thinking or feeling, and at times they
themselves may not be fully aware of what is going
on for them. One way we can help coachees bring
things into conscious awareness is to listen on all
levels: Verbal, physical, and emotional.
Listen to their words
The words a coachee uses can give you insight into
what they are thinking. Take notice of their speech
patterns and when they change.
For example:
• A coachee using pronouns “they” and “we” in place
of “I” may be indicating blame, feeling like a victim,
or avoiding responsibility.
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• If a coachee is swearing or using humour
inappropriately, they may be masking
other feelings.
• A coachee’s language can give clues to their
preferred learning style. A visual thinker might use
a lot of metaphors and talk about what they see,
whereas an auditory learner might say something
like, “I hear what she means.” Noticing this can help
you communicate in a way that resonates for the
coachee, increasing relatedness.
Listen for emotion
A coachee’s tone of voice can give away much of
what he or she is feeling.
Some of the things to focus on when listening for
emotion include:
• Emotion is conveyed largely by changes in energy,
tone and pace. Listen for variations, as this can
indicate emotional charge.
• Notice how their voice and body language reveal
the emotion behind what they are saying.
• Notice if their words and body language do not
seem completely aligned with their emotional state.
• Sometimes you can hear people’s body language,
even by telephone; for example, when their
breathing patterns change.
GET COMFORTABLE WITH SILENCE
Pauses in a conversation can invite a coachee to
think and speak. Resist the temptation to fill every
moment of a coaching session with words. Providing
a moment for reflection can deepen a conversation
and create a turning point. The science of insight
shows that people need to quiet their mind for a few
seconds when they want to think deeply. It enables
them to shut out external stimuli and save processing
power for noticing subtle internal signals.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
The Clarity of Distance™
When we communicate as coaches, much of
our effectiveness rests on our ability to maintain
objectivity. We aim to be the observer, unattached
to the emotion or details of what is going on in
the coachee’s world. From this position we can
ask powerful questions, and also offer alternate
perspectives (with permission).
We call this the Clarity of Distance.

ROADBLOCKS TO CLARITY OF DISTANCE

There are four main roadblocks to clarity for
a coach. Identifying and understanding these
can support you to interact with your coachees
in the best way possible.

FILTERS We can tap into this extraordinary filtering system by

Filters are ways in which we perceive the world. They
are like coloured glasses that determine the tone of
everything we see; they are our common, habitual
ways of viewing things. Although we can change the
filters we see through, generally we are not aware of
them. Filters can be major roadblocks for clarity if we
are not aware of them. The trick, therefore, is to be
aware of your filters and be clear on the ones that are
useful to your coaching.
The brain has an extraordinary system for relaying
information called the reticular activator system
(RAS). This is a network of fibres located in the brain
stem that brings relevant information to our attention.
It’s like a filter between our conscious and non-
conscious mind.
being clear on what we want to notice. In coaching,
we choose to focus on things like where a coachee
has improved, or who they are capable of being.
At times it may be appropriate to acknowledge filters
that may be operating for you as coach.
For example: “As you know, my background is
in marketing, and as a result, I tend to view things
through that filter. I will aim to put that aside for
this conversation.”
HOT SPOTS
Hot spots are areas of personal difficulty, aspects of
life or work where we feel uncomfortable. They are
any topic about which we feel an emotional charge.

The RAS will filter information from the environment
related to goals we have. For example, if you decided
you wanted to buy a new car, it is highly likely
you would start noticing car advertisements and
showrooms that you had never seen before. You
may even start to see the model of the car you are
interested in everywhere on the road. It may seem
like there are suddenly more cars and showrooms,
but this is not the case; it is your RAS at work.
For example, if you were recently overlooked for a
bonus, and someone asked your advice on what they
should do with the generous bonus they have just
received, you might experience some limbic arousal
and find it difficult to think and respond.
As coaches we have several options to manage
hot spots. Before we begin a coaching engagement,
or even a specific session, we may choose to let
the coachee know about any topics we are not
comfortable coaching on.

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If we are triggered during a coaching session, it is
often a good idea to pause in order to regulate your
emotion. It might be as simple as taking a breath,
or labelling the hot spot and the feeling. If you
established sufficient trust with the coachee, it can be
appropriate to share this. If you feel you can’t regain
your clarity of distance, it may be that you postpone
the session and resume when your emotional charge
has decreased.
For example: “I would like to press pause on this
conversation for a moment. I just want to let you
know that early in my career I had to deal with a
workplace bully myself, and this topic has some
emotional charge for me. Having said that aloud,
I am okay to keep coaching.”
DETAIL
The thing that most often gets in the way of clarity
is being too close to a situation to see patterns or
possibilities. We can’t see the forest for the trees.
The limitations of working memory means we can
only hold so much in our minds at any one time,
so when we get too much detail about a topic,
we literally cannot hold another point of view.
If a conversation dives into detail, both the coach
and coachees can get lost. This is where the coach
can get things back on track by raising the focus of
the conversation to the level of Vision or Planning.
It can be helpful as coach to ask permission at the
start of each session to interrupt if the conversation
gets stuck at the level of Detail.
For example: “Let’s take a moment to digest. We’ve
spent a few minutes now discussing the merits of
various candidates. I want to lift up out of the detail
for a moment to consider what might help you make
this decision. Would that be useful for you?”
Of course, at times we may get detailed in a
coaching conversation (for example, when setting
actions). But there is a difference between getting
specific and getting lost in the detail. Any time you
feel lost in a conversation, take a moment to pause,
refocus on the purpose of the conversation, and
decide together the best way forward.
Whenever we encounter challenges in our work or life, we could benefit from the “clarity of distance”
in some form. Either we are too close to the details of an issue, have a fixed set of filters, are stuck in
an agenda, or are triggered by a hot spot. Being able to recognise these issues personally as a coach
is a first step to being able to help coachees identify these issues for themselves.
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AGENDA
When we have an agenda in a conversation, we have
an interest in things turning out a certain way. An
agenda is like a filter, but more pronounced; it is a
definite direction or outcome that we want. Having
a strong agenda stops you being able to see things
clearly for what they are.
One of the reasons a coaching relationship works so
well is because there is no agenda other than that of
the coachee. The coach aims to have no attachment
to any one agenda; therefore, the conversation can
go in any direction and all ideas are welcome.
Agendas that can get in the way of clarity for the
coach include:
• Wanting to be seen as the expert in the coaching
relationship
• Being attached to a certain outcome or direction
for a goal
• Wanting to move through the conversation at
a certain pace
It can be useful to consciously replace any agendas you
are aware of with a more empowering agenda like:
• Exploration toward insights, or
• Trusting they have the answers
Having an agenda is one of the reasons it can
be difficult to coach family members or friends
effectively. We know them and their situation so well
that we can sometimes feel we already know what
they need.
Like with filters and hot spots, it can be useful to
declare any agendas that might be operating for you
as coach so they are no longer hidden agendas.
For example: “I am happy to coach you about
deciding whether to leave the company; however,
I just want to state that I personally would like you
to stay. I believe I can put my agenda aside for this
conversation and focus on helping you think this
through. How does that sit with you?”
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Other Communication Skills
SHOW YOU ARE LISTENING
Find ways to show the coachee you are listening.
Experiment with things like eye contact, nodding,
and verbal encouragement—different things will work
for different coachees, and in different situations, for
example phone coaching versus in person. You want
to show you are with the coachee, but not distract
them or interrupt their train of thought.
MATCH THE COACHEE’S ENERGY
Coachees have their own communication style.
They may talk quickly, slowly, loudly, softly, use
a lot of humour, or play it straight. Adjusting to match
their style and pace creates an atmosphere for
conversation where they feel comfortable.
If a coachee talks quickly with a lot of zest and
energy, and you speak slowly and quietly, they may
get impatient with you. Or, if you are significantly
louder than your coachee, you may make them
feel overwhelmed.
The skills above help create SCARF rewards in the domain of Relatedness.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
At times you may need to change the energy
in a conversation in order to support the coachee.
For example, a coachee who is talking in a fast and
scattered way might benefit from slowing down so
they can reflect. You might model a slower, more
deliberate pace, and see what impact that has.
MATCH THE COACHEE’S LANGUAGE
Adopting a coachee’s language and terminology
rather than imposing your own is another way to
help them feel comfortable and understood. If they
referred to “my career,” and you called it “your job,”
they may hear an assumption or judgement that
you did not intend to make and feel defensive or
disconnected.
Be aware also of using jargon that the coachee might
not understand. This is something to be particularly
aware of when we are new to coaching and are still
getting familiar with coaching terms and acronyms.
Aim to either explain the jargon or avoid using it.
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Speak with Intent™
To make the most impact in each coaching conversation, we need to be in a direct, focused dialogue with
our coachee. Rather than the coach speaking while the coachee mentally wanders off, we need to be closely
aligned in a conversation, talking and thinking about the same things.
We speak at a rate of about 100 words a minute, but we think at a rate of about 300-500. To make the biggest
impact as a coach, we have to speak in a way that engages our audience fully.
The three fundamental elements for speaking in a way that keeps us connected to our coachees are to be
succinct, specific, and generous. We call this “speaking with intent.” Each of these elements is necessary to
make every moment of coaching count.

BEING SUCCINCT
We all like to explain ourselves. Many people think
that others need to hear the “whole story” to
understand what we have to say. However, most of
us have very short attention spans, drifting off if the
person speaking to us goes off even on the smallest
tangent.
When we are speaking as a coach, we want the
person we’re speaking with to generate mental maps
about what we are saying and to compare these
with their existing maps so that they might make
connections between the two. However, the part of
the brain used for processing new ideas—working
memory—is very small, easily overwhelmed, and
requires a lot of energy to use. Therefore, the more
simply and clearly we can describe an idea, the better
chance there is that new connections might occur.
To be succinct, you need to make every word count. By
getting to the heart of the issue when communicating,
you keep people’s attention and interest.
Being succinct is a learned skill. It will require you to
think carefully before you talk, decide quickly on the
essence of what you want to say, then say it in as few
words as possible (seven to 10 of your own words
is a great target).

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BEING SPECIFIC
In addition to being succinct, you also need to
be specific. This means helping your coachee
understand exactly what you mean. By giving the
coachee the specific information they need, you’re
helping them connect their maps and create a
mental picture.
Not being specific can sound to the listener like
you are being vague, avoiding an issue, or not
completely engaged with them. Their brain maps will
be disconnected, which usually causes irritation and
confusion.
Being specific takes a little effort, as it requires you
pay close attention to what the coachee is saying.
You will need to mentally note, or write down, the
key points so you can be accurate and detailed in
your communication. Being specific builds trust
and intimacy and moves the coachee along their
learning journey.
Being succinct AND specific means including
everything that is relevant, and nothing irrelevant.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
BEING GENEROUS
Once we have focused on being succinct and
specific, the final component of speaking with
intent is to use words that will have the biggest
positive impact on the other person. We want to be
“generous” in our conversations. It means making
an extra effort to be sure your coachee totally
understands where you are coming from.
Being generous means:
• Being genuine.
• Speaking so that the other person relates to what
you are saying.
• Supporting the other person to make connections
by focusing on their brain maps rather than yours.
• Sharing appropriate things about yourself that will
make the coachee feel more comfortable with you,
such as sharing your own learning journey.
• Being willing to talk about difficult issues.
• Speaking with a growth mindset.
Being generous takes the conversation to
another level.
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Notes

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Module 3: Conversations
that Generate Insight

When and where do you get your best ideas? Why Insights Matter
“We cannot solve our problems with the same level
of thinking that created them.”
Albert Einstein
An insight is a solution from the non-conscious
that emerges quickly into awareness and combines
existing data in new ways.

Insights are important because:

• They are more memorable than linear solutions,
which means new learning is more likely to “stick.”
• They increase engagement by creating ownership
of ideas.
• They lead to application, because the ideas that
come from insights tend to be generalised and
are able to be applied widely.
• They support change, because insights physically
change the brain.

