Angel Chang

Angel Chang

A Waterways Project Publication Richard Spiegel Barbara Fisher codirectors Thomas Perry administrative assistant Maura Gouck Teacher Beacon High School Steve Stoll Principal

Richard Organisciak Superintendent Alternative, Adult and Continuing Education Schools & Programs 2000 Ten Penny Players with funding support from the NY State Council on the Arts

It was the beginning and I thought it was the end But it all came back again. I'm starting to think, it never ended. I came out dirty and cold and in the middle I'm still the same. I want to change. I believe I did But you pushed it. The dagger is in my skin, wait, no it's deeper. I don't want to believe it, I want to take it out But everyday something pushes it deeper. Was what you felt love? Or just a simple sentiment of lust that you needed to fulfill? Needed to so bad, you didn't think of me, just screwed me over. Did you ever give a s#*!? You had me fooled, fooled so good I was addicted to your poisonous Drug. The drug you called love but really it was just like heroine I don't think you ever cared, I don't think you ever will You're just a shallow lowlife with no light. I wanted to show you the meaning of love, and I believe I did But its still the same with you, I'm sorry I couldn't change you But that's ok.

You

Everyday I go through this pain It's driving me insane I want to go to sleep, and never wake up Maybe that way I will escape that pain There is almost nothing I can look forward to Nothing that I can be, can't you see? Can you see that Im broken? I'm so tired of it all They all saw me fall, but didn't think to help me up No one will ever be me, no one will ever know me Everything there was, is lostloser So just let it be, let me be a poser, and let me be worthless For there will never be a price I can be tagged onto No one will know but the people who see through me.

Loser

Why do you want people to know your pain? Always you do this, you hurt me, you make me cry; Is all this needed? How come when you are happy you act depressed? It doesn't make sense to me I want to make you see that being happy is the better thing in Life Don't be like me, unhappy yet true about it. If youre happy, just let it be.

Poser of Pain

I go through everyday feeling neglected and hurt What is all this for? What have I done to deserve all of this? It's sad to know that I'm in pain, but this is not a game It's serious, each day I grow weaker within my skin It's left a scar, the scar is so deep not even stitches Can reform it back to my old self. There is nothing I can do So ?*@& everything and let me be

Cant hold on

I I I I I I

hate hate hate hate hate hate

when when when when when when

I I I I I I

cry try feel pain love hate

Hate

Why is this world so unfair to me? Why can't I see that I'm broken? So broken I can't go on, I can't see light. I want to take everything that's left and throw it away. I don't have much left but I lost so much. I feel like I lost myself and I did. There are just those few people that push me every day to move on. I love them for that, but what will I become? Do well in school and achieve my goals? But what good does that do if there is no one to share it with? Eventually I will lose them three.

Standing Alone

I opened up my eyes today to see what I have lost I thought my pain all went away There is nothing left to say I lost the greatest gain I ever had in my life I went through hell, happiness, and strife with that friend And then right before I know it she's gone I tried but there is nothing that can be done She's not coming back I miss her so much I want to cry, but that would just make me miss her More The times spent with her will be the times I cherish forever, those memories will never be forgotten They will be in me Not to flow away From my mind To be stronger in my heart.

Hilda

This world is nothing Every memory I had is forgotten Will this always be? Is there a way for me to see the brighter days? Are there even bright days? Anything can never be, lets pray for a dream

A Brighter Day

Keep me Take me Need me Love me Hurt me Seduce me #*%$ me Throw me Want me Lose me

Words

10

Should I say no? I believe I can't do so I still love you but I don't know what to do I can't see you hurt, but I can't help it I'm sorry if I'm bringing you more pain But I need to fulfill my needs If I lose you because of that, it's ok I'm used to it, I'll understand You will get tired of me, that I know because, Everything I love something I mess up It's not your fault, it's mine But if that day does come, you must remember I still love you I never meant to hurt you I'm just bad at keeping precious things I'm not fragile, I just take things for granted I'm sorry

I love you, but I'm lost

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Just how am I going to get out of this one? It's to steep Never gonna fall I can't retain Then you said if you want to change you could But things will never be the same O no.. how long will it take? Under the lies I want to know how it looks, like from your side Caught up in the extremes lost and alone I saw you Your face was cold and pale We stood silent and still You held my face, and then you let me go Stood confused and alone once again The rain falls, just let it fall, all against me Tomorrow's gone another dark day ahead What is it called? You're on a wheel, you spin around and around in this cycle of pain Looking at the same pieces of hate that you made again

Love is always there

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Through even the darkest nights I seem to see you Through the coldest wind I seem to have felt your warmth You are holding me tight Then, with the blink of an eye, I lost you You were my first love, but you broke my heart so bad I thought I would never heal again But I waited for the day when I would find my true love to come Yes he came It was like all my dreams coming true, just that I never dreamt for it It was just a gift from god I was afraid to love because of you, I was afraid to feel again because of You, but he showed me wrong He loved me and he felt me, how could I resist? I fell in love again, right before I knew it you tried to put me down again Make sure I never rose again But if you can see the smile on my face, not left by you, but by the man I love, you will feel the shadows of my pain haunting you until, You know what it's like to be left in the dark

A Dream not dreamed of

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Thank you for giving me the worst 4 months of my life Thank you for making me feel like $#!* whenever you felt you weren't Sober And thank you for being the jerk that you were, but #^&* you for never Treating me right And #^&* you for making me hurt Oh, but don't worry, I have healed now So I thank you for making me see there are people like you in this world And thank you for letting me see that all you're worth is crap So I hope you will go through hell And feel the fire burning your cold heart Then you will see what it feels to be in pain

J..., this is for you

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I hate the way you won't let me go And I hate the way you love me so I hate the way you care I hate the way that you are so not fair I hate the way that you shelter me from pain God I'm going insane! But the truth is, I love the way you won't let me go I love the way you love me so I love the way that you care And if I hated all of that, I would hate myself

I hate, I love

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I thought I was loved, I thought I was worth living But today I felt like the world crashed all upon me I want to see what it's like to be happy again But I know that's a long road to no where that will never become to Be found I wonder why it is all pushing against me Doesn't anyone see that I'm not strong enough to bare all this pain? Anymore? All the things I ever loved, ever gave my heart to disappeared I feel so empty, my heart has wandered off somewhere unknown I want everything to come back to me I want to step out of the darkness and face light I want to feel complete again But how is that possible if I don't know what the word complete is? I just know what pain means and feels like when it has stolen Everything that ever made me happy from my soul I am lost

Lost and alone

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In Search of a Song Volume 762

A Waterways Project Publication 1999-2000