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Title: The Sun's Heartbeat (Costa Leona Series#14)

Author: jonaxx

Platform: Jonaxx Stories

Converted by Charlie's Angels

===============================

Simula

Simula
They say true love always comes back. I always think that I should wait for it to finally find
it's way back to me, no matter how painful the past is or how broken I have become all
these years.
But then there's always two sides to every story. Love doesn't always ask you to wait.
Sometimes, it asks you to come back. You're not always on one side, sometimes you are in
the other side. Cuz there's always two: the love that waits... and the love that comes back.
Like the sand and the sea, one is waiting, the other leaves and comes back.
I always thought I will be the one waiting, but clearly I don't fit in that story. If I wanted to
wait, I'm gonna wait here forever. The other side of the story means I will be the one who
comes back, because if I want it so bad... I would forget the past. If I want it so bad, I'd lower
my pride. If I want it so bad, I'd be the one to fight.
Is it worth it? Iyon ang paulit ulit kong tinanong sa sarili ko bago ako nagdesisyon sa araw
na ito.
He betrayed me. I couldn't forgive him. He said he loves me, but how can he marry someone
else. Without an explanation, and he wouldn't even answer if he loved me or not.
Nagkamali ba siya? Nagkamali ba kami? Nagkamali ba ako?
"You're going crazy," si Nikolai dela Vega nang natanaw akong nag-aayos na ng gamit.
Nikolai is an old friend and suitor of mine. All these years, we have been very close. Despite
everything, he stayed in my life.
I am in a luxurious hotel in Manila. Kauuwi ko lang galing sa ibang bansa. I had a few shoots
that I did there.
I was busy with my jet setting life these past few years. Iyon na lang ang pinagkaabalahan
ko para matanggal sa isip ko ang sunod-sunod na trahedyang naranasan. I want to bury all
of my problems, regrets, and pain. The spotlight was my escape. It gave me validation,
worth.. something that I needed.
Nilingon ko si Nikolai pagkatapos isarado ang isang maleta.
"Ikaw nga, nandito ka pa rin. You're crazy.." I smirked.
Umiling siya at naramdaman ko sa tingin niya ang pag-aalala.
(Tingin mo ba talaga hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit ka babalik ng
Costa Leona?"
'Nikolai," sabi ko sabay tingin sa sarili ko sa dresser.
I'm wearing my flight dress. An elegant black dress paired with a bold red lipstick. I can't
use our chopper since the hotel is under renovation. Isang parte lang noon ang pag-aari ng
pamilya ko at kasali na ang casino. Pero ngayon, sa wakas, ay nabili na ni Papa ang kabuuan
ng the Coast kaya nagpapa-renovate na. The chopper won't land on the helipad since it is
also under renovation.
"I'm just going to check on the renovations, I told you."
"You're going back because she's dead. Iyon ang totoo."
I gritted my teeth and got annoyed with Nikolai. Matagal kaming nagkatinginan. He is
pretty to look at. I told him he looked angelic way
 back when we were young. He was years older than me but he looked like we could be the
same age because he looks innocent. I'd like to think that he's sporting a stubble now
because of that comment. He didn't want to look innocent.
"I'm going back to check on our business. Wala ang pamilya ko at kailangan nila ako roon.
"Sinong niloloko mo? Ang tagal na panahon nang hindi ka bumalik, kahit sa mga espesyal
na okasyon. What a coincidence that she died just months ago and suddenly, there's a
miracle. You're finally going back to Costa
Leona."
Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya at inabala na lang ang sarili sa pag- aayos.
Kung ano man ang tunay na dahilan ko, sa akin na iyon. Ayaw kong malaman kahit nino.
Kahit ni Nikolai. We are very close. We share many secrets that we swore we'll take to the
grave but... I am too proud tol admit the truth this time
(This is so unlike you. I'd prefer you having a grudge, than swallowing your pride and go
back to the man who hurt you."
"I am not! Swallowing my pride..." I snapped at him.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay. “Then what are you doing? Babalik ka -"
"I told you, I'll manage the renovations!"
He laughed hysterically. “Hindi ka umuwi kung may importanteng family affair? Pero
umuwi ka dahil lang sa renovation, Maria Emilia?"n
"Yes!" I said cconfidently.
He then smiled with dismay in his eyes. Umiling din siya habang nakangiti.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Bahagya akong nainsulto sa reaksiyon niya.
Gustuhin ko man siyang sumbatan at pagalitan, hindi ko magawa dahil alam ko sa sarili ko
na tama siya. Being defensive about it would only expose me more.
I don't know what you're talking about, Nikolai.""
"This is not you..." he said in almost a whisper.
Nag-ayos ako ng dadalhing maliit na bag, nilalagay ang ilang ka- kailanganin bago tuluyang
umalis.
"I don't want you to lose yourself... " he almost pleaded.
But I am already lost.. I said on my mind.
Totoo na galit ako at hindi ko mapapatawad ang nangyaring kataksilan.
Pero alam ko ring may pagkukulang ako. He wanted to train and be part of the navy. I didn't
understand it but I realized it was an ambition of a man of his stature. I was born rich and
raised like I don't need to work for anything. So how will I understand such simple dreams?

My father is a known part of the navy but even before he got into it, he was also rich and
didn't have to work. So I couldn't understand why...
I supported him half-heartedly and refused to wait for him hopelessly. I built my own name
and got busy with my own career. All the things that happened in between is now buried in
the sand, but I know for sure that the falling apart started there.
Achilles Riego is the type of man who puts his responsibility first more than anything. He
loved me. At alam ko na totoo iyon. Ramdam ko na ako lang. Kaya sobrang sakit nang
nalaman kong may iba. Hindi ko inasahan at hindi ko matanggap.
Pero sa nagdaang taon, natanto ko na ganoon nga pala siya. Inuuna niya ang
responsibilidad. Lagi..
He committed a mistake. At pinanindigan niya iyon, hindi bale na kung ako ang kapalit.
Sadly, yes. That was him. It was always responsibility and principles over anything,.. even
over love.
He knew that he was responsible for his mistake. Yes. Mistake. I said he's responsible but I
never said he's perfect. He committed a mistake and he's manning up and facing it head
on... through dropping me.
Or at least I know that now.
Huli kong pinasok sa bag ang isang sulat bago ako tuluyang nagpasya na umalis.
"Marem.." ulit ni Nikolai.
"Whatever you say, Nikolai. I'm going back to Costa Leona,'" sabi ko bago pa siya
makapagsalita ng kahit ano.
 Kung paano ko naisip ang lahat ng iyon, matagal din bago ako nagising at nagpasya na
umuwi. It was years of pain and bitterness. I felt like a feather just floating in the air, didn't
have a place to go, letting the wind bloW me around. I felt like a boat without a compass
and an anchor in the rough sea.
The waves pushed me to whatever direction and I didn't care where I end up. I didn't have
a life. And I didn't care.
For the first time in years, I now felt alive. I felt like a boat with a compass.
I felt like I have a direction and a decision. Like a feather who's finally found the wings
where it belongs..
It felt right and addictive.
Kahit anong banta ni Nikolai sa airport, wala nang nakapigil sa akin. He even said that hell
be with me. I refused him.
"You don't want me around because.."
Alam ko agad ang iniisip niy.
"I know you're worried about me, Nikolai. But I will worry about you if you leave your
business just because you think na mapapahamak ako sa ginagawa ko. »
He sighed.
"Have a little faith me. Like you said, you know me better. So don't worry about me.
Somehow he bought it. O siguro dahil kahit na ganoon ang iniisip niya, may kaunting tiwala
siya sa akin.
Hapon na nang dumating ako ng Costa Leona. I took it all in. Very slowly.
Galing sa natatanaw kong windmills sa taas ng mga bundok habang nasa biyahe, at ang
nadaanan naming dati kong eskuwelahan, ang mga maliit na pagbabago sa paligid, ang mga
pamilyar na daanan patungo kung saan, at ang bukana ng aming bahay.
It was peaceful without my family. Kuya Remus is busy looking at some properties.
Solomon is in Batangas. I will be alone in the mansion, whereI spent most of my teenage
life.
Sa bawat sulok ng kabahayan, maraming alaala na dumalaw sa isipan ko.
Sa mga pangaral ni Mama sa akin, mga pagkakamali ng kapatid ko, mga luha na iniyak ko, at
mga araw ng pagmumuni muni na siyang ginagawa ko ngayon.
It felt weird to see this place again after all these years. Tinanaw ko ang dagat habang nasa
veranda ako ng bahay. Hinawakan ang magkabilang braso habang natutulala sa paghampas
ng mumunting alon sa maputi at pinong buhangin na pamilyar na pamilyar sa akin.
I've been to so many places... some of them beaches. Costa Leona is not the best beach there
is. But it is the only one that could make me feel something.
Was coming back the right decision? Looking back now, after a few months of being here... I
am still so sure that it was.
Ang akala ko lang, magiging madali iyon.
He didn't love Alana. He loves me. Ilang taon kong inisip na mali iyon at hindi niya ako
minahal. Wala siyang kuwentang lalaki. Kinamuhian ko siya. Pero sa taong iyon, natauhan
ako at nagkaroon ng pag-asa. Buo ang loob ko nang bumalik ako.
And after weeks and weeks of rejection and with only a faint hope, my passion burnt
brighter. It was as if his defiance fueled me.
I know him, I said. I know the man I love all these years.
"Nasaan si Maria Emilia?" I heard Achilles' voice.
Nasa hotel ako, umiinom ng juice. Kagagaling ko kanina sa bahay nila at nasurpresa nang
naabutan ko ang isang dalaga. I shooed her away. For some reason, it's just not right for
him to have someone stay in their house. A twenty-year-old young woman taking care of
his children while he is at work is outrageous.
Binaba ko ang inumin ng marahan at inasahan na matutunton ako ni
Achilles sa pool side table. Kabababa ko lang ng inumin, at hindi pa nakakatayo, narinig ko
na ang pagsugod niya, mukhang nilagpasan ang security at ibang mga trabahante.
"Bakit mo ginawa kay Elisse 'yon?!" he said losing so mujch patience and still on his
uniform.
He looked hot headed. The veins on his neck are protruding and his eyes
 were bloodshot as he walked towards me in giant steps. Nasa likod niya ang security
namin at iilang trabahante na halatang walang nagawa sa biglaan niyang pagpasok.
Achilles is extremely good-looking. He's a grandson of Costa Leona's
Riego clan, but the patriarch never acknowledged Leona Riego as part of them because of a
dark past. Kaya rin siya namuhay na mahirap at malayo sa karangyaan ng mga Riego. But
he has their body structure, and he had foreign eyes. Dark when it is, but gray when the sun
hits it. Like steel.
His presence is always demanding. My first impression of him was that he looked too proud
and arrogant for a poor boy. And here he is... just the same.
I smiled at him, trying hard not to give in to my thoughts about him and that lady in his
home.
"Bakit nandoon siya?" nagtaas ako ng kilay, hindi natatanggal ang ngiti sa labi ko
You have no right to come to my house and demand whatever you want,
Maria Emilia," malamig niyang sinabi.
"Your son can perfectly take care of his brother all this time, bakit mo kailangan bigla ng
kasambahay para roon? O kasambahay ba 'yon?" kalmado kong sinabi nang may ngiti sa
labi.
Nilapitan niya ako. I saw the frustration in his eyes as he neared me. Halos mapawi ang
ngiti ko nang natanto na totoong galit siya.
"Wala kang pakialam kung kumuha ako ng kasambahay o sino mang tutulong sa akin sa
bahay-
"So... what is she? Help or a woman, Achilles?"
"Sa susunod na makikita kita sa bahay, magsisisi ka," banta niya.
Tinalikuran niya ako.
Napakurap-kurap ako habang tinitingnan siyang umalis. Pilit kong tiniim ang bagang ko
para pigilan ang mga emosyon.
"You talk in riddles. Bakit hindi mo na lang ako diretsuhin? Nagtatanong ako kung
kasambahay ba 'yon o babae mo, Achilles!" sigaw ko.
Mula nang dumating ako, lagi siyang ganito. I always felt like he's half heartedly pushing me
away. Dati pa man, madali akong saktan. Even the vaguest sentences and rumors would
hurt me and cause our fights. He would always know what to do and give me assurance.
Alam niya iyon. Kaya nga rin ako madaling umalis at namuhi sa kanya noon, kahit wala
naman siyang ibang dahilan na sinabi... kasi ganoon ako.
I am not sure if I was naive, or proud, or insecure... but that's how I am.
One wrong move, I leave.
Maybe he thinks I am the same today. Na kaya niya akong itaboy sa masasakit lang na
salita.. walang eksplenasyon kung bakit niya nagawa sa akin iyon noon. Na saktan niya lang
ako, aalis na agad ako na parang pusang nagtatampo.
Time has made me stronger and more calloused. The pain has made me numb that
whatever words that cuts like a knife he throws at me, I won't stumble. If he wanted me
gone, it won't be through inflicting small wounds. It won't be through cuts. If he wanted me
gone, he'd have to kill the life out of me. If he wanted me gone, he'd have to kill my bright
hope.
Natigilan siya. Umurong agad ang tapang ko nang bumaling siya sa akin at kitang kita ko
ang galit sa mga mata niya.
"Kung kasambahay ko man 'yon o babae, wala kang pakialam. Hindi mo pag-aari ang buhay
ko," he said and walked away again.
I chuckled and let him hear it.
"Bakit hindi mo na lang sabihin na babae mo 'yon?" panunuya ko. "You want me gone,
right? It's so easy, Achilles. Just tell me that you love someone else. Si Elisse ba?"
I stalked him to the lobby of our hotel just so he'd hear me more.
"Ang dali lang. Hindi kita mahal, Maria Emilia. Hindi kita minahal, Maria
Emilia. Ang dali dali lang sabihin, bakit hirap na hirap ka? Kasi may paninindigan ka, di ba?
Hindi ka marunong magsinungaling. Nahihirapan ka?"
Kitang kita ko ang pagkuyom ng kamao niya.
You want to get rid of me? Say it. Don't give me vague hurtful words, it
 won't work," I said.
That's what he's been doing the past weeks now everytime we see each other.
You can't right? Kasi ang totoo, mahal mo pa ako. Hindi nawala ang pagmamahal mo sa
akin. Ako pa rin... Hanggang ngayon."
Lumabas siya ng hotel at sumunod ako. Sumakay siya sa kanyang pick up.
"Or maybe you like me hanging around here chasing you? Is it a new sight? Does it satisfy
you? Does hurting me and seeing me come back again the next day turn you on?" I said that
so he'd lose his patience.
Pinaharurot niya na ang sasakyan niya at umalis na sa hotel namin.
Humalukipkip ako habang tinatanaw ang pag-alis niya. Unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti sa labi
ko kahit na medyo nasaktan pa rin sa sinabi niya.
Palaisipan sa akin kung bakit ayaw niya talagang sabihin iyon. Kung gusto niyang mawala
ako rito at tuluyan nang tigilan siya, bakit hindi niya masabi iyon?
It was a dark and cold night, there was a huge party on the Mercadejas mansion. I was
invited and naturally, I went there to have fun. Ni hindi ko alam na naroon si Achilles sa
party na iyon.
"Good evening, Maria Emilia. Hindi pa kita natanaw na palapit, alam kong nandito ka na,"
Senyora Domitilla said and smiled her usual evil smile.
I smiled back. "Pasensiya na, Tita. Natagalan alko sa pagbati dahil-"
(They flocked on you outside, am I right?" inunahan niya ako.
Hindi nga ako nakadiretso sa pagpasok dahil sa dami ng bumati. The
Mercadejas brothers are throwing a party for their wives. Naturally, some of their friends
are here. They were our common friends and they were shocked to see me here.
Nangumusta at nakipag-usap pa ako. Medyo pinagkaguluhan pa nga dahil kasali roon ang
ilan sa mga dating manliligaw na gusto pa yatang magkaroon ng ugnayan sa akin ngayong
nasabi ko na magtatagal ako sa
Pilipinas.
"You are such a good catch so everyone is now eyeing on you, hija. Hindi ka pa ba
magpapakasal?"
Natawa ako roon.Kanino naman po ako magpapakasal?"
"Akala ko ba maayos ang nireto ni Rodolfo sa iyo?"
I only smiled at Senyora Domitilla.
The Zaldarriagas don't believe in love. They think it's only used as an excuse to breed. It
won't last. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit nireto rin si
Senyora Domitilla kay Senyor Anton. Iyon ang dahilan kung bakit si Mama at Papa ang
nagkatuluyan, but my mother loved my father from the very beginning so they were just
lucky.
This is why Senyoras view of marriage is crooked. She tried so hard to marry her scion sons
off to the women she wanted and she successfully did it
I was also meant to marry a Hidalgo heir, Adler. Pareho naming hindi gusto ang isa't-isa. He
was stoic and too old for me. He didn't show any emotion. And he's gone now in a very,
very suspicious disappearance that rocked the high society.
Ang tinutukoy ni Senyora ay ang bagong nireto ni Papa sa akin.
(Too old, Tita." I said. “And boring."
"Or you still want someone else?" she smirked.
Ngumiti rin ako, nagdadalawang isip na sagutin iyon. Senyora was my confidante growing
up. Although she had crooked views about marriage, she had wisdom that I couldn't get
from my mother Alondra.
Kahit hindi ko na sagutin, alam kong alam niya na ang kahulugan ng ngiti ko
"Marem," I heard Nikolai behind me.
Nagulat ako nang natanaw siya. Hindi ko alam na pumunta siya sa party na ito. Napayakap
ako sa tuwa.
"Nikolai!"
"Good evening, Senyora," Nikolai said to the woman in front of us.
Senyora smiled at us and raised her champagne. "Good evening, Mr. dela
Vega. Enjoy the party."
Nilingon ko si Senyora at nakitang nagtagal ang nagdududang tingin niya sa amin bago
tuluyang nakipag-usap ng ibang tao.
 "Hindi ka nagsabi na pupunta ka? Are you alone?" I said excitedly as we walked towards
the crowd.
Napansin ko na may iilang taong gustong lumapit sa amin pero hindi nagagawa kaya pinag-
uusapan na lang kami. I'm too excited to talk to
Nikolai that I didn't mind.
"Yes, I'm alone. May inasikaso ako sa Iloilo kaya biglaan ang pagpunta ko."
"How are you? You're so busy! I have a lot to tell you!"
Kumuha si Nikolai ng inumin at binigay ang isa sa akin. I was about to start talking when he
held my hand and walked me towards the garden.
"It's about Achilles," sabi ko.
"I know you'll talk about him," seryosong sinabi ni Nikolai. “Mamaya na.
Matagal bago ko naintindihan ang ginagawa niya. People are watching us like a hawk. They
are curious. Kaya kung pag-uusapan namin doon ang tungkol kay Achilles, maririnig ng
lahat kaya dinala niya ako sa madilim at walang taong parte ng hardin. I saw the familiar
swing of the Mercadejas' garden. Nasa dilim na kami nang nagsimulang mag-usap.
"May ginawa ka bang kabulastugan?" he confronted me.
"Nothing," I smirked. "Just what I told you."
"I don't believe you. I feel like you have something new up on your sleeves everyday. What
did you do this time?"
"May kasambahay siyang bata noong nakaraan na tinaboy ko!" I laughed.
"A-Ano?!" Nikolai shifted his weight.
"Hindi naman 'yon kabulastugan! I think it's just weird for a single dad to have a young
woman in his house. It will cause rumors of him... you know-
"Are you for real-"
"I'm just saving him from future problems. Kung hindi niya naman pala
"yon girlfriend, edi lalo siyang mamo-mroblema kung pinag-usapan sila?"
"But that's not your job to look after the rumors about him, Maria Emilia."
“Nagtalo kami. Sinugod niya ako sa hotel. I urged him to deny that he loves me, he couldn't.
Ilang beses ko na 'yong ginawa, bakit hindi niya masabi, hindi ba?" I said confidently at
Nikolai.
Napatitig siya sa akin.
(Will you stop that, Marem? This is what I was worried about and you told me not to
worry?"
Napainom ako ng champagne at na-realize na masyado akong naging excited na ibahagi sa
kanya iyon. Hindi ko naalala na pinagtalunan namin iyon.
I slowly caressed his face with my hand.
It's sweet that you're very consistent. Always worried about me all these years, Nikolai."
"I'm not fooling around, Marem."
"I know."
Tinitigan ko siya habang nakatingin din siya sa akin, madilim ang mga mata, dagdag sa
dilim doon.
I tilted my head and looked at him playfully.
"Don't worry about me, Nikolai. I can always handle it and you know that."
"You can handle anything, Marem. But when it comes to that man, I know..." umiling siya at
mas lalong lumapit sa pag-aalala.
Magsasalita na sana ako nang biglang may humablot sa akin.
"What the?" I was about to curse when I saw who it was.
"Anong ginagawa n'yo rito?" Achilles said in a low tone as he looked at
Nikolai with eyes like daggers.
Nawala agad ang galit ko sa nangyari dahil siya ang humablot sa akin.
"Nag-uusap lang kami," sagot ni Nikolai.
"Nag-uusap sa dilim?" Achilles then looked at me.
I looked at his hand on my arm. He immediately noticed it and pulled his hand away from
me. A smile crept on my lips as I lifted my eyes on him.
Bago pa ako makapagsalita para punahin ang ginawa niya, umalis na siya na parang walang
nangyari. I was in awe as I looked at him walking towards the gate of the Mercadejas'.
 "Marem, don't you dare to-" before Nikolai could say more I was already walking swiftly,
following Achilles.
Wala akong pakialam kung pag-usapan man kami o ano. I was bewildered with his reaction.
I know he's jealous, he was always that way.
(Nagseselos ka ba?" tanong ko habang sinusundan siya.
Hindi siya sumagot. Agad siyang sumakay sa sasakyan. Nilingon ko kung saan naka park
ang sasakyan namin. Natanaw ko na naghihintay ang mga bodyguards ko roon pero hindi
ako lumapit. Instead, I pulled the front seat's door open and went inside Achilles' car right
before it started moving.
What the- get out!" gulantang niyang sinabi nang natanaw na humarurot na iyon at
nakabukas pa ang pintuan dahil hindi ko naisarado.
Bumagal ang takbo niya.
"Get out!"
I closed the door and looked at him stubbornly.
"I won't!" I said.
"Hindi ako nakikipaglaro, Marem. Umalis ka rito!"
"Hindi rin ako nakikipaglaro, Achilles! Ano'ng ginagawa mo? Nagtago na nga kami sa dilim,
nahanap mo pa ako? I didn't even know you were at the party, did you watch me all night?!"

He tilted his head. Imbes na manatiling bagalan o itigil ang sasakyan, mukhang
naiintindihan niyang hindi niya ako mapapalayas sa sasakyan niya kung hindi niya ako
pisikal na hahablutin galing doon. Nagmaneho siya ng mabilis.
"And what's up with you pulling me out of Nikolai? Are you jealous? Oh please, don't lie to
me anymore. Hindi ka ba nahihirapan sa ginagawa mo?
You know you want me but you're still refusing to acknowledge it!'"
Mas lalong bumilis ang takbo ng sasakyan dahilan ng mabilis ding pagdating nito sa bahay
namin.
"Get out!" his voice thundered.
"You watched me all night and got jealous of Nikolai?" I said.
Lumabas siya sa sasakyan niya. Natanaw kong umikot siya at pinagbuksan ako ng pinto.
"Get out, Maria Emilia!" he said.
I crossed my arms and stubbornly stayed.
"Umalis ka na o hihilahin kita palabas diyan!"
I smirked. "You could never hurt me. You'll hurt more, if you hurt me."
Galit at poot ang ipinukol na tingin niya sa akin. He then closed the door of the front seat.
Akala ko babalik siya sa loob pero nagulat ako nang pumara siya ng tricycle at sumakay
roon!
"W-Wait!" sigaw ko at napalabas na pero humarurot na ang tricycle.
I closed his car's door and started walking. Nilingon ko ang highway para maghanap na rin
ng tricycle pero dahil gabi na, wala na gaanong dumaan.
Imbes na maghintay, nagpasya akong tumakbo.
Hindi kalayuan ang bahay nina Achilles sa bahay namin kaya kayang kaya kong lakarin. I
just didn't expect that I'l be chasing after him, in a dress... tonight. At ang matindi pa, unti-
unting pumatak ang ulan.
I saw the tricycle stopped on their street. Malayo pa ako kaya tumakbo ako kaso bumuhos
ang ulan. I didn't stop. I got wet but I was still determined to force it out of him.
Lumiko ako sa daanan papunta sa kabahayan. Ang unang bahay doon ay kina Achilles.
Nakita kong bukas ang ilaw nila at sigurado akong nasa loob na siya. I forced open the door,
it wasn't locked. I caught him removing his upper body clothes. Nang natanaw ako, tinigilan
ang paghuhubad ng t- shirt.
"Umalis ka dito!"
"Aalis ako pero sabihin mo muna kung bakit mo ginawa 'yon!" sa pagaralgal kong boses
sinabi.
It was cold. The rain was pouring down. It was a storm. Hindi gaanong nabasa si Achilles
pero basang basa ako.
You're jealous, right? Why can't you admit it? Is it so hard? Is it your pride?!" giit ko.
Siguro ay dahil sa malayong nilakad, at basang basa sa ulan, bumuhos ang mga emosyon ko.
Dagdag pa ang reaksiyon niya. That was the only
 explanation. He was jealous. He is jealous. If he didn't care about me, how did he find me
there. If he saw us there, and he didn't like me, he wouldn't mind seeing me with Nikolai.
"Achilles! Ako na ang lumalapit sa'yo! Lahat ng kamalian mo noon, tinatanggap ko na!" I
said pleadingly.
It then struck me after I said that. I have never felt this pitiful my entire life. Hindi ako
kailanman nagmakaawa pero ngayon, ginagawa ko na. Dahil alam ko na ito na lang ang
paraan sa ngayon.
"If you made a mistake, and you took that responsibility seriously, then I get it! I get why
you left me and chose her! I forgive you even when you didn't ask for forgiveness! You are
not sorry because saying sorry will mean that you're sorry you have your sons now! I get
it!" I cried as I looked at him.
Kumunot ang noo niya at nag-iwas ng tingin.
"Sabihin mo sa akin, nagselos ka, hindi ba? Nagselos ka kay Nikolai?"
"He's a married man. You shouldn't hang around people-"
"You shouldn't care at all if you didn't love me anymore! Heck, you wouldn't even notice me
if you didn't love me anymore!"
Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin.
"I can be the mother of your children, Achilles!" I shouted as tears fell on my cheeks.
"You are out of your mind-"
"I'm not! It's true! I came back for you! And with that, I don't only accept you! I accept your
sons, too!"
"Paano ka magiging ina ng mga anak ko kung malupit ka sa kanila!" sigaw ni Achilles.
Umiling agad ako. Hindi ako malupit sa kanila!"
"Umalis ka na rito!" he shouted and tried to close our distance but he can't quite come
nearer.
Kaya ako ang unti-unting lumapit. Bumubuhos ang mga luha ko at nanginginig ang braso,
hindi malaman kung sa lamig ba o sa pag-iyak. I felt so vulnerable but it's alright. I always
show him my vulnerable side.
It's just that tonight, I was not only vulnerable. I was also desperate, pitiful, and weak.
Pilit kong inabot ang brasO niya at marahan na hinawakan iyon.
"Please, Achilles.." I whispered.
He closed his eyes and bowed. Tiim-bagang niyang binawi ng marahas ang braso na tila ba
napaso sa matagal kong pagkakahawak dito.
"Hindi kita kailangan. Umalis ka na rito!" he shouted in a thunderous voice.
I was so near him that it shocked me.
"Hindi mo mapapalitan ang ina ng mga anak ko! Hindi ka nila kailangan at lalong hindi kita
kailangan dito, Maria Emilia! Kaya tumigil ka na sa kahibangan mo! Stop obsessing about
me! You've lost your class! It's disgusting!"
My eyes widened when I heard it. It was an insult to the core. Our clan motto, "surtout
l'élégance" meant that we value elegance and class more than anything. And now he is
throwing it against me.
"Pagkatapos ng lahat lahat, eto ang sasabihin mo sa akin? Nagmahal ka ng iba, pinatawad
kita at hinintay! Hindi mo na ako kailangan kasi kaya mo nang mamuhay mag-isa-"
"Hindi ko hiningi, kahit kailan, ang kapatawaran mo! Kaya bakit mo pa ako pinatawad,
huh?»
Lumapit siya sa akin. Sa galit na ipinamalas niya, natakot ako ng husto. I stepped back a bit
but still remained there.
"Kung gusto mong magalit sa akin! Magalit ka nang magalit at wala akong pakialam! Hindi
ko kailangan ng kapatawaran mo! At higit sa lahat, hindi kita kailangan sa buhay ko-"
"How dare you say that after everything! You won't have all these without me!" I spat
already angry to the core because it's true!
I was mad at him for choosing Alana over me! I couldn't forgive him at all!
I was mad at him for choosing Alana over me! I couldn't forgive him at all!
I can ruin his life very easily! Bilang Galvez, kayang kaya ko siyang tratuhing basura sa
mismong lugar na kinalakhan niya! Kayang kaya ko rin
 siyang tanggalin sa puwesto niya dahil sa kapangyarihan ng pamilya ko pero hindi ko
ginawa!
I cut all my ties to him instead of getting my revenge!
I was bitter andI wanted him to suffer but I was too proud to even do anything!
Alam niya kung ano ang kaya kong gawin! Alam niya na nababagay sa kanila ni Alana iyon
pagkatapos ng kataksilan na ginawa nila sa akin!
I left for my career while he was busy with his trainings! Sinuportahan ko siya at sinabi ko
pa kay Papa na tanggapin at bigyan siya ng magandang puwesto! He was highly favored,
not because he's a Riego but because he's the boyfriend of the Admiral's daughter!
I was patient! I didn't look at other man! I was a textbook good girlfriend even when
everyone expected me to cheat on him! I am pretty and many good men, from good
families, courted me... pero hindi ako nagpadala dahil si Achilles ang mahal ko!
I even fucking defied my mother for him! He wasn't liked by my mother because he was
poor and was rejected by the Riegos! He didn't want me to have a bruised relationship with
my mother but I still did because I love him and he loves me! It'd break his heart if I leave
him and agree with my mother's plans! It will destroy me to see him breaking!
Pero isang uwi lang dito sa Costa Leona?! Natagalan lang ako dahil busy?!
Pagbalik ko, siya itong uhaw na uhaw at hindi nakapaghintay!
He fucked Alana. Yes. I won't sugarcoat that! Whether he was drunk or whatever, it doesn't
change the fact that it was him who cheated!
My poor and supposedly honorable boyfriend cheated on me, Achilles
Riego!
"Achilles, noong iniwan mo ako umalis lang ako at nagpakalayo layo para hayaan kang
mamuhay ng mapayapa! Hindi ko na kinailangan ng eksplenasyon kung bakit. Bakit sinabi
mong mahal mo ako pero sa huli ay iniwan mo ako para sa iba. Maybe it's a mistake, I told
myself-"
"It wasn't! Ginusto kong pakasalan siya at ginusto kong magkaanak kaming dalawa!"
Namilog ang mga mata ko. It was the first time he said that. I know that it was what I
wanted to hear for me to stop. Gusto kong sabihin niya sa akin na hindi niya ako mahal
pero ang huling sinabi niya ay parang ganoon na rin.
"Maybe you were wrong so I came back thinking you'd-"
"Hindi kita tatanggapin, naiintindihan mo ba 'yon? Kahit wala na siya, hindi parin!"
"I didn't ask for an explanation, yes! But I want you to tell me why! I want to know why,
Achilles! Bakit hindi ako?" I said stubbornly, still not convinced with his hurtful words.
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo..." he said weakly.
Hindi iyon ang gusto kong marining. I'm begging you, please, Achilles.
Slowly, I bent my knees to kneel him. That was the lowest of low. Maria
Emilia, the proud and arrogant Galvez heiress, known to be liked and fantasized by many
men, is in front of Achilles Riego, begging and pleading. Basang basa sa ulan, umiiyak,
nanginginig.
I have been vulnerable from the start. This is the last straw of my vulnerability. I want a
direct answer. I idn't need the vagueness that could give me false hopes.
"What the fuck are you doing, Maria Emilia!? Ang 'sabi ko, umuwi ka na!" sigaw lalo ni
Achilles.
Sa tinig niya, alam kong nagulat siya sa pagluhod ko. This was something he'd do to me. Not
vice versa. But I am doing it to him now.
Yumuko ako at saglit niyang inabala ang sarili nang natanaw na nakikinig ang anak niya.
Pero sa huli, binalingan niya ako. I remained on my knees, not moving.
Tumayo ka-"
Just say it, Achilles. You don't love me. I'll leave."
(Tumayo ka na!"
"Gaano ba kahirap? Alam kong alam mo na umaalis ako kapag nasasaktan, pero hindi na
tumatalab ang mga sinasabi mo sa akin. Alana gave me a letter and she's told me about
you-"
 'Ang sabi ko, umalis ka na!" he shouted loudly.
I closed my eyes and trembled a little at his thunderous voice.
She said you never forgot about mne. She was sad all her life with you because you love me.
Na pinanindigan mo lang siya pero-)
Achilles threw a vase on a wall. Natigilan ako sa pagsasalita at napapikit. I saw his hands
bloody because of the broken glass. Tumayo agad ako para dumalo pero tinulak niya ako.
Nagulat ako sa ginawa niya at nakita kong nagulat din siya sa nangyari.
"Ang sabi ko, umalis ka na!"
"Why can't you-"
"Hindi kita mahal! Hindi ko kailanman mamahalin ang babaeng katulad mo! Kahit wala na
si Alana, hindi mo siya mapapalitan! She wasn't rich or anything like you but she wasn't
disgusting and scheming!"
My mouth dropped open since the first sentence. Pakiramdam ko sagad na sagad na siya.
At hindi b... iyon naman ang gusto kong marinig? Hindi ba iyon ang hinihintay ko bago
tumigil? Hindi ko alam kung niloko lang ba ako ni
Alana sa sulat niya o ano pero para sabihin ni Achilles ito ngayon, alam ko may bigat iyon.
My mouth dropped open since the first sentence. Pakiramdam ko sagad na sagad na siya.
At hindi ba... iyon naman ang gusto kong marinig? Hindi ba iyon ang hinihintay ko bago
tumigil? Hindi ko alam kung niloko lang ba ako ni
Alana sa sulat niya o ano pero para sabihin ni Achilles ito ngayon, alam ko may bigat iyon.
"She was mistaken when she said that I love you, because I don't! Iniisip niya lang 'yon
dahil malungkot siya sa sakit niya! I always assure her that I love her and not you so stop
being delusional, Maria Emilia! At kahit wala na si Alana... hinding hindi kita tatanggapin!"
he continued.
My tears fell more.
"I don't know why you're still so crazy about me when I am utterly disgusted with you!
You're cheap and disgraceful! Nawalan na ako ng pagmamahal sa'yo sa nagdaang taon at
ngayon, pandidiri na lang sa mga ginagawa mo ang nararamdaman ko! I thought you're
better than this but you proved me wrong!
He smiled evilly.
"I've never been so right about choosing Alana over you. You are nowhere near her, Maria
Emilia.»
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 1
168
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Kabanata 1
Poor
I hate the province. I feel like my mother is punishing me for trying out at the school's
theater. Hindi niya gusto iyon para sa akin. Hindi rin naman ako ganoon ka interesado pero
napilitan ako sa isang school fair dahil wala pa akong club.
I repeatedly explained to her that I do not even want to take it seriously, but she thinks I
have a flair for it.
"What about when you tried out for that pagaent last year? How can you explain that?!"
tanong niya sa isa sa mga sagutan namin.
"It was just for fun, Mama!" giit ko.
Kahit na sa totoo lang, hindi lang kasiyahan ang hatid sa akin ng mga gawaing ganoon...
"It was just for fun?! Marem, I know how much you love attention!" she finally spat.
Nagulat ako at bahagyang nalungkot sa sinabi ni Mama.
"Alam mo naman pala, eh. Then just let me do it! It won't hurt you anyway!" I said the
reason why I received a slap from her.
Natigilan ako at mas lalong namuo ang poot sa akin dahil sa sampal na iyon. My mother' s
eyes were filled with tears as she looked at me, feeling betrayed and hurt.
Truth is, I really like attention. Maybe it was my natural character, but
 recently I realized why. My father is a workaholic chief of the navy of the country. Minsan
lang siya umuwi at laging busy. Si Mama naman laging nakasunod kay Papa sa kung anong
ginagawa. On top of that, she has businesses to take care of. Obviously, the three of us never
had their full attention ever since.
Remus, my older brother seeked approval through his performance at school. He's always
on top. Wala rin siyang ginagawang kinakasama ng loob ni Mama mano Papa. Samantalang
pareho kami ni Solomon na naghahanap pa lang ng mapaghihingan ng atensiyon. In my
case, I like being the center of attention to my friends. And now, it isn't enough.
Bumuntonghininga ako habang tinitingnan ang dalampasigan sa harap.
Ibang iba ang buhay sa probinsiyang ito kumpara sa buhay ko sa Maynila.
This is indeed a punishment. My mom knows how much my friends meant to me. Ngayon,
dinala niya ako rito sa tahimik at walang katao taong lugar.
Gusto kong maiyak. She hated me involving myself into arts like that because she thinks it's
unbecoming fora Zaldarriaga-Galvez to be famous that way. We must keep our lineage elite
and inaccessible.
"Miss Maria Emilia, dumating na po ang mga gamit n'yo," isang kasambahay ang nagsalita
galing sa likod ko.
Umirap ako sa kawalan at hindi makapaniwala na mangyayari 'to. All this time, I have been
in an exclusive school, tapos biglang ngayon dito ako sa probinsiya mag-aaral? At
tototohanin talaga ni Mama?!
Solomon is too young to mind it. He doesn't even know what it means to transfer school.
Pero ako, parang binagsakan ng langit at lupa!
I dragged myself to stand and finally decided to go back to the mansion to check my things.
Noong simula ng bakasyon, akala ko banta lang ni Mama ang lahat ng ito. Hindi ko
inakalang bukas, mag-aaral na nga ako rito. I don't know what to do to nge her mind about
it, though!
Miserable kong tinanaw ang mga gamit sa eskuwela. Madalas na naman kaming pumunta
rito noon sa probinsiya, pero para lang iyon magbakasyon, hindi para tuluyan nang tumira
rito.
I slowly let myself fall on my bed. Niyakap ko ang unan at hinanap sa ilalim noon ang
cellphone ko para makatawag sa mga kaibigan.
"Cheer up! It won't be that bad! I heard the Riegos are from there?"
I groaned. "They are from here but they are not even studying here. They are studying
overseas! At isa pa, wala akong ka edad sa mga iyon kaya anong gagawin ko?!"
"Mga Hidalgo rin, 'di ba? Juanda will be a good friend to you-"
I groaned again. Trust me, they are not even seen here."
Halos lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, excited para sa akin dahil sa mga kilalang nakatira sa
probinsiyang ito. But they hardly ever come here because they are busy with their lives.
Alam ko dahil sa ilang beses kong balik dito noong mas bata pa ako, ni anino ng mga
tinukoy nila hindi ko nakikita.
"Well, then... at least your Aunt? At sina Ambrose? Hindi ba may babae silang kapatid?)
Kahit anong sabihin nila, walang makakapampalubag ng loob sa akin sa pananatili rito. This
is not the life that I wanted. I'm not used to it and I will never be.
None of them understood why I hate the place so much. They all think I'm in heaven for
living here just because of the men they offer. Siguro ganoon nga talaga. Kung sino pa ang
may ayaw, sila pa itong hindi interesado.
I wanted to cry but I didn't. I'm not gonna waste my tears again on this.
Alam kong kahit anong pagmamakaawa ko kay Mama, hindi niya ako pagbibigyan.
Magsasayang lang ako ng mga luha. At wala rin naman siya rito, kaya para saan pa.
I didn't accept it but I still dragged myself to do it. Umaga ng sumunod na araw ay ang
unang araw ng eskuwela. Papasok pa lang ng campus, pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga
estudyante.
I was walking past the gates when I noticed the way they stared and whispered. I ignored
every bit of it. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinag- uusapan nila at bakit sila ganyan
makatingin.
Pero kalaunan, natanto kong ibang iba ako sa kanila. Sa dating eskuwelahan, normal na sa
mga estudyante na may bodyguards at yaya na
 kasama. Dito naman, ako lang yata.
"Bakit mag-aaral ang isang Galvez dito?"
"May kapatid 'yan, nasa elementary daw. Dito na sila nag-aaral?"
"Balita ko bibilhin nila ang katabing hotel sa pinapagawa nilang hotel ngayon. Kaya siguro
umuwi."
Iilan lang iyon sa narinig ko sa unang apak sa classroom. I sat in a lonely chair as I arranged
my things. Ang bodyguard at ang yaya ay nasa labas, naghihintay.
"May bodyguard pa. Ang mga Riego nga kapag gumagala dito, wala kahit isang bantay. Pero
siya tig dadalawa."
"Meron pa raw nag roving na bodyguard din niya sa buong campus.
Mahigit lima."
Oh why is it a big deal? I miss how normal it is to have bodyguards back in my last school.
This school and place sucks! At ayaw ko pang makipagkaibigan kahit kanino. Umirap ako sa
kawalan at kalaunan, nang nagsimula na ang klase, nakinig na lang sa teacher.
It passed by that way for a week. Mamamatay yata ako sa sobrang pagkabagot sa
probinsiyang ito. Wala man lang nakakatuwa o nakakalibang sa school. Hindi ako
interesadong makipagkaibigan sa mga kaklase ko, at ganoon din naman sila sa akin.
"Markus," sabay lahad ng kamay ng bagong pasok sa school na naging seatmate ko.
I looked at his hand. Mestizo, kasing tangkad ko, at maypagka kulot ang buhok ng lalaking
makakatabi. Napasulyap ako sa nakatinging mga kaklase. They are whispering again now.
Maybe because Markus is the son of a politician in the province, himself to me when no one
did. because he had the audacity to introduce
"Marem,"" I said as I slightly shook his hand.
He smiled in a friendly and enthusiastic way before he sat on the arm chair beside me.
Dalawahan sa isang row kaya kaming dalawa lang ang seatmates sa doon, at sa pinakalikod
dahil matangkad ako kumpara sa ibang babaeng kaklase.
Naupo siya. I saw how she put his fancy things on his arm rest. Sinulyapan ko ang mga iyon
at biglang gumaan ang loob. Finally... a human being.
"So... Galvez, 'di ba? Bakit dito ka nag-aral?" he asked in an enthusiastic smile.
I looked at him slowly.
"I don't really know," I said in a snobbish way.
He chuckled. "I heard your family is arranging your marriage with Vincent
Hidalgo. Iyon ba ang rason? Sorry to burst your bubble but that family is like a ghost. Kung
nandito man sila, hindi iyon nararamdaman ng baryo.
Parang laging walang tao ang mansiyon nila, at mailap pa."
Nilingon ko si Markus at natanaw kong biglang humilaw ang ngiti niya.
Siguro dahil nakita niya ang iritasyon sa mga mata ko. I'm not that irritated, though. I just
don't really know how to be friendly with new people. In fact, I am glad that he's my
seatmate, despite him being nosy.
Dahil pakiramdam ko, sa kanya lang ako makaka-relate kumpara sa mga taong nandito.
"I'm not interested with Vince Hidalgo. There's no contract when it comes to fixed
marriages so it can be broken.
"Whoa!" namilog ang mga mata niya at lumaki ang ngisi.
Somehow, although he's cute, to me he looked like an expressive clown.
He's too enthusiastic.
"That's the first time I heard that! Kahit mga pinsan ko, gustong sumali sa mga party para
lang makita ang magkapatid na iyon at makausap.
Nagbabakasakali na maireto! Here you are not liking him?"
I ignored him.
"Or talaga ba?" nagtaas siya ng kilay. "Maybe it's justa facade so you will seem like you're
not like other girls."
This time, imbes na ignorahin siya, pairap akong napabaling. I cannot believe I heard that.
Tama nga naman siya at may mga ganoong babae.
Kunwari ayaw. Pero ang toto0, gusto, pero ayaw ipahalata para mapansin na naiiba dahil
hindi interesado.
 "I don't have to explain anything to you," I said.
He laughed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to judge you. Naisip ko lang ang ibang pakulo ng mga
kakilala kong gustong magpapansin. Ganoon ang ginagawa nila. I thought it applies to all."
Nanatili ang tingin ko sa harap. Understandable, but still.
Kahit pa ganoon ang trato ko kay Markus, hindi ko maipagkakaila na isa siya sa rason kung
bakit medyo umayos ang pakiramdam ko sa school.
He's loud and chatty, even when he notices my annoyance. He's determined to converse
even whenI always kill our first few conversations.
He's also friendly to others, kahit pa gaya ko ay lumaki siya sa karangyaan bilang Saldivar.
"Thanks Charlene," si Markus pagkatapos kausapin ang isa sa pinaka sikat na babae sa
school.
It's six months along the school year. Kahit paano, naka adjust na ako dahil kay Markus.
Pero hanggang ngayon, siya lang ang kaibigan ko.
Nakita kong sumulyap si Charlene sa akin bago nakipagtawanan sa grupo niyang puro
naman cheap at feeling magaganda. I rolled my eyes and continued eating my cafeteria
food.
"You're friends with her?" I asked Markus as he sat in front of me.
Sa lamesa namin, kami lang ang nakaupo kahit pang animan iyon. Tuwing recess, kami lagi
ang nakaupo roon. Our bodyguards will reserve it for us prior the bell. At walang
nangangahas na lumapit at makihalo sa amin at kumportable ako roon.
"Nakausap ko lang sa library."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay, may pagdududa sa sinabi niya. Markus chuckled, and let his fingers
run through his wavy hair.
"It's not bad to be friends with them. They seem cool and she's pretty," si
Markus.
"So you want to be friends with her because she's pretty?"
Natawa ulit siya. “Mabait din naman, Marem. At syempre mas maganda ka roon."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay at kinagatan ang fries na kinakain. I put the part of the fry I touched on
a tissue paper, along with the rest of the fries I ate a while ago.
"I don't like them. They seem backstabbing.
Kumunot ang noo ni Markus. “Paano mo naman nalaman?"
Umirap ako. “Paano mo naisip na mabait? Malay mo, mabait lang dahil
Saldivar ka? I'm not naive. I've met people like that back home and I'd rather not have
friends like them."
He groaned and picked up his lunch. "We may have sucha good family name, pero hindi
kami kasing yamann'yo."
"Mayaman pa rin kumpara sa mga nandito..." pagilid kong sinulyapan ang kabilang lamesa.
"Charlene is the daughter of the Mayor, so she's still considered well off.
At si Olivia, may ari ng grocery chain sa visayas."
"Maliit na grocery chain," pagtatama ko.
Natawa nalang siya. “YOU really are raised in such an environment."
Nagkibit ako ng balikat. Iyon naman ang toto0.
"What I mean to say is that we could have more friends."
"They're backstabbing, " I said, trying to ignore his proposal.
"Ang sabi mo sanay ka na maraming kaibigan sa Manila? You must be so bored and tired
here because I am your only friend. It won't hurt to try and mingle. I'm not saying we trust
them immediately. At... backstabbing? Eh, pinag-uusapan lang naman tayong dalawa dahil
sa bodyguards natin. At ikaw, may yaya pa. Hindi sila sanay sa ganoon. At Galvez ka. You're
like a
Riego who suddenly went to school in this small campus, so naturally they will talk about
you."
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. May punto naman siya.
Back in my exclusive school, it will take more than my name and my entourage to catch the
people's attention. Dahil lahat kami roon, pare parehong galing sa magandang pamilya at
pare parehong may entourage.
Dito, iyon lang kilalang kilala na ako.
Natahimik ako at medyo gumaan ang loob.
"Bahala ka. I still stand by what I know. I don't trust those bunch. If you
 want to be friends with them, go ahead. I don't really mind. But I can't promise you I'd like
them."
He smirked.
"Isa pa. I really think I'm just passing by here. Na hindi ako magtatagal.
Na bukas makalawa, uuwi rin ako sa Maynila. Forging friendships here is futile and
unecessary.
"Alright. Let's just try then, shall we?"
Inaamin ko, si Markus ang dahilan kung bakit kahit paano bearable ang pagtira ko sa Costa
Leona. Dahil sa pagiging palakaibigan niya, medyo dumami rin ang kakilala ko. Almost a
year along and I can say that it's not that bad.
"May helipad kayo sa pinapagawang hotel?" si Olivia na gulantang sa nalaman dahil
kabababa lang ng chopper. Siguro umuwi si Mama.
"Oo," sabay ngiti ko.
"Wow! Hindi pa ako nakasakay ng chopper! Ilang beses ka nang nakasakay?"
"Countless times," tanging nasabi ko.
Nasa bahay kami ngayon ng grupo nag si-swimming. It's always us four.
Ako, si Charlene, Olivia, at Markus. Minsan, iniimbitahan namin ang iilang kaibigan nina
Charlene at Olivia sa lakad at masasabi ko namang hindi na rin masama. Less wealthy than
my friends in Manila but not bad bilang mga probinsiyana.
"Maria Emilia," narinig ko ang tinig ni Mama.
Pare-parehong bumati ang grupo sa kanya. Mama welcomed them. She smiled politely and
asked them if we need anything. But of course, I already provided for the small party so
eventually, she made me follow her to her study.
Nakapatong lang ang bathrobe sa ibabaw ng swim suit ko, umakyat ako para makausap si
Mama.
"I'm glad that you are having new found friends."
Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang pagkakahabo sa sinabi niya.
«They seem like good influences. Si Markus, mukhang mabait naman.
Nanliligaw ba?"
"No, Mama," matamlay kong sagot.
Kahit na nagkaroon na ako ng mga kaibigan, ayaw ko pa ring manatili rito.
Gusto ko pa ring umuwi ng Maynila. Kaya ngayong mukhang nalulugod siya, pakiramdam
ko lalo niya akong hindi pauuwiin.
"I want to go back to Manila. Doon na ako mag-aaral. Promise I won't try to model or get
into theater-"
"Bakit pa? You're happy here."
I gritted my teeth and knew that this is not going anywhere.
"Isa pa, mas madalas ako rito kaysa Manila. Pumupunta lang ako roon kapag naroon ang
Papa mo. Dito dahil inaayos ang hotel at bibilhin ko ang katabi."
"But-»
"Just prepare yourself for spending your whole high school life here."
"But Mama, it's an ordinary school! Hindi ka ba concerned sa educational background ko?!"
I pointed out.
"What do you mean by that?!" medyo nagulat siya sa sinabi ko.
(That's a small school for the poor! Ibang iba sa ivy league school ko!
Makikita 'yon sa transcript ko-"
"Marem!" her voice thundered.
"And look at my group! That's the cream of the crop, but they're still poor-
"Kailan kita pinalaking mata pobre?!" napatayo siya galing sa swivel chair niya at sinugod
ako.
Kinabahan agad alko. Akala ko makakatikim ulit ako ng sampal. She almost slapped me. But
I looked at her with angry eyes. Tila ba naghahamon, na sige sampalin niya ulit ako!
"You don't classify people like that! That's not good! Wala sa estado sa buhay ang
paninimbang sa mga tao!"
"Didn't you want me to leave the club because it makes me less elite? Then tell me why-"
Your father is chief! We are rich! That doesn't make us good people! Pero
 kailangan kong protektahan ang pribadong buhay n'yo, bilang mga anak ng ama mo, at
bilang Galvez! You can't be out there, sharing your life with the people you barely know!
That's a different story!"
I want to go back to Manila and leave this god forsaken place, Mama!" I demanded, ignoring
her reason.
"No! With that attitude of yours, you are not leaving here!"
Hindi pa siya tapos magsalita ay tinalikuran ko siya.
“Marem!" she called.
Tuloy tuloy ang mabibigat kong hakbang.
"Pag-uusapan pa natin ang tungkol sa mga Hidalgo-
I cut her voice with a loud bang from the door. Naiiyak akong bumaba sa engrandeng
hagdanan namin. At nang dumating sa dalampasigan para humalo sa mga kaibigan, patuloy
ang pagdadabog ko. Agad silang nagtanong kung anong nangyari.
I grew silent for a while. They left me alone, but they were still concerned.
Kalaunan lang ako nagsabi kung bakit kami nagtalo ni MMama.
Even for the fucking summer, I was not allowed to go to Manila. Iyon ang parusa ko sa mga
nasabi ko kay Mama.
Kung hindi kami nagkikitang apat para pumunta sa bahay ng isa't-isa, bumibisita naman
ako sa mga Mercadejas. Only Tita Domitilla makes me comfortable. I couldn't bare it with
Tita Jimena. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Tahimik akong nakaupo sa duyan ng mansiyon ng mga Mercadejas. Tita
Domitilla is my mother's far cousin from the Zaldarriaga side. Maagang naulila si Mama
kaya kinupkop siya ng Lolo ko, na Papa naman ni Tita
Domitilla at Tito Conrado. Pinagbabawalan ako ni Mama na maging malapit kay Tita
Domitilla pero wala na siyang magagawa. Lagi naman siyang wala at kung wala sina
Charlene, Olivia, at Markus, bagot na bagot ako sa bahay.
"Hija.." si Tita nang natanaw akong pinaglalaruan ang bulaklak ng kalatsusi habang
nakaupo sa duyan.
Binaba ko ang bulaklak at pagod na nginitian si Tita Domitilla.
"You're always here for three consecutive days. Buti at hindi ka pinapagalitan ng Mama
mo?"
"Nilakad ko lang po ang dalampasigan. Kaya hindi alam ng bodyguards na umalis ako ng
bahay."
Napaismid siya, siguro ay nag-aalala na tumakas ako.
"I'm sorry. I'm just so bored. Gusto ko sanang umuwi ng Manila kahit isang linggo lang.
Ayaw ni Mama.
"I'm sorry to hear that, hija. Kung alam ko lang na nababagot ka, nagpaayos sana ako ng
party!"
Pagod ulit akong ngumiti.
"Bukas, uuwi ako ng Manila. At hanggang katapusan na 'yon. Babalik ako sa susunod pa na
buwan. Sana sinabi mo na nababagot ka noong nakaraan.
"Ayos lang po. Masasanay na ako. Pagtitiyagaan ko na lang ang pabalik balik na pagpunta sa
mansion ng mga Saldivar. O pag iimbita sa mga kaibigan ko sa amin." I rolled my eyes.
She smiled and looked at me in a concerned way.
"Hmm. How about..." her eyes narrowed.
Ngumuso ako at medyo tanggap na ang kapalaran. We used to have really cool vacations as
family. But I didn't have one for two summer vacations now.
"You come with me to Manila just for a day?"
"P-Po?" nagulat ako sa anyaya ni Senyora.
"We'll take the flight early in the morning. Ihahatid ka ng chopper by the end of the day.
Would you like that?"
Namilog ang mga mata ko at biglang na excite.
"of course, ikaw lang ang uuwi dahil kailangan ako ng Senyor sa Manila.
Do you want that?
I nodded excitedly.
She is heavensent to me in that boring place. She's spoiling me always. At minsan, mas
nararamdaman ko pa ang pagmamahal niya bilang ina kaysa mismong Mama ko.
(Thank you po, Tita!" pagpapaalam ko sa kanya pagkatapos ng isang araw
 na paggala sa Manila.
I hugged her tight, wholeheartedly.
"You're welcome. This should be our secret, or my bruised relationship with Alondra will
get more wounded?" she chuckled.
Tumango ako at hinarap si Tita. “Hindi ko po sasabihin. But please promise me that this
isn't the last time!"
She laiughed. “"Sure, hija. This isn't the last time."
Niyakap ko ulit si Tita Domitilla, ngayon mas mahigpit. Hinagod niya ang likod ko
"I always wanted a daughter. Kaya parang anak na rin ang turing ko sa'yo, hija. If I had a
daughter like you, I'd spoil you big time."
I laughed but truth is, I was very overwhelmed. Hindi ko mapigilang pagkumparahin sila ni
Mama. My mother is always busy. It's not like the
Senyora Domitilla is not. She also takes care of her husband and their businesses but she's
not as clingy as my mother. My mom loves my father so much that she has to be where he
is, when she's not busy with important matters.
Sometimes, it felt like her kids were just an afterthought for her. It was always my father
whose first.
Nagsimula ang bagong school year sa parehong paraan. Mas dumami ang kaibigan ko, pero
kaming apat pa rin naman ang mas palaging magkasama. I honestly began having fun with
them despite my loathing for the province. 0 siguro, tinanggap ko na wala na akong pag-asa
na umuwi at mag-aral sa Maynila.
At malaking bagay din na may kakampi ako - si Tita Domitilla. Sometimes,
I go with her over the weekend. Minsan, nag e-airplane papuntang Manila at chopper by the
end of the day. Minsan naman balikan ng chopper. I use that time to shop and meet up with
my past friends. Hindi nga lang kami nagpi-picture para hindi mabuking ni Mama. That
made it all bearable.
"Sigurado ka bang manliligaw ka kay Marem?" si Charlene nang nilapitan kami sa exclusive
table namin sa cafeteria ng isang gusgusing batchmate.
Ilang buwan na rin mula nang araw-araw niyang nilalagyan ng love letter ang locker ko.
Noong una, binasa ko pa. Kalaunan, tinatapon ko na lang.
Hindi guwapo, marumi, at hindi rin mayaman. It's not like may mayaman dito. Even Markus
barely passed the level that I want.
Nahihiyang lumapit ang lalaki. Inaayos niya ang salamin niya habang lumalapit para
magbigay ng love letter. h dear.
Markus snatched the love letter out of the boy's hand. Nagtawanan si
Charlene at Olivia. Natawa rin ako sa reaksiyon ng palitong sinusubukang kuhanin ang
ginawang love letter.
"Dear Marem," basa ni Markus habang tumatakbo para hindi mahuli noong kawawang
lalaki.
I smirked as I watched Markus read it.
"Hindi ako makatulog sa kaiisip sa'yo gabi gabi. Parang bituin ang mga mata mo kaya
tuwing tumitingin ako sa langit, ikaw ang naaalala ko.
You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."
Umirap alko. Sa halos dalawang taon ko sa school na ito, ilang beses na nga akong
naliligawan ng mga lalaking narito. Of course, none of them interests me.
"How corny," Olivia said and looked at me.
"Markus, stop it. Just throw that in the trash!" I chuckled.
Tumawa si Olivia. Magpapatuloy pa sana sa pagbabasa si Markus pero kinuha ni Olivia iyon
at pinunit bago padabog na sh-in-oot sa basurahan.
I sipped on my juice. The bell rang. Tumayo ako. Ganoon din si Charlene.
Markus also walked towards us, still chuckling.
"Ang sarap talaga basahin ng mga love letter na para sa'yo. May pagka makata lagi ang
nanliligaw.
"How about you try to say yes to one?" si Charlene.
Natanaw kong kinalkal noong lalaki ang basurahan para kuhanin ang love
Natanaw kong kinalkal noong lalaki ang basurahan para kuhanin ang love letter niya.
Inignora namin at dumiretso na sa classroom.
"Ayoko nga. That will tarnish my name," sabi ko.
 Papaasahin mo lang naman, e. Kita mo sa akin, ang guwapo noong nasa soccer team na ex
ko. Poor nga lang pero ayun... scarred for life. Hindi maka recover sa akin. It's funny to
watch them use other girls to get over you.
"You're harsh, Charlene..." puna ni Markus.
I ignored the chitchats and just went straight to our classroom. Naroon na ang adviser
namin at may lalaking nakatayo sa harap ng lamesa. Nakita ko ang excitement sa itsura ng
mga kaklase ko. And the whispers were extreme, it's even worse than the whispers that I
got the first day of school last vear.
Naupo ako. Katabi pa rin kami ni Markus. I craned my neck to check what's up. Naiintriga
ang mga kaklase ko sa kung sinong nakatayo sa harap, kausap ng teacher namin.
"Mag-aaral siya?" Markus said.
Nilingon ko si Markus sa tabi ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang tinutukoy niya.
“Admit to class lip 'yon, 'di ba?" he asked.
Napatingin ako sa inaabot ng matangkad na lalaki sa adviser na papel.
Tama nga siya.
"Transeferee?" I asked.
Umiling siya. "Dito "yan nag-aaral."
"Second semester na," I pointed out.
"Lagi 'yan tumitigil. He's older than us, ilang taon. Tumitigil dahil may sakit ang ina. He
takes care of her and he's also the breadwinner."
Tumingin ulit ako sa lalaki. He's tall and burnt. Despite his color, he kind of reminded me of
some foreign tanned male models. His hooded eyes is reminiscent to a famous classic
hollywood superstar and his bone structure is well defined and aristocratic. Siya yata ang
pinakamatangkad na nakita ko sa buong klase, o siguro dahil mas matanda nga siya ng
ilang taon gaya ng sabi ni Markus.
"Achilles Riego," Markus murmurred.
"Riego?" napabaling ako kay Markus.
He smirked. “Yup."
"But you said he's a breadwinner. At na tumitigil sa pag-aaral-"
"They are biologically related to the Riegos here but... not acknowledged."
"So he's poor?"
Tumango si Markus at nakatingin pa rin sa lalaking nasa harap.
"Class, before we start," our adviser said. You have a new classmate for today."
"Achilles!" tawag ng ilang babaeng kaklase.
He smiled at the girls who called but he immediately looked serious when he surveyed the
class.
"Achilles will be finishing his second semester of this school year with you. I hope you
welcome your new classmate. I'm sure some of you know him well."

Kabanata 2
Hate
I never paid attention to the Riego inside our classroom. Bukod sa nasa kabilang row siya,
mag-isa at tahimik, seryoso rin siya at nakikinig lang sa lessons na ibinibigay ng teacher.
He never made an effort to socialize to everyone but some of our classmates would come
near him whenever they have time to chitchat.
Samantalang kami ni Markus, laging iniisip ang pagtatapos ng period para makaalis sa
classroom at makasama sina Olivia at Charlene na nasa ibang section naman.
"So, nag-aaral na naman pala si Achilles," si Charlene at ngumisi.
"Yup. We're classmates," sagot naman ni Markus.
Tahimik akong nakinig sa usapan nila dahil hindi ko naman kilala iyon at wala akong
interes.
"Senior natin siya last year. Pero isang semester lang yata ang nagawa niya," si Markus.
Senior natin siya last year. Pero isang semester lang yata ang nagawa
 niya," si Markus
Yup. Ang guwapo niya talaga, sayang at mahirap lang," si Charlene ulit sabay tingin sa akin.
"Mahirap lang pero Riego pa rin. Imagine the moment he will be acknowledged by the
Riegos?" si Olivia.
"Mangyayari naman kaya 'yon? Si Leona ang Riego. At siya mismo, tinakwil ni Fifth. And
you think it will change with Sixth?"
Sabay nilang tiningnan si Markus. Markus then shrugged.
"Mabait ang magkapatid kay Achilles, ayon sa nalalaman ko. Kaya it is possible that he will
be acknowledged soon."
"Really?" sabay ang dalawa sa sinabi.
I sighed, trying to make them understand that this conversation is a drag.
Napabaling silang tatlo sa akin.

"Small towns love to gossip. I don't want to conform," sabay irap ko.
Olivia chuckled.
"Don't you find him hot? Si Achilles, Marem?" tanong ni Charlene.
Napabaling ako sa kanya. "What's hot for me is a man of power and name, hindi looks.
"But you admit that he has the looks, right?"
I chuckled insultingly. "Oh please, I live in the city. Kung looks lang ang usapan, it's
common."
"Guwapong guwapo ako sa kanya. Hindi ko matagalan kung titingnan.
May kung ano sa mga mata niya... ibang kulay. At pati sa labi, it seems like when he speaks,
his mouth is sensual or something," Charlene said.
I didn't pay much attention about Achilles Riego so I didn't know what she was talking
about. But on a far away glance, I know and admit that he is good looking. He isn't rare,
though. Marami naman akong kilalang guwapo kaya hindi na ako nagulat sa itsura niya.
The argument about his eyes and lips, I cannot vouch since I haven't seen him up close.
"Isang semester lang ba siya last year? Buti pinapayagan siya ng school."
"My father is helping out," si Markus. "At maganda ang mga marka niya kaya ganoon."
"I thought he'd never come back this year. Kasi last year, narinig ko, malala na ang nanay
niya," si Olivia.
"Hindi ba tinutulungan ng tatay mo ang pagpapagamot ni Leona Riego,
Markus?"
Markus shook his head. “My family offered, pero si Leona ang ayaw. You know how much
the Riegos value pride and honor."
"Kaya mnagkakanda kuba si Achilles sa pagtatrabaho para lang diyan.
Narinig ko, marami rin daw utang na sa ospital."
I sighed again because I'm really bored. "Look. I know the Riegos are big deal here, pero
'yong mga tunay anak lang ang interesante. Why are you all so interested with that Achilles
when he's not even a rare commodity?"
Kahit ilang beses ko na silang sinabihan tungkol doon, tuwing nagkakasama kami, parang
laging napupunta ang usapan kay Achilles
Riego. He's not even interesting in the classroom. He's like a random tree to me that I only
acknowledge when I meet his eyes. Pero kung hindi, parang wala lang.
He just doesn't stand out to me. Tuwing tinatawag sa klase, kahit paano nakakasagot
naman. Madalas din siyang lumiban sa klase. Sa isang linggo, minsan may isang araw na
wala talaga siya. He will always be excused though because of his situation.
The year finished quickly. Sa bakasyon ng sumunod na taon, kinausap na ako ni Mama at
Papa tungkol kay Vince Adler Hidalgo. Mabuti na lang at hindi naman ganoon ka partikular
si Papa kaya hindi niya ganoon ka suportado ang gusto ni Mama. Mama can't stop talking
abouta party she wants to do after the complete renovation of the newly acquired property
near our hotel.
Iyon lang yata ang pinunta ng parents ko doon dahil sa sumunod na linggo, umalis agad sila
para sa trabaho.
Bumuntonghininga ako habang naglalakad sa bakuran ng mga Mercadejas.
 I still don't have any vacation plans for this year because my parents are busy with our
businesses so I'm here stuck. The Mercadejas mansion is less boring than our estate. Kahit
pa wala ang Tita Domitilla.
Bilin po ni Senyora na puwede kang pumili ng alin sa mga kabayo sa kuwadra," sambit ng
kasambahay na siyang dumadalo sa akin tuwing wala si iTita.
Bumuntonghininga ulit ako. Kung sana ay hindi umuwi si Mama at Papa last week, sinama
na sana ako ni Tita sa Maynila ng isang araw!
Nakakainis naman. Kaya mas lalong boring kasi wala si Tita.
"Okay," sambit ko habang palapit sa kuwadra.
Nakapagpaalam ako kahapon na manghihiram ng kabayo sa mga kuwadra nila. They have a
total of five hybrid horses in their stables. I heard three are specifically Senyor's, Uriel's,
and Anton's horses. May dalawang mas bata at mas maliit naman.
Palapit ako sa kuwadra nang natanaw ang humahaplos sa isang itim at malaking kabayo.
He looked familiar to me but I didn't bother. I looked only at the horses available.
Nagkataon na ang itim ang pinakagusto ko dahil malaki ito at makinang ang buhok. It
reminded me of the horse that I went to training with in my equestrian days.
"Iyan ang gusto ko," sabi ko sa kasambahay sabay turo sa itim na kabayo.
"Okay po. Sasabihin ko sa tagapangalaga," sambit nito.
I nodded and waited. I am already dressed for the activity. i have my black jeans, and
leather boots. I really looked forward to this.
'Achilles, iyan ang gusto ng senyorita," narinig ko ang kasambahay.
Achilles?
Napatingin ulit ako sa lalaking nakatayo sa tabi ng kabayo. Right! Indeed, it was the Achilles
I know. Humalukipkip ako. Bumaling siya sa banda ko at nakita ang pag-aabang ko na
lumabas ang kabayo sa kuwadra.
"Sa limang kabayo rito, mas maganda kung huwag itong kay Senyor.
Medyo mailap at malaki kaya baka anong mangyari," si Achilles galing sa loob.
"Pero bilin ng Senyora na pahiramin si Senyorita ng kahit alin," giit naman ng kasambahay.
"May mas maliliit kumpara dito. Mas maganda kung-
I know how to ride horses," I cut him off.
Napabaling ang babaeng kasambahay at si Achilles sa akin. I smiled cockily.
"I was trained at a very young age with hybrid horses like that. Kaya kaya ko."
"Iba iba ang personalidad ng mga kabayo. Baka kasinglaki nito ang nasa traning mo pero
hindi kasing ilap. Kaya mas mabuting-
I said I want that," kalmado kong sinabi kahit nairita na ako.
Bakit ba ako pinapangunahan? Is he an expert or something? Does he know about my
trainings? O gusto niya lang talagang magpasikat, as if he knows about horses more than I
do?
Lumapit ako sa kabayo. He watched me as I started to earn the horse's trust through
petting him. Pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling umamo naman ito, nilingon ko si Achilles.
"Get him out," I ordered.
Achilles sighed and let the horse out. Lumabas na rin ako para maghanda na.
"Magsuot ka ng helmet," anito.
"No need," I said without looking at him.
Bakit pa? I'm trained and I'm also not going out of the premises. There were hurdles but
only three of them, and very simple.
Agad na akong sumampa sa kabayo. Hindi umalis si Achilles sa gilid kahit noong sinubukan
ko nang palakarin ang kabayong sinasakyan.
I was still adjusting, yes, but I'm starting to get so annoyed that he didn't leave the horse's
side as it walked towards the front yard of the Mercadejas mansion.
"You may leave now. Baka masipa ka kung manatili ka sa gilid," sabi ko dahil nagbabalak na
patakbuhin ang kabayo.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Hindi ko siya nilingon nang sabihin ko iyon pero ngayong wala siyang
imik, kinailangan kong balingan siya. Para bang wala
 siyang narinig nang nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad sa tabi ng kabayo.
"Did you hear what I said?"
He then lifted his eyes on me. Hindi naman kami malapit pero agad kong nakuha ang
tinutukoy ng mga kaibigan sa ilang beses na namin siyang pinag-uusapan. There is
something in his different colored eyes.
He ignored what I just said. And I was sure he heard me because he even looked at me.
Sa iritasyon, ayaw ko nang ulitin pa ang tanong ko. Kaya imbes na hayaan siya, pinatakbo
ko ang kabayo. But then before it could take off and gallop,
I felt like I offended it because of my sudden order. The horse has gone wild and before I
knew it, I was removed from the saddle and gone up in the air for a fall!
Napasigaw ako sa kaba. Alam kong babagsak ako. Hindi naman din ito ang una, kung sakali,
pero matagal na nang nangyari ang ganoon.
I was sure I'd fall into the slightly damp summer bermuda of the
Mercadejas front yard. Handa na ako sa sakit sa likod sa pagkakabagsak ko nang
naramdaman ko ang hawak sa baywang ko at ang paglapat ng likod ko sa mas malambot na
bagay.
Immediately afterI fell, I opened my eves to see why I didn't feel the expected pain.
Katatapos lang ng sigaw ng kasambahay na agad na dumalo para patayuin ako. Pero bago
ko iyon napagtuonan ng pansin, nauna ako sa baywang na may nakahawak na malaking
kamay.
That's when I realized that I was lying on Achilles' body. I immediately got into my feet,
never minding the offering hand of the house help. I was furious. Mainit ang pisngi at
iritado na ganoon ang nangyari.
"What are you doing?!" agaran kong atake.
Iniinda niya pa ang pagbagsak din niya. Tumayo siya para harapin ako pero iritang irita
ako. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba kanina pa naman ako naiirita sa kanya o pakiramdam ko
binastos niya ako!
Katatayo niya lang nang iginawad ko sa kanya ang isang sampal. Then I proceeded to point
at him angrily.
"You're a pervert!" I shrieked angrily.
Nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya.
"How dare you touch me!" sigaw ko.
"Sinalo lang kita kasi nakita kong-"
"Ipapasisante kita kay Tita Domitilla! Sisiguraduhin ko-"
Nabitin ang sinasabi ko dahil ang ibang usiserong kasambahay at hardinero na naroon ay
agad na dumalo sa kanya.
"Achilles, may sugat ka," I heard a woman from the garden said.
Napatingin si Achilles sa siko niya. Naputikan ang buong likod niya at nakita ko nga ang
dugo sa siko niya. Lahat ng naroon ay sa kanya ang simpatya habang nanatili akong galit.
Na matatanggal ka! You're not even efficient and now you're also a pervert!" nanggagalaiti
kong sinabi.
Before I could say anything, dumami lalo ang dumalo sa kanya. Sa iritasyon ko, umalis na
ako roon at iniwan sila. Dumiretso ako sa bulwagan ng mansiyon para magpahinga at
magpalipas ng init ng ulo.
Nakasunod sa akin ang kasambahay. Agad siyang nag request ng inumin at pagkain para sa
akin. Padarag akong naupo sa isa sa mga sofa sa sala habang hinahabol pa ang hininga sa
iritasyon sa nangyari.
Nagdadalawang isip na lumapit ang kasambahay sa akin.
Tatawagan ko ang senyora," sabi ko at nilingon siya.
She looked sad and hesitant when she opened her mouth to speak.
"Mawalang galang na, Senyorita. Pero hindi naman yata ganoon si Achilles at nakita kong
talagang concerned lang siya.
I glared at her. She bowed a bit, as if scared of me. Nagsidatingan ang ilang kasambahay na
may dalang merienda para sa akin. Kinuha ko agad ang juice para makainom at makalma
ang sarili.
"I asked him to get out of there. Kaya bakit ayaw niyang makinig?"
"Kung nakinig po siya sa'yo, baka nabalian na kayo ng likod. Medyo mataas ang hagis sa'yo
ng kabayo, Senyorita... kaya.."
I glared at her again but it didn't last long. A woman suddenly intervened.
Nakita kong sinusunod siya ng mga kasambahay. She must be the mayordoma.
 "Baka puwedeng pagbigyan na lang muna ang bata, Senyorita. Matagal nang nag-aalaga ng
kabayo iyon dito at hindi naman kailanman nagkaroon ng ganitong pangyayari. At alam
kong kailangang kailangan noon ng pera dahil may sakit ang ina. Kung malaman ito ng
Senyora, baka masisante nga siya. "
I didn't listen. I feel like everyone of them is siding on him. Of course they can relate to
them, and they can't understand me.
Unti-unti rin silang nawala sa harap ko. Narinig kong may naghahanap ng first aid kit, hula
ko'y para kay Achilles sa labas. At nang nakaalis na halos lahat ng dumalong kasambahay sa
akin, alam kong nasa labas sila para si
Achilles ang daluhan.
Isa lang ang nanatiling kasambahay sa gilid ko at tahimik siya.
Annoyed that I looked forward to this day and suddenly, it turned out like this, I eventually
decided to just go home. At dahil nilalakad ko lang naman ang amin papunta rito sa mga
Mercadejas, sa ganoong paraan ko lang din gagawin ang pag-uwi.
"Uuwi na ako," I announced.
The househelp panicked a bit but she didn't say a word. Naglakad ako palabas ng bulwagan
at umikot. Natanaw kong dinadaluhan nga siya ng mga hardinera at kasambahay doon. He's
even changed his clothes and there was a bandage on his arm.
Natahimik sila nang natanaw akong dumadaan. Diniretso ko na lang ang tingin ko at agad
nang umalis. Lumiko ako sa duyan at nang nakaabot na sa hinagdanang bato, mabilis akong
bumaba.
Now what? I'll just go home and sleep. Bukas, plano ko sanang bumalik at ganoon pa rin
ang gagawin pero nawalan na ako ng gana!
Mabibigat ang bawat hakbang ko sa buhangin sa iritasyon at galit sa nasirang mga plano.
Iyon na nga lang ang libangan ko, ngayon nawala pa.
Ilang hakbang pa lang, narinig ko na ang pagbaba ng kung sino sa hinagdanang bato.
Nilingon ko kung sino at nang nakita kong si Achilles ang naroon, kinabahan ako. It was not
a particularly scared kind of nervous, it was more of an awkward kind.
Ayaw kong magkita kami, at lalong ayaw kong sa ganito na kami lang. At bakit naman siya
sumunod? Kahit anong tanong ko noon, alam ko sa sarili kong mahuhulaan ko na agad iyon.

(Pasensiya na," he called as I walked faster.

Hindi ko siya nilingon pero base sa tinig niya, malayo ang agwat namin. It was as if he
didn't really want to stalk me but he had to talk to me so he's doing it
"Hindi ko sinadya yon. Kilala ko lang ang kabayo at alam ko na kay
Senyor lang iyon aamo kapag sinasakyan. Kaya hindi kita maiwan kanina dahil nag-aalala
ako."
I gritted my teeth and remained walking. Meanwhile, his words are almost drowned by the
waves. Siguro ay tumigil siya sa paglalakad.
"Pasensiya na..." he said then his words grew louder.
Napabaling tuloy ako at nakita kong naglakad ulit siya para abutan ako. He stopped when
he saw me looking at him.
"Ayaw kong masisante. Sinalo lang kita kanina dahil nakita ko ang
"Ayaw kong masisante. Sinalo lang kita kanina dahil nakita ko ang pagkakahagis sa'yo.
Kung nabastos ka sa ginawa ko, pasensiya na. Wala akong intensiyon na ganoon at lalong
wala akong interes na hawakan ka."
I know what he meant but his last sentence kind of insulted me a bit.
"Sasabihin ko rin sa senyora ang nangyari para-"
"Ako na ang magsasabi," sabi ko at inignora siya, nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad.
He didn't stalk me after that. Hindi ko na rin siya nilingon.
Kadarating ko lang sa bahay, tawag na agad ni Senyora ang sumalubong sa akin. Aniya'y
nabanggit na raw ng mayordoma ang nangyari. I explained to her what happened and that
was all. Inimbitahan niya ulit ako bukas sa kanila kahit wala siya pero tumanggi na ako.
What happened awhile ago left a bad taste on my mouth so I didn't do it again.
Inimbitahan ko na lang ang mga kaibigan ko sa bahay. Nilibang ang sarili sa hotel, sa mga
sumunod na linggo. At pumunta sa mga kaibigan tuwing
 sila naman ang nag-iimbita.
"Totoo bang nasisante raw si Achilles dahil sa'yo?" tanong ni Olivia habang nakahiga kami
sa lounger sa labas ng mansiyon namin.
Inangat ko ang sun glasses ko at nilingon ang katabi.
"Nasisante?" I asked.
"Oo raw? Sa mga Mercadejas, inalis daw siya sa trabaho," anito.
Palapit na si Charlene samantalang si Markus ay nanatili sa dagat, nag- kayak.
"Inalis siya?" hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala.
Hindi naman kasi nagsabi si Senyora na aalisin niya si Achilles.
"Oo raw. Usap usapan sa mga kasambahay namin. Ang sabi, sinalo ka raw sa pagbagsak sa
kabayo tapos nagalit ka?"
Umirap ako at binalik ang sun glasses. "Hinawakan niya ako, e. Tsansing.
At... hindi ko naman sinabing sisantehin siya."
"Pero mabilis magtanggal ng trabahante si Senyora basta may atraso.
Kawawa naman.." si Olivia.
Hindi ako umimik.
Baka nagkamali ka lang? Kawawa naman ang tao na nagtatrabaho lang
"Sinalo ka niya, alangan naman hindi ka mahawakan?" si Charlene at ngumisi.
"Kung nagkamali man ako, hindi ko naman siya pina sisante, kaya hindi ko na problema
'yon," I said pointing that one out.
Nagkatinginan ang dalawa.
"Pina-offer- an ko nga kay Daddy na sa amin magtrabaho. Mukhang hirap na hirap na siya
sa sakit ng nanay niya. Baka hindi na naman 'yan mag- aral next year," si Olivia.
«Then that's great! May sulusyon naman pala.." I said cold heartedly trying hard not to
think about it.
It isn't my fault. I didn't ask for him to get fired. Oo, at nagbanta ako pero wala akong sinabi
kay Tita Domitilla na tanggalin siya sa trabaho. Alam ko ring may pagka istrikta si Tita sa
mga trabahante niya at siguro dahil importante niya akong bisita, naging malaki ang parusa
para kay Achilles.
But I refuse to believe that it's my fault... it isn't!
Sa sobrang bored ko, sumaya pa ako nang natapos ang bakasyon at sa wakas ay eskuwela
na ulit. Somehow, seeing moving people and hearing them talk comforts me. Kaysa naman
mag-isa ako sa bahay at walang naririnig kundi ang alon ng dagat. Alam ko na agad kung
bakit pinipili ni
Mon na magtrabaho sa hotel kahit tiga linis lang ng pool.
"Classmate natin ang ingratang 'yon. Ang sama ng ugali! Ang malas natin!" naririnig ko
habang binabasa ang pangalan ko sa pintuan.
Sa taong iyon, nahiwalay ako kay Markus. Hindi ko rin kaklase si Olivia at
Charlene. Medyo naalarma ako pero pakiramdam ko, kahit paano nakapag adjust na naman
ako kaya kaya kong mag-isa sa isang classroom.
At isa pa, makikita ko pa rin naman ang mga kaibigan tuwing break, e.
Pumasok ako sa classroom at nakita ang usap-usapan ng mga kaklase.
They are all looking at me like I was a bringing a plague.
"Ayan na ang maldita. Nasisante si Achilles dahil sa kanya. Akala niya naman ang ganda
ganda niya para..."
Binabaan nila ang boses nila nang nakitang bumaling ako. Alam kong ako ang pinag
uusapan dahil sino pa nga ba ang dahilan ng pagkakasisante ni
Achilles?
Imbes na sagutin, tahimik lang ako. I don't want to waste my time with them. Besides, I
don't even know them. I don't want any commotion so I just chose a chair so far. Iyon din
naman ang i-aassign sa akin dahil matangkad ako kumpara sa mga nandito.
I sat on my chair as I hear some of their murmurs. May ilang lalaki rin na bumabaling sa
akin. May ilang tinutukso at naririnig ko na crush daw ako.
I looked at them and immediately regret that I wished for it to be school days. This year will
be hell!
Lalo pa nang pumasok si Achilles Riego sa classroom namin. Narinig ko ang anyaya ng ilang
kaklase namin na doon siya maupo sa tabi nila.
"Achilles, dito ka!"
Our eyes met. Nakita ko agad ang pagliko niya, tila ba iniiwasan ang row
1
 ..
Our eyes met. Nakita ko agad ang pagliko niya, tila ba iniiwasan ang row ko. Umirap ako at
tiningnan na lang ang hinandang homeroom notebook.
As if ikaw lang ang gustong umiwas? Ayaw ko rin sa'yo noh! At malas naman talaga na
kaklase ko siya. And I thought he'd stop this year?
Kalaunan, dumating ang adviser namin. Inayos na ang mga upuan namin.
Nasa gitna si Achilles gaya ng gusto ng mga nagtawag sa kanya kanina.
Kaya lang, matangkad siya kaya i-aassign siya ng adviser sa ibang upuan.
I remained on my seat. The adviser concluded that it was perfect for me. think so too. Not
until she also realized that the seat beside me is perfect for Achilles!
Natahimik ang mga kaklase ko. Alam kong pinag-uusapan na nila ako habang unti-unting
lumalapit si Achilles sa katabing upuan ko. He then sat beside me. The chair moved farther
a bit from me. Napabaling ako sa kaunting distansiya namin bago unti-unting inangat ang
tingin sa kanya.
Nanatili ang mga mata niya sa harap, para bang ayaw akong tingnan.
"Huwag kang mag-alala, ayaw ko ring katabi ka," sambit ko.
He didn't say a word. I actually expected him to fire back something harsher. After all, he
was fired from his work that summer because of me.
And now I gave him a nasty remark. But he didn't say anything. It was even as if he didn't
hear anything.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas lalo lang akong nairita. Para tuloy mas gusto ko na magsalita
siya kaysa sa tahimik at walang imik sa mga sinasabi ko.
You know, I'm not plastic. If I hate someone, you'd see it in my face. And
You know, I'm not plastic. If I hate someone, you'd see it in my face. And
I also know when people hate me, so you don't have to pretend when I'm around."
I waited for any word from him but he didn't say anything. Uminit ang pisngi ko sa mas
matindi pang iritasyon.
"Hello? Can you hear me?"
He then looked at me. There! Some reaction from him! I smirked evilly at him.
"Good to know that you can hear mne after all. "
He then looked in front again. My mouth dropped open. Hindi naman talaga ako mabait
pero hindi ko maalala kung kailan ako inignora ng kahit sinong lalaki man o babae. I was
literally talking to him and he knew. He was listening but he chose to treat me like I'm
nothing but a ghost!
"Are you that mad at me that you chose to ignore me?)
Hindi pa rin siya kumibo.
"Or is that your way to make papansin? Kunwari snob, pero ang totoo gusto mong
magpapansin?"
Nilingon niya ako. “Ano ba ang gusto mong maging reaksiyon ko sa mga
"Or is that your way to make papansin? Kunwari snob, pero ang totoo gusto mong
magpapansin?"
Nilingon niya ako. "Ano ba ang gusto mong maging reaksiyon ko sa mga sinasabi mo?"
Natigilan ako, hindi inasahan na magsasalita pa siya. Akala ko paninindigan niya ang
katahimikan.
"At ikaw? Akala ko ba ayaw mo sa akin? Bakit patuloy mo akong kinakausap? Iyan ba ang
paraan mo para magpapansin?"
My eyes widened. The nerve of him to say that! I laughed mockingly at his extremely funny
joke!
"Ako?" sabay hawak sa dibdib ko. “Magpapansin sa'yo? Sino ka ba sa akala mo?"
"Then shut the fuck up," he said and looked in front.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 3
76
420
Kabanata
Guilty
He is arrogant for someone rat poor. I hate him. Buong araw busangot ang mukha ko
pagkatapos ng sinabi niyang iyon. Nagtataka ang mga kaibigan ko pero hindi ko naman
masagot ang mga tanong nila dahil ikinakahiya ko
 na natameme ako sa sinabi ni Achilles.
"Huhulaan ko ba?" si Olivia nang naka ilang tanong na pero hindi ko talaga sinasagot.
"Balita ko classmate kayo ni Achilles, ah?" si Markus na kuryoso rin.
"Kaya ka badtrip?" si Charlene.
(Narinig ko kanina sa ilang kaklase mo, seatmates daw kayo!" sabay halakhak ni Olivia.
Sa huli, hindi ko na napigilan ang pag-irap ko. Nagtawanan ang grupo at umiling na lang
ako.
"Huwag kang mag-alala, Marem. Mabait naman 'yon," si Charlene.
Ayaw ko nang ikuwento ang nangyari pero hindi ko napigilan ang pag- alma sa sinabi ni
Charlene.
“Mabait?
"oh, bakit? Hindi ba mabait sa'yo?" si Olivia na kuryoso.
"Hindi ko alam..." I tried to change it cuz I really don't want then to know that he has talked
back. "Nasusupladuhan ako sa kanya. Akala mo naman sinong may kaya sa buhay, e,
mahirap naman.'
"Hay naku. Baka kaya suplado sa'yo kasi galit sa ginawa mo noong summer sa mga
Mercadejas. Siyempre, kailangan ng pera 'yong tao, kaya importante sa kanya ang
trabahong 'yon."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. “Ba't niya ako sisisihin? Hindi ko naman sinabi kay
Tita na sisantehin siya?"
"Malay niya ba no'n. Siyempre, una niyang iisipin na dahil sa'yo."
"Edi tanga pala siya para maniwala agad sa iniisip niya na wala naman siyang pruweba
kung pinasisante ko siya o hindi."
Nagkatinginan ang mga kaibigan ko.
"Bahala siya. Basta tingin ko, suplado siya na wala naman sa lugar!"
I didn't have to elaborate it. I'm ashamed of it, anyway.
Kahit masaya ako pumasok sa school dahil nakakasalamuha ang mga kaibigan, tuwing
kailangan nang pumasok sa classroom, napapawi naman ang saya ko dahil kay Achilles.
Busangot lagi ang mukha ko habang nag le-lecture ang teacher at nakikinig ako. Hindi ko
rin siya nililingon at tuwing nasasagi ko ng kaunti ang arm rest niya, naiirita ako sa sarili
ko.
Dumaan ang ilang linggo mula noong unang araw sa school. May ilang absent na kaagad
siya. Masaya ako tuwing absent siya, mas nakakagalaw ako ng maayos.
Sa nagdaang mga linggo ring iyon, naisip ko kung gaano ka iritado ang mga kaklase ko sa
akin. It's not a big deal, though. If they don't like me, well, I don't like them in the first place
either. Group works that you voluntarily choose your groupmates are a pain in the ass.
Dahil walang grupo ang kumukuha sa akin. I would always suggest that group works
should be assigned by the teacher instead, para mapilitan kaming lahat na mapunta sa
grupong ayaw naman namin.
Nagdiriwang ang mga kaklase ko nang pinagbigyan sila ng teacher namin na pumili ng
kagrupo. Agad akong nagtaas ng kamay gaya ng laging ginagawa tuwing may ganito.
"Yes, Miss Galvez."
"May I suggest that the groupmates will be assigned by draw lots or the teacher? Para po
sana fair?"
"Ayan na naman ang malditang 'yan," I heard some of my classmates whisper.
"Ang KJ niya talaga. Nakakairita."
"Okay then, Miss Galvez. Thank you for the suggestion."
Ngumiti ako at naupong muli. Binago ng teacher ang rules niya. Tama naman ang sinabi ko.
It's not like I was the only one suffering from it.
Some of the shy classmates are also finding it difficult to find someone's team. Iyon nga
lang, napipili sila sa kahulihulihan. Samantalang ako, walang ni isang lumalapit kahit sa
boys. The girls always discourage it. At sa huli, the teacher will choose which group has less
groupmates at doon ako ilalagay.
Iritado ang lahat sa akin. Lalong lalo na ang grupong napuntahan ko. I'm used to it, anyway.
It's not like I like them. I'm also irritated with their faces. Let's just do our tasks and set
aside their irritating faces for a while.
 Maaga kaming pinalabas ng teacher para mag research sa topic. We researched in the
library for a bit until my groupmates decided that they want to go to the canteen instead.
"Uh, hey. We're not done," sabi ko nang silang lima ang nagkasundo na umalis sa library
kahit kakarampot pa lang ang nagagawa.
Our group leader, the annoying leader Jessie looked at me with a smile.
"Hindi ka naman namin imbitado."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "I didn't ask if I was invited. I'm saying that we're not done with our
research-"
“Next week pa 'yan due kaya marami pang oras."
"But we're given the time now to do it."
"Eh sa gusto naming mag break, e. Puwede namang sa weekend. Bakit ka ba nangingialam?
Hindi ka naman leader. Kung gusto mo, ikaw na lang ang gumawa!"
Umalis sila at pare parehong tiningnan ako na para bang nababaliw na ako.
Sinundan ko sila ng tingin hanggang sa makaalis sa library bago nagpatuloy sa ginagawa.
Hindi nga lang ako makapagconcentrate sa iritasyon sa trato ng mga kaklase sa akin. Wala
akong pakialam kung ayaw nila sa akin pero ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat ay iyong
pinagtutulungan ako na para bang kinakawawa ako.
I tried so hard to finish my part earlier. Padabog kong pinagsasarado ang mga libro na
kinuha ko at lumabas na ng library. It's still early for the break but I went to the canteen.
Doon ko na kikitain sina Marcus at ang mga kaibigan ko.
Hinanap ko ang mga kagrupo ko. Halos pala lahat ng kaklase ko nasa canteen na.
Pinagsamantalahan nila na maaga kami pinalabas para magbreak at mauna sa mga upuan
at pagkain. Wala pang pila kaya mas madaling kumain doon. I took that opportunity to buy
an orange juice before proceeding to the table of my groupmates.
Nilapag ko ang notes ko sa harap ng mga kagrupo sa lamesa nila at ang iPad. Naroon lahat
ang na research ko so far. Hindi ko pa nare-rephrase ang mga binasa ko pero nandoon na
ang mga kailangan.
"Nandito na sa iPad ko ang mga na research ko. I only need to write it and make a
presentation out of it," sabi ko habang nakikinig sila at pare parehong nagulat sa paglapit
ko.
I put my hand on my notes to emphasize it.
"If you're going to someone else's house for the groupwork this weekend, hindi ako sasama
dahil tapos na ako sa ginawa ko ngayon pa lang-'
I was in the middle of speaking when suddenly, one of my more shy groupmates went to
the table and clumsily brought her lemon juice on the table. Natumba iyon sa may iPad at
notes ko. I shrieked when it happened.
Nagulat din ang groupmates ko.
"Hala! Sorry!" takot na sinabi ng classmate kong tahimik.
I know she probably didn't mean it but what irked me is that some of our groupmates,
including Jessie, our leader, laughed at what happened.
'Ang iPad ko!" sabi ko at agad na tinanggal iyon.
My gadget looked safe but my notes were very wet. Nangalahati ang lemon juice na agad
niya rin namang pinatayo para hindi maubos.
"Hala, sorry, Marem. Hindi ko sinasadya," sabi ng mahinhing kaklase.
I get that. I'm annoyed but I do believe that she didn't mean it. It's just that our groupmates
are laughing about it. Eh, anong nakakatawa? That was a part of my contribution to the
team. Oo at marerecover ko pa kahit nabasa ang notes pero paano kung hindi?
Pinaghirapan ko iyon?
Well, obviously, they are laughing because they like to see me suffer. I have never been
bullied and I refuse to think that I am bullied right now. Hindi ako kinakawawa at lalong
hindi ko hahayaang kawawain ako!
Sa iritasyon ko, kinuha ko ang nilapag ko ring orange juice sa lamesa. I plan on harshly
pouring it to all my groupmates who are laughing. They saw it coming but I was quick to do
it. Gigil kong ginawa iyon kaya bago pa sila maka-react ay masasabuyan ko na sila.. iyon ay
kung walang pumagitna sa amin!
Achilles Riego suddenly appeared on the scene. He's standing beside my poor and shy
classmate who apologized. She's not my target. Iritado ako at
 siya ang may kasalanan pero mas galit ako sa mga tumatawang kagrupo.
Pumagitna si Achilles sa amin at bago ko pa masabuyan ang mga kagrupo, hinawakan niya
na ang palapulsuhan ko. I harshly tried my best to evade his hand but he also harshly tried
his best to stop me from doing it, resulting to the orange juice to spill on me instead!
Mas lalong nagtawanan ang lahat kahit nasa ibang lamesa dahil nabasa ako sa sariling
inumin! Basang basa ang uniporme ko!
"Hala, buti nandyan ka, Achilles!" sabi ni Jessie na natawa sa nangyari.
Mas lalo kong narinig ang tawanan. Achilles was praised for being a hero.
For stopping me from "hurting" all of them.
Humiliated, I scooped my things and quickly ran out of the canteen while they were still
laughing and cheering.
"Hindi uubra ang malditang 'yon!"
"Oo nga, lalo na pag wala ang mga kaibigan niyang mayayaman din. Buti nga sa kanya!"
"0o! Kung hindi dumating si Achilles, nasabuyan niya na kaming lahat dito."
I gritted my teeth as I sat on a bench near the field. Panay ang punas ko sa sarili ko gamit
ang tissue na dala. Mauubos ko na iyon. Nagngingitngit ako sa galit habang ginagawa iyon.
Medyo nangingilid ang luha sa iritasyon.
It's not like I came there to do that! I was there for our groupwork tapos nabuhusan ng
juice ang notes ko!
Tiningnan ko ang notes ko at nakitang basang basa rin iyon. Maingat kong pinunasan iyon,
para hindi masira.
Achilles really think he did something great! Siyempre, pinuri siya!
Pakiradam niya pinigilan niya ako na saktan ang mga 'yon, e sila naman ang nakakairita!
Tumatawa sila! Nabasa ang iPad at notes ko, tapos tatawanan nila ako? I reacted badly butI
don't think I deserve it!
Nairita ako sa sarili ko nang naramdamang nangilid ang mga luha sa frustration! Hindi ako
iiyak para sa mga bruhang iyon! O kahit sa pagtatanggol kuno ni Achilles sa kanila! Wala
namang dapat ipagtanggol dahil sila naman din ang nauna! I only reacted based on what I
felt!
'Andito ka lang pala, Marem! Anong nangyari?" si Marcus.
Agad kong inayos ang sarili ko. I glared at them as I continued wiping my notes.
Sabi sa canteen, inaaway mo raw sina Jessie," si Olivia na nasa malayo pa at mukhang naki
tsismis pa sa canteen.
Natanaw ko rin si Charlene na kaaalis lang din sa canteen.
Hindi ako umimik. Ayaw kong malaman nila na pakiramdam ko pinagkakaisahan ako. Pero
hindi rin naman totoo ang mga sinabi nila.
"Anong nangyari?" si Marcus habang tinitingnan ang basang uniporme ko.
Umirap ako at ayaw pa ring magsalita.
"Si Achilles daw ang nagbuhos ng tubig sa kanya," si Charlene nang nakalapit.
"Si Achilles? Akala ko ba siya ang nagbuhos ng tubig kina Jessie?"
I sighed heavily. "I was about to. But that stupid boy went in front at
I sighed heavily. “I was about to. But that stupid boy went in front at nagpakabida!"
"Huh? Ano ba ang nangyari?" ulit ni Marcus.
"Well, I went to my groupmates and suddenly, may tangang nakabuhos ng drinks sa notes
ko. Tinawanan ako nina Jessie kaya bubuhusan ko sana sila pero dumating si Achilles at-"
"Binuhusan ka niya?" sabay pa si Charlene at Olivia na parang imposible iyong mangyari.
"0o!"
"Talaga?"
"Parang imposible. Hindi 'yon ganoon..." si Olivia.
"Anong hindi 'yon ganoon? Are you saying that I'm lying?" iritado kong sinabi.
"Pero baka rin. May galit talaga siya sa'yo dahil sa pagkakasisante niya sa mga Mercadejas.
"
"They think he's some kind of hero for stopping me from doing it. E, they deserve it naman!
Tinawanan nila ako!"
"Hay naku! Irita din ako sa Jessie na 'yan. Last year classmate ko 'yan.
 Feeling matalino.'
Honestly, they made me feel better. Kahit paano, habang nandoon kami at hinayaan nila
akong mairita sa classmates ko, gumaan ang loob ko.
Iyon nga lang, pagbalik ko ng classroom, bumalik na naman sa maasim ang mood ko.
"Lagot! Baka sinabi niya kay Olivia na tanggalin ka rin sa kanila?" naabutan kong usap
usapan at agad na tumahimik nang natanaw nila ako.
I gritted my teeth again and started walking towards my chair. Kahit pa iritado ako sa
nangyari, hindi iyon sumagi sa isipan ko.
Naupo ako sa upuan ko at kalaunan, ganoon din si Achilles sa upuan niya.
Tahimik naming pinanood ang pagpasok ng sunod na teacher at kalaunan, nagsimula na
ang lecture.
Kanina ko pa napapansin na panay ang sulyap niya sa akin. Hindi siya ganoon sa nagdaang
mga buwan na magkatabi kami. Nagtaas ako ng kilay habang nakikinig. Pang ilang beses
niya na akong nilingon habang nakikinig kami sa sinasabi ng teacher.
"Sorry nga pala sa damit mo, hindi ko sinasadya," he finally said it after a short while.
Umirap ako at unti-unti siyang nilingon. Iritadong iritado pa ako pero ayaw kong
magpakita ng kahinaan.
"Hindi mno sinasadya ang alin? Ang ginawa mo? You regret what you did?
You finally realized it?" I said as I smirk.
He sighed and looked in front before responding. I didn't know what he meant but maybe
he thinks that I was being laughed at. Kaya ganoon ang reaksiyon ko.
"Gusto ko lang pigilan ka na masabuyan ng juice ang grupo nila. Hindi ko gustong
mabuhusan ang damit mo."
Napawi ang ngisi ko at mas lalo lang akong nairita. Hindi siya nagsisisi na pinigilan niya
ako. Nagsisisi lang siya kasi nabuhusan ako.
"Do you even know why I'll do that?" I said slightly feeling pitiful.
Hindi ko na dapat sinabi iyon pero nasabi ko na.
"Ano man ang dahilan mo, hindi maganda 'yon."
Umirap ako at bumaling sa harap, mas lalong iritado. Iyon naman pala. He doesn't
understand it and he won't even try! Kaya bakit pa ba ako magpapaliwanag? At sa kanya!
"Alam kong galit ka sa nangyari, pero hindi ko sinadya 'yon Gusto ko lang pigilan ka. Ayaw
kong magkaroon ulit ng hindi pagkakaunawaan gaya noong sa mga Mercadejas. Maayos
ang trabaho kina Olivia kaya sana-"
I laughed when he said it. “Oh, so you're just saying this because you think you're going to
get fired from Olivia's household?"
How disappointing! Wala naman din akong inasahang kung ano sa kanya pero parang
habang tumatagal, lalo akong nagagalit. Ganoon ang tingin niya sa akin. A spoiled brat who
bullies people for no reason, who impulsively fires anyone selfishly... that's how he sees
me?!
"Totoong humihingi ako ng pasensiya sa nangyari kanina. Hindi ko sinadya 'yon kaya sana
hindi iyon makaapekto. Kailangan ko ng trabahong
'yon-"
"Huwag mo na akong kausapin," malamig kong sinabi sa matinding iritasyon.
Kaya naman naming ilang buwang magkatabi nang hindi nag-uusap kaya bakit pa namin
pinag-uusapan 'to.
"Alam kong galit ka-"
"Ang sabi ko." iritado kong baling sa kanya, matalim ang titig.
He looked at me curiously.
"Huwag na tayong mag-usap, kung ayaw mong sisantehin ka rin nina
Olivia."
His jaw moved as he watched me. I glared at him more.
"Get it, Achilles? Huwag mo akong kausapin."
Matagal kaming nagkatinginan bago siya unti-unting tumango. Pairap akong bumaling sa
harap at hindi na nagsalita. Hindi na rin siya nagsalita pa pero madalas siyang bumaling sa
akin sa araw na iyon.
Hindi ko alam kung sa iritasyon ko ba sa araw na iyon, o dahil natuyuan ako noong juice
kaya ako nilagnat kinabukasan. Kinailangan kong lumiban sa klase dahil inuubo at
sinisipon ako kasama sa lagnat.
 I'm fine, Mama. Ayaw ko lang pumasok muna."
More like, aside sa nilalagnat ako. Ayaw ko ring harapin ang school pagkatapos sa nangyari
kahapon.
Pinapuntahan na ako ng doktor kaninang umaga. Hindi pa nakuntento si
Mama, gusto niyang umuwi para tingnan ako. Ayaw ko na naman.
Umaayos na rin ang pakiramdam ko at mukhang flu lang naman.
"Ipapahinga ko na lang po ito."
Il drop by tomorrow to check on you, hija."
My friends bombarded me with text messages. Nakapagsabi na rin naman sa adviser at
teachers ko na hindi muna ako papasok dahil may flu ako.
'Are you alright? Siguro kahapon 'yan. Sabi ko naman kasi sa'yo na magpalit ka ng damit!"
si Markus.
Suminghap ako, barado ang ilong. "Well, it's too late now."
T'l check on your classmates for assignments. Kailan ka papasok ulit?"
"Baka next week na. Buti nga natapos ko na 'yong part ko sa groupwork namin kaya wala
na akong problema." Umirap ako nang naalala iyon.
"Uuwi si Mama bukas kaya next week pa siguro ako papasok."
Buti naman at nang makapagpahinga ka."
Maybe it helped that I didn't go to school. Medyo napahiya pa ako sa nangyari sa canteen
kahit kaonti lang ang nakakita. At badtrip din ako sa kay Achilles kaya magaan ang loob ko
sa pananatili sa bahay.
"Ano bang nangyari? Nagpaulan ka ba?" si Mama nang dinaluhan ako.
Of course, I didn't tell her what exactly happened. After all, people get sick randamlu all +ha
tima At tranolzaca lang naman iOn nahinga lang an
Of course, I didn't tell her what exactly happened. After all, people get sick randomly all the
time. At trangkaso lang naman iyon, pahinga lang ang kailangan.
Umalis din naman agad si Mama kinabukasan para daluhan si Papa at sa mga trabaho. Wala
na akong lagnat sa weekend pero nagpapahinga pa rin ako at binisita ng mga kaibigan.
"Ito nga pala ang assignment mo," sabay bigay ni Markus sa akin ng isang kulay blue na
notebook.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "Buong notebook ang binigay?"
Tumango si Markus.
"At sino namang mabait at concern na kaklase ang nagpahiram ng buong notebook?"
natatawa kong tanong dahil imposibleng meron sa mga kaklase ko ang ganoon.
I flipped the first page and saw the handwritten name: Achilles Riego.
Umirap ako at bumaling kay Markus.
"Pagkadating ko sa classroom n'yo, manghihiram na sana ako kina Jessie ng notebook at
kokopyahin ko ang assignments mo para makahabol ka.
Kaso si Achilles ang lumapit sa akin at nagbigay ng notebook, e."
Charlene chuckled. "Baka guilty? Usap usapan sa school na nilagnat ka. At alam ng lahat
anong nangyari bago ka nagkasakit."
"Guilty nga siguro 'yon. Mabait si Achilles, ah. Kaya concerned."
Umirap ako at wala naman talagang pakialam sa mga opinyon nila. Guilty?
Sa nangyari? More like concerned na sisisantehin siya nina Olivia.
Hindi ko na sinabi iyon. Nagkatuwaan na lang kami sa bahay para makalimutan ko 'yong
absences ko. Nang gumabi at umuwi na ang mga kaibigan, tiningnan ko ang notelbook at
nakita ang lista ng mga assignments namin.
His penmanship is very clean and clear. It was also obvious that it was a man's penmanship.
He didn't have any scribbles on the sides of his notebooks like what I usually do with mine
when I'm bored.
Sinagutan ko iyong mga kailangan ayon sa listahan ng assignments niya.
At nang natapos na at na bored ako, isa-isa kong sinuyod ang mga pahina ng mga dating
sulat niya.
I saw some make up classes and projects for him. Sa dami niya ba namang absent, lagi
siyang may ganito. May isang nakaipit na papel na nahulog galing sa notebook. Pinulot ko
iyon at binasa. It was a first quarter essay that we did for our language subject. It was an
experience with a father.
I skimmed through his words and realized he's eloquent, only that his essay was quite sad.
He didn't know his father. Hindi rin nagsasabi ang Mama niya kung sino at
 hindi niya kailanman pinilit iyon. He said that when he becomes a father in the future, he
will never abandon his child, no matter what the circumstances are. Responsibility is all to
him. Pero ganunpaman, wala siyang galit para sa ama. Mga tanong lang ang mayroon para
sa kanya, at umaasa siya na masasagot iyon balang araw.
Halos nakalimutan ko ang iritasyon ko sa kanya habang binabasa ang mahabang essay.
Malaki rin ang marka niya para roon. I put it back on his notebook and closed it before I
rolled my eyes. I kinda hate that I felt sympathy for someone so insensitive like him.
Lunes nang pumasok na ulit ako, masigla na at wala nang sakit
Pagkapasok ko sa classroom, si Achilles agad ang natanaw ko na nakaupo sa upuan niya.
Mataman niya rin akong tiningnan. He slightly sat up straight when he saw me. And he's
watching me very intently.
I put his notebook on his desk, and without a word, I went to my own.
Naupo ako at nag-ayos ng gamit samantalang titig na titig naman siya sa akin.
"Ayos ka na?" he asked.
Sumulyap ako sa kanya. Sipsip!
"Obviously. And thanks for lending me your notebook, don't worry hindi ka sisisantehin ni
olivia. Okay na?" kumukulo na naman ang dugo ko ngayong nagkita kami.
"Hindi 'yan ang dahilan kung bakit ko pinahiram sa'yo ang notebook."
As if I care enough to ask about his real reason.
'Ang totoo, I'm guilty. Kasi tingin ko nagkasakit ka dahil sa ginawa ko.
Natuyuan ka ng juice sa araw na 'yon. Hindi ko sinasadya 'yon pero kasalanan ko pa rin.
Pairap ko siyang nilingon at plastik na nginitian.
(Don't worry. You don't have to be guilty, hindi ko naman ikinamatay."
Kumunot ang noo niya at magsasalita na sana pero inunahan ko.
"At hindi ba sinabi ko sa'yong huwag mo akong kausapin? Ba't kinakausap mo pa ako?"
His jaw moved, looking annoyed this time. But he didn't say a word.
Tumikhim lang at tumingin sa notebook na ngayon ay sinusubukang iligpit. Umirap ako sa
kawalan at satisfied na napatahimik siya.
Parang mas nadepina tuloy ang katahimikan naming dalawa. 0 sa akin lang iyon. It couldn't
be ignored anymore, even when our teacher is talking in front. May kung anong
bumabagabag sa akin tuwing pumapasok ako sa classroom. At lagi, tuwing papasok ako,
nagtatama agad ang mga mata namin.
Madalas siya ang nasa upuan niya dahil natatagalan ako lagi sa labas.
Tuwing papasok ako sa classroom, nahahanap niya agad ang mga mata ko.
And to me, going to school and to our classroom particularly is somehow an event for me. It
was like I was subconsciously looking forward to it.
At tuwing absent naman siya, pakiramdam ko ang gaan gaan ng araw at malaya akong
nakakagalaw.
"Miss Galvez," sabi ng teacher namin sa last period pagkatapos kong magpasa ng isang
papel.
Yes, Ma' am?" I turned.
"Since absent si Mr. Riego, and ikaw lang ang walang partner sa activity natin, I suggest you
will be his partner."
Napakurapkurap ako. “B-But.. he's... always absent, Ma'am? I mean.. mas kaya kong mag-isa
kaysa magkasama kami. He's like... useless..." I tried to reason out.
Kumunot ang noo ng teacher namin. "He's not. Maganda ang mga marka niya kahit
maraming absences. At nasisiguro kong may magandang contribution siya sa grupo n'yo
kahit na absent siya ngayon."
I opened my mouth to justify myself but I couldn't find the words.
"Please, let's just help him. He's a struggling student. If he has more time, he'd top the class.
I assure you he'll contribute. Don't worry.
555
79
Kabanata 4
Boyfriend
I was furious. Bakit ba na sa lahat ng kaklase ko, ako pa talaga ang
 naatasan na maging kapareha ni Achilles. Busangot tuloy ulit ang mukha ko habang
tinitingnan ang mga gagawin.
"Bakit ba galit na galit ka kay Achilles?" tanong ni Olivia pagkatapos kong sabihin ang
hinaing sa kanila.
"I told you, I find him arrogant for someone in his status."
"Hindi naman arogante si Achilles, Marem. Baka dahil lang sa nangyari sa inyo doon sa mga
Mercadejas," si Charlene.
Hindi ako sumagot at nanatiling nakatingin sa topics naming dalawa. We can just divide
this and be responsible of our own topics and the end. Hindi na kailangang maraming
interaksiyon. At para naman sa presentation, puwedeng ako na ang gumawa ng para sa
aming dalawa. Tutal ay kumpleto ako sa mga kailangan samantalang siya, hindi ko alam.
He can just give me his output and I'Il turn it into a presentation for us two.
"Naniniwala ka pa rin ba na sinadya niya ang pagkakahawak sa'yo?"
Umirap ako at bumaling sa dalawang kaibigan. “Basta hindi ko siya gusto."
Hindi ka rin naman ata gusto no'n," si Charlene at nagtawanan sila.
I glared at the both of them. Umiling naman si Markus.
"Tumigil na nga kayo."
"Kung sa bagay, kalhit iyong ex ko bukambibig ka. Gandang ganda sa'yo.
Pero hindi ka malapitan dahil suplada at maldita," dagdag ni Charlene.
"Pero si Achilles, may gusto kay Marem?" si Olivia na para bang napaka imposible iyon.
Wala naman talaga akong pakialam kung may gusto si Achilles sa akin o wala pero sa tunog
ni Olivia, parang insulto sa akin iyon. It was as if I am so low for Achilles when it should be
the other way around. I looked at her with my dagger stares.
I don't mean that in a negative way. It's just that... many girls had tempted him before.
College na ang mga batch niyan at maraming magaganda sa nagdaang batch. Inuuna niyan
ang trabaho para sa ina at hindi ko pa narinig na nagka girlfriend 'yan." Kibit balikat ni
Olivia.
Hindi na ako nakinig at nagpatuloy na lang sa plano ko para sa aming group work ni
Achilles. Ayaw ko rin siyang kinakausap kaya lang mukhang wala akong choice ngayong
kagrupo kami. Matatapos din naman ito pagkatapos ng tatlong linggo kaya magtitiis na lang
ako.
Lunes nang pumasok akO sa school at natanaw si Achilles sa tabi ng upuan ko. Nagtama
agad ang mga mata namin pagkapasok ko. I sighed and went straight to my chair to sit.
Tinatanaw ko siya at nakikita kong diretso lang ang tingin niya sa harap na para bang
hangin lang ako sa gilid niya. It was always that way though, I never complained.
"Hey.."I called him.
He was hesitant to look at me. Siguro dahil na rin sa huli naming sagutan.
I clearly told him that I didn't want us to talk.
"May in-assign sa atin na topics para sa reporting noong absent ka last week. Tayo ang
kinuhang partner ni Mrs. Aldana."
His brow shot up. Nilapag ko ang libro para ipakita sa kanya ang assigned topics namin.
"Isang short story 'to. Kanya kanyang research na lang. At para sa presentation, ako na ang
gagawa. Ibigay mo na lang sa akin ang ilalagay ko para hindi na problema."
Kinuha niya ang libro ko at binasa saglit. Medyo nainip pa ako dahil tahimik siya at
binabasa iyong topics. It has one short stories that we are going to discuss for the class.
"I divided the twenty guide questions. Tig sasampu tayo at kanya kanyang sagutan na lang,"
sabi ko. Il just copy your answers and make a presentation out of it."
Nagtagal pa rin ang tingin niya sa topic namin bago niya binaba ang libro.
"Sa topic na 'to, kailangan natin basahin ang sagot nating dalawa."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya.
"lisa lang ang idi-discuss natin. Related ang mga guide questions na 'to at hindi puwede na
magkaiba tayo ng pananaw sa mga sagot natin."
Napakurap-kurap ako.
"Tayong dalawa ang gumawa ng sagot para sa lahat ng tanong.
 Pagkatapos, ikumpara na lang natin ang mga sagot nating dalawa.
Kailangan nating pag-usapan ang tungkol sa mga pareho at magkaiba nating sagot, bago
gawin ang presentation."
I got his point but I didn't like the idea of interacting with him!
"At hindi ako papayag na ikaw lang ang gumawa ng presentation. Kaya kong-
"I can do it. I have the means. Why? Do you have a laptop?" agap ko.
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Kaya kong gumawa ng paraan.)
"Gumawa ng paraan, how? Makikihiram ka sa kaklase?" I smirked.
Lalong dumilim ang tingin niya.
"Ako na ang gagawa, Achilles. If you want us to consolidate the topic properly, just answer
the guide questions and I'll put it on our presentation-"
Tutulong ako sa pag gawa ng presentation-»
"Bakit pa, e hindi naman ako nanghihingi ng tulong? Hindi iyon mabigat at kaya kong-"
"Paghahatian natin ang trabaho -"
Eh, hindi ba busy ka sa work mo? Magaan na nga dapat 'yan para sa'yo na ako ang gagawa
sa presentation nating dalawa-"
"Abala ako sa trabaho ko pero ayaw kong maging dahilan pa lalo yon para magpabaya sa
pag-aaral-)
"Im just saying that-"
Tutulong ako sa pag gawa ng presentation. Ayaw kong magpaubaya pagdating sa ganitong
trabaho. Magkita na lang tayo pagkatapos nating sagutan ang guide questions at pag-
usapan natin ang tungkol doon."
I gritted my teeth when I realized that he's stubborn. Hindi ko maintindihan.
You know what? I don't get you. Ang sabi ng teacher, tulungan ka dahil struggling ka. Ayan
na nga oh? Tinutulungan ka. I can make our presentation for us. It's just a small thing-"
"Nag-aral ako sa taong 'to, ibig sabihin handa ako sa mga responsibilidad sa pag-aaral ko.
Kung hindi ko pala kayang tumulong sa mga groupwork, sana pala lumiban na ako buong
taon," he said cutting me off.
I'm just trying to make it easier for us-"
"Then you don't have to," he cut me off again.
I gritted my teeth and stopped talking. Ang totoo niyan, ayaw ko lang naman talagang
patulungin siya sa mga gagawin ko dahil ayaw kong magkita kami labas sa classroom. Wala
naman talaga akong pakialam sa trabaho niya o ano pero dahil mapilit siya, nagawa ko pa
tuloy 'yong excuse!
I don't get him. Why is it such a big deal that he helps in making the presentation for us
when it'sa small thing and I can do it? I am literally giving him a favor. Ganoon na ba
katayog ang pride niya na ayaw niyang magkaroon siya ng utang na loob sa akin?
Eh, hindi ba iritado siya sa akin? Dapat nga ay pabor pa sa kanya 'yon dahil hindi na kami
magkikita.
We have this week to answer the guide questions."
Tumango siya. "Sa weekend, magkita tayo para i-discuss iyon at gawin ang presentation.
Ugh! I hate this but I won't have a choice!
"Sa hotel namin," inunahan ko na dahil ayaw ko lalong pumunta kung saan man siya
nakatira.
He paused for a bit, as if trying to change what I just proposed.
"Hindi puwedeng sa inyo. Wala ka namang laptop at kulang sa gamit. It's more convenient
in my place."
He only sighed. I let it go, trying to tell him that I won't take a no for an answer. Maaring
may paninindigan siya kaya hindi niya ako pinagbigyan na sarilinin ang presentation
namin, pero praktikal na desisyon ang sinabi ko ngayon, dahil totoo rin namang kumpleto
kami sa gamit.
We then didn't talk for the rest of the week. Alam kong sa weekend na iyong
pinagkasunduan namin. Hindi naman siya umalma nang una naming napag-usapan kaya I
assume that he's agreed.
"May kukunin lang ako sa locker room. Babalik din ako," paalam ko sa mga kaibigan nang
naupo kami sa benches sa tapat lang ng locker rooms.
 Kailangan kong kunin ang mga notes ko para bukas. Nasagutan ko na ang midn octinng at
initaTSn lo c loolor room TON bara ic rin iOn ca mo
Kailangan kong kunin ang mga notes ko para bukas. Nasagutan ko na ang guide questions
at iniwan ko sa locker room iyon kaya isa rin iyon sa mga kukunin ko para mapag-usapan
namin ni Achilles iyon bukas.
Mainit na tanghali sa school. It's still a boring life but I've gotten used to it. I've gotten used
to the stares from the boys who all look like they want to flock to me, but couldn't, simply
because I have chaperones, from my friends down to my security. The stares from the girls
who are all judgy and insecure. Ipinagkibit ko na lang ng balikat ang mga iyon.
Lumiko ako sa banda ng locker ko nang naabutan ko si Achilles na tumigil sa pintuan ng
locker ko. He then walked to the other side, palabas na ng locker room. Sa gulat ko na
naroon siya at mukhang nakatayo sa locker ko bago pa ako nakaliko, naestatwa ako sandali.

Anong ginagawa niya sa locker ko? I was sure. I saw him standing right in front of my
locker's door. Ngumuso ako at naisip na baka sa wakas ay pumayag na siya na ako na lang
ang gagawa ng presentation. Did he slip his answers my locker so I can make us a
presentation?
Puwede niya namang iabot sa akin iyon sa classroom kaninang umaga pero dahil hindi
naman talaga maganda ang tungo namin sa isa't-isa, plausible pa rin na hinulog niya lang sa
locker ko. I sighed and walked towards my locker to open it.
Iniisip ko pa kung paano niya naman kaya nalaman ang numero ng locker ko? Well, as I've
said, I may not be very liked here but I'm pretty popular.
Maraming nakakaalam ng locker ko para maghulog ng love letters.
Kabubukas ko pa lang sa locker ko nang nahulog sa harap ko ang isang love letter. Saglit
akong natigilan habang tinatanaw ang kulay sky blue na papel sa sapatos ko. It was freshly
dropped, the reason why it dropped too when I opened the door of my locker.
Unti-unti ko 'yong pinulot at binuksan. Ang mga nagdaang love letter, hindi ko gaanong
binibigyan ng pansin. Pero sa partikular na sulat na ito, agad kong binuksan. Siguro... ay
dahil..
I looked at where Achilles Riego disappeared. I thought about things for a moment before I
checked my locker again for any newly dropped paper for the guide questions I was talking
about. Hinalughog ko iyon at nakitang wala naman doon.
Binalingan ko ulit ang love letter. Maybe this is it.. it's just written in fancy paper?
I opened it and checked to see if it is indeed his output but I realized it wasn't
Dear Maria Emilia,
Gusto ko lang malaman mo na kahit ang tingin ko'y medyo suplada ka, gandang ganda pa
rin ako sa'yo. Tuwing nagkakatinginan tayo, lagi akong kabado. That's when I realized that I
might be falling in love with you.
There are times when I want to share to you what I'm feeling, but it's just so hard to talk to
you. Hindi rin magkapareho ang estado natin at alam kong hindi mo ako tipo. Kaya
hanggang dito na lang ako sa sulat. I hope after confessing to you now, I'l feel better and I'll
get over this one-sided love.
Love, Your secret admirer
What?
Bigla akong kinabahan. Hindi ko alam kung para saan. Nag-angat ulit ako ng tingin sa kung
saan dumaan si Achilles kanina. This can't be him, right?
Impossible!
But why would he hang out near my locker? Nahuli ko siya, e!
I looked at the letter again to check what it says. Suplada ang tingin niya sa akin. So hard to
talk to me. Tuwing nagkakatinginan kami, e, hindi ba madalas nga kaming magtinginan ni
Achilles kahit hindi kami nag-uusap?
Hindi magkapareho ang estado namin at hindi ko siya tipo!
All of those clues are leading to him! Hindi pa kasali na nahuli ko siya rito.
Padarag akong naupo sa tabi ni Charlene sa benches nang bumalik ako.
Dinala ko ang love letter pero nagpasya ako na hindi ko ipabasa sa kanila, gaya ng mga dati
kong ginagawa.
 I dislike Achilles but somehow, it felt weird if I share the contents of that letter to my
friends now that I am still confused. I don't even know why
I'm confused.
"Oh, tahimik ka?" puna ni Markus nang nahuli akong tulala.
Umiling ako at determinadong itago sa kanila ang nangyari. Ngumisi siya.
(Namomroblema ka na bukas?"
"Bukas?" tanong ko, wala pa sa sarili dahil sa nangyari.
"You were complaining yesterday about your meeting with Achilles at home for your
groupwork."
I flinched a bit at the mention of Achilles' name. Agad nga lang akong nakabawi. I cleared
my throat.
"Uh, yeah. Hindi pa kami nagkakausap ulit tungkol diyan pero papayag na naman siguro
iyon. M-My... suggestion is practical. Although... i-it would be more practical if he lets me do
the whole thing."
Humalakhak si Charlene sa tabi ko. “Baka ayaw no'ng tao maging pabigat.
Alam mo na... kung ikaw lang mag-isa ang gumawa-"
"Goodness! It is hardly a burden to me. Mas burden pa nga na magkikita kami bukas, e..."
"Bakit ba galit na galit ka sa kanya?" si Olivia na nanliliit ang mga mata.
"Ang iba nga diyan, dying to see Achilles in other places other than school.
Pero hindi naman 'yon tumatanggap ng date kasi busy sa trabaho."
"It's not a date. Excuse me!" alma ko. "It's a group work."
Humalakhak si Charlene at Olivia.
"And I told you, I hate his arrogance.)
I paused and thought about his love letter.
Talaga? Baka naman gusto mo siya, pero nagpapa hard to get at nagsusuplada ka lang?" si
Olivia na ikinairita ko.
"of course, not! I'm the last person you want to accuse of that! Baka pa siya ang
nagsusuplado kasi gusto niya ako!" I said, now looking like it's true.
Hindi no'n uunahin ang mga ganyan. Gusto no'n maka graduate at makapagtrabaho ng
maayos para sa nanay niya," si Charlene.
"Well, being hardworking in life doesn't mean that you can't have feelings for someone!" I
said thinking about the love letter. Agad ko nga lang binawi. “At wala akong pakialam din
kaya huwag na nating pag-usapan ang parteng 'yan.)
Nagsimula na ang period sa hapon kaya kanya kanya na kaming pumunta sa mga classroom
namin.
Simula noong magkagalit kami ni Achilles, medyo partikular sa akin tuwing nagtatama ang
mga mata namin minsan. Pero pagkatapos kong mabasa ang love letter niya, mas lalo lang
iyong nahaluan ng kung ano.
Pakiramdam ko, tuwing nagtatama ang mga mata namin ngayon, may malisya na.
My legs wobbled a bit when our eyes met as I enter the classroom. I can't believe it! I'm
nervous! At hindi naman ako ang may gusto, siya naman!
I tried hard to act cooly as I sat beside him. He moved his chair again, like usual. Parang
ingat na ingat na huwag akong magambala. Ayaw ko na rin sanang magsalita pero
pakiramdam ko, pag nagpatalo ako sa nararamdaman kong awkwardness, hindi ko na
mababawi ang dating tungo ko sa kanya.
"By the way, bukas ah? Let's just meet after lunch. Just inform the concierge. They'll call
home then I'll go there."
Nilingon ko siya. He looked at me. The moment our eyes met, I slightly got nervous thinking
about the love letter's content!
"Okay.
Buti hindi na nakipagtalo ngayon!
Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Binalik niya naman sa harap ang titig pero nang
naramdaman na nakatingin ako, bumaling ulit siya sa akin. I immediately looked in front,
hiding the tension I'm feeling,
"So... are you done with your output?" I said without looking at him.
"0o.)
"I'm done with mine, too. You can just give your output to me. Ako na ang bahala. That's
still a good contribution so don't think that it's unfair just because I did the presentation," I
said calmly.
 "Kailangan pa rin nating pag-usapan ang kaibahan sa outputs natin para mas maganda sa
presentation at mas nagkakasundo ang ideya natin."
I cleared my throat a bit and looked at him. Nagkatinginan kami kaya agad kong binawi ang
tingin ko at tumahimik na lang.
Was it really his love letter? All the clues on that letter is pointing to him.
Ayaw ko namang diretsahan siyang tanungin tungkol doon. It shouldn't be a big deal.
Marami rin naman akong love letter na natanggap sa nagdaang mga buwan kaya bakit ko
iisipin 'yong letter niya.
I glanced at his penmanship and saw its similarities with my secret admirer's penmanship.
Nakauwi na lang ako at gumabi na, hindi pa rin natanggal sa isipan ko
'yon. Kabado tuloy ako bukas, pagpunta niya rito.
Umaga nang inayos ko ang mga sagot ko. Gusto kong reasonable ang answers ko sa guide
questions. Hindi pa nagtatanghalian, nag-ayos na rin ako. I alerted the reception to call me
if Achilles is there.
Magtatanghalian pa lang, ready na ako. Ayos na ang laptop ko, nakapagbihis na rin, at nag
light make up na.
"Miss, nasa lobby na po ang bisita n'yo," sambit ng kasambahay sa akin sa oras na
pinagkasunduan namin ni Achilles.
Bahagya akong kinabahan at tumango agad. Pinauna ko na ang mga kailangan ko at
sumunod ako agad. I'm wearing a long off shoulder white floral maxi dress, with my hair
down and clipped on the sides to emphasize the light curls I did.
I immediately noticed how ridiculous it is to prepare this way for just a meeting with
Achilles. Teka lang... nababaliw na ba ako?
Hindi naman siguro. Ganito naman talaga ako, ah? I value myself so I dress nicely all the
time, even just for this stupid meeting.
Achilles was led to the pool side table, gaya ng utos ko. Nasa harap niya na rin ang notes at
laptop ko.
Wearing a fresh white t-shirt and a dark jeans with a misplaced rugged brown shoes, he sat
on the rattan chair with an orange juice on his side when he saw me. Nasa lobby pa lang
ako, nahanap niya na ako. Saglit siyang umayos sa pagkakaupo, isang bagay na madalas
niyang gawin kapag nagkikita kami.
That explains it! Kanya nga ang love letter! Him trying to look better whenever our eyes
meet is something that an admirer would do!
Kinabahan tuloy ako lalo. Nakatingin siya sa akin habang naglalakad, pakiramdam ko
naglalakad ako sa mga ulap. Hindi ko alam saan iaapak ang mga paa ko para lang maayos
ang lakad ko.
Nang palapit na ako, mas lalo kong naramdaman ang kaba. I only masked it with my usual
annoyed and snobbish face.
"Lunch?" I asked casually.
Umiling siya. "Kumain na ako."
I nodded and opened my laptop, trying my best not to make eye contact.
Kinuha niya rin ang notebook niya at unti-unting binuksan.
"Nandito na ang mga sagot ko sa guide questions."
“Nandito na rin ang akin," sabi ko at ipinakita sa kanya ang drafts ko.
"Palit tayo. Babasahin ko 'yong sa'yo, bago tayo mag discuss."
I agreed and gave him mine. Tinanggap ko rin ang sa kanya at binasa. lilan sa mga
questions, pareho kami ng sagot. May iba nga lang na magkaiba at iyon ang sinimulan
naming pag-usapan pagkatapos basahin ng buo iyon.
Hindi nga lang akO makapag concentrate ng maayos dahil naco-conscious ako tuwing
tinititigan niya. I'd look away and read my output just to get away with his intense gaze.
And now that I know that he likes me, it's making me more nervous.
Kahit magkaiba kami ng opinion sa ibang bagay, inilagay pa rin namin iyon sa presentation
para mai-discuss na rin sa harap ng klase ang iba- ibang perspective at ideya tungkol sa
short story na naka assign.
I manipulated my laptop as he choose and rephrased what we are going to put into it. Hirap
siyang tingnan iyon sa posisyon namin kaya tumayo siya at nilapit ang upuan sa akin.
Kabado ko siyang tiningnan habang lumalapit. I know that he just wants to see the
presentation but being near him felt... weird in a different way.
 Tuwing nasusulyapan ko naman siya, nakikita kong seryoso siya sa pinag- uusapan naming
dalawa. Hindi naman ako mapakali kaya tahimik na lang habang ginagawa ang mga gusto
niyang ilagay.
"He isn't in love with her anymore," basa ni Achilles sa output niya. "It is just his nostalgia.
He didn't act on it because he is aware that he isn't in love anymore."
Habang nagtitipa ako, hindi ko napigilang huminto. By the end of the story we are
discussing, the narrator reminisced his past with a woman he didn't end up with. Doon
kami magkaiba ng pananaw. Tingin ko, gusto niya pa pero dahil marami nang nangyari sa
kani-kanilang mga buhay, alam niya na wala na ring puwang ang kung ano mang nasa
kanilang dalawa.
"How can you say that he isn't in love with her anymore?" I asked. “Para sa akin, gusto niya
pa. But it's been so long. They both have their own families and problems. It is not the time
to act on whatever he was feeling towards her because responsibility always outweighs
feelings."
Umiling si Achilles. "Inalala niya ang kung ano sila dati, pero hindi ibig sabihin noon na
gusto niya pa ito."
"Kung inalala niya, that means he still has feelings."
He shook his head again. “Thinking about the past doesn't always mean you miss it. Inalala
niya ang nakaraan dahil iniisip niya na hindi na pareho ang nararamdaman niya noon sa
ngayon. Whatever it is that he was feeling, faded through time and circumstances."
"Paano ka nakakasiguro?" nagtaas ako ng kilay. “Nagkagirlfriend ka na?
You seem so good with feelings and all."
His eyes narrowed at me.
"I think he's still in love. A person who thinks about someone else from the past couldn't
get over it. He is just caught up with all the responsibilities he now has kaya binalewala
niya na ang nararamdaman niya.
He shook his head again. “Puwede mong isipin ang nakaraan kahit wala ka nang
nararamdaman. Iyan ang ipinakita ng lalaki sa istorya."
"How are you so sure? Hindi ka pa naman nagkagirlfrien..." hindi ko tuloy napigilan na
sabihin iyong alam ko tungkol sa kanya.
His brow furrowed. He licked his lips and stared at me. Bigla kong naalala ang love letter
niya kaya hindi ko matagalan ang tinginan. At kung nagtagal man, uminit ang pisngi ko.
"Kailangan ba magka girlfriend muna bago magkaroon ng opinyon?"
I cleared my throat and sipped on my orange juice.
"Binasa ko ang istorya kaya iyon ang tingin ko. Ikaw? Nagkaboyfriend ka na kaya tingin mo
mas lamang ang opinyon mo?" nagtaas siya ng kilay.
I looked at him as if offended. I narrowed my eyes. “Why are you asking if
I've had a boyfriend?"
Kumunot lalo ang noo niya at bahagyang lumapit sa akin. “Kasi tingin mo
"yon ang basehan ng magandang opinyon.
"Of course, 'yon ang basehan. Experience is still the best teacher-"
"Kung ganoon, nagkaboyfriend ka na ba?" he cut me off with urgency.
Nagkatinginan kami. Lalo lang tumindi ang malisya para sa akin.
"W-Wel. ."
"May boyfriend ka?"" he urged with a brow up.
I feel nervous maybe because of the sprawling malice between us. I don't even like him.
Why am I affected!
"Ilan na ang naging boyfriend mo?" he urged again as if he can't wait for my answer.
"Why are you urging me to-"
"Kasi sinabi mo "yon ang basehan, hindi ba? Nagkaboyfriend ka na?"
I groaned. I find it hard to answer it. At pakiramdam ko rin ikinakahiya ko ang magiging
sagot ko.
"Hindi... pa..." I croaked.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay na para bang may mali akong nasabi. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya.
Oo, at marami akong naging manliligaw pero wala pa akong sinasagot dahil wala rin naman
akong gusto sa kanila.
"Hindi pa?" tanong niya, parang nagdududa pa.
"Oo, hindi pa!" ulit ko sa mas klarong paraan. "Maganda ako pero mataas
 ang standards ko. Hindi pumapasa ang mga nanliligaw sa akin kaya natural na wala pa
akong boyfriend.'"
He smirked. "Iyon naman pala. Pareho tayong wala."
Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. The malice that I'm feeling between us is creeping in
that I felt more awkward than ever.
"A-Ano ngayon k-kung pareho tayong wala?" I asked, a bit alarmed that we are having this
conversation.
Nagtaas ulit siya ng kilay at biglang binagsak ang tingin sa laptop ko.
"A-Ano ngayon k-kung pareho tayong wala?" I asked, a bit alarmed that we are having this
conversation.
"Parehong walang kuwenta ang opinyon natin. Ilagay mo na lang sa presentation at pareho
nating i-discuss ang mga iyon sa reporting," he said.

Kabanata 5
558
82
Kabanata 5
Slave
I was busy organizing our presentation while he organized our paper.
Napapasulyap ako sa kanya minsan kapag nararamdaman kong galing din siya sa pagtingin
sa akin. Then it would bother me knowing that he sent me a love letter. May malisya na ang
lahat ng ginagawa niya para sa akin.
It's ridiculous to feel awkward this way. Wala naman akong gusto sa kanya kaya bakit ako
maiilang? Hindi ba siya ang may gusto sa akin? He should be the one that's bothered.
"Okay na 'to," aniya nang nakita ang ginawa ko na presentation. "Maayos at maganda na.'
I smirked and nodded. But of course, he'd say that. He wants to please me.
Kumain ka muna," sabi ko dahil kanina pa naka serve ang snacks namin pero abala siya sa
ginagawa kaya hindi niya na pinapansin ito.
"Busog pa naman ako," sagot niya.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. Pati ba dito, ma pride siya? I leaned on the table.
Abala siya sa mga notes namin pero dahil sa ginawa ko, nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin.
"That's why we are here in my place because it's comfortable and I have food. Kaya mag
break na muna tayo at magpahinga saglit."
Kumunot ang noo ni Achilles at binaba ang papel na hawak. "Kung sa amin tayo, may
pagkain din akong maibibigay at sisiguraduhin ko ring kumportable ang lugar kung saan
tayo mag-aaral."
"Saan ba ang inyo?" I asked.
"Sa baranggay katabi ng hotel n'yo. May upuan kami malapit sa dalampasigan, doon ako
nag-aaral. At marunong akong magluto kaya may pagkain din akong maibibigay, kung 'yon
ang inaalala mo."
Nagkibit ako ng balikat at kumain na lang ng cake ko. “But our hotel is still better."
Nagkatinginan kami. I was about to say more when I heard a call.
"Marem!"
Nilingon ko ang bukana papasok sa lobby ng hotel at natanaw ko si Mama.
Hindi ko namalayan na nakauwi siya. O masyado akong abala sa nagdaang mga oras sa
ginagawa namin ni Achilles na hindi ko narinig ang pagdating ng chopper.
Hindi pa siya nakakapagbihis. Nanatili siyang nakatayo sa bukana, tanaw kami ni Achilles. I
expected her to come near us but she remained standing there watching us like frozen
statue.
Achilles stood and greeted.
"Magandang hapon po."
I lazily stood as well. Unti-unti akong lumapit kay Mama dahil mukhang wala siyang
planong lumapit.
"Mama," I said and glanced at Achilles who remained standing for my mom's greeting.
Nagtagal ang tingin ni Mama kay Achilles bago niya ako binalingan.
Nakalapit na ako para makabati.
 "Hindi ko napansin na nakauwi po kayo. Si Achilles, ka grupo ko. Gumawa po kami ng
presentation para-"
"Doon na tayo sa opisina mag-usap," aniya at tumingin muna kay Achilles bago ibinalik sa
akin ang mga mata.
She then walked to the lobby. Bumaling ako kay Achilles saglit bago tuluyang lumakad para
sundan si Mama. Kinabahan ako ng kaunti.
Pakiramdam ko may masamang nangyari kaya niya ako kakausapin sa opisina ngayon.
Pumasok kami sa opisina sa unang palapag. Inunahan kO na siya dahil sa kaba.
"May problema po ba? Si Papa?" I asked.
"Nagpapahinga ang Papa mo, aniya at binalingan ako, nasa harap siya ng lamesa.
She then crossed her arms. I was about to ask more when she spoke.
"Kaklase mo 'yon?"
"Opo."
Lalo lang kumunot ang noo ni Mama. "He's older than you."
Una kong naisip kung paano nalaman ni Mama iyon. Achilles looked mature pero hindi
naman ganoon kalaki ang agwat namin para mapuna niya iyon.
They say he stopped schooling some time kaya... na behind siya sa batch niya."
Nanatili ang kunot ng noo ni Mama sa akin. Hindi ko tuloy maintindihan kung bakit.
"Ka grupo kayo? Kayong dalawa lang?"
"Yes. Well, technically partners-"
"Did you choose each other to be groupmates, then?"
I paused because her questions are getting weirder. Naghintay naman si mama ng sagot kO
na para bang sobrang importante noon.
"No. In-assign lang kami ng teacher-»
"The designer of your gown for the party this coming summer vacation will come here
tomorrow, Marem.'
Nalito ako sa sinabi niya. Matagal bago ko naalala na may party nga pala na sinasabi si
Mama para sa amin ni Adler Hidalgo. Gusto nilang ireto kaming dalawa no'n.
"But Mama, hindi ba sabi ko -_"
“No buts, Marem! You are going to meet him in this party! Minsan lang magpa unlak ang
mga Hidalgo kaya karangalan ito ngayon. This is why we are speeding up the renovation for
the casino because of that party."
I groaned and started to feel unfair again.
"Inuwi n'yo na nga ako sa boring place na 'to, pipilitin n'yo pa ako sa lalaking hindi ko
gusto!"
"Bakit? Sino ba ang gusto mno?" she said sounding so alarmed.
Litong lito ako kung bakit parang galit na galit si Mama. Hindi ako agad nakapagsalita. Alam
kong importante para sa kanya iyong party para sa mga Hidalgo pero parang masyadong
nakakaalarma ang reaksiyon niya.
('Yong lalaking 'yon, Maria Emilia? Don't tell me you like that boy?!"
"W-What? Of course not!"
"Then, why are you with him? At bakit ayaw mo sa party ng mga
Hidalgo?"
Litong lito pa rin ako. Nasabi ko na ang mga dahilan ko pero parang hindi nakuha ni Mama
iyon kanina.
"I told you, we were assigned as partners kaya kami magkasama. At ayaw ko naman talaga
sa party ng mga Hidalgo kahit noon pa. Ayaw ko ng nirereto ako at pinapangunahan!"
iritado kong sinabi.
"You have no choice but to go to the party and meet Vince. Bukas, papupuntahin ko ang
designer ng magiging suot mo. It's going to be a grand party so I am expecting you to be in
your best behavior."
"Why am I being forced to so many things? At mga hinihinging pabor ko, kahit pag-uwi na
lang sa Manila, hindi n'yo pa ako pinapayagan?"
To be here is a good decision for you, Maria Emilia. Look at you now, you're living a simple
life and thriving here quietly. Ganoon dapat. Just continue to be a good girl here... be friends
with... the right people... and you will go back to Manila in time."
 Bad trip ako sa usapan namin ni Mama. I should be happy na umuwi sila ni
Papa ngayon dahil minsan lang sila umuuwi pero sa usapan namin kanina, naiirita na
naman ako.
Bakit ba lagi na lang akong pinipilit? Hindi naman ganoon ka lala ang naging kasalanan ko
sa Manila para manatili rito ng ilan pang taon. At isa pa, bakit pinipilit niya ako kay Vince
Hidalgo? Yes, he is rich and good looking but for goodness' sake, we have nothing in
common. I can't relate to him. He's older than me of many years and I heard he's also a
snob.
Kung pareho kaming snob, ano na ang mangyayari?
To be here is a good decision for me?I hardly think so. I only settled for my friends because
I have no choice. Kung papipiliin pa rin ako, mas pipiliin kong umuwi sa Maynila.
Padabog akong nag martsa pabalik sa kung nasaan si Achilles. Achilles was already done
and waiting for me. Nagtama ang tingin namin at natanaw ko siyang umayos sa
pagkakaupo. I almost rolled my eyes at him for looking like a love sick puppy. Ngayong
alam kong may gusto siya sa akin, hindi ko mapigilang bigyan ng kahulugan lahat ng
ginagawa niya.
"Sorry about that. "
"Okay lang. Tapos na ako sa notes."
I nodded and looked at our papers. Babasahin ko sana pero natanaw ko si
Mama na nakatanaw sa amin. Achilles noticed it too. Pareho naming tinanaw si Mama sa
loob ng lobby. Achilles then cleared his throat.
"Nabasa ko na rin ang presentation. Mukhang okay na 'yon," aniya.
Sinulyapan ko ang laptop at nakita na patapos na rin naman ako sa ginagawa.
"Uuwi na ako para makapagpahinga ka. Tapos na rin naman ang group work natin," aniya.
Tumango ako at bumuntonghininga. "Okay. Thanks for the help.." wala sa sarili kong
sambit.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya at natanaw ko ang makahulugang tingin sa mga mata
niya. It was as if he's not used to me being nice that he couldn't stop staring at me.
"What is it?" I asked, my face heated a bit because of his gaze.
There was a ghost of a smile on his lips as he shook his head.
"Hindi pa ba kayo tapos?" biglang nagsalita si Mama.
Hindi ko namalayan na nasa bukana ulit siya at nakatunghay sa amin.
Mabilis na nagligpit si Achilles at kalaunan tumayo na rin.
"Tapos na, Mama, " sabi ko at tumayo na rin kasabayan ni Achilles.
Mama nodded and looked at Achilles again.
"Mauna na po ako," si Achilles sabay tingin kay Mama. He then looked at me. “Aayusin ko na
lang din ang notes para sa Lunes, kung may idadagdag pa."
I nodded.
Pinagmasdan ko ang pag-alis ni Achilles. Iniisip ko pang ihatid siya palabas sa lobby pero
dahil medyo awkward, hindi na ako nag offer.
Sinundan nga lang siya ng tingin ni Mama hanggang sa tuluyan na itong nakaalis sa lugar.
Kinabukasan, tumuloy nga ang designer na sinabi ni Mama. Wala ako sa mood habang
pinag-uusapan ang magiging damit ko at magiging flow ng party.
Somehow, the Hidalgos are so sought after that it's not just our family who offered a party
for them just to meet the daughter or the heiress of the family. Naniniwala ang pamilya nila
sa marriage for convenience. My father don't believe that but it's my Mom's family who are
advocate for it.
"Bakit hindi mo kausapin ang Papa mo? Sabi mo, hindi siya gaanong naniniwala doon?" si
Olivia nang ikuwento ko sa kanila ang tungkol doon sa sumunod na linggo.
I sighed. "Si Mama ang nasusunod pagdating sa kalakaran sa bahay. My father is too busy
with his job, that he won't care."
Markus chuckled. Baka naman wala lang din 'yan. Just go to the party. I heard Vince Hidalgo
is also paired up with Mariana Zaldarriaga. Kaya wala rin 'yan..."
Kumunot ang noo ko nang banggitin ni Markus iyon. Mariana Zaldarriaga is the sheltered
daughter of my Uncle Conrado. Hindi ko maalala kung
 nagkita na ba kami ni Mariana pero nakita ko na ang dalawang nakatatandang kapatid niya
na si Ambrose at Amadeus Zaldarriaga.
Although my mother grew up with Uncle Conrado and Tita Domitilla, she is not very close
to them. To Tito Conrado, mainly because she doesn't really like Tita Jimena. And to Tita
Domitilla, somehow they have a misunderstanding that I didn't know of.
Naiintindihan ko kung bakit ayaw ni Mama kay Tita Jimena. Kay Tita
Domitilla naman, hindi. I find Tita Domitilla very kind. She may be strict at times and a bit
prideful, but I thinkit's just her nature. Si Mama itong hindi ko maintindihan.
Wala lang naman talaga 'to. Napilit ako ni Mama na umuwi rito para mag-aral pero
sumusobra na kung pipilitin niya pa ako sa lalaking magugustuhan ko."
Charlene chuckled. "Bakit? May gusto ka bang iba kaya mo tinatanggihan si Vince Hidalgo?"