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Conditions for Insight
To help people have insights, we need to dampen
down both the PFC and the limbic system so the
non-conscious can be heard.
There are four key conditions that help insights emerge.
QUIET
An insight is often a long-forgotten memory or
combination of memories. Insights involve only small
numbers of neurons speaking to each other. Just as
it is hard to hear a quiet cell phone at a loud party, it
is difficult to notice these low-energy signals. Hence,
we tend to notice insights when our overall activity
level in the brain is low. Insights require a quiet mind,
because they themselves are quiet. They often
emerge when we are doing something repetitive
or are feeling relaxed.
INWARD LOOKING
Insights are more likely to occur when people are
reflecting on deeper thoughts and not paying much
attention to the external world. Researcher Jonathon
Schooler calls this “mind wandering,” which is a form
of daydreaming. 23 Professor of psychology Mark
Beeman’s research24 shows that people try to shut
out external data just before they have an insight,
either by closing their eyes or looking upwards.
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SLIGHTLY HAPPY
Mark Beeman’s research shows that when people are
happy, they are more likely to notice a wider range
of information, and that when they are anxious, they
are more likely to be “tunnel-visioned.” So, the third
quality of the brain state required for insight is feeling
open, curious, and generally interested in something.
NOT FOCUSED DIRECTLY ON THE PROBLEM
This final piece of the puzzle often surprises people.
Basically, if you want insights, you need to stop trying
to solve the problem. Psychologist Stellan Ohlsson
developed this idea into “inhibition theory,” which
states that we need to inhibit the wrong solutions for
the right ones to come to our attention. 25 This is why
people often solve insights while doing other things,
like walking, showering, or driving. It turns out that
our non-conscious processing resources are much
larger than our conscious ones.
23
Schooler, Jonathan W., et al. “Meta-awareness, perceptual decoupling and
the wandering mind.” Trends in cognitive sciences 15.7 (2011): 319-326
24
Bowden, EM. & Jung-Beeman, M. (2003a).Aha! insight experience
correlates with solution activation in the right hemisphere. Psychonomic
Bulletin &. Review, 10, 730-737
25
Ohlsson, Stellan (2012) “The Problems with Problem Solving: Reflections
on the Rise, Current Status, and Possible Future of a Cognitive Research
Paradigm,” The Journal of Problem Solving: Vol. 5: Iss. 1, Article 7.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Four Faces of Insight™
As a coach, our role is to facilitate a conversation where a coachee has their own insights. This requires the
coach to be a bit like a dance partner, guiding the conversation while also staying out of the way. Done well,
it can almost seem as if the coach is invisible.
To facilitate the journey to insight, it is useful to be able to recognise the four faces of insight. This model was
drawn together from various explanations of the process of insight from a range of neuroscientists studying
this area. 26

AWARENESS Examples of dilemmas:

The first part of having an insight is the identification • “I would really like to spend more time strategic
of some kind of problem or dilemma to be solved. planning, but the urgent work keeps getting in
When we first become aware of a dilemma, the way.”
our face looks a little unhappy and/or perplexed.
• “I would really like to manage my time at work
Our eyes might squint slightly; we recognise we
effectively, but I keep getting distracted by others.”
have a problem; we feel stuck.
• “I would really like to complete that project, but my
From a neuroscience perspective,
boss doesn’t see it as a priority.”
a dilemma means we have various
mental maps in conflict. They have
competing values or competing Putting the statement into a short sentence reduces
demands for resources, and the the load on working memory, which increases the
brain has not yet worked out how processing power available for considering the
to resolve this conflict by creating question from a wider range of angles.
a new meta-map (by reconfiguring Putting the statement into the form of a desire or
our existing maps). objective first means you reduce the chance of
The most effective way to resolve a dilemma is to simply focusing on the problem. You are starting with
support the coachee to have an insight. The first an objective or an outcome rather than a problem.
step toward this is to identify the dilemma itself. To Instead of, “I am always tired,” you might say, “I want
do this, ask the coachee to phrase the issue in the more energy, but am challenged with my schedule.”
following format: “I would really like to , The objective is “more energy,” which is useful to
but .” discuss. Talking about getting more energy will
generally be a more productive conversation than
discussing why someone is tired.

26
Jung-Beeman, M, Collier, A and Kounios, J (2008). How insight happens:
learning from the brain, NeuroLeadership Journal Issue One
Rock, D (2011). The ‘aha’ moment, T+D February 2011
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REFLECTION
You can clearly tell when someone is reflecting on
an issue: Their face changes. Most people look up or
slightly up and away and get a pensive look on their
face. Nearly everyone becomes very silent for
a moment.
Research by Professor Mark Beeman
has shown that just before a person
comes up with an insight, their brains
are experiencing alpha waves. Alpha
waves correlate with people shutting
down inputs from their external senses
and focusing on internal stimuli. It
involves putting the brain in “idle,”
not actively doing difficult mental
work. Alpha waves have been found
to correlate with the release of the
neurotransmitter serotonin, a chemical
messenger that increases relaxation
and eases pain. So, when we reflect,
we tend to feel good as well.
During reflection, we are not thinking logically or
analysing data; we’re making links across the brain.
We’re allowing our non-conscious brain to do the
work, tapping into more processing power than the
small amount that’s available in our working memory.
Reflection is also an opportunity to inhibit existing
answers. Research27 has shown that insight is often
inhibited because people are focused on the wrong
answers; these have become the dominant thought.
We need to stop thinking one way before another
train of thought can emerge. Part of the “quiet
reflection phase” involves letting the mind connect
with subtle signals that may not be obvious answers.
Additional studies show that when people have
insights, their non-conscious mind usually has
the insight some time before the conscious mind
perceives it. 28 So, the reflection phase is also about
reducing the “gating effect” that the conscious mind
can have on non-conscious signals.
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INSIGHT
Generating an insight brings about a rush of energy. This
rush is being driven by a new set of connections in our
brain. Right at the moment of insight, neurotransmitters
including dopamine and noradrenaline are released,
giving us that positive rush.
As an insight occurs, the brain gives
off strong gamma-band waves.
Gamma-band waves are the only
frequency found in all parts of the
brain and are seen when the brain
simultaneously processes information
across different regions. Gamma-
band waves represent the creation of
a new idea emerging into conscious
awareness—a new “map.”
ACTION
When people have an insight, a cocktail of
neurochemicals rushes through the brain, making
them feel motivated and ready for action. However,
this intense motivation passes quickly. It is important to
use that motivation to take action or commit to taking
action as quickly as possible, while the insight is still
fresh. Action will help to further embed the insight.
The Four Faces of Insight is useful
because it gives us visual and audible
clues to watch for when we’re trying
to help other people have their own
insights, which makes the whole
process more tangible.
Smith S.M. (1995) Getting into and out of mental ruts: A theory of fixation,
27
incubation, and insight. In: The nature of insight. Cambridge (Mass.): MIT
Press. pp. 229–252
Kounios, J. & Beeman, M. (2009) The Aha! Moment: The Cognitive
28
Neuroscience of Insight. Current Directions in Psychological Science, (18)
4, 210-216
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Helping People Have More Insights
Questions are the most frequently used “tool” in coaching. When coaching for insight, we use different
questions than those we ask in day-to-day conversations.

WHAT QUESTIONS WOULD YOU ASK?

“I have been having trouble getting through my to-do list lately. I feel like I have too much work on and
too little time to complete it.”

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QUESTIONS LESS LIKELY TO GENERATE INSIGHT
Below are some of the main types of questions
people usually ask in conversations when trying
to help.
Giving advice
The most common questions people ask relate to
giving advice—they’re really suggestions in the form
of a question.
For example:
• “Why don’t you ask your boss…?”
• “Why don’t you manage your time by scheduling all
your priorities?”
• “What about leaving work earlier so you can spend
time with your family?”
Unfortunately, this approach is least likely to be
useful for several reasons:
• No two brains are alike. The other person has
different maps and different experiences to us.
• Advice often creates SCARF threats. If the other
person feels you are telling them what to do this
can lower their perception of Status, Autonomy,
Relatedness, and Fairness. As a result, they may
ignore your suggestion, or argue against it.
• The energy of finding an idea yourself (having an
insight) generates noradrenaline and dopamine,
driving people to want to take action.
• The dilemma that a coachee first puts forward is
not necessarily the core of the issue. You often
need to ask questions to help them clarify the
essence of the issue before exploring a solution.
Asking questions about the problem
Another common approach to questions that
decreases the potential for insight involves asking
about the problem. This is when we are in the
bottom-right quadrant of the TAPS model (page 26).
For example:
• “Why do you think work is so stressful at the
moment?”
• “What are some of the main issues in this situation?”
• “What is stopping you from moving forward in
this area?”
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Rather than being the quickest way to generate
insight, this approach will most likely result in the
conversation going off-track or, worse, putting
the coachee in an away state by focusing on the
problem. When you focus on a problem, the
emotions associated with that problem become
aroused, which makes it harder to think clearly.
The limbic system gets triggered, reducing
resources available for the prefrontal cortex.
The other thing to be aware of here is that focusing
on problems can actually feel more comfortable.
It is often interesting, and the person won’t end
up with any actions to take. There is not so much
“stretch” involved.
Coaches, while they respect that
people have problems, aren’t
interested in discussing them in
detail. They spend as little time as
possible exploring problems directly.
While they respect people may
feel strongly about their problems,
coaches try not to give problems
too much focus.
Asking questions to get more details
Another way of questioning is asking questions to get
more details.
For example:
• “What’s been happening at work lately?”
• “Can you list all the projects you have on at
the moment?”
• “What exactly did your direct report say to you?”
While this may create less of an away state than
asking about the problem, one of two things can
happen here:
1 Both the coach and coachee can find themselves
getting lost in the details of the situation and
become overloaded with information. You lose
clarity of distance, which means you can’t see
patterns or insight as easily.
2 The coach can start making connections, rather
than supporting the coachee to make their own,
and then be tempted to give advice rather
than coaching.
| Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
Telling people how to think
Another common approach that inhibits insight
is to ask questions that direct coachees to think in
a particular way that the coach feels is useful.

For example:
• “Why don’t you think about the big picture more?”
• “What about being more positive in this situation and
focusing on coming up with a creative solution?”
• Using this approach assumes that you know
the best way for the coachee to be thinking.
Remember, we all have different mental maps and
by imposing your mental map on the coachee,
you may be heading in the wrong direction.

Asking “why” questions

Asking “why”—in any form—tells the coachee you
want reasons, explanations, or excuses. If you ask
“why,” you tend to send the conversation into issues
founded in the past and on problems, instead of on
the future and solutions.

For example:
• “Why do you think this project is stalled?”
• “Why is this such an issue?”
• “Why didn’t you take that action?”
• Because our brain loves making connections,
“why” is where it naturally tends to go.

Watch out for subtle types of “why,” such as:

• “What went wrong?”
• “What did you do to make this happen?”
• These are tricky ways of avoiding saying “why,” but
still directing the conversation toward the problem,
rather than the solution.

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QUESTIONS MORE LIKELY
TO GENERATE INSIGHT
We want to ask questions that
support the coachee to be in
a toward state so they can
come up with their own ideas
and solutions.
The box below represents the
problem or issue, which is where
the coachee is typically focused.
The coach’s job is to help the
coachee focus instead on their
thinking about the solution.

For the new coach, there is often a temptation to think “with” the coachee about the issue, and
to come up with your own ideas for solutions. A good way to avoid this: Don’t look in the box!

Thinking questions
Thinking questions ask about the nature of people’s thinking in ways that have them become more self-aware
and take more responsibility. They start to notice their own thinking processes and where the gaps are in their
thinking. This is known as metacognition.

Example questions include:

• “How long you have you been thinking about this?”
(Days/weeks/months/years)
• “How frequently are you thinking about it?”
(How many times each hour/day/week)
• “When are you most likely to think about this?”
• “How clear is your thinking about this?”
(Glass of water or mud? Clear or black ink?)
• “What is the ratio of thinking you do about the
problem as compared to the solution?”
• “What stage are you at in your thinking about this?”
• “How does your thinking about this compare to
your thinking about other topics?”
• “How important is finding a solution, on a scale
of one to ten?”
• “How high is this in your priorities right now?
What priority would you like it to be?”
• “How much energy are you giving this compared
to how much you would like to give it?”
• “How close are you to reaching your goal,
as a percentage?”
• “What are your insights so far?”
• “What ideas/thoughts have crossed your mind
about this that you may have dismissed?”
• “What connections are you making as we talk
about this issue?”
• “What are you noticing about your thinking?”
• “Do you have a thought that resonates most
as we talk?”
• “How can I help you think this through?”

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 Scaling is often included in thinking questions; for example, percentages, ratios, and ratings out
of 10. Scaling helps the brain rise above the level of Detail and think about their thinking.

Vision questions Example questions include:

Vision questions are focused on what the coachee • “Based on this insight, what do you think would be
would like to achieve through the conversation the next step forward for you?”
or coaching engagement. They are the end goals
• “What is your plan for achieving these targets?”
or desired outcomes that provide a focus for the
conversation or coaching engagement. • “Now that you have had this new understanding
about the situation, what do you think you can do?”
Example questions include: • “What planning do we need to implement to ensure
• “What would you like to achieve in this your success in this area?”
conversation?”
• “What are your options, based on this insight?”
• “What is your vision for this area?”
• “What are the milestones for achieving this goal?”
• “What is your objective?”
• “What are the major steps for achieving your goal?”
• “What is the outcome you are working toward?”
• “What can you see, feel, hear, or sense when Action questions
you think about your goal?” After the vision and planning have been discussed,
it is time to explore the specific actions for moving
• “Could you describe the ideal outcome in this
forward. Actions are the tasks that will be completed
situation?”
before the next time the coach and coachee meet
• “What would you like to achieve here?” to review what has been accomplished. New insights
also might be generated when the coachee explores
• “What is your goal?”
how they want to take action.
• “If there were no obstacles, what would
be different?” Example questions include:
• “What are you prepared to do to make this
Planning questions goal happen?”
Once the vision and new insights have been
• “What are some alternatives for moving forward
established, planning questions will support the
in this area?”
coachee to explore a plan for moving forward.
New insights also might be generated when • “What is one step you could take toward that
asking these questions. this week?”
• “How could you apply this new learning or
new insight?”
• “What will you complete by next week?”

