An Interview with David

My interview was with a friend of mine, David, a local pediatrician, who is of South

Korean ethnicity. He’s married to this wife, Sarah (who is also Korean) and has two kids, Teddy

and Samantha. They reside in Chandler, Arizona, as I do. This was an appealing interview for

me, as David and I have only been friends for a couple of years now, as we met through our

local church. Thankfully, in his words, he was “honored” to offer more insight on how his South

Korean cultural influences impacted his life growing up, how they influence his life now, and

how they will influence his family for future generations.

The first set of questions were focused on how he defined the family structure he grew

up in, the structure of his own family now, how gender roles were/are defined, and how

“status” is determined.

David was born and raised in New York. His parents immigrated to the United States in

1979 from South Korea. Despite South Korea having no dominant religious affiliation, both of

his parents came from families rooted in Christian-influenced backgrounds. Currently, 46% of

the 52 million people living in Korea have no religious affiliation, while 29% are aligned to

Christianity, 23% to Buddhism, and the remaining 2% are aligned to “other religions” (Conner,

2023). While Christianity was the dominant influence for David’s family, there were elements of

Confucianism which shaped their customs and values as well. Confucianism isn’t a religion, but

rather a system of social and ethical philosophies (Berling, 2023). This is an important point, as

it’s had a considerable impact on the shaping of South Korea’s societal norms over the past

several decades, especially in the political and social spectrums. One of those is the principle of

hierarchy, which is built on a person’s age, job status, education level, and general social rank.

(“Korean Beliefs,” 2022). This can be seen within the context of David’s family growing up, as
well as his own family now. I asked him about his family’s structure when he was young. His

father was the head of the household, the provider, and who held the most status in the family.

He was more of an emotionally stoic figure, which, according to David, is a more common trait

of fathers within a Korean family structure. He was also the disciplinarian, who occasionally

employed the use of “light corporal punishment” when the situation called for it, as David put

it. His mother’s responsibility was to raise the children in the most caring and nurturing way

possible.

As David continued, he mentioned one of the biggest components of family dynamics

and respect or disrespect within the Korean culture is whether someone is bringing honor or

shame to their family. David grew up with a more westernized influence in the U.S., where this

wasn’t emphasized as much as it is in South Korea, but he explained it was still implied by his

parents. His own immediate family structure is somewhat similar. He’s the head of the

household, the financial provider, a father figure, and someone who is a little more emotionally

available than his father was. His status as the provider can be attributed to more of a

Confucian cultural influence, where roles were defined by gender many generations ago. That

said, Sarah, his wife, is educated and has a college degree, but is fulfilling the role of being a

stay-at-home mom and is the most involved with raising the kids. Once the kids are out of

school, “there’s nothing holding Sarah back from getting a job, or establishing a career if she so

chooses,” according to David. But David went on to mention that “raising our kids is a team

effort, and the ultimate responsibility falls on both of us.” This is somewhat of a shift away from

the parental landscape he grew up in.

I then transitioned to a series of questions ranging from: (1) the primary language

spoken in his family and any expectations around that, (2) if he ever lived with his grandparents
or extended family, and (3) what Korean’s believe a woman’s role in society was and how it

differed from the U.S.

While David speaks fluent English, he’s also fluent in Korean. When communicating

with his parents today, or his grandparents when he was young, the expectation is to use their

native tongue. It’s considered disrespectful to speak English to your elders, despite both parties

being fluent in both languages. Interestingly, this has been a source of friction between his wife

and his parents and siblings at times, as she speaks broken Korean with them.

Early in his childhood, David lived with his mother’s parents, and during his teenage

years, he lived with his father’s mother, who was widowed. He went on the mention that “living

with your elderly grandparents was a given expectation, widowed or not.” While it’s unclear

whether this will be a factor down the road in his own family, it illustrated how the collectivist

culture that’s still (somewhat) in place in South Korea today, had a significant influence on

David’s family growing up. During our conversation, he mentioned South Korea is slowly

starting to see elements of a more westernized-individualistic culture shift, to some degree.

This was a great segway into a discussion of how he views a woman’s role in society and how

that compares to westernized cultures like in the U.S. His personal views of a woman’s role in

society, outside of what’s already been discussed as part of his own family structure, are such

that I woman should have the opportunity to enter the workforce, just as men do, provided

children aren’t part of the equation at the time. If and when they are, his desire would be that

they stay at home, so the kids have a healthy environment with parental involvement. This is a

departure from what he mentioned was previously a non-negotiable in Korean culture, where a

woman’s place was to be a homemaker and not in the workplace. This is obviously in stark

contrast to how women are viewed in the workforce in the U.S. However, this has changed over
the last two decades in South Korea. Women are in the workplace at a higher rate now, and

many are choosing to put their career before marriage and family, which, according to him, is

leading to becoming a national crisis. This was further validated as I conducted more research

on this.

The effects of the low birth rate are being acutely felt within the country now and will

present even greater challenges down the road. South Korea’s current birth rate is a .092,

meaning that women are having less than one child, on average, which is the lowest in the

world. This will result in more than half of the population being over the age of 65, by 2065,

which could threaten South Korea’s economy, workforce, and military capabilities. (“South

Korea Population,” 2023). In addition, it is also one of the forces responsible for the shift in

their cultural norms they are experiencing today.

South Korea has a long-held and proud sense of having an “ethnocentric narrative,

based on the belief that Koreans are part of the same bloodline” (Hur, 2021, para. 8). However,

“The country’s dramatically declining fertility rate has all but necessitated the import of foreign

labor and marriage migrants” (Hur, 2021, para. 9). As a result, the ethnic composition of South

Korea is changing. In 2019, it was estimated that 2 percent of the population were part of

multicultural families (Hur, 2021). This shift away from the previously entrenched collectivist

culture to a more individualistic culture, is concerning for many of the Korean people.