I rolled my eyes. Wala. But then I'm sure I'll find a man I'd like in the future and it's not
going to be my mother's choice for me."
"Kumusta nga pala ang presentationn'yo ni Achilles?" si Charlene.
I paused when I remembered it.
Naging madali lang ang presentation namin ni Achilles. Tahimik ang mga kaklase namin
nang tinawag kami ng teacher para i-report ang topic namin sa araw na iyon. Handang
handa kami pareho at organized naman kahit paano ang presentation.
I smirked when I remembered more. Siyempre, bumida na naman ang feeling matalino
kong classmate na si Jessie. Hindi ko pa nakakalimutan ang nangyari noon sa canteen at
iniwasan ko sila simula noon. Ganoon din naman sila sa akin pero hindi niya pinalagpas ang
presentation.
"I have a question," she raised her hand after the presentation.
Our teacher called her. Iritado na ako, hindi pa niya naitatanong ang tanong niya.
(The story clearly infered that the narrator is not in love with the second party. Why is your
presentation saying that he still is?"
Alam kong ang opinyon ko ang inaatake niya kaya ako na ang nagsalita.
"It is another way of interpreting the narrator's feelings from outside the box, as a reader,"
sagot ko.
Tumango ang teacher namin, bilib na bilib sa sagot ko samantalang mukhang hindi naman
kumbinsido si Jessie.
“No. I think the author has a certain message for the story. Hindi mo lang naintindihan 'yon
at gumawa ka ng sarili mong opinion. I think Achilles gets the story while you are creating a
different version."
Nagngingitngit, pakiramdam ko hindi ko siya masasagot ng tama dahil sa iritasyon. My
mouth opened to speak but I couldn't gather my thoughts for any answer. Tama nga naman
siya. Although, I stand by my opinion. From the title down to the words used, it is clear that
what the author meant was that it was only a fleeting feeling that the narrator revisits in
present time.
He isn't in love anymore. Tama si Achilles. Kaya lang hindi ko maamin iyon. Hindi ako
makapagsalita.
Si Achilles tuloy ang nagsalita.
"The whole presentation is both our interpretation to the story. So I think
Miss Galvez's opinion is still valid as it is another interpretation of the story. After all, it is
the topic for this subject, our own interpretation for all the short stories given to us."
Napakibit nang balikat si Jessie at kalaunan ay tumango.
"Thank you, Achilles," si Jessie sabay sulyap sa akin, puno ng insulto ang tingin.
Iritado ako dahil hindi ako nakasagot pero mas iritado ako sa titig ni Jessie sa akin na
punong punog ng pang-iinsulto. Achilles looked at me and nodded, as if trying to calm me
down. Siguro ay halatang halata sa mukha ko ang iritasyon.
Sa huli, pinuri kami ng teacher namin at binigyan ng malaking marka. She was so proud of
how we defended and presented our piece that she wanted a copy of our work and
presentation.
"Miss Galvez and Mr. Riego, please send your outputs on the faculty room.
Pakihintay lang ako doon, may short meeting pa ako," ang teacher namin
 bago d-in-ismiss ang klase.
Kinuha ko ang mga digital outputs ko, samantalang kinuha rin ni Achilles ang mga notes.
Nagsialisan na ang ibang kaklase pero mas marami ang lumapit kay Achilles para mag
congratulated.
"Hula ko, exempted kayo sa exams. Mukhang impressed na impressed si
Mrs. Aldana!" lapit ng isa.
Nagpatuloy ako sa pagmamaniubra at pagdo-double check ng presentation.
"Congrats! Ang galing! Sana tayo 'yong nag partner! For sure malaki ang grade pag kasama
ka, Achilles!"
"Oo nga! Yong sa laboratory mo rin, ang taas ng marka mo! Nakita ko, ikaw ang highest!"
Tahimik lang naman akong nag-aayos ng gamit nang biglang sumulpot si
Jessie sa harapan ko. Humalukipkip siya at ngumisi.
"Suwerte mo, ah? Eh, mali naman ang interpretation mo. Si Achilles ang tama. Nasagip ka
lang niya," she said.
I tilted my head and smiled sarcastically. "May reklamo ka? Why don't you direct your
problem to Mrs. Aldana. I presented my piece and if you think it's wrong, she should've
given me a failing mark."
"Hindi ka niya mabibigyan ng mababang marka dahil group work. Eh, malaki ang marka ni
Achilles kaya tinangay ka lang no'n-"
"Jessie, tama na," si Achilles galing sa likod ni Jessie.
I gritted my teeth and remembered what happened back in the canteen involving Jessie and
Achilles. Milagro na pinagtatanggol ako ni Achilles ngayon, e sa canteen naman ako pa ang
binasa niya kahit hindi ko kasalanan.
"Eh, totoo naman. Muntik ka pa nga'ng mapahamak dahil sa wrong interpretation ni Miss
Spoiled Brat, e."
Wala namang maling interprestasyon. At si Mrs. Aldana lang ang makakapagsabi no'n kaya
hindi naman totoo ang sinasabi mo," si Achilles.
"Naniwala lang si MMI.. Aldana dahil sa sagot mo sa tanong ko, Achilles. Ni hindi nga
masagot ni Marem 'yong tanong ko-"
"Gaya ng sabi mo, group work 'to. Kung ako ang walang maisasagot, puwede niya rin akong
tulungan sa isasagot. Kaya pareho kami ng marka at pareho rin naman naming
pinaghirapan 'to. It's just fair," he said.
Natigil si Jessie at bumaling pa muna sa akin bago nagtawag ng mga kaibigan para umalis.
Pero bago sila umalis,, pinuri nila ulit si Achilles at nagyaya pa ng outing para sa nalalapit
na bakasyon.
Annoyed with my classmates again, I started walking out of the classroom to go to the
faculty where Mrs. Aldana is. Hindi kO na hinintay si Achilles kahit na kaming dalawa
naman ang pinatawag ng teacher dahil ayaw kong makasalamuha pa ang mga kaklase.
Paliko na ako sa hagdanan nang narinig ko ang paghabol niya. I glanced at him before
starting the stairs.
"Pasensiya ka na sa kanila," aniya at sinabayan alko sa paglalakad.
Taas noo akong naglakad kahit ganoon ang nangyari. I was annoyed but I won't let anyone
get under my skin like that.
"I'm used to Jessie doing that. At buti pinagtanggol mo na ako ngayon, hindi gaya noon na
ako pa ang sinabuyan mo ng tubig?" hindi ko nga lang mapigilan ang pait sa huling sinabi
ko.
Hindi ko sinasadya 'yon. Gusto lang kitang pigilan na gawin iyon sa kanila-
They started it. They laughed at mne so they deserve it!" sabi ko nang inalala ulit iyon.
Achilles shook his head. “Hindi na dapat pinapatulan pa ang ganyan. At imbes na pisikal mo
silang sasaktan, puwede namang pagsabihan."
"Hindi ko sila sasaktan!" sabi ko at humarap sa kanya.
Nagulat siya sa pagharap ko. "Sasabuyan mo sila ng tubig noon, 'di ba?"
"Oo. But that's hardly painful, Achilles. Wala namang nalulunod sa pagsabuy ng tubig, e!"
His lips twisted and paused a bit, as if thinking. “Pero pisikal pa rin iyon na... balik. "
Umirap ako at nagpatuloy na lang sa paglalakad.
I'm sorry kung tingin mo pinanigan ko sila noon. Hindi ko lang din alam
 kung ano talaga ang nangyari at ang alam ko lang, mali na lumaban sa ganoong paraan.'"
Umirap ulit ako. I guess we could bury that one now. Ang mahalaga, he defended me a
while ago. Hindi na ako nagsalita at nakalapit na kami sa pintuan ng faculty room.
Sarado iyon at natanaw namin ang laminated sign na naroon.
"Closed for a brief meeting," sabi ko habang binabasa ang karatula.
"Maghintay na lang daw tayo sabi ni Mrs. Aldana."
I nodded and went to the wall to lean my back on it. Nanatili si Achilles sa pintuan, binabasa
ang iilang schedule na naroon. Hawak ko ang iilang aklat at bag sa dalawang kamay ko
habang pinagmamasdan siya. Umirap ulit ako nang naalala kung paano niya ako
pinagtanggol kanina. I don't know now if he believed what he said or he's just really trying
to impress me since he likes me.
Lumapit si Achilles sa akin. I'm backed against the wall while he's in front of me. Tiningnan
ko rin ang mga dala niyang libro at isang lumang messenger bag. Mas maraming libro ang
dala niya kaya napuna ko iyon.
"Hindi mo ba 'yan ilalagay sa locker mo?" I said without thinking about it
SC much.
Umiling siya. "Wala akong locker."
Napakurapkurap ako nang narinig iyon. Mas lalo tuloy akong nakumbinsi na tama nga ang
hinala ko! Siya nga ang naghulog ng love letter sa locker ko! Why else would he be there if
he didn't have any locker.
Remembering the love letter now, I felt awkward. Lalo na dahil natahimik kaming dalawa. I
cleared my throat to divert whatever our silence meant.
"Ang sakit ng paa ko. Baka abutin tayo rito ng thirty minutes sa paghihintay. Kanina pa tayo
sa presentation nakatayo, whole period!" reklamo ko.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay at bumaba ang tingin niya sa mga sapatos ko. I lifted one foot up to
show that I am aching. Masakit naman ang paa ko pero hindi sapat para magreklamo ako
ng matindi. Talagang ayaw ko lang na tahimik kami habang naaalala ko na may gusto siya
sa akin.
Nilingon ko siya nang natanaw na lumayo ng kaunti.
(Saan ka pupunta?" tanong ko dahil hindi siya nagpaalam.
Nakita kong pumasok siya sa isang malapit at walang taong classroom.
Lumabas siya na may dala nang isang arm chair. Namilog ang mga mata ko at walang
kahirap hirap niyang dinala iyon sa tabi ko.
"p-Puwede ba 'yan?"
"Nanghihiram lang naman tayo. Isosoli ko 'yan mamaya," aniya.
My lips parted. Gusto kong magreklamo. Gusto kong ibalik niya iyon doon pero parang ang
awkward kung makikipagtalo na. Dumoble pa nga ang pagkakailang ko dahil nag effort siya
na kumuha ng upuan para sa akin.
"Iyong sa'yo?" I asked hesitantly.
Why am I asking, anyway? Hindi ba wala naman akong pakialam sa kanya?
I'm confused on how to react that I couldn't even think straight.
"Okay lang ako na nakatayo. Sanay na ako," sabi ko.
Makikipagtalo pa sana ako sa kanya pero na-realize ko na masyado naman yata akong
mabait. Hindi naman ako ganito sa kanya noon. Hindi ba ayaw ko nga sa kanya? E, ang bait
niya na sa akin ngayon. Well, it's understandable because he likes me. Hindi ba
pinagtanggol ka rin niya kanina kasi gusto ka niya?
Ano nga ba ang reaksiyon ni Maria Emilia sa ganito? Ah! Selfishly take the chair and forget
about Achilles! Iyon ang normal na gawain ko kung hindi lang ako nalilito ngayon.
I sat on the chair without a word. Hindi rin naman siya nagsalita at pinagmasdan lang ako
na naglalagay ng gamit sa armrest. I sighed and started flipping my hair. Dahil yata sa kaba
ko sa nangyayari, pinagpapawisan na ako. Dumidikit ang buhok ko sa pawis ko sa leeg kaya
inabala ko ang sarili ko sa pagtatanggal ng buhok ko doon.
Napatingin ako kay Achilles. His brow was up as he gazed at what I was doing.
"Mainit," I explained.
Nagulat ako nang bigla niyang ipinakita ang mga notes niya sa harap ko.
 Bumagsak ang mga mata ko doon.
"Anong gagawin ko diyan?" tanong ko sabay tingin sa kanya.
He smirked and started making a fan out of our notes. Pinaypayan niya ako habang
naiinitan. My lips parted and my face heated more when I realized he's being...
"Ako na.." sabi ko sabay kuha sa notes at ako na mismo ang pumaypay sa sarili.
Hindi na ako makatingin sa kanya. Tahimik kami ng ilang sandali.
Nakatayo lang siya at ngayon, sinusubukan na ihilig ang likod sa dingding.
Fifteen minutes have probably passed when I got tired of our silence in that corridor.
Gutom na ako at hindi pa rin nagbubukas ang pintuan ng faculty.
I sighed and looked at the corridor.
"Ang layo pa naman ng canteen dito. Sana pala pumunta muna ako roon," sambit ko.
"Bakit? May bibilhin ka?" Achilles asked.
"Gutom na ako," sabi ko at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya habang pinapaypayan ang sarili.
"Ano'ng gusto mo? Dito ka na lang, maghintay at baka bumukas na rin ang faculty. Ako na
ang bibili," he said.
My lips parted again and my face heated once more. Pakiramdam ko habang tumatagal
lalong lumala ang malisyang nararamdaman ko. Kung hindi ko lang nagigising ang sarili ko
sa maruming iniisip, baka kanina pa ako natameme
So? Ano ngayon kung may gusto siya sa'yo, Maria Emilia? You're not affected! You were
never affected by those boys who like you, right? So what if he offers to buy you food?
I opened my wallet for a spare change and I found a hundred bill.
"Soft drinks and any junk food will do," sabi ko at unti-unting binunot ang one hundred
peso bill sa wallet ko.
Baka walang sukli niyan. Ako na ang bibili," si Achilles at bago pa ako makapag protesta,
umalis na siya roon.
It took him five minutes. Nakabalik din siya agad na may dalang banana cue at orange juice.

Walang soft drinks at... junk food?" I ask, tinatanggap ang binili niya.
Umiling siya. “Mas okay 'yan kasi mas healthy. Gutom ka, di ba? Kaya dapat ganyan ang
kinakain, hindi junk food at soft drinks."
My eyes stayed with him. Hindi nga lang ako naiirita pero sinubukan kong ipakita sa kanya
na iritado ako. He then chuckled.
Kainin mo na," aniya at napansin kong wala siyang dala para sa sarili.
"Magkano? Magbabayad ako."
He shook his head. "Huwag na. Libre ko na."
The malice on my head intensified. I gritted my teeth, determined to pay him back.
"Hindi na. Babayaran kita-"
"Huwag na. Isipin mo na lang na quits na tayo, kumain ako sa hotel n'yo, nilibre kita. Okay
na?" he said and smiled.
Kinunot ko ang noo ko at matagal bago naalalang magtaray. Bakit nga ba ako namimilit na
bayaran siya? So what? I'm not affected. I'm naturally mean so...
"Alright," sabi ko at nagsimula na lang na kumain, binalewala siya at ang ano mang
pagkakailang ang nararamdaman ko.
"Achilles, nandito ka lang pala!" I heard some of the higher level girls who passed by the
corridor where we are. "Tinawag kita kanina sa canteen, kaso nagmamadali kang umalis."
Grupo ng mga babae at lalaki iyon at mukhang may sadya rin sa faculty.
Nasulyapan nila akong nakaupo roon at kumakain. Hindi ko na sila pinansin.
"Oh? Hindi ko napansin."
"Nagmamadali ka, e. Kaya.."
"Hindi pala sa'yo 'yong binili mong pagkain," someone said that.
Napasulyap ako sa grupo nila habang kumakain ako. Nakita kong may pagdududa sa mga
tingin nila sa akin, kahit iyong mga lalaki.
(Naku, Achilles... inaalipin ka ba-" I heard a guy chuckled but his voice got
 muffled by the girl he's with, tila ba takot silang marinig ko kung ano ang tingin nila sa
akin.
I sighed and just sipped on my orange juice.
"Ah, hindi. Hinihintay lang namin ni Marem si Mrs. Aldana. Binilhan ko lang ng pagkain kasi
gutom na." Achilles explained.
(Sigurado ka?" punong puno ng concern at pagdududa ang iba sa kanila.
I glared at them again. Ano ba ang tingin ng mga 'to sa akin? Oo at hindi naman din
kagandahan ang ugali ko pero bakit ko aalipinin si Achilles?
"Are you insinuating that I am making him my slave?!" I said, annoyed now thatI can hear
how they are talking behind my back.
Agad na pumagitna si Achilles. Tinabunan niya ng katawan niya ang tingin ko sa mga
naroon.
Tama na," he said calmly.
"Ano'ng tama na? I never asked you to buy me this. Nagkusa ka kaya bakit parang inaalipin
kita?" I said in an annoyed tone.
Achilles' lips twisted again and he faced the other students.
"Ano'ng tama na? I never asked you to buy me this. Nagkusa ka kaya bakit parang inaalipin
kita?" I said in an annoyed tone.
"Hindi niya ako inaalipin. Talagang binilhan ko lang siya ng pagkain kasi nagugutom na sa
kahihintay kay Mrs. Aldana."
Sinubukan kong tingnan ang mga kaibigan niya. I glared at all of them while they nodded
and stayed silent after Achilles' explanation. Binalingan ulit ako ni Achilles at nang nakitang
nakagawa ako ng paraan para pukulin silang lahat ng mariin na tingin ay muli niyang
tinabunan iyon gamit ang katav awan.
"I'm sorry, okay? Mali lang ang iniisip nila. Hindi mo naman ako inaalipin.
Kusa 'yon dahil gusto kong bilhan ka ng pagkain.. dahil gutom ka na," he said in a calm
voice.
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"Ano 'tong sinasabi nila na inaalipin mo raw si Achilles?" si Charlene habang naglalakad
kami.
Iyon nga ang usap-usapan ng mga classmates namin simula noong nangyari sa faculty.
Hindi na rin ako nagulat na kumalat sa buong campus iyon.
"0o nga raw. Iyon ang sabi-sabi," si Olivia.
I groaned and faced them. Yakap ang mga libro habang nakasunod sila sa akin, umirap ako.
"Totoo ba 'yon?" Ngumisi si Charlene. "At ano naman ang pinantakot mo sa kanya?
Ipapatanggal mo sa trabaho niya kung hindi pumayag na magpaalipin?"
Puwede ba? Ano namang pakialam ko sa trabaho niya? At ano ang mapapala ko kung
aalipinin ko siya?"
Nagkibit ng balikat si Olivia.
Natawa naman si Markus. "So ano pa ba ang dahilan kung bakit mo napapasunod iyon? I
know his being a gentleman but really? Nilibre ka ng pagkain sa canteen? Gentleman 'yon
pero kapos pa rin sa pera-"
You guys keep on judging me when I honestly didn't do anything," sambit ko.
Hindi ako makapaniwala na kahit ang mga kaibigan ko ay pinagdududahan pa ang mga
nangyari at inisip kaagad na may ginawa akong pang- aalipusta. Ayaw ko na sanang
banggitin pa ito pero at this rate, they will conclude that I am terrorizing Achilles Riego
when I'm not.
"Kaya ano nga?" si Charlene. "Marami naman iyong malapit na kaibigan pero-"
I cut her off to drop the bomb. "I don't know. Maybe he likes me or something?"
Natahimik ang tatlo at nagtagal ang tingin sa akin. Unti-unting sumilay ang ngisi ni Markus
samantalang pumait ang mukha nI Charlene at Olivia.
"He likes you?" Olivia echoed.
"Im not saying that he does..." I smiled confidently. "I'm saying that could be a reason.
 Unti-unti silang nagtawanan. Napawi naman ang ngiti ko habang pinagmamasdan silang
ganoon. Para bang may sinabi akong joke kaya hindi nila maseryoso.
"Magkakagusto sa'yo si Achilles?" si Charlene.
Markus snorted. "That could be. Marem is pretty."
"Bukod sa pangit ang nauna n'yong impression, hindi iyon basta bastang nagkakagusto
kahit pa gaano kaganda."
Tumawa ulit si Olivia. “At for sure, dahil pinatanggal mo siya noon sa mga
Mercadejas, turned off na 'yon. It was a long time ago but he must've taken that personally.
After all, his mother is sick and he needs the money.
Work is precious for him."
"Oh please, that was a long time ago. Limot niya na siguro iyon-"
Nagpatuloy sa pagtatawanan sina Charlene at Olivia na para bang hindi pa tapos ang joke
ko.
I gritted my teeth. Why do they act like it's impossible? Para bang hindi kapanipaniwala na
gusto ako ni Achilles o kahit crush man lang? Iyon naman ang totoo, ah? He even resorted
to sending a corny love letter for me,
Habang nagtatawanan sila, gustong gusto ko nang ipakita ang love letter na nakuha ko sa
locker. Kung hindi ko lang gustong pangalagaan ang privacy ni Achilles ay baka pinabasa ko
na sa kanila.
"You guys should stop it," si Markus na siya lang matino sa tatlo.
"Pasensiya ka na, Marem. Madalas kasi si Achilles sa mga party ng
Mercadejas o sa amin man, naninilbihan. At marami nga'ng sinusubukan siyang kausapin
na mga bisitang puro magaganda at mayayaman pero wala sa kanila ang nabigyan niya ng
interes, kaya siguro hindi makapaniwala si Charlene at Olivia."
"0o. May isang beses na kinausap iyon ng pinsan ni Charlene sa party ng mga Mercadejas.
Nandoon siya para maging waiter. Inaya pa sa kuwarto at pinangalkuan ng posisyon at
trabaho sa Manilao saan man niya gusto, hindi pumayag si Achilles."
"Well, maybe she's just not his type-"
"And you are?" dugtong ni Charlene.
Iritado man ako pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko sa pakikipagtalo. Kung ayaw nilang
maniwala na maaari ngang ganoon, edi huwag. Hindi ko na sila pipilitin. Ang importante
alam ko ang totoo.
"Thanks," I snobbishly said to Achilles after reaching for my papers for me.
Nilapag ko iyon sa lamesa ko at nakita ang mga marka ko. Siya ang kumukuha sa mga papel
ko madalas lalo na tuwing magkasunod kami ng marka. Hindi ko na kailangang pumunta sa
harap para kunin iyon.
It only intensified the rumors about me making him my slave or something. After a short
holiday vacation, nagkaroon ulit kami ng groupings.
By pair. You can choose your partner, sambit ng guro.
Iyon ang pinaka ayaw ko sa lahat ng groupings.
"Achilles, tayo!" sabi nang isa sa mga lalaking kaklase.
Tumahimik ka nga, Paul. Kami na ni Achilles!" si Jessie naman.
Marami pang nag-aagawan kay Achilles samantalang gaya ng dati, namumulubi na naman
ako sa partner. I started looking at my classmates.
I don't memorize them but they are somehow familiar. Ginawa ko iyon para mahanap kung
sino ang absent dahil nasisiguro kong iyon ang magiging kaparehas ko kung sakaling
matapos ang period at wala pa rin akong makuhang partner.
"May partner ka na?" Achilless asked as I was mentally thinking about the absent bunch.
Nilingon ko siya at nagtaas ng kilay. Nagtatalo pa sina Jessie tungkol sa partner ni Achilles.
"Wala pa. I'm guessing it's one of those who are absent. Sino nga 'yong katabi ni Paul?
Absent 'yon," patulong ko dahil hindi ko maalala ang pangalan ng kaklase.
Kung gusto mo, tayo na lang ang mag partner."
Napabaling ako agad kay Achilles. Alam kong may gusto siya sa akin pero hindi ko inasahan
na magiging ganito siya ka agresibo ngayon.
 "But Jessie and some of our classmates want you as their partner," sabi ko.
He smirked. "Para wala nang away."
Gusto kong mainsulto sa sinabi niya. Gagawin niya lang akong partner para hindi mag-away
ang mga kaklase? Iyon nga ba talaga? Bakit hindi ako convinced na iyon ang dahilan niya. I
feel like he actually wants me as his partner for himself.
"Ikaw ang bahala."
He smiled and nodded before he took out a piece of paper to write our name on it. Nilingon
niya sina Jessie, pagkatapos ipasa ang papel.
"Kami na ni Marem ang partner. Maghanap na lang kayo ng iba."
Natahimik sina Jessie sa gulat at napatingin sila sa akin. Para tuloy mas lalo lang dumagdag
iyon sa usap usapan na inaalipin ko si Achilles.
I shouldn't mind it. I am more than what they think I am. Hinayaan ko iyon kahit pa
mismong sina Olivia at Charlene ganoon ang iniisip.
Hindi naman kasing bigat ng huling grouping ang bagong assigned sa amin. It was a
laboratory pairing and we will have a moving paired exam next week. Kailangan lang
naming mag meet para ma-establish ang teamwork at group study.
Like the first one, I tried my best to look good that weekend. Magkikita kami ni Achilles sa
hotel para mag-aral. Hindi ako pumayag na sa kanila mag-aral at siguro nasanay na rin siya
na roon sa amin ang venue.
This could highly affect our final grade, right?" tanong ko nang naalala na huling buwan na
iyon sa school year na iyon.
"Oo," si Achilles pagkatapos ibalik ang notes ko.
He then pointed at something.
"Mali 'to," he said.
Kumunot ang noo ko at binasa ang notes ko. Kinumpara ko iyon sa libro at tama nga siya. I
nodded as he explained where I was wrong. Then he proceeded to cleanly erase some
information on my notes and wrote the correct one in a nice penmanship.
I cleared my throat as I lifted my eyes on him. He looked so serious as he started explaining
more. Tumango lang ako habang nakikinig, at huli na nang natanto kong wala ako gaanong
naintindihan dahil mas inuna kong isipin ang mga ekspresyon niya kaysa sa mga teknikal
na sinasabi niya.
"Marem?!" si Mama na hindi ko namalayang nasa pintuan ulit.
Nasa pool side table ulit kami ni Achilles gaya nang naunang grouping.
Alam kong umuwi sina Mama at Papa. Napapadalas sila ngayon dahil nalalapit na ang
bakasyon at binibilisan na ang renovation.
I lifted my head at my mother. I watched her as she neared us, her robe brushing the
concrete brutalist floor.
Hindi ako agad naka react. The way she said it felt like she caught me doing something
wrong, eh wala naman. I'm studying with a groupmate so what's wrong with it.
"Kayo ulit ang ka grupo?" medyo mas kalmado at kontroladong sinabi ni
Mama pagkatapos kong tapunan ng nagtatakang tingin.
Tumayo si Achilles. He politely greeted my mother.
"Magandang hapon po, Madame."
I watched him and realized that he's also respectful and formal.
Humalukipkip ako at bumaling kay Mama. Achilles didn't sit, it was as if he's waiting for my
mother to let him sit back down.
"Yes, Mama. We're groupmates."
"Kayong dalawa lang?" she said ignoring Achilles' greeting,.
Hindi pa rin umuupo si Achilles. I was about to suggest that he should sit but my mother
kept going.
"Kayo ulit ang ka grupo?"
Yes, Mama. Kami ulit ang kagrupo," sagot ko, nagtataka.
Mama nodded, now calm. Nagtagal nga lang ang tingin niya kay Achilles, na siyang
pinagtataka ko.
"Upo ka na," sambit ko para kay Achilles.
Marem, you should be prepared to give out your opinion for the styling of the party this
coming vacation," si Manma na bigla na lang sinali sa usapan iyon.
Iyon nga ang pinagkakaabalahan niya pero nagulat ako na hihingan niya ako ng opinyon sa
bagay na iyon. I didn't want the party but I have no
 choice but to conform. Kaya nakapagpasukat na ako ng damit at nakapaghanda na ng para
sa sarili.
"Your fiance Vince Hidalgo will be impressed with your impeccable taste if we show it off,"
si Mama habang nagtatagal ang tingin kay Achilles.
I was about to protest at the way she put those words. Oo at sinusubukan kaming ireto ni
Vince Hodalgo pero hindi ko pa siya fiance. Hindi pa tuluyang nagkasundo ang pamilya
kaya hindi ko alam bakit sasabihin ni
Mama iyon. I get that she wants Vince for me but it was weird to hear her say it.
"Ituloy n'yo na ang pag-aaral. Pagkatapos n'yo rito, sa opisina ka, Maria
Emilia. So we can review the things you need to do for the party and your possible
engagement."
Bago ulit ako makapagsalita, umalis na si Mama. Saka pa lang naupo si
Achilles nang tuluyan nang nawala si Mama. Umiling ako at umirap habang
pinagmamasdan ang mga notes namin.
We stayed silent for a while. Bumagabag sa akin ang asal at mga sinabi ni
Mama kaya huli ko nang napansin na tahimik din si Achilles.
"Pasensiya ka na kay Mama," sabi ko.
He smiled a bit and resumed to correcting some wrong notes for me.
"She's not usually that way to people..." puna ko.
"Ayos lang. At maayos naman ang tungo niya," si Achilles habang tuloy ang pagsusulat.
I looked at our notes and read it. Tahimik ang pagbabasa ko, sinusubukang ibalik ang
interes sa inaaral nang suminghap si Achilles at sumulyap sa akin.
"Irereto ka ngayong bakasyon?" he asked.
Napakurapkurap ako pagkaangat ng tingin sa kanya. I almost forgot that he likes me and
that information must've stayed on his mind.
"We are just throwing a party to try. Hindi pa ako irereto."
Vince Hidalgo? Kamag-anak ng mga Riego?" he asked again.
Hindi namin kailanman napag-usapan ang pagiging Riego niya. Hindi rin naman ako naging
interesado pero ngayong nabanggit niya, bigla akong na-curious.
"Yup. You know them?"
He smiled again but his eyes went to our notes. "Riego ang Mama."
Riego ka rin," ulit ko.
He chuckled, this time as if masking something awkward. Hindi na niya dinugtungan.
"I'm sorry, but... I heard about your being a Riego from my friends," medyo guilty ko na
sinabi.
"Okay lang. Hindi naman sekreto."
Umismid ako habang pinagmamasdan siyang abala sa notes. Nang nasulyapan ako, ngumiti
lang ulit siya na para bang sinusubukang pagaanin ang usapan.
Marami pa akong gustong pag-usapan tungkol sa pagiging Riego niya pero iba yata ang
plano ni Achilles.
"Magaling na architect ang mga Hidalgo, ah? At hindi ba si Vince ang panganay at
tagapagmana nila?" he said, diverting the new topic.
I sighed. "Oo. But he's not my type. And he's older than me. Bukod sa I don't think we'd
click, he's cold and stern."
Achilles chuckled again. "Sa ilang party na napuntahan ko, halos usap- usapan siya ng mga
babae. Ikaw naman, ayaw mo?"
My eyes narrowed when I realized that his curiosity must stem from something else... and
that's because he actually likes me! Bakit?
Masasaktan ba siya kapag sinabi ko na gusto ko si Vince? 0 na papayag ako na ireto ni
Mama sa kanya? Lucky for him, I truly don't want Vince or any of those arranged marriage
things.
"He's just not my type."
Achilles' eyebrow shot up playfully. His lips twisted.
"Bakit? Ano ba ang tipo mo?"
Mas lalo lang naningkit ang mga mata ko sa kadudaduda niyang tanong.
Bakit pa nga ba ako nagdududa o nagtataka na kuryoso siya. Alam ko na ang sagot. I
shouldn't be shocked that he's curious, but still I'm still in awe that he really has feelings for
me.
 Wala namang espesyal sa kanya at siyempre, madali naman din akong magustuhan given
that I'm beautiful. It's just that I kind of believe my friends' thoughts about him - that he
doesn't fall easily. That his main priority is work and family. That he doesn't think about his
love life yet.
"Well, now that you asked, I really have no particular type. I just know that
Vince Hidalgo won't work for me."
Nanatili ang pagtataas niya ng kilay na para bang hindi siya kuntento sa sinabi ko.
I chuckled at his enthusiasm at this topic.
"I mean... I know him and we probably won't have anything great to talk about. No
chemistry at all.'
"So importante sa'yo na may pag-iusapan?"
"Of course! How will a relationship thrive if you have nothing in common!" giit ko.
"Pareho naman kayong mayaman. Siguro marami kayong pagkakapareha?"
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. So that's how he thinks? He probably thinks he doesn't have a
chance with me because he's poor. Pinag-isipan ko tuloy nang mabuti. Wala naman sa
option ko na maging boyfriend ang mga mahihirap. I never even think about them, but now
that I think about it... I guess I could have a boyfriend who's not rich.
Boyfriend lang naman, e. But that's if he is that great and special, puwede.
"Us being both rich doesn't guarantee chemistry. Mas gugustuhin kong maging boyfriend
ang mahirap na nakakatuwang kasama at relatable... " I said.
His brow shot up again and he tore his eyes off me. Nagpatuloy siya sa notes. Unti-unting
sumilay ang ngisi sa labi ko nang naisip na siguro iniisip niyang may pag-asa siya sa akin.
I don't really intend to lead him on but I find it funny.
"Bakit? Tingin mo ba dahil mayaman si Vince Hidalgo, papayag na agad ako sa kanya?"
Nag-angat ng tingin si Achilles sa akin. He smiled a bit and shook his head.
(Tingin ko lang ganoon ang tipo mo."
My eyes widened.
"At mukhang inaasahan ng Mama mo na papayag ka. Ang alam ko, gaya sa mga Mercadejas,
pinipilit nila ng husto ang mga anak nila sa nagustuhang kapareha.
"Well, we are not the Mercadejases. At hindi ako mapipilit ni Mama."
His lips twisted. “Mukha ring magarbo ang party na iyon. Kung para sa inyo 'yon, mahirap
siguro tanggihan-
"You don't believe me?" nagtaas ako ng kilay sa kanya.
His lips twisted again.
"If you want, I'll send you some invites sa party para makita mo?"
Achilles chuckled. “Huwag na. Hihintayin ko na lang ang kuwento mo."
DakL dyaw no. IVIUKIUI nu ka Ilawara. You should witness it first hand. I'Il reiect the
engagement.
"Para sa mayayaman ang party na 'yon, at nakakahiya kung ipapaimbita mo ako para lang
diyan.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay, hindi kumbinsido sa sinabi niya.
"At isa pa, baka may trabaho ako niyan. Maghahanap ako ng trabaho para sa summer para
makapag aral ulit ako sa susunod na school year kaya-"
"Then we can hire you as waiter of that event, if you want! That way, may trabaho ka na,
nakita mo pa ako sa party..." I paused. "I mean... that I'll reject the engagement offer."
Saglit niya akong tinitigan. I equalled his gaze, trying hard not to be affected by it. I realized
that his piercing gray eyes asserts dominance through his gaze. At iyon ang tinutukoy kong
may kung ano sa mga titig niya na ibang-iba.
"Hindi ako makakatanggi sa trabaho," aniya kalaunan.
"W-Well, then it's settled!"
"Hindi ko nga lang alam kung papayag ba ang mama mo. Kung hindi, huwag mo nang pilitin.
Makakahanap ako ng trabaho at kung tungkol sa... engagement, puwede mo namang
ikuwento sa akin sa sunod na
 pagkikita, »
"Bakit naman hindi papayag si Mama?"
"Tingin ko lang.." he trailed off.
"Miss, nagtatanong ang Madame kung anong oras daw po ba matatapos ang groupwork
ninyo," tanong ng isang waitress na biglaang lumapit sa lamesa namin
We ended that session smoothly. At medyo pareho rin kaming na pressure dahil sa
biglaang pagtatanong ng waitress.
Naging palaisipan tuloy sa akin ang huling sinabi ni Achilles. Bakit naman hindi papayag si
Mama na pagtrabahuin siya ng isang beses sa isang event:
True enough, after our groupwork meeting, I went to my mother's office.
Pinag-usapan namin ang tungkol sa party. Labag man sa kalooban ko iyon, alam kong
kailangan kong gawin pa rin iyon kahit na tatanggi ako sa huli.
"By the way, Mama. If we need any more waiters, iyong ka groupmate ko na si Achilles, he's
willing to-"
"No... matamang sinabi ni Mama, hindi pa ako tapos sa sinasabi ko.
Nakapagtataka. My mom immediately shifted her mood.
"I-I mean... marami na tayong waitress, Maria Emilia. Bakit pa tayo kukuha ng... iba."
"Well, I just think that we can help him earn somehow. Kahit sa one time event lang na iyon.
I'm not asking you to hire him in our hotel. It's just for that event since he also needs money
for-"
Why are you so concerned about that boy?!" medyo tumaas ang boses ni
Mama
Kilala ko si Mama. Hindi siya matapobre. Sa aming dalawa, ako pa siguro ang ganoon.
Napansin ko ring medyo pangit ang tungo niya kay Achilles noon pa man, at hanggang
ngayon. O guni-guni ko lang ba iyon? I have not invited some other classmates here in our
house or the hotel except for
Olivia, Charlene, and Markus. Maayos naman ang tungo niya sa mga ito kaya bakit parang.-
I'm not-"
"Do you like him, Marem?!" napatayo si Mama sa kanyang swivel chair.
Nasa bagong opisina niya kami sa hotel. The white walls and modern
Balinese interior made it look so cozy but still it maintained the classic aura, gaya ng dati
nitong disenyo.
"I-I don't-"
"Then why are you so concerned about him?" tanong niyang muli.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit may urgency sa tanong niya. Kung kanina, iniisip ko na guni-guni
ko lang ang reaksiyon niya, ngayon parang hindi na
"I'm not. I'm just saying that he needs work and if we can offer him that, for that event, then
it would be great! At ano naman pong masama kung concerned? Eh, kawawa naman din po
siya, mahirap lang at kailangan ng trabaho?"
You are going to be engaged to Vince Hidalgo on that party, Maria
Emilia."
I groaned. Alam niya na ayaw ko iyon at pinagbibigyan ko lang ang party dahil nariyan na.
"Mama, you know my opinion about this-"
"Is Achilles Riego the reason why you don't want to be engaged to Vince
Hidalgo?" seryoso at medyo naaalarma niyang tanong.
What a conclusion!
"Of course, not! I don't like Achilles! He's just my classmate! He's not my type. Matagal ko
nang sinasabi na ayaw ko kay Vince Hidalgo... na ayaw kong pinapangunahan sa mga
desisyon ko! Walang kinalaman si Achilles dito!"
Naninimbang ang titig ni Mama sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung naniniwala ba siya sa sinabi ko
o hindi pero iyon naman ang totoo. Hindi ko alam bakit big deal sa kanya kung may gusto
ako kay Achilles. Wala. It's the other way around but why was she so alarmed about it?
"Then... does he like you?"
Gulat sa tanong niya, napakurap-kurap ako.
 "I don't... No.. He doesn't like me.." sagot ko, hindi agad nakapagdesisyon kung paano
sasagot sa tanong na iyon.
Of course, I know about Achilles' feelings. Ayaw ko lang basta bastang sabihin iyon at lalo
na kay Mama.
Mama's lips slightly curve for a smile.
"Okay then... We can hire him as a waiter for that event."
Shocked again at her sudden change of heart, I stayed silent. Her lips curved more
“That way, he'd see the kind of man for you. And the way you really live your life...
malayong malayo sa buhay niya.." si Mama na para bang wala a sarili.

Kabanata 7

304
73
Rejected
Hindi ko maintindihan ang ibig sabihin ni Mama. It got me curious since she is not usually
like that. It sounds as if she is judging Achilles based on his status in life. Between us, mas
ako ang nanghuhusga sa ganoon, hindi siya, kaya nakapagtataka.
It also feels like she hates Achilles so much that me being associated with him is getting on
her nerves. Hindi ko alam kung bakit at wala akong ibang rason na maisip.
But then again aside from those thoughts, I am also more bothered by the coming party. I
know for sure that I won't be engaged to Vince Hidalgo, but Mama is very keen on me being
engaged on that party. Lalong lalo na pagkatapos nang huling usapan namin. I interrupted
my irrational thoughts about the situation.
"Kailan daw ito ipapasa?" I asked Achilles.
Tapos na ang moving exam namin at malaki ang marka namin. I was asked by my teacher
to bring some sheets to the faculty. Kaya nauna akong umalis sa laboratory kanina, naiwan
ang mga gamit ko.
"Here is your activity sheets last time. Pakibigay na lang din ito kay
Achilles since partners kayo," bilin ng teacher bago ako umalis.

Kabanata 8
64
174
Kabanata 8
Friends
I went to a balcony near the exit. Hindi ukupado ang mga balkonahe dahil abala ang lahat sa
pakikihalubilo, kaya walang nakapansin na pumasok ako sa isa.
I was then shocked when I saw Achilles on the balcony alone. Nakahilig siya sa barandilya
nito at kung sa loob ng ballroom titingnan, hindi siya kita dahil sa kurtina.
He's dressed like the servers, in a white button down shirt and black slacks. They were
supposed to have a ribbon on but it seems like he's removed it. In fact, the first two buttons
of his button down shirt were unbuttoned.
Y-You're here," I said in a shakey voice, about to break down from the drama I've just gone
through.
Napatuwid siya sa pagkakatayo, gulat din nang pumasok ako sa balkonahe.
I saw his eyes surveyed my look very fast.
"Ka-be-break ko lang," he said.
Pinalis ko ang luha sa mga mata ko. He looked at me intently because of that. I looked away
because I didn't want to be seen whenever I break down. I feel like crying is a sign of
weakness. Or even showing any feeling in general is a sign of weakness.
"I didn't see you around this whole time. Nandito ka lang pala," I chuckled to hide what I
was feeling a while ago.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Lumapit ako sa barandilya at pinagmasdan ang
 kabuuan ng ginagawa pang hotel sa parteng iyon. Sa gilid ng mga mata ko, alam kong
nakatitig siya sa akin. Hindi ako makatingin sa kanya dahil alam kong tinitimbang niya ako
base sa nakita niya pagkapasok ko.
"Nasa kusina ako halos at minsan lang lumalabas kapag sinabi ng supervisor," si Achilles.
That explains it.."
"Ayos ka lang ba?"" Achilles asked.
I rolled my eyes at how predictable his question was. Kaya imbes na sagutin siya, inunahan
ko sa mas nasayang balita.
I faced him to show a perfect smirk, without the tears I sported a while ago.
"There will be no grand announcement about my engagement with Vince
Hidalgo. Nagkausap na kami," I said proudly.
His eyebrow shot up as he watched me intently. Hindi naman ako makatingin ng diretso sa
kanya. Still smiling, I continued..
"I said I don't want this arranged relationship. This whole thing. Buti pareho kami kaya
hindi mahirap tanggihan. There will be no need to announce it today since he's left... I
guess. And we're both sure about not being each other's fiance.'
Tumango si Achilles, halatang naninimbang pa rin sa asal ko. I rolled my eyes again.
"Iyan lang ang reaksiyon mo? Akala ko ba iniisip mo hindi ko kayang gawin dahil maraming
nagkakandarapa kay Vince Hidalgo?" I chuckled to make it lighter.
His lips twisted. "Masaya ka ba sa desisyon mo?"
My smile faded at his question. Bakit niya natanong? Siguro ay iniisip niya na kaya ako
pumasok dito sa balkonahe na umiiyak dahil malungkot ako na tinanggihan ako ni Vince!
"Of course, yes! I told you I don't like him?" iritado kong sinabi.
Nagtaas ng isang kilay si Achilles. "Bakit mukhang malungkot ka nang pumasok dito?»
I sighed and rolled my eyes all over again.
"Malungkot ka ba dahil hindi mo inasahan na aayaw rin siya sa'yo-"
"oh please!" Napalakas ang sabi ko roon.
It's just ridiculous of him to think that way.
"Hindi. I have other reasons... " I said.
Nanatili ang isang kilay niyang nakataas. "Sigurado kang hindi ka nanghihinayang?"
That made me look at him. Kung kanina, hindi ko siya masulyapan.
Ngayon pinilit ko siyang tingnan dahil sa nakakairitang sinabi. His lips were twisting, as if
hiding a smile when I look at him with an annoyed expression.
"Nanghihinayang? You really don't believe me?"
Nagkibit siya nang balikat at tuluyan nang ipinakita ang ngisi. Nilagay niya sa bulsa ang
dalawang kamay at pinilig ang ulo sa kabila.
"Ano pa ba ang ibang rason bakit bigo ka pagkatapos mong tanggihan ang engagement?"
I gritted my teeth. I'm pissed especially now that he looked playful.
"Nagbago ba ang isip mo sa inyo ngayong nagkita kayo-»
"Of course not!" I cut him off, more pissed by the minute.
He smirked more. I really didn't want to tell him more personal things but
I'm not going to let him believe that I'm regretful about my decision.
"Pinagalitan ako ni Mama kaya malungkot ako kanina. No. I'm not even sad..." I lied. “I'm
more pissed than sad. "
He still looked playful, as if he didn't believe me. Kaya kinailangan kong sabihin ng buo. At
nang nagdesisyon ako na sabihin sa kanya iyon, agad nawala ang nakadagang bigat sa
damdamin ko.
"Pinagalitan ako kasi sinabi kong tinanggihan ko si Vince." I sighed and looked away.
Nilibang ko ang sarili ko sa tanawin habang nagsasalita.
"Iyon na nga lang daw ang makakapagpasaya sa parents ko, sinira ko pa. I can't believe that
I'm being pressured that way. Of course, I want them to be happy and proud with me but is
that the only way to do it?" I said it like it didn't matter even if it did.
 Nagulat ako nang tumabi ng kaonti si Achilles sa akin. Lumapit siya sa barandilya at
pinagmasdan din ang tanawin na tinitingnan ko. I looked at him, tall beside me, watching
the progress of our hotel.
"Besides," I continued and looked at the hotel again. "Hindi ko gusto na pinapangunahan
ako sa mga ganitong bagay. Ako ang dapat na nagdedesisyon sa kung sino ang gusto kong
boyfriend o mapapangasawa.
It's a lifetime thing. We can't just let other people, not even parents, decide for us.
Naalala ko ang sinabi ni Achilles kaya bumaling ulit ako sa kanya.
"Hindi ako nanghinayang kay Vince. Kahit pa guwapo at mayaman siya. I still think we don't
click and we won't. I don't feel anything for him. It's my parents that I'm sad about."
"Baka gusto lang nila ang makabubuti para sa'yo.." si Achilles.
Bumaling ulit akO sa kanya. This time, I crossed my arms. It seems like he doesn't agree
with my decision. If he has feelings for me, he must be happy that I rejected that. Pero
mukha pang kinikuwestiyon niya iyon.
"Makabubuti? Ang alin? Ang pangunahan ako?"
Umiling si Achilles at humarap na rin sa akin. “Baka iniisip ng mga magulang mo na mas
bubuti ang buhay mo kung kayo ni Vince-"
Paano bubuti ang buhay ko kung kami ni Vince? Dahil mayaman siya?
Why? Can't I earn myself? And besides, I'm rich too so why should I rely in someone else's
money for my life to be better?"
"Hindi sa ganoon pero baka rin mabuting tao siya-
"Well, yes. Maybe. But that doesn't guarantee us a good relationship. Dahil puwedeng hindi
namin kaya ang isa't-isa. Gaano man ka bait ang isang tao, kung hindi kayo magkakasundo,
hindi kayo magkakasundo."
His brow shot up again. “Pero hindi mo pa naman nasusubukan kung magkakasundo nga ba
kayo?"
I glared at him this time. “Why does it sound like you want me paired up with Vince
Hidalgo?!"
Nagulat siya sa iritado kong tono.
"Hindi naman sa ganoon-"
"Kanina ka pa, ah? Parang gusto mo pang kami ang magkatuluyan ni
Vince?»
He chuckled and shook his head. “Iniisip ko lang kung ano ang dahilan ng parents mo para
pilitin ka. Hindi naman siguro nila gustong ipakasal ka kay Vince sa walang dahilan.
Siyempre, may mahalagang dahilan sila kaya nila gusto "yon."
"Ano pa ang sobrang importanteng rason para tanggalan ako ng karapatang pumili ng
lalaking makakasama ko habang buhay? Kung pera lang naman, ganoon ba ka importante
iyon para hindi nila isipin ang nararamdaman ko?"
He licked his lips and slowly became serious. I sighed.
"We're not poor so if it's money, it doesn't make sense. If it's his attitude, then why can't
they let me find a person who's good and who will match me, instead? Bakit kailangan
iyong pinili nila?"
Siguro naisip lang ng parents mo ang nakabubuti para sa'yo, at hindi na naisip ang gusto
mo. Kahit sinong magulang gustong mapabuti ang anak."
So you agree with my parents?" I snapped.
Umiling siya at humalakhak. "I don't agree with your parents. Pero iniisip ko lang na
makakabuti sa'yo ang dahilan nila. Hindi ka naman siguro pipilitin at sasadyaing saktan ng
mga magulang mo para lang sa wala."
Nilingon ko siya. Alam kong may punto naman ang sinabi niya pero pakiramdam ko iba ang
mga magulang ko. Both of them don't have time for us. And when they do, it doesn't end
well, gaya ngayon.
I'd like to think that parents really do care a lot for their children. Na minsan, hindi namin
maiintindihan iyon pero ginagawa lang nila ang mga ginagawa nila para sa ikabubuti
namin. Pero minsan din, iniisip ko na hindi iyon para sa lahat ng magulang. Some parents
just care more about their children's feelings than others.
I looked at Achilles and realized something. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang relasyon niya sa
kanyang mga magulang pero siguro ay maganda. Kung ganiyan kalawak ang pananaw niya,
siguro nga maayos ang relasyon niya sa parents niya.
 "How about you? May mga nagawa na ba ang parents mo na ayaw mo pero ginawa mo pa
rin dahil tingin mo para iyon sa ikabubuti mo?"
"Hmm..." he trailed off.
(Wala?"" gusto kong matawa. "Maybe you give my parents the benefit of the doubt because
your mother and father are good to you.'
Bumaling siya sa akin at tipid na ngumiti. si Mama lang. Hindi namin kasama ang Papa ko,"
aniya.
My lips parted. I wanted to blurt out that I'm sorry but he smiled mnore.
"Hindi ko kilala si Papa. Hindi rin sinabi ni Mama sa akin kaya..."
Napakurapkurap naman ako. Somehow, that idea kind of fits our situation.
Desisyon ng Mama niya na huwag sabihin kung sino ang Papa niya. He must've wanted to
know or meet him but.
"D-Do you want to know?"
He smiled again, this time mischievously like he was hiding the drama about it with a grin.
"Syempre."
Ngumuso ako at bumaling sa tanawin bago ibinalik sa kanya ang tingin.
"If you don't mind... is there a reason why your mom won't tell you about him?"
Umiling si Achilles. "Hindi niya rin sinabi. Ayaw niyang pag-usapan.
I can only imagine how eager he is to know his father. Kung ako ang nasa kalagayan niya,
baka pa nagalit na ako kay Mama kung may tinatago siyang ganoon ka laking bagay.
"Gusto kong mahanap ang Papa ko, o malaman man lang ang pangalan niya. Pero dati pa
man, ayaw nang pag-usapan ni Mama. Kahit gaano ko kagusto iyon, sa huli, tingin ko mas
mabuting respetuhin ko ang desisyon ni Mama. »
(I-I'm sorry to hear that."
He chuckled. "Matagal na kaya ayos lang."
"But for sure, until now you want to know your father?"
He nodded.
"Marem!"
Napatalon ako sa tawag ni Mama, papasok na siya ngayon sa balkonahe.
Hindi maganda ang usapan namin kanina at alam kong galit siya sa akin pero hindi
nakatakas ang mas matindi niyang timpla ngayon.
"Anong ginagawa n'yo rito?!" she roared and immediately pulled my wrist.
Hinatak niya ako palayo kay Achilles. Hiningal siya sa iritasyon at kitang kita ko ang
matinding galit sa mga mata niya para kay Achilles.
"Kanina ka pa namin hinahanap ng Papa mo, bakit ka nandito? At ano ang ginagawa mo
rito?!" the last question was directed to Achilles and it was said with so much intensity.
"Nagpapahinga-"
"You are a waiter here! You should know your place!" my mom's words cut like a knife even
to me.
Gusto ko na siyang sagutin sa huling sinabi niya. I was even surprised that
Achilles looked calm in front of us after what my mother said.
"Where is Maria Emilia, Alondra?" my father's voice boomed behind us.
"Pasensiya na, Madame. Nagpapahinga lang po ako. Babalik na ako sa trabaho," si Achilles
at umambang aalis.
"Achilles..." I called.
"Achilles, " my father called too when he saw him.
Natigilan si Achilles nang nagkasalubong sila ni Papa. Si Achilles, palabas doon, si Papa,
papasok.
"Magandang gabi, Admiral," Achilles greeted politely. "Maiwan ko na po kayo-
(Nagtatrabaho ka na rito?" si Papa sabay baling kay Mama.
"Just for this event, Dolfo. He's not a regular waiter here."
Papa looked at Achilles and smiled. Achilles politely tried to excuse himself but Papa
continued.
"Kumusta ka na? Nag-aaral ka pa ba?" si Papa na sinubukan pang sundan si Achilles palabas
ng balkonahe.
Sinubukan ko ring sundan ang dalawa pero muling hinawakan ni mama ang palapulsuhan
ko.
"Where are you going?" she said in a small but intentional tone.
"Lalabas dito, Mama." I answered sarcastically.
 "Why are you with that boy?" she asked in the same tone.
(Nagkataon lang na nagkita kami rito. And what is wrong with being with him when-»
"Is he the reason why you don't want to be engaged with Vince?"
Ilang beses niya na ba itong natanong sa akin? And why is she pushing it when there is
nothing between me and Achilles?
"I said kaming dalawa ni Vince ang may ayaw sa isa't isa, Mama! Kahit pa gustuhin ko si
Vince, hindi pa rin kami puwede dahil ayaw niya rin naman sa akin!
"He is a man of honor! He is true to his words and he will always obey his parents! Kaya
ano'ng pinagsasabi mo na ayaw niya? Even if he doesn't like you, he will follow his parents'
requests and marry you! Ikaw itong pinahihirapan pa ang sitwasyon!"
"If you know that that's the case, then do you want me to marry him? Will
I really be happy to be married to someone who will only do it to please his parents? At
hindi naman talaga ako mahal, Mama?!"
Napalayo na si Papa at Achilles. I even saw how Achilles politely left Papa.
Si Papa naman ay tanaw si Achilles na paalis sa harapan niya. Sinundan niya ito ng tingin
kahit pa humalo na ito sa maraming waiter.
Mama looked so angry. Bago pa man siya makapagsalita ulit, nagmartsa na ako paalis doon.
Ayaw kong magtuloy tuloy pa lalo ang away namin lalo na sa mismong lugar. I went out of
the venue even when my mother is calling me from behind.
Dire-diretso ang lakad ko paalis ng hotel. Gabi na at nagmamadali kong nilakad ang daanan
galing sa hotel premises patungong mansiyon.
I was greeted by our househelps but I didn't greet back as I marched up the stairs and
inside my room, annoyed of the whole party fiasco.
Nahiga agad ako sa kama. A while ago, I cried out of frustration. Pero ngayong mag-isa na
ako sa kuwarto, akala ko iiyak ako lalo pero hindi.
Nawala na ang naunang naramdaman. Maybe the talk with Achilles diverted the pain I felt
from my mother's words.
Bumuntonghininga ako at unti-unting bumangon. Pumunta ako sa tukador at naupo roon. I
removed my earings one by one as I stare into the mirror, my face lit by the yellow light of
the window inside my dark room.
Dahan dahhan ko ring tinanggal ang pagkakaayos ng buhok at ang make up. I heard a knock
on my door. Umirap ako habang tinatanaw ang madilim na pintuan.
"May I come in, Marem?" I heard my father's voice.
Umirap ako at pagod na sinagot iyon.
"Yeah sure..." I said and continued to wipe the make up away.
Hindi na ako nag-abala sa mga ilaw. I let my dark room be as my father entered it. I can
hear my mother's voice outside, reprimanding something to our househelps.
Umirap ulit ako at bumaling sa salamin. My father's reflection behind me looked calm and
peaceful. He is a tall and bulky man, much like my older brother Remus. Sporting an old
hairstyle of mullet that suited his face even up to this day. Naka itim na coat and tie siya,
hindi pa nagugusot kahit abala sa party kanina pa lang.
"If you're here to get mad at me because I didn't entertain Vince Hidalgo, then I'll just
repeat what I said to Mama," sabi ko, pagod na sa buong araw na sagutan namin ni Mama.
My father flashed a peaceful smile behind me. Naglakad din siya palapit hanggang sa
ramdam ko na siya sa likod ko.
"I'm not going to do that," he said.
I sighed and still continued what I was doing.
(I'm sorry if we are forcing you to do thing you obviously don't want to.
Tingin ng Mama mo, iyon ang makakabuti para sa'yo."
"Na ano? Magpakasal sa isang Hidalgo kahit hindi niya ako mahal at hindi ko rin siya
mahal? Is money really more important than happiness?"
He smiled a bit again. Vince is a good man. I am sure he will try his best to make his
girlfriend or wife happy, despite the nature of relationship."
I'm disappointed. Kahit na inasahan ko na naman na ganito rin ang sasabihin ni Papa, gusto
ko pa rin na iba ang opinyon niya.
Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya, the little hope lit up inside of me.
 Maybe he doesn't share my mother's sentiments when it comes to this?
"I'm happy that you took a stand," he continued.
Nanatili ang tingin ko kay Papa. He leaned to kiss my head before he smiled again.
"Pero sana maintindihan mo ang Mama mo, at kung bakit tingin niya makakabuti ito sa'yo.
We are a product of an arranged marriage, hija. She must think that you will be in better
hands if she chooses the man for vou."
Alam ko na naman iyon noon pa. But then I always think that my parents don't count. After
all, my mother loved my father even before they entered the arranged relationship.
"Hindi po kasali ang sa inyo ni Mama. Kasi mahal n'yo na naman po ang isa't-isa bago pa
kayo nagpakasal. So it doesn't count," I said.
My father's eyes watched me darkly as I continued.
"Maybe if I get arranged to someone I like, I won't complain too. But I don't like Vince and
he doesn't like me. Sure, he will agree to his parents but he won't be happy. And if I agree
with you, hindi rin ako magiging masaya. »
Nanatili ang titig ni Papa sa akin habang nagsasalita ako.
"In time, we won't be happy with our lives. Kayo ni Mama, pareho namang masaya dahil
mahal ninyo ang isa't-isa. Can't I be arranged to someone 1 love instead? I won't complain if
that's the case.
Sumilay ang ngiti sa labi ni Papa at pinilig ang ulo sa kabila.
"Bakit, Emilia? Do you have someone in mind right now?"
Kinabahan bigla sa tanong ni Papa, agad ang pag-iling ko.
"Wala po. But I'm just saying that it will be easier if I'm going to be paired to someone I
love. Gaya sa nangyari sa inyo."
"Then maybe, if in time you'll have someone in mind, tell me. So we can
(Then maybe, if in time you'Il have someone in mind, tell me. So we can pair you up with
that boy instead?" he teased.
Umirap ako pero hindi na napigilan ang ngiti. Bumuntong hininga si Papa at bahagyang
naupo sa tabi ko.
"Be patient to your mother. Know that she only wants what's best for you.
Hindi man kayo nagkakasundo ngayon, pero kalaunan, maiintindihan mo rin siya."
Gusto kong magprotesta. Parang hirap na hirap pa rin akong intindihin iyon pero hindi ko
maipagkakaila na kahit paano, na-appreciate ko na pinag-usapan namin 'to ni Papa.
"Maybe if you convince her to just wait for me to fall in love, bago ako ireto sa lalaki, then I
can go on for years without fighting with her."
Papa chuckled. “I'll try. But you know Alondra, hija."
Umirap at bumuntonghininga ako sa huli, alam ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"Kaibigan mo si Achilles?" si Papa pagkatapos ng ilang sandali.
I nodded. "Classmates po kami sa school."
He nodded and smiled at my reflection on the mirror. "Mabait na bata
"yon. Masipag din."
"Opo.."I trailed off remembering my mother's treatment.
Hindi man matagal ang interaction nila ni Achilles sa nagdaang mga pagkakataon at kanina,
pero parang ramdam ko na ayaw na ayaw ni Mama rito. O siguro dahil tingin ni Mama,
gusto ko si Achilles.
"Mama thinks I like Achilles. I don't. We're just friends," I said.
Papa nodded.
Kaya masama ang tungo niya rito... She thinks he's the reason why I rejected Vince."
"Is he?" Papa asked in a playful tone.
Umiling ako at bumaling sa kanya. "We're just friends. Hindi ko siya gusto."
"Ganoon din ba ang tingin ni Achilles sa'yo?"
Lito ako sa tanong kaya nagtagal muli ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"Kaibigan lang? At hindi ka rin ba niya gusto?"
I stopped when I realize I know exactly the answer to that.
"B-Baka.. Uhm... I mean... opo. Kaibigan lang ang turingan namin," sabay iwas ko ng tingin.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 9
72
833
Kabanata
Confess
Nanatili ang ibang bisita sa hotel para magbakasyon. Pero karamihan ang nagsiuwian na
dahil narami pang gagawin.
I sighed and stood to try and take a dip on our hotel's pool. Bumisita sina Markus, Olivia, at
Charlene sa hotel kinaumagahan. I couldn't take a silent day at home after what happened
in the party. At naghihisterya pa rin si Mama nang tawagan siya ng patriarch ng mga
Hidalgo para sabihan ng vague answer tungkol sa amin ni Vince.
Obviously, mama is blaming me even though Vince also rejected the offer. Hindi ko
matagalan sa bahay kaya inimbita ko kaagad ang mga kaibigan para sa hotel na kami
manatili. olivia and Charlene are both planning to go to the sea. Meanwhile, I don't feel like
it so I remained here in the pool side with Markus. Inangat ni Markus ang kanyang salamin
nang natanaw akong dumaan sa harap niya para maghanda sa paglusong sa pool. Gumaya
siya. Tumayo at lumapit sa akin para maghanda rin sa pags-swimming.
"Badtrip pa rin?" si Markus sabay ngisi sa tabi ko at nakuha pang mag stretching.
"What do you think?" I said in an annoyed tone.
"Just be happy about it. Kahit magalit pa ng husto ang mama mo sa'yo, she can never force
you to marry Vince Hidalgo since he doesn't want you back."
Markus grinned. Hindi na nagsalita, lumangoy na ako sa malalim na parte ng swimming
pool.
Sumunod naman si Markus sa akin. When I reached the other end, I stopped and saw
Markus going after me too. Nang naabutan ako, saka ako nagsalita.
"My mother thinks that I made him that way. Na ininsulto ko o ano si Vince."
Markus smirked. "Eh, masisisi mo ba? We've been friends for years now and I know you.
You've insulted people..."
I narrowed my eyes at Markus. Hindi ko gusto ang sinabi niya pero hindi ko rin naman
maipagkakaila na tama siya. I sighed and rolled my eyes defeatedly. He's right even though
I don't like it
Iremember my mother accusing me of liking Achilles, kaya ko tinanggihan si Vince. I looked
at
Markus. I didn't want to tell anyone all these things but somehow, among my friends here,
kahit paano mas may tiwala ako sa kanya kaysa kay Charlene at Olivia.
"She even accused mne of liking Achilles kaya ko raw tinanggihan si Vince."
Markus' eyes widened. "What?
"Yup. Nagkausap kami ni Achilles sa party at nahuli ni Mama. Kaya akala niya may kung ano
sa amin ni Achilles.
Markus laughed. "For sure she was furious?"
"Yes, she was. It's annoying. Pinagpipilitan niya pa na may kung no sa amin ni Achilles kahit
wala nan. I mean, I don't even like Achilles..." I paused remembering Achilles' feelings for
me.
"Hmm." Markus smiled evilly and leaned closer to me. "Tingin ni Tita, kayo ni Achilles.
Paano kung magpanggap tayo na tayo para matigil siya?"
I glared at Markus. He laughed playfully when he noticed my reaction. I know he's just
teasing me ut still, I pushed him away.
"Stop it, Markus. It's funny because I'm really not happy about this!" iritado kong sinabi.
He laughed more."Pinapatawa ka lang naman kasi buong umagang busangot ang mukha
mo."
I rolled my eyes at him and decided to swim again to the other end. Sumunod din si Markus
sa akin.
Umahon ako. Aahon na rin sana siya nang biglang may umahon sa tabi ko. It was Nikolai
dela Vega, the
I also met at the party last night. Nagkabungguan sila ni Markus sa pool. man
Nikolai looked immediately pissed at Markus, meanvwhile MarkUs smiled sheepishly at
him.
"Sorry. I didn't see you there," Markus said.
Somehow, Nikolai got more pissed at Markus' apology. Isang tingin ang iginawad ni Nikolai
sa akin at ibinalik ang maring tingin kay Markus bago ito umalis.
"Ano'ng problema no'n?" Markus said as he watched Nikolai swim to the other end.
Umahon si Nikolai sa malayo, his fair complexion pinkish under the heat of the sun. He then
held on to the bar to completely get out of the pool. His red checkered shorts hugged his
thick muScular thighs as the pool water dripped on his legs.
 "Hotel Guest?" Markus asked.
"Guest sa party last night. Nandito pa ang iba at isa 'yon sa nanatili para magbakasyon,"
sabi ko habang nagpaplano na lumangoy ulit.
Even with my friends here, I'm still bored.
"Name?" Markus asked me as he followed.
"Nikolai dela Vega. I heard he's from lloilo..." I said.
Markus nodded, his eyes still glued at Nikolai.
Natanaw ko galing sa pool si Olivia at Charlene na nagkakatuwaan sa dagat. The clouds
suddenly covered the ravs of the sun. It was mostly a cloudy dav but everv now and then,
the sun is free to fire its rays around.
Umahon ako sa pool.
"oh, saan ka?"
"Im bored. Puntahan na lang natin sina Charlene at Olivia."
Sumunod si MarkuS sa akin. Charlene and Olivia were busy taking pictures but mostly
having fun with the slightly bigger than usual waves on our coastline.
Palapit na kami ni Markus nang natanaw naming unti-unti silang umalis sa kung saan sila
nagkakatuwaan.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
Saka lang nila kami napansin nang nagtanong ako. Charlene smiled as she helds on to her
camera.
Olivia gets their cover up on the lounger.
"Sa rock formation. Mukhang magandang kumuha ng picture doon," sagot ni Charlene.
Binalingan ko ang rock formation. Hindi na sila naghintay ng sasabihin ko at naglakad na
agad patungo sa rock formation, sa pinaka dulo sa kaliwang bahagi ng buong resort.
I paused and remembered something Achilles told mne. Malapit lang ang bahay nila rito.
Sumunod ako kina Charlene at olivia na ganoon ang iniisip.
The two are eager to get some good shots on the rock formation. Kaya umakyat sila at
lunmayo ng kaonti kahit na nakakatakot ang nag tutulisang mga bato.
At first, I was hesitant to really go to the rock formations. I didn't want to be cut by the
sharp rocks.
Pero natanaw kong nakalayo si Olivia at Charlene na nag-ngat at hindi naman nasugatan,
sumunod na ako.
"oh, magpapapicture ka rin?" si Markus na natatawa sa likod ko, sunmusunod ulit.
Hindi ako sumagot. Dumiretso lang ako, nag-iingat sa gitna ng mga rock formations at
kaunting hampas ng mga alon.
"Mas maganda ba diyan, Marem?" si Charlene nang nilagpasan ko sila.
I can almost see the houses beyond the rock formations. Achilles was right. May mga
nakatira nga rito at nasabi niya rin na kanila ang naunang bahay galing dito. Mas lalo tuloy
akong ginanahang maglakad. I hugged nmy body with the my long black cover up as I tried
to tread through the sharp rocks.
"Saan ka pupunta?" si Markus na nakasunod.
"Tara, Olivia. Mukhang maganda don sa kinatatayuan ni Marem."
But unlike them, I'm not here for the shots. I concentrated on the sharp rocks and the
waves touching my knees. Kaya kahit palapit na ako at paubos na ang mga batuhan, hindi
ko agad nakita na sa hindi kalayuan ay naroon si Achilles kasama ang ilang mga kaibigan.
I only noticed them when my flipflops reached the sandy part of the other side. I watched
them as they laughed, with guitars and snacks on a large wooden chairs and table, beneath
the shade of coconut trees.
Si Achilles agad ang natanaw ko na nakangisi habang kausap ang mga kaibigan. They were
approximately fifteen people, and to my surprise, I didn't know any one of them.
"Hah!" si Markus, hinihingal. "Saan ka ba pupunta?"
He asked that before he saw what I saw.
May ilan sa mga kaibigan ni Achilles na galing sa dagat, naliligo. Basang basa ang t-shirt at
mga shorts nila. It seems like, these people didn't know what bikinis are for.
"Uy, si Achilles," si Markus nang nakita rin ang tinatanaw ko.
"Saan ba kayo nagpupunta, Markus, Marem?"1 heard olivia calling.
"Who are those?" I asked as I ccontinue to watch the group laughing at each other's jokes.
"Jessie is not there..."
Hindi ko gusto si Jessie pero sa cassroom, masasabi kong mukhang kilalang kilala niya si
Achilles
Hindi ko gusto si Jessie pero sa classroom, masasabi kong mukhang kilalang kilala niya si
Achilles kaya nagulat ako na wala siva roon sa grupo ng mga kaibigan ni Achilles
"Ah, mga kaibigan ni Achilles 'yan. At si Jessie? Kaibigan niya rin pero mas malapit si
Achilles sa mga
 'van since'yan ata ang mga ka-batch niva mula elementary:
Nagulat ako. All this time, I forgot that he is not my age. That he has his own friends, aside
from the friends he has in our classroomn. For a moment, I thought he belonged so well in
the lot.
Matatangkad na mga babae at lalaki, medyo mature at hindi na pareho sa mga kaklase kong
gumalaw.
Someone saw us standing on the rocks. Both Charlene and olivia caught up, to0. Nakita
kong napatingin dn si Achilles sa amin.
"Dito maganda, Olivia!" si Charlene na mabilis na kumuha ng picture.
Tumayo si Achilles nang natanaw kami. The smile on his face from their jokes faded. His
friends looked at us, too. Markus waved and said hi to some. Mukhang may kilala siya sa
mga ito samantalang tahimik lang akong nakatingin.
Unti-unting lumapit si Achilles sa amin.
"Nagpipicture `tong dalawa kaya nakaabot kami rito," si Markus na sinalubong si Achilles
nang paliwanag.
Achilles' eyes went to me. Para bang nagtatanong din ito kung ano nga ba ang ginagawa
namin dito.
It was as ifI was in a trance. Simula pa noong natanaw ko sivang nakikipagkatuwaan sa mga
kaibigan, at ngayon lang nagising. Kumurap kurap ako at bumaling kay Markus.
"0o, we were swimming then... d-decided to take pictures."
Markus' brows furrowed at me. Tumango si Achilles at ngumiti ulit sa amin.
"Yan ang bahay namin," may tinuro siyang maliit na bahay sa likod ng inuupuan nila.
Nakatingin ang mga kaibigan nila sa amin. Mas lalo lang nadepina ang kaibahan nila sa
madalas na sinasamahan ni Achilles sa school. I've got a strange feeling watching them
laugh at each other and get curious at Achilles' whereabouts.
"Nagkasundo sila na maligo kaya nandito kami. Sali kayo?" Achilles' said.
"oh? Sige-" si Markus na agad kong pinutol.
"Hindi na. We're just taking pictures. Busog din kami. We ordered a lot back in our resort
so..."
Achilles nodded and his eyes stayed on me. Something about the way he looked at me made
me pissed. O baka dahil sa naunang kakaibang nararamdaman kaya pakiramdam ko may
kung ano sa tingin niya sa akin. Para kasing nadepina bigla ang kaibahan namin. It felt like
he was more mature than I was. And now, the way he looked at me felt like he was only
pitying me for being immature... or something.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at nagpasyang sumali kina Olivia at Charlene.
"Take picture of me here" I asked Charlene as I went to a bigger rock.
Pinanood ni Achilles ang ginagawa namin bago ko siya narinig na nagsalita, kausap si
Markus.
"Saan kayo dadaan pabalik? Sa harap na kayo. Mahirap daanan diyan dahil sa mga bato."
Tuloy tuloy ang pose ko. Sumama pa si Olivia. I didn't want to acknowledge what I was
feeling earlier so I pretended that I want to take pictures instead. Pero naririnig ko si
Achilles.
"Ayos lang na diyan. Nag-ingat naman kami at gusto ng mga 'to kumuha ng pictures, e."
"Hi, Achilles!" Charlene and Olivia greeted when they noticed him.
They were about to go near him when I stopped them.
"oh, dito pa! Mas maganda rito. You know I trained for modeling back in Manila. SoI know
the right poses to look sexy and long legged. Not that I need it but... it could help?"
They got torn for a moment but Achilles was called by his friends. Nang natanaw nina Olivia
na hindi na nila maabutan si Achilles, nagpatuloy kami sa pagpi picture.
My eyes drifted to their group while we were taking a picture. Natanaw ko na sinalubong si
Achilles nang isang babae at kinausap siya nito.
The girl was petite and fair skinned. Her hair is long and a bit wavy on the tips. She's
wearing a modest pink checkered dress. She was a bit different from all the girls in their
group. She looked elegant, even in simple clothes. Pino rin ang galaw niya at kahit anong
deny ko sa isipan ko, medyo ganda nga siya.
"Uy si Alana," I heard Olivia when she noticed what I was seeing.
Nilingon ko si Olivia at nakitang si Achilles nga at iyong babae ang tinitingnan niya.
"Alana?" l asked.
"ang kausap ni Achilles," sagot ni Olivia.
"0o nga! Mula nang g-um-raduate sila, hindi ko na siya ulit nakita. Ganoon siguro ka abala
pag college na," si Charlene.
"Ang ganda talaga ni Alana. Sila na siguro nl Achilles," si Olivia.
Iritado kong nilingon si Olivia. "Akala ko ba walang girlfriend si Achilles dahil abala sa
school at work2"
"Oo, wala'yang girlfriend," si Markus.
 "Wala nga. Pero naisip ko lang, close sila. Impossibleng hindi 'yan nmagustuhanni Achilles.
I mean given na magugustuhan ni Alana si Achilles, dahil sinong hindi?"
Nagtawanan si Olivia at Charlene. I watched them in an annoved expression.
"Hindi siguro," sabi ko dahil alam ko ang totoo.
"Hindi siguro ano?" si Markus.
"Hindi siguro gusto ni Achilles 'yan. Kasi kung gusto niya, edi sila na dapat?"
"Busy nga sa trabaho, 'di ba? iyon ang priority niva," si Olivia.
"Kahit na. if he really likes that Alana girl, he can surely juggle work and her. Kasi ngayon,
nakaka hang out naman pala siya rito. So he has time for leisure, even with his busy
schedule."
Nagkibit nang balikat si Olivia.
"Pero hindi naman ako naniniwala na walang crush o gusto si Achilles. I mean he can be
busy but for sure, he likes someone. Or maybe he's in love with someone," si Charlene.
"And for sure, it's Alana."
"Siguro nga.." si Markus. "She's pretty and intelligent. Mabait din. Nanalo sa pageant sa
school at last year, panalo sa pageant ng lalawigan. Maganda mga sagot niya sa tanong lagi."

Pageant? She does that?

"Oo. Magaling din sa catwalk at maganda magdala ng damit."
I couldn't help but snort at that.
"Really? You don't know what you are talking about."
Napatingin silang tatlo sa akin, nagtataka.
"Im-mean about the catwalk thing. Iba ang standards ng high fashion sa typical barrio
catwalk!" I said insultingly. "1 know cuz I'm good at that. Kaya nga ako pinauwi ni Mama
rito sa Costa Leona dahil natatakot siyang sumikat ako bilang modelo."
Both Olivia and Charlene looked at me weirdly.
"And for pageants, that's just so easy. You only need to be pretty, tall, and smart. That's no
effort for me."
"Eh hindi naman ikaw ang pinag-uusapan namin. It's Alana. She's good and she's won. Ikaw
ba? May apanalunan ka na na pageant?" si Charlene na mukhang nairita sa pang iinsulto ko.

"Well, yes. Back in our school. And mind you, mas mahirap 'yon panalunan kumpara sa
barrio pageants. Matatalino at magaganda rin ang mga conmpetitors ko, unlike here all are
bakya."
Markus chuckled.
"Well, no one's competing with your achievements, Marem," si Charlene ulit. "Ang amin
lang naman,
Alana has won titles and she is pretty and intelligent."
"For barrio standards,;" dugtong ko.
Inignora ako ng dalawa at nagpatuloy.
"Ang ibig lang naman naming sabihin ay hindi nakakapagtaka kung lowkey na may
relasyon si
Achilles at Alana. O baka nga gusto ni Achilles si Alana since she's an ideal girl."
"For barrio standards?" dugtong ni Markus, ginagaya ako.
Ngumisi si Markus nang pinukulan ko siya ng marin na tingin. Taas noo akong dumugtong
sa
Usapan.
"I don't think so."
"You don't think so what?" olivia asked.
"1 don't think Achilles likes her." paninindigan ko.
Nagkatinginan si Charlene at Olivia. Charlene then crossed her arms and looked at me.
"Bakit naman?"
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. Ayaw ko pa ring sabihin ang alam ko pero gusto kong malaman nila
na alam ko.
"Basta."
"Basta? Eh, kita mo oh..."
Sabay sabay naming binalingan ang grupo nina Achilles at nakitang sa dami nila doon, si
Alana at
Achilles ang nag-uusap. Napasinghap ako at bahagyang nairita roon.
"That's not enough evidence that he likes her. I could be talking to Markus but that doesn't
mean I like him that wav."
"At wala ka ring ebidensiya na hindi..." si Charlene, tunog nakikipagpaligsahan na.
Sa iritasyon na walang naniniwala sa akin, tuluyan na akong bumigay.
"Magkaklase kaminl Achilles, seatmates. Madalas din kaming partners at magkasama kaya
alam ko
"Alam mo? Bakit? Nasabi niya?" si Olivia.
"Bakit ba hindi na lang kayo maniwala sa akin? Sa ating lahat, ako dapat ang nmas
nakakaalam dahil ako ang mas malapit kay Achilles."
"Malapit kay Achilles? E nito mo lang siya naging close? Samantalang kami, matagal na
namin siyang kilala rito sa Costa Leona," si Charlene.
 "Kilala n'yo lang pero hindi nyo close-
"Girls! This is getting ridiculous. Let's just go back-" si Markus na pinipigilan kami sa
pagtatalo pero hindi umubra.
"Close friend mo? Eh, magkapartner lang naman kayo sa classroom," si Charlene.
Habang tumatagal ang usapan, lalo akong naiirita. Lalo pa dahil napapatunayan ang mga
sinasabi nila sa kilos ni Achilles kasama ang mga kaibigan. Kausap niya halos lagi si Alana
kaya mas lalong mukhang totoo ang sinasabi ni Charlene at Olivia kahit hindi naman.
"For all we know, totoo ang usapan na inaalipin mo siya. Baka tinatakot mo na masisisante
sa trabaho niya kung hindi ka susundin?"
That did it!
"I didn't make him my slave! At hindi ako mabait pero lalong hindi ako desperada para
gawin iyan kahit kanino. It's his choice to do extra for me."
Natahimik sila.
"At o0, magkapartner lang kami sa classroom, pero alam ko na hindi niya gusto 'yang Alana
na 'yan.
At na walang kung ano man sa kanila, dahil kilala ko kung sino ang gusto ni Achilles.
Even Markus' mouth dropped open after I said that. Both Charlene and Olivia gasped.
*T-Talaga?" manghang tanong ni Olivia.
Charlene raised a hand for her friend. "Paano mo nalaman? Sinabi ni Achilles?"
"Oo. Sinabi niya sa akin. Kaya you shouldn't question what I know." Umirap ako.
"Fine. Sino?"
"Hindi ko na sasabihin. Basta alam ko," sabay baling ko kay Achilles na ngayon, sa wakas,
iba na ang kausap.
I saw himn look our way. Our eyes met and I couldn't help but roll my eves at him.
Somethiing about this situation is pissing me off.
"Hindi kami naniniwala. Bakit ayaw mong sabihin?" si Charlene.
"Umuwi na nga lang tayo," sabi ko, napuno na sa sitwasyon.
Aalis na sana ako pero tinuloy ni Charlene at Olivia.
"Puwede mo namang sabihin. Hindi naman kakalat. Sige na, sino?"
"Huwag na "
"Kasi ang totoo, hindi mo alam..." si Charlene sabay ngisi.
"Siguro totoo talaga na inaalipin mo si Achilles. Kung maka react ka ngavon, parang hindi
mo matanggap na may gusto si Achilles kay Alana. Baka naman ikaw ang may gusto kay
Achilles?"si olivia.
My eyes widened. Agad pumagitna si Markus, natatawa pero halatang kabado na dahil sa
pagtatalo namin. Olivia's words got into my head. I think I lost all the restraint I have. Kasi
bakit parang ako pa ang may gusto kay Achilles? I am just trying to correct a misconcepcion
about him, tapos ako pa ang mukhang desperada na may gusto sa kanya?
"Oo nga. Para kang may gusto kay Achilles at naiinggit kay Alana."
I pushed Markus away to face both Olivia and Charlene. I crossed my arms and decided to
let the truth prevail.
"Wala akong gusto kay Achilles. Siya ang may gusto sa akin!"
Nagulat ang dalawa at ilang saglit na natahimik. Markus' eyes widened too.
"0, nasagot ko na? Umuwi na tayo-"
"Paano mo nalaman? S-Sinabi niya?" si Charlene na halata ang pagkakabulaga sa sinabi ko.
I rolled my eyes. "He gave me a love letter, okay? So it's impossible that he likes Alana,
unless he's not the honorable man you are all raving about here. Kung manloloko siya at
two timer, siguro tama kayo."
Sumulyap ako sa grupo ni Achilles at nakita kong panay ang baling niya sa banda namin.
Siguro galing sa kanila, halata na ang pagtatalo naming tatlo rito,
"H don't believe you. Hindi naman siguro-"
"What will I gain for lying? I don't like Achilles. I'm trying to keep it a secret since I think he
wants it to stay that way. Pinilit n'yo lang akong magsabi ngayon kasi hindi kayo
naniniwala sa akin-"
"Patingin ng love letter?" si Charlene na mukhang ayaw pa ring bumigay.
"It's private."
"Hindi kami naniniwala, kung gano'n. Paano niya binigay sa'yo? He handed it to you just
like that-
"If you are all wondering why he's treating me extra special, and why he's a gentleman,
there's your answer. Hindi ko siya tinatakot na sisisantehin at kung ano ano pang mga
gawa gawa ninyong dahilan.
 "Charlene, Olivia, that's enough," si Markus.
"Shut up, Markus. We want to know how did Achilles confess then. How did he give you
the-
"Nilagay niya sa locker ko, okay? Nasabi kO na ang lahat kaya tigilan na natin ang usapan na
'to.
Wala siyang gusto kay Alana dahil ako ang gusto niya."
Napatingin kami sa banda nina Achilles at natanaw naming palapit na siya bigla. He
must've noticed the heated conversation.
"Papunta si Achilles. Tigilan n'yo na nga ang pagtatalo," si Markus.
Parehong tumangong kabado si Olivia at Charlene. Pero sa huli, bumaling si Charlene sa
akin.
"Sige nga. Utusan mo. Tingnan natin kung papayag ba?" hamon ni Charlene.
I sighed boredly. That'sa ridiculous challenge but somehow, I'm that pissed to actually
accept it.
"May problema ba?" salubong ni Achilles sa amin nang nakalapit.
Nagkatinginan kaming tatlo nina Charlene at Olivia. Umirap ako bago binalingan si Achilles.

"Uuwi na ako. Ihatid mo ako sa bahay. Daan tayo diyan sa harap," sabi ko kay Achilles.
Kitang kita ang gulat sa mukhani Achilles sa sinabi ko. Bumaling siya sa mga kaibigan bago
tumingin ulit sa akin. He chuckled lightl;
"Baka mag tampo ang mga kaibigan ko-"
Immediately pissed at the first sign of his answer, I cut him off.
"Babalik ka rin naman agad. Ihahatid mo lang ako pabalik sa hotel."
Tiningnan niya ulit ako, nagtataka sa utos.
"Ngayon lang ako nakasali sa kanila. At maya maya, trabaho na ulit kaya-"
This time, it was Charlene who cut Achilles off with a laugh. "Hindi niya nga maiwan sina
Alana at ang mga kaibigan para sa'yo."
Parehong tumawa si Olivia at Charlene. Achilles looked at them with curiosity. Si Markus
naman ang nag-aalalang nakatingin sa akin samantalang pakiramdam ko, pulang pula na
ako at kaonti na lang sasabog na sa galit!
Talagang ngayon pa tumanggi si Achilles? At gaano ba ka importante ang mga kaibigan
niyang 'yan para tanggihan ang paghahatid sa akin?
"Hindi naman pala totoo!" si Charlene, nagpatuloy.
I gritted my teeth, more pissed by the moment.
"Hindi naman pala totoo na may gusto si Achilles sa'yo, Marem!"
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 10

Kabanata 10
Slap
Although I was confident with what I know, I was kinda embarrassed by the situation.
Siguro dahil hindi ko naman din ginusto na ikuwento kahit kanino ang sekreto ni Achilles.
I'm not even proud to say that he likes me. I was just urged by the situation to reveal it.
And to top it all, my mind is Screaming what a turn off! Kung may gusto si Achilles sa akin,
siyempre gugustuhin niyang magpa-impress sa akin. Why would he decline my simple
request? Dahil lang sa mga kaibigan niya at sa trabaho?
"She's claiming that you like her, Achilles. Na nagbigay ka raw ng love letter sa kanya!" si
Charlene, tumatawa.
Nang nagtama ang tingin namin ni Achilles, bahagya akong nakaramdam ng karagdagang
hiya. The way he looked at me with his blank stare left me cold.
That's when my faith about what I know started to shake.
"Oo nga! Eh hindi mo naman ugali yon!" dagdag ni Olivia.
"Girls, that's enough. I don't think Marem would lie about it-" si Markus na siningitan agad
ni Charlene.
"Totoo ba 'yon, Achilles? Nagbigay ka ba talaga ng love letter kay Marem?"
Achilles then looked at me again. The blank expression is now mixed with pity.
Unti-unti akong ginapangan ng kaba. Ang kaninang kahihiyan para sa pagsasabi ng sekreto
niya ay biglang nagbago. Ang hiyang naramdamarn sa ibang bagay... ngayon ay para
Why should I be ashamed? Eh, hindi ba dapat siya ang mahiya? Yes, I revealed his secret
but it was his secret, not mine. So why would I feel embarrassed about it?
Kaya lang, sa titig niya parang alam ko na ang sagot.
Hindi siya sumagot sa tanong ni Olivia. Hindi rin niya maiwan man lang ang mga kaibigan
at ang trabaho para ihatid ako sa amin. Kaya mas lalo pa akong
 kinabahan nang subukang balikan ang paniniwala.
"Don't be scared to say it, Achilles, kung takot ka na mapahiya mo siya..." si
Charlene.
My eyes widened at that and I realized that pity was all plastered in Achilles' face.
"Nagbigay ka raw ng love letter sa locker niya, totoo ba yon"
"O gawa gawa lang ni Marem 'yon para ipagyabang sa amin kahit hindi naman?"
Iritadong iritado na ako sa sunod sunod na insulto. Gusto ko nang manumbat kung hindi
lang ako natigilan.
Come to think of it... all this time, I just believed that Achilles liked me because I saw him
near my locker, because he didn't havea locker, and because I found a freshly dropped love
letter inside my locker.
Walang nakalagay doon na galing iyon sa kanya. I only assumed that it was from him
because I saw him near my locker. Halos pareho rin ng sulat-kamay at ang laman ng love
letter ay parang sitwasyon nga naming dalawa.
Looking back, there was no confirmation that it was from him! I just know it in my gut that
it was!
Unti-unting gumapang ang init galing sa batok ko patungo sa kalamnan nang binalikan pa
ang mga naunang pagtatalo namin nina Olivia at Charlene tungkol dito.. at ang huling sinabi
ko kay Achilles!
He was staring at me, pity was really more obvious now. And as the realization dawned on
me, looking at him was becoming so hard!
"Hindi makasagot si Achilles! Marem is lying!"
Olivia laughed. "Do you even know about the love letter, Achilles?"
"Oo nga. sa dami ng nagbibigay, Marem, talaga bang kay Achilles yon? O meron ba talagang
love letter?"
"Stop it, Charlene. I don't think Marem would lie! Achilles?" si Markus na halatang matindi
ang pag-asa sa akin.
Achilles opened his mouth to speak. My face heated profusely.I can almost feel it slowly
getting redder by the moment.
Sa kanya ba talaga 'yon? Wala akong pruweba! l just believed it was from him!
And if it's not from him... then...
My face heated more and more. Even my ears were hot. At hindi ko na kayang suklian ang
titig ni Achilles sa akin. Olivia and Charlene's mischievous faces annoved the hell out of me.
And their laugh pissed me to the core!
How dare them insult me like this!
Oo, at baka nga nagkamali ako pero...
My thoughts stopped when I realized that there was just nothing I could think about but the
shame that I brought myself into.
Hindi! Hindi ako! I believed it was from Achilles! What was he doing there anyway? Wala
naman pala siyang locker, kaya anong ginagawa niya malapit sa locker ko?! Stupid!
And Olivia and Charlene! I am starting to warm up to them despite our social
Scroll Mode
Class arrerences ana yet they revealed themselves now! They are all the same hateful and
jealous people beneath me!
Hindi ko kayang akuin ang kasalanang hindi ko sinadya. Hiyang hiya na ako pero hindi ko
rin kaya na ipakita ang kahihiyan. I may lose but I won't let myself look like a loser.
Before I could react and drop my final words, both Olivia and Charlene became more
enthusiastic. Iyon pala dahil..
"Hi, Alana!"
"Oh, may problema ba? Achilles, hinahanap ka na nila."
Bumaling si Achilles sa kanya at bahagyang umambang aalis.
It was too late. Agad na tumabi si Alana kay Achilles at saglit niya kaming pinasadahan ng
tingin. Siguro ay halata ang mood ng grupo. Parehong natatawa si Olivia at Charlene kaya
akala niya siguro nagkakatuwaan kami kaya nakangiti siyang tumingin sa akin.
"Our friend here, Marem, is claiming na may gusto raw si Achilles sa kanya. Na nagbigay
daw si Achilles ng love letter sa kanya," si Charlene.
My face is too hot but now I feel like it is boiling! T-um-riple ang iritang naramdaman ko
ngayong naririnig ni Alana iyon.
Alana's eyes widened and her smile faded as she looked at me again.
"Puntahan na natin sila-" naputol ni Alana ang sinabi ni Achilles.
"T-Teka. Nagbigay ka ng love letter?" Alana asked in an amused tone.
 I almost bowed a bit. Hindi ko alam kung bakit iritang irita ako sa tono na gusto ko nang
maiyak. Pakiramdam ko pinagkakatuwaan ako.
"Hindi ako naniniwala. Harap harapan tong magsasabi kung may gusto siya."
Alana smiled at Charlene and Olivia.
I saw how Achilles tried to pull Alana away from us. Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kamay ni
Achilles na bahagyang hinahawakan si Alana sa palapulsuhan. I gritted my teeth and tried
to control the anger that's simmering.
"Marami pa naman loko loko sa school. May nakalagay bang pangalan?" banayad at
palakaibigang tanong ni Alana sa akin. "Baka ginamit lang ang pangalan ni
Achilles?"
That's it!
"l saw him near my locker, alright! And there was a freshly dropped love letter!
Walang pangalan but it's content looked like our relationship inside the classroom!" sigaw
ko sa iritasyon.
Natahimik sila. Achilles froze. I couldnt even look at him as I continued.
"In the first place, bat pupunta kasi sa locker room kung wala namang locker?! At ano
ngayon kung mali ako? Edi mali na! i just have to find the stupid and irrelevant person who
actually dropped it, but I don't really care!" sunod sunod at mabilis kong sinabi.
Walang ni isang nagsalita sa kanila. Taas noo ako, hindi gustong ipakita na hiyang hiya sa
nangyari. I will deal with the embarrassment I'm feeling later. I won't allow them to be
happy about my situation.
"Don't make a big deal about it! Eh kung hindi totoong may gusto si Achilles sa akin, ano
ngayon? As if I like him! I don't! You are all so barrio and bakya, I dont want to be
associated with any one of you!" I shouted and immediately turned my back on them.
Taas noo akong naglakad agad palayo, ayaw na masumbatan pa ng kahit na sino sa grupo
nila.
Sa pagmamadali ko, hindi ko na inisip ang batuhan. At kung masakit man ang tusok sa paa,
hindi ko na halos maramdaman sa pamamanhid.
I was so embarrassed that the pain from the sharp rocks couldn't get past through my
thoughts. Tuloy tuloy ang lakad ko, hindi nag-ingat kahit na manipis ang flipflop na suot.
I was walking with poise. My damp hair swayed a bit from my movements and the wind
from the shore.
"Marem, wait for me," I heard Markus but I didn't wait for anyone.
How stupid! And what an embarrassment!
Bakit ko nga ba giniit pa na may gusto si Achilles sa akin? Pakialam ko sa lalaking iyon?!
Taga barrio naman! Hindi guwapo at pobre! He can't even dress up for a formal party if he
needs too because he won't have clothes that will fit it! Kaya bakit ko ba pinaglaban pa
yon?!
Hindi ko kasalanan kung bakit ako naniwala na kanya ang love letter! Malay ko ba? Walang
pangalang nakalagay! Kasalanan niya bakit siya lumalapit lapit sa locker ko gayong wala
naman pala siyang locker do'n!
Hindi ko rin kasalanan kung totoong bakya naman talaga silang lahat dito!
Nakikisama na nga lang ako para makita ni Mama na mabait ako rito tapos ganito pa ang
gagawin nila?
How dare Charlene and Olivia insult me like that! Pagkauwi ko sa hotel, ipapatapon ko ang
mga gamit nila!
And that stupid girl Alana, plastik! Kinabahan ka ba nang sabihin nilang may gusto si
Achilles sa akin kaya agad mong pinabulaanan?
My face heated more looking back. Bumalik ulit si Achilles sa isipan ko.
Isa pa talaga siya! Ayaw pang ihatid ako e malapit lang naman! Ang daming favor na binigay
niya without me asking for it. Tapos kaninang hiningi ko, hindi maiwan ang mga kaibigan at
si Alana? Ihahatid lang naman, e! Hindi naman aagawin?!!
And what's with him freezing like an ice in front of them! Ano? Kanya ba ang love letter o
hindi?! Fine! I now think it's not from him but it would help a lot if he answered it!
Pakiramdam ko magkukulay abo ako kung sinagot niya nga ang tanong. Na hindi kanya ang
love letter. Kung napahiya ako ngayon na hindi niya sinagot, paano pa kung sinagot niya
'yon?!
He could lie to save me but why would he do that, e, wala naman siyang mapapala sa akin
kasi hindi ko naman siya gusto?!
Iritang irita ako habang naglalakad. Huli na nang natanaw ko na nagkanda sugat
 sugat ang paa ko dahil doon.
My eyes widened as I looked at my feet with small bruises. Saka ko lang naramdaman ang
sakit nang nakita ang mga sugat. Isang bagsakang sakit dahilan kung bakit halos matumba
ako!
Tatama na dapat sa isang malaking bato at nasisiguro na ang sugat sa binti nang biglang
may humawak sa palapulsuhan ko. I immediately looked at who it was. I thought it was
Markus but when my eyes met Achilles' my anger boiled more!
Sumunod pala siya at may gana pa siyang hawakan ako sa paraan ng pagkakahawak niya
kay Alana!
Without thinking much and driven only by emotions, my hand flew to his cheek for a slap.
Ramdam ko ang sakit ng pagkakasampal ko sa kamay ko pa lang. The smack reverberated
and I knew I did it hard because Achilles' cheek immediately flushed.
Gulat din ako sa nagawa ko. My eyes widened for a split second but I immediately got a
hold of myself. Agad kong binawi ang composure at pinandigan iyon.
"Don't touch me with your dirty hand!" I shouted at him.
Achilles looked so shocked. Kanina pa naman siya tahimik at naninimbang ang ekspresyon
at wala na akong pakialam!
Iritadong iritado ako sa kanila pero mas iritado ako sa kanya! I couldn't even put to words
how pissed I am so instead of saying more, I walked out. llang sandali na akong
nagmamartsa nang mas lalo akong nairita. The idiot didn't even ask me why I am this way.
Buti rin dahil baka sampalin ko siya ulit kung kinulit pa niya ako!
I am too pissed to ask our employees to get rid of my friends things. Ang gusto ko na lang sa
sandaling iyon ay ang umuwi sa bahay. Lalakarin ko pa iyon galing sa hotel.
Pahablot kong pinagpupulot ang mga gamit ko sa lounger. Pagkatapos ay dire- diretso na
ulit ang lakad kung hindi lang muntikan nang mabunggo kay Nikolai dela Vega.
His brow was raised when our eyes met. He looked serious while for sure, by the way I
frown, I look annoyed.
"Lover's quarrel?" he said meaningfully.
Bumagal ang lakad ko at bahagya siyang sumunod. I glared at him and he immediately
knew why.
"Im heading off to my room inside the hotel."
Papunta rin ako ng hotel. Doon ako dadaan hanggang patungo sa pathway pauwi ng
mansiyon namin. Hindi ko siya sinagot at diretso ang lakad.
"Sorry for being nosy." he chuckled mischievously. "That must hurt, the slap. I saw it from
my lounger so.."
I stopped in an annoyed way. Kitang kita ko ang gulat niya nang tumigil ako.
ALn+ile n
I stopped in an annoyed way. Kitang kita ko ang gulat niya nang tumigil ako.
Muntik na siyang mabunggo sa akin dahil do'n.
"We're not lovers,"i informed him before I resumed walking.
Sumunod din siya. I'm guessing because he's honestly going this way. Papunta rin kasi
iyong elevator kaya baka doon ang punta niya.
"Oh? I thought you were."
Sumulyap ako sa kanya at nagtaka bigla bakit niya nasabi iyon. Tumigil ulit ako, sa
pagkakataong iyon medyo malumanay na.
"Why?"
He stopped too. He eyed the people around. His dark hair was well made up and some
guests were giggling as they watch him. Paano ba naman kasi, naka topless nang pumasok
sa hotel proper at ngayong nasa lobby na kami, siya lang ang ganoon ang istura dito.
"Well, you were with him last night. I saw you. And it seems like your mother disagrees
with your relationship with him," si Nikolai sabay ngisi.
I snorted. Mali pa ang iniisip niya.
"Sorry. Im not nosy. I was about to enter that balcony when I saw you two
( Scroll Mode taiNIg, AIIUI aISUSaw your IIOeTuruus avwuIL SU...
"Well, he's not my boyfriend. Or even a friend for that matter-"
"Hindi na?"
"Hindi kailanman!"
 Nikolai smirked.
"So lover's quarrel."
"And we're not lovers..."
Nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad. Sumunod siya. We parted ways when I reached the elevator.
Nagkibit siya ng balikat habang pinipindot ang buton sa elevator samantalang bagsak na
bagsak ang lakad ko paalis doon.
Gusto kong lamunin na ako ng lupa. Pero ayaw ko rin. Hindi ko maintindihan.
Nakahiga ako sa kama pagkatapos maligo. lyon ang unang ginawa ko nang nakapasok sa
kuwarto.
Gusto kong lamunin ng lupa sa kahihiyan pero ayaw ko ring bigyan sila ng dahilan para
matuwa dahil lang sa pagkapahiya ko! I want them to know that despite what happened, I
am not affected!
Hindi naman talaga ako affected! Pakialam ko rin sa buhay ni Achilles. I was just literally
misinformed and that's it. I believed and assumed all because he acted like he likes me.
Oo at sinabi nilang gentleman siya at mabait, pero sinabayan lang noong love letter kaya
akala ko siya. Hindi big deal na inakala kong may gusto siya sa akin dahil wala naman
akong pakialam kung may gusto siya sa akin o wala! lgroaned and hide under my comforter
as I recalled what happened. Naalala ko pa ang mukha ni Alana at nang hawakan siya ni
Achilles!
Ewan ko sa mga probinsiyana at probinsiyanong mga ito! Akala ba nila maiisahan nila ako
dahil marami sila at mag-isa lang ako rito? l am Maria Emilia Galvez.
Lumuwas sila sa Maynila at hindi sila makakalabas ng polo club nang hindi kilala ang
pangalan na iyon.
Ay! Right! They dont go to places like that. When they go to Manila, they'l probably only
reach the slums. Because here or not, we really are not in the same world.
At hindi ko dapat maramdaman na inferior ako sa kanila dahil lang nandito ako sa barrio
nila. They should feel inferior dahil nasa barrio lang sila! That's it!
"Miss Marem, nagtatanong ang kaibigan mong si Markus tungkol sa-
"Pauwiin n'yo na sila. Pakisabi busy na ako ngayon at wala nang interes na bumalik.
Ang kapal din ng mukha nila kung inasahan pa nila akong bumalik sa hotel.
Lalong lalo na si Olivia at Charlene. From now on, I won't treat them as my friends
anymore.
May mga kaibigan bang pinagtatawanan ang kaibigan? It wasn't even a funny laugh. It was
insulting.
I sighed. Unti-unti nang lumulubog ang araw. I spent the rest of the day outside our house
watching the waves crash on our empty shore.
Come to think of it, kahit sa Maynila, vwala rin naman akong matatawag na close girl
friends. All of my girl friends think about its who's more popular in our group.
At siyempre dahil gusto ko ako iyon, I started modeling and the theater. But I know that all
they want is competition in the end.
Kaya bakit pa ako nagtataka kung ganoon din ang kaibigan ko rito sa Costa
Leona? At least my friends in Manila never insulted me the way Olivia and
Charlene did. At walang Achilles at Alana sa Manila kaya mas maganda pa rin doon.
Achilles. Alana.
Even their names both start with A.
Bahagya kong niyakap ang mga binti ko. Medyo nangangawit na ang mukha dahil kanina pa
busangot habang iniisip arng lahat ng iyon.
Manila is still better than Costa Leona. Kailan kaya ako uuwi? Ayaw ko na rito.
Dumaan ang dalawang araw at nanatili ako sa bahay. Tuwing dumadaan si
Dumaan ang dalawang araw at nanatili ako sa bahay. Tuwing dumadaan si
Markus sa hotel o sa mansiyon, nagtatanong tungkol sa akin, pareho lang ang sinasabi ng
mga empleyado. Busy ako.
After three days, I finally had the courage to go back to the hotel alone.
Mabuburyo ako sa bahay kung hindi ako papasyal man lang sa hotel.
Naalala ko tuloy ulit ang nangyari noong nakaraan. I promised myself not to dwell on it. If I
dwel on it that means I am affected. So I tried so hard to forget it.
Ngayong nasa hotel ako, naalala ko na naman.
Stupid people! Gagawin ko ang lahat makauwi lang sa Manila. I hate this place so much!
Naglalakad ako sa pool nang natanaw si Nikolai dela Vega sa lounger. Nakuryoso
 tuloy ako. Lahat ng guests sa party nagsiuwian na noong nakaraan. Bakit nandito pa siya?
I didn't like startinga conversation so I kept my distance. Nakatayo ako malapit sa lounger
ni Nikolai. He's sporting a black aviators so I didn't know if he actually saw me.
Dumaan ako saglit sa harap niya. I saw him drink on his cocktail. Nagtanggal din siya ng
tshirt. Akala ko magsi-swimming siya pero bigla siyang humiga ulit, trying to sunbathe
probably.
He is handsome, I admit it. We almost have the same fair complexion except that he is hairy
on the arm. llang taon din yata ang tanda sa akin. But somehow, despite his rude and bad
boy aura and older age, I don't feel threatened or whatsoever.
Hindi ko rin siya gusto. I don't know but somehow I think he's handsome but he can't fix a
broken car to save his life. Well, hindi niya rin naman siguro kailangan dahil mayaman.
I sighed and had enough of it.
"You're still here?" puna ko.
Nilingon niya ako. Inangat niya ang aviators at ngumisi.
Yes?"
"Umuwi na ang ibang guests sa party. Ikaw nandito pa?"
"Im trying to take a vacation. Pagod ako sa trabaho kaya nandito.."
He then looked around.
"Bawal ba?"
Naupo ako sa kabilang lounger at nagkibit nang balikat.
"Hindi naman. Nagulat lang ako na nandito ka pa."
He smiled and put his aviators back. Hindi na ulit nagsalita.
He isn't a conversationalist. And I find him mysterious, though he's not my type.
"So dito ka nagbakasyon? Hindi mo naisipan na pumunta sa ibang bansa?"
"I like it here. It's peaceful."
I snorted. The past days all I think about is how much | loathe Costa Leona. Kaya nang
marinig iyon galing sa isang dayuhan, gusto kong bumunghalit sa tawa.
"Im guessing you dont?"
Napawi ang tawa ko. "Naisip ko lang. You're probably working now so you can afford
anywhere you like. Not in this new and still under renovation hotel."
"Well, the hotels you are talking about didn't have what your hotel has. Peace," aniya.
I shrugged and looked around. llang sandali kaming natahimik.
Pinagmasdan ko ang sabay sabay na sayaw ng mga niyog, habang umiihip ang hangin. The
waves crashed on the shore and for a moment, that was all we hear despite the other
guests around.
"But I hate it here," tanging nasabi ko.
Binalik ko ang tingin kay Nikolai na kanina pa ako pinagmamasdan.
"So... leave?"
"Hindi ganoon ka dali. I'm still young and still under my parent's rules. At isa pa, despite
everything, I still respect the choices of my parents for our family."
I sighed. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa iritasyon para sa mga kaibigan dito, sa pagkapahiya
noong nagdaang araw, sa boredom, o ang iba-ibang pakiramdam na dala ng banayad na
ihip ng hangin... mabilis akong nagtiwala kay Nikolai.
He doesn't talk much, mysterious at most, and there is a bad boy aura... but somehow I feel
like he can't even dare to step on mud. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.
"But you can't allow your mother to marry you off to Vince Hidalgo?"
I sighed. "Bakit? Ikaw ba kung papangunahan ka ng parents mo sa pakakasalan mo,
papayag ka?"
Pinagmasdan ko ang pag-inom niya sa cocktail. Hindi na siya bumalik sa pagkakahiga at
sinagot na ako.
"l don't mind. I'm not the marrying type." He smirked. "So it would help if they choose for
me. Kung ayaw nilang magka apo ng puro panganay."
I smiled and shook my head at his cockiness. That was how I met Nikolai.
He entertained me the rest of the days he vacationed in our hotel. Dalawang linggo iyon
kaya halos makalimutan ko ang nangyaring pagkapahiya. Halos malimutan ko rin ang mga
kaibigan- o kung kaibigan ko pa rin ba ang mga iyon.
Honestly, talking to Nikolai at that summer saved me from all the nagging I would've done
to my parents. Kasi gustong gusto ko nang umuwi ng Maynila at
 ayaw nang mag-aral dito.
Sa ilang linggo na kausap ko si Nikolai, at nakilala ko siya, nakalimutan ko na malapit na
nga pala ang pasukan. Na ilang araw na lang, makikita ko na ulit sina
Markus, Olivia, at Charlene. Ni ayaw kong isipin na pati si Achilles!
"Yes. Just pile it up on my table," I heard him on his phone.
In my bathing suit with a cover up, after the two weeks of chatting with Nikolai everyday,
magkasama na kami ngayon sa magkatabing lounger, tanaw ang karagatan ng Costa Leona.
Bumuntonghininga ako pagkatapos niyang ibaba ang tawag.
"Uuwi ka na?"
"Yup. I have things to do."
I frowned. He smirked
"Why? Will you miss me when I'm gone?" he said in a teasing voice.
Hindi ako sumagot dahil iyon ang totoo. Unti-unti ko ring na-realize na magpapasukan na.
Ano pa kaya ang puwede kong gawin para tuluyan na akong makauwi ng Manila?
"You want to come with me?"
Umirap ako kay Nikolai. Alam niyang hindi ganoon ka dali. Ngumisi pa siya lalo.
"Do you want to be with me?"
"Don't flatter yourself..." | said and sipped on my orange juice.
He chuckled. "No, really. Kung ganyan mo ka ayaw ang lugar na to, puwede namang sabihin
mo sa parents mo na pakakasal ka sa akin. Maybe they will allow you then to go back to
Manila?
Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. Ang dali niyang bitiwan ang mga salitang iyon.
"At paano kung malaman nila na sinabi ko lang iyon para makaalis dito"
Kumunot ang noo ni Nikolai. "Sinabi mo lang 'yon para makaalis dito? Hindi ba natin
tototohanin kalaunan?"
I looked at him with a ridiculous gaze. Is he serious?
"So you really have no wife prospects, huh? Para offer-an ako ng ganito?"
Nagkibit siya ng balikat. Umiling naman ako.
"I don't want to be married to you! Don't flatter yourself, I find you handsome but... I don't
like you that way.
He chuckled. Umirap naman ako.
"Bakit? Ano ba ang type mo" Nikolai asked.
Gaya nang dati, hindi ko mapunto kung ano ang tipo ko. Pero may naisagot pa
Gaya nang dati, hindi ko mapunto kung ano ang tipo ko. Pero may naisagot pa rin ako kay
Nikolai.
"Someone manly, Iguess."
"Don't you find me manly?" he grinned.
Nilingon ko siya at natanaw ang namumula niyang mestizong balat. I shook my head a little.
He really is pleasant in the eyes but... l am just not attracted.
"Gusto ko ng medyo moreno at... maganda ang kulay ng mga mata. Deep-set and... tall with
muscles in their right places."
My mind drifted away as I thought of what I really like this time.
"Mabait at hardworking. Patient. Malinis kahit nakamaong o malinis kahit medyo rugged
minsan-"
Nikolai chuckled again. "Like the man you slapped, Marem"
Napakurap-kurap ako nang nabalik sa wisyo!
"Of course not!" I protested.
Kaso bigla akong nanlamig nang balikan ang iniisip.. bakit parang siya nga ang inilalarawan
ko?!
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 11
Kabanata 11
Curious
"Do you really think that having me here was the solution?! If anything, being here in Costa
Leona just made it worse for me!" Padabog akong umalis sa opisina ni Mama.
Sawang sawa na ako. Isang araw pa lang na wala si Nikolai, bumalik agad ang lahat sa akin.
I am reminded of how trapped I am here in this place. Hindi tuloy tumigil ang away namin
ni Mama. Even on their last day in Costa Leona, we had a rough
 argument.
Hindi ko siya nakumbinsi na ibalik na ako sa Maynila. Alam ko na naman iyon pero
sumubok pa rin ako, nagbabakasakali na magbago na ang isip niya ngayon.
But then I was right.. she never changed her mind. If anything, it made her worse. Para niya
akong pinaparusahan sa pagtanggi kay Vince Hidalgo. Kaya lalo niyang hindi ako
pinagbibigyan na bumalik ng Manila.
I couldn't help my tears as I take the call of Nikolai. It should be awkward given that we just
met and became friends that month, but I didnt feel it at all. Magaan talaga ang loob ko sa
kanya.
"Are you going to consider my offer now?" He asked devilishly.
Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at umirap habang nanatili sa tawag.
Ikinuwento ko sa kanya ang pagtatalo namin ni Mama. Kaya heto na naman siya at
binabalik ang offer niya.
Hindi na ako sumagot. I am utterly annoyed with my situation that I'm starting to actually
consider his offer.
"You know, we can hit it off eventually for sure?" He offered.
I sighed. "Wala ka lang mahanap na mapapangasawa. Matanda ka na. I'm still young and I
have a lot of potential to find the man of my dreams."
"What? Ouch!" He chuckled
Sa gitna ng mga luha, napangiti ako sa reaksiyon niya.
"l am just trying to offer you a solution. Huwag mo naman akong tawaging matanda!"
"You remind me of Markus. He also offered me to be his girlfriend para makawala rito."
"Markus?" Puno ng pagtataka ang tono ni Nikolai.
When I think of it, sa kanilang tatlo si Markus nga lang ang medyo maayos ang tungo sa
akon. At least that day. He was also very keen on reconnecting with me after what
happened. Balik nang balik sa bahay at hotel para makausap ako dahil hindi sumasagot sa
mga tawag. Pinili ko lang talaga na 'wag siyang kitain dahil masama pa ang loob ko.
Hanggang ngayon, masama pa ang loob ko. Kung may paraan lang para makailag sa unang
araw ng eskuwela, gagawin ko na. But even if I pretend I'm sick, I won't magically stop
going to school here in Costa Leona. I sighed again.
"You know, 'yong kasama ko no'ng nagkita tayo sa hotel?"
"The annoying boy, Marem?"
Nagulat ako sa description niya.
"He's actually fine."
"He tried to hit on you?!" Halata ang alarma sa tono ni Nikolai.
"No. He offered me to be his girifriend! lyon lang."
"So he tried to hit on you. Nanligaw siya?" Medyo kalmado pero halatang seryoso niyang
tanong.
"Hindi. At hindi ko rin naman siya gusto."
He paused for a while. "That's good."
I paused too. "Why?"
"He seems annoying. Not good for you."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Totoo namang may kakulitan nga si Markus minsan pero hindi
naman yata ganoon ka lala na kahit si Nikolai na hindi pa naman talaga nakakakilala,
nagsasabi na ng ganoon. Well, maybe it's his first impression of him and Nikolai a calm and
composed person. So maybe that's why he hated the vibe.
"I don't like him that way, Nikolai."
Nagkulong ako sa kuwarto, wala naman talagang ginagawa. Umalis na ang parents ko para
sa trabaho ni Papa at siyempre kasama si Mama at naiwan na naman kami. I sighed as I
think about it. If only I was a daredevil, naglayas na ako habang wala si Mama.
Kayang kaya kong takasan ang mga bodyguards. Nakaya kong pumunta sa mga
Mercadejas noon nang walang nakakaalam sa nga kasambahay. But then I am too scared to
really make it happen
Mapapahiya ko si Mama at Papa kung nalaman ng mga kakilala namin na naglayas ako. At
gusto kong isipin na hindi naman siguro ganoon kalala ang mangyayari kung tumuloy nga
ako sa pag-aaral dito.
Besides, like whatl said they are beneath me. So why should I be too embarrassed about
what happened? Oo, nagkamali ako so what can they do?
Even if I do so many mistakes over and over again, I'm still better than them.
 That's what kept me going. Kaya sa unang araw ng eskuwela, hindi ako nakaramdam ng
kaba o ano pa man. I continued walking towards the now familiar classrooms of the school.
At gaya ng lagi, pinagtitinginan na naman ako.
Hindi pa ba sanay ang mga ito sa bodyguards at helper na lagi kong kasama at naghihintay
lang sa malayo?
Nang nasa tamang pasilyo na, nagsimula na akong tumigil sa mga pintuan para basahin ang
lista ng mga pangalan. Sa unang classroom, nabasa ko kaagad ang pangalan ni Olivia at
Charlene.
I looked around and rolled my eyes. Hindi pa sila nakakarating sa classroom. At buti na lang
wala ang pangalan ko sa listahan ng classroom nila. I don't want to be friends with stupid
people.
Lumipat ako sa kabila at nabasa naman ang pangalan ni Markus doon. I sighed and realized
that my name isn't there too.
"Marem!" I heard Markus' excited voice behind me.
Nilingon ko siya. I didn't want to look pissed so I gave him an indifferent gaze before I
continued walking to the next classroom.
"Marem! Pansinin mo naman ako oh," punong puno ng panunuyo ang tinig niya.
I continued like I didn't hear a thing. Tumigil ako sa sunod na classroom at nagbasa. Markus
hovered behind me like a dog to his owner.
"Uy!" Pangungulit niya.
After one look at the list without my name on it, I continued walking.
"Marem..." sunod ni Markus.
I sighed as I continued. Pinagtitinginan kami ng mga estudyante.
"What is it?" I asked lazily
"Galit ka ba?"
Annoyed at the question, I stopped and looked at Markus. The look on Markus face told me
that I mustve been terrifying. I then softened my gaze at him. Oo at ayaw ko nang makisama
ss kanila pero gaya ng sabi ko, they should be greater than themselves to deserve my anger.
Wala na akong pakialam sa grupo at iyon lang iyon
"No. lyon lang ba ang tanong? Hinahanap ko ang classroom ko. I believe yours is there."
Sabay tingin sa nadaanan na naming classroom.
"Look... I know you're mad-"
"Im not!" Malamig kong sinabi.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Markus. Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, naglakad muli ako.
Patuloy pa rin na sumunod si Markus.
"Look... I really think you deserve to get mad. Hindi maganda ang ginawa ni
Charlene at Olivia sa'yo especially in front of Achilles."
Wala ulit ang pangalan ko sa sunod na classroom. Okay lang. Mas maganda nga na mas
malayo ako kina Charlene, Olivia, at Markus. But then I think I could give
Markus the benefit of the doubt. Kaya nga hindi ko siya tinataboy kahit na sumusunod siya
sa akin.
"Especially in front of Achilles? Why? What's so special?" | looked at him again.
Napaawang ang labi ni Markus sa gulat. Hindi rin siya makasagot kaya dinugtungan ko na.
"Wala naman akong pakialam kay Achilles. Hindi siya special."
"I.. ljust mean that..." he paused. "Alam mo na. Inakala mo na may gusto siya sa'yo pero... tas
sa harap pa niya tinanong.
"Are you saying that it's unfortunate on my end kasi napahiya ako sa taong akala ko may
gusto sa akin?" I pointed out.
Markus swallowed hard. Alam ko agad na iyon nga ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"So what if I was wrong? I don't really care. I don't care about your opinion. I don't care
about Achilles' opinion," kalmado kong sinabi bago nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.
Tumigil ulit ako sa sumunod na classroom. Markus is still hovering around.
"]ust so you know, I don't agree with Olivia and Charlene. Pinagsabihan ko na ang dalawa-"
"I don't mind, Markus. And huwag mo akong pilitin makipaghang out pa sa dalawang yon
dahil kahit wala lang sa akin iyon, I realize that they are as cheap as everyone else around
so I don't want to be associates with them."
"H-Hindi kita pipilitin, Marem. But you know... i just want to say that I am with you on this,"
Nabasa ko na ang pangalan ko sa sunod na glassroom. Nilingon ko si Markus at
bumuntonghininga.
 "You don't have to. And don't pity me cuz I'm fine. Actually, I think Im better by myself."
Hindi nagsalita si Markus.
"Anyway, here's my classroom. Pasok na ako.." sabi ko at pumasok na sa loob.
Maaga ako. Kaonti pa lang ang kaklase. Ang malas naman na kaklase ko ulit si
Jessie. I rolled my eyes whern I realized I didn't even look at the list to search for
Achilles. Wala naman kasi akong pakialam, e. Kung magkaklase ulit kami, bahala siya.
Naupo ako sa pinakamalayong upuan. Alam ko nang doon ulit ako ilalagay dahil matangkad
kumpara sa mga kaklase.
Markus hovered outside my classroom, looking at me and trying to make faces to make me
smile. After a while, dumami na ang mga estudyante tulad ng isang normal na araw. Markus
was drowned out by the students arriving. Inabala ko na lang din ang sarili ko sa notebook.
Il take note once homeroom starts.
"Achilles! lassmate ulit tayo!" Isa sa mga kaklaseng nag aabang sa pintuan ang narinig ko.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin at natanaw na papasok si Achilles sa classroom ko. Oh now great! I
said I'm not embarrassed and I don't care about him, even after what happened, but I
would greatly appreciate if we are not classmates this year.
Kaya lang huli na ang lahat. The joy of my classmates confirmed that he is indeed my
classmate. Binaba ko ang mga mata ko sa bukas na notebook at nagsimula na lang magsulat
ng kung ano anong paghahanda sa homeroom doon. I decorated its sides with my colored
lencil just to distract myself. Hindi na rin nagtagal ang tingin ko sa grupong sumalubong
kay Achilles. I didn't know if he saw me and I didn't care.
Epektibo ang pagiging abala ko sa notebook. I only glanced once for a few moments. At
nakita kong nahanap nga ako ni Achilles sa kinauupuan ko. Abala siyang kinakausap ng
mga kaklaseng masaya dahil classmate siya.
"Nakapag desisyon ka na ba kung mag co-college ka? Dito pa rin ba?" Those questions
stalled Achilles.
Kahit ayaw kong makinig sa usapan nila, malit lang ang classroom at maririnig ko ang lahat.

"Dito lang din ako mag co-college!