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ADDITIONAL NOTES ON QUESTIONING

Open and closed questions One question at a time

Open questions challenge the coachee to think Ask one question at a time, then pause, and allow
more deeply before answering. Coaches ask mostly time for reflection. Even if you immediately think of
open questions. a “better question,” let the coachee answer the first
one. This helps create the quiet conditions in the
Closed questions can be answered by a simple yes
brain that support insights.
or no, or with a one- or two-word statement. These
are helpful in certain circumstances; for example, to
help the coachee be more succinct, or to encourage Maintain your Clarity of Distance
the coachee to make a decision. It is useful to be aware of your own filters, hotspots,
and possible agendas when asking questions. Watch
For example, if the coach asks, “Are you going to take
out also for getting interested in the detail of what
that action this week?” the coachee will most likely
the coachee is saying and wanting to think “with”
answer, “Yes,” or perhaps, “No,” or, “I’m not sure.” As a
them instead of facilitating their thinking.
result, both coach and coachee are clearer about the
coachee’s level of commitment at that point and can A helpful guideline for maintaining
move forward in the conversation. the Clarity of Distance is to try asking
questions you genuinely don’t know
Coaches ask both open and closed
the answers to.
questions. Closed questions are
helpful for keeping a conversation
focused, such as when asking a
question using metrics. Closed
questions can help a coachee
be succinct.

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Notes

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Module 4: The Dance of Insight™
Overview
The Dance of Insight is a core tool for facilitating a conversation that moves the coachee forward from impasse
to insight to action and to habit.
The Dance of Insight is made up of four core elements. When you use the Dance of Insight effectively, you’ll
find the coaching conversation happens not in the coach’s head and not in the coachee’s head, but, in fact,
in a space between the two.

ion ement
iss Plac
m
r
Pe

The Dance
of Insight™
ing

in g
ify
lar

n
tio

C
es

Qu

The conversation happens in partnership between coach and coachee. This ensures the coach
has ownership of the process and the coachee has ownership of the content. It keeps the
coaching a conversation—a dialogue—not something the coach is “doing” to the coachee.

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 Permission
In order to generate new thinking, coaches ask
coachees questions that are different to those they
normally get asked. This thinking takes some effort
on the coachee’s part because they have to use their
working memory. Coaches also stretch and challenge,
which can generate a threat response. It is the job of
the coach to help the coachee remain in a toward
state while also supporting change and growth.
Asking permission is a way to reduce
the likelihood and impact of the
threat response to coaching itself.
It dampens the possibility of a limbic
system response, which means the
working memory is more likely to
be operating.
When the coach asks for permission, the coachee
is then given the power of decision over whether
and where a coaching conversation will go, and,
specifically, if it can move into personal territory.
Having permission puts you on equal footing in
regard to the direction of the conversation and
can make you both feel more comfortable.
It demonstrates that the coach has respect for
the coachee and that there are no hidden agendas.
It also builds trust.
If you don’t ask for permission, you are not setting up
a level playing field, and the coachee may become
defensive or even confused about the conversation.
Getting permission from a coachee can give a coach
the space to stretch and challenge the coachee
where necessary. However, coaches do take “no”
for an answer.
Permission should be used in
three places: To begin a coaching
conversation; when getting more
personal than you have so far; and
every time a coaching conversation
shifts direction, such as completing
on one goal and starting on another,
or moving the conversation to a
deeper place.
With permission, we can open up deeper, richer
conversations that make coaching powerful.
Asking for permission gives the coach a chance
to check-in with the coachee and not make
assumptions.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
For example:
“It sounds like that’s pretty important. Should we set
time aside to discuss that in depth next week?”
In powerfully asking for permission, it is important
that the coach states the actual thing for which they
are asking permission. Be succinct, specific, and
generous in how you ask for permission. After getting
permission, the conversation should not be a surprise
to the coachee. Permission allows the coachee to
decide where the conversation will go.
For example:
“Can we take some time now to further explore your
relationship with your boss?”
Asking for permission gives the power of decision
back to the coachee and allows them to decide
whether the path you are asking about is relevant
to them.
Coach: It sounds like you overcame something at
work this week. Would you like to explore what you
learned a little further?
Coachee: I think the learning was about me sticking
up for myself.
Coach: Great, would you be willing to look into other
areas where developing that habit might be helpful
for you?
As coach and coachee become familiar with
one another, it is important to remember to ask
for permission every time you want to take the
conversation in a deeper or new direction.
It is equally important that the coach respects the
wishes of the coachee if permission is not given.
For example:
Coach: I am getting the sense that you are not
finding fulfilment in your work. Would it be useful
to look at that further?
Coachee: I am not ready to talk about that right now.
Coach: Thanks for being honest. Is there something
else you would like to look at in this conversation?
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 Placement
Placement is letting someone know exactly what is
about to happen, what you are trying to achieve, and
where you are in a conversation. It puts two people at
the same point (or “place”) in a conversation, so you
are both able to focus on the issue together. It is about
making the implicit explicit.
Placement supports the coachee to
create mental maps about what has
happened, where they are now, and
what is going to happen. It ensures
that the coach and coachee’s brain
maps are aligned.
Placement reduces uncertainty for the coachee,
which reduces the threat response. Without
placement, they can easily be distracted by thoughts
about the process, instead of being engaged in the
coaching dialogue.
Placement also helps increase the coachee’s status
by giving them the information they need to be an
equal partner in the conversation.
Without placement, two people in a
conversation can easily end up trying
to have two different conversations.
We may not be sure where the other
person is heading or exactly what
they want to talk about, so we are
more likely to make assumptions and
go down the different paths.
There are two key times that placement can be used:
At the start of a coaching conversation, to set the
scene, and within a coaching conversation, to check
the conversation is still on track.
. but…?” (Clarify the dilemma into a short statement)
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UPFRONT PLACEMENT
There are four core elements to upfront placement:
• Timing—the length of the conversation
• Topic or dilemma—clarify the issue that will
be discussed
• Desired outcome—what we want to achieve
at the end of the conversation
• Process—how we are going to work together
to achieve that.
To put it another way, placement takes care of
the “Why, when, what, how, and who” parameters
of the conversation.
How much placement you need to do upfront
depends on the situation.
With a new coachee
For a planned coaching conversation with a coachee
who is unfamiliar with the process, coaches tend to
do a lot of placement.
For example:
Coach: I have 30 minutes for this conversation,
is that your understanding, too? (Timing)
Coachee: Yes, that’s fine with me.
Coach: Can you tell me a bit about what you’d like to
discuss today? (Topic)
Coachee: I’m feeling like it was a mistake to go full
time in my role. It’s really eating into time with my
family, and I’m sick of having conference calls at all
hours of the day and night.
Coach: I’m hearing that you’re really feeling the
pressure. Could you try putting that in a simple
sentence, using the framework, “I’d really like to…
Coachee: I’d like to go part time, but I am concerned
what it will mean for the department and for my
family financially.
Coach: Okay, so what would you like to achieve by
the end of our conversation? (Establish the desired
outcome)
Coachee: I’d like to come to a clear decision about
whether to go part time.
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Coach: Great. Before we begin, I’d like to outline
the approach I’ll take in this conversation. My aim is
to help you think about the topic in a new way.
I believe you have all the answers within yourself, so
you may notice that I don’t give advice or even make
suggestions. Instead, I’ll ask questions about your
thinking and your ideas. By the end we’ll hopefully
have a decision and some actions to move forward.
Does that sound okay? (Outline the process)
Coachee: Yes, that sounds good.
Everyday workplace conversations
For an everyday workplace conversation, where
a person requests help “in the moment,” the
placement tends to be simpler.
For example:
Coach: I’d be happy to discuss the XYZ project with
you. I have about 20 minutes right now. Is this a
good time, or would you like to make another time
to catch up? (Timing)
Coachee: Now is good for me.
Coach: Where would you like to be with regards
to the project at the end of this conversation?
(Establish the desired outcome).
Coachee: I’d like to be clearer about where I should
be focusing.
Coach: How can I best help you think this through?
(Define the process)
Coachee: I think I need to get clear about the scope
first, and then perhaps identify some key milestones.
Manager as coach
If you are having a development conversation
with a direct report or colleague using a coaching
approach, you might include placement about your
agenda in the conversation.
For example:
Coach: As we go through the actions you took
during the week, I’d like us to focus on some of
the core issues we discussed last time we spoke,
specifically time management and decision making.
I could ask you some questions to explore what
you’ve learned so far in these areas. Would that be
valuable for you?
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ONGOING PLACEMENT
Ongoing placement is when the coach pauses
within a conversation to summarise the main points
that have been covered. This allows the coachee to
look at the conversation as a whole and then decide
where they want to take it next. Ongoing placement
also helps the coachee check the conversation is on
the right track, and change the focus if necessary.
Coachees quite often have an insight after ongoing
placement.
For example:
Coach: Would it be okay with you if I paused for
a moment and summarised the conversation so
far? (Wait for permission). Your objective for this
conversation was to make a decision about how
to restructure the team. You’ve realised this is one
of your top three priorities, and that the timeline
is about two weeks. So far, we have brainstormed
several possible structures. Where would you like
to go from here?
Come back to ongoing placement
whenever you feel the coachee
would benefit from stepping back to
look at the big picture. It is particularly
useful if you sense the conversation
might have gone off track or into too
much detail. It is also useful if you as
coach feel you have gotten lost in the
conversation.
When you have placed people effectively in a
conversation you are able to move to the third step
in the Dance of Insight, asking powerful questions.
Questioning
Once we have permission to discuss a subject and
have placed the coachee so we are both clear on
the parameters of the conversation, the next step
is to ask some questions to facilitate their thinking.
Questioning is covered in detail in Module Three.
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 Clarifying
Clarifying is saying something back in a way that
is of greater value to the other person, by stating
something that wasn’t directly or clearly said. It
helps you get to the bottom line in a conversation.
Clarifying is not paraphrasing, which is saying the
same thing back in different words, or mirroring,
which is saying it back in the same words.
Clarifying is voicing the core essence
of what is being said to you as clearly
and succinctly as possible, ideally,
in seven to 10 or less of your own
words.
Clarifying creates pivotal moments in a coaching
conversation. It focuses the conversation on its most
valuable elements, highlights them, and then allows
the conversation to move forward with greater depth
and clarity.
It’s like sifting for the gold in what a coachee is
saying, polishing it, and holding it up for their
consideration.
Clarifying is one of the most powerful tools in
coaching for building trust and intimacy with
a coachee. They feel heard and understood.
It gives them an opening to take the conversation
somewhere new.
People generally talk a lot without actually listening
to themselves. Clarifying helps coachees hear
and understand themselves more clearly. Over
time, clarifying helps a coachee become a better
communicator.
To effectively clarify, the coach is asking themselves
questions like:
• What is the person really trying to say?
• What are they not saying?
• What is the emotional context for what they
are saying?
• What is “behind” their words? focused on their agenda.
• What is the essence of what they are saying?
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• What are they saying that they can’t hear for
themselves?
• Clarifying is all about getting to the bottom of
“what’s really going on.”
BE SUCCINCT
One of the pitfalls of clarifying is trying to repeat
back everything that was just said. Be succinct and
aim to clarify just the key point. When you clarify, you
generally use a short, clear sentence—ideally, just
seven to 10 or less of your own words.
For example:
Imagine at the start of a coaching session your
coachee says:
“Everything has gone wrong today! One of my
children refused to go to school, my train was
cancelled so I was late to work, and a colleague
undermined me in front of my manager.”
To clarify here might be to say:
“Sounds like today has been extremely challenging.”
By offering a short response, you let the coachee
know that you have listened, and you also add
value by taking the drama out of the situation (using
labelling) so the coaching can move ahead.
FOCUS COMPLETELY ON THE COACHEE
To clarify effectively, you need to be totally focused
on the coachee.
Thinking too much about what they are saying gets
in the way of clarifying, as does worrying about
“getting it right” or trying to reach a certain outcome
in the conversation.
Effective clarifying requires being
relaxed and at ease, in tune with the
coachee, open to your intuition, and
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Rather than jumping in with the first thing you think
of saying, take time to fully consider their words.
As with anything that you offer in coaching, aim to
deliver clarifying statements in an unattached way.
This could mean saying, “It sounds like you feel upset
about what your boss said,” instead of, “You feel
upset about what your boss said.”
ADD VALUE
Clarifying is saying something back in a way that
adds value to what was said. Without clarifying, the
conversation moves on without the coachee fully
acknowledging and realising the value of what was
just said.
Using restating/paraphrasing:
Coachee: I had the worst time. I had so many calls
banked up I couldn’t get to them all. I just wanted to
put my head down on the desk and give up.
Coach: You had the worst time, the calls got banked
up, so you wanted to give up.
Coachee: Yes, so I got up and got a coffee.
When clarifying is done well it moves the
conversation closer to an insight.
Using clarifying:
Coachee: I had the worst time. I had so many calls
banked up I couldn’t get to them all. I just wanted
to put my head down on the desk and give up.
Coach: Sounds like you had a big hill to climb,
but you didn’t quit.
Coachee: That’s true. After I got my coffee, I took
a deep breath and wrote a priority list. I think I’m
getting better at putting emotion aside.
LISTEN FOR THE EMOTION
Listen beyond the coachee’s words to connect with
the emotion behind them. Imagine yourself in their
shoes and how they must feel right now.
© Neuroleadership Institute 2015 | Brain-Based Conversation Skills Participant Manual
For example:
Coachee: I spoke to each of the department
heads and had a very clear discussion about what
I expected from them. So far, there hasn’t been
another problem so I am keeping my fingers crossed.
Coach: Sounds like you are really proud of how you
handled this.
DEGREES OF CLARIFYING
There is never a right or wrong thing to say when
clarifying. Listen for the coachee’s response to gauge
how successful you were. You will know you’re
close when they respond with an enthusiastic or
thoughtful, “Yes!” before the conversation continues
on, moving to a deeper more focused level.
Even if what you say is not totally
accurate, chances are that the
coachee will clarify what you
have said and express it correctly
themselves. Either way, the
conversation can then move forward.
Clarifying happens in degrees. Consider the different
impact that Coach One, Coach Two, and Coach Three
would have on the same coachee’s statement below.
Coachee: I’m so excited! I just got back from
meeting with my manager, and she mentioned that
senior staff had noticed how well I am doing.
Coach One: So your manager says you’re doing
well?
Coach Two: So you’re excited that executive staff are
noticing you?
Coach Three: Congratulations, you’re really
making waves!
Be prepared to take a risk, and trust your intuition.
Clarifying is a high-level skill that requires much
practice.
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Notes