Anyway, we continued the interview where I began to explore other topics such as the

importance of education in the family, traditional foods they ate, and how physical contact is

viewed.

First, was the importance of education, which he affirmed was “Very, very important. In

fact, it’s second only to faith.” There’s clearly a heavy emphasis placed on it. For David, he’s a
third-generation physician. Many of his friends lived under the pressure of needing to attend an

Ivy league school, or else they would be considered failures and bring shame to their families.

This is common in South Korean culture, as “South Koreans view education as the main driver

of social mobility, for themselves and their family” (Calonge, 2015, para. 1). For David, his

parents instilled a belief in him that he could bring great honor to his parents, regardless of his

occupation or where he went to college. However, they still expected him to work hard and

have a strong work ethic. They encouraged him to push his boundaries and personal limits by

using rewards and incentives, which is the approach that he and his wife employ with their own

kids. Both of their kids are still young, at ages 7 and 11, so they have plenty of time to map their

careers. Despite David being a third-generation physician, there is no expectation that either of

them will “carry the torch” by being in the healthcare field when they enter the workforce.

When asked about the more traditional foods, there was one that David would have

everyday if he could, Kimchi, which is a common staple in a Korean cuisine. The only challenge

is that his wife doesn’t like it. That aside, they eat a myriad of spicy and pickled foods, healthy

and lean meats, with lots of vegetables. Breakfast is the heartiest meal of the day and usually

consists of rice and porridge with a protein source, which contrasts the more traditional

selections of an “Americanized” breakfast.

Physical contact, as David mentioned, is “very nuanced.” There are some of the unique

differences as compared to a westernized culture like the U.S. The first, is bowing toward your

parents, which can then be followed by a hug, but it must be in that order. The other is eye

contact. With peers, maintaining only occasional eye contact during a conversation is

considered a sign of respect, which contrasts with the American expectation where constant
eye contact equals respect. In Korean cultural, too much eye contact, especially with elders, is a

sign of blatant disrespect.

One of my final questions was centered around racism, and whether he’s ever

experienced it in his life. David grew up in the Bronx in New York, with very few Asians in his

community and within the public school system there. He experienced racism during his youth.

A lot of it. Ironically, it was always from another ethnicity that is typically subjected to it as well,

the Black community. It was a reminder that racism is not just a “white” issue, as the media so

often portrays it as being. During his older childhood, he moved from the Bronx to the suburbs

of New York, which was predominantly Jewish. While he occasionally experienced racism, it

was not as overt. There would be instances where he wouldn’t be invited to certain events,

birthday parties, etc. There were oftentimes where his classmates would interact in the

classroom, but outside of it there was a “wall” of sorts; they were cordial, but not inviting.

Interestingly (and thankfully), after high school, David hasn’t experienced a feeling of racism

since. Not in college, medical school, or beyond.

My last question was whether he’d like to convey and other messages about his culture

or any other topics that were important to him. He responded in that he’d love to see more

Asian Americans within the U.S. political sphere, as that’s an area where he felt there’s a

considerable underrepresentation.

Although this was a more structured discussion, conducting this interview was a great

opportunity to explore different elements of David’s past, his cultural influences that’s shaped

who he is today, and the differences (and similarities) we have that may not have just

organically come up in conversation on their own. It has been a vehicle to expand our

friendship to an even deeper level and I’m glad I had the opportunity to be a part of it.
 References

Berling, J. (2023). Confucianism. Asia Society. Retrieved from

https://asiasociety.org/education/confucianism

Calonge, D. S. (2015, March 30). South Korean education ranks high, but it’s the kids who pay.

The Conversation. Retrieved from https://theconversation.com/south-korean-

education-ranks-high-but-its-the-kids-who-pay-34430

Conner, P. (2023). Pew Research Center. Six facts about South Korea’s growing Christian

population. Retrieved from https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/08/12/6-

facts-about-christianity-in-south-korea/

Evason, N. (2016). South Korean Culture: Religion. Retrieved from

https://culturalatlas.sbs.com.au/south-korean-culture/south-korean-culture-religion

Hur, A. (2021, June 29). South Korea’s Demographic Crisis Is Challenging Its National Story.

Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. Retrieved from

https://carnegieendowment.org/2021/06/29/south-korea-s-demographic-crisis-is-

challenging-its-national-story-pub-84820

Korean beliefs. (2022, October 3). Korean Culture – Guide to history, customs, people, and

modern day. Retrieved from https://www.90daykorean.com/korean-culture/#korean-

beliefs

South Korea population. (2023). World Population Review. Retrieved from

https://worldpopulationreview.com/countries/south-korea-population
 Appendix

Interview Questions

1. How do you define “family?”

2. What is your family structure?

3. Did you ever live with your grandparents or extended family?

4. Who holds the most “status” in your family?  Why?

5. Are gender roles specifically defined in your family?  If so, what are they?

6. What is a woman’s role in society? How do you see it as compared to here?

7. What is the primary language spoken in your family? Any foreign-language speakers?

8. How important is an education in your family?

9. What is the most important meal of the day?

10. Do you eat foods that are indigenous to your culture?  Why or why not?  If you

answered yes, name some of the foods that you eat.

11. What is considered most disrespectful in your culture?

12. What is considered most respectful in your culture?

13. How is physical contact viewed in your culture?

14. Have you ever experienced racism? In what form?

15. Is there anything you would like others to know that we have not included here about

you or your culture?