"Kayo"
"Ikaw Achilles? For sure dito ka rin? Mga kaibigan mo dito, e."
"Pero hindi mo na maabutan? Ano ang kukunin mo?"
"Mag te-teacher ka rin gaya ni Alana?"
I lifted my eyes again, unable to stay put. Nagtama agad ang tingin namin ni
Achilles. He was watching me intently despite being crowded by our classmates. I smoothly
put my eyes back in my notebook and continued on like we didn't have that eye contact just
now.
Kaya lang nang dumilim ng kaonti ang desk ko dahil sa anino, I glanced at who it was and I
was surprised... hindi ko nga lang iyon pinahalata.
Nakatayo si Achilles sa gilid ng bakanteng upuan sa tabi ko. At kalaunan, naupo siya roon.
Sa ibang pagkakataon, nagtanong na ako kung bakit siya dito naupo. Pero pagkatapos ng
lahat ng nangyari, ayaw ko nang makialam pa. Whether he wanted to sit here or not is none
of my business. Even if it pissed me off, I couldn't care at all.
Tuloy tuloy ang pag scribble ko sa gilid. I memorized a Dolce and Gabbana design and I
scribbled it on the sides of the first page of my homeroom notebook. Sa gilid ng mata ko,
kita ko ang paulit ulit na pagbaling ni Achilles sa ain na para bang nag aabang siya na
kakausapin ko siya.
Pero kahit galit at pambabara, wala akong sinabi.
"Achilles! Dito ka na lang!" Jessie offered
I saw how Achilles looked at me again, as if expecting that l'd react to Jessie's invitation.
Pero mabibigo siya dahil wala akong pakialam. Kung nairita man ako kay Jessie, hindi ko
iyon pinahalata. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa ginagawa.
"Okay lang ako dito.." sagot naman ni Achilles.
"Oh?" Jessie sounded like it was the greatest mystery.
Paniguradong tinitingnan na ako ni Jessie ngayon at ang lahat ng nakarinig noon, iniisip na
naman na inaalipin ko si Achilles, Heck, I am ignoring him already. They should stop it.
"Pero wala pa sana akong katabi at mas malapit dito..." pilit ni Jessie.
 Achilles chuckled Iightly. "Dito na ako. Pagdating ng teacher, dito pa rin naman ako
pauupuin dahil matangkad."
Kita ko ulit ang pagsulyap ni Achilles sa akin na para bang naghihintay ulit ng reaksiyon. I
didn't give him any.
Marami pang kaklase ang kumausap sa kanya samantalang nanatili ako sa ginagawa. It was
almost time for the homeroom when he couldn't take it. He watched me like a hawk even
when our classmates hovered around him to strike a meaningful conversation.
"Okay lang ba kung dito ulit ako?" He asked.
Natigil ako sa pagsusulat. Alam kong naiinip na siya na hindi kami nag uusap pero hindi ko
inasahan na siya na mismo ang kakausap sa akin.
Iglanced at him and nodded. Binalik ko agad ang mga mata sa ginagawa na parang walang
nangyari. Nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin.
"Talaga?"
Natigilan ako. He was straightforward with that question so it must be serious.
Pero kahit paano nahimigan ko ang kaunting mapaglarong tono. Nilingon ko siya at nagtaas
siya ng isang kilay.
"Walang problema," mas malinaw kong sinabi. "Besides, our homeroom teacher decided
where we sit in the end so we're not really sure if youll remain seated here
He looked at me like he was reading my mind. Kaya agad kong binagsak ang tingin sa
ginagawa at hindi na siya pinansin.
"Pero kung..." he trailed off.
Slightly annoyed, I stopped shading the lemons that I've drawn on the sides of my
notebook. Nilingon ko siya, mariin ang tingin. He watched me intentily and his lips curved a
bit when he noticed my expression. Multo ng ngiti pero baka guni guni ko lang dahil nawala
rin naman agad iyon.
"Kung dito pa rin ako pauupuin ng teacher natin, okay lang?"
"Bakit hindi okay? At isa pa, hindi rin sigurado kung dito ako uupo kaya walang problema.'
Sinabi ko ang huling dalawang salita ng mas mariin. Hindi ko alam bakit ako tinatanong ni
Achilles ng ganito. Nagpatuloy ako sa ginagawa.
"Nice design..." puna niya.
I stopped and this time I couldn't help but glare at him. He looked playfully scared for a
moment before he flashed a smile which he immediately kept hidden.
Is he playing with me?
"Sorry." Pilit siyang nagseryoso. "Galit ka ba?
Napakurap kurap ako. I said they don't deserve anger, what I have is indifference. But his
playfulness made it hard not to get pissed.
"Ba't naman ako magagalit?" At binalik ulit ang tingin sa ginagawa.
Hindi siya nakasagot. Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa akin hanggang sa dumating ang teacher.
The first agenda our homeroom teacher did was to assign us seats.
At gaya ng alam ko, nasa pinakahulihang upuan nga ako dahil sa tangkad. We also had
another male classmate who was taller. Siya ang unang in-assign ng teacher namin bago
ako binigyan ng upuab.
Si Achilles ang huling tinawag. Napabalik ng tingin ang teacher sa mga natitirang upuan. It
was a chair beside mine and another chair beside the taller male classmate on the other
column.
"May dalawang upuan na natitira, Mr. Riego. Ikaw na ang pumili kung saan mo gusto," sabi
ng teacher bago bumaba ang tingin sa mas importanteng isusulat sa blackboard.
Achilles looked at the two chair. Bago pa ako makapanalangin na saba iyong katabi ng lalaki
ang pilin niya, naglakad na siya pabalik sa akin.
Jessie and some of my other classmates mouth dropped open. Achilles, even when given a
chance to escape my side, still returned like a moth attracted to the fire even if it would kill
him.
I cleared my throat. Irita na ako kanina pero mas lalo lang akong nairita ngayon.
Marami ang dahilan pero may kakaiba rin akong nararamdaman.
Irita ako dahil magmimistula nga'ng inaalipin ko siya sa ginagawa niya. All these people
think that he hates me because of the past - he was fired from the
Mercadejas mansion. Kaya ano pa nga ba ang rason bakit siya bumalik sa tabi ko
The other feeling that I can't deal with right now is an unexplainable
 overwhelming feeling because he came back... even when I didn't ask him.
Irita ako sa sarili ko dahil hindi ko gustong maramdaman ang huling naisip. Why am I even
overwhelmed that he chose to come back when I don't care at all?
Binuntonghininga ko na lang ang mga gustong sabihin dahil ayaw kong makipag usap sa
kanya. Gaya bg sinabi ko, indifference not anger. That's all l should offer!
"Galit ka?" He asked when he noticed my unintentional loud sigh.
Nagsimula nang magsulat ang teacher sa blackboard kay ganoon din ako sa notebook ko.
Hindi ko na sinulyapan si Achilles kahit na nakatingin pa rin siya sa akin hanggang ngayon.
"Nope," l answered.
He started taking notes as well but is occasionally glancing at me.
"Kung ayaw mo puwede naman akong-"
"I said I don't mind, Achilles!" I snapped.
Agad ko nga lang binawi ang kaonting iritasyon na nagpahalata.
"You're insisting that I'm angry, I'm not."
Nakataas ang isang kilay niya. He licked his lips as he watched me almost losing my cool to
that.
"Walang problema," mas kalmado kong sinabi.
Tumango siya at siguro nagdesisyon nang huwag na akong kulitin. Hindi na nga niya ako
kinulit pero panay pa rin ang sulyap niya sa akin. If I move a bit, all his attention
immediately goes back to me. Eh ni ayaw kong pansinin niya ako,
Unti unti kong niligpit ang mga gamit ko para sa break. Abala akong nag isip kung paano
ako sa break ngayon dahil hindi na ako puwedeng sumama kina Markus. I don't like them
anymore so l should probably just find a cozy place to hang out iyong malayo sa mga tao
kaya malamang hindi sa cafeteria.
I sighed and started walking away.
Luckily, Our class was the first one to take a break. Kaya wala pa sina Markus,
Olivia, at Charlene nang bumili ako sa cafeteria. The bodyguards then didn't even follow me
out of the cafeteria sa sobrang sanay nila na doon ako kumakain. It was good though. I want
a peaceful day even just for this part.
Naupo ako sa isang bench sa likod lang ng naglalakihang mahogany trees sa pathway
patungong cafeteria. Hindi madaling mahanap iyon dahil nasa likod at kaonti lang ang
nauupo sa ganitong oras dahil ang mga katabing upuan ay nasisinagan pa ng araw.
I quietly opened my orange juice box and took a sip on it. I watched the longer than usual
grass of the field dance with the wind. The small diamond fence that separated the basic
education department to the college department didn't look sturdy enough. For sure
students would pass through that when they're bored.
Hindi naman siguro ako hahayaan ni Mama na dito na rin mag kolehiyo?
Nagmumuni muni ako nang biglang may naupo sa tabi ko. I was shocked when I saw who it
was and even pissed at myself when I felt overwhelmed again!
Bakit nandito si Achilles? Hindi niya ugali ang sundan ako. Oo at noong nagdaang taon ay
medyo naging malapit kami pero hindi niya kailanman sinadya ang kahit anong tagpo!
What the heck is he doing here?
That question must have been so obvious in my expression because even if I didn't say it
out loud, he answered it.
"Sinundan kita dahil gusto kong makausap ka."
"For what?" I said, still shocked at the event.
"Mag isa ka lang? Nasaan ang mga kaibigan mo?"
"That's your what you want to talk about?" I asked in an annoyed tone.
Hindi siya sumagot. I'm guessing the answer is no. I want to answer him but l didn't want to
prolong the conversation so I didn't.
Iglared at him. Inulit niya pa ang tanong niya kanina.
"Hindi ba nasagot ko na 'yan? Hindi nga, 'di ba?" I snapped.
His lips twisted as he watched me struggle to maintain my calm expression.
"Mukhang galit ka..." he pointed out.
I was about to aggressively answer to prove that I was not angry but it will only make it
worse so I paused and breathed.
"Ba't naman ako magagalit sa'yo?" Sinubukan kong kumalma pati sa tono.
Naninimbang ang titig niya sa akin. It was so hard to look at him but I powered through just
to prove a point. He licked his lips and slightly cocked his head.
"Puwede ko bang makita ang love letter?"
Wala lang naman iyon pero hindi ko alam bakit kabado ako. And honestly I also
 don't know why I bring that damned letter along on my planner inside my bag.
Tatanggihan ko na sana pero wala akong mahanap na dahilan para tanggihan siya.
Ipinagkibit balikat ko na lang iyon at nagsimulang buksan ang bag para kuhanin ang letter.
"I receive letters like this all the time..." I mumbled casually to keep my cool.
"Tinatapon ko lang kasi wala namang-
"You receive love letters all the time?" Putol niya sa akin.
Kumunot ang noo ko bago tuluyang binunot ang love letter sa planner.
"Oo. Sa locker. Kaya hindi na bago 'to.
Achilles' brows were furrowed as he listened to me. I then handed him the letter.
Matagal bago niya binagsak ang tingin sa letter na iyon.
"Nasaan ang ibang nakukuha mong letter?"
"Tinatapon ko nga! Kasi wala namang halaga ang mga ganyan sa akin."
Binasa niya ang letter ng tahimik. I couldn't stand there and wait so lI continued.
"Itatapon ko na rin sana 'yan... nakalimutan ko lang."
"Hindi ka ba kuryoso kung sino ang nagbigay?"
I groaned in an annoyed way. "Like I said, I don't care at all. But it won't hurt to know who
sent it once and for all."
Nagkatinginan ulit kami. He folded the letter back while I held out my hand to receive it
nang makaalis na rin doon. Kung iyon lang ang gusto niyang pag usapan, edi tapos na.
Nakataas na ang kamay ko, handa nang tanggapin ang sulat pero tiningnan lang ni Achilles
iyon. Nagdugtong ang makakapal na kilay niya.
"Akala ko ba tinatapon mo ang mga nakukuhang love letter?"
Iritado na ang dami niyang tanong, sinagot ko pa rin.
"Oo. Tinatapon nga. Now, hand me that letter.
Binaba niya ang kamay na nakahawak noobg sulat at nagawa pang ilagay iyon sa bulsa.
"What are you doing? Hand me the letter!"
He still didn't move. If anything he looked a bit playful and ruthless at the same time.
That isn't yours, give it to me!"
"Akala ko ba itatapon mo ang mga love letter?"
"Itatapon nga!"
"Pero gusto mong malaman kung sino ang nagbigay?"
"l said I don't care but for everyone's peace of mind, that would surely help-"
"Ako na ang magtatapon dito kung ganoon. Huwag mo nang hanapin kung sino ang
nagsulat."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ganoon. I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out what he
meant
"Bakit? Kilala mo ba kung sino?"
He shook his head.
"Do you have any idea?"
His eyes narrowed. "So you're curious? Akala ko ba wala kang pakialam?"
"Wala nga akong pakialam pero since nagkamali ako, gusto ko nang malamarn kung sino
ang totoong nagsulat niyan.
"Hindi ko alam kung sino at huwag mo nang hanapin. Ako na ang magtatapon."
Weird. Matagal kaming nagkatinginan bago ako nagpasya na wala naman talaga akong
pakialam. I shrugged it off and gathered my things
"Bahala ka... alis na ako..."| said coldly and eventually left him without looking back.
I don't know what he's up to but I'm sure I don't care now.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 12
O 73
571
Kabanata 12
Cliff
Lumipas ang ilang buwan na ganoon lang nga ang ginagawa ko. Mas lalo akong nabagot
pero hindi bale na kaysa makasama sina Olivia at Charlene.
Simula noong huli naming pag-uusap ni Achilles, lagi niya na lang akong kinakausap sa
kung ano anong bagay. Tungkol sa school works at iba pa.
Sinasagot ko siya pero hanggang doon lang dahil ayaw kong humaba ang
 usapan. Nagpepresinta din siya na magkasama kami sa iilang moving exam at dahil wala
naman ding ibang gustong makisama sa akin, wala na rin akong choice.
"Uuwi ka na?" tanong niya no'n pagkalipas ng isang buwan at gano'n pa rin ang ginagawa
ko.
Nilingon ko siya dahil hindi naman siya madalas mang-usisa. Siguro hindi niya na napigilan
ngayon dahil hindi ko na siya kinakausap, bukod sa mga sagot sa mga tanong niya.
"Oo."
Dahan-dahan siyang tumango sabay baling kay Markus na nag-aabang na naman sa akin sa
pintuan ng classroom.
"Sabay kayo ulit ni Markus?"
I really don't know why he's nosy the past few weeks.
"Yeah," I said lazily and stood up without hesitation.
Pinagbigyan ko na si Markus dahil parati siyang nag-aabang sa classroom. Naawa rin ako
dahil masugid siyang manuyo. Kahit ilang beses kong tanggihan. And then I realized why he
was so assertive with us being friends again.
"Kayo na ba?" si Achilles ulit habang kinukuha ko ang bag ko.
It's the end of the semester and we all look forward to the short semestral break.
Sumulyap ako sa pintuan at natanaw na hindi lang si Markus ang nandoon.
Achilles' friends, his batchmates, including Alana were waiting for him outside.
"Pasama naman kami sa outing n'yo!" narinig kong naiinggit na sinabi ni Jessie sa mga
college girls and boys na nandoon sa labas.
They were respected by everyone and they look so mature. Achilles obviously fitted in his
group, except that he's in my class as a high school student.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Alana nang tiningnan niya si Achilles.
"Achilles, tara na!" I heard her call him but Achilles didn't mind.
"Kayo na ba?" ulit pa ni Achilles sa tanong niyang hindi ko naman nasagot kanina.
Napairap ako at tuluyan na siyang tiningnan.
"Hindi."
"Hindi magandang katangian ang namimilit. Nanliligaw ba siya sa'yo?"
Slightly annoyed with his questions and comments, I snapped.
"Ba't ka nagtatanong?"
Kumunot ang noo niya at hindi nakaimik.
"So what if kami o nanliligaw siya at sasagutin ko?"
He licked his lips and glanced at Markus again. "I'm just saying that he was too forceful and
it's nota good attitude for a boyfriend"
"Well, that's not your problem, is it?" I said sarcastically.
Kitang-kita ko ang iritasyon sa titig niya sa akin ngayon. Inunahan ko ng pag-alis ang ano
mang sabihin niya. My blood immediately boiled at his comments and his seemingly
concerned tone.
Wala naman talagang malisya sa amin ni Markus pero dahil nakakairita ang tanungan ni
Achilles, hindi ko na diniretso.
He had been too aware of my involvement with Markus because a week ago, back when I
still didn't want to entertain Markus, he actually confessed that the love letter might be
from him.
"Marem, sabay na tayong mag lunch mamaya. Saan ka ba nag bi-break?" si
Markus na hinabol na naman ako, gaya ng ilang buwan niya nang ginagawa.
"Im fine alone, Markus," sabi ko noong sinusuyo niya pa ako.
"Please, Marem. I know nagtatampo ka-"
"Hindi ako nagtatampo, please, too. I just think I'd rather be alone and I get by so if you're
worried or youre pitying me then dont..I'm fine."
Muli akong naglakad. Mas lalo kong binilisan nang nakita na makakasalubong namin si
Achilles sa tahimik na pasilyong yon. Achilles looked at us curiously.
"Marem," tawag ni Markus sabay hawak sa braso ko.
Nagulat ako. The physical contact was shocking, At first I felt like he was forcing me so I got
mad. Nilingon ko siya at gustuhin ko mang pigilan ang sarili ko, dahil ayaw kong
magkaroon ng kumusyon, hindi ko nagawa dahil sa iritasyon.
"Ano ba, Markus?!" napalakas ang tawag ko. "Ang kulit mo! Sabing ayaw ko!"
Biglang pumagitna si Achilles sa amin. Napaatras ako. He forcefully inserted himself in
between us even when I was very close to Markus.
"Tama na, Markus. Ayaw niya!"
Natawa si Markus. Kitang kita ko ang saglit na pagkairita bigla pero agad nawala.
He was already at the edge since he had been trying to coax me for the past
 months and to no avail.
"Achilles, I respect you but it's between us. I'm her friend... I just want us to talk-"
sinubukan niyang lagpasan si Achilles.
Achilles, however, used his tall and solid physique to barricade me from Markus.
"Sinabi niyang ayaw niya," may lamig at pagbabanta sa tinig ni Achilles. "Ba't 'di mo
nirerespeto? Anong problema mo?"
Kinabahan ako bigla. Hindi ko kasi nakitaan no'n ng pagkabayolente si Achilles pero sa
sandaling 'yon, at sa lamig ng boses niya, kung mangungulit pa si
Markus, hindi malabong masapak niya ito.
Tinawanan ni Markus ang iritasyon at kaonting kaba sa sinabi ni Achilles.
"Come on, Achilles. You know I'm friends with her. Of course I respect her. I won't do
anything-
"Kung magkaibigan kayo, bakit hindi mo ma respeto ang gusto niya?"
"Marem, please... You knowl just want us to talk like the-"
Naputol ang sinasabi ni Markus dahil muling tinabunan ng katawan ni Achilles ang titig
niya sa akin.
"Fine!" si Markus nang natanto niyang hindi titigil si Achilles. "Marem, I just want to talk to
you about that love letter! Can you show it to me? Hindi ko kasi nakita t sa dami ng
nagbibigay sa'yo, hindi ako agad makasigurado kung akin ba yon!"
Namilog ang mga mata ko sa sinabi ni Markus. He tried to come close to me but
Achilles still remained in between us.
"Ano'ng sinabi mo?" si Achilles, may paghahamon sa tono.
"| said the letter was probably mine. Hindi sa'yo! Kaya nagkamali lang si Marem.
Hindi ko agad nasabi kasi hindi ko naman nakumpirma-"
"Hindi pa rin-"
"T-The love letter was from you?" I was truly shocked.
Never in my dreams did I even imagine Markus to write me a love letter. There was
something about him...that... I don't know. I find our treatment to each other very platonic.
Kahit pa miminsan niya na akong biniro na manliligaw siya o kung puwede ba siyang
maging boyfriend.
Achilles spotted my surprised expression. Napatingin ako sa kanya. I saw his adam's apple
move for a defined swallow.
"Yes, it was probably from me. Probably kasi hindi ko naman din nakita ang love letter. If
you show it to me, I can confirm it."
"Where is the love letter?" tanong ko kay Achilles.
Nagkatinginan kami ni Markus. Nagtataka siya bakit si Achilles ang tinatanong ko.
Umiling naman si Achilles.
"Tinapon ko na."
"Wala sa'yo?" Markus asked.
Umiling ako at bumaling ulit kay Achilles.
"Bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi, kung gano'n" Achilles sounded doubtful.
"Because l couldnt confirm it without looking at the love letter."
Nagkatinginan ulit kami ni Markus. Pagod siyang ngumiti at nagkibit ng balikat.
"Don't worry. I know you still don't like me. I just want to say l'm sorry. Dahil pa do'n,
nagkaganito pa tayo. I tried to talk to you whenever we have time but you always dismiss
me."
Napakurapkurap ako at saglit na nawalan ng galit at iritasyon sa kakulitan niya.
Achilles remained silent as he watched me think about it.
"Im sorry."
"It's okay."
It's okay because he wasn't really ever rude to me anyway... unlike both Charlene and
Olivia. At medyo naalarma rin ako na galing sa kanya ang sulat. Ibig sabihin, kahit paano
may nararamdaman siya para sa akin. No matter how weird and mpossible it all feels to
me.
"I'm sorry. It was really probably mine. I... droppeda letter on your locker room last year
and.." he sighed. "Noong una ko pa lang gustong magsabi pero hindi rin kasi ako sigurado.
Alam ko kasing marami ang nagbibigay sa'yo ng letter at pinagtatawanan pa natin kaya..."
Unti-unti akong tumango at mas lalong naintindihan iyon. It was a more plausible
explanation and I didn't even know how I actually truly believe that it was from Achilles
Nilingon ko si Achilles na tahimik na nakatanaw sa akin, nakikinig sa usapan.
"Thanks sa pag-amin, Markus."
At binalingan ko si Achilles.
 "It's good that you heard that. I'm sorry if I thought it was from you. It's a
misunderstanding." pormal kong sinabi.
Luckily it's just us three in this corridor and some students are too far away to hear
whatever we are talking about.
Tumango si Markus. Nanatili naman ang titig ni Achilles sa akin. Umalis na ako nang hindi
nagpapaalam sa dalawa dahil ayaw ko nang maging kumplikado. But of course, after that
day, I started forgiving Markus and letting myself trust him again as a friend.
Kaya nairita ako tuwing nang-uusisa si Achilles sa akin dahil lang doon. At nakikialam pa
siya sa desisyon ko na kaibiganin muli si Markus dahil lang tingin niya alam niya ang mas
mabuti!
"Bad trip ka na naman," si Markus nang salubungin ako sa labas ng classroom pagkatapos
ng usapan namin ni Achilles. "Is it Achilles again?"
Hindi na ako sumagot dahil alam kong alam niya na ang sagot.
Bumuntonghininga ako at binalingan ang grupo nina Alana sa labas. Nakahilig sa
barandilya ang mga ito at nagtatawanan. Nang natanaw ako ni Alana, lumapit na ulit siya sa
pintuan at tuluyang pumasok sa classroom.
Nagsimula naman akong lumakad para makaalis na do'n. My life is more peaceful if l
ignored all of them. Olivia, Charlene, and now Achilles.
"Weekend bukas, sa inyo ulit tayo?"
"Do we have a choice?" Umirap ako nang naalala.
Umayos na rin kami ni Markus pagkatapos niyang sabihin na sa kanya galing yong love
letter. But of course, I told him that I'm not into him. I just gave him a chance to be my
friend again. After all, wala naman talaga akong dahilan para magtampo sa kanya. Talagang
kay Charlene at Olivia lang. At hindi rin ito ang unang pagkakataon na magkakaroon ako ng
kaibigang may gusto sa akin. Sanay na ako.
"How about we roam around the Costa Leona highlands tomorrow? Sa lupain ng grand
parents ko. Kung bagot ka nang tumambay sa inyo."
Nilingon ko siya, medyo interesado dahil wala na talagang ibang magandang gawin sa
bahay bukod sa pags-swimming.
3
"We have new horses. If you want we can go check them out later. Tapos bukas, subukan
nating mamasyal gamit ang mga kabayo.
It was probably the most interesting thing the whole year. Pakiramdam ko nag- aaksaya
talaga ako ng oras dito sa Costa Leona, dahil nakakabagot at halos wala akong ginagawa,
kaya pumayag na ako sa sinabi ni Markus.
I didn't regret even for a bit. It was exhilirating. Probably the most exciting thing I have
ever done in the past years. Bukod sa pagsama secretly kay Tita Domitilla sa Manila.
"What's this called?" tanong ko kay Marcus nang nadaanan namin ang iilang namumulaklak
na puno paakyat sa mga burol sa likod lang ng lupain ng ninuno niya.
Pumayag si Mama na mamasyal ako. Nang nalaman niyang kina Markus o sa mga Saldivar
lang naman, hindi niya na ako pinagbawalan.
Before he could answer me, I glanced at the group near those trees. Nakalatag ang banig at
may mga pagkain sa gilid nila, as if there was a picnic. And beside their folding tables were
sleeping tents. Isang pasada lang sa grupo, alam ko na kung sino ang naroon
Timmediately saw Achilles on their crowd. He's with the boys, near Alana and her own
group of girls. Nagtama ang tingin namin. Saglit na nagtawanan at bigla kong nakita na
tumayo si Olivia at Charlene sa tabi lang ni Alana.
"Uy, speaking of the devil! It's the assumera! lI mean... haciendera..." nagtawanan sila lalo.
Charlene was supposed to say it just for her friends but because we are in a very peaceful
place, with just the trees and just the stream around, I heard it. Gusto kong ignorahin iyon
at ayaw kong isipin na ako ang tinutukoy kaya lang..
Nilapit ni Markus ang kabayo niya sa akin para pagsabihan ang dating mga kaibigan.
"That's enough, Charlene," Markus confirmed my hunch. Charlene was indeed referring to
me. "Let's go, Marem."
Speaking of the devil? Does that mean that they were talking about me? Natanaw kong
tumayo si Achilles at napatingin sa katabi kong si Markus.
Speaking of the devil means they have been talking about me! At ano naman ang
 pinag-usapan nila? tungkol pa rin ba do'n sa napagkamalan kong gusto ako ni
Achilles?
I gritted my teeth and looked at Alana's face. She was half smiling as she looked at me
curiously. At iniisip pa lang na kasama nila si Achilles, pinag-uusapan ako, at halatang hindi
magandang usapan, uminit pa lalo ang ulo ko.
Ano naman ang ambag ni Achilles sa usaping iyon? Did he laugh at me for thinking that he
liked me even if he didn't? Did he urge them to say more about what happened?
Napatingin ako kay Alana na bumaling kay Achilles. My head hurt from the anger
I was feeling. Somehow I imagine them all laughing at what happened. I imagine them
creating stories like I like Achilles... or that I'm in love with him. And that they think I'm
pathetic for liking him when he doesn't even like me!
Gusto ko sanang bumaba sa kabayo na sinasakyan kaso naanginginig ang binti ko sa inis
kaya hindi ako makagalaw.
"Come on, Marem," Markus called me again. "Sorry. Dulo na yon sa lupain namin kanina.
This is borderline the land of Mercadejases and Olivia's parents hill.
Kaya-"
"Speaking of the devil? Why? Was l your topic?"
Nagkatinginan sila at bahagyang humilaw ang ngiti ni Charlene. She probably thought I will
ignore them again.
"At ano naman ang pinag-usapan n'yo sa akin? Hmm. Let me guess..." I said with very little
patience. Buti at nakangisi pa ako sa gitna ng matinding iritasyon ko.
"Me assuming something since tinawag mo akong assumera?"
"Marem, huwag ka nang manggulo..." si Olivia na kani kanina lang ay tumawa rin sa
paandar ni Charlene.
Ang kapal naman ng mukha nilang sabihin na ako ang nanggugulo? I was here minding my
own business and riding a horse, tapos sila ang magpaparinig ng ganoon sa akin?
"Ako pa ngayon ang nanggugulo? What do you expect me to do? lgnore that you just called
me assumera?"
"Marem," Markus called.
"Eh bakit?" mukhang nakakuha ng confidence si Charlene pagkatapos no'n.
"Totoo naman, ah? Fine! Pinag-usapan namin na you assumed that Achilles likes you kahit
hindi naman. Ang yabang yabang mong sabihin 'yon. Ang yabang mo ring tawagin kaming
taga baryo. Ang yabang mong tawagin si Alana na bakya, eh wala ka pa namang
napapatunayan. Puro dada lang na mananalo sa pageant, e hindi naman nangyayari."
"Tama na," I heard Alana say it.
Tama na, Charlene," si Achilles naman.
Pareho pa sila ng sinabi! I am smirking but I'm not finding this funny anymore. I was
already at the edge of my patience.
"Eh, toto0 naman! Ang yabang lang kasi ni Mare na magsabi naa may gusto sa kanya si
Achilles! Ang yabang na feeling niya siya lang ang magaling at nakakataas sa ating lahat
dito!"
"Aww. Are you crying now? Eh totoo rin namang taga barrio kayo? What do you want me to
call you? Taga syudad? At totoo rin namang bakya..." sabay tingin ko kay Alana. "Mananalo
kahit pinaka bobong kaklase ko sa Manila kung sumali sa pageants dito sa barrio n'yo dahil
bakya ang contestants."
"Marem!" Achilles' tone thundered.
Lumakad na rin siya palapit sa amin. I angled my horse further because I am not going to
let anyone say the last word from this. At kahit pa iritang irita na ako, hinding hindi ko 'yon
pinakita sa mukha ko. I smirked more even when my eyes were so heated I could cry at any
moment from the anger I was feeling.
"At ano ba dapat ang ipagmamayabang ko kung may gusto si Achilles sa akin? Ka yabang
yabang ba yon? What's so great about him that I could boast it around if he, indeed, likes
me? Wala naman! Dahil pareho lang kayong mga ignorante dito!"
"Maria Emilia!" Achilles voice boomed.
"Achilles," Alana called him. "Hayaan mo na."
"Hayaan n'yo na nga. Baka may gusto 'yan kay Achilles kaya ganyan makareact-" I heard
one of Achilles' friends.
"Shh. Galvez 'yan.. Anak ni Admiral," may bumulong dahilan kung bakit nanahimik lalo sila.
I gritted my teeth mor. Aalis na sana ako pero dahil do'n, mas lalo lang akong
 nairita.
"Ako? May gusto kay Achilles? You're all out of your minds if you think I ike taga barrio
people!" I said that without looking at Achilles.
Wala na akong pakialam kung ano ang kahihinatnan do'n. Kung titigil na siya sa pakikipag-
usap sa akin dahil sa mga sinasabi ko, mas mabuti 'yon. Sino ba kasing nagsabi rin na gusto
kong nang uusisa siya sa amin ni Markus?
"Tama na, Marem," si Alana. "Puwede mo kaming laitin pero si Achilles, huwag mo nang
isali. Hindi ba mag-isa ka lang dapat sa school n'yo sa mga groupings pero dahil sa kanya
hindi na? Iniisip ka niya at naaawa siya salyo pero pang insulto ang isusukli mo?
How. Dare. Her.
"Shut up!" I said rudely this time. "Im not talking to you!"
I swallowed hard. I heard Markus again beside me. I am also aware of Achilles' eyes boring
a hole through me.
"Marem..."
"At sino ba kasing nagsabi na dapat akong kaawaan sa school? I'm fine alone. I don't need
your pity. I don't need your concern-"
"Marem!" si Achilles muli na sinubukan nang lumapit sa akin, galit na galit ang titig.
I smiled sweetly as I watch him come near me. Pero alam kong hindi niya ako maabutan. I
manuevered my horse out of there quickly. Mabilis kong pinatakbo ang kabayo kahit na
hindi ko naman talaga alam kung saan patutungo 'yon.
"Marem!" Markus called and he followed.
I can hear his horse galloping behind me. Pero dahil mas magaling akong mangabayo sa
kanya, nauna ako.
Nakapasok ako sa daanang mas maraming puno. I didn't think of where I was headed
because all I think about was the conversation.
Thate to admit that maybe I went overboard but whenever I think about what they were
probably talking about, I felt good. It felt so good to be rude. It felt so right and so crisp.
Pero habang iniisip ko iyon, naninikip ang dibdib ko sa iritasyon.
Ang kapal ng mukha nla!
At ayaw ko mang aminin pero isa sa pinaka kinakainisan ko ay si Achilles. I have low
expectations but holy darn... he is the lowest of the low!
Kung sa bagay, why am I expecting him to actually step in and stop those girls from back
biting me? Baka tuvwang tuwa ang girlfriend niyang si Alana sa usapan kaya hindi niya na
sinaway at the expense of my name being tainted by all of them?
Ang kapal kapal ng mga mukha nila! Them looking defeated and speechless before I left
brought so much joy in me. It was almost as if I didn't mind being rude because they were
rude to me!
I was so engrossed with my emotions that I never realized that Markus wasn't behind me
anymore. Tumigil ako nang natanaw ang liwanag sa harap ng kagubatan at tiningnan ang
dinaanan kanina.
Sa sobrang dami kong inisip, ni hindi ako natakot na dumaan pala ako sa sobrang dilim na
parte ng gubat dahil sa dami ng naglalakihang puno ng Molave. lam almost at the end of the
forest since I can see the light just meters away from where my horse is standing. Naririnig
ko rin ang huni ng mga ibon at lagaslas ng sayaw ng mga dahon.
"Markus?" I called as I watched where I was from.
Baka sobrang bilis ng patakbo ko na hindi niya na nga ako nasabayan.
I waited for a bit as I thought about what happened. I can hear the stream so l must still be
near their stupid camp site.
Sabi ni Markus, kina Olivia 'yon. Malapit sa lupain ng mga Mercadejas. How I wish
Tita Domitilla will buy that lot from them so they will all be kicked out from there.
Napatingin ako sa paligid.
How about this one? Kaninong lupa kaya 'to? Still the Mercadejas?
"Markus?" l called again because lI really canft hear any galloping or what.
I moved the horse a bit. Iniisip kong balikan ang pinanggalingan.
Nilingon ko ang maliwanag na banda at naisip na parang mas gusto ko na lang pumunta
do'n sa maliwanag kaysa sa bumalik sa madilim na dinaanan. I didn't realize that I was
going full speed in that very dark forest. Kahit pa maaga pa naman, sa sobrang tayog at
yabong ng mga puno, madilim na ang daanan.
Imbes na bumalik nga sa dinaanan, pumunta na lang ako sa maliwanag na
 bahagi at dulo na yata ng gubat. I knew I was going at an incline but it shocked me a bit to
see that the end of the forest was a cliff.
Burol lang iyon kaya hindi naman gaanong matayog at kita ko pa ang baba.
"Markus" tawag ko baka sakaling nadaanan ko ang baba nito kanina.
I was going on a slight incline a while ago. That must explain why this place is a bit
elevated. l explored more and saw that the cliff stretched around the curve of the hill and it
ends again on another side of the forest. Nasa bukana na ako ng gubat nang biglang
nagsiliparan ang mga ibon. They flew altogether from a disturbance on the trees that it
startled me.
Kaya lang, hindi lang ako ang nagulat sa nangyari. The horse that I was in was also startled
to the point of him being uncontrollable. Bago ko pa na kontrol ang sitwasyon, nahulog na
ako sa kabayo. The fall didn't stop there, though. Umatras ang kabayo sa gulat kanina kaya
nasa gilid na ako ng bangin.
I shrieked when my hold from a rock didn't carry my weight. In just moments, there was
immediately an impending sense of doom when I felt myself fall from the cliff! Natanaw ko
ang nakakasilaw na araw habang sumigaw ako sa takot!
Pumikit ako ng mariin, bracing for the fall! Katapusan ko na! What a stupid way to die! Sa
kaba ko bago pa ako tuluyang bumagsak, nawala na ako sa sarili at tuluyan na ngang
nagdilim ang paningin
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
873
72
Mature
This must be hell, I thought. Cuz heaven probably won't flash Achilles' face in front of me.
That's what I probably get from being mean on earth.
Galit na may bahid pag-aalala ang itsura ni Achilles na bumungad sa akin. Medyo hilo pa
ako kaya hindi ko pa tuluyang ma proseso 'yon. I just know that I fell and thought that I'm
probably dead.
I felt his hand on my left outer thigh, and the other on left arm. And it felt warm and snug,
like he was hugging me or something. Unti-unti ulit akong dumilat, sa pagkakataong iyon
mas tuwid na ang isipan. Araw sa langit ang una kong nakita.
I saw him again, too, looking so serious. Nakatingin sa harap at natanto kong karga karga
niya ako. What in the name of hell is this?
Uminit ang leeg ko hanggang ulo habang natantong hindi pa yata ako patay!
Sure, I'll see Achilles in hell as the devil's way of making me suffer but I remember what
happened! And based on the gnawing ache on my right foot, I obviously fell and injured
myself! Hindi ko alam paano niya ako nahanap gayong I'm in the middle of nowhere but
this is not the time to think about that!
"Bitiwan mo nga ako! Ano ba?!" I screamed when he looked at me and squirmed my way
out of his arms.
"Huwag kang gumalaw."
"Put me down!" I demanded as I continued squirming,.
Wala akong pakialam kung masakit ang paa ko o ano. All l want is for him to put me down! I
don't need his help!
"May sugat"
I screamed and pushed him with all my energy.
Kitang-kita ko ang pag-atras niya ng bahagya at pagpilit niya na hawakan akong mabuti. He
was tall but I wasn't short. If i move my legs with all the energy that I still have, he'd find it
hard to hold me.
Malakas nga lang siya at matibay ang braso na kinailangan kong sumigaw nang sumigaw
para lang mahugot ang lakas, kung mayroon pa man.
"Tumigil ka! May sugat ka-"
"Argh!" I said as I wiggled more and more!
"Mare
"Shut up!" I screamed and used my hands to hit his solid chest.
I saw how my fingernail cut his cheek a bit that it drew blood.
"Bitiwan mo ako! Tsansing ka! Ayaw ko sa'yo-"
"May sugat ka sabi!"
"Wala akong pakialam! Argh!" I screamed more and wiggled more until he lost balance.
Mukhang napatid siya ng bato kaya bahagyang nawalan ng lakas ang kamay niya at dahil
panay ang galaw ko, tuluyan niya nga akong nabitiwan!
Hindi ko alam na nasa sapa pala kami. Masyado akong abala kanina sa
 pagsisigaw at pagpupumiglas para marinig ang daloy ng tubig.
He tried to hold me to stop me from falling butl pushed him away. Isang kamay niya na lang
ang nakahawak sa braso ko nang bumagsak ang sa tubig tuluyang nabasa ang damit ko.
"Tang ina!" T heard him curse under his breath.
Nilingon ko siya at muli niyang sinubukang buhatin ako. I slapped his hand and pushed him
away.
"Get away from me!" | snarled.
Napaatras siya at nagulat sa ginawa ko.
"Ang lakas mong sabihin na namimilit si Markus! Eh, ikaw?! Ano yang ginagawa mo?
Namimilit ka rin!"
"May sugat ka! Paano ka maglalakad sa lagay mo-"
Bago pa siya natapos, tumayo na ako para makawala man lang sa kanya. Wala na akong
pakialam kung basang basa ako sa tubig sa sapa. But then I couldn't even stand up!
Nanginig ang binti ko at mas lalong nadepina ang sakit ng paa ko sa ginawa ko.
Bumagsak ulit ako sa tubig dahilan ng mas lalong pagkakabasa. Nasalo niya ako bago mas
lumala ang bagsak. At imbes na indahin ang sakit sa paa, mas una ko pang pinuna 'yon.
"| said get away from me, Achilles!" sigaw ko na siguroy umabot sa mga nakapalibot na
gubat.
Hindi siya nakinig! Imbes ay pilit niya akong hinawakan sa baywang at muli niya akong
pinulot! I squirmed again just so he would drop me but when he is consciously using his
strength, he is unstoppable!
Nagawa niyang maglakad kahit pa ilang beses kong nansaktan ang dibdib, braso, at mukha
niya.. at habang nagpupumiglas ang mga binti ko.
"Why the hell are you forcing me! I said get away from me, manyakis ka!"
"Stop being so difficult!" he demanded as he tried to evade my small consecutive slaps.
Kinagat niya ang labi niya at hirap na hirap niya akong binaba sa isang malaking bato sa
gilid lang ng sapa. Muntik din akong nahulog sa bato dahil sa pagpupumiglas ko sa kanya!
"Get away from me!"
"May sugat ka at tinutulungan kita-
"Hindi ko kailangan ng tulong mo!" I screamed at his face.
He stopped and looked at me. Nailapag niya na ako at nasa bato na nakahawak ang kamay
niya, locking me in place. He was serious and angry as he watched me screaming at him.
"Umalis ka na nga! Kanina mo pa ako pinipilit, ah!" I screamed.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay, halatang iritado na. "Sige, iwan kita dito?"
"Oo, mabuti pa nga! Sino ba naman kasing nagsabi na pulutin mo ko dito!" I remained
unfazed as I shout at him.
Mas lalong nagtaas ang kilay niya. He then scoffed before he continued talking.
"Sige nga. Nasa'n ka ngayon?"
Napakurap kurap ako at napatingin sa paligid. Sapa lang ang nakikita ko at mga gubat sa
magkabilang gilid, bukod sa batong burol kung saan yata ako nahulog.
Wala ang kabayo ko at siguro'y nanatili iyon sa taas at hindi nahulog kagaya ko.
"Wala akong pakialam, Achilles. Umalis ka na nga lang. Markus will rescue me!"
His eyes narrowed. "Alam niya ba na nandito ka? Paano ka nakakasiguro na kabisado niya
ang gubat na 'to?"
Hindi ko rin alam pero mamamatay muna yata ako bago siya paburan.
"And how are you sure that he doesn't know?"
I looked at my watch. It's the only thing with me since my phone is on the horse's bag.
Basag ang relo ko pero kita pa rin ang oras. Base sa huling pagkakaalala ko, mag aapat na
oras na ang nakalipas mula no'ng nangabayo kami ni Markus.
"For sure he realized that I'm lost and he'll find me!"
"Sagutin mo muna ako... paano ka nakakasiguro na kabisado niya nga ang gubat na 'to?"
"Kabisado niya man o hindi, hahanapin niya ako! Kaya tigilan mo 'ko!"
"Fine. Ill leave you here," mataman niyang sinabi.
Napalunok ako. He then smirk.
"This is the Riego lands. Most of it are untouched. Alam mo bang may mga ahas at baboy
ramo dito?"
"I don't care! You think thatll scare me?!" matapang kong sinabi.
 Tumayo siya ng matuwid at mukhang iiwan na nga ako.
"Umaatake sila ng mga tao. At gubat ang nakapalibot dito. Walang bahay sa paligid, kahit
lakarin mo hanggang gabi. Hindi kabisado ni Markus 'to at marami ring naliligaw dito kahit
taga Costa Leona."
"Are you scarying me? Of course he'd ask for help! Hindi lang siya ang maghahanap sa
akin!"
"He already did. That's why I'm here."
Natigilan ako at bahagyang nairita kay Markus! Humingi ng tulong kay Achilles pa?!
"Kaonti lang ang kabisado ang gubat kaya kaonti lang din ang mahihingan niya ng tulong.
I'm here to rescue you-"
"I don't need the rescuing! Kaya ko ang sarili ko!" I said and tried to prove it through
standing up.,
Nakapanlilit ang titig ni Achilles sa akin habang sinusubukan kong tumayo.
Sobrang sakit nga ng paa ko pero saglit iyong namanhid nang subukan kong tumayo kaya
akala ko makakatayo akong mag-isa.
Malapit na nga akong makatayo nang bigla na lang sumakit lalo iyon at napahawak pa ako
sa braso niya para lang hindi ako tuluyang madapa!
I glared at him as he sneered. Hindi niya ako tinulungan kahit na nakahawak na ako sa
braso niya.
"Sige. Tayo! Maglakad ka," he commanded coldly and smirked.
I gritted my teeth and fought my urge to push him. Kung itutulak ko siya baka lalo lang
akong madapa kaya hindi ko magawa!
"Kaya mo, 'di ba?"
"Yes! Kaya ko!" matapang kong sinabi ngayong medyo nakatayo, pero nakahawak ng kaonti
sa t-shirt niya at sa malaking bato sa gilid ko.
"Uh-huh. Sige... saan ka pupunta ngayon? Do'n o dito? Sige! Umuwi kang mag- sa..." hamon
niya.
Of course, I'm not dumb. I know where he was going a while ago despite a probably
concussion.
"Dito!"
I tried to take a step. Pumikit ako ng mariin sa sobrang sakit ng paa ko. I concentrated on
taking another step when I heard Achilles.
"Bitiwan mo ako."
Napabaling ako sa kanya at nakita kong nakatingin siya sa kamay kong may hawak sa braso
niya.
"Bitiwan mo ako," aniya sabay taas ng isang kilay.
We had a few moments of stare down. I hate him. I hate him so much. I finally let go of his
arm. He looked at me with such insult as I move and almost went on my knees.
"Ouch!" daing ko sabay tigil at bagsak sa katawan sa batong inupuan kanina.
He held my waist again to assist me. Gusto kong magreklamo ulit sa ginagawa niya pero
hindi ko nagawa dahil sobrang sakit ng paa ko.
"Oh? Akala ko kaya mo?" he said teasingly as he put me down slowly.
Pumikit ako ng mariin habang iniinda ang sakit ng paa ko. Nakalublob iyon sa hanggang
binting sapa pero kahit malamig ang tubig, ramdam ko pa rin ang sakit.
Achilles went out of the stream. He then removed his t-shirt and pulled a bit on its hem.
Napunit iyong dulo ng t-shirt niya at ang buong parte ay ibinigay niya sa akin. Doon ko lang
din naramdaman ang lamig dahil basang basa ako sa pagkakahulog sa sapa kanina.
"Suotin mo. Basang basa ka," aniya bago lumuhod.
Putikan ang gilid ng sapa kaya nagulat ako nang hinayaan niyang madumihan ang maong
niya. He's topless now as he held my injured foot firmly. Binasa niya ang piraso ng damit
niya at nilabhan ng maayos bago marahang diniin sa kaonting sugat.
"You sprained your foot. May mga sugat din," aniya sa kalmadong boses bago nag-angat ng
tingin sa akin.
His eyes traveled from mine down to my shirt then back to my eyes again.
"Suotin mo na ang damit ko."
Boy, my pride won't let me. I ignored him.
"Hmp..
He sighed and continued what he was doing.
"Buti nahanap kita. Ang laki ng lupaing to."
 Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita.
"Dito kita nahanap sa baba. Pero sa ayos mo kanina, nahulog ka, tama ba?
Hindi ulit ako umimik. Mukhang inasahan niya yon.
"Ano pang masakit sa'yo?"
Of course, l'd die first before l actually let him take care of me.
"Pagkatapos ko rito, patingin ng likod mo. Baka saan ka tumama. Masakit ba ang ulo mo?
Titingnan ko sana kanina pero nataranta na ako at gusto ko na lang na itakbo ka sa ospital
dahil wala kang malay."
Nagkatinginan kami. Umirap ako.
"Isuot mo 'yan. Pagkatapos kong makita kung may sugat ka pa, tutulak na tayo para madala
ka sa ospital at ma check ng maayos.
"Ayoko nga. Dito lang ako.
It irked him and I felt my success. Somehow, it makes me happy. I don't know why.
Unti-unti akong tumingin sa kanya at nakita ko na naman ang galit sa titig niya sa akin. May
pagbabanta 'yong tingin niya. He then continued tending on my foot. I watch him do it.
Nang nag-angat ulit siya ng tingin, bumaling ako sa ibang banda.
"Kailangan kang isugod sa ospital-"
"Ayoko nga! Dito nga lang sabi ako, e!" iritado kong sinabi.
You might be injured somewhere else!"
"Ayokong sumama sa'yo!"
Tumayo siya at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Hinaklit ko 'yon pero alam niya yata na ganoon
ang gagawin ko kaya mariin ang hawak niya. He pulled my hand and checked on my arm
for any bruises. He found one and we both looked at each other.
"Sa kabila," he commanded coldly.
"Ayoko-"
Bago pa ako matapos, kinuha niya na ang kamay ko at pilit na tiningnan ang kabilang braso.

"Sa likod mo naman-"

"Ayoko nga! Wala kang gusto sa akin but that doesn't mean you're not capable of taking
advantage of me!"
"Titingnan ko kung may sugat ka ba-"
"No, thanks!" sigaw ko dahilan kung bakit natigilan siya.
Tinitigan niya ako, mukhang naninimbang samantalang nakatingin ako sa ibang bar para
hindi mairita sa nasa harap ko.
"Why are you so rude?"
"Nobody is paying you to deal with me! So leave!" balik ko sa kanya.
Marahan niyang hinawakan ang braso ko at sinubukang tingnan ang likod ko pero tinulak
ko siya kahit pa nasaktan ulit ako dahil nagalaw ko ang paa ko.
"Why are you so difficult? Tinutulungan lang naman kita?!" sigaw niya halatang iritang irita
na sa akin.
Natutuwa ako kapag naiirita siya sa akin pero hindi ko gusto ang sinabi niya.
Somehow, his words hit differently.
"Sino ba naman kasing nagsabi na tulungan mo ako?!" I snapped. "f you think I'm difficult,
then give up and leave! Tawagin mo na lang si Markus at sabihin mo sa kanya na anndito
ako! Simple! Para hindi ka na mahirapan diba para wala nang difficult!"
Habang dire diretso kong sinigaw iyon, nag iinit ang sulok ng mga mata ko. It hits
differently because maybe | also think l'm difficult. For everyone. Hindi lang sa kanya. Sa
parents ko rin. Sa pamilya ko.
Maybe I'm a burden. lsn't that why lm here? l chase popularity and fame so much that my
parents think that I need to stop. I didn't. Kaya pinarusahan ako dito. I was being difficult.
Alam kong bawal 'yon pero ginawa ko pa rin.
At kanina lang alam kong mali ako sa mga pinagsasabi at pang iinsulto kO sa mga kaibigan
at girlfriend niya, pero ginawa ko pa rin. I am the living meaning of that word. Rude.
Difficult. I was a burden. Their lives could be easier if I wasn't there.
Nobody likes difficult. Nobody likes the burden.
Nangilid ang luha ko kaya mas lalo akong nagpakita ng pangil. Hindi ako puwedeng
makitaan ng kahinaan dahil lang naging emosyonal ako at nasaktan ako sa sinabi niya.
Damn you, Achilles! Difficult? Me? Ill show you what difficult means!
"Umalis ka na nga! I hate you! I'd rather die here than be helped by you! Mabuti
 pa umuwi ka na at hayaan mo na ako dito! Wala namang nagsabi na tulungan mo ako! Wala
ring pabuya para sa tumulong!"
He sighed and looked at my injured foot again. Lumuhod siyang muli at ang kabilang paa
naman ang tiningnan.
"Umuwi ka na nga! Dito lang ako! Ano ngayon kung may baboy ramo at ahas!
Kahit anaconda pa 'yan, edi mamatay na!"
Hindi siya nagsalita. Nagpatuloy lang siya sa ginagawa sa harap ko. I am sitting on a big
rock and in front of me, he's kneeling, trying to find any other injury.
"I said, umalis ka! Mabuti pa hanapin mo si Markus at sabihin mo na na nandito ako!"
"Ayoko," he said. Muntik ko pang hindi narinig.
I paused to process what he just said.
"Ano? Ang dali lang no'n! Come on! Wala nang burden salyo! Just tell him where I am!
Kung'di niya alam, edi guhitan mo ng mapa para 'di ka na mag effort pabalik dito!"
Nag-angat siya ng tingin at nagtaas ng kilay. "Inuutusan mo ba ako?"
Nagulat ako sa hamon niya.
"Kung ayaw mo then just leave me here and don't tell Markus, then! I don't care! I just want
you to leave! Disappear, Achilles!"
"Ayoko," he simply said.
"Nahihirapan ka 'diba? If you think I'm rude and difficult then just leave me be!"
Hindi siya umimik.
"Ano ba?! Huwag kang mag alala, hindi kita sisisihin kung iwan mo ako dito!
Umalis ka na, Achilles! Aren't you annoyed enough to stop helping me out?!"
Nahanap niya ulit ang mga mata ko.
"Yes, I'm annoyed," amin niya.
"Eh, 'yon naman pala, e! Ano pang hinihintay mo?" mas lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko.
To hear that I'm really such an annoying burden somehow hurt me so much.
Siguro dahil alam ko iyon sa sarili ko pero gusto kong... may magsabi na mali ako. Pero
imbes na gano'n... iba ang naririnig ko kaya nasasaktan ako.
"Umalis ka na!" my voice was almost strained as I continue my narrative.
Hindi ulit siya umimik.
"Umalis ka na sabi!"
"Hindi ako aalis," he just inserted in between my litany.
"Estupido! Sabing umalis ka na!" I said trying hard to mask the tears on the sides of my
eyes. "Hindi kita kailangan! umalis ka na! Estupido!"
"Kahit anong insulto mo, hindi nga ako aalis nang hindi ka kasama."
"Over my dead body! I wont come with you!"
He sighed and looked at me again. Tumigil na siya sa paghahanap ng injury sa paa ko at
ngayon ibinigay ang buong atensiyon sa akin.
Then thevll both find our bones here after weeks or months. Hindi ako aalis nang 'di ka
kasama."
Pagod na sa kanina pang pagsigaw at paulit ulit na sinabi, sinimangutan ko siya lalo.
"Stupid jerk! I wish you just disappear!" I yelled.
Mabilis kong pinalis ang kaonting luha na lumandas sa gilid ng mga mata ko.
Achilles remained kneeling in front of me. Bumaling ako sa gubat habang sinusubukang
pakalmahin ang sarili pagkatapos ng tuloy tuloy kong pag sigaw sa kanya kanina.
His hands rested on the rock, locking me from where I was sitting. Tila ba hindi pa sapat na
hindi naman ako makalakad kaya hindi ako makakaalis do'n.
I hate him! I hate him so much! He actually said I'm rude and difficult! I know that but... I
hate hearing it!
I wish I was in another place... I wish I'm with Nikolai. Somehow his offer suddenly seems
attractive. Masisiyahan kaya si Mama? lyon naman ang gusto niya 'di ba? Ang mag-asawa
ako ng mayaman? Okay naman din si Nikolai, e.
Mabait.
Bakit ba kasi ako nagtiyaga pa rito?
Bigla kong naisip na siguro mas okay din kung si Vince na lang. Sana pala tumuloy na lang
ako do'n. Kahit hindi ko siya gusto at least hindi ganito ang nararanasan ko!
"Are you calm enough now?" aniya paglipas ng ilang minutong katahimikan.
"Hindi ako sasama sayo," nanghihina kong sinabi.
 "Hindi ko sinabing umuwi na tayo."
Umirap ako sa kawalan. Hindi ko pa rin siya matingnan.
"Uuwi tayo kapag kalmado ka na at hindi mo na ako sisigawan at paaalisin-
"Hindi mangyayari 'yon. Ayaw kong kasama ka," napapaos ako dahil sa sunod
"Hindi mangyayari 'yon. Ayaw kong kasama ka," napapaos ako dahil sa sunod sunod na
sigaw kanina.
He sighed and didn't speak again. Ilang sandali pa bago siya nagsalita ulit.
"How about now? Are you calm enough?"
Hindi ulit ako nagsalita.
"Gusto kong malaman kung bakit galit na galit ka sa akin."
Sa wakas, nagawa ko na siyang tingnan dahil sa iritasyon. He has the audacity to ask that?!
Pero hindi ko nga lang masagot din kung bakit ako galit na galit sa kanya. I haven't exactly
visited that thought.
He licked his lips and looked at me intently. "Bago ang nangyari sa bahay namin, ayos pa
tayo. Wala naman akong sinabi sa'yo no'ng hinabol kita at sinampal mo ako. Tinulungan pa
kita-"
"I don't... need... your help!"
"Marem, I'm serious. I want us to talk properly. Stop it with your nonsense arguments."
"Ah! Bukod sa rude! Difficult! Nonsense na rin ako! If you think I'm nonsense then stop
talking to me, Achilles!"
Pumikit siya ng mariin at umiling bago bumuntonghininga.
"Gusto kong pag usapan natin ang nangyari. Ilang buwan na rin ang lumipas.
Ayaw mong sumama sa akin kaya sige, dito na natin pag-usapan. Para magkaliwanagan
tayo at kalaunan, madala na kita sa ospital."
"Just go alone and call Markus," sabi ko, hindi pa rin sumusuko.
"That's not an option."
I gritted my teeth and looked at him in an annoyed stare. He looked at me, this time calmly
and intently.
"I know that sometimes I fail to be mature but Im trying my best. Pag usapan natin ng
maayos. Anong nagawa ko bakit mo ako sinampal no'n? Anong nagawa ko bakit simula
no'n, galit ka na sa akin?"
"Ang feeling mo naman para salbihing galit ako? That's a big feeling to feel for someone
who means nothing to me!"
He closed his eyes again and bowed a bit before he looked at me, this time, with bloodshot
eyes. He then smiled without humor.
"Lagi ka talagang nakakagawa ng paraan para manakit.
Hindi ako nagsalita. He swallowed hard. The silence stretched for a bit before he continued.

"Akala mo sa akin ang sulat. Hindi ako nagsalita dahil nagulat ako na gano'n. At ayaw ko
ring sabihin sa harap ng mga kaibigan mo na hindi yo'n galing sa akin dahil ayaw kong
mapahiya ka."
"Pero napahiya mo pa rin ako, 'di ba?" I said tilting my head to highlight his genius idea.
"So was it better then if I said that the love letter was mine?"
"Hindi ko sinabi 'yon! Estupido ka!"
"Then whatever I will say, magagalit ka sa akin? Tama ba?"
Hindi ako nakasagot dahil tama siya.
"Wala akong sinabi dahil nahirapan din ako. Nagulat din ako. I'm sorry if I was too shocked.
Pinagsabihan ko na ang mga kaibigan mo na kalimutan 'yon-"
"At kinalimutan ba, Achilles?" I said trying to pull out my best cards.
Naalala ko na naman ang nangyari kanina. Hindi pala ako nagka amnesia.
"Eh, kanina, pinagsabihan mo ba? Pinag uusapan nila ako! Ano'ng sinabi mo?
Sumawsaw ka dahil tuwang tuwa ang girlfriend mo sa pakikipag tsismisan?
Please, I'm beautiful but my life is not yours to-"
"Girlfriend?" putol niya sa akin.
I snorted and rolled my eyes.
"Sino ba ang girlfriend ko? Bakit hindi ko alam na meron ako nun?"
"Puwede ba? I was not born yesterday!"
"I was. So tell me, who is my girlfriend?"
Hindi ko gustong sagutin 'yon kaya nagpatuloy ako. "Anong dinagdag mo sa kuwento? Na
ang feeling ko ba kasi feel ko in love ka sa akin? Ang guwapo ba ng feeling mo no'n?!"
A ghost of a smile passed by his face for a moment but he continued being
 serious. "Hindi ko alam na pinag uusapan ka. Kasama ko ang mga lalaki-
"Oh please! Palusot ka pa!"
"Hindi nila kayang pag-usapan ka sa harap ko dahil alam nilang magagalit ako."
"Talaga? Eh bakit ang girlfriend mo mukhang 'di naman alam na nagagalit ka?
Exemption ba si Alana kasi mahal mo?"
Hindi siya kumibo at tinitigan pa ako lalo. Unti-unti ring kumunot ang noo niya dahil sa
sinabi ko. Uminit ang pisngi ko nang naisip ang sinabi.
"Well, whatever! I dont care about all of you mga stupid bakyang taga barrio!"
"Shut up!" he said and put his finger on my lips to stop me from saying more.
Sa gulat ko, hindi rin ako nakapagsalita.
"Hindi magandang insulto yan. Parang sinasabi mo na masamang maging taga probinsya."
"Bakit? Hindi ba?!" sabi ko nang nakawala.
His jaw moved a bit as he looked at me. "Taga probinsya ka na rin."
"Of course not! I'm from the city!"
Umiling siya. "Saan ka nag-aaral? Saan ka nakatira? Taga probinsya ka na rin-"
"No! Ew!"
He smirked."Taga probinsya ka, Marem. Saan ka ngayon? Nasa gubat. Sa probinsya. Kailan
ka huling pumuntang syudad? Taga probinsya ka na."
"Stop it!" sigaw ko.
He smirked more. "Anong masama do'n? May mga taga probinsya namang maganda at...
mabait, ah?"
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Maganda lang ako. Pakialam ko sa mabait!"
Ngumuso siya. "Taga probinsya ka nga?"
" live here but I'm not bakya and cheap like..."
"Wala akong girlfriend."
"Ka M.U. or whatever cheapness that is!"
"Hindi ko gawain 'yon. Kung gusto ko, sasabihin ko at gagawin kong girlfriend.
Hindi magpapaligoy ligoy pa." mataman niyang sinabi habang nakatitig sa akin.
"Aba malay ko! Baka gusto mong M.U. muna kasi nagkakanda kuba ka pa sa trabaho!" I
rolled my eyes.
"Gagawin ko pa ring girlfriend. Kahit busy, Il find ways to make the relationship
Work."
"Ew. Tira tirang oras lang pala ang binibigay mo sa kanya? Baka kaya ako ang paboritong
topic non!"
"I said I don't have a girlfriend. Hindi ko girlfriend si Alana at wala akong gusto sa kanya."
Umirap ako patingin sa kanya at nagtagal ang nanunusok kong titig.
"Huwag mo akong lokohin! Nakita kong hinawakan mo ang kamay niya!" bisto ko.
He licked his lips and put his hand on mine. He then intertwined our fingers.
Nagulat ako at agad nairita.
"How about this? Hawak ko ang kamay mo. Girlfriend ba kita?"
Binawi ko ang kamay ko. I sucked in my breath and my heart raced. Binitiwan niya naman
"Tigilan mo nga ako!"
"Sorry kung pinag-usapan ka nila. Kinausap kO na sila kanina para tigilan ka na.
Kinausap ko na sila dati at akala ko tumigil na sila dahil hindi ko na rin naman narinig na
pinag usapan ka. Kanina kasama ko ang mga lalaki kaya hindi ko alam na pinag-usapan ka
nila."
"Whatever! I don't care if they continue to talk about me! O kahit siraan mo pa ako dahil
wala naman din akong expectations para sa'yo-"
"You should have expectations from me. Ipagtatanggol kita kahit kanino. Kahit sa mga
kaibigan ko pa."
I was about to continue whining but my lips trembled after what he said.
"Gusto kong pag usapan ang nangyari para magkaayos na tayo. Ilang buwan mo akong
hindi pinapansin sa school. Hindi lang kita makausap ng maayos dahil ayaw kitang pilitin
kapag iniisnab mo ako."
Umirap ako at minabuting huwag nang magsalita.
"Im not always mature but I'm trying my best cuz I know you'll take the easy way out and
push me away. So I want us to be clear. Hindi ko girlfriend si Alana. Hindi ako nakapagsalita
no'n dahil nagulat ako at alam ko rin na kung tumanggi ako, lalo mong makakaaway ang
mga kaibigan mo. Hinila ko si Alana dahil nakikita kong nagagalit ka na, pero hindi ibig
sabihin no'n na may kung ano sa amin. At kanina... hindi ko alam na pinag usapan ka nila.
Napag sabihan ko na sila," he
 patiently said
I swallowed hard and still didn't say anything.
"Ngayon, sasama ka sa akin pauwi dahil hindi ko kayang magtagal dito nang hindi ka
natitingnan sa ospital."
369
60
Thank you
I wish there was another way to actually do this. And not me helplessly laying on
Achilles arms.
Achilles looked at me with a curl on his lip. Paano ba naman kasi, pagkatapos noong
matinding pagtatalo namin, wala akong choice kundi magpabuhat sa kany l am starving a
little and my foot is slowly getting more and more painful. Kapag hindi pa kami tumulak,
baka gabihin kami sa gubat. And he wouldn't listen, no matter how hard I try to convince
him na mag-isa siyang umuwi at tawagin na lang si Markus. If I insist on that we'll stay
there till the sun sets and I won't want a night with him on that place!
"Tumigil ka, ah?" banta niya sa akin dahil nagsisimula na naman akong gumalaw galaw.
Dumaan kami sa gubat kaya kahit mataas pa ang araW, medyo madilim dahil sa
nagtatayugang mga puno. I can only see some ray of sunlight whenever the wind blows the
leaves of the trees. l can directly see it since I am in Achilles' arms, just like how he carried
me before I woke up.
You are liking this so much!" puna ko.
Suot ko na ang t-shirt niya. I tried putting it on me awhile ago but he stopped me from
doing it. Gusto niya raw hubarin ko ang damit ko bago ilagay ang t-shirt niya. lyon na
naman ang pinagtalunan namin pero kalaunan, ginawa ko na dahil nilalamig na talaga ako.
Basang basa na kasi ang t shirt ko. I had to cover myself behind the tree, para lang huwag
niya akong nakikitang naghuhubad. Then when
I emerged from it, with his shirt on, he immediately scooped me and started walking!
"Bakit ko magugustuhan? This is a very long hike and you won't stop wriggling-"
Naputol ang sinasabi niya dahil muli akong nagpumiglas. Aksidente kong nadaan ang
kamay ko sa kaonting sugat sa mukha niya dulot ng pananakit ko kanina.
"Tumigil ka! Kung magpapatuloy ka, ibababa kita sa kamalig at do'n na tayo magpapagabi,
ano?!"
That actually worked. Tumigil ako dahil ayaw na ayaw kong gabihin dito na kasama siya.
"May kamalig dito? Bat 'di mo na lang ako ibaba do'n habang tinatawag mosi
Markus?!"
I can't completely stop wriggling, though. He's topless so sometimes my arm touches his
skin and I can't get used to that. It annoys me so I will protest and move a lot.
"Hindi kita iwan mag isa kahit sa kamalig pa!"
"Come on! Just do it!- Ah!" I screamed because I almost fell from his arms.

He smirked. Sinadya niya sigurong dumaan sa lubak kaya gano'n!

"Kapit ka kasi at tumigil ka na sa kakagalaw.'
"Sinadya mo 'yon- Ah!" sigaw ko at sa pagkakataong yon napayakap na ako sa kanya.
I opened my eyes to show him the rage l am feeling. He remained smirking as he continued
walking. Hahampasin ko sana kaya lang kailangan kong kumapit dahil baka mangyari na
naman!
"Sinadya mo 'yon, ah?!"
"Bakit ko sasadyain? Ako lang din naman ang mahihirapan-
"You want me to hold on to you tight kaya sinadya mo 'yon!"
"Tumingin ka sa daanan, lubak lubak naman talaga.
I groaned so loud. "Bilisan mo na nga lang ang paglalakad diyan!"
His eyes then dropped on me. He looked annoyed but somehow I sensed a tinge of
playfulness.
"One more of that, then I"ll put you in that barn and we'll stay there overnight!"
Kung sinabi niyang iiwan niya ako sa barn na 'yon, baka pa hinamon ko na siya.
Pero dahil sasama pa yata siya sa akin buong gabi, hindi ko tuloy mahamon at
 mukhang tinototoo niya ang mga banta niya mula pa kanina!
"Nagkausap na tayo. Sinabi ko na sa'yo ang rason ko."
"Yeah, sure!" I said sarcastically. "You suddenly have time now to spare me samantalang
no'ng huli, kahit hatid lang sa amin, hindi mo magawa.
I saw how his eyes widened a fraction after I said that. Ngumuso ulit siya pero may multo
ng ngiti.
"Hindi kita napagbigyan no'n dahil importante ang trabaho ko pagkatapos. It was just a
case of bad timing"
"You always claim to be busy with your work when right now you are also in an outing with
your friends!"
He groaned. "Hindi lang kita napagbigyan no'n dahil importante ang utos sa akin sa bayan
at responsibilidad ko 'yon. Siningit ko na nga lang ang outing na 'yon.
Gusto nila sa Pandan pero dahil hindi ako puwede, at hindi dapat sasama pero pumunta sila
sa bahay."
Umirap ako habang nakikinig sa kanya.
"May trabaho rin ako pagkatapos ng outing ngayon. Lumiban na ako dahil mas importante
to kaysa do'n."
Sinimangutan ko siya lalo.
"Oh dapat pa pala akong mag sorry? Sorry, ah? Naging dahilan pa ako na lumiban ka!
Difficult na nga, nonsense, rude, ngayon pabigat pa sa trabaho mo?"
Napatingin siya sa akin. Inirapan ko kaagad nang nagkaroon ng pagkakataon. He looked at
me intently. My eyes returned to his and I frowned more to show him how annoyed and
angry I was.
"Kung pabigat ako, edi iwan mo!" hamon ko sa kanya.
Bumuntonghininga siya.
"Hindi dahil hindi kita maiwan, bawal nang magreklamo. I'm just saying we can make it
easier for the both of us. We can talk about our issues and solve it. Hindi yong puro na lang
away at hindi na naayos ang ano mang problema."
Natahimik ako pero nanatili ang simangot ko sa kanya.
"Kung galit ka sa akin, sabihin mo. Hindi yong iinsultuhin mo ako dahil lang sa lit mo A nr
ihnnnran nramaunc nn nrahlamanana hindi galit mo. May ibang paraan para maayos ang
problema nang hindi nagkakasakitan."
Hindi ulit ako kumibo. I want to vent and lash out more but somehow his calm and
unfortunately rational reasoning made me silent.
"You think anything can be solved if I hear your insults and get mad at you back?"
Siyempre, 'di ako sasagot!
"Paano kung na irita ako at ininsulto rin kita, anong mangyayari?" he asked.
"Then just leave! No one is-"
"Kita mo na? Your solution is to always push people away instead of solving the problem,"
"Kung ininsulto mo ako, edi bakit pa kita pakikinggan, 'di ba?!"
"Puwede kong sabihin yan sa'yo. Kung umalis ako kanina pagkatapos mo akong insultuhin,
tingin mo nakapag usap tayo ng maayos at madadala ka ngayon sa ospital?"
Natameme akO.
"Alam kong galit ka sa akin kaya hinayaan kita sa insulto mo. Pero hindi ibig sabihin no'n na
magandang gawain yon. Kung galit ka, sabihin mo at sabihin mo kung bakit para mapag-
usapan. Walang naaayos na problema sa pagtakbo at paglimot."
"How sure are you that I want to solve our problem?" pahabol kong hamon. "How sure are
you that i don't actually want to just be left alone?"
He smirked. "I want to solve our problem that's why I'm trying. Kung pagkatapos kong
makipag ayos at manuyo sayo, itutulak mo pa rin ako, then that's it. Ill understand that you
don't want anything to do with me."
Napakurap kurap ako sa sinabi niya
"Manuyo? Asan diyan ang suyo mo?!"
His lips curled more. "Magpapasuyo ka na ba?"
Uminit ang pisngi ko.
"Hindi! Nagtatanong lang kasi sinasali mo sa usapan!"
Hindi ko tuloy namalayan na nasa dulo na pala kami. Nag-uusap pa kami nang narinig ko si
Markus.
"Marem!" lalmost jumped out of Achilles arms Cuz of the shock. Humigpit naman lalo ang
 pagkakahawak ni Achilles sa akin. Nilingon ko si Markus at natanaw ko na bukod sa mga
kaibigan ni Achilles, marami na rin siyang kasama pati ang mga pulis sa baryo.
"Ayos ka lang ba?!" dumalo agad si Markus sa akin.
"Ibaba mo na ako," utos ko kay Achilles pero lalo pang humigpit ulit ang hawak niya.
"Hindi ka makakalakad. Sa ambulansiya na."
Napatingin ako sa daanan at nakitaang bukod sa police car, may ambulance na rin do'n.
"Ayos lang ba kayo?" I heard Achilles' friend nearing us.
Marami na rin ang sumalubong sa amin at isa-isa nang nang usisa.
"Saan mo siya natagpuan, Achilles? At bakit basa kayo?"
"Bakit ka hubad, Achilles?"
"Umakyat siya sa burol, sa mga Riego," sagot ni Achilles kay Markus.
Matagal bago natauhan si Markus at nagtawag ng trabahador para sunduin ang naiwang
kabayo doon. Habang abala si Markus don, muli kaming naharap sa mga kaibigan ni
Achilles.
I saw how Charlene and Olivia looked at us, especially my t-shirt. Achilles friernds looked a
bit distant, o sa akin lang 'yon. At sa katahimikan nila, pakiramdam ko tuloy gulat na gulat
silang lahat nang nakita kami ni Achilles.
"Ayos ka lang ba? Anong nangyari sa kanya?"
"Mamaya na. Unahin ko lang ang pagdala sa kanya sa ospital," Achilles said ignoring all the
other questions.
Nadaanan namin si Alana na tahimik at nanonood lang kay Achilles at sa akin.
She was also distant, almost as if too shocked to give any reaction.
"Put me down," I croaked because l didn't want to cause such a scene.
Mukha ring hindi masaya ang mga kaibigan niya sa ayos naming dalawa. Him, topless and
me wearing his t-shirt and on his arms. I heard some whispers about it but they were too
faint.
"Ihahatid kita sa ospital," aniya bago ako binaba sa higaan para sa ambulansiya.
"Achilles... Ayos ka lang ba?" Alana asked when we were finally inside the ambulance.
Achilles only nodded and looked at me.
You dont have to come with me to the hospital," sabi ko.
Achilles only leered at me before he closed the door. Hindi nakinig sa akin at sumama
hanggang ospital.
Hanggang sa ospital nandoon siya. Siya ang sumagot sa doktor sa ilang impormasyon.
Dumalo rin si Markus pero kalaunan, mag isa na akong tiningnan.
Nagulat pa ako dahil may sarili akong room pero narinig ko na si Markus Saldivar daw ang
nagpaayos non.
"Kumusta?" si Markus nang binuksan ang pintuan sa kuwarto ko. May dala siyang mga
pagkain.
I waited for Achilles to show up behind him but he closed the door. He is alone.
"Ayos lang..." sabi ko sabay tingin sa hospital gown ko. "Is this really necessary?"
Tumango si Markus at lumunok. ""m sorry. I panicked, kanina. I called your... uh.. parents
so.."
Namilog ang mga mata ko. "You called my parents? And?"
"Nasa labas na ang Mama mo. Bukas pa raw ang punta ng papa mo rito. Nag- alala sila."
I sighed and realized that I'm gonna be scolded.
"Sabi ni Achilles, nahulog ka raw? Buti naman at mukhang ayos lang ang lahat bukod sa paa
mo.
"Si Achilles?
"Nasa labas din."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Ba't 'di pumasok?"
"Kakausapin pa raw ng Mama mo, e."
"Huh2"
Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan. Abala si Markus ngayon sa pag- aayos ng
pagkain ko samantalang nakatitig naman ako sa pintuan.
"Im just glad that you're overall alright. Sa sobrang kaba ko kanina, hindi ko alam anong
gagawin ko. You were so good at horses, hindi kita na sundan. Nalito pa ako kung saan ka
dumaan. Mali pa ang dinaanan ko. After minutes..."
While he's talking, I struggled to stand up swiftly. Masakit ang paa ko pero dahil may
railings naman sa dingding ay may nahahawakan ako.
 "... Bumalik na ako sa campsite para kumuha ng signal. Wala na kasing signal sa parteng
yon. I was calling our men when Achilles asked me where you are. Ayaw ko na sanang
sagutin siya pero I needed all the help I can get. I saidl lost you in the forest. Hindi na
nagpapigil pa, umalis agad kahit sinabi ni Olivia na may trabaho pa siya sa kanila,"
I opened the door while Markus was busy talking. Lalakihan ko sana pero natanaw ko si
Mama sa hindi kalayuan, nakahalukipkip. Samantalang si Achilles nasa harap niya.
"Marem? Marem! What the hell?"
"Shh!" I said and looked at Markus.
"Anong ginagawa mo diyan?"
Umiling ako. "Ayusin mo na lang ang pagkain ko. Kakain ako. I'm starving so..
Lalapit na sana siya sa akin pero narng nakitarng nakahawak naman ako sa railings, mas
inuna niya na ang utos ko. Then I heard my mom's voice clearly.
"What a coincidence, na sa lahat ng naghanap, ikaw talaga ang nakahanap?"
Kumunot ang noo ko sa tono ni Mama. I can hear rudeness and condescencion.
Kanina pa lang, nang banggitin ni Markus sa akin na kakausapin ni Mama si
Achilles, may pakiramdam na akong magagalit ito. Hindi ko man alam kung bakit pero ayon
sa mga huling trato niya kay Achilles, galit nga siya rito.
"Kabisado ko ang lupain ng mga Riego, madame-
"Dahil Riego ka?" Mama taunted. "Dream on. You're not a real Riego. Anak lang sa labas si
Leona at hindi tanggap ni Vesarius."
Yumuko si Achilles at hindi na nagsalita.
I moved instinctively but it was hard cuz the door jam had no railings.
"Don't act as if you are one of us, you're not. Know your place-
"Mama!" tawag ko dahil hindi na makalapit sa kanila.
Napatalon ng kaonti si Mama at bumaling sa akin. She relaxed her arms and looked at
Achilles.
"Anyway. Thank you sa tulong. You may leave now," Mama said.
Achilles looked at me. His eyes drifted on my foot, as if trying to restrain himself from
helping me. Sa huli, tumango siya kay Mama at ngumiti sa akin bago umalis.
"Anong ginagawa mo?" sabay lapit ni Mama sa akin. "Nurse!"
Sinundan ko ng tingin si Achilles. Abala si Mama sa pagtavwag ng nurse. Nilapitan agad nila
ako pero halos hindi ako nagpatulong.
"Anong sinabi mo sa kanya, Mama?" sabi ko.
Mama looked a bit guilty fora moment but she laughed it all off. "What are you saying? I
said thank you to him."
Hindi natahimik ang isipan ko. Inalalayan ako ng mga nurse papasok sa kuwarto.
Mama then entertained Markus but Markus was polite enough to give us some time and
excused himself. Pag alis na Markus at nang kami na lang ni Mama ang naiwan, saka ako
nagsimula.
"I heard you insult Achillles!"
Sure I'm not the one to talk. Pero may mga sariling rason ako. It's just so hard to imagine
why my mother is so mad at him.
"Bakit mo ba laging pinagtatanggol ang lalaking yon? Kayo na ba?"
"Bakit lagi mo rin pong tinatanong yan? Bakit parang galit na galit ka sa kanya?
He helped me, Ma-"
"He helped you because you are a Galvez and nothing more! For all we know he just wants
to impress you so he could measure to his cousins! Para maging mayaman tulad nila-"
"Why are you saying that? Mama, you are the one telling me to stop judging people based
on their social status! Bakit ganyan ka kay Achilles?!"
Kitang-kita ko ang biglaang pamumutla ni Mama. It felt like I hit the bull's eye on her or
something. I sensed her dread about the topic and I don't understand why.
"Pinapangaralan mo akong huwag maging matapobre pero ganyan ka kay
Achilles? Pinag usapan n'yo pa ang may sakit niyang ina! That was uncalled for-"
"Why are you defending him, Maria Emilia?! Kayo na ba?!"
Pabubulaanan ko sana pero nagtulo tuloy siya. At napansin ko na masyado siyang galit para
sagutin ko pa.
"You tell me right now! Do you like that boy, Marem?! You tell me right now! Or else l'm
gonna drag you out of this god damn place!" she almost screamed.
I was so shocked. Hindi ko siya kailanman nakita na ganito ka galit. Lagi kaming
 magkaaway ni Mama pero kahit kailan, hindi niya ako nasigawan ng ganito.
"Sumagot ka?!"
Kabadong kabado ako habang unti-unting umiling, It was as if a vengeful spirit left her after
I shook my head. She nodded and calmed down. Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita sa gulat.
"IIl call your father and inform him about your lab tests results. Excuse me."
Hindi na bumalik si Mama sa gabing yon. Or at least while I was awake. Kaya buong gabi
akong nag-isip kung bakit gano'n na lang siya kagalit tuwing si
Achilles ang pinag uusapan.
It was easy to say that she probably hated him for being poor. Pero hindi naman siya
ganyan. In fact, she keeps on pointing out that attitude on me.
Hindi na namin napag-usapan iyon dahil kinabukasan, pagkagising ko, nandoon na si Papa,
si Remus, at si Solomon. They visited me cuz they were worried. The weekend instantly
became some random family day with Remus with us at home.
Naririnig ko na inaayos na ang engagement party niya. My father taught Mon's assignment
inside my room. Nakahiga naman ako at nagpapahinga dahil masakit pa rin ang paa.
Ganoon ang sitwasyon sa bahay hanggang sa umayos ako. Hindi na ulit kami nagkausap ni
Mama at tuwing napapag-isa kami, agad siyang umaalis halatang ayaw pag usapan ang
kahit ano man.
It was Saturday in the afternoon. I was completely healed since Thursday.
Nakakapaglakad na ako at wala nang sakit na naramdaman sa paa. Pero kaninang umaga
lang tumulak na pabalik ng Maynila si Mama at Papa at sa
Lunes pa ako papasok ulit.
I feel like Monday is such a long time and somehow, I can't wait for it. I'm bored in our hotel
at tinatanaw ko ang rock formation.
Bored, I started walking towards the rock formation. Mag-isa at maingat kong binaybay
'yon, inisip na kakaayos lang ng paa ko. Hindi naman siguro masamang tingnan ang ibang
dako ng hotel ngayong wala akong ginagawa.
I was busy looking out for any sharp rocks when I realized how big of a mistake it is
Naalala kong nasabi niya na pinili na lang ng mga kaibigan niyang bisitahin siya sa kanila
dahil abala siya sa trabaho no'n at tumanggi siya sa outing. I never thought that they visited
him frequently.
It was too late to turn back since they already saw me. Narinig ko agad ang usapan sa hindi
kalayuang cottage sa harap ng bahay nina Achilles.
"Si Maria Emilia," I heard someone and their laughs died down.
I looked at them as I struggled on the rock formation. Wala si Achilles sa kanila.
Iritado agad ako sa naging desisyon ko at gusto ko nang bumalik. The memory of what
happened last week is still fresh to me. At hanggang ngayon, kahit nahulog ako sa bangin,
hindi pa rin ako nagsisisi sa mga sinabi ko.
It might have been overboard but it was fitting for all the harsh words they have thrown to
me as well.
Nakita ko rin si Alana, she had that curious look. It was the same look she sported back
when they saw me on Achilles' arms. A bit distant and almost upset.
Kung sa ibang pagkakataon isipin kong nagseselos siya pero sabi ni Achilles hindi sila kaya
hindi ko alam.
Before I could completely and slowly turn around, I saw Achilles emerge from their house.
Nakita niya agad ako. Annoyed that I was caught here by his stupid friends and of course
him, I continued walking away slowly.
"Saan ka pupunta?" nang tumalikod ako.
Pumikit ako ng mariin at nilingon siya. Inasahan ko na 'yon pero mas madali sana kung
inignora niya na lang ako.
"Uuwi."
Nagulat ako na nasa likod ko na agad siya. Mukhang tinakbo niya ang distansya para lang
maabutan ako. His eyes dropped on my feet.
"Delikado diyan. Sa kabila ka na dumaan. Ihahatid kita."
Umiling ako. "Ayos lang dito."
He sighed and shook his head. "Ihahatid na kita. Sa kabila tayo dumaan."
He suddenly tried to scoop me. I pushed his hand away and my heated face turned to his
friends. Kitang kita ko ang panonood nila, tahimik at halos walang reaksiyon. Para bang
takot silang magsalita nang kahit ano kahit na halatang ayaw nila sa nangyayari.
 I sighed defeatedly and looked at him. "Huwag mo na akong buhatin. Ayos na ang paa ko,"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Buti naman. Pero delikado ang mga bato kaya buhatin na kita
hanggang-"
Iglared at him that he stopped.
"Bakit ka ba kasi dumadaan dito? Puwede namang sa kalsada."
Nagkatinginan kami saglit. It was weird that he didn't make a big deal out of me trying to
reach this place. Bigla akong nahiya. I wonder what he is thinking.
Before I can imagine whatever he was thinking, nagsalita na ako.
"|-| came here because just want to say... thank you. That's all. Kaya... dito na ako dumaan
kasi saglit lang naman."
He smiled and licked his lips. "Okay."
He nodded and stared at me for a while before he continued.
"You're welcome."
Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. I wanted to say sorry for my mother's outburst but looking
at it, now is not the time to do that with him busy with his friends.
"And thank you for coming here to say that."
Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong hindi makapagsalita sa sinabi niya. I couldn't
remember anyone saying thank you to me for saying thank you. It was as if he was glad that
I was polite enough to notice his efforts.
"Uuwi na ako." Sabi ko at nag iwas ng tingin dahil uminit bigla ang pisngi ko.
"Ihahatid na kita," he offered again. "Doon na tayo dumaan sa harap."
"Puwede namang dito na lang."
He shook his head and smiled. I looked at his friends behind him.
"Wala ka bang trabaho?"
"Meron mamaya. Ihahatid muna kita bago ako pumasok."
Napakurap kurap ako. "How about your friends?"
"Dito lang nila napili na magtipon. May trabaho ako kaya 'di ko sila masasamahan. At...
ihahatid pa kita."
We watched each other and stayed silent for a few moments before I nodded and agreed.
"Let's go."
Naglahad siya ng kamay sa akin. Tiningnan ko 'yon at hindi sana tatanggapin pero
kinailangan ko nang humakbang at nahirapan sa batuhan.
I watch his hand meet mine as I struggled on the rocks. I was mainly struggling because my
attention was elsewhere. Curiously, I looked at his friends face and I saw how they watched
us warily. At si Alana nakatitig pero nang nakitang nakatingin ako, nag iwas ng tingin. Her
other friends then gestured to console her.
I watch his hand meet mine as I struggled on the rocks. I was mainly struggling because my
attention was elsewhere. Curiously, I looked at his friends face and I saw how they watched
us warily. At si Alana nakatitig pero nang nakitang nakatingin ako, nag iwas ng tingin. Her
other friends then gestured to console her.
I then looked at Achilles and realized that his attention was all on me. I then wonder if she
likes him... and that does he know?
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 15
216
66
Kabanata 15
Leaving
"Sa inyo na lang tayo. Sa labas ng bahay n'yo," sabi ko kay Achilles.
His brow shot up but eventually he nodded.
Simula nang nangyari, bumuti ulit ang relasyon namin ni Achilles. Of course, he continued
to be kind to me. Tuwing may groupings sa classroom, gaya ng dati, ako pa rin ang pinipili
niya. It's the second semester so it was more hectic than before. We had a lot of groupings
that needed meetings outside the school. Isa ito sa mga iyon.
Dahil alam kong galit si Mama kay Achilles, imbes na sa hotel kami magkita, mas gusto kong
sa kanila na lang. Recently, I also noticed that my parents come home unannounced. l'd like
to think that they were just concerned about Mon but I also think that my mother is
keeping an eye on me.
 Wala nga lang akong ibang maisip na dahilan kung bakit siya galit kay Achilles bukod sa
dahil mahirap lang siya. It was out of her character but what else could be a better
explanation than that.
"Anong oras ba ang trabaho mo?" l asked after an hour of brainstorming for our project.
Nakaupo kami sa kawayang upuan sa labas ng bahay nila. Mainit pero dahil may lilim ng
nipa at ng mga puno ng niyog sa paligid, halos hindi ramdam iyon. Ang ihip ng hangin at
ang hampas ng alon sa dalampasigan ang tanging naririnig namin kanina habang nag-iisip
sa gagawin sa project. It was a relaxing place, conducive for studying. I must say I think it
was better than our hotel. Especially that Achilles gets to prepare us a meal for our study
session.
"Isang oras na lang."
Inodded and looked at my watch. Tapos na kami. "So... Uuwi na ako?"
He smirked. "Wala naman akong gagawin bago ako magtrabaho kaya puwedeng mamaya
na. Kung wala ka ring gagawin."
I smiled and shook my head.
Gano'n ang lagi nanming ginagawa tuwing may project na kailangan. I must say that I'm
somehow Content and at peace with it. School isn't that hard anymore. It was bearable.
Minsan pa rin kaming magkasama ni Markus pero mas madalas si
Achilles dahil sa dami ng group projects at iba pa.
"By the way, last week... anong nilagay mo sa form? Kung... uh... saan ka mag co- college at
anong kukunin mo?" I asked curiously.
He smiled and looked at the sea. There were a few old boats parked around that area.
Napatingin din tuloy ako sa dagat. I narrowed my eyes because the sun was giving off such
scorching heat even when it's usually rainy in January.
"Baka hindi na muna ako magkokolehiyo."
Natigilan ako. I always think that people go to college no matter their social status. It's a
must. Kaya nagulat ako na gano'n ang sagot niya. Binalik niya ang tingin sa akin.
"Kikita kasi ako kapag nag full time ako sa trabaho imbes na mag-aral."
Napakurap kurap ako at natanto na siguro iba-iba rin talaga ang priority ng mga tao. I view
education as a basic necessity. I never thought that for others something else is more
important. Or maybe that's because | have no other responsibility. While he is a
breadwinner.
"A-Ano naman ang trabaho na papasukin mo?"
"Balak kong bumili ng mga bangka..." sabay baling niya muli sa dagat kaya sinundan ko ang
tingin niya at napatitig ako sa mga bangka. "Balak kong mangisda. Kikita sa pang arawW-
araw. Maliit lang pero mas maganda kasing gano'n kaysa mamasukan.
My eyes stayed on the small boat. Somehow, it made me rethink many things.
Sa ibang pagkakataon, minaliit ko na ang trabahong iyon. I see it as a menial ambition. One
that will surely disgust me. But right now l realized that I should be ashamed of my
prejudices about it.
Napatingin ako ni Achilles at nahuli ko siyang nakatitig sa akin.
"Ikaw? Paniguradong sa Manila ka mag kokolehiyo" lignored his question and proceeded to
ask him curiously. "If you had the money, do you still want to stop schooling?"
Bahagya siyang nagulat sa tanong ko at sa huli umiling. "Syempre, gusto kong mag-aral.
Pero ayos lang din na hindi na kasi mas importante sa akin na makapagtrabaho."
"Kung... sakaling may chance na makapag aral ka, saan mo naman gustong mag- aral?"
"Dito lang sa Costa Leona," he smiled.
Inodded and paused for a little while before I continued. "Dito lang din ako sa
Costa Leona magko-kolehiyo.
My words were sudden, and not well-thought. O siguro dahil inasahan ko na iyon kahit
paano. Na hindi ako pababalikin ni Mama sa Manila. O siguro.. dahil ako mismo... sa
ngayon... parang ayaw ko nang bumalik sa Manila.
I wish I knew then how wrong I was to expect that I will spend the next years in this
peaceful town. Because that is not exactly the case.
"Saan ka galing?"
Hindi ko inasahan ang pag-uwi ni Mama. Hindi ako hinatid ni Achilles dahil ayaw kong
maabutan kami kung sakaling may ganito mang mangyari. This is the first time that she
actually almost caught me.
 "Uh, diyan lang sa malapit. Nag group study lang po," sagot ko sabay iwas ng tingin.
"Saang malapit?"
I tried to calm down. Hindi ko nga lang matingnan ng diretso si Mama habang sinasagot
iyon ng maayos.
"Sa classmate ko."
"Sinong classmate?"
My lips parted. I could easily lie. Hindi naman unang pagkakataong magsinungaling pero
hindi ko alam bakit kabadong kabado ako sa pagkakataong iyon.
"Sinong classmate?" she asked again when she noticed I couldn't answer.
"Hindi mo po kilala," sagot ko.
Natahimik si Mama. Sinamantala ko ang pagkakataong 'yon para sana umalis pero nagsalita
siya.
"You're lying."
Nilingon ko si Mama. "Im not-"
"Don't fool me, Maria Emilia. Ako ang nagpapasuweldo sa driver at yaya mo."
Nanlamig ako nang natanto na nahuli niya ako. Defensively, I started being too angry at her.

"Alam mo na naman pala! Why'd you have to ask me"

"To see if you will tell me the truth! Because if you won't that means there's something
wrong!" putol niya sa akin.
Tuluyan ko na siyang hinarap. I'm tired of all our fights. Lagi na lang ito ang dahilan ng pag-
aaway namin. Lagi na lang siyang galit sa akin. Kung hindi man kami nag-aaway, wala siya
ritoo 'di kayay nandito pero hindi kami nag-uusap.
I should be happy when they're home but lately I wish they never come back here. I wish
they stay wherever they are and don't check on us. I wish I don't have a mother. That way, I
won't expect anything. I wont expect comfort from the person who was supposed to guide
me. I won't expect love.
"Ano'ng mali, Mama? Oo! Sige! Nagsinungaling ako! Galing ako kina Achilles! We had a
group project and we did it then I went home! What's wrong with it."
"Because I told you you're not supposed to see him!"
"I didn't see him to do anything else but to do our groupwork! Ano po bang masama do'n2"
"Sa lahat ng kaklase mo, siya talaga lagi, Marem?"
"Oo!" I screamed angrily. "Nobody likes me here! Siya lang at si Markus ang
nakakasalamuha ko! Nobody likes me here but I had to deal with all that hate and pressure
because you pushed me to this shit hole! Bakit mo pa ipagkakait si
Achilles? Siya na nga lang ang kaibigan ko rito! Siya na nga lang ang nakakausap ko ng
maayos tapos-"
"That's enough!"
"You don't understand! You were never here! And you're only here to point out problems!
At anong problema kung magkasama kamini Achilles, Mama?"
"I told you! Being with that boy is not good for you!"
"Because of what? Dahil mahirap lang siya? Eh ano ngayon?"
My mom's eyes widened. Hinihingal pa ako sa pagsisigaw. I really didn't intend to shout on
her. Kahit pa lagi kaming nag-aaway pero pakiramdam ko kasi wala nang katuturan 'to.
Hindi ko alam bakit kailangan kong ipaglaban si Achilles sa kanya. Wala namang mali kay
Achilles.
"You like him, don't you?" she said in a scarily serious tone.
I gritted my teeth as my tears fell. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi niya makuha ang ibig
kong sabihin.
"Answer me, Maria Emilia."
Pinalis ko ang mga luha ko bago nagsalita. "Gusto ko man siya o hindi, I want to know. Why
is he not good for me? Is it because he's poor, Mama?"
"Gusto mo siya," it wasn't a question.
Nanghihina akong umiling. Para tumanggi sa paratang niya at para ipakita kung gaano ako
ka nalulungkot na hindi niya masagot ang tanong ko.
"Go to your room," aniya sa banayad na boses.
I cried the whole night. Hindi ko alam kung bakit takot na takot ako sa lamig ng boses ni
Mama sa huling mga sinabi niya. It felt as if she's at her limits. At kung ano man ang gusto
niyang mangyari, hindi ko yata magugustuhan iyon.
I thought everything is okay. Nagdaan kasi ang ilang araw, hindi na namin napag- usapan
iyon ni Mama. At umalis na rin siya ulit para sundan si Papa sa trabaho.
 Inever understood why she had that reaction but II didn't look much into it the next days.
"Ako na," Achilles said.
Nasa library kami at tinatapos ang isa na nanmang group work nang naalala ko na naiwan
ko sa classroom ang ilang notebook ko dahil sa pagmamadali kanina.
Ako na sana ang kukuha pero mabilis siyang tumayo at nagpresinta na siya na.
"Okay," I said comfortably and watched him get out of the library to get my things.
Nagpatuloy namarn ako sa pagtitipa ng report namin. Natigil lang ako nang nakita si Olivia
at Charlene sa harap ko.
Hindi na nila ako ginulo ulit pagkatapos ng nangyari sa akin. Hindi ko naman din sila
pinapakialaman kaya akala ko hanggang tingin na lang sila sa akin sa school.
They don't comment whenever they see me with Markus or Achilles. They also don't talk to
me. Kaya nagulat ako ngayong nasa harap ko na sila.
"Ano'ng kailangan n'yo?" sabi ko sabay bigay sa kanila ng buong atensiyon.
Nagkatinginan silang dalawa bago nagsalita.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo?" patiuna ni Charlene.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "What? You mean here in the library?"
Charlene shifted on her weight and crossed her arms in a concern manner.
"Look, Marem. Siguro iniisip mo na nandito ulit kami para manggulo. Pero kilala ka namin
at alam namin na ayaw mo kay Achilles. Kaya nakapagtataka lang na lagi kayong
magkasama.
"Of course, we're groupmate
"Oh dont fool us. Really? lyon lang ba talaga?"
Kumunot ang noo ko, hindi alam kung ano ang pinagsasabi ni Charlene.
"Inaakit mo siya, hindi ba?"
"Naaalala ko na naghahanap ka ng paraan para pauwiin ka ng Mama mo sa
Maynila. You are trying to rebel and get a boyfriend so your mother will send you back in
Manila. Ginagamit mo si Achilles," si Olivia naman.
Ni hindi ko nga naisip ang mga pinagsasabi nila. Sure, I wanted to go back to
Manila. But I didn't think about it while getting close to Achilles. At lalo namang hindi ko
gagawing boyfriend si Achilles, no!
"Hindi ko alam kung anong pinagsasabi n'yo. If you came here just to accuse me of that,
then you wasted your time," sabay baling ko na lang sa ginagawa ko.
"Akala mo ba hindi magagalit si Achilles sa'yo kapag nalaman niyang ginagamit mo lang
siya?"
"Hindi ko siya ginagamit. What are you saying-"
"Alam naming dalawa kung gaano mo kagusto mag Manila at gaano mo ka ayaw si Achilles.
One of these days we are going to tell his friends about your real intention for being close to
him."
Napatingin sila sa labas ng library bago umalis. Nakarating na si Achilles kaya umalis ang
dalawa. Umiling na lang ako at binalewala iyon. They are both out of their minds. Why can't
they just mind their own business. At anong sinasabi nilang gagawin kong boyfriend si
Achilles? Nahihibang na ba sila?
I thought about it for a while then my face heated. Kaya pinilig ko ang ulo ko para mawala
iyon sa isipan ko.
"Here's your things," si Achilles.
Our eyes met and suddenly l couldn't look at him straight in the eyes. Parang tumatak
masyado sa akin ang sinabi nina Charlene at Olivia tungkol sa magiging boyfriend ko si
Achilles.
Oo at malapit kami sa isa't-isa but I can't imagine him courting me. At alam ko rin namang
'di siya manliligaw dahil abala siya sa trabaho. Gaya ng sinabi niya sa akin, wala siyang oras
sa girlfriend kaya bakit ko iisipin 'yon?
I didn't make a big deal out of it until l saw Alana outside of our classroom.
Nagtagal ako ng konti sa classroom dahil hinintay kong maibalik ang papel namin ni
Achilles galing sa faculty. Achilles already went home. Ako na ang kumuha sa papel namin
dahil laging nagmamadali pauwi si Achilles dahil may trabaho pa pagkatapos.
I paused when I saw Alana outside of our classroom, as if waiting for someone.
Wala naman siyang ibang kilala rito sa amin kundi si Achilles. Hindi niya ata alam na
umuwi na si Achilles at ayaw ko nang makialam sa kanya.
Kinuha ko na ang papel namin ni Achilles at lumabas na ako. Markus was also waiting for
me outside. Nakaugalian na naming magkasamang lumabas sa school bago pumasok sa
kanya kanyang sundong sasakyan.
 Alana suddenly went to us. Nagkatinginan kami ni Markus. Ayaw ko na sana siyang
kausapin pero dahil mukhang may sasabihin, inunahan ko na.
"Umuwi na si Achilles dahil may trabaho pa siya."
"Hindi siya ang sadya ko dito. Ikaw."
My eyes widened a fraction. Nilingon ko si Markus. He immediately excused himself
because of that. Nilingon ko si Alana at hindi mahulaan kung ano ang puwedeng sadya niya
sa akin.
"What is it?" l asked.
She looked genuinely concerned.
"Nasabi sa akin ni Charlene at Olivia ang sadya mo kung bakit ka nakikipaglapit kay
Achilles."
My mouth dropped open. Ni hindi ko man lang naisip yon!
"And you believed them2"
"Kaibigan mo sila. Maaaring nag-away kayo pero naging malapit kayo ng ilang taon. Kaya
naniniwala akong kilala ka nila-"
"And you think that you know me too because of that?" l cut her off.
"Concern lang ako kay Achilles. Wala pa siyang naging girlfriend o niligawan man lang.
Kaya kung gagawin mo yon sa kanya-"
"Oh please!"
"Alam ko rin ang tungkol sa ginawa mo sa kanya sa mga Mercadejas. Kung doon pa lang
nagawa mo na siyang hamakin, tingin ko kaya mo rin siyang lokohin para lang makuha ang
gusto mo.
"Kung tingin mo gano'n ang gagawin ko sa kanya, bakit sa akin kayo nagsasabi niyan? Why
don't you do to Achilles and tell him what you are thinking?" hamon ko
"I wanted to plead to you and give you a chance... that maybe you can be compassionate
despite your attitude."
Namilog ang mata ko sa sinabi niya. It was said in a very peaceful manner but it hurt me so
much!
Hindi ako mabait, inaamin ko. Pero sa tono niya para bang siguradong sigurado siya na
gagawin ko nga 'yon! Siguradong sigurado siya na manloloko ako!
"Pero oo, kakausapin ko rin si Achilles. And I'm sure I can knock some sense out of him."
"Then iyon naman pala, eh! If you think that I have an attitude, then you wasted your time
talking to me right now! Sana idiniretso mo na lang yan kay Achilles!
Sinayang mo ang oras ko. Thanks for nothing" sabay irap ko at alis sa harap niya.
Tinawag ko si Markus at naglakad na kami paalis ng school, iniwan si Alana.
"Ano'ng sinabi ni Alana?" Markus asked curiously.
"Stupid things," sagot ko ayaw nang pag usapan dahil sa iritasyon. lyon ang bumagabag sa
isipan ko hanggang sa nakauwi na ako. I saw my mother in front of our large double door,
waiting for our SUV to park near the fountain. It is not surprising to see here right now
since it's Friday. But every since our last fight, I can't help but be a little bit nervous
whenever she's here.
"Iwan n'yo kami," utos niya sa kasama kong kasambahay at sa mga naghihintay sa likod.
I was with Markus a while ago so it's impossible that she'll scold me again about being with
Achilles. Hinigpitan ko ang hawak ko sa bag dahil naroon ang mga papel naming dalawa at
ayaw kong malaman ni Mama na kahit sa malilit na bagay ay malapit kami ni Achilles.
"Magbibihis lang ako," I said trying to calm myself down. Naka uniporme kasi ako at gusto
kong ilapag ang gamit ko sa kuwarto bago sana kami mag-usap.
"You're going back to Manila," she said trying to stop me.
Natigilan nga ako at tumingin kay Mama.
"Huh? Bakit?"
"l already informed your school about it. You will get your exams earlier than your
classmates-"
"M-Mama, bakit po-"
"Why are you questioning it? Hindi ba yon ang gusto mo noon pa?"
Hindi ako nakasagot.
"Ano'ng nangyari? Bakit nagbago ang isipan mo?" Nanliit ang mga mata niya.
I wanted to lash out again. To shout at her. Kahit pa pagmumulan na naman iyon ng away
pero ayaw kong magpahalata.. kung gaano ko na... ka ayaw... bumalik
"|-It's just that... It's just weird that I'm leaving this place on a short notice," kalmado ko
iyong sinabi pero gustong gusto ko nang sumigaw.
 "Well, you're leaving."
"Can I ask you why, Mama?"
May palagay na ako kung bakit pero ayaw kong lumala ang iniisip niya.
"I want you to graduate in a better school, not here," she said that calmly.
I gritted my teeth to stop myself from spewing more hurtful words. Alam ko kung bakit
niya ako pauuwin. It is because of Achilles. Kahit pa may iba siyang sinabing rason, sa
isipan ko wala nang ibarng dahilan kundi iyon.
"F-Fine. Aakyat na ako."
Dumiretso ako papasok sa bahay, gulong gulo ang isipan. She then called me again.
"You're not angry?" she asked.
Nilingon ko siya. Galit ako. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit niya ginagawa to.
Nagulat din ako sa sarili ko. Ang tagal na panahon ko nang gustong umuwi pero ngayong
pinapauwi niya na ako, ayaw ko na.
"Why will | be?"
"Perhaps you will leave someone dear to you here?"
I chuckled but it is without humor. "Going home is all l ever want, Mama."
At tuloy tuloy na akong umakyat sa kuwarto ko.
Gusto kong magkulong pero alam kong mahahalata ni Mama ang pagdaramdam ko. Ayaw
kong malaman niya na malaking bagay ito sa akin. I was so sure of her reasons for this but I
didn't want to confirm what she's thinking!
Naiiyak ako sa galit! I really don't understand her at all! And I'm leaving on such a short
notice? Paano na.
I shut my eyes tightly. Humiga ako sa kama at nag-isip kung ano na ang gagawin ko!
I cannot imagine going back to Manila. I am not even excited about anything there!
Para akong sasabog sa mga emosyon. Sa galit, sa frustration, sa lungkot, at kung ano anO pa.

Hindi na ako nakapagbihis pa, lumabas ako ng kuwarto. I heard from one of our servers
that my mother is in a meeting so she shouldn't be disturbed in our study.
Nagmadali agad akong bumaba sa bahay. Nagbabadya na ang paglubog ng araw pero
pakiramdam ko, kung magkulong ako sa kuwarto, hindi ko na kakayanin at mahahalata na
ni Mama ang galit ko.
Dumiretso ako sa daanan papuntang hotel namin. At alam kong kung sa harap ako dadaan,
makikita ng mga empleyado kaya walang preno akong naglakad hanggang dalampasigan.
The sky is orange, like embers on fire, and it's reflected on the calm sea. The waves crashed
the shore lightly, as if tired of coming back the whole day but still couldn't resist it.
Nagsimula ulit akong maglakad sa batuhan, hindi iniinda ang magiging dulot nito sa black
leather shoes ko. It's been a while since | last walked here. Lagi kasi akong sinasaway ni
Achilles at sinasabihan na sa harap na dumaan.
Costa Leona has grown on me. I hated this place because it was the very symbol of
punishment. Pero hindi ko inakala na magugustuhan ko ito.
At maaaring hindi naman siguro talaga ang lugar ang tanging dahilan kung bakit ko ito
nagustuhan.. at hindi ko rin masabi na dahil iyon sa mga tao... I was almost never welcome
here.
I don't want to admit it because it's scary. Hindi ko rin dapat siya gusto, kung iisipin ko ang
ugali o mula pa noon. Kaya hindi ko alam kung bakit ngayon... siya pa ang dahilan kung
bakit ayaw kong umalis.
Hindi ko naman talaga alam kung bakit ko tinahak ang daanan to. I was upset, sad, and
frustrated, then I immediately want to run to him.
I will leave this place. I don't know how to stop it from happening. I don't want to leave
anymore. I want to stay. I want to live here. It's crazy but it's honestly what I want right
now.
Like a deja vu, at the end of the rock formations, I realized that I'm not alone again. Nakita
ko agad silang nagkukumpulan doon, kasama na si Achilles. Alam kong minsan maaga
siyang natatapos sa mga utos sa kanya pagkatapos sa school kaya hindi na ako nagulat na
naroon siya. Pero hindi ko inasahan na sina
Olivia, Charlene, Alana, at iba pang kaibigan nila ay naroon at mukhang seryoso ang pinag-
uusapan.
My lips parted and looked at Achiles. He looked at me. I saw how Alana pulled
 his arm, as if stopping him from coming to me.
"Sabi sa'yo ginagamit ka lang niyan. I overheard the teachers. She's leaving for
Manila. Maaga ang exams niya. She got what she wanted," si Charlene.
"Achilles, ilang beses ka na niyang pinahamak," I heard Alana.
"Kahit tanungin mo pa si Markus. Alam no'n na ayaw niyan dito kasi probinsya.
Her goal is to go back to Manila," si Olivia.

Kabanata 16

Home
I feel miserable but I'd die first before I"ll show it. I was already looking pathetic for
crossing the rock formations again and be seen by these stupid people.
Ipapakita ko pa ba ang nararamdaman ko?
"Sabi na nga ba, e. Ginagamit mo lang si Achilles," si Charlene.
They all looked at me with hostile and distant eyes.
"Akala yata niya dahil Galvez siya matatakot tayo!"
"Akala niya dahil Galvez siya, ang dali dali lang nating lokohin at utuin. Tama si
Alana, Achilles, pinapaikot ka nga niyan.
Their glares and words cut me. It made me feel so alone. Lagi naman noon pero mas malala
lang ngayon. Siguro dahil alam kong sa kabilang dako ng batuhan, wala akong kakampi.
Galit si Mama sa akin at hindi kami magkasundo. At pati rito sa kanila, gano'n din. It almost
felt like the world is so mad at me and I don't belong anywhere.
Hindi ko alam bakit ko pa kailangang ipaliwanag ang sarili ko. Hindi naman ako takot na
mawala sila. Kung kinakailangan pala ng paliwanag ang lahat, edi mas mabuti nang 'wag na
lang nila ako intindihin. Kaya...
"So you all came here to tell Achilles that?" ngumisi ako habang tiningnan sila.
Achilles walked towards me, and Alana stopped him. Kita kong nag-usap sila kaya
nagpatuloy ako.
"You are so concerned about me that you all actually took the time to tell him that?"
"Huwag na, Achilles. Hindi deserve ng babaeng 'yan na kausapin mo pa," si Olivia.
I smiled more. "Yup. So what if I fooled all of you? Masakit ba?"
Napabaling si Achilles sa akin. Kitang kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya.
Aalis na rin naman ako kaya bakit pa? Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang nagpapatuloy. I
really hate being judged, but I hate explaining myself more... And
Il'd rather them think that I was in complete control, that I'm a bad person, than a pathetic
girl looking for attention somewhere else.
"Thanks for the short entertainment, Olivia, Charlene. Ang boring n'yo pero kahit paano
pinagtiyagaan ko naman." Nilingon ko si Achilles. "Thanks for the company when the stupid
girls got tired. It was fun while it lasted."
Nakangiti akong nagsabi no'n at agad silang tinalikuran para bumalik na sa hotel.
Hindi na dapat ako pumunta dito! Isang malaking pagkakamali na naisipan ko pang
tumakbo rito! Wala rin namang magagawa si Achilles at ngayon nakikinig pa yata siya sa
mga sinasabi ng mga kaibigan niya.
Nagmadali akong maglakad sa rock formations. I can hear them calling Achilles out. I was
busy with the rocks as my heart pounded hard. Tinatawag nila si
Achilles, does it mean that he is chasing me?
Gusto kong tawanan ang sarili ko. After what I just said, he's probably just chasing me to
get back at me for being rude and fake.
Kaya naman nang hinawakan niya ang braso ko, agad ko siyang nilingon.
"What now? Sisingilin mo ako sa ginawa ko?" I snarled at pulled my arm back.
Marin ang hawak niya sa akin kaya malakas din ang pagbawi ko sa kamay ko.
Nang tuluyan ko namang nabawi iyon, halos madapa ako sa lakas ng ginawa. He then pulled
me abruptly before I could fall down. And it resulted to him falling down on the rocks, me
on top of him, and his other arm propped on a sharp uneven rock.
Dumaing siya sa sakit. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang bahagya akong nakakita ng dugo sa
braso niya. Agad akong tumayo galing sa pagkakaupo sa kandungan niya. Meanwhile, he
couldn't move much he was still in pain.
 "-I'm sorry!" natataranta kong sinabi.
I wanted to stay angry but I was too shocked to see blood and to see him in pain.
Pikit ang isang mata, unti-unting naupo si Achilles sa batuhan habang tinitingnan ang braso
niya.
I swallowed hard. I'd love to storm out of there but of course I don't want to leave without
checking if he's alright. Kaya nanatili ako roon, nakatayo habang tinatanaw siyang iniinda
ang sakit.
We were already in the middle of the rock formations. The part where you can't see both
sides anymore. Hindi rin kami kita sa hotel, at lalong 'di na kita sa mga kaibigan niya.
Tiningnan ni Achilles ang mga gasgas sa braso niya. Hindi naman ganoon kalala pero
madami at dumudugo ang iba. Kinagat ko ang labi ko, feeling all guilty because of it.
He then glared at me. I slowly became defensive because of his glare
"Hinihila mo 'ko kaya... a-ayan tuloy!" sambit ko.
"Hinila kita kasi ayan ka na naman! Ang sabi ko, pag-usapan natin kung may problema.
Why are you running away again?"
Nagulat ako saglit pero mas pinili kong panindigan ang sinabi kanina.
"Hindi mo ba ako narinig? I saidl used you!" git ko.
Nanlit ang mga mata niya. "Sige nga. Paano mo ako ginamit?"
"W-Well, you heard them, right? Gusto ko nang umuwi ng Manila kaya g-ginamit kita! My
mother doesn't like you so I pissed her off through getting close t-to you!"
"Really? You mean that?" Naninimbang ang titig niya. y-Yes!" nalilito na rin ako sa isasagot.
"Sige nga. Bakit ka nandito?"
Hindi ako agad nakasagot. The strands of my hair flew sideways from the cold sunset wind.
His face had a tinge of orange to it from the rays of the sun setting.
At nasisiguro kong ganoon din ang itsura ko.
Unti-unti siyang tumayo. He towered over me, blocking the fiery rays of the sunset, and the
cold wind.
"Huwag mong sabihin sa akin na magpapaalam ka pa sa lalaking ginamit mo?"
Napakurap kurap ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang puwedeng dahilan ko kung bakit pa
ako pumunta sa kanila ngayon kung totoo ngang ginamit ko siya.
"Bat 'di mo na lang ako b-in-oyfriend, 'di ba? Kung gusto mo talaga akong gamitin?" He then
smirked.
My heart pounded at his words. Hindi rin ako makahanap ng salita para ibato pa sa kanya..
"B-Bakit? Hindi ka naman nag gi-girlfriend, ah?" I said saying the first thought that's on my
mind after what he said.
He smirked more. "So kung nag gi-girlfriend ako? Liligawan mo ako?"
Kumunot ang noo ko at medyo na offend sa sinasabi niya. "Are you kidding me?
Ako pa talaga ang manliligaw?!"
He chuckled. "Gusto mo ako ang manligaw?"
Suminghap ako, handa na sa mga sasabihin pero inunahan niya ako.
"Hindi ako naniniwala na ginamit mo ako. Hindi ka pupunta dito ngayon kung talagang iyon
lang ang gusto mong mangyari."
Still defensive, I glared at him. "Bakit hindi ka maniwala do'n sa mga kaibigan mo-
"They mean well, yes. They are my friends. But I know you, Maria Emilia. And I don't want
them judging you for your surface."
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Unti-unting pumungay ang mga mata niya at bumanayad ang
ngiti.
"Tayong dalawa ang laging magkasama. Mas kilala kita kaysa kanila. Kaya hindi ako
naniniwala. At hindi ko patatawarin kapag pinagsalitaan ka ng masama."
Maybe it was the situation: me being forced by my mother to leave Costa Leona when I
already love it here, or them judging me but his words resonated beyond my ears and into
my heart. Hindi lagi na may naniniwala sa akin. I am not the most pleasant person outside
but most of the time, I consciously do that to protect myself. Hindi maganda iyon at alam ko
pero hindi ko alam paano pa maging mabait kung malupit naman sa akin ang lahat.
Or maybe, it was the realization that somehow, despite all the rude things I've done,
someone knows that it's all just a facade. My eyes heated as tears pooled behind it. At sa
lahat pa nang puwedeng magtiwala sa akin, siya pa na direkta
 kong laging nagagawan ng mali.
"Tama naman sila, ah? Bakit ayaw mong maniwala! I'm rude so I really don't know why-"
Yes, you are!" agap niya.
Napakurap-kurap ako, hindi inasahan na sasabihin niya iyon. The sides of his lips rose.
"You have an attitude, but that doesn't mean you're a bad person."
Gusto kong pabulaanan. I didn't like how my heart is pounding now just because of the way
he makes me feel. I want to deny whatever it is that I am feeling at the moment. Kaya lang
hindi niya ako binigyan ng pagkakataon.
"Kilala na kita. At huwag mong sabihing nagpapanggap ka lang. In your unguarded
moments, I see you. So you can't fool me."
My lips parted. I'm still speechless.
"At kahit ngayon, alam kong ayaw mo lang ipaliwanag ang sarili mo. You feel insulted
whenever you explain yourself to the people who doubted you..."
My lips trembled when I realized that he's right. Ni hindi ko iyon direktang naiisip pero
alam niya. I couldn't hold my tears as I watch his eyes gentle yet also domineering at the
same time.
"Kaya ayaw mong ipaliwanag ang sarili mo kasi alam mong mabuti ang intensiyon mo.
That's why you're always insulted whenever someone is accusing you of bad things."
My tears fell. Kahit sa puntong iyon, nanghihina na ako, ayaw ko pa ring umamin, kahit sa
kanya, na tama siya.
"Why don't you j-just believe them?!" I said as I stammered.
"Because l am my own. I have my own opinion, my own mind... my own heart,
Maria Emilia. I don't just follow other people. Or anyone."
He smirked again.
"At kahit ngayon, ayaw mo pa ring aminin na tama nga ako. Kahit may attitude ka, mabuti
pa rin ang intensiyon mo."
Sinimangutan ko siya at agad na nagpalis ng mga luha. He closed the distance between us
while I was too overwhelmed with what I'm feeling and his effect on me. I pushed him
halfheartedly. Hinawakan niya naman ang kamao kong nasa dibdib niya.
"Even so... I'm not saying that I tolerate your rudeness." He chuckled. "l don't. But
I know why you are this way. I understand. Kaya huwag ka nang magpanggap sa akin.
Kilala kita.
I couldn't hold it in.
The fact that it was Achilles who said this made it even worse. Ang lalaking ayaw ko noong
una pa lang, hindi mayaman, at dapat hindi ko nagugustuhan. He actually knew. And I admif
it, I have really fallen for him. Not because he is good looking, or that he was genuine to me..
i've fallen for him because he actually knew me... and accepted me. I've fallen for him
because I can be myself around him. Ive fallen for him because he makes me feel like I
belong... to him.
Hindi ko na maalala kung kailan ko huling hinayaan ang sarili. It was a big leap for me to let
my guard down.
Bumuhos ang mga luha ko at ang kamay na pumipigil sa kanya kanina ay hila hila na ang
dibdib niya ngayon para lang mayakap ako. It was the most freeing thing I have ever done.
To let myself go, to let my mask down, and to finally show what I was feeling.
"Ayaw kong sumama sa Manila... gusto ko dito lang ako!" nanginig ang labi ko habang
humihikbi sa dibdib ni Achilles.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Tanging ang alon lang na humahampas sa batuhan ang naririnig ko. It's
fine. It's perfect. I didn't want him to say anything as I pour my heart's content.
"I don't know how to tell my Mom that! If she finds out that I want to stay, baka hindi niya
na ako pababalikin dito! I dont want that!" I said with certainty.
I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes as I continue lashing out.
"I don't want that! I don't want to leave here! I don't want to be away! Why now?!
I've longed to go back years ago! Bakit ngayon pa na gusto ko na dito?!"
Funny how even though I hate almost all of the people at school, I can still announce that
guiltlessly. Na gusto ko dito at na ayaw ko nang umalis!
"Takot akong magsalita! Takot akong malaman niya na takot akong umalis! She always,
always has to ruin things for me! And I always, always have to follow!
 Even when it's against how I feel!"' | cried angrily.
Achilles sighed. I felt him crouch but I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want him to see
how much I'm crying over this. Kahit pa sinabi niya nang kilala niya na ako.
...
"Gusto lang ng Mama mo nang magandang kinabukasan para sa'yo."
Now, even with my tears pouring and my pride, I couldn't stop hiding on his chest because
of those words. Matalim ko siyang tiningnan samantalan banayad ang itsura niya.
Hindi ako makapaniwala na kahit pa siya ang dahilan kung bakit pauuwiin ako ni
Mama, nagagawa niya pa ring ipagtanggol ito. I dont know if he knows but he mustve
known. The way my mother treated him is the very evidence of that.
And for him to still believe in my mother's decisions is beyond me!
"Malapit ka nang mag college. Mas marami ang pagpipilian sa Manila at mas malalaki ang
mga unibersidad. Mas mabuti nga na doon ka mag-aral-"
"So you want me to go?!"
"Mas maganda lang ang magiging kinabukasan-"
I cut him off with a loud punch on his chest. "So you want me to go?!"
Bumuntonghininga siya at kinagat ang pang-ibabang labi.
"l just want you to follow your mother and live the best life.'
I can't believe him! Nangilid ang panibagong luha sa mga mata ko. I am very disappointed!
"E 'di bakit mo pa ako hinabol? E 'di sana hinayaan mo na lang akong umuwing mag isa!" I
shouted and punched his chest again.
Hinuli niya ulit ang kamao ko sa dibdib niya. I still punched him repeatedly, annoyed and
very disappointed! Hindi na ako madadala sa hawak niya o sa banayad niyang boses! He
wanted me to go!
"Hinabol kita dahil gusto kong mangako ka... na babalik ka dito," he said as he pinned my
fist on his chest.
The way he held my fist felt so firm. Natigilan ako at nagulat sa sinabi niya.
"Promise me youll call. Every day."
My eyes widened more as he continued.
"Promise me we'll communicate. I wanna know what you're doing, where you will study,
and who are you with," napapaos niyang sinabi. l am not a cry baby but this is definitely
making me tear up.
"| won't go to college cuz Il need to work for my mother. Kaya dito lang ako, magtatrabaho.
Ill be waiting for you."
My lips trembled. "It's not the same!"
"This is why we should learn to communicate better, Marem. Hindi puwedeng tumakbo ka
lang kung tingin mo may nagawa mauna ang panghuhusga." ong mali. Hindi puwedeng
My heart floated in the air as I listened to his Words.
"Gano'n din sa akin. Kakausapin kita. Lagi."
"P-Pero ang hirap-"
"Mas mahirap kung hindi na tayo magkita. Mas mahirap kung hindi tayo nag- uusap
gkakaliwanagan."
I watched him as he smiled gently at me. Slowly, the sun is losing its embers to the calm sea.
I watched the fire in his eyes slowly fading into purple and gray. He watched mine too, but
his other hand flew on the side of my eye to wipe away the small rdrop.
"You will always come back here. You have your mansion. You have your hotel.
You have your... property."
Ngumuso ako.
"And Ill always be here. This is my home."
Huminga ako nang malalim at unti-unting tumango.
"Il wait for you."
It ended our conversation. In the end, I walked calmly back in our side. Hinatid niya ako
hanggang sa pinakadulo at hinintay niya akong talikuran siya at umalis nang kalmado.
Kalmado. That was what I earned from that.
I went home, very calm and reassured. I'm scared and sad but I'm hopeful.
 Tama nga ako. Sa sumunod na araw ng eskuwela, sumama si Mama at pinag exam na ako
sa isang bakanteng classroom. Hindi na ako pinapunta sa classroom namin. I didn't even
protest. Not even a little. At tuwing tinitingnan ko si Mama, para bang hinihintay niyang
magwala ako at tuluyan niya nga'ng malaman na ayaw kong umuwi.
Hindi ako nagpahalata. I calmly did what I had to do. I even settled to not see
Achilles that day until the day I had to go.
Bumisita si Markus sa bahay at ibinalita sa akin na sa Maynila rin siya magkokolehiyo. We
will be communicating because of that. And he's excited to see me and go to school with
me.
Madali lang magtago kay Mama pag-uwi sa Manila. O siguro, hindi niya na gaano akong
binantayan dahil nasa Manila na rin naman ako. Solomon stayed, though, cuz my mom
insisted that he should learn how to run the hotel, even when he also wanted to be like my
father.
We went abroad for our vacation. Siguro para umayos kami ni Mama pero hindi iyon
nangyari. It was just so hard to be okay with her again after all that's happened.
I am all alone in the secluded part of our house for the whole duration in
Switzerland. I tried to find the time to finally call Achilles. Ganoon ang ginawa namin sa
nagdaang linggo na wala ako. Ngayon lang naman ako nahirapan dahil kasama ko lagi ang
pamilya ko.
"I really hate it, Dencio," I heard a familiar voice on the veranda.
Buti na lang at hindi ko pa pinindot ang tawag. Kumunot ang noo ko at nilingon ang
madilim na parte nang veranda para makumpirma ang iniisip ko.
"They say he's a catch. He's good looking and all that but I just don't feel any connection. At
marami rin siyang babae," naririnig ko si Agnes, ang girlfriend ni
Kuya Remus.
She saw me on the other side. Mabilis niyang binaba ang tawag at halata ang bahagyang
pagkataranta. My brows furrowed as I look at her. She smiled awkwardly at me but I
remained stern as I watch her.
"-Ikaw pala, Marem," Agnes' innocent face loomed as she stepped out of the darkness.
Halos hindi ako ngumiti. I only acknowledged her greeting.
"l got bored so I went out of the house. Busy pa si Remus kaya.."
"I didn't ask," sabi ko.
She nodded slowly and laughed awkwardly again. "Ang ganda dito. I'm excited to ski
tomorrow.
"Me too," tanging naidagdag ko.
Hindi ko alam kung ano 'yong narinig ko kanina. Pero base sa huling mga sinabi niya, may
palagay na ako.
Hindi ko siya masisisi. Her parents and my parentns encouraged her relationship with my
brother Kuya Remus. Sa nahuli kong sinabi niya kanina, mukhang may kausap siya at doon
siya nagsasabi ng mga hinaing. She doesn't feel any connection with him. And she's
bothered that my brother was a playboy. Those are very understandable concerns, but still,
I didn't like it. I know Remus truly likes her and whenever we are all together, it always
seem like Agnes loves him too.
"Excuse me. Puntahan ko lang si Remus."
Inodded. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin hanggang sa nakaalis. Pero nakita ko ang paglapit ni
Mama sa veranda, nakangiti at payapa ang itsura.
Bumuntonghininga ako at sinilid sa bulsa ng damit ang cellphone. Hindi na muna ako
tatawag kay Achilles.
"This trip made me realize that Agnes is really good for your brother. They compliment
each other," patiunang sinabi ni Mama.
I chuckled at that. Nakakatawa kasi nahuli kosi Agnes na may ibang kausap.
Tapos ganito naman ang panimula ni Mama.
"Don't laugh. I'm serious, Marem. O baka naman may opinyon ka ulit sa girlfriend ng Kuya
mo?"
Nilingon ko si Mama at tinitigan kung gaano siya ka proud sa nangyayari.
""'m a good matchmaker. I learned it from your Lola. See? Kami ng Papa mo, we both love
each other so much... despite being matched byy your Lola long ago.
These relationship work."
Alam ko na ang sunod na sasabihin ni Mama. I sighed.
"If this is about Vince-
 ako tatawag kay Achilles.
"Ive accepted that you don't have any hope for the Hidalgos, Marem. But I really think you
should give it a try, when you're ready... to a man from a good family."
Hindi na ako umimik.
"l have no doubt. Remus and Agnes will have a great relationship. Kapag nag- asawa na sila,
matibay ang magiging samahan. Your brother instantly fell for her.
Gano'n din si Agnes sa kapatid mo."
I scoffed at that.
"If only you will give it a try, Marem. You might appreciate it."
How canI repair our bruised relationship when it's always like this? I sighed and looked at
my mother with sad eyes
"Kuya and Agnes... won't last."
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 17
O
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Kabanata 17
Immature
On my last year before college, I was not enthusiastic in going to school. Kahit paano,
inakala ko rin na ma-eexcite ako. Kahit pa gusto kong manatili sa Costa
Leona, hindi rin naman ibig sabihin noon na hindi ko na gusto ang Manila.
Dito ako lumaki at nasanay ako sa syudad. I admit it. I only changed my mind about Costa
Leona after knowing Achilles. I smiled at the thought of him asI stared at my desk.
Mula nang bumalik ako, napansin ko kung gaano kababaw ang mga pagkakaibigang nabuo
ko rito. Always, always trying to prove something. Always seeking for attention. Always
wanting to be on top of the social pinnacle.
"We really thought you went to France to study. Sa probinsiya ka pala pumunta?" si Lyra,
ang isa sa mga naging kaibigan ko kahit paano.
All our seniors are now in Colege. lilan doon ang sumuporta sa akin noon noong mahilig pa
ako sa theater, pageants, at modeling. Right now, I have no interest in it. Somehow, I have...
other plans.
"Saang probinsya ba at kilalang school ba?"
"You know Tria won the school's first ever pageant. Ang sabi nina Amelia noon, ikaw daw
dapat sana. The school promised to keep the tradition and put up your picture or sculpture
in the museum! Kaya sayang at wala ka no'n."
"I don't mind.. " sabi ko ng wala man lang excitement at panghihinayang.
"She refused the modeling offers, though. Taga ibang school daw tuloy ang kinuha. Ayaw
din ni Tria mag advance sa pagearnts. Mukhang iba ang priority niya."
"You should try this year's pageant, Marem. You will then advance to a greater pageant and
modeling! Hindi ba yon ang gusto mo? Sabi ni Amelia, sobrang laki daw ng potential mo.
Your face is really for modeling. Magaling lang talagang sumagot si Tria but she's on the
cuter side kasi kaya sabi nila, mag advance man siya sa international pageants, she wilI-
"I'm not interested," I cut her off.
"Oh? Anong nangyari sa'yo? Bakit ayaw mo na?"
That was also a question for myself.
Thave always known that I only liked those things to get the attention that I want.
But a part of me also expected that I naturally like modeling and such. Ngayon na halos
wala na akong interes, hindi ko tuloy alam kung talaga bang gusto ko iyon, hindi lang dahil
sa atensiyon.
"Ayaw ko lang," sagot ko.
"Kasi ayaw ng Mommy mo?"
"Sabi nila, yon daw ang dahilan bakit ka pinagtransfer ng school noon."
Suddenly, I realized something. They are right. Why didn't I think about this?
"Alright, Ill join."
Hindi ba iyon naman ang gusto ko? Ang bumalik sa Costa Leona? Kaya bakit ako titigil sa
"pagbubulakbol". If that's what my mother hates the most, then so be it. I am going to
trigger her into sending me back to the province again!
Katawagan ko lagi si Achilles pero hindi ako kuntento roon!
"Ano'ng sasalihan mo?" si Achilles sa kabilang linya.
Araw-araw kaming nagkakatawagan. Kung hindi dalawa o tatlong beses sa isang
 araw, lagi pa rin kaming magka-text sa mga free time.
"There's this pageant in school na sasalihan ko. To pass time, you know. It's so boring here.
Walang challenge sa school kaya-
"Pageant?"
I suddenly remember Alana. Bilib na bilib sina Olivia at Charlene sa kanya dahil nanalo sa
puchu puchung pageant sa Costa Leona. Well, our school has the best girls in the city. Kaya
ang manalo rito ay sobrang laking bagay na.
"Oo. Pageant."
"Para saan? At bakit ka sasali?"
Kumunot ang noo ko. Nahimigan ko ang disgusto sa tinig niya. ""m just bored.
And our school don't usually do this. Nito lang nakaugalian. Ako dapat ang pambato sa first
ever pageant nila no'n, until I transfered to Costa Leona-"
"Bored ka kaya ka sasali?" medyo namangha siya.
I chuckled. "Yes. And for sSure, I"ll win."
"Hindi ba ayaw ng mama mo ang gawin mo 'yan?"
Sumimangot ako dahil pakiramdam ko, ayaw niya rin. "Bakit? Ayaw mo rin?"
Hindi siya sumagot.
"I want to do it," sabi ko ayaw sabihin sa kanya ang tunay na dahilan.
Achilles won't agree with all my hidden agendas. He is always for the good. Even when my
mother dislikes him, he'd always make me follow whatever my mother wants. Kaya hindi
ko sinabi ang totoong dahilan.
"Bakit pa may pageant sa school n'yo?" may pag-aalinlangan sa boses niya.
"For experience, I guess. They think its healthy for us to engage in such things-"
"Eh hindi ba conservative ang school n'yo? Paano ang mga..." hindi niya tinuloy pero alam
ko na ang ibig sabihin niya.
"It's an all girls school, Achilles. Kaya kahit na may swim suit competition, walang
makakakita."
"Hindi iyan ang ibig sabihin ko, Maria Emilia."
I smirked at the sudden change of his tone. Mas naging seryoso at malamig iyon.
"Although, some of the boys from the school near us will probably gate crash," I said that
with a purpose.
"Hindi ko gusto ang naiisip mo. Paniguradong may dahilan ang Mama mo kung bakit ayaw
ka niyang sumali sa mga ganito. Mas mabuting sundin mo na lang-"
"Wala na naman siyang sinabing bawal na gawin ko rito sa ngayon, e. Kaya sasali ako."
Then I decided to change the subject just so I could get away. "Are you working?"
He let out a huge sigh. "Oo. Magpaalam ka muna sa Mama mo tungkol sa pagsali."
"Achilles, it's a student activity. Don't worry about it. Teka... lang araw ka nang absent?"
medyo nag-aalala kong tanong.
Noong nakaraang buwan, na kuwento ni Achilles na nahirapan siyang magpatuloy sa huling
taon ng high school dahil sa Mama niya. Lumalala ang kalagayan ng Mama niya at madalas
itong isugod sa ospital.
Sometimes, I offer him money from my allowance but he won't take it. Alam ko na rin iyon
bago pa lang ako mag offer pero sinusubukan ko pa rin.
Kaya ngayon, nag-aalala ako sa kanya. Marami na siyang absent. Gustong gusto niyang
makapagtapos na sa taong ito kaso mukhang mahihirapan pa lalo siya dahil sa sitwasyon.
"Ayos lang. Ipapa assignment ang ibang kailangan kong tapusin. Gusto ko na sanang mag
drop out pero binigyan ako ng pagkakataon. Ayaw kong sayangin."
Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa narinig. "Ipapa assignment nino?"
"Ng mga teachers, Marem," medyo mariin niyang sinabi dahil alam niya ang ibig kong
sabihin.
"Sinong teacher?"
He sighed heavily again. "Halos lahat ng teachers."
"Lalo na si?" I said waiting for him to mention Alana.
Alana is already practicing her first teaching years in our school. She is one of
Achilles' teachers right now and it really doesn't sit well with me. Minsan, naiisip ko na
sobrang unfair. Alam kong magkaibigan sila ni Alana kaya talagang magkakausap sila, at
ngayon dagdagan pa na nagkikita sila halos lagi, mas lalo lang akong nababagabag.
Samantalang ako, walang kasalamuha na lalaki. Nikolai is in lloilo most of the time while
Markus is also in Costa Leona. Next year pa si Markus lilipat dito sa
Manila.
 I know Achilles doesn't have time for girls. Lalo na ngayon. Halos wala nga siyang oras sa
pag-aaral. Pero paano kung dahil sa lungkot niya o pagod niya, he'll find comfort in Alana's
arms?
We are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet. Back in Costa Leona, I was okay with that. Now
we're not together, I am starting to feel a little insecure about it. Kaya naman malaking
tulong sana kung magalit na naman si Mama at pauwiin niya ako ng Costa Leona. For sure
by now she thinks that I don't like Achilles. Kaya mapapanatag siyang pauwiin ako.
"Lalo na si Alana, Achilles?" sabi ko dahil hindi niya dinugtungan.
"Tinutulungan niya na maging assignment ko ang ibang inaaral-"
"Then what's next? Tutulungan ka rin niya sa assignments mo?"
"Kaya ko ang assignments ko."
"What if she will offer? And you are always working, you won't have time to read more!"
"She's busy with her job, Marem. Huwag mo nang pag-isipan nang masama-"
"May gusto siya sa'yo. Does she know that we are still communicating?"
He sighed. "Hindi namin napag-usapan."
Napaahon ako at biglang kinabahan.
"At huwag mo na siyang pag-isipan ng masama. Hindi naman siya-"
"Are you siding with her?! She will be encouraged dahil wala na ako diyan at lagi pa kayong
nagkikita!"
"Stop it, Maria Emilia. You are thinking too much-"
"No, I'm not! I know, Achilles! May gusto siya sa'yo! She disguises it with friendship and
wanting to protect you from me but obviously-"
"Ginagawa ni Alana ang trabaho niya. Higit pa nga para lang matulungan ako.
Nagmamagandang loob siya."
"Higit pa para ma impress ka! She is helping you out because she likes you!"
He chuckled. "Huwag na nating pag-isipan ng ganyan ang ginagawa ni Alana.
Wala naman siyang sinabi sa akin at lalong wala yan sa isip ko kaya tigilan mo na ang pag
isip ng ganyan."
"Why are you defending her? She judged me! At hindi ba sabi mo na ayaw mo ang mga
nanghuhusga sa akin?! Bakit hanggang ngayon, nag-uusap pa rin kayo?!"
He laughed a bit. "Marem... Kaswal kaming nag uusap ni Alana. I'm her student..."
Somehow that thought made me furious. Achilles, Alana's student. I can imagine
Alana in a light mini skirt with a book in hand while the tall Achilles sitting on his chair at
her mercy. Lalong sumama ang pakiramdam ko.
"Ano'ng gusto mong gawin ko? Hindi na siya kausapin? Napagsabihan ko na sila at
tinanggap naman nila. It's pretty immature if I cut cords even when they admitted their
mistakes. Lalo na dahil nagkikita kami sa schoo|-"
"Then why don't you just cut the cords with me, instead?! Tutal tayo naman ang hindi
nagkikita!"
"Marem-
I then dropped the call and put my cellphone at the pit of my back so I won't be tempted to
answer when he calls back.
Nag-iinit ang pisngi ko sa galit. Alam kong baka nga nag overreact ako pero ayaw ko nang
bawiin. Nainis ako na malayo kami at lalo pa akong naiinis na malapit si
Alana sa kanya, at siya naman walang plano na putulin ang relasyon nila!
Achilles called three times. Hindi ko sinagot ang tawag niya. Pero nang tumigil siya sa
pagtawag ay mas lalo lang akong nairita!
What?! That's it?! I got angry and he tried to call me just three times?! Malayo na nga kami
sa isa't isa, hindi pa siya nagsisikap na ayusin kami?!
Umuwi na lang ako sa amin at gumabi na, hindi na ulit siya tumawag. I cried after dinner,
inside my room. Hindi ko alam kung papangarapin ko pa bang umuwi ng
Costa Leona kung ganito siya!
Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at pinagpatuloy ang pagsusubmit ng application kahit ganoon
ang iniisip ko. At least kung ayaw niya na sa akin, edi babalik ako ng
Costa Leona at ipamumukha ko sa kanya ang sinayang niya!
My thoughts escalated pretty quickly. But still my plans didn't change. I will push through
the pagearnt. At sasali pa ako sa ibang modeling stint na galing sa mga seniors namin noon.
Wala na akong pakialam kung nag-away kami ni Achilles.
Babalik ako ng Costa Leona!
With my raging thoughts, my phone suddenly rang. Nagkukumahog agad akong lumapit
para tingnan kung sino iyon at nang nakitang si Achilles, hindi ko sinagot.
 Nakatunganga ako habang tinitingnan ang cellphone na maingay dahil sa tawag niya. Isang
beses tapos nawala. Kabado na hindi niya na ako tawagan ulit, kinuha ko ang cellphone ko.
Tinapon nga lang ulit nang tumawag siya ulit.
I walked away and went to my bathroom to freshen up. I am going crazy!
Bumalik ako sa kama, kung nasaan ang cellphone ko, umiilaw bago namatay ang tawag.
Scared again that he won't call me the third time, I picked it up only to see him calling for
the third time. I sighed and decided to end my agony and answer the call with a monotone.
I don't want him to think that I aam excited for it.
"What?" I said annoyed.
"Ba't 'di mo sinasagot ang tawag ko?" kalmado niyang tanong.
"Tumawag ka pala. I didn't see it."
"I called you immediately after you dropped the call earlier today. At ngayon naman. Hindi
na ako nakatawag kanina dahil sa trabaho."
Napakurap kurap ako habang nakikinig sa kanya.
"Ngayon ngayon lang natapos. Pauwi pa ako."
I looked at the time and saw that it's 1OPM!
"I hoped you aren't asleep yet. Kasi mukhang galit ka nang babaan mo ako ng tawag kanina.

I bit my lower lip and realized that it was selfish of me to expect him to call me the whole
day just because I was upset.
"Oo dahil pinagtatanggol ko si Alana!" still I didn't drop this subject.
"Hindi ko siya pinagtatanggol. Ang sinasabi ko lang, wala naman siyang ginagawang
masama-"
"Walang ginagawang masama? May gusto siya sa'yo!" I said with renewed anger.
"Wala naman siyang nasabi at hindi naman 'yon ang dahilan kung bakit niya ako
tinutulungan sa school. Gaya ng ibang teacher, teacher din siya at natural na tulungan niya
ako. Nahihiya na nga ako at gusto ko nang tumigil para hindi na maka abala."
"How sure are you-"
"Marem," putol niya sa akin. "Gusto ko nang tumigil at mag focus sa pagtatrabaho pero
gusto ko ring makapagtapos... kahit high school lang muna.
Para naman... pareho tayo."
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. My eyes widened a fraction as his breathing got more defined
because of the stretched silence between us.
"Kahit na kailangan kong magtrabaho sa susunod na taon, gusto ko pa ring makapag aral
balang araw. Para magawa 'yon, kailangan kong magtapos sa taong to. Alana and my other
teachers are helping me out. I owe them the respect and appreciation. Kaya sana huwag
mong pag isipan nang masam si
Alana. At wala naman siyang ginagawang gano'n. At lalong wala sa isip ko ang gano'n."
Kumunot ang noo ko at medyo nairita na hanggang ngayon pinagtatanggol niya si Alana.
Nagalit na ako't lahat pero imbes na pagbigyan ako, ako pa ngayon ang dapat na magbigay
sa kanya.
"What do you want me to do? To drop out so we won't talk to each other? So she won't be
able to help me at school? Ganoon ba, Marem?"
Ngumuso ako. Galit ako pero alam ko... na may punto siya. Ganito naman lagi. It always feels
like my anger is irrational. And eventually, I will then think he is right.
May sama man ng loob na konti, pero alam ko pa rin na tama siya kahit paano.
"She isn't throwing any advances at me. Ganoon na ba ka guwapo ang tingin mo sa akin
para talagang habulin ng lahat?" He chuckled.
Kinagat ko ulit ang labi ko. I imagine him tired from his work, needs to finish his
homeworks, needs to tend to his mother, and eat his dinner... but instead he's here calling
me to check on me. He even tries to joke around... probably to assure me.
"At huwag kang mag-alala, hindi naman ako easy-to-get."
My lips stretched for a smile even when my eyebrows are furrowed from my shallow anger.

"Tumigil ka nga.."
He chuckled. "Bakit gising ka pa? O nagising ka ba sa tawag ko? Sorry. This is my only time
to call you-"
"Kumain ka na ba? tanging naitanong ko dahil medyo na guilty na sobrang petty ko minsan.

I still don't like Alana. I hate how Achilles is rational. I want him to cut the cords.
 Pero alam ko rin na tama siya. Wala naman talagang problema. It's just my insecurities. At
masyadong selfish at immature ang gusto kong mangyar..
"Hindi pa. Magluluto ako pagkauwi ko."
Magluluto pa.
"H-Hindi ka pa ba gutom? Bumili ka na lang."
"Wala nang bukas ngayon. Okay lang. Mabilis larng naman," he said.
That was our routine almost every month. At kahit pa paulit ulit naming pag awayan yon,
hindi siya kailanman sumuko sa akin. Kahit pa gaano ako ka immature at selfish, lagi siyang
nagpapaliwanag hanggang sa maintindihan ko.
Kahit pa sobra sobra na ang galit ko, hindi pa rin siya natitinag. All of that in the midst of
him surviving his predicament at school, at work, and at home.
"Para saan ba ito, hija?" si Tita Domitilla nang nagkita kami sa Manila.
Sasali ako sa pageant at sa iba pang big modeling stint. Agad akong nakukuha siyempre
dahil kilala ang pamilya namin. lyon nga lang, wala akong suporta. Hindi ako puwedeng
kumuha ng kilala kong designer kasi paniguradong kilala rin 'yon ni Mama. Paniguradong
hindi pa nagsisimula ang pageant, malalaman agad ni Mama na sumali ako. Kaya lumapit
ako kay Senyora Domitilla. She will understand.
"Sasali ako sa pageant sa school, Tita."
"Oh? That's great!" sabay tingin niya sa akin mula ulo hanggang paa. "You are already a
beauty queen! For sure mananalo ka! Pero... pumayag ba si Alondra nito? I remember you
telling me that she dislikes these things for it will expose your family to the public too
much.
Umirap ako at umiling kay Tita. "Of course not. Wala pa ring nagbago, Tita."
Naningkit ang mga mata ni Tita Domitilla. Nasa loob kami ng opisina ng designer na
inirekomenda niya. Of course, I will pay for it since I will use it for my pageant night.
"Hay naku, itong si Alondra. Kung may babaeng anak lang ako, l'd give in to all her whims."
I smiled and know that she is telling the truth. Ako pa nga lang, spoiled na sa kanya. Kaya
rin siguro hindi sila magkasundo ni Mama. Dahil ibang iba sila ng ugali.
"Do you need it very soon, hija? l'd want to let the designer design a gown for you. Gusto ko
yong pinakamaganda at elegante, like your family's emblem," she then smiled sweetly.
"May nagustuhan na akong elegante na design kanina, Tita. Baka yon na ang kunin ko-"
"No! It shouldn't be a pre made gown! Gusto kong mag pa design ka at nang masunod ang
talagang gusto mo!"
"Hmm. But I need it soon."
"Then we'll pay triple for it to be done soon!"
Nagulat ako sa sinabi niya.
"At ako na ang magbabayad. Huwag ka nang mag-alala. I will support you on this one. I hate
that Alondra is not supporting your hobbies!"
"T-Talaga po?" I was touched and shocked that she is this supportive. "Thank you,
Tita."
She then smiled. "You can always count on me, hija. And thank you for always trusting me
in these things. Hindi bale na nga'ng malaman ni Alondra. Know that
I will always be on your side." she smiled more.
Niyakap ko si Tita Domitilla. May mga araw na pakiramdam ko wala akong kakampi.
Nakakalimutan ko yata ang mga araw na tulad nito, na may totoong kakampi ako sa
katauhan ni Tita Domitilla.
Indeed, she helped m. The designer created the gown I liked. Dumagdag lang iyon sa
dahilan kung bakit ako nanalo - dahil maganda ang gown mismo at confident ang pagdala
ko. I also had the perfect answers. And because I'm confident and driven, I didn't even have
a strong competitor among the candidates. Nobody came close.
"What is this?"
My lips stretched a little as I watch the newspaper slide on my mother's large table. Kitarng
kita ko ang galit sa mga mata niya.
Ipinatawag niya ako para do'n. At dahil ramdam ko ang galit niya, hindi ko na napigilan ang
pagkakatuwa.
"You joined this without consulting me?" she said icily.
"A-Akala ko ayos lang?" I acted shocked.
 "At ano to?" Pinadausdos niya ang ilan pang magazine kung saan ako na feature.
"Well, I was offered to be a model and teen idol so-"
"You know that I don't like this for you!"
I acted more shocked at her sudden outburst.
"Sinabi ko na sa'yo na delikado ang trabaho ng Papa mo at Galvez ka! This is not the doings
of an elegant woman! This is pathetic atterntion seeking!"
"Pathetic attention seeking? | want to be a role model, Mama! And being a model and
joining pageants are ways to do that!"
"You are a Galvez! This is all too materialistic and cheap! Paano ka magugustuhan ng mga
kapwa natin kung ganito ka exposed ang buhay mo?! People want to stay lowkey! The
Hidalgos... the Sevillas... nobody will like you! You are downgrading our family name!"
Medyo na insulto doon, naging totoo tuloy ang galit ko.
"Bakit? Hindi naman ako nagpapa impress sa mga Hidalgo o Sevilla o sino pa riyan, ah?
Why can't you be like Tita Domitilla?
Natigilan siya at unti-unting umikot sa lamesa niya para malapitan ako sa harap.
"Kaya siguro kayo hindi nagkakasundo kasi mabait siya at ikaw masahol ang ugali mo! You
don't support me in anything! I will pursue what I want and I won't listen co you!"
Nilapitan ako ng tuluyan ni Mama at niyugyog, ramdam ko na naman ang gigil sa galit tniya.

"Anong kinalaman ni Domitilla dito?!"

"Well, she lent me her designer! She helped me score the gown! She supported me in ways
you never could! Ang alam mo lang naman ay ang parusahan ko for the pettiest things! You
are not even there whenever I need you! You're only there when you think | screw up!
You're only there to-"
Lumagapak ang matinding sampal sa pisngi ko. Natigilan ako dahil do'n.
"You think l want to punish you?! You always make me do it! At mukhang
"You think I want to punish you?! You alvways make me do it! At mukhang mapipilitan na
naman ako ngayon dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa mo!" she
Screamed.
Tumunog ang telepono sa study ni Mama. She looked at me, breathing heavily. I thought
she will ignore the ringing phone but then she withdrew from our argument. Umatras at
lumapit sa telepono. Bumuntonghininga siya at mukhang sinikap na pakalmahin ang boses.
"Yes."
"Madame, pasensiya na po. Tumawag naman ako agad pero nagmamadali si
Admiral kaya hindi na naabutan," I can hear her secretary.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Umuwi po siya ng Costa Leona."
"H-Hindi siya n-nagsabi," rinig ko ang taranta sa boses ni Mama.
"Kritikal na po kasi si Leona Riego."
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Hindi ko maintindihan. My mother looked worried and she cared less if I followed her all
the way to the chopper. She spaced out so much.
Alam kong binantaan niya na ako kanina pa na pauuwiin ulit sa probinsiya. My plan was
going so well but right now I didn't expect her to ignore that I'm following her to Costa
Leona. Akala ko pag-iisipan niya pa 'yong mabuti, o pipilitin niya akong manatili sa bahay
ng grounded, pero hindi.
But then l also realized something weird about that phone call she received before she
acted this way. Gusto kong tawagan si Achilles para kumustahin dahil
Mama niya ang tinukoy na kritikal kanina pero dahil agad na kaming lumipad, hindi ko na
nagawa.
Papa went home to Costa Leona because Leona Riego is in a critical condition. I want to
focus my worries on Achilles and how he is holding up to this but I cant help but think
about my father, too.
Bakit siya nagmamadaling umuwi dahil kay Leona Riego? Bakit parang wala sa sarili si
Mama pagkatapos malaman iyon galing sa sekretarya niya? At bakit agad agad din siyang
dumalo ngayon?
Is she close to Leona Riego? Did she care for her a lot? If she did, she won't treat
Achilles that way. Si Papa lang ang mabait kay Achilles. Malupit si Mama kay
Achilles. So I guess it's safe to say that they aren't acquaintances.
 Nakauwi na kami sa Costa Leona at hindi man lang ako kinausap ni Mama. She went
straight to her study and took some calls. I tried to call Achilles too but he isn't answering.
At bago pa man ako makasubok ng tawag ulit, lumabas na si
Mama sa opisina niya at nagtawag na ng driver.
I watched our car leave the premises.
"Anong nangyari, Ate?" Solomon asked as we both watch the tail lights of our car disappear.

Nilingon ko ang kapatid bago ako nagkibit balikat. Hindi ko rin kasi alam paano ko
ipapaliwanag ang nangyari.
Naiintindihan ko kung bakit hindi sumasagot si Achilles. Kung kritikal ang Mama niya
ngayon, maaaring nasa tabi siya nito. Gusto kong pumunta pero takot akong makita ako ni
Mama. I think she is going to where Papa is. At kung pagbabasehan ang tawag kanina,
mukha ring... nag aalalasi Papa na kritikal si Leona Riego.
Tahimik kong tinahak ang batuhan. I don't expect Achilles to be there but it comforts me to
see their home. Kaya iyon ang ginawa ko.
Tahimik. Walang tao habang tinatanaw ko ang maliit na bench at lamesa sa lilim ng niyog.
Tahimik din ang malit na bahay nila.
I sat on a rock and watch the colors of the sun rays change. It felt like a long time until I saw
people slowly filling the yard near the house. Noong una, akala ko dumadaang kapit-bahay
lang pero napatayo ako nang nakitang medyo may kumusyon at narinig na tinawag ng mga
naroon si Achilles.
Achilles is home. My heart swelled at the sight of him but it eventually died down because
of worry. Hindi siya sumasagot sa mga tawag ko at gustuhin ko mang magalit, alam ko na
may dahilan siya.
Achilles immediately found me sitting there. Inuna niyang pinuntahan ang bahay nila. Akala
ko inignora niya ako dahil abala siya pero ilang segundo lang, lumabas ulit siya.
He looked at me seriously. I excitedly waited for him where I was. Ayaw kong marami ang
makakita sa amin at habang nasa batuhan ako, hindi ako basta- bastang makikita ng mga
taong nasa harap ng bahay nila.
I smiled a bit because of my anticipation. Then I looked at him sadly to show my concern,
too. Seryoso lang ang mukha niya nang unti-unting lumapit sa akin.
"I heard about-"
Naputol ang sasabihin ko nang niyakap niya ako ng sobrang higpit.
I have never been hugged that way. Not even by my parents. He hugged me so tight it hurt...
but also it felt so soothing. Bumaon ang mukha niya sa kanang balikat ko. Sa sobrang higpit
ng pagkakayakap, ni hindi ko siya mayakap pabalik dahil mismong ang mga braso ko parte
ng pagpalupot ng bisig niya.
"K-Kumusta ka? Kumusta ang mama mo?" | stammered for words.
They were muffled because my lips and nose were on his chest.
"I called you many times a while ago, para sabihin na nakauwi ako pero 'di ka sumagot. D-
Don't worry. I'm not angry. I'm... just worried. I waited here for you b- but...I didn't really
expect to see you. Dahil alam kong busy ka."
"Wala na si Mama," he whispered in a broken voice.
Namilog ang mga mata ko at sinikap na unti-unting iangat ang mga kamay ko para tuluyan
na rin siyang mayakap.
"Oh, I'm sorry" I whispered back and buried my face on his chest, too.
Lalong humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin. It hurt in his arms but I don't mind. He was hurting
more for sure. If its comforting him, then it's comforting me too.
Besides, it's a soothing kind of pain.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang sandali kaming nanatiling ganoon, tahimik at magkayakap. I never
met his mother but feeling this pain from him made me tear up a little.
"Nasaan si Achilles? Ayusin na natin ang mga para sa lamay."
"May pinadalang mga upuan at lamesa, ayusin na natin."
Unti-unting kumalas ang yakap ni Achilles sa akin. Unti-unti rin akong kumalas at nag-
angat ng tingin sa kanya. He looked weak and sad. Hindi gaya kanina, nang natanaw ko
siyang palapit sa akin... na seryoso at parang wala lang. Kaya hindi ko agad naisip na may
nangyaring masama dahil hindi naman malungkot ang itsura niya. Ngayon lang nagpakita
ang lungkot niya... at panghihina.
"Can I help you with something? Tutulong ako."
He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Ako na ang bahala. Tawagan mo na lang ako,
Susubukan kong sumagot. Kapag wala na akong ginagawa."
Parang dinudurog ang puso ko sa sinabi niya. Gustong gusto kong tumulong
 pero alam ko na mahihirapan ako lalo na dahil nandito sina Mama. Lalo pa dahil mukhang
umuwi si Papa nang kritikal ang Mama ni Achilles. I don't know how I can help with my
Mama angry when she sees us together. Baka maging pabigat lang ako kung mapagalitan ni
Mama si Achilles ngayon.
Tawagan ko siya... susubukan niyang sumagot. Ayos lang sa akin na hindi niya sagutin ang
tawag ko dahil alam kong abala siya. At alam kong hindi siya mauubusan ng gagawin lalo na
ngayon.
Umiling ako at napahawak ng mahigpit sa damit niya.
"Hindi na ako tatawag dahil alam kong marami kang gagawin. H-Huwag mo na muna akong
alalahanin-"
"I need you to call me," he simply said
My mouth dropped open when I realized something. He needs me to call him.
Need.
"Alright. Tatawag ako."
His lips parted and nodded like a child understanding something. Para pa ring pinipiga ang
puso ko na hahayaan ko siyang mag-isang gawin ang lahat ng to.
Gustong gusto kong tumulong. Pakiramdam ko wala na akong pakialam kung makita ako ni
Mama... Kung hindi ko lang naisip na baka nga hindi niya na ako pabalikin dito.
Tumingkayad ako at ginawaran siya ng marahang halik.
"Please be careful. You're always in my heart and mind. Just tell me... when you need
anything. Hindi ako uuwi ng Manila. Dito muna ako."
He nodded. Naririnig ko na ang paghahanap ng mga tao sa kanya pero hindi niya ininda
iyon.
"hahatid kita sa inyo."
Lalo lang akong nalungkot. Naalala ko noong nagreklamo ako dahil hindi niya ako hinatid
dahil may trabaho pa siya. Tapos ngayon... ang daming nangyari at mukhang marami pa
siyang kailangang gawin... pero uunahin niyang ihatid ako?
"Huwag na. Sige na, pumunta ka na sa inyo. Ill stay here for a while before lrI leave."
"Nasaan si Achilles? Paparating na si Rodolfo!" I heard an old lady shout near
Achilles' house.
Napatingin ako sa kung saan sumigaw ang matanda at natanaw ang SUV na gamit ni Papa
na lumiko sa mabatong daanan papasok kina Achilles.
"Si Papa," I whispered as I watched the SUV park near their house.
Nilingon ko si Achilles na nanatiling nakatitig sa akin, namumungay ang mga mata.
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo. Maraming naghahanap sa'yo. Sige na. Dito muna ako.
Magsasabi ako kung uuwi na."
He didn't move. I saw my father go out of the SUV. Akala ko nariyan din si Mama pero mag
isa siya, kasama ang mga bodyguards.
"Achilles! Sige na!" I said to wake Achilles up.
Tumango siya at kalaunan nilingon na ang kanila.
"Ihahatid kita kapag uuwi ka na," he said.
Umiling agad ako. "Sige na. Pumunta ka na do'n."
Dahan dahan siyang umalis. Tinanaw ko siya saglit hanggang sa nakita kong napansin na
siya ni Papa. Mabilis akong nagtago sa batuhan pero sinubukan ko pa ring tingnan.
Nakita kong nag-usap sila. Achilles invited my father on their home and eventually they
were out of my sight.
Mag gagabi na at ayaw kong abalahin pa si Achilles. Hindi pa umaalis ang sasakyan ni Papa
pero kailangan ko nang bumalik sa hotel. Unti-unti na akong naglakad bago pa mahuli ng
takip-silim. At nang nakarating na sa hotel, saka lang ako nagtipa ng mensahe para kay
Achilles.
Ako:
Don't worry about me. I'm home now. Do what you have to do. Ill check on you every now
and then. And please call me when you need anything... kahit kausap lang.
It pained me to think that I can't even be there for him in this unfortunate event.
Nasa kuwarto na ako at naghihintay sa kahit anong tawag man o text galing kay
Achilles. He has texted me after my message but I didn't try to call him because I know
he'ss busy.
Achilles:
Thank you. Tatawag ako mamaya. Pangako.
 Nag-aalala ako ng husto. Gusto ko nang tumawag siya para malaman ko kung okay lang
siya pero alam ko na tatawag siya kung wala lang siyang ginagawa. At hindi naman ako
makatawag din sa parehong dahilan.
I sighed. I need to calm down and be reasonable. I know lI'm needy most of the time kaya
madali akong mairita kung hindi napagbibigyan pero hindi talaga ito ang panahon para
pairalin iyon.
Napaahon ako narng narinig ang malakas na pagkakabasag ng kung ano sa pasilyo.
Nataranta, dumiretso ako sa pintuan para tingnan kung ano yon. Umasa akong kasambahay
lang na nakabasag ng ilan sa koleksiyon naming banga pero natanaw ko si Mama na umiyak
at ang mamahaling banga namin na mukhang sinandyang basagin.
"You believe her?!" sa sobrang lakas ng sigaw ni Mama halos mapaos na siya.
Namilog ang mga mata ko. Narinig ko na naman sila minsang nag-aaway pero hindi ganito
kalala. At lalong hindi umabot sa pagbabasag ng mga bagay sa bahay namin.
Madilim na ang pasilyo at tanging ang ilaw sa study na nakabukas ang natatanaw ko.
Pumasok si Mama sa study at nagpatuloy ang sigawan.
Yes, I believe her!" si Papa.
"Alam nating dalawa na inggit lang siya sa akin! She wanted to marry you but she couldn't!
Kaya paniguradong 'yan ang dahilan bakit."
"lkaw ang sinungaling, Alondra!" si Papa.
At kahit kailan yata hindi ko pa narinig na ganito ka galit si Papa. At kay Mama pa!
Kaya naestatwa ako at nanlalamig sa pintuan ko habang nakikinig.
I heard a loud inhale. Nilingon ko ang kabilang side at nakita si Solomon. He looked anxious
as he looked at the door of our study. Mukha ring sobrang gulantang ang kapatid ko. Mas
malala pa sa nararamdaman ko dahil kitang kita ko ang matinding takot.
"M-Maghihiwalay ba sina Mama at Papa?" he asked me anxiously.
Unti-unti kong sinarado ang pintuan ng kuwarto ko para daluhan siya. Natigil lang nang
nagpatuloy ang sigawan.
"Nagsisinungaling siya! I told you, she loves you! She's jealous because l got to marry you!
Hindi niya matanggap na hindi siya ang napangasawa mo kaya sinisira niya tayo ngayon!"
I heard a more glasses shattered. Napapikit ako sa sobrang lalakas ng mga pagkakabasag.
Sa takot, mabilis na pumasok si Solomon sa kuwarto niya.
Tinakbo ko ang distansiya at nagsimulang kumatok.
"Mon? Solomon... open up.." I said because his door is locked.
Kabado ako. Hindi ako sanay na ganito ang mga magulang ko pero lalo na yata ang bunsong
kapatid. At sa itsura niya kanina, mukhang sobrang apektado siya a nangyayari at ayaw
kong magkulong siya ng walang dumadalo sa kanya.
"Can you hear yourself?! You! You are accusing her of jealousy?! She is happily married,
Alondra! Kaya bakit pa niya tayo pakikialaman-"
"Gaano ka nakakasiguro na masaya siya! If she was indeed happy, bakit pa siya makikialam
sa atin-"
"Hindi iyon pakikialam! She is trying to right her wrongs! She is finally telling the truth! At
ikaw?!" sigaw ni Papa. "Kailan mo sasabihin ang toto0?! Kailan ka titigil sa
pagsisinungaling?!"
"Mon!" I knocked softly for my brother. Tuloy tuloy ang away nina Mama at Papa.
"Ako pa ang nagsisinungaling ngayon?! And why is this even important?" Mama cried.
"Why is this important, Dolfo."
Dinig na dinig ko ang hikbi ni Mama.
"After all these years, why is this so important to you?"
Nilingon ko ang pintuan ng study. Alam kong nag-aaway ang mga magulang ko pero hindi
ko matanggal ang itsura ni Solomon bago siya pumasok sa kuwarto.
He was anxious... Scared.. he didn't understand. He didnt want what's happening. Ayaw ko
rin naman pero bunsong kapatid ko siya at siguro mas apektado siya kumpara sa akin.
Galit na hindi man lang inisip ng mga magulang namin na maari naming marinig ang
sigawan at basagan, lumapit ako sa study. This is selfish of them to fight this way! At dati pa
man, may hinanakit na talaga ako. l always feel like my mom cared more about her
relationship with my dad than tending to her children.
Mahalaga naman ang pag-aasawa pero hindi sa puntong napapabayaan na ang mga anak.
"Dolfo, bakit mo pa kailangang malaman-"
 "Bakit? Ano ba ang dapat kong malaman, ha, Alondra?! Magsabi ka ng totoo! Ikaw ang
dahilan ng lahat ng to! Magsabi ka ng totoo!" sigaw ni Papa.
I saw my mother a crying mess, on the floor. Samantalang si Papa, agresibo at matindi ang
galit na ipinapakita. Hindi paaawat si Papa samantalang si Mama mukhang susuko na.
Nag-angat ng tingin si Papa sa pintuan at nang nakita ako, tiningnan niya si
Mama. He didn't even greet me whatsoever. Mama immediately stood. Pinalis ang mga luha
sa mga mata at inayos ang chignon ng buhok bago lumapit sa akin.
"Ano po bang pinag-aawayan n'yo? Whatever it is, can you please keep it down?
Mon is scared! Nagkulong po sa kuwarto."
Alam kong hindi dapat ako nanghihimasok dito pero hindi ko na napigilan, dahil kawawa
ang kapatid ko.
"Go to your room, Marem," si Mama na lumapit sa akin.
"But Mon is-"
"IIl go to his room and talk to him. Now... go to your room," marahan ang boses niya pero
halata ang iritasyon at pagbabanta.
"Papa-" sabay tingin ko kay Papa dahil alam kong mas maiintindihan niya yon kaysa kay
Mama.
"Listen to your mother and just go to your room," si Papa.
Shocked at that, unti-unti akong sumuko at tumango. Umaasa na kahit paano ay totoo ang
sinabi ni Mama at dadaluhan niya nga ang kapatid. Still, I went to
Solomon's room to knock but to no avail.
Hindi ko na narinig ulit na nagtalo si Mama at Papa pagkatapos kong kausapin sila kanina.
Pero pakiramdam ko hindi pa tapos ang away nila. l always see my mother angry but I
don't think I have ever seen her crying that way. And to see my father on the edge was also
something new.
Ayaw ko nang ikuwento kay Achilles ang nangyari nang tumawag siya dahil alam kong mas
marami siyang iniisip ngayon. I only comforted him and asked if he already ate
Kinaumagahan, tahimik ang bahay. Hindi ko alam kung nasa bahay ba si Mama pero umalis
daw si Papa. Mon ate with me in our dining table, silent, even when I tried to strike a
conversation.
"Ayos lang siguro si Mama at Papa. Hindi sila maghihiwalay" sabi ko dahil alam ko rin
namang hindi sila madalas nagtatalo at imposibleng maghiwalay sila dahil lang sa isang
argument.
Tahimik si Solomon at nagpatuloy sa pag kain. Seeing him eating and at least going out of
his room reassured me that he's going to be alright. Kaya hindi ko na siya pinilit na
magsalita dahil alam kong mahirap ing pag-usapan to.
Sa bahay lang nina Achilles ang lamay ni Leona Riego. Kaya madaming tao sa bahay nila.
Hindi naman ako makalapit dahil bukod sa takot akong malamanni
Mama na nagkikita kami ni Achilles, nariyan din ang mga tauhan ni Papa na nagbabantay. It
makes me wonder if my father is also inside their house.
"Tumulong ang papa mo sa bayarin sa ospital at ngayon."
Inodded at Achilles and smiled a bit. Mabait si Papa kaya masaya na ako na nakatulong siya
kung ikukumpara sa pang mamalupit ni Mama.
"Pero babayaran ko rin siya, kapag nakaluwang luwang na," aniya.
Napawi ang ngiti ko at binalingan siya. Nasa batuhan kami ngayon - ang parte kung saan
hindi kita ang hotel at hindi rin kita ang kabahayan sa kanya. It became our secret meeting
place all this time.
"Bayaran? Nagmamagandang loob si Papa. For sure, he doesn't want you to pay for it."
Umiling agad si Achilles. "Responsibilidad ko si Mama. Kung hindi lang ako kapus sa pera,
hindi ako papayag na may ibang magbabayad sa kahit anong gastusin."
Tuluyan na akong humarap sa kanya. I know he's always like this but it's too much.
Sigurado akong mahal ang nabayaran sa ospital. At magkano lang ang kinikita niya.
Maraming pera si Papa at maliit lang ang naibigay niya kumpara sa natatanggap naming
araw-araw na kita sa mga ari arian.
"Achilles.." I wanted to protest but I know him and this is not the time to talk about money.
He smiled a bit at me. "Huwag kang mag-alala, makakabayad ako. Marami akong trabaho.
Umiling ako. "Sobra ng pera ni Papa ang itinulong sa inyo. You don't have to pay for it. Ang
mabuti pa, ang mga kinita mo sa trabaho mo, ipunin mo na lang para
 makapag-aral ka ng college."
I smiled. He looked at me intently.
"Mukhang... uuwi ako dito sa taong 'to. Mukhang dito ako mag-aaral ng college.
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Bakit?"
"Mama got mad at me for joining the pageants and exposing myself. Kaya sa huling usap
namin, mukhang dito na naman ako."
Nanatiling kunot ang noo niya. Alam kong gusto niya na sa malalaking unibersidad ako
pumasok kaya ipapaliwanag ko pa sana pero inunahan niya ako.
"Tumawag si Alana at sinabi niya na may offer daw sa akin sa Baguio. Kung papasa ako sa
exam, do'n ako papasok. At gusto ko rin sana..."
"Baguio?" I said shocked. "Anong kukunin mo?"
"It's the military academy."
Namilog ang mga mata ko dahil alam ko mismo kung ano ang mangyayari kung papasok
siya riyan. My father is a product of it that's why he's on the highest rank of the fleet.
"B-Bakit?"
"Gusto ko rin," he smiled gently.
Gusto ko siyang kontrahin pero hindi ko kayang magalit habang nagluluksa siya ng ganito.
Lalo pa dahil ramdam ko sa ngiti niya ang gaan ng loob. Para bang pangarap niya talaga.
"Gusto kong pumasok," nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "Pagkatapos ng taong to, kung makakapasa
ako."
Bumuntonghininga ako at ayaw pang magsalita.
Ayaw ko. Sa totoo lang, ayaw ko. Kaya lang ayaw kong basagin ang mga plano niya. Lalo na
sa ngayon. But then... I can only accommodate a bit of restraint.
Ayaw kong pumasok siya sa militar gaya ni Papa. Mahirap na trabaho 'yon.
Mahirap din lalo ang training!
"Ayoko." | said honestly and bowed my head.
Nilingon ako ni Achilles. Hindi ko siya tiningnan habang inaamin ang mapait na
nararamdaman.
"Mahirap 'yon. It's not for everyone. At... wala kang oras no'n. Si Papa nga halos hindi kami
mabigyan ng atensiyon. If Mama isnt chasing him all the time, then pati siya! Ayoko,
Achilles."
"But we can also see each other more. Mas malapit na at puwede akong lumuwas kapag
may break-"
"Kapag may break?! t's not a regular school! You only have breaks after a few months! And I
doubt if we can maintain calling each other every day."
"Susubukan ko. Pangako. At mas okay 'yon dahil makakapag aral ka sa malaking
unibersidad sa Manila, at makakapag-aral din ako sa maayos na lugar. If I make it, I will do
a better job at it. At baka rin magbago na ang isip ng Mama mo sa akin."
Natigilan ako at bumaling na sa kanya. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko sa huling sinabi niya.
He is aware that my mother dislikes him. At baka pa dahil ganoon ang trabaho ni Papa,
inisip niya na kapag ganoon din siya magugustuhan na siya ni Mama!
"You don't have to impress her, Achilles! Wala naman akong pakialam kung ayaw ni Mama
sayo, e!"
"Sinasabi mo 'yan ngayon kasi bata ka pa. Mas maganda pa ring may ipagmamalaki-"
"To hell with that! Ayokong pumasok ka do'n!" I said with conviction.
Agad nga lang akong na guilty nang nakita ang gulat niya sa sigaw ko. Sa huli, tumango siya.