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Module 5: Impasse to Insight
This module is about practicing what you have learned so far in the program. It is about applying the Dance of
Insight and brain-based communication skills within a coaching conversation to help the coachee move from
an impasse to generating insights.
Two things that will help you develop your new skills are:
1 The ability to inhibit existing habits so you can focus on new ones
2 A brain-friendly approach to feedback

Veto Power
When you are learning to coach you are building new habits like asking thinking questions, listening for potential,
and clarifying—just to name a few. At the same time, you have to inhibit existing habits that do not serve you in
a coaching conversation; for example, giving advice, thinking about what to say next, or interrupting.
This is where veto power comes in.

Free Will vs. Free Won’t

Benjamin Libet and colleagues from the University but haven’t yet taken the action. In neuroscience
of California studied the science of inhibition by terms, this is a long time—long enough for the mind,
examining the concept of “free will.” Libet and his with some practice, to notice an urge and intervene.
team found that half a second before a person
This 0.2 second window is when our veto power
makes a “voluntary movement,” the brain sends
can be activated. You might not have much control
a signal called an action potential. This relates to
over what your brain pushes into your awareness,
a movement about to occur, but it happens 0.3
but you do have veto power over whether to act on
seconds before the person is consciously aware of it.
an impulse or not.
Importantly, once you’ve become aware of a desire
As Dr. Jeffery M Schwartz says, you may not have
to move something, you still have 0.2 seconds during
free will, but you do have free won’t.
which you are aware of the intention to act,

The key is being aware of these three stages: Brain signal, desire and movement. It is about being
mindful when you are coaching—noticing your inner impulses before you act. It’s a muscle you
can build with practice.

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Self-Directed Feed-Forward™
When we are learning something new, we all crave feedback to find out how we are going. And yet, when
someone says, “Can I give you some feedback?” we automatically expect the worst. This generates a threat
response, inhibiting our thinking.
As coaches, we want to be able to give feedback in a way that is useful to others. So, how can we take a
coaching approach to feedback? Our suggestion is to ask rather than tell.
The Results Coaching approach to feedback is to ask the person to self-evaluate first, starting with what they
are doing well. We then move on to asking what they might do differently next time. This helps manage SCARF
threats so the other person can remain in a toward state. Only then do we offer our own thoughts, if needed.
We call this Self-Directed Feed-Forward.
Here is how the conversation might go when debriefing a coaching practice session.

STEP 1: PERMISSION AND PLACEMENT
Let’s take a few minutes to reflect on what you are
learning. I would like to start by focusing on what you
are already doing well, and then move to areas you
might like to focus on next. Are you ready to debrief
the coaching practice now?
STEP 2: ASK FOR THEIR POSITIVE FEEDBACK
“What are three things you felt you did well?”
“What else did you do that you were happy with?”
“Would it be okay if I shared my observations of
what you did well?”
STEP 3: ASK FOR THEIR THOUGHTS ABOUT
DEVELOPMENT
“What did you learn from this coaching practice
session?”
“What would you like to do differently next time?”
Being told by someone else where
we could improve tends to create
a status threat. However, when we
give ourselves this kind of feedback,
it can actually create a status reward,
because we are demonstrating
self-awareness and imagining our
improved future selves.

It is often necessary to be persistent

at this point, because the person
debriefing their performance will
most likely want to go straight to
what didn’t go well. This is the brain’s
organising principle at work: Bad is
stronger than Good.
STEP 4: ADD YOUR OWN THOUGHTS
- ONLY IF NEEDED
If appropriate, you can then share your feedback
based on your observations. This may be a case
of affirming what the coachee has said or adding
onto what they have already noticed. Be succinct,
specific, and generous. It is likely you will need to ask
permission again before delivering your thoughts.
I agree that pausing to reflect before you speak
will be a good way to clarify more effectively.
There is something else I noticed that I think
might be useful for you to try. Are you okay for
me to share that with you now?
Aim to speak in a neutral tone, without any emotional
charge, and to focus on facts. If the coachee is
ready, you can ask to turn the conversation to setting
actions to develop a new skill or behaviour in this area.

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SDFF™ in the Workplace
Self-directed feed-forward conversations can be
useful in the workplace, particularly for development
discussions and performance reviews. It helps
managers create SCARF rewards for their direct
reports, and provides a framework for delivering
difficult feedback when necessary.
The steps are the same as outlined above, with
a few key differences in terms of how much detail
is required.
Step 1 usually requires more permission and
placement. Some of the areas you could include are:
• Agreed time and length of the discussion. Make
sure it is suitable for both of you, and that you leave
plenty of time to discuss the feedback completely.
• Where the discussion will be held. Make sure it
is in a place where you won’t be disturbed and
maintains the individual’s privacy. Also, think about
a location that puts you both on an equal playing
field to reduce the likelihood of a status threat.
• What they need to bring to the discussion;
for example, project plan, actions they set for
the week, performance indicators, and so on.
• Your intention for having the conversation; for
example, to support them to build their strengths,
to understand what they’re learning, and so on.
It is also useful to show the individual that you are
completely on their side by creating an empowering
context to your feedback:
I’ve really seen how committed you are to
improving your relationship with your boss, and
I’m very committed to working with you to take
it to the next level.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed something
that’s been going on. I’d like to bring it to your
attention, because I think it could really help you
move toward your goal.
When you come to Step 4, be generous and tell
them if you are feeling uncomfortable about the
feedback you want to give them. This can go a long
way to increasing relatedness and status.
Giving feedback is not simply stating your opinion, although it is based on your experience.
It is not telling people what they did wrong. Mostly, it is telling people what they did right.
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Check to make sure you have permission to delve
into feedback, even if you think you already have it.
The feedback I have for you might be a little
challenging to hear, but my goal in sharing it is
to help open up your thinking. Would you be
interested to hear that feedback?
Would now be a good time to talk about it?
SUMMARY OF GUIDELINES FOR GIVING FEEDBACK
Feedback is expressing your experience of
something in a way that is of real value to the other
person, not just a chance to say what you think. As
you have seen, the Results Coaching approach is
self-directed (asking) feed-forward (about the future).
Here are some guidelines to consider:
• Be succinct. The best feedback is said in one
sentence.
• Be specific. Give the person specific details instead
of generalising.
• Be generous. Share yourself and be authentic.
• Listen very carefully to what the other person
is saying. Give them your total attention.
• Don’t interfere with what the other person is saying
or interrupt them.
• Write down brief notes about specific points so you
can refer to them later, if needed.
• Be generous with your acknowledgements.
Focus on and validate the other person’s strengths.
Practise looking for what people are doing right.
• Always ask permission to touch on sensitive areas.
• Accept responsibility when pointing out issues that
may seem negative. Use “I,” rather than “we,” “they,”
or “you.” Owning a statement makes it less likely to
be confrontational.
• Think before you speak. If in doubt about giving
feedback, ask yourself this question, “Is what I want
to say going to add value to the other person?”
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REFLECTION ON YOUR OWN COACHING PRACTICE

What are you finding easy so far?

What are you being challenged by?

What automatic responses would you like to practise vetoing?

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Notes

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Module 6: Insight to Action
CREATE® New Thinking
The Dance of Insight is a micro-model that describes the major steps in a coaching dialogue. Each step is made
up of sometimes just a phrase, up to a few sentences.
The CREATE model is more of a macro-model, occurring over many minutes of dialogue. The CREATE model
takes the coachee from being aware of their current reality, to exploring alternatives for reaching their desired
outcome, to deciding on a resolution or a way forward. Without the CREATE model, the coachee may have
lots of good ideas, but not necessarily do anything with them. It efficiently supports the coachee to develop
momentum and set actions to move forward.

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The Dance of Insight sits within each step of the CREATE model. We begin a coaching conversation by
using the Dance to define the dilemma or issue the coachee would like to discuss. We then use the Dance
to establish what the coachee would like to achieve from the conversation; that is, a desired outcome.
As we move through each phase of the conversation, we start the Dance again.

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CURRENT REALITY

The first element of the CREATE model is to explore As you ask questions about the current reality, look
the current reality of the coachee’s thinking about the for the Four Faces of Insight. Watch to see if they’re
situation. At this point, people become aware of their getting closer to an insight by focusing on body
dilemma, they reflect, and then, if you ask the right language and tone of voice. When people get close
questions, have an insight of some kind. to an insight, they go quiet. This is a necessary part
of the process. Give them space to do this. When
When we ask about the current reality, we ask people
people have an “aha” moment, you can see it written
to step back from their own thinking and notice its
all over their face, or you’ll hear their voice shift to
nature—to become scientists of their own thinking.
a higher pitch, pace, or volume. When an insight
Helping someone identify the current reality of their
does occur—stop—and pay attention to it. Ask lots of
thinking allows them to make new maps to self-
questions about the insight itself.
correct their thinking. As a result, people make their
own decisions about what to do next. Their thinking Listen to what your coachee is saying and, only then,
has literally been improved, and they’ve possibly form your next question. Base it on what they just
developed useful new wiring to call on in the future. said. Follow their words and their energy, and trust
your instincts.
We might also ask about the coachee’s vision,
goals, and objectives in the current reality phase
of a conversation. Vision questions help lift the Within the CREATE model, you will
conversation out of any detail or drama by helping usually spend the majority of the time
create a toward state. They are particularly useful in the Current Reality phase. This is
if you sense the coachee is feeling disengaged, one of the key things distinguishing
daunted, or stuck in detail. a coaching conversation from other
types of conversations.
Example questions to establish the current reality:
• “How long have you been thinking about this issue:
In days, weeks, months, years…?”
• “How often do you think about this; how many times
each hour, day, week…?”
• “What is your vision in this area?”
• “What would you like to see in this area of your work?”
• “How could you think about this situation differently?”
• “How committed are you to changing this issue,
on scale of 1 to 10?”
• “What is happening for you as you talk about
this issue?”
• “What is the insight brewing at the back of
your mind?”
• “How do you feel about this in one or two words?”

It usually takes seven to 10 questions

for an insight to emerge. Sometimes
you won’t get to an insight, but it will
emerge in the Explore Alternatives
phase.

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EXPLORE ALTERNATIVES
Exploring the current reality often generates insights
for the coachee. When someone has an insight,
they are energised; they feel inspired to take action.
However, the first action or actions that people come
up with are often what they are most comfortable
with, not necessarily the best ideas. When we explore
alternatives, we open people up to new possibilities.
Moving to the Explore Alternatives phase means
asking people to think more deeply. Make sure
you establish permission to do this. It might be
a simple question like, “Are you ready to explore
some different ideas about how to move forward
in this area?”
Once you have permission, again use a bit of
placement. You might say, “So, let’s spend the next
few minutes exploring lots of possible ideas based
on this new insight before we start thinking about
what you might specifically do in the coming week.
Does that sound okay?” Then, ask some questions
to stretch their thinking about a variety of alternatives,
clarify their answers, and remember to regularly
come back to placement.
TAP ENERGY
The key to this final stage of the CREATE model is
tap into the energy created by the insight before it
dissipates. Listen for emotive words, for feelings and
energy in their voice, and focus your questions in this
direction. Work with their ideas, not with how you think
the coaching should go. Follow the coachee’s lead.
This stage of the conversation tends to be faster and
simpler. Make sure you establish permission before
moving into this phase, although sometimes—when
the coachee is very energised—it can actually be hard
to hold them back.
For example:
• You’ve come up with eight options. Are you ready
to move into making some decisions about the
way forward?
The Tap Energy phase is when we
get specific and set actions with
coachees. It’s where we move from
dilemma, to insight, to deciding to
get into action.

Example questions:
• “Would you like to explore some ways to move this
new idea forward?”
• “What are some of the possible paths we could take
from here?”
• “How do you think we might move this insight
forward?”
• “What other options come to mind for you?”
• “What else could you do?”

When exploring alternatives, stay

light and try lots of ideas, without
being attached to any. Be flexible and
open-minded. Listen for people’s
energy, instead of focusing on what
the right answer might be. This phase
allows for surprises, so stay open to
them. This is also when you can offer
some ideas (with permission).

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CREATE® DEMONSTRATION

How many questions did the coach ask in each stage?

Current Reality

Explore Alternatives

Tap Energy

Notes

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Designing Actions
Actions are the specific activities, tasks, or steps that a coachee commits to undertake by
the next session. Once we have permission to move into this phase, there are two things
to consider as we support the coachee to design effective actions.
This can be thought of as “the two H’s approach”:

1. HOW LIKELY IS THE ACTION TO HELP? 2 Specific. Include specifics of what the coachee
This question ensures the coachee stays on track will be doing, rather than being general.
and progresses towards the achievement of the For example, you could include precise numbers
desired outcome. in the wording of the actions.

For example: The coachee has an insight that their
sales team needs to communicate more effectively
with potential clients. The two possible actions
they come up with are: “Set up a team meeting to
outline the top five keys to communicate effectively
with potential clients,” and, “Research sales training
options for the low performers.” Asking the coachee
which action is more likely to help can assist them to
think more deeply about the impact each action will
have, and therefore make choices about where to
put their time and energy.
2. HOW LIKELY IS THE ACTION TO HAPPEN?
There are a few things to consider here:
1 Challenging and achievable. It is important that
the actions the coachee sets are challenging,
but they also must be realistic and achievable.
You want just enough stretch to drive positive
change, but not so much that it creates excessive
stress. Ideally, you want your coachees to do all
the actions they agree to, and for the actions to
take them into new territory.
For example: Instead of, “Meet with clients this
week,” it would be more accurate to write,
“Meet with 10 clients this week.”
Be accurate with details and the coachee is much
more likely to do the complete action, or at least
know how much of the action they have done.
Both coach and coachee should write down the
action. Check you have used same words so there
is no ambiguity.
3 Timeline for completing the action. When setting
actions make sure both coachee and coach are
clear about the timing of the action. In other
words, be clear about the deadline for the
completion of the action.
For example: A coachee that has an action to
complete staff performance reviews might set an
action, “To complete four performance reviews
by Tuesday.”

Without action, insights can be good ideas that are quickly forgotten. Taking action embeds
insights into habits by increasing the attention that coachees pay to a new circuit.

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Notes

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Module 7: Emotion Regulation
As we have seen, the overarching organising principle of the brain is to minimise threat and maximise reward.
We have also seen that a threat response impacts perception, cognition, creativity, and collaboration. Therefore,
helping our coachees to regulate their emotions is one of the most significant ways we can support their
development.
There are several ways to minimise the possibility of the coachee’s limbic system being aroused, and to support
them to dampen down a limbic response if it is triggered. James Gross’s Process Model for Emotion Regulation
shows these options. 29

At the broadest level, we can distinguish between antecedent strategies (things we do before the emotional
response has kicked in) and response-focused strategies (things we do after an emotion is already underway).

Ochsner and Gross (2005) The cognitive control of emotion, Insights

29

from social cognitive and affective neuroscience, Current Directions in

Psychological Science, 17(1), 153-158
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ANTECEDENT
Situation selection: Approaching or avoiding certain
situations, so as to promote the emotions you want to
have, and avoid the emotions you don’t want to have.
Situation modification: Tailoring a situation to modify
its emotional impact.
Attention deployment: Used to select which of the
many aspects of the situation you will focus on.
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RESPONSE-FOCUSED
The primary options for dealing with strong emotions
are expression, suppression, and cognitive change.
Expression: Feeling and giving expression to the
emotion.
Suppression: Hiding your emotional response.
Cognitive change: Selecting which of the many
meanings you might attach to an event.
The first option of allowing the coachee to express
their emotions, whether that be grief or anger, can be
effective, but may also result in them getting stuck in
the drama of a situation. Furthermore, it may not be
appropriate (depending on the situation), and it also
can make others uncomfortable.
The second option of suppressing what they are
feeling requires holding the feeling down and
masking the emotion. For example, they’re angry
with their boss, and attempt to hide that they’re
angry. This can actually lead to more arousal of the
limbic system and the creation of bad memories.
Furthermore, studies show that other people
can generally sense when we are suppressing an
emotion, and it can make them uncomfortable.
The third option is cognitive change, and this is
where coaching is most likely to add value. There
are three ways to create cognitive change and
regulate the arousal of the limbic system: Labelling,
reappraisal, and direct experience (also known
as mindfulness).30
The third option, cognitive change—
where you change your thinking—
leads to less arousal, no change to
memory, and no effect on others.
Ochsner, K (2008). Staying cool under pressure: insights from social
30
cognitive neuroscience and their implications for self and society,
NeuroLeadership Journal Issue One.
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Labelling
When the limbic system becomes aroused, the The bottom line: Describe the
resources available for your prefrontal cortex emotion in just a word or two,
decrease; they are diverted to fuel the limbic system. and it helps reduce the impact
However, this works the other way, too. Increasing of the emotion.
the arousal of the PFC can dampen down the arousal
of the limbic system. It’s similar to using a dimmer
switch between two brain regions. One way to use Example labelling questions:
this switch is to help the coachee think of the right • “What’s the energy, emotion, or feeling this brings
word to identify an emotional sensation, a technique up, in just a word or two?”
that is called “symbolic labelling.”
• “If you could name your emotion in one or two
In an important study in 2005,31 Matthew Lieberman words, what would it be?”
and some colleagues asked thirty participants to view
pictures of angry, scared, or happy looking faces. Half • “In a word or two, what’s the feeling you have
of the time, participants tried to match the target face when you think about this topic?”
to another picture of a face with a similar expression. • “If you were to put a label on how this habit makes
The other half of the time, they tried to match the face you feel, what would it be?”
to a word that correctly labelled the subject’s emotion.
• “What’s the energy you notice when you think
The fMRI scans showed that when the participants about talking to that difficult customer?”
labelled the emotional faces using words, less activity
occurred in the amygdala—the part of the limbic • “How would you label the feeling you had during
system which detects significant stimuli, with a that meeting?”
particular emphasis on those that are threatening.
Instead, the part of the brain activated in this situation “CLEARING THE SPACE”: A LABELLING EXERCISE
was the right ventrolateral PFC, the region that is At the beginning of a coaching conversation, it
central to the brain’s braking system, and the one can be useful to perform a focusing exercise. This
that keeps reappearing as central to all types of exercise will allow coachees to label their emotions
inhibition. This region lights up in fMRI scans when and dampen down the limbic system if it is aroused.
you label an emotion, and there is a correlated Often, coachees come to a conversation with a busy
reduction in activity in the limbic system, including mind, thinking about what has happened in the past
the amygdala. and what they need to do in the future. The exercise
Another study of labelling illustrates an intriguing below brings coachees into the present moment by
quirk of human nature.32 Participants were asked clearing away any thoughts that might be distracting
to predict if they would feel better or worse if so they can give the conversation their full focus.
they spoke about their emotions. There was a We call the process clearing the space.
strong tendency for people to expect that labelling
emotions would result in increasing their emotional Clearing the space is an unfamiliar
arousal. Because of this incorrect belief, many of us exercise for most people and you
try to suppress and ignore our feelings, especially in need to establish the framework so
the workplace. that the coachee feels comfortable
trying the exercise.
Numerous studies also show that speaking about
an emotional experience does bring the emotions
back to the surface. The key to managing arousal is
how you do it. To reduce arousal, you need to use
just a few words to label the emotion and, ideally,
use symbolic language, which means using indirect
metaphors, metrics, and simplifications of your
experience. This requires you to activate your PFC,
which reduces the arousal of the limbic system.

Lieberman, M (2009). The brain’s braking system (and how to “use your words”
31

to tap into it), NeuroLeadership Journal Issue Two.

Lieberman, MD et al (2007). Putting feeling into words: Affect labeling disrupts
32

amygdala activity into affective stimuli, Psychological Science, 18, 421-428.

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1. TELL THE COACHEE WHAT YOU ARE GOING
TO DO
Now we will do the focusing exercise I mentioned
earlier. It’s called “clearing the space.”
2. USE A REAL LIFE EXAMPLE OR ANALOGY THE
COACHEE CAN RELATE TO
Imagine you are driving during the day between
meetings. You might be thinking about tasks from
the last meeting, and at the same time worrying
you’re going to be late to the next one, and also
thinking about your plans for after work. You are
not giving driving your full attention. As a result,
you might miss someone braking in front of you,
or forget to turn where you need to. You are not as
sharp or focused as you could be.
Or you could say:
One way to explain the exercise is with an analogy.
Imagine your mind as a computer, and think about
what happens when you have too many programs
open at once. The computer slows down, and you
don’t operate as efficiently as you could.
3. EXPLAIN THE BENEFITS OF CLEARING
THE SPACE
Consider that most of the time we have a lot of
thoughts “in the background” that we are not really
conscious of. These thoughts may be getting in the
way of our productivity without us even knowing it.
Clearing the space is an opportunity to notice what is
in the background, acknowledge it, and put it to one
side. This exercise helps you to be focused and at ease
in the moment, which will allow you to get the most
value out of our coaching conversation. Research
shows that as you label emotional states, you dampen
down the activation of the limbic system. In other
words, you get more calm and focused.
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4. DO THE EXERCISE POWERFULLY TO GIVE THE
COACHEE A STRONG EXAMPLE
I will go first so that you get a sense of how it works.
What is in the background for me is...
Clear thoughts and feelings that are real and current
for you, but also appropriate to share with the
coachee.
5. EXPLAIN THE STEPS FOR THEM TO CLEAR THE
SPACE
The format is to say the thought or event that is in
the background in just a word or two: “What’s in the
background for me is...”
Then pinpoint the emotion and say what it is:
“So the emotion is...”
Then say: “I’ll put that <emotion> aside to focus on
this conversation.” And really put it aside, as an act
of will, right at that moment.
Then ask them: Are you ready to clear the space?
6. INTERACT WITH THEM SO THAT THEY CLEAR
THE SPACE POWERFULLY
You may need to coach them in the moment around
staying succinct and specific and help them to find
something that allows them to clear the space.
Then, check in at the end to make sure they feel
clear and ready to get into the conversation.
Example actions for clearing emotions:
• Taking a deep breath
• Closing your eyes
• “Sweeping” the emotion away
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BUILDING AN EMOTIONAL VOCABULARY
You can support coachees, and yourself, to label emotional states accurately by using lists like the one below.

TOWARD AWAY

Delighted Angry
Elated Panicked
Exhilarated Devastated
Strong Inspired Stressed
Optimistic Overwhelmed
Passionate Abandoned
Thrilled Powerless

Cheerful Annoyed
Confident Discouraged
Curious Excluded
Medium Determined Guilty
Energetic Nervous
Upbeat Resentful
Positive Scattered

Appreciative Bored
Contented Confused
Grateful Disengaged
Light Hopeful Distracted
Interested Embarrassed
Satisfied Frustrated
Relieved Skeptical

Labelling which SCARF domain has been triggered for threat or reward is also an effective way
to regulate emotion.