"Alright. I understand. Pag-usapan na lang ulit natin to."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at mukhang bahagyang lumalim ang iniisip. Kinagat ko ang labi ko
at mas lalo pang na guilty.
Really, Marem? He is trying his best. Wala siyang pera. Hindi siya mayaman tulad mo. May
mga pangarap din siya pero inisip ka rin niya. Iniisip niya pa nga na tanggapin siya ng
pamilya mo. We are not even boyfriend and girlfriend but... he is already thinking about the
far future.
"Titingnan ko kung may magugustuhan ba akong ibang kurso at..."
Yumuko ako, sobra sobra na ang guilt na nararamdaman dahil sa mga sinasabi niya.
"Pag isipan mo ring mabuti. Mlay ilang buwan pa naman-"
"Fine!" mapait kong bawi.
 Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Nagtaas siya ng kilay at medyo
nagulat sa bago kong desisyon.
Just so you know, ayaw ko! Pero kung pangarap mo talaga 'yan.."
I trailed off as we looked at each other.
"Ayaw kong mangingisda ang boyfriend mo," he said.
My eyes widened at his words. My heart pounded and bravely uttered my own conditions.
"Papayag na ako na pumasok ka do'n! In one condition!"
Tumango siya pagkatapos ng ilang sandali. "Ano?"
Malaking effort sa akin na pagbigyan siya. Sanay ako na nakukuha ang gusto ko.
Kaya sobrang pait ng nararamdaman ko ngayong pinapakawalan siya. If this is his dream,
then even when I don't fully support it, Il set him free.
Hindi ako makapaniwala. Lagi akong matigas sa mga ayaw ko. Hindi ako nagbibigay.
Ngayon pa lang.
"Make me your girlfriend!" I said bravely.

Kabanata 19

Dream

"What an awful greeting!" biro ni Nikolai sa akin nang lapitan ko ang lamesa namin na
medyo simangot.
It all worked out fine. Pagkatapos ng burol ni Leona, umuwi na kami ng Manila ni
Mama, leaving Mon in Costa Leona for him to learn how to run the hotel. Si Papa naman,
bumalik na sa trabaho.
I supported Achilles' decision to study in the military academy after graduating high school.
At ako naman, namili na lang ng school sa Manila para doon na mag-aral habang hinihintay
ang madalang na breaks ni Achilles.
We are officially girlfriend and boyfriend. At siyempre, hindi ko sinabi sa mga magulang ko
yon. At mukha ring pagkatapos ng pagkamatay ni Leona Riego, lalong detached si Mama sa
aming magkakapatid. She resumed to being with
Papa all the time. Meanwhile, my father almost never comes home.
Mag-isa ako sa bahay. At minsan, kapag bumibisita si Kuya Remus, lalo lang nagiging
malungkot. He is doing well in running our other businesses but he has developed many
unhealthy vices like alcohol and cigarettes. At tuwing nakikita ko ang sitwasyon namin, lalo
akong nalulungkot.
"Dapat ay dito na sa Manila si Mon mag-aral," lagi kong pinipilit kay Kuya.
"Sabi ni Mama, saka na daw pag nagtapos na siya ng high school."
I groaned. "Mag-isa siya do'n. Napapabayaan na nga ako dito sa Manila na dito umuuwi si
Mama, paano pa si Mon na nasa Costa Leona?"
"At least father is visiting him every now and then.." napatingin si Remus sa akin habang
binubuga ang usok sa sigarilyo niya.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang puno't dulo ng pag-aaway ni Mama at Papa. Basta ang nakuha
ko sa narinig, sinungaling daw si Mama. Do I believe that? I don't know. Sometimes, II feel
like I really dont know my parents at all. And Papa... he made her cry for whatever reason. I
wonder if any reason could be worth it to hurt the one you love.
Inasahan ko na talaga na pagtuntong ko ng kolehiyo, at pagsisimula ni Achilles sa military
academy, magiging mas madalang ang kumunikasyon namin. I know he is trying his best to
call me but it's just so lonely whenever he doesn't.
Alam kong mahirap talaga pero naiinis ako na nahihirapan ako. Wala bang paraan para
magkita kami lagi? Gumawa naman ako noon ng paraan na sa Costa
Leona naa mag kolehiyo. Mukha ring papayag si Mama no'n. It's just that the turn of events
made her a bit detached that she couldn't care where I end up for college.
Kaso pangarap ni Achilles 'to. All his life... he spent his time working and sacrificing his
education and dreams for his sick mother. At kung hindi namatay si Leona Riego,
magpapatuloy siya sa pagtatrabaho at ipagpapaliban ang sariling kagustuhang mag-aral.
Ngayon... kung pagbabawalan ko siya na pumasok sa paaralang gusto niya, then
I'm a burden to him.
I sighed and sat on the chair in front of Nikolai.
"How's college?"
 Sa buong taon na 'yon, isang beses lang kaming nagkita ni Achilles. Gano'n daw talaga pag
freshmen, limitado ang break. Mag-isa ako lagi sa bahay. At university- bahay lang ang
lakad ko araw-araw. Ilang beses kong tinanggihan ang mga gala at pati na rin ang mga
modeling offers dahil sa takot ko na biglang maisip ni
Mama na nagbubulakbol ako at pauwiin ulit sa Costa Leona.
Kaso... mas madalas ko pa yatang katawagan si Achilles noong nasa Costa Leona siya kaysa
ngayon na nasa Baguio lang.
"Eine," sagot ko kay Nikolai.
He chuckled. "Ganito ka rin katamlay no'ng debut mo. Akala ko it will get better in time but
boy l'm wrong.
Sinipat ko siya at nginitian kalaunan. "Im just bored."
"Kaya nga ako bumisita para hindi ka na bored?"
Bumuntonghininga ulit ako.
"Hulaan ko? Hindi ako ang gusto mong bisita?"
Sinimangutan ko ulit si Nikolai. "Of course, I want to see you, Nikolai."
"Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong lumabas? Pinagbabawalan ka ba ng boyfriend mo? Eh, wala
naman siya. Kung hindi mo sasabihin, hindi niya malalaman.
"Hindi ako ganyan. That's low key lying. At hindi naman ako pinagbabawalan ni
Achilles. Wala lang akong ganang lumabas labas."
"Ba't naman wala kang ganang lumabas labas?"
Natigilan ako sa tanong ni Nikolai. Tama nga naman siya. This is why lI'm lonely. I stay in
our house alone. Wala ang parents ko. Naghihintay lang ako lagi sa tawag ni Achilles. At ang
mga kaibigan ko sa school, tinatanggihan ko kapag nagyayayang lumabas. Kahit si Markus
na dito na rin ngayon nag aaral para sa kolehi
"There," I said after replying to Markus' message a while ago.
"There?" si Nikolai.
"Lalabas na ako mamayang gabi. Inaya ako ni Markus kanina, pumayag na ako."
"Saan naman kayo?" kumunot ang noo ni Nikolai.
"Oh just some random club he likes. Nandoon din madalas ang ibang classmates ko kapag
free time, kaya... payag na ako. You're right. I need to loosen up."
"Whoa! Idea ko 'yon. Bakit hindi ako ang kasama mo?"
Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Nikolai. Busy siyarng tao at ilang taon din ang agwat namin kaya
hindi ko inasahan na may panahon siya para mag bar.
"Do you have time?" | asked hesitantly.
"Of course! I won't be here if I didn't!"
"Then you're free to be with us later."
"With your friend?" medyo iritado si Nikolai.
Muntik ko nang makalimutan na ayaw niya nga pala kay Markus.
"Nikolai, Markus is fine-"
"Payag ang boyfriend mo na magkasama kayo no'n? May gusto siya sa'yo,
Marem."
"Ang tagal na no'n at mabait naman siya sa akin. He never took advantage. We're friends. I
trust him. At ayos lang naman... yata kay Achilles. Alam niya naman na magkasama kami
minsan sa school."
"This is different. You will be in a bar with him with alcohol."
"Tss. Then I won't drink.'
Where's the fun in that?"
Tinitigan ko si Nikolai bago nagtipa ng mensahe kay Achilles. Sanay na akong hindi niya
nare-reply-an minsan. He's such a good follower of rules that he won't even dare to break
them for me. Minsan kasi bawal ang cellphone at hindi niya man lang binabali ang rule na
'yon.
Ako:
I went out today with a friend. At mamaya nag aya si Markus na lumabas din.
Sasama ako dahil bored na bored na ako sa bahay.
Of course, walang reply kahit pa no'ng nasa bar na kami at nagkita na ni Markus.
"Finally!" Markus said happily as he sat beside me.
Sa kabilang side ko si Nikolai na medyo hindi pa rin kumportable kay Markus.
"Lagi kitang niyayaya, ayaw mo. Buti at sumama ka ngayon!" malaki ang ngiti ni
Markus.
Compared to Nikolai, Markus is boyishly handsome. With his white polo shirt and dark
jeans, he looked very youthful compared to the man beside me in his t-shirt and jeans.
"Nikolai convinced me..." sabi ko sabay tingin sa katabi.
 Bahagyang ngumiti si Nikolai sa akin pero halatang ayaw niyang tingnan si
Markus.
"By the way, Markus.. This is Nikolai. You've met him bef."
"Hi," si Markus na agad naglahad ng kamay kay Nikolai.
Ang supladong si Nikolai naman tiningnan lang ang kamay ni Markus. Maingay sa bar pero
halos ramdam ko ang katahimikan sa maliit na crowd namin dahil sa tagal ni Nikolai
tanggapin ang kamay ni Markus. tagal ni Nikolai tanggapin ang kamay ni Markus.
"Markus Saldivar," si Markus na nagsisikap na magpakilala.
"Nice to meet you," si Nikolai na saglit lang kinamayan si Markus at nag-iwas agad ng
tingin.
"Do you have a problem with me?" nakangiti si Markus nang itanong iyon.
Nasa gitna ako ng dalawa, nakaupo. Napahilig lang ako lalo sa backrest ng sofa dahil sa
usapan. Kinabahan ako ng kaonti dahil medyo kritikal ang tanong ni
Markus pero alam ko namang wala lang 'yon.
"No," simpleng sinabi ni Nikolai sabay inom sa in-order niyang inumin.
"Really? Cuz sa Costa Leona pa lang, ramdam ko na na may galit ka sa akin.
"Markus," saway ko dahil nakitang medyo nairita si Nikolai sa sinabi niya. "He's just that
way. Medyo suplado. He has no problem with you."
"Or maybe I have," si Nikolai.
Nagulat ako at bumaling kay Nikolai. Alam kong iritado siya kay Markus pero hindi ko
inasahan na sasabihin niya 'yon ngayon.
"Ano'ng problema mo sa akin?" natatawa si Markus at mukha namang hindi galit pero
kinabahan pa rin ako.
"Will you two stop it? Pareho ko kayong kaibigan. Minsan na nga lang akong lumabas,
ganito pa?"
"I have no problem with him, Marem. Siya ang may problema sa akin," si Markus.
Nilingon ko si Nikolai. "For starters, I find you loud and annoying."
"Nikolai!" saway ko sa nasa kaliwa ko.
"Im just telling the truth. And hopefully, hell stop being one."
Nalaglag ang panga ko sa sinabi ni Nikolai. Napainom siya sa inumin niya at natawa naman
si Markus. Mabuti na lang at kung anong ka suplado at galit ni
Nikolai, siyang ka gaan naman ni Markus.
"Im sorry if you find me that way. It's just that I'm not a boring person-"
"Are you saying that I'm boring?" agad na agresibong bawi ni Nikolai.
Agad ding nagtaas ng dalawang kamay si Markus. "No. No... Saying that I'm fun doesn't
mean that you're boring-
"Marem?!" I heard someone from the crowd.
Bumaling ako at nakita ang mga seniors na kaibigan ko noon. Sa gulat na nakita ko sila rito,
agad akong tumayo at nakipagkumustahan. Saglit ko nakalimutan ang mga kaibigang nag-
aaway. Anyway I find their argument petty. Kaya hindi ko na lang din talaga pinilit na
pansinin iyon at pinagpalit ko sa pakikipag kuwentuhan sa mga kaibigan.
"Oh my! You're so pretty now!" puri ni Amelia.
"Thank you!"
"I heard nanalo ka raw sa school ng pageant last year! Sayang! Ikaw sana 'yong first. Kung
hindi ka lang lumipat no'n, we'd support you!"
"Oo nga, e."
"I landed an internship under Royo kaya I'm Dubai-based now."
"Oh! Ang galing na designer no'n."
"Pero ang bongga ng gown mo no'n! Talagang pinaghandaan!"
Ngumiti ako nang naalala ang suporta ni Tta Domitilla sa akin.
"By the way, Jenny is now working under her grandpa sa network nila. She can recommend
models din to premium designer brands."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil yon ang ayaw ni Mama.
"I know your mother dislikes it pero it's a luxury brand that's opening here in the
Philippines. Nirecommend nga kita kasi wala naman akong kilala na magaling at high end
model dito!" si Jenny sa tabi niya.
"Naku! Sayang. Subukan mong tanungin ang Mommy mo at baka naman pumayag na. It's a
luxury brand so it's big."
Matagal ang naging usapan namin. Medyo nabuhayan din talaga ako dahil doon.
Irealized that maybe it's what I needed - friends. I don't have someone at home, at si
Achilles naman abala sa school. If I wait for him all the time, l'd be bored. I must have my
own life to kill time.
 Kaya sa gabing 'yon lang, naging interesado ulit ako sa offers. The crowd who praised me
for being beautiful and elegant reminded me of how I got into it in the first place. The
attention is such a pleasure.
I was introduced to a lot of people. At lahat sila, kilala ako at gusto rin akong mas makilala
pa sa personal.
"Ang guwapo ng kuya mo! Classmate ko siya no'ng college! Too bad may girlfriend na!"
Natawa ako. "Girlfriend pa lang kaya malay n'yo maghihiwalay din."
That's because I think Agnes isn't really into my brother.
Marami pang tinanong sa akin. Sobrang daming pinakilala. In an instant, I was the star of
that evening. At lalo pa dahil kasama ko si Nikolai. Apparently, he's a sought after bachelor.
Hindi naman kami pinag isipan ng masama dahil kasama ko rin naman si Markus.
Sa gitna ng tawanan at pakikipag-usap, saglit kong nakita ang cellphone ko na umilaw.
I looked at the crowd and then excused myself for a while so I can answer... finally...
Achilles.
"Hello," sabi ko nang nakalabas na sa bar.
"Sorry." He sighed. "Ngayon lang ako nakatawag.'
"Ayos lang. Uh... nabasa mo ba ang message ko?
"Oo. Asan ka?" marahan ang boses niya.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. "Just some bar here in Makati."
"Uminom ka?" there was a hint of playfulness in his voice.
"Hindi."
He sighed. "You can drink a bit if you want. Huwag lang sobra na hindi mo na kaya."
Natigilan ako. Honestly, I expected him to get angry and be possessive. At ngayong ganito
siya, medyo nasasaktan ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Hindi ko maintindihan ang sarili ko.
"Kasama mo si Markus?"
"Oo. And uhm... we have friends here. I reunited to some of my friends before... at uh... may
modeling offers."
"Hmm. Anong klaseng modeling?"
"Luxury brand daw."
"Papayag ba ang Mama mo?"
"Hindi ko pa naman alam kung tatanggapin ko. Gusto ko naman pero pag iisipan ko muna."
"Magpaalam ka muna sa Mama mo."
"Hindi mo ako pagbabawalan?" I finally gave in to the hurt I'm feeling.
I feel like he's too loose on me. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang nararamdaman ko. Para
bang hinahayaan niya ako kahit puwede naman niya akong pagbawalan.
Hindi ko alam kung magugustuhan ko ba kung pinagbabawalan niya ako pero hindi naman
ako masaya na parang wala lang sa kanya ang mga iyon.
"Bakit naman kita pagbabawalan?" he asked in an amused tone.
"Wala lang" medyo bigo kong sinabi.
"Alam kong bored ka."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko.
"At... gustuhin ko man na magkita tayo lagi, hindi pa puwede sa ngayon. You're young and
you have all the opportunities to have fun. And you deserve it... so..."
"Are you saying that I should do the same to you?"
"Alin? Hahayaan mo rin akong mag modelo?" He chuckled.
Umirap ako at gustong magalit sa kanya pero hindi ko maiwasang ngumiti sa walang
kuwenta niyang sagot.
"Ewan ko sa'yo.."
"Ano?" natatawa pa rin siya.
"If I say you can't go to a bar and drink, will you?"
"No," agaran niyang sagot.
Ngumuso ako. "Bakit ako, puwede?"
"Cuz you're bored. And I can't be there to ease your boredom."
Uminit ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya. Kinagat ko ang labi ko at mas lalo lang nadepina ang
matinding pangungulila ko sa kanya.
"I miss you bad," I said and bowed my head.
I can't believe lI'm tearing up just because I miss him. Parang pinipiga ang puso ko habang
pinipigilan kong huwag maiyak pa lalo.
 Hindi siya nagsalita. Para akong sinasaksak habang naiisip na baka naman hindi niya ako
miss? O mamaya.. kaya niya ako hinahayaan kasi.. wala na siyang pakialam sa akin?
"Hindi mo ba ako miss?!"
"Ayaw ko lang na umiyak ka lalo kung malaman mo na gusto na rin kitang makita."
Naiyak nga ako lalo! Pero hindi pa rin ako mapakali na pinagbibigyan niya ako sa lahat!
Matagal bago ko napakalma ang sarili. Hindi siya nagsalita habang kinakalma ko ang sarili.
Kaya tahimik kaming dalawa sa tawag.
"Do... you want me to quit?" he asked quietly after a while of silence.
Namilog ang mga mata ko.
"If l want you to quit, are you going to quit?"
"Yes."
Pumikit ako ng marin. I gritted my teeth and pushed myself to say what I don't mean.
"Don't. Tapusin mo yan."
Hindi siya nagsalita.
"Para saan pa ang paghihintay ko kung hindi mo yan tatapusin. At kaya ko namang magtiis.
Basta magkita tayo lagi kapag break mo na."
He sighed. It was as if he really expected me to ask him to quit. And now that I didn't, he's
relieved.
Bumuntonghininga ako. Tuyo na ang mga luha na iniyak kanina.
""Il call Markus to make sure that youre safe when you go home later."
Gusto kong magprotesta! Tapos na ba ang tawagan namin?!
Alam kO naman na kailangan niya pang maagang gumising kaso..
Nauubos na talaga ang pasensiya ko! Pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko! Baguhan talaga ako sa
ganito kaya hindi ko alam paanc ka a magtimpi sa nararamdaman
"I'm with our driver. No need to call him."
"Then to make sure you're not dancing with another man."
Umirap ako dahil agad namang nabuhayan ang puso ko dahil lang sa sinabi niya.
Asa ka naman... mamaya wala na yang pakialam!
"Paano kung magsayaw ako ng ibang lalaki?" hamon ko.
Hindi siya agad sumagot. "Bakit?"
Umirap na naman ako. "Wala lang. Pinapainom mo ako, 'di ba? Pa'no kung malasing ako-"
"Ng kaonti. Hindi hanggang malasing."
"Paano nga kung malasing ako-"
"The reason why I'm calling Markus after our call to make sure you're not going to be
drunk. Bakit? Gusto mo bang mag lasing?"
Hindi ako agad nakasagot. I sighed and realized I'm being petty.
"Hindi naman. At... hindi rin inom."
Siya naman ang hindi sumagot.
"Nakikipag usap lang sa mga dating kaibigan. At sa offers nila sa akin from designer brands,
That's all."
"Magpaalam ka muna sa Mama mo tungkol sa pagmomodelo."
Umirap na naman ako. Nakakainis talaga!
"Kapag naka hubad lang ang bawal sa akin," aniya at natawa na naman.
Uminit ang pisngi ko at bigla na namang nabuhayan ang traydor kong puso.
"How about bikini?" hamon ko.
"Why? Are you going to wear one in those offers?" medyo sumeryoso ang boses niya.
"Bakit? Bawal ba?"
"Pag isipan ko."
"Pag-iisipan mo? Paano kung nasa beach? Edi kailangan no'n naka bikini-"
"Puwede namang mag t-shirt sa beach."
Natawa ako at naalala ang mga kaibigan niya noon. "Are you kidding me? I'm not some
probinsiyanang ignorante?!"
"Kung nandyan lang ako, pinitik ko na yang labi mo."
I smirked.
"So ano nga?"
"Bawal muna habang hindi ko pa napag iisipan. Bakit? Nasa offer ba?" seryoso
 niyang tanong.
I sighed. "Wala naman."
"Bakit parang bigo ka pa na wala?" he asked in an annoyed tone.
I smiled and slightly felt good. "Sinusubukan lang kita. Akala ko wala kang pakialam," and I
chuckled.
I admitted that lightly even when it's taking almost all of the spaces on my mind.
Hindi agad nagsalita si Achilles. Para bang kahit na tumawa ako sa inamin ko, ramdam niya
ang totoo.
"Tingin mo ba hindi ako takot na makahanap ka ng iba habang nandito ako?"
I feel like l am completely and irrevocably in love with him. He memorized me. I don't know
how he did it. I don't even memorize myself.
Hindi ako sumagot sa tanong niya.
"Takot na takot," dugtong niya.
I licked my lips as I put my back on the cold wall.
"Kaya sabihin mo sa akin kung hindi mo na kayang maghintay, kasi titigil ako agad dito."
Napakurap kurap ako. "It's your dream, Achilles. Of course, I don't want you to stop chasing
it. Bakit parang... ang dali lang sa'yong sabihin na titigilan mo agad yan. That's your goal."
"Dahil kumpara sa inyo, mas mahalaga ka sa akin," he said that seriously.
Yumuko ako. I looked at my fancy Louboutins. I can't believe I'm happier outside the bar.
"I want you to chase for your dreams now," sabi ko. "Para wala na akong kaagaw..
pagkatapos."
"Wala ka naman talagang kaagaw."
He sighed heavily.
"My dream is all alone listening to me right now."
I smiled a little. Hindi ko alam na posible palang malungkot lalo kahit na tinawagan niya
naman ako. Mas lalo lang akong nangungulila dahil sa usapan naming to.
Those little calls are the reasonl endured the years of not seeing him too much.
Minsan kasi sa breaks niya, may mga kailangan siyang asikasuhin sa Costa Leona kaya ilang
araw lang kaming nagkikita. Minsan din, may mga breaks na sa
Baguio lang siya dahil may iniuutos sa kanya.
I didn't know how l survived his early years in the academy. Maybe because I finally had a
life too. For some reason, wala nang pakialam si Mama kung mag modelo ako paminsan
minsan. O siguro dahil high end brands iyon at elegante ang mga iyon.
I stayed away from pageants and daring photoshoots. Wala rin namang ganoong offer dahil
siguro alam nila na hindi ako puwedeng ganoon.
Nakapangalumbaba ako sa school habang nag-isip. I cleared my schedule next week
because Achilles... will finally spend a whole week here in Manila. To see me.
Nandito sina Mama at Papa sa Manila. What a coincidence. An unfortunate one.
At dahil may driver at bodyguard ako lagi, dati na naman talagang mahirap makipagkita
kay Achilles. Maluwang na si Mama sa akin sa pagmomodelo pero hindi ko alam kung pati
ba kay Achilles kaya tinatago ko pa rin hanggang ngayon.
"Markus," tawag ko habang nagsusulat si Markus sa notebook niya.
"Saan ba magandang mag date?"
Napaangat siya ng tingin sa akin. "Kasama si Achilles?"
"Shh!" saway ko.
"Let me guess, break niya?"
I smiled knowingly at him.
"Restaurant? Show him around. Bar?"
"Madalas kaming mag restaurant tuwing break niya. Pero nandito ang parents ko at takot
ako na baka may makakita sa amin. Saan ba magandang... wala gaanong tao? 0 yong mas
pribado?"
Markus' lips slowiy stretched for a dirty smile.
"How about... hotel?"
"Hotel?" ito kong tanong.
"You know. May privacy ang hotel room. Kayong dalawa lang. At kung ilang araw siya o
linggo, at least hindi na siya uuwi kung saan at doon na siya titira. Plus... they got a pool so
you two can swim there or something. At... may kama."
"Markus.." um
 tang pisngi ko sa mga sinasabi niya.
He then laughed. "Wala pa naman 'yang naging girlfriend kahit kailan."
"Ano naman?" umirap ako.
"Virgin pa yon!"
I can't believe he pointed that out! My face heated. I immediately regret asking for his
opinion.
"A-Ako rin naman!"
"Then that's better! You two can will both explore each other!"
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 20

Kabanata 20
Frustrated
Dahil sa sinabi ni Markus sa akin, hindi ko tuloy matanggal sa isipan ko yon. I'm not really
conservative. It's just that in the past I didn't have any boyfriend prospect despite the line
of suitors I had. Kaya hindi ko nabisita ang kaisipang yon. Ngayong may boyfriend na.. at
nai-suggest ni Markus iyon, hindi tuloy ako matahimik.
T have no problem with that as long as you did it with the one you love, and on the right
age. I'm already nineteen and Achilles is my first boyfriend. Mahigit isang taon na rin kami
at kahit na halos hindi kami magkasama most of our relationship days, I still feel so
emotionally close to him.
Bakit ko ba inisip to? Gusto ko lang naman ng pribadong lugar na puwede kaming magkita,
e! At tama naman si Markus sa sinabi niya. Hotel nga ang sa sa lugar na ganoon. Well just..
you know... stay there and talk... catch up with each others lives... spend time together.
Kahit anong siksik ko no'n sa isipan ko, laging lumilipad ang utak ko sa ibang bagay.
Achilles is always reasonable but he's still human. I wonder if he has liked some other girls
in a sexual way before me?
Ngumuso ako. Thinking about it is making me jealous! Dapat ako lang! Ako lang naman ang
girlfriend niya kaya baka ako lang?!
But who am I kidding... Ang tagal naming nagkasundo. At bago pa niya ako nakilala, for sure
maay naiisip na rin naman siyang ganoon sa ibang babae. He just didnt have the time to
make someone his girlfriend because of his priorities.
Sumimangot ako sa naiisip at biglang nakaramdam ng matinding inis kay
Achilles. Ang dami niya namang bola sa akin, 'yon pala may ibang nagustuhan siya noon!
Igroaned when I realize I'm being unreasonable again. Siyempre, hindi niya pa ako kilala
noon. lyon nga lang, wala akong naisip o naramdamang ganoon para sa ibang lalaki o ibang
manliligaw bago siya. I never think of those things... even when I wasn't particularly
conservative.
Bakit ko ba ginagawang big deal ang mga maaaring pagnanasa niya sa ibang babae bago
ako? Ang mahalaga, ako ang girlfriend niya ngayon. First girlfriend pa nga. At sigurado
akong marami ring nagkakagusto sa kanya sa ganoong paraan.
I admit it. He's handsome with his gray and hooded eyes. He's tall and has his muscles on
the right places, even before he entered the military academy.
Uminit ang pisngi ko nang maalala na medyo lalong na depina ang katawan niya sa huling
pagkikita namin. I shook my head to interrupt my thoughts.
Obviously, I'm obsessing over our time for each other. Kaya sa huli, nagpasya akong huwag
nang isipin pa ang gagawin. Gawin ko na lang at mas madali yon!
"You booked a room for two, Miss?"
"Yes," I said confidently to the concierge of my favorite hotel.
Ngayon ang luwas ni Achilles. May dorm siya na tinitirahan kasama ang mga
Inr mhannirn Mincnn leannn hicitnnn to bami narn hindinirn
Ngayon ang luwas ni Achilles. May dorm siya na tinitirahan kasama ang mga kasamahan
niya. Minsan na akong nakabisita nang nagdate kami, pero hindi niya ako pinapasok dahil
all boys daw iyon.
He is still staying on that dorm now but I'm about to tell him that I booked him a room here
in this fancy hotel for the whole duration of his stay. Siyempre para
 hindi na kami nahihirapang magtago at kumportable na kaming magkasama at mag-usap.
Uminit ang pisngi ko sa naiisip. Dahil alam ko may kung ano akong tinatago. I can't hide it
to myself. Not now that I'm evidently coming here with a bag of clothes. Uuwi naman ako
bago gumabi sa amin para hindi hanapin ng parents. pero Ill spend my whole day here with
him. I smirked at my thoughts.
Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, umakyat na ako sa suite. The room has only one king size bed,
an over looking window, a cozy sofa, a table for two, television, and bathroom with tub.
I could've booked a more lavish room but I can imagine Achilles protesting. At baka pa
gustuhin niyang akuin ang gastos dito. May allowance siya galing sa anonymous sponsor
niya pero magkano lang 'yon. Hindi naman puwedeng uubusin niya 'yong pera niya sa stay
niya rito sa hotel.
"Hello," I said when he called.
"Papunta na ako sa sinabi mong address. Ano'ng landmark ba dito?"
I didn't tell him about the hotel. Gusto ko siyang surpresahin.
I looked at my face in the mirror. I changed into a cozier loungewear. Wala naman kaming
lakad kaya ayos na tong suot ko. A Dolce and Gabbana white with printed roses lounge
robe.
"Manila Pen," l answered very slowiy.
"Okay. Pupunta na ako. Tawagan ulit kita kapag nandyan na ako."
He then dropped the call. My eyes widened when I realized he didn't make a big deal out of
it! Gusto kong tumalon sa tuwa1 Bigla tuloy akong kinabahan ng husto. My, this is really
happening!
Oh come on, Maria Emilia! Calm down! Your boyfriend is hot but I'm hot, too!
I looked at my whole body on the bathroom's large mirror. Marami pa nga akong
manliligaw, e. I just turn them all down because I have a boyfriend!
I smirked. Achilles must think the same... that I'm hot. Bat niya pa ako g-in- irlfriend kung
hindi? I chuckled and went out of the bathroom excitedly. llang sandali pa ang lumipas
nang nakatanggap ulit ako ng tawag kay Achilles.
"Bakit dito?" patiuna niyang tanong.
"Huh? Sa Manila Pen?"
"This is a hotel, Marem," malamig ang boses niya.
Dinaan ko sa tawa ang kaba ko.
"O-0o. Bakit?"
"Bakit dito?" tanong niya ulit.
"Nandito ka na ba? Uh... nasa room-"
"You rented a room?"
"Nasa lobby ka na?
"Oo. At hindi ako aakyat sa room na kinuha mo," aniya.
Parang bumagsak ang saya ko kanina. I paced back and forth on the room as I continued
with the call, my robe following me around.
"Uh... Naisip ko lang lagi kasi tayong nag re-restaurant o mall. Its boring. Minsan ka lang
pumunta dito at puro pa mall ang napupuntahan natin. I-It's nice here.
May pool. Private. And... uh... no need to go back to your dorm. Dito ka na lang mag stay.
Ako, uuwi ako mamaya bago mag gabi. Susunduin ako ng driver. Plus, there's also a
restaurant or we can have our food delivered in our suite-"
"Hindi ako aakyat," putol niya sa akin sa seryosong tono.
What?!
I'm starting to panic. Hindi ko maintindihan.
"B-Bakit? This is a good idea."
"Babayaran ko ang ginastos mo. Bumaba ka na at kumain tayo sa labas."
My mouth dropped open. Hindi ako makapaniwala sa naririnig sa kanya.
"Huh? Umakyat ka na lang muna, dito na natin pag-usapan."
"Bumaba ka dito," ulit niya sa parehong istriktong tono.
Ayaw kong mag-away kami. Minsan na nga lang kaming magkita tapos ganito pa?
Kaya lang... dahil sa parehong dahilan... mas lalo akong nauubusan ng pasensiya!
"Bakit? Ayaw mo dito?" tanong ko may paghahamon na sa boses.
"Hindi dapat tayo nag ho-hotel-
"Anong masama do'n? Boyfriend naman kita!"' Humalukipkip ako. "At kung ito ang gusto
kong date, hindi mo ako pagbibigyan?"
"Surely, there are other dating place. Not this."
My blood immediately boiled. Siguro dahil frustrated ako na ang tagal o tong hinintay... ang
pagkikita namin. Inisip ko pa 'tong mabuti. I obsessed over it then
 suddenly he is making me feel like it's a bad idea!
"Anong masama sa hotel? May pagkain. Puwedeng mag swimming. Kumportable.
Pribado! They even have a table for two near the overlooking window! W-We can eat here.
"Sa labas na tayo kumain," he said in a commanding voice.
Mas lalo pa akong nairita. What the heck is his problem?
"Teka nga lang... ano bang problema mo dito?"
I stopped pacing the room. I'm at the end of my rope.
"Hindi magandang
"Hindi maganda dahil?"
Hindi siya sumagot. I rolled my eyes because I know exactly what he's thinking.
"Baka may mangyari sa atin kasi sa hotel? lI'm not even thinking of that! We are just going
to talk! This is a place where we can talk privately that's why I booked us here."
"May ibang lugar pa na puwedeng puntahang pribado. Hindi sa hotel."
"At saan naman? Nakakasawa nang mag mall! Nakakasawang manood ng sine at kumain sa
labas! Minsan na nga lang tayong magkita, pare pareho pa ang ginagawa natin. Wala na
bang bago?"
"IIl find a way for us to have fun in another place but not here-"
"Why not here? What's the difference?"
"Bumaba ka na lang at pumunta tayo sa ibang lugar, Maria Emilia," malamig niyang sinabi.
"Ayoko!" pagalit kong sinabi. "Minsan na nga lang tayong magkita, ganito pa ang gagawin
mo! I booked this for us! It was my idea! I thought about it for weeks!
Tapos ngayon? Hindi mo man lang magawang ma appreciate?! Worse! You want me out of
here! Edi huwag na nga lang tayong magkita! Umuwi ka na lang sa inyo tutal sanay na
naman akong 'di tayo nagkikita!"
I then dropped the call. Angry at myself for being mad at Achilles, hinayaan ko ang sariling
kong humiga sa kama.
Gusto kong bawiin. Nag aaksaya ako ng oras. Puwede naman akong bumaba at kausapin
siya. Pumayag na lang sa gusto niya. Para matapos na at magkita na kami. Pero hind.. pinilit
ko talaga to.
It's just that it hurt me that he wouldn't even consider it. Guilty ako na may naiisip nga
akong ibang bagay sa pag che-check in dito. Pero wala namang kaso sa akin kung walang
mangyari sa amin, e. Ayos na ako magkita lang kami, makapag usap, marinig ang mga
kuwento niya, at makapag kuwento ako. Ayos na ako, magkita lang kami.
But of course he would have none of it, right? He just didn't see my effort to think about
this! How I looked forward and anticipated it! Gusto niya lang sirain ang plano ko, ang
mood ko, at ang pagkikita naming dalawa!
Edi huwag na lang kaming magkita! Nag effort pa akong magdala ng mga damit!
At ilang araw pa akong hindi maka tulog dahil lang iniisip ang mga araw na to!
I sulked. I really want to see him but I'm mad at him too. Hindi ko na alam anong gagawin.
Nakahiga pa ako sa kama, bigo, nang may biglang kumatok sa pintuan ng kuwarto.
It's him! I immediately thought. Agad ko nga lang binawi dahil ayaw ko nang umasa. Gaya
ng pag asa ko na magkikita kami ngayon at magiging masaya siya a plano ko
Kaya lang... sa pagkakataong 'yon, tama ang pag asa ko. Binuksan ko ang pintuan at nakita
ko siya. I wanted to smile but I tried not to. Galit pa rin ako at ayaw ko ring makita niya na
dahil lang umakyat siya, ayos na ako.
"Akala ko ba ayaw mo dito?"
Pinasadahan niya ang damit ko saglit bago sumagot.
"Magbihis ka na at bababa na tayo."
Muli akong nainis! Pumunta lang ba siya dito para sabihin 'yan? Nanatili rin siya sa pintuan
at mukhang ayaw pumasok kaya tumindi pa lalo ang iritasyon ko!
"Ano bang problema mo dito? Ayos naman dito, ah?"
"Ayaw ko lang na nandito tayo-"
"Bakit nga?!"
Hindi siya nakasagot. Might as well answer my own question for him... based on how I
know him.
"Ayaw mong may mag-isip na may nangyari sa atin dito? E, wala namang nakakakita sa atin
kung mayroon ngang mangyari?"
 Nanlit ang mga mata niya. "lyan ba ang dahilan kung bakit ka nag book dito?"
I laughed hysterically and my face heated. Gusto kong pabulaanan iyon dahil nakakahiya
nga naman pero kanina pa ako iritado, at galit. Hindi ko maintindihan kung anong
problema do'n, e girlfriend niya naman ako?
"Kung oo, ano ngayon?!" sigaw ko.
Lalong kumunot ang noo niya.
"Oh don't get me started with being conservative! Girlfriend mo ako kaya kung gusto kong
gawin natin yon, ano'ng problema do'n? Mahal naman kita at mahal mo rin naman ako,
ano'ng problema?!"
Umiling siya. "Let's just go somewhere else," his words with so much finality.
My mouth dropped open. I want to hysterically fight him. Dahil hindi ko talaga
maintindihan. Ano ba ang gusto niya? Saka na kapag magpakasal na kami? Kailan pa kaya
yon? Pakakasalan niya ba agad ako?
Imbes na makipag-away pa lalo, dahil ramdam ko na hindi siya paaawat sa desisyon niya,
huminahon ako.
"N-Nothing will happen, Achilles. Mag uusap lang tayo. This is a private place.
Puwede pang kumain. O maligo sa pool. N-Nothing will happen if we don't want anything to
happen."
40
Umiling pa rin siya. Hindi madadala kahit sa paghinahon ko. Hindi naaawa.
34
"Ayaw kong pag isipan tayo ng masama dahil lang naghotel. Kumain na lang tayo sa labas.
Magbihis ka na. Dito lang ako sa labas maghihintay."
Sumuko ako. Gustuhin ko mang ilaban at ipaliwanag pa lalo sa kanya 'yon, ayaw ko namang
magsayang ng oras. Minsan na lang kaming magkita, sa away pa namin binuhos ang oras
namin sa isat-isa.
Matamlay akong nagbihis. At mabuti na lang din ganoon ang desisyon ko. Dahil kung inubos
ko ang araw na iyon sa pag-aaway, lalo lang akong mangungulila.
12
He kissed me slowly. Lumabas ang mga kasama niya sa dorm. Nasa common area kami nila
at dahil walang tao, malaya kaming naghalikan doon. I pouted when I remember that we
could've been more private if he only allowed us to stay in the hotel.
579
"Ganito lang din naman pala ang bagsak natin, bakit hindi ka pa pumayag kahapon?"
955
I pursed his lips and slowly kissed me on the cheek down my jaw.
"Mas kumportable pa do'n. Aircon pa. At may kama," I murmurred as I enjoy his kisses on
my neck.
"Ilyon ang problema," aniya at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin, namumungay ang mga mata.
"May kama."
Umirap ako. "Ano naman ngayon?"
His eyes dropped on my lips. I watched his tonguelick his lips slowly before he continued
talking. "Ayaw ko lang" at ngumisi.
"What? You're a puritan?" I teased.
Sinimangutan niya ako. "Hindi dapat basta bastang ginagawa 'yan."
"Bakit? Sinabi ko bang basta basta nating gagawin? Mag uusap lang naman tayo do'n, e!"
"Really? You actually admitted that we could do more things there."
"Eh, ano nga ngayon kung may gawin tayo?"
"Ayaw kong basta bastang nangyayaring ang gano'n."
"Ayaw mo ba sa akin?"
He glared at me. "Huwag mo akong daanin sa ganyan, Marem. Siyempre, gusto kita pero
magpipigil tayo.
Namilog ang mga mata ko. "Oh my, you're a puritan!"
"Shut up," he made me through kissing me again.
At siyempre, nagpaubaya ako. I dropped that subject and let it go. Kung ayaw kong
masayang ang break niya sa away naming dalawa.
He paid for my hotel stay even when I barely stayed in it. At kahit anong pilit ko sa kanya na
ako na ang magbayad kasi ideya ko naman 'yon, hindi siya pumayag.
He left me the money. And left before I could even enjoy his company.
"Ano? Sinunod mo ba ang sinabi ko?" si Markus pagkatapos ng break.
Nahuli niya akong tulala. Kaya siguro iyon agad ang tanong. Nagkibit na lang ako
 ng balikat. Ayaw kong aminin na sinunod ko... pero walang nangyari.
"l guess it's safe to assume that you did!" sabay hagalpak ng tawa ni Markus.
"Stop it, Markus.."
"For sure hindi lang pag-uusap ang nangyari. Even Achilles will find you rresistable."
Lalo lang akong nainsulto ng kaonti dahil sa sinabi ni Markus. Hindi ko nga lang pinahalata
na walang ganoon na nangyari.
"I mean.. lgot over you but if you seduce me, baka sumuko agad ako."
Umirap ako at pero sa huli, pinilit na ngumiti sa sinabi ni Markus. Kaht paano... siguro ayos
lang yon.
"Magkasama na naman kayo?" biglang sumulpot si Carver Samaniego sa gitna ng apan
namin ni Markus.
I glared at him and just continued writing on my paper. Niligawan niya ako pero gaya ng
mga nauna sa kanya, agad kong tinanggihan. Ang sabi ko, may boyfriend na ako. At dahil
ayaw kong aminin na si Achilles ang boyfriend ko, dahil takot akong umabot kay Mama,
hindi ako nagbanggit ng pangalan.
He thinks Markus is my boyfriend. Pinabulaanan ko naman agad pero dahil lagi kaming
magkasama, ayaw niyang maniwala.
"Akala ko ba hindi mo boyfriend to?" si Carver sabay turo sa hinlalaki niya kay
Markus.
"Carver, just leave us alone. Don't be such a loser."
"What do you mean? Baka ikaw ang loser? I heard Marem's going to the Crillon
Ball with Ismael Tengku next year. Ikaw ang boyfriend, pero 'di ikaw ang dala?"
Carver said insultingly.
Umirap ako. "Aling parte sa hindi si Markus ang boyfriend ko ang hindi mo maintindihan,
Carver?"
Napakurap kurap si Carver at tumingin sa akin.
"Don't tell me si Ismael Tengku ang boyfriend mo?"
Umiling ako. "At saan mo nasagap yan? Im bringing Kuya Remus on tha ball."
"Ismael Tengku said so... noong nagkita kami last week."
I groaned. Akala ko tumigil na sa ilusyon tong si Ismael mula nang 'di na kami nagkita
pagka uwi ko ng Costa Leona, at no'ng nagbakasyon siya sa Guam. Now, he's at it again.
"Maybe he meant he'll be going to the bal, kasabay sa pag debut ko. At si Kuya ang dadalhin
ko, hindi ang boyfriend ko."
Nagkibit ng balikat si Carver. "Why? Not yet sure of your boyfriend?"
Nahimigan ko agad ang pang aasar kay Carver.
"Hit me up if you've broken up with him. I dont mind courting you again."
Umiling ako at nagpatuloy na lang sa pagsusulat. l endured more months of not seeing
Achilles. Consistent pa rin ang tawagan pero inaamin kong iba pa rin kapag nagkikita. Kaya
naman... habang tumatagal lalo akong nagiging matamlay.
"Nandito nga pala ang mga kaibigan ko sa Costa Leona. Bumisita sila sa Baguio kaya nakita
ko sila kanina.
He had a short break this week. Nagpasya kaming huwag na lang magkita dahil may family
party ako na dadaluhan sa weekend at mauubos ang oras ko sa paghahanda. He had a long
break soon so I had no choice but to sacrifice that weekend and just wait for his long break.
"Kaibigan sa Costa Leona?" napatanong ako sa gulat.
"Oo. May bahay daw sina Fred sa malapit kaya inaya niya sila na pumunta. Gusto daw nila
na pumunta sa mga tourist spot dito. Hindi lang nila alam paano kaya sasamahan ko sila
bukas."
Nagsusukat ako ng gown para sa party bukas. Hindi ko nga lang ma seryosong tingnan ang
damit ko dahil mas abala ako sa usapan namin ni Achilles.
"T-Teka.. sasamahan mo sila?"
He didn't even ask if he is allowed. Hindi ko lang sinabi dahil alam ko na petty na naman
yon. Bakit niya kailangang magpaalam sa akin? Wala naman siyang gagawin at mga
kaibigan niya naman yan.
For the last time, I hoped that it was his guy friends who went to Baguio.
"Sino sino ang kasama nila?"
At siyempre, hindi ako patatahimikin sa weekend. Indeed, my hunch is right.
Alana is with them. Bakit pa ba ako magtataka e sila sila ang magkaka barkada sa
Costa Leona.
"S-Saan naman kayo pupunta?"
 And that's me trying my best to stay calm. I trust him. Ano naman kung nandyan si Alana,
hindi niya naman gusto yon.
"Sa mga tourist spot lang dito. Titingnan pa kung kasya sa schedule ang Sagada.
Gusto rin nila pumunta do'n."
"Marem... how's the gown" I heard my mom outside of the fitting room.
"Ayos lang, Ma," sagot ko bago ko binalikan sa tawag si Achilles.
"Kailangan ko na bang ibaba?" si Achilles naman.
"Hindi pa naman. S-Saang tourist spot ba ang iba-"
"Marem?" I heard my mom's call again.
"Sasabihan kita kung saan. Magpapakita rin ako ng pictures, okay? Mukhang kailangan na
nating ibaba dahil tinatawag ka na."
Hindi ko alam ano ang iisipin ko. At ang akala ko hindi ko na gaanong maiisip ang nangyari
sa hotel, mali ako. Dahil habang kinakabahan ako na kasama niya ang mga kaibigan niya sa
Baguio, dumagdag pa sa hinanakit ko ang pagtanggi niya sa akin noon.
Kung hindi lang ako abala, baka pa lagi na akong tumatawag. He didn't fail to send me
pictures and messages but still, it didn't stop all my doubts at a
Kaya naman, mag hahatinggabi nang natapos ang party nang tumawag ako kay
Achilles. Ang huling sinabi niya ay lalabas daw sila para kumain ng dinner. The last picture
he sent, there were alcohol on the table. Kanina pa ako hindi mapakali kaya nang tumawag
ako at boses ni Alana ang narinig ko, naubos na nang tuluyan ang pasensiya ko.
"Hello. Nasa bathroom pa si Achilles," Alana's cold and calm voice reverberated.
Hindi na ako nakapag-isip. The very fact that Alana was the one who answered
Achilles' phone, I'm done!
Hindi ko na kailangang malaman kung nasaan sila.. bakit siya ang sumagot... at saang
bathroom nasaan si Achilles.
All my dark thoughts lorded my mind. The distance, longing, anger, jealousy, and
resentment piled up in me.
Malayo na nga kami sa isa't-isa, puro pa alaala namin nasa pare parehong lugar, minsan na
nga lang kaming magkita, nagbibigay na nga ako lagi kahit minsan gusto ko nang magalit,
inintindi ko na nga ang lahat kahit hindi naman ako ganito dati... si Alana pa talaga ang
sasagot sa tawag ko?!
Buti pa sila, magkasama! Buti pa sila, may pictures sa magagandang lugar!
Samantalang kami, patago na nga, paulit ulit pa sa mall o restaurant na nagkikita!
Wala man lang ibang memories! At higit sa lahat, nagawa niya pa akong tanggihan sa hotel!
Mas mahaba sana ang panahon namin do'n. Mas nakapag usap sana kami kaysa sa ilang
oras na tahimik dahil nanonood ng sine!
Iresented it so much. Nagtitimpi ako lagi. Nagsasakripisyo. Gusto kong magreklamo pero
hanggang doon na lang 'yon dahil patuloy pa rin akong magtitimpi, magsasakripisyo,
magbibigay... para lang sa aming dalawa!
I hated that even when I am his girlfriend... and I've sacrificed a lot... I feel like I'm still
inferior! Madaling lamangan kahit nino! At lalo na ni Alana!
Achilles then messaged me late that night. Nagpaalam siya na babalik na siya sa academy at
magsisimula na naman sila. Umuwi na siya at paniguradong madalang na ulit kaming
magkatawagan dahil tapos na ang break. Hindi rin siya basta bastang makakalabas.
But that's fine... to me now. Wala na akong pakialam.
Suko na ako.
Nakakapagod na.
Buti pa si Alana na lang ang girlfriend niya. Tutal mukhang kaya n'ng maghintay.
Hindi tulad ko. Bagay naman din sila. At matagal na silang magkakilala. Ako naman talaga
ang nanghimasok. Kung hindi lang ako nakilala ni Achilles, baka pa silang dalawa nga ang
naging mag boyfriend ngayon.
Suko na ako.
I turned my phone off just to stop myself from checking it for his messages.
I'm all alone at home. My parents left after the party. At imbes na manatili sa
I'm all alone at home. My parents left after the party. At imbes na manatili sa bahay sa
bawat gabi pagkauwi galing school, I repeatedly asked Markus to hang out with me in the
club just so I could stop thinking about Achilles.
Sa unang gabi na nandoon kami, tahimik pa ako na nanonood sa sumasayaw. I had friends
who greeted me. Doon ko inabala ang saili.
Sa sumunod na gabi, hindi na tumalab iyon. Minsan, kahit may kausap ako,
 naiisip ko si Achilles kaya sinubukan ko nang magsayaw kasama si Markus.
Sa sumunod pang gabi, hindi na rin tumalab ang pakikipag usap sa mga kaibigan at
pakikipag sayaw kay Markus, kaya uminom na ako at nakipagsayaw sa ibang lalaki.
"Are you okay?" Markus asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," sagot ko.
"Tumawag si Achilles ngayon lang. Hindi ka raw nag re-reply. Ngayon lang niya nakuha ang
cellphone niya. May problema ba kayo?"
Oh shit! I forgot that Markus is some sort of bodyguard by my him!
"Huwag mo na siyang sagutin, Markus. Hayaan mo na yon," sabi ko medyo wala na sa sarili
sa mga alak na nainom.
And because of that, the next night I tried my best to contact Nikolai instead.
Alam kong sasagutin pa rin ni Markus ang tawag ni Achilles kaya hindi ko na siya sinama.
"Oh..." he groaned when he saw me drink the tequila straight up.
Kumalat sa lalamunan ko ang init ng tequila. Wala akong planong maging alcoholic pero
medyo nagugustuhan ko na nawawala sa utak ko si Achilles kapag nakainom.
"Let me guess... break na kayo?" kitang kita ang amusement sa itsura ni Nikolai.
Umirap ako. "Suko na ako. Sabi ko nga, ayaw ko ng boyfriend na papasok sa militar. Hindi
naman ako gaya ni Mama na sunod nang sunod at naghihintay lang. I'm more than that."
"Ohh." He smirked. "Bagay sa'yo businessman, gaya ko.
Inirapan ko ulit siya at uminom pa ng isang shot.
"Is it safe to say that I'm courting you again?" he chuckled.
"Tigilan mo nga ako, Nikolai."
"lyon naman ang totoo. Tama ka. Hindi nga bagay sa'yo ang lalaking may ibang
pinagkakaabalahan. Dapat 'yong tutok lang sa'yo ang mas maganda..."
Uminom pa ulit ako.
"Easy, Marem," saway niya sa akin.
"Mabuti pa sila no'ng Alana, may pictures sa Burnham Park, nag Sagada pa! O, e, kami? Saan
kami pumupunta?"
Hindi ko na itinuloy ang hinanakit ko na tinanggihan niya ako sa hotel. Uminom na lang ako
para makalimutan 'yon.
"Ako? I'm going to the ball this November, Nikolai. Ako. Sa lahat ng babae sa buong
Pilipinas, ako, pupunta ako do'n. And yet, I'm here, miserable because my poor boyfriend
who wants to enter the military couldn't even focus on me!"
Kinagat ni Nikolai ang labi niya habang nakikinig sa akin.
"Can you believe it? I am an elite socialite! Dapat nga c-in-rucify ako for having a poor
boyfriend. Tapos tatratuhin lang akong after thought? I'm not a priority? At siyempre, hindi
ko naman puwedeng sabihin na dapat ako ang priority niya dahil pangarap niya yon! IIl be
selfish if I demand that to him!" I vented.
Hinagod ni Nikolali ang likod ko.
"Im trying my best to be a selfless girlfriend! Hindi ako ganito!" Nangilid ang mga luha ko.
"Nagbago ako. It's for the good but... look where it got me now?! I'm in pain because I've
been selfless! Sana maibalik ko ang dati... yong selfish ako!
Yong wala akong mahal. Yong wala akong pakialam sa feelings ng iba! Iyong priority ko ang
feelings ko... para hindi na ganito!"
Nikolai then gave me another shot. Parang kani kanina lang, pinipigilan niya ako.
Pero siguro naramdaman niya na minsan kailangan ko ring ilabas ang mga hinanakit ko.
"Ang dami kong manliligaw. I turned them down immediately because Im so loyal to him!
Even when he's away! Si Markus nga lang ang kasama ko kasi ayaw kong maisip niya na
may ibang lalaki! Pero siya.. kasama niya 'yong Alana na yon. Masaya pang nag ta-travel!
Samantalang ako.."
I stopped myself. I didn't want to expose to him how sad I am about what happened in the
hotel...
But then I guess... I'm that frustrated. Hindi ko na napigilan.
"Inaya ko sa hotel para bagong environment naman! Tumanggi pa!"
Nikolai looked surprised. "You're kidding me.."
"You are so hot. He didn't do that. You're kidding me..."
Tumayo ako at hinawakan si Nikolai sa kamay. Iginiya ko siya sa darncefloor at doon
nagsimula akong magsayaw.
Nikolai danced with me. Kaya lang, hindi kami nagtagal.
 Pareho kaming natigilan nang natanaw si Markus sa gitna ng dancefloor, nakatingin sa
amin at gulat na gulat sa ayos namin habang nagsasayaw.
"What are you doing, Marem?"si Markus at agad akong hinawakan sa palapulsuhan at
hinatak.
Hinila naman ako pabalik ni Nikolai. Markus immediately protested but Nikolai pushed
him. Napaatras at napaupo si Markus sa sahig.
Humiyaw ang mga nasa dancefloor at nagsialisan sa banda namin. Tumayo si
Markus at galit na tiningnan si Nikolai.
"Ano'ng problema mo? Alam mong may boyfriend si Marem!"
Nikolai groaned boredly. "Let's go, Marem."
Hinila ako ni Nikolai paalis sana doon pero hinawakan ni Markus ang braso ni
Nikolai.
"Teka nga lang, kausap pa kita!" Markus demanded.
Nikolai's eyes dropped on Markus' hand on his arm. For a while, I noticed how
Nikolai's eyes flickered awkwardly before he pulled his arm back.
"Ex boyfriend. And don't act as if you know what's going on-"
"Marem, umuwi na tayo. Halika. Ihahatid na kita-
"She is my responsibility!" si Nikolai.
"Really?" Markus said coldly.
Lumakad siya palapit kay Nikolai at halatang maghahamon na.
"Akala mo hindi ko halata?
Nikolai slightly stepped back. Sobrang lamig ng tono ni Markus na pakiramdam ko
magkakagulo nang talaga.
"Markus," tawag ko pero masyado na yata akong lasing para mapigilan pa ang kahit ano.
kahit
"W-What do you mean" Nikolai's voice trembled. "Anong halata?"
"You are tempting her, aren't you? Para magkasiraan sila ni Achilles.."
Nikolai sighed. Markus... then smirked.

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21
Mark
Si Nikolai ang naghatid sa akin sa sasakyan namin. Akala ko mapapagalitan ako
kinabukasan. O sasabihin ng driver at bodyguards na lasing ako kay Mama o
Papa. Pero mukhang hindi na sila nakikibalita. And somehow, I'm relieved because I am
already going through something. I don't think I need the scolding.
Sobrang sakit ng ulo ko nang gumising tanghali. Buti na lang at weekend na kaya wala
namang nasagasaang klase.
I felt bad for what happened last night. Alam ko namang mabuti ang sadya ni
Markus pero si Nikolai pa rin ang pinili ko dahil ayaw ko na munang makarinig ng kahit
anong balita kay Achilles.
I should apologize to Markus at school. Muntik pang nagkagulo sa bar dahil sa nangyari.
Buti na lang at umalis na kami ni Nikolai kalaunan.
I spent the whole weekend thinking about things. Hindi maganda tong ginagawa ko pero
iyon lang ang naging coping mechanism ko sa mga nangyayari. I should find a way to get
my life back. Hindi iyong lagi na lang ang nakaabang kay
Achilles. Hindi 'yong saka lang ako sasaya kapag nandiyan siya.
I accepted offers for modeling and many of that kind of stuff. Para lang malibang ako sa mas
healthy na paraan, kumpara sa maglasing ako. I also accepted party invitations and many
more.
I decided to change my phone, too. At hindi ako makapaniwala kung gaano ka dali lang ang
lahat ng iyon.
I smiled bitterly. Who am I kidding? I am suffering inside. Talagang mukha lang madali kasi
sanay na naman ako na walang katawagan o ka text most of the time. May boyfriend ako
pero nasa malayo at hindi pa laging nariyan kaya nagmukhang madali ang lahat nang
nagdesisyon akong tumigil.
It wasn't hard because I'm used to not having him around.
At siguro... madali lang din sa kanya.
Kung sa bagay... I initiated this. Alam kong papasok siya sa Academy pero
 hinamon ko pa rin siyang gawin akong girlfriend. Baka naman umo-0 na lang siya no'n. O
baka... hindi niya naman talaga gusto? Hindi ko alam. Baka ako lang ang may gusto. Ako
lang ang nagmamahal. Napilitan ba siya?
Well, guess what? From now on, hindi na siya mapipilitan! Break na kami at wala nang
pabigat sa kanya. Mag focus na lang siya sa ginagawa niya at huwag niya na akong
alalahanin.
May mga gabing tinatawagan niya ako kahit na maaga pa sila kinabukasan, huwag na, 'di
ba? Para makapagpahinga siya ng maayos. May mga break na sana inuwi niya sa Costa
Leona para maasikaso ang bahay nila pero binakasyon niya dito sa Manila... huwag na rin!
Wala namang pumipilit sa'yo, Achilles! Kaya huwag na
It was very easy, I told myself. Araw araw ako nagkaroon ng meeting para sa ilang shoots.
Most of it were for the added portfolio of the international photographers. Nagulat pa nga
ako dahil alam ni Mama ang tungkol sa ibang shoots. Siguro pinayagan ako dahil pang
portfolio lang naman at dagdag na rin para sa upcoming debuntante ball this November.
I busied myself with the designer for the ball, too. It's an Paris-based Filipino designer.
It's refreshing to be busy. Siguro iyon ang kulang ko. Sa nagdaang mga taon, masyado akong
naghihintay ng masasayang araw sa break ni Achilles. Para lagi na lang akong naghihintay.
At sayang ang mga araw na hindi niya break. Parang ginawa ko lang mga walang
kuwentang araw iyon.
Pero sa totoo lang, kapag nasa bahay na at mag isa ako sa kuwarto, naiisip ko pa rin siya.
Umiiyak pa rin ako habang nakahiga sa kama.
Unknown Number:
Magkita tayo. Nasa Manila ako.
Bigla akong nanlamig. Ilang araw pa lang sa bakasyon, iyon na ang natanggap na message
ko. At mag tatatlong linggo pa lang mula noong nasa bar kami nina
Nikolai at Markus
I knew it. Markus is still talking to Achilles. Hindi na naman ako nagulat kasi expected ko
iyon. lyon din ang dahilan kung bakit hindi na aako gaanong nag ku- kuwento kay Markus.
Kanino niya pa nga ba nakuha ang bagong numero ko? Edi kay Markus!
Ako:
Who's this? llang sandali pa lang bago ko napadala 'yon, tumunog na ang cellphone ko.
Ihave never been this excited my whole life. I'm sure because I am trembling with
excitement as I was holding my ringing phone.
Namawis ako ng malamig at kulang na lang makita ko mismo sa dibdib ko ang pagtalon ng
puso. My heart is literally banging against my chest as I looked at my phone frantically
ringing.
I didn't answer. Natapos na lang ang tawag. At hindi ko alam na may mas hihigit pang
excitement sa naramdaman ko nang tumawag siya sa pangalawang beses!
Hindi ko pa rin sinagot. At pakiramdam ko, wala akong kakayahang sumagot dahil sa
sobrang kaba, saya, excitement. Baka pa mahimatay ako sa tindi ng nararamdaman.
Sorry. I don't answer when the number is not registered.
Wrong. I don't even ask who that is when the number is not registered!
Talagang... may pakiramdam ako kung sino kaya ako nag message!
This is Achilles.
Paimpit akong tumili sa kuwarto. Doon ko lang natanto kung gaano talaga ako kabaliw!
Kahit pa sinabi ko nang ayaw ko na at ilang linggo ko siyang hindi pinapansin.
I almost shrieked again when my phone rang the third time. This time, I'm answering it. At
siyempre, hindi ako pahahalata.
"What?"l said in my annoyed tone.
"Magkita tayo," malamig ang boses niya.
Galit akO sa kanya, 0o. Pero hindi ko maiwasang ma-excite na gusto niyang makipagkita!
Hindi ko alam na posibleng makaramdam ng gano'n. When I hate something, I hate it for
real. I don't pretend. Pero eto, totoong galit ako pero gusto ko pa ring makipagkita. Gusto
ko siyang makita. Gustong gusto. Ayaw ko lang na aman niya na gusto ko. Ayaw ko lang
pahalata dahil dapat galit ako.
"For what?" malamig kong sagot.
 "Mag-usap tayo. Ill message you where. Papunta na ako do'n. I"ll see you there,' he said and
ended the call.
With mouth dropped open, I looked at my phone in shock! Ang kapal naman talaga ng
mukha niyang babaan ako ng tawag! Ang kapal ng mukha niyang manduhan ako na magkita
kami! Akala niya ba magkukumahog akong pumunta sa kanya? Ang kapal ng mukha niya
kung gano'n. Guwapo siya pero maganda rin ako kaya huwag niyang kapalan ang mukha
niya!
Pinilit ko ang sariling huminahon. Naupo ako sa kama habang iniisip ang lahat.
Heto na naman... galit na naman ako. Break niya ngayon, for sure kaya siya lumuwas.
Uubusin ko ba ang mga araw na to sa galit at iritasyon sa kanya? Mag- aaway ba kami
buong bakasyon?
Teka nga... hindi ba para sa akin wala na kami? Kaya ba't pa ako mag aaksaya ng panahon
sa kanya? Ang kapal pa nga ng mukha niya para tratuhin akong ganito tapos mag-eexpect
siya na susundin ko siya?
I was literally busy getting angry whenI received an unexpected message from him. My
mouth dropped open at the address that I've read. ls this serious?
Hindi ako agad naka react. Masyado na ba akong dirty minded para pag isipan ng kung ano
ang napili niyang Iugar. He booked a room at the same hotel?!
Naglalakad na sa pasilyo ng hotel. Wearing a short pink silky dress, my highest heeled
Louboutin, I walked towards the elevator confidently. I dressed to kill.
Mag laway siya ngayong wala na kami!
Nakahalukipkip ako habang pinagmamasdan ang numero ng elevator na nagbabago sa
bawat palapag. At nang bumukas sa tamang palapag, lumabas ako at dumiretso na sa suite
na kinuha ni Achilles.
Kumatok ako at agad namang bumukas ang pintuan. Achilles' angry eyes met my
indifferent eyes immediately. Hindi man lang bumaba ang mga mata niya sa damit ko. Ako
pa ang nagbaba ng mga mata sa katawan niya. He looked even better sporting a leaner
body. At parang tumangkad din siya o baka masyado lang akong naiintimidate kaya
tumangkad siya lalo sa tingin ko. And that's lang akong nalnUmTcate Kaya tumangkad siya
lalo sa tingin ko. And thats something now that I'm wearing my highest heeled stilettos!
He took my wrist and pulled me in and closed the door. Shocked, I looked at him with an
offended expression
"What?" maarte kong tanong.
Ngayong mas malapit na kami, mas lalo kong napansin ang galit niya... pati ang pagbabago
sa itsura. He was already a head turner back then but right now he looks even more
handsome. His last name, Riego, were known to look this way, deep set hooded eyes, very
masculine, and a defined jaw. And indoors, his gray eyes are just darker.
"Bakit bigla kang nagbago ng numero? Bakit mo ako iniiwasan?" he asked angrily.
I pulled my wrist out of his hold.
"Wala na tayo!" mas matapang kong sinabi. "Kaya dapat lang na iwasan kita."
Nanliit ang mga mata niya. "Wala na tayo? Bakit? Nakahanap ka na ng iba?"
"Sa ating dalawa, mas ikaw ang may kakayanang makahanap ng iba-"
"Akala mo ba hindi ko alam? Sinabi ni Markus sa akin na lumalabas ka lagi at may kasama
kang lalaki sa bar. Kasayawan! So don't accuse me of that when clearly
I'm inside the Academy this whole time!"
"Talaga ba? Eh, hindi ba nag Sagada pa nga kayo ni Alana?! Namasyal sa Baguio?
Who knows what else did you two do? Eh hindi ba nag hotel din kayo do'n no'ng nalasing
na?!" tuloy tuloy kong sinabi.
Kitang kita ko ang tindi ng iritasyon at gulat sa itsura niya. He looked insulted. He was
speechless. I took that opportunity to strike.
"Kaya huwag mo akong sumbatan kung sumama ako sa iba! The moment you went to a
hotel with her, we're over!"
Hindi na ako nakapagpatuloy sa sigaw ko dahil hinila niya na ako. He crouched and kissed
me. Shocked at his sudden move, my eyes widened. I saw him kissing me, eyes closed, and
eyebrows furrowed. His kisses were demanding. Parang hindi titigil kung hindi susuklian.
And although I hated him, one kiss was all it took for me to melt. Hindi ko nga lang iyon
matanggap. Sa dami ng mga paghihirap ko, ganito na lang agad?
"Achilles!" saway ko nang tumigil siya sa paghalik sa labi ko.
Pumalupot ang bisig niya sa baywang ko at inilapit niya ako sa katawan niya. Ang
mapaghanap niyang mga halik ay bumaba na sa leeg ko.
Naglalaban na ang utak at puso ko. Hindi ako makapaniwala kung gaano ka hina
 ang puso ko pagdating sa kanya!
"Wala akong ibang babae! llang beses kong sasabihin sa'yo na hindi ko nga gusto si Alana!
At anong hotel ang pinagsasasabi mo, huh?" he said as he continued his demanding kisses.
Hindi ko namalayan na kapit na kapit na ang kamay ko sa braso niya, at ang isa nasa t-shirt
niya naman.
"Sino ang lalaki mo? May ibang lalaki ka, huh?" he asked that in an accusing and menacing
tone.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nanindig ang balahibo sa batok ko dahil sa tanong at tono niya. He
pulled the string of my backless skimpy dress and the straps slowiy fell on my arm.
"liwan mo na ako?" he asked menacingly as his kisses progressed on my chest.
It's not helping that his tone, his questions are making me melt. At ramdam na ramdam ko
ang panginginig ng binti ko dahil do'n!
I felt his hand cup my breast easily. I let out a smal moan and tried to pull my sanity back
before I could give in and forget everything!
"Oo! liwan na kita! |-Ikaw ang may ibang-
"Wala nga sabi akong ibang babae. Tigas ng ulo mo. Ikaw ang may ibang lalaki!
Ano'ng ginawa n'yong dalawa, huh?" he whispered and kissed me on my lips again.
He was busy kissing my lips while his other hand is busy pulling my strapless bra off
What the hell?! Really? This is happening, right now? At ang hina hina ko ba na kahit galit
ako, excited pa ako sa nangyayari?
I pushed him away. He aggressively kissed my neck, though!
"Tigilan mo nga ako! Don't kiss me with your dirty lips! I don't even know who you kissed
before me!"
I pushed him half heartedly again. Tumigil siya. His eyes were blood shot as he looked at
me. I saw it widened a fraction. Para bang ngayon niya lang nakita na nahubadan niya na
ako ng kaonti!
"Akala mo hindi ko alam?!" I said, regaining my anger and burying my lust for him. "Nag
hotel kayoni Alana! Siya pa nga ang sumagot sa tawag ko habang nag sho-shower ka
pagkatapos n'yong mag inuman!"
Kumunot ang noo niya at halata ang pagkakagulat. Pero mukhang distracted siya sa suot
ko. Nakita kong bumagsak saglit ang mga mata niya sa damit ko.
"Ano? I messaged you after that! Hindi ba sinabi ko na umuwi ako kaya ano'ng sinasabi-
"Edi nagsisinungaling ka kasi nag hotel kayo!" I shouted at him.
Saglit siyang natulala bago niya ako tiningnan. Umiling siya.
"You called and she answered your call?"
"Oo! Dahil nasa shower ka pa!"
"Shower? I went to the rest room, Maria Emilia! At hindi kami nag hotel! Nasa restaurant
kami no'n! At marami kami!"
Ayaw kong maniwala. Kahit pa parang ang bilis ko talagang masuyo pag dating sa kanya!
Inayos ko ang strap ng damit ko. I can feel my brassiere undone. Sinubukan ko pang ayusin.
Umalis ako sa harap niya para gawin 'yon. Iritado akong naglakad palayo. He then pulled
me back before I could take another step. Itutulak ko na sana siya sa iritasyon pero siya ang
nag-ayos ng snap sa bra ko.
Galit pa rin sa kanya, I tried to get away so I can also tie my backless dress. He pulled me.
Saglit kaming naghilahan bago ako sumuko at bago niya unti-unting inayos ang strap at
tinali ang ribbon ng damit ko.
Iglared at him. He looked regretful. Nanghihina ang mga mata niya nang tumingin sa akin.
His bloodshot eyes were pleading and almost worshiping.
Yumuko siya at marahang hinawakan ang kamay ko.
"I'm sorry," aniya.
Sa hawak niya pa lang sa akin, ramdam ko na ang panghihina niya. Marahan siyang naupo
sa kama, ako nakatayo sa harap niya, hindi makawala dahil hawak niya ang kamay ko. At
hindi ko rin naman... sinusubukang kumawala... kahit may galit ang titig ko sa kanya.
Pumikit siya ng mariin at dumiin din ang hawak niya sa kamay ko kasabay no'n. I am
glaring at him. Nakadungaw ako sa kanya habang unti-unti siyang nag-angat ng tingin,
nagmamakaawa ang mga mata.
"Im sorry." He squeezed my hand.
 "Im sorry because you lied to me?"
Kumunot ang noo niya pero hindi natanggal ang pagmamakaawa sa mga mata.
"Hindi ako nagsinungaling sa'yo. Hindi ko magagawa 'yon."
"She answered your phone!"
"Naiwan ko sa lamesa saglit! Hindi kami nag hotel! Kahit tanungin mo si Alana-"
"Are you kidding me?! No way in hell | would-"
"Then our friends! Please... wala akong ginagawang masama. Hindi ko kayang gawin 'yon
sa'yo. At wala akong interes. Please, believe me," he said frustratingly.
"You can check my logs. Umuwi ako no'n. Hindi ako nag hotel. Ni hindi nga kami nagkausap
ni Alana no'n. I was just busy showing them the tourist spots. I'm sorry. I didn't know you
called me that night. At kakausapin ko si Alana tungkol
Sa-
"Way to go! Sige, mag usap ulit kayo!"
"Tang ina," he cursed under his breath. Then I'm not talking to her! I promise!"
I Swallowed hard at that. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko kailanman naisip na aabot sa ganito. Sa
pagkakakilala ko sa kanya, paninindigan niya na kaibigan niya si Alana at na hindi na ako
dapat magreklamo. Kaya ngayong sinabi niya 'yon, nagulantang ako!
Bigla ko tuloy naisip ang mga ginawa sa nagdaang mga linggo. Kung totoo ang sinabi niya.
Kung hindi nga sila nag hotel. At kung hindi nga sila halos nag usap. lbig sabihin... ako...
I cleared my throat.
He pulled closer. I refused to sit on his lap so he had no choice but to hug me while I was
standing, and him sitting on the bed. Bumaon ang mukha niya sa tiyan ko. Dinungaw ko
siya at nakita kong gaano siya nanahimik at kumalma habang ginagawa 'yon.
Kung totoo nga ang sinabi niya.. edi ako pa pala ang... may ginawa. I didn't kiss anyone but I
was with Nikolai. I danced with him in the bar. Pagkatapos pa ay tumanggap din ako ng
manliligaw... kaya marami ang nakapila ngayon. Inisip kong wala na kami.
"May kasama akong ibang lalaki sa bar," amin ko.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatili siyang nakayakap sa akin. Alam kong alam niya na yon.
Paniguradong sinabi na ni Markus.
"At.. may mga manliligaw na rin ako sa school."
His embrace slightly tightened.
"l said I was single. Wala na tayo para sa akin," ako ang nagsabi no'n pero parang ako pa
ang sinaksak sa puso.
Muling humigpit ang yakap niya.
"Kasi may ibang babae ang boyfriend ko-"
"Wala nga akong babae!" mataman niyang sinabi, hindi kinakalas ang yakap sa akin. "At
hindi tayo naghiwalay.
"Kung hindi tayo naghiwalay, tapos may kasama akong lalaki, at tumanggap ng
manliligavW... ibig sabihin ako pa ang may lalaki?"
"Bastedin mo na sila kung gano'n. Let's just start over again.
Namilog ang mga mata ko. Bahagya akong umatras. At nang naramdaman niya yon,
kumalas siya at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. His bloodshot eyes were still pleading, Hinuli
niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan.
Ayaw kong maniwala. Sabi ko nga, mas madali ang buhay no'ng hindi ako nagmamahal.
Kaya lang, huli na ang lahat. Mahal ko siya. At sa totoo lang, may parte sa aking agad na
naniwala sa eksplenasyon niya. May parte sa aking alam na nagsasabi siya ng totoo... dahil
kilala ko siya.
Kilala ko siya. May paninindigan. Kung gusto niya si Alana, bago pa niya ako nakilala, dapat
sila na. Naninivwala akong umuwi siya. Naniniwala akong hindi sila nag hotel. Kasi kung
nag hotel at may nangyari nga sa kanila, hindi niya na sana ako tinanggihan no'ng nag aya
ako. It would've been easy for him. It would've been a walk in the park for him.
What shocked me is how he just wants to start over. Inamin ko sa kanya ang mga nagawa
ko dahil lang sa galit ko sa kanya. I wonder if I would forgive him if it was the other way
around? Kung inakala niya ba na may ibang lalaki ako tapos nag entertain siya ng ibang
babae, mapapatawad ko ba siya?
He still looked pleading. Namumungay ang mga mata... nanghihina... naghihintay sa
sasabihin ko... nakatingala na parang susundin ang kahit anong gusto ko.
I sighed defeatedly. Hindi ako makapaniwala... na biglang nawalang parang bula ang galit
ko noong nakaraan.
 When he kissed me a while ago, it blurred my anger. lyon lang at naglaho agad ang
inalagaan kong galit. At ngayong nagpaliwanag siya, lalo lang nawalan ng bakas ang galit. O
siguro dahil alam ko... sa sarili ko.. na hindi niya 'yon magagawa. Kas... kilala ko siya.
And for him to just forgive me... after what I've done... is just beyond me.
"Im sorry," napapaos kong sinabi. "Inisip kong hiwalay na tayo at galit ako. Gusto kong
maka move on agad kaya sinama ko si Nikolai sa bar at nag paligaw ako sa ibang kaklase."
Hindi man lang nagbago ang titig niya sa akin.
"Naisip ko lang din na posible nga yon. Besides... ako naman ang may gusto na maging tayo.
Hindi mo naman ako niligawan. I pressured you to be my boyfriend. So I feel like it makes
sense... if you easily stray."
"Im in love with you. And I wasn't pressured to be your boyfriend. I want to be your
boyfriend. I will never be astray," mataman niyang sinabi.
Hindi ko alam kung narinig ko na galing sa kanya ang naunang sinabi. He's... in ove with me
"Kung hindi mo ako hinamong maging boyfriend mo, manliligaw pa rin naman ako. Dahil
ikaw ang gusto ko... nandito ako kasi ikaw ang gusto ko. I could've stayed in Costa Leona,
and just choose a random course just so I can study... live a simple life..." umiling siya. "Pero
hindi. Nandito ako... Dahil ikaw ang gusto ko.
He squeezed my hand, as if trying to win me. Huminahon na ako. Hindi ko rin alam kung
ano dapat. Nangangapa ako sa dilim pero alam ko... na naniniwala ako sa kanya. Kung hindi
ko lang paiiralin ang pait at makikinig lang talaga ako.. madali ko siyang mapapatawad. Not
that there is anything to forgive... he didn't do anything wrong. Ako pa nga yata ang may
kasalanan... but he was quick to forgive me and start over again.
Bumuntong hininga ako. Hinila niya ulit ang kamay ko paupo. Nagpaubaya na ako ngayon. I
sat on his lap. His arms then snaked around me. He buried his face on my shoulder.
"Next time, please, let's talk first. Huwag mo akong iwan agad. Hindi ba nagkasundo na tayo
tungkol dito?"
Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil alam ko naman 'yon. Talagang... hindi ko nasusunod.
"You leave me the first sign of a problem. Please, let's communicate our feelings more.
Hindi ako nagsalita dahil guilty sa mga sinasabi niya.
Natahimik siya saglit bago muling humigpit ang yakap niya.
"At sorry sa inasal ko pagdating mo dito."
Napakurap kurap ako at naalala ang atake ng mga halik niya kanina. Lalo lang dumiin ang
mukha niya sa balikat ko.
"I'm sorry for being a jerk," aniya. "It's just my insecurities talking."
Insecurities? Hindi ko alam na meron siya no'n?
"Businessman daw ang kasama mo sa bar. Nikolai? Sino 'yon? Gusto mo ba siya?"
Gusto ko ba siya?! Nice question while I'm on your lap, Achilles!
"Sino sino ang mga manliligaw mo? lan sila?"
Hindi pa rin ako nagsalita. Parang may nagbabara sa lalamunan ko at sumisikip ang dibdib
ko habang nakikinig sa kanya.
"I wanted so bad to mark you mine, thinking that someone else will take you away from me.

My lips parted. It's getting harder and harder to breathe as I Ilisten to his words.
"Sorry if Ive been too aggressive. Ayaw kong basta bastang nangyayari 'yon pero kinain ko
rin ang sinabi ko. Dahil lang sa takot ko."
Suminghap siya.
"Gusto mo pa ba ako?"
Ayaw kong babaan ang pride ko. Ang hirap aminin ang totoo. Pero para akong sinasaksak
sa bawat segundo na hindi ko sinasagot ang tanong niya.
Tumango na lang ako para hindi gaanong masakit sa pride. Naramdaman niya siguro ang
tango ko kaya nag-angat siya ng tingin.
"I'm in love with you," he whispered. "Only you. Huwag mo nang isipin pa na kaya ko pang
maghanap ng iba."
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, bahagyang nanginginig ang puso sa deklarasyon niya.
"Iwan mo na ang mga manliligaw mo," bulong niya.
"Nikolai is just a friend. At... madali namang tanggihan ang mga nanliligaw."
"Thank you," he whispered. llang saglit kaming nanatiling gano'n. I was slowly getting
comfortable when he
 suddenly moved his arm.
"Saan mo gustong kumain at pumunta? Nadala ko rito ang ilang gamit ko.
Maghahanap na ako ng mas maayos na apartment."
Maraming dahilan kung bakit lumingon ako sa kanya nang nakakunot ang noo.
"Ano'ng problema sa dorm mo?" ang huli pero una kong tinanong.
"Im planning to find a job so it might be wiser to get an apartment near any business
district-
"]ob? Eh... ilang buwan ba ang break mo?"
Sandali kaming nagkatinginan. Nababasa ko sa itsura niya ang sagot. My jaw dropped when
I realized something.
"B-Ba't ka maghahanap ng trabaho?"
"Titingnan ko kung puwede ba akong makapasok ng kolehiyo sa-"
Titigil ka?!"
Alam kong minsan ko nang hiniling 'yon pero hindi ko inasahan na matutupad. At ngayong
nangyayari na nga, hindi ko alam kung nagugustuhan ko ba.
Hindi siya sumagot kaya sigurado na ako sa naisip niya.
"Dalawang taon na lang, ngayon ka pa titigil?"
"Mahirap sa loob. llang linggo akong 'di makatulog kasi hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa
mo rito."
Natawa ako kahit na hindi naman nakakatawa. "Are you kidding me?!"
"Gusto kong matapos do'n. Pakiramdam ko yon lang ang paraan para may maipagmamalaki
naman ako pero... siguro naman hindi yon totoo. May ibang paraan pa."
"B-But it's your dream, Achilles!"
Hindi na siya nagsalita. I scoffed and my eyes remained at him. Hindi talaga ako
makapaniwala! At tingin ko hindi ko hahayaan to! Oo gusto kong lagi ko siyang kasama...
pero hindi yata ako matatahimik kung dahil nag-away kami biglang magbabago ang isip
niya tungkol do'n!
"No! You're going back and finish it! Para saan pa ang dalawang taon nating pagtitiis kung
bigla ka na lang titigil?"
He swallowed hard. It was obvious that he's also torn. Also obvious that he really is
considering on quitting!
"Tapusin mo na lang! Dalawang taon nalang naman, e! Pagkatapos niyan, aayos na ang
lahat."
Umiling siya. "Ayaw kong lumabas bigla na nakahanap ka na ng iba.'
T laughed hysterically at his reason. "Wala akong iba, okay? Mga dating manliligaw lang
'yon! At kung nakahanap ako ng iba, hindi na ako nagpaligaw sa kanila at diretsong sinagot
ko na kung sino man ang gusto ko."
His eyes turned into slits.
"Im just saying that... although I don't want any of this long distance relationship,
I still want you to finish what you started. Ayaw kong buong buhay akong magsisi na
tumigil ka."
He swallowed hard again. "Let's just talk about it some other time. Pag isipan mo muna.
"Huwag ka munang maghanap ng apartment, o trabaho, kung ganon. Sa dorm ka muna
umuwi, temporarily..."
Unti-unti siyang tumango.
That was not the only thing that bugged me a while ago. lyon ang buong sinabi niya.
"At saan ko gustong kumain at... uh... pumunta? Kung gusto mo, um-order na lang tayo dito.
At naka book ka kaya bukas pa ang check out dito. Kaya dito na lang tayo."
Umiling siya. "Kumain na lang tayo sa labas."
Here we go again. Nanatili ang titig ko sa kanya. Unti-unti na namang namumuo ang galit
ko.
"Bakit ba talaga ayaw mong nandito tayo?"
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Nasabi niya na naman ang sagot niyan pero hindi ko pa rin
maintindihan.
"Ano ngayon kung may mangyari sa atin? Boyfriend ba kita o hiwalay talaga tayo?"
Binalik niya ang titig niya sa akin, iritado na ngayon.
"If you don't want anything to happen, then let's just eat here and stay here that's all!" sabi
ko.
Sumulyap siya sa inuupuan niya. Kama.
 Just forget about the bed."
Binalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin at umiling siya. "Ang laki nito. Paano ko
makakalimutan2"
"]ust pretend that it's just a big sofa."
Nagtaas siya ng kilay, para bang hindi nakakatulong ang sinabi ko.
Bumuntonghininga ako, naiinis nang talaga dahil sa problema niya rito.
"If you're tempted and we're both tempted, then its alright, Achilles," I assured him.
Umiling siya at tumingin ulit sa kama. "l'm still a bit angry. If something happens between
us, I don't want it to happen when I'm.." binalik niya ang tingin niya sa akin. "lealous. I
might... fail to be gentle. Hindi ko pa alam paano magpigil."
Gusto kong magseryoso pero pilit na sumisilay ang kaonting ngiti sa labi ko.
Ugh! I can't believe it! Aml stupid or something?
"Let me order for us. DitO na tayo. Gutom na ako at kung lumabas pa tayo, matatagalan na.
Sayang din ang binayad mo."
Tumayo ako kahit na marin ang hawak niya sa akin. Kumalas naman siya nang napansin na
desidido ako sa gagawin. Lumapit ako sa telepono at tiningnan ang menu ng hotel.
I looked at Achilles' reflection on the mirror as I enumerated my orders. Nakatitig siya sa
akin, namumungay ang mga mata.
"Okay, Ma'am. We'll serve this to you for lunch po ba or within the hour?" tanong ng
kumukuha ng order ko.
Ngumuso ako at nanatili ang titig kay Achilles. "For lunch. Thanks."
Binaba ko ang telepono at nilingon si Achilles. Kitang kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya
nang nahuli ko siyang nakatitig sa katawan ko.
Unti-unti akong lumapit sa kanya. Sa harap niya. Tumuwid siya sa pagkakaupo sa kama
pero nanatili siya doon. He really looked so tall even when he's sitting on
Our bed.
"Mamaya pang lunch ang in-order ko. Hindi ko muna pinapa serve ngayon," sabi ko. "l
ordered for you, too. And drinks... I hope you'll whatl ordered."
Tumango lang siya. Tahimik.
Lalo akong lumapit. Sa kung saan ako nakatayo kanina nang yakapin niya ako.
Nakita kong bumagsak saglit ang mga mata niya sa katawan ko.
Slowly, I put my knees, one by one, on each side of him... on the bed. Pumatong ako sa
kanya. Kitang kita kO ang gulat at pagkakamangha sa kanya.
"Let's kiss," sabi ko at bahagya siyang hinalikan.
Nagkatinginan kami. Kitang kita ko ang pagpipigil sa mga mata niya pero unti- unti ring
bumagsak sa labi ko.
Namungay ang mga mata niya. Hinintay ko na halikan niya ako. At nang halikan niya nga
ako, marahan na yon. It was as if it took him a while to regulate whatever he was feeling
just so he could kiss me gently.
I kissed him back. He kissed me slowly until it became demanding... like how he kissed me a
while ago. And it's making me all so dizzy.
Nagpakawala siya ng mura nang saglit na tumigil. Matagal bago ko naibuka ang mga mata
ko. Nagkatitigan ulit kami. Namumungay ang mga mata niya habang nakatitig sa akin at
unti-unting bumalik ulit sa labi ko. He kissed me again, deeper and deeper each passing
time.
"We're just making out," I whispered. "Don't worry."
He was busy kissing me. Parang nawawala na siya habang kahalikan ako.
"But if you want me, just pull the string," I whispered.
I groaned and slightly pulled the string on my back, causing my straps to fall on my arms
again. "Of course..
I smiled and kissed him more.
Tumigil siya sa paghalik. Ramdam ko ang init ng katawan niya kaya hindi na ako nagulat
nang hinubad niya ang t-shirt niya. Seeing his chest bare and all the muscles in their right
places, I feel like I got so lost too!
Holy shit, Riego!
Nagpatuloy ang halik namin. Lalong lumalalim habang tumatagal. Lalong umiinit.
I can feel his restraint... even when he's clearly... hard against his jeans.
Ilang mura ang napakawalan niya habang ganoon. Tuluyan niya na nga'ng hinatak ang
ribbon ng damit ko. Bumagsak na iyon sa baywang ko
His tongue curled on mine. Hanggang sa bumaba na iyon sa leeg ko... sa dibdib ko
I couldn't help but moan from his kisses. I wasn't even aware that I was already
 moaning from it until now!
"Of course, I want you," ulit niya habang hinahalikan ako. ""ve never wanted anything or
anyone more than how I want you."
I smiled and bit my lip. "Ako din salyo."
Tumigil siya sa paghalik at tiningnan ako saglit bago ako tuluyang binaba sa kama. He
pulled my skimpy dress out of me as I kicked my stilettos away.
"Mark me, Achilles," I whispered pleadingly.
"As you mark me yours, too," bulong niya pabalik sa akin.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 22

Pearl
Ngumiti ako habang naalala ang buong nangyari.
Tanging ang kumot lang ang nakatakip sa katawan ko. Nakahilig si Achilles sa headboard
ng kama, nakaupo at pikit ang mga mata. Samantalang nakakandong naman ako sa kanya,
nasa gilid ang dalawang paa ko at ang kanang balikat nakahilig sa dibdib niya.
Even when his eyes are closed, I know he's not yet asleep. I can feel his heart still pounding
hard. His hand is lightly touching my right ankle, occassionaly drawing lines and circles
around it as we both rest from what just happened.
I gave him my virginity. Ilang beses kong sinabi ni hindi ako conservative. Na hindi naman
nagma-matter sa akin kung virgin o hindi pero ang totoo, ibinigay ko 'yon sa kanya dahil
mahal ko siya. Ibinigay ko dahil sigurado ako sa kanya.
Ibinigay ko ang sarili ko dahil gusto ko kami na... hanggang sa huli.
This matters to me. So much. And I gave it to him because I'm sure. I'll love him forever.
"I took your virgnity," I teased.
Namumungay ang mga mata niyang dumilat bago ako marahang hinalikan sa pisngi. He
looked at peace. Pumikit ulit at bumuntonghininga na para bang nabunutan ng tinik.
Tinitigan ko siya habang tahimik at kalmadong nakahilig sa headboard.
He's beautiful. I admit it. Noong una ko siyang nakita, guwapo talaga siya. Hindi ako ang
tipo na mabilis mamangha sa guwapo pero kakaiba ang tikas niya. He's tall with all the
muscles on the right places. Very manly. His gray eyes always looked serious. AndI don't
have to know him much to judge that he is indeed mature... reasonable. Dahil isang tingin
lang sa kanya, halata nang responsable.
Kaya nagulat ako nang inamin niya kanina na may insecurities siya. Hindi halata.
Alam kong malayo ang agwat ng buhay namin pero kahit kailan hindi ko siya nakitaan ng
insekyuridad dahil do'n. Alam kong mahirap siya pero hindi niya pinaramdam na may
agwat sa aming dalawa. I am not sure if he's too proud to acknowledge that or it just
doesn't bother him. Pero kanina, nang sinabi niya pakiramdam ko ang nauna ang dahilan.
At ngayon lang siya tuluyang bumigay.
"l'm sorry," napapaos kong sinabi. "That I acted this way. I was just really upset."
Dumilat ulit siya at unti-unting tumango bago pumikit ulit. Tinulak niya ako pabagsak sa
kanya at nanatili ang labi niya sa sentido ko. Sinubukan kong umahon para tingnan siya
pero humigpit ang yakap niya kaya nanatili ako sa ganoong ayos habang nagsasalita.
"And thank you... for still accepting me despite what I've d-done," tuluyan nang nanginig
ang boses ko.
Hindi siya nagsalita.
"A part of me knows that nothing happened between you and Alana. Pero inis lang talaga
ako na hindi tayo nagkita tapos kayo magkasama. Kaya... nadala ako ng negatibong iniisip.
Natalo ako sa mga pangamba ko.
I pursed my lips.
"Iniisip ko na kung sa akin nangyari 'yon. Kung ikaw ang naghanap ng iba, at umamin ka, o
napatunayan ko. Hindi na kita tatanggapin. Pero ikaw." I trailed off and bit my lower lip.
"Huwag mo nang uulitin," bulong niya. "I completely lost it after hearing that you're with
some other man. Alam kong madali akong palitan, pero-"
"Hindi ka madaling palitan," baling ko sa kanya dahil naalarma sa sinabi niya.
"Hindi kita ipagpapalit. Kahit kanino. Kahit may... mayamang guwapo na may
 gusto sa akin... Hindi kita ipagpapalit," I assured him.
He chuckled with the doubtful look on me.
"Im serious, Achilles."
Hinigit niya ako at muling niyakap ng mahigpit.
"Ill only be in love with you, Maria Emilia," he whispered.
Bumuntonghininga ako. Ako naman ngayon ang nabunutan ng tinik.
"I hope you remember that always, whenever you doubt me. I hope you always know that I
won't do anything to make us fall apart. You're the most important person to me now."
Umawang ang labi ko. Parang ang hirap huminga habang naririnig ko 'yon. Alam ko kasi na
wala na siyang pamilya. Well, he's a Riego but they never treated him or his mom as one so
he really has nothing.
"Madilim, kung wala ka.." marahan niyang sinabi.
Nangilid ang luha ko. Nanatili akong nakapikit at halos magtago na sa dibdib niya para lang
maibsan ang sakit na naramdaman ko sa sinabi niya.
"Tm sorry, too."
Suminghap ako at sinubukang itago ang lumandas na luha sa mga mata.
"I promise to work on my insecurities."
I can't believe I'mn hearing that from him.
"Iniisip kong hindi mangyayari to kung hindi ako nagkulang. Akala ko kaya kong
pagsabayin ang pag-aaral at... tayo."
Umahon ako at pinalis ang mga luha. Nagkatinginan kami.
"Kaya natin! Please, don't leave the academy."
Pagod niya akong tinitigan.
"Alam kong sinabi ko na ayaw ko do'n pero dalawang taon na lang. Nag sakripisyo na nga
lang tayo, lubusin na."
"TIl think about it," aniya.
Hindi ako makapaniwala na pag iisipan niya pa 'yon. Pangarap niya 'yon, 'di ba. It also made
me think about myself. Do I have dreams that I am willing to let go for him? But then I
realize that I only love him. Wala akong pangarap na papantay sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya.
I then wonder if it is the same for him. Why is he thinking that he can walk away from his
dreams? Do I matter more for him?
Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit nang naisip 'yon. It's overwhelming to be more than a person's
dream. I feel that way for him. And if he feels that way for me, all the more that I want good
things for him. The academy, and his education included.
Achilles booked the room for three days. At kung hindi niya lang ako tinutulak pauwi sa
bawat araw na 'yon, baka doon na nga ako natulog katabi siya. We stayed there and made
love to almost all corners. That was the happiest days of my life. At parang hindi na
matatapos.
Bumalik din siya sa dorm niya at araw-araw kaming nagkita. Hindi na ako nagreklamo sa
dates namin naa paulit ulit. Sine, restaurant, museum... Masaya pa rin.
I tried to book a weeks worth on the same hotel. Palusot ko na sa tatlong araw na nandoon
kami, hindi kami nakapag swimming. Puro... gano'n... lang ang ginawa namin.
"Il pay for it!" git ni Achilles.
Gusto kong magprotesta pero yon na kasi ang pinaka maayos sa protestang inasahan ko sa
kanya. Akala ko kasi magagalit siya at aayaw siya sa pag stay namin sa Manila Peninsula.
Pero nang sabihin niya na siya ang magbabayad, iniisip kong okay nga lang sa kanya na
nandoon kami!
I smirked as I entered the suite while he's half naked. I can't stop looking at his chest. At
natutuwa ako tuwing naaalala na akin siya. Akin lang.
Nakahilig ako sa dibdib niya habang nasa bathtub kami. Bukas na lang kami mag si-
swimming. Naaliw kami masyado sa mga ginagawa dito kaya nakakalimutan ko kung bakit
ko b-in-ook 'to.
"Can I ask you something? Naisip ko lang."
"Sige. Ano," bulong niya habang pumalupot ang braso sa tiyan ko.
"Your mom is a Riego right? Bakit ayaw tanggapin ng mga Riego na Riego kayo? |-
If... it's too personal, just tell me. Okay lang."
"Hmm. Dahil... hindi napapatawad ni Vesarius Riego ang Lola ko."
Nagulat ako na sinagot niya yon. It seems like a touchy subject. Nobody wants to talk about
it back in Costa Leona.
"Hindi napatawad? Your Grandma and Vesarius Riego are half siblings, right?"
"May nangyari sa Lola ko at sa Papa nila ilang taon bago namatay ang Mama ni
 Vesarius. Kaya.
My lips shaped like an O when I heard it.
"And Vesarius' father won't accept my Mama so it's understandable that he wouldn't accept
me either.
Tumango ako.
"Okay lang. It's already hard carrying their family name. Paano pa kung tanggap nila."
"It's hard? Why?"
Hindi siya sumagot kaya binalingan ko. The image of him damp from our bath water
slightly took my breath away. Speaking of Riegos... this one is one heck of a mighty Riego!
He chuckled. "Baka akala nila marami akong pera."
Nanlit ang mga mata ko. "Ang dami bang naghahabol?"
Umiling siya pero parang pa-humble.
"I tell you it's not because you're a Riego. O dahil iniisip nila na marami kang pera.
Even when you're poor, you're very handsome, Achilles."
Nagtaas siya ng kilay at ngumisi. Hinuli niya ako sa mga bula at niyakap. "Talaga?"
"Don't act as if you just heard that compliment. For sure ilang beses ka nang na puri!"
Yong sa'yo lang naman ang gusto kong marinig."
Umirap ako pero kalaunan nagpaubaya sa yakap niya at ngumisi.
He cupped my breasts and slowly kneaded it under water. It didn't take me long to feel hot
from all his teasing.
"Pakakasalan kita," bulong niya.
"Dapat lang panagutan mo 'ko," I whispered and turned to kiss him.
He kissed me back, thoroughly and aggressively.
"Im taking shots for my modeling stints. Kung hindi baka buntis na ako ngayon."
He smirked and kissed me more. Slowly, I touched him and realized that he's hard. I
squeezed my hand more, trying to cup him better but before I could even do it, he reached
for my hand.
"TIl pleasure you first," he whispered.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at siyempre nagpaubaya!
Hindi ko nga lang alam ano ang uuwian niya sa Costa Leona pagkatapos ng isang linggo
namin sa hotel. May aasikasuhin lang daw siya. Tatlo hanggang limang araw daw siya do'n.
At siyempre, ako na baliw at ayaw siyang lubayan habang bakasyon, gumawa ako ng
paraan!
Since my parents are busy and they hardly check on me, nagpaalam ako ng sleep over kina
Markus Saldivar. Kung mabuking man ako, sabihin ko na lang na sa
Costa Leona ako nag sleep over! Natawa ako sa kabaliwan. At siyempre, to the rescue si Tita
Domitilla para sa mga gawain kong ganito.
"Hija, bakit mo ba gustong umuwi? Don't you have any out of the country vacation2"
Umiling ako kay Tita. "Wala po. Busy kasi si Mama at Papa."
"Oh, laging busy. Maiintindihan ko pa si Rodolfo pero si Alondra?" She smirked at me.
"Well, hindi ka ba pinapayagang mag isa na mag visit? Kunwari sa Hong Kong to shop or
even in France to visit some properties?
Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Tita Domitilla at umiling.
Hindi ako nakapag kuwento kay Markus tungkol sa amin ni Achilles. At lalo pa kay Nikolai
ngayon. Ang huling sinabi ko kay Nikolai ay saka na kami mag-usap dahil pinagseselosan
siya ni Achilles!
"Sino namang nagkuwento tungkol sa atin sa boyfriend mo?" tanong niya na obvious ang
sagot.
"Well, si Markus. Pero siyempre, umamin na rin ako na magkasama tayo dahil ayokong
magsinungaling kay Achilles."
"Napaka pakialamero talaga ng isang 'yon, ah!"
Kumunot ang noo ko at saglit na nag-isip. "Wala namang kasalanan si Markus dito, Nikolai."

"At pinagtatakpan mo pa, e, totoo naman. He just can't keep his blabbing to himself."
My eyes narrowed. "You always find things to hate Markus..."
"Huh? W-What do you mean by that?"
Malalim ko pa sanang iisipin yon kaso abala na ako kay Achilles. "Basta! Talk to you again
some time. In the mean time, enjoy-in ko lang si Achilles!" I chuckled.
 I snapped back at Tita Domitilla's question.
"Wala po, e. But... it's okay. I'm not eager to go somewhere else."
"But... you're going to Costa Leona, instead?"
Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Tita Domitilla at saglit na naisip na pinagkakatiwalaan ko siya.
She always spoils me and she keeps my secrets. Sa ilang beses akong pumunta sa Manila
noon na kasama siya, hindi ako kailanman na buking.
Ngayon pa ba ako magdududa kung pinagkakatiwalaan ko siya?
Unti-unti akong ngumiti bago umamin.
"Im visiting my boyfriend, Tita."
Napakurap kurap si Tita Domitilla sa sinabi ko. "Boyfriend?"
Inodded and smiled mischievously.
"Who? That Saldivar kid? Alam ba ng Mama mo?"
Umiling ako sa dalawang tanong. "Hindi alam ni Mama. Please keep this a secret,
Tita.
Natawa si Tita Domitilla. "Of course, hija. I won't tell your mom. But..." kumunot ang noo
niya. "Why not? The Saldivars for sure would please your mom"
Unti-unti ulit akong ngumiti. "Because it's not Markus, Tita. Si Achilles Riego po."
Kitang-kita ko ang matinding gulat na nagtagal sa itsura ni Tita Domitilla. It almost looked
like I told her a horror story.
Alam ko naman ding magugulat siya. Siyempre, gaya ni Mama, medyo inisip din siguro nila
na masyadong... mahirap si Achilles para sa akin. Years ago, honestly,
I would think the same. I'm even one of those people who will be little Achilles for being
poor. But right now, he's perfect for me.
Hindi naman pala importante ang estado Sa buhay. I realized that loving someone meant
accepting everything about him. I don't even consider Achilles' status as his flaw, but the
young Marem would. So I understand if Tita Domitilla thinks that way.
"Oh my! Eh, hindi ba hindi naman kayo magkasundo ni Achilles, hija?" gulantang niyang
tanong.
"Dati po 'yon." I smirked.
"H-How? How did you two Suddenly became... friends... or now. Lovers?!"
Sa paghihintay sa chopper at kahit noong naka land na sa ilang ektaryang helipad ng mga
Mercadejas hindi kalayuan sa mansiyon nila, nanatiling ganoon ang topic namin ni Tita
"I can see why you want this a secret. Kahit naman ako, hija, kung anak kita at sa mahirap
na Achilles Riego ka mapupunta, maaalarma ako!"
Medyo gumaan ang loob ko na nagpapakatotoo si Tita Domitilla. She could easily tell me
that it's okay but I know it's not okay for her.
"Kahit pa Riego siya, we all know they aren't accepted. So he's good for nothing to me."
Bumaling ako kay Tita.
"But... I also acknowledge that that kid is hardworking. Oh my! Bigla tuloy akong na guilty
na tinanggal ko iyon dito some years ago! B-Because I thought he was being rude to you?"
I chuckled. "Yeah, well, that was a long time ago. Nagsisi rin naman po ako no'n."
"So he's in the academy to become like your father?" ngumisi si Tita Domitilla. "At nagkikita
kayo tuwing breaks niya?"
Tumango ako. "Break niya po ngayon pero umuwi rito. May aasikasuhin daw.
Sayang po 'yong oras na dapat magkasama kami kaya ako na ang umuwi dito para magkita
pa rin kahit paano."
"That's... that's great! You seem serious about this."
Tumango ulit ako. " am, Tita."
"Kaya pala magaan ang aura mo. Something about you now changed... or I'm not
Sure what it is..,"
Nagtagal ang tingin ni Tita sa akin at napaisip din ako tungkol doon.
They say you don't have to change for anyone. That's true. But lguess when you're in love,
you unconsciously change for the better. Kung iisiping mabuti, ibang iba ako dati. I wonder
if Achilles changed, too? Unconsciously. Because of what we are feeling for each other.
"Manong, si Achilles?" tanong ko sa mangingisdang nag-aayos ng bangka sa harap ng bahay
nina Achilles.
I've been there the whole afternoon, trying to find Achilles. Kanina lang, may
pinagtanungan ako. Maaga daw pumapalaot 'yon kasama ang ibang mangingisda tatlong
araw na. Ngayon pa lang ako nakasunod kaya agad na
 nagpunta dito.
"Makakauwi rin 'yon maya maya. Hintayin mo na lang diyan," ang matandang nag-aayos ng
lambat
Tumango ako at naupo sa bench na madalas upuan ng mga kaibigan ni Achilles noon, at
kami tuwing nag-aaral.
Papalubog na ang araw at buong araw yata siyang pumalaot. Umuwi ba siya dito para
mangisda?
I slightly got annoyed that fishing is more important than spending time with me.
Pero alam ko naman na mag dadalawang buwan na kaming magkasama araw- araw.
Nagrereklamo pa rin ako? I smirked.
Napatayo ako nang natanaw ang iilang bangka na parating.
Kulay kahel na ang langit at unti-unti nang humahalik ang araw sa dagat. Nag- aagaw na
ang dilim at liwanag sa ibang parte ng langit pero sobrang liwanag pa rin sa akin ang anino
ng mga bangkang papalapit.
Slowly, I saw a man who stood up despite the moving boats. And despite the distance, I've
memorized my love's silhouette. I couldn't even make out his face from his shadow but I
know that it is... Achilles.
Kumaway ako. Excited na makita siya.
From his body language, I can feel his eagerness to see me as well.
Unti-unti akong lumakad sa dagat at excited na lumapit sa palapit na mga bangka. When the
boats slowed, Achilles jumped. Bumagsak sa hanggang tuhod na tubig at tinakbo ang
distansiya namin. My heart swelled when I noticed that he's as excited as me!
"Umuwi ka para mangisda?" natatawa kong sinabi.
Inangat niya ako habang yakap at ibinaon ang mukha sa balikat ko. I noticed that he was
damp. Gusto kong magreklamo pero kahit pa yata basain niya ako rito, wala na akong
pakialam.
"Paano ka nakauwi?" inignora ang nauna kong tanong.
"Sumama ako kay Senyora Domitilla. Umuwi rin kasi siya."
"I miss you," he whispered.
Umirap ako. "Talaga! Kasi inuna mo ang pangingisda kaysa sakin."
Binaba niya ako at kinalas niya ang yakap sa akin.
The boats were already parked. Nanatili sa hanggang baywang ang lalim na tubig. Unti-unti
na ring umalis ang mga mangingisda, kabilang ang sinakyan ni
Achilles para ilako ang mga isdang huli. The sun is kissing the ocean now, and the orange
embers turned more golden and dark. Reflected on the calm sea are the silhouette of every
boat and the dark sky above us.
Tiningala ko si Achilles. The genuine happiness is reflected on his eyes. Ni hindi ko naisip
na may ibang kahulugan ang pagluhod niya sa akin, kahit pa hanggang tuhod pa ang tubig
dagat.
"Huh?"
He then showed me a ring with a pearl for its rock.
"Pakasalan mo ako, Maria Emilia," he said those words clearly.
At nang natapos ang sinabi niya, tanging ang marahang hampas ng alon ang naririnig ko.
Nangilid ang luha ko sa gulat at sa lahat ng nangyayari. Pumatak ito dahil hindi ako
makapaniwala kung gaano... kaganda ang lahat.
He proposed in front of the setting sun. The world is settling down to welcome a peaceful
night, like how he is choosing to settle down with me and welcome a peaceful life. In front
of us is a shore dotted with small and humble boats, like his beginnings. And a sea that
reminds me so much of him - calm when he needs to be, and rough when there's a storm.
It's perfect. I never dreamed or imagined him proposing a happy ever after to me, but if l
did, it will never come close to this perfection.
"l promise to be a better man for you. All the things I'm doing now, including my studies,
and after it, I'm doing to deserve you. So please, be my wife."
Pumatak ang luha ko at unti-unting niyakap siya kahit nakaluhod pa.
He chuckled. "Don't be pressured. Hindi naman kailangan ngayon. Pero.. panatagin mo ako.
Na ako ang pakakasalan mo pagkatapos ng lahat ng to."
"Oo. P-Pakakasalan kita," nanginig kong sinabi.
Tumayo siya kalaunan. Umiiyak pa ako habang unti-unti niyang pinadausdos ang singsing
sa aking daliri. It was the biggest pearl I've seen.
He kissed my forehead. Napansin niya ang pagkakamangha ko sa singsing.
"Ginawa ko yan pauwi dito. Hindi ako makapaghintay na makauwi sa bahay bago gawin. At
ang singsing, pinagawa ko sa Manila. Tatlong araw akong naghanap ng
 kakasya sa singsing. Buti nakahanap ako kanina.
Niyakap ko siya at mas lalong hindi makapaniwala.
"S-Sinisid mo pa 'to?"
He chuckled and didn't say anything but it was enough of an answer
Thave never been that happy my entire life. Hindi ko alam kung sobra ba akong walang
masayang alaala pero pakiramdam ko wala nang mas sasaya pa sa nangyaring 'yon sa mga
susunod pa. Maybe, Ill be happy when I marry Achilles.
But the spontaneity of his proposal and the perfectness of the sunset was just so hard to
beat!
Muntik nang hindi umabot si Achilles sa pagbabalik niya sa Academy. Kung hindi pa ako
nagtanong sa kanya kung kailan ang balik niya, hindi ko malalaman mali- late na siya.
"Im sorry," he said after I asked him to continue doing it.
"Ayos lang sa akin!" giit ko.
"Kung hindi lang to ang puwedeng maging rason na tanggapin ako ng pamilya mo, hindi na
talaga ako babalik."
I smiled sadly at him. "Kahit pa hindi ka bumalik, ilalaban pa rin naman kita.
Gusto kong bumalik ka dahil pangarap mo 'yan."
Malungkot ang mga mata niya nang haikan ako. "Pangarap ko 'to dahil pangarap ko ring
pakasalan ka at matanggap ng pamilya mo.
I smiled and kissed his lips. "Think only about me, please. Let me take care of my family."
Umiling siya at hinalikan din ako sa labi. "I|l do everything for us. Ill earn the respect of
your family. Il deserve you."
Pagod akong ngumiti. Hindi ako mananalo sa kanya kung magtatalo kami tungkol dito.
Alam kong may paninindigan siya.
But of course, I can't say I'nm always happy when he's far away. Kaya naman lalo ko lang
inabala ang sarili ko sa pagmomodelo. Hindi bale na kung ikakagalit ni
Mama yon. Anyway, these past few years it seems like she doesn't care about it anymore. It
was to my advantage, though. I used it to divert all my insecurities about the long distance
relationship. And it worked.
Achilles graduated in the academy as valedictorian. I went to Baguio for his graduation. But
then I realized, I couldn't come close to him. Because one of their guests is my father..

Kabanata 23

Kabanata 23
Unavailable
Akala ko dahil graduate na siya, aayos na ang lahat. Akala ko dahil graduate na ako,
magiging malaya na talaga kami pero hindi.
I hugged my knees as I nursed my broken heart when the truth slapped me hard.
We just made love in the hotel where I was in. Hinintay kong matapos ang graduation at
party. Hindi na ako nagreklamo kasi hindi naman namin kasalanan na nandoon si Papa
kaya hindi ako makahalo sa kanila.
Sa totoo lang, kahit pareho kaming graduate na, naduduwag pa rin akong malaman ng
parents ko ang tungkol sa amin. Ganoon ako ka takot na paglayuin kami kaya kahit na
mabait naman si Papa kay Achilles, minabuti kong huwag nang magpakita at maghintay na
lang sa kanya sa hotel.
Indeed, he went home to me and he will be with me for the rest of the days I am here. And
he will be with me going back to Manila. But...
"I'm sorry..."
Niyakap ako ni Achilles galing sa likod at marahang hinalikan ang balikat ko.
Umirap ako at ginalaw ang balikat para tumigil siya sa mga nakakakiliting halik dahil hindi
ako masaya.
Niyakap niya pa rin ako kahit sinusubukan kong kumawala at pinapakita ko ang pag-ayaw
dahil sa matinding pagtatampo.
"Your father wants me to go with his naval force. Gustuhin ko mang manatili dito kasama
mo, pero hindi rin ako uusad sa trabaho kung hindi ko gagawin.
 Alam ko na ganito ang mangyayari. Kaya nga unang una pa lang ayaw ko na siyang
magpatuloy dito pero hinayaan ko pa rin siya. Ang totoo niyan, in- encourage ko pa nga
siya! Masyado akong masaya sa amin na nakakalimutan ko ang masalimuot na trabaho ng
Navy!
"Ang sabi mo pagka graduate mo, ako na ang aasikasuhin mo?! Ano'ng nangyari do'n?" I
whined.
I don't blame him fully! Hindi ba sinabi niya nga noon na titigil siya? Pero hindi!
Your heroic 'selflessness' did this! Hindi naman kasalanan lahat ni Achilles yon, e!
Kung pumayag ka sana na tumigil siya, edi wala sanang problema!
Kaya lang wala ako sa mood na mag self pity ngayon. Mas gusto kong sinisisi siya!
"Ikaw naman talaga ang inaasikaso ko? Tuwing bababa at magbabakasyon, pangako ikaw
lang ang pupuntahan ko."
I then glared at him.
"Wow! Salamat, ah? Ako talaga pupuntahan mo pagkatapos ng isang taon mo sa barko?!" I
said sarcastically.
He smirked as if he didn't take it seriously. I glared more at him. He kissed my lips. I wanted
to get mad but I closed my eyes instead. Tumigil siya sa paghalik kalaunan at niyakap ulit
ako.
"Im sorry. I really want to be accepted by your family. Your father sponsored my schooling.
Now he wants me to be in his naval forces. Para sa atin din ang gagawin ko."
Igritted my teeth. Hindi ako natutuwa sa mga nangyayari.
"l promise, araw araw kitang tatawagan. At kapag break ko, salyong sa'yo ako.
Sa'yo pa rin naman ako kahit nasa trabaho."
Umirap ako at naiiyak na sa mga sinasabi niya. Kahit anong himutok ko, alam kong hindi na
siya bibigay. Siyempre, si Papa na mismo ang nanghingi no'n.
Gusto kO nang kumprontahin si Papa para malaman niya na kami naman ni
Achilles kaso nauunahan na ako ng takot ko. Lalo pa dahil kahit naman naka graduate na
siya, wala pa rin naman siyang maayos na posisyon kaya... baka hindi pa rin siya matanggap
ni Mama.
"Mangisda ka na lang k-kaya... at mamuhay na lang tayo ng simple," nanginginig ang boses
ko habang pumapatak ang mga luha.
Achilles groaned and hugged me tightly. I sounded so hopeless. I meant it but I know he'd
never do it. Lalo na ngayong si Papa pala ang sponsor niya at personal pa siyang
inanyayahan sa barko! Lalo niya lang gugustuhing sundin ito dahil ama ko yon!
"It's your father who asked me to do this. At hindi rin ako papayag na isda lang ang ulam
mo sa araw-araw natin. Baka mangayayat ka," aniya sa pabirong boses.
Dinadaan niya na lang yata sa biro dahil seryoso ang lahat ng to.
"This is painful for me too. Kung papipiliin, gusto kong makasama na lang kita lagi. Pero
wala akong mukhang maihaharap sa papa mo sa kasal natin kung malaman niya na
tinanggihan ko siya ngayon at pakakasalan pala ang anak niya.
Alam kong ginagawa niya lang to para matulungan ako sa trabaho."
Pinalis ko ang mga luhang dumaan sa pisngi ko. Tumulong siya sa pagpahid noon bago
yumakap ulit.
"I'm with my comrades. And your father will see me all the time. Siguradong wala akong
ibang babae do'n, bukod sa wala akong interes. And every day, Ill be in pain and insecure
thinking that you are in Manila meeting new people..
Madadagdagan pa ang manliligaw mo. Mahirap din ito sa akin."
Umirap ako.
"Ill give you my money-
"I don't need it." Umirap ulit ako.
"Then save it up. I need to work harder for our wedding and a nice mansion."
"Im not materialistic."
Natigilan ako. There was a time when I was. There was a time when I couldn't even imagine
being a girlfriend to a man like Achilles, in terms of social stature.
There was a time when I belittled people like him. There was a time when I am disgusted
with the thought of being in the province... The younger Marem would faint if I tell her that
she'll be in love with a struggling fisherman in the future.
There was that time...
There was even a time when I didn't like the change I had ever since I fell in love with him. I
didn't like it because it was scary. It felt like such a big deal. Parang
 kung mawawasak ang puso ko, lulubog ako.
But right now, even while struggling. Even with a sad news from him. I appreciate how
much my outlook changed. It didn't scare me anymore. It made me feel good. To be good.
"Hmm. Buti na lang pala. Para malaking bahay ang mapatayo ko para sa mga anak natin.
Ngumuso ako. Thinking about our future excited me. Pansamantalang nawala sa isipan ko
ang hirap ng pagkakawalay sa kanya.
"But if you want anything. Or you're mad at me so you want to empty my pocket... you may.
But I hope you don't do it." he chuckled. "Para rin 'yan sa future natin."
"Wala naman akong pakialam sa pera mo."
"I know. But you already have my heart... You already have me. I have no other posessions,
Maria Emilia. So giving you my money meant so much to me. So please allow me to do so."
Yes. I have him for the next months. Graduate na rin ako kaya nagpunta kami kung saan
saan. Made love to all those places. That was why eventually my worry for our Iooming
long distance relationship faded.
Mawawala talaga ang lahat kapag kasama ko siya. Ang mga pangamba ko. Ang takot. Lahat.
But I know better now.
While he's away, I busied myself. I'm not gonna wait around for him. I need to do things for
myself. Make the time without him count for myself... because I am not this relationship. I
am a person of my own.
Kaya mas lalo lang akong nag seseryoso sa pagmomodelo. Lalo na dahil ang
pinagkakaabalahan ni Mama ngayon ay si Solomon sa Costa Leona. Kaya wala na siya
gaanong pakialam sa mga ginagawa ko.
"You what?" naalarmang tanong ni Achilles nang sabihin ko sa kanya na kinuha ako ng
isang lingerie company sa ibang bansa.
I smirked. Ilang buwan pa bago kami magkita at naaaliw talaga ako tuwing nagagalit siya sa
mga trabahong kinukuha ko.
"Oo. Naiinip ako, e. At isang buwan lang ako sa L.A. I'm tired of their tourists spots and all
so tinanggap ko na ang trabaho."
Natahimik siya. Alam kong magagalit siya dahil noon pa man, ayaw niya sa mga trabahong
nagpapakita ng katawan.
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng lungkot pagkatapos kong maisip iyon. Am I really doing this
because I'm bored? Or am I doing this to... seek his attention?
"Ayoko," mataman niyang sinabi.
Kani kanina lang parang tuwang tuwa pa ako.
"Pero Achilles, it's a lingerie! Natural na makikita ang katawan ko-"
"Ayoko na nakikita ang katawan mo ng ibang tao."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at gustong subukang manlaban. Hindi niya naman ako pag-aari. Ano
ngayon kung magpakita ako ng katawan ko?
"Puwede mo namang kunin ang ibang pagmomodelo kung naiinip ka. Bakit kailangan sa
lingerie?"
"You're so possessive. Parang yan lang naman e..." I said half heartedly.
"I don't like it," he said firmly. "Ako lang dapat ang nakakakita salyo ng gano'n.
Lumundag ang puso ko at saglit na pumikit. Right! l am doing this for his attention! Kita mo
na! Wala ka naman talagang pakialam na binawalan ka niya
Wala kang pakialam sa stint na 'yon! Gusto mo lang talagang pagbawalan ka!
Gusto mo lang na magalit siya at pagalitan ka.
"Fine, then." nanghihina kong sinabi habang may ngiti sa labi.
Umiling si Markus habang tinitingnan ako. Kanina pa kami kumakain sa restaurant nang
tumawag si Achilles. Si Markus ang madalas kong kasama ngayon dahil nagpho-
photographer at model din siya minsan. Ayos lang kay
Achilles iyon. Pinagkakatiwalaan niya na ito mula pa man noong nag-aaral kami.
"So ayawW mo na do'n sa lingerie kasi possessive ang boyfriend mo?"
"Yeah," l smirked.
Tapos na ang tawagan namin ni Achilles kaya binalik ko na ang atensiyon ko sa pagkain.
"Bakit parang masaya ka pa?"
Hindi ko talaga maitago ang ngiti ko kaya nagkibit na lang ako ng balikat.
"Malala ka na."
I chuckled.
 "Kung sa bagay, sobrang guwapo nga naman ni Achilles kaya kababaliwan mo.
Kung ipag modelo mo na lang kaya yon, magkasama pa kayo lagi. I have some styles for him
you know.'
Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Markus. "Hindi niya hilig."
And somehow, I can't imagine Achilles modeling. Or maybe... him being a military man is a
double-edged sword - nakakainis kasi hindi kami laging magkasama, pero nakakabaliw din
at lalo siyang gumaguwapo sa paningin ko.
It was that way fora few more months. Lalo na pagkauwi ko ulit sa Pilipinas. At hindi ko pa
rin maiwasan ang mangulila sa kanya. Lalo na tuwing nakakakita ng mga mag boyfriend.
Tlooked at Agnes and my brother in front of me, being very sweet at each other.
They have been in a relationship for a while now.
We are in a party for the Lopez heir. Lumuwas lang si Mama para dito at nakikita kong
tuwing tinatanong siya ng mga tao kung nasaan si Papa, sinasabi niyang nasa trabaho.
Sinuyod ko ang buong lugar at saglit na nakita si Tita Domitilla kasama ang dalawang anak.
She looked very respected even in someone else's party. Gusto ko sanang lapitan pero alam
kong hindi sila magkasundo ni Mama.
I looked around to check if my mother is near so I can go to the Mercadejases but I found
hear coming near us with a man.
"Maria Emilia," she called me.
Lumingon din si Agnes at Kuya kahit na ako ang tinawag ni Mama. I saw how
Agnes' eyes widened when she saw my mother. I sighed and felt so bored as I stood to
greet. lyon ang itinuro ni Mama sa akin lagi kapag nasa party at kahit ayaw ko naman
talaga, sanay na ako.
"Meet Gaudencio Sevilla, Dencio, this is my daughter Marem."
A man, probably Nikola's age, handsome, tall, and smiling held out his hand.
Kilala ko naman ito. Sa ilang party na na napuntahan namin, halos kilala namin ang lahat ng
mga mayayaman sa bansa pero hindi ko pa ito nakasalamuha kaya... tinanggap ko rin ang
kamay niya.
"Marem for short,"| said and smiled.
"Nice to meet you."
"And as you know, Dencio. This is her brother, Remus and Agnes his girlfriend."
Sina Kuya at Agnes naman ang binati ni Dencio. Saglit na nag-usap si Dencio at
Kuya nang lapitan ako ni Mama.
"Be nice to him. He's the heir of the Sevillas. Mabait at magalang. Get to know him well."
Tiningnan ko si Mama at unti-unting tumango. I don't need her bickering here if I say no.
Kaya inubos ko ang party na iyon sa pakikipag usap kay Gaudencio
Sevilla.
"Maganda nga naman na siguradong sigurado kayo sa isa't-isa bago magpakasal,"
Gaudencio said when my mother shamelessly pressured Agnes and my brother to marry
soon.
Hindi ko naman talaga alam kung anong rason bakit ayaw pang pakasal ng dalawa. Hindi
ako nang uusisa pero alam ko na may tinatago si Agnes. At si Kuya, hindi nagdadalawang
isip na pakasalan siya. So I'm assuming that Agnes doesn't want to marry yet.
"l have no problem with that, too. Si Mama talaga... excited lang magkaapo."
Kuya said that lightly.
Mama froze for a while. "B- Baka lang mauna pa ang mga kapatid mong magkaanak kaysa
sa'yo.. "
Kumunot ang noo ko. Kumunot din ang noo ni kuya at tumingin sa akin.
"Wala pa namang boyfriend si Marem," si Kuya. "At bata pa si Mon."
Mama laughed a bit. "Well, for sure pag nagkaboyfriend tong si Maria Emilia, she will settle
down immediately so.." sabay tingin niya kay Dencio.
"Oh?" si Agnes. "I heard from Reynaldo that you didn't want him courting you because you
have a boyfriend, Marem."
I groaned inwardly at that. Kitang kita ko ang gulat ni Kuya at Mama. Medyo irita na talaga
ako kay Agnes pero dinagdagan niya lang ngayon.
"You have a boyfriend?" si Kuya.
"-1... just say t-that to stop them from courting me."
Saglit akong nakaramdam ng awa sa sarili. Tapos na ako sa pag-aaral. May trabaho na ang
boyfriend ko. Pero hindi ko pa rin ma amin dahil takot ako sa mangyayari sa amin. Bakit?
Hindi ko ba kayang ipaglaban kaming dalawa?
 "You're stopping Reynaldo Lopez from courting you?!" Kuya Remus.
"Well, that's good. It means you're available for someone better."
"Akala ko tuloy totoo. Kahit si Carver kasi kinukulit ka na nga raw na magpakasal na kayo
agad kung sagutin mo siya," natatawa si Agnes. "Hindi pala totoo."
Umiling ako.
"For sure it's not true. If it's true, I dont believe your boyfriend can keep his mouth shut
from telling everyone that you're his girlfriend. You're very pretty," sabay baling ni Dencio
sa akin.
I smiled and looked at Agnes. Agnes looked at Dencio. At saglit kong naisip... na hindi rin
naman sinasabi ni Achilles sa ibang tao na kami nga. Hindi namin napag uusapan yon.
Siguro dahil pareho din naming tanggap na hindi kami tanggap ng pamilya ko. At pareho
kaming takot na paghiwalayin.
"You're right, Dencio. Her boyfriend should be the one proud of her, not the
"You're right, benero. eDoyIeOsIOUr De eone proud of her, not the other way around. I
don't hear anyone from our circle claiming to be her boyfriend so they must be mistaken."
"R-Right," si Agnes na natatawa. "Sa bagay. Madami nga'ng manliligaw si Marem.
Her b-boyfriend must be proud of her, if she ever had one.
"And I bet not the type who will put up with a man who keeps you a secret?" matamis ang
ngitini Dencio sa akin.
I smiled. I know it's a compliment but.
I looked at the wine on my glass. The engagement ring Achilles gave me look like a fast
fashion jewelry instead of an engagement ring. Hindi na ako nakisali sa usapan at ininom na
lang 'yon.
Not the type who will put up with a man, huh? Yup. Not the type who will wait around for a
man, too. I built a career to divert my attention. But there will be times like these... times
when I can't help but think about my relationship with
Achilles.
Nagmadali akong lumabas sa party para sagutin ang tawag niya. Naghanap ako ng secluded
place para lang doon at ang lakas ng pintig ng puso ko.
Kahit anong sabi ko na hindi naman talaga ako naghihintay sa tawag ni Achilles araw-araw,
dahil busy ako, tulad ngayon na may party... hindi pa rin 'yon totoo. wait for his call all the
time.
"Hello?"
"Hi... still at the party?"
"Uh. Oo," ngumiti ako kahit may pait nang nararamdaman.
"Alam kong nakapagpaalam ka sa akin... na may shoot ka the whole month at magiging
abala... pero..."
"Pero?"
My eyes lit up. He chuckled.
"l have a surprise for you."
"What surprise?"
"Im in Manila."
Y-You're in Manila?!"
"Yes. Tatlong buwan. Bakasyon."
Gusto kong mangiti pero ang hirap. Kasi kani kanina lang, malungkot ako dahil sa
sitwasyon namin.
Ganito ba lagi? Naghihintay ako sa kanya? llang taon na kami, ganito pa rin. Ang dami dami
kong manliligaw pero dito ako nagtagal. I love Achilles so much but am I only worth this
way? Naghihintay lang sa kanya? Biglang cancel ang lahat dahil nandiyan siya?
"Magkita tayo?"
"Nasa party pa ako."
"After the party."
"Nandito si Mama sa Manila, e," sabi ko kahit na aalis naman din agad si Mama bukas.
Just this once, I want to be unavailable to him. For the first time. I'm not available when he
is.
"Bukas?"
"| have work.
"Sasamahan kita-
"Hindi tayo puwedeng makita kaya huwag na!" medyo napalakas kong sinabi.
"TIL... wait for you then after working."
Nanginig ang labi ko nang naisip na talagang,.. nililihim lang namin 'to.
 "May party ako after work, e," sabi ko kahit wala. Ayain ko nalang si Markus.
I want him to feel that I can be unavailable too. Na hindi lang siya ang may trabaho. Hindi
lang ako ang puwedeng maghintay.
"Saan? Sasama ako."
"Hindi nga puwede, Achilles. Madami kaming kakilala do'n, malalaman ni Mama."
Natahimik si Achilles saglit. "H-How about the next day?"
"May trabaho ako whole month."
Matagal ulit bago siya nagsalita. "When can we meet then?"
Yumuko ako at isa isang pumatak ang mga luha. I'm worn out from this relationship.
Nakakapagod. Gusto ko nang sumuko.
"Tingnan ko pa. B-Busy ako, e."
"Maghihintay ako-"
"Huwag na!" | said icily. "Umuwi ka na lang ng Costa Leona.'
We ended the call in a cold way. At inubos ko yata ang nalalabing oras ko sa party na iyon
para umiyak.
Hindi ko alam kung tama ba ang ginawa ko. A part of me is mad at myself for being
stubborn. Minsan na nga lang kayo magkita, nag iinarte ka pa? You can easily cancel your
schedule. lyan ang dahilan ba't 'di ka nag sa-sign ng contracts,
"di ba? So you can back out when Achilles is home?!
Kaso ayoko! Bakit parang akO ang laging gumagawa ng paraan para maging available?
Siya ba may ginawa?
Bakit ako ang laging nag a-adjust?!
Markus looked at me as I get ready for a shoot. He is the photographer of that shoot. He
smirked when he noticed my eyebags.
"Ang guwapo naman. Sino yan?" I heard my stylists talking and giggling on the side.
Lumapit si Markus sa akin at lalong lumapad ang ngisi. I glared at him because I have a
feeling he knew why I was not in the mood.
"Naririnig mo ba 'yang pinupuri ng mga stylist?"
Lito kong tiningnan si Markus bago ko nilingon ang mga stylists. Pati ang staff naki usisa at
namumula ang pisngi habang tinitingnan ang kung sino sa studio.
"Bakit?"
"Guess who's here.,"
Unti-unti kong natanto kung sino ang tinutukoy ni Markus! Nababaliw na ba siya?
Bakit siya nandito?
"You told him?!"
Nagkibit ng balikat si Markus. Tumayo ako at nagmartsa palabas ng backstage, galit at
punong puno na. Yes, I feel happy and overwhelmed that he's here. But my inferiority and
self-pity about this relationship hasn't disappeared. At ang pagiging masaya ko na nandito
siya, mas lalo lang nagpalala no'n.
"Why are you here?"
Achilles in his t-shirt and dark jeans looked so tall, masculine, and handsome.
Alam ko agad bakit siya pinagkakaguluhan kaya lumakad ako palabas kahit naka roba lang.
Sumunod naman siya para doon kami mag-usap.
"Im not going to disturb you. I just wanna see you-"
"Paano kung may makakita sa'yo dito?"
Kumunot ang noo ni Achilles.
"You know what? Umalis ka na nga lang? Hindi ba sabi ko umuwi ka na ng Costa
Leona?"
"Ano ngayon kung may makakita sa akin dito?"
"Maghiwalay na lang tayo!" I said irrationally, getting angrier each time I feel okay with our
set up.
Lito akong tiningnan ni Achilles. Hindi siya nakapagsalita.
"Umalis ka na dito! Mabuti pa, maghiwalay na tayo! Ayaw kitang makita! May trabaho ako
kaya huwag mo akong guluhin!" sigaw ko bago ako pumasok ulit sa loob.
I was breathing heavily as I marched back to the backstage. At kabado rin akong pumunta
sa Studio para sa shoot kalaunan pero wala na siya do'n. Kabado ako dahil akala ko
kukulitin niya ako pero wala!
At habang tumatagal na nakikita kong wala nga siya, para akong sinasaksak.
Gano'n lang. Tinaboy ko siya, umalis agad. Walang kuwenta, 'di ba? Tama lang na
nakipaghiwalay ako. Minsan na nga lang kami magkita, wala pang effort. Ako pa ang
naghihintay, ako pa ang nag e-effort!
 Bakit ba kasi siya lang ang gusto ko? Hindi ko na lang magustuhan ang ibang lalaki? Kahit
si Markus o Nikolai na lang sana? Hindi ko maintindihan bakit siya.
My frantic thoughts stopped when I saw him where I left him earlier that day.
Palabas na ako ng premises at inaya ko na si Markus na mag party dahil mag iyak ako sa
bahay buong gabi kung hindi. Ni hindi ko inasahan na maghihintay si
Achilles ng halos anim na oras sa labas.
He looked at me with serious eyes.
"Bakit hindi ka pa umalis?"
"Mag-usap tayo-"
"May pupuntahan pa akong party. At hindi ba nag usap na naman tayo?"
He looked at the car parked near us.
"Ihahatid kita. Para makapag usap tayo."
A part of me is screaming that I should go with him in his car! Kaya lang, nanindigan ako. I
went to my car and Ilet the driver drive me to the party.
Agad akong pumasok sa loob at nilibang ang sarili sa ilang kilalang nandoon. It was an
exclusive bar. The Lopezes are there. I even saw Uriel Mercadejas and many of his friends.
Naupo ako sa kinuhang lamesa ni Markus. Nakangiting lumapit si Markus sa akin.
"l just saw your friend Nikolai. Nagsabi ba sa'yo na nandito siya at wala sa lloilo?" nagtaas
ng kilay si Markus.
"Nandito si Nikolai?" gulat kong tanong.
"Well, yeah. Nakita niya nga lang ako kaya baka nagtago na yon," Markus chuckled.
We were in the midst of talking about it when we both froze. Achilles is walking inside the
bar. Nahanap niya kami pero hindi agad lumapit. Imbes ay sa bar lumapit, um-order at
sumulyap sa amin.
Irolled my eyes and looked at Markus. Ngumisi ulit si Markus.
"Problem?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Nakita ko agad na may mga lumapit kay Achilles. Kinausap niya si
Renato Lopez. Pero lagi siyang napapalingon sa kung nasaan ako. At kalaunan, dumami pa
ang kausap niya, mapa babae man o lalaki.
"Marem?" si Nikolai nang nahanap ang upuan namin.
"Nikolai!" tumayo ako at yumakap kay Nikolai. "So nice to see you!"
And it's shameful to admit that I said all of that a bit loudly. Napabaling nga si
Achilles sa amin.
"Nandito ka pala."
"Nice to see you," si Markus na nakangiti sa likod ko.
Nikolai ignored him but he glared at me. "You're with him again?"
"Yeah. Well, Markus is fine. At nandito si Achilles."
"Oh? Kasama n'yo?" natatawang tanong ni Nikolai.
Umiling ako. "Hindi. Wala na kami."
Bago pa siya nakasagot, narinig ko sa likod ni Nikolai ang usap usapan.
"Achilles? You're meeting with Ares here?" isang babae ang nagtanong.
Sumulyap ako sa likod ni Nikolai at nakita si Achilles doon. Namilog ang mga mata ko.
"Bakit ka nandiyan? Halika, Hades is in the next table, Achilles!" I heard someone call him.
Bumaling si Nikolai kay Achilles at nagulat nang nakita ito. Markus stood to greet
Achilles but it seems like Achilles is not in the mood for a chummy greeting.
"Can I talk to my girifriend fora second?" si Achilles kay Nikolai.
Nikolai looked at me and smirked.
"Girlfriend? Sabi niya, wala na kayo?"
Achilles' gray eyes turned so dark. And for a moment, I saw hostility in his eyes.
Bigla akong nanlamig nang naisip na magkakagulo at lalo lang mapupunta sa amin ang
atensiyon ng lahat!
A familiar girl held Achilles' arm as if she's pulling him out of there.
"Hinahanap ka ni Ares," anito.
"Matilda, si Achilles Riego?"
"Kausap ko pa ang girlfriend ko," si Achilles nang hindi tinatanggal ang tingin sa
"G-Girlfriend? Sinong girlfriend mo?"
Napasulyap ako sa paligid at nakita na nagsibalingan ang malalapit na upuan sa amin. They
are gawking at us and I can hear people talking about me having a
Riego for my boyfriend.
 My face heated. Gustuhin ko mang tanggihan si Achilles ngayon, ang hirap na humaba ang
usapan namin habang nandoon kami. Instead of saying something,
I walked out. He then followed me as expected. Pero habang naglalakad kami palabas doon,
at kahit nasa labas na, pinag uusapan kami ng mga nakakakita.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang iniisip niya. Us being out here will make my mother so mad!
Pero kung sa bagay.. baka wala na siyang pakialam. Tutal wala na naman kami, 'di ba? Kaya
bakit pa kami matatakot na magalit ang parents ko?
But then he announced that he wants to talk to his girlfriend?
Binalingan ko siya nang nakalabas kami. Madami pang nakatingin pero hindi na to
makakapaghintay.
"We'll talk in a more private place-"
Kumunot ang noo ko. Bago pa ako makapagsalita, inunahan niya na ako.
"Ano ngayon kung malaman ng lahat? I told your father about us so why the need to keep
us a secret."
My eyes widened. Bakit kaya laging ganito? Biglaang napapawi ang mga galit at pagtatampo
ko tuwing... nandiyan siya... at tuwing ganito...
"y-You told him?"
"He asked me about my girlfriend. Ayaw kong magsinungaling."
Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko at naisip ang reaksiyon ni Papa.
"I want to face your family now. I'm tired of us being a secret."
"H-Huh? Eh... W-Wala na tayo.." me trying to save face.
His eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. His eyes dropped on the engagement ring he gave
me.
"Kapag binalikan mo na ako," aniya at unti-unting lumapit sa akin.
Napakurap kurap ako. "How sure are you that I'm coming back to you?!"
"Not sure but... I"ll try my very best," he whispered.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 24