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Reappraisal
A series of studies show that reappraisal generally has
a stronger effect than labelling; thus, it’s a tool for
reducing the impact of bigger emotional hits. Other
words used to describe reappraisal are reframing
or re-contextualising. Basically, reappraisal is the
ability to see a situation differently, most likely in
a more positive light, or in a way that gives greater
understanding to a situation.
Kevin Ochsner at Columbia University studies
the neuroscience of reappraisal. In one of his
experiments, participants are shown a photo of
a people crying outside a church, which naturally
makes participants feel sad. They are then asked
to imagine the scene is a wedding, that people are
crying tears of joy. At the moment that participants
change their appraisal of the event, their emotional
response changes.33
Ochsner’s research finds that as people reappraise
positively, there is increased activation of the right
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and left ventrolateral PFC, and a corresponding
reduction in activation of the limbic system.
However, reappraisal is difficult, because it requires
quite a bit of the prefrontal function. People have to
look at a situation in a new way and see alternative
interpretations or meanings. This is hard to do “in the
moment” because the prefrontal function decreases
just seconds into a threat response. This is where
a coach can be valuable.
Reappraisal questions are designed to make
people stop and think. They have the potential to
come across as quite direct and thereby trigger a
threat response. Therefore, it can be useful to use
permission and placement before moving into
reappraisal questions.
For example
“Would it be okay with you if I asked some more
challenging/unusual questions now? They might
help you to expand your thinking.”
TYPES OF REAPPRAISAL
Reappraisal can be divided into five main categories:
Normalising, re-prioritising, repositioning, distancing,
and reframing. It can be useful to consider the
load each of these types of reappraisal place might
place on the prefrontal cortex. The list below is in
approximate order, from easiest to most challenging.
Ochsner, K. N., & Gross, J. J. (2005). The cognitive control of emotion.
33
Trends in Cognitive sciences, 9(5), 242-249.
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NORMALISING DISTANCING
Help the coachee reflect on how “normal,” “typical,” Like repositioning, distancing helps the coachee
or “appropriate” their emotional response is to see things from a new perspective. In this case, the
a situation. coachee places themselves at a distance from the
situation, imagining themselves as “the third person.”
Examples:
• “How normal or typical do you think your feelings Examples:
about this situation are?” • “If you could zoom out and look at this issue from
afar, what might you notice?”
• “What do you think an appropriate response to this
situation would be?” • “Imagine your future self, 20 years from now; what
would you say to your present self?”
• “Do you think your reaction to this situation is too
strong, too weak, or about right?” • “What would your teenage self tell you to do?”

RE-PRIORITISING OR RE-ORDERING REFRAMING

In Your Brain At Work, Rock says, “The brain keeps Looking for new, more positive meanings,
information in nested hierarchies. All information is explanations, or ways to interpret a situation.
positioned relative to other ideas.”34 Re-prioritising
helps coachees see “the big picture” by looking at Examples:
the situation in relation to other priorities in their
• “How could you think about this situation
work and life.
differently?”

Examples: • “If you had nothing to lose, how might you

approach this challenge?”
• “Where is this situation in your priority list, (Number
10, Number 68)?” • “Which benefits or positive side effects might
the situation give you?”
• “If you were to put all your current responsibilities
in order, where would this fall, (Top 5, Bottom 20)?” • “What perspective could you take that would
support you moving forward?”
REPOSITIONING
This is about helping the coachee to see things from
the perspective of a third person.

Examples:
• “What might this situation look like from the other
person’s/a colleague’s/your boss’s point of view?”
• “What advice would you give a friend in this
situation?”
• “What suggestions might one of your personal
role models give about this?”

Reappraisal is also a way for the coachee to achieve and maintain the “Clarity of Distance”
(Module 2).

34
Rock, D Your Brain At Work, 2009, Harper Collins
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PRACTICE REAPPRAISAL

Situation that caused an away response

Reappraisal statements

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Direct Experience
Another option for reducing the limbic system response is the technique or practice of direct experience, also
known as mindfulness.
A study by Norman Farb at the University of Toronto studied how human beings experience their lives moment
to moment.35 Researchers identified two distinct ways of experiencing the world: Narrative circuitry and direct
experience circuitry.
Narrative
Circuitry
Thinking / Planning
Strategies / Goals
Memories / Stories
Reasons / Limbic system
Social network
Memory system
The narrative circuit is active most of your waking
moments and doesn’t take much effort to operate.
It is the brain’s default network. An example of using
the narrative network would be travelling home while
thinking about meetings you had that day, what to
cook for dinner, and phone calls you need to make.
The narrative network is past- and future-focused. It
is involved in planning, daydreaming, and ruminating.
There is nothing wrong with this network—the
point here is you don’t want to limit yourself to
experiencing the world only through this network.
Direct experience circuits activate when you’re not
thinking about the past or future, or yourself. Rather,
you’re experiencing information coming into your
senses in real time (Siegel, 2007).36 Scientists define
direct experience as the experience of paying close
attention to the present in an open and accepting
way. To neuroscientists, direct experience has little
to do with spirituality, religion, or any particular type
of meditation. It’s a trait that everyone has to some
degree, which can be developed.
35
Farb, N (2007), Attending to the present: mindfulness meditation reveals
distinct neural modes of self-reference, Journal of Social Cognitive
Affective Neuroscience (2007) 2 (4); 313 – 322.
36
Siegel,D. (2007). Mindfulness training and neural integration: differentiation
of distinct streams of awareness and the cultivation of well-being. Social
Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, 2, 259-263.
37
Siegel, D (2007). Mindfulness training and neural integration: differentiation
of distinct streams of awareness and the cultivation of well-being, Journal of
Social Cognitive Affective Neuroscience (2007) December 2 (4): 259 – 263.
38
Tang, Y and Posner, M et al (2007). Short-term meditation training improves
attention and self-regulation, PNAS October 23, 2007.
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Direct
Experience
Circuitry
Information / Data
Senses (feel, hear, see,
touch, taste, smell)
Sensory motor cortex
Insula (understanding
internal mental
states)
Daniel Siegel, one of the leading researchers and
authors in this area and co-director of the the
Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA, has
found links between those that regularly practise
direct experience, such as long-term meditators,
and emotional regulation. The greater the ability one
has to be mindful in the present moment, the more
ability one has to regulate one’s emotions.37
Direct experience is not just relaxation. Another
study38 conducted by Dr. Yi-Yuan Tang was designed
to see whether direct experience was just a form of
relaxation training or if something else was at work.
Forty volunteers underwent five days of training
for 20 minutes a day using a technique Tang calls
“integrative body-mind training.” Another group did
relaxation training for the same period. There were
significant differences between the two groups.
The direct-experience group had an almost 50%
greater immune function on average. Cortisol levels
were also lower in the direct-experience group.
This clearly showed that direct experience is more
than just relaxation.
The Farb study found that people who regularly
practised noticing the default and direct experience
networks (like regular meditators) had a stronger
differentiation between the two. They knew which
path they were on at any time and could switch
between them more easily. People who had not
practised noticing these paths were more likely
to automatically take the default/narrative path.
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 We can practise using the direct experience network. Enough practice turns the state into a trait.

EXAMPLE DIRECT EXPERIENCE QUESTIONS:

1 “What connections are you making as you reflect on this?”
2 “What’s becoming clearer compared to when we began this conversation?”
3 “As you reflect on this topic, what are you noticing?”
4 “What looks different, now that you’ve said that out loud?”
5 “What thoughts are going on in the back of your mind as you think about this topic?”
6 “What’s bubbling up for you?”
7 “What’s trying to get your attention?”
8 “What is present for you as you talk about this topic?”
9 “What does your gut instinct tell you?”

The techniques of labelling, reappraisal, and direct experience support the coachee to dampen
down their limbic system and use their working memory more effectively. When the limbic system
is dampened down, there are more insights, and thus more progress toward desired outcomes.

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Notes

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Module 8: Bringing the
Conversation Together
The Top Insights into Coaching Conversations
1. STAY FOCUSED ON THE INSIGHT
Ultimately, your job as a coach is to help coachees
improve their thinking. This occurs through a series
of insights that create new circuits, then giving these
circuits enough attention to become the default
hardwired circuits. The insights are often subtle,
delicate ideas that need nurturing. Think of the
insights as gold: When you see them emerging, stop
everything and let them sink in. Focus in on them
by asking questions and helping the coachee clarify
exactly what the insight is.
2. FOLLOW THE PROCESS
If you get stuck or run off-track during a coaching
session, go back to the basic processes you have
learned. For example, if you’re getting stuck on an
issue that the coachee has presented and you feel
like you’re going around in circles, come back to
placement and define where you both are, then see
what questions emerge.
3. WORK WITH WHAT’S THERE
Ensure you stay tuned in to what is presented by the
coachee. Follow the coachee’s agenda and energy,
and work with what is there. This often means
the conversation won’t go exactly as you expect.
Remain focused and present, and work with what
is happening in the moment, rather than what you
think should be happening.
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4. MAKE SURE YOU’RE CLEAR AND FOCUSED
Make sure that during a coaching conversation you
can be present and focused. If you need to clear
any mental space for yourself, make sure you do
this before or at the beginning of the conversation.
An effective coaching conversation means that
the coach is able to completely focus on what
is happening in the moment, rather than being
distracted by internal dialogue.
5. KEEP COMING BACK TO THE BIG PICTURE
You may be the only person in the coachee’s life
who is focused on the big picture; on the direction
they are going; on their values, purpose, and goals.
Don’t get caught in details, problems, or drama. You
may find it helpful to have the Choose Your Focus
in front of you during coaching. Placement—both
upfront and ongoing—will also help keep the focus
at a high level.
6. IT COMES WITH PRACTICE
When you first start coaching, it can seem that there
is so much to remember. The key to getting used to
handling the different elements is practice—giving
the new circuits you are creating enough attention.
David Rock says learning to coach is a bit like the first
time you learn to drive a car. Trust that unconscious
competence will come.
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The Top Pitfalls of Coaching Conversations
1. TRYING TO FIND THE CAUSE OF SOMETHING
The “why” path is our default mode, and without
paying close attention to where we are placing our
attention, we can easily fall back into this habit. When
you see a coachee justifying or defending him or
herself, it’s probably because you have asked—or
they have perceived—a “Why?” question.
2. IGNORING DISCOMFORT
As coaches, we need to have the confidence to
talk to our coachees about things that make us—or
them—feel uncomfortable. The best way to address
this is to acknowledge what’s going. You may wish
to label the feelings when they come up. Then,
ask permission to talk about the subject, and offer
some placement to assure them that they can stop
the conversation at any time. Humour can be very
helpful in these situations to lighten the mood, but
be aware of your intention. Humour to help the
coachee feel more comfortable is helpful; humour
to make yourself feel more comfortable may not be.
3. IGNORING A HUNCH OR CONCERN
Attention to subtle signals is an important skill as
a coach. If you have an intuitive flash or notice a
pattern in the coachee’s behaviour, it’s best to ask
permission to voice your observation. Operating
while ignoring an unnamed feeling or opinion will
take away from your effectiveness as a coach. You
can’t hold your attention in two places at once
without a cost to one of them. Ask permission to
speak what’s on your mind so you can be present,
and offer placement along the lines that you are
not attached to the observation. Then, allow the
coachee to reflect on what you have said, and make
space for them to respond.
STRENGTHS
1 1
2 2
3 3
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4. MAKING A VALUE JUDGEMENT
Many of the coachees you work with will have
different values to your own, and will make different
decisions than you would make in their situation.
Be certain that the questions you ask explore the
issue, rather than judge your coachee. If your own
value judgements do become distracting, you may
need to ask permission to say what’s on your mind.
5. MAKING AN ASSUMPTION
Work only with the information that a coachee
reveals to you about him or herself, and if there
is something that you are unclear about, ask for
clarification. Although it may be tempting to assume
that you know a coachee’s situation thoroughly
based on your experiences with others, remember
that no two brains are alike. Coaching will be most
effective if you work with each coachee’s unique way
of seeing the world.
6. WANTING TO GIVE THEM THE ANSWERS
As a coach, your role is to facilitate the coachee’s
thinking and growth by offering a process and a
structure. There may be times when you have an
insight of your own about the coachee’s situation.
This is to be expected; your brain, like all brains, is a
connection machine. The energy from these insights
can compel you to make suggestions, but keep in
mind that it is best to do this in a detached way, so
the coachee feels they have a choice about whether
to take them on board.
AREAS TO FOCUS ON
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Module 9: Elements of
Insightful Conversations
There are six key elements that help us to facilitate an insightful conversation. At the foundation is trust, which
creates a toward state. Insightful conversations also have a clear framework. They open strongly, starting with
a focusing exercise, and moving on to clarifying the dilemma or topic, and then identifying a desired outcome
for the conversation. Along the way, the coach supports the coachee with regular acknowledgment, which
primes their brain for learning and growth. At the end of the conversation, the coach takes the coachee through
a process called completion, so they finish with no loose ends.

Trust
We have many different levels of trust with people.
Trust can also shift quite quickly in either direction.
How many people do you trust with everything?
Most of us do not have truly open conversations
very often where we are able to share our innermost
thoughts without fear or anxiety. Yet, these
conversations are important for our wellbeing.
In Daniel Goleman’s book, Emotional Intelligence,
he states that social isolation is roughly twice as
dangerous to health as smoking.39 Professor John
Caccioppo writes about safe human relationships as
being as important as food and water: Not having
them is perceived as a threat to our life. They are
“primary” needs.40
The brain classifies people we deal with as either
“friend” or “foe.” This process is automatic and
happens unconsciously. When someone is perceived
as a friend, we process what he says in a very
different way to when someone is considered
a foe. The way to maintain the “friend” status with
a coachee is to build a lot of trust.
Trust is a vital component of coaching.
It is something we need to be
conscious of creating and monitoring.
If trust is not established, or if it is
damaged, the coachee’s limbic
system is likely to be aroused.
This will pull energy away from the
prefrontal cortex. Thus, coachees
will find it harder to think and work
toward solutions, and will likely focus
more on problems and drama.
As a coach, you want to continue to move to deeper
levels of trust with your coachees. It’s important that
they trust you enough to speak about anything on
their minds. Establishing a deep level of trust and
intimacy with someone can take years to achieve.
As a coach, you need to move to this deep level of
trust very quickly.
The key things you can do to quickly develop deep
trust include:
• Be authentically interested in the coachee
• Make clear promises and keep them
• Share something personal about yourself;
this shows you trust them
• Take responsibility for the results of the coaching
and deliver what you have promised
• Make sure your behaviour is consistent with
your words
• Communicate openly and clearly about
expectations and agreements
• Be honest and authentic—don’t flatter, withhold
information, or lie
• Demonstrate respect, fairness, kindness, and
loyalty for others
• Don’t cover up mistakes; be honest about them
• Commit to continuously improving your skills
• Be courageous and risk discussing tough issues
• Hold yourself and others accountable
• Listen first to understand what the other person
is saying before sharing your perspective
• Continually grow and develop self-awareness
• Be aware of your motives and intentions
• Develop your coaching presence
• Use lots of permission and placement

Goleman, D. (1995), Emotional Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ.
39

Bantam Books.
Cacioppo, J. T., & Patrick, B. (2008). Loneliness: human nature and the
40

need for social connection. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.

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Framing the Conversation
FOCUSING EXERCISE
We know the ideal conditions for insight: A quiet,
slightly happy brain that is in a reflective or
inward-looking state, and not working directly on the
problem. A focusing exercise like Clearing the Space
(Module 7) helps the coachee transition into this
space. Any activity that helps the coachee move
from narrative experience into direct experience
can achieve the same outcome (for example,
a Direct Experience exercise.)
CLARIFY THE DILEMMA
Once we have helped the coachee to be focused
and present, we move to clarifying the dilemma
or topic they wish to discuss. We use our clarifying
skills (as outlined in Module 4), or we might ask the
coachee to use the “dilemma statement” as outlined
in Module 3: “I would really like to ________, but
_________.”
It is worth spending time on
accurately clarifying the dilemma.
Not only does this lay the
foundation for a useful and efficient
conversation, but sometimes the
process triggers a significant insight
for the coachee.
DESIRED OUTCOME
After you have both used a focusing exercise to
get clear, it is then useful to agree on the desired
outcome for the conversation, which was introduced
in Module 4 as one of the key elements of
placement.
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EXAMPLE CONVERSATION
Coach: So, we have about 20 minutes for a
conversation around a specific issue you would like
to discuss. I will support you by asking questions to
help you develop insights around the issue and set
some actions to move forward. Are you okay with
this? (Placement about what is going to happen in
the conversation)
Coachee: Yes, that sounds fine.
Coach: Okay, so what is the issue you would like to
discuss? (Establishing the issue or dilemma)
Coachee: I’m feeling overwhelmed at work. I’m stuck
in a meeting, replying to emails, or being interrupted
by people with “urgent” requests.
Coach: It sounds like you would like more time and
headspace to do what’s important, is that right?
(Clarify the core issue).
Coachee: Yes, and what’s important is the big picture
thinking and planning.
Coach: Okay, so it’s about getting to the high-level
stuff. Given that we have about 20 minutes together
now, what would you specifically like to get out of
conversation? (Final clarification; then, establish
a desired outcome).
Coachee: I’d like to come up with some kind of plan
for protecting my time.
Coach: Okay, so our objective in this conversation
is to come up with some ways to carve out time
for thinking about the big picture. I’ll make a note
of this, and we’ll check on this objective during the
conversation, and also at the end to make sure.
Checking back in on the desired
outcome during a conversation
helps make sure you’re on track.
Sometimes the coachee will realise
the core dilemma is something
different to the one they originally
presented. If this happens, clarify the
new dilemma and the new desired
outcome, then proceed.
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Acknowledgement

People don’t feel as valued as they would like to be. Where criticism is about noticing and dwelling
That is in part because we constantly analyse and on what went wrong and what’s wrong with us,
downgrade what we do in our day-to-day lives. acknowledgement is about noticing and dwelling
We also receive regular criticism from others—bosses, on what’s going right and what’s right about us.
parents, spouses—who comment on what we’re To put it simply, acknowledgement is focusing on the
doing wrong. In addition, we imagine criticism that positive rather than the negative. Ken Blanchard said
people are not actually delivering but we perceive in his famous book The One Minute Manager:
as being there.
Acknowledgement is about “catching people doing
When we do get positive feedback, we are things right.”
conditioned to see it as a cue that negative feedback
might be coming next. We switch our attention from Acknowledgement is a generous act that builds
listening to the positive in order to prepare ourselves a bond between people. It is also a courageous act,
for the negative. particularly in the workplace where there may be
a culture of prioritizing “constructive feedback”
over acknowledgement.
The underlying reason for this is likely
to be the amygdala, which is always
on the lookout for potential threats to From a neuroscience perspective,
our wellbeing. As we know, the brain acknowledgement is a way of
perceives social threats as being as reinforcing new wiring and maps for
great or greater than physical threats. the coachee. It is a signal to the brain
to do more of something. When we
receive acknowledgement, we not
What does criticism do for us? It certainly doesn’t only feel good; we are more likely able
help motivate us to go for our goals, except in rare to think clearly and focus on solutions.
instances. One study by the Gallup Organisation It also means we can more easily
found that criticism was taken positively once in access our limited working memory.
every 13 situations.41 Mostly, criticism sets off a threat
response, which we know reduces perception,
cognition, creativity, and collaboration. In other
words, it limits our potential.

41
Smith, B. (2004). Gallup Business Journal
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HOW TO WORK WITH ACKNOWLEDGEMENT
As coaches, one of the most valuable things we can
do for our coachees is swing the balance towards
authentic, positive feedback.
There are three levels at which we can acknowledge
someone. All levels of acknowledgement are
valuable, but the most powerful is Level Three. This is
when we speak from a growth mindset by focusing
on the learning and change that we have noticed in
the other person.
For example:
Level 1: Thanks for coming to today’s coaching
session on time and with all your actions completed.
Level 2: Thanks for coming to today’s coaching
session on time and with all your actions completed.
I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
Level 3: Thanks for coming to today’s coaching
session on time and with all your actions completed.
I know you have a lot on your plate at the moment.
I can see how much effort you are are putting into
identifying your top priorities.
Acknowledge your coachee authentically and often
You can acknowledge coachees at any time
in a coaching conversation, for small or big
achievements, and everything in between.
Help coachees acknowledge themselves more
We also help coachees open up to receiving
acknowledgement by modelling how we interact
when they acknowledge us.
EXAMPLES OF WHAT TO ACKNOWLEDGE PEOPLE FOR:
Tangible achievements
• Actions taken
• Goals met
• Positive outcomes
Examples:
• “I’m really proud of you for taking on such
a challenging action.”
• “I remember in our first session you had no idea
how you were going to achieve this goal, and look
where we are now!”
• “The one-on-one meetings you implemented have
really raised team engagement. Well done!”
Their learning journey
• New habits and skills
• Insights and breakthroughs
• Persistence and determination
• Courage to stretch themselves
Examples:
• “Well done for developing the habit of asking your
direct reports to come up with their own solutions.”
• “You had a real breakthrough about your attitude to
your manager today, and it has really changed the
game. Congratulations!”
• “Last week you said that felt almost impossible—
congratulations!”
• “I want to acknowledge you for sticking with the
difficult conversation we have had this session.”

Help coachees acknowledge others more

This is a powerful way to help others to strengthen
relationships with people in their work and life.
It is a skill that can help them be a better boss,
friend, parent, colleague and partner. We can do
this by asking people to actively notice what’s
right, not what’s wrong, and to notice the impact
acknowledgement has on their relationships.
Have you noticed anything new you could
acknowledge Person X for?
Who would you like to acknowledge this week
that you haven’t acknowledged lately?

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Completion
Completion is an opportunity to finish a coaching conversation in a way that makes it easiest for both people
to return to other things in their lives after the session. We do this at the end of every coaching conversation.
Completion is just as important as clearing the space is to having a powerful conversation.

WHY DO WE COMPLETE AT THE END OF EVERY CONVERSATION?

• To check whether the desired outcome has been
achieved. It helps build trust when the coachee
knows you are accountable for what you set out to
achieve in the conversation.
For example: “The objective for this conversation
was to identify your next step for securing the
promotion. I can see that you have a clear idea of
the way forward, and that your energy has really
shifted.”
• Completion is an opportunity to reflect on the
whole conversation and draw together any
common themes or new insights.
For example: “You had a big moment in this
conversation when you saw that your habit of
speaking before you think impacts every area
of your work.”
• To ensure the coachee is okay with everything that
happened during the session. If something from
the session concerns the coach or the coachee
then it is probably incomplete.
For example: If the coachee got upset or frustrated
and you feel they are uncomfortable about this,
completion is a chance to bring up your concerns
and check that the coachee is okay.
• Completion is an opportunity to acknowledge the
coachee and provide any positive feedback.
For example: “Thanks for being so open with me;
it made the conversation really powerful.”

From a neuroscience perspective, completion is an opportunity to reinforce new wiring with the
coachee. By reviewing some of the main insights and providing positive acknowledgement, the
coach reinforces the new maps that the coachee is starting to develop. It is also an opportunity to
name any emotional states that might be lingering and reduce the impact of them for either person.

HOW TO COMPLETE
1 Check with the coachee that they are ready to complete.
2 Review the objective of the conversation and acknowledge whether this has or hasn’t been achieved.
3 Provide any additional acknowledgements or insights, reflecting on the whole conversation, drawing together
any themes. Make sure you don’t leave the coachee with any questions from the completion.
4 Ask the coachee what they would like to say to feel complete and prompt them until you both feel they
are complete.
NOTE: If the coachee is unfamiliar with the completion process, it tends to work best for the coach to complete
first. This helps demonstrate the process and establish a level of openness. Once the coachee is comfortable
with completion, you can give them a choice about who completes first.

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Module 10:
Developing New Habits
“Champions don’t do extraordinary things... They do ordinary things, but they do them without thinking,
too fast for the other team to react. They follow the habits they’ve learned.”
Charles Duhigg, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
Habits are patterns—ways of behaving, thinking, or feeling. They are a way for the brain to conserve resources
by moving actions we repeat frequently into deeper, non-conscious regions.
Without habits, we would be forced to engage our working memory to process every event as though it was
brand new. Think about how much effort it takes a stroke survivor to relearn automatic processes like walking
and talking. This is where we would be without habits.
Developing new, useful habits is one of the key goals of coaching.