Elope
I frantically removed the button of his jeans. Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang ginagawa
iyon. I heard him curse when my dress' strap got ripped off. Wala na nga lang akong
pakialam. If I don't have anything to wear after this, then I'm not going home.
He laid me in bed. Gusto kong umahon. I am too restless to be laid. But his topless body
immediately covered me. Ramdam ko ang init sa balat niya nang dumikit ito sa akin. And
for sure I mirrored that heat and desire.
"Achilles.." I called, trying to convince him about how I want him so bad. Or I want this my
way so bad because I can't wait!
He kissed my neck. Ramdam ko ang pagsisikap niyang dahan dahanin iyon kahit na gaya ko
hindi na rin siya makapaghintay.
"I miss you," he whispered desperately. "I missed you so bad."
"Achilles, come on..." i pleaded.
I couldn't wait for him. O siguro dahil sa mga napag-usapan namin kanina, kaya ganito na
lang ako ka sabik sa kanya.
"Shh.." him trying to slow down.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at inangat ang mukha para mahalikan siya. I kissed him thoroughly.
My kisses reflected how Im feeling - the overwhelming desire that I couldn't contain. I
heard him curse. I know he is trying to contain his desire, too, but I dont need that right
now.
"Please," I pleaded.
Inangat ko ang baywang ko. I can feel the tip of him at every move. He tried to contain my
desire through holding my waist in place. He kissed me and tried his best to distract me
with his kisses. Pansamantala akong nawala pero agad na nakabawi.
"Achilles-"
"Damn it!" he cursed and entered me abruptly.
The satisfaction, relief, and desire flooded me immediately. And unlike our sweeter
moments, he didn't wait for me to settle down. At iyon ang gusto ko.
Simula kanina hanggang ngayon, gustong gusto ko na itong mangyari. Hindi ko
 na kayang maghintay at magbagal.
Him moving fast immediately after he entered me made me so happy and satisfied. I
moaned so loud along with his hard and fast movements.
I was on the edge when he entered me. And he managed to make me on the edge the whole
time he moved. At kung hindi pa man ako baliw sa kanya, baliw na baliw na ngayon.
Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit na para bang literal akong nasa bangin at mahuhulog na
kasabay ng pagpapakawala.
I moaned his name over and over again and most especially after my intense release.
"Ah. Achilles!" I gritted my teeth as I felt the desire flood through me, making my limbs
weak from the satisfaction that I felt.
"Not done," he whispered and continued pining for me.
Saglit kong hinayaan ang sarili kong magpahinga. My desire was too overwhelming to stop
after coming. I pushed him away but he was just too solid.
He was too busy enjoying himself to notice what I was doing.
I then kissed him when I regained a little strength. He kissed me so deeply, my eyes
widened. He was so turned on and it was very palpable. I closed my eyes and equalled his
desire. Saka ko pa lang nakuha ang atensiyon niya nang pinantayan ko ang sabik niyang
mga halik.
I then pushed him to our bed. Sinubukan niyang umahon para balikan ako pero lalo ko
siyang tinulak pabagsak. His eyes widened and there was a little amused smile on his lips.
I then straddled him. Lalong namilog ang mga mata niya, halatang namamangha.
I tilted my head and kissed him a bit before I touched him. I felt him twitch on my hand.
And like before, I couldn't make my fingers touch.
I then guided his manhood on my entrance. All that while watching him in awe that I am as
passionate as him.
Imoaned when I make him enter me. At lalo pa nang narinig ko ring dumaing siya, ngayon
namumungay na ang mga mata at pinaghaharian ulit ng pananabik.
I didn't want to lose more time. Immediately, I moved fast, arching my back as I felt him in
and out of me.
He met me halfway. It was like we were in sync. Him pulling whenever I go out.
And him pushing hard everytime I'm in.
Our love makings were always passionate, but that night it was especially intense and
ruthless.
He came while I was on top of him. He came when I moved fast and fast, watching him
writhe under me. And we didn't stop there. After that, it was me who squirmed as he
entered me from behind. Wala na yata akong hihilingin pa.
"Puwede na naman sigurong hindi ako umuwi. Tutal alam naman ni Papa, 'di ba?" tanong
ko kay Achilles.
Kumunot ang noo niya pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon. "Lalong kailangan mong umuwi.
Kung hindi ka umuwi, alam na ng Papa mo kung sino ang kasama mo."
I pouted. "So what? He likes you. That's why he took you under his wing, Achilles.
I bet he trusts you."
Pagkatapos usap sa pribadong lugar. The news about me havinga boyfriend that night
broke out too much that some even tried to go out of the bar to check if it's true. nang
usapan namin sa parking lot ng bar, minabuti naming mag
Hindi man kinikilala ng mga Riego si Achilles, the society knew him. Apparently, he is
starting to talk to Ares and Hades Riego ever since he came to Manila when he was still in
the academy.
Hindi ko nga lang alam kung nasa utak ko na na magkakaayos kami agad bago ko pa sinabi
na pumunta kami sa pribadong lugar. O ganoon din siya kaya sa hotel kami nag book para
mag usap.
But even so, our talk was enough to make me forget about my troubles. It was enough to
make me realize that I am always worn down whenever he's away.
"No'ng huli tayong nagkita, akala ko sa wakas naiintindihan ko na ang set up natin. Laging
ganoon kapag magkasama tayo pero kapag matagal kang wala at nangungulila ako,
nakakalimutan ko ang lahat," I said miserably.
"It's alright."
"Alright? Hindi ka ba nagsasawa sa akin?"
He smirked and shook his head. "Hindi ako magsasawa sa'yo."
I bowed sadly. Baka nasasabi ko lang to ngayon dahil nandiyan siya. Pero kapag malayo
siya, balik ulit ako sa pagtatampo.
 "I thought I've been more mature after our engagement. I thought I've grown out of it.
Ganito pa rin pala.
Hinuli niya ang kamay ko at nilapit sa kanya. Nagpaubaya naman ako.
"It's alright, Marem. Growing is not always forward. Sometimes, you step back for every
step forward. Kaya huwag mo na masyadong isipin 'yan."
Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya. His soulful eyes looked hurt from what we fought about
a while ago, but I can also sense his gentleness.
"Kaso... hindi ba nakakapagod yon? Hindi ka ba napapagod sa akin?"
He pulled me close for a hug. "Kahit magreklamo ako sa pagod dahil lagi mo akong
hinihiwalayan kapag na-mi-miss mo ako, o kung nagseselos ka... reklamo lang yon. Pero
hindi kita susukuan.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko dahil ako ang laging sumusuko sa amin. Ako ang laging nawawalan
ng pag-asa
"Im sorry," i said sincerely.
" love you," it was his answer to my apology.
He loves me. Even after being so flawed. Even after everytime I hurt him. Even after
everytime I give him up. l apologize. And he answers those three words.
"l love you even more, Achilles,"I said and hugged him tight.
Walang duda na siya lang ang mamahalin ko.
I found my home in him. I realized that I belong with him. Kaya siguro miserable ako
tuwing wala siya kasi wala akong matakbuhan. Kailangan kong matuto na kahit malayo
kami, hindi magbabago ang nararamdaman namin para sa isa't isa.
It felt like a love that would never fade. Like a fire in the dark that would never dim, let
alone extinguished. Our love felt immortal. I couldn't even remember a time when I didn't
love him. It was like remembering the world back when it was dark. Back when it didn't
have the sun.
At gusto kong patunayan yon sa pamamagitan ng pagsisikap na maayos kami, kahit pa
hindi kami laging nagkikita. Gusto kong magpakatatag. Gusto kong pantayan ang alam kong
nararamdaman niya para sa akin.
"Uuwi ka ngayon."
I pouted again.
"Saka na kita hindi iuuwi kapag nagpakasal na tayo."
Dahan dahan akong ngumiti. Iniisip ko na ipapakasal kami ni Papa, sigurado ako do'n. He
loves Achilles. At kumpara kay Mama, mabait si Papa. Sunod sunuran din si Mama sa kanya
kaya wala na siyang magagawa kung sakaling gustuhin nga ni Papa iyon.
Tumunog ang cellphone ko. Tinanaw namin ni Achilles iyon saglit. Inabot niya iyon at
nakita kong tawag iyon galing kay Mama.
I sighed. Before my happy ever after, i have to deal with her, though.
"Mama-"
"Nasaan ka? Umuwi ka, ngayon din!"
"Huh? Pero nasa party-"
"I don't care, Maria Emilia! I want you to come home. Now!"
Binabaan ako ni Mama ng tawag. Nagkatinginan kami ni Achilles. Unti-unti siyang
bumangon pagkatapos ng ilang sandali.
"Halika. Ihahatid kita sa inyo," aniya.
Gusto kong magprotesta pero alam kong lalo niya lang akong gustong pauwiin pagkatapos
ng tawag na iyon. Kaya imbes na makipagtalo pa, tumayo na ako at nagbihis. My dress is
ruined after our wild love making but Achilles lent me his army green shirt. lyon ang sinuot
ko nang sumakay ako sa sasakyan niya para makauwi na ako sa amin.
Sa sasakyan pa larng niya, sunod sunod na ang tawag na natanggap ko. Una kay
Solomon na nag-aalala sa akin. Of course, I assured him that I'll be fine. It was weird
because it's almost one in the morning. Si Markus din, hinanap ako dahil hinanap daw ako
ni Mama sa kanya. Nagkagulo na naman sa bar dahil tinanong niya si Nikolai and Nikolai
got annoyed.
The last one worried me. it was from my brother Remus.
"Ano na namang ginawa mo?" si Kuya.
"Huh?"
"Mama called me at this hour. She is concerned about you. Pinapauwi niya ako sa Manila
ngayon agad para sa problema niya sa'yo."
"Problema sa akin? Papa wont agree with her tagging this as a problem," I confidently said
and looked at Achilles driving.
"Si Papa? Alam ba ni Papa? Nasa trabaho pa siya, ah?"
 Natigilan ako. Akala ko si Papa ang nagsabi kay Mama tungkol sa amin ni
Achilles?
"Nalaman niya sa mga kaibigan mo na may boyfriend kang Riego. I don't know why she's so
concerned about it. Who is it? Hades? Ares?"
Umirap ako at nagpasyang tuluyang harapin si Mama.
Agad akong ipinatawag sa study niya. Achilles waited in our living room. My mother didn't
even see him when we arrived.
"Ano'ng nangyayari salyo?!" si Mama na parang nakapatay ako ng tao dahil sa galit.
Gusto kong matawa. She's in her night gown and Iooking all stressed. Gusto kong matawa
dahil ayan na naman siya at ginagawa itong big deal.
"Hindi ba sinabi ko salyo na layuan mo ang lalaking 'yan?!"
"Mama, calm down," I said still too happy to get mad at her reception.
"What is wrong with you, Marem?! You have all those boys at your disposal! Why are you
with that boy?!"
"Ano po bang problema kay Achilles? He graduated in the academy gaya ni Papa.
He's also under Navy now kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit n'yo siya minamalit kahit
na pareho naman sila ng lalaking napangasawa mo rin."
Mama turned immediately to me. He looked so shock.
"Ano2"
Nagmartsa siya palapit sa akin sa gulat. l calmed down with an awkward laugh.
"Anong sabi mo"
"Im just saying that if you're belittling him because he's poor, well, now he's building his
own name. At suportado siya ni Papa sa PMA. Papa will not support him if he didn't see his
potential for success. Kaya kung 'yong pagiging mahirap niya ang inaalala mo, well he's
doing his best to have a position in the Navy..."
"Your father... supported him?" marahang sinabi ni Mama.
Sasagutin ko na sana siya pero narinig ko ang chopper namin. Lumapit si Mama sa bintana
at tiningnan ang chopper na lalapag sa hindi kalayuang bakanteng lote hindi kalayuan sa
mansiyon namin.
She then looked at me.
"Your father is here."
Gusto kong mangiti. Hindi pa man sigurado kung papanigan ako ni Papa, alam kong kahit
paano ay hindi siya gaya ni Mama.
"You are going to stop dating that boy. You will date Gaudencio Sevilla instead."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "Oh please, Mama. Hanggang ngayon ba, ganito pa rin ang tingin mo?
And it didn't work with Vince Hidalgo, you really think making me date
Gaudencio will work this time?" Natawa ako do'n.
"You will stop seeing Achilles Riego-"
Pagod na sa mga sinasabi ni Mama dati pa man, tuluyan na akong naubusan ng pasensiya.
"Or what?" agap ko.
Natahimik si Mama.
"Hindi ko alam kung bakit ayaw mo po kay Achilles. Kung mahirap siya, e, may ibubuga na
siya ngayon! At kung minamalit mo siya dahil hindi siya Alta, well guess what, Mama? l'd
rather marry a poor Riego than be with some random Alta guy! Hindi mo ba naiintindihan?
Wala po sa yaman ang rason kung bakit ko siya gusto-"
"Wala akong pakialam, Marem!" she shouted. "You are going to leave him-"
"l am not the young helpless Marem anymore, Mama! If you want me out of this house! Out
of this family! For wanting Achilles, then I'll be out this door now!" sigaw ko at hindi na
pinakinggan ang mga sasabihin niya.
Lumabas ako sa study. Tinatawag ako ni Mama pero hindi ko siya nilingon.
Diretso ang pagmartsa ko sa pasilyo at hanggang sa hagdanan. Nasa hagdan pa lang ako,
tanaw ko na si Achilles sa sala, kausap si Papa.
Pareho silang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. They both looked serious. But my father had a
hint of darkness in his eyes. While Achilles looked pleased to see me.
"Papa!" sabay yakap ko. l am so sure he would never turn me away. I'm sure he'd
understand. I'm sure he likes Achilles.
"Maria Emilia," marahang tawag ni Papa sa akin sabay hagod sa likod ko.
"Marem!" si Mama na ngayon ay nasa hagdanan na rin pababa.
Kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap kay Papa. Bumaling si Papa kay Achilles. Achilles
 nodded like he knew what my father wants. Lito naman ako.
Achilles smiled at me.
"I'm sorry. We will leave with the Naval fleet tomorrow. Alam kong sinabi ko na tatlong
buwan ang bakasyon ko."
Bumaling si Papa sa akin, may lungkot sa mga mata. Nakikinig siya sa usapan. Si
Mama naman nasa hagdanan, parang gulat pa yata dahil tahimik habang pinagmamasdan
kami.
"O-Okay lang.."
Hindi ko inasahan iyon. I want him for three months but this time, I promise I will be more
patient about our arrangement. At baka din magbabago ang disposisyon ko ngayong hindi
na sekreto ang relasyon namin.
I then jumped to hug him shamelessly. Wala akong pakialam na galit si Mama.
Wala rin akong pakialam na natatanaw kami ni Papa. I will fight for us and if I need to move
out of here, then I will. Pero alam ko namang hindi na aabot don.
Alam kong kakampi ko si Papa.
"I'm gonna miss you," sabi ko.
Achilles hugged me lightly. Siguro ay nahihiya sa mga magulang ko.
"Achilles," tawag ni Papa.
"Yes sir!" si Achilles bago ako binaba. "Alis na ako."
Sumimangot ako at bumaling kay Papa. "Don't you want to talk about this, Pa?
Nag usap kami ni Mama kanina..." I said confidently and looked at my petrified mother.
"Baka gusto mo pong pag usapan natin bago umalis si Achilles?"
"I need him on the fleet. Mag usap tayo bukas, Marem."
Magsasalita pa sana ako pero naunahan ako ni Achilles.
"Ayos lang. Pagkauwi ko, bibisita ulit ako, Marem," si Achilles sa akin.
I calmed down and nodded. Bumaling ulit si Papa kay Achilles na para bang minamadali
siyang paalisin. Tumango si Achilles at isang beses pang nagpaalam bago siya umalis.
"Marem!" sigaw ni Mama nang natanaw akong sumunod kay Achilles para ihatid siya.
Hindi na ako lumingon. I will deal with her later. I'm just happy now that Papa is here.
Tinanaw ko ang pag-alis ng sasakyan ni Achilles. It's heartbreaking. Dapat akin siya ng
buong tatlong buwan kaso... trabaho na naman. But... unlike before, we are not a secret
anymore. And I promise to do better for our relationship.
Papasok na ako sa bahay nang narinig ko ang sagutan ni Mama at Papa sa study.
"You funded his education?! Really?! Without telling me, Dolfo?!"
"Why do I have to tell you about it."
"He is a Riego! Surely, kayang kaya nila yon?!"
"Ano ngayon kung gugustuhin kong gawin iyon?" sigaw ni Papa.
Itutulak ko na sana ang pintuan ng kuwarto at hayaan silang magtalo.
Kakausapin ko pa si Achilles sa cellphone bago siya sumampa. Kaya lang bago ko nagawa
yon, natigilan ako sa usapan
"Hindi ba dapat gustuhin mo rin iyon? Aren't you guilty of what you have done to
Leona?!"
"W-What?! Naniniwala ka talaga kay Domitilla? She's a liar and she envies us!"
"What is there to envy about us, Alondra?! She is cleaning her conscience and is happy with
her own marriage!"
"Happy with her own marriage? Really, Dolfo? Then sabihin mo sa akin kung sino yong
kabit niyang hardinero nila?"
"What?"
Namilog ang mga mata ko. I heard Mom's hysterical laugh.
Biglang sumama ang pakiramdam ko. O siguro dahil may narinig akong hindi ko dapat
narinig. Imbes na manatili doon, tinulak ko nang tuluyan ang pintuan ko at pumasok sa
kuwarto.
Their conversation bothered me but I set it aside just so I could say a proper goodbye for
Achilles over the phone. At akala ko na si Papa ang magbabago sa lahat ng iyon kaya lang...
kinaumagahan ay bumungad sa akin ang usapan naming dalawa.
"What?"I said that softly because I can't believe l'm hearing it from him.
Pagod na tumingin si Papa sa akin habang pinoproseso ko ang sinabi niya. Sa tabi niya si
Mama, tahimik at nakatitig sa akin.
Kagabi lang... akala ko hinding hindi siya magpapatalo kay Mama. May tiwala si
Papa kay Achilles. Hindi siya matapobre. At lagi niya itong pinagtatanggol. Kaya
 hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit... ngayon.. ganito.
Just follow your mother's advice, Marem. You are going to date Gaudencio
Sevilla later."
"Pero Papa si Achilles ang boyfriend ko-"
"Better try to find someone else, hija-"
"Huh? Hindi ko maintindihan. Bakit? Dahil ba hindi alta si Achilles?"
Nagkatinginan si Papa at si Mama saglit. Bumuntonghininga si Papa at bumaling ulit sa
akin.
"He's not for you. Please... just follow what your mother wants. Dencio is a good man and
he's heir to the Sevillas-"
"He's not for you? You better give me a better explanation than that if you want me to stop
dating Achilles," nanginig ang boses ko dahil hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na si Papa na
ngayon ang nagbabawal sa akin n'n.
Umiling si Papa. "He's not good for you. That should be enough."
Umiling din ako. "Sino kayo para sabihin 'yan sa akin? Bakit? Kayo ba... mabuti para sa
akin?" nangilid ang luha ko at pinukaw noon ang mga galit at poot ko para sa pamilya.
"Marem, Dencio is a good person. You will like him. He's handsome and-"
"l don't need handsome! I don't need an Alta! I don't need an heir! I needa person who loves
me! I need Achilles! At kung ayaw n'yo sa aming dalawa, ayaw ko rin sa inyo!" sigaw ko at
agad na umalis sa study at padabog na sinarado ang pintuan.
But my resentment only grew..
Dahil paalis na ako sa amin nang harangin ng mga bodyguards. They almost physically
harmed me just so l could be put to my room back!
Hindi ko maintindihan! Hindi ko maintindihan ang mga magulang ko!
Papa didn't leave our house. Baka para bantayan ako. At ganoon din si Mama.
Wala na akong masasabi pa sa kanila. Lalo lang akong nagalit.
Iniisip ko tuloy kung pinaalis ba ni Papa si Achilles at dinestino sa malayo dahil dito?! At
hindi ko pa matawagan si Achilles dahil nasa laot kaya hindi ko masabi sa kanya ang
nangyari!
Before I could count the time to give Achilles a call, the guards took my phone.
"Papa, I don't understand!" I cried in his study when I couldn't take it.
Kitang kita ko ang awa sa mga mata ni Papa para sa akin pero sa itsura niya mukha ring
hindi mababali anggusto niyang mangyari.
"I love Achilles! Do you really think that doing this will stop me from loving him?!"
Yumuko si Papa at hindi ako tiningnan.
"Hindi ko maintindihan! Bakit hindi siya para sa akin? Sino kayo para sabihin sa akin kung
sino ang para sa akin at sino ang hindi?!" sigaw ko.
Pumikit si Papa, parang hindi kayang marinig ang mga iniiyak ko.
"I trusted you! I thought you will be on my side! You sponsored his schooling! You trust
him! I'm sure you think he is a good man! Kaya hindi ko maintindihan! Kung dahil lang ito
sa estado ng buhay niya, Pa... I tell you.. money won't make a good home. Love wil! Kaya
bakit mo ginagawa sa akin to, Pa?"
I cried but he didn't say anything. He only listened.
"Akala ko magkakampi tayo... Nagmamakaawa ako, Papa... Mahal na mahal ko si
Achilles. Mahal niya ako!"
It was the worst week. I felt like a prisoner in my own home. I didn't have any explanation. I
don't understand why they don't want us together.
Hindi ko na matawagan si Achilles dahil grounded ako at walang cellphone.
Paniguradong nag-aalala na iyon ngayon. Gusto kong tumakas. Gusto kong kumawala. Wala
na akong pakialam kina Mama at Papa. Alam kong gusto ni
Achilles na paluguran namin ang mga magulang ko, pero hanggang saan niya kayang gawin
yon kung gusto ng mga ito na maghiwalay kami.
"Im sorry,... Are you bored?" natatawang sinabi ni Dencio sa akin.
That was the first time I went out of our house after weeks of being grounded.
Nanatili si Papa sa bahay at alam ko agad na seryoso iyon dahil hindi siya nagtatagal ng
ganoon kung hindi.
Abala ako sa pagbaling sa gym kung saan si Markus pumapasok. lyon lang ang dahilan kung
bakit ako pumayag sa pakikipag date kay Gaudencio Sevilla. At ako ang pumili ng
pupuntahan namin, at pinili ko sa isang restaurant malapit kung aan nag gi-gym si Markus.
"Uh... nope. I'm not bored," sabi ko kahit nakatingin sa pintuan ng gym.
Muntik na akong napatayo nang nakita na pumasok si Markus doon. Bumaling
 ako kay Gaudencio at nagmadaling magpaliwanag.
"Uhm... Ill just go to the powder room. Sorry. Excuse me," sabi ko at tuloy tuloy na lumakad.
Hindi ko na hinintay ang sasabihin ni Dencio. Umalis na ako at tuluyang pumasok sa gym ni
Markus,
"Marem? Oh... I haven't heard from you for-"
Hinatak ko si Markus para makapagtago kami dahil binabantayan ako ng mga bodyguards.
For sure ilang sandali lang makikita na nilang hindi ako sa restroom pumunta kundi sa
kabilang establishment.
"Let me borrow your phone. I have no time to explain."
"Huh? Wel.." tiningnan niya muna ang celphone niya.
Agad ko iyong kinuha at agad na ni-dial ang numero ni Achilles. Umalis ako sa harap ni
Markus kahit pa tinawag niya ako at siguro'y lito sa biglaan kong pagpapakita. When I
heard it ring, my heart swelled. Ibig sabihin nakababa siya kahit paano.
"Hello..."
"Achilles!" I said excitedly.
"M-Marem?" ramdam ko ang gulat sa boses niya.
"Hindi ako makatawag salyo kasi kinonfiscate ni Mama ang cellphone ko. Where are you? I
want to see you. P-Pinagbawalan ako ni Mama at Papa na makita ka..."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko, takot dahil mataas ang respeto niya sa mga magulang ko.
He sighed. "Yes. Your father told me about it over the phone."
I gritted my teeth. Nangilid din agad ang mga luha ko. "Ano? Susundin mo? Kasi iyon ang
gusto nila? You respect them so much that you'll leave me because they asked you to?!"
"Calm down, please. Dati ko pa namang alam na hindi ako matatanggap." He chuckled. "Are
you alright?"
Biglang nawala ang bigat na nakadagan sa puso ko nang narinig ko iyon.
"I'm fine. I'm grounded. I want to see you."
Bumuntonghininga siya. ""m not allowed to be in Manila yet. Kaya umuwi muna ako ng
Costa Leona."
"Hindi ka na sasampa sa barko?"
"May pinaayos lang sa barko kaya may kaonting bakasyon kami."
"Sino ang nagsabi na hindi ka puwedeng mag Manila? Si Papa?"
He sighed again. "I know it's probably because of us. I want to marry you as soon s possible
but it seems like...I'm not yet enough."
"I want to marry you too! At sila lang naman ang nagdedesisyon no'n. Nasa tamang edad na
ako. Kaya kung magpakasal na larng kaya tayo?"
Hindi siya sumagot.
"I know you respect my parents. I know you want to earn their trust. I know you still want
to rise and make your own name for that. Pero paano kung kahit na yumaman ka na, ayaw
pa rin nila salyo? Hindi mo ba ako ipaglalaban?"
"lpaglalaban kita," naramdaman ko ang nginig sa boses niya. "Baka lang kailangan pa ng
kaonting panahon para matanggap ako ng mga magulang mo-"
"Paano kung hindi ka nga nila matanggap kahit kailan? liwan mo "ko?
Magpapaubaya ka? Dahil papanindigan mo na mataas ang respeto mo sa kanila?
Huh?"
Natahimik si Achilles.
"Let's elope," sabi o.
He sighed. My tears trailed on my cheeks.
"Susunduin kita sa Manila-"
"Stay there," sabi ko.
Namilog ang mga mata ko sa desisyon ni Achilles. I looked around and saw that the
bodyguards were now searching the restaurant's premises. Nakikita na rin iyon ni Markus
kaya hinanap niya ako.
"Ako ang pupunta ng Costa Leona.'
I cut my call with Achilles. I then searched for Nikolai's number in Markus' phone book.
"Marem!" si Markus.
I waited a bit before Nikolai answered. Inignora ko si Markus.
"Why cant you understand? I said stop fucking calling me!" iritadong sigaw ni
Nikolai nang sagutin niya ang tawag ko.
"Nikolai! Si Marem to! Are you in Manila?!"
"M-Marem? Why are you-"
 "Answer me immediately! I need your help!"
"Papunta ako ng lloilo ngayon-
"Sunduin mo ako dito sa gym ni Markus! Please, sasama ako sal'yo! Pupunta ako ng Costa
Leona!"
"Huh?
"| don't have time to explain! IIl explain it when we see each other! Maghihintay ako!"
Sinabi ko sa kanya kung saan ako maghihintay. At plano ko nang magtago. I gave
Markus his phone and thanked him. I took some of his shirts and changed. I made my long
hair into a ponytail. I took Markus' jacket for my disguise.
"Anong nangyayari, Marem?"
"TIl explain to you soon. I'm sorry! Kapag naghanap si Dencio o ang mga bodyguards,
sabihin mo please na pumunta akong mall dahil may bibilhin!"
"Huh?" litong lito si Markus pero wala na akong panahon para mag explain pa sa kanya.
I only have faith that he will actually help me through this. Like howI have faith that Nikolai
will also follow my orders even with the little information.
"Seryoso ka ba rito?" si Nikolai nang sinundo ako.
Tumango ako at ngumiti. Finally. Free from everyone who thinks they own my life.
"Seryoso ako."
This is a scandal.
"| don't care," I said confidently.
And just like that... I'm in Costa Leona.
Iran towards Achilles. Nakatayo siya sa batuhan nang datnan ko. Hindi na ako dumaan sa
hotel o sa mansiyon. Nikolai dropped me in front of Achilles' home.
The moment I stepped out of the car, and the moment I saw Achilles on the rock
formations, I ran to wrap him on a tight embrace.
It was a whirlwind of emotions. Ang dami kong gustong ikuwento sa kanya. Mula sa
paghihirap ko na paniguradong kakaawaan niya hanggang sa nakakasabik kong pagtakas.
Paniguradong... magagalit siya. I smirked. Paniguradong pagagalitan niya ako dahil sinuway
ko ang mga magulang ko. Pero sa huli... alam kong tatanggapin niya ako.
He didn't hug me back. But I didn't mind it. He's just shocked to see me.
"Tumakas ako! Alam kong magagalit ka pero iyon na lang ang paraan!"' sabi ko.
Umaga pa nang tawagan ko siya kanina. Ngayon, papalubog na ang araw. Much like how he
proposed to me that fateful day. It was the best.
"And uhm... for sure my parents will look for me here. So mas mabuti siguro kung umalis na
tayo dito pansamanatala..." sabi ko at hinila ko ang kamay niya.
Nakita ko ang pangingilid ng luha sa mga mata niya habang dinudungaw akong
nagmamadali sa mga sasabihin.
"May alam akong mga lugar. I have money but just enough. Hindi ako nakapag withdraw
bago ako na grounded kaya... ito lang. Pero ayos lang. I can call Markus and ask him to do
things. At may pera ka naman 'di ba? Let's just rent a humble home in an unassuming town.
Para hindi tayo mahanap ni Papa. At magpakasal na tayo agad?"
My thoughts about everything is pouring on my mind. Hindi ko akalaing gagawin namin 'to
klahit wala sa plano.
"And your engagement ring is fine as a wedding ring. At kung hindi tayo makabili ng
singsing, ipatattoo mo na lang ang wedding ring?" I smirked. "Hindi mo yon matatanggal
kaya magandang ideya rin, 'di ba? A tattoo as a wedding ring? Hindi ka talaga
makakapambabae dahil lagi mong suot iyon at hindi mo maitatago!"
Natigilan ako nang napansin ang katahimikan ni Achilles at lungkot sa kanyang mga mata.
"Im... sorry." his voice broke.
Kumunot ang noo ko habang nagkatinginan kami. At parang napapaso, iniwas niya ang mga
mata sa akin.
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo. Maghiwalay na tayo."

Kabanata 25
Kabanata 25
Over
"Huh?" lito ko siyang tiningnan.
Sa mga nagdaang taon, ako ang laging bumibitiw sa aming dalawa. I drop him easily
because of my insecurities. I drop him like our love didn't matter to me when it fact, it was
everything.
I don't know why I do that exactly. Baka gusto kong unahan siya para hindi ako ang
kawawa sa huli. O baka gusto kong tingnan kung hahabulin niya ba ako dahil kung totoong
mahal niya ako, magsisikap siyang ayusin kami. Hindi ko alam kung alin talaga ang rason
ko. Basta ang alam ko, kung hindi lang matatag si Achilles sa relasyon namin, wala na kami
ngayon.
Honestly, I sacrificed a lot for us but he was the reason why we're still together, after all
those hurdles. Kaya o0... mahal ko siya. Pero alam ko na mahal na mahal niya rin ako
"Maghiwalay na tayo," ulit niya.
Saka lang siya unti-unting bumaling sa akin pagkatapos sabihin ulit iyon. He looked
miserable. There were tears in his eyes but his face was stoic, almost as if he's trying hard
to be firm about it. As if trying to act cold.
Kilala ko si Achilles. At kung sa nagdaang taon, ako ang mahina sa aming dalawa.
Gusto kong patunayan ngayon na hindi na mauulit iyon. I know he loves me. I'm sure of it. I
am not going to let my insecurities win this time.
There was no way he'd break up with me willingly. There was no way he'd turn his back on
me.
He loves me. He has no riches, no family, no other possession, no fall back. He only has
dreams. And yet he was ready to give up his dreams, just so we could be together. That
evidence is more than enough to say that his love for me is deep- rooted. And that even if I
know I love him so... I know that he loves me even more.
"A-Anong sinasabi mo?" halos matawa kong tanong.
Nalilito ako. At first, I thought his words were influenced by my parents. He wants me to
follow them despite everything. Hindi ko nga lang maintindihan kung talaga bang kaya niya
akong isuko para doon o may iba pa siyang nakikitang paraan
"Hindi b-ba nagkasundo na tayo-"
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo!" Achilles cut me off.
"Marem!" then I heard my brother, Kuya Remus, behind me.
Namilog ang mga mata ko. Nakita kong nag-angat ng tingin si Achilles sa kung sino mang
nasa likod ko.
"Uuwi na siya," si Achilles.
Agad agad kong binalingan at nakita nga ang kapatid ko. He is surrounded by our
bodyguards. It was as if they were chasing criminal.
Gusto kong pumiglas pero saglit lang ang kagustuhang iyon. Somehow, the thought of
Achilles' words never got through me. And now it makes sense why he said that. Nandito si
Kuya. Siguro kanina pa lang, nang nawala ako sa date namin ni Gaudencio, pinaghahanap
na ako. Of course, one of the places they would suspect isCosta Leona. Where Achilles is.
Kaya baka kanina pa nag-aabang ang
Kuya ko dito!
Nilingon ko si Achiles. Hindi siya nakaatingin sa akin. Nakapirmi ang mga mata niya sa kuya
ko.
I don't believe that he actualy wants to break up with me. I know he's just pretending that
he wants to... dahil nariyan si Kuya.
"Let's go, Maria Emilia," si Kuya Remus na marin ang tingin sa akin.
Alam kong nautusan lang siya nina Mama at Papa. At paniguradong lito pa siya sa
nangyayari ngayon.
"IIl come back. Ill find a way, okay? Hintayin mo ako dito," sa mahinang boses tama lang na
marinig ni Achilles pero hindi ni Kuya.
"Sige na, Remus. luwi mo na siya," ulit ni Achilles.
Hindi pa man ako tapos sa mga bilin ko sa kanya, nilapitan na ako ng mga body guards. I
think that conversation is enough, though
I know Achilles won't just drop me. There had to be a reason. Something we both can't talk
about at the moment because we are not alone. Kaya alam ko na
 nagpapanggap lang siya.
May kaonting takot sa akin na baka totoo ang sinasabi niya, pero kung totoo man yon at ang
dahilan niya ay dahil ayaw niyang suwayin ang mga magulang ko, kayang kaya ko siyang
kumbinsihin.
Those were the only two possible reasons for his sudden change of mind.. sudden coldness.
Hindi ako naniniwala na mariin ang desisyon niyang iyon. Alam kong kayang kaya kong
baguhin ang isipan niya dahil mahal niya ako.
"You dont need to drag me! Sasama ako!" sigaw ko para hindi na nila ako ituring na
kriminal.
Nagmartsa ako sa sasakyan. I looked at Achilles for a while but he showed no signs of
remorse or whatsoever. He really must be pretending. Tama nga naman.
Mahuhuli din naman kami. At ano ang laban namin sa maraming bodyguards ni
Kuya?
Maybe... this is the right step. I should fool my parents and pretend that I'm no longer
interested with Achilles anymore. At sa sinabi niya kanina, maaaring ganoon din ang gusto
niyang mangyari.
Hindi kami nakapag usap ng maayos at nagkaliwanagan pero hindi ako naniniwala na
totoong nakikipaghiwalay na siya sa akin. This morning, he was even willing to elope with
me. Maghintay daw ako sa Manila. Kaya lang, ako ang pumunta dito!
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. Ayan tuloy at nabuking kami.
"I hope you're happy now" iritado kong sambit kay Kuya.
Inaamin ko, may kaonting pangamba ako sa isa pang naiisip kong rason: na gusto niyang
sundin ko ang mga magulang ko. Pero alam ko na kaya kong baguhin ang isipan niya.
Kailangan ko lang ng oras, panahon, para balikan at kausapin siya nang hindi kami
iniistorbo nino man.
If in case he, indeed, wants me to follow my parents, I will still need to pretend that I
actually broke up with him and ended it all. Para makalaya ako at para sa huli, balikan ko
siya at magkaliwanagan kami.
I'm anxious not knowing his real reason. But one thing is for sure, I will do everything to be
with him again.
Nakatitig lang si Kuya sa akin sa biyahe. Nakahalukipkip at halata na palaisipan sa kanya to.
Binalik ko naman ang mga mata sa bintana habanginisip ang lahat ng gagawin, makausap at
makumbinsi lang ulit si Achilles sa naunang plano namin.
"Kayo ni Achilles?"
"Wala na kami!" agap ko para paniwalaan. "Didn't you see? Tinaboy niya ako."
Kuya Remus' eyes remained on me. Malalim ang iniisip niya habang pinagmamasdan ako.
My mind is preoccupied by the things I'd do and the things Ive done. Ni hindi ko pa
tuluyang napo-proseso ang nangyari sa akin sa nagdaang linggo. Ang pagkukulong nina
Mama at Papa sa akin sa bahay. The times I tried to escape, being chased down by our
bodyguards... and my strained voice from the screaming...it's all very traumatizing.
Kaya lang wala akong panahon para isipin pa ang lahat ng iyon. I need to push myself to
move on and think about what I will do next to truly escape my parents! I have no time to
feel the pain and suffering the past weeks has caused me. I have no time for my own
feelings, right now. I need to do something for our relationship to happen.
Sa biyahe ko lang inisip ang buong plano ko. Kaya pagkauwi ko, handa na ako sa gagawin.
Bowing a bit, I faced my parents when I got back from Costa Leona.
"Pinauwi siya ni Achilles," narinig ko sa mahabang sinabi ni Kuya Remus kay
Papa.
I didnt move. I had to look miserable. Alam kong ilang beses ko na 'tong nagawa.
Paniguradong mas maingat na si Mama. Hindi niya inasahan na may ugnayan pa kami ni
Achilles kasi pinaniwala ko siyang wala na sa akin ang pag-alis noon sa
Costa Leona. Achilles didn't mean to me so she didn't bother. Now she must be more
cautious.
Bumaling si Kuya Remus sa akin. Tumingin din si Papa sa akin samantalang si
Mama, kanina pa nakatitig habang nakikinig sa sinabi ni Kuya.
Nilapitan ako ni Papa. Bumuntonghininga siya at hinawakan niya ang kamay ko.
The heaviness of the past weeks suddenly caught up with me. Galit ang naiangat
 kong tingin sa kanya. He looked sad, torn, and weak.
"'m sorry."
"I hope you're happy." napapaos kong sinabi.
"Hindi siya ang para sa'yo, hija."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko para mapigilan ang nakakalunod na mga salita sa utak ko.
Sino ang para sa akin, kung gano'n? At bakit ikaw ang nagdedesisyon no'n? Hindi mo hawak
ang buhay ko kaya bakit kailangan mong makialam? You are my father, but I'm not a child! I
know what I want and you have no say in it!
"At mukhang ganyan din ang tingin ni Achilles. I want to be alone in my room.
Can I leave now?"
Nakita ko ang dumaang pag-aalala sa mukha ni Mama. Siguro dahil sa lumipas na mga
linggo, nag-iiyak ako araw araw para lang kumawala sa bahay na 'to. Pero ngayon, ako pa
mismo ang gustong magkulong.
"I'm sorry, Emilia," ulit ni Papa sa akin.
Tinanggal ko ang kamay ko sa kamay niya at unti-unting umalis doon kahit wala pa namang
permiso. Wala rin naman sa kanilang pumigil sa akin. At simula sa araw na iyon, hindi na
ako lumabas ng kuwarto. Hindi ako nag reklamo. Hindi na nagsisigaw at tumatakas. I was
diligently stayed in my room for a week that it
Worried my parents.
"You should apologize again.." si Mama.
Pagkatapos ng linggong iyon, kinausap na ako ni Mama. She allowed me to
"chase" my dreams. To become a model. To do whatever I want with my career...
That was supposedly a big deal. Pero hindi na para sa akin sa puntong yon. lyon ang dahilan
kung bakit ako pinarusahan at dinala sa Costa Leona. lyon ang dahilan ng ilang taon naming
pag-aaway tapos ngayon bigla bigla na lang magbabago ang isipan niya? Mas gugustuhin
niya siguro iyon kaysa sa maging boyfriend ko si Achilles. It must be that important to her
that she now lets me do anything for my career, and in return, I should stop seeing Achilles.

Kaya unti-unti na rin akong bumalik sa dati. Bantay-sarado pa rin pero hindi ako kailanman
nagbigay ng pagdududa sa mga bodyguards ko. l attended events and had shoots for work
again. I didn't talk about Achilles or even attempted to contact him again through my new
phone. I made it seem like
I was realy moving on.
"You should apologize in person. Dahil, nakakahiya ang ginawa mo sa unang date n'yo,"
Natigilan ako sa pagkain. Nasa hapag kaming tatlo ngayon, kumakain. Ilang linggo na akong
malayang nakakalabas-masok sa bahay. I can't say i fooled them completely when I still
have restrictions and a bunch of bodyguards.
"Yes, Mama," sagot ko.
"You should apologize by giving him another chance for a date," ulit ni Mama.
Natigil ulit ako sa paghihiwa ng kinakain. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at tahimik na tumango.
Gusto kO sanang ipakita na interesado ako pero hindi ko magawa. It's hard enough that I'm
pretending to be fine after all that Ive been through in this house. It's hard enough that I'm
also pretending that I'm over Achilles and moving on with my life. Hindi ko na kayang pati
ang pagkakagusto kay Gaudencio
Sevilla, pepekein ko pa para lang mapatunayan na hindi ko na gusto si Achilles.
139
"Alright," sagot ko habang inisip ang puvwede kong gawin.
2
"This time, I hope you don't leave him," sinubo ni Mama ang pagkain bago nag- angat ng
tingin sa akin.
48
I nodded calmly and looked at my father. Nakikinig lang siya sa amin.
2
"By the way, you are scheduled to fly to Singapore this weekend?"
40
I knew she's looking into my schedule. At ramdam ko rin na tini-trace ang mga tawag sa
cellphone ko. Kaya puro trabaho lang ang activity ng cellphone ko, in
24 case na ganoon nga. Tama nga ang hinala ko.
"Yes, Mama. For a shoot."
2
Alam ni Mama at Papa na magkaibigan si Markus at Achilles kaya pinagbawalan
 kaming magkita. Hindi na ako nagpakita ng panghihinayang. Besides, Markus is also busy
with his own photography stints so it didn't hurt him.
20
Hindi nga lang alam ni Mama at Papa na bukod kay Markus... may isa pang tumulong sa
akin. Si Nikolai.
We were in a commercial flight when I went back to Costa Leona last time. Kaya hindi
nalaman ng parents ko na may tumulong sa akin sa pagtakas ko. Hindi nila alam ang
tungkol kay Nikolai kaya siya lang ang mahihingan ko ng tulong.
My plan has commenced the very first dayl stepped out of our house and I am just buying
my time now. Sana lang... nakapaghintay si Achilles sa akin.
Hindi kami nakapag usap at nakapagplano ng maayos sa huling pagkikita namin.
Kaya naman k
Nikolai. dong kabado ako sa mga plano ko. Mabuti na lang at andyan si
"Uhm... II line up for an ice cream," sabi ko kay Dencio sa date namin.
Katatapos lang naming kumain sa restaurant. Nakapag dessert na rin kami pero dahil
nakita ko si Nikolai na nakaupo sa isang ice cream parlor, kinailangan kong sabihin iyon.
Hindi ko na hinintay na sumagot si Dencio. Naglakad na ako patungo sa pila at agad namang
sumunod si Nikolai sa likod ko, nagkukunwari ring pumila para sa ice cream. He already
knows the drill. My bodyguards are around and we can't act like we know each other
because they'll report to my parents. Dencio is also watching, so all the more we should
keep it a secret.
"Did you confirm it?" agad kong tanong pagpila niya sa likod ko.
Nikolai sighed behind me. It's been more than a month since l started to plan this out.
Kabado ako kung sumampa ba ng barko si Achilles o nanatili nga sa Costa
Leona at sinunod ang bilin ko.
"Are you serious about this, Marem?" bungad ni Nikolai sa akin sa likod ko.
Bumuntonghininga ako, hindi siya nilingon para hindi halata. "Tinatanong mo talaga ako
niyan?"
Natanaw ko ang umaaligid na bodyguards ko. Dencio waited on the side, unaware that I am
talking to a friend while I am in line for an ice cream that I don't even want.
"Well, yes. He is still in Costa Leona."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko. I knew it!
I know he wouldn't just leave me. Alam kong may prinsipyo siya pero hindi ako naniniwala
na ipagpapalit niya ako sa prinsipyo niyang sundin namin ang mga magulang ko. I am
above his dreams. I am his priority. His principles will bend for me.
Hindi na ako makasagot sa tuwa. Nanatili ako sa pila, pinipigilan ang gumuhit na ngiti sa
labi. Ive been smiling for the camera the past weeks, but never really got a genuine smile.
Ngayon pa lang.
"And I've plotted out what you want.." he said boredly behind me.
Pinigilan ko ang sariling tumango at saglit na kumalma.
"Thank you," I said.
"But if your parents will find out, you won't have much time in your hands."
Nikolai pretended to be a client who wants to get me for their rattan furniture collection.
Kaya nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataong mag-usa. Kaya rin ngayon, tinutulungan niya ako sa
mga plano ko.
"Kung... may kinuha silang bodyguards sa Singapore, that will mean it's only a matter of
approximately six hours before they find out that you're not the model in the shoot."
"Hindi naman siguro aabot sa ganoon, si Mama at Papa."
"You are heavily guarded right now, Marem. Pumipila tayo para sa ice cream para makapag
usap. Tingin mo ba hindi aabot sa ganoon ang parents mo?"
"Kung aabot man, pagkalapag ng eroplano, didiretso naman ako kay Achilles at
makukumbinsi ko siya agad."
He sighed. "1 also got you a house, in an unassuming town around Concepcion."
Ngumiti ulit ako. lyon ang plano.
Bukod sa gawin ang plano, sinadya ko ring magtrabaho sa nagdaang mga linggo para
magkaroon ng sariling pera. learned the money I will bring for this plan. I know Achilles
will want to shoulder all the cost of our new life, but I am also practical. Kung
makukumbinsi ko nga
 siya, baka kailangan din niyang iwan ang trabaho. We can't afford him working under the
command of my father when we are planning to elope. VWe will hide.
Cuz I know my father will never stop looking for us.
"Concepcion?"
"llang oras lang galing sa Costa Leona. Hindi kayo mahahanap doon. Sinigurado ko."
Gustong gusto ko nang balingan si Nikolai. He had a huge part in this.
"Thank you... Nikolai," hindi ko mapigilang ang utang na loob ko sa kanya.
He sighed again, as if unhappy with my decision. "You are rich, Marem. Are you really ready
to leave that life for a different one?"
Malungkot akong ngumiti sa kawalan bago sumagot. "l am unhappy, Nikolai. Do I really
have to stay in this unhappy life?"
Bumuntonghininga ulit siya at saglit na tumigil sa pagsasalita.
"Alright, then. The car will be waiting in Kalibo. Dumiretso ka na ng Costa Leona
pagkalapag ng eroplano. You won't have time and we wont know for sure if your security
will reach Singapore."
That was the whole plan.
Inimbita niya ako sa Singapore para maging modelo doon. Pinayagan ako ni
Mama. Since it's out of the country, I will leave my entourage of bodyguards and my
parents didn't say anything about having a bodyguard in Singapore. At kung mayroon nga,
nagbayad na rin si Nikolai ng tao para magpanggap na ako pagkalabas ng airport.
I will then be immediately returning to the Philippines after landing in Singapore.
Kailangan kong umalis at tuluyang pumunta ng Singapore dahil baka tingnan ng parents ko
ang mga dokumento para doon. I know that's a farfetched idea but they tracked my phone
calls, so that means they are willing to find a way to check on my private documents.
Kung sa pagbalik ko, matunugan nila. Siguro naman mabilis ko lang na makukumbinsi si
Achilles. I will have time. Nikolai will try to stall the security when it's needed. I will have at
least six hours to talk to Achilles. At kung tama ang hinala ko na gusto niya lang na
magpanggap kami para hindi ako mapagalitan ng parents ko, that's more than enough time
to convince him to run away with me.
It is freeing to think that I am running away. Parang iyon na ang hinihintay ko para
magsimula ang buhay ko. The time before today all felt like a prelude to living. It was like I
wasn't really living before lI run away with Achilles. I want to be emotional about it, but all
I feel is excitement.
Ni hindi ko man lang pinanghinayangan ang marangyang buhay. Ni hindi ko inisip na iwan
ko si Mama, si Papa, ang mga kapatid ko...O siguro dahil alam ko na kahit wala ako,
magiging maayos ang buhay nila. Kuya Remus will marry
Agnes and be happy. Mon will grow up to be a good man. My parents, I can't imagine them
missing me in an emotional level. My parents will only get angry because l brought disgrace
to our family. They won't even think about how they lost me.
Lumapag ang eroplano sa international airport ng Kalibo. My feet are almost trembling
from the excitement that I was feeling.
Maayos ang buong plano. Umalis ako kanina at sumakay ng eroplano papuntang
Singapore. Hindi na ako lumabas ng airport at sumakay ulit pabalik. Nikolai is looking out
for me. And he has hired a driver to drive me to Costa Leona right now to meet up with
Achilles.
My sandals touched the pebbled pathway of the entrance towards Achilles' neighbourhood.
Nagpalit ako ng damit kanina sa airport. From stilettos to sandals. From an all Chanel
airport fashion to a short freeing white dress in preparation for a simple life.
Nasa bukana pa lang ako ng lugar, natanaw ko na agad si Achilles.
I paused to look at his peaceful figure looking at the sea just behind their house.
He is still here. Alam kong nasabi niya na bumaba sila ng barko dahil may inaayos, pero
mas gusto kong isipin na hinintay niya ako. It's been almost two months since we last saw
each other. Nandito pa rin siya.
Hindi ko kayang maglakad dahil nanginginig ang mga binti ko. Kaya imbes na kumalma at
lakarin ang batuhan hanggang sa buhangin ng dalampasigan, kung saan nakatayo si
Achilles, tinakbo ko na iyon.
He's looking at the sea. Wala namang bangka na parating. It was as if he's
 thinking deeply. And when I think aboutit, it felt like we were just resuming our last
meeting. Just this time, without my brother, and with a better plan on my hands.
Tinakbo ko ang distansya. I was so excited that l didn't even give him a chance to turn
around and see me. I was already hugging him from the back when he moved to turn. My
tears fell when it dawned on me. My hardwork has paid off.
Ito na talaga 'yon! Hindi ako sumuko!
"Im here..." i said softly while hugging him tightiy.
Naramdaman ko ang mahigpit na hawak ng kamay niya sa palapulsuhan ko.
Ramdam ko na pilit niyang kinakalas ang mga iyon. Nagpaubaya ako para tuluyan niya
akong maharap at makapag usap kami ng maayos.
I was smiling the whole time. Kahit pa nakita ko na iritado siya nang balingan ako.
"Thanks for waiting. Natagalan lang ako dahil inayos ko pa ang lahat. At nagtrabaho ako
para makaipon. I bought us a house and I arranged stuff for this to happen so-
"Ano'ng pinagsasabi mo?" mariin niyang salubong sa hinabol kong mga salita.
Napawi saglit ang ngiti ko pero agad akong nakabawi.
"A-A house for when we run away. Nasa Concepcion lang pero siguradong hindi tayo-
"Bakit ka nandito?" malamig niyang tanong, inignora ulit ang mga sinabi ko.
My heart sank a bit. I was sure that he wanted us to pretend so I could get away that day.
Ngayon, pakiramdam ko mali ako. Siguro ayaw niya talagang suwayin ang mga magulang
ko. Ganunpaman, hindi ako nawalan ng pag-asa. Alam kong makukumbinsi ko pa rin siya.
"Para umalis na kasama ka! Nagkasundo tayo noong huli nating pagkikita, 'di ba?
I bought us a house. I worked hard for money. Hindi sobrang dami pero sapat na. Kaya ko
namang mabuhay ng simple-"
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo!" his tone raised a bit.
Ngayon, hindi ko na mabawi ang ngiti na nawala. Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan.
"What? You want me to go and follow my parents? Achilles, akala ko ba handa ka na ro'n?
Hindi ba pupuntahan mo pa nga ako sa Manila dapat pero imbes ako ang-
"Ang sabi ko, umalis ka na! Umuwi ka na sa inyo!" he shouted at me this time.
Suddenly, the sound of the waves got drowned by his tone. The tranquility of the moment
was disturbed by my pounding heart.
Kaya mo yan, Marem. Kung inuuna niya ang kagustuhan niyang sundin mo ang pamilya mo,
kaya mong kumbinsihin siya na unahin ka. Mahal ka niyan. Ang rason na gusto niyang
inuuna mo ang pamilya mo ay para sa'yo pa rin.
"Para an0? Sundin ang gustoni Mama at Papa? Achilles, kaya mong talikuran ako dahil lang
sa estado natin? Akala ko ba all these time, you entered the academy and got the job to
please my parents? Now that you're here and they arent pleased, are you just going to give
me up-
"Umuwi ka na sa inyo!" he shouted as if those were the only words he knew.
"Bakit nga?!" | shouted back. "Gusto mong sundin ko ang mga magulang ko?
Tatalikuran mo ako?"
"Oo!" he snapped. "Umuwi ka na. Wala akong panahon para makipag-usap pa sa'yo! Umuwi
ka na lang. Wala na tayo!"
I paused. I remember the last time we saw each other. He seemed emotional.
But this time, he looked angry.
"Wala na tayo? Seryoso ka ba diyan?" sabi ko, saglit na nayanig ang paniniwala.
"Umuwi ka na-"
"Para kang sirang plaka! Umuwi ako para ano? Sundin ang mga magulang ko?!
Ang tagal ko na silang sinusuway, ngayon ka pa ba susuko?! Ang tagal nating nilihim ang
relasyon natin dahil alam nating dalawa na ayaw nila sa'yo!"
"Then fucking go home and follow your parents instead! I have no time for you!"
Lumakad siya. Umalis sa harapan ko. I turned to watch him go. Unbelievable!
Sinundan ko siya habang nagsasalita.
"Pagkatapos ng sakripisyo natin, dahil lang ayaw ng parents ko sa atin, isusuko mo na tayo?
Ang lalim ng pinagsamahan natin! Ang lalim ng pagmamahalan natin! Tapos-"
I stopped on his tracks and looked at me. Para bang may nasabi akong mali.
"Oo, sumusuko na ako! Kaya umalis ka na nga lang! Bakit ba ang kulit mo?!"
Lalo lang akong nalito. " know my parents' opinion is a big deal to you, but is that
 it? Just because of that, you are going to throw me away?! Minahal mo ba ako?"
I saw his eyes widen a fraction. It was as if I hit something in him. Dumaan ang galit at sakit
sa mukha niya. Kilala ko siya. Halos basa ko ang ekspresyon. It was as if he got angry
because I questioned his love for me. But the expression changed immediately. Now, I don't
know if I was just delusional or what.
"Wala na tayo! Suko na ako. Umuwi ka na sa inyo. Tigilan mo na ako," he worded it all very
simply as if I was a kindergartner unable to understand a complex explanation.
"Do you know what happened to me before we saw each other last time?!
Kinulong ako sa bahay na parang kriminal! Ni mama at papa, Achilles! My own family
treated me that way just because of us! 1 Screamed all day and begged them to let me out! I
wanted to see you! You had no clue what Ive gone through and I was sure if you knew,
you'd rescue me! You'd beg my father to stop it! I know you'd take my side. No matter how
much you respect my parents, you will take my side... I know.
My tears fell. Nag-iwas siya agad ng tingin sa akin. Para bang hindi niya kayang makita
akong umilyak.
My heart sank more.
"At ano? Hayaan mo akong magdusa sa pamilya ko-"
"They won't do that again. Just go home-"
"They won't do that again because you broke up with me? Gano'n ba?!" sigaw ko.
"Just go home, Maria Emilia-'
"We have no time! Kung malaman ng parents ko na wala ako sa Singapore para sa isang
shoot, ipapahanap na naman ako at paniguradong hahanapin ako dito!
Let's just leave!"
Hinawakan ko ang kamay niya at hinila siya. He harshly pulled his hand out of my hold as if
disgusted of me.
"Tumigil ka!"
Offended of his sudden move and his shout. "Ano bang problema mo?! You were willing to
elope with me that's why I made a way! Now that I found a way, you're backing out?! Ano?
Mas malaki ang respeto mo sa mga magulang mo kaysa respeto mo sa akin2!"
His eyes shot back at me.
"Shut up!" he said. "Ang sabi ko, umuwi ka na! Nagbago na ang isip ko kaya wala na tayo!"
"Nagbago ang isip mo?!" | shouted that.
I can't believe this!
"Bakit nga?! Dahil gusto mong sundin si Mama at Papa? Huh?! Gano'n ba?!
Nasaan na 'yong mga pangako mo na magsisikap para sa ating dalawa? Na alam mong hindi
ka naman tanggap kaya wala nang bago?! Na hindi mo ako isusuko kahit na ayaw ng mga
magulang ko-"
"Nagbago na nga ang isip ko! Just leave-"
"Nagbago ang isip mo?!" lalo akong umiyak. "Achilles, gano'n lang yon?! Mahal mo ba talaga
ako"
His eyes snapped back at me again. He looked really pained watching my tears fall. Imbes
na magsalita, muli lang niya akong tinalikuran. Naglakad uliw siya patungo sa bahay niya.
I pulled his arm to stop him from his tracks and for him to face me.
"Tigilan mo ako. Ang sabi ko, umuwi ka na!" banta niya sa akin.
Bahagya akong nanliit. It was a different scene and feeling for me. I have never let myself
feel unwelcomed. Kasi kung alam ko na hindi ako gusto ng mga tao, mas una akong
magpapahayag ng disgusto sa kanila. Ngayon, parang pinipilit ko ang sarili ko sa taong
ayaw naman sa akin.
It was a temporary feeling, though. Because I know and believe that Achilles loves me. So
running after him, even when I'm unwelcomed, is bearable. Worth it
"Hindi ako uuwi!l" sigaw ko dahilan kung bakit hindi na siya nagpatuloy sa pag alis.
He looked attentive. Bothered, even.
"l planned all of this! I believed your promises! I believed that you will choose me despite
my parents! I choose you! They are my parents but I still chose you! Alam kong... ayaw mo
ng ganoon! Alam kong sa prinsipyo mo, gusto mong sundin ko ang mga magulang ko! Pero
hindi na ako bata! I have a mind of my own! I have paths I want to take, and that path is
this! If I had to burn bridges just to get my
 freedom, then l will!"
"Paano pa mangyayari ang lahat ng 'yan kung sinabi ko na nga sa'yo na wala na tayo? Hindi
mo ba naiintindihan? Ayaw ko na!"
My heart was stabbed by those words. But still, I remained firm. I know him. He loves me
"Hinihiwalayan mo ako dahil gusto mong sundin ko ang mga magulang ko? Pinag isipan mo
ba 'yang mabuti, huh? Eh sa pagkakaalam ko, ilang taon na tayong mag boyfriend! Napag
isip isip mo na ang lahat ng to! Didn't you prepare for this? Na hindi talaga tayo
matatanggap kahit pa yumaman ka at tumaas ang posisyon sa Navy?!"
"Kahit pa yumaman ako... o tumaas ang posisyon ko sa Navy... o tanggapin ng mga
magulang mo... hihiwalayan pa rin kita. Wala na tayo, Marem. Umuwi ka na sa inyo.
Kalimutan mo na ako."
Napaawang ang labi ko. Unti-unting bumuhos ang panibagong luha ko. Nakatitig siya sa
akin kanina pero ngayong lumandas ang mga bagong luha sa pisngi ko, napakurap kurap
siya at nag iwas ng tingin.
Achilles Riego looked so good. Even when he was hurting me, he looked like a ruthless and
merciless god.
"Kahit... tanggapin ng mga magulang ko.. hihiwalayan mo ako?" marahan kong sinabi sa
nanginginig na labi.
Hindi siya sumagot. Hindi rin siya tumingin sa akin. Nanatili ang titig niya kung saan.
T breathed in and breathed out slowly. I can feel my heart burning and my mind brimming
with wrath because of those words. But I stayed calm. I know him.
Paulit ulit ko yong inisip na parang dasal sa gitna ng impyerno.
I know him. He loves me. He loves me so much. I am his life.
I know him. He loves me.
"Bakit? Bakit a-ayaw mo? Kung tanggapin tayo ni Mama at Papa, bakit ayaw mo pa rin?"
"Stop saying that and tell me why!" I cut him off.
"Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon?! Ayaw ko na nga, 'di ba? Ano pa ba ang gusto mong marinig?!" his
voice was strained when he looked at me to say that. It was as if he was begging me to just
follow him blindly.
"Ayaw mo na sa akin?" marahan kong sinabi.
"Oo!" nag-iwas ulit siya ng tingin.
Parang may tumagos na bakal sa puso ko. Ayaw niya na sa akin?
"Isang buwan. Isang buwan? Ayaw mo na sa akin pagkatapos ng isang buwan?!"
Hindi siya sumagot.
"I worked hard to finally do this with you! Isang buwan mahigit! Tapos uuwi ako dito at
sasabihin mo na ayaw mo na sa akin?!"
He was frozen.
"Ano, Achilles?! Pag isipan mo tong mabuti! Uuwi na ako sa bahay sa Concepcion.
D-Doon ako maghihintay sa'yo-"
"I will tell your parents where you are. I won't need time to think. I'm sure of my decision,"
mariin niyang sinabi nang nakabawi.
Umawang ang labi ko, hindi naiintindihan ang mga sinasabi niya.
"Talaga? Gagawin mo 'yan?" umiiyak ako kani kanina pa pero ngayon, gusto kong matawa.
Is this for real? This can't be real.
"You know, I imagined our life together in a simple secluded place. We will work and live
simply and peacefully-"
"Tama na, Maria Emilia. Ang sabi ko, wala na tayo. My decision is absolute.
Nothing will change my mind-"
"Bakit2"
Hindi na naman siya sumagot.
"Sabi mo kahit yumaman ka, matanggap ng pamilya ko, ayaw mo na. Bakit?"
"Hindi pa ba sapat 'yon? Ayaw ko na nga-"
"Ayaw mo na sa akin? Hindi mo na ako mahal?" matapang kong sinabi kahit na sobrang
sakit na.
He didn't move again. I can feel that he's scared or at least tensed. Humakbang ako palapit.
Bumagsak ang mata niya sa mga paa ko, parang binabantayan ang distansiya namin. I
quickly closed our distance until he's almost reachable.
Tumingkayad ako ng kaonti pero agad siyang umatras na para bang nakakadiri ako.. o
nakakapaso.
 "Hindi mo na ako mahal?" ulit ko, sinusubukang lumaban kahit hirap na hirap na.
Ngayon, tumigil na ang mga luha. I sensed his reaction. He's scared.. conflicted.
"Hindi mo na ako mahal, Achilles?" marahan kong sinabi.
"Umuwi ka na-"
"Hindi mo na ako mahal?!" ulit ko.
Hindi na siya nagsalita. Mariin ang titig niya nang nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. I smiled. It
felt weird to have tears on my face and now my lips are stretching fora mischievous grin.
"Sabihin mo nga... hindi na kita mahal," halos malambing kong sinabi.
"Wala na tayo," iyon ang sinabi niya.
"Sagutin mo muna ako. Mahal mo pa ba ako?"
This time, I saw how he firmly closed his lips.
"Bakit hindi mo masagot? Sabi mo ayaw mo na, 'di ba? Sabi mo wala na tayo?" I said,
slightly getting angrier.
Hindi ko maintindihan. Wala na kami? I really think he has other reasons. I still think that
he wants me to follow my parents. He bluffed about how he still won't take me even when
my parents allow us. Pakiramdam ko, iyon ang pinaka rason niya. Wala kasing iba na
puwedeng maging dahilan ng pagtalikod niya biga sa akin.
A part of me still doesn't believe anything, though. Pakiramdam ko nakikipaglaro lang ako.
It was a painful and stupid game. I dont get why he's playing with me.
But the other part of me... is hysterical and terrified. That maybe he really meant it. After
all, he had firm principles. He wouldn't lie for anything.
"Kung ayaw mo na sa akin, edi ibig sabihin no'n, hindi mo na ako mahal!"T accused him.
Lalong dumiin ang titig niya sa kawalan. Nagkakasaluborng na ang mga kilay at mukhang
pinipigilan ang sariling magsalita. l am not a violent person but I couldn't control my
overwhelming feeling anymore. I have the urge to push his chest. To knock some sense out
of him so he would tell me the truth!
"Ano? Hindi mo na ako mahal? O minahal mo ba talaga ako?!"
His brow furrowed more at my new questions. That was the only reaction he had.
Naniniwala akong minahal niya ako. Mahal niya ako. Pero hindi ko mapigilang isumbat sa
kanya iyon dahil hindi ko na naintindihan.
"Ano, Achilles?!" I screamed.
Iritado, galit, at takot, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili. I pushed his chest and even almost
punched it weakly.
"Sagutin mo ako!" I cried. "Dahil ba to kina Mama at Papa"
"Bakit ba ang kulit mo?!" he snapped at me. "Wala na nga tayo! Umuwi ka na! Ano pa bang
ekplenasyon ang gusto mo?!"
"Hindi ko maintindihan! We are in a relationship for years! We planned our fututre
together! We conquered obstacles together! So I don't understand this at all!"
"Hindi pa ba sapat sa'yo na ayaw ko na nga?! Can't you respect that and leave,
Maria Emilia?"
Alam kong kanina niya pa paulit ulit na sinabi iyon pero parang ngayon lang nanuot sa mga
buto ko ang sinabi niya.
He looked carried away by our argument. Diretso ang titig niya sa akin habang sunod
sunod na sinabi ang mga huling sinabi kaya nanuot ng husto sa puso ko iyon.
All this time, even when I cried, I really believed and hope that he didn't mean this. That he
just really wants me to follow my parents.
Pero sa pagkakataong ito... sa mga huling sinabi niya. Medyo lumamang ang kaisipan kong...
totoo ang mga sinabi niya. Ayaw niya na nga sa akin. Gusto niya na nga kaming maghiwalay.

"H-Hindi mo na ako... mahal?" marahan at nanginginig kong sinabi, nanghihina.

Fresh tears pooled in my eyes and they quickly poured on my damp cheeks. My lips
quivered as I try to gather all my thoughts along with the pieces of my broken heart.
Is this really true?
No
Tknow him. He... loves me. l am his life. His dream. His world is dark without me. He was
ready to give up
 everything for me. I am his home.
"H-Hindi mo na ba ako mahal, Achilles?" punong puno ng hindi sinasadyang
pagmamakaawa ang boses ko.
He bowed and closed his eyes but the tears escaped. My tears poured more. don't
understand.
"You... You love me, right? Hindi ba.. mahal mo naman ako?" nanginginig ang boses ko
Lalo lang siyang pumikit. He abruptly wiped his eyes using his index finger and thumb.
"Umuwi ka na lang," he said breathily.
"Hihiwalayan mo a-ako?" nagsusumamo na ang boses ko kahit hindi ko sinasadya.
Hindi siya sumagot. He bowed again and curseda little because tears dropped from his eyes
again. Lumapit ako at sinubukan siyang hawakan sa nanginginig na kamay. I got a hold of
his shirt and when he noticed, he tried to step back.
"Hindi mo na akomahal?" my voice broke.
His opened his eyes but they remained down. He has wiped his tears away. Hindi siya
makatingin sa akin at matigas ang ekspresyon.
Imoved my hand. Nakakapit pa rin iyon sa damit niya. His javw moved when he realized
that I haven't let go.
"You're lying, right? Y-You love me so much, right?"
His lips parted. He looked struggling to breathe. I saw new tears dropped from his eyes but
he wiped them away immediately.
"You love me, right?" I said in a small shaking voice.
"A-Achilles.." we both heard a different voice.
Sabay naming nilingon kung sino iyon. Alana looked shock to see us. Natigilan siya sa
paglalakad habang yakap ang ilang libro. Naka uniporme siya at mukhang pauwi kung saan.

Wala akong panahon para sa kanya ngayon. Wala akong panahong isipin siya. llang taon ko
na siyang hindi inisip at hindi na siya naging dahilan ng pag-aaway namin ni Achilles.
Achilles was true to his word when he said that he didn't mind distancing himself from his
then friends for us.
Kaya lang, alam ko ring hindi maiiwasan. Nasa Costa Leona kami at taga rito siya.
Kumawala si Achilles sa hawak ko.I calmed down and waited. Because I was very sure that
he would just make her leave so we can talk more. Pero nang hindi ko narinig ang pagtaboy
niya, at hindi din siya agad bumalik sa akin, napabaling ulit ako sa kanila.
I caught them talking secretly. Or at least because I couldn't hear it. Natanaw ko ring
bumaling si Alana sa akin, may takot sa mga mata habang lalong niyayakap ang mga libro
niya.
Annoyed that he has not make her leave, or even come back to me So we can talk more, I
turned to them. Hindi ko na napigilan ang mabilis na pagbulusok ng galit ko
"Nag-uusap kami ni Achilles, puwede bang umalis ka muna?"
Alana's lips parted. She was about to say something when Achilles faced me again.
"Ikaw ang umalis."
Bigla akong nanlamig.
Galing kay Achilles, bumaba ang mga mata ko kay Alana. Bumalik ulit iyon kay
Achilles pagkatapos ng ilang sandali.
Achilles looked sure. The hurt in his eyes was still visible but his certainty about a decision
was more prominent.
"Umalis ka na, Marem."
"Bakit ako ang aalis? Nag-uusap pa tayong dalawa! Siya ang paalisin mo-"
"Ang sabing umalis ka na!" He shouted so loud I closed my eyes and jumped a little. "Bakit
ba ang kulit mo?! Sabing wala na tayo! Ayaw ko na! Ano bang hindi mo naiintindih
,huh?! Umalis ka na! Hiwalay na tayong dalawa! Tumigil ka na!"
He sounded so desperate and loud. Hindi ko maalala kung kailan ako nasigawan ng ganoon
ka lakas. Parang punong puno na siya. Parang sobrang nakakapagod na. Nakakapagod ako.
Nakakapagod sagutin ang mga tanong ko.
My tears welled but my rage was even greater this time.
"Bakit nga?! Hindi mo pa ako sinasagot! Bakit mo ako pinapaalis? Bakit mo ako
 hinihiwalayan?! Eh-"
"I said I've had enough! Which part don't you fucking understand?!" his harsh and blatant
voice made me flinch.
Tears has caught up with my rage this time.
Seeing them on the same side, together, while my heart is broken is shaking my faith and
trust for him.
"Bakit nga?! Ano? May mahal ka nang iba? Sino? Yang babaeng 'yan?! Kaya mo ako iwan?!
Ano?! Bakit hindi mo maamin?! Diretsuhin mo na lang ako! Dati ko pa naman kayong
pinagdududahan, 'di ba? Edi totoo nga ang mga pagdududa ko?!
Ha?! Na may namamagitan nga sa inyo-"
"Oo!" he cut me of with a loud answer
I froze.
Napakurap kurap siya. His face hardened more as he licked his lips.
"Umalis ka na," marahan niyang sinabi. "Umuwi ka na sa inyo."
"M-May.. namamagitan sa inyo?" I asked quietly.
Achilles firmly closed his lips. I looked at Alana. She looked shocked. Bagsak ang mga mata
sa lupa habang nakikinig sa amin.
Kanina pa basag ang puso kO pero ngayon, parang dinurog pa lalo ito.
I then shook my head and smiled a little.
"Hindi ako naniniwala. Alam kong... a-ako ang mahal mo.
He then looked at me, with bloodshot eyes, and damp cheeks from his tears.
"Please leave. We're over. We're done."
"Hindi ako naniniwala!" I screamed hysterically. "Alam kong ako ang mahal mo!
Hindi yang babaeng yan! You have no communication for years! You don't love her! You
even cut the cords for me! Kaya hindi ako naniniwala, Achilles!"
Achilles then looked at me with merciless eyes.
"Then suit yourself. Just don't bother us cuz I won't forgive you."
Achilles held Alana's hand and pulled her as they both walked out in front of me.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 26

Promise
Hindi ko maintindihan.
Hindi ko matanggap na umalis si Achilles, hawak ang kamay ni Alana. I refuse to
acknowledge what just happened, and even my thought about it.
No... he's just doing that to get rid of me. He doesn't want me to disobey my parents so.
Naalala ko ang mga sinabi niya. Kahit pa yumaman siya... matanggap siya ng mga magulang
ko... hindi pa rin magiging kami.
Hold on, Marem. Don't believe that. He's bluffing right?
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko. Hating hati ako. A part of me wants to run away
and believe what he said. I don't want to force myself to anyone. The other part of me didn't
want to believe what he said. He's lying just so he could get me to obey my parents.
Pero hindi ba sa dalawang maaaring dahilan na yon, pareho lang na ayaw niya?
Hindi ba ayaw ko ng pinipilit ako? Hindi ba ayaw ko na kailangang magbigay ng rason kung
bakit ayaw ko? Hindi ba dapat respetuin na lang ang desisyon, at hindi na kailangan
maghintay ng eksplenasyon? Hindi ba lahat tayo may karapatang umayaw, at umayaw din
sa pagbibigay pa ng karagdagang dahilan?
But even with all those realizations, my feet wouldn't move an inch. Para akong nag ugat na
sa lupa kung saan ako nakaapak. Ayaw balingan ang pag alis ni
Achilles at Alana, pero ayaw ding umalis at magpaubaya.
I stayed standing still, not knowing what to do next, and wanting so bad to stay despite
Achilles' pushing me away.
Hindi na ako umiyak kahit na sobrang sakit na ng puso ko. O baka.. hindi ako makaiyak.
Masyado akong nalulong sa pag-iisip sa tunay na nangyayari, binabalewala ang lahat ng
nakalulunod na nararamdaman.
Dumidilim na pero hindi pa rin ako gumalaw doon hanggang sa naramdaman ko ang lamig
ng hangin at unti-unting patak ng mga ulan.
Suminghap ako at marahang bumaling sa kung saan lumakad nang umalis si
 Achilles kanina. It's leading to the neighbourhood and at the same time, the door of his
house.
Hindi ko alam kung saan sila pumunta pero inisip kong sa bahay. Lalo na dahil umilaw ang
looban dahil gumagabi na.
The rain slowly poured. At sumilong ako sa kaonting yero sa taas ng bintana sa bahay ni
Achilles. Saglit lang yon dahil minabuti kong tumayo sa pintuan at kumatok
"Achilles..."
I felt detached from my self. I don't know why. Dapat galit ako ngayon.
Hinawakan niya ang kamay ni Alana. It triggereda certain silent rage in me that now... I am
completely detached to my own feelings.
Para bang natutunan ko sa buong nangyari na isantabi ang totoong nararamdaman dahil
may mga mas importanteng bagay pang ayusin. Na dati'y lagi akong nagpapadala sa
nararamdaman ko, sa galit, sa selos... kaya ngayon sinisikap kong huwag isipin iyon.
Hanggang sa tuluyan ko nang naiwan yon kung
"Achilles, please, let's talk! I know youre in there!"
Walang sumasagot.
Bumaling sa sa mga kabahayan. Hindi ko alam kung taga saan si Alana. Kung kapit bahay ba
siya ni Achilles. Pumunta ba sila sa bahay ni Alana?
Lalong lumakas ang ulan. May ilaw man sa mga sumunod na kabahayan, madilim pa rin
dahil bilang lang ang mga ito. At lalong dumilim dahil sa pagbuhos ng ulan. Nababasa na
ako ng paunti unti. I am worried about my clothes but I should stop cuz it's petty. I have a
heavier problem at hand.
"Achilles?" sabi ko sabay katok sa pintuan niya.
I tried to calm down again as I hear the thunderclaps and the sudden pouring rain.
Calm down, Marem. This will pay off. Huwag mo munang isipin ang tungkol kay
Achilles at Alana. Kailangan n'yo lang mag-usap.
"Achilles, nababasa na ako dito. Magkakasakit ako.." I said as I watched the rain soak my
shoulder.
Hindi na kakayanin ng kakarampot na yero na isilong ako sa ganito ka lakas na ulan.
"Achilles-"
The door suddenly opened. I saw Achilles first. He opened it harshly, as if impatient.
Natabunan agad ng katawan niya si Alana na nakatayo sa likod niya.
"Bakit nandito ka pa? Hindi ba sinabi ko na nga sa'yo na umuwi ka na?!"
Napakurap-kurap ako. I ignored my feelings again. Whatever hurt and pain I felt when he
shouted the last words, it only added to the pile of pain. Now I feel like a balloon trying her
best to keep it together, even when it's about to burst.
"Eh mag-uusap pa tayo. Sayang ang oras. Naghihintay na ang van para makadiretso na tayo
sa-"
"Ano bang hindi mo naiintindihan sa sinabi ko? Ha? I will call your brother and tell him
youre here!"
He reached for his phone. That's when it dawned on me.
Ilang linggo kong pinaghandaan to at marami akong nagawa para lang mangyari to. Tapos
ngayon...tatawag lang siya kay Kuya para isumbong ako at baliwalain ang mga nagawa ko?!
I felt like my balloon of feelings got stretched beyond endurance.
Kanina ko pa iniignora ang lahat. Pati ang matinding galit ko sa pagsama niya kay
Alana, karnina, at ngayon nasa loob pa ito ng bahay niya! Tapos ngayon... mababalewala
ang lahat ng mga sakripisyo ko dahil tatawagan niya si Kuya para ipaalam ang mga ito?!
I slapped the phone from his hand. Agad iyong tumilapon. Achilles' bloodshot eyes snapped
at me.
"Ano bang problema mo?! Ang dami kong ginawa para mangyari tayo tapos sasayangin mo
lang ang lahat?!"
"Hindi ba sinabi ko na sa'yo-"
I cut him of with a louder shout. "Na umuwi na ako! Na ayaw mo na?! Oo! You asshole! I
heard you but I'm trying to understand it based on how I know you! At alam ko na hindi ka
ganito kaya hindi ako naniniwala!"
Napaos ako sa sobrang lakas ng boses ko.
"What can I do to make you believe it, then" Achilles' voice was so cold I shivered.
Napaawang ang labi ko, hindi inasahan na ganoon ang sasabihin niya
 pagkatapos kong sumigaw.
"Sabihin mo sa akin. Ano ang gagawin ko para lang maniwala ka, na totoong ayaw ko na.
Totoong gusto ko nang tigilan 'to. Na hindi magbabago..." unti unting lumakas ang boses
niya. "... ang isipan ko kahit pa tanggapin tayo ng mga magulang mo!" he said the last words
so loud.
Tumingin ako kay Alana saglit bago kay Achilles. I gritted my teeth and looked at him
angrily.
"Bakit? Ano?! May ibang babae ka na?!" I screamed with my strained voice.
Ito ang kanina ko pa pinipigilan na sabihin. I didn't want to conclude. All this time,
I was always fast to conclude things like this. l'd like to change it this time. Id like o fight.
But the time I was ready to fight, he was ready to fold.
"Ano?! Kayo ba ng babaeng 'yan, Achilles?"
I tried to enter their house so i could clearly see Alana. Kaya lang hinarangan ako ni
Achilles.
"Tumigil ka na! Huwag mo siyang isali dito!"
Huwag isali?! Bakit parang pinoprotektahan niya si Alana.
The stretched balloon... finally... bursted.
"Huwag isali?! Bakit? Why is she here anyway?! If you don't want her included, why is she
here in your house?!"
Hindi nakasagot si Achilles. Mas lalo lang pumatong ang galit sa akin. This isn't right
anymore. I want to believe his promises but it's getting harder and harder by the minute!
"Ano?! Kayo na?! Oh my god! You cheated on me?!" l accused him angrily.
Kumunot ang noo niya at parang may gustong sabihin pero nanatiling tikom ang bibig.
"You fucking cheated on me?! Huh?!"
I tried to get in his house. Hinarangan nya ulit ako. Tumama ako sa dibdib niya.
He stopped me from going in. Napaatras ako dahil sa pagtama sa dibdib niya. Sa
pagkakataong iyon, nabasa na ako ng ulan!
"Ano?! Dont tell me sa isang buwan na naghintay ka dito, nagbago ang isip mo dahil sa
babaeng 'yan?!"
Mariin ang titig ni Achilles sa akin. I want to think that he's really just bluffing. But
I'm already past that. All I think about now... is he cheated. And what if it's true?
How did he cheat? Did they kiss? Does he love her now? I don't know!
Pero bakit ko pa nga ba tinatanong iyon? Bakit? Kung nagtaksil nga siya, pero hindi niya
naman mahal... kaya ko bang tanggapin siya ulit?
Iremember the time when he caught me with Nikolai. Tinanggap niya ako. We were still
together, and yet I somehow entertained suitors. That was cheating. I regret it. I love him
but I cheated. He still forgave me. He took me back.
Kaya ngayon... kung nagkamali siya.
I gritted my teeth. I tried to hold back my tears. Alam kong nagsisikap ako na maayos kami.
Na hindi ako bibitiw at lalaban ako para sa amin. Pero... sumusobra naman yata 'to!
Kaya ko lang naman siyang ipaglaban dahil mahal ko siya! Pero kung hindi niya ako mahal,
hindi ko na alam kung laban pa rin ba yon o talo na!
"Ano?! Naghalikan kayo?! Mahal mo na siya, kaya ayaw mo na sa akin?! Ano?!"I shouted.
The thunder boomed. My tears were hot against my cold cheeks. The rain is trickling on my
hair down my whole body.
Nanatili si Achilles sa pintuan. Nanlalabo ang mga mata ko sa tubig-ulan at mga luha kaya
hindi ko na halos makita ang ekspresyon niya. He's holding the door but he didn't close it
yet. O na estatwa ba siya sa kinatatayuan niya dahil hindi na siya gumalaw habang
nakikinig sa mga sigaw ko?
"May nangyari sa inyo?! Nagkamali ka?! Ano, Achilles?! Sabihin mo sa akin!"
I almost bent from my intense wailing and screaming. Umiling ako.
"Mahal mo 'ko, eh. A-Alam ko." I cried more.
Hinawakan ko ang dibdib ko, kung saan literal na sumasakit dahil sa mga nangyayari.
"Bawiin mo, please... Hindi kayo, 'di ba? Hindi, 'di ba? Achilles, mahal na mahal kita..."
I bowed defeatedly.
Achilles inhaled harshly and slowly closed the door. Namilog ang mga mata ko at
sinubukang lumapit para pigilan pero naisarado niya na ang pintuan bago ko pa
 naabutan. Bumundol ako sa pintuan at agad ko iyong hinampas.
"Achilles, please... open up.." I pleaded.
Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses ko iyong inulit ulit. Hinampas ko ang pintuan nila
hanggang sa humapdi na ang mga palad ko.
Tumigil na lang ang ulan at halos matuyo na ako galing sa pagkakabasa, nanatili ako sa
pintuan, nakahilig at pagod na pagod na.
Mahapdi ang mga mata ko sa pag iyak. VWala na akong lakas. Kanina pa paulit ulit na
tumunog ang cellphone ko hanggang sa nawalan na ng baterya dahil hindi ko na ulit narinig
na tumunog.
It's almost midnight. I don't know if they have another door in this house or if they
escaped... or if they remained inside... but if they did.. then does that mean... Alana is staying
here?
Akala ko wala na akong luhang maiyak. Fresh tears formed on my eyes as I slowly sat on
the floor because of exhaustion.
I sneezed and realized the air is getting colder, and my wet clothes are making me shiver
more.
"Ma'am...".
Nanatili akong tulala kahit pa may anino akong nakitang lumapit.
"Tumawag kasi si Sir. Kinakamusta kayo kasi naghihintay siya sa Roxas kanina para sana...
uh... siguraduhin na makakapunta tayo sa Concepcion."
Ang matandang driver iyon ng van na hinanda ni Nikolai para sa amin ni Achilles.
I forgot about him. But still... I remained sitting and spacing out.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang sandaling naghintay ng sagot ang driver. Hindi ko siya nabigyan.
Wala na akong lakas. At wala na yata ako sa katinuan.
Nakatulog ako.
Unti-unti kong dinilat ang mga mata at natanaw ang dilim sa labas at kaonting mga ilaw na
nadadaanan. Where am ?
I looked around and saw that it was a bigger van. Hindi iyong sinakyan ko no'n.
Napatingin ako sa tabi bago ako umahon sa nakapahigang upuan ko.
"N-Nasaan ako?" mahina kong tanong kay Nikolai na tahimik na nakatitig sa akin mula nang
umahon ako.
He sighed before he answered. "Sinundo kita sa Costa Leona. The driver carried you to this
van. Nakatulog ka sa... pintuan ng bahay ni Achilles."
I paused. I suddenly remembered everything. Was that a dream or did it really happen?
Natulala ako at inisip ang lahat ng nangyari. Unti-unting bumuhos sa akin ang lahat.
Nangilid ang mga luha ko. Hindi ako makapaniwala na totoong nangyari ang lahat ng iyon.
Bumagsak ang kumot na nilagay ni Nikolai sa akin at muli kong naramdaman ang lamig.
Halos tuyo na ang damit ko ngayon.
"Want to... tell me what happened?"
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang lagpasan ang mga sumunod na araw.
Hindi ako pinahanap ni Mama at Papa sa Singapore. HIndi ko alam kung dahil ba nakuha ko
na ulit ang tiwala nila o dahil alam nila na hindi rin naman ako tatanggapin ni Achilles kung
tumakas ako at magpunta sa kanya.
Hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyari sa akin kung hindi ako sinundo ni
Nikolai. They found me sitting while asleep near Achilles' door. I can't believe
Achilles didn't even bother to check on me... or even offer me shelter. It was a cold rainy
night.
Pero bakit nga ba ako nag-eexpect na aalagaan niya ako? Hindi ba, siya pa nga ang nagtaboy
sa akin?! Pinagsarhan niya ako ng pintuan! He didn't even worry for me that l stayed there
the whole time! He didn't offer me a blanket or an umbrella!
Nagkasakit ako sa sumunod na araw. Kina Nikolai muna ako tumuloy ng dalawang araw.
I was devastated and angry. Hindi ko kayang isipin ng mabuti ang lahat.
Achilles cheating on me? Impossible!
I know I believed that in that moment. Hindi niya ako itataboy ng ganoon kung walang
matibay na dahilan. Sapat na dahilan nga naman na may mahal na siyang iba kaya niya ako
tinataboy ngayon.
Kaya lang... isang buwan. Isang buwan lang. Pinalitan niya agad ako.
"Kung dahil lang sa parents ko, kaya niya ako pinagpalit. Kung pagod na siya.. sana sinabi
niya!" I cried as I hugged Nikolai.
Mataas ang temperatura ko dahil na rin siguro sa pagkakabasa sa ulan. I didn't
 want to eat. Or maybe, a part of me wanted to be so unhealthy. Inisip kong.. mag-aalala si
Achilles ngayong may sakit ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Kung lumala pa ang sakit ko, mas lalo
siyang mag-aalala at pagsisisihan ang lahat ng ginawa niya!
Oo! Gusto kong magsisi siya!
Pero alam ko rin na kung magsisi nga siya at mag-alala sa akin, natatakot akong
tatanggapin ko siya agad na parang walang nangyari.
"Nikolai, hindi ko kaya 'to! Buong buhay ko... walang nakakaintindi sa akin! Si
Achilles lang! Mahal na mahal ko siya! Kayang kaya kong talikuran ang kahit na ano para sa
kanya...
Nikolai hugged me back as he soothed me.
"Marem, andito rin ako. Naiintindihan kita."
Kinagat ko ang labi ko at lalo siyang niyakap. Hindi ko na maintindihan ang nararamdaman
ko. Minsan, gusto kong magmakaawa. Minsan nagdedeklara ng nararamdaman para kay
Achilles. Minsan naman... ang poot at galit.
"He cheated on me with that bitch! Ang tagal ko nang nagdududa sa kanila! Ang sabi niya,
wala naman daw?! Tapos ngayon.. sila na?!" | screamed. "Sana hindi niya na lang ako
hinabol no'ng nakipaghiwalay ako sa kanya noon! Sana! Hindi niya na ako sinuyo! Hindi na
siya nagbanta na iwan ang pagsusundalo para sa akin!"
Nikolai sighed again as he listened to what I was saying. Hindi na siya makapagsalita dahil
sunod sunod ang mga sinabi ko habang umiiyak at nasa kama.
"Pinagpalit niya ako! Hindi ako makapaniwala! Alam kong... hindi ako mabait.. iyon ba ang
dahilan?! Mas mabait ba si Alana?"
Humikbi ako habang binabaon ang mukha ko sa balikat ni Nikolai.
"I know I'm rude... I know... I know I'm not an ideal girlfriend... or wife... but I'm trying my
best. I love him so much. Alam kong mahal niya ako... Please, Nikolai. tell me... Mahal niya
ako... 'di ba?"
I sounded so hopeless but I'm tired of keeping it all in. Nagkahalo halo na ang
nararamdaman ko na hindi ko na maintindihan ang sarili ko.
Umuwi ako sa amin na maayos na ang pakiramdam. Inalagaan ako ng mabuti ni
Nikolai sa lloilo. Hindi rin kami nabuking at mukha ring hindi naman nagsikap ang mga
magulang ko na siguraduhin ang mga lakad ko.
Most days, I'm alone and spacing out. Hindi ako tumanggap ng trabaho at ang iba, hindi ko
na sinipot. I only wanted to be in my room. I don't understand why
I'm still in this house. I said my real life will begin after I elope with Achilles. Now that we
didn't... and I'm still here... I feel lifeless.
I'm not sure if this is a prelude to thatlife... a prequel to the story of me living a simple life
with Achilles... or it already ended in an unfortunate twist. It already ended before it even
started.
Hindi ko na alam kung ano ang susunod na gagawin. Kung bumalik ba kay
Achilles at magmakaawa ulit... O... I paused and realized that I didn't have any other option.
I don't want to go on with my life anymore. The life l expected the next months, and years,
or decades, is a life with him.
"Dito po ba, Ma'am?" tanong ng driver nina Nikolai.
It's been a month since what happened. Lito pa rin akO sa nararamdaman ko.
Hindi ko alam kung alin ang totoo. Kaya hindi ko rin alam kung ano ba talaga dapat ang
nararamdaman ko. I felt like I was floating mid air, and couldn't even land. Like l'm
standing on a thin line between love and hate... I have no answer to anything.
"Thank you," sabi ko bago binuksan ang pintuan.
Nakahanap ulit ako ng paraan para umalis sa Manila at magbalik ng Costa Leona.
At dahil hindi ako puwedeng magdala ng sasakyan galing sa amin, driver ni
Nikolai ang sumalu ong sa akin.
Nikolai adviced me not to do this but since when did I ever listen to anyone's advice?
Tinanaw ko ang eskuwelahan. Saglit kong naalala ang nakaraan. Dati, dito ako nag-aaral.
Achilles was a classmate of mine. He was older than us and yet he was ur batch because he
was poor and struggling.
Saulo ko pa ang lahat na parang kahapon lang. Kung paano ako nahulog sa kanya at paano
siya sa akin.
He is my home. He comforts me from al the pain and suffering. He is my first
 and only love. I couldn't imagine loving someone else as much as I love him.
What I have for him is raw, unadulterated love. I couldn't even express it properly back
when I was younger, and when I grew into a woman, I finally found a way to love him.
He was already a man before I came into his life. Or maybe, he was a poor and struggling
boy trying to play a man's role for his mother. He was a breadwinner.
He was always righteous... and had strong principles.
We clashed so much. I was that rude brat he should've hated. I defied his righteousness and
principles. I don't understand how he came to love me when I was always rude... always
difficult... and I didn't value fairness. But I didn't know how I came to love him, too. When I
find him inferior because of his status, and | hated him for imposing fairness... even to me.
I swallowed hard and started walking beyond the gates of the school premises.
Suot ang isang wine red na longsleeve designer dress, na may pencil cut na skirt, at isang
nipis na stilletos, tuloy-tuloy ang lakad ko sa pamilyar na mga classroom ng paaralan. My
long hair is parted in the middle, in a half low ponytail, with the other half on pretty curls
below my shoulders.
Panay ang baling ng mga estudyante sa akin, namamangha. Naaalala ko dati, bata pa ako,
ganito din ang titig ng mga estudyante rito.
Tumigil ako sa faculty at agad kong nahanap ang mga mata ng babaeng sadya ko rito.
Hindi na inisip na humingi ng permiso, pumasok ako. Alana looked shocked to see me. I
looked around the small room. May dalawa pang teacher na nandoon na gulat din sa
biglaan kong pagpasok.
"Iwan n'yo muna kami," iminuwestra ko si Alana.
Ramdam ko ang pagpupumiglas ng isang guro. Matagal ko siyang tiningnan, hinahamon na
suwayin ang gusto kong mangyari. Pero kalaunan, nagsialisan din sila at tuluyan na nga
kaming naiwan
Alana doon.
I put my expensive bag on Alana's table in front of us. Alana looked at my bag before she
looked at me again. Naupo ako sa isa sa dalawang upuan sa harap ng lamesa niya.
Samantalang nanatili siyang nakatayo doon, naghihintay pa rin sa kung anong sadya ko.
"Upo ka," hamon ko.
Alana looked at her seat. It was as if she expected something strange from it since I asked
her to sit on it. I smirked.
"Ano'ng kailangan mo?" tanong niya pagkatapos maupo.
"Gusto kong malaman mo... na hindi ako naniniwala na kayo ni Achilles."
Her wary eyes remained on me.
"He cut the cords with you for me. You were his friend before I came into his life.
And for him to burn the bridges for me... means he didn't value you."
Kita ko ang saglit na pagbabago ng ekspresyon niya. I can sense that she was offended but I
didn't stop there.
"Hindi ko alam kung anong namamagitan sa inyong dalawa. Kung..."I shrugged confidently.
"Ginagamit ka ba niya para tigilan ko siya... o nagkamali siya at dahil sa prinsipyo niya,
gusto niyang parusahan ang sarili at pagdusahan ang pagkakamali... pero isa lang ang alam
ko."
I paused to check on her expression and then smiled when I realized she looked angry.
"Hindi ka niya mahal."
"Bakit mo sinasabi sa akin 'to?" she said in a calm way.
I smiled more. "Because if you are a decent woman, then you won't accept a man's pity
commitment. I won't call it pity love cuz he won't Iove you... even if you're pitiful."
Kumunot ang noo niya at ramdam ko ang pagpipigil.
"Commitment is a heavy word but Achilles is that kind of man. He can commit to
something, kahit gaano niya pa ka ayaw, para lang sa prinsipyo niya. Kaya nasisiguro kong
kahit ayaw na ayaw niya salyo.. at mahal na mahal niya ako. kayang kaya niyang mag
commit sa'yo para lang sundin ko ang mga magulang ko."
"Kung may problema ka kay Achilles, kayong dalawa ang mag-usap. Huwag n'yo akong
isali."
I chuckled. "Hindi ka naman talaga kasali."
"Kung gano'n, bat mo pa ako pinuntahan dito?"
 "Kasi baka lang nagsisimula ka nang mag ilusyon dahil lang sa nangyari."
"Kung nag iilusyon ako, big deal ba 'yon salyo? Takot ka ba na umaasa ako at tuluyang
tuparin ni Achilles ang mga inaasahan ko?"
Napawi ang ngiti ko dahil sa mga sinabi ni Alana.
"I'm not scared," I lied because I am.
Why else would I be here if I wasn't.
"Cuz... even if he actually commits to you, I know.. you will never replace me."
Siya naman ngayon ang natahimik at mukhang natakot.
"You will live under my shadows. He will be a boyfriend to you, but he will never love you
the way he loves me. Not even close. And each time he will kiss you... he will close his eyes
and think of me," marahan kong sinabi ang bawat kataga.
Ramdam ko ang panginginig ni Alana.
"And you will always wonder why you could never soothe him... it's because I am the only
one who could. So in the end, you can't do anything for him. You will always fall short of
what he wants. You will never be happy because you know it.. deep in your heart... that
you're not who he wants. And it will hurt more because you know he isn't happy, too."
Napakurap-kurap si Alana bago nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit mo sinasabi sa akin ang lahat ng to."
"Kayo na ba?" sabi ko, inignora ang sinabi niya.
Tumayo siya at lumakad kung saan. Sinundan ko siya ng tingin. Nakita kong dumiretso siya
sa dispenser at kumuha ng tasa.
I gritted my teeth. I am annoyed that she isn't affected. Or if she is, she didn't show it.
Nagtimpa lang ng kape habang tinatalikuran ako kaharap ang dispenser.
I saw how she touched her cellphone fora while while waiting for her coffee to ill.
"Kung gusto mong malaman ang mga detalye, si Achilles ang kausapin mo-"
"Well, he isn't here obviously. Kaya ikaw ang tinatanong ko."
Binalingan niya ako habang hawak ang kanyang kape. Hindi pa rin siya sumagot.
"Is this the life you want? Be a teacher in a small town, your hometown?"
Dumilim ang tingin niya sa akin.
"Honestly, I thought you can do better than this. You're a prized lady here in
Costa Leona... their standards... but being with Achilles now means youre settling for a man
who can't give you his all."
Ramdam ko ang iritasyon niya sa buntonghiningang pinakawalan.
"Hindi ko alam kung para saan 'tong mga sinasabi mo. Kung gusto mo bang umalis ako at
iwan si Achilles para mangyari kayong dalawa o.."
Tumayo ako at ngumiti.
"Hindi naman sa ganoon, Alana.." I said cheerily. "But if you value yourself, I don't think you
will really stay with him when you know he can never give you the attention you deserve."
Sumeryoso ang mukha niya. Bumagsak saglit ang tingin ko sa kape na tinitimpla niya.
"If he indeed commits to you... at magkatuluyan kayo... kawawa ka naman..." I played with
my voice. "Lagi ka na lang naghihintay sa tira tira niyang atensiyon."
Humigpit ang hawak niya sa tasa.
"Ikaw, teacher dito sa maliit na barrio'ng to. Naghihintay lang sa pagbaba ni
Achilles sa barko. Hanggang diyan lang. Hindi man lang nakapag explore sa mundo. Dati
kang beauty queen dito... everyone had high hopes for you... but no.. you're a
disappointment. You settled for a lifetime of waiting."
I chuckled.
"And everytime he goes back to your house. Yes. Your house. Cuz he will never be home. He
will always be dreaming of the comfort of his home... and that's me.
But he will also settle... in your poor and sad house. Settle for a sad life with you just so that
his love's life would not be ruined."
I clapped sarcastically.
"Congratulations for being a martyr. You literally wasted your whole life trying to please
him, even when you could've been with another man who can love you.
Pero hindi, eh. Siyempre... pinili mo si Achilles na mahal na mahal mo. Kayang kaya mong
sayangin ang buhay mo, para sa kanya... kahit tira tirang pag ibig niya na lang, 'di ba?"
I saw it coming. I saw how she angled her coffee towards me. Kaya nang ibuhos niya sana
sa akin iyon, nahuli ko ang kamay niya at imbes ay sa kanya bumuhos iyon.
 Ngumisi ako lalo.
"Masakit ba, Alana? Kaya ba bubuhusan mo ako ng mainit na kape? Kasi.. mainit din ang
mga sinabi ko?" I smiled wider. "Nakakapaso, di ba?"
Alana looked miserable. Her face and uniform is covered with coffee. Ininda niya rin ang
init ng kapeng sa akin dapat tumama!
"Don't play the rude bitch game with me, because l'm the rude bitch here," I said softly.
"Anong nangyayari dito?!" Achilles' voice boomed.
Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko alam kung nasa Costa Leona ba siya o wala.
Akala ko wala. Akala ko sumampa na sa barko. Pero ngayon, nandito siya.
Dumalo agad kay Alana at naka uniporme pa!
"Anong ginawa mo?!" He shouted and looked at me.
My voice got stuck. I didn't expect to see him. Pumunta lang talaga ako dito para kay
Alana.
Napakurap-kurap ako. My heart pounded.
"Ano'ng ginawa ko?! She tried to pour the hot coffee to me! Naabutan ko kaya-"
"Tigilan mo na kami!" he cut me off as if my explanation didn't matter to him.
My heart just got stabbed again. Naghihingalo na nga ito, parati pang nasasaksak.
"Pumunta ka pa talaga dito para manggulo! Lumayas ka dito sa Costa Leona at bumalik ka
na sa Maynila!" he shouted angrily.
"We have properties here-"
"l will call the police and make them escort you out of this place, Marem! Don't try me!"
sigaw ni Achilles sa akin.
"Why should I be escorted out"
"You are harassing Alana!"
Namilog lalo ang mga mata ko.
"l am harassing Alana?! She tried to pour the hot coffee on me! Ako ang mapapaso at
mabubuhusan no'ng kape! Sinangga ko lang kaya 'ayan at siya ang natapunan! She
harassed me, Achilles!"
Achilles then walked away while his phone is on his ear. Nagpupunas si Alana sa damit
niya. Iniwan ko rin siya para sundan si Achilles.
"Achilles!" tawag ko habang sumusunod sa kanya. "It's not my fault! It only looks like it
but-"
I stopped to pull his arm. Nasa gitna siya ng tawag. Lalo siyang nairita nang mukhang nasira
pa ang tawag dahil lang hinigit ko ang braso niya.
"Tumigil ka nga, Maria Emilia!"
"Hindi ako ang may kasalanan-"
"Wala akong pakialam!" he slammed.
Natigilan ako. Naalala ko ang huli naming mga pagtatalo. I refuse to think that this will be
another part of that fight. Kaya imbes na magmakaawa, kinalma ko ang sarili ko... at unti-
unti akong ngumiti sa kanya.
"Bakit? Kayo ba?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. Nagulat din siguro siya sa kalmado kong disposisyon at sa ngiti.
"Hindi ka makasagot. Kayo ba?"
Bakit nga ba hindi niya ako nasasagot sa mga tanong ko. Kung talagang gusto niyang umalis
ako, dapat diniretso niya ang mga dahilan niya.
"Hindi?"
"It's none of your business."
"Mahal mo ba siya?"
"Shut up-"
"Hindi mo na ba ako mahal?" I said and I smiled sweetly.
"Im not playing this game with you."
"Oh, ba't 'di mo maamin? Oo nga pala... may prinsipyo ka. Ayaw mag sinungaling.
Hindi mo kayang sabihin na hindi mo na ako mahal kasi ang totoo... mahal na mahal mo pa
ako-"
"I said shut the fuck up, Maria Emilia!" he snapped.
I didn't even flinch at his shout. Inasahan ko na iyon. Na sanay na ako.
"Oo! Kami na! Kaya umalis ka na! Tang ina!"
My eyes widened a fraction.
"Bakit? Siya na ang mahal mo?!" I slightly lost my cool because of his answer.
"Fuck! Just leave!"
 "Just answer, Achilles! Mahal mo si Alana? Hindi mo na ako mahal?"
Nagdilim ang titig niya sa akin. Lalo akong ngumisi dahil hindi siya sumasagot.
"Ang hirap magsinungaling, 'di ba? Kasi ang totoo, mahal mo ako-"
"Why the fuck are you forcing yourself on me? Hindi ba sinabi ko na na ayaw ko?"
"Because I know you're lying. Obviously. I'm your first and only girlfriend, Achilles.
We have been in a relationship for years and I know you!" I said confidently.
Kitang-kita ko ang hirap sa itsura ni Achilles. It seems like he didn't know what else to do
with me. It felt like a win. Kaya hindi na ako nag-aksaya ng panahon.
I showed my hand with the engagement ring he gave me.
"You put a ring on my finger, you know. Samantalang ang babaeng yan, ang tagal mo nang
kilala ni hindi mo niligawan. You are just pretending that you two are a thing to get rid of
me, am I right?"
I am so sure it's the only reason why he is associating himself with Alana.
"Ginagamit mo lang siya. Well, I know you don't do that kind of stuff but-
"Shut up.." Achilles said coldly.
Ramdam ko ang panghihina sa tono niya pa lang. Mukhang sawang sawa na siya.
Lalo akong ngumiti. Sumuko ka na kasi.
"You cant fool the love of your life, Achilles-"
"l said shut up, Maria Emilia," his voice is seething with anger.
"Give it up-"
"Yes, I am marrying Alana. Now, would you shut the fuck up and leave."
Gusto kong matawa. Surely, he is lying again. Umuwi ako rito ng mas matibay.
Hindi na nagpapadala sa emosyon at mas kontrolado ang nararamdaman.
O yon ang akala ko.
Dahil nang narinig ko ang sinabi ni Achilles, tuluyan nang nawala ang determinasyon at
tiwala ko sa sarili... at sa kanya.
Did he really say that?
I hated how my tears formed behind my eyes. I had to stop it. I know know that they will
continue to fall if I bottle it up so.
"Bakit?" I said with equal coldness. "Did you fuck her while we were apart?"
"Shut up!" he shouted.
"Walang ibang rason na iiwan mo ako para sa babaeng hindi mo mahal. Kilala kita. So you
fucked her.."
Achilles bowed. Hindi ko alam kung guilty ba siya o suko na siya sa pakikipagtalo sa akin.
"You cheated on me, is that it? Ano? Magkasama na kayo sa isang bahay? Huh?"
Unti-unting bumagsak ang mga luha ko kahit kalmado naman ang tono ko. lignored all the
signs because I had faith for him and our relationship. Noong una pa lang, naisip ko na
naman talaga to pero madali talagang baliwalain kasi kilalang kilala ko siya.
But now that he actually said it... I realized that it is a possibility. Achilles is a man of
principle. Kung totoo nga'ng... nagkamali siya at may nangyari sa kanila.. he will take the
responsibility.
What is it? Did he think he doesn't deserve me anymore because something happened
between them? Kaya ba... kahit matanggap siya ng pamilya ko... hindi pa rin kami
mangyayari?
Or... maybe he has... impregnated her?
My eyes widened at my thoughts. Nanginig ang buong katawan ko at hindi ako makagalaw.
If it's the former, would I still accept him despite the mistake? And if it's the latter, would I
forgive him and encourage him to marry me instead... despite... an unborn child?!
"You cheated on me?!" That was the loudest scream I ever had my entire life.
"Please take her, Remus," kalmadong sinabi ni Achilles.
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pinagsasabi niya. All | think about are the words l am going to
pour right now. Kahit ang mga nakatingin sa pagtatalo namin sa paaralan, hindi ko na
ininda. At halos kalmutin ko si Kuya nang hawakan niya ako para pigilan sa mga sigaw ko.
"You cheated on me?! Kaya mo pananagutan ang babaeng 'yan?! You cheated?!
Ano?! We're you drunk?! Did you think about me while you were doing it?!"
"Marem!" sigaw ni Kuya sa likod ko habang hinahatak ako palayo sa kay Achilles.
Achilles looked away as our distance stretched. Hindi pa nga lang ako tapos.
"You're bluffing! You won't mary her! Hindi mo kaya yon!"
"Let's go, Marem," si Kuya ulit.
 "And if you will, you know you will never be happy! You really think you can be happy?!
You really think she will be happy? Hindi! Dahil hinding hindi mo siya kayang mahalin gaya
sa pagmamahal mo sa akin, Achilles! You will.. never! Be satisdied with Alana!!!"
"That's enough, Maria Emilia!" sigaw ni Kuya sa akin.
I pulled my arm out of my brother's hold. I successfully did it.
"You will have a cursed life!"I screamed at Achilles. "You will never be happy!"
My rage felt like an untamed vicious animal inside of me. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang
sarili ko kahit sa anong paraan. Kahit para sa kahihiyan na lang sana na pinapanood kami
ng madaming tao. O kahit sa awa na lang sana sa sarili.. hindi... wala na. Wala na akong
pakialam.
"Kailan naman ang kasal n'yo?! I bet you all my money you can't do it! Can you really look
into her eyes and exchange your I dos?! No! You can't! You will be disgusted that you're
marrying someone who's not me!"
Achilles turned and slowily walked away. My rage only worsened.
"Your life is ruined!" | shouted while my tears stream down my face. "You entered the
academy for me! You dreamed a better life for me! You don't deserve any of it now that
you're without me!"
"Marem..."
"I will ruin your wedding! Tandaan n'yo 'yan! I will be there and I won't pretend to wish
you the best because I wish you hel! I wish you suffering! I wish you sadness all your life. I
wish you deep and rotting regret, Achilles!!"
Achilles stopped from his tracks. Hindi ko na alam kung naapektuhan ba siya sa sinabi ko o
ano pero sa sobrang galit ko... wala na akong pakialam.
"I don't just wish people suffering."
I am losing it.
"I make them suffer."
I paused as I watch his back on me. He is. Turning his back on me. Right now.
And maybe forever.
"I will make you suffer. I will make her suffer. I will make everything you care for suffer.
Your name.. your career... your wife... your children.
Did you ever feel so angry that you are suddenly at peace?
"You will suffer until you regret, Achilles. That is my promise," I said coldly.

Kabanata 27

Heartbreak
"I will not tell our parents about this," si Kuya.
Hindi ko alam kung ilang oras na ang lumipas. I was so exhausted and I'm not yet even
finished.
Pinasadahan ko ng tingin ang aming sala. He dragged me out of the school and back here. I
was not done with my rage and I couldn't contain it anymore. Kaya ngayon, nakaupo ako sa
aming sofa habang tinatanaw ang mga pinagbabasag kong mga muwebles nang dumating
kami rito kanina.
My throat is sore from all the screamingI did. My hands are red. My whole body is aching
from the physical strain. The mess in front of me, made my eyes water again.
This is the worst. I have never felt this way before. I knowI have a bad temper but this is
just beyond anything I've done. Lalo na dahil tahimik at gulantang ding nanonood si
Solomon sa nangyari.
Bumuhos ang luha ko, ngayon hindi na dahil sa galit. Para na iyon sa awa sa sarili.
Kuya Remus kneeled in front of me and hugged me tight. Umiyak ako nang umiyak, na para
bang walang kaubusan ang mga luha ko.
"Im sorry, Marem," si Kuya habang hinahagod ang likod ko.
I didn't say anything. I am not capable of saying anything right now.
Naiinis ako sa sarili ko dahil sa gitna ng lahat ng to, sa galit ko para kay Achilles, at
pagkakawala kO sa sarili ko... may parte pa rin sa akin na gusto siyang balikan.
Gusto kong kumpirmahin kung iyon na ba talaga ang desisyon niya kahit ilang beses ko na
naman siyang nakausap at lagi naman niyang sinasabi na wala na.
He never said he didn't love me anymore. Ang dami niyang sinabing masasakit na salita na
dapat nagpatalikod na sa akin, pero ang tanga ko para maghanap pa ng kumpirmasyon sa
ibang paraan.
 And despite all these realizations about my stupidity, I still want to be stupid. I still want to
try again. I still want to ask him again. Baka sakaling sa susunod na pagkikita namin,
nakapag isip isip na siya - na hindi niya pala ako kayang pakawalaan. Hindi niya ako kayang
iwan.
"Uuwi ka ng Maynila at hindi ka muna babalik dito. I will not tell our parents about this
incident, just promise me to stay there and take care of yourself," si
Kuya.
Kahit na anong sabihin niya yata, wala na akong pakialam. Kung sabihin niya man sa mga
magulang namin at maparusahan ulit ako, wala na akong pakialam.
Kung ikulong nila ako sa bahay, I would even be willing to torture myself with it just so I
could cover up the bigger pain that I am feeling.
Si Kuya na mismo ang naghatid sa akin sa Manila. Hindi niya nga ako sinumbong.
Hindi rin sinabi ng mga kasambahay namin sa Costa Leona. He had it under control and yet
I didn't even care if my parents knew.
Isang buwan akong hindi lumabas, tulala lang sa kuwarto. Wala na rin akong pakialam
kung magtaka sina Mama at Papa. Kaya lang.. hindi nila kinuwestiyon iyon. I had a feeling
that they knew what happened. Or at least they know that
Achilles dumped me repeatedly.
Someone knocked on my door. Hindi ko na binalingan kung sino iyon. I heard the key
opening it and it revealed my brother. Dahan dahan siyang pumasok sa kuwarto ko. I am
just sitting near my window, looking at the looming dark clouds.
May bagyo daw.
I don't know why I am comforted with the rain. I don't want to sound like a loser and relate
it to my sadness about my heartbreak. Hindi nababagay sa akin na masaktan ng walang
kuwentang lalaking iyon. Hindi nababagay na pinagpalit niya ako sa babaeng 'yon. Pero
alam ko rin na ang pinaka rason kung bakit ako nagmumukmok dito ay dahil wala akong
lakas para magpatuloy sa dating buhay pagkatapos ng nangyari.
Nilapag niya sa bintana ang isarng envelope. I saw that it was a name of an international
airline. Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya.
"Take a vacation," aniya.
Nag-iwas agad ako ng tingin. "l don't need a vacation.
"Trust me. You need it. You can go wherever you want to go and stay there until you're
bored."
Hindi ako sumagot.
Wala akong gustong gawin kundi ang magmukmok. I have no interest to go on with my
usual life. Like I said, I treated that life like it was only a prequel of a more exciting future -
the future with Achilles. I can't go on living that prequel when I expected the real story to
begin soon.
Hanggang ngayon may parte sa akin na hindi naniniwala. Parang isang araw bigla na lang
babawiin ni Achilles ang mga sinabi niya. Na may mabigat na dahilan siva kung bakit niva
ginavwa at nasabi ivon. At tatangganin ko siva dahil mahal na mahal ko siya.
"Marem... please," si Kuya nang napansin niyang wala akong reaksiyon.
"Dito lang ako," tanging nasabi ko.
"At ano? Magmukmok dito?"
Hindi na naman ako sumagot.
He sighed and tried to sit on my window as well. "Hanggang kailan ka magmumukmok
dito?"
Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa labas.
"Hanggang mawala ang pagod ko."
"At ano? Babalik ka ulit ng Costa Leona kapag nawala na ang pagod mo?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Right now, I'm at lost of any plans. Wala na kaming nakahandang plano
ni Nikolai. Wala na rin akong naiisip na plano para maibalik sa akin si Achilles. I'm at lost of
ideas.
"Para kay Achilles?"
My eyes remained on the green bermuda grass of our large garden.
"Wala ka nang babalikan kay Achilles. I heard that they are getting married tomorrow.
My eyes darted at Kuya. "Stop lying to me. Hindi ako aalis dito, Kuya."
"I wish I'm lying to you but I'm not. So take this ticket and just go-"
"Stop lying to me I know you just want me to leave!!'" | shouted again after almost a month
of being alone and at peace in my room.
Napapikit si Kuya dahil sa sigaw ko. Nang dumilat siya, kitang kita ko ang awa sa
 mga mata niya para sa akin. My eyes watered. I didn't want to believe him but the weeks
and months of heartache made me too sensitive.
He sighed and stood. Naghintay ako na bawin niya ang sinabi niya pero wala.
Seryoso siya sa sinabi niya.
"That's enough," he said calmly.
Umiling ako habang bumubuhos ang mga luha.
Imposible to. He's lying just so I will stop hoping for anything!
"YOu will go to Costa Leona tomorrow. You will watch them exchange vows and finally end
this madness, Maria Emilia."
Namilog ang mga mata ko.
"You will need to see it for yourself. For closure. At kapag sa wakas naisiksik mo na sa utak
mo na kinasal na si Achilles at ayaw niya na sa'yo, sana ay tanggapin mo na 'to. Go and take
your time to heal-"
"You're... lying"
Alam kong sinabi na ni Achilles iyon sa akin... na pakakasal siya kay Alana. But l didn't take
it seriously. I cursed him and all that but I didn't really think that it's true.
"Then come with me tomorrow. I won't tell our parents about it. But... promise me..
Umiling ako, hindi pa rin tinatanggap ang mga sinasabi ni Kuya.
"Once you see them getting married, you're leaving the country and take care of yourself."
Umiling pa rin ako
"I heard it from Markus. Mukhang mabilisan ang pagpaplano ng kasal kaya."
That's not true-
"I will allow you to be with Markus and watch the wedding from afar tomorrow.
You will not cause a scene! And after that, you're leaving the Philippines. Promise me!"
Hindi ko alam kung ano ang aasahan ko. Parang ang mga oras sa pagitan ng pag- uusap
namin ni Kuya hanggang sa pag-uwi namin ng Costa Leona, lutang lang ako.
I chose not to think about what he said. I am more convinced that he's bluffing.
The heartbroken part of me that believes him is hiding somewhere. Dahil ako mismo, hindi
pumapayag na maniwala sa narinig kay Kuya.
Bumaba ako sa eroplano kasabay si Markus. Kuya arranged all these. Hindi ko alam kung
bawal pa ba kaming magkita ni Markus at nagsikap si Kuya na hindi kami masumbong, o
wala nang pakialam sina Mama at Papa ngayon.
I saw Nikolai leaning against the door of his SUV, with large aviators and an all black outfit
waiting for us in Caticlan Airport's parking lot. Bumaling ako kay
Markus.
"He insisted that he's coming with us," ani Markus.
Hindi na ako nang-usisa. Lumakad na ako patungo sa SUVni Nikolai. Hindi kami halos
nagkausap ni Markus. Sa biyahe kanina, siya lang ang nagsasalita.
Samantalang tahimik naman ako at nakikinig lang, halos walang reaksiyon.
"I missed you, Marem. Ang daming nangyari mula nang 'di tayo nagkita. I'm sorry about
what happened. I heard from Remus.." Markus eyed me warily while we were on the plane.
Hindi ako kumibo. My mind is blank from everything. He sighed.
"Hindi sana ako sisipot pero dahil gusto ng Kuya mo na samahan kita..."
Napatingin ako kay Markus. Hindi sisipot? So... there really is a wedding? And he's invited?
"Ayaw kong sumipot. Hindi ko gusto na.. nasaksihan ko ang relasyon n'yong dalawa tapos...
ganito ang mangyayari."
"y-You're l-lying, right?" tanging nasabi ko.
Markus' lips parted. Mukhang nagulat siya sa naging reaksiyon ko. He bowed and didn't
continue. Hindi ko na rin inusisa hanggang sa nakalapag na kami sa
Catic clan.
Nasa labas na sila sa simbahan ng Costa Leona. The wedding is done and they are now just
taking pictures. Namimilog ang mga mata ko at agad nagbukas ng pintuan.
Markus immediately opened his door as well and held on my arm.
"I promised Remus to not let you cause a scene, Marem."
Hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko dahil sa hawak ni Markus. Umikot din si
Nikolai at tinanaw ang pagtitipon malayo sa amin. Kahit tanghaliy, madilim doon
 dahil sa paparating na bagyo.
Malinaw ko silang nakikita pero parang hindi rumirehistro sa utak ko ang lahat.
Achilles is wearing a white button down dress shirt, and black slacks. Alana is wearing a
white dress, hardly a gown. Ang mga bisita nila, simple lang din ang suot. Mukhang pamilya
iyon ni Alana, at iilang mga kaibigan namin.
I saw Olivia and Charlene. Everyone invited looked so happy for them. They all looked so
busy taking pictures. Malayo kami sa kanila pero inisip kong makikita rin naman kami kahit
paano. Pero dahil sa tuwa nila sa okasyon, hindi na nila napansin ang paligid. Hindi na nila
ako napansin.
"This is impossible," I said, still so shocked.
Suminghap si Markus sa tabi ko. Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang matinding galit. I
promised to ruin their wedding butI really never thought that it will happen. Kaya ngayong
nakikita ko na sila sa labas ng simbahan, at mukhang katatapos lang ang kasal, si Alana may
hawak na bouquet at si Achilles na nakatayo sa tabi niya... ngayon lang tuluyang pumasok
sa isipan ko na totoo nga ang nangyayari!
Totoong ayaw niya na sa akin! Totoong hindi niya ako mahal! Totoong si Alana ang
papakasalan niya! Totoo ang pagtataboy niya! Totoo ang lahat ng takot ko!
My eyes watered. I tried to go near them again but this time, Nikolai also held on my arm
tightly.
"Let's go. It's raining" si Nikolai.
Parang wala akong narinig. Sinubukan ko pa ring lumakad pero mas lalong dumiin ang
hawak nilang dalawa sa akin.
"Umuwi na tayo, Marem," si Markus.
Rain suddenly poured. Agad na malakas iyon.
"Marem, mababasa tayo," si Nikolai.
At dahil malakas agad ang ulan, it only took seconds for us to get damp. Nikolai tried to look
for an umbrella inside the car. Markus' hold weakened, too.
Nabitiwan ako ng dalawa dahil sa pagbuhos ng ulan. Nakawala ako at sinubukang takbuhin
ang distansya. Hindi ko na inisip na mababasa ako lalo.
Sumilong ang mga bisita. Ang iba'y naglabas ng payong. Kanina pa tapos ang kasal at
nagkakatuwaan at picture na lang sila sa labas ng malit na kapilya ng
Costa Leona.
Palapit na ako sa kanila nang nakita na nagbukas ng payong si Achilles. He shared the large
white umbrella with Alana. Achilles looked at Alana. Alana smiled even when she gota bit
wet from the drizzle. They were immediately saved from more rain because of Achilles'
umbrella.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero bumagal ang paglapit ko. Alam kong nakita na ako ng lahat
ng guests pero ang mga mata ko ay nanatili kay Achilles. He's busy trying to shelter Alana
from the pouring rain. She is smiling at him, with a small bouquet on her hand.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit... sa puntong 'yon, parang bumagsak ang buong pagkatao ko.
I have recieved so many hurtful words from Achilles. He had pushed me away so many
times. I have had my heart broken by him into pieces until they were as little as dust. But
this time, it felt different. My heart isn't crushed to dust. It was slowly fading... losing all it's
broken pieces little by little - Like ashes slowly melting away from the soft cold winds.
Bumagal sa mga mata ko ang ulan. Bumagal ang bawat kilos ni Achilles. Ang pagpayong
niya kay Alana at ang malit na ngiti ni Alana para kay Achilles.
The last straw thatI want to think of was that they were faking it. Everything is staged just
so I get the wrong idea and stay away from him. I said I won't buy it and still fight for him.
At kung totoo man, gusto kong tawanan ang kamalasang natamo ng kasalan nila.
Binagyo iyon at nararapat lang iyon para sa kanila. They cheated on me. Achilles cheated on
me. Alana did it with him even though she knew that we are in a relationship. Achilles did it
with Alana, no matter his reasons, even when he said he loves me.
Pero dahil sa natatanaw ko ngayon, nawalan na ng puwang ang lahat ng kaisipang iyon.
They are married. For real. Achilles didn't even see me coming.
This wasn't staged. He wanted me to go away because he wants Alana now.
Kung hindi ko pa naintindihan ang lahat ng nangyari sa nagdaang mga linggo at buwan, sa
puntong yon... naintindihan ko na.
Bumagal ang lakad ko hanggang sa natigil ito. Ramdam ko ang usap-usapan sa
 paligid kahit na umuulan at kumukulog dahil sa bagyo.
Achilles' eyes darted at me. Napatingin din si Alana sa akin. Napawi ang ngiti niya nang
nakita ako. Achilles' face were a blur to me now because of the pouring rain and my own
tears. Pero bakit pa ako kuryoso sa reaksiyon niya?
Pareho lang 'yon. He's probably shocked to see me. Annoyed that I'm here again stubbornly
trying to ruin their wedding. Making new ways to push me away, this time for good.
Hindi na kailangan. Naghalo halo na sa looban ko ang nararamdaman. Galit, poot, awa sa
sarili, kawalan ng pag-asa... at marami pang iba.
I blinked. My eyes cleared for a while and I saw how he was anticipating my rage.
Para bang magigiba ko pa ang kasalan nila kung may gawin man ako sa puntong iyon.
Kaya lang... wala na.
The rain poured more. Markus ran towards me with an umbrella even when l was already
very wet. Lumapit din ang SUV na paniguradong si Nikolai pa rin ang nagmamaneho.
"Marem, tara na," si Markus na parang siguradong sigurado na hindi ako sasama.
I looked at Achilles for the last time. My tears fell but for sure he won't see it because the
rain is falling too hard.
That brief moment of him opening an umbrella for Alana in an unguarded moment, without
the knowledge of my presence shook me so much.
Tinalikuran ko sila kahit na gustong gusto ko nang magwala. Pinili kong pumasok sa SUV
kahit na gustong gusto kong isumbat sa kanya na pinaasa niya ako sa nagdaang taon. Na
kung ano man ang dahilan niya, walang puwang ang lahat ng iyon sa akin ngayon. Sinabi
niyang mahal niya ako! Kung mahal mo ang isang tao, walang puwedeng maging dahilan
para saktan at iwan ng ganito!
I got in the SUV. Agad na nagmaneho palayo si Nikolai doon. I heard Markus saying that
they can just go to their mansion. Nikolai obliged and followed his directions.
"Palilipasin ko lang ang bagyo," napapaos kong sinabi sa tawag ni Kuya.
Walang tao sa mansiyon ng mga Saldivar. Lagi iyong ganoon, dati pa man. It's either they
are in Manila or out of the country. Kaya hindi na ako nagtaka na halos mga kasambahay
lang ang nandoon nang pumasok kami at dumiretso sa inihanda ni Markus na guestroom
para sa akin.
T immediately recieved a call from my brother. Kahit pa basang basa pa ako, at gusto na ni
Nikolai at Markus na magbihis ako.
"Alright. I will arrange everything, then," si Kuya sa tawag.
Pagod akong tumango, hindi na makapagsalita dahil sa nararamdaman.
"Thank you, Layla," si Markus nang bumukas ang pintuan ng kuwarto.
Binaba ko ang cellphone ko at binalingan si Nikolai na nakahalukipkip at nakatingin sa
pintuan. I trailed his gaze and saw a pretty woman giving Markus a robe and some clothes.
Nakatitig ang babae sa akin, nakangiti ng kaonti at mukhang kuryoso.
Markus scratched his head and opened the door wider. He looked a bit flushed when he did
that and faced us.
"Uhm... okay lang ba ang damit na 'yan? I'm size four. You look like a size zero.
Baka hindi kasya," ang babae sa akin.
Lito kong binalingan si Markus.
"Uh, she's Layla, my fiance," si Markus.
Nikolai's uncrossed his arm and shifted his weight.
"You're kidding, right?"
Napakurap kurap ako sa gulat. Hindi ko alam na may fiance si Markus. Matagal na nga
naman nang huli kaming nagkita pero... I looked at the girl again. She's smiling at me.
"Why would I joke about things like that?" si Markus kay Nikolai.
"You're fucking kidding, right?" ulit ni Nikolai sa naalarmang boses.
Natawa si Markus at mukhang lito sa reaksiyon ni Nikolai.
"I'm Layla Young. I'm Markus' fiancee," anito at naglahad ng kamay sa akin.
I'm as shocked as Nikolai. Hindi kO nga naman natatanong si Markus tungkol sa love life
niya at hindi rin naman siya nag ku-kuwento. Hindi ko rin maalala kung mahilig ba ang mga
Saldivar sa fixed marriages kaya hindi ko alam kung ganoon ba sila o talagang girlfriend
niya iyon at ngayo'y fiancee niya na?
Tinanggap ko ang kamay ni Layla. Wala nga lang akong panahon para iproseso ang mga
nangyayari dahil sa sarili kong problema. But then I felt something
 strange from Nikolai
"Nice to meet you, Marem," aniya sa akin.
"We... uh... met at work. She's a journalist," si Markus na para bang nababasa ang pagtataka
ko.
Inodded. She held out her hand to Nikolai too. Nikolai looked so pissed, he didn't even
shake her hand.
"We're leaving," si Nikolai sabay baling sa akin. "Change your clothes, we're-"
"Huh? Puwede naman dito muna magpahinga si Marem-"
Nikolai cut Markus off. "Masyadong malapit ito kay Achilles. We're leaving. luuwi o si
Marem sa lloilo."
"She will stay here in out mansion-"
"I said we're fucking leaving!" Nikolai snapped.
Kitang-kita ko ang iritasyon kay Markus. Hindi niya gustong umalis kami. Layla looked
shocked at the decision. Samantalang hindi ko maipagkakaila na tama si
Nikolai. It's good that I've been slapped by the truth right now. Takot akong kapag
nahimasmasan ako, bumalik ulit ako kina Achilles.
At the back of my mind, though, I noticed something about my friends. I weakly thanked
Layla and expressed how happy I am for them. Pagkatapos kong magbihis, agad na kaming
nagpaalam ni Nikolai para umalis.
Tahimik kaming pareho ni Nikolai sa sasakyan. Hindi na sumama si Markus sa amin at
naiintindihan ko naman iyon.
Mabagal ang bagyo. Sa sumunod na araw, nagpatuloy ang ulan at sama ng panahon. The
flights were cancelled because it was particularly very strong around the Visayas.
Nakatingin si Nikolai sa akin habang tahimik na pinapanood ang unti-unting pagtila ng ulan
sa hapon na iyon. He moved a bit, nearing me
"Are you sure you're leaving the country?"
Hindi ko na nilingon si Nikolai. "Nangako ako kay Kuya."
He sighed.
Naupo siya sa tabi ko at hinawakan ang kamay ko. Tahimik ang nagdaang mga araw para sa
amin ni Nikolai. He didn't say anything and I realized I needed that silence for myself. Hindi
ko na gustong ikuwento kahit kanino ang nangyari, o pag usapan ang nararamdaman ko, o
ilarawan ang matinding poot na nararamdaman. I just want complete silence and he gave
me that in the past few days.
"lI'm sorry, Marem."
Hindi na ako kumibo. I don't know what else to say, anyway. It's over. At ano man ang
nararamdaman ko ngayon, pagod na akong ipakita iyon kahit kanino. Al I want now is to
run away. I don't know where. I just know that it's not here.
At nag umuwi nga ako, tinupad ko ang gusto ni Kuya. Ni hindi na ako umuwi sa bahay. I had
some of my clothes shipped to the airport and I left immediately.
Gusto ni Nikolai sumama pero naintindihan niya naman nang sinabi ko na gusto kong
mapag-isa.
I sighed after I heard Nikolai's words. It's been months since I left the Philippines. llang
beses akong nagpalipat-lipat ng bansa sa Europa. At first, I wanted to stay in Paris, my first
destination. But I can't deny my reasons: I expected Achilles to come after me so I tried so
hard to stay for long.
Kaya ako umalis sa Paris dahil ayaw kong manatili ang pag-asang iyon. Despite my feelings,
I still hoped. So i transfered from country to country, just so I could stop thinking about it...
hoping about us.
Ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng lakas na bumalik ulit doon. Natanaw ko si Nikolai na
naghihintay sa akin sa isang restaurant na tanaw ang Eiffel tower kahit malayo naman sa
amin.
He's the reason I came back in Paris. I was in Italy when he told me that he was taking a
vacation there. Kaya niya namang sundan ako sa Milan pero hinayaan niya akong mapag-
isa dahil iyon naman talaga ang gusto kong mangyari isang taon na ang lumipas.
Nikolai respected my decision of being alone and I'm very touched. Alam kong gustong
gusto niya na akong makausap. Kaya ngayon, ako na mismo ang bumalik ng Paris para
makipagkita sa kanya.
Gone is his angelic face. He changed. I take his calls at times and I noticed his changes. Pero
ngayong nasa harap ko na siya, mas halata na iyon.
Nikolai eyed me from head to foot. Sa naunang mga buwan minabuti kong magliwaliw lang
mag isa. Kalaunan, ginusto ko nang kumuha ng mga trabaho at
 unti-unting bumalik sa pagmomodelo. And now, Im a full blown model. I'm not picky with
my offers. I take everything, even the sexy photoshoots, reason why my friends back in the
Philippines are encouraging me again to represent the country in a prestigious pageant.
I don't know why but I get high whenever I see myself in billboards, commercials, and all
that. Noong una inisip ko dahil ganoon naman talaga ako dati pa, 'di ba? | got into it because
I wanted the spotlight. I tried so hard to get attention from anyone, so things like these
made me high. Kaya hindi na dapat ako nagtataka kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko
ngayon.
"You look hot" si Nikolai pagkatapos akong halikan sa pisngi.
Wearing a Givenchy blazer short dress, with a high heeled oxford boots, I sat across Nikolai
and smirked.
"You don't look bad yourself," sabi ko habang tinatanaw ang pagbabago niya sa personal.
He chuckled. "l saw your commercial. You were very hot. So l already expected it.
Iba pa rin pala pag nakita ka sa personal."
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. "Thanks."
"I heard they are offering you the pageant. Uuwi ka ba para do'n?"
Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Nikolai dahil sa tanong niya. "Hindi ako uuwi."
Nagkatinginan kami. Napansin ko agad ang pagseryoso niya. Alam ko agad ang iniisip niya.
He nodded. "I know you'd say that. Akala ko lang... uh... medyo nagbalik ka na sa trabaho
kaya akala ko tatanggapin mo ang offer. I noticed you're getting more active the past
months so.. I thought you're after boosting your career these days.
"Yup. I'm after boosting my career but I'm not coming home," I said slightly tensed.
Tumango ulit siya. "Okay, then. You're not coming home."
Nagkatinginan ulit kami na para bang alam naming dalawa kung bakit ganoon na lang ako
ka partikular na hindi ako uuwi. He then looked away and sipped on his wine.
"l wish I had that luxury."
We looked at each other again. Alam kong madalas kaming magkausap sa cellphone pero
iba pa rin talaga ngayong magkaharap kami.
Sabay kaming bumuntonghininga. Alam kong alam niya ang problema ko. Hindi ko iyon
maipagkakaila sa kanya. At.. alam ko rin ang problema niya. Sa nagdaang buwan, kahit sa
tawagan lang kami nag-uusap, naramdaman ko iyon. I waited for him to open up but he
didn't I also didn't pressure him to do it because he didn't pressure me to talk about my
own problems as well
"You took a vacation right now. You have that luxury."
He smiled sadly. "Hindi naman ako magtatagal. Uuwi rin dahil kailangan sa kompanya."
Nakatitig siya sa wine glass niya. Napatingin din tuloy ako sa iniinom ko. We are in a very
beautiful place and yet we're both very lonely... and sad.
Hindi iyon halata sa mga pictures na nire-release dahil sa trabaho ko. At mas madami
akong tinatanggap na offer dahil gusto ko ang pagkakalimot ko sa mga problema tuwing
nasa trabaho ako.
I looked at Nikolai after a while. He's watching me darkly now. He then leaned on our table.
"Let's get married," aniya.
Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Nagulat ako pero hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon ko para sa
kaibigan.
Sa tawagan namin, alam kong may ipinapareha na sa kanya ang pamilya. He's pressured to
get married because he's now the head of the family. He is also the only bearer of the de
Vega family namne. I know he's pressured by his own parents and grandparents to marry
someone.
I leaned on our table as well. Kitang kita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya nang ginawa ko
iyon. Para bang alam niya na noong una pa na tatanggi ako pero sinubukan niya pa rin.
"Do you mean that?" I smiled a little for my dear friend.
He sighed. ""d rather marry my best friend than marry a stranger.
Tinanaw ko ang kumikislap na mga mata ni Nikolai. Naisip ko na rin ito noon. I have lost
the will to find love after I lost Achilles. I don't think I could ever love again. I will never
marry anyone. If I do, I will only be fooling myself.
 Pinormahan ako ni Nikolai noon. I know he cares for me. But in the past months,
I have noticed something about him. It made me think that if I marry someone in the future,
he is the only person I could think of.
Kasi alam ko na alam niya na may mahal akong iba. At alam ko rin.. na may mahal siyang
iba.. at na... kahit ilang beses niya akong pormahan... alam ko na hindi ako. He is just fooling
himself. He is just presssured by his family.
Marrying him will allow me to be myself, even in my married life. And him marrying me, I
will also allow him to be himself. It seems like a convenient option. To marry my bestfriend,
who lI love as a friend, and who loves me only as a friend... who I could never love as my
lover... and who will never love me like a lover.
Pero hindi ang pagpapakasal ang sulusyon para matahimik ang buhay ko. Hindi iyon
sulusyon para makalimutan ko si Achilles at ang lahat ng ginawa niya. Hindi iyon sulusyon
para mapakitang ayos lang ako, na nagpakasal ako sa isang mayamarn at guwapong lalaki.
na magsisisi siya dahil maganda pa rin ang nangyari sa akin kalaunan.
There is no solution to a heartbreak. I only have to live through it each day. I said that my
life before marrying Achilles is a prelude, a prequel. And now that the life with him won't
happen anymore, I guess l'd have to live in the prequel for my whole lifetime. Marrying
someone won't change that. Marrying Nikolai won't make me live in the next chapter. I will
still be stuck, in my own sad prequel... never getting into the main stoy. Until the end.
"Will that make you happy?
"Yes," he said grimly.
I sipped on my wine. "Kahit hindi natin mahal ang isa't-isa, ayos lang salyo na magpakasal
tayong dalawa?
"How'd you know that I don't love you?" he asked.
I looked at him and I smiled a little. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba sa katahimikan o dahil
nasa ibang bansa kami... o dahil alam niya na alam ko ang totoo. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin.
You won't love me, anyway. So we're perfect for each other."
"But I don't want to get married, have kids, and be back in the Philippines," mataman kong
sinabi.
His jaw ticked and his shoulders sagged.
"Im sorry. Gusto kong makita ka para makapag usap naman tayo. I never meant to open
this subject but somehow-
"It's fine, Nikolai. Sa ilang buwan nating magkatawagan, you always hear out my problems.
You are my bestfriend. But don't forget that I am your bestfriend, too.
I know you... And the past months, I may be busy with my own heartache but I am also very
aware of yours."
Nikolai's lips parted.
"Im sorry... if I didn't have the strength to comfort you then... I didn't even have the strength
to comfort myself. But now... it's been a year and.. I want you to know... that I know."
"K-Know what?" ramdam ko ang kaba niya.
Bumuntonghininga ako at pinagmasdan siya. Alam ko kung bakit siya nagbago kasabay ng
pag-alis ko ng Pilipinas.
Hindi ko alam ang totoong nangyari sa dalawang kaibigan ko. I thought Markus had a thing
for Nikolai even when I thought he was straight. He liked me and tried to court me back
then so I was shocked when I noticed that he's interested with Nikolai.
At hindi ko rin alam kung kailan nagsimula pero may napansin din ako kay
Nikolai dahil kay Markus. A year ago, Markus introduced his fiancee to us. Nikolai must be
as confused as I was.
"I can't live that life," si Nikolai pagkatapos ng ilang sandaling paghihintay sa isasagot ko sa
tanong niya.
I sipped on my wine again.
Nanatiling ganoon ang buhay ko. Hindi na rin ako umalis ng Paris pagkatapos naming mag-
usap ni Nikolai. O kung umalis man, babalik pa rin ako doon. I made it my home for the next
months.
Nikolai got married. I am a little sad for him but it was the path that he took.
Hindi ako umuwi kahit sa kasal niya at alam niyang hindi niya ako makukumbinsi na
umuwi ng Pilipinas.
I walked back to my apartment as I watched the city of love glowed more for the
 day of love. Pinaghandaan ko ang araw na iyon. I got to know many men months ago just
so I won't be alone especially that day, pero sa huli.. wala pa rin akong naging ka-date.
Ihad no interest in relationships. Every man I find seems ridiculous. I have met
Franco Lopez here and dated him but I just couldn't get myself to like him enough.
Alam kong sinabi ko na noon na hinding hindi na ako magmamahal pero inisip kong siguro
naman kahit attraction na lang para sa ibang lalaki. I don't believe that I will never be
attracted again... that I will never find another face handsome... or another body as hot. l am
human. For sure, Ill lust someone else. But no... even that l couldn't. At hindi ko pa
matawagan si Nikolai dahil nag-away kami nang sinabi ko iyon sa kanya.
"Are you out of your mind?!" he slammed me over the phone.
"Gusto ko lang patunayan na may ibang-"
"Hindi iyon sapat na dahilan, Marem!"
"Don't go traditional on me, Nikolai! Love and lust are two different things so don't school
me about it-"
"But I know why you're suddenly doing this!" he snapped.
My eyes widened. I got offended but I know.. he's right!
"Nadulas ako noong isang araw tungkol sa anak ni Achilles, tapos ngayon bigla mong
gustong makipagsex sa ibang lalaki?! You are out of your damn mind,
Maria Emilia!"
My eyes watered when I heard him. Siguro dahil kahit anong deny ko na iyon ang dahilan,
hindi ko naman lalabas at lalabas pa rin ang totoo! Kilalang kilala ako ni
Nikolai.
"Hindi naman sa gano'n pero-"
"Don't deny it! I know you are angry now! What did you expect?! Na hindi niya gagalawin si
Alana dahil inisip mong ikaw pa rin ang mahal niya?!"
I gritted my teeth. This time, I couldn't stop my anger towards his words!
You don't have to tell me that! Bago pa ako umalis, alam kong may nangyari na sa kanila
kaya huwag mo nang paulit ulit! Na ipaalala sa akin Nikolai! Alam ko!
Alam ko! At wala akong pakialam kung gabi gabi pa nilang gawin iyon dahil wala na rin
naman akong magagawa! Kasal na sila kaya wala na akong magagawa!" I shouted at him.
"You just want to engage in casual sex because you want to get fucking back at him! Stop it,
Maria Emilia!"
I dropped that call and I didn't speak to him again. Nagsisi tuloy ako. Ngayon.. wala akong
kausap sa araw ng mga puso.
I sighed. I wanted to just sleep after an unsuccessful date. Pero alam ko ring hindi ako
makakatulog. Kaya imbes na tumuloy na at matulong na lang, lumabas ulit ako. At imbes sa
isang restaurant pumunta, sa isang tahimik na club na lang.
I sat in front of the bartender and ordered for a drink.
Napakamiserable ko ba? Kahit anong deny ko sa mga sinabi ni Nikolai, nanunuot pa rin ang
sakit sa mga buto ko. Siguro dahil talagang tama siya.
I wanted to get even so I am looking for a physical relationship with anyone. And it sucks
because I couldn't even get myself to do it. Hindi ako makapaniwalang. kaya ni Achilles
iyon!
Pero bakit pa nga ba ako nagtataka?! Hindi ako minahal ng gagong iyon kaya malamang
kaya niya! The asshole can fuck just whoever! And Alana.
Gusto kong matawa.
I trained that motherfucker!
Tatlong shot agad ang ininom ko sa galit ko para sa sarili ko, at sa mga naiisip ko.
"Not going easy tonight, huh?" I heard a familiar voice.
Bumaling ako sa tumabi sa akin sa bar at nakita si Gaudencio. Napainom ulit ako nang
naisip na dati siyang pinapareha ng pamilya ko sa akin. Madalas pa rin akong tawagan ni
Mama para sa kanya pero talagang... wala akong nararamdaman para sa kanya. Not even a
bit.
I then looked at him. Even with alcohol in my system, I feel nothing for him. Kaya kung
minahal ako ni Achilles, paano niya kaya... nagawa iyon kay Alana.
T looked at my drink and then sighed.
Siguro... talagang hindi niya ako minahal.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 28
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Kabanata 28
Homesick
"No date for tonight?" tanongni Dencio.
Umiling ako at tumingin lang sa iniinom. I know I've known him for a while now but I don't
really think we share the same interests. Hindi ko maalala kung naging interesado ba ako
sa kahit anong sinabi niya sa akin noon.
Honestly, I only remember that I find our dates boring. Sa dalawang beses na date na iyon,
pareho ko lang ginamit bilang excuse. Maybe that was why I don't really remember ever
liking any of his hobbies, dahil mas nag look forward ako sa gagawin ko sa dates namin
kaysa sa mga sinasabi niya.
I pauseda bit and realized that maybe, he didn't really spark my interest because
I'm only interested with one person.
"Really?" he kind of feigned his shock.
Natawa ako.
"No, seriously. Talaga bang wala?"
"Well, I had but... it didn't end very well."
Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Nagugulat siya samantalang siya naman din, walang ka date
sa gabing to. I am not really curious about him but since we're seeing each other here, and
it's not that often to accidentally bump into an acquaintance in a big city abroad, I think I
had to ask.
"| knew it," natawa siya na parang napaka imposible na mag-isa ako sa araw na iyon.
"lkaw? May date ka ba? Kanina or..."
Umiling siya at bumaling sa inumin niya. He looked serious for a long while.
Nagbago nga lang ang ekspresyon nang bumaling sa akin at nagawa nang ngumiti.
"You didn't ask anyone or it's your choice to not have one or..." I trailed off so he could
finish my sentence.
Ngumiti nga lang siya na parang ayaw dugtungan iyon. Bumaling ako sa inumin ko at hindi
na nang-usisa. I get that part. It seems like he doesn't want to talk about it. l am not going to
pressure it out from him.
Nag-order ulit ako ng inumin at agad na ininom iyon para lang makapag-order pa ng isa pa.
The years of heartache and misery taught me to drink a lot. Hindi naman ako nalulong dahil
marami naman din akong ibang pinagkakaabalahan, but there are nights like this... that I
would gladly want to get drunk and just ngumiti.
"Nice to see you here. I didn't expect to see a familiar face here," aniya.
Tumango lang ako at tumingin sa inumin ko. Ininom ko nga lang ulit iyon at nag- order ng
bago. Kanina pa ang baso ni Dencio sa harap niya kaya nakuha ko agad ang titig niya sa akin
pagkatapos kong mag order ng isa pa.
"I didn't ask anyone out," sagot niya sa kanina ko pa namang tanong.
Napabaling tuloy ako ng tuluyarn sa kanya at nagtagal ang tingin ko.
Sa totoo lang, guwapo naman si Dencio. He had a mature and sophisticated aura. He is also
very rich, a scion from a family of old money, politicians, and businessmen. Mabait din
naman siya. Base sa bilang na dates namin, kahit hindi naman ako interesado sa kanya at na
bo-bored ako, wala siyang ginawang masama. He's polite. Almost angelic, actually. l am not
judging his life but most men his age are either married or in a long term relationship. Alam
ko namang hindi naman talaga necessary ang relasyon pero inisip kong gaya kay Nikolai, he
mustve suffered the pressure to get married from his family. O kahit girlfriend man lang.
Hindi ko alam kung may girlfriend ba siya o wala ngayon pero kung pagbabasehan ang
pagkikita namin dito, at ang pananahimik niya kanina, at ang sagot din niya sa tanong ko...
mukhang hanggang ngayon wala pa siyang gi rlfriend.
Hindi na ako nang-usisa. Tiningnan ko lang siya at hinayaan kung may idudugtong pa nga.
He sipped on his whiskey and his eyes remained there for a while. Napansin ko ang
dumaang pait sa mga mata niya, pero bago ko pa makumpirma, nawala agad iyon.
Kalaunan, bumaling ulit siya sa akin, nakangiti na
"It's been years since l asked someone out, actually."
I gave him a tight-lipped smile. Bumaling ako sa inumin ko at nagpasyang
 bagalan muna iyon.
"Let me guess? Got too bored and you think you don't really connect well?" naitanong ko
bago ko napigilan ang sarili.
Hindi naman totoo sa lahat ng tao ang experiences ko. He could be talking about an ex.
While I am speaking from my own experience. Tuwing may ka date ako, lagi akong na bo-
bored at lagi kong iniisip na hindi ako makasabay sa ka-date. O nabababawan ako. O...
naghahanap lang ako ng exXCuse para ayawan ko 'yon dahil sa totoo lang,.. wala talaga
akong interes na.
I only dated men to challenge my feelings. I want to prove to myself that... I can like
someone else. But I always fail. Kaya nga mag-isa na naman ngayon.
He chuckled. "And tired of the small talks."
Napabaling ulit ako sa kanya at nagulat na inakala kong mali ang hula ko... tapos ngayon...
tama naman pala para sa kanya.
"Does it.. always feel like you're searching for something... a spark... from the person you're
dating? Tapos sa huli, wala. Kaya wala ring nangyayari?"
His lips pursed. "Walang nangyayari pero sinusubukan mo pa ring hanapin iyon sa iba?
Kasi imposibleng sa isang tao mo lang maramdaman iyon?"
I have been ignoring Gaudencio Sevilla for the longest time. At sa pagkikita namin ngayon,
bored pa rin ako sa kanya hanggang sa sinabi niya iyon. Tuluyan na akong natigilan dahil
akong-ako ang tinutukoy niya.
"Ang ibang tao, ilang beses nagmamahal. Kaya imposibleng... isang beses ka lang?"
He chuckled and nodded. "You can't be that special to only love one person, while others
can easily move on and love someone else."
Nagtagal ang titig ko kay Dencio. He averted his eyes from me and looked at the intense
brown liquor in front of him.
Maybe it was the smooth slow jazz from the bar's stage, or the way the lights dim on that
place, or the reflection of the whiskey on his eyes... but suddenly I felt the sorrow in his
eyes.
Hindi ko napansin iyon sa mga naunang pagkikita namin. Hindi ko alam kung dati na ba
iyong nasa mga mata niya o nito lang. O dati pa pero hindi naman ako naging attentive sa
kanya kaya ngayon ko lang nakita.
The loneliness and sadness is suddenly clear in his eyes. Kahit pa nginitian niyang muli ako,
ramdam ko pa rin ang lungkot at panghihinayang niya.
It's intriguing to find someone who feels the same way. At hindi sa isang lalaking kagaya
niya.
"Hmm."I sipped on my shot slowly and didn't finish it. "You're successful, rich, influential,
and handsome. I never thought someone could dump you."
Natawa siya at ipinakita ang inumin. Sumimsim din siya roon.
"I can say that to you, as well. You're very pretty, a model, influential, rich, and famous... I
never thought someone could dump you."
"lpinagpalit ka ba?" l asked casually.
Kung ayaw niyang sagutin iyon, hindi ako ma-ooffend. But it was as if it's my own test to
see if he was willing to share his experiences to me. Hindi ako kailanman nagkuwento sa
ibang tao tungkol sa sinapit ko. But then I have Nikolai for all my raw feelings so I don't
need another friend.
He chuckled again. "There are a lot of successful, influential, rich, and handsome men back
home. What makes you think that I can't be ignored by a woman to marry another man?"
I pursed my lips. "Well, at least it's not that insulting? Ang masama diyan ay kung pinagpalit
ka sa mas mababa sa'yo?"
Natawa ako dahil sarili kO na ang tinutukoy ko doon.
For some reason, I heard Achilles voice inside my conscience. 'Mas mababa sayo? Tigilan
mo na ang panlalait sa ibang tao. Hindi yan maganda. Walang mas mababa sa'yo. Pareho
lang tayong lahat na nagsisikap!'
Fuck you, though.
Ano'ng pakialam mo kung gusto kong maging masama?
"I refuse to believe that someone did that to you.
"Don't refuse because it already happened," sabay tingin ko sa kanya at medyo handa nang
magkuwento ng kaonti sa nangyari sa akin.
"Is that why you were always preoccupied on our dates back then?"
"How 'bout you? Sumipot ka lang ba sa dates natin kasi sinusubukan mong magmahal ulit?
Nagtagal ulit ang tingin niya sa akin. Something in his eyes sparkled. It was as if I
 said the right words and he's very pleased and amazed with it.
"O... gaya ko na pressured lang ng parents na sumipot?"
"Well, I'm here in Paris right now because I'm pressured by my parents to get married as
soon as posssible."
Tinawanan ko 'yon. "To get away from intrigues? Na Valentine's day, tapos wala kang date,
kaya lalo kang ipe-pressure?"
He leaned on our table. Naramdaman ko na mas lalo siyang naging interesado sa kaunting
pag-uusap namin kumpara sa mga nagdaang mahahabang dates.
"Unlike me, you're probably not pressured. Bata ka pa naman at..."
I snorted. "You don't know my parents. They always set me up with anyone. Hindi na
naman kailangan dahil ako mismo, nakikipagdate para tuluyan nang makalimutan ang
nakaraan. But it's just not working. I'm trying my best, though."
Bumuntonghininga siya. Nagkatinginan ulit kami... sa pagkakataong iyon... sa mas
mahabang panahon na.
It was an interesting night. To find an old acquaintance in this side of the world, who is as
broken-hearted as I was, and to discover that we share a lot of feelings, made that day
significant.
It didn't get better, though. I was back to dating other men when I went back to work. I
chose the most daring work offers for myself. And in the end, finally accepted some offers I
have always denied back then.
Pakiramdam ko, naging pagkatao ko na ang trabaho ko. My drive to be very public, and be
the center of the spotlight became consuming. Inisip ko noong una, dahil lang wala akong
ibang pinagkakaabalahan.
My parents also only call me to inform me about Solomon's situation. Bago ako umalis,
naglayas si Solomon. I didn't have the strength to comfort my own brother. Si Remus pa rin
ang sumalo ng lahat ng iyon. Ngayon pa lang ako tumutulong. I miss him but... it's not
enough reason for me to come back.
I'm scared that I won't be able to handle myself if.. I come back.
"Hindi ka sinaway ng parents mo?" tanong ni Nikolai sa akin.
We don't call each other very often now. May asawa na siya at kahit sa kasal niya, hindi rin
ako umuwi. Nagtampo siya pero kalaunan, naintindihan niya rin naman
"They let me do anything these days, you know," sagot ko.
"I thought there's a limit to it. Surely, they won't want you to join an international pageant.
lba ang pagmomodelo sa ganyan. It's more publicized."
I smirked.
"You will be a household name."
"Yeah, that's what I want, though..." I said boredly.
Bumuntonghininga si Nikolai. "You want to be a household name?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Napawi rin ang ngiti sa labi ko. Kapag ganoon kasi ang tono niya, alam
ko na agad kung saan patungo.
"Wow. I never thought you'd want to be a household name, Marem. Do you want to enter
showbiz now? To be on TV often? To reach the masses in all of the country's provinces-"
"Stop it, Nikolai."
"Are you doing this because you love it or you... don't want to be forgotten by a specific
person?"
"Wala akong pakialam kung nakalimutan na akoni Achilles. Stop it, Nikolai.
You're overthinking this-
"Am 1?"
I gritted my teeth. He hated it that after all these years, I haven't moved on. At kahit anong
sabi ko sa kanya na naka move on na ako, hindi siya naniniwala. He thinks all the things
that I am doing is just because of my broken heart.
"Wala akong problema kung halos maghubad ka na sa mga mino-modelo mo,
Marem. But I just wish you're doing it because you like doing it. Hindi dahil sa ibang rason.
And now that you want to be a household name, I don't think it's because you want to be
famous in our country.."
Bumuntonghininga ako. "Nikolai, don't overthink this, alright?"
Bumuntonghininga rin siya sa kabilang linya.
I heard his wife calling on his background. Namilog ang mga mata ko.
"You called me in your home? Hindi ba napag usapan na natin na sa opisina mo lang ako
tawagan?!"
"Ill talk to you later," aniya at nagmadaling patayin ang tawag.
Umirap ako at umiling bago binaba ang cellphone. I can't believe him. Minsan nang nahuli
na magkatawagan kami. At kahit anong explain ni Nikolai na
 magkaibigan lang kami, his wife won't unerstand. I even tried to reach out but she would
have none of it.
Kung sa bagay... there's really something about those.. bestfriends, huh?
Pinilig ko ang ulo ko. lba nga lang sa kaso namin ni Nikolai. I am really just his bestfriend
and nothing more. Pero hindi ko masisi ang pagdududa ng asawa niya. Kaya kahit wala
naman kaming tinatago, gusto kong sa opisina niya lang kami magtawagan nang sa ganoon
ay hindi kami maabutan.
Of course, I would understand if she would request us to cut the ties. But then.. if we cut
ties, I will have no one. At ganoon din ang nararamdaman ni Nikolai. He leans on to me
whenever he has problems. Walang ibang nakakaalam sa totoong pagkatao niya kundi ako
kaya mahirap talagang tapusin ang pagkakaibigan naming dalawa.
Hindi ko alam kung kailan lumala ang mga naiisip ko. Siguro ay noong nalaman ko na
buntis ulit si Alana, doon na napigtas ang pasensiya ko.
Ifinally dated other men. I want so bad to forget. Nakadalawa na nga, hindi pa rin ba ako
natatapos sa kanya? Inip na inip na ako!
But the more menI date and kiss, the more I felt lonely. I had been proposed too, three
times, with big diamonds and rings that were worth a million dollars.. but I cant seem to
find the courage and passion to say yes to any of it.
I groaned when I saw the news in a newspaper. Sinapo ko ang noo ko at naisip na ayaw ko
talagang binabalita ako na ganito.. na may tinanggihang bonggang proposal.
I bit my lower lip and thought of another more explicit shoot to cover up that story. Ayaw
kong sobrang pagpiyestahan ang pagtanggi ko sa proposal.
Pakiramdam ko.. kapag nalaman nila... maiisip nilang bigo pa rin ako. Hindi pa nakaka move
on.
"So which one is it?" tanong ni Dencio sa akin nang muli kaming nagkita, this time we
intended the meeting.
I paused from kissing him to look at him. Nanalo na ako sa pageant kahit halos hindi ko
naman sineryoso. O sineryoso ko para matabunan ang umingay na balita tungkol sa
pagtanggi ko sa proposal.
"You don't want to get married or... you're not over him?"
I chuckled drunkenly. "Both?"
Tumango siya
"I can't imagine myself settling down. Be a wife and be a mother-"
"But you have imagined your future with him back then..."
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at naisip iyon. Oo. There was a time when I imagined that.
It felt like it was the only future for me... to be his wife and be a mother to his children.
Now that he's gone, I've no interest in being any of those. Not to anyone.
Minsan, kahit nasa sariling apartment na, gusto ko pa ring umuwi. Ilang taon na akong nasa
ibang bansa, sa iba't-ibang parte ng mundo. I made a few addresses my home but I still feel
likel am not home.
At tuwing iniisip ko ang bahay namin sa Manila... kung doon ko ba gustong umuwi... pero
hindi pa rin.
I want to go home.
I don't know why Im saying that even when I amn home.
It feels like I am longing for a comforting place. Where home is. It always hit me at random
times. I am suddenly longing and nostalgic of a place where I once belong. I couldn't
pinpoint where. It's not here. It's not in our home in Manila. Not even our home in Costa
Leona. I don't know where... I'm just very homesick.
I feel like l have not been home all these years. I feel like a feather floating freely on air, not
landing anytime soon, and not belonging anywhere else.
Sometimes... it feels like it's not really a place. Or a time. It's a feeling. A fleeting feeling of
belongingness to something or someone... and now it's long gone.I will forever be
homesick.
Niyakap ko ang mga tuhod ko habang nagkukulong sa kuwarto. Basang basa pa ako sa ulan
galing sa pagtaboy ni Achilles sa akin pagkatapos kong lumuhod at magmakaawa na
tanggapin niya ulit ako.
I'm here in Costa Leona. Inside our house. Inside my very room. And yet... I still want to go
home.
I'm still very, very homesick.
I don't know where that home is, but I am missing it badly. I deeply long the comfort and
the belongingness.
 I came here now because I had high hopes. I hoped so much because of Alana's letter. O...
talaga bang dahil lang sa sulat niya ako umasa?
Mali. Dati na akong umaasa.
Sa dinami dami na ng naging karanasan ko. Sa layo na ng inabot ko. Sa ilang masasakit na
salita nang natanggap ko. At sa mga masasakit na balita.. hindi pa rin talaga ako nadala.
Umaasa pa rin ako. lyon ang totoo. It was as if l am hoping that I will suddenly wake up
from this long long nightmare and start all over again. I am still living in the prelude where
l'm waiting for my life to happen.
All these career boosts, and heartaches from the news of him settling down, are all just a
nightmare for me. I expected and anticipated that one day I will wake from this bad dream
and hug Achilles on our own bed.
Gusto kong matawa. Hanggang ngayon, nag ilusyon pa rin talaga ako. Hanggang ngayon,
umaasa pa.
At nang nabasa ko ang sulat ni Alana sa akin, akala ko iyon na ang hinihintay kong yugyog
para magising sa masamang panaginip na ito. I thought that finally, the prequel is over and
the story will start soon, with a twist, but still my happy ending.
Umasa ako sa sulat niya pero ngayon nabigo ako. He clearly told me a while ago that he
didn't love me anymore. That he loved Alana instead. I don't know if he's lying or do I still
have the strength to hope that he is lying but... I'm exhausted.
Ang galit at poot ko para kay Achilles ay isinantabi ko para sa pagbabalik na to.
Alana is right. He didn't tell me that he doesn't Iove me anymore. She is his wife and yet she
thinks that Achilles is still in love with me. Her words stung so deep in me that all my
resentment for Achilles got brushed under the rug just so I could finally be with him.
I already imagined our life. With his two sons who lI will raise as my own. I was already
prepared. I even love them already when I was in the plane boarding to come home. I was
that sold to Alana's letter and idea.
Dear Maria Emilia,
There is a big chance that you won't read this because you are still very mad at us... or that
you have moved on with your life and you don't want to look back anymore. But I guess I
am writing this and sending this to you, anyway.
May mga gabi pa ring hindi ako makatulog at naaalala ko ang lahat ng mga sinabi mo sa
akin sa araw na iyon. I never really liked you from the very beginning. And to tell you
honestly, I still don't like you now. But I am writing this because I know
I will regret it if I won't.
The first time I met you, I immediately know that there's something between you and
Achilles. O siguro, dahil espesyal ang turing niya sa'yo. Noong una, gusto kong isipin na
dahil iyon Galvez ka at mayaman kayo. Pero kalaunan, naalala ko na hindi siya nagta-
trabaho sa inyo at walang puwedeng eksplenasyon kung bakit kahit hindi maganda ang
ugali mo, patuloy ka pa rin niyang iniintindi at pinagtatanggol sa aming mga kaibigan niya.
Achilles is a kind and responsible person. Iniisip ko rin na natural lang naman iyon sa
kanya. Pinagtatanggol niya rin naman kami sa iba. He's always polite at us, kind, and very
accommodating as a friend. But I know I am just fooling myself. Deep in my heart, I know
that there's something between you two.
Even after I confessed my feelings to him, years before he met you, he was polite in saying
no to me and promised me that we will remain friends. That nothing will change between
us. Until you.
Kaya hindi ko magawang magustuhan ka kahit noong kayo na. My hatred only grew when
he cut ties with us. He never told us why but I was sure it was because of you. I resented
you for it. I hated you for stealing my friend... but actually, I hated you for stealing my love.
Yes. I painfully love him. Umasa ako na matatauhan siya kalaunan dahil hindi ka nababagay
para sa kanya. Nakikita ko ang layo ng agwat n'yong dalawa. Nakikita ko ang lumang mga
damit at sapatos niya, samantalang lagi kang may bago at mamahaling mga gamit, may
sasakyan na sumusundo, at hindi mo maintindihan ang kahalagahan ng pagtatrabaho.
Nakikita ko kung gaano siya nagsisikap na pumantay sa'yo at sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na
maghihiwalay din kayo. Hindi magtatagal ang relasyon sa dalawang magkaibang
magkaibang tao. Sa estado man - dahil mayaman ka at malhirap lang siya; at sa ugali rin -
dahil masama ka at mabait siya.
Nangyari nga ang naisip ko. Naghiwalay kayo at iniwan ka niya. It was very fast
 for me but I comforted him. It seems like those days were the darkest days of his life. He
was lost and all alone. At inaamin ko na mahal ko pa rin siya. Inaamin ko na naisip ko no'n
na pagkakataon ko na iyon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kayo naghiwalay. I just assumed that
finally he woke up from his unrealistic goals of marrying a Maria Emilia Galvez. Or that he
has finally realized that he can't stand your attitude. That maybe your family finally had the
courage to break you two up. He can't leave the Navy because he worked hard for it. He's
poor and he can't afford to lose his hard earned dream, just for a woman he couldn't even
understand. And you wont understand why his dreams, his job, was so important to him.
You won't understand that for us, poor, our job and passion is our life, our way to survive,
identity, and honor. You won't understand because all your life, you don't really need to
find it. It was handed to you on a silver platter, being a socialite Galvez who won't need to
work for money.
Pero sa totoo lang, hanggang ngayon, habang sinusulat ko ito, hindi ko alam ang totoo
niyang dahilan.
Maria Emilia, we already have two sons. We have been married for years.
Hanggang ngayon, gusto ko pa ring malaman ang dahilan niya. At first, I wanted to swallow
my curiosity and leave him be. I thought he will eventually open up.
Pero habang tumatagal, lalong tumitibay ang desisyon niyang sarilinin ang yoi yagd ag
TTOdb dahilan. And l'm afraid I'm out of time to even know the real reason. l am a
hypocrite to say that I didn't see this as a competition, because I did. I thought I won. I
married Achilles. I got him. He left you. You lost. I am not sorry for it. But I don't want to
carry this pretentious burden with me in the afterlife.
No. This is not a competition. There was no competition to begin with. You have always
been the only one for him. I couldn't conquer him because he has already been conquered.
And his heart is owned only by his conqueror.
I see it. All the flickers in his eyes whenever he spaces out. Or when we see you on TV.
When he looks at the sunset. Whenever he's awake and alone, watching the sun rises in the
morning. Or when he kisses me.
Sinisisi ko siya. Dahil hindi niya ako minahal gaya ng pagmamahal niya sa'yo.
Sinisisi ko siya dahil ginamit niya ako. Pero sa huli, alam ko rin ang pagkakamali ko
You're right. I wanted to reach for my dreams out of town. I wanted to go abroad and see
more of the world. I didn't have money but I know I'm still young. That soon, I can get my
dreams. Pero noong nalaman ko na wala na kayo ni Achilles, nagbago ang isip ko. It felt like
my real dream is really to marry and settle down with him. That those dreams of leaving
town was only my choice because
Achilles was with you.
At nitong mga huling taon na kasama ko si Achilles, nagsimula na akong magsisi na nanatili
ako sa tabi niya. Na naging makasarili ako at itinuring kong gantimpala ang pagpapakasal
sa kanya. If I have known that my life is this short, I could've reached for my dreams, and
not settle for a man who couldn't love me the way I deserved to be loved.
Still, I can't fault him alone. It was my decision to comfort him. It was my choice.
He didnt force me to do anything. In fact, I treated it as a prize for my painful years of
waiting for him. I thought I won. I thoughtI defeated you. l am writing this letter because I
want you to know that he had always been in love with you. He never fell out of love. Up to
this day, he's still in love with you.
And I dont see him moving on from you.
Siguro iniisip mo na napakamartyr ko naman para sulatan ka pa ng ganito kahit na mahal
ko siya. But the years of one-sided love made me so bitter thatl couldn't even get to
appreciate the life we have... our sons... and this future that I chose.
The past years, I can't stop thinking of my dreams and what I could have been if l didn't
settle for him. It robbed us of the love my sons deserved from their mother. Sising sisi ako
na ngayon ko lang minahal ng husto ang mga anak ko.
Sising sisi ako na lagi kong iniisip ang pagmamahal ni Achilles. Mahalaga iyon, pero may
mga anak na kami. Dapat ay iyon ang inuna ko. Sising sisi ako na hindi ako nakuntento na
kahit kailan, hindi siya naging malamig sa akin, kahit kailan hindi niya ako pinakitaan ng
galit, o sinumbatan sa lahat ng mga sinabi ko sa kanya. Sising sisi ako na sa pagsisikap kong
maging asawa niya, hindi ako naging
 ina.
I am dying. Before l go, I want to say all of these in the hopes that when I'm gone... you can
mother Percival Archer, and Jaxon Archibald. And finally, be a wife to Achilles. He is still in
love with you. He will always be in love with you. You are his sun. And his world, even
though bright because of his two sons... is in a perpetual cloudy and sunless days. Without
you.
-Alana
Bumukas bigla ang pintuan ng kuwarto ko. I locked it even when I know I'm all alone in the
house. Only the house helps are around. Kaya nagulat ako na may pumasok. No househelp
would dare enter.
I was about to get mad when I realized it wasn't a house help. It was my mother.
NatanaW niya agad ako pero hindi nagbago ang malanmig niyang ekspresyon pagpasok.
Hindi na kami kailanman nag-away tungkol sa career ko o kay Achilles. We don't see each
other often. Halos isang beses lang sa isang taon kaya wala ring pag- aawayan ng husto.
Ngayong basang basa ako, namumugto ang mga mata sa pag-iyak, dahil kay
Achilles, hindi ko na tuloy alam kung paano pa ipapaliwanag ang nangyayari.
I know she still doesn't want Achilles for me but it doesn't matter to me now. I won't tell
her what happened but I'm sure she has an idea. Magmumukha akong tanga kung
magsisinungaling ako sa kanya. At wala rin akong panahon na makipagtalo, kung aamin
man ako ngayon, at pagalitan niya ako. Her words won't matter to me so what will her
lambasts be for?
Dinig ko ang bawat lapat ng high heels niya sa sahig. I am not scared of her anymore. I
remained seated in my miserable state. Ano pa ba ang mas sasakit sa mga sinabi ni Achilles
sa akin kanina? Wala na. Wala nang puwedeng sabihin si
Mama na makakapag palala pa sa sakit na nararamdaman ko.
She opened the closed curtains. The rain has died down outside but I am still soaked. Hindi
ko na alam kung ilang oras na ako na nakaupo sa sahig. Nilalamig na ako pero wala na
akong pakialam sa pisikal na nararamdaman.
"Stand up," she commanded.
She walked towards where I was. Nanatili akong nakaupo.
"Stand up, Maria Emilia," ulit niya sa malamig na boses.
"Im busy right now," I said with equal coldness.
Natahimik siya at pinagmasdan akong hindi siya sinusunod. She then sighed heavily.
"I know why you're like this."
Umirap ako. "That's for sure."
Nagtagal ulit bago siya nagsalita. Lumakad muna siya sa kabilang bintana at tinanaw ang
ulan. Hindi ko alam kung saan siya galing o kung bakit siya nandito sa bahay. I don't even
know where she was before this. Wala ako masyadong balita sa kanila nitong nakaraang
buwan.
She then looked at me from the window. Madilim sa kuwarto ko pero may ilaw sa labas.
Her face was dark against the light but I can still see her dimmed expression. Humalukipkip
siya at humilig sa malayong bintana na iyon.
"He broke your heart again."
I scoffed. She always has ways to find out what's happening with me. May pakialam ba ako
kung mabuking niya ako? Wala. Ano naman ang gagawin niya?
The only thing that could stop me now is if she kills me.
I wonder if that is a better option right now.
"Look at you, Marem. Ang layo ng naabot mo. You're famous. You can be a superstar if you
want to. But I know you don't like the spotlight. It's obvious in your works. You just do it to
get the attention. You are alvways half-hearted in your showbiz endevours. You don't value
it but... you know how to keep it. To use it to your advantage."
Tama ka, Mama.
Totoo namang pumasok lang talaga ako para hindi ako... makalimutan. Para laging nakikita.