Types of Habits 1. PHYSICAL HABITS • Manage their priorities

Common physical habits you
The habits we work with as might interact with as a coach
coaches can be physical, mental, include how people:
or emotional.
• Dress
Physical: A coachee with a habit Their personal style, the image
of standing stock still when they project
delivering a presentation might
• Communicate
work with a coach to develop Including speech patterns, tone
a new habit of using physical of voice, and choice of words
gestures and moving around
the stage. • Present themselves
Their body language and
Mental: If a coachee is always demeanor
running late for everything, the • Take care of their physical
coach and coachee might work environment
together to create a new habit Their car, house, office, etc.
of spending 15 minutes each
• Take care of themselves
morning planning the day.
How they eat, exercise, take
Emotional: If a coachee is often care of their stress levels
tough on themselves about
small mistakes, the coach might 2. MENTAL HABITS
support them to practise a Some examples of the kind of
new habit of acknowledging
mental habits you might interact
themselves three times a day.
with include how people:
• Think about themselves
Self-image, the way the judge
or acknowledge themselves
What they make important
• Approach problems
The way they think through
situations
• Make decisions
The way they analyse
and choose
• Detail vs. Big Picture
Where do they tend to focus?
3. EMOTIONAL HABITS
Some examples of the kind of
emotional habits you might
interact with include:
• How the coachee feels about
themselves
• Their emotional temperament,
are they generally positive,
negative, fearful, impulsive?
• Reacting to certain “triggers”
• Not allowing themselves to be
aware of their emotions
• Allowing feelings get in the way
of taking action

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Keys to Building Habits
It’s much easier to build a new habit than to change
an old one. This is based on the insight that it is
easy to create new wiring in the brain and nearly
impossible to change existing wiring. New habits
generally don’t take very long to develop. If we do
something just a couple of times the process of
creating long-term memories begins in the brain.
However, new habits do take time to become fully
automatic. The three keys to developing habits that
stick are positive feedback, attention, and repetition.
We have already looked at some ways to build habits
with positive feedback: Choosing a growth mindset
(Module 2), and offering regular, specific, and
genuine acknowledgements (Module 9).
This module and the next one build on this by
looking at the role of attention and repetition in
building habits.
ATTENTION DENSITY
You have probably heard of the term “neuroplasticity,”
which is the brain’s ability to change itself. What we
experience and learn literally changes the structures in
our brain. This is based on the concept that neurons
that fire together wire together (Hebb’s Law, 1949).
Attention density is a term coined by Jeffrey Schwartz,
author of You Are Not Your Brain. It describes our
mental focus and concentration—both the quality
and quantity of attention we pay to something.
It can be described using the formula Attention
Density = Time x Effort.
By increasing attention, we can increase the
likelihood of embedding new ideas and creating
long-term change. As coaches, we help people
choose where they focus their attention, and we
support them to repeatedly return their attention
to this new wiring.
With enough attention density, individual thoughts
and behaviours can become an intrinsic part of a
person. In other words, they become habits.
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Implementation Intentions
Implementation intentions, a concept coined by
psychologist Peter Gollwitzer, are a simple but
effective way to build new habits.42
Creating new habits is expensive in terms of
resources in the brain. The PFC has to expend a
lot of effort to override existing habits and regulate
impulses. If a person is emotional, distracted, or
even hungry, this control can fail. Implementation
intentions seem to help the brain trigger this
top-down control.
The concept here is “pre-thinking.” The person
imagines how they will respond to a particular
situation in the future, which we know uses more
cognitive resources than drawing on existing
knowledge from the past. Once this thinking has
been done, it is easier to access under pressure.
Gollwitzer refers to the process as “instant habit.”43
An implementation intention is simple a statement
that says, “If x, then y.”
“If I am in Circumstance x, then I should do y in
order to achieve Goal z.”
Examples:
• “If I find myself distracted by details, I will refocus
on the objectives of the project.”
• “If I find myself getting stressed, I will take a break
and have a glass of water.”
• “When I have back-to-back meetings, I will
schedule them for 55 minutes each so that I am on
time for the next meeting and focused.”
• “When working on important documents, I will
review after a 24-hour break so that I bring fresh
thinking to the final version.”
One study suggests that implementation intentions
are more effective when they are triggered by
internal cues (e.g. desires, cravings, or fears) than by
external situations, because this eliminates the need
to anticipate multiple kinds of situations.44
Furthermore, they tend to have greater impact if it
is an action-oriented statement (I will change my
approach), rather than a reflection-oriented statement
(I will think about the approach I am using).45
42
Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple
plans. American Psychologist, 54 (7), 493–503.
43
Dixon, P., Rock, D., & Ochsner, K. (2010) Turn the 360 around.
NeuroLeadership Journal Three.
44
Achtziger, A., Gollwitzer, P. M. &Sheeran, P. (2008). Implementation
intentions and shielding goal striving from unwanted thoughts and feelings.
Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 34(3), 381-393.
45
Henderson, M. D., Gollwitzer, P. M. &Oettingen, G. (2007). Implementation
intentions and disengagement from a failing course of action.Journal of
Behavioral Decision Making, 20, 81-102.
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 Implementation intentions deliver all three of the keys to habit building. The coachee gives the new
habit attention when they create the implementation intention phrase. Repeating the behaviour
every time situation x arises helps the brain build new hardwiring. The coach can give positive
feedback every time the new behaviour is repeated, and also encourage the coachee to find ways
to acknowledge and reward themselves as they build the new habit.

NEW HABITS I WOULD LIKE TO BUILD

PHYSICAL
1

MENTAL
1

EMOTIONAL
1

MY IMPLEMENTATION INTENTION

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Module 11: Action to Habit
The REVIEW™ Model
One of the greatest assets we provide for our coachees is accountability and support, which helps them stretch
to complete challenging actions, and also to repeat new, useful behaviours. The REVIEW model helps us do
this by following up on actions the coachee has set. It is ideal for follow-up conversations, project reviews, and
ongoing development discussions.
The REVIEW model delivers all three keys to developing new habits: Positive feedback, attention, and repetition.

STEP 1: CHECK THE REALITY
Get clear on whether the actions were completed;
help them to be really specific.
For example:
If the coachee’s action was to call 10 people and
they say, “I made lots of calls,” ask permission to get
more specific. Then, ask the exact the number of
calls, and whether they actually spoke to people or
just left messages. Get numbers, percentages, or
outcomes, but not the details of all the things that
happened along the way.
If they did not complete an action, help them stay
in a toward state by focusing on what they did do (for
example, thinking time, attempts to complete
the action, or degrees of completion).
It is quite common for a coachee to feel defensive
or guilty about actions they didn’t complete. Here,
the coach can help the coachee normalise the
situation by explaining that that this is a typical part
of coaching. They coach can also help the coachee
reframe the situation by explaining that sometimes
the best learning and insights come from actions
that weren’t completed.
Whether they did or didn’t do an
action completely, there is a great
opportunity for learning either way.
Example questions:
• “How did you go with...?”
• “What percentage complete would you say that
action is?”
• “Was there any part of the action that you didn’t get to?”
• “Can you describe all the efforts you did put into
getting this done, including thinking or planning time?”

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STEP 2: EXPLORE THE EMOTION
Find out what the coachee got out of doing
the action; in other words, how they felt about
completing or not completing it. Putting a label
on their emotional state helps reduce any limbic
response surrounding the action.
It can also be useful for coachees to remember what
the emotions were around completing an action, as
this will bring the learning back to life. If they have
had a good experience completing the actions, you
deepen the wiring by focusing attention on these
positive feelings. If they had a difficult time, help
them put their emotions aside to allow a more useful
conversation to follow.
Example questions:
• “How did you feel about completing this?”
• “How do you feel about not completing this?”
• “You seem to have some charge around this action,
is that right? Can you describe what your emotions
are in a word or two?”
• “Would you be willing to put aside your
emotions around this action and focus on
what you have learnt?”
STEP 3: VALIDATE THE EFFORT
This step is an opportunity to build the coachee’s
self-confidence and sense of worth. As we
know from Module Nine, we’re all tough on
ourselves, and we all thrive on acknowledgement.
Acknowledgement helps people increase their
sense of status, certainty and fairness.
Look for ways you can acknowledge the coachee
authentically; for example, for thinking time, energy,
challenges they faced and overcame, or for where
they might have been creative, or tenacious.
Example statements:
• “Well done; it really sounds as if doing this was
a stretch for you.”
• “It sounds like doing this has opened up the
possibilities for this goal.”
• “It’s great that you started on this action.”
• “Well done for giving this 100%.”
• “Good on you for tackling such a
challenging action.”
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STEP 4: DIG FOR INSIGHTS
Explore what they learned from doing the action.
What did they discover about themselves, what new
habit are they starting to foster, and where have they
grown through doing this action? Focus on
the learning journey, not just on surface insights.
We want to help identify any
new habits in the early stages of
formation. By giving the new habits
lots of attention and feedback, we
help coachees embed new maps.
Example questions:
• “What did you learn from this action?”
• “Were there any surprises for you in doing
this action?”
• “What do you now know that you didn’t
know before?”
• “Based on your insight, what might you do
differently next time?”
STEP 5: EXPAND THE LEARNING
After talking about the insights the coachee had,
ask them about what common threads, themes,
or implications they see. This helps them link up
more mental maps and broaden the impact of
the coaching.
With permission, you may want to offer connections
you are making to earlier conversations. For example,
if someone has just really stretched himself or herself
two weeks in a row, you could suggest that they are
starting to build a strong new habit. Help them focus
on their learning journey by bringing it out of the
background and into the foreground.
Example questions:
• “What are the implications of learning this?”
• “How does it impact other things you are working on?”
• “What did you find yourself thinking about or doing
differently as a result of this insight?”
• “From what you have learned, what’s a new habit
you’d like to integrate into this area?”
• “Where else could you apply what you have learned?”
• “Would it be okay if I shared a new habit I see
you building?”
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STEP 6: FIND OUT WHAT’S NEXT
The final step of this model is to focus on a new
action to continue momentum towards their goals.
This might be about setting new actions, or adjusting
actions that weren’t completed so they are more
likely to be achieved. It may also include setting
implementation intentions to help build new habits.
action down into smaller steps. So, the action from
the session might be to “contact two people per day.”
Example questions:
• “What’s the next step in the process for you?”
• “What action would you like to take on this week?”

• “How could you use this learning this week to go

For example:
If coachee had an action to “contact 10 new potential
clients” and only contacted one new potential client,
then the insight might be that they need to break this
to the next level? What specifically could you do?”
• “What implementation intention might help you
build the new habit here?”

REVIEW™ Practice

Current project I am working on

One action I have completed

One action I have partially completed

One action I am yet to complete

If you wish, use the REVIEW model to review the actions set overnight during this training.

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Module 12:
Coaching with Presence
Coaching Presence
Coaching presence is one of the most important qualities you can focus on developing as you practise and
deepen your coaching skills.
It is Number 4 of the 11 core competencies outlined by the International Coach Federation (ICF). It is defined as
“the ability to be fully conscious and create a spontaneous relationship with the coachee by employing a style
that is open, flexible, and confident.”

SOME OF THE KEY BEHAVIOURS THAT INDICATE • The coachee feels truly heard because the coach
COACHING PRESENCE INCLUDE: has listened at all levels and clarified powerfully.
• Is present and flexible during the coaching process • The coachee has insights because the coach
(i.e., dancing in the moment). is present to ask the next best question in
• Accesses own intuition and trusts one’s inner the moment.
knowing—“goes with the gut.” • Both coach and coachee are able to notice
• Is open to not knowing and takes risks. and manage any limbic arousal so a toward state
is maintained.
• Sees many ways to work with the coachee and
chooses in the moment what is most effective.
BLOCKS TO COACHING PRESENCE INCLUDE:
• Uses humour effectively to create lightness • Thinking too much about the next step or question
and energy.
• Being judgemental of yourself or the coachee
• Confidently shifts perspectives and experiments
with new possibilities for action. • Trying too hard to get it right

• Demonstrates confidence in working with strong • Getting emotionally triggered and ignoring it
emotions and can self-manage and not be • Getting drawn into detail, problem, or drama
overpowered or enmeshed by coachee’s emotions.
• Trying to push your agenda instead of going with
the coachee’s agenda
BENEFITS OF COACHING PRESENCE INCLUDE:
• The coach has the flexibility and confidence to deal • Getting stuck in a filter or belief system
with whatever arises within the conversation. • Being tense and uptight coming into the conversation
• The coach is able to maintain simultaneous
awareness of many things (for example, words,
emotions, energy, and body language).

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TOOLS FOR DEVELOPING COACHING PRESENCE INCLUDE:

• Make sure your mental and physical space is clear
before having a coaching conversation. Spend time
before a conversation making sure you’re feeling
centred and relaxed.
• Do a focusing exercise with the coachee at the
beginning of the conversation to make sure you’re
both present.
• Develop your awareness so you notice when
you’re getting distracted. Acknowledge and
manage both outside distractions and inner
distractions, like thoughts, emotions, and
sensations.
• Develop mindfulness and awareness in everyday
life. When you do this, you will find it much easier to
come into a coaching conversation with full presence.
For example, practise being fully in the moment in
everyday conversations, or when doing tasks.
• Practise switching from narrative experience to
direct experience (Module 7).
• Maintain your wellbeing. Practise meditation,
visualisation, and breathing exercises.
• Be open and flexible to new alternatives and ways
of working with the coachee. Adapt the process as
you work with the coachee.
• Create humour and lightness in yourself and with
your coachee when appropriate.
• Trust your intuition. You may see or think
something that might be relevant to the coaching
conversation but not understand why that
has occurred to you. Ask permission; then,
communicate what you’re sensing.

Coaching presence can be quite challenging to maintain when you’re still learning the skills of
being a coach. However, with practice these skills become hardwired.

THINGS I WILL FOCUS ON TO DEVELOP MY COACHING PRESENCE

1.

2.

3.

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Program Completion

Insights about what it takes to acknowledge effectively

My three biggest insights from this program

Three things I will do to embed my new learning

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