I don't even like it. I realized that long ago. l only did it to get attention or to busy myself.
It's just a diversion. Pero dahil gusto ako ng mga produkto, at ng mga tao, even if I half-
heartedly do it, it doesn't matter.
You hada lot of boyfriends... and suitors... You've been proposed to three times, kahit bata
ka pa. Tinanggihan mo ang lahat ng iyon. Para ano?"
Hindi ko siya tiningnan. I stared blankly at the wall. Pagagalitan niya na naman ba
 ako? Hindi na ako bata.
I guess I'm just glad her voice is calm and cool, not the strained and alarmed ones back
when I was younger
"Para sa lalaking 'yon?"
"If you're going to scold me about his status, rinding rindi na ako, Ma. Save your words.
They won't matter to me."
She sighed again.
"I know I have not been a good mother to you."
"Alam ko ang mga kasalanan ko sa'yo. Pero sa lahat lahat... ng mga nagawa ko. at
pagkukulang ko. Isa lang ang hindi ko pinagsisihan."
I lifted my glare at her. Unti-unti na naman akong nagagalit sa kanya. She looked sad and
worried, but her coldness overpowered it.
"Hinding hindi ko pagsisisihan na pinaghiwalay ko kayo ni Achilles."
"Are you saying that you're the reason why he dumped me-"
"I have no idea why he dumped you but I thank him for it."
Kumunot ang noo ko, biglang nalito sa sinabi niya.
She sighed again. The sadness crossed in her face and stayed there this time.
"Marem, ifl have a choice, l'd take this secret to the grave... Hindi ko kayang magbago ang
tingin mo sa papa mo. He's a good man. For a long time, I tried so hard to keep our family
together-
"You tried so hard to keep you and papa together, Mama. Hindi ang buong pamilya dahil...
hindi kita naramdaman.." I said bitterly.
Pumikit siya at yumuko. Saglit na pumatak ang luha niya. Her image in a full mid length
Dolce and Gabanna dress, a beige high heeled closed stilettos, and hair in a tight chignon, is
the very definition of our family's emblem motto: Surtout, r'élégance.
She is breaking down right now. For real. I've seen her so angry and ungraceful, and yet
there will always be times like this... when she looks regal, like my father's grandmother. I
know now why my grandmama chose her as my father's other half.
"Im sorry" she said quietly. "But believe me... the only way to keep this family ntact for me...
is if I... secure your father."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Hindi ko iyon maintindihan. Walang puwedeng paliwanag sa akin ang
kapabayaan nila sa mga anak nila para lang sa kanilang relasyon.
"I did that but... I am not sure if I am successful... maybe on the surface... but truth is.. his
heart is with someone else."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Akala ko ba... nagpakasal silang dalawa na mahal nila ang isa't isa?
Akala ko ba pinagkasundo man sila, minahal pa rin nila ang isat isa.
Hindi ko maintindihan bakit sinasabi to ni Mama sa akin.
"You see, Marem. You are not the first Riego and Galvez who walked Costa Leona to fall in
love."
I was stunned. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko narinig iyon pero.
"Leona Riego, Achilles' mother, and your father, Rodolfo Galvez, are in love with each other
even before your father married me.
Hindi ko maintindihan. O hindi ko mahanapan ng koneksiyon iyon.
"Magtatanan sila sa gabing iyon, nang hindi sinipot ni Leona si Dolfo.."
She stared at my completely confused expression.
"Pinangakuan ng'yong ama si Leona.. na pananagutan niya ang nangyari sa kanilang
dalawa."
Namilog ang mga mata ko. My heart literally sank at a bottomless pit when I realized where
she is going with this.
Lalong lumakas ang ulan sa labas. Gusto kong mabingi. Gusto kong magising sa mas lalong
dumilim at pumait na bangungot na ito!
Is this true?! This can't be true, right?!
"But she ran away that was why your father married me instead. H-He had no choice-
"A-And.." my voice shakily asked.
"Hindi ka ba nagtataka... kung bakit malapit ang papa mo kay Achilles?"
"He liked him for me until-"
"He cared for him because he is Leona's son. But did it ever occur to you why...
Achilles likes the academy? And likes the Navy? Why is he very similar to your father?"
Umiling ako. Ayaw kong maniwala. Uminit ang ulo ko at pisikal kong naramdaman ang
pagkakabaliktad ng mga naiisip ko. I feel like I'm going to be
 crazy!
"Why your father funded his education? Why your father suddenly disagrees with your
relationship with him? Why we will die first before we allow you to marry him?"
"I don't believe you."
Tumayo ako kahit nanginginig ang mga binti. Aalis na sana ako sa kuwarto pero naunang
nagsalita si Mama.
"He is your brother. Achilles is your father's son.
"Hindi yan totoo!"
"Hindi ko alam kung bakit ka hiniwalayan ni Achilles. Nangako ang papa mo na hindi ito
aaminin : pamilya natin-" anak niya dahil ayaw kong mabahiran ng eskandalo ang
"Hindi ako naniniwala!" | shouted.
"Achilles doesn't know that and I thank him for dumping you and marrying someone else!
Now, you stop pursuing him, Maria Emilia!"
"Hindi ako naniniwa-"
"Stop pursuing your brother! It's disgusting!"
I suddenly remember how Achilles used that word: disgusting.
Now. I understand.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. Ayaw kong maniwala pero hindi ko na yata kayang ignorahin
ang mga sinabi ni Mama.
"Ask your father. He will tell you the truth. I am not just saying this to stop you from
pursuing him. I am telling you this because... it is the truth.

Kabanata 29

Pearls
Hindi ko alam kung tinanggap ko ba ang sinabi ni Mama o hindi. I remained inside my room
for days, barely eating anything, and staring into blank space.
Alam kong nandito pa si Mama. Siya ang laging naghahatid ng pagkain ko, araw araw. Hindi
ko na rin inabala ang sarili na isarado ang pintuan ko. I know she has the keys and she will
enter anyway.
Hindi na rin siya nagsasalita bukod pa sa pagsasabing kumain na ako. Hindi niya rin naman
ako pinipilit kung ayaw ko.
I just hear her heels entering my room, her sighs as she watch staring into space before she
leaves me alone.
Hindi ako naniniwala. O ayaw kong maniwala.
Gusto kong patunayan na hindi iyon totoo, pero takot ako sa mga malalaman ko.
Paano kung totoo? Anong mangyayari sa akin?
A shiver ran down my spine because of those thoughts. If it were true, then does that
mean... Achilles is my half brother. And that..
I shut my eyes tightly remembering how I am so in love with him, how he was so in love
with me, and how we both acted on our love physically.
It's impossible, right? Gusto kong malaman ang totoo pero hindi ko alam kung matatanggap
ko, kung sakaling totoo ang sinabi ni Mama.
Irecalled how my father was then fond of him, while my mother never was. If it is the truth,
then it makes all sense. Naaalala ko rin ang mga away ni Mama at Papa noon. Hindi ko alam
kung tungkol saan yon pero kung tama nga ang sinabi ni
Mama, kung ganoon dahil iyon do'n.
Achilles' dream is to pursue the PMA and enter the Navy. It was his idea. And now it makes
sense why it was innate for him to want to become a Navy, if he indeed is my father's son.
Pumatak ang mga luha ko habang iniisip ang posibilidad na iyon. Hindi nakakatulong na
alam kong tinulungan siya ni Papa na pumasok sa PMA.
Matulungin si Papa pero ngayong nadepina ang mga tulong niya kay Achilles, pakiramam
ko tinulungan niya ito dahil... anak niya nga ito!
Pinilig kO ang ulo ko at ibinaon ang mukha sa pagitan ng tuhod. I hugged my knees as I
tried hard to block my thoughts about it.
I know well that Achilles loves me so much. He wanted to fulfill his dreams for me. Hindi ko
lubos maisip na pagtataksilan niya ako noon. At kung totoong mahal niya si Alana, bakit
hindi niya maamin kay Alana ang totoong dahilan ng
 paghihiwalay namin? Bakit kailangan niyang itago 'yon, kung totoo nga'ng si
Alana na ang mahal niya?
Alana thinks Achilles doesn't love her. I know that sometimes insecurities can creep in
despite the assurance... but if he did love her wholeheartedly, why can't e tell her his
reasons?
Pinikit ko lalo ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano pa pipigilan ang en nM, lnnn hi
ni Mm ndbilannnhinnnarnnlahatr
Pinikit ko lalo ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano pa pipigilan ang isipan ngayon.
Mula nang nasabi ni Mama ang dahilan na 'yon, parang lahat na lang ng naiisip ko ay
nagtuturo doon. Gustuhin ko mang tanggihan, pero ang hirap...
Mahal ako ni Achilles, hindi niya ako pagtataksilan... pero kung totoo ang sinabi ni Mama.
Kung ako ba ang unang nakaalam no'n, ano ang gagawin ko?
Thinking about it snapped something in my head. Migraine hit me like a truck. Ni hindi ako
makasigaw sa sakit. I even encouraged my head to hurt more. I feel like the physical pain
blocks whatever emotion I had after thinking all of those things.
Nagpatuloy ang ganoon ng ilang araw. Ni hindi ko na binilang kung pang ilang araw na
nang nagtagal si Mama pagkatapos niyang pumasok para ihatid na naman ang agahan ko.
"I hope you eat something. You're looking unhealthy, Marem.." banayad niyang sinabi.
Natahimik ang maingay kong isipan dahil sa sinabi niya. Nasanay na ako na wala siyang
sinasabi tuwing nag hahatid ng pagkain haya nasa kanya agad ang buong atensiyon ko nang
nagsalita siya.
"Isang linggo nang tubig lang ang laman ng tiyan mo. And you barely even drink."
Hindi ako nagsalita. She sighed and slowly went out of my room.
I want to know the truth. But what if... it is the truth? Will l be able to handle it?
Pakiramdam ko mababaliw na ako.
Hindi na kami ni Achilles. May asawa na siya at nagkaanak na. Pakiramdam ko pa rin
mababaliw ako kung iyon nga ang totoo.
I feel like giving up my life and just stare into a blank space forever until l deteriorate and
die. l am disgusted and angry. With myself. With everyone around me! With God! And fate!
I didnt ask and wish to love Achilles and yet... I did! Hindi ko naman talaga siya gusto, pero
minahal ko siya! Ano'ng klaseng laro naman 'to kung hindi naman pala kami puwede!!
Ngayon na hindi ko pa napapatunayan ang kahit na ano, mababaliw na ako!
Paano kung napatunayan ko to?! l imagine myself jumping at something and just ending it. I
won't be able to face anything after it!
But what if it isn't true... what if... they just believed that?
Paano ba nila nalaman? Nito lang ba nalaman ni Papa? Paano si Mama? Matagal niya na
bang alam? Hindi nila sinabi kay Achilles, 'di ba? Ano ba ang dahilan ni
Achilles? Talaga bang nagtaksil siya sa akin? O ito rin ba ang rason niya? Kung oo, paano
niya nalaman ito? May iba bang nakakaalam?
Iremember how Achilles was so eager to find his father. Na tinatanong niya ang
Mama niya, pero ayaw nito sabihin. Bakit? Dahil ba... may asawa na ang papa niya? Dahil ba
may sariling pamilya?
Kailan ba nalaman ni Papa? Was it when... Leona Riego was on her death bed? Is that why
they kept on fighting those days?
Tahimik na pumasok si Mama para sa tanghalian ko. She sighed when she looked at my
breakfast untouched. Kinuha niya iyon at nilapag ang tanghaliang pamalit sa naunang
pagkain.
"Kung totoo nga ang sinabi mo, bakit ngayon mo lang sinabi 'to, Mama?" tanong nang 'di
siya tinitigan.
Narinig ko ang paglapag niya ulit ng tray sa lamesa. Binaba niya ata ulit ang kukunin sanang
pagkain para sagutin ang biglaan kong tanong.
I heard her sigh again and slowly she walked towards my bed.
"Because I thought I don't have to tell you the truth. That somehow... you will follow what I
tell you and... move on. You're a great woman, Marem. Better men are lining up for you."
I then looked at her, eyes widened at how she took this very lightly.
 "Of all people, ikaw dapat ang nakakaalam kung gaano ka sakit magmahal ng ganito! It
ruined me! It ruined my life! It consumed my thoughts! It ruined me for years! I lived in
darkness for years!-"
"And you think if I told you about it years ago, it Won't ruin you?" she cut me off.
Umiling ako, hindi tinatanggap ang sinasabi niya.
"We tried so hard to keep this a secret! Hindi lang dahil para sa pamilya natin, para na rin
sa'yo! You really think I didnt know your secret rendezvous with
Achilles in the Manila Peninsula?"
My mouth dropped open.
"You really think nobody knew about your relationship with him? Maria Emilia, wake up!"
sigaw ni Mama sa huling sinabi. "The Saldivars know, all the people of
Costa Leona knows!! And you think hindi kakalat yon sa oras na malaman ng lahat na
kapatid mo si Achilles?!"
Pumikit ako ng marin nang narinig iyon. My head suddenly throbbed. My heart pounded,
scared that I will be physically and internaly harmed by whatever I was feeling right now!
"You really think... your life will be better if you two broke up years ago because of the real
truth?! Marem! You are lucky Achilles left you for another woman and not because he
found out that you are his sister!"
I shut my eyes again. I wanted to scream and drown out her words.
"You are lucky to be living, your head held high, untainted by scandalous rumors!
Yes, your heart is broken! Pero makakaya mo ba na nasaktan ka na nga ng husto,
malalaman mo pa at ng lahat ang tunay na dahilan no'n?! Can you really live like yourself
like that?!"
Tears streamed down my eyes again. Pinipilit ko pa rin. Hindi ako naniniwala.
Ayaw ko.
I blocked out all the possibilities of that. My head is throbbing. Pakiramdam ko kung
mabaliw na nga ako ngayon, wala na akong pakialam.
What was the point anyway? Achilles wont accept me even if I begged him to death. Now
my mother is saying something ridiculous! If I pursue the truth, and I find out that we're
not blood related, will Achilles accept me? And what if we are... wil | be able to accept it?
No
I would rather die.
" don't... believe you..." I said, my voice shaking.
"Leona Riego's last words... to your father... is how she loves him, ever since. and until her
last breath," nanginig din ang boses ni Mama.
Napabaling ako sa kanya.
"She was your father's girlfriend before we got married. He was determined to marry her
despite your grandmama's disapproval. He took her heart that day, and they both decided
to leave secretly that night. He waited but she didn't show up.
Kitang-kita ko ang paghihirap niyang sabihin ang lahat ng iyon. She sighed heavily before
she continued.
"After years, she came back with a son. Your fathe... believed that she fell for someone else.
But the truth is... s-she didn't. Achilles Riego is your father's son."
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko tatanggapin ang mga sinabi ni Mama.
"Gusto mo lang kaming magkahiwalay dahil bukod sa mahirap lang siya, anak siya ng
karibal mo," mariin kong sinabi.
Kitang kita ko ang sakit sa mukha ni Mama. It felt like I rubbed an old deep wound. I didn't
even feel guilty. Sobrang sakit ng nararamdaman ko na gusto ko na ring manakit ng ibang
tao. Kahit si Mama.
"You know I'm never particular of the status. And... yes, I still don't like Leona. But
I didn't like Achilles for you because I know he is your brother-"
"At bakit hindi alam ni Papa?"
"Because..." suminghap si Mama, yumuko bago nag-angat muli ng tingin sa akin.
"I made your father believe that she fell in love with someone else. Just so he'd forget about
her.
Unti-unting nalukot ang mukha ko sa galit at sakit. Mama's tears felI, too. Sunod
Un-unng aiuKo sunod naman agad ang hikbi ko dahil alam ko... alam ko sa sarili ko.. na
nagsasabi siya ng totoo. l always thought that my parents married for love. Pero sa
nagdaang taon, nakita ko kung gaano kauhaw si Mama sa pagmamahal ni Papa. Inuuna niya
ito kaysa
 sa aming mga anak niya. Kaya alam ko... na toto... na magagawa niya iyon... dahil
pagmamahal niya kay Papa.
How stupid and selfish that is? I suddenly stopped and remembered Alana's letter. Ganoon
din siya, pinilit ang pagmamahal sa lalaking hindi naman siya mahal!
And I wonder... if forcing myself to Achilles would also mean... I am doing the same thing?!
"Leona... was a close friend of mine. Kilala ko siya at alam ko... na hinding hindi niya
makakayang mawasak ang kahit na sinong pamilya, para lang masabi niya ang totoo. She
never told your father about Achilles. She kept it a secret."
She is her close friend. I can't believe it.
This is so fucked up!
Who amn I to judge? I am that vicious when it comes to... love, too.
"l... kept it a secret. I want our family intact."
Umiling ulit ako.
"Your father promised me that despite all the things he's doing for Achilles, he'll never tell
him the truth."
Yumuko ako.
"Anak niya na... naghirap ng ilang taon. Hindi kilala ang ama. Nangulila. At mag isang
itinaguyod ang buhay niya. Tingin mo... kaya ng papa mo'ng ilihim 'yon,
Marem? Kaya niyang huwag kumprontahin ang anak niya? Nagkulang siya kay
Achilles. Nangulila siya kay Achilles. Tingin mo kaya niyang hindi yakapin ito at tawaging
anak?"
I wish I can block her words right now because I definitely know where she is going with it.
Hindi ako nagsalita. Pilit ko lang na pinikit ang mga mata na para bang hindi ko rin siya
maririnig kung gagawin ko iyon.
"Kaya ng papa mo na ilihim 'yon, maprotektahan lang ang dignidad mo. Ikaw,
Maria Emilia. Your father is hiding the real truth... about his son... for your sake.
Because you will be ruined by this truth..."
Pumikit ako ng marin, hindi pa rin matanggap ang mga sinabi ni Mama.
There were days when I was sure she's lying. And days where I've lost all my hopes and
surrender. Dahil wala na rin naman itong patutunguhan.
I don't even know if l wanted proof. It's that disgusting. At kung hindi man totoo, may
magbabago ba?
Achilles still fucked Alana. He still betrayed me. He cheated on me. He loved her.
And he.. also said that he doesn't love me anymore. Whatever the results may be, I will still
be lost. I will never be home again. I could never turn back the time.
Or right the wrong.
May mga araw ding iniisip ko na hindi na ako takot sa kung ano mang mangyari sa akin. My
life has no value for me anymore. I didn't care what will happen next to me. I even feel like
if I died, I'd be thankful about it.
Hindi ako ganito. Ilang beses na akong nasaktan pero ngayon lang ako nakaramdam ng
ganito ka tinding panghihina.. kawalan ng pag-asa.
Siguro dahil kahit gusto kong umasa, unti-unti ko nang nararamdaman na hindi talaga
mangyayari ang ipinipilit ko.
Whether I prove it or not, it will not change anything. I couldnt even try to believe it. It will
make me lose my mind if I did.
Pumasok si Mama sa kuwarto ko para sa agahan. Kitang kita ko ang gulat niya nang
natanaw akong nagsasabit na ng hikaw sa tainga. Hindi ako nakatulog ng kahit kaonti.
Madaling araw pa lang, nag-aayos na ako.
"M-Marem, what are you doing?" I saw the fear in my mother's eyes.
Agad niyarng binaba ang tray ng pagkain at nilapitan ako para daluhan. I looked at her
blankly as I continued with my accessories.
I suddenly realize why she looked anxious watching me. It's been almost two weeks since
she saw me stand. At para makita akong bigla na lang nakaayos ng itim na magarang damit,
at high heeled shoes, at naka french twist ang buhok.
"Are you alright?" she asked me like I am going crazy.
"Im leaving" tanging nasabi ko.
"W-Where?" natataranta pa rin si Mama.
"To Manila."
"A-And?" she waited for my answer.
Kumuha ako ng lipstick at nagsimulang mag lagay sa labi. Hindi ko sinagot ang huling
tanong ni Mama kaya dumugtong siya.
"IIl come with you, then."
 Hindi pa rin ako sumagot. Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa salamin. Nanatili rin si
Mama sa tabi, nakatitig sa akin parang hindi pa rin ako naiintindihan.
"Look. I know the things that you did in the past years, just to see Achilles-"
I flinched at the mention of his name. "I said, I'm leaving, Mama!"
Nagulat siya sa iritasyon ko. Unti-unti namang tumango kalaunan.
"I hope you're finally done with this madness. Alam kong mahirap tanggapin at. na minahal
mo siya ng husto pero... This can't happen. It will destroy you."
"I said I'm leaving," ulit ko.
"Alright. I'm coming with you," kalmado niyang sinabi bago siya umalis sa kuwarto ko.
Where do i go from here? I don't know.
I always thought that this life is a prelude to the life I wanted. But what if.. it will never
happen anymore. What if... it just can't happen no matter what I do?
Where do I go from here?
What's next to me? l'd very much want to just stay locked up... Bigla kong naisip na mas
madaling magalit at isipin na pirnagtaksilan ako ni Achilles, kaysa sa rasong sinabi ni
Mama.
I will lose my mind whenever I think about it.
Tahimik na pumasok si Mama sa sasakyan. Nakaupo na ako roon, naghihitay sa kanya.
Dahil biglaan, wala ang chopper namin kaya mag eeroplano kami pauwi ng Manila.
Nanatili ang mga mata ko sa harap, hindi pa man umaandar ang sasakyan.
Mama then looked at me curiously. I know she'll ask me questions.
"A-After going to Manila, where are you going.
"I dont really know. ljust want to leave," sabi ko.
She sighed. "I'm sorry, Marem."
Nagsimula na ang sasakyan at tuloy tuloy na ang biyahe namin sa Caticlan. I didn't feel
anything anymore. I just honestly want to get out of here. To leave
Costa Leona forever.
"l came here in Costa Leona, after months of knowing that you stayed here.. because | heard
rumors about you pursuing Achilles," si Mama habang dire- diretso ang biyahe ng sasakyan.

I gritted my teeth and didn't say a word to her. I did not even look at her.
"| want to let you be, pero hindi ko na yata kaya na kumalat pa ang tungkol sa.. pag uwi
mo... at pagkikita n'yo ni Achilles.
Iremember howI tried hard to cross Achilles' path in the past months. Mula sa pag-uwi ko,
at pagmamanipula ko sa buong Costa Leona, magkita lang kami at mapaamin ko lang siya
ulit.
That night with him in their home... after Senyora Domitilla's part was our worst encounter.
Itinaboy niya ako at sinabi niyang hindi niya na ako mahal.
I suddenly stopped my train of thoughts when I remember my mother's words about
Achilles. At hindi ko na halos maisip pa iyon dahil sa hindi maipaliwanag na
nararamdaman... kung sakaling totoo man iyon.
"This has been a long standing secret but... I know that I'm not the only one who knows
about it.'
Hindi ko pa rin binalingan si Mama.
"Rumors... m-might trigger other people. Rumors about you pursuing Achilles in the past
months.. after his wife's death... might make other people remember and..
Hindi ko alam kung saan siya patungo sa sinasabi niya. At wala na rin naman akong
pakialam.
"I thought the only way to cover it up is if you show them that they are mistaken.
That you have moved on. That... you're with someone else now. And not in love with-
"Fine. I'Il get married," ni hindi ako kumurap nang sinabi ko iyon.
Sa puntong ito, wala na akong pakialam kung magpakasal man akoo hindi. Kung sino man
ang pakasalan ko, wala na akong pakialam. l am so exhausted fighting for the story that I
want. I don't want to do it over again. Not even for Achilles.
"A-Are you sure?"
My lips were pressed tightly as I nodded.
Tahimik si Mama buong biyahe pagkatapos niyang sabihin iyon. Ni hindi niya alam kung
totoo ba ang sinabi ko. Knowing her, I know she doubts me so much.
But this time, it feels like she knew that I was giving up.
Alam kong alam niya na sigurado akong sumusuko na ako dahil nang tumigil ang
 sasakyan namin sa labas ng airport ng Caticlan, binalingan niya ulit ako.
"Are you sure you will leave without talking to Achilles?"
I snapped my eyes back to her. I can't believe that she asked me that!
Parang winasak ang puso ko nang natanto kung gaano siya ka sigurado na hindi kami
puwede ni Achilles! Sa tanong na iyon, alam ko agad na ganoon ang tingin niya! She would
never allow me to see Achilles, not even a bit! She would make excuses just to stop me from
seeing him! And to hear her offer right now... that I should talk to Achilles made it all real.
Nagtangkang mamuo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. Umiling ako at bumaling sa harap,
ayaw nang isipin pa ang offer niya.
That's it! Im leaving! IIl forget Achilles! Damn him! Stupid asshole!
"Marem, I know I'm selfish for encouraging you to marry someone but... l also hope you'd
learn to love that person eventually. I'm sure hindi ka magmamahal ulit hanggang hindi
n'yo natutuldukan ni Achilles ang ano mang nangyari."
I sit there immobile and shocked at my mother's very considerate words. Para akong
sinampal sampal ng katotohanan. All the more I don't want to see Achilles!
All the more I feel... disgusted with it... because what my mother revealed to me... is the
truth!
Hindi ko alam kung paano ako nakabawi. Hindi na ata ako huminga hanggang sa tuluyan na
akong nagdesisyon.
If I were to choose between the two feelings that I have, I am choosing to be angry instead.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin, pinindot ang speaker, bago nagsalita.
"Bumalik tayo. Kakausapin ko si Achilles."
Mama also did the same to second what I want.
"Let's go back and go to Achilles Riego's house," si Mama.
Hindi ko alam paano tutuldukan ito pero isa lang ang nasisiguro ko. Hindi ko tatanggapin
ang dahilan ni Mama. I won't acknowledge it. If I did, Ill lose myself.
It isn't a problem to me because I didn't want to go on, anyway. But I refuse to fuel my dark
thoughts and stay there.
Tahimik akong naglakad na mag-isa pagkababa ng sasakyan. Hindi matanggal sa isipan ko
ang matinding pagtitiwala ni Mama sa akin. Na hinayaan niya akong pumunta doon ng mag-
isa, walang bodyguard. Siya pa mismo ang nagsabi. It was proof that she knew l'd stop
pursuing Achilles because of that hard truth.
Kalalabas lang ni Achilles sa bahay niya nang natanaw ako. Wearing his uniform reminded
me of his dreams... that he achieved for me... and because of me. He stopped and his gaze
immediately turned angry. Tahimik akong lumapit at agad nag-unahan pintig ng puso.
Hindi ko na alam kung paano patitigilin ang epekto niya sa akin. At ayaw ko na no'n. If only
there's a switch to turn off what I'm feeling, I'd gladly unplug it all.
"Bakit ka nandito?" he's immediately on the edge
Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at nanatiling seryoso at kalmado, malayo sa kanya.
Somehow, I don't trust myself if I continued walking near him.
"Aalis na ako," malamig kong sinabi.
Natigilan si Achilles. It was as if he's expecting me to beg again.
"Before l go, I want to know the real reason why you pushed away and married
Alana years ago."
"l already told you."
Umiling ako. "Hindi ako naniniwala."
"Hindi ko na problema kung hindi ka naniniwala," naririnig ko ang galit sa tono niya.
"Tell me the truth, Achilles. I want to know."
"l said I already told you!"
"Bakit ayaw mong sabihin sa akin? Did you cheat on me?"
Hindi siya sumagot. He looked shocked that l even asked that.
"The whole month I prepared for us, did you fall in love with her?"
"Bakit mo pa gustong malaman? Hindi ba nagkaliwanagan na naman tayo?"
At this point, I don't know what I want to hear.
Maybe..
I sighed.
What am I doing?
Matapang akong nag-aya kay Mama na umalis na. Matapang kong hinarap, inisip na wala
na. Na gusto ko lang matapos to pero ang toto0...
Nandito na naman ako... dahil gusto kong marinig sa kanya na itinulak niya lang ako palayo
dahil magkapatid kami!
 Isn't that fucked up?! Maybe | am really going crazy! Maybe, all those nights I cried, my
brain shifted and now I'm suffering from it! Hindi ko alam!
Can you even hear yourself, Marem?!
"So... you left me because you fell for Alana, is that it?"
I can sense how he's trying to answer but he just couldn't move his jaw to do it.
"You... couldn't wait for me and cheated on me with her?"
Hindi pa rin ssiya makasagot.
"Ano? Hindi ka makasagot dahil totoo? O hindi ka makasagot.. dahil kasinungalingan yon?"
"What difference will it make."
"Hindi ka makasagot dahil totoo-"
"If l say yes, would you leave my family alone?"
Matagal ko nang sinabi na durog na durog na ang puso ko. Pero si Achilles talaga... may
paraan para durugin pa ang napulbo nang puso.
Imbes na umiyak, sumilay na lang ang ngiti sa labi ko. I shook my head remembering how
he worked hard to achieve this dreams for me. He was ready to give it up for me, yet I
encouraged him. I became a selfless bitch for him and yet someone else reaped what I sow.
I made him!
"You don't have to answer. I am leaving anyway. I guess, last minute, inisip kong magsasabi
ka ng totoo sa akin."
"Nagsasabi ako ng totoo."
There he goes again, breaking my non existing heart.
"You don't know how much I suffered... and I am still suffering. You broke my heart
repeatedly with no remorse."
Napakurap-kurap siya. My voice was calm but seething with vengeance.
"I lived hopelessly in the past years. I... didn't understand why you had to leave when I
know you love me with all your life!" I said, my voice picking up the intensity.
Achilles sighed heavily and averted his eyes. Kumunot siya na para bang nasasaktan sa mga
sinabi ko.
"At ngayon, nagmamakaawa ako sa'yo na magsabi ka ng totoo... na tanggapin mo ulit ako...
pero anong ginawa mo? Winasak mo ulit ako-"
"Because you have to understand that we can never be!" his voice was intense too.
"Because you love Alana?! Because even if she's dead, you will always love her?!
Napalitan na ni Alana ang puwang ko sa puso mo? Sabihin mo, Achilles!"
Hindi na siya nagsalita. He froze from where he's standing.
Nagbabadya ulit ang sakit sa ulo ko, ang sakit sa puso, at ang pagwawala. Bago ko magawa
iyon, tinigilan ko na ang lahat ng naiisip. Sumusuko na ako at mananatili akong ganoon.
Hindi na ulit ako lalaban. Pero sisiguraduhin kong... alam niya na sinaktan niya ako.
Sisiguraduhin kong maaalala niya na minsan akong lumabang mag-isa, para lang mamatay
ng ganito!
Oo. Pinatay niya ako.
Pinatay nila ako. At habambuhay akong patay. Dahil diyan... sisiguraduhin kong alam niya
ang ginawa niya.
"| will strip you of your titles in the Navy," marahan kong sinabi.
I expected him to be shocked. Or to beg me. But instead, he didnt move. Hindi ko tuloy alam
kung narinig niya ba yon.
"You achieved that for me. I was your dream. I encouraged you to do it even if it meant
loneliness for me. Matagal ko na dapat tong ginawa, nakinabang pa tuloy kayo. But it's not
too late so..."
He still didn't say anything.
"| will make sure you go back to where you belong, the dirt. The first time I met you, you
were very poor. Now that I'm leaving your life, Ill make sure you turn back to the rat you
were before the magic came."
I'm surprised that he didn't say anything. Akala ko pipigilan niya ako pero hindi.
Nanatili siyang nakatayo roon.
I didn't expect it. I know for sure, for him, everything has changed. Whether he still loves
me or not, his career meant so much for him. It is his way to help nurture his children.
Inisip ko pa nga'ng magwawala siya dahil sa sinabi ko pero wala. He remained silent,
listening quietly.
He had no reaction at all.
Umatras ako, handa nang umalis. Pero alam ko na sa oras na umalis ako ng
Costa Leona, tuluyan ko nang gagawin ang mga naunang desisyon. I didn't want
 any regrets. So.
"So you finally met your father, huh?" pilit kong itinago ang sakit sa boses ko.
This time, his eyes darted at me and that's when I knew.. that my mother was right.
I flinched at the thought that it's the truth. I couldn't even stand to look at him straight in
the eyes. Ako na mismo ang nag-iwas ng tingin.
Biglang nadurog ulit ang puso ko.
Ang akala ko, kung malaman kong tinulak niya lang ako palayo dahil sa parehong dahilan
na sinabi ni Mama, magiging ayos lang iyon sa akin. That it will lessen the pain because he
didn't actually mean it but I was wrong. It only made it worse.
I didn't realize how disgusting my thoughts were. Inisip ko lang ang rason niya, hindi ko
inisip na mas malaking bagay pala ang meron sa mismong rason na iyon. It was selfish to
even console myself with the fact that he pushed me away, not because he fell out of love
with me, but because it was wrong.
Why am l even thinking about that?
It doesn't matter anymore if he pushed me away because he doesn't love me... it doesn't
matter if he hurt me. All that matters now is our relationship was wrong to begin with.
Nothing is right from the very beginning, so why will any reason change it now?
My mind is haywire and my body trembled at the thoughts that were hitting me like a
bullet train! This is wrong. I shouldn't even be thinking about it, if it's the truth! I would die
first before I.. love him... knowing that we are blood-related!
Akala ko pampalubag loob, pero mas lalo lang akong nabagabag! I am already very
disturbed but right now, my brain is threatening to shut down. My vision blurred and my
head spun
Kung iyan nga ang rason kung bakit niya ako iniwan, ayaw ko nang pahabain ang usapan
namin. Hindi ko kakayanin.
I was ready to go when he suddenly spoke.
"Now you understand why we cant be together?" he said it with trembling voice.
I gritted my teeth. I said I don't want to think about this anymore but his words pushed me
to engage.
"So you intentionally hurt me to push me away?" the bitterness dripped like acid.
His eyes narrowed. Para bang may hindi ako naintindihan kaya hindi niya rin maintindihan
bakit 'yon ang tanong ko.
"Nevermind. It doesn't matter if you cheated used someone or hurt me-"
"It was the only fucking choice! I don't think you'd give it up!" he snapped.
"I said it doesn't matter, Achilles!" sigaw ko pabalik kahit na tumakas pa rin sa boses ko ang
pait.
"I didn't want you to go through the turmoil I've been through thinking about us!"
"So you hurt me instead?" my voice was strained like there was an urgency to the question.
"You will be hurt more if I told you the reason!"
Gustong gusto kong ibalik ang mga naiisip ko kanina bago nagpasyang umalis.
Na wala na ngang halaga ang pag-uusap na 'to dahil sa sitwasyon. It is even disgusting to
rethink whatever happened between us but the fragments of my sorrow were scattered in
the wind. It's still around us and I cant pretend that I don't feel it.
"Bakit? Sige nga?" he said coldly. "Anong gagawin mo kung ikaw ang unang nakaalam? Kaya
mo bang sabihin sa akin?"
Gusto kong isumbat na kaya ko pero alam kong hindi ako nag-isip. It was too painful for me
that I don't even want to think about it. pretend tha
SOTOW Vere sCdttG a c m don't feel it.
Natawa siya dahil hindi ako nakasagot.
"Paano kung hahalikan kita pagkita natin, huh? Paano kung yayakapin kita at aayain kitang
magpakasal? Paano kung gusto kong magkaanak na tayo? Buntisin kita?"
I shivered. My blood boiled. I don't know where my rage was coming from. ignored it and
went straight ahead. I just didn't want to think about what he said!
"You chose to hurt me instead of telling me your reason!"
"I tried my best to protect your family! You were already very broken hearted because of
your parents. If your family gets broken, and with us... apart... after
 knowing the truth... do you really think you can handle all of it all at once?!"
He breathed heavily after saying all those words. Hindi ko na kaya pang lumayo ang usapan
namin. O siguro hindi ko matanggap na nakaya niyang isipin ang lahat ng iyon, samantalang
ako... hindi ko kaya.
Hindi ko ayang isipin na magkapatid kami. Hindi ko kayang isipin kung ano ano maari ang
maging desisyon ko kung ako ang nasa lugar niya. I feel like Ill be too devastated to choose
to go on.
"Bye, Achilles," I said defeatedly.
Ayaw ko nang mag-isip. Thinking about it will paralyze my thoughts and even my body.
Ni hindi ko na gustong patunayan dahil alam kongmasisiraan lang ako ng bait kung
sakaling malaman ko ang totoo.
At simula nang umalis ako, sinagad ko nang gawin ang lahat ng bagay na labag sa loob ko
dati.
It seems like doing what I want always fail me. This time, I'm doing what my parentS want.
Nakapangalumbaba ako habang nakikinig sa sinasabi ng isa sa marami kong manliligaw.
Siya ang tinanggap ngayon sa bahay namin para makipag-date sa akin.
I didn't want to go out so I invited boys over, instead.
"Where do you want to live in the future?"
I smiled fakely. "Here's fine."
"Really? Any city in particular? I've been buying properties the past months.
Maybe I can find a nice spot for a house in a city you like?"
Lagi akong natitigilan sa mga dates. I feel like all my suitors like me too much.
Samantalang kulang na lang, humikab ako sa boredom sa harap nila.
They like me. They love me. They want to settle down immediately. While... I don't love any
one of them. And I dont think I could ever get myself to love them eventually.
I have lost all the ability to appreciate a man romantically. The disgust, pain, and sorrow of
my experiences made me so detached to anyone.
Hindi ko naman talaga gusto tong ginagawa ko pero gagawin ko. But I wonder if I am being
fair to these men? If I chose someone who loves me so much, and I know I can't love them
back... then I am just creating another casualty in my own battle.
"Nikolai would've been a perfect match for me," I whispered and shook my head.
May asawa na 'yong tao.
I ended the date afterwards. Naglakad ako pabalik sa bahay dahil sa hardin nangyari ang
date na iyon. Unti-unti kong tiningnan ang cellphone ko at hinanap ang numero ng isang
lalaking...sigurado akong... hindi ako mahal.
"Hello." ncio?
"Yes?"
"Can you visit me in our house tomorrow?"
"Sure. Is there a problem?" tanong niya.
I paused and thought about it.
"You're in search for a wife, right?"
He paused for a minute. "Yes. Why?"
"I'm also in search for a husband.
Hindi ko na inisip pa ang ginagawa. It made my life easier. I didn't have to love so much, or
feel the pain too much. I don't have to ask for reasons, nor prove any reason. lam so
exhausted in thinking about it. Parang ako na lang ang lumalaban at sa huli, talo pa lagi.
Kaya bakit pa ako magsisikap? Matatalo lang din naman ako.
We spent the whole day in a quiet company. Hindi siya gaanong nagsalita.
Ganoon din ako. Kumain lang kami ng tahimik. Minsan, nakakalimutan kong nariyan siya.
At pakiramdam ko, ganoon din siya sa akin.
"Do you want to marry me?"
"Yes," sagot ko pagkatapos naming kumain.
He nodded and made some calls. I went to my mother to finally tell her about my decision.
Alam kong ito ang gusto niya pero hindi ko nakita sa kanya ang tuwa.
"Kakausapin ko si Papa," sambit ko dahil nagkataong naroon si Papa sa bahay namin no'n.
She nodded and accompanied me until the study's door. Hindi man lang nagsabi
 si Mama na sasama siya sa loob. It was as if finally she trusted me this time.
"Im getting married," balita ko kay Papa habang abala siya sa pagbabasa ng isang
dokumento.
Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin bago nagtanggal ng eyeglasses. Kumunot ang noo niya at
mukhang may pagdududa pa
"Kanino?"
"Gaudencio Sevilla," sagot ko.
Tumango siya at saglit na nag-isip bago tuluyang naglakad palapit sa akin.
"That's good! That's good, Emilia!" he said in an affectionate way.
He then hugged me tight but I didn't return it. I stood there feeling his warm bear hug while
I feel nothing.
"In one condition from you," malamig kong sinabi.
He chuckled as if he can make the situation lighter but it was very humorless for me.
Malamig ko lang siyang tiningnan nang kinalas niya ang yakap sa akin.
"Sure! Anything, hija!"
Are you sure of that?
"I want Achilles out of the Navy."
Napakurap-kurap si Papa. Tuluyan niya ring kinalas ang hawak niya sa balikat ko.
Kumunot ang noo niya at parang lito sa naririnig.
"Alam kong alam n'yo na hindi ako nagpapakasal dahil may mahal na akong iba.
You don't have to pretend to be happy because I know you know why I'm doing this."
"Pero Marem-"
"Mama told me the reason why you don't want me to be with Achilles."
Bumuntonghininga si Papa at yumuko.
I gritted my teeth. Each time I remember the reason, I feel like dying. Maybe the chandelier
above will fall and get me, or a sudden huge earthquake will hit our home and I'll be one of
the victims... anything. It was a kind of pain that makes me want to physically harm myself
so I could forget. Ayaw ko nang isipin pa iyon nang paulit ulit kaya sana... Sundin na agad ni
Papa ang gusto ko.
"Strip him of his titles. Fire him on the organization. I know you can do it, Admiral
Galvez."
"l can rank him down if"
"He made it because of me. Now that I'm out of his life, he doesn't deserve the
achievements he made in my name!"
Kitang kita ko ang sakit sa mga mata niya. Ramdam ko na ayaw niya nga itong gawin. Ayaw
ko nang mamilit.
Umalis na ako at hinayaan siyang maagdesisyon sa sarili niya.
Hindi ko na pinatagal ang kasal namin ni Dencio. He agreed and his family was more than
happy to accept me.
Nakaharap ako sa salamin habang kausap si Nikolai. Because his wife didn't like me, of
course he can't come to my wedding. Natulala ako habang inisip ang kung ano.
"Since you're getting married finally, canI say something?"
"What?"
Nagtagal ang titig ko sa salamin habang iniisip ang sitwasyon namin ni Dencio.
Sigurado ba talaga 'to?
"I noticed you... uh...like pearls so much. You're wearing one right now, on your neck.
I gritted my teeth. Alam ko na agad kung sino na naman ang naiisip niya.
"How nice of you to talk about him in my wedding day-"
"Im not talking about him, Marem. Ang sinasabi ko lang ay... may kasabihan na hindi
maganda ang pearls as any wedding-related... uh... material. Like rings... or necklaces."
Rings.
You might want to take it off?
"Why?"
Nakuha na ni Nikolai ang buong atensiyon ko.
He sighed. "They say it symbolizes tears, and sorrow. So... it's not good as an.. engagement
ring. Or any jewelry. Reason why even when I noticed you like them,
I don't give you anything pearl-related."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "May iluluha pa ba ako?" natawa ako sa sariling tanong.
He sighed and went silent on the other end.
At habang tahimik siya... naisip ko bigla si Dencio.
 "IIl put this down, Nikolai. May gagawin lang ako," sabi ko at binaba ang cellphone.
Nakaayos na ako at naghihintay na lang ng ilang minuto para tawagin sa kasal.
Umalis ako ng kuwarto ko para puntahan si Dencio sa kuwarto niya.
He was alone, too, when I knocked and went inside his room. He looked dashing in his suit
as he welcomed me inside. Ngumiti ako sa kanya. He smiled back at me.
Nang nagkaharap na kami, saka lang ako nagsalita.
"Before we proceed, I want to ask you somnething." l am not going to be another... Rodolfo
Galvez... or Achilles Riego. Nobody deserves to be Alana, whether she wanted it from the
very beginning or not.
"What is it?" he asked calmly.
"Gusto kong malaman... na.. kung hindi pakakasalan ng babaeng mahal mo ang lalaking
mahal niya.. at malaman mong... ikaw pala ang mahal niya. Hihiwalayan mo ba ako para
lang makapiling siya?"
His eyes remained on me for a while. Dumaan ang sakit sa mga mata niya bago siya nag-
iwas ng tingin sa akin.
"Tell me the truth," I said.
He licked his lips and his eyes went back to me.
"I'm sure you know my answer to that. We both have the same answer to that question,"
aniya.
Inodded and still waited for him to tell me.
"Oo," he said calmly.
Tumango ako at ngumiti.
"Thank you for telling the truth."
He smiled at me with sad eyes.
"| don't want to marry someone who loves and adore me so much. I will only hurt him."
Precisely why Dencio is my perfect match. We will never be in love with each other. Our
hearts belong to someone else.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.
Kabanata 30
O 87 526
Kabanata 30
Truth
Can you really fall out of love that easily? Hindi ko alam kung totoo ba na magkapatid kami.
It's disgusting and whenever I think about it, it drains me so much. I don't even want to
think about it. Tuwing naiisip ko iyon, para akong mababaliw sa sabay sabay na
nararamdaman. Galit at poot para sa tadhana, panghihinayang sa relasyon, pandidiri sa
sariling nararamdaman, kawalan ng pag-asa sa buhay, at pagmamakaawa na sana
makalimutan ko na lang ang lahat.
Thinking about it pushes a button in my head, making all my thoughts and decisions a
mess. My sanity, haywire and a disaster. I couldn't even think about it a lot, and for long
periods of time. Pakiramdam ko literal akong mababaliw kung uulit ulitin ko ang pag-isip
niyon.
But for special days, I think about it. Like tonight. l am not complaining about my loveless
marriage with Dencio. It's what I settled for. What he also settled for.
May mga araw na tahimik kami sa bahay, parehong malalim ang iniisip. May mga araw na
kahit paano, masaya ako sa paminsan minsan kong trabaho, tapos siya naman ang sobrang
tahimik at parang lumilipad ang utak kung saan. May mga araw din na ang utak ko naman
ang lumilipad, habang siya naman ang masaya sa trabaho at ibang hobbies. l just listen to
him tell me about his funny experiences a week ago, while my head is flying somewhere
else... usually in a warm place where the waves crash on the rocks. Pipiligin ko lang ang ulo
ko, iinom ng wine, para pigilan ang sunod na maiisip, bago makisabay sa nakakatawa
niyang kuwento.
It's a give and take relationship. Minsan, ako ang nakikisabay sa sinasabi niya kahit na wala
ako sa sarili. Minsan naman siya. I notice it and I know he notices it too. But still, I continue
and ignore his quiet feelings.
We both don't want to talk about it. I'm guessing it must've hurt that much because I
know... I never want to talk about Achilles with anyone.
"IIl take a vacation next week," aniya pagkatapos titigan ang kung sino sa malaking party na
dinaluhan naming dalawa.
 After marrying him, we always appear in society parties. VWe always get invited and we're
treated like some powerhouse couple. Siyempre, I'm a Galvez, and he's a Sevilla. Lagi
kaming magkahawak kamay na pumapasok. Laging magkasama na makihalubilo. Pero alam
ko na lumilipad ang utak at mata niya sa ibang tao at minsan alam ko ring alam niya na
kapag natutulala ako, wala na ako sa sarili.
"Alright," sabi ko dahil hindi naman iyon ang unang pagkakataon na aalis siya.
Minsan din.. ako ang umaalis. And because this is a give and take relationship, it is not an
issue for him. He let's me go out of the country alone. To unwind.
Gaya ngayon. Sa gabing ito.
Sa gabing ito, hahayaan ko ang sarili ko na isipin siya. Malayo sa kanya. Malayo sa Pilipinas.
Mag-isa ako. At walang sino mang inaabalang tao.
Imarried Dencio, not so I could be happy. I married him to have a peaceful life.
And yes, I have a peaceful life right now. Not passionate, nor exciting. Just.. peaceful. And
isn't that what we should need? A peaceful life? No intrigues about me loving a half brother.
No possibilities of me havinga mental breakdown from all of the sorrow and pain it will
bring me. No anything.
This is what I think I needed. But it was also the life I know I will only live through without
actually living. To me, no matter how hard I try, it feels like a lost cause. A lost life. I am not
blaming anyone. I am not complaining or even regretting. I'm am simply judging where I
am with my feelings right now.
It is only in these rare moment, when l acknowledge my true feelings, that I feel like l am
still alive. Na hindi ako nagkukunwari. Na alam ko ang totoong nararamdaman ko. Buhay
pa ako, kahit paano.
Kung ako ang naunang nakaalam tungkol sa pagiging magkapatid namin ni
Achilles, I'd kill myself instead. In all honesty, I don't even want to know the truth.
It scares me so much. I couldn't imagine being so disgusted with myself, and heartbroken at
the same time.
Guess what, after years, I'm still here thinking about it. In rare moments when I let myself
go. Like tonight.
Am I curious about the truth? No. I already believe that what I know is the truth.
At this point, I believe that he really is my half brother. Kaya nandidiri akO na hanggang
ngayon, hindi ko pa rin kayang kalimutan siya. I guess, I am just scared for the
confirmation. For a hard proof evidence. Cuz I know I will lose my mind.
Iba pa rin talaga kapag may patunay na.
I sighed and looked at my wine, very still and peaceful on my glass.
It's a cold night here in London. Its one of those nights where I chose to think about my life
and stop pretending. Mabigat din palang pasanin ang pagkukunwari. Pero hindi kasingbigat
sa mararamdaman kong sakit kung hindi ko 'to ginawa.
Nobody questions me anymore because I'm married to someone. I'm off the market
because I'm a married woman. And any rumors about me loving.. someone I shouldn't...
won't haunt my family.
Sumimsim ako sa wine na ininom. Pang ilan ko na Sa gabing iyon.
Pinangalahatian ko agad iyon at pagbaba, nabitin ang mata ko sa lalaking naiilawan ng
marahang warm lights sa bar kung nasaan ako.
I didn't even process that he looked familiar. Agad ko nang inisip na namamalikmata ako...
o na lasing na ako para mag-hallucinate ng kung ano.
Standing tall, leaner, and in an all black dress shirt, slacks, and shoes, is a man... I know so
well.
Gusto kong ubusin ang wine ko dahil hindi ko gusto ang reaksiyon ng puso. But then my
hands were trembling as my heart pounded against my chest. Achilles is standing there,
receiving his order of whiskey.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit siya nandito o paano. Last I heard, he was stripped of his position
and titles on the Navy. Alam kong namili siya ng ilang bangka para mangisda na lang at
maitaguyod ang dalawang anak. I even heard that he had to leave both his sons to the
Riegos while going through it all. Kasi kahit bangka, ayaw kong pagbentahan siya.
T bribed and blackmailed every company in Costa Leona and in the whole of
Aklan. Na hindi siya papapasukin ultimo pinaka mababang trabaho. Gusto kong magdusa
siya sa pinansiyal na aspeto dahil wala na siyang ibang puwedeng pagdusahan pa.
Did it make me happy? No. But am I still doing it, yes. Natuwa ba siya na sinaktan niya ako?
Hindi, 'di ba? Pero ginawa niya pa rin.
My anger is thirsty for something. It wants to hurt someone. It wants to hurt him.
 My anger feels like an itch I want to scratch. I don't know how to do it but I assumed that
hurting him will satisfy me. It didn't. Pero inisip ko kulang lang.
Gusto ko pang mas matinding pagdurusa. An Achilles Riego knows how to be poor... he has
lived his whole life being poor so I'm not really satisfied that he's still thriving despite being
poor
Kaya ang makita siya rito sa London, sa ganitong panahon, ay hindi kapani paniwala.
However, the longer I watched Achilles on the bar, the clearer he is to my eyes! | am not
hallucinating!
Namuo agad ang matinding iritasyon ko. How dare he comes all the way here!
And is he pretending that he's casually drinking on the bar?!
Namimilog ang mata ko sa gulat at galit na bigla na lang sumabog sa akin. My sanity is
hanging by a thread. Kaonting kaonti na lang ang natitirang pasensiya ko para pigilan ang
pag eeskandalo sa eksklusibong bar na ito!
Nakatukod ang kaliwang siko sa counter ng bar, at ang isang kamay ay may hawak na baso
ng whiskey, sinuyod ni Achilles ang tahimik na mga lamesa. He probably noticed that I was
staring daggers at him so I caught his attention.
He had a smug look on his face. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. He isn't usually like that but this
time, he is. Hindi ko alam kung may pinapatunayan ba siya o ano.
Na ano?
Na kaya niya nang pumunta rito? May pera na siya? Kahit ang dami kong ginawa, nakaahon
pa rin siya?
I heard the year after I got married to Dencio, the Riegos finally acknowledged him as one
of them. Kaya niya rin naiwan ang dalawang anak doon dahil tinanggap na siya ni Vesarius.
Both Hades and Ares encouraged it, according to
Nikolai. What happened was very private but somehow, Nikolai found a way to sniff in to
the private lives of the Riegos.
They finally accept Leona, kahit wala na ito. Pinapatawad na rin daw si Leonora sa nagawa
nito kay Vesarius Riego Fifth. Hindi ko nga lang maintindihan kung bakit pa nagsikap si
Achilles na bumili ng bangka para mangisda kung tanggap na naman siya ng mga Riego.
Akala ko... naninindigan na naman siya. Na sa prinsipyo niya, hindi basta bastang tatanggap
ng pera kahit pa kabilang naman siya sa pamilya.
Now I was wrong. He's here. You can't convince me that he earned enough to fly in the
holidays here in London, to drink an expensive whiskey in this exclusive and member-only
club!
I frantically collected my purse. Hindi ko naitago ang kaba sa pagtayo ko.
Nanginginig ang binti ko at kumakatok na sa isipan ko na pumunta siya rito sa
London para sundan ako at ano?!
My knees wobbled more when I saw him slowly walking my way. Tinalikuran ko agad ang
lamesa ko. Taas noo akong naglakad ng mabilis, pinipigilan ang sariling tumakbo dahil
pakiramdam ko susundan niya ako.
Isang hakbang pa nang nakumpirma ko nga ang naiisip. I hand firmly pulled my arm so I
could face him. Ang kaonting pasensiya na pumipigil sa aking mag eskandalo ay halos
mapigtas na. Lalo na nang balingan ko siya at nakita na si
Achilles nga ang humila sa akin.
"What do you want?!" I snapped.
Some heads turned. The slow jazz music couldn't drown the anger in my tone.
Achilles chuckled. "Do I know you?"
Ang kapal ng mukha niyang tanungin ako non! Padarag kong binawi ang braso ko para
bitiwan niya. Agad siyang nagtaas ng kamay at may ngiting naka plaster sa labi.
"Im sorry. I saw you where I was seated and I noticed you're looking at me angrily."
Napakurap kurap ako. Si Achilles 'to pero nagulat ako sa accent. I don't remember him
using that. And even the voice seems...
"Huwag mo akong lokohin, Achilles! Leave me alone!" I said and tried to leave him again.
"W-Wait!" natatawa niyang hila ulit sa akin.
Gusto kO nang magwala at magtawag ng security. For sure l could show him what he wants
and sue him for harrassing me. Sinabi ko na nga na tigilan niya na ako, hindi niya ba
naiintindihan?!
"You mentioned Achilles. You must be mistaken then, my name's Perseus
Achilles is my twin brother."
 Handang handa na akong magwala. I was so sure I won't accept anything he'd say to me.
Anything. Any explanation or what. But then what he just said right now is very
unexpected.
Nabitin sa ere ang kung ano mang naisip kong sasabihin para patigilin siya. I wanted to
push him away, to call the security on him, and finally make a scene because I don't want to
talk to him. Not even for a second. But then I never expected him to blurt out those words.
Never in my wildest dreams did lever think that l'd hear those words
At sa ngisi niya, mukhang nabasa niya sa isipan ko ang pagkakalito.
"You're talking about Achilles Riego, right?"
The more he talked, the more I realize that maybe... this isn't Achilles.
But... how?!
He chuckled. "I thought you're one of the girls I hurt in the past. I wanted to apologize but...
it seems like yo're my brother's friend?" nagtaas siya ng kilay sa huling salita.
What is he talking about?
This man isn't Achilles? He looks like Achilles! And what brother? I have another brother?
Achilles has a twin? Dalawa ang anak ni Papa sa labas?
Nagkamot siya sa batok at pinasadahan ng tingin ang paligid. May ilan pa ring nakatingin sa
amin. It wasn't a full blown scandalous fight but because the place is peaceful and exclusive,
any commotion was highlighted. At sa pagkakataong to, wala na akong pakialam.
Nalilito ako kung maniniwala ba ako sa kanya o aakusahan ko si Achilles na nagkukunwari.
Nagsisinungaling.
Para saan naman?
"Want to take a seat and talk about it?" aniya nang natantong magtatagal pa ang
pagkakalito ko.
I blindly walked with him to an available table. Masyado na akong lito para isipin pa kung
tama ba ang ginagawa kong pagsama sa kanya.
Here is a man who looks like Achilles. He is telling me that he isn't Achilles but.. his brother!
Achilles doesn't have a brother! If he is Achilles' brother, then is he my half brother too0?
Is it just a coincidence that he looks like Achilles? But if he knew Achilles Riego, then it's too
specific to be a coincidence.
Is he Achilles? No. He looks like Achilles but he's leaner and he seems more playful or
something. Is he pretending?
Sumasakit na ang ulo ko sa pag-iisip. Nanatili naman ang mga mata niya sa akin, bahagyang
natatawa sa mariin kong titig.
I should be angry right now. I didn't want to watch his face. He looks like Achilles too much.
Kaya lang... napangungunahan ako ng pagkalito at kuryosidad sa sinabi niya.
Puwede akong magkunwari at umalis na. Huwag nang alamin ang kahit na ano at isipin na
lang na si Achilles 'to at niloloko lang ako. But I know Achilles and I know he won't resort to
these kind of antics just to get my attention.
"And here I thought we're completely opposite. He said he only has one ex, while
I've got tons..." aniya habang nagsasalin ng inumin sa baso niya ang waiter.
Nanatili akong nakatitig sa kanya.
"Or..." kumunot ang noo niya. "Are you that ex?"
Napakurap kurap ako. Hindi pa rin rumirehistro sa utak kO ang mga sinasabi niya.
"W-What do you mean y-youre his twin brother?"
Nagtaas siya ng kilay. "We're identical twins."
Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin at unti-unting binaba. It feels like he's examining me or
something. But I was too confused to deny him of it.
Sino siya? Hindi ko maintindihan. Ibig ba nitong sabihin, dalawa silang kapatid ko sa labas?
Does my father know?
"Hmm. Beautiful, socialite, and... married," sabay tingin niya sa singsing na suot ko. "You
must be Maria Emilia."
How did he know?! Nanginig ang labi ko. Is this really for real?!
"Im Perseus Philips, Achilles Riego's identical twin," ngumisi siya, parang manghang
mangha na kausap niya ako.
Naglahad siya ng kamay.
"Am I mistaken? You're not Maria Emilia?" aniya dahil hindi ko tinanggap ang kamay niya.
 "You're.. my father's o-other son?" nanginig ang labi ko.
Gusto kong maiyak pero hanggang damdamin na lang iyon. What drama can l pull out of
myself from it, anyway? What's worse than knowing Achilles, my boyfriend and fiance, is
my brother? Ex boyfriend and Ex fiance. Wala na. To know that he has a twin is shocking
but it's not even that close to knowing that
Achilles is my half brother so.
"Does he know? Did you meet him? You met Achilles? When?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. "Oh. Right!" aniya na parang may naalala.
Uminom siya ng whiskey at agad na pinangalahatian iyon bago nagpatuloy.
"I met Achilles about a year ago, when my father decided to go to the Philippines to meet
him before he died.
"Y-Your... father?"
"Yes. Morgan Phillips... He met Achilles last year. I accompanied him to meet my twin, his
son.."
Morgan Philips sounds... familiar. Pero hindi ko na maisip iyon. I focused on what he just
said. Pakiramdam ko hindi ko siya maintindihan.
Morgan Philips? His son? Achilles is his son?
"No. Achilles' father is my father, Rodolfo Galvez."
Umiling siya at natawa. "They thought he is his son, but no... Achilles is my twin brother.
Our mother is Leona Riego and our father is Morgan Phillips."
Hindi ko pa rin makuha. Hindi ko alam kung nagsasabi ba siya ng totoo.
We just met. He looks like Achilles. Why should I even trust what he says?
"Your father talked to my father before he died. He also believed that Achilles is his love
child with Leona Riego. He's mistaken though.
Umiling ako at saglit na nag-isip pa.
"l heard you got it all wrong, too. I didn't know your father didn't tell you about it."
Uminom ulit siya at kaswal lang na nagpatuloy.
"We couldve visited him sooner but my father only realized and regretted not seeing
Achilles when he was already dying. And to be honest, I wasn't that interested too." He
chuckled.
Umiling ako at unti-unting binalik ang tingin sa kanya. "You're lying to me, nanginig ang
boses ko.
Natawa siya at umiling din. Nagtaas siya ng kamay. "l am not going to convince you, you
know. And I've got a feeling this... it's a mistake that I told you right now.
Nangilid ang luha ko nang unti-unting pumasok sa isipan ko ang mga sinabi niya.
Hindi ako naniniwala. Ayaw kong maniwala.
Tumayo ako at hindi na nagpaalam nang tuluyang umalis. Hindi niya na rin ako pinigilan. At
hindi naman din ako papipigil niya.
Hindi ako naniniwala!
Hindi ako naniniwala! Ang tagal kong naniwala na magkapatid kami! Ang daming nangyari
tapos isang araw... bigla ko na lang malalaman 'to?!
Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang hinahanap ang numero ni Nikolai. I kept chanting in my
head how I don't believe this rubbish but my reaction is telling me otherwise. Or maybe... I
was too scared that what I believed in... all these time... is all wrong!
"Marem, I'm at home-
"N-Nikolai.." sunod sunod na ang hikbi ko.
Hindi na rin ako makahinga. Hindi ko na inisip kung ano pa ang sasabihin ni
Nikolai. Al| I know is that I need someone to talk too. l am hyperventilating and I don't
know what else to do but to call him.
"I met someone..." patuloy ko.
"Damn it," I heard Nikolai curse from the other end.
He didn't speak while I was crying inside the cab. Abot abot na ang hininga ko at hindi ko
alam kung nananaginip ba ako, maniniwala ba ako, o isipin ko na niloloko ako ng lalaking
'yon!
It is not impossible to have someone unrelated to look exactly like you. Kaya lang. para
makilala ako ng lalaking iyon... at para magbanggit ng mga tamang pangalan... hindi ko na
alam!
I heard an engine on the other end. I think Nikolai is driving now. Or he went out of their
house.
"What happened? You met someone? What do you mean?" sunod na tanong ni
Nikolai.
"I met someone who looks like Achilles!"
 I heard him sigh his relief. It was as if he didn't think it's a big problem.
"He's claiming that he is his identical twin! That their father is... someone named
Morgan Phillips, hindi si Papa! Na... t-they met my father, too! Alam din nila na akala ni
Achilles, at ni Papa, na mag-ama sila! He also... m-mentioned." hindi ko na mahabol ang
hininga ko. "Leona Riego. Na... anak daw siya nito!"
"What..." marahang tanong ni Nikolai.
"Yes. I don't understand.." | said panicking. "For sure it's just"
"Marem, calm down. Ill park my car so we can talk better and calmly. Breathe.
Calm down, okay."
Sinunod ko ang sinabi niya. Kinalma ko ang sarili ko. Pinilit ko kahit na halos hindi ko
magawa. Akala ko magbabago at makakalimutan ko ang nangyari. Akala ko panaginip lang
yon na mas lalong nagkakatotoo habang nagpapanic ako.
Kaya lang, kalmado na ako, alalang alala ko pa rin 'yon.
"Where are you?" tanong ni Nikolai.
"Im in a cab. Kagagaling ko lang sa bar. I was... o-out drinking alone and I saw
Achilles in the bar."
"Achilles"
"I walked out. Pero pinigilan niya ako at kinausap. Akala niya raw kilala ko siya.
Then he realized... that I'm talking about Achilles. He said... his name's Perseus
Phillips. That he is Achilles' twin! That their father is... not Papa. Umuwi raw sila ng
Pilipinas... a-almost a year ago."
"What..." ramdam ko ang hindi pagkakatanggap ni Nikolai non.
"He mentioned about a Morgan Phillips. Papa raw nila. At si Leona Riego ang mama! They
already talked to my father! He was even shocked that I didn't know!
Ang sabi niya alam na ni Papa! At ni Achilles!"
"Is that for real? W-Wait... Wait, calm down. Ill double check, okay? Please calm down,
Marem."
"Kung totoo to, ibig sabihin walang kuwenta ang dahilan ng paghihiwalay namin ni
Achilles?! He pushed me away for what?!"
I was already shouting inside the cab. Slowly panicking again.
"For nothing! He believed that we're siblings, then now we're not! He pushed me away! He
married Alana to push me away, Nikolai! All of that for nothing! For a wrong information!
And my parents! I can't believe them! Si Papa! Hindi ko matatanggap to! Hindi ko
matatanggap to!"
"Maria Emilia, please. Give me time to investigate about it"
"Investigate about it?! I can go home right now and confront that Achilles instead!
Harap harapan ko siyang tatanungin-
"Marem! Please, just wait okay? Paano kung hindi totoo? Imposible. Your father is the one
who confirmed it! Si Leona Riego bago namatay sinabi niya 'yon, 'di ba?!"
Natigilan ako at namilog ang mga mata. l am already in front of my hotel.
Bumaba ako ng cab at pumasok sa hotel nang wala sa sarili.
I tried to recall what my mother told me about Leona Riego's last words to my father but I
can't think of any.
"At... sino nga ba ang nagsabi kay Achilles? Your parents didn't want him to know, right? So
who told him that your father is his father again"
Lalo lang akong nalito.
"If it isn't true, then who's that person, Nikolai? He looks like Achilles!
Napagkamalan ko siya! There's almost no difference when it comes to their faces! At kung
kamukha niya lang... what a coincidence that he knew me... that he knew Achilles, and my
father! He even knew the secret that my parents wanted to take to the grave!"
"IIL. investigate about this, okay? Please, calm down."
Hindi ko na mapigilan ang nararamdaman ko. Lalo lang akong umiyak nang nakapasok sa
hotel room.It feels like the wound that I've been trying to mend just got worse because of it.
I don't know which one to do first, to question what that person said, to believe him and
realize how all Achilles did to us were for nothing, or think about how I should even feel
relieved that I'm not in love with someone l'm blood-related to!
"IIl send the details to a trusted detective," patuloy ni Nikolai.
"Perseus Phillips ang pangalan ng.. nakausap ko. His father, h-he mentioned,
Morgan Phillips."
Pinilit kong pakalmahin ang sarili. Pero parang nagrerebelde ang isipan ko sa lahat lahat.
Ayaw kong kumalma. Ayaw kong tigilan ang pag-iisip. Gusto ko, ngayon agad, uuwi ako at
haharapin ko si Achilles!
 I didn't even want to see my father for confirmation! I want it from Achilles!
""IL... go home," marahan kong sinabi.
Nikolai sighed. "Marem.."
"I want to know the truth! This stupid!"
"Stay there and let me handle it. Kukumpirmahin ko muna. Saka ka na magdesisyon
pagkatapos kong makumpirma."
"Nikolai! I don't think I can wait for days!"
"Ill make it fast, okay? Ngayong gabi, Ill request for a background check. But.. you're in
London so I'm assuming that they are from there. Kaya lang... baka maraming kapangalan
nila-"
"That's why I want to see Achilles!" I cut him off and shouted.
Nikolai sighed heavily again.
"Bakit?" he asked slently. "Ano'ng mangyayari kung sakaling hindi totoo na magkapatid
kayo? If he's the son of someone else, not your father. If we proved it. And he will confirm it.
What will you do?"
Pumikit ako ng mariin.
"You're married," dagdag niya.
"Before lI married Dencio, we were both clear about this. That if our loves are free and will
want us back... then-"
"Youll want Achilles back?!" gulantang na sigaw ni Nikolai sa akin.
"Of course not," marahan kong sinabi kahit hindi sigurado.
"Oh no, I know you! You want him back!" nanginginig ang boses ni Nikolai.
Hindi ako nagsalita.
"You want the confirmation. You want the truth... you're very interested because... you want
him back!"
"Kung ayaw mo akong tulungan, then forget it, Nikolai. I just want to know the truth. I'm
going home!"
He groaned and let out a harsh curse. "Stay there and wait for my investigation!
The last thing I want now is for you to shame yourself and beg in Achilles' knees!
You don't even know if he still loves you effect, his sons!" what you did to his career, and in

Kabanata 31

Waves
I don't think I can wait. Lalo na dahil tagong tago ang nangyari. Nikolai didn't have any
substantial findings even after a week of investigation.
"Maybe... now that he's accepted by the Riegos, most of the information is protected-"
"Im coming home," putol ko kay Nikolai.
He sighed defeatedly. He knew that I won't stay and wait for him to find anything about it.
Kinalma ko lang ang sarili ko. Iniyakan ko at pinagsisihan ang lahat.
Sinigurado ko na hindi ako nagdedesisyon agad agad. I let things settle in my thoughts. I
repeatedly brainstormed my decision.
I decided everything not in a rush. That is what I know.
Uuwi ako para kausapin si Achilles, once and for all. I know I said that being happy and
settling down with the man I love is a lost dream for me. But now that the reason why it's a
lost dream is taken away, I want to gamble. l am married to a person who treated the life he
also wanted as a lost dream. I know he understands what it feels like to be so close to it that
you can almost touch it. ung hindi mo ito hahawakan, kahit sobrang lapit na nito, hinding
hindi mo rin ito makakalimutan. You will forever regret.
It's been years since I'm married and all those years were peaceful because I know that
Achilles will never be for me to reach. I believed that we were blood- related so I gave it up.
Ngayong may iba akong alam, tingin ko hindi ko na maibabalik pa ang kapayapaang
naramdaman ko bago ko nalaman to. I will always, always be thinking about the what ifs.
What if I reached it... tried to touch it.. will that
 dream be mine? Now that it is within my reach, I won't be able to sit still and be content
with what I've settled for. The what ifs will haunt me forever.
Kaya gagawin ko to para magpakatotoo. Sa sarili ko at sana sa kinabukasan. I can only be at
peace when I've already exhausted every possible way.
"Marem, please don't do this," si Nikolai pa rin ang kausap ko habang nasa airport na.
""ve made up my mind," sabi ko.
"You really think he will accept you? lkaw na nga ang nagsabi na maprinsipyo siyang tao!
You think he'll accept a married woman?"
"Stop it, Nikolai!" napalakas ang boses ko. "Whatever you say, I'm going to do it!"
"But we both know-"
"Im going to confront him! That is the only way! If youre not going to support me-
"Fuck!" his curse boomed. ""m not going to support you, yes! But I'm going to be there! In
case you need me! And by now I know you do! So I really hope you stop this madness and
wake up before it's too late!"
Hindi pa rin ako nakinig. All I think about is how cruel this is! Ilang taon kaming nagdusa!
llang taon akong naniwala na kapatid ko siya! At siya naman, nagawa ang lahat ng iyon sa
akin dahil do'n!
The anger I have for my father rose more. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi niya sinabi
agad sa akin! Hindi ko rin maintindihan kung bakit at paano siya naniwala na anak niya si
Achilles! I know he didn't want to ruin our family but look at where this false information
got us now?!
Dahil ba wala naman kasi siyang pakialam dahil hindi naman siya ang nasasaktan. Ako
naman?
Why is happiness always so elusive to me?
Dati pa akong nangungulila. I found a home in Achilles and yet because of an unfortunate
information, we went separate ways! And now this happened!
Oo, tinaboy niya ako at sinaktan ng husto. I'm very angry at him and I want him to rot in
hell for hurting me. But at the back my mind, I know he did it for a cause. ljust couldn't
accept it, that's why I'm bitter.
Siyempre... gusto kong matawa. Sino ba naman ang nasa tamang pag-isip na tatanggapin at
pakakasalan ang kapatid mo? Kung nauna kong malaman yon, baka nga nagpakamatay na
ako. Hindi ko kayang pakiharapan siya! But he chose another way. He chose to push me
away and keep the reason to himself because it will destroy me.
Years ago, those reasons were fuel to my bitterness. Now, it fueled my determination to
face him and fight. I discarded the bad sides and reasoned out for myself.
He's still in love with me despite everything. He married Alana but even Alana could say
that he doesn't love her. He loves me. He kept those reasons to himself because he knew it
will destroy me: my mind, my heart, and my name. He pushed me away to save me. He
didn't cheat. He thought it was the only way for me to stop without knowing the real and
disgusting reason.
Pagkakamali iyon pero sa puntong ito... sa lahat ng pagdurusa at pinagdaanan ko... I now
understand that love comes in all shapes and sizes, it is not black and white. You can love a
person and still choose to let go. You can marry a person you don't love. I can have sex with
other men, without loving any one of them.
There is no one size that could fit all for its definition. It is intangible, and beyond any
words. It is more than a feeling or emotion. It is embedded in our souls. It is spiritual.
"Let's not kid ourselves and pretend that you just want a confirmation," si Nikolai nangt
sinundo niya ako sa airport ng Caticlan.
Tahimik kami nang inayos niya ang gamit ko. Parang ayaw niya nang pag-usapan ang kahit
ano. Ganoon din ang gusto ko. Ayaw kong pag-usapan pa namin iyon.
Dumiretso ako rito sa Costa Leona. I didn't even think of staying at our house in
Manila to ask my father about it. I didn't need his explanation. I want it straight from
Achilles.
"I hope you change your mind. Of all people, ikaw ang mas nakakakilala sa kanya.
Alam nating dalawa na hindi ka niya tatanggapin."
"Tjust want a confirmation."
"Let's not pretend, Marem!" tumaas ang boses ni Nikolai.
Saka lang siya nagsalita nang nagmamaneho na pauwi sa amin.
"Alam nating dalawa na may prinsipyo at paninindigan 'yong tao! If he'd take you
 even when you're married now, bakit 'di ka na lang niya pinakasalan pa rin noon kahit
iniisip niyang magkapatid kayo, 'di ba?! If he was so caught up with his feelings for you
then-"
"This is different! I'm married, yes, but Dencio knows that this can happen! We can break
up! He isnt expecting of us to live a happy ever after! Kung ikukumpara mo 'to sa naunang
rason, natural na hindi niya ako tanggapin kasi-
"Pareho lang naman na hindi puwede, Marem! At huwag kang magbulag bulagan, kilala mo
'yong tao!"
"Then it's for me!" | cut him off again. "l want to try again! I want to see if it could still
happen!"
"At anong gagawin mo kung tumanggi nga?"
Umirap ako at ayaw nang makinig sa kanya.
"Magagalit ka na naman? Magdurusa ka na naman! Tahimik na ang buhay mo pero
guguluhin mo pa!"
"Im sorry that I didn't know the truth before this!" I snapped. "Im sorry if you think that I
am ruining this peaceful life again for a new found reason! Masama ba na..." pumatak ang
mga luha ko. "Kahit lugmok na ako, nangangarap pa rin akong sumaya?! Ha?!"
Natahimik si Nikolai. Tears formed in his eyes. He concentrated on the road and stopped
talking this time.
"Masama ba na umasa ako na sa wakas, pilin niya na ako?! Gaya ng dati?!"
He wiped his tears. I cried more when I realized that he's also tearing up for my problems.
Alam ko na mahirap din sa kanya to. Alam ko na pinoproblema niya rin ang buhay ko. I love
him so much for that. And maybe.. yes, I'm selfish.
Thave a problem at hand but l also know that he shouldnt be with me right now.
The rumors about us will only worsen because of our secret rendezvous. Pero sa ngayon,
wala na akong lakas na problemahin pa ang ibang bagay. Sana makabawi ako, kalaunan.
Kapag tahimik na at masaya na ako. Kapag kaya ko nang pasanin ang problema ng ibang
tao.
"At ano ngayon kung magalit ulit ako, at malugmok ulit ako, kapag tinanggihan niya? Ano
ngayon? Ano'ng pinagkaiba.." l gritted my teeth. "Ng buhay ko ngayon sa magiging buhay ko
kung sakali nga na tatanggihan ulit niya ako? Hindi ba wala?! I've got nothing to lose! If he
rejects me, then I'm back to this hel!"
Pumikit ako ng mariin at tiniis ang sakit na nararamdaman.
"All my life, I settled for whatever life can give me. An intact family with no attention, a life
full judgements, I life of pretensions... Masama bang umasa na magbago 'yon" I said calmly.
Hinawakan ni Nikolai ang kamay ko. He sighed heavily and shook his head.
"Im sorry," he said breathily. "I'm just really worried. I don't want you in pain.
Kinagat ko ang labi ko.
"At this point, Il'd rather see you unhappy but at peace."
Hindi na ako nagsalita. Pinisil ko ang kamay niyang nakahawak sa akin.
"Sana... ganyan din ka lakas ang loob ko."
Yumuko ako.
"I still dont agree with this decision of yours. But... I will always be here for you."
Parang sinaksak ang puso ko. Nikolai had been with me all these years. Ngayon ko lang
naramdaman kung gaano siya ka importante sa buhay ko. I don't even know if l could
survive all those tragedies in the past without him.
We stayed in the car for a few minutes. Kinakalma ko ang sarili ko. Nikolai only watched me
silently.
"He's here. The one of the only substantial thing from the reports," ulit niya sa sinabi niya
sa akin noon habang katawagan lang kami.
Tumango ako at sinusubukang pakalmahin ang utak.
"And since l couldn't search about the Riegos, we worked on his so-called father,
Morgan Phillips," ani Nikolai.
Napabaling ako sa kanya. Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. I've got a feeling that he didn't tell me
this immediately because he hoped that he could change my mind.
"Madaming Morgan Phillips pero madaling mahanap dahil sa anak niyang si
Perseus Phillips. Yes, they really look alike."
Napakurap-kurap ako habang nagpapatuloy sa pagsasalita si Nikolai.
"We didn't have enough time to dive more since they are foreigners but...
Morgan Phillips is a member of a famous british rock band."
I gasped when I heard the information. Nagpatuloy pa siya.
 "They were invited here in the Philippines years ago and Conrado... Zaldarriaga was
especially fond of them so... bukod sa ibang major cities, they visited Costa
Leona for her."
"R-Really? I said quietly knowing that Tito Conrado is Tita Domitilla's brother.
I wonder if mom knew? I know Mama does not exactly belong to their family.
Kinupkop lang siya kahit malayong kamag-anak ng mga Zaldarriaga dahil maagang naulila.
But... Ive seen pictures of them: Tita Domitilla, mom, and
Leona Riego... They were close to each other. And for sure, Mama and Tita
Domitilla were even closer. They lived in the same house, after all.
"Yes. And if we calculate it properly, tama ang date ng pagbisita nila rito sa birthdate ng
kambal. Perseus and Achilles. Perseus is rich because of his dad's money and he also
ventured into investing on big companies. He lived a luxurious life, with properties around
the world."
Pumikit ako at sinubukang patahimikin ang isipan kahit pa madami akong nalaman sa
sinabi ni Nikolai.
"I don't even need the confirmation from Achilles or the Riegos, or your father, to
conclude... that the man you met is telling the truth."
Nakinig lang ako, tahimik. Ilang sandali rin siyang natahimik pagkatapos nang sinabi niya
sa akin.
"IIl wait here. Pero huwag kang mag-alala... o magmadali dahil lang naghihintay ako."
Hindi na kami nag-usap nang naramdaman ko na handa na ako. Tahimik lang akong
lumabas sa sasakyan niya. Hindi na rin ako hinatid pa ni Nikolai. Nanatili siya sa sasakyan
niya habang tinatahak ko ang pamilyar na batuhang papasok sa kabahayan
The first house on the left is Achilles Riego's house. Hindi ko alam kung bakit medyo nag
expect ako na magbabago iyon. Bukod sa natanggap na siya ng mga
Riego, iniisip kong baka natulungan na siya ng totoong ama niya.
Kaya lang... hindi. Their house remained the same.
Hapon nang dumating kami. The sun is still up and it was a hot day, different from where
I've been. I didn't know that l could miss the warmth of the hot day.
Napaliligiran ng mga puno ang pebbled pathway papasok sa kabahayan kaya minsanan
lang akong masinagan ng araw habang naglalakad.
Wearing a silky black dress, with a black stilettos, I didn't even care to change from my
airport attire. Even my hairstyle didn't change. My long hair is still in a messy high ponytail.
Tinanggal ko lang ang coat at dumiretso na ako rito.
Palapit na ako nang lumabas si Achilles sa bahay.
He saw me immediately. Bumagal ang lakad niya nang natanaw ako. Wearing a faded jeans
and a white t-shirt, I can sense his shock when he saw me. llang beses ko na tong naisip sa
ilang araw na paghihintay sa impormasyong maibibigay ni Nikolai sa akin. Hindi ko alam
kung bakit hindi ko naisip na makakaramdam pala ako ng hiya sa lahat ng nagawa sa
kanya, sa trabaho niya, at sa dalawang anak.
Tumigil ako sa paglalakad. I suddenly have the urge to just turn around and walk back but I
know I can't. Ill regret it. Isa pa, nakita na niya ako kaya hindi ko na mababawi iyon.
"Why are you here?" si Achilles sa kalmadong boses.
It surprised me. He looked shocked to see me but it didn't resonate on his tone.
Maybe... after knowing the truth, he isn't bothered by my presence anymore.
"May gusto akong malaman."
Gumalaw ang panga niya at nag-iwas ng tingin. Ramdam ko na saglit siyang nag- isip.
I expected him to push me away again. To suddenly lash out and shout at me but he didn't
do it. Siguro nasanay ako na ganoon ang ginawa niya sa mga huling pagkikita namin. Kaya
ngayong tahimik at kalmado siya, nagugulat pa ako.
Lalo akong nagulat nang tumango siya. Sumulyap siya sa bahay niya bago tumingin sa akin.
"Come with me."
Napakurap kurap ako. Hindi ko talaga inasahan iyon. Lalo na ang kalmado at banayad
niyang boses. Naglakad siya papunta sa daanan padalampasigan.
Sumunod ako sa medyo malayong distansiya sa kanya.
He chose to stand near the bamboo tables and chairs in front of the shore.
Sumilong siya sa ilang puno ng niyog bago siya bumaling sa akin.
He still looked peaceful. Almost casual. Para lang siyang nakikipag usap sa..
 dating kaibigan. And I'm also surprised with my calmness. I didnt lash out or point a knife
on his throat for the truth. I was patient and almost... at peace.
Hindi ko alam kung dahil ba iyon sa lugar. This is where we spent most of our days when
we were still both in Costa Leona. Dito rin kami nag-usap no'n nong sinuyo niya ako. Dito
ako napahiya. Dito ko siya dinamayan nang namatay ang
Mama niya. Dito rin siya nag... yayang magpakasal. At dito niya rin... ako hiniwalayan.
I looked at the crashing waves. It's three in the afternoon, the sun is still hot and up. The
waves are crashing with energy. Saglit akong natahimik para tingnan ang lugar na iyon.
Dito ko rin siguro... malalaman ang totoo. Galing sa kanya.
"I met Perseus."
Akala ko sinabihan siya ng kapatid niya, kung totoo man iyon. Kitang kita ko ang gulat sa
mga mata niya. He swallowed hard and looked away. That's when I knew... that he knew
who it is.
My heart pounded against my chest. Nakatatak na sa isipan ko na totoo iyon pero iba pa rin
kapag nakita ko na sa ekspresyon niya. Lalong iba kapag sinabi niya na.
"He's your twin. We met in London. A week ago."
He nodded slowly before he lifted his eyes on me. Hindi siya nagsalita. Parang naghihintay
ng sasabihin ko pa.
"Hindi ako sinabihan ni Papa tungkol do'n. Hindi ko alam na noong nakaraang taon n'yo pa
pala alam."
Kumunot ang noo. He licked his lips and shook his head. "l don't think I'm the right person
to inform you about it. I also don't think it's... necessary."
I gritted my teeth. I know exactly what he meant by that.
"The truth is necessary, Achilles."
I saw how his eyes lifted fiercely at me. Para bang may nasabi akong mali... o tama... na
ayaw niya... o gusto niya. Hindi ko alam.
"Kasi... sa nagdaang taon, ang daming nawasak ng inakala nating... totoo."
Yumuko siya, kunot pa rin ang noo.
"That night, it was my mother who revealed it to me. She wanted me to stop chasing you. I
didn't believe it at first but I guess, I did, eventually. Because it was very specific and
believable."
I paused. Noon, tuwing iniisip ko ang tungkol dito, gusto kong mamatay sa pandidiri sa
sarili ko at sa naging relasyon namin ni Achilles. I checked what I'm feeling right now and
had nothing.
"You didn't have a father. My father's love is your mother. You liked the Navy, and it was a
plausible connection with my father. At dahil... nagmana ka sa mga
Riego, there was no way to tell with just your features alone. Getting a test done was out of
the question, because my parents wanted to take this secret to the grave."
Tahimik pa rin siya. I paused again to watch him take it all in before I continued.
"Ikaw? Paano ka naniwala? Kumbinsidong kumbinsido ka ba at bakit... iniwan mo ako at
nagpakasal sa iba?"
Pumikit siya at lalong kumunot ang noo. Nang dumilat, halata kong pilit na pilit niya akong
tiningnan.
"May kopya ng test, may..." he sighed. "May picture at sulat galing kay Mama.
There were more evidences-
"Kanino galing? How could that happen? A test?"
"Senyora Domitilla was the one who told me about it."
Namilog ang mga mata ko, hindi inasahan ang sinabi niya.
"Sinabi niya ang nangyari sa taong 'yon."
"H-How did she know these things?"
"Kasi isa siya sa pumigil kay Mama na makipagkita kay Admiral sa gabing 'yon.
And my mother's last words were... very specific. He confessed that her heart only belongs
to Rodolfo Galvez.. believe that was also the take away of your father from my mother's last
moments.
"Senyora Domitilla had a test? And a letter?"
Tumango siya at pumikit. "They were good friends, back in the day."
"Bakit niya sasabihin 'yon? At saan galing ang sulat at test?"
Hindi nagsalita si Achilles.
"Like you, I also find it plausible. Gusto ko nga'ng pumasok sa Navy. Mabait si
Admiral sa akin. He favored me so much. At ilang beses na rin niya akong natawag at
tinuring na anak. I thought it was just because he knew my mother.
 But a picture of them together, with a letter to elope told me that it was more than that."
Nagwawala ang puso ko habang nakikinig sa mga sinasabi niya.
"May sulat din si Mama sa bahay na hindi niya naibigay kay Admiral. It was her begging
Admiral to take care of me when she's gone. To check on me and treat me as his son."
"But you're not my father's son," nanginginig ang boses ko nang sabihin ko iyon.
"Lahat ng yon, at ilang pictures, at dokumento... kasali na ang trato ni Admiral, at ang
kagustuhan nilang paghiwalayin tayo... inakala ko na totoo."
I suddenly want to go to Tita Domitilla. Hindi ko alam paano niya nagawa iyon.
Hindi ko maintindihan. Kung ako siguro ang unang nakaalam at galing kay Tita, maniniwala
din ako ng husto! I believe her more than my parents! Kaya hindi ko alam bakit ganito?!
Is she a victim of the wrong information, too? But why does she have those evidences?
Were they fake? Who faked it? I dont understand!
"Sinabi rin ni Senyora na nagkasundo si Admiral at... ang mama mo na tutulungan ako sa
kondisyong hindi sila aamin na anak ako ng ama mo. They wanted to keep their family pure
and intact. And that if any of their children knows, it will be a disaster.
Napayuko ako. Parang sinaksak ang puso ko habang naiisip ang lahat ng yon.
"Kahit hindi niya sabihin sa akin ang mangyayari, parang alam ko na ang magiging
reaksiyon mo kung nalaman mo 'yon."
My tears formed. I closed my eyes to stop them from falling but I know... I can feel it. I know
he's telling the truth. He knew me..
"I know you lived a hard life with your family. You wanted their attention, and you're
hurting about it. At inisip ko pa lang kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon mo kapag
nalamang... magkapatid tayo sa ama, at na.. may sekretong ganito ang pamilya mo...
pakiramdam ko... susuko ka."
"You didn't give me that choice!" I said as my tears fell.
"Becausel already know what you will choose!" sagot niya.
Umiling ako, hindi tinatanggap ang sinasabi niya.
"Then tell me honestly. Kung nalaman mo 'yon, ano ang gagawin mo?"
"You can't assume that, Achilles! You took away my choice to decide-"
Kumunot ang noo niya at parang may dumaang kung ano nang banggitin ko ang pangalan
niya. "Answer me. And don't lie."
Umiling ulit ako.
"Kung nalaman mo na hindi tayo puwede at na magkapatid tayo, magulo ang pamilya mo,
ano'ng gagawin mo, Maria Emilia?"
"You didn't"
"Yo'd end it" he said with finality.
"Is that how morbid I am to you?!" sabi ko, sinusubukang labanan siya kahit iyon mismo
ang iniisip ko... at hanggang ngayon..
"I know because I only have you. I didn't have anything or anyone. I felt like dying too."
I shook my head, this time, Ive had enough of that talk. Marami pa akong katanungan.
Marami pa akong hindi naiintindihan. But telling both our truths is making me too
vulnerable.
"Pero hindi na mahalaga 'yon dahil alam na natin ang totoo ngayon," nag-angat ako ng
tingin sa kanya.
Nanatili ang sakit sa mga mata niya habang tinitingnan niya ako.
"Youre not my half brother. You're not my father's son. You're the son of Morgan
Phillips, and you have a twin brother that I met in London."
Gumalaw ang panga niya at dumiin ang titig sa akin.
"I know a lot has happened. You pushed me away and married... someone else.
May mga anak ka na ngayon-
"At may asawa ka na,' marin niyang dugtong sa akin.
I paused and looked at him. Kilala ko rin siya. Ayaw kong umamin pero alam ko na tama si
Nikolai. Talagang hindi lang ako matatahimik kung hindi ko susubukan.
"Do you still love me, Achilles?"
Hindi siya nagsalita. His eyes pierced through me. It was as if he had thrown daggers at me
and I'm pinned in front of him because of that question.
"I still love you. I'm still in love with you. I will take you back," nanginig ang boses ko. "You
hurt me in the past, but I'm still in love with you and I will still take you."
 Umiling siya. "That's enough..." he said calmly. "You're marri-"
"Im not talking about that! I want to know if you still love me!"
"You're not talking about that? Can you hear yourself?!" tumaas ng konti ang boses niya.
Napasinghap ako at unti-unting lumapit. I saw the panic in his eyes when he saw me
nearing him.
Akala ko sisigawan niya ako at aamin siyang hindi niya na ako mahal pero nakalapit na lang
ako ng husto, wala siyang ginawa kundi magalit, magulat, at kabahan!
"That's enough!" he said when I tried to reach for him.
"I married Dencio not because | love him. I married him because his heart belongs to
someone else. Ayaw kong magpakasal sa lalaking mahal ako dahil alam ko na masasaktan
ko lang, kung sakali. Dahil alam ko na ikaw lang ang mamahalin ko.
Umiling siya sa akin.
"He loves someone else. Before we got married, we promised each other. Na kapag bumalik
ang mahal namin at puwede na, we will willingly let each other go so... now.. I'm taking you
back. I'm still in love with you-"
"Hindi ko gusto 'yan," aniya."
"Hindi mo gusto? Ako?"
His mouth dropped open for a second, then shut his eyes, before he stepped back.
"Youre married-"
"Im married in papers! Not my heart! Definitely not my soul!"
"Whatever you say. You. Are. Married."
"Achilles, mahal mo pa ba ako? lyon naman ang mahalaga, e-"
"Hindi 'yon ang mahalaga! Ang mahalaga! Ay na tuparin mo ang pangako mo!
Ang pag-aasawa mo!"
"Is that what you did? You fulfilled your promise because of those papers-
"Those papers?! I didn't know you took matrimony so lightiy!"
"l will damn take it lightly if cuz I didn't marry the man I love! At huwag mo akong
husgahan dahil ikaw rin naman!"
"I took marriage seriously, Maria Emilia!" he snapped. "And so should you!"
"Bakit mo ako pinapangunahan?! I said I will only take it seriously.. If I were married to
you!!"
He looked at me with fury in his eyes. l equalled his fire.
"Go home and go back to your husband. You disappoint me."
I smirked. "You think that could hurt me? Sinabi mo na rin naman noon na 'di mo na ako
mahal...
"Take your vows seriously and be a good wife-
"Huwag mo akong pangunahan, Achilles!"
"You really think you won't hurt your husband"
"He loves someone else! If he runs away with the woman he loves, heck l care!" sigaw ko.
Kitang kita ko ang panibagong galit na umahon kay Achilles. His eyes were now bloodshot
and he stepped forward, making my legs wobble from the sudden intensity around us. It
was like an electric field around us.
"Umuwi ka na sa kanya dahil kung ako ang asawa mo at kung iiwan mo ako para sa taong
mahal mo!" he shouted and it almost shook me. "Hindi ako papayag!
Hinding hindi kita pakakawalan! Hindi kita ipapaubaya! At hinding hindi ka makakawala!
For the first time in such a long time, it was like my heart has awakened. Imbes na magalit
sa sigaw niya, parang gusto ko na lang tumalon at yumakap sa kanya.
Hindi ko halos maintindihan ang totoong sinabi niya. All| think about is him... as my
husband.
"You shouldn't be out here talking to me at all! Go home!"
"But he's not like that... He's not you. Take me back, please. Hihiwalayan ko agad siya at
maiintindihan-
"I wont take you back!"
"| still love you-"
"| don't... love you anymore," aniya at nag-iwas ng tingin.
Umiling ako. "Hindi ako naniniwala."
"Huwag na nating ulitin pa ang dating pagtatalo."
 "Hindi na mauulit yon dahil ngayon, alam na natin ang totoo. We can be together now
because we're not blood related, Achi-"
"I said I don't love you anymore!"
"Achilles-"
"I said I don't fucking love you anymore!" his voice picking up intensity.
"Hindi ako naniniwala-"
"You really think that after my sons suffered, I'd take you bacK?"
Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi na ako tinatablan ng mga naunang sinabi niya pero dahil
ngayon ko lang naisip ang huling sinabi niya, para akong nasampal. l almost forgot about
that.
He noticed how shock I was. Umiling siya at lumapit sa akin.
"-l can be their mother. You need me! T-They need me. I- will"
"I can do it on my own! I dont need you! And don't use my children-"
"But they should have a mother!"
"A mother who doesn't know how to honor matrimony, do you really think l'd want a
woman like that? Or ld want that for my children?!" hindi ko alam kung bakit natablan ako
no'n.
Nainsulto.
Na naman. Ni Achilles.
I swallowed hard and stepped back. He looked at me with piercing eyes.
"Hindi na ikaw ang dati kong minahal."
My eyes widened and I realized that now... his words are hitting me like a storm.
Kani kanina lang, walang epekto ang mga iyon sa akin. Pero ngayon, unti-unting dumoble...
tumriple ang sakit!
Pakiramdam ko... hindi na siya nagsisinungaling. Pakiramdam ko, totoo na!
My wounds were deep but the scars were shallow. They were fresh. One poke, one scratch,
they bleed all over again.
"Im this way because you hurt me! I've been so hurt-"
"Then go fucking back to your husband and stop convincing me to take you back!
Do you really think, I'd want a cheater?!"
Umahon ang matinding galit sa akin.
"Sino sa atin ang cheater? Hindi ba ikaw naman yon?!" I said even when I knew what realy
happened.
Hindi ko lang matanggap na sinabi niya iyon. At lalo na dahil naisip ko na tama naman siya.
Oo, at hindi namin mahal ni Dencio ang isa't-isa... pero kasal pa rin ako. Kasal ako sa ibang
lalaki, pero nandito ako sa harap niya, nagmamakaawa na magkabalikan na kami!
"Then if you think I cheated on you, why are you fucking here-"
"Sige!" sigaw ko, punong puno na sa lahat lahat ng sakit at galit na galit na rin.
He still equalled my fire. His eyes were like a gray storm, hitting me like a bolt.
"After all those years of being married with Dencio, never once did T have sex with him! It's
because I still love you! It's because everytime someone kisses me, I think of you! At
ngayong... pinapauwi mo ako sa kanya... pinapangako ko sa'yo! I will have sex with him all
night long-
"Shut the fuck up and just leave!" he screamed so angrily.
"| will do it everyday! I wont get tired! I won't mind even if l'm sore!"
" said shut up, Maria Emilia!!"
"I will let him fuck me all he wants because..."
Tinalikuran niya ako at umambang aalis na. But I was angry, hopeless, and violent. I
continued shouting at him. He was silent, like the calm before the storm.
"Because that's what you fucking want, right?! For me to be a wife?! To someone else?!
Damn you! Ano'ng klaseng pagmamahal 'yan?!"
"Kaya nga. Umuwi ka na," malamig niyang sinabi.
"Yes, I will. And Ill make sure IIl have sexX with my husband over an over again!" I said to
spite him more.
Umalis na siya. Huminga ako ng malalim at isa-isang pumatak ang mga luha ko.
Umuwi ka na? Saan? Ikaw ang uwian ko.
The way he rejects, I memorized it now. If he says no, it's really not happening.
Hinayaan ko ang mga luha kong pumatak. Huminga ako ng malalim.
At imbes na sundan siya, gaya ng mga along balik nang balik sa dalampasigang naghihintay,
hindi ko na ginawa. Ako ang alon, na hindi na nakabalik ulit. Ang alon na sa dinami daming
hampas, hindi na kailanman napadpad ulit sa naghihintay na dalampasigan. Ang alon na
walang uwian at tahanan. Ang alon na
 mag-isa sa gitna ng dagat at kawalan.
I will forever float back to the middle of the sea, from all the ripples of the bigger waves
crashing on to me, never coming back to the sand where it should touch to feel the warmth.
I will always be cold and alone.
All attempts to go home will be terribly painful. All attempts will be a disaster.
Until l've known... the warmth of the setting sun... that is Amber.
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 32

Kabanata 32
Lullaby
"The other night, dear.." I sang very quietly in a shaking tone. "As I lay sleeping."
When everything feels so hopeless, I savw a ray of light in her presence.
For the first time in a long time, I'm finally inspired to live. I couldn't treat this life as a
prelude to a better story, because to me, with Amber, I am already living it.
"I dreamed I held you..." I whispered in her ear as I swayed her slowly. "In my arms."
Dencio felt the same. She was his light. His days were brighter because of her.
I didn't know then about a love like that. Unconditional and it knows no bounds.
And the more I love her, the more I remember how little my parents loved me.
"When I awoke, dear," I sang her lullaby very slowly and in a shaking tone while she sleeps
on my shoulder. "I was mistaken..."
I feel like l could never hurt her. I would never allow anyone to hurt her.
"So I hung my head and I cried.."
I had so many questions after my talk with Achilles, but I didn't pursue them anymore.
Sapat na sa akin na malaman na kahit anong katotohanang isampal sa amin, hindi niya ako
tatanggapin.
I didn't confront my parents anymore... nor Tita Domitilla. And with Amber's birth, I'm
more preoccupied about it than searching for those answers I didn't need anymore.
Pero dahil siguro hinayaan ko na matapos ang lahat ng iyon sa ganoong paraan, it still
haunted me wherever I go. Or maybe, the wound wasn't really healed. I was just very busy
to notice that I'm still bleeding from it.
"Amber," yakap ni Mama sa bata kong anak nang bisitahin namin. llang taon kong hindi
halos binisita ang pamilya. We would attend some high society parties, but not our own.
And to be honest, I only thought about coming home after knowing my mother's condition.
They knew that I discovered the truth. I only called my father once, reason why they also
never tried to force me to see them before. Alam nila na nagkamali sila at na galit ako dahil
sa lahat ng iyon.
"l have a gift for you," si Mama sa anak ko.
Hinayaan ko muna silang mag bonding habang nakatanaw galing sa malayo.
Dencio was watching them too until my father invited him to play ches.
"Ako na ang bahala," sabi ko kay Dencio dahil sa patio sila maglalaro, samantalang nasa sala
naman kami dahil naka wheel chair si Mama.
When Amber got busy from my mother's gift, we watched her silently playing with it while
three househelps are looking after her
Nakatitig pa rin ako sa anak ko nang bumaling si Mama sa akin. Tumingin din ako sa kanya.
She smiled softly at me and I realized... how times had changed. She was still very pretty,
but the wrinkles of her eyes gave away what she is going through.
She suffered from a stroke paralysis. She is trying to recover and I know she will.
Pero siguro, bukod sa Mama ko siya at hindi ko siya matiis, mas lalo lang umigting ang
nararamdaman ko ngayong may sarili na akong anak.
I'm not a very kind person. By now, I'm sure I will always treat my daughter well.
Hindi ako gagaya sa mga nangyari sa akin, at sa mga taong kilala ko. Pero kung saka sakali
man... na magkamali ako in the future, I will always hope for her forgiveness.
I stretched the sides of my lips to form a small smile as I walked towards where she was.
Unti-unting napawi ang ngiti niya at unti-unting napalitan iyon ng mga luha.
 Lumuhod ako sa harap niya at pansamantalang isinantabi ang mga hinanakit.
Nagdarasal na sana makalimutan ko... kahit na alam kong... malabo. It occupied almost my
whole life. How could I ever recover from a trauma like that.
"How are you?" I asked her softly.
"Getting better," aniya.
I smiled again and nodded.
Malungkot ang mga mata niya habang tinititigan ako. "Motherhood looks great on you."
I smiled again. She smiled back but it faded again.
"Marem.."
Sa tono niya pa lang, alam kO na kung ano ang sasabihin niya. Gustuhin ko mang pigilan
siya at sabihang hayaan niya muna akong kalimutan ang lahat. Kung pansamantala lang to,
gusto ko pang pahabain. Pero hindi ko nagawang pigilan.
O siguro dahil gusto ko rin talagang marinig galing sa kanya.
"Im sorry," she said softly.
My eyes drifted down. I don't know what to say at this point.
"I know you probably won't believe me, but I miss you everyday.
I swallowed the lump of my throat. Negative thoughts conquered my mind. I thought of
how she never missed me back then. I hated the past so much. It makes me doubt about the
truthfulness of the present.
"I think about you so much because... I know I did you so many wrongs," nanginig ang boses
niya.
"Kalimutan na lang natin 'yon, Mama," sinabi ko 'yan para sa kanya at hindi para sa sarili
ko.
Ayaw ko nang alalahanin niya iyon. She is still recovering and I'm here for her recovery, not
for any information about anything.
Pumikit siya ng mariin bago dumilat at nag-angat ng tingin sa akin. "I don't think I will be at
peace if I won't tell you my side."
Igritted my teeth and didn't say a word. Nagpatuloy siya.
"l was also a victim of a wrong information. Kasal na kami ng Papa mo nang sinabi ni
Domitilla sa akin ang tungkol s... pagiging anak ng Papa mo... si
Achilles."
I flinched at the mention of his name. Umiling ako at gusto nang patigilin ang eksplenasyon
ni Mama pero nagpatuloy siya.
"I didn't believe it too, but she had... evidences. I kept it a secret to your father
Cuz... I'm scared that he'll leave me for Leona."
Suminghap ako at sinubukang pakalmahin ang sarili. Inisip ko na lang na para sa kanya 'to.
Para masabi niya sa akin at matahimik na siya sa mga pagsisisi niya. I didn't want to hear it
but if she needs to say it, then I will t to endure hearing it!
"When Leona was dying, she confessed to your father that he was the only man he loved.
That she wanted him to take care of Achilles. Domitilla said bad things about me. About
those secrets. That was why your father believed that Achilles is his son, too."
Pumikit ako at tiniis na marinig iyon. My heart is burning and I realized howgreat my anger
is... for Tita Domitilla. Hindi na siya gaanong nagpapakita sa nagdaang taon simula nang
nabuntis siyang ulit.
"He confronted me about many things. One of it was about Achilles. At dahil matagal ko
nang alam, I couldn't deny it. lyan din ang rason kung bakit dati pa lang, hindi ko siya gusto
para salyo. Hindi lang dahil anak siya ni Leona, pero dahil na rin iniisip kong magkapatid
kayo."
I nodded. "It doesn't matter now. I'm married and I have a daughter."
Tumango rin si Mama. "Im glad that... everything still turned out well."
Nagtiim-bagang ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.. hindi ko gusto ang sinabi niya.
"Biktima lang din ang ama mo sa mga kasinungalingan. Hindi na namin nasabi agad sayo
dahil... inisip namin na nasa mabuting kalagayan ka na. That you didn't need this kind of
distraction."
"l understand," the coldness seeped in my voice.
She noticed it. Tinitigan akong mabuti ni Mama. "T hope you can forgive us."
I already had that talk with my father over the phone. Not as peaceful and as quiet as my
talk with my mother. Pero dahil iyon bago pa lang no'n ang nararamdaman. At ngayon,
kahit may hinanakit pa rin ako, kaya ko na silang pakiharapan na isinasantabi ang mga
iyon.
"I'm glad you're here, Marem. Nieves is very excited to meet Amber," si Papa
 nang kalaunan ay naitulak ko ang wheel chair ni Mama papunta sa lanai, kung saan
naglalaro sila ni Dencio.
For a while, it amazed me how my father was very casual. Parang walang nangyari. My
mother's first agenda when she saw me is to ask for forgiveness and explain herself. While
for my father... it was almost as if no tragedy happened.
Saglit kong inisip... na siguro ayaw niya lang ng drama. Ayaw niyang magkaroon ng
ungkatan ng sama ng loob ngayong bumisita na ako at lalo na dahil recovering pa si Mama.
Pero naisip ko rin na baka naman hindi niya lang talagang tinuring na big deal iyon. Na
siguro... iniisip niyang may asawa na ako at lalo na dahil may anak na kami ni Dencio, ayos
na ang lahat.
It's weird that I didn't really want them to talk about it. But it bothered me that some
people never took my heartaches and experiences seriously. Like it was just a puppy love,
an experience that broke my heart but didn't really destroy me.
Tumayo si Dencio sa kalagitnaan ng paglalaro nila. Tili at tawag kay Amber ang sunod na
narinig ko galing sa isang batang babae.
Nilingon ko agad at natanaw na papunta ang anak ni Kuya at ni Agnes papunta sa
naglalarong si Amber.
Niyakap ako ni Kuya, hindi nga lang matanggal ang tingin ko sa dalawang batang naglalaro
na ngayon sa terasa.
"Si Solomon na lang ang kulang. Bakit daw bukas pa siya, Remus?" tanong ni
Papa.
I looked at the lot and saw that they were all preoccupied with each other. Kuya
Remus is kissing my mother's cheek, Dencio is talking to Agnes, and Papa is trying to
question Kuya Remus for Solomon's whereabouts. Kaya naman, tahimik akong umalis para
puntahan ang dalawang batang naglalaro.
"Not there, Amber!" sabay hawak ni Nieves sa kamay ng anak ko para igiya sa mas
magandang lugar na paglalaruan nila.
Mas matanda si Nieves ng siguro'y limang taon kay Amber. I squatted to my daughter's eye
level then I looked at Nieves Solanna Galvez. She looked at me but she didn't smile
immediately. Nagtagal pa bago niya ako tipid na nginitian.
"Do you know what your name means?" l asked her.
Kumunot ang noo niya.
"Amber's name is from a jewel with embers for its color. Like the setting sun."
"Embers? Like from a fireplace?"
Ngumiti ako at tumango. Amber looked a lot like me, but she inheritted the innocence and
curiosity of Dencio. For some reason, when I laid my eyes on
Nieves, I immediately noticed her distance, detachment, and coldness that reminded me of
my younger self.
"Yes. The burning wood in a fireplace.
Tumango siya at bumaling sa anak kong abala sa paglalaro.
"Your name is a spanish name for Snow."
Nieves smirked. "'m very pale. That's probably why my mom called me Nieves."
I smiled, too. "I'm gonna call you Snow, instead."
Snow looked at me in the eye and smiled before she busied herself to play with
Amber.
Halos parehong mukha, pero halata ang kaibahan ng pag uugali. I smiled more at them and
quietly appreciated the two girls who will ignite the scorching flames within me. I will
never let anyone hurt them. Wala akong pakialam kung magalit man sila sa akin. I know I
know better. I know that in the end, they will thank me for it.
I treaded through life vigorously. Slowly building myself, pieces by pieces. Mula noong
nagkaanak, nagkaroon nga ako ng pag-asa na mabuhay ulit. Totoong mabuhay.
Romantic love isn't the only thing in this world. I have a daughter. She is watching me. She
is waiting for me.
Bumalik ako sa pagtatrabaho mula nang lumaki na si Amber at nag-aral na.
Tinutukan ko siyang mabuti, sa takot kong magaya sa nangyari sa akin.
My mother died within those years. Agnes left Remus. Mon entered the Navy and married
his first love. And I remained strongly opposed to the Riegos.. and
Domitilla Mercadejas.
Ayaw ko na sanang balikan ang lahat lahat. Oo, galit ako at inalagaan kong mabuti ang galit
ko sa pamamagitan ng patuloy na pagkokontrol sa mga kaya
 kong kontrolin, para lang mapahirapan ng mabuti si Achilles. He remained poor, his son's
poor, as well. I don't even want to know why they were not interested with the Riego's
money.
Ayaw ko nang balikan ang lahat at kuntento na akong mamuhay na may galit sa lahat ng
nanakit sa akin. Kaya lang...
Snow fell in love with Achilles' son. I was so furious! I didn't know his sons were weak!
Hindi ba maprinsipyo siya? His sons were spoiled. They think they could have everything
they want easily.
Wala na akong pakialam kung magalit si Snow sa akin. In the long run, I know she will
understand. When she's in pain, she will remember all the lessons I told her about.
"Siguraduhin mo," sambit ko kay Nikolai.
Napatingin ako kay Dencio na kapapasok lang sa opisina.
"Of course," Nikolai said over the phone.
"Bye. "ll call later," sabi ko bago binaba ang cellphone.
Gaya ni Nikolai, sa opisina na rin ako tumatawag sa kanya. There were always rumors
about me cheating on Dencio. I always believed that he didn't really care because he loved
someone else. Pero alam ko rin na hindi magandang malaman iyon ni Amber kaya
sinusubukan kong ilihim lalo ang pagkikita at tawagan namin ni Nikolai.
"A call from a friend from Iloilo?" Dencio asked.
Lately, he's been bothered by it.
"Yup," I said honestly as I typed some things on my laptop for work.
"Alam mong umaabot kay Amber ang kuwento, hindi ba?"
Nagulat ako dahil kailanman, hindi niya ako kinumpronta tungkol dito. After years of being
with Dencio, we both already know how to handle each other. We are good friends and I
genuinely care and love him as my partner, family, and father of my daughter.
Kaya lang, may mga sekretong hindi ko kayang sabihin sa kanya. Isa na roon ang tungkol
kay Nikolai. Nikolai is closeted and I don't think I have the right to him to anyone. Even my
husband.
"She's too young to hear all these rumors. You should stop seeing that man."
"Nikolai is just a friend, Dencio," mataman kong sinabi.
"May pagkakaibigan bang mas mahalaga sa iniisip ng pamilya mo?"
My eyes narrowed and darted at him. Never once did I question him again about his past
lover. Hindi rin siya nagtanong sa akin ng tungkol sa akin. Ive heard stories from their
househelps about his first love. And I won't be surprised if he has heard things about me,
too. We just don't talk about it. We're past that. Our priorities are the businesses and
Amber
"What's this? You believe the rumors?"
Tumayo ako at nahimigan na nga iyon sa tanong niya kanina.
"Im fine with the rumors. Ayaw ko lang na marinig ni Amber ang tungkol dito."
Nagkatinginan kami.
"There have been rumors about other men in the past, but this one is different.
You are seen. There are evidences."
Siyempre. Dahil ang mga dating usap-usapan ay pawang tsismis lang. Pagdating kay
Nikolai, hindi naman talaga maiwasang magkita kami. Especially the past few weeks. He
helped me deal with my problems, and I helped him deal with his.
His wife is planning a divorce. Hindi na raw ito masaya. Nikolai is confused. He's sad about
it. He's sad for hurting his wife, disappointed with himself because he couldn't keep their
family intact, and at the same time guilty because he thinks it's freeing.
Ilang taon niya na akong tinutulungan sa problema ko. I can't drop him now that he needs
comfort, and solace. Hindi lang dahil may utang na loob ako sa kanya, o na dahil kailanman
hindi niya rin ako iniwan sa mga problema ko... pero dahil sa totoo lang mahal ko siya,
kaibigan ko siya, at hindi ko kayang mawala siya.
It's also painful that I'm probably one of the reasons why his wife has had enough. Pero
nakuwento niya na naman noon pa na ayaw niya na raw sa kama.
Bago pa lang sila, halos umiiwas daw talaga siya. At sa nagdaang mga taon, lalo lang siyang
umiwas. His wife concluded that it's because there's a third party. He couldn't confess his
real reason, though.
Hindi nga masabi ni Nikolai sa asawa niya ang nangyari... ako pa kaya... sa asawa ko?
"Amber is too young to hear these things."
 Lumapit ako kay Dencio. He looked at me warily. Nagkatinginan kami.
"Do you trust me, Dencio?" marahan kong tanong.
Matagal bago siya nakasagot. Umiwas muna ng tingin, parang may inaalala bago ako
binalingan. "Yes."
I smiled a bit. "Nikolai is just a friend. And if Amber asks me about it, I will tell her.
Our relationship is anchored on that very question... before we got married.
Pareho naming alam na kapag nagbalik ang minamahal... o magmahal ng iba... mag-uusap
kami ng mabuti at palalayain ang isa't-isa ng mapayapa.
Kaya kung sinabi kong walang namamagitan sa amin ni Nikolai, iyon ang totoo.
He knows it. He knows that if I've found someone else, I won't be scared to tell him and end
it. Ganoon din ako sa kanya. Which is why I never ask his whereabouts... or if there are
rumors about him... I shrug it off and forget.
Alam ko na kung magmamahal siya ng iba, o gusto niya nang kumawala, sasabihin niya sa
akin. We won't wait for each other to get tired and end it. We will both handle it like
business, no nonsense and straight to the point. lguess it's just unfortunate. That even
when I was busy with other things... yes, still bitter and angry about what happened in the
past... but I was preoccupied and too busy to care about him, there's an invisible force that
will always pull me back somehow.
At first, it was just Snow. I successfully broke them up. Wala na akong pakialam. I am right
to break them up. Achilles' son is too weak.
But then years after... my daughter... my dear Amber... fell in love with Achilles' youngest
son. Para na akong mababaliw. To lose Snow to Achilles' eldest shook me so much. Now, for
my daughter to be also in love with his son, I'm enraged.
It turned my world upside down. I panicked for years. Sinabayan pa ng paghina ng mga
negosyo, at panloloko. We had no money to retain our past lifestyle, my daughter is
brokenhearted and pregnant, and Dencio is getting older and weaker.
Alam kong mali pero pinilit ko ang tingin kong tama sa mga sandaling iyon. With
Nikolai trying to hide his true identity from his sons who respected him as the patriarch,
and my daughter's dignity at stake. I did so many wrong things. Dencio disagreed but he
trusted Nikolai, too. Years ago, nalaman na rin ni Dencio ang tunay na pagkatao ni Nikolai.
Nikolai trusted Dencio so he allowed me to tell him.
Inakala ko na hindi na naman kami babalik. Mananatili na kami sa malayo, sa
States. All my lies and shameful strategies won't be figured out. They will forget about us as
we live a peaceful life away from them. At least that's what I thought.
""l always love you.." | sang shakily. "And make you happy..."
It's always when everything is so hopeless that I see a ray of light.
Jacques, my grandson is in my arms. I sneaked in Nikolai's condo. Nagpapahinga pa si
Amber, at hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang pakiharapan siya kaya hindi ako nagsasabi... na
bumibisita ako paminsan minsan.
"And nothing else.."| whispered on his ear as I swayed him slowly. "Could come between
us."
Pumikit ako ng mariin habang pumapatak ang mga luha. Sinusubukan kong kumalma dahil
umiiyak si Jacques tuwing nanginginig ako sa sakit at pagdurusa.
Dencio died. It wasn't a natural death. He killed himself. He thought it was easier that way
knowing that we didn't have the money anymore, my daughter will raise a son, and he's
sick.
Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Ang dami kong pinagsisisihan. lyon ang naghari sa isipan
ko sa nagdaang buwan. Hanggang ngayon.
In his final moments, Dencio sacrificed his life because he thinks he's a burden!
Hindi ako makapaniwala na ginawa niya (to sa akin... sa amin!
Buong buhay namin, siya ang dahilan kung bakit naging magaan ang lahat. Yes, I
IANC IAIrkinr hut it IanC anhahahhu ta ma Our IIVurio ic lifactula ic from hic
Buong buhay namin, siya ang dahilan kung bakit naging magaan ang lahat. Yes, I was
working but it was only a hobby to me. Our luXurious lifestyle is from his hardwork!
Pinasan niya iyon para sa amin ni Amber. At ngayong naghihirap na, at inisip kong panahon
na para ako naman ang magdesisyon para sa amin, bumitiw siya!
He didn't give me a chance to be responsible for our family! He didn't give me a chance to
take care of him the way he took care of us! He didn't give me a chance to love him, the way
he loved us! I can't believe him!
My tears fell more. I don't want to glorify his "selflessness" and "sacrifice" for us.
 He thinks he'll lessen the burden if he just ends it! No... we lost the man of our family. I lost
a husband. Amber lost her father. Jacques lost a wonderful and kind grandfather! We lost
the most important person in our family. The man who loved all of us unconditionally!
So... no, Dencio! You didn't lessen the burden!
You were cruel to leave us when it was my turn to decide! You were cruel to leave me,
breaking our promise to each other, that we will always be honest and truthful to each
other!
Minsan mo nang sinabi na masaya at kuntento ka sa buhay natin. That even when we
started out as two broken people who decided to marry each other, you were happy with
our choice because of the family we made!And I regret it... so much... that I never told you I
was happy, too, or that I was content! I'm so sorry. Im so sorry, Dencio...
Humikbi ako. Medyo napahigpit ang yakap ko kay Jacques.
I was happy and content with our little family. When Amber came, it inspired me to live.
You gave me Amber. We bought brought her into this world. I know you've seen it in my
eyes, how I loved our daughter, how happy I am with us, and how content I am since then!
I wish I wasn't distant, detached, or too cold to voice it out! I hope you know,
Dencio. I hope you know. I wish I told you. I wish I found the right words to tell you... that
like you... I was happy with our family, too!
Nagising ng kaunti si Jacques dahil hindi ko na napigilan ang panginginig at paghikbi ko.
His small arms wrapped my shoulders as he drifted to sleep again. I breathed slowly and
tried to calm myself down.
"But if you leave me to allow another," I continued singing in my most broken voice.
Kaya ngayon, bumisita ako kay Jacques. It is only when he's in my arms when all the heavy
burden of my guilt, pain, sorrow, and grief are temporarily gone. He feels so peaceful, and
warm.
"You'll have shattered all of my dreams.."

Kabanata 33

Forgive
"Ang konti, ha?" Nikolai giggled when he saw all the things I bought. "Kaya ba busangot pa
rin ang mukha?
I rolled my eyes at him and gently put the wine glass on my lips for a quick sip as
I watched the city busy at sunset. Lumapit si Nikolai at hinagod ang likod ko.
Nilingon ko siya ng kaonti bago uminom ulit.
"Saan ba ipapadala 'yong banga? If I have known that you will spend so much on that
exhibit, sana pala nagpaalam tayo kay Amber bago dumalo. The look on
Rosalia's face when she heard you were buying it."
I smiled a bit at Nikolai's story. Madami kasing mga kilala ang dumalo sa exhibit kaya hindi
ko na napigilan. I sighed.
"I really don't want them to think that we couldn't afford anymore. Lalo na kay
Amber," I said without thinking.
I feel like a failure. Paubos na naman talaga ang pera namin no'ng umalis kami sa
Pilipinas. Dapat ako ang gumawa ng paraan para hindi kami tuluyang maghirap nitong
nakaraang taon. However, all the tragedies paralyzed me, and maybe after all those years of
living a luxurious life, I didn't know... or I couldn't accept that I have to work for it now.
Kay Nikolai ko lang naaamin ang bagay na iyon. I honestly don't know what I'll do without
him. After all these years, he is still my confidante. All those problems I had, I'd probably
kept it all to myself if he wasn't beside me. At hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa akin
kung patuloy kong kikimkimin ang lahat ng iyon at walang mapagsabihan.
"Hmm. Because the baby-daddy is now richer than you?"
Iglared at him. Kailangan niya ba talagang banggitin na pareho na naman naming alam na
iyon ang dahilan? "Good thing she entered modeling. It pays
 good but it could pass as a hobby. Kaya hindi mukhang nangangailangan."
Nikolai laughed again. "l have no problem with you shopping, and I could fund it.. pero kung
lagi mong pinipilit na pera n'yo ang gamitin, baka kakapakita mong hindi nga kayo
naghihirap sa panlabas, sa panloob talagang tuluyan na kayong maghirap?"
I sighed and didn't speak. I know he's right.
All the spending I'm doing is just a band aid solution. I feel good whenever I shop.
I forget the feeling of failure whenever I do it. It's my escape nowadays, and it also fuels my
determination to look like l am still on top of things. Na may pera pa kami at hindi pa
naghihirap. This is why I don't see it ending anytime soon. It's an obsession, a defense
mechanism, and a facade all in one.
"TIl think about it some other time. For now, I think l'd like to wear my new
Boucheron on the next party." nagtaas ako ng kilay at ngumisi kay Nikolai.
He smirked. Nagtaas din siya ng kilay. "Hindi kaya... tumitriple ang gastos mo these past
few months... hence the antique jar... cuz you want to drain your daughter's money because
you dont want her to go back to the Philippines"
Umirap ako at binaba ang iniinom na wine. "Of course, Nikolai. I don't want her to go back
to the Philippines. But buying stuff for that is a stretch."
"Ha! Don't lie to me. I heard you telling Jacques that it's hard to go home because we don't
have the money to afford it. Talaga? Mayroon naman, e. Gusto mo lang utuin ang bata. Baka
isipin ng bata na kailangan niya pa m bilyonaryo bago makauwi?" g aging
Umiling ako.
"May dagdag ka na sa dahilan mo bakit nagwawaldas. One, it's addicting. Two, pampalubag
loob. Three, para 'di halata na wala ka nang pera. Four, para di kayo makauwi sa Pilipinas."
I groaned to stop Nikolai but he continued.
"Hindi mo ba nami-miss si Snow? You haven't met her son yet."
"She hates me. I call her sometimes and she's always cold," I said and picked my wine glass
for another sip.
The sun has set from the cityline. I watched the last ray of the sun disappear from the
skyscrapers. For a moment, it was dark but after a blink... more lights appeared from the
skyscrapers, and the large roads.
Lagi kong iniisip no'n na kapag gabi, talagang madilim. Pero dito, hindi. Kapag gabi, marami
pa ring ilaw. Ive lived in big cities back when I was younger and I never noticed that.
Ngayon lang. Siguro dahil may trabaho naman ako no'n at abala sa pag-iisip sa mga
ganoong bagay. Ngayon, wala na. My mind is just occupied by Amber's moves, Jacques
questions, which party is next, what to wear, and what to buy next.
"How about your father," Nikola's tone changed a bit. "He's getting older."
I looked at him and smiled. Kasi alam niya pa rin talaga na kahit ano man ang nangyari sa
nakaraan, nagalit at nagtampo ako sa mga magulang, pero simula nang nagkaanak ako,
binalewala ko ang lahat ng iyon dahil umaasa ako na kahit paano totoong mahal nila ako.
Dahil ako mismo, alam kong kahit ano man ang maging kasalanan ng anak ko, kahit ilang
bilyon man ang magiging pagkakamali, at magmukha man akong malupit, mahal na mahal
ko pa rin siya.
You taught me how to abandon inhibitions and take risks, Marem. Noon, takot talaga akong
sundin ang gusto ko pero dahil nakita kitang nilaban ang lahat..
Irolled my eyes at Nikolai and sipped on my wine. "Napag-usapan lang natin ang
Pilipinas, bigla kang nang uungkat"
"No, I'm just saying that... I know you want to meet your family. You're just
Scared. Ganyan din ako noon, gusto kong gawin pero takot ako. Nananalo lagi ang takot.
Kaya walang nangyayari. Then I looked at you and realize I should be a risk taker like you."
"Hindi ko na kailangang pag-isipan yan. Amber will really go home. I know she's serious.
Kahit anong paninira ko sa batang 'yon sa kanya, si Jacques pa rin ang masusunod. Gusto ng
apo kong makita ang ama niya, wala na akong magagawa kaya... oo, uuwi ako, Nikolai. Now
stop the drama and just scout me some exclusive pieces. Para naman matuwa ako."
"Wow! Okay." he said while nodding mockingly.
I sipped on my wine again.
"Edi magkikita kayo ni Achilles niyan?"
 Muntik ko nang maubo ang wine sa tanong niyang 'yon. I glared at Nikolai as he smirked.
Gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na manahimik na lang siya at huwag na naming pag-usapan si
Achilles. It's useless and unnecessary. Pero simula noong nagpagupit si Jacques, madalas
niya nang nababanggit. At tuwing sinasaway ko, pinaparatangan niya akong hindi pa
nakakalimot kaya... pwes... bahala siya sa sasabihin niya. Hindi na ako makikialam.
Nikolai poured a wine on his wine glass and watched the cityline with me.
"Alam mo... napag isip isip ko nitong nakaraan..."
I gritted my teeth. I can definitely listen to him with a pokerface.
"Lagi mong sinasabi na Sibal was weak and disappointing. Then you though
Jaxon was better. Kasi hindi marupok, pero sa huli... pareho rin pala sa Kuya.
Manang mana. Parehong mahihina. Na hindi naturuan ni Achilles ang dalawa ng mga
prinsipyo niya noon. Na kayang tumanggi kung alam niyang mali."
I groaned. My poker face is going sour. I tried hard not to give any expression but in the end
I thanked the darkness in that part of the living room, and continued o listen to Nikola's
musings.
"Baka 'yon ang sobra noon. Achilles is a man of honor. He didn't want to touch you because
you're his half sister. He didn't tell you his reasons, because he knew your life will get
destroyed, your family broken, and you'd kill yourself if he did. He married Alana because
you didn't stop when he pushed you away. And when you both knew truth, he pushed you
away because he respected your marriage and he didn't want you to become a cheater, to
break your vows. He sacrificed your love for your name, your safety, and your dignity."
"Saan ka ba patutungo nito? My God, Nikolai!" I rolled my eyes. "Ayaw ko nang pag-usapan
'to dahil irrelevant naman," hindi ko na napigilan.
"Naisip ko lang. Hindi natin mapag-usapan noon. Ngayon, parang you are more accepting
when I talk about it-"
"Well that's because l am tired of telling you to stop talking! Hindi ka naman tumitigil? If
this is my unit, l'd order you to pack your bags and leave. Palalayasin kita pero bahay mo to
kaya may magagawa ba ako?"
He chuckled. "Bold of you to assume that if this was your house, you can make me leaye?"
Nagkatinginan kami ni Nikolai. Hindi ako makapaniwalang hinahamon niya ako.
"l will be like a pest you can't shoo. A ringworm you can't cure. An infestation you can't get
rid of-"
"Shut up." umiling na lang ako. Humagalpak naman siya.
"As I was saying... naisip ko lang na talagang masyadong matigas..."
Iritado kong binalingan si Nikolai.
"Ang paninindigan ni Achilles kumpara sa mga anak niya. His sons were... diluted, kumbaga.
Mga marurupok na." He then chuckled. "Kaya si Amber, paniguradong mahuhulog din do'n
if he pursues-"
"Shut your mouth! You're talking about Amber, for Pete's sake!"
Nagulat si Nikolai sa biglaan kong nag putol kaya natutop niya ang labi pero gumuhit pa rin
ang ngisi.
"He's her ex boyfriend, that's all. They are in no way ending up together, that's for sure!"
Nagkatinginan ulit kami. Ngumisi si Nikolai.
"For sure? Don't make me laugh. You know there is a chance. If Jaxon Riego pursues
Amber."
"Amber has changed. Her priority is her son, not any man."
"While her son wants his father. And Amber is single. The baby-daddy, I heard is a big shot
now, and wants your daughter all... for him."
Umiling na lang ako at naisip na hindi naman siguro. Hindi ako papayag. Sa nagdaang taon,
nakita ko kung gaano nasaktan si Amber ng batang yon. He doesn't deserve her! She was
too young when they expected and she's been through a lot! My daughter is heartbroken
and I did all evil things just so it would appear she's not! I wanted to protect her dignity!
She can do well without a man.
I sighed and looked back. I am doing well without a man. The last time I was alone and
single was when Achilles broke up with me. I did well with my career and life. Then I
married Dencio. I was happy with our little family, then I lost him.
Now, I am still here, doing well without anyone.
 Nilingon ko si Nikolai at inirapan ko na lang ang sarili. Talaga ba? Lagi namang nakabuntot
ang baklang to sa akin... Does it count?
"Paano nga kung magkabalikan-"
"Hindi nga, Nikolai. Besides, if he's a big shot now, and he's... what? in his late twenties? I
don't think he's out there waiting for Amber to show up. Hindi niya naman alam na may
anak siya kay Amber. Ang mga lalaking ganyan, guwapo, mayaman, at madiskarte, hindi
naghihintay ng babae."
He pursed his lips and gave me a dirty look. "So you agree that Jaxon is a handsome boy?"
Muntik ko nang mamura si Nikolai dahil parang alam ko na naman saan patungo ang
usapan.
"Wala ka bang bilib sa anak mo? Ganyan ka baliw ang mga lalaki sa kanya kaya maghihintay
sila."
"And... don't forget all my fabricated lies about you and Amber. For sure he's moved on
thinking that Amber is with someone else."
"My gosh, Marem! Baka pa nagdarasal na yon ngayon na pirmahan na ng huling uod ang
death certificate ko para lang mapasakanya si Amber ulit! Tingin mo ba, kahit may anak na
si Amber, kung sakaling 'di niya iniisip na kanya, ayaw niya na rito?"
Magsasalita na sana ako pero dinugtungan niya pa.
"He probably knows by now that the marriage was fake. Walang kinasal at kasinungalingan
lang lahat. Kaya paano nga kung maging sila ulit? Paano kung panagutan niya si Amber?
Mahalin niya si Amber? At mahalin din siya ni Amber?"
I ran my fingers on my hair. I caught a whiff of my Jo Malone shampo0 and remembered to
buy them the next shopping day. I liked it better than the
Bvlgari.
"Hey!" Nikolai snapped his fingers in front of me when he noticed I spaced out.
"Ayaw kong isipin," tanging nasabi ko at nilapag ang inumin.
Umalis ako do'n at lumapit sa bintana para isarado ang blinds. Samantalang sumunod
naman si Nikolai sa akin.
"You have to consider that. Think about it now. Start thinking about it, right now.
Cuz if you won't... at mangyari nga tapos nagulat ka. That's when you usually suddenly just
decide without thinking. Padalos dalos ka lagi kapag nagkagulatan.
Kaya nga nagsinungaling ka noon dahil gulantang ka na nabuntis si Amber! So think about
it now. Consider it now."
Igroaned. "Amber is independent. May tiwala ako sa kanya."
"l get that. She's a different woman now. She's independent. But that doesn't mean she's
heartless. At ano'ng may tiwala? Kung sakaling maging sila ni Jaxon, ibig sabihin ba no'n
nawalan ka ng tiwala sa kanya? Hindi na siya independent kasi nagmahal siya? That she
failed you because she didn't reach your expectations?"
Nalaglag ang panga ko habang nakikinig. Nilingon ko si Nikolai. I took offense on what he
said but I can't miss his point.
"Im just saying that instead of putting your faith in something that you think is certain, mas
maganda rin siguro na isipin mo rin ang ibang puwedeng mangyari.
Like if she takes another man, or if she marries Jaxon, or if she... whatever. Just think about
it."
Tama naman si Nikolai sa sinabi niya.
When Amber was so young, l just wanted to protect her. Kung puwede lang ikulong ko siya
sa isang banga para hindi masaktan, hindi mapariwara, hindi magmahal... ginawa ko na. I
want her to love only his father, and of course, me. I want her to stay away from boys. And
if ever she will take a boyfriend, I'd rather her take the same path as I did. Marry the a kind
and rich man, whether you love him or not. Hindi na mahalaga. Ang mahalaga,
nagkakasundo kayo.
Iyon din siguro ang pumasok sa isipan ko nang pinagkanulo ko siya kay Nikolai. I didn't
think of their age gap but I was sure he's kind.. and would never hurt her.
Kailangan din ni Nikolai sa mga sandaling iyon. Apparently, there was a memoir from
Markus' ex girlfriend, stating that he broke up with her because of a man. A man. Who
could it be? For some reason, some were speculating the divorced heir of the dela Vega
industries.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nasali pa si Nikolai. Markus didn't marry at all, after all these
years. And Nikolai was questioned by his family. Kaya para pagtakpan siya, at lalo na dahil
may boyfriend siyang nasa ibang bansa, ginawa ko rin iyon.
I didn't think much about the whole picture. That Amber is marrying and old rich
 man. I thought it was okay. She's of age and Nikolai is a kind man. Walang problema. At
siguro rin, masyado nga akong nataranta. Nabulaga ako ng pagbubuntis ni Amber sa batang
edad kaya hindi ako nakapag isip ng maayos.
I said I wanted to protect her dignity and yet I didn't think about what will happen to it if
she marries an old rich man. I fully regret it pero wala na akong magagawa ngayon. The
damage has been done and I don't think I would organize a press conference to take it back.
That's just too controversial, for Amber and Nikolai.
"Pag-usapan muna kaya natin kung bakit parang malapit kayo ni Armando sa auction?"
Bumuntonghininga ako habang nilalapag ang wala nang lamang wine glass.
Titigil na sana ako sa pag-inom kaya lang nadadala na naman ako sa mga tanungan ni
Nikolai.
"He is newly widowed and." he paused.
Pareho kaming napabaling sa malayong pintuan at natanaw na kadarating lang ni Amber
kasama si Jacques.
"We both know how you are with men-"
"What do you mean by that?" iritado pero pabulong kong balik sa kanya dahil ayaw kong
marinig kami ni Amber.
Natawa si Nikolai. "You know. Parang mga cactus lang sila para salyo. You don't nurture
them or water them much. Sometimes you neglect them but surprisingly they thrive! That's
your talent-"
"What?" Iito kong tanong sa kanya.
"Kaya baka naman may hindi ka sinasabi sa akin tungkol kay Armando? Kapag pa naman
nagkaka boyfriend ka, hindi mo sinasabi sa akin-"
"Youve got to be kidding me, Nikolai-"
"Armando? Sinong Armando?" si Amber na nakalapit na pala.
"Lola!'"' sigaw ni Jacques at agad agad akong niyakap.
Niyakap ko siyang pabalik. Tumawa ako at hinayaan muna siyang magtagal sa yakap.
Napawi nga lang ang ngiti ko nang nakita ang itsura ni Amber habang nakatitig sa akin.
She looked angry again. It's like she's always ready to terrorize me or something.
"Ah, wala, Amber!" si Nikolai na ngayon lang tumahimik.
"And? Boyfriend?"
Namilog ang mga mata ko. Sinipat ko kaagad si Nikolai. Kasalanan niya to! He looked at me
tensely and laughed at Amber.
"Boyfriend ng kilala namin, Amber," he smiled fakely.
Amber gave me a dirty look. Inabala ko naman ang sarili ko kay Jacques. Kahit na hindi ako
guilty pero parang nailang akong tumingin sa anak kO ngayong mukhang nagdududa siya
sa akin.
"lacques, let's go. You need to take a shower and change first."
Niyakap ko si Jacques at binulungan. "Go to your momma, love."
Tumango si Jacques at tumakbo na papunta sa kuwarto nila. Pinagmasdan ko si
Amber na umalis at 'di na nang usisa bago ko binalingan si Nikolai sa matalim na mga mata.

"Ngayon, tumigil ka na sa mga sinasabi mo. Kanina ka pa!"

There was no stopping us coming home. Somehow, even when I didn't want to, at the back
of my mind, I was preparing for it. Amber chose the high road and accepts that her son will
want to meet his father. Hindi niya ito ipagkakait kay
Jacques. And despite my strong disagreement, I am actually proud of her for that.
Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko ba iyon... kung ako.
I sighed. "Fine."
"I'm sorry. But for sure I know you agree that we all want a grand party for Papa.
Alam kong ayaw mo sa mga imbitado pero... wala nang ibang puwedeng magplano ng
ganito ka engrandeng party sa ating pamilya."
"Titingnan ko ano'ng magagawa ko," simula nang tumawag ulit ako sa amin, iyon na ang
pabor na hiningi ni Kuya Remus sa akin.
I understand, though. Even if we hire the best events organizers in the country, iba pa rin
kapag may family member na magsusupervise on top of things. He knows that I'm good at
that. I am always almost present at prestigious parties after all. Ilang beses na akong
tumanggi pero sa huli.
"Para kay Papa," ani Kuya.
I felt a little distant about it but I knowI should agree and accept it. He's my father and he's
not getting any younger. He's... family.
 "Okay." I said quietly.
"By the way, napag isipan mo na ba ang offer ko sa'yo?"
"We're not staying in the Philippines, Kuya Remus. I said yes to supervising Papa's birthday
because it's an event. The responsibility is temporary. Hindi para sa hotel."
"It's also temporary, Marem. You know you can always leave when you want to.
For the mean time lang, bale."
"I don't want to," I said in all honestly.
"You can choose which of my hotels. Mahirap na kasi ngayon, alam mo naman
'yan. I'm buying a lot of properties and I need to check on them all the time. Snow young." is
busy and Sibal has his own company. Mon is travelling. Kael is too
"Snow was seventeen when she assumed the post," giit ko.
"lba 'yon. Now the whole hotel is operating, including the casino. And he's busy studying."
"Ayoko, Kuya. Please... just leave me out of the hotels."
Bumuntonghininga si Kuya Remus at sumuko... sa tawag na iyon. Dahil alam ko, uulitin niya
pa iyon sa susunod na tawag. At lalo na sa pagkikita namin kapag nakauwi na ako ng
Pilipinas.
I watched the tiny calm waves of the shores of Batangas Bay. Nasa properties kami nina
Athena, ang napangasawa ni Solomon. Kabababa ko lang sa cellphone ko dahil tumawag na
naman si Kuya para i-offer sa akin ang pagma-manage ng hotel.
"Don't you need it, the money?" he asked. I feel like it was his last card.
"You know I don't work for money."
"But you have to now, yes?"
At alam ko rin na hindi ko kailangang magtrabaho sa kanya para lang magkapera. Talagang
gusto niya lang subukan ako sa ganitong paraan.
I sighed. Napapagod na akong tumanggi kaya dinaan ko nalang sa buntonghininga.
"I heard about the antiques you bought. You shop spreed even when you're not earning
anything, anymore. You cant rely on your trust fund. It's not a bottomless pit with that kind
of lifestyle."
"The antiques are worth more than money. I buy them for pleasure, but you have to agree
that they are even better investments than putting your money on the bank. Please, Kuya. I
know you know these things."
"Oo. Pero paano mo ma-me-maintain ang lifestyle mo kung ang lahat ng pera mo, binili mo
ng ganyan?"
I groaned. "You sound like Amber. Give it up, Kuya. I said I'm not working."
Pagkatapos ng ilang sandali, muli kong napasuko si Kuya at tuluyan ko nang binaba ang
cellphone.
"Remus?"
Muntik na akong napatalon sa nagsalita sa likod ko.
Nilingon ko si Papa na nakaupo sa wheel chair niya. His hair is white and long, in a low
pony tail. Even when I know he could hardly stand up, on his right hand he's holding his
vintage cane, with a gold cap where our family's coat of arms is carved.
"Oo, si Remus," sagot ko dahil tinanong niya kung sino ang katawagan ko.
Napasulyap ako sa looban ng bahay. Athena is watching us as she helped their househelps
keep our breakfast utensils. Ngumiti ako sa kanya at tumango naman siya at pinagmasdan
si Papa sa harap ko.
Sa likod ko, naririnig ko si Jacques na sinisigaw ang pangalan ni Amber. They are both
enjoying the beach. It is something we don't usually do back in New York so
Jacques was very thrilled and happy.
"Ano'ng sinabi niya?"
Ngumiti si Papa. His white-haired brows relaxed and the sides of his eyes crinkled.
"It's just about the party," Ilied.
Tumango si Papa. "Are you having a hard time?"
Umiling ako. "Hindi naman, Papa. I canstill remember how to properly host a party so.." I
trailed off.
He nodded and watched me until his eyes crinkled again for a small smile.
"Im glad you've moved on..."
Nanatili akong estatwa sa harap ni Papa pagkatapos niyang sabihin yon. His lips
 pursed..
"It's been years back then but I had a feeling that you carried it in your heart So deeply."
My thoughts were blank as | listened to him.
"Dapat lang. Ilang taon na rin ang lumipas," he laughed heartily like Santa Claus on
Christmas.
Hindi nga lang ako tumawa o sumabay sa ngiti niya. Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kanya nang
walang iniisip.
"Are you ready to meet... Domitilla, then?"
"Yes," agad kong sagot.
Tumango si Papa at ngumiti ulit. "That's good."
Nagkatinginan kami.
"lang taon din akong na galit dati kay Domitilla, para sa lahat ng nangyari, Maria
Emilia. And after what happened to us, I got mad at her again. But... life is short.
No matter how hard I try to keep my grudges, I know our lives are intertwined, one way or
another."
Tumango ako at wala pa ring sinabi.
Sumuko na kasi ako sa pagbibilang ng araw at pangangapa sa sarili.. kung galit pa ba ako,
kung nakalimot na ba, o natanggap na ba ang lahat. Suko na ako.
Kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko, ayaw ko nang isipin pa ng mabuti. I just know that I
have to follow whatever l'm feeling. It's easier that way. Overthinking will only unleash
complicated things I'm trying to simplify.
"She's the reason why Leona didn't make it. Hindi ako nasipot nang magtatanan sana
kaming dalawa. I held on to that grudge ever since until I had our family."
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at bumaling ulit sa dagat kung nasaan si Jacques at Amber na
naglalaro.
"One day, nakita ko kayong tatlo, sa harap ko... inosenteng mga bata... mga anak ko. I
thought holding grudges is ridiculous. We can't turn back the time anymore.
Kahit magalit ako kay Domitilla, at kahit ilang beses na siyang humingi ng tawad noon,
walang nawala sa kanya, pero sa akin, mayroon. Ang mga gabing paulit ulit kong inisip at
binalikan ang lahat. The one who asked for forgiveness, is at peace.
The one who couldn't forgive, will always be tormented. So I had to let go. And move on."
May naisip ako pero hindi ko na sinabi. It's too obvious at this point. Tama nga ako dahil
iyon ang sunod niyang sinabi.
"And yes, I forgave Domitilla for that. Pero hindi ibig sabihin na... kakalimutan ko na rin si
Leona. I cared for her for years but she never even tried to talk to me.
Hindi ko na rin pinilit pa dahil may pamilya na ako pero... naungkat lang muli dahil sa lahat
ng nangyari."
Yumuko ako.
"To be very honest, I got mad at Domitilla once again. For lying to Achilles and to
Alondra about what happened. But now... we can't turn back the time anymore.
That's why I'm so glad you chose the high road and forget."
Nagtiim bagang ako.
Hindi ko na mapigilan. Kanina ko pa ayaw isipin pero inakala yata ni Papa na wala na 'yon
sa akin dahil lang pumayag ako na planuhin ang party kung saan imbitado ang mga
Mercadejas.
"You should talk to her and settle it once and for all, Marem. Kahit pa kinalimutan mo na
'yon, mas gagaan ang loob mo kapag totoong napag usapan n'yo na."
""'m sorry. Excuse me. Papa," si Athena na may kasamang mga nurse sa likod niya. "It's
time for your therapy."
Tumango si Papa at bumaling muna sa akin bago tuluyang umalis kasama ang mga nurses.
"Are you okay?" isang tanong ang narinig ko sa gilid habang pinanonood kong umaalis si
Papa at nakalayo na.
Nilingon ko si Solomon. Athena is still busy on their nook but she's watching us.
Mon, then went to the nook. Athena puts a glass in front of him. Mon took it and smells his
coffee. Nagkatinginan ang dalawa at bahagya akong... nakaramdam ng tahimik at banayad
na pagkakasundo sa mga mata nila.
Kuya Remus's wife left him because she didn't love him. I married Dencio for convenience
and Ioved him as my partner. But this one that... Mon.. and Athena has is something that
both Kuya and I never had.
Yumuko ako at napangiti.
"You already had your coffee awhile ago. Do you want juice or some tea, Ate?"
 "You already had your coffee awhile ago. Do you want juice or some tea, Ate?" malambing
at marahang tanong ni Athena.
Ngumiti ako. "Wine, please."
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Kabanata 34
154
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Kabanata 34
Passion
"| would also like to take this opportunity t-to..." my voice shook a little. "Say my apologies
to all the lies I purposely spread out. I never claimed to be a perfect mother but somehow,
under those circumstances, I feel like all of what I've done was the perfect decisions to
make. Hindi ko na siguro kailangang isa-isahin ang nagawa ko dahil sa ngayon, alam na
ninyo kung anu-ano ang mga iyon. I'm glad that despite what I did, your love endured,
Amber, Jaxon. Now the only thing | can do is to support you in everything. It will be my
pleasure."
Amber is getting married to Jaxon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi na ako gano'n ka nagulat.
Hindi ko naman 'yon tanggap bago pa lang kami umuwi. Kahit pa pinagdiinan ni Nikolai na
kailangan ko nang tanggapin na maaaring mangyari iyon.
Maybe, even though I strongly disagree to it, at the back of my mind, I somehow knew it
would happen along the way. Kaya nang ipinakilala ni Amber si Jacques kay Jaxon, alam ko
na agad saan patungo ito. It was hard for me but I gave up controlling Amber's choices
years ago... when I realized that what I'm doing was the opposite of what I want to be like
as a mother.
"l accept you, Jaxon Riego, as my son in law. Please take care of my daughter and my
beloved grandson. As I say, I'm not the perfect mother, but you can always count on me if
you have problems. Ill try my best to advise you better."
"Thank you, po. I will definitely take care of my family and l'dlike to think you are part of
it."
I smiled a little and looked away. Minaliit ko ang mga batang ito dati. Si Jaxon at
Sibal. Anak ni Achilles at Alana. I said they're weak and made everything hell for them just
because they love my niece and my daughter.
Noon, naisip ko, hinding hindi ko sila matatanggap para kay Snow at Amber.
Maybe, I deliberately painted them as the wrong people for my Snow and my
Amber. But are they still wrong people if they genuinely love and respect Snow and Amber?
When do I stop stopping them from being happy together?
Tumayo ako. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko at hindi na kayang patagalin pa ang oresensiya ko sa
hapag.
Nagpunta ako rito dahil gustong pormal mamanhikan ni Jaxon. Hindi na naman kailangan. I
can easily tell them to just get married and skip the formalities but a part of me appreciated
that he respected a conservative tradition. Kaya pinaunlakan ko na. Hindi baleng... magkita
ulit kami ni... Achilles.
"I came here to spend time with you, say my apologies, and to let you know that I am happy
for my daughter," I said with finality because the way they stood, I feel like they are all
stopping me from leaving.
Tapos na ang gagawin ko rito. Pinaunlakan ko sila at pakiramdam ko kung magtagal pa ako,
hindi ko kakayanin pang maging pormal at maging civil. The last thing I want now is to ruin
any meaningful and important event on Jaxon,
Amber, and Jacques' lives.
Lumuhod ako ng kaonti para daluhan ang mga apo ko, si Archer, na anak ni
Snow, at si Jacques. Niyakap at hinalikan ko silang pareho pagkatapos kong sabihin na
magkikita pa kami ulit.
They both helped me heal and change. To see them grow with no hatred and only love for
the person who almost destroyed the relationship of their parents meant they were raised
right. Archer, by Snow and definitely his father Sibal. And
Jacques, by my daughter, who knew about all of my mistakes, and Jaxon... who respects me
despite whatever I did in the past.
I take back whatever judgement I threw for Jaxon and Sibal. At labag man sa kalooban ko..
pati na rin kay Achilles.
He could easily poison his sons mind to hate me or hate us, but he didn't. He is.. a good
father. I admit that bitterly.
Bitterly, yes. In the past years, I nurtured and watered the flower of anger and hatred I
planted for him. Para hindi ko makalimutan ang ginawa niya at hindi ako
 magkamaling purihin siya sa lahat ng naging desisyon niya para sa amin noon.
But after tonight, I realized that despite my blatant hatred for him, he raised his sons well.
Alone. For the past years. And with all the impairment I gave him, from taking him out of
the navy and banning him from all the companies near Costa
Leona and the rest of the other provinces.
"Enjoy the rest of the evening."
What did I get from his parenting? He gave me peace of mind. For Snow, and
Amber. I know that they will both live good lives. They will both be loved and cared for by
the men they loved and cared for.
It took me a long time to realize that that's what's more important. More than stability and
consistency, reciprocated passion and love is important. You live a good life with stability
and consistency alone. But with passion, you have inspiration... you have a drive be a better
person... to live meaningfully... you refuse to be stagnant. With passion, you have a purpose.
The reason why I thought working will give me purpose. Habang pinaplano ko noon ang
birthday party ni Papa, tinanggap ko ang kahit anong pagkakaabalahan. Lalo na nang
nagdesisyon si Nikolai na bumisita muna sa boyfriend niyang nasa Germany.
"You look so regal. Walang pinagkatandaan at.. classy talaga tignan pag ikaw ang nagsuot,"
sabi ni Amelia habang pinindot ang next sa sunod sunod na pictures ko
Because l am putting together a grand party, and meeting up with the country's best
brands, organizers, and associates, I am suddenly so talked about. I took that as an
opportunity to find what will interest me now that we're back. Bukod sa parties na
dinadaluhan, pumayag ako sa ilang appearances sa philantrophic activities, and features for
brands like these.
I didn't mind the attention. In fact, I am enjoying it. Minsan, naiisip ko walang pinagbago. I
aged but the adrenaline of media attention and all that still excites me.
"Grabe! If l have known, I invited you na sana for my lingerie line."
Natawa ako. "Amelia, leave that to the young ones!"
I allowed her to put together a team for me for a photoshoot. Para raw iyon sa portfolio ng
anak niyang aspiring photographer at estudyante ni Markus. Amelia is into designing
lingerie and swimwear after she put up a perfume company. At bukod sa dati ko siyang
kaibigan at mahirap tanggihan, Markus surprisingly called me to accommodate his student.
Kaya nandito kami ngayon sa final leg ng three-day shoot na flexible ang schedule ayon pa
sa free time ko.
"Your son has talent," tumawa ako. "Don't give me all the credit.
Napatingin ako sa anak niyang nakatitig sa akin at ngumiti na rin. I smiled at him.
Ionly tore my eyes at him when my phone rang. Tiningnan ko yon at nakita na si
Nikolai ang tumatawag.
I sighed and tied my robe properly before I excused myself from the team.
Lumapit ako sa upuang para sa akin, kaharap ang malaking salamin, at may mga make up
artist na abala sa pag-aayos ng mga gamit.
"Hello," sagot ko sa cellphone.
I smiled at the assistant who gave me coffee and some flowers. Kumunot ang noo ko at
tiningnan muna ang mga bulaklak bago inamoy. Binasa ko rin ang nakasulat. The assistant
put on some gifts in front of me and a new note on top of it. Hindi ko pa tapos basahin ang
note ng bulaklak kaya hindi ko muna inungkat ang mga ivon.
"Any updates?"
I can't wait to see you,
-A
I looked at the signature for a while. Something crossed my mind that I immediately put the
flowers down.
"Nothing" sagot ko kay Nikolai.
Humalakhak siya. "Well, as for me, I found you new season things. Want to see them?"
"Sure," sabi ko habang tinitingnan ang mga regalo sa harap.
He then sighed. "You seem very down. Galit pa rin ba si Snow sal'yo?"
Natigilan ako at naalala ang huling nangyari bago umalis si Nikolai. Bumisita kami kina
Jaxon at Amber.
Bago sila tuluyang nagdesisyon na magpakasal, ganoon ko nakita silang lahat. Sa penthouse
ni Jaxon. Kasama ko si Nikolai. Agad akong inatake ng mga tanong at
 paninisi at alam kong wala akong karapatang magalit o husgahan sila sa mga iniisip nila sa
akin.
Bumuntonghininga ako.
"Hindi, Nikolai. I'm busy reading notes. It's not about it."
"You just really allow them to misunderstand you like that?"
Natawa ako ng kaonti. "Misunderstand me? They're right and I don't deny it. I did awful
things in the past."
"But you had your reasons."
"But was it enough to lie and make them believe that Amber is with someone else. At na
may anak siya sa ibang lalaki? It's okay, Nikolai. We both know the reasons but I'm not
going to try and change their minds because I also know what I did was wrong." lyon ang
laging itinatanong niya sa akin mula nang umalis siya. Hindi niya siguro mapigilang maisip
ang nangyari kaya lagi akong kinukumusta.
"Paano nangyari ito, Tita Marem? Wala akong narinig sa'yo, noong wala kayo, kundi ang
kuwento mo tungkol sa masayang pamumuhay ni Amber kasama ang lalaking iyan!" mariin
ang titig ni Snow kay Nikolai sa matinding galit nang sa wakas nalaman nila na si Jacques ay
anak ni Amber at Jaxon. At na... hindi naman talaga nag-asawa si Amber kay Nikolai.
Of course they are all angry at me. And also disgusted with Nikolai. For years they thought
Nikolai is a dirty old man wanting younger woman to be his wife.
Hindi pa kasali diyan ang mga usap usapang hindi namin parehong mapabulaanan noon, na
kabit ko siya.
"Ah. I know. I was already sorry, you see, Snow. Amber already forgave me for it."
"Amber, I already heard what really happened on that day on Costa Leona from
Jax's explanation over the phone but I want to hear it from you. Totoo ba ang lahat ng
iyon?"
My eyes darkened as I watched Achilles' furious eyes as he looked at Amber.
The years were unforgiving for me and my past experiences. Kahit anong gawin kong pag-
iwas sa pamilya niya, para akong pinaglalaruan ng tadhana. Kung sino pa ang ayaw ko nang
makaharap siya pa ngayon ang kailangan kong pakisamahan.
I still cant believe it but I know I have to accept it. That Snow is married to
Percival Riego, Achilles' eldest. And now... Amber, to Jaxon Riego, Achilles' youngest son.
Funny how life has its own way to mock you.
Inisip ko minsan, parusa kaya 'to? Ano bang nagawa ko bago to? Sinikap ko namang
magkaroon ng maayos na pamilya at tahimik na buhay. Yes, I may be ruthless before Amber
but when she was born, I tried my best to be calm and content with everything.
Dahil ba naging malupit ako sa ibang tao? Lalo na sa mga anak niya? Kaya ngayon.. ganito?
I suddenly feel guilty and ashamed for thinking that this is a punishment. Maria
Emilia, it's been years and yet you're still so selfish. You label this as a punishment when
your niece is happy where she is, and your daughter finally at peace?
"What happened? Totoo bang nakunan, Jax? O gawa-gawa lang ni Tita?
Natawa ako. If this can't be called a punishment, then what is it? I wonder.
"Nakunan ako. Hindi namin alam, maging ng doktor, na twins ang meron ako.
Jacques' twin was gone but he remained. Sa Manila ko na nalaman na ganoon nga at
palabas na kami ng bansa. I then purposely didn't tell anyone."
"All this time, I thought you got married and had a son privately! Then later I realized that
Tita here wrote the scheme to let everyone know lies!" si Snow.
"Pero hindi ko kailanman naisip na si Jacques ay anak ni Jax! God, I didn't even know his
name because Tita Marem refused to say so! I heard rumors but you lied to me and denied
it!"
Natawa ako dahil inaamin ko ang lahat ng pagkakamali ko noon. Will l do it again? Yes.
Bakit? Ano ba ang dapat kong ginawa noon? Ang hayaan si Amber sa mga kamay ni Jaxon,
na halatang immature pa at wala namang ibubuga noon?
Amber was still a teenager. Bukod sa malaking balita iyon dahil anak ko siya, hindi ko
kayang isipin kung ano ang maidudulot sa kanya ng ganoong klaseng buhay.
If it was wrong, then it is wrong. But for me, it was the best that l could do.
"Rant all you want Snow but I'm just protecting my daughter. Who would have
 thought that Jaxon will immediately accept Jacques as his son"
"Jacques is a spitting image of me and my son, only a fool won't believe it!" galit na galit na
sigaw ni Achilles.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at nilapag ang table napkin sa lamesa. Tiningnan ko si
Jaxon at si Amber na tahimik at kalmadong pinagmamasdan ako.
"Well, then... Im sorry again, Jaxon, Amber, hija, Snow... Achilles. Apparently my good
intentions that time weren't good enough for your better judgement.
Huwag nang isali si Nikolai rito dahil ako naman talaga ang puno't dulo."
"May kasalanan din ako," si Amber na halatang gusto akong salbahin.
"Save your explanations, Amber. We all know I did most of it all so I'm sorry again.
"You robbed my son years with his child and all you do is spit your half-hearted sorrys,
Maria Emilia?!" Achilles' voice thundered.
"Papa..." si Jaxon na pinipigilan si Achilles.
I think it was the longest eye contact we had for years. I can almost feel his fury towards
me. At hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit bahagya akong nayanig sa nakita kong matinding
galit.
There were mixed feelings that I didn't want to acknowledge. Umuwi na lang yata ako sa
gabing 'yon, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan kung bakit ganoon.
Pinilig ko ang ulo ko para maibalik sa usapan namin ni Nikolai ngayon sa cellphone.
"I know you hate explaining yourself but sometimes, I hope you do."
I smiled and didnt say a word.
"By the way, what's your schedule for today? Tapos na ba ang shoot?"
Bumuntonghininga ako at nagdesisyon na sabihin ang totoo kay Nikolai. "IIl be meeting
Armando later."
What?"
Alam kong magugulat siya dahil hindi ko naman din na kuwento sa kanya bago siya umalis
papuntang Germany.
"He offered me a business proposal back in New York."
"Oh? Akala ko ba ayaw mong magtrabaho? Ayaw mo ba talagang magtrabaho o ayaw mo
lang sa Costa Leona?"
"Oh please, Nikolai. Huwag mong lagyan ng meaning ang mga bagay bagay. I'm not saying
that I'm working. Im saying that Ill meet Armando to check out whatever he has to offer me.
Hindi ko pa sinabing papayag ako sa ano mang business na iyon."
"Sigurado ka bang business ang offer niya? Bakit sa titig niya noong sa New York, iba ang
nakikita ko?"
"Do you want me to assume that it may business nga?" e business instead? Paano kung
"Paano kung hindi"
"Nikolai, you know lI'm so bored here. If lI return to New York, Ill die of boredom.
The party's preparation is over and once it's done, wala na akong gagawin. Jaxon and
Amber's wedding will end fast, too, so what will l do-"
"Manage the Coast-" putol niya sa akin na pinutol o rin agad.
"Not even option to me! So I'm meeting Armando, whatever you say."
Mamaya pa naman talaga kami magkikita ni Armando. Pero dahil nasa malapit na ako,
minabuti kong mauna na roon.
I read the Manile Peninsula's menu. llang beses na akong bumalik dito noon para sa
business meetings at iba pang bagay kaya ang pag upo rito sa restaurant nila ngayon ay
natural na natural lang sa akin. Hanggang sa nalaman ko ang totoo.
"Im sorry, Ma'am. The machine won't take this card, as well," sabi ng manager pagkatapos
kong ibigay sa kanya ang pang anim kong card.
Napakurap kurap ako. "What? Is your machine offline or broken"
Ngumiti ang nahihiyang manager. "Uh... N-No, Ma'am. It's perfectily working."
"Perfectly working?! Then why are my cards not accepted by the machine? Try them
again!" giit ko kahit na unti-unti na akong nanlamig.
Napatingin ako sa paligid at naramdaman ko ang pagtataka at pang uusisa ng mga taong
nandoon. May ilan pang pamilyar sa akin. Uminit ang pisngi ko sa kahihiyan pero pinilit
kong magmukhang mapagmataas.
Don't tell me..
Don't tell me Amber finally did it?!
 Alam kong madalas kaming mag-away ni Amber dahil sa pera! She's earning, alright, while
I'm not! I spend a lot for pleasure but I also make sure I invest! AlI the things I buy from the
auctions are investment! Kahit iyong painting na kabibili ko lang galing sa isang sikat na
painter! It's a twin painting of the one Dencio bought some years ago and in time, it will be
worth more than how much I bought it because of it's rarity and value!
Kinalma ko ang sarili ko. Medyo bumibilis na kasi ang paghinga ko habang unti- unti kong
naiisip na kaya walang tinatanggap sa cards ko dahil tinotoo na sa wakas ni Amber!
Hindi niya magagavwa sa akin to, sigurado ako! She's all warning but of course, she'd never
let me shame myself like this!
"Ma'am, card denied pa rin po," balik ng manager sa akin.
Napatingin ulit ako sa paligid at mas lalong nahiya dahil talagang lahat sila nakatingin sa
akin! I'm not even imagining it! Everyone seems very interested!
Nakita ko pang may dalawang nagtawanan. Hindi ko nga lang makita kung sino ang mga
iyon dahil mas abala ako sa pagpapanic dahil hindi ko mabayaran ang ininom ko at ang mga
kakainin ko sana.
"-It's impossible," I laughed a bit, trying to make sense of what's happening and refusing to
really believe that Amber cut me off. "C-Could you try again, please?
"Uh, Ma'am. M-Maybe your bank has a problem. In the mean time, it's on me," kitang kita ko
ang hiya sa mukha ng lalaking manager.
Wala namang problema sa akin ang sinabi niya. That makes sense. May sira siguro ang mga
bangko. Mga bangko dahil iba ibang bangko ang cards ko. Mas lalo tuloy imposible na may
sira ang lahat dahil hindi naman magsasabay sabay ang maintenance ng mga iyon!
Slightly insulted that the manager is paying for me, I tried again.
"No! Don't do that, please. I know my cards are working. Try it again!" I demanded.
Kahit alam kong mas lalong nakakahiya kung bumalik siya rito na wala pa ring nangyayari,
sumugal ako. Dahil hinding hindi ako naniniwala na talagang pinutulan ako ni Amber!
Nagdalawang isip pa saglit ang manager pero kalaunan umalis siya para gawin ulit.
"Im sorry, Ma'am. But don't worry-"
"H-How about this one?" sabay turo ko sa pinakamalakas na card ko.
Imposible talaga!
"Did you try this one?" I said with a hint of hope.
"We tried them alI, Ma'am. But don't worry, it's on me-"
"No!" putol ko sa kanya dahil naiinsulto ako.
I feel like he's pitying me. Kaonti lang naman ang bill ko pero hindi ako makakapayag na
ang manager ng pinagkainan ko ang magbabayad para do'n.
"There m-must be a mistake! I-l call my bank!" giit ko kahit na unti-unti ko nang
tinatanggap na baka nga kagagawan ng anak ko iyon.
My anger suddenly rose when I realize she didn't even tell me she'll cut it off!
Hindi niya ba naisip na araw-araw akong may lakad at baka mangyari 'to?!
Nakakahiya!
"l got it," may narinig akong nagsabi sa likod ko pagkatapos kong ilagay ang cellphone sa
tainga para sana tawagan ang bangko.
Naibaba ko ang cellphone ko nang nakita ko kung sino iyon. My mouth dropped open and
my heart jumped, blood boiled, mistaking him for someone else. Saglit nga lang 'yon.
Natapos ang kaba ko ng isang buntonghininga nang agad na rumihestro sa akin ang
pagkakaiba nila.
Magpoprotesta na sana ako pero naubos na ang pasensiya ko. Hindi ko na kayang panoorin
ng mga narito na nakikipagtalo pa sa kung sino, pagkatapos malaman ng halos lahat na
hindi ko mabayaran ang kakarampot na in-order dahil rejected lahat ng cards ko.
"Where are you going?
Perseus looked like Achilles. At one glance, you'd think they're the same person.
Lalo na para sa akin dahil ilang taon na rin naman kaming hindi na nagkita ni
Achilles at sa nakaraang nagkita kami, saglit lang 'yon.
Pero nakuha ko kaagad ang kaibahan ng dalawa kanina. Even with a cleaner hair cut, same
height and body, he had friendly eyes. May kung ano sa mga mata niya na iisipin mong
parati siyang nakangiti. O siguro, dahil mas mahalubilo siya, kumpara kay Achilles.
 "Tll pay you back," I said slightly surprised that he intervened.
Hindi ko alam kung naalala niya pa ba ako. I've seen him again after our first meetings but
we didn't have any close encounters. Ngayon lang. Pero siguro naman hindi niya ako
tutulungan kanina kung hindi niya ako nakilala.
Nakakagulat lang na kilala niya pa ako paglipas ng maraming taon.
"You can pay me back through a date now?"
I snapped and looked at him. Ang mga mata niya ay nakangiti. Hindi ako sigurado kung
nagbibiro ba siya o nakikipagkaibigan. Umiling nga lang agad ako at nag-iwas ng tingin.
Hindi ako makatagal ng tingin sa kanya.
"No. Ill pay you in cash. Or give me your account number," mataman kong sinabi.
Nasa likod na ng isipan ko na hindi ako puwedeng magtagal dito ngayon dahil
nagngingitngit pa ako sa galit sa ginawa ni Amber sa mga cards ko!
Oo at magkikita pa dapat kami ni Armando. Pero mamaya pa naman 'yon at may panahon
pa akong sugurin si Amber at bawiin ang cards ko. Mamaya pati sa pagkikita namin ni
Armando, wala akong maibayad sa pagkain ko!
"No, it's okay-"
"No, Ill pay you," sabi ko at hindi na kayang magtagal pa doon.
Kinuha ko ang notes sa hapag at mabilis na nag scribble ng numero ko at lahat ng contact
details kung saan puwede niya akong singilin.
"Here. This is my contact. Just call and send me your account. I can't stay for long,
I need to talk to someone."
Ibinigay ko kay Perseus ang note. Tinanggap niya naman 'yon. Kinuha ko ang bag ko at
naisip na magbigay ng tseke kahit gaano pa kamura ang order kaso... kung tatalbog naman
dahil sa accounts ko, walang kuwenta rin.
"Or "ll find a way to give the money back. Thank you," sabi ko sa kanya bago saglit na
ngumiti at nagmadali nang umalis.
Mabibigat ang bawat hakbang ko habang naiisip ang kahihiyan. Inaagaw pa ng pag-iisip na
talagang naabutan pa ako ni Perseus na ganoon! At dagdagan pa ng kagagawan ni Amber
ang lahat ng nangyari sa akin kanina!
Inever thought that this moment would lead to something that I didn't really like.
"I told you l'll pay for that painting eventually. So stop the freezing and be sensical, Amber!"

"How, Mommy? I told you to just manage The Coast. Help out Tito Remus and
Snow. You have that talent for management so why don't you put that to good use?"
Hindi naman talaga kami nag-usap ng masinsinan ni Amber tungkol sa nangyari noon.
Bukod sa naninindigan ako na hindi naman 'yon mahalaga, wala na sa akin yon, ayaw ko na
ring isa-isang balikan ang bawat detalye ng lahat. l am happy with our lives. This is not a
perfect life right now but lI think I lived my life to the fullest, with her. With a family.
So what was the point of recalling the details of the past to her like that?
"Ayokong bumalik sa Costa Leona-"
"Why?! You don't have a reason to not go back, we both know that! We both know why you
don't wanna go back to Costa Leona pero wala na siya roon, clearly, kaya ano pang dahilan
mo, Mommy? Unless gusto mo rito dahil alam mong nandito siya?"
Namilog ang mga mata ko at madiin siyang tiningnan. Alam kong alam niya naman ang
tungkol doon at hindi ko siya masisisi kung madali niyang nababanggit iyon dahil hindi
niya naman alam ang buong nangyari pero hindi ko kayang akusahan ako na parang
sobrang apektado ko pa rin! Na iyon ang dahilan kung bakit may mga bagay na hindi ko
kayang gawin!
At sinabi niya pa 'yon, sa harap ng mga anak ni Achilles, at posibleng si Achilles din
nakikinig! Ayaw ko nang malaman pa at inisip ko na lang na narinig niya nga yon!
Para akong hinila pababa. Galit lang ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya pero para
ipahiwatig na naduduwag akong umuwi ng Costa Leona dahil sa galit na yon ay lubusang
nakakainsulto para sa akin!
It was as if the anger and loathing that I have for him controlled a part of me.
Maybe it did! Maybe... it really did?!
Hindi ba kaya ka naman tutol kay Snow at Sibal noon dahil anak ni Achilles si
Sibal? You used Sibal's weaknesses and mistakes to find a reason to hate him more... and
convince Snow to hate him more!
Hindi ba iyon din ang rason kung bakit kahit tutol ka rin kay Jaxon at Amber?
"Palilipasin ko lang ang party bukas. Don't worry, hija, I will pay for the painting
and I will definitely put my talents to use," | said meaningfuly because lI wanted to laugh
hysterically from my anger and some of my realizations.
A sudden flash of my major life decisions from years and years ago hit me like a bullet train.

Hindi ba.. umalis ako ng bansa dahil nagpakasal siya? Hindi ba... bumalik ako dahil akala ko
puwede na kami? Hindi ba... no'ng nalaman ko na hindi kami puwede... nagpakasal ako sa
iba? Hindi ba... noong nalaman ko na hindi totoo ang pinaniwalaan namin... bumalik ulit ako
sa kanya? At hindi ba...no'ng inulit niya sa akin na hindi niya ako tatanggapin... ibinigay ko
ang sarili ko sa iba?!
Timmediately crushed all those thoughts to oblivion. The deep anger and resentment for
myself and for everything filled my chest. Hindi ko matanggap at hindi ko tatanggapin 'yon.
It happened in the past. The next years, I'm a different person. But for Amber to suddenly
slap me with her deduction of my decisions, it pulled me back to all of my decisions those
years!
Naglakad ako palapit kay Amber at hinalikan siya ng marahan.
"Kumain ka muna, Mommy. Ipapatawag ko si lacques. Nasa family room with
Philie."
"I'Il meet someone in Manila Pen later. Kailangan ko nang bumalik. Babalik na lang ako next
time at mukhang busy kayo," sabi ko at kaswal na sinulyapan ang paligid.
Nandoon nga si Achilles.
Iminuwestra ko kay Jaxon ang pag-alis. Pero hindi ko kayang balingan si Achilles para
gawin ang pareho. Lumakad ako at pilit na inisip na lang ang puwedeng gawin para sa
pagkain namin ni Armando mamaya sa Manila Pen kahit wala akong card.
A firm hand suddenly pulled me and stopped me on my tracks. Ngayon, tuluyan ko nang
binalingan si Achilles sa malamig na titig. Binawi niya ang kamay niya at binitiwan ako pero
natigil na ako sa paglalakad.
"Magkano ang kailangan mo"
Hindi ko na inisip na nakikinig si Amber at Jaxon sa amin. Ayaw kong magkaroon ng
eskandalo kaya kahit na unti-unti na naman akong nagagalit, pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
He asked me that question.It was as if a slap for me. In the past years, I belittled his sons
and his family for being poor. I know I did those things to them but stillI used it to my
advantage. Now... for him to ask me how much I need is a hard slap for me!
"Not sure but a one way ticket to Germany is fine," bawi ko dahil alam kong iyon ang hindi
kayang bilhin ng pera niya.
Alam ko... na kahit bilyon bilyon na ang pera ni Achilles ngayon, hinding hindi niya mabibili
ang hinihingi ko.
A small cool and evil smile crept on my lips when I saw the fury on Achilles' eyes.
"Susundan mo pa talaga..."
"If you can't afford to give me what I want, don't ask me again," I said before I went out of
Jaxon's penthouse.
Recalling how I felt about Amber's words made me realize something..
Pinagmasdan ko ang pagkikita ni Papa at ni Senyora Domitilla Mercadejas sa engrandeng
birthday party para kay Papa.
I supervised the organization of the party and it was very publicized. It was the party of the
year. Though select media covered the glamorous party, it still retained it's class and
eliteness.
We invited the Riegos and the Mercadejases... every associate, family friend, far relatives
were invited.
"How are you?" the next generation enjoyed it so much.
"Do you know Eury, Amber?"
To hear them enjoy meeting everybody made me think that whatever I've gone through,
planning this party, and attending it tonight... was worth it.
"You should check on Kuya Remus, Mon. Does it still affect him when he sees
Agnes?" si Athena sa kabilang lamesa na nag-aalala.
I took a wine from the passing waiter as I looked at how everyone is doing on the party.
Sumimsim ako doon at natanaw na bumaling si Senyora Domitilla sa akin.
A small evil smile is on her lips while I gave her a cold indifferent look.
Papa's hearty laugh tore our eye contact apart.
"Michaelangelo? Talagang pinangalan sa paborito mong sculptor, Darius," bati ni
 Papa sa nakatayong matandang lalaki sa tabi ni Andres Zaldarriaga at Cassandra
Hidalgo.
"Sinabi ko nga'ng bakit hindi na lang pinangalan ng buo sa akin. Darius Vincentius is a good
name," anito. "I didnt have a son so I was hoping he'd take that name after me."
"For my next son, then," biro ni Andres.
I saw how Eury Hidalgo was talking to Amber when they were suddenly called by
Cassandra Hidalgo. Sumunod si Jaxon sa kanila dahilan kung bakit napalapit din si Achilles
sa grupo.
I was watching their crowd and Achilles found my eyes. But behind him..
Senyora Domitilla... was keenly watching us both.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at ibinaling ang titig sa ibang tao bago unti-unting lumapit kung
saan, pilit na binaon ang sarili sa napakaraming nagkukumustahan... hanggang sa
nasigurado ko na walang nakakapansin sa akin... bago tuluyang lumabas at naghanap ng
tahimik at walang taong balkonahe.
It was a cold night but the wine made me slightly feverish. Ilang baso na rin kasi ang
nainom ko bago pa nagsimula ang party. Kaninang umaga pa lang, umiinom na ako. I feel
like I needed it to calm my nerves. Especially after what I realized yesterday.
The party only proved it... how people move on from grave experiences like that.
Napaisip tuloy ako... na sobrang hina ko ba para mahirapan ng ganito? Sa pagpapatawad at
paglimot?
Alam kong matagal ko nang sinabi na wala na akong pakialam sa mga nangyari.
Na ayaw ko lang lumimot dahil ayaw kong kalimutan ang mga mahahalagang aral.
Pero alam ko rin na hindi lang aral ang dala dala ko ngayon. Dala ko pa rin ang sakit, poot,
at galit. Naisip ko noon na dala ko dapat yon dahil iyon ang kaakibat ng mahalagang aral
pero..
I wonder if they were also carrying the same things after forgiving one another?
Dala din ba nila ang sakit at poot, kahit kaya na nilang pakisamahan ang isa't isa?
Were they socializing only for show? Kung hindi... bakit ganito para sa akin, kung ganoon?
I took out a pin from my french twist and let my long hair fall on my shoulders down my
back. Hinipan ito ng hangin at agad kong naisip na magandang desisyon na binaba ko 'yon
dahil malamig dito sa labas. Hindi kaya ng ininom ko.
Bakit parang... lahat sila kayang kayang lumimot? Bakit ang hirap sa akin? Mahina
UCNI pelegTeTeIa NayemgNayeig ba ako? llang taon kong inisip na malakas ako. Na kayang
kaya kong ipaglaban ang puso, tmagparaya kung kailangan... Pero bakit biglang sa gabing
ito. ako pa pala ang pinakamahina sa lahat? Dahil hindi ko kayang lumimot at magpatawad.
"Bored at your own party?"
Napatalon ako sa biglang nagsalita at natanaw ko si Perseus. Naka coat and tie at papasok
sa balkonahe. Sa isang kamay may dalang baso ng iniinom at nakangiti na naman habang
pinagmamasdan ako.
I didn't smile back, though. I just took a quick glance at the garden in front of me before I
decided to leave.
""l pay you once this party is over-"
"Is it okay if I still want to get paid through a date?"
Natigilan ako at tiningnan siya. Natawa ako at umiling.
"I'm not up for dates, Mr. Phillips."
"Even a friendly one?"
"I didn't know you do friendly dates?" natawa ako dahil alam ko ang reputasyon niya,
hanggang ngayon.
"My... you really think that at this age I'm still not bored with that kind of lifestyle?"
Natahimik ako dahil alam kong tama pa rin ako. Ayaw ko lang makipagtalo pa.
""l only accept dinner for the payment."
Nagkatinginan kami. Bumuntong hininga ako at unti-unting tumango. If I'm able to see
Armando and other people, why not him? Dahil ba kamukha siya ni
Achilles? Ano ngayon? Will l let that affect my decision again? No.
"Fine," sambit ko at umambang aalis na.
"Let's go back together," aniya at sumunod sa akin pabalik sa party.
 When we went inside, the people were almosy settled down. Kaya madaling naagaw ang
atensiyon ng lahat sa pagpasok namin. Tahimik lang akong lumakad patungo sa lamesa
namin hanggang sa hinarangan ako ni Jacques.
"Lola, why is your hair down now and why are you with Lolo Perseus?"
Ngumiti ako at naupo para maglebel ang titig namin. "It was cold outside, hijo. So
I let my hair down and I forgot to put it back. Ill put it back later, alright?"
Tumango si Jacques at bumaling sa likod ko. Alam kong tinitingnan niya ang nakasunod sa
akin.
I wanted to go straight to our table but after that talk with Jacques, I paused when I saw
Achilles staring at me. At nasa lamesa namin siya mismo, sa tabi ni
Papa.
Achilles' cold eyes wavered behind me. I looked at Jacques who greeted Perseus behind me,
as well.
Ayaw ko mang lumapit sa lamesa namin, wala na akong magagawa sa ngayon. At isa pa,
wala na dapat akong dahilan para umayaw.
Lumakad ako at pinilit ang sarili na ibaling ang tingin sa ibang bagay. Kahit pa ramdam ko
ang diin ng titig ni Achilles sa akin hanggang sa naupo ako sa lamesa.
There were a few glances from Senyora Domitilla who was also on our table. I also caught
her staring at Achilles and smirking. And Achilles... for the whole of the programme and the
party, kept looking at me almost every minute.
Ayaw kong makisalamuha. Kaya lang ako ang nag organisa ng buong party kaya hindi ako
tuluyang makatakas, gustuhin ko man.
Tapos na ang programme at muling nagkumustahan at sayawan ang iba.
Tahimik kong pina amasdan ang mga bisitang abala.
I was about to look to my left when Snow suddenly walked towards me.
"Tita. -It's a wonderful party," si Snow.
"Thanks, Snow," sambit ko at ngumiti.
Alam kong may hinanakit pa siya base sa mga huling pagkikita namin. I didn't speak much
and I thought it was mature of her to still come to me to praise me.
Sinubukan ko ulit na bumaling sa kaliwa nang nagsalita ulit si Snow.
"-Is it safe to assume that if Amber and Jaxon will d-decide to marry each other, tutulong ka
sa preparations?"
Ngumiti ulit ako. "If they want me to then, I will."
"Kahit sa Costa Leona ang magiging kasal, Tita?"
I paused a bit. Suminghap ako at naalala ang mga naisip..
"Yes," marahang sinabi ko bago bumaling sa kaliwa habang sumisimsim sa wine glass ko.
"Uh, Tita, uhm..." Snow continued talking to me but my attention got caught somewhere
else.
Natanaw ko sina Jaxon at Sibal sa na kinakausap si Achilles. Achilles is talking to them too
but beside him is Matilda. Perseus then joined them. Kinausap siyani
Perseus pero hindi natanggal ang malamig na titig ni Achilles sa akin.
It's ridiculous to still feel nervous. But it would be more ridiculous if it registered on my
face. It didn't. I've always been stoic long before but age made me a master of it. Hindi
binaling ang mukha sa ibang banda, mata lang ang tinanggal ko sa kanila at tahimik na
pinanood ang ibang tao.
"S-So... you can manage the Coast?"
"IIl be in Costa Leona if Amber wants to get married there. Not manage the
Coast."
"But you need... the money to work, right?"
Nilingon ko si Snow at nakitang may sinenyas siya kay Sibal at Jaxon at guilty pa nang
nahuli ko. I looked at her with nothing but indifference. I don't know what they're up to and
I'm not interested.
"Eissen is having so much fun out there..." naputol ang isasagot ko dahil nakalapit na pala si
Sibal sa amin.
Bumaling ako sa kanila at natanaw na ang buong pamilya pala ang nakalapit. I only glanced
once to confirm their whole crowd then sipped on my wine again and looked in front.
"Hayaan mo na."
"Mom, Jacques, enjoyed so much," sumulpot na rin si Amber sa gilid ko. "Ang dami palang
halos same age niya."
I smiled a little at her.
"I was just asking Tita if she'll manage the Coast," si Snow.
 Sa gilid ng mga mata ko, nakita ko ang sabay na pagbaling ng magkapatid na
Riego sa akin.
"You will? masayang sinabi ni Amber.
"I will not," malamig na sinabi ko.
"The Coast in Costa Leona? I've been in Costa Leona. Gusto ko tuloy bumisita ulit.
Uuwi ka ba, Achilles" the voice of an intruder to the crowd echoed.
I am the host of this party but itd be nice to call it a night before everyone else.
Kaso... hindi puwedeng ganoon. Ano ang isipin ng mga bisita kapag nandito pa silang lahat
tapos hindi na ako mahanap? My hosting is rusty but I know the basic etiquettes.
"Dito lang din ako. Marami pa akong gagawin," Achilles calm voice slightly triggered
something inside me.
Siguro dahil sa mga nagdaang pagkikita, lagi siyang galit. Ngayon ko lang narinig ang..
pamilyar... na kalmado niyang boses.
Irefuse to think about it for more than a minute. I shook those thoughts away and thanked
my Papa's nurse when she called me. I excused myself happily from their crowd and I got
away.
Just like how I stepped out of their crowd that night, walking out of their crowd felt
liberating for me. Alam kong pamamanhikan ito ni Jaxon para pakasalan si
Amber. At tanggap na tanggap ko na ang lahat. Pero siguro naman ayos na ang pagdalo ko
at ang pagpapahayag ko ng saloobin sa kanila bago umalis ng tuluyan.
I decided to forgive Achilles for everything that he's done. But above all, I also decided to
forgive myself... to all those sudden and thoughtless decisions that
I've done.
Naintindihan ko ang lahat. Dati ko nang sinabi 'to pero nagtanim pa rin ako ng galit.
Sa pagkakataong ito, iintindihin ko ang lahat at puputulin ang halamang inalagaan ko ng
maraming taon. I said I couldn't let go of it so I won't forget the lessons. But sometimes,
some lessons are not worth keeping.
I said that it was better to marry for convenience because love will fail you.
Someone will screw up eventually and you can get hurt. Ang mga taong gusto kong
pangaralan noon, pinakita sa akin na maaaring tama ako pero... maaari ring mali. At gaano
man kalaki ang posibilidad na tama ako, isusugal pa rin nila ang puso nila para sa
posibilidad na mali ako. Na minsan, magkakasakitan kayo pero kung mahal ninyo ang isa't-
isa, hindi kayo kailanman mabibigo.
I said that young love shouldn't be valued. But then again... there are young love that's true
and enduring. Like what they have now.
I said that security, stability, and consistency is greater than passion. But then again... they
can have a bit of all of that. And that passion gives us purpose.
Purpose gives us life and happiness.
What they have is true. It didn't happen to me but that doesn't mean it can't happen to
them, too.
I smiled a little and went inside the elevator. Humarap ako at pinindot iyon.
Sa kalagitnaan ng pagsara, nakita ko siya.
Kabanata 35

Sarcasm
I panicked but I was sure it didn't show on my face. The years of trying to supress my
feelings for different reasons paid off.
Oo, kabado ako. Kabado dahil hindi inasahan 'yon. I expect him to antagonize me, get mad
at me, and hurt me... dahil sa mga nagawa ko sa mga anak namin.
Pero hindi ang sundan o ang hanapin.
Sundan dahil alam kong iniwan ko sila doon. He can't be suddenly out to go home like me
now. Gusto kong makasama sina Snow at Amber, pati na rin ang mga apo ko, at sige, pati na
rin ang mga ama nila. But I couldn't stand staying there with Achilles. Not another minute
with him after that confession.
He insists that he can perfectly do well as a father to his sons. That he won't remarry.
Amber's question was situational and I got his point. Ako rin naman,
 kakayanin na palakihin ang anak kong mag-isa kung kinakailangan.
I pushed Amber to marry Nikolai, and one of it's reasons if for Amber to have someone with
her while she raises her son. Pero alam ko na kung sa akin nangyari 'yon, tatanggi rin ako
ng buong buo.
Ano ngayon? Ano ngayon kung sinabi ni Achilles yon kahit na gano'n din naman ang tingin
ko? Dahil minsan ko na siyang inayang tanggapin ako para maging ina ni Jaxon at Sibal.
Somehow, his words gave me a glimpse of the cruel and very real past. That I wanted to be
his wife so bad, I'd take on the responsibility to mother his sons. And his answer to that
same question didn't change at all. That if we turn back time, he'd do the same thing over
again. He'd reject me. He'd push me away. He won't take me back.
I froze as the door opened again. Umawang ang labi niya saglit bago kalmadong pumasok.
Hindi ako gumalaw at hinayaan siyang pumasok. Hindi ako nagtanong kung bakit siya
nandito o anong ginagawa niya.
The elevator closed with us two inside. Nakahalukipkip ako habang nakatingin sa
repleksiyon ko, sa repleksiyon namin sa harap. His body was shifted towards me and he's
watching me intently.
Sweat almost broke out of my forehead. I said l'm good at looking calm amidst the panic but
I dont remember being subjected to this kind of situation in the past years. Or maybe I did...
just not with him staring at me.
Mabilis akong nag isip at nagdesisyon kung paano ko siya pakikitunguhan. Bago pa
nagpakasal si Snow at magpapakasal si Amber, I can freely hate and insult him. I'd like to
believe that I can still do that now, to treat him the same even when we share grandkids.
Kaya ko namang hindi ipahalata sa mga apo ko pero..
"Pwede ba tayong mag-usap," Achilles asked quietly just before the door opened.
Napatingin ako sa kanya. It's time to spew something insulting but after my dramatic exit
from their crowd, I've finally decided to answer him calmly too.
"May kailangan pa ba tayong pag-usapan?"
May diin ang naging titig niya pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon. I said it's a calm answer but I
can't really help the rudeness dripping from every word.
"May kailangan ka sa akin, Achilles?" This time, I tried to be friendlier but it only ended up
sounding like sarcasm.
Lumakad na ako palabas ng elevator. It took him a while to start walking and stalking me.
My driver is in front of me waiting against the Benz. Agad na nagbukas iyon ng pintuan
nang natanaw akong dire diretso ang lakad papunta sa sasakyan.
"Mag-usap tayong dalawa. Hihintayin kita..." he mentioned the place.
Malapit lang dito. In fact, he didn't even bother to think of somewhere far.
Talagang sa sunod na luxury restaurant lang.
I opened my mouth to say something insulting but then I realized why I wanted to be calm
this time.
Hindi ba nabagabag ako na laging apektado ang mga desisyon ko sa kanya?
Hindi ba, totoo naman ang paratang ni Amber na ayaw kong umuwi ng Costa
Leona dahil sa kanya? Ayaw ko nang lokohin ang sarili ko. Oo, at ayaw ko nang magtrabaho
o mag manage muna ng hotel, pero ang pinaka malaking dahilan kung bakit ayaw ko na ay
dahil uuwi ako ng Costa Leona.
Now, I don't want to go to the place where he wants me to go.
I went inside the car and my driver drove away. I didn't speak for minutes as it drove off
towards Nikolai's penthouse so I could spend the rest of the night quietly.
"Please, turn around."
Sinulyapan ako ng driver sa salamin.
"lust go back to where we were," sabi ko bago bumaling sa labas.
Seeing the heavy and unmoving traffic outside gave me relief. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.
Siguro...
Siguro dahil kahit na sinabi kong sa pagkakataong ito, ayaw kong magpaapekto kay Achilles
sa mga desisyon ko, may parte sa aking gustong magpaapekto. Na ayaw ko naman talaga
siyang puntahan. Galit ako at alam kong hindi kami magkakasundo kaya para saan pa ang
pagpunta doon? Delaying my travel to this decision might cancel the rendezvous he
wanted.
I've only decided to go because I didn't want to be always affected with him. For once, I
want to prove to myself that the years of not being with him taught me that I can decide
solely for myself, not for anyone else. Not for him. Hindi ako
 kontrolado ng galit ko sa kanya. Hindi ako kontrolado ng kahit ano.
Habang tumatagal ang biyahe, mas lalong gumagaan ang loob ko.
I tried. I decided to see him because I'm not affected. But then a part of me was very happy
that we may not meet tonight. Kaya ewan ko kung bibilangin ko ba yon o duwag pa rin ako.
In the end... at least I tried.
Uuwi rin ako ng Costa Leona. Ano naman ngayon kung marami akong naalala sa lugar na
'yon? I'm a hypocrite if I deny that I'm affected. But at least Il still managed to peacefully
face that place. The things I remember will not drive my choices.

Nakarating kami sa lugar pagkatapos ng ilang oras. Kampante na ako ng kaonti.

With my hard reception for him earlier tonight, he mustve concluded that I didnt want to
see him. Na hindi ako makikipagkita at baka nga umalis na siya.
I guess it's not bad to drink alone quietly tonight. Kaya kong gawin iyon sa
Penthouse ni Nikolai, pero hindi na rin naman masama kung nasa labas ako. If ever he left
and realized that I'm not coming.
"You have a reservation, Ma'am?" tanong ng babaeng sumalubong sa akin sa pintuan ng
lugar na binanggit ni Achiles.
I was about to tell her to give me a table for one when I realized that from where
I was standing, I can see Achilles sitting alone on a table for two.
Nabitin sa ere ang sasabihin ko at matagal bago nagsalita.
The upscale bar is modern and on the sea side. Achilles is sitting on a table for two just
beside the panoramic view of the bay beside it. At dahil anong oras na ay kaunti na lang din
ang tao kaya mabilis ko siyang nahanap.
"Uh, no! Ill wait for someone else here," baling ko sa babae at saglit na lumayo sa pintuan.
I stood near the door to think for a minute.
Alam kong nagdesisyon na ako na pumunta rito para patunayan sa sarili na hindi ako
natatakot, naduduwag, o apektado kapag nagkita pa kami... o nag usap.
Kahit pa kaming dalawa lang. Gusto kong patunayan na hindi siya makakaapekto sa
desisyon ko.
Pero kinailangan kong huminga muna ng malalim at bigyan muna ng katahimikan ang sarili
para mas maisip pa kung tama ba ang pagpunta ko.
I honestiy never thought he'd still be here. I expected he'd leave after hours of waiting
without me.
Saglit akong natigilan. Ayaw ko nang isipin ang nakaraan pero binalik na naman ako ng
traydor na isipan sa alaalang kinalimutan ko na. llang oras ba akong naghintay noon? Wala
nang makakatalo do'n.
But why will l compare? I waited for him with all my heart's content. I was young.
Naive. Didn't know better. I waited for so long, nothing could ever compare to that.
Natawa ako ng kaonti.
Bumuntonghininga ako at sinilip ulit siya. Natanaw kong may lumapit na waitress sa kanya.
Umiling siya at saglit silang nag-usap bago ito umalis.
Pinalitan nga lang agad ng ilang kakilala niya ata. They chatted for a little while.
She was a bit younger than I am and since he's facing this side, I didn't know if the woman
was familiar to me.
Matagal silang nag-usap. Inabot ng ilang minuto pero hindi nagbago na nakaupo si Achilles
at nakatayo ang babae.
I saw how the woman pointed at the seat in front of Achilles. Achilles shook his head and
said something. They talked for a bit until she left.
Bumalik ako sa kinatatayuan ko at ngayon nag-isip kung tama ba talaga ang desisyon na
(to.
It took me another hour to finally decide. And even after that whole hour, I still think I'm
doing something reckless and rash. Na hindi ko ata to inisip ng mabuti pero pakiramdam
ko, kung aatras pa ako, hindi ko kailanman mahaharap to.
So I enetered the place. The waiters and waitresses were already cleaning some tables. At
sobrang kaonti na lang ang tao do'n, halos wala na.
Achilles' eyes immediately met mine as I entered the place. Dire diretso lang ang lakad ko
patungo sa kanya. He stood when I was near, very formal for my arrival.
Thate to admit it but even at his age, he was still fit and handsome. His brooding gray eyes
made him mysterious and dark compared to his friendly twin brother.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, hindi dahil nakakapaso, kundi dahil nilapag ko ang evening bag ko
sa tabi.
 Pagkaupo ko, nilapitan din agad ng waitress. Hindi ko na kailangan ng menu dahil saulo ko
ang wines and spirits ng luxury hotel na iyon. I told her whatl wanted.
"Right away, Ma'am."
I smiled at her and waited for her to be gone before | lifted my eyes on Achilles.
He looked stunned or he was just gazing at me the whole time.
"Sorry, I'm late." I smirked. "| had to attend to some other commitments. What is it that you
want us to talk about?"
Diretsahan kong sinabi ang huling tanong dahil ayaw kong magpahalata na medyo kabado
ako. I want it casual, straight to the point... not dramatic... like all our meetings in the past
years.
Lumapit ang waitress at naglapag na ng wine glass. She poured what I wanted in front of us.
I watched her perfectly pouring the wine the right way.
"Thank you," I said and glanced at Achilles' untouched whiskey before I sipped on my own
drink.
Binaba ko ang wineglass at muling inangat ang tingin sa kanya.
"Hmm?"I probed.
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin at saglit na suminghap. Matagal pa bago siya nagsalita.
"I want to thank you for accepting my sons for Snow and... Amber."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay at pinagmasdan ang wine ko. "l want to say that it was easy, but you
know it wasn't. Your sons made it hard. But Snow and Amber's happiness made me decide
that it's for the best."
Natigil ako dahil hindi ako makapaniwalang sinabi ko ang totoo sa kaswal na paraan. At kay
Achilles.
"If l were in your shoes, hindi ko rin basta bastang matatanggap si Sibal at Jaxon.
They were young and immature back then but...
Nagkatinginan kami.
"I don't tolerate what you've done to Jacques and Amber."
Nagtiim-bagang ako at biglang nagsisi na humarap pa ako ngayon dito. Imbes na magsalita,
uminom muna ako para kalmahin ang sarili. Totoo naman, ah? Hindi nga maganda ang
nagawa ko sa parteng iyon.
"Or maybe it's because I didn't grow up with my father. Nangulila ako ng husto noon kaya
alam ko ang pakiramdam ng lumaking walang ama, nangungulila, at naghahanap."
"But it was for the best back then. Ikaw na ang nagsabi na immature pa sila noon."
"Pero hindi ko hahayaang basta bastahin ni Jaxon, kung sakali mang hindi nangyari 'yon. "l
make sure Ill guide him."
My lips stretched for a small evil smile. "Hmm. Amber had it rough but it was her
breakthrough. I can't say it wasn't beneficial."
"Maybe, you're right. And although Jacques would've benefitted if he knew his father
earlier, but I'm sure Jaxon can make up for the lost time. Still, I can't tolerate it. Para kay
Jacques."
I get what he's saying. Hindi ko rin naman kasi alam kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman
o ang epekto noon kay Jacques. Pero gusto kong isipin na hindi kawalan iyon. Amber raised
Jacques very well and even without Jax complete! e is
My eyes narrowed at him.
Bahagya akong lumapit sa lamesa at ngumiti.
"You cant tolerate it? Bakit? Did you tolerate anything from me, Achilles?"
Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. I am smirking while he's very serious.
I already said that he's still so handsome even at this age. But to watch him this closely and
this long, I don't think I can stress it enough. He aged so well. I will bet on it, he didn't
remarry but for sure he took girlfriends.
"I didn't come here to argue with you.'
I chuckled. "Sa ilang taon nagdaan, walang araw na hindi tayo nagtatalo tuwing nagkikita.
How bold of you to invite me here and expect that we wont argue this time."
"'d like to think that we can now peacefully talk since our loved ones... love each other."
My eyebrows raised with utter surprise. But somehow I'm amused and I didn't hide it. Titig
na titig siya at halatang nag iingat sa mga reaksiyon ko.
"Sure..."I said prolonged the short word to emphasize it.
 Tunog sarkasmo man pero nakuha ko ang gusto niyang mangyari. Gusto ko rin iyon. That
was my goal tonight, right? To be casual. To tolerate his presence?
Hindi ko alam kung bakit kahit agree naman ako sa sinabi niya, tunog sarkasmo ang
naisagot ko. Alam kong hindi niya alam pero sinusubukan ko talagang umayos kami.
"Is that it?"
We looked at each other again. I sipped on my wine as he remained watching me intensely.
I am nervous but it ne reflected on my face or actions.
"How are you?"
Except after that. I almost spat my wine when he asked that. Hindi lang sa gulat pero dahil
na rin sa katatawanan.
Alam ko namang imposible siguro. Right. I don't want to assume anything from him. But.. it
sounds like he's interested with whatever I was doing. Why will he be interested after
teling me that we both should be casual with each other?
"Are you curious what I'm up to these days?" I narrowed my eyes intently for him to see
whatever is on my mind. I smirked to add. "Or are you being polite, clearing up the dead air,
you know... or..." I said all those things in a slow and meaningful way before my smirk
stretched more.
"Amber is getting married. She will live with Jaxon now. Ganoon din si Jacques. All your life,
I know yove been with her the whole time. Kaya gusto kong malaman kung..." he trailed off.
"Kung kaya ko ba?"
Natawa ako. Bakit kaya? Ano'ng gagawin mo, Achilles, kung sinabi kong hindi ko kaya?
"Don't worry, Achilles. I'm perfectly good at living alone. Ive done it many times before."
Napawi ang ngisi ko at biglang pumait ang ekspresyon. Bumagsak muna ang titig ko sa
wine para itago sa mga mata ko ang dumaang sakit. Naalala ko kasi noon. I lived alone and
tried to move on from him. I had men, all kinds. Had proposals and temporary relationships
to ease the loneliness and to take him off my mind.
I lived alone. I survived.
But it doesn't matter now.
"At... siguro nga sanay na ako na nariyan si Amber at Jacques. But I'm not all that, you know.
I have other things to attend to. And as you can see, I can't maintain my lavish lifestyle
without working now so-"
"I'm sure both Amber and Jaxon can manage that."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Bakit ba siya curious at bakit niya sinabi 'yon?
"Jaxon can. He's trying to win me probably. But my daughter will have none of it,"
I smiled.
"You cant be won by money alone so I don't think Jax is doing that for your approval," he
said.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. I'm surprised by his remark and l didn't even hide it. With a smirk, it
only looked like I was amused.
"Oh, he didn't win me with his money, Achilles." I said his name with a roll of my tongue.
"He won me because my daughter loves him. And honestly, "I can also.." sadly... "Feel his
love for her... so.."
He slowly nodded. Look at that, we're conversing peacefully. I almost chuckled.
"At bakit mo ba tinatanong to? Are you pitying me for being alone now?" Nagtaas ako ng
kilay. "I have Nikolai."
"I refuse to believe that something is going on with you two," marin niyang sinabi.
Lalo akong nagulat at mas lalo pang nagmukhang amused. Hindi ko pa rin iyon itinago.
Habang tumatagal, nararamdaman ko ang pagkakairita niya pero kalmado pa rin naman
siya.
"Oh im not saying that something is going on with us, Achilles," I said that with a dramatic
calm tone. "But we're friends and I know I'm not alone because I have him.
"Bakit ka ba concerned na mag isa ako?" with the same dramatic calm tone.
"Perhaps, you know someone na mag isa rin na gusto mong ipares sa akin?"
I chuckled.
"Don't worry. I'm open for that." and I smiled.
Pansin kong kanina pa ako nagsasalita. All he did was gape at me like I'm some puzzle he
couldn't solve.
 "Oh... ba't di ka na makasagot?"
"You're being sarcastic," he said.
"No..." Umiling ako at sa parehong madramang kalmado at halos nang iiritang boses pa rin.
"No, Achilles. I'm serious. At... sarcastic? Bakit naman?"
"T know it's been years and... we both have an unfinished business."
Napakurap kurap ako.
Ifl was laughing and making fun of this conversation awhile ago, this time, I almost lost my
poise. Hindi ko inasahan na sasabihin niya iyon. I thought he'd beat around the bush or not
tell me specifically what this is for but...
"What unfinished business?" sabi ko at agad namang nakabawi sa gulat.
"Before you start a new relationship with anyone," napapaos ang boses niya. "| want us to
close that part between us."
Nagulat ako at 'di nakapagsalita. For some reason, my heart hurt. It was as if blade cut
through the sides of it forcing me to sit in a better position.
But at the same time... I couldn't help but think..
For him to close that part between us, was it open for him all this time then?
"So we can both be finally free.'
How does he know that I'm not free? And he's not free? AIl these years I thought I was the
only one who harbored ill-feelings because of the past.
Ano? Siya rin?
Bakit hindi ko ramdam? Did he hide it? Is it true? Hindi ko alam sa kanya.
"Oh, I didn't know you were chained from our past or something" I said regaining my
dramatic calmness. "Were you?"
Natigilan ulit ako at nahuli ang sariling totoong nagiging sarkastiko na. Bakit hindi ko talaga
kayang makipag usap sa kanya nang hindi siya iniinsulto? Na nagpapakatotoo? Na hindi
iparamdam sa kanya ang poot ko? Hindi ko mapigilan.
At tama naman talaga siya. Talagang nagulat lang ako na pati siya, hindi pa nakakawala
doon.
Tama siya. Inaamin ko.
Kailangan kong aminin to. If I start being sarcastic and truly insult him, make him feel the
crumbs of my wrath, then willTreally forgive him and myself?
If I wanted to move forward, like what I am saying to myself all this time, how can
Tif l couldn't take what he was saying seriously. He has a point. I need to acknowledge that.
"When you asked me for a ticket to Germany, I thought you knew that I'm chained on our
past, too."
Natigilan ulit ako at bahagyang namilog ang mga mata.
"Hindi ko maibibigay sa'yo 'yon dahil alam mong hindi ko kayang sumunod ka kay
Nikolai."
I was stunned.
"I haven't moved on."
What? Alright! Fine!
But... what?
Of course, I felt it. I just didn't know he'd say it to my face? OrI didn't feel it? I'm not sure.
O siguro gaya ko, kailangan niyang aminin yon. Dahil kung hindi namin aaminin na hindi pa
kami nakakalimot, hindi rin kami maghihilom. Is that it? I'm trying so hard to understand in
a calm way because it's very tempting to make fun of him and his.. feelings.
And... he wants to be free? Free from what? MAybe we had a past and we haven't moved on
but he's perfectly unchained so why is he not free?
Gosh, Marem! You need to realize that you have to acknowledge this things.. and not take
Achilles' feelings with you only to mock him. It is the only way to save yourself and finally
be free too.
He wants to be free, huh? Maybe he wants another woman and he can't move on without
this proper closure for both of us. I clenched my jaw but in the end, I let go.
" know we have a past that we haven't... closed, patuloy niya habang nag iisip ako.
"Paano mo nasabi na hindi pa naisarado yon? You got married and learned about your true
paternity and family.."I said calmly, with a glint of amusement.
"l got married and have Amber. What kind of closure do we still need?"
Yes, he might be right. A part of me is scared of it. A part of me wants it. But then
I want to hear it from him... because all this time, I thought I was the only one
 who couldn't properly get over it.
"For years, Ive known Senyora Domitilla. I met her a few times after what happened. At
inaamin ko na kahit pormal at kaswal ang pakikitungo ko sa kanya, may kaonting parte sa
akin ang galit sa nangyari. She tried to talk to me every chance she gets, but I refused to
hear it. I think I'm waiting for something. And maybe that something is for us... to both hear
it from her."
Ngayon, medyo napawi ang katatawanang naiisip ko at tahimik na pinanood siya.
Seryoso siya rito. Gusto niya na talagang... tuldukan 'to. I also want it done but I guess I
didn't plan on any specific action to do it.
Gusto kong ring malaman kung ano ang gusto niyang resulta pagkatapos ng gagawing ito
pero masyado na rin yata 'yong sarcastic. Alam ko na tama siya.
Kailangan ko rin iyon talaga. I want so bad to antagonize everything he does that up to the
very end. even with an offer for both our sake, I couldn't accept it just because it came from
him.
"So you suggest us to talk to her, huh?" I shrugged. "Hindi ka pa ba nadadala? She lied to us
and now you expect her to tell the truth"
"I dont think she'd want to talk to us if she will only offer the same lies," he answered.
"I say she will offer the explanation for her lies, to save herself. To clean her name.
"So do you also suggest that we let her possible truthful explanation to slip away?" Nagtaas
siya ng kilay. The chance for any closure to just stay unheard?
Ayaw kong aminin pero.. kahit anong isipin ko... tanggalin ang pait, galit, at pang iinsulto
para sa kanya... tama siya.
"Hindi ko alam na hindi ka pala nakaka move on, Achilles. You seem to be living a great life
now." I smirked, now hiding the fact thatI find his reasons plausible and excellent for both
of us.
"Yes I am. I have successful sons and I'm proud of them. It is a great life."
"Good for you," ngumisi ako.
"But it could be better, if only we both... have peaceful... encounters and conversations... not
heated ones. Gusto ko ring ipakita sa mga apo natin na maayos tayong dalawa, hindi
nagbabangayan. O nag-aaway."
Kaya ko namang ipakita iyon nang hindi na kami gagawa ng ganitong bagay. pero bakit ko
ba parang gustong tanggihan 'to? Bakit ang hirap sa aking pakisamahan siya at
pakiharapan si Senyora? Yes, I hate Senyora Domitilla. But then didn't I say I want to cut
the plants of hate I watered in my heart?
Dahil ba ayaw kong aminin na hindi pa naman talaga ako tapos? Na tama talaga siya?
"Then, how sure are you that I'm not living a better life now? That something is still missing
for me.
My question was for me to find out how he judged my feelings.
But it was a stupid question. Para magbangayan pa kami hanggang ngayon, paulit ulit, sa
harap ng mga anak namin, hindi ba malaking patunay na 'yon na may galit at poot pa ring
matayog at mayabong na umuusbong?
"If you are living a better life now, thern I won't force you to do this.Pero gusto kong
malaman mo na hindi pa ako tapos, at gusto kong malaman na ang lahat. I guess, I just want
you to know that i will do it, whether you want to or not.
Because lI don't want to... live in the past."
He's living in the past? Kanina pa siya nagsasabi pero parang gulantang pa rin ako. What a
surprising thing to say!
Hindi ko maipagkakailang may punto siya pero pakiramdam ko bago ko kausapin si
Senyora Domitilla, kung kaya ko man, mukhang mas lalong siya muna ang dapat kong
kausapin.
"You were living in the past, Achilles?" I said with an amused tone. "I'm sorry. didn't know."

"Yes. I am," simple niyang sagot.

"Well, I acknowledge our past but I'm not living there anymore."
"Good for you, then," mataman niyang sinabi.
Nakatitig pa rin siya samantalang ako lang ang may malikot na mga mata sa aming dalawa.
"Paano mo nasabi na nakatira ka sa nakaraan?"
He glared at me because I sounded sarcastic again. Akala ko hindi niya ako sasagutin pero
sinagot niya pa rin!
"I can't get over you," he said in aa husky voice like he was forced and strained to
 say it.
Oh for goodness' sake! Muntik nang matanggal ang tainga ko dahil ayaw kong marinig 'yon
pero...
" don't think so. You let me go easily."
"It seemed easy but it wasn't."
"Maybe." Ngumisi ako. "Maybe it looked easy because you were so used to it. You know...
pushing me away and hurting me.
May dumaang galit at poot sa mga mata niya bago siya pumikit at ng mariin at dumilat para
tumingin ulit sa akin.
"Alam kong 'yan ang iniisip mo. But I want to be honest to you now because I want to
finally end this."
Tumikhim ako at bahagyang humilig sa backrest ng upuan.
"Okay! fine.." I said easily. "It wasn't easy. You were crying." I smiled at him while his gray
eyes were throwing daggers on me. "Suffering.'
I caught myself mocking him again. Tumigil ulit ako at inisip na gusto kong makipag-ayos,
'di ba? Why can't I help it?
"But you were so good at it," my eyes turned into slits.
"You still love your life. Your marriage, your family, Amber, and Jacques."
"Oh yes! Of course!" I said enthusiasticaly.
It's true but why does it sound so fake?
"Thank you so much for letting me go. For pushing me away every chance you can get. It
gave me an opportunity to marry Dencio. Then have Amber, she is my life, my world. Thank
you so much."
Gumalaw ang panga niya habang nakikinig sa marahang puri ko.
"lyan ba ang gusto mong marinig galing sa akin?"
He licked his lips and looked away.
"That all your efforts to push me away did something great and now I owe it all to you.." I
said still with calmness that seemed like mocking.
Pumikit siya habang nakikinig sa akin.
"I didn't regret anything... you were right. All your decisions were right! And just!
And honorable! The best! Is that what you wanna hear? That you were so good at deciding
for the both of us? Now we're both living good lives because of it?"
Kalmado ako pero alam kong nakawala na ako. Hindi ko akalain na kaya kong kalmadong
sabihin ang mga iyon.
"Is that how you felt too? You didn't regret one bit, hurting me because you have
Saxon and Sibal who grew up well and now both successful men... You didnt regret because
Maria Emilia has Amber now and she has a good life.
Dumilat siya at tumingin sa akin.
"Is that it? Cuz.. you're right." Ngumisi ako. "All the pain and sorrow the past caused me? It
was very worth it. I'd do it a million times over again just for
Amber."
Hindi pa rin siya nagsalita.
Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit kahit totoo naman... na worth it ang lahat ng iyon.. hindi ko
alam kung bakit may ibang tunog ang sinabi ko. It was like sarcasm even when I didn't
want it to seem one. I don't understand. What I'm saying is the truth, but it was as if l forced
myself to appreciate it.
Siguro dahil siya ang kausap ko. Hindi ko alam.
"Para sabihin mo sa akin ngayon na hindi ka pa nakakalimot, para mo na ring sinabi na
hindi naging maganda ang dulot ng mga desisyon mo. Are you regretful, Achilles?" I
questioned him.
"To be happy with my life now, and to be grateful for my sons, does not equate to being
happy that I pushed you away."
Napawi ang ngiti ko at pinagmasdan siyang mabuti.
"Masaya ako na mayroon akong Sibal at Jaxon. I think my decisions paid off, yes. I think if I
have decided to take you and let you mother my sons, it'd take away your freedom and a
chance to find an uncomplicated love. It'd be unfair for you to take me back after I
deliberately hurt you. Itd give you an instant path to the responsibility you might not want
when the times are rocky and dark. It'd rob you of the chance to create a family of your own
in a perfect way. Itd drag your name to the dirt, takinga struggling widower even with a
successful and worthy husband. It'd wear you out to live with two sons barely able to take
care of themselves, when you can freely explore and experience the process of becoming a
m ner
 the perfect family you can create."
Pumikit ako at sinubukang huwag isipin ang mga sinabi niya.
"You have the world in front of you. A good man. A good life. A better chance to have a
perfect family. I think my decision paid off because... "'d like to think that you finaly realized
your worth and moved on from our past. Create your own family. And forget about me."
Dumilat ako at nagkatinginan kami.
"Pero hindi ibig sabihin na hindi ako nasaktan na nasaktan kita. I don't want to go there
right now, but I also don't want you to think that I can't be both happy for my sons, happy
for you, but also regretful... of the things that happened."
My lips parted at that. Siguro... iyan din ba ang nararamdaman ko? Hindi ko alam.
"Oo." He licked his lips. "Nagsisisi ako na sinaktan kita. Gaya ng sinabi mo, may mga nagawa
kang desisyon noon... na dahilan kung bakit nasaktan si Amber at
Jaxon, pero iyon ang tingin mong tama sa pagkakataong iyon. May nagawa rin akong mga
desisyon na tingin ko ay tama sa mga pagkakataong nagdaan sa ating dalawa. I'm happy for
the life that we both have now. But that doesn't mean it was easy... or that I've gotten over
it...
Naninikip ang dibdib ko pero hindi ko inasahan na hindi ako umiyak. Na imbes na bumigat
iyon, gumaan lang ito ng kaonti. At hindi ko man lang maramdaman ang kagustuhang...
lumuha.
Tama siya.
Iniisip ko ngayon kung ano nga ba ang gagawin ko kung ako ang nasa sitwasyon niya.
Maybe we had different decisions because we are both very different eople.
He had strong principles. Maybe traditional. I was just following my heart.
Kung ako si Achilles, at nalaman ko na magkapatid kami.. May ebidensiya at galing pa sa
isang mayaman at maimpluwensiyang angkan, maniniwala ako agad. Senyora Domitilla
must know it all. And in the past, I trusted her more than my parents so it'd be the worst.
Siguro nga maiisip ko na kahit mahal na mahal ko ang itutulak ko palayo, mas uunahin ko
pa rin ang kapakanan niya. Mauuna rin sa akin ang takot na mawasak ang pamilya at
pangalan niya... at higit sa lahat ang wasakin niya ang sarili niya sa kalungkutan at ka
walang pag asa. I will do anything in my power to push her away. Because breaking her
heart was a better choice than her physically hurting herself because of hopelessness
But... the next chance we had an opportunity to have each other, I dont think I can do the
path he took.
I will take my love with me. I won't think about the other man, or the consequences for
name, her family, the responsibilities it will give her. I will take her away and live with her
somewhere far from the judging eyes. That's where we differ.
Maybe. He is right. Maybe we need this. We need to get over this.
"Fine. Kausapin natin si Senyora Domitilla," mataman kong sinabi.
We looked at each other quietly.
"TIl contact anyone from their family. I"l see if she's in Costa Leona."
"She's here in Manila. Nakausap ko si Uriel mercadejas. Nandito raw mula noong birthday
ng Papa mo para sa doktor niya. I can set us an appointment with her."
I nodded. "Alright" I settled.
"When are you free?" he asked.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. "Let me see my schedule."
Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko at nakita na may mga mensahe doon. From Nikolai, from
Armando, from the kid photographer, from two other men I met last gala, and from...
Perseus?
I cleared my throat and proceeded to my schedule.
"l guess the old hag is free all the time unless she has doctor's appointment so..."
Napatingin ako kay Achilles na titig na titig sa akin.
"When are you free?" tanong ko.
"Im free all the time too."
"Unless you have a doctor's appointment?" I smirked.
"I regularly do check ups now. So far i'm healthy so." he trailed off.
Tumikhim ako. "Well, I have things to do this week and the next. But.."
But I need to do it as soon as possible kasi uuwi ako ng Costa Leona para tumulong sa pag
aayos sa kasal ni Amber.
 "l guess I can squeeze in a meeting next week."
"Ill get your contacts so you can... just tell me when," he said.
"Or i can tell you which date it is right now, yeah?"
"Don't worry. I won't bother you. Kailangan ko pa rin ng contact mo para kung sakaling
magbago ang isip mo o... kung may pagbabago sa lugar kung saan gustong makipagkita ni
Senyora Domitilla, masabi ko kaagad sa'yo."
I hate to admit that he's right. Paano kung hindi niya kunin ang contacts ko, tapos nagbago
ang venue... Ill look stupid waiting in the wrong place!
"Fine." I took a note and sribbled my contacts.
Bahagya akong napasulyap sa wine habang nagsusulat. Kanina ko pa pala hindi naiinuman.
That was a miracle. I didn't even care to take a sip after... that kind of conversation.
"There you go."
He nodded and took the note. Nilagay ko naman ang cellphone at sign pen ko sa loob ng
evening bag ko. Nagkatinginan kami habang ginagawa yon.
"If you're leaving, then let's leave together," he said as I was thinking walking out of that
place.
Nagtaas siya ng kamay at agad dinaluhan ng waitress. Hindi ko na tiningnan kung paano
siya nagbayad at.. hindi ko na rin tinanong kung babayaran niya ba ang order ko. I only
assumed he will and he did.
Tumayo na ako. At nang nagsimulang maglakad, sumunod din siya sa akin.
We were one of the last ones on the place. Kaya lang natanaw ko rin ang iilang nanatili, at
isa na roon ang babaeng nakausap niya kanina. They were gaping at me or us like we're
some sort of show. Nangiti ang babae at nasisiguro kong hindi para sa akin iyon kundi para
kay Achilles sa likod ko. So I tore my eyes out of them and looked straight ahead on the
door
Sa pintuan, natanaw ko ang papasok pa lang na pamilyar na mukha.
"Achilles," Ares Riego greeted while his wife Relani Riego looked at me with slight
amusement in her eyes.
"You're leaving? Want a drink?" Sa akin muna ang titig ni Relani bago kay Achilles.
Wala nang makakapagpabago sa isipan ko.
"Good evening," Igreeted with a small formal smile before continuing my walk.
"No, thanks. Next time, Relani... Ares."
Nakasunod pa rin siya sa akin at kalaunan, sabay na kaming naglalakad.
I was about to call the driver but it was easier to go to the basement parking so I won't have
to wait. I stopped in front of the elevator. Si Achilles ang pumindot.
Nagkatinginan kami. Pumasok ako at sumunod siya.
Diretso ulit ang tingin ko at nakita ko ang repleksiyon naming dalawa sa salamin.
He tried to put his eyes in front too but in the end, he glanced at me.
Tahimik akong lumabas nang bumukas ang pintuan. Sumunod din siya sa akin.
"Where are you going?"
"IIl make sure you get to your car first," aniya.
I was about to throw an insulting retort about his.. possible lack of car but I bit my tongue.
Nakakalimutan ko bang bukod sa Riego siya, mayaman din ang totoong papa niya.
I went inside the Benz with my driver holding the door for me. He also closed the door. I
looked outside and saw Achilles walking towards a simple and practical black compact car,
with the Mercedes Benz logo.
I gritted my teeth and looked in front. Umandar na ang sasakyan at umalis na sa lugar na
iyon.

Kabanata 36

Kabanata 36
Healing
"Armando..." natawa ako ng kaonti para itago ang nararamdamang kahihiyan.
We are in a very public place. The restaurant of a hotel-casino. Nagkita ulit kami dito para
doon sa business opportunity na gusto niya. I'm interested and I'm wiser this time. I won't
be fooled by investments. Maganda opportunidad ang ibinibigay ni Armando sa akin pero
ngayon, mukhang bumagsak na ang opportunidad na iyon sa isipan ko.
 I can't believe l inserted this on my busy schedule.
At inakala kong mabilis kaming matatapos ni Armando dahil pang ilang kita na namin to
tungkol sa business. Nagulat ako na tatlong oras na kami dito at ayaw niya pa ring tapusin
ang usapan. Now I know why. He was waiting for the right time.
I'm not sure if it's a good idea. I will be going to the Mercadejas' mansion for a dinner with
Senyora Domitilla and Achilles. At kung hindi pa ako aalis ngayon, ma li-late na ako!
"This is not what we want."
"It is, Maria Emilia," si Armando na nasa harap ko pa rin ang isang napakalaking diamante.
People in the restaurant clapped and cheered when they noticed that he is opening a red
box with a very big ring awhile ago. lyon na yata ang pinaka malaking engagement ring na
nakita ko sa talambuhay ko. I never thought l'd still see one at this age. Maybe for other
people, but not for me!
At ngayon, dahil hindi ko pa naman tinatanggap, nanatiling nakatingin ang mga tao na para
bang pinakakaabangan ang pagtanggap ko para ulitin nila ang pagche-cheer!
"Trust me," natawa ulit ako. "-It's not."
"Mas mabuting ganito. We will both secure our investments through tying up in marriage.
And also.. I really love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you."
Natawa ulit ako at nilibot ng mga mata ang nakatanaw sa amin.
A lot were still cheering, giving me a thumb's up. It's so embarrassing! I am not going to say
yes but l don't want to embarrass Armando.
"Armando, I think this is too early. We shouldn't be in a rush with things like these."
Unti-unting binaba ni Armando ang singsing at halata sa itsura niya ang pagkakabigo at
dismaya.
"Isa pa," dinaan ko sa tawa ang nerbyos at ang pagtanggi. "If it's all about the business, then
I say we should separate that and our relationship. Hindi puwedeng pagsamahin ang
dalawa."
"In a rush? We are not young anymore, Marem. Nagkakasundo tayong dalawa, kahit sa
business. Hindi pa ba sapat na dahilan 'yon para magsama tayong dalawa? We're too old for
a relationship. If we both are on the same page, then why not get this over with and marry
each other?" l opened my mouth to speak but my phone rang. Hati ako sa nangyari. Hati
dahil masaya akong may istorbong tumawag. Para maputol ang usapan kahit saglit.
Pero nang natanaw kung sino iyon, agad akong nabigo.
"Where are you?" Achilles' voice is on the edge. l excused myself before I answered the call.
Imbes na aalis ako sa lamesa, natanaw ko na nakatitig ang mga tao sa paligid kaya nanatili
na lang ako doon at bahagya lang nilayo ang sarili at niliitan ang boses.
"IIl be there in a minute."
"Are you sure? Hindi nagbago ang isipan mo? It's almost an hour since-"
"IIl be there!" iritado kong sagot. "At bakit magbabago ang isipan ko? Hindi ako natatakot."
Thad to mentally slap myself. Sa iritasyon ko, muntik ko nang nakalimutan na nariyan si
Armando sa harap ko at may problema pa ako rito.
I dropped the call and faced Armando. Hindi na ako magpaligoy ligoy pa dahil isang oras na
akong late sa kasunduan namin ni Achilles.
"The problem, Armando, is we are not on the same page."
Pumait ang itsura ni Armando. Ngayon pa lang, gusto ko nang magpaalam sa business
opportunity na in-offer niya. I want to believe that he won't take this to our business
partnership but I'm sure that won't be the case. Huwag na tayong maglokohan at isipin na
propesyunal naman kami kahit paano. Alam ko talaga na makakaapekto iyon kaya mabuti
pa, isipin ko na lang na wala na iyong business na pinag uusapan namin.
"Maayos naman tayong magkaibigan. We have the same business mind. We agree on so
many things but getting married - that's not on my mind."
Napahinto ako at naisip kung gaano ka dalas ko itong nasabi noon sa mga dati kong naging
boyfriend. At hindi na ako bata para sabihing wala pa sa isipan ko ang kasal.
Yes, I'm open to new relationships. Armando is kind, a good person. He will also
 help me rise from my debts and give me professional growth. At this age, I should be
looking for a companion. I don't know whyl couldn't get myself a companion when that's all
l should be needing at this point.
"l don't want to close my doors, Armando. But right now, this is a surprise to me.
Hindi ko pa naisipo na konsidera iyan at ayaw kong magpadalos dalos, kahit sa edad na to.
Yes, we're not getting younger, but that shouldn't be a reason to take blind risks. Like in
businesses. I'm sure you understand that.
"But this isn't business, Marem. This is stability, comfort, assurance, that we have each
other till the end."
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko natakasan iyon dahil inilaban talaga ni Armando ang
kagustuhan niyang ikasal kami.
The reliefl felt when I was inside my Benzz was so palpable thatl can physically feel my
heart lighter. Umismid ako nang natanaw ang maingay na cellphone na may pangalan ni
Achilles
"Papunta na nga ako!" medyo iritado kong salubong sa tawag niya.
"Where are you?"
"In the car. Where else?" sarkastiko kong sagot. "Just wait and I"ll be there."
Pinutol ko ang tawag namin. Ako pa talaga ang may ganang magalit kahit na dalawang oras
na akong late sa usapan.
I know I should be professional in all things but making Senyora Domitilla wait was
pleasurable.
Bigla nga lang napawi ang papasilay pa lang na ngiti. I remember back then that I trusted
her so much. More than my mother. I told her many secrets that I could never tell my
mother. She was my confidante growing up. She spoiled me. She was my secret keeper.
Ano ba ang puwedeng dahilan kung bakit niya nagawa sa amin to? Was she fooled too? No.
I've thought about that back then. She wasn't fooled. She did the fooling. Kasi paano siya
magkakaroon ng mga dokumento na pinakita kay
Achilles?
She was very very reliable. She is a Mercadejas and my mother's "sister. Alam kong
inampon lang nila si Mama pero itinuring nilang sariling kapatid dahilan kung bakit din
niya ako tinuturing na totoong pamangkin.
I blamed Mama for their rift. She was always bitter. Senyora was cool with her.
Or that's what she used to show me. Si Mama, tuwing napag uusapan si Senyora, para
siyang napapaso. Laging nagagalit at animo'y kinakabahan. While Senyora had that relaxed
air talking about Mama. Or maybe she was such a good actress.
I couldn't trust her anymore.
Bakit pa ako pupunta? Siguro dahil kahit hindi ko na siya pinagkakatiwalaan, gusto kong
marinig ang dahilan niya.
She reached out to Achilles in the past years so there must be something she wanted to talk
about.
She never had a chance to reach out to me because even a bit of connection, I didn't allow
her. Kahit sa party, hindi nagtatagal ang tingin ko sa kanya..sa galit at iritasyon. She always
had that smug look on her face, terrorizing anyone who's mad at her.
"Sorry, I'm late," I announced that half heartedly.
Iginiya na kasi ako ng kasambahay sa dining area ng mansiyon ng mga
Mercadejas. Achilles and Senyora Domitilla is already there. Medyo malaki ang hapag kaya
kahit na nasa kabisera si Senyora at si Achilles ay nasa sunod na upuan, malayo ang dalawa.
I sat opposite Achilles and seeing Senyora Domitilla side eyeing me with her usual smug
look made me uncomfortable.
"Oh, it's alright. Kabababa ko lang din dito," si Senyora sabay inom at titig sa akin.
Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya.
For years, her image for me changed. From a motherly and friendly tita to the evil witch
that she is until now. O baka naman matagal na talaga siyang masama, hindi ko lang makita
noong bata pa ako. After all, the devil deceives. They aren't always dressed ugly.
Sometimes, they look good, appear good, and will always indulge you.
Kaya ba ayaw ni Mama sa kanya? Then after all these time, it was my fault that I trusted
her.
Ano ba ang mapapala niya kung lokohin niya kami ni Achilles? Kung gusto niya akong
saktan, bakit hindi na lang siya naging malupit sa akin una pa lang? Was she waiting for a
big blow? Something that would scar me so bad I couldn't get over
 it:
Hindi ko alam paano ako naupo rito nang hindi siya sinusugodo sinusumbatan.
At sa titigni Senyora, iyon din yata ang nasa isipan niya. It was as if she's waiting for me to
attack her somehow. And it amused her that I haven't.
"Before we start, I'd like us to participate in a dinner course my chefs prepared."
Gusto kong magalit sa puntong iyon. Matagal kami ni Armando sa restaurant kaya lunch pa
lang ang nakain ko. Busog pa naman ako at kung gutumin man, nasisiguro kong kaya kong
tisin. I didnt want to participate in anything she is a host.
Kaya lang, nagtimpi ako. Hindi ba kaya nga kami nandito para kalimutan na ang lahat?
Mapatawad ang isa't-isa? Ang sarili? At ibig sabihin no'n, pati si Senyora.
I glanced at Achilles who was already watching my every move. Nagtaas ako ng kilay at
pinagmasdan na lang ang paglalapag ng pagkain ng mga kasambahay.
"This is my favorite appetizer," Senyora said and continued to give us information about it.
Wala naman akong pakialam. Ang sarap nga'ng barahin na huwag nang magpaligoy ligoy pa
pero hinayaan ko siya at pinigilan ko ang sarili ko.
"l heard from Uriel that you have business connections with the Riegos and the
Hidalgos, Achilles. How is it going? Are you also considering to invest on one of our newer
companies? Especially that your son is also looking into it?"
Iniisip ko lang kung nilalason ba kami ni Senyora at ang mga tanong niya, paraan lang para
mawala sa isipan namin iyon.
But I admit that her food is delicious. Kaya tahimik ako at paminsan minsang sumusubo,
unwillingly listening to every little detail.
"Matilda wants to invest," natawa si Senyora.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Achilles at bumagal ang nguya ko. Nang bumaling si
Achilles sa akin, kay Senyora Domitilla naman ako tumingin. Senyora was already watching
me as she continued.
"I must say she doesn't have the money to. Unless someone supports her and give shares.
Will that be you, Achilles?"
I licked my lips and put my fork down to chew more. Binaba ko ang mga mata ko sa
kinakain at naisip na uminom ng wine kapag nalunok ko na iyon.
"Hindi, Senyora," malamig na sinabi ni Achilles. "Why would you think that I"ll give her a
share?"
"Oh? I..." natawa si Senyora. "I thought you two had a thing going on?"
"Wala, Senyora. Matilda is just an acquaintance. Madalas kaming magkita sa mga meetings
kung saan ako nag invest ilang taon na ang lumipas, but I'm not involved with her."
"Oh. Well, I must say that it's a good news. We had a history of fraud with her and although
I don't want to judge, I couldn't imagine you liking the likes of her."
Fraud. Eh, hindi ba ganoon ka rin naman? The likes of her.
"So... she's not your girlfriend? That's good news, indeed."
"I don't have a girlfriend, Senyora," medyo seryoso at halatang iritado na sinabi ni
Achilles.
My eyebrow shot up. Ni hindi ko namalayan na may reaksiyon ako sa sinabi ni
Achilles. Nagkatinginan kami. I sipped on my wine and maintained a calm demeanor.
"That's not what I heard. O siguro, inisip ko lang na sa ilang taon na wala kang asawa, kahit
paano nakahanap ka ng girlfriend ngayon. Hindi ba? Pero nagkagirlfriend ka ba noon?
There must be fire when there is smoke somewhere..." Senyora Domitilla smirked at
Achilles.
"Wala, Senyora."
The wine is suddenly scratchy on my throat. Kinailangan ko pang tumikhim para lang
mawala ang kati. Napabaling tuloy ang dalawa sa akin. Then I continued eating like nothing
happened, eventually they did the same.
Patuloy na nagsilbi ang mga kasambahay para sa sumunod na course.
"This one is a popular Mediterranean dish..." nagpatuloy si Senyora sa mga sinasabi niya
habang naglalapag ng sunod na course ang mga kasambahay sa amin.
This is ridiculous. I didn't come here for a dinner of fancy courses. I just want to know the
truth! Pero nakisabay pa rin ako dahil alam ko ang ugali ng matanda.
She likes hosting parties, but I can't believe that she is treating this this way. This isn't some
simple meeting. This is serious!
"Do we really have to do this?" | snapped when she finished her blurb of the
 Mediterranean cuisine.
"The what?" Senyora sounding like I'm being gibberish.
"The courses. Nandito kami para kausapin ka tungkol sa nangyari noon. We're not here for
a party," I continued.
"A party? This is hardly a party, Marem. If this is a party to you, then that's very
unfortunate-"
"You know what I mean. With you hosting and telling us kung ano ang kakainin, please just
let's get straight to the point!"
Natahimik saglit si Senyora. Achilles looked at her coldly like he agreed to what I said.
Iritado siguro sa pang intriga.
"Well, I guess it's just my hosting obsession. And you can't expect me to just suddenly tell
you everything without an introduction."
Gusto kong ilaban ang punto ko pero tinigilan ko na lang. Halata kay Senyora na hindi
magbabago ang isip niya. At isa pa, siya ang magbibigay ng eksplenasyon.
She can very well decline in giving us explanations so pressuring her won't help.
"Nagmamadali ka ba? Perhaps, you're meeting someone after this dinner?"
Kumunot ang noo ko sa pasaring niya. She sipped on her water like she didn't just accuse
me of something intriguing. Now, after doing it to Achilles, mukhang ako naman ang
babalingan niya ng intriga.
"Were you not done with your commitment today, at may tatapusin ka pa ngayong gabi,
kaya ka nagmamadali? I heard the diamond was so huge, like no other."
Namilog ang mata ko at nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. This... old. Witch!
"It must've cost a few million dollars. Hindi ka pa rin kumukupas. Hindi mabilang ng daliri
ang nag propose sa'yo noon. I hope this dinner didn't distract you from your answer to
Armando."
Napasulyap ako kay Achilles. Il immediately hid my bare fingers on my wine glass.
I saw him watching my hand move, like he's searching for a ring. I gritted my teeth and
looked at Senyora Domitilla.
"Hindi ka pa rin kumukupas, Senyora. You still seem to know everything. wonder if that's
because you feel powerful when you know private things about other people."
"Oh?" natutop ni Senyora ang labi niya na parang gulantang siya sa sinabi ko.
"Was it private? Ang kuwento kasi sa sobrang public place naganap kanina. I was only told
by a friend. I didn't snoop in your life, hija. I guess other people were snooping and they all
want to confirm it from me. I couldn't, though. Since, I don't know anything at all."
I swallowed hard and took the wine glass. Sinipat ko si Achilles na kabilang kamay kO
naman ang tiningnan. Hinayaan ko na lang na makita niyang walang singsing doon. I rolled
my eyes and sipped on my wine.
Nagtawag si Senyora ng mayordoma at agad nang binaba ang pang huling course. Sabay
sabay namang lumabas ang mga kasambahay sa dining area at sinarado ang pintuan para
kaming tatlo na lang ang naroon.
"I hope you two enjoyed the meals. I planned out the menu, you know, the moment Achilles
reached out to me to inform me of tonight."
Hindi ako sumagot. Achilles sipped on his drink and stayed silent, as well.
"Thank you for giving me this opportunity to talk to you two. Matagal kO nang gusto na
kausapin kayong dalawa. Matagal ko nang sinubukan kay Achilles, kaya masaya ako na sa
wakas, napaunlakan na rin."
Matalim kong tinitigan si Senyora Domitilla. Should I believe her or not? She is
manipulative as hell. Hindi ako nagmamalinis at minsan na rin akong nang manipula, kay
Snow at Amber. But my evil doings, although wrong and not something to be proud of,
came from a place of love and concern. A bit of ego and bitterness, I guess. But definitely
not because I leisurely want to ruin
Someone else's lives.
"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to close this part of me. It is very helpful. I am old
and there is not much time left. To allow me to resolve and conclude a part of me this way,
is an honor."
Kahit pa gaano ka sarap ang salitang binibitiwan niya, hindi ko makuha sa mukha niya ang
nararamdaman na iyon. Maybe, because she had a perpatual smug smile. Para bang laging
may masamang iniisip o pinaplano.
Come to think of it, she never really looked pleasantly kind. Pero naniwala ako sa kanya
noon dahil wala siyang ipinakita sa akin kundi kabaitan. I shouldve believed my mother
 "I have done a lot of mistakes in the past, to my sons, grandsons, and other people. I believe
it was all reasonable. But... at some point, I guess I'd have to accept that we are not the
absolute judge of situation, things, and people. No matter how much we value our
experiences and respect traditions, some things are more important than that. Or at least
that's what I've learned now that I'm old... and maybe dying."
Bumagsak ang mga mata ko sa pinggan. May kaonting kirot akong naramdaman sa puso.
Hindi ko maintindihan. Am l in pain to hear that she is... dying?
I hated her for years. I didn't even want to see her. I loathed her to the bones.
I'm a fool for being too kind despite this facade of mine.
"Akala ko ang magiging pamana ko sa inyong dalawa, ay ang sama ng loob, at walang
katuldukang katanungan. I may not erase the wound of what I've done, but at least let me
tell you my side of the story."
"Is it really a part of the story? Or you just made it up to look good now that you're old and
weary? Maybe you want a good legacy. To be a heroine to everyone," malamig kong sinabi.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay at sumilay ulit ang malademonyong ngiti.
"Oh no, Marem. That is not what I strive for. I take pride on me being a foe, no matter ifI had
reasons or not. I do not care about a clean, credible, and honorable legacy. I take pride that I
never let anyone insult me or my family without a... winning fight."
Ano'ng ibig niyang sabihin? That she did those things for her family? I wasted my time
coming here. She's obviously lying.
Nabasa niya sa itsura ko ang pagdudua. She smirked again.
"Let me start from the very beginning. Hindi ko ito makukuwento ng maayos kung hindi
ako magsisimula sa kabataan namin. I hope you two have the patience to listen, and
presence of mind to understand."
Nagkatinginan kami ni Achilles. I saw the doubt in his eyes as well but unlike me, for sure
he is willing to hear her. Nauuna na sa akin ang pang aakusa na puro kasinungalingan ang
lahat ng ito.
"I love Rodolfo when we were kids. Ako ang pinaka unang nagpahayag na mahal ko si Dolfo,
batang bata pa lang ako. And being a Zaldarriaga, powerful clan here in Costa Leona, who
upholds marriages for convenience, I was pretty sure that he will end up with me."
Hindi na ako nagulat. Sa nagdaang mga taon, naisip ko na iyon. Kahit hindi ko pa
nakumpirma kay Senyora.
"Alondra was a far relative that we adopted. At hindi ko man alam noon, pero nang
tumanda ako, natanto kong maaaring inampon siya ng papa at mama, hindi dahil naawa
sila rito, kundi dahil nakita nilang malaking propyedad siya.
Madagdagan kaming tatlong magkakapatid. They see us as assets that will lead them to
greater influence and money, if we all married to influential and rich families.
I gritted my teeth and disgusted by it. This is the reason why I wasn't particularly closed to
my grandpa and grandma on my mother's side. Bukod sa hindi niya ito tunay na mga
magulang, malayo rin ang loob ni Mama sa mga ito.
"The Galvezes were not as rich as the Riegos or Hidalgos. But they were rich enough to
catch my parent's interest. I was lucky. I got to choose who I want my husband to be. At sa
panahong iyon, mabilis ang buhay. Nagpapakasal ang mga kabataan sa murang edad dahil
hindi namin alam kung hanggang kailan payapa."
Alam kong sinabi ko na hindi ako maniniwala sa kanya kaya lang kahit paano nakitaan ko
iyon ng koneksiyon sa mga alam ko tungkol kay Mama.
"Conrado will be married off to the heiress of an old rich clan. Drusilla, to a
Hidalgo. And I will end up with the apple of my eye, Rodolfo Galvez."
Napakurap kurap ako. I didn't expect that. She was... supposed to marry Papa?
"Alondra didn't have someone to marry yet. The Riegos didn't want to push things like that.
The Saldivars were my great grandfather's enemies. Pero marami pa namang ibang
pamilya sa Pilipinas kaya hindi mauubusan si Alondra noon."
She said all those things calmly, as if it came out of her mouth naturally.
"l am friends with Leona, your mothe, Achilles. So Alondra, naturally is also friends with
her. Kaming tatlo, laging magkasama. Until we noticed that Rodolfo was very fond of Leona.

Napasulyap ako kay Achilles. He looks angry but with restraint. Napalunok ako at naalala
kung gaano niya ka mahal ang ina niya.
"That was also the time when Antonius Mercadejas Senior visited the estate his
 family was building with his friend, Vincentius Hidalgo. My parents' eyes turned into gold
when they met Senyor. He was as rich as the Riegos. They were pleased. At dahil hindi
puwedeng bitiwan ni Drusilla ang mga Hidalgo dahil mayaman din sila, I was the sacrificial
lamb. They've decided that I should marry
Anton, because I am a true Zaldarriaga. Then Alondra, Rodolfo."
Suminghap ako at hindi maipagkakaila ang malaking posibilidad na totoo ang sinabi niya. I
can easily ask my father about it, over the phone after this. Why would she lie right now
when it can easily be verified. Nothing is stopping us now, unlike what happened before.
"I was devastated. It happened very fast. I was bitter.I was also very young.I didn't know
better but it broke my heart."
Bumuntonghininga si Senyora at nagtaas ng kilay sa akin.
"Hindi ko inisip na kasalanan iyon ni Alondra. I blamed my parents. I blamed
Anton for coming here in Costa Leona. And honestly lI didn't love him for years, even after
we got married and had our kids. I was young, naive. I wasn't ready.
He was also young but I didn't love him the way I loved Rodolfo."
So... was it true? That she really loved the senior?
"Kaya nang nalaman ko na si Leona ang gustO ni Rodolfo, mas lalo lang naging masakit para
sa akin. I feel bad because I didn't marry him. Now, I feel worse because he is in love with
someone else. I want him to choose Alondra, not only because she is my sister, but also
because I didn't want him to be happy. I didn't want him to marry someone he loves. I want
them to suffer like l did."
She chuckled as if it was very funny.
"I have a vengeful spirit even back then. If l can't be happy, nobody should."
Kumunot ang noo ko at nag iwas ng tingin. Was she also unhappy when she did that to us,
then? Alam kong biktima kami ng away nila pero parang ang hirap tanggapin. Ang laki laki
ng nangyari para sa akin pero para sa kanila, nasagasaan lang kami ng walang humpay na
paghihiganti?
"Nalaman din namin na magtatanan silang dalawa sa gabing magkakaroon ng pagdiriwang
para sa kasal ni Alondra at Rodolfo. And as you two probably know by now, a popular band
of that time visited the country. With my father, powerful and influential, he can easily
arrange a schedule so we could meet them."
My eyes lifted on Achilles again. He's looking at his drink now as if he didn't care about this
part.
"They were invited for Rodolfo and Alondra's engagement. And we took that opportunity to
use our influence, and use them to fool Rodolfo. Because how else will he give Leona up? Isa
lang ang makakapagpasuko sa kanya kay Leona ang hindi siya siputin sa tanan, at ang
malamang nagtaksil ito sa kanya. Na pinili ni Leona ang mayaman, sikat, at dayuhang
miyembro ng bandang hinahangaan."
Achilles and Perseus is Morgan and Leona's sons, then... did Leona submit herself to him?
"We both bribed the band to do it. And they did it. Rodolfo was devastated that
Leona didn't appear on the night they decided to elope. I hired someone to make a letter
and immitate Leona's handwriting. At dahil doon, naniwala si Dolfo at nagdesisyon si na
pakasalan na si Alondra."
"You bribed the band to what? To rape my mother?!" Achilles spat.
Namilog ang mga mata ko at napabaling agad kay Senyora Domitilla. Nagtaas si
Senyora ng mga kamay.
"I may be vengeful, but I'm not that kind of person, Achilles. We paid them to take her away
for some time, enough for Dolfo to marry Alondra. It was quick. He married Alondra that
week. And we ordered them to let her go, but after that... hindi ko na alam ang nangyari."
"Really? This isn't the only time you took away someone."
"Yes, I admit that," Senyora said with gritted teeth. "But I don't torture-"
"And that makes it better, Senyora?" I fired.
"l didn't say that. You can call me whatever you want. Think of me as someone so evil, but
there are lines that I'm drawing. At ano naman ang mapapala ko kung ganoon nga ang
ginawa ko? Morgan is rich. You think, if he did rape Leona, I can pay him to follow my
bidding? A getaway with a pretty girl, all expense paid plus their time paid is very
reasonable. Pero ang bayaran ang isang katulad ni
Morgan, na gumawa ng krimen.. isang sikat na banda sa buong mundo... you think I can buy
his dignity? You think my money can make him risk his popularity and credibility?"
Pareho kaming natahimik ni Achilles.
 "At bukod diyan, ano ba ang mapapala ko doon? Rodolfo won't marry me even if
I did it. So why should I take the effort to do such a thing?"
She smirked.
"You must think that I was so evil. But don't forget that it wasn't just me."
Bumaling si Senyora sa akin. "l actualized the whole plan out of my bitterness and anger. I
feel betrayed by Leona. I blamed her. I'm also very unhappy with my marriage with Anton.
But Alondra, was the mastermind. She suggested that we do it."
I shifted on my seat as my blood boiled.
"Sinisisi mo si Mama para sa bagay na ginawa mo? Wala ka bang respeto? You probably
never treated her as your sister!"
"I knew you'd say this." Natawa si Senyora.
THe urge to claw her face is suddenly so strong that I had to grip my chair.
"Im happy that even though you didn't have a good relationship with your mother, you still
look stand up for her. I can't blame you. Hindi ko rin gusto ang ginawa ng mga magulang ko
pero hindi ako magpapakasal kay Anton kung ayaw ko silang paluguran. No matter how
much l loathed my parents, it is pure pride and joy to be praised by them."
"How dare you compare this to what you've done!" I spat.
"Im not yet done, Marem," malamig niyang sinabi.
"You are lying! You want someone else to take the blame for something that you've done!
Sinasali mo siya sa usapan para malinis ang pangalan mo! Nag usap na kami ni Mama at
alam ko ang nangyari!"
"Then let me finish this so we can compare notes. Alondra can keep her secrets to the
grave, while lI will definitely vomit mine while l'm alive."
Halos uminit ang buong katawan ko sa galit. Kinailangan ko pang huminga ng malalim para
lang pigilan ang sariling sugurin si Senyora.
"l am taking the blame for this. I don't need Alondra to share the blame. But I wan't to tell
you the whole truth."
Pumikit ako na para bang hindi ko maririnig kung hindi ko siya makita.
"We planned for it. I didn't know then that Alondra loves Dolfo. I thought she was
supporting my wrath. She used my wrath and suggested everything. I used her brilliance to
act on my revenge. And was very satisfiedin the end."
Huminga ako ng malalim at hindi pa rin dumilat.
"And yes, gaya ng reaksiyon mo ngayon, ganyan din ang naging reaksiyon ni
Alondra noong nagkaalaman na. Years after that, when I fell in love with Anton, our
children, and our life, the truth was out! Nalaman nila na ako ang dahilan ng nangyari noon.
Because apparently, Alondra loves Rodolfo and didn't want
Rodolfo to stay in the past. Kaya sinabi niya na... ako. Ako. Ako lang ang may gawa. Ako ang
nagplano. Ako ang gumawa ng lahat. And how convenient, because after al... she's not a real
Zaldarriaga. I am. It's me who has the real power and money."
Umiling ako. Hindi ko matanggap na may parteng alam kong kayang gawin ni
Mama. I know how much she loves my father. Growing up, that was the root cause of my
issues.
"Sinisi ako ni Rodolfo! It caused a rift between my newly built love and relationship with
Anton! Reason why I thought I had to tell the truth! Bakit ako lang ang sinisisi ng lahat?
May kasalanan ako pero si Alondra rin, may kinalaman dito! I told Rodolfo that but
Alondra..." Senyora laughed. "The silent witch that she is, is obsessed with Rodolfo that she
cannot afford him to hate her! Hindi niya maamin ang nagawa namin! She insisted that I
acted alone! That I tempted
Morgan Philips into luring Leona! That Leona fell for Morgan because I planned it all! That I
was involving because I still love Rodolfo!"
She suddenly laughed almost hysterically. Dumilat ako at tahimik na tumingin sa kanya.
She was really having fun
"l am in love with Anton, Marem. We had a new relationship," marahan niyang sinabi.
She paused and l can suddenly feel how affected she was by that. Unti-unting napawi ang
ngiti niya habang nag isip.
"He didnt trust me enough. After all, nalaman niya na ang asawa niya, nagbayad ng sikat na
banda para ilayo si Leona kay Rodolfo. Dahil mahal na mahal niya si
Rodolfo. You should know by now how fragile new love is. Lesser trust and all ego. I
couldn't blame him. But I was telling the truth. Alondra lied."
She paused again. Hindi ako makapaniwala na sa bawat tigil niya, ramdam ko
 ang intensiyon.
"Natatawa ako dahil... hindi ako makapaniwala. Kung kailan ko nadiskubre ang totoong
pagmamahal, saka pa ako pinabagsak."
She then glanced at Achilles.
"Umuwi si Leona pagkatapos ng ilang taon na dala ka na, Achilles. It never really crossed
my mind that Leona would give in to Morgan. I know she only loves
Rodolfo. At nakumpirma ko kalaunan dahil kahit nariyan ka na, si Rodolfo pa rin ang mahal
niya."
Nilingon ko si Achilles na kunot ang noo at parang ayaw na maniwala kay
Senyora.
"I was blamed by Rodolfo. Paulit ulit kong sinabi ang totoo. Na kaming dalawa ni
Alondra ang may pakana sa pagpapakidnap kay Leona. At na wala na akong rason para
idamay si Alondra dahil hindi na si Rodolfo ang mahal ko. Anton believed me eventually.
AndI stopped explaining myself because... when someone you really love believes you..
everyone else's opinion of you won't matter."
Ni hindi ko namalayan na umawang ang labi ko nang sabihin iyon ni Senyora. I couldn't
believe that I suddenly remember al my experiences. How I am so misunderstood and... the
only thing that would console me is if Achilles understands...
Napasinghap ako at pilit na pinigilan nagbabadyang sakit at haplos sa puso.
"Alondra denied my accusations. She cut our ties. Didn't want to acknowledge that she was
ever a part of our family, given the other issues back then about my siblings, and our issues
as well."
Senyora Domitilla sighed.
"Inisip ko na hindi ko na rin kailangan pang magsikap na sabihin ang totoo kay
Rodolfo. He blamed me. And honestly, it didn't matter to me if he did. All that matters is
Anton believed in me."
She paused.
"l guess that is how powerful true love is. You dont need anyone's approval.
Hindi ko rin pinangarap na linisin ang pangalan ko kay Rodolfo.
I paused to take it all in. This could all be lies. No matter how reasonable, I couldn't get
myself to trust her enough.
"Hanggang sa nagkasakit si Leona. She didn't forgive me at all so even if I tried to help her,
she would have none of it. She wont talk to me. So I let her be. But I hire you Achilles, to at
least help you two.
Hindi mababayaran ng pagkuha kay Achilles bilang tagapangalaga ng kabayo, sa lahat ng
nagawa niya kay Leona Riego.
"Sa nagdaang taon, minsan ko na ring naisip na maaaring anak ni Rodolfo si
Achilles. The way he treated Achilles always, he was soft to him. At alam ko na gano'n din
ang hinala ni Alondra. We both know Leona was a prude and she only loves Rodolfo. There
was no way she could've given herself to anyone. Not even to Morgan. And because l only
paid Morgan to take her away, nothing more, why else would I think that he could well be
the father of Leona's child.
She sighed.
"Pero hindi ko iyon mapatunayan."
My eyes snapped at her. "Kaya gumawa ka ng sarili mong gawa gawang patunay?"
Senyora smirked and glanced at Achilles.
"Oo. Gumawa ako ng sariling patunay. The DNA test. The letter. Because how else will l take
my revenge for Alondra then?"
"I thought you said you were happy with your life? Kung may kasalanan nga si
Mama, bakit kailangan mo kaming idamay? Bakit kailangan mo akong idamay?!
You were fond of me! I trusted you!l" I said, my voice picking up volume and intensity.
Nagtiim-bagang si Senyora at mataman akong tinitigan.
"Dahil dinamay din ni Alondra ang mga anak ko. She fired first."
Liar!
"Sinabi ko kay Rodolfo ang totoong nangyari sa gabing iyon. Na hindi lang ako ang
nagplano. Na pinakasalan niya ang mastermind sa pagpapakidnap kay
Leona. Hindi ko alam kung anong sinabi ni Leona kay Rodolfo but I know that
Leona only loved Rodolfo. Rodolfo was very emotional after their talk before
Leona died. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang napag usapan nila pero sa wakas, dininig na ni
Rodolfo ang mga paliwanag ko. Tinanggap niya na iyon. At sinisi na
 rin pati si Alondra. Reason why I concluded that they must've talked about
Achilles being his son."
"How shallow," Achilles said coldly.
"You concluded?! Kaya ka gumawa ng sarili mong ebidensiya?! Bakit kailangan gawa gawa
lang?!" ako naman.
"l didn't do that right then and there, Maria Emilia, Achilles!" Senyora snapped.
Natahimik kaming dalawa ni Achilles.
"Alondra was mad at me for revealing it to Rodolfo! He blamed her! They weren't happy!
He blamed her repeatedly and was it my fault? Sinabi ko lang ang totoo!
Pero anong ginawa niya? She accused me of cheating on Anton with our what's worse? I got
pregnant with Yvo!"
Parang sandaling tumigil ang mundo ko nang sabihin niya ang mga huling pangungusap. I
remember how bad it was to had rumors of me cheating. At kung paano ako nasaktan noon
tuwing iniisip na naniniwala si Snow o si Amber.
But I guess this is different. They thought I was cheating with someone else. It was bad
enough but this... is a different level of bad.
"With me pregnant, and the rumors about me cheating on my husband spreading around.
and with our gardener, a prominent member of a Costa
Leona family, you really think it won't affect the boy I was carrying, huh?"
I swallowed hard.
"Si Anton at Uriel, apektado. Pero malalaki na sila. Galit na galit pa rin ako. At dahil hindi ko
mapigilan ang lihim na tsismis sa buong Costa Leona at sa mga ma impluwensiyang
pamilya, alam kong kalaunan, maaapektuhan si Yvo."
I didn't move a bit. Halos hindi ako huminga habang hinihintay ang sasabihin ni
Senyora.
"She thought it was funny, huh? To spread rumors that I'm carrying someone else's child?
That Yvo is not a Mercadejas. That Anton was a fool to father Yvo when he's not the real
father? I didn't... regret my wrath back then. Kasi dinala ng anak ko iyon hanggang lumaki
na siya. Ilang ebidernsiya na ang ibinigay ko, hindi siya naniniwala. It was because of your
mother's rumor about him... she ruined the identity of my son."
Napakurap-kurap ako. Tears threatened to form in my eyes.
Senyora smirked.
"I wanted you to hate Alondra. To blame her for keeping secrets. I was sure you will
eventually heal from it. But for that moment, I want you to despise her.
Eventually heal from it?! Eventually heal from it?! Hindi na ako nagsalita. Masyado pa
akong nahabag sa huling sinabi niya.
"Oo, Marem. Oo, at alam kong nagmamahalan kayo ni Achilles pero inisip ko noon na hindi
kayo magtatagal," she glanced at Achilles. "lba ang mundo ninyo at hindi kayo nababagay.
At higit sa lahat, inakala ko rin na totoong magkapatid kayo. I thought I was doing you a
favor. I was doing you two a favor. I will save
Marem from a disgraceful scandal of marrying her brother, she will hate her mother, and I
will have my revenge. Three birds, in a stone," she smirked.
"Were you successful in the favor you gave us, then?" malamig na sinabi ni
Achilles.
"I fooled you, yes. But those were half truths. We believe that you are Rodolfo's son.
Nagpagawa na ako ng mga ebidensiya para sa plano kong paghihiganti kay
Alondra. Sinabi ko rin sa'yo na huwag nang gambalain si Marem dahil hindi niya alam ang
tungkol dito. I wanted you to break up with her, because you love someone else now. I
didn't want her to know the... truth. Or at least the truth that we believed in. I wanted you
twO apart because I want her to hate Alondra, and also, vanted to save her."
"You are... just saying this to save yourself. Ano'ng gusto mo?! Magpasalamat ako salyo?!"
iritado kong balik kay Senyora."
"Hindi ko hihingin ang pagpapasalamat o kapatawaran mo, Maria Emilia. I said,
I'm saying the truth because l don't want to take it to the grave like what Alondra did."
Umiling ako, ayaw pa ring maniwala kahit pa apektadong apektado na ako.
"My initial plan for revenge was to make you hate Alondra. Dahil alam ko na sinisisi mo na
siya dahil ayaw niya kayong dalawa ni Achilles. I wanted you to
"My initial plan for revenge was to make you hate Alondra. Dahil alam ko na sinisisi mo na
siya dahil ayaw niya kayong dalawa ni Achilles. I wanted you to break whatever respect
you have for her. That's the truth. Gusto kong sabihin
 na... ang dahilan ay dahil concerned ako sa'yo at ayaw kong pakasalan mo ang kapatid mo,
pero hindi. My plan was to make you hate your mother, because I knew my son would hate
me too. You not ending up with Achilles was only a bonus. I helped you. You will thank me
in the future.
"And..." natawa ako. "Am I thanking you right now, Senyora?
Nagkatinginan kami ni Senyora.
"Alam kong hindi sapat ang paghingi ko ng kapatawaran sa sinapit ninyong dalawa.
Tanggap ko rin na maaaring hindi ninyo ako mapatawad. But that burden of forgiveness
will be carried by you." She smirked. "I feel lighter now that
I told you my unbiased side of the story. If you two so choose to carry the anger, it is not my
shoulder who will feel worn out. It's yours."
This. Witch.
I can't believe I loved her when I was a teenager!!
"And up to this day, although lI'm sad that you two didn't marry each other, I still don't
regret it. You two lived a good life-
Natawa ako. "Don't act honorable now. Na masaya ka dahil maayos ang buhay namin?"
She smiled.
"You have Amber, Marem. Achilles has Percival and Jaxon."
"The wounds you gave me never healed. Are you telling me that you don't regret hurting
me? Si Mama ang kaaway mo, pero ako ang higit na nasaktan! She regretted what she's
done to me but she had wrong decisions that she was still paying for! Ako?! Anong ginawa
ko sa'yo?" My voice broke. "Bakit imbes na damay lang ako, daplis lang, bakit parang ako
ang nasagasaan?!"
I looked at Achilles and saw his eyes closed and in full restraint of himself.
Hindi nagsalita si Senyora. Mataman niya lang akong tinitigan na parang hinihintay na
kumalma ako.
I breathed in and out and tried to calm myself.
Hindi ko pa alam kung totoo ang mga sinasabi niya pero ganito na ako ka pektado.
Yumuko ako. Binalot kami ng matinding katahimikan. Achilles remained silent, with his
eyes shut so tight. Senyora looked at us, longer and calmer each passing time.
She's old. Maliit na kumpara sa naaalala kong tangkad niya noon. Her hair is all white and
her wrinkled face revealed that although beauty won't last, some people exude the energy
of a different and mystical kind of splendor.
"You came here tonight because you wanted to hear it from me - the truth," si
Senyora pagkatapos ng napakahabang katahimikan.
Walang nagsalita sa amin ni Achilles.
"After all these years, you twO married someone else, and had children and grandchildren...
and yet, you come here to me for the truth."
My mouth dropped open. Handa na akong magsalita pero wala akong maisip na sasabihin.
Achilles remained restraint with his eyes closed.
"We wounded you two, reason why you wounded each other. No. For now, I will take all the
blame. I wounded you two, reason why... you are both so wounded, you haven't healed.
Bumaling si Senyora kay Achilles.
"Malayo pa lang kitang kita na sa mga mata n'yong dalawa. Dumami man ang apo n'yo,
alam kong sugatan pa rin kayo. You came here to seek for the healing you wanted for
yourselves...!
She glanced at me.
"And although I am hoping that you two will heal from the truth, but...
Pumikit ako ng marin at gustong gusto nang magsalita. Sumabog.
"Some loves ran deep in the soul, that the bruises are in the spirit. And those kind of loves,
don't heal with just the truth. They heal... with love."
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 37
 Tattoo
"Im sorry. Maybe when I come back," I said silently over the phone.
T had a few remaining important meetings that I cancelled immediately after that night. I
don't think I have the strength to do anything else after that. Nanghihina ako at lumilipad
ang isipan ko sa mga bagay na dapat ay matagal ko nang pinakawalan. I am not even
capable of distracting myself just so I would stop thinking about it.
"Really? Or is it an excuse not to see me?" I know Perseus wanted to sound cheeky but I am
too serious and too occupied to ride it.
"IIl see you when I get back."
Natahimik ang kabilang linya. l even thought that he dropped the call until | heard him sigh.

"Do you have a problem?" seryoso na rin ngayon ang tono niya.
"N-Nothing. I'm just... busy preparing for my daughter's wedding."
Hindi na rin naman siya nangulit. Siguro nahimigan niya ang kaseryosohan sa boses ko
Even Nikola's calls, I couldn't answer properly. I missed most of it. Hindi ko alam kung
bakit ayaw ko munang makipag usap kahit kanino pagkatapos ng nangyari.
O siguro dahil alam kong iyon ang itatanong ni Nikolai kaya nahihirapan akong sagutin ng
maayos ang tawag niya.
I know at some point, I will need to talk about it. Life won't stop for anyone. And feelings
will settle eventually so l will get used to it.
Bumuntonghininga ako at bumalik na sa meeting na saglit kong iniwan para sagutin ang
tawag ni Perseus.
"So... let me recap what we've discussed," the wedding planner said.
Sumulyap si Amber sa akin. Tumango ako at tiningnan muli ang mga napag- usapan kanina.

Amber trusted all my decisions but of course, I still want to be sure that she will like what
I'm trying to put on her wedding. After all, kasal niya iyon at alam kong kahit na may tiwala
siya sa akin, may sarili rin siyang preference.
I nodded at each mention of details. And corrected the planner when there are mistakes.
"Para sa ibang set up, can we just decide once I'm in Costa Leona. I"ll see if it fits the whole
view," sambit ko.
"Sure, Ma'am."
Nag-usap pa kami tungkol sa gowns at iba pa. Matagal bago ko napansin na tahimik lang si
Amber at parang pinagmamasdan ang bawat sinasabi at galaw ko. My eyes stayed with her
when I noticed that she was just watching me the whole time.
"Is that okay?" I asked her for her opinion.
Tumigil siya sa pangangalumbaba at umayos sa pagkakaupo.
"Yeah. Sure."
"Were you really listening?" nagtaas ako ng kilay.
She smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, Mom."
Tumango ako kahit alam kong hindi.
Ifinalized all the remaining details. At kalaunan, natapos na rin ang meeting sa araw na
iyon. Bukas, tutulak na ako pauwi ng Costa Leona. I will begin the preparation for the menu
and taste test. Isa rin ang venue sa titingnan ko at susunod na siguro ang planner doon
kalaunan kapag ni-request ko.
I paused and thought about Kuya Remus' contract waiting for me in the office.
Lalo akong pinilit ni Kuya na mamahala sa The Coast dahil hindi na muna siya babalik doon.
I wasn't here when Agnes went back on Snow and Kael's life, but I heard she's trying to win
back Kuya Remus. She's under the impression that
Remus is really still staying in Costa Leona when he's traveling and staying on his rest
houses.
Isa pa, dahil sa Manila muna mamamalagi si Snow, Sibal, at Archer, no one will really be
here to check on the new renovations of our mansion. Naka ilang renovations na rin iyon sa
nagdaang taon at sobrang bored yata ni Kuya para laging baguhin kurng may maisipan man
siya.
"Thank you, Mommy," si Amber pagkatapos umalis ng mga bisita.
I smiled at her. "It's no big deal. And you know I like these things, right?"
Inayos ko ang mga papel sa lamesa. We are in Nikolai's condo to plan all these stuff. Buti at
pinaunlakan nila ako na dito na ang meeting dahil ayaw kong umalis para pumunta sa
penthouse ni Jaxon.
 Tumayo s Amber habang inaayos ko ang mga kalat. I paused when I felt her arm circle on
my shoulders for a back hug. She kissed me on the forehead and | couldn't help but close
my eyes to feel her hug and kiss more.
Isa pa, dahil sa Manila muna mamamalagi si Snow, Sibal, at Archer, no one will really be
here to check on the new renovations of our mansion. Naka ilang renovations na rin iyon sa
nagdaang taon at sobrang bored yata ni Kuya para laging baguhin kung may maisipan man
siya.
Tumayo si Amber habang inaayos ko ang mga kalat. I paused when I felt her arm circle on
my shoulders for a back hug. She kissed me on the forehead and I couldn't help but close
my eyes to feel her hug and kiss more.
"I love you so much, Mom."
"Hmm. I love you too, Amber."
Matagal bago niya kinalas iyon. Saka lang din ako dumilat nang kinalas niya iyon at hinanap
ko siya sa likod ko. Umikot siya at ngayon umupo na sa sofa kung saan ako naupo at
niyakap ulit ako ng pagilid.
Humalakhak ako. She was very clingy when she was a child. Saka lang kami medyo
nagkalabuan noong nagdalaga at medyo rebelde. Then she's back to her old self while
raising Jacques. It's just that there are times when we get on each other's nerves.
"l love you so much, Mommy. And I guess I just want to say... 'm sorry."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay at sinubukang lingunin siya at nakitang nakapikit pa rin siya at lalong
humigpit ang yakap sa akin.
"I'm very sorry," her voice was throaty. "Although I know you love dad, I really thought that
Nikolai was your other man. Of course alam ko na ang totoo years ago... but.. just realized I
haven't apologized for thinking about you that way."
Natawa ako ng kaonti kahit alam kong seryoso iyon. "It's okay, Amber. Hindi ko rin gusto na
iniisip n'yo ni Snow iyon sa akin pero... alam kong kasalanan ko rin. I couldn't stop seeing
Nikolai and I also know that it's a selfish thing to do."
Umayos siya sa pagkakaupo at ngayon, nagkatinginan kami.
"Not at all, mommy. Kung alam ko rin noon, siguro ganoon din ang ginawa ko. I just think
that those rumors were unfounded and the reason why I believed them more than you is
because... I guess. I really didn't have much faith in marriages for convenience... that you
and dad both shared. Kaya rin... hindi ko talaga gusto ang ganoong klaseng kasal."
"Hmm." I nodded. "I just want to say that it's not so bad to marry for convenience.
Or..."
Naisip ko si Papa at si Mama. Si Kuya Remus at si Agnes.
"That it isn't so bad if you're marrying a good person, like your dad." I smiled.
"Siguro nga. Pero... iba pa rin siguro kung nagpakasal ka sa mahal mo."
Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Amber. Ayaw ko man maalala ang isang tao, pero lumutang siya
sa isipan ko - si Senyora Domitilla. There are loves found in marriages for convenience. I
don't mean that it's familial love, like what I found with Dencio... I meant romantic love, like
what Senyora found with Senyor Anton.
And maybe, we all end up where we should belong. Growing up, although my family was
intact and my parents are there, I really think thatI was craving for the love of family. It was
what I need. Romantic intense love is elusive to me because it wasn't what I really needed.
"There are different kinds of love, Amber. Love of family is not less than any other kind of
love in the world. In fact, I think it is the most powerful." Ngumiti ako at hinaplos ang pisngi
niya.
Ngumiti rin siya. "Pero Mom, you agree that I love Jaxon romantically and intensely, and he
is also my family, right?"
I smiled. "Of course."
"N-Napag usapan lang namin nina Snow, Kuya Sibal at ni Jaxon... ang tungkol sa.. m-mga
nangyari. Dati. It turns out, I didn't know so much and..." namula ang pisngi niya. "Im
sorry."
Natawa ako. "It doesnt matter, Amber. And what do you mean napag usapan ninyo? Ang
alin?"
Kinagat niya ang labi niya. "You know... uhm... after the pamamanhikan... at uh.. nakita kasi
namin na hinabol ka ni Tito Achilles at..." hirap na hirap siyang magpatuloy. "W-We kinda
talked about the past and I realized... things.
"Ah! That. Uhm..." l paused a bit and continued. "Don't worry about it. Nag usap lang kami at
nagkaliwanagan. We're both hoping that there will be no ugly fights when we meet the next
time. Para sa inyo at para sa mga apo namin."
 Amber's mouth dropped open but she quickly recovered. "That's good, Mommy.
Thank you for that."
"You're welcome," sabi ko at pinagpatuloy ang pag-aayos kahit na hindi pa rin ata siya
tapos.
"So there are loves like that, right? Romantic, intense, and also... stable, familial." she
continued even when our topic already shifted.
Natigilan ulit ako at nanliit ang mga mata ko para sa anak. "Why are you asking,
Amber? You already know the answer because you are already experiencing it."
"Kasi... uh." she struggled for words. "Naisip ko lang na baka, Mommy, you deserve that
kind of love."
I didn't say anything. The more we progress, the more I find it weird and amusing at the
same time.
"N-Naisip ko lang. Nalulungkot ako tuwing naaalala na namatay ang babaeng m- mahal ni
dad, kaya hindi niya napakasalan. While you have your own story, I g- guess I just want to
say that i-it's not late for you to..."
My eyes turned into slits. She knew I was waiting for her to say something wrong.
"F-Find someone... Or find t-that in someone."
Suminghap ako at mataman siyang tinitigan bago nagsalita."My love for you is intense,
Amber. You are my family. That is enough. Naaawa ka lang sa akin dahil ngayong mag-
aasawa ka na, iiwan mo na ako." I smirked.
Her eyes watered. Kahit nagpapatawa lang naman dapat ako, pakiramdam ko kanina pa
yata siya naiiyak sa usapan namin kaya mabilis din ang mga luha niya.
I brushed her hair with my fingers to comfort her a bit. "Why don't you just open my cards
and let me shop in peace so I won't be that lonely without you and jacques, huh?"
Pinalis niya ang luhang lumandas sa pisngi at natawa ng kaonti. "Damn it! I might actually
do that!"
Natawa rin ako. "Mukha namang matatagalan ako sa Costa Leona. Ano'ng mabibili ko sa
tianggihan ng probinisiyang iyon? Wala naman."
She smiled through her still-falling tears. I smiled back, trying tolighten the mood.
Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayong tuluyan na nga'ng
magpapakasal si Amber. I have a special bond with Jacques but of course, Amber is my
light. She reminded me of the few things I forgot when I was occupied with my broken
heart. She inspired me... to live... at a time when alll wanted to do.. was die.
I walked quietly at the shore l am very familiar with.
My hair is slowly blown by the wind as the little waves crashed the white sand. came here
via chopper, like howl usually arrive as an adult. I was so scared to come back here because
I was so sure memories would haunt me but... now that l am here... it feels surreal.
Yes, memories haunted me. But unlike before, l could look back now in an objective way.
Dinala ako ni Mama rito dahil hindi niya gustong sumasali ako sa showbiz o kahit ang
pagmomodelo. It had to be my passion but I realized I was just so good at it because I
wanted attention. I looked for it in the wrong places.
Ayaw na ayaw ko rito kahit pa nagkaroon ng iilang kaibigan, kasama si Achilles.
I remember how young we were back then. He didn't exactly like me the first time. He was
even mad at me and rightfully so. I was spoiled and unrelentless to my insults to this town,
and the townspeople. At hindi ko man maamin non, kahit na minamaliit ko sila at
kinukumbinsi ko ang sarili ko na hindi puwedeng guwapo ang probinsiyanong kagaya niya,
he was actually very good looking. I always secretly think: too bad, he's poor.
Nang inakala ko na gusto niya ako, I singled him out. I don't know if he caught my eye
because I thought he liked me but it was embarassing, to say the least, that I was wrong the
whole time.
Or was 1?
Naalala ko na hindi ko na siya kinausap pagkatapos no'ng pagkapahiya ko. At siya naman
ang... gustong kumausap sa akin.
I sighed as I remember the next things that happened after that. He was a gentleman, and
didn't submit to my whims. He had his own mind and his own decisions. Something new
from the boys who tried to pursue me back then.
I stopped on my tracks when I reached the end of the shoreline of our hotel. It is the rock
formations that served as the wall that separates the neighbourhood of
 Achilles' house and the luxurious hotel of ours.
Noon, lagi kong iniisip na parang laging may bakod sa amin. lI never felt that with any of my
friends and acquaintances. Or maybe l did but I was always on the other end, on the upper
hand, looking down to those who wish they were on my side. Pero pagdating sa kanya,
kahit ibang iba ang buhay naming dalawa, at dapat mas masaya ako dahil mayaman at
lumaki sa karangyaan, parang ako pa ang mababa at nasa kabilang banda. Laging
nakatanaw sa likod ng bakod. naiinggit sa kabila. Kahit na wala naman na dapat akong
kainggitan dahil nasa akin na ang lahat.
Maybe it was the genuine connection that they had as friends. Or maybe... I sighed. Back
then... want him all for myself. I want to be the closest person to him. I felt envious... like
there is a wall between us because I knew I could never relate to that level. I knew I will
always be foreign to him, and him to me.
Suminghap ulit akO nang sa wakas naamin ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko binabaan noon. I
was too high with pride that I didn't want to acknowledge that even though I had the
money and influence, I didn't have love or any genuine care from anyone.
That was why when he began to break the walls between us, it was every little thing for me.
He rescued me from my loneliness. And I let him. Kaya naman ssobrang lugmok ko nang
iniwan niya ako.
I sighed again and looked a bit to my left. Sa rock formations, naroon si Achilles. I panicked
a bit butI was comforted with the fact that he won't see me where was. Nasa malayong
likod ako sa bandang kanan niya. Samantalang abala naman siyang nakatingin sa
karagatan.
Inoticed that the ocean was full of small boats coming home. Right. In order to survive back
then, he bought boats. Salmo, I always thought that he named it through a holy poem.
Binalik ko ang tingin kay Achilles. Naghihintay yata siyang dumaong ang mga bangka.
Akala ko ba hindi siya uuwi? l am still panicking inside but I dismissed it immediately.
Before I could build anything up in my head, I figured I must leave.
Kasabay sa pag-atras ko ang pagkakagulo ng inisip, bakit siya nandito? Hindi ba marami
daw siyang gagawin sa Manila? Oh my goodness, you. So what if he's here? Maghahamon ka
na naman ng away? You two just cleared it up!
After that meeting with Senyora Domitilla, hindi ko masasabing ayos na ako o na
napapatawad ko na si Senyora. She wasn't even sorry or what. Or if she was, she was just
trying to clean her conscience. Wala naman iyong pakialam kung galit pa kami o hindi.
Hindi na kami nag usap ni Achilles. He watched me as I immediately went to my
Benz after we dismissed the meeting. Kaswal lang ang lahat at pagkatapos ng mga huling
sinabi ni Senyora, tinapos din naman agad iyon.
"Marem," ang pamilyar na mababa niyang boses ang narinig ko ilang hakbang pa lang ang
layo ko.
Napapikit ako at nagsisi agad na naglakad lakad pa sa dalampasigan. Hindi ko rin naman
kasi alam na nariyan siya. I was just checking out the whole hotel.
I pushed myself to be nicer. Didn't we meet a couple of times for the closure we both want
for ourselves? Para matahimik? So why should I start another argument?
Of course healing isn't immediate, but I thought that all these years, plus the truths from
our last meeting, would finally end my long standing annoyance and anger but.
"Yes, Achilles?" baling ko habang sinusubukang kumalma at walang insulto na masabi pa.
Maybe ifl take one step at a time, I can finally do this.
Bumaba siya sa rock formations at tuluyang naglakad na sa buhanginan. I didn't want to
overreact and sten back so I remained where I was even when he's
"Akala ko nasa Manila ka?" I said, trying to hide my concern for our distance. " thought you
have businesses or something.."
Nagtaas siya ng kilay at bumagal ang lakad niya nang nagkalapit kami ng kaonti.
His brow told me that he was questioning my question.
"Isnt that what you told your friend? Matilda?" I smirked.
Sinusubukan kong maging mabait. Mabait naman ako. Nagtatanong lang naman ako.
"I needed a break or... vacation so I'm here."
 Napakurap kurap ako. Whata coincidence. Anyway, his reason is plausible. If l take his
word and he hasn't moved on, then he must need a break after those blows from our
previous meeting. Kahit naman ako, ilang araw na nanahimik at nagcancel na rin ng mga
meetings para lang mapag isa.
I tried my best not to question him this time. It would be useless if I keep on badgering him
whenever I have a chance. Pero bakit nga ba gustong gusto kong makipagbangayan?O
kontrahin ang ano mang gawin o sabihin niya?
"That's good," I said awkwardly.
Unti-unti akong nagsisisi na hindi ko siya binara. Hearing myself trying to be nice seems so
weird. Masasanay din siguro ako.
"At para na rin sa kasal ni Jaxon at Amber."
"It's weeks away, though," I pointed out.
Will that mean his "vacation" or "break" will last for a weeks? I was hoping he'd go back to
Manila in a day or two but..
"It's still the preparations," dugtong ko.
"You... came home for the preparations?"
Muntik ko nang sabihin na susubukan kong mamahala sa The Coast. I held back my tongue
for some reason.
"Yes."
"Well... do you need help?"
My lips parted. I can't believe l just heard that. Somehow, my mind turned blank. l just
wasn't willing to think past behind my previous thoughts.
"No, thank you. I oversee the preparations pero may organizers pa rin kaya I can handle it."
He nodded. We stared at each other for a few awkward moments before I decided that this
is getting ridiculous.
"Anyway, got to go," nagtaas ako ng kilay at tinalikuran siya para umalis na.
Before he could say anything, and only a few steps forward, I sensed that he was following
me.
"Hindi ko alam na ngayon ang uwi mo."
Kunot noo kong nilingon si Achilles at napansin ko nga ang pagsunod niya.
Tumigil ako sa paglalakad, tumigil din siya at nagkaharap ulit kami.
"I had to come home early because of the preparations."
"Pagkatapos ba ng kasal, babalik ka ng Manila?"
My brow shot more. He's just curious. I should ask him, too. Wala namang problema diyan.
"Hindi. Dito lang ako. How 'bout you? I'm sure you're going back after the wedding."
Umiling siya. "Dito na muna ako."
Another long stretch of awkward gazes and silence when I tried again.
"Okay. See you around," sabi ko at iiwan na sana siya. llang hakbang pa lang ay sumulyap na
ako sa kanya. I saw him starting to walk again behind me. He must have seen the question
on my face.
"I checked in here. Inaayos pa ang bahay. Nirerenovate."
Napakurap kurap ako at natigil ulit sa paglalakad. He stopped walking too and I saw how
curious he was with my shocked expression.
Well, I might be bothered that we are both staying in the hotel... and both have our houses
renovated. Pero parang masyadong malala ang reaksiyon ko. Didn't I say that we must
move on after that closure so why should I care if he's around the hotel?
Natawa ako sa sariling mga iniisip.
"Alright. Akala ko sa inyo ka tumuloy. You were in the rock formations and uhm..." Tlooked
at the nearing boats.
Sumulyap din si Achilles sa tinitingnan ko.
"Anyway.. enjoy the hotel."
I know he won't need a discount and for sure Snow and Sibal has arranged things for him
here but it feels rude to not offer anything. Bahala na nga.
Binilisan ko na lang ang lakad ko at nauna na akong bumalik sa hotel sa kanya.
Hindi niya na ako nasundan. It would be weird if he did so why am I even thinking about it.
Kita mo nga naman... gusto kong matawa...
Takot akong umuwi rito noon dahil baka makita ko siya. I heard he's not coming home so l
was confident we won't see each other here, at least before and after the wedding, but
now...
 "Can I check the software?" sabi ko sa receptionist sa lobby nang lumapit ako roon.
CaTcheck the software?" sabi ko sa receptionist sa lobby nang lumapaKo
"Marem," someone called from the customers line.
Napasulyap ako at nakitang may limang kliyente ang inaasikaso ang ilang receptionist
namin. Isa sa nandoon ay ang pamilyar na batang lalaki. It's Amelia's
Son Gil!
"Hijo, what brought you here?" I was genuinely pleased to see him.
Namula siya at nagkamot sa batok bago sumulyap sa couch namin. "Im here with some of
my colleagues, Marem."
Kahit na sanay na naman ako na tawagin sa pangalan ng mga nakababata, dahil ganoon
naman sa America, something about Gil that's telling me that it's not about it.
"Come here and let me introduce you to them. Some of them are also Sir Markus' students.
Bumisita kasi kami sa kanila at may project siyang pinapagawa sa amin doon."
"Oh is he there?" I asked.
"He's traveling now. He offered us to stay in their mansion but I said that your hotel is the
best in this area so here we are." He smiled boyishly.
Tumango ako at sumunod sa kanya, ipagpapatuloy na lang ang misyon
Tumango ako at sumunod sa kanya, ipagpapatuloy na lang ang misyon pagkatapos nito
Ipinakilala niya ako sa dalawang babae at isa pang lalaki na photographers. They are
staying here to take a vacation and at the same time finish a project later this week. At
siyempre, tuluyan na akong nag offer ng discount kahit na alam kong puro mga anak-
mayaman din ang grupo.
I was busy giving the kids some special treatment when a bell boy approached me.
"Excuse me, Madame," he said while I was busy smiling to Gil's friends.
"Yes," nagtaas ako ng kilay.
Iminuwestra niya ang reception area. Akala ko may nagrereklamo o ano.
Normally, it's the manager or supervisor who will take the customer. Magagalit na sana ako
dahil ako ang tinawag kaso nakita ko ung bakit niya iminuwestra ang isang customer
Perseus smiled and winked at me. Mukhang kapapasok niya lang. Wearing a holiday button
down polo and khaki shorts, all the popular luxury brands present from head to toe, he
walked towards me, never minding that I have a crowd of my own.
"Excuse me. Enjoy your stay everyone," masaya kong sinabi sa mga bata bago ko hinarap at
sinalubong si Perseus.
"Hi! You couldn't date me because you're busy, so Ill take the date here." eriously!
Umiling ako at natawa kahit na hindi makapaniwala na ganito. Alam kong marami namang
pera itong kambal ni Achilles at hindi rin naman siguro effort ang gumasta at pumunta dito
dahil wala siyang ginagawa pero..
Naglakad ako papuntang reception. Sumunod si Perseus nang nakangiti.
"I hope you're not that busy and you can at least spend a day with me. But... if you're busy,
there's no problem. I'm here for a vacation."
Natawa ulit ako. "Your twin is also here.
Namilog ang mga mata ni Perseus. "He is?"
Hindi ba nag-uusap ang dalawang to?
"Yes. So don't worry, you won't be bored here. Ill check on my schedule and see if l can
squeeze in a date," sabi ko at tumayo na sa isang computer para makita ang kanina ko pa
hinahanap.
Habang nag-uusap kami ni Perseus, tinawag ulit ako ni Gil at nagpaalam na aakyat na sa
kuwarto nila. He then glanced at Perseus before he left with a small smile.
Umiling ako at binalik ang mga mata sa screen. Perseus then leaned on the marble counter.
Sino pa bang naka check in dito?
"Madame, the programme is updated po. You may also check it on your office, if you want
anything."
Tumango ako at nagpatuloy sa ginagawa kahit na sinabihan na ng ganoon. I
 know this is a confidential thing and those who have access are the professionals. Pero
hindi ko lang mapigilan mag check ngayon. Lalo na dahil gusto kong malaman kung ilang
araw ba si Achilles dito.
My brow twitched. I almost forgot that Perseus is in front of me when I saw that
Achilles will be here for at least a month!
"You'll be here for three days?" I asked Perseus when I saw his details.
"Yes, unfortunately. I have some meetings to attend to. But I"l be back immediately for my
nephew's wedding."
"Alright. My receptionists will handle your reservation, Mr. Phillips. I need to go to my
office so I can check my schedule. Ill contact you once I get a clear sched, sambit ko sa kany.
He smiled and tried to chat more until l decided to leave for my office.
Bumuntonghininga ako nang naupo sa swivel chair at binuhay ang screen sa harap. Hinilot
ko ang sentido ko.
Hindi ko inasahan ang pagdating nila. I was shocked to see Achilles here in Costa
Leona, and more shocked to know that he's staying here for a month! A month!
Tapos ngayon, nandito pa ang kambal niya! It isn't even helping that I feel like
Amelia's son is hitting on me!
I can't believe this!
Saglit akong nanahimik at nag-isip kahit na halos walang matinong bumibisita sa isipan ko.
Why am I even making a big deal out of this?
Hindi ba kaya nga namin ginawa ni Achilles iyon para maka move on na? Let's face it! I am
starting to assume that he came here on purpose. Maybe a vacation, yes. Our weeks were
exhausting! Pero paniguradong alam niya na nandito ako. Is he also hitting on me?
I groaned and remember something in the past.
I also assumed that he was very into me when it's not true. Matatanda na kami ngayon at
marami na ang nangyari. Kaya bakit ko pa ba isipin kung sinasadya niya nga ito o hindi?
He wanted to move on so obviously, that means... the last thing he wants is to be involved
with me.
Ilang oras yata akong tahimik na sa opisina bago tuluyang tumawag kay Perseus.
"Im free tomorrow."
"That's great!"
Nagtanong siya tungkol sa puwede naming pasyalan na offer ng resort. At siyempre, sinabi
ko na may island hopping dito at marami pang ibang activities.
Better to get this over with than wait fora miracle to happen.
Gabi na nang lumabas ako sa kuwarto para mag dinner. Pagkatapos ng usapan namin ni
Perseus, nakipag usap na rin ako sa planner ng kasal ni Amber. We strategized the
decorations and effects. Nasabi na rin nila ang sources nila at na double check ko na rin
kung gusto ko ba ang mga iyon.
I'm exhausted. I could eat on my suite but being in the office for hours suffocated me.
Minabuti kong bumaba sa restaurant para kumain.
Papasok pa lang ako doon, kumaway na si Gil sa akin. He was trying very hard to get me to
sit beside him as they ate their dinner.
"Mag enjoy kayo, hijo. Ill just..." I paused because someone from the far right raised his
hand on me and it was Perseus. "Head over there for my companion.
Nilingon ni Gil si Perseus at napawi ang ngiti niya.
"Uh, saglit lang, Marem."
I smiled at him and waited. "We're planning to fish and island hop tomorrow, wanna join
us? You could tour us on the little islands around."
Natigilan ako at naalala na dati ay naka tap lang ang hotel sa maliliit na bangka ng mga taga
Costa Leona para sa island hopping. Right now we are already offering a little yacht for our
guests and we only have one so far right now. At na book ko na 'yon!
"Uh... have you booked a small boat for the island hopping?" tanong ko.
"Uh, no. Do we have to? The hotel is offering a yacht.
My mouth dropped open and eventually I pursed my lips. Nakakaawa naman kung hindi
sila makakatuloy bukas dahil lang sa amin ni Perseus? Maybe I can move us the next day?
"Babalik din ako, hijo. Ill talk to you about this later," sabi ko.
Lumakad na ako patungo kay Perseus. Kanina, nang tawagin niya ako, mag isa pa siya.
Ngayong palapit na ako, muntik akong natigil sa paglalakad at umurong nang nakita si
Achilles. He was watching me intently with his serious gaze as his
 twin is waving at me with a big smile.
"I found him near the poola while ago. He was shocked to see me, but I told him
I'm here because you owe me a date." Natawa si Perseus.
Nagkatinginan kami saglit ni Achilles bago ako nagtawag ng waiter.
"l already ordered for us," si Perseus.
Tumango ako at sinenyasan ulit ang waiter na huwag na. Uminom ako ng tubig at tahimik
saglit bago ko naalala ang sinabi ko kay Gil.
"By the way, about tomorrow, Perseus. We only had one small yacht available.
The kids on the other table were expecting to tour around tomorrow. Maybe we can
reschedule."
You're planning to tour around tomorrow? Kayong dalawa?" tanong ni Achilles
Sa akin.
"Wala na nga. Unless he wants to borrow your boat, that is. Isa lang ang yate namin-"
"W-Wait, what are you two talking about?" natawa si Perseus. "And what do you mean
reschedule"
"The kids from the next table wanted to tour around and I'm afraid I couldn't take away
this opportunity from them. We can reschedule the next day or maybe-
"How small is the small yacht, anyway?"
"Well, it can fit ten to fifteen people, not including the crew."
"Do you mean the four kids on the next table? Then we all fit! They can just join us instead
of rescheduling the tour!" Perseus laughed. "That would awesome!"
Napakurap kurap ako. Hindi na rin naman masam. Hindi ko inasahan na okay lang sa kanya
na marami kami pero... bahala na nga.
"O-0kay, then..." lito kong sinabi at napasulyap kay Achilles.
"You sound disappointed!" natawa si Perseus. "Don't worry! You still owe me a date. The
island hopping tomorrow won't count as one anymore."
Tumikhim ako at napainom ng tubig. I thought so.
"No problem."
"Achilles, join us tomorrow!"
Madaldal si Perseus pero nasasabayan ko kahit paano. He was very exposed to the high life
in the UK and US. At sa kabataan ko, at lately bago umuwi ng Pinas, ganoon din ako kaya
nasasabayan ko ang usapan. Achilles was just silent the whole time but when I talk, he
listens and watch me intently.
Sometimes, it bothered me. Not in a bad way but.. in a different way. Kabado ako at medyo
conscious tuwing nagsasalita ako at tinititigan niya ako.
Eventually, after our dinner, I excused myself to check on Gil. Kinausap ko sila tungkol
bukas at tinanong kung okay ba sa kanila na sumama kay Perseus. realized that Perseus is a
people person. There was a time when I thought
Achilles was very friendly with his friends... pero ngayong katabi niya ang kambal niya at
ikukumpara ko sila, ibang iba pala.
"Sure. We can join you!"
Mukha namang masaya sila at interesadong interesado pa. Umalis na ako sa restaurant
kalaunan para ayusin ang menu at mga kakailanganin bukas. At pagkatapos ay umuwi na sa
suite para makapagpahinga.
However, I couldn't sleep. I even had to take a pill just so l could doze off.
Lumilipad ang isipan ko kung saan at minsan... tuwing pumipikit ako at sinusubukang
matulog, titig ni Achilles ang nakikita ko.
"Nikolai," bumigay din ako sa wakas nang inabot na ng ala una sa madaling araw.
"Tumatanda na talaga ako. I have insomnia tonight."
"Sus! Matagal ka na namang hindi nakakatulog agad. Dami dami mo kasing iniisip! Baka lalo
na ngayong umuwi ka sa Costa Leona? Minumulto ka ng kahapon?" he laughed.
Hindi ko masabayan ang tawa niya. Hinilot ko ang sentido ko habang pinoproblema ang
pagtulog hanggang sa naisip na baka kaya hindi ako makatulog dahil wala akong sinabihan
sa mga nagdaang nangyari.
"I have a confession to make."
"What?" He paused. "This is making me nervous. Hindi ka naman kasi nagsasabi ng ganyan.
Bigla mo na lang sinasabi ang kahit ano sa akin. Ngayon, may pa confession talaga?"
"Imet up with Achilles pagkatapos... ng pamamanhikan nila kay Amber."
Sobrang lakas na singhap ang pinakawalan ni Nikolai. I even thought he's finally having the
heart attack he was expecting ten years ago!
"Nikolai!" I almost screamed at the phone.
 "You two hooked up?! Oh my goodness! Sinasabi ko na nga ba! Hindi mo makalimutan 'yan
dahil-"
"Will you shut up?!" Urminit ang pisngi ko sa sinabi niya at napatayo.
I paced back and forth. It bothered me that he actually imagined me and Achilles hooking
up?!
"Ano'ng hook up ka diyan?! I said we met! Nagkita! Nag usap kami! Nag usap lang!"
"Goddamnit! And then?!"
Kinalma ko ang sarili ko dahil hindi pa masyadong nakakarecover sa sinaabi ni
Kinalma ko ang sarili ko dahil hindi pa masyadong nakakarecover sa sinaabini
Nikolai kanina.
"We both agreed that we need closure. We need to move on. S-Sabi niya na kailangan
naming tapusin ang kung ano mang galit, poot, at pagsisisi para makapagmahal ng iba.
"Huh? What do you mean?" he sounded disappointed which made me more disappointed
too. "Magmamahal siya ng iba? Does he have a girlfriend now? Is it
Matilda?"
"I don't know but he said.. hindi naman si Matilda. Baka may iba. Wala naman daw siyang
girlfriend. Baka wala pa kasi nito lang namin tinapos ang lahat.
Maybe after a while, he'll get one cuz finally we already talked and agreed that we should
be civil to each other. Lalo na dahil magpapakasal ang mga anak namin."
"Paano mo nalaman na wala siyang girlfriend?"
"We went to Senyora Domitilla Mercadejas to talk about what happened in the pa ast.
I guess talking to someone is what I needed. Dahil pagkatapos ng usapan namin ni Nikolai,
inantok na ako sa wakas. O siguro dahil anong oras na naman kaming natapos kaya natural
lang na mapagod ako at makatulog.
Reason why I was late on our island hopping call time. Gusto ko sanang sabihin na sana
iniwan na nila ako pero paniguradong ayaw ni Perseus ng ganoon, at isa pa, isipin ng crew
na masisisante sila dahil ako ang iniwan nila.
"Im really sorry I'm late. I didnt notice my alarm and I slept in.." sabi ko sa mga naghihintay.

Nagkakatuwaan na sila kahit hindi pa pumapalaot. Nag inuman na sa deck at

nagkakatuwaan.
Mukha namang masaya sila kahit na natagalan kami. Nahagip ko si Achilles na nakaupo sa
tabi at hindi ginagalaw ang alak niya. I also noticed that even when he's just on the far side,
making an effort to not be seen, it was very impossible to miss him. He had that
commanding air that i never missed back then. Na kahit gaano niya man ka kawawa, hindi
mayaman, at probinsiyano, talagang umaangat siya kahit sa mga pagtitipong pang
mayaman. The two young girls were already laughing with Perseus but I can hear them
talking about Achilles.
"You're very opposite with your twin. He seems quiet and mysterious," naririnig kong
sinabi ng isang babae.
"Palilipasin mo lang ba ang kasal ni Amber bago umuwi ng Manila?" si Gil na tumabi sa akin
habang uminom.
"No, hijo. l am trying to style and coordinate her wedding right now. Pero I will also need to
stay after her wedding cuz Ill manage the hotel and our house's renovation."
"But didn't you have projectS with my mom the next months?"
"Ah, oo, hijo. I can just visit for the important projects. Pero dito na muna ako based."
"Please stop calling me hijo." He chuckled. "Gil, please."
"I'm sorry. Halos ka edad mo kasi si Amber kaya nasanay ako, Gil."
"Age doesn't really matter. We're both adults and you're even hotter than woman my age."
Hindi ko alam kung nakainom o lasing na si Gil o kaya niya talagang sabihin 'to sa akin kahit
walang alak. Napainom ako sa sinabi niya at nasulyapan si Achilles na nakatitig sa amin.
Maingay ang alon at umaandar na ang yate pero alam kong naririnig niya ang usapan
namin lalo't hindi naman siya kalayuan. Samantalang si Perseus, enjoy na enjoy sa deck
kasama ang dalavwang babae habang tinatanaw ang karagatan.
"Thank you for the compliment, Gil. You must be looking somewhere else then. A lot of girls
your age are pretty and with substance."
 Natawa siya. "Not beautiful enough comapared to you."
Nagkatinginan kami ni Gil. My lips parted and I realized that I was really right!
Noong shoot pa lang, ramdam ko na na pumoporma siya. Of course, I dismissed it. I am in
the industry and the foreigners I met, though very affectionate, were professional. Baka
ganoon lang din siya pero ngayon, tama ako. He had other plans than those compliments
and praises for me to look good and confident on camera.
"Mas matanda ang mommy mo sa akin pero hindi nagkakalayo ang edad namin,
Gil."
Kumunot ang noo niya. "What do you mean by that? Age doesn't matter. I don't see you the
way I see my mother so why should we even bring that up?"
Naputol ang usapan namin nang sumigaw si Perseus sa deck. His hands were on the air as
the yacht slowed down. Ayaw na nilang bumaba sa isla pero gusto nilang magswimming sa
malapit.
Perseus took his shirt off. Nauna na siyang tumalon. Mabilis na nag sihubaran ang mga
babae pati ang lalaking kasama ni Gil. May dala itong camera at mukhang kukuhanan ang
lugar.
Iglanced at Achilles who was still watching us closely.
"Gil, why don't you swim too"
"Only if you swim, too?"
Of course, I'm in my bikini but I'm not really in the mood to swim. Kaya lang, para sumama
na si Gil sa kanila, tumango ako.
"Sure, I will. Mauna ka na muna."
Tumango siya at mabilis na naghubad. His friends cheered for him. Umakyat ang isang
babae pabalik sa yate para muling tumalon. Perseus was already busy swimming when he
suddenly called.
"Achilles, come join us! Why don't you tell me what that island is? And where should I free
dive? He's from here, ladies!"
"Oh? Taga rito ka, Sir Achilles?" ang babaeng nasa dagat ang nagtanong.
"Oo," sagot ni Achiles.
"He has a house just near the hotel."
"Wow! Tour us here, Sir! Saan po magandang mag swimming at mag dive?"
Tumalon na si Gil at saglit na nag enjoy sa dagat. Kalaunan, tinawag niya na ako. I waved
and showed him my wineglass. I really didn't want to swim but now l will have to kasi
sinabi ko kay Gil.
"Come on, join us!" tawag ni Perseus.
Tumayo si Achilles. Umahon ang na ang pangalawang babae para yata tanungin si Achilles
tungkol sa bahay niya rito pero nang nakitang tumayo si Achilles, bumalik ulit ito sa tubig.
I'm still on my seat watching everything unfold when Achilles removed his shirt. I was
sipping on my glass when I saw the tattoo on his back, below his neck. It was a sun with
defined fiery rays around it. Kumalabog ang puso ko habang tinatanaw iyon. Maraming
bumuhos na mga alaala na pilit ko nang kinalimutan noon. Hindi matanggal ang mga mata
ko sa likod niya habang sinusubukan niyang tumalon at makilangoy kasama sila.
And even after he dived, I couldn't move. Naririnig ko si Gil na tinatawag ako pero nanatili
lang ako sa upuan, halos tulala.
Hindi ko alam na may tattoo siya. Hindi ko rin naman iniisip na dapat kong malaman iyon
pero masyado akong nagulat.
"Girl, he's so hot" I can hear the other girl telling the other.
Tumalon na rin iyong isa at lumapit sa kambal na ngayon ay nag uusap na habang nasa
dagat. It seems like Achilles instructed Perseus where to swim.
Nakinig na rin ang mga babae. Gil and his friend was also curious but they were callin g me.
"| don't wanna swim," | said changing my mind.
I saw how Achilles' eyes drifted on me. Perseus heard what I said.
"Come on, Marem! Join the fun! The sea feels great!"
"Oo nga, Madame!" the girl called, too. "Don't be shy!"
"I'm not shy," sabi ko kahit na saglit nga akong nakaramdam ng kahihiyan.
Annoyed that I am embarrassed, hindi na ako nag isip at binaba ang inumin ko.
Naka mahabang roba lang ako at sa ilalim ang aking bikini. As I stood to prepare myself for
a short dip, I can feel my heart pounding so fast against my chest.
Never have I ever found myself nervous to bare skin, kaya hindi ko maintindihan
 bakit ngayon? Nairita lang lalo ako at nagrebelde.
Hindi na ako nag isip nang binaba ang roba sa balikat at pinatong sa upuan ko.
Gil cheered and the girls complimented me. I didn't need that to know that I'm still hot at
this age
"Il take a dip for a bit. I'm not really in the mood to swim so," sabi ko at lumapit na sa
hagdan ng yate.
Tiningnan ko ang dagat at napansin na lima na lang silang naroon at nawala si
Achilles. Immediately, I found him swimming silently towards the yacht's stairs.
Umahon siya sa paanan at tiningala ako.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay habang bumababa at nagkita kami.
"Tulungan na kita."
"I can handle myself," as I said that I almost lost my balance on the last step.
Isang angat niya sa sarili niya, agad niyang nahawakan ang kamay ko dahilan kung bakit
hindi ako tuluyang nadulas at bumagsak sa dagat.
Binawi ko agad ang kamay ko. Binitiwan niya rin agad at hindi na nagsalita. Bago pa ako
makabawi, lumangoy na ako.
I really didn't want to swim. I don't want my hair ruined with the salty seawater but here l
am diving. Umahon agad ako at naupo na sa hagdanan. I ran my fingers through my wet
hair to help the trickles of sea water. Achilles is now on the water too, still near me, and
watching me.
"You don't want to dive with us?" Perseus asked me.
Nakita kong kasama niya na ang mga bata. Kahit si Gil ay naroon na.
"No. I'm fine here. Dont worry about me."
One of the crew handed me a towel. Tinanggap ko iyon at nagpunas ng kaonti sa pisngi.
"Achilles! Let's go!" tawag ni Perseus.
Achilles' eyes didn't leave mine. Kaya nang tingnan ko siya, nakita ko ang paghahanap at
pagtatanong.
His lips parted for a while before he spoke.
"Samahan ko lang sila."
Kumunot ang noo ko. Ba't ka nagpapaalam?
Bago ako makapagsalita ng kahit ano, lumangoy na siya patungo sa kanila at kalaunan,
lumayo na ang grupo.
Nakasuot na ako ng bagong roba at pinapatuyo na ng kaonti ang buhok nang unti-unti ko
na silang natanaw na nagsisibalikan.
Gil was first and he started chatting to me. Nandyan na rin ang kaibigan niyang lalaki at
sumunod agad ang dalawang babae. Perseus was last but Achilles isn't with him.
"| thought Sir Achilles is already here. Wala pa pala?" sabay tingin ng babae sa akin.
"No, he's not yet here."
Agad kong tiningnan ang karagatan at wala akong makita kundi tahimik na alon lang.
"Where is he?" Perseus asked as he helped himself to the yacht.
"Achilles is not here si Gil.
"Why are you asking me?! You were with him!" iritado kong sinabi at agad na naghanap ulit
sa karagatan.
Isang tingin ko sa crew, alam agad nila ang gusto kong mangyari. At hindi kuntento sa
magiging aksiyon, naghubad ako ng roba at binaba ang tuwalya.
Walang pagdadalawang isip akong tumalon sa dagat.
We are not young anymore. Maybe he thinks he's still completely healthy and strong, just
like before. Malaki ang tiwala niya sa sarili niya dahil kabisado niya ang karagatan ng Costa
Leona. Pero iba na ngayon. Hindi na kami... katulad noon.
I panicked and I couldn't swim properly. Ni hindi ko alam saan patungo o saan
maghahanap.
Umahon ako at nasa gitna na ng dagat. Sinubukan ko ulit lumayo nang may humawak sa
baywang ko. Tumigil ako, hinihingal pa sa paglangoy at sa biglaang pagtigil.
Nahanap ko agad ang mga mata niya. Relief washed over me but it was short- lived. Pumalit
nga lang agad ang galit at iritasyon.
"Ano'ng ginagawa mo? Saan ka galing?!"
Then I realized that I am over reacting. Naramdaman ko iyon at agad na
 napaatras. Ayaw kong marinig ang sagot niya. Ayaw ko na ring harapin ang galit
<o o ang mga tanong ko.
Kumawala ako at agad naman niyang kinalas ang hawak sa akin. Lumangoy ako pabalik sa
yate at tahimik na nagsuot ulit ng roba. Hinanap ko ang inumin at isang inumang ininom
iyon. l even requested for another.
"Where have you been?" Perseus asked his twin.
Hindi ko alam kung napansin nila ang nangyari. Sinulyapan ko sila at nakita kong
nagtatawanan naman ang mga babae, pati ang lalaking katabi ni Gil. Only Gil was watching
me intently, like he saw something he shouldn't see.

Kabanata 28

Noble but Stupid l am already on my robe, comfortable and should be warm, and yet all the
warmth left my face and my body as I processed what happened.
Perseus, the girls, and Gil's guy friend are already busy partying and drinking as the yacht
continued to sail towards the near island. Si Gil, madalas na ring makisali pero mas madalas
ang sulyap sa akin gamit ang kuryosong tingin.
The girls tried their best to include Achilles in every topic they have. Meanwhile,
Achilles conversed with them politely but he's more busy watching me drink.
Halos maubos ko na ang wine sa wine bottle. I didn't like the feeling of coldness in my body
that I compensate through sipping on my wine. Not to mention, I am very stressed, to say
the least, at my current over reaction.
I can't believe myself!
Ayaw ko nang isipin pa ang ginawa pero hindi yata ako patutulugin noon. I just can't
believe that all these time, I thought I resented and loathed him, I even wished for the worst
for him at some point, and yet.. now that he might get in danger, I am the first one to jump
to try and save him?!
Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. Hiya ba? Galit para sa sarili? Iritasyon?
Gulat na ganoon pala ang magiging reaksiyon ko?
Hindi ko alam at hindi ako makapaniwala sa sariling nagawa.
Tinsulted him so many times in the past, I even brought the worst things in his life, and yet,
one sure danger and I'm jumping selflessly to find him?!
Oo, matanda na kami. Pero all his life, he grew up and lived here. He memorized the
landscape as much as the seascape. He was friends with the wind and the tides. He had
boats and for sure, he swam every day. So why didn't I trust him enough to not let myself
be in danger? Why didnt I think it through first before putting myself on the line just to find
him?!
Matanda na ako. I only swim in pools, hardly in the ocean. I'm not a pro diver, nor a pro
swimmer, so why did I think I can find him in this vast ocean?!
Maybe. I didnt think at all. It was all natural instinct.
Nanginig ako nang naisip ang maraming bagay. I refuse to even go there. I drank the full
glass and poured another. Saka lang ako tumigil nang napansin ang titig ni Achilles sa akin,
kahit pinapalibutan siya ng nagsasayang kabataan, at ang kanyang kambal.
Even this drinking is suddenly worse now. Another over reaction, I guess?
Tumikhim ako at tahimik na natulala.
Why did I even do that? I cant believe myself!
Hirap na hirap akong ilagan na isipin iyon dahil talagang hindi ako makapaniwala na kaya
kong ilagay sa kapahamakan ang sarili ko, para lang mahanap siya. I didn't even think it
through, meaning it was innate... which made it even worse!!
What is this? Was l always like this? Does that mean all those insultsS and ill- wishings for
him in the past were just mere words. That I meant to bruise him with my daggers, but
won't really allow him to bleed. What was it for? Just to spite him? Or worse, was it another
way to seek attention?
Habang tumatagal ako sa pag-iisip, lalo lang akong nanlalamig. Why do I naturally care for
him? Or why did I want to spite him so bad in the past?
Because I was bitter? Was it only because of it? Or was it something else?
When did I naturally care for him? Noon bang iniinsulto ko siya, nag-aalala pa rin pala ako?
Were all of those resentments just on the surface, and not really my deep feelings? O
nagbago ba ngayon pagkatapos naming mag usap,
 magkaliwanagan, magkapatawaran, at ngayong pareho naming desisyon na isarado na ang
nakaraang iyon?
My eyes met Achilles and I saw him shift a bit as he remained watching me intently. I
wanted to avoid his gaze but I am already feeling so uncomfortable with what I've done and
what I'm feeling. I wanted to challenge it through looking at him as he looks at me.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay habang tumagal ang titig niya sa akin. He only blinked a bit, and with
his lips parted, I feel like he was shocked that I challenged his gaze, but he wasn't backing
down. Tumikhim ako at binaba ang tingin sa iniinom at hindi na pinagpatuloy ang titig sa
kanya. l am not in the mood to be happy or even polite to the kids and Perseus, but |
thought I had to. Hindi puwedeng tahimik lang akong umiinom dito habang nakatitig si
Achilles sa akin, kaya pinilit ko ang sariling humalo sa mga bata.
Inabala ko ang sarili ko sa pagiging tour guide sa kanila. I tried to explain the islands as
much as I can, and had to tell stories about my escapades abroad whenever Perseus opens
a topic in a significant place.
"Hindi kayo nagkikita ni Perseus, Madame?" tanong ng batang babae.
Umiling ako at ngumiti.
"Oh, we met, of course! One time," sabay tingin ni Perseus sa akin.
"Talaga? Where?"
Kinuwento namin sa mga bata ang tungkol sa pagkikita. Perseus left out the most
important part of the meeting - when I realized that he is Achilles' twin. I am grateful for
him being sensitive. At hindi naman napansin ng mga bata kasi hindi rin naman nila alam
ang tungkol doon, o kung may ugnayan man kami ni Achilles dati.
When the yacht docked, I was the first to go. It feels draining to push myself to socialize
even when I didn't want to. I just really had to. Or else, I'd be trapped in
Achilles' silent gazes.
"IIl just wash up," I said in general para lang makaalis doon at tuloy tuloy nang lumakad
pabalik sa hotel.
Nahuli ang mga bata kasama ni Perseus. They were still enthusiastic and full of energy
kahit na hapon na nang bumalik kami sa hotel.
Basa pa ang buhok ko, at nakaroba lang nang dire-diretsong lumakad papasok sa hotel. I
noticed that Achilles was behind me as I entered the building. Akala ko nagkataon lang, o
papunta na rin siya sa kuwarto niya.
Pero nang nasa pasilyo na, natanto kong ako ang sadya niya.
"Marem," he called.
I can't deny that his sudden call and attention made me nervous. Ayaw kong kabahan pero
iyon talaga ang nararamdaman ko. However, I didn't let my face show it and looked at him.
"About a while ago..." he trailed off like he waited for me to point it out.
I crossed my arms, hugging myself and the belt of my robe as I wait for him to finish.
"Im sorry. Nalibang lang ako dahil matagal nang... hindi nakapag-dive."
My lips parted and my heart bounced like a mad teenager. Hindi dahil excited ako o ano pa
man, kundi dahil takot ako na napansin niya iyon! Siyempre, alam kong mapapansin naman
niya talaga! Who would have thought that I will jump to find him, in a heartbeat?! Nobody!
Not him! Not even me!
Ayaw ko na napansin niya at na kinailangan niya pa akong kumprontahin para humingi ng
tawad. It was like he wanted me to know that he noticed my extreme worry. Of course, for
sure that's not what he wanted to do but it is what he made me feel right now.
Akala ko na mahihirapan akong magdesisyon kung magiging malupit ba ako sa pagsagot sa
kanya o hindi. Nagulat ako na sa pagkakataong ito, naging payapa ang desisyon kong
sagutin siya sa malumanay na paraan.
"It's okay. I was worried," I admitted it, without an ounce of hesitation.
I saw how his eyes widened a fraction. Para bang hindi niya inasahan na aamin ako at sa
ganito ka tahimik at totoong paraan.
"Kung napahamak ka, hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko kay Snow at Amber.
Magkasama pa naman tayo," I said.
He watched me fora while before he nodded slowly.
"Im sorry," he said quietly.
Tumango ako. "Don't do it again."
"I won't."
 I smiled wearily. "Matanda na tayo. You know the seascape and for sure you're a good
swimmer, but we're older now."
Ngumuso siya, parang may pinipigilang sabihin at kalaunan, tumango na lang.
"Oh! There you are!" biglang sumulpot si Perseus sa likod ni Achilles.
Inakbayan niya si Achilles bago tinapik at tumuloy papunta sa akin.
"I was out to find where you are," Perseus laughed. "You suddenly disappeared."
Nagkatinginan kami ni Achilles bago ako sumagot kay Perseus.
"TIl just go to my room to change, Perseus. See you at dinner?"
"Oh, can we talk privately, then? In your room?" Perseus asked.
Napakurap kurap ako. Sanay naman ako sa agresibo at medyo assertive at modernong
galaw ng mga foreigners, pero nagulat pa rin ako. I even saw how
Achilles got shocked at Perseus' question.
"I may, right? Or was I disturbing you two?"
"Not at all!" agap ko at agad na minuwestra si Perseus sa kuwarto ko.
Perseus looked at Achilles and he smiled. "See you at dinner, yeah?"
Hindi ko alam kung sumagot ba si Achilles o ano. Sumunod lang si Perseus sa akin sa
malapit na silid ko.
"I thought you won't allow me inside your room. Ya know, like the kids back then.
Eissen's mother didn't want me in her room, too. But anyway, we're not kids anymore. For
sure your daddy wont get mad anymore for inviting a man inside your room," daldal ni
Perseus.
Agad akong pumasok. Agad ko na rin siyang pinapasok para tumigil na siya sa pagdadaldal.
Malaki ang suite ko. It's one of the modified presidential suite for whoever will stay here
within our family. Achilles is staying in a presidential suite for customers. I'm even
surprised that he didn't stay in any of our family-only presidential suites. Pero... naisip ko
din na baka rin in-offer ni Snow iyon, pero alam kong tatanggihan niya. Lalo na ngayon,
kaya niya nang magbayad kahit magkano.
"So... about our date."
Muntik ko nang makalimutan na naroon si Perseus. I lead him to the counter where there
were drinks, mostly wine.
"Yup. Hold that thought. Enjoy yourself here. Ill just wash up and change.
He chuckled and raised both his hand. "Alright!"
Nanatili naman siya sa bar counter. At ang paghihintay niya, hindi pumigil sa aking
magbagal maligo.
Masyado talaga akong ukupado sa nangyari na ilang beses akong natutulala habang
naliligo. It took me probably an hour to finish. Akala ko umalis na si
Perseus pero nagulat ako nang nandoon pa siya, at iba na ang damit.
Nagtaas ako ng kilay.
"I made use of your common shower and had my clothes brought here by one of your
bellboys. You took your time."
"I'm sorry. I didn't notice the time," | said honestly.
"That's alright. You gave me a chance to change before the dinner.
Tumango ako at lumapit sa kanya. "So this dinner is our date?"
"Nah, too short. I say we can have the whole day tomorrow?
"Uh... huh... What should we do... the whole day?"
"Maybe you can take me to fishing, this time?"
"I don't really fish," sabi ko at biglang naalala ang trabaho nl Achilles pagkatapos ko siyang
pinatanggal sa Navy.
"Yeah, well, I do. Then I can teach you."
Natahimik ako.
"Is that a yes?"
"Alright, then," tuluyan kong sinabi.
Tatlong araw lang siya dito kaya natural na bukas na agad niya ako aayain sa date na gusto
niya. Mabuti na lang at hindi pa naman gaanong hectic ang schedule ko sa preparations
kaya.. mapapaunlakan ko siya
"By the way, I noticed that he's hitting on you," biglang sinabini Perseus nang lumabas na
kami sa suite ko para pumunta sa restaurant.
Napabaling agad ako sa kanya at biglang kinabahan, nalilito sa tinutukoy niya pero may
naiisip.
"W-What?"
"The kid. It seems like he's so curious about you. He notices your every move and he keeps
on looking at you."
 "You mean Gil?"
Napabuntonghininga ako. Papunta kami sa restaurant at iyon ang pinag usapan namin.
Tinawag ako ni Gil sa lamesa nila at gusto niyang sumama kami ni
Perseus doon. Nang lingunin ko nga lang si Perseus, nasa lamesa na siya ni
Achilles.
"Enjoy your dinner. If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask the waiters. Ill see if they'd
like to join but I think they have already ordered," sabi ko dahil bukod sa pinag usapan
namin ni Perseus si Gil, mukha ding umo-order na si Perseus at patapos nang kumain ang
mga bata.
"Let me guess, the kid wants us to join them?" salubong ni Perseus sa akin nang nakalapit
ako sa lamesa.
Achilles sipped on his drink and didn't look at me as he listened.
"Well, yes. But I declined."
"As you should. The kid seems jealous. He'd be hysterical to know that we went to your
room together," si Perseus bago binaba ang mata sa binabasang menu.
Nakita kong nakatingin lang si Achilles sa inumin niya at kinuha ang menu para magbasa na
parang walang naririnig. I swallowed hard and told the waiter what I nted. Ganoon na rin si
Perseus, at si Achilles.
I sipped on my water as I watched Achilles. He's busy watching the band playing when
Perseus suddenly talked.
"By the way, if someone looks for me tomorrow, tell them I'm busy. We're going fishing
tomorrow," he winked at Achilles then looked at me. "With the beautiful madame." Natawa
siya ng kaonti. "Sorry, you can't be with us. It's a date."
Tumango si Achilles at ngumiti. "Alright."
Tumikhim ako at tumingin sa nagsasalin ng wine sa baso ko.
"Looks like madame here doesn't know how to fish. I'm teaching her the whole day."
Perseus winked at me.
I smiled to equal his enthusiasm.
"The kids might ask, Achilles. Just tell them off-"
"Gil is my friend's son, and my other friend's apprentice. Let's not rush into conclusions and
dismiss him like that."
"Well, he's old enough to understand that you're not really him. Ive been in that situation,
and trust me, these kids are crazy and obsessive," sabay muwestra niya sa akin ng inumin
niya bago uminom.
"Even so. He's still the son of a friend. I can make him understand without hurting his ego
or something."
Nagkibit ng balikat si Perseus.
"He's also old enough to honor the decision of a woman. He won't pursue, once rejected,"
sabi ko kahit na hindi rin sigurado kung tama nga ba ako.
"Your choice," ani Perseus.
Sinulyapan ko si Achilles at nakita kong tahimik lang siyang nakanguso, mukhang nakikinig
kahit nakatingin sa banda. I then looked at the band who's a bit farther from our table.
It's a slow love song band with a woman for the vocalist. Kuya Remus outsourced them
from Boracay at magaling naman talaga. They're here whenever they're free. At titig na titig
lang si Achilles sa banda, hindi ko sigurado kung sa bokalista ba o ano.
"I should invite you to some of our resthouses..." si Perseus na pinagmalaki ang ilang
resthouse nila sa Greece, na kagulatgulat ko palang napuntahan na.
Kaya lalong humaba ang usapan namin. Lagi kong napapansin na tahimik si
Achilles, nakikinig sa amin. Nakikitawa kapag may nakakatawa at tumatango tuwing may
kinikuwento si Perseus sa kanya, pero madalas na bumalik ang mga mata sa banda.
I feel bad to have things to talk about Perseus while Achilles listens. He was only curious
but nothing much to share about the places we've been.
Pagkatapos naming kumain at ilang minuto na pagpapahinga, nagpasya na akong tumuloy
na sa silid para tuluyan nang makapagpahinga.
"Let's call it a night? Im tired. I need sleep," sabi ko nang naalala ang pagpupuyat kagabi.
Achilles immediately joined me when l stood. Mabagal na tumayo si Perseus at iginiya ako
paalis do'n.
""Il take you to your room so we can talk about tomorrow along the way."
Napansin ko ang paglunok ni Achilles. Para bang may gusto siyang sabihin kanina pero
naunahan siya kaya nilunok niya na lang.
 "Good night, Achilles," Perseus said it like an after thought then he guided me out of there.
Para ring may mga salitang gustong lumabas sa labi ko pero hindi ko nagawa.
Nagtagal ang tingin ko kay Achilles. Achilles was also watching me, then he smiled and
nodded like... he agreed for me to... go.
Wala na yata ako sa sarili habang papunta sa silid. Madami pa sinasabi si Perseus at nang di
ko nasundan, sinabi ko na lang na pagod na ako at kailangan ko nang magpahinga para
bukas.
Pero nang tuluyan na akong pumasok sa silid ko, at ginawa na ang night rituals bago
humiga sa kama, hindi pa rin ako makatulog.
I don't know why his genuine smile bothered me. It feels like it has meaning. And
I feel like l knew what he mneant by that calm and genuine smile. It bothered me that he
was calm... and that he can smile. After..
Tinigilan ko ang pag isip at pinikit ng mariin ang mga mata kahit na alam kong lalong
magiging mailap ang tulog sa akin kapag pinilit ko ang sarili ko.
In the end, I couldn't sleep. And of course, Nikolai is there to the rescue.
"Hmm. I don't know," aniya pagkatapos kong ikuwento sa kanya ang nangyari.
"Wow. You always have comment to almost everything. Now you don't know?" natawa ako
ng kaonti.
"Teka... teka lang.." aniya.
I can imagine him crossing his arms now, annoyed with my banter.
"Bago tayo dumating diyan, may gusto lang akong itanong. I have an answer to this
question, but I want to hear it straight from you."
Kumunot ang noo ko. "What?"
Hinilot ko ang sentido ko. I really should sleep. Puyat ako kahapon tapos maaga pa bukas at
may date pa kami ni Perseus.
"Discussing this, late at night, right now... Don't you think it is weird now that you both had
your closure?"
Nagtiim-bagang ako. Alam ko agad ang ibig niyang sabihin.
"I know what you are thinking at this point, Maria Emilia."
I held my breathe and got nervous because I know he memorized me all this time.
"Na titigil ka muna sa pagsasabi sa akin sa mga nangyayari sa'yo dahil ayaw mong marinig
ang mga sasabihin ko? You don't want me pointing at your actions? Am I right?"
I sighed and didn't say a word because I was about to think that.
Iniisip kong hindi ko na muna ikukuwento sa kanya kung may maiisip man dahil... hindi ko
alam.
I sighed again and realized that this won't go away if I run so.. here... I'm admitting it.
Natatakot akong marinig ang opinyon niya sa akin. Dahil alam kong kilalang kilala niya ako!

"Now, about the issue. You are bothered that Achilles gave you an approving smile, after
Perseus revealed that you two will have a date tomorrow?"
Irolled my eyes at myself.
"You are bothered that he... seems fine that you are dating?"
Wala. Naisip ko lang, he said he hasn't gotten over me. That was... what? Weeks ago more or
less? And now what? He's suddenly gotten over me? Dahil ba tapos na kaming mag-usap?"
"If yes, then why are you bothered?"
"Nikolaj-"
"You haven't gotten over him, too!" he declared.
I was about to deny it when Nikolai continued.
"Let's face the elephant in the room. You were bitter, and always angry at him even before,
not just because you hated his decisions. Ultimately, it's because you still have feelings for
him!"
Irolled my eyes at his statement. "Nikolai, please, hindi na tayo mga bata."
Was I bitter with Markus? No-"
"No, because you didn't talk about what happened between you two."
"You were bitter even before you talked to Achilles, Marem. At ako, kahit hindi na kami mag
usap ni Markus, at hindi ko na kailangan ng closure dahil may mahal na akong iba.
I parted my lips to talk again but Nikolai just won't stop.
 "If you're doubting your feelings, then think about why you're up right now, asking me if
he was okay with you dating someone else when just a week ago, sinabi niyang hindi pa
siya nakakalimot sa'yo."
Naitikom ko ang bibig ko. The call annoyed me andI wanted to cut it of, walang pakialam
kung mag away kami ni Nikolai pero pagod na ako sa araw na ito. Kahit ang
pakikipagbangayan kay Nikolai, hindi ko na kayang ipila sa susunod na araw.
"Marem," now he sounds serious. ""ve been with you through all of these and always, I
warn you when it comes to him. Hindi ko siya personal na kilala pero base sa mga kuwento
mo, he's a man with principles. The only reason he'd break it is if it was for your own good."

I sighed but he continued and put on a higher tone to stop me from cutting him off
"Yes, it's been years but if he hasn't gotten over you, then we might as well base his feelings
on your previous relationship with him. He cut the cords with his friends for you, even
when he didn't really want to because he wasn't guilty."
"You're selling him on you," may pagbabanta sa boses ko.
"Alam mong hindi ko gusto na pinipilit mo ang sarili mo sa kanya. Im not selling him on
you. I am just offering my advice."
To calm me, we stopped the topic and swerved on designer things and the paintings he's
seen on the new exhibits. lyon yata ang nagpa bore sa akin dahilan kung bakit kalaunan,
dinalaw ako ng a at tuluyan na ring natulog.
Gaya sa araw na iyon, matagal ulit akong nagising. Perseus was already waiting for me on
the yacht. Nasa holiday polo pa rin siya, sa ibang disenyo at kulay, may shades din nang
tulungan akong sumakay sa yate.
"Sorry, I slept in again."
"Don't worry, I enjoyed my breakfast here," Perseus smirked.
Tumango ako at nilingon na ang crew para sabihing tumulak na.
"See you around, Achilles!" sigaw ni Perseus.
Napabaling ako kay Perseus na kinakawayan si Achilles habang lumalayo ang yate.
Achilles was on the dock, watching us without moving. Seryoso ang mukha niya kahit na
masayang kumakaway ang kanyang kambal sa kanya.
"He isn't sulking, is he..." si Perseus habang lumalayo kami.
Nilingon niya ako nang hindi ako sumagot.
"Probably just wondering how you owe me a date," ngumiti ako para pigilan ang kung ano
mang iniisip.
Natawa si Perseus. "Whatever happened between you two, it's a long time ago. I don't think
he would mind if I took you out on a date."
Natigilan ako. Alam kong medyo westernized si Perseus at hindi rin yata sila ganoon ka
personal mag usap, pero hindi ko rin inasahan na hindi nila napag usapan 'to. Perseus
smirked when he noticed that I was thinking about something.
"Wine?" aniya at nagsalin ng inumin sa baso.
Palayo kami ng palayo, tuloy tuloy ang kuwento niya tungkol sa buhay sa ibang bansa. At
dahil nakakarelate ako, kayang kaya kong makipagsabayan sa mga kuwento niya.
Eventually, we talked about fishing. It bored me a bit, reason why he opted for us to start
doing it instead of just discussing it in a seemingly crash course.
"He was a fisherman back then. I'm surprised that within those years you two were
together, he didn't teach you this," aniya habang nakatanaw sa dagat.
Bigla niya na lang sinabi iyon. Kanina pa namin hindi napag uusapan si Achilles pero alam
ko agad na si Achilles ang tinutukoy niya.
"My parents were strict and he's..." natigilan ako ng kaonti. "I don't think it crossed his
mind given that my parents won't allow me to go boating. He doesn't really want me to
disobey my parents.
Natawa ng kaonti si Perseus. "Well, that's noble but stupid."
Natawa ako at nanatili ang mga mata ko sa dagat dahil alam ko na ganoon nga iyon.
"If it were me, I'd taken you away."
Nilingon niya ako. Ngumuso ako at unti-unti siyang nilingon. Isang banayad na ngiti,
kasabay ng ihip ng marahang hangin ang humaplos sa pisngi at buhok namin. He looked
like Achilles. They are very identical, except that he's a lot leaner.
 Binalik ko ang mga mata ko sa fishing rod. I wasn't in love with Achilles because of his
looks, I knew that now. Dati ko pang alam pero ngayon ko lang naisip. Wala akong kahit
anong naramdaman kay Perseus kahit pareho sila ng mukha ni
Achilles. Just a few jumps whenever I mistake him for him. But nothing really more.
"I don't really know whatever you two had, but.. it seems pretty serious. At least way back
then, huh2"
I smiled and nodded at him peacefully.
"I knew it was. He finished with the highest honor in your country's military academy only
to resign for you.. all of that even whern he was poor all his life, and his only possession
was his education."
I head snapped back to Perseus. Nakatingin na rin siya sa fishing rod niya. "No, he didn't. I
made my father fire him!"
Bumaling si Perseus sa akin at natawa ng kaonti. "s that allowed here?"
Nalito ako sa sinabi niya.
"l know your father was admiral but I thought nobody can fire an officer for random
reasons. Not even a high ranking official." He sighed. "Anyway, your father didn't want to
put his rank down, he thought he was his son after all. So
Achilles resigned.
Hindi pa rin ako kumibo. Ang alam ko pinatanggal ko siya. Hindi ko na inalam kung ano ang
ginawa ni Papa pero tumigil lang ako dahil narinig ko na wala na siya sa Navy!
Hindi ko man lang inisip na tama si Perseus. Kahit pa admiral si Papa, kung wala namang
nagawa si Achilles na mali sa trabaho, mahihirapan siyang tanggalin ito.
Idagdag pa na... kaya kaya iyon ni Papa? He supported Achilles' schooling. Why would he
fire him for my revenge? That time, iniisip pa ni Papa na anak niya si
Achilles!
Pagkatapos naming mangisda, pinaluto namin ang mga huli at iyon ang kinain namin sa
tanghalian.
Perseus enjoyed diving so much and I refused to come with him. Masaya na naman siya
habang gina guide ng divers sa crew habang tahimik akong nakahiga sa lounger, hinihintay
siyang matapos. That was our afternoon.
"That was fun!" Perseus declared as we toast to a good day.
Pabalik na sa hotel ang yate. Kinuwento niya sa akin ang mga nakita sa pagda- dive at
inamin ko na kahit may bahay at hotel kami dito, hindi ako maalam sa dagat ng Costa
Leona.
"Why? I mean, I'd be so thrilled to be living here l'd never miss the chance to explore!"
"Well, I was still a teen with strict parents when we lived here. When I got older... I lived in
Manila... and.." I trailed off and sipped on my wine. "Abroad, of course.
So I never really had the chance to explore that much."
"Im glad that I made you do it. Minus the diving of course," he chuckled.
Natawa rin ako at napabaling sa palubog na araw. Palapit na kami sa hotel at patapos na
ang date namin ni Perseus.
"We'll still have our dinner," he said.
Nilingon ko siya at natantong hindi pa pala tapos. I smiled. "Alright. Iljust freshen up."
Hinatid niya ako sa kuwarto ko bago nagpaalam na pupunta rin muna siya sa kuwarto niya
para makaligo. He said hell knock on my door later so we can go together to the restaurant
for our dinner date.
Saying that, I took the effort to dress up. Hindi ganoon ka bongga since we are eating near
the beach. It was a white midi dress with short sleeves and a deep v- neck. I put on a
floating single baroque pearl as my necklace, and my hair is in a low ponytail. I didn't have
any stylist or artist here in Costa Leona but I was always confident with my choices.
Tamang tama na patapos na ako sa kaonting make up nang kumatok si Perseus.
I opened the door for him. He is wearing a white button down shirt with khaki pants. I
smiled at him and went out. He looked stunned to see me. He smiled and slid an arm on my
waist.
"You look really beautiful."
I smiled. You look dashing yourself. Let's go?"
Sumulyap si Perseus sa pintuan ko at matagal bago siya nagsalita. He swallowed hard and
nodded like it was an afterthought.
He had a table for two prepared outside. It was one of the special places in the
 hotel where some vacationers date or propose to their loved ones. Hindi ko alam na
nireserve niya iyon. I thought we will have our usual dinner. That was already good enough
for me. Now that he made an effort to reserve us a table on that spot, with all the rose
petals touching the white sand around us, it gave me a feeling that this isn't just fun. He
made an effort to make it romantic.
"Thank you," sabi ko sa waiter na nagsalin ng inumin sa baso ko.
Iminuwestra ni Perseus ang inumin. We clinked our glasses and sipped.
"You are a romantic" puna ko at ngumisi pagkababa ng inumin.
He gestured a silly bow like he was a casanova serving his talent.
I took the table napkin and positioned it as the waiter puts the first course of our dinner.
Napasulyap ako sa abalang restaurant at natanaw na naroon si Achilles sa inupuan naming
lamesa kagabi, nakatanaw sa amin.
He wasn't the only one watching us. Even Gil and Gil's friend. They waved when they saw
me watching him. Ngumiti lang ako sa kanila.
"They all wanted us to be with them for dinner, you know. It took me a while to convince
them that we can't cuz I'm taking you out on a real date," ani Perseus.
I chuckled and glanced at Achilles. Kalalapag lang ng pagkain niya sa lamesa niya.
He said something to the waiter and when the waiter was gone, he glanced at us.
Nilipat ko ang mga mata ko kay Perseus.
"l guess they see now that you were serious," I said trying to be enthusiastic.
Natawa si Perseus.
Pinag usapan namin ang pagkain dahilan kung bakit nasabi ko rin ang mga future plans ng
hotel. My father isn't really a hotelier but his parents liked the idea. Kaya nagkaroon sila ng
hotel. They were already rich before that and the hotels were only for leisure, reason why it
survived the crisis in the economy in the past years.
Kinuwento ko rin na dumami ang hotel ni Kuya Remus, and in between, he probably
decided that he liked it. So far, we are the only locally-owned hotel that could level those
five star hotels of any international hoteliers. Siguro ay dahil talagang nag-effort si Kuya na
maglibot sa buong mundo at pag-aralan ang pagpapatakbo at pag-aayos ng hotel.
The dinner was somehow fun. Hindi ko naman pinilit ang sarili ko na maging interesado
dahil magaling din na conversationalist si Perseus.
We were in the middle of our last course when a movement made me glance at our
restaurant. Nakita kong tumayo si Achilles at umalis na. Mag aalas nuwebe na at nagsialisan
na rin ang casual na family vacationers para makapagpahinga siguro.
Gil and his friends remained but they transfered to the outdoor bar. At nagbabadya na ring
mag dim ang lights ng restaurant para sabayan ang outdoor ar at maging indoor bar na rin.
"Want more drinks? he asked and glanced at the bar.
Ngumiti ako at umiling. "No, I'm fine for tonight."
Patapos na ang dinner namin kaya siguro siya nagyaya na magpunta sa bar. I finished the
last bit of my wine. He took that as a hint that we are calling this night.
"Shall I take you to your room."
It was all to familiar to me. Ilang beses kong naranasan iyon noon, at kahit nitong nakaraan,
noong nasa U.S. pa kami, kahit nariyan pa si Nikolai, palagi akong napopormahan ng ganito.
At first, I wasn't really interested in dating. I was still busy mourning for Dencio, the loss of
our lavish-life, the changes, and the thought that we will spend the rest of our lives in the
U.S.
Eventually, I accepted everything. With the amount of men trying to hit on me, I finally
considered dating some to ease the boredom and to open the possibility of acquaintances.
Bukod pa sa lalawak lalo ang social network ko para makahanap ng paraang makapag
invest sa magandang negosyo.
It was all too familiar with me, the way Perseus rested his arm on the small of my back,
leading me back to the indoor restaurant so we can go inside the hotel.
Sumulyap ako sa madilim nang restaurant at nag iba na ang music, bilang bar.
Halos wala nang tao doon. Lumipat na ang iba sa outdoor bar.
We went inside the hotel and to the corridors. When we were out of the bar's slow jazz
music, I decided to tell him what I was feeling about this date. Uunahan ko na siya.
"Thanks for today, Perseus. Frankly, I didn't think I would enjoy it, but I did. You are a great
company."
 He smiled. "Could l expect another date soon, then?"
Tumawa ako. "This is a date because I owed you one."
"I won't believe that you enjoyed this date if you're not considering a second date."
"Sure! We could schedule a second friendly date, then..." I said subtly.
Natigilan siya at unti-unting sumilay ang ngiti na para bang nakuha niya ang gusto kong
sabihin. I was pleased that he immediately understood it.
"Let me guess... A friendly date because... you already have someone special." He smiled
cooly.
I smiled back. Bago pa ako makatanggi, humalakhak na si Perseus at nagpatuloy.
"Don't tell me you both feel the same way..."
Unti-unting lumiit ang ngiti ko at lito ko siyang tiningnan.
"He told me he hasn't gotten over you. He had wanted me to stay away..."
Napakurap kurap ako habang nagsasalita siya.
"He wanted me to stay away if you weren't interested with me. But... if you liked me, he said
he'd be happy for us.
Ngayon, tuluyan nang napawi ang ngiti ko at tinitigang mabuti si Perseus.
Namimilog ang mga mata ko at may kung anong naramdaman sa likod nito.
He... What..
My lips parted and it shook a little. Something about it... made me a bit shaky.
Perseus chuckled. "Stupid but noble, until now, huh?"
Hindi na ako nakakibo. Nakaawang ang labi ko at parang may gusto akong sabihin pero
walang lumalabas sa labi ko.
Irefuse to let Nikolai's words shake me up. Now, I refuse to let Perseus words shake me,
too! Walang ibang taong makakaapekto sa iisipin ko sa kahit anong paraan.
"Still stupid and noble, to still love you, and get jealous, but would let you go, if you were
happy with someone else."
Hindi ko alam kung magagalit ba ako, matatawa, maiinis, maiirita, o ano. Baka lahat. Hindi
ko rin alam bakit kung ano ano ang nararamdaman ko para do'n
"You're right. He is stupid... and..." sobrang bigat man sa kalooban ko. "Noble."
I could never do that. Not even in my worst nightmares.
But then... blinked a stupid tears that I felt trailing on my eyes. Ganoon na siya noon. At
ayaw ko mang aminin, baka nga iyon...
Baka nga iyon ang dahilan kung bakit hanggang ngayon, may nararamdaman pa rin ako sa
kanya.
He was different. He loved differently. He did many things differently.
"L-Let's call it a night?" tanging nasabi ko at pinilit na ngumiti.
"Good night, Maria Emilia," Perseus said and reached out to me for a kiss.
I let him. And I ended it with a hug before turning to my door.
Pumasok ako at ilang sandaling tumayo at natulala bago natawa ng kaonti, umiling, at
tuluyan nang pumasok sa kuwarto.
I was removing the tie on my hair, and some accessories when I realized it is another long
night. Ayaw ko nang tumawag kay Nikolai. Hindi sa ayaw ko na siyang kausap pero gusto
ko larng mag isip.
Ilang sandali akong tahimik sa kuwarto nang unti unting nagpasya na pumunta sa bar para
tingnan kung may inumin pa ako. Nang nakitang ubos na ang paborito ko, imbes na
tumawag para um-order, I decided to end the night in our very own bar.
Imade my way to the bar alone. Nasa labas na halos lahat ng mga tao. Lumapit agad ako sa
high chair at isang taas lang ng daliri, memoryado na ng bartender ang gusto ko. Hindi na
siya nagsalita at naglabas na ng inumin para sa akin.
Habang tinitingnan ko ang wineglass sa harap ko, natanaw ko rin ang lalaki sa harap. In the
between the expensive wall of drinks, I saw Achilles at the little spaces of the bottles. Hindi
ko siya nakita nang lumapit ako kanina. Akala ko mag sa ako sa bar pero nasa kabila pala
siya.
He was watching his glass intently, as if lost in his thoughts. And before I could
He was watching his glass intently, as if lost in his thoughts. And before I could decide to
stand and just go back to my room, his eyes leveled and met mine. tore my eyes off him and
decided to just drink my wine. Gustuhin ko mang umalis, parang masyado nang madrama
iyon.
My eyes went back to him and I realized he was stunned. He shifted on his high chair and
his intense gaze never left mine. Kalmado ko lang siyang tiningnan, hindi pinatulan ang
mariin at halatang nananabik na titig.
 His eyes then left mine to check on his watch but he then held my gaze again.
Binaba ko ang tingin ko sa inumin at sumimsim ulit doon bago binalik ang tingin sa kanya.
He was still watching me. Gusto ko nang matawa dahil sa mariing titig niya.
After a while, he stood. I gritted my teeth and sipped on my wine. I thought he was leaving.
Akala ko wala siyang lakas ng loob na lumapit. Kaya naman, nang unti-unti niyang ginawa
iyon, hindi ko pinahalata ang pagkakagulat ko.
My eyes remained in front as he neared my side.
"May I join you?" he asked.
Matagal bago ko siya pairap na nilingon.
"If I say you can't, what would you do?"
We locked our gaze. I tore off mine to drink. Nakatayo siya sa gilid ko habang nakaupo
naman ako at kaharap ang inumin ko.
"Ill respect your decision," muntik na akong sumabay sa sinabi niya.
Huhulaan ko sana ano ang isasagot niya. Tama nga ako.
I nodded slowly and smiled before I looked at him again. "Reason why you told
Perseus that you still love me. And that you're jealous he gets to date me. Pero susuporta ka
kung gusto ko siya? Am lI right?"
His lips parted. He didn't say anything for a while. Sa titig niya, hindi ko alam kung
namamangha siya na alam ko ang sinabi niya kay Perseus, o namamangha siya dahil
sobrang lapit namin.
"How was your date?" he said casually.
I smiled again before l answered. "l enjoyed his company a lot."
He smiled, too, and nodded. "Second date?"
"Sure!" then I watched him.
He nodded and looked at his drink. Tahimik ulit siya at parang malalim ang iniisip.
So... right now he's jealous but he will support us.
Umiling ako at tumitig lang sa inumin nang naramdaman kong bumaling ulit siya sa akin.
Dahilan din kung bakit binalingan ko siya.
"What?" tanong ko dahil titig na titig lang Siya.
Umiling siya at ngumiti. Umirap naman ako at natawa.
"m glad you gave him a chance to-"
"Oh bullshit. Really?" baling ko sa kanya.
Natawa siya ng kaonti. "Of course, you're right. Nagseselos ako."
Umirap ako at iniwas ang tingin ko sa kanya.
"We're not kids anymore. It's stupid and pathetic to get jealous at this point but I am. Andl
am not in the position to demand anything from you. I hurt you in the past so I will.. always
be at your mercy so... if you're happy with him. Then... can only... love you the way ive
known how in the past and recent years."
Pairap ko siyang tiningnan.
"Oh you... love' me in the past and recent years? Hindi ko naramdaman, Achilles.
Paano kaya?" tinawanan ko iyon.
Hindi siya agad nakasagot. Tiningnan niya ako na parang naninimbang, pero kalaunan,
mukha ring lito siya paano iyon sagutin.
"Ano? Sumaya ka rin no'ng nabuntis ako kay Amber? O noong nanganak ako kay?"
"Yes," he said breathily. "Because I know you're happy."
"I was also happy when the Navy fired you. Masaya ka rin no'n kasi masaya ako"
I said with sarcasm.
We held each other's gaze for a long while before I realized why he couldn't say anything.
"Oh! Right! You weren't really fired. You resigned because my father can't fire you. You
resigned because I wanted you fired, and you wanted to serve my anger." I smirked. "Or did
you pity me that my father couldn't give me what I wanted? Kaya ikawW na lang ang nag
resign at ikaw pa rin ang nagbigay para sa gusto kong mangyari?" | shook my head.
Perseus is right, you're noble and stupid."
I sipped on my wine. He was silent for a while before he spoke.
"Pinag-usapan n'yo ako"
Umirap ako at bumuntonghininga.
"Do you like him?"
I had the urge to slap him but of course I didnt do it. Do I like him?! Really? You are asking
me that after all these years?
 Shut up, Achilles! You ruined everyone for me.
"Maybe. Maybe not. Why do you care?" I said casually.
Ayaw ko nang bigyan siya ng kahit anong ideya. Dinala ko ang inumin sa labi ko para sana
uminom.
"Because if you like him, Ill back off"
I was about to drink when he said that. Good thingI didn't orI would've spluttered it in front
of me!
"Oh? Were you even trying to join the race? Hindi ko alam" natawa ako ng kaonti at pilit na
itinago ang bayolenteng pagwawala ng puso.
"Im not in the position to ask you to love me again. Pero... hindi ko na kayang hindi
iparamdam sa'yo na mahal kita.
I tried my best to keep it together.
"Pagod na akong magmahal sa malayo."
Umiling siya. My lips parted. He looked serious, soulful, and a bit aggressive.
"Hindi ko na kayang... hindi ka mahalin."
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Kabanata 39

Kabanata 39
Ocean
It was one of those rare moments when I let myself and my feelings slip away.
Lagi kong sinasabi na kayang kaya ko nang dayaan ang itsura ko. Kaya ko nang magsalita ng
salungat sa nararamdaman ko pero sa pagkakataong iyon, hindi ko nagawa.
T looked at him with shock in my eyes. Anger and pain mingling with satisfaction and
relief... Anger and pain because I can't believe that it took him this long to be so worn out
from keeping his feelings. I didn't let my own feelings get the best of me, though. I
understand now why he stood his ground and refused to do it before.
Satisfaction, because at some point I wished... honestly wished.. he would one day confess.
And he will be at my mercy, on my knees, waiting for an uncertain reply.
And relief, because I know that all this time, he loves me. I refuse to acknowledge that
because of my bitterness but deep inside, I know that he pushed me away for what he
thought was the best for me. He had loved me so much to let me go.
As bitter and triggering as that may sound, he did. He sacrificed his own feelings and
happiness in the hopes that I will find my own, in a different person, and in a safer and
surer way.
He didn't know that then maybe I will find my happiness in terms of family, but not the
happiness that I once had being loved and having to love him.
Unti-unting sumilay ang ngisi sa labi ko. Ngayon lang ako tuluyang natauhan at agad na
binago ang ekspresiyon. It didn't shock him, though. He remained watching me intensely.
"So what if I reject you?" I said menacingly after a while.
Akala ko ngayon magbabago na ang ekspresiyon niya, o madidisappoint siya.
Pero hindi. Nanatili pa rin ang itsura niya.
"l am not in the position to demand anything from you. I will res-"
"-respect your decision," inunahan ko siya sa sinabi niya.
He paused, shocked that I finished his sentence. I snorted and laughed a bit before I sipped
on my wine. Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa malayo samantalang nakatitig lang siya sa akin.
"After all the rejection I got from you, Il know you too well now."
Hindi pa rin siya nagsalita. Bumaling ako sa kanya. He looked wary. Or at least he was
gauging all my moves. I smirked because I didn't have to gauge his. I don't care about his
reactions... or his decisions. I'm done with that a long time ago.
Wala rin akong pakialam kung anong makita niya sa ekspresyon ko..
 "At anong gagawin mo kapag tinanggihan kita, aalis ka? Lalayo?"
"You know I can't do that. We'll still meet because our children are married. Pero kung
hindi mo akogustong makita, iiwas ako," his voice deep and raspy.
"Didn't we talk so we can treat each other better in front of our kids and grandkids" Natawa
ako. "That doesn't make sense."
"Hindi naman ako iiwas kung okay lang sa'yo na makita ako pagkatapos nito."
My eyes remained at him. So lI will still see him even if I reject him?
Oo, iyon ang iniisip ko. Hindi na ako nag isip ng malalim tungkol do'n. My initial reaction is
just really to reject him. Why will l want him back? It's been years and it's over. We have
closed that part between us.
Saglit akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang pinakiharapan ang nararamdaman.
Although, yes.
Yes, I admit it. I am bitter all these years because I have feelings for him. He ruined
everyone for me so naturally, yes, I am not completely over him.
However, I know that this isnt everything. Life isn't a matter of either marrying the love of
your life, or death. It is going on despite the hurdles, the pain, and the disappointment. It
will go on even if your heart is broken, and you're still picking up the pieces. It will go on
even if you feel like you are irrepairable. It is getting by even when you lost your other half,
because after all you really aren't a half.
Kaya sige... kung aaminin ko ngayon na mahal ko pa siya, ano naman iyon? | have lived this
life with a partner who understood me, a daughter, a family... and also alone. I didn't die. I
got by. The pain almost killed me, but I'm still alive. Or if it killed me, it was only for a while.
The world was merciless. It kept going even if you die. So I tried to feel better. Or I've
ignored and lived with the pain. I accepted the reality and settled with it.
Ano ang kaibahan no'n kung susundin ko ang munting boses ng nararamdaman ko at
pagbigyan si Achilles? Wala. Kaya bakit pa?
Pumangalumbaba ako at binalik ang tingin sa kanya.
"Do you honestly think that I will accept you?"
He licked his lower lip and shook his head.
"No."
Nagulat ako ng kaonti at napakurap kurap. I smiled.
"Then why confess?"
"I didn't confess just so I could hear you say yes. I confessed because I want you to know. I
want my feelings known.
Nanatili ang tingin ko sa kanya habang nagpatuloy siya. "Then its okay to you if I reject
you?"
Gumalaw ang panga niya saka umiling. "No. But I will respect your decision."
"But you said that you just want your feelings known. That means, my answer
Won't matter."
"Your answer matters. If you say yes, then I can freely love you. But if you say no,
Ill respect it and try my best tO supress my feelings, like what I was doing all this time."
Nagkatinginan kami. May bahid pa ng kaonting ngiti sa labi ko kahit na hindi naman ako
natatawa o ano. It's lingered because I dont know what else to say until...
"Oh. What is this? Sinabi mong mahal mo ako, tapos ayaw mo ng sagot. O hindi mo
kailangan ng sagot. At kung tatanggihan kita, okay lang sa'yo-"
"Hindi ko sinabi 'yan. I said I will respect your answer. If you don't want to see me after
this, then I will try to avoid any meeting. If it doesn't matter to you, then we'll.. just go on
and Il be... civil and a friend. If you need one."
Nanliit ang mga mata ko.
"Is it me or... bakit parang handang handa ka na matanggihan?"
Of course I'll reject him but... why does it sound like he didn't have any plan ifl won't reject
him? Parang buo ang plano niya kapag tinanggihan ko siya. Vague kapag tinanggap ko.
Wont reecTI raaIg UUU aIE paIUTIya Napag uIaIgarNU SIya. Vague kapag tinanggap ko.
"l am not in the position to demand anything from you."
"Oh.'
Natawa ako sa sariling realization. It then annoyed me and it stung.
"You want me to reject you, don't you?"
Kumunot ang noo niya. I leaned closer.
"Guilty ka ba sa nangyari noon. The way you rejected me many many times. I got
 so hurt. I even waited for you in the rain. Nagkasakit pa ako no'n."
Nag-iwas siya ng tingin, kunot ang noo pero narnatiling kalmado.
"Nobody knows how much I cried that day. And many other days. Nobody knows how
much I really cried from all the pain. Kaya ba... kahit alam mong tatanggihan kita,
sinusubukan mo pa ring magsabi ng nararamdaman mo?" I suddenly felt the anger in my
system.
Mas lalo ko lang napatunayan na talagang hindi na yata huhupa ang ano mang
nararamdaman ko. To be this seething with anger at him for something that happened
years ago, the only thing that's keeping me out of this is the thin line between love and
hatred.
"l don't have any agenda, Marem. Sinabi ko lang ang nararamdaman ko. Oo, maaring alam
ko na hindi mo ako tatanggapin dahil sa mga nangyari. Alam ko ring kuntento ka na sa
buhay mo ngayon. But I want my feelings known."
I challenged his gaze.
"And yes, I am guilty of what I've done. I'm in pain... because you were in pain. I was also
hurt that I hurt you. Pero hindi iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagsasabi nito ngayon."
Of course. The honorable Achilles would never have any agenda. Pero nagagalit ako na
parang ganoon ang dating sa akin. It feels like he wanted me to hurt him this time. To
return the pain that I've suffered years ago.
"Of course!" I said sarcastically.
I checked myself and tried to calm down but the words escaped before I could stop them.
"You can't make it an agenda because you will never experience the pain that I experienced.
I can never equally hurt you. Rejecting you right now will never be as painful as whatI felt
back then."
His eyes looked at me deeply. Nahuli ko ang sariling kong bumigay sa galit at tuluyang
sinabi ang pait ng nararamdaman. Tumigil ako at uminom na lang. I bit my tongue and
stopped before I could say more.
"I don't want to count who was in more pain but if that's what you want to do, then I'm
sorry," napapaos niyang sinabi. "No words will be enough to change what happened but I
will still apologize for all the stupid decisions that I did."
Hindi ako nagsalita. Alam ko ang mga dahilan ng mga desisyon niya noon at wala na kaming
magagawa. Hindi na maibabalik ang panahon.
"But I also want you to know that I was suffering too. It was the worst days of my life. I
don't want you to think that I did that because I didn't love you, or that | wanted to hurt
you. While you were in pain, I was in deep pain too. Kinailangan kong isipin ang
mangyayari sa'yo at sa atin para lang pigilan ang sarili kong bumigay at tuluyan kang
aluin."
I glared at him.
"Kinailangan kong isiping mabuti ang kapakanan mo, para lang pigilan ang sariling
hawakan ka at umalis kasama ka."
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin, ayaw nang marinig ang sasabihin niya. I didn't need his point of
view.
"lI'm not saying this so I can make you want me. Or to make you understand why I did
whatI did. I just don't want you to think that while you were crying under the rain, I was
sitting happily and calmly inside my house. I wasnt."
Akala ko ba tapos na ang pagbabalik tanaw? Ilang beses na kaming nag usap, hinuhugot ko
pa rin ang nangyari noon. Wala na nga. Tapos na. Hindi na maibabalik. Hindi ko lang talaga
mapigilang magbalik tanaw. Lalo na ngayon.
Hindi muna ako nagsalita. Bumuntonghininga siya sa gilid ko. The bar tender then poured
whiskey on his barely touched drink. We didn't speak while the bartender is in front.
"Ayaw kong makipagpaligsahan salyo kung sino ang mas nasaktan sa ating dalawa noon. I
hurt you and I feel guilty about it. Pero kung iniisip mo na sinasabi ko ito ngayon sa'yo para
malinis ang nangyari noon, hindi. I am aware that it left and it will never be erased. No
amount of confession and begging will erase it."
Nagtiim-bagang ako.
"What l am hoping for right now is to tell you how I really feel. My love has nowhere to go.
It seeks you."
Napakurap kurap ako.
"And that if you will let me go home to you, I can never erase the scars of our past... but I am
hoping that I can kiss it."
I frowned and looked at him. Ayaw kong marinig iyon. I closed my eyes, trying
 not to spew hurtful words after what he said. I calmed down after a while before
I continued.
"So if.." kalmado kong sinabi. lleaned on my back rest and looked at him.
"If I reject you now, that's it? You'll stop pursuing me?"
Yes."
Ngumisi ako. Alam kong 'yan ang isasagot niya. Pinaglaruan ko ang wine glass ko.
Kalaunan, humalakhak ako at bumaling sa kanya.
"Biruin mo. Pagkatapos ng maraming taon. Nagtiis ka na nakita akong nasasaktan. Masaya
ka no'ng masaya ako sa buhay ko at minahal mo ako sa malayo... At hanggang ngayon,
minamahal mo ako sa malayo, Achilles. Hindi ako natanggal sa puso at isipan mo.
I licked my lips.
"And one question on a fateful night... after my date with your twin... One question." I
paused. "And you get rejected."
Ngumiti ako kay Achilles.
"One question on one night. And one rejection. You. Stop."
Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang ibig kong sabihin. Bago ko pa namalayan ang sinabi ko, huli
na ang lahat.
Achilles looked at me warily, gauging me again.
"I respect your-"
"-decision. I said no so you stop."
Nagkatinginan kami. Pareho ang ekspresyon niya.
"I said I don't think lI'm in the position to insist my love. Alam kong galit ka sa akin.
The least l can do is to...respect what you want. Maaaring nag usap na tayo pero ayaw kong
isipin na puwede na akong basta bastang pumasok sa buhay mo nang hindi mo
pinapahintulutan."
"Yes. That's all it takes for you to stop.
Ni hindi ko alam bakit parang ginagawa kong insulto iyon para sa kanya. Tama naman siya.
Titigil siya kapag tumanggi ako. He won't insist his love because it's a nuisance to me. Pero
bakit parang lalong pumapait sa akin. Na sa dami ng nangyari sa amin, at ngayon bigla
niyang sasabihin na mahal niya pa ako.. pero isang pagtanggi lang sa kanya, titigil siya at
hindi na susubok pa?
It doesnt make sense. I dont know what's my point. Maybe it stems from my real feelin
"Is there anything that you want me to do, then?" he asked quietly
He swallowed hard and still looked at me the same. Tinawanan ko ang naunang sinabi at
suminghap na lang ako. Achilles Riego, so... so... hopeless. Hindi nagbago hanggang ngayon.
Gumapang ang mga mata ko sa kanya at iniwan ang usapan.
"llang araw ka rito?" l asked.
"My booking is indefinite."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. Indefinite? Hindi ba isang buvwan? He saw the question in my
expression.
"I booked for a month but lI might extend..."
"Extend!" nagulat ako. "Anong gagawin mo dito?"
"Ill oversee the renovation and maybe look for some properties if I have time."
"Here in Costa Leona?"
"Oo at sa mga malapit na probinsiya."
"Don't you have any meetings and businesses to attend to in Manila?" kuryoso kong tanong.

"Kung mayroon, pupunta ako pero dito ako.. babalik."

Tumikhim ako at pinilig ng kaonti ang ulo. Oh well, wow. Indefinite. That means we will be
seeing each other here.
"Bakit? llang buwan ka ba rito?" he asked.
"Uuwi ako pagkatapos ng kasal ni Amber," I lied.
Tumango siya. "Sa Manila?"
"Apparently, Ill be in the Philippines since my daughter is here."
"Akala ko ba... ima-manage mo ang The Coast?"
We stared at each other for a long time until my lips stretched for a menacing smile. I do
not want to assume anything but the experiences that I had with other men will be for
nothing if I don't call on this.
"Achilles, hindi ka nagka girlfriend sa nagdaang taon." I said that with certainty. "1 was
your first and last girlfriend before you got married. You lack experience so
 much. While I had lots and lots and lots of boyfriends before I got married. I was married
for years and then got suitors after. You really want us to continue talking like this?"
".. I don't know what you're talking about," he said with all honestly.
Siguro ay hindi niya rin sinasadya. O hindi niya napansin. Pero ako, alam ko.
"If I reject you, you'l still be here in The Coast. Araw araw gabi gabi tayong magkikita."
It is very obvious that he is curious with my moves. He doesn't mean it, maybe, but he is
very conscious about my actions.
"I thought you are going back to Manila after the wedding?"
See?
He will accept defeat if I reject him. He will only back down if l didn't want to see him again.
But if I'm sport and will allow us to see each other, even after the rejection.. then... We will
continue to bump on each other in this hotel.
I smirked. He realized it eventually that I noticed his curiosity.
"Oh I"ll be here, managing The Coast. I lied when I told you Ill go back to Manila.
Kaya magkikita pa rin tayo kahit na tinanggihan na kita. Aalis na lang si Perseus, si Gil,
tayong dalawa nandito pa rin."
He licked his lips. "If you cant stand me, Ill go. If you don't want me around, I can cut my
stay here and leave."
"Are you trying to gauge my reaction? Kapag sasabihin ko na ayos lang na nandito ka, dito
ka pa rin at araw araw na magpapakita sa akin kahit na tinanggihan na kita?"
Hindi ako makapaniwalang naitawid ko ang naisip kanina. Hindi siya nagsalita.
"Trying to be honorable but still can't stop pursuing me? Ayaw mong iplit sa akin ang
pagmamahal mo, pero nagbabakasakali ka na... magbabago ang isip ko kalaunan? That's
why you try your best to keep your presence known? Ganoon ba?"
I think I hit the bull's eye. Seryoso siyang nakatingin sa akin. l expected that he won't say
anything. Like he was caught red-handed. But he spoke..
"Yes."
My brow furrowed at his honesty.
"I don't want to demand for your love, or insist mine, but I will be lying if I say that l am not
hoping that you will eventually change your mind."
My eyes wideneda fraction from the shock of his frankness. Hindi ko inasahan na aamin
siya sa paratang ko.
"Oo, nandito ako para ayusin ang bahay namin habang nasa manila si Sibal at
Jaxon. Pero magtatagal ako dito dahil gusto kong subukang ayusin tayong dalawa. Maaaring
tama ka. Oo, magtatagal ako dito dahil mahal pa rin kita.
Nandito ako dahil gusto kong makita ka araw araw."
Napakurap kurap ako. I slightly shifted on my seat, feeling uncomfortable. Not in a bad way.
In a different kind of w
"Gusto kong masilayan ka kahit konti. Nagbabakasakali ako na magbago ang isip mo
kalaunan at tanggapin ulit ako. Gaya ng sabi ko, walang napupuntahan ang pagmamahal ko
sa'yo, kaya nagbabakasakali ako na kalaunan, makakauwi ito."
I tried my best to pull my sanity and get it back. I chuckled and looked at my wine glass. I
swallowed calmly and continued talking without looking at him.
"Do you know that I get hit on a lot? In the US, foreigners and fil-ams who go there for
social gatherings sometimes stay in New York, longer than they planned because they
wanted to pursue me."
I looked at Achilles. Hindi siya nagsalita.
"Do you think they asked my permission to love me, Achilles?"
His eyes then lifted towards me.
"If you dont know the answer, then Ill answer for you."
I smiled.
"They didnt. Nobody asks for persmission to love someone. I don't love them back but you
don't really need to be loved back to love someone, I'm sure you agree with that."
I smiled wider because he looked stunned as he watched me.
"So yes of course you can love me like all the other men who loves me without asking for
my permission."
I waited for him to talk but he didn't speak for a while. I raised a brow to urge him. He
sighed.
 "I reject you, it's at the tip of my tongue," I said menacingly.
He nodded like he understood and accepted it. Kahit hindi pa naman iyon ang sagot pero
parang handang handa na.
We both held each other's gaze without saying anything until I smiled again.
"You expect that."
Nanatili ang tingin niya bago tumango.
"But you will still hope?" dagdag ko.
His eyes got intense and I can see the slight annoyance and defiance. Hindi para sa akin,
kundi para yata sa susunod na sasabihin. It was as if he didn't want to say it.
"I hoped even when you when we didnt even see each other. Why should I stop hoping
now.*
Nagtaas ako ng mga kilay at nakuha ang punto niya.
But then, how did we get in this conversation? Iniisip ko lang naman na sa likod ng mga
plano niya para sa bahay nila, pagkatapos niyang magsabi ng nararamdaman, imposibleng
hindi siya nagbakasakali na ang pagtatagal niya rito ay magpapabago ng relasyon naming
dalawa.
I don't want to assume anything but I can't turn a blind eye to that. A month.
Here? Their house is being renovated and both Sibal and Snow can't stay here or in their
house. They have to be in Manila. Amber and Jaxon as well, after their wedding. Kaya
kailangan ni Achilles na nandito. But I really doubt that they can't hire someone to check on
their house for them.
I don't want to assume anything but I also don't want to play dumb.
He will be here even if I reject him. He knew I will reject so he had plans on what to do if I
did. We are civil with each other after our talks, so it is obvious that I will not go so far as
asking him to stay away from me now. Dahil wala naman din siyang ginagawang masama
para maging eye sore siya sa akin sa puntong ito.
Napag usapan na namin ang lahat at kahit may hinanakit pa ako, kahit paano
nagkaliwanagan na kami.
So he knows I will reject him. And he's planning that after rejecting him, he will stay here
and still make his presence known. For him to be here while I know that he still has feelings
for me, is dangerous for me.
Hindi ko na kailangang isipin ang nakaraan pero hindi ba iyon ang nangyari noon? He
caught my attention all because I assumed that he liked me. Now that he confessed first, I
don't think I will be able to sit still here while he's around.
Even after rejecting him.
I pursed my lips and my eyes stayed at the crimson drink on my glass.
"You have plans if I reject you because you... knowI will," I said without looking at him.
Hindi siya sumagot.
"So what if I won't reject you," I said cooly.
Unti-unting gumapang ang mga mata niya sa akin.
"What will you do?"
His lips parted. Para bang hindi niya nga pinlano iyon. He was so certain I'll reject him that
he has all the plans on what to do if I did. Yet, he didn't plan anything if I won't.
"Wala kang gagawin?" I probed.
He licked his lips and immediately shifted. Hinarap niya akong mabuti.
"I will make you feel how much I love you," napapaos na sinabi.
"Uh-huh. How will you make me feel how much you love me?"
Hindi ako makapaniwala na naitanong ko iyon ng hindi man lang nanginginig o sumabog.
""Il always be with you and..." he licked his lips again and Ilooked away as if he's trying to
think about it.
Hindi ko alam kung wala na ba siyang maisipo talagang 'di niya naisip na hindi ko siya
tatanggihan.
Angg sarap sigurong tanggihan siya. Tanggihan ng paulit ulit gaya ng ginawa niya sa akin.
Tanggihan siya sa mga lugar kung saan niya ako tinanggihan. Sa rock formations, sa labas
ng bahay nila, sa loob ng bahay nila, sa lahat ng parte ng Costa Leona.
Ang sarap sanang iparamdam sa kanya ang mga pagtanggi na ginawa niya sa akin. Per...
ngayong nag-uusap na kami. Bakit parang pakiramdam ko mas mahihirapan siya kung
hindi?
Without thinking... and even knowing that I might reject this... and that maybe |
 am doing this out of bitterness, spite, and many other negative feelings.. I stood.
Hindi siya umatras kahit sobrang lapit na namin. I can sense his shock and how he stiffened
now that we are very near. My heart is also pounding hard but I wasn't caught off guard.
Alam kong magwawala ang puso ko kaya nakapaghanda na ako. Kaya kong hindi ipakita
iyon ngayon.
"You don't know what to do if l won't reject you, Achilles?" nagtaas ako ng kilay.
His lips parted but he didnt speak. It was as if he is in a trance, lost in our distance, and in
my eyes.
"Kung hahayaan kitang mahalin ako, hindi mo alam kung ano ang gagawin?
Ganoon ba?"
He licked his lips and was about to say something. Inunahan ko nga lang siya.
"I wont.. love you back, Achilles Riego. But... if you want to love me, I will accept your loye."
Mataman kaming nagtitigan sa ilalim ng madilim na bar at dilaw na ilaw doon.
"If you need the permission to love me, then this is it."
His eyes widened a fraction.
"I allow you to love me. Love me, until your last breath. Love me forever. Show me how you
really love."
His lips settled in a thin line before he pursed it. He watched me softly before his eyes
reached the corners of my face, as if he's trying to see if I am real.
"Dont expect anything in return-"
"I won't," he said it so fast, I can almost feel his utter excitement.
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko na kayang panatilihin ang pagpapanggap.
"Good night"
"Ill walk you to your room.
It was a simple gesture after our long conversation. Gusto kong matawa at gusto kong mang
insulto, na iyon ba ang kaya niya pagkatapos kong sabihin na mahalin niya ako? But then I
was too affected by it to even create little insults.
Lumakad na ako at sumunod naman siya sa akin. VWe didn't talk as we both walked
towards my room. My eyes are in front while his was either in front or me.
"Good night," ulit ko nang nasa pintuan na ako ng kuwarto.
Sinulyapan ko siya. "Good night."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. Binuksan ko ang pintuan ko at pagkapasok, siya na ang nakahawak
noon. Nagkatinginan kami.
"TIl close the door for you," aniya.
I nodded and let him close it slowly.
At nang tuluyan niya na nga'ng naisarado iyon, parang kumawala ang matinding pagtitimpi
ng puso ko. I couldn't stop pacing back and forth as my heart melted into a puddle of goo.
Pumikit ako at hinilot ang sentido. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko. Tatawag ba ako kay
Nikolai? Matutulog?
But my heart is pounding like I ran a marathon si instead of sleeping, I chose to finally call
Nikolai. I am very up for his judgement and his insults. Kung gusto niyang daragin ako ng
mabuti, itong gabi na to ang hinihintay niya!
"l am going home!" he announced before he burst out laughing and excitedly shrieked.
Nakatabon ang isang palad ko sa mga mata habang nakaupo sa carpet sa tabi lang ng kama.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit mas kumportable ako rito sa baba, nagtatago, at nasa sulok.
Something about what happened is triggering my embarrassment.
"Stop ruining Amber's wedding!"
"My goodness! Sabihin na ni Amber kay Jaxon ang totoo! Hindi naman sila ang pupuntahan
ko, ikaw naman!" he shrieked excitedly in the background again.
I am not sure if his excitement helps or it is only making me feel worse.
"Oh wait! Hindi rin pala alam ni Achilles kaya baka ang mag ama ang magtataboy sa akin!"
he said.
"Stop it, Nikolai!"
He didn't help at all. He didn't insult me or mock me. He was just plainly excited
At imbes na tumawag ako sa kanya para kumalma, all his shrieks and excitement only
spread through me. I felt my heart pounding hard even when I climbed to bed to sleep.
"Im sorry, Mommy. Okay lang ba?"
"No problem, hija,"sabi ko kahit na nakaka panic na problema ang ibinibigay niya
 sa akin.
I don't want her to be so stressed on her wedding day. It's my job to be stressed.
"Kung... mahirap omasyadong short notice, huwag na lang"
"No. No..." | said and my eyes shifted at whoever is at the door.
Achilles suddenly showed up. Nasa conference room ako kasama ang kadarating lang na
team para sa kasal ni Amber at Jaxon. We were already planning the ceremony when she
suddenly called me to have it transferred on the cliff. She said they both wanted to get
married on that special place. It's a short notice and we already prepared everything for the
original plan but if she wants it done there, then Ill do everything to make it happen.
"It can be done. That's what I'm here for. Ililipat natin."
"Talaga? Kahit malapit na ang kasal? Is it really possible, Mommy?"
Hindi ko sinabi na nandito ako. Hinanap niya siguro ako sa buong hotel at nang nalamang
nandito ako, pumunta na agad dito. The team and the organizers all looked at him even
when they are busy with their laptops and some printed plans.
Maingay kanina sa pag uusap usap nila pero nang pumasok siya, biglang natahimik at abala
ang lahat sa panonood sa paglapit niya.
I am sitting in a sofa and had nobody beside me. Doon siya dumiretso pero hindi agad na
naupo nang nakitang may katawagan ako.
"Good morning, Sir Achilles," the organizer greeted.
Achilles smiled politely and greeted them too. Maingat akong binalingan ng mga organizers
pagkatapos ng batian na para bang may pinagtatagpi tagpi sila sa kanilang mga isipan.
"Yes it is possible. Il talk to them. Don't worry about it," sabi ko.
Ilang beses pang pagpapanatag kay Amber saka ko binaba ang cellphone. I immediately
talked to the organizer even when Achilles was standing behind the sofa.
"That was Amber and she wants to transfer the venue of the ceremony on a cliff near here."
"Huh?!" lahat sila ang nagulantang sa sinabi ko.
Sa gitna ng lahat ng iyon, unti-unti at pasimple na naupo si Achilles sa tabi ko. I saw howW
Some of them were curious but then we have a lot of work to do to care too much about it.
"Yes, I'm sorry for the short notice. The cliff is a meaningful place for them kaya we should
make it happen."
"Can we go there today, Madame? Para makita rin ng team at ma check kung ano ang
adjustments."
"Yes, I think we should go there right now."
They all agreed. Nagtawag agad ako ng mga van para makapunta kaming lahat ng team
doon. I didn't bring any car here but we have many hotel services.
"You want me to drive you there?" si Achilles nang tatawag sana ako para sa sasakyan ko
naman.
"No, it's okay. May van naman,"I said without thinking.
"Sasama ako sa inyo. Doble na kung... kukuha ka pa ng van mo.
Binaba ko ang cellphone ko at nag-angat ng tingin kay Achilles.
"Im also curious where they want to do the ceremony."
My eyes narrowed because I know for a fact that maybe he is really curious, but
I'm leaning more to... he wants to come with me. "Okay. Drive me there."
Tumango siya at bumuntonghininga. "I didn't see you at breakfast."
"| had my breakfast in my room."
Tumango ulit siya.
"Ayaw mo bang tingnan na lang ang pag alis ni Perseus mamaya? He asked for the chopper
so I let him borrow ours. He might fly anytime soon now."
Umiling si Achilles. "Babalik din naman siya. We'll just see each other by then."
Suminghap ako at sa kalagitnaan ng pag-uusap namin, sinundo na kami ng bellboy para
sabihin na naghihintay na ang van.
"No need for mine. Ill with Achilles," sabi ko.
Nagsibalingan ang nagtayuang team at kahit na wala naman silang sinabi, alam kong laman
kami ng isipan nilang lahat.
Achilles' SUV is waiting outside. I never thought that they had a huge SUV here in
Costa Leona. Kung sa bagay, hindi ko rin alam ang maraming bagay sa kanila mula nang
umalis kami papuntang America.
 Abala ako sa cellphone sa biyahe. At hindi naman din sobrang layo kaya agad kaming
nakarating sa bangin kung saan gusto ni Amber at Jaxon ganapin ang kasal nila
"Kaya naman to, Madame," sabi ng isa organizers habang nag ocular inspection.
"We'll just do some tweaks but over all... kaya. Medyo may parts lang na hindi pantay ang
lupa kaya baka kailangan na nating magsimula na patagin ng kaonti dito.
"I think we should change some things too. Since outdoor na ang ceremony, iba sa plano.
The invitation should be changed, too. Pati ang time ng kasal. It would be better if it's either
sunset or sunrise. Although, Amber didn't specify her preference."
We did that the whole week. At habang palapit na ang sunod na linggo, mas lalo lang lumala
ang pagkakaabala. I couldn't even spare time for Gil and his friends because the organizers,
designers, stylists, and many more are already in the hotel for the wedding! Lalo na dahil
uuwi na si Jaxon at Amber para makisali sa paghaharnda, kasama si Snow at Sibal.
Hindi rin kailanman nawala si Achilles sa tabi ko. Tahimik lang siya at minsan lang
nagtatanong sa akin tungkol sa pagkain ko o para maging kumportable ako habang
meeting. At naninibago man ako, masyado na akong abala sa kasal na hindi ko pa
mapagtuunan ng pansin iyon.
He also didn't need much tending, anyway. He's just there, quiet, attentive, and watching
me. Not that I will take care of him, cuz I won't, but it seems like he didn't need much taking
care of.
"So... what's this, Achilles? I get that it's your son who's getting married but... I'm curious...
are you taken?"
Siya lang ang may kayang diretsahang tanungin si Achilles. Of course an internationally
renowned, old and professional designer has the guts to dish it out face to face. Walang
nangahas na magtanong sa kahit na sinong nandoon sa isang linggo nang paghahanda
kundi siya lang. And it's even his first day and first hour in the hotel.
Naririnig ko ang tanong niya habang inaayos nila ang gowns ng bride's maid na inangkat
pa. Meanwhile, I'm busy checking out the progress of the cliff.
Katatapos lang naming mag usap ng designer at pagkaalis ko agad sa harap niya, si Achilles
agad ang tinanong.
"Yes, I am."
Nagtaas ako ng kilay habang tinitingnan ang iPad ng stylist habang pinapakita niya ang
pictures ng cliff.
"Oh, I thought so," the designer said meaningfully. "May irereto sana ako."
He chuckled.
"Im sorry, Im not interested," Achilles said politely.
"No problem. And... Well, I know this must be private so I won't ask you any more about it.
At mukha namang... hindi na kailangan."
Tumikhim ako. He's.. taken. Hindi na kami mga bata at masyado akong mabait para
sabihing hindi ko alam ang sinasabi niya. Hindi kami ni Achilles pero wala akong panahon
para mag isip na may ibang babae siya. Ako ang tinutukoy niya.
He's taken. He's always here. Kulang na lang magsabay kami pati sa agahan. We re together
for lunch, and dinner. He escorts me to my room at night. He has no time for other women.
At mukha ring alam ni Royo ang sinabi ni Achilles. Kaya rin yata siya nagtanong kasi kanina
niya pa napansin na nakabuntot si Achilles sa akin. lguess I'm just shocked that he claimed
he was taken. We're not a couple but he is rejecting offers for him to date someone else.
Natapos rin ang araw na iyon. lyon yata ang pinaka hectic na araw dahil bukas na ang
dating nina Amber, Jaxon, at Jacques. At mukha ring sa araw na iyon sumunod din si Snow,
Sibal, at Archer. May oras pa naman kami kaya sa kahulihulihang minuto, inayos ang lahat
para lang may mailatag na agad kapag hiningi na ni Amber ang progress ng wedding
preparations.
"Thank you so much, Mommy," si Amber pagkatapos nilatag ng organizer ang buong
progress ng kasal.
"Al for you, hija," I smiled.
"Wow! I mean... wow! It's a short engagement at medyo ambitious ang theme but... this is
amazing" puri ni Amber sa organizers.
The team clapped and were very pleased that Amber is amazed with the progress.
 Parang ginipit ko ang sarili ko at hindi muna nag enjoy sa pag uwi ng mga apo ko sa Costa
Leona hanggang hindi maayos ang pagkakalatag kay Amber ng tungkol sa kanyang kasal.
Kaya naman, nang pinuri na iyon ni Amber at tuluyan nang natapos ang presentation, ang
mga apo agad ang hinanap ko.
"Where's Jacques and Archer?"
Amber rolled her eyes. "Sinama ni Sibal at Snow sa dagat. But they'll be here
Soon."
I smiled and nodded. Amber then looked for Jaxon who is talking to Achilles.
Nagce-celebrate na ang team ng organizers at pinagpahinga ko rin sila sa araw na iyon.
Both Jaxon and Achilles went to us, too.
"Dinner is ready" si Jaxon na mukhang sinabihan na rin ng waitress dahil nagpahanda ako
ng dinner sa sea side na long table.
"Oh good, I'm starving."
Pagkatapos sabihin ni Amber iyon, iginiya na kami sa lamesa. The sun is setting and
immediately, I saw the shadows of two kids running around. Sa malayong likod ng dalawa
ay sina Sibal at Snow.
Ngumiti ako at hindi pa man nakakalapit, narinig ko na ang sigaw ni Jacques.
"Lola!"
I chuckled and braced for his running hug. Sa likod niya, si Archer na ginagaya rin siya pero
hindi kasing excited. Maybe because we aren't really close and he's still warming up to me.
Bago pa yumakap si Jacques sa hita ko, bumaba na ako para mag lebel ang mga mata namin.
I also made sure that my embrace wasnt all for him. I welcomed
Archer equally, even when he was still not used to me.
"Can I hug you too?" tanong ko kay Archer.
Tumango siya at niyakap na rin ako.
Saglit akong pumikit para damhin ang yakap ng dalawa. At nang dumilat, natanaw ko ang
apat sa mahabang lamesa na hinanda.
The sun was setting and it glowed like embers. The silhouette of the two woman who
meant so much to me--Amber and Snow, with the love of their lives--Jaxon and Sibal,
completed the painting-like picture in front of me. All of that, as I hug the two boys who
made me remember what it is like to love someone in the most powerful and most
unconditional love of all.
Ngumiti ako habang dinadama ang yakap ng dalawa. Sa gitna noon, natanaw ko na hindi
lang pala silang apat ang nasa harap ko at nakatanaw sa akin.
Achilles was standing in front of his sons, watching me as I hug our grandkids. He looked in
awe of something. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang dumaan sa mga mata niya. The shadow
made by the glowing setting sun masked his real feelings as he watched me enveloping the
two boys in my embrace.
Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa kanya. Something about the look in his eyes made my eyes stay on
him. And when the sun has set, and the last few moments of the dusk paralyzed the
shadows and made their faces clearer to me.
Si Sibal at Jaxon na pinapanood ang ama nila. Si Snow na naiiyak habang pinapanood ako.
At si Amber, na payapang nakangiti habang nakatingin. At si
Achilles, na punong puno ng emosyon ang mga mata.
What was it? I felt... pain, sorrow, regrets, anger, guilt, grief, hope, and most of all, love... He
held my gaze hostage, and I feel like he was vulnerable at that very moment.
And for a moment of eternity, a life that I have onced hoped for flashed on my mind. Ako sa
tabi ng dagat, kayakap ang dalawang batang... anak... namin ni
Achilles. Siya na tinatanaw akong mahal na mahal ang dalawa... at punong puno rin ang mga
mata ng pagmamahal sa amin.
Simpleng buhay kasama siya. Magkaanak. Magkapamilya. Kaming dalawa.
All this years, I always thought it was a lost life. Gone. Lost in the tides. Gone with the wind.
But today, I realized it is not. It is here right in front of us. In a different way.
It didn't go our way. The wind always has it's own path, we cannot lord it. The waves will
always be unpredictable, even if we master it. We may be the master and captain of our
sails, but in the end, the ocean decides where it will lead you.
Kumawala ang dalawang bata at kalaunan tumayo ako.
Hinawakan nila ang kamay ko, inilalapit sa mga magulang sa harap at sa Lolo nila na
naghihintay.
"Are we going to swim tomorrow, Lola?" they asked.
 I nodded.
Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa harap at nakitang payapa na ang titig ni Achilles ngayon.
Nanghihina pero masaya. Tahimik at payapa. Banayad at kalmado.
"Lolo, you will teach us how to fish?"
His eyes almost never left mine. He nodded before he dropped it to Jacques.
"I know how to fish, Jacques. Want me to teach you?" Archer said.
Achilles' eyes went back to mine. Na abala ang dalawang bata sa isa't-isa.
"Kumain na tayo," | heard Amber in the background but Achilles went to me, very slowly.
slowly.
I saw how Snow was a bit shocked to see it. At napabalik ng tingin si Amber nang nakitang
nilapitan ako ni Achilles.
"I don't think..." he said huskily.
Malayo kami sa kanilang apat kaya kaming dalawa lang ang nakakarinig.
"I don't think Ive ever been this in love with you," he whispered.

Kabanata 40

This is the final chapter of the last installment of Costa Leona Series. Thank you so much for
allowing me to reach this far for this series. This had been one of the best experience in my
life and Im glad I shared it with you.
Although, I am writing Wakas, I am planning to skip posting because it might be too long.
But I will share with you a short part, after this final chapter. Thank you!
Alam kong isusulat ko ito kalaunan, pero mas naging personal ito sa akin dahil alam kong
gustong gusto ito ng kaibigan kong hindi na natin kasama ngayon. At sa inyo na naghintay
at nagbasa, maraming salamat po. Alam kong ilan sa inyo, simula pa lang ng buong series,
hiningi na to. This was a painful story to tell but it is very worth telling. To have come this
far reading it, I think you know what I mean. We are not perfect people, but loving and
being loved in return is such a perfect phenomenon that it is worth celebrating,... through a
story.

Kabanata 40

Immortal
I am aware that they are all watching us. Or at least the four of them are. The kids were
oblivious and busy with each other's company.
Achilles is sitting beside me. Nasa kabisera ako, at siya ang nasa kanan ko. Snow is on my
left and beside her is Sibal. Beside Achilles is Jaxon with Amber. Ang dalawang bata, si
Archer ang nasa tabi ni Sibal at si Jacques ang nasa kabilang
Achilles is sitting beside me. Nasa kabisera ako, at siya ang nasa kanan ko. Snow is on my
left and beside her is Sibal. Beside Achilles is Jaxon with Amber. Ang dalawang bata, si
Archer ang nasa tabi ni Sibal at si Jacques ang nasa kabilang dulo.
The silence was awkward but the boys tried their best to open a topic. Maybe they also
noticed it. Tahimik kasi si Amber at Snow.
"We should rest tomorrow. Archer, sa susunod na araw na kayo mag aral mangisda," si
Sibal.
Snow frowned. "It's okay."
Umiling si Sibal. "That can wait."
"Kami na ang sasama, Kuya," Jaxon said.
"No, Jax. You have a wedding to plan. Puwede naman na magpapahinga ako sa sea side
while you come with them,"si Snow kay Sibal.
Sibal looked at Snow for a while, obviously not convinced with what she wants.
 "Ako na," si Achilles. lglanced at him.
"Huwag na, Papa," si Snow. "Sibal can do it."
Sibal nodded and sighed.
"It's okay." Sabay baling ni Achilles sa akin. "Dito ka lang naman bukas para sa mga bisita,
hindi ba? No need to go somewhere so..."
Natahimik kaming lahat. The reason for the silence was obvious. Kaya imbes na may
sabihin pa, uminom na lang muna ako ng tubig at pinagmasdan ang pagkain sa harap.
"Hindi na, Papa. Ako na. Sa malapit lang naman kami. But if you want, you can also join us,"
si Sibal sabay sulyap sa akin.
They continued talking about it until the kids requested for us to start eating. I looked at
the food in front of us, they were complete and flawlessly prepared
I was still planning to get some oven roasted vegetables when Achilles offered me that.
"Do you want this2"
Hindi iyon ang unang pagkakataon. Sabay kaming kumain sa nagdaang mga araw. Madalas
ako ang kumukuha ng kakainin ko pero tuwing nauunahan niya ako, gaya ngayon, ganito
lagi ang turing niya.
I can simply say yes and not cause a scene. Pero alam ko rin na ang simpleng tanong at offer
na iyon, eskandalo na para sa apat. The kids were busy while the four pair of eves darted at
us immediately.
Sibal looked at his father with obvious shock and amusement. Snow's eyes was also
evidently so wide that it can't be mistaken for anything other than astonishment. Jaxon
sipped on his water as he watched us cautiously, while
Amber tried to bite a bread but she couldn't help to purse her lips as she looked at me.
Awkward na sagutin pa si Achilles sa pagkakataong ito pero mananatili siyang nag o-offer
kung hindi.
"Yes, please. Thank you," I said hastily.
Akala ko may magsasalita. Uminom ako ng tubig at handa na kung sakaling barahin si
Achilles ng mga anak, o magtanong si Amber o Snow pero wala. At ngayon ko lang din
natanto na mas mahirap pala kapag tahimik ang lahat. Only the chuckling kids were busy
and talking.
It was that way for some good long minutes. At habang tumatagal, hindi ako nagiging
kumportable. Lalo na tuwing nasusulyapan ko si Snow o si Amber, it's either they are
watching me intently or they look away like they are thinking something I shouldnt know.
It isn't helping that although Snow can very well hide whatever is her feelings,
Amber is trying her best to hide her grin with stuffed mouth. Jaxon noticed it and he is
whispering things to her and it isn't helping.
Uminom ulit ako ng tubig.
"You want more?" Achilles asked when he noticed that I finished my water.
"It's alright. The waiters will notice it," sabi ko.
Sa ibang pagkakataon, hinahayaan ko lang siyang nakaabang sa akin pero nandito kami at
kasama ang mga anak namin..
He called a waiter and they refilled my glass of water. I glared at Achilles. He licked his lips.
Nagtagal ang tinginan naming dalawa, siya mukhang hindi nakuha ang titig ko,
samantalang nang lipat ko ang mga mata ko sa mga anak namin pare pareho silang
nakatingin din.
"So tomorrow, Amber-"
Bago ako makapagpatuloy sa pagsasalita, naubo ng kaonti si Amber. It was as if I caught her
or something reason why she choked.
"Yes, Mom-" then she coughed again.
Jaxon gave her water and whispered some things. Snow looked at the couple with her lips
pursed. Pero nang natanaw niya akong nakatingin sa kanya, mabilis niyang naitago ang
ekspresyon sa isang kurap lang.
"Should | extend your stay here, Papa?" Sibal said meaningfully.
I think he was the first one to insinuate something and I hated him more for it.
Nakita ko ang masamang tingin ni Snow sa asawa. Sibal tamed his smirk for his father.
"Hindi pa naman natatapos ang renovation kaya magtatagal pa ako rito."
Sibal nodded. "And some properties you want to buy"
Tumango si Achilles.
 "Im sorry," si Amber na ngayon lang naka recover sa kanyang pagkakasamid.
"About tomorrow, Mommy. You can rest. Kami na muna ni Jaxon ang mag aasikaso tungkol
kasal. Nasabi mo na naman sa akin ang gagawin kanina." sa
"It's okay. My schedule tomorrow is just the gown fittings. Inayos ko na at tinaon sa
pagdating n'yo rito. All the other hectic preparations were already done days ago.
"Oh, wow! Thank you, Mom."
Tumango ako.
"So Tita, if you want you can spend time with Jacques and Archer tomorrow," si
Snow sa seryosong mukha.
"Lola will spend time with us?" Jacques said.
Ni hindi ko pa naiisip iyon. At kung pagbabasehan sa nasabi kanina, mukhang si
Achilles din, ganoon ang gagawin. Hindi nga lang ako makatangg... at bakit ko naman
gugustuhin? It's my time to spend time with my grandsons.
"Yes, Jacques."
"Oh good, then Tito Achilles will spend time with them, too," si Snow.
"Ako na ang bahalang magturo sa mga batang mangisda," si Sibal.
Si Jaxon, Snow, at Amber ang sabay sabay na iritadong bumaling kay Sibal. Sibal smirked.
"Para... hindi na hassle kay... Papa," he said and looked at the other three.
I sighed and continued eating. Alam ko na ang iniisip ng apat na to. Iguess it can't be helped
now. Hindi na rin naman kami mga bata para itago pa ang kahit ano. At lalong hindi na sila
mga bata na kaya naming pagtaguan ng kung ano...
Thankfully, we finished the dinner. Most of the time, it was awkward silence from the four
of them. Halata na pare pareho silang nag iingat at nagmamasid sa nangyayari. Naghihintay
na nga ako na may biglang magtanong sa kanila ng diretsahan. Thankfully, the dinner
ended without anyone of them attempting anything.
Close si Archer kay Achilles. Pagkatapos kumain, hinila agad ni Archer si Achilles
papuntang dagat. Jacques was still adjusting, like how Archer is still trying to get to know
me. But he still went with them and tried to talk to Achilles.
Tumayo si Sibal para sawayin si Archer. Jaxon then went with him towards the two boys
and their father. Naiwan kami ni Snow at Amber sa lamesa. l am sipping on my fruit juice
like it's wine or something. Snow watched me like a hawk shamelessly, while Amber would
Iook away everytime I notice her intense gaze.
"What is it, Snow?" sa wakas pinuna ko na ang titig niya.
She cleared her throat. "Nothing, Tita."
I smirked and we had a short stare down before she sighed. "Are... you comfortable here?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Yes, of course you have. Puwede mo namang tanggihan si Papa, k-kung ayaw mo talaga.
"And where will l go? Nikolai's place is so boring."
Snow's brow furrowed. Sumulyap siya kay Amber bago nagsalita. "Well, if you want out of
the dela Vegas, we have properties where you can... live."
"Wala rin naman akong gagawin. Here, there is work. Not heavy but at least, not boring,
too."
"Tito Achilles will stay here too.."' si Snow sabay titig sa akin na parang bang nag expect
siya na may idudugtong ako.
We stared at each other for a long while before I realize she is trying to make me talk.
Suminghap ako at tiningnan ang mga lalaki sa harap. Achilles can't stop looking back at us.
Urmirap ako at bumaling kay Snow.
"l can see that. You booked him for a month."
"Inaayos na naman kasi ang bahay nila at bahay namin."
Umirap ulit ako sa sinabi ni Snow.
"Okay lang po sa'yo?"
Amber's eyes widened at Snow. Nahuli ko iyon at nang nakita niyang nahuli ko iyon,
uminom siya ng tubig at nagkunwaring walang nangyari.
"That's enough, you two. Diretsuhin n'yo ako at kanina ko pa kayo napapansin."
Pumikit ng mariin si Amber. Snow tried to act dumb but I can see through her,
 too.
"Huh"
"Achilles wants us together," I said that matter of factly. "Nag usap na kami tungkol sa
nangyari noon. We closed that part betvween us but also, he says... he still loves me and
that he wants us to start a new relationship together."
"And you agreed?" si Amber na parang takot maunahan ni Snow sa tanong.
"No, I didn't-"
"Why?" si Amber.
"You're kidding me!" si Snow na halos sabay rin kay Amber.
"We're too old for"
"Mom, you can still rock a bikini, then it's not too old for-"
Umismid agad ako sa sinabini Amber. Buti at naputol siya ni Snow.
"Don't hide it, Tita. Obvious naman na kayo ni Tito Achilles. It's alright! I mean..."
I raised a hand. Para na kasing binudburan ang asin ang dalawa, at nag uunahang magsalita.

"I told you, Mommy. That it's about time you act on your happiness!"
"Tita, if you want to keep it a secret, you may do so but please, hindi sa amin. I'm, like, your
daughter too!"
"I'm not hiding anything, Snow..." kalmado kong sinabi.
"So Tito Achilles is courting you?"
Natawa ako sa tanong ni Amber. "Gosh, Amber. Do you really think those words are
appropriate-"
"Mommy-"
"Tita, the fact that you allowed him to court you, that means there is a chance-"
"Please, girls, calm down..." puna ko sa dalawa.
"Snow, stop it. Let's just let this unfold-"
"No, but... Tita has plans to get married so-"
"I said you two... calm down!" I said warningly.
Snow sipped on her water. Amber then looked like she's got so many words to
Vomit.
"No, I'm not getting married. Yes, I had plans to get married again but those were mere
plans. I wasn't sure if I really will, when an opportunity presents-"
"Huh
Nagpatuloy ako at hindi nagpaawat sa pagpuputol. "At lalong hindi ko naisip na pakasalan
si Achilleso na.. magkaroon ng relasyon sa kanya. I feel like I'm way past that and I'm fine
and contented with what I am and where I am right now."
"Pero Tita, anong hindi ka magkakaroon ng relasyon-"
"Snow, she can change her mind eventually."
"l said... calm down!
Natahimik ang dalawa. Pakiramdam ko tuloy walang ginawa ang apat na batang to kundi
pag usapan kami ni Achilles tuwing nagkikita. Kaya ang daming nasasabi kasi mas nauuna
pa silang mag isip kaysa sa'kin!
"I told you, I accept boyfriends and accept marriages... but those were theoretical... Hindi ko
naisip na talagang mangyayari. Ngayong kuntento ako, masaya ka Snow, masaya si Amber,
masaya ang mga apo ko, tahimik ang buhay ko dito, may trabaho kahit paano, I don't think I
need anything more."
They looked at me intently. Halatang nagbabadya ang mga sasabihin nila pero dahil iritado
na ako, walang nagsalita.
"l go to parties when I need to. I check in hospitals for my check ups." I smirked. "I work
here and it feels like everyday is a holiday. That's a perfect retired life and that's fine with
me. Basta maayos kayo at ang mga anak ninyo, ayos na sa akin."
"Masaya ka po ba, Tita?" marahang tanong ni Snow.
"Yes, I'm happy," mataman kong sagot. "As long as you two are happy, I'm happy.
Tumango si Amber. That's great, Mommy." She smiled.
Natahimik silang dalawa saglit, mukhang nag-isip.
Napaisip din ako at medyo nagulat din sa mga sagot ko.
Nagulat dahil iyon ang totoo. I didn't say anything out of bitterness. I didn't say anything
out of spite or pain. It was all the truth. It's whatI was feeling.
Hindi ko nga alam kung nakatulong ba ang lahat, kaya ko naramdaman ito.
Parang kailanlang, galit pa ako kay Achilles at sa nakaraan. Parang kailanlang, ginugulo ko
pa ang buhay ng mga anak niya, at ni Amber at Snow, para lang pigilan na magkatuluyan
sila.
I always believed that at some point his sons will fail and my daughters will
 suffer. I tried to prevent it. But now... right now... I feel at peace. l am no longer waiting for
his sons to fail, and I didn't have the urge to be wary and protect both Amber and Snow
from them.
I had trust. I had trust that the boys will be men enough to be good husbands and good
fathers. I had trust that Amber and Snow are women who will rise up, whatever the hurdles
are. And I trust that they love each other too much to break apart.
Siguro nga nakatulong ang lahat ng nangyari. Achilles' sons proved me wrong.
And even despite what I've done to them, they respected me. That's something.
At siguro, pati na rin ang mga pag-uusap namin ni Achilles. At ayaw ko mang aminin, pati
na rin ang pag uusap namin ni Senyora Domitilla. Lahat ng iyon, maaaring dahilan kung
bakit kalmado at kuntento na ako ngayon.
I have no ill feelings at hand. I cannot say that I can be friends with Tita Domitilla again, but
l guess I have let go of the what ifs. And to Achilles.
Natigilan ako at napaisip..
Siguro isa rin iyon. He confessed and professed his love for me... until now. That it didn't
die. It was there all these time.
Ngayon ko lang naisip.. na baka isa rin iyon sa dahilan kung bakit kuntento at kalmado ako.
Ang malaman na mahal pa rin ako ni Achilles at minahal niya ako sa nagdaang taon, ang
nagpakalma sa galit at poot sa puso ko. It was as if my heart had been
Screaming, all this time, that it knew Achilles' heart is beating for it. And now that we
realized it's right, it is content and happy. It had been right all along. It wasn't lying,
hallucinating, or assuming. It knows.
Tumayo si Snow at lumapit sa akin. Niyakap niya ako galing sa likod. Ngumiti ako at
hinawakan ang kamay niya na nasa dibdib ko.
"Tita, I just want to say I'm sorry for... all the wrong judgements I had of you all these
years."
Ngumiti ulit ako.
"I didn't have a... great woman to look up to, growing up. I guess that's the reason why I
didn't get you."
"It's okay. I was also in a very difficult time then, Snow."
Tumayo rin si Amber at lumapit sa amin, nakangiti at hinahayaan si Snow.
"l just want you to know, Tita..that I am very very supportive of you and Tito
Achilles." l almost put her arm away from me when she said that. She chuckled.
"Hindi ko alam no'n ang nangyari sa inyo ni Tito. Pasensiya na kung... isa ako sa mga
nanghusga salyo, Tita. I only know of the past from people around Costa
Leona... and still, I judged you. For that, I'm sorry."
Hinagod ko na lang ang braso ni Snow at pinalagpas ang naunang sinabi.
"I know you said that you're contented. I'm happy that you are, Tita. But I am also hoping
that you won't close your doors... not for Tito Achilles... but for you.
"But I am already happy and content now, Snow," giit ko.
"That's the goal, right? To be happy and content?" she said and looked at me.
Ngumiti siya at kalaunan nagpatuloy.
"But a little risk is what makes us all alive.'
I never thought of that. I couldn't say anything. Bago pa siya kumalas, yumakap na rin si
Amber at saglit kaming nagtawanan.
I don't think I've ever been this contented. I'm in the arms of the two women who meant so
much to me. They are safe, loved, and happy... I am happy. Genuinely happy. I can even say I
couldn't feel any ill feelings. I'm just genuinely content and happy.
Kinabukasan, ganoon nga ang nangyari. Abala si Jaxon at Amber sa pagsusukat ng damit
nila sa conference room. Snow is on the beach lounger, while Sibal is busy telling the kids
that they are only going to fish near the shore cuz they can't go very far from Snow.
They are trying to fish on the rock formations. Bukod kasi sa mas malalim ang tubig doon,
kumpara sa shoreline, may ilan din daw isda dahil sa mabatong dagat.
Both Jacques and Archer were listening to Sibal as he told them what to do with their
equipments. Achilles was also watching them and encouraging them but eventually, he
went back to where I was.
Tahimik lang ako habang pinagmamasdan sila. Jacques is comfortable but he tries to look
back to me from time to time. I reassure him all the time.
 "You can do it," I said when he smiled at me.
He is obviously having fun. Seeing him bond with them and have fun made me realize that
coming home was worth it. Bago ang lahat ng ito, ayaw ko na talagang umuwi. I was ready
to live a life abroad until the end. Amber is doing well there and Jacques is comfortable,
except that he wants his father. l am very opposed to coming home. Ni hindi ko gaano inisip
ang pangangailangan ni Jacques kay Jaxon. Pero ngayong nandito na kami at nakikita ko
siyang masaya, then I guess everything that we went through, coming here was worth it.
I wouldn't trade it for anything. Jacques happiness is everything. Hindi lang si
Jaxon ang nakuha niya pag uwi rito, pati na rin si Archer, Sibal, Snow, at Achilles.
The more people will love him, the better.
"Thank you... for coming home.'
My eyes widened a fraction when I heard Achilles beside me. lyon ang naiisip ko habang
tinitingnan si Jacques. I can't believe he said that at the right time.
Nagtaas siya ng kilay nang natanaw ang ekspresyon ko. Siguro halatang halata sa mukha ko
ang pagkakagulat.
I sighed and shook my head. Binaling ko ulit ang tingin kay Jacques.
"Ayaw ko nang umuwi dito. I accepted thatI will live the rest of my life in U.S. But seeing
this now, Jacques happy and with his family.." I smiled. "Iit's worth it."
"Yes, it is. He deserves the family he longed for."
Inodded in agreement. Napansin ko ang pagbaling ni Achilles sa akin.
"Im glad that you allowed them to come home. I'm happy that you're home, too."
A memory flashed on my mind... about homes.
Noon, lagi kong iniisip na hindi na ako nakauwi. Kahit nasa bahay man ako, pakiramdam ko
gusto ko pa ring umuwi... saan? Hindi ko alam. Basta alam ko, hindi doon... hindi dito.
Pero noong dumating si Amber, I didn't feel it anymore. Or if l did, it was hidden in the
depths of my heart. I didn't feel it be cause I needed to be... home. Ako.
Mismo. Ang uwian. Ni Amber.
I needed to be strong to be able to provide her a strong shelter. I needed to be her shelter. I
didn't look for home, because | had to become her home.
"I'm happy to be home, too," I said as I watched both Jacques and Archer enjoying
themselves on the rock formations, very familiar to me, and in front is the seas of
Costa Leona.
Nagtagal ang tingin ni Achilles sa akin hanggang sa nagtawanan ang mga bata sa harap. My
eyes widened when I saw how jacques' rod moved. Archer excitedly told him what to do.
Tinulungan naman ni Sibal si Jacques habang nangyayari iyon. At sa gitna pa ng
nangyayaring iyon, gumalaw rin ang rod ni Archer. He was shocked. He didn't notice it
immediately because he was busy watching Jacques. Sa gulat at sa pagkakahila ng rod,
nahulog siya sa tubig!
Before I could come to rescue him, Achilles was already there. Hindi naman din malalim
ang tubig at marunong ding lumangoy si Archer pero tama lang na pinuntahan siya ni
Achilles
"Archer, are you okay?" Sibal asked his son while still assisting Jacques.
"Uh-huh.It mustve been big. I didn't notice it but it had so much force! Thank you, lolo.."
Nabasa na rin si Achilles dahil sa pagdalo niya kay Archer. Binalik niya ito sa rock
formations at inayos ang rod. Nahila na ni Jacques ang huli kasama si Sibal.
Lumapit ako sa kanila.
"Are you alright?" I asked Archer.
Tumango siya.
"Basa ka na."
"It's okay. Gusto ko rin pong mag swimming ngayon," he grinned.
I looked at Sibal and I saw how he smiled proudly at his son. Naagavw nga lang ni
Achilles ang tingin ko nang nakitang naghubad siya ng damit. He then squatted so his eye
level would reach Archer.
"Magpaalam ka muna sa Mommy mo," ani Achilles sa bata.
Tumango si Archer at bumaling kay Jacques. "Ask your Mommy too, Jacques."
Jacques nodded and showed Archer his catch. Saglit na pinuri ni Archer si
Jacques. Tinabi ni Sibal ang huli.
"Lolo has a tattoo?" si Jacques na nagulat sa nakita sa likod ni Achilles.
Napakurapkurap ako at nakitang bumaling si Achilles sa akin. Hindi ko alam bakit
 sumulyap siya pagkatapos tanungin iyon.
"Yes, Jacques! It's his sun!" Archer informed him.
Tumango si Jacques at medyo namamangha.
"It's the light, when it's dark for lolo!"
"I want a sun tattoo, too!" si Jacques na excited.
I narrowed my eyes. "No, you can't. Your too young for tattoos."
"When I'm old enough, Lola!"
Mas lalong nanliit ang mga mata ko. "Ask your mom."
Sibal chuckled and asked them to go back to the hotel. Bukod sa basang basa si
Archer, gusto rin niya na ipakita ni Jacques ang huli kay Amber at Jaxon na ngayon ay nasa
conference room.
Sumunod naman ako sa kanila. Nasa likod ko si Achilles, sumusunod din. I didn't want to
think abut it but somehow, I found my mind on it.
His sun. The light when it's dark. It had been a long time but all that he's said to me were
tattooed on my mind.
Madilim, kung wala ka.
It's his sun. His.
"The sun isn't owned by anyone," I said qiuetly, enough for him to hear it.
Theard how his footsteps stopped for a while before it resumed.
"Yes, it isn't. This is why I tattooed it on me. Because I know I couldn't own it, but it owns
me.
Tumigil ako at tiningnan siya. Ilglared at him while he looked at me weak and a bit...
indulgent.
"It eased my longing a bit. When I had it tattooed, it felt like a companion, or
remembrance... of you."
I smirked. "This is why you couldn't get a girlfriend after all these years. If they see you
naked and ask about your tattoo, you tell them about your ex.
Nakalayo na ang mga bata, pati si Sibal. Kaming dalawa na lang ang nandoon.
"Wala naman akong plano na magka girlfriend sa nagdaang taon. Ngayon lang.
At sa'yo lang."
I cleared my throat and glanced at the hotel.
"Girlfriend."I chuckled. "Seems inappropriate for our age."
His eyes lingered on me. Nakalayo na lalo ang mga bata kaya kaonting tinig na lang nila ang
naririnig ko galing sa tinatayuan namin ni Achilles.
"Then... maybe we can get married if... you change your mind about me." he said quietly.
My eyes widened with shock. I couldn't hide it. Natawa ako ng kaonti. "You want to get
married to me?"
Yes."
My lips parted. Wala na akong masabi. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa. Hindi ako
makapaniwala. Gusto ko lang matawa. l am not even saying yes to him about our
relationship. Tapos nag isip siya na pakakasalan niya ako?
"Only if you change your mind, of course," aniya. "Gaya ng sabi ko, gusto ko lang na mahalin
ka. This opportunity to love you is more than enough for me.
I stopped and felt relieved. Hindi na ako nagsalita at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad pabalik sa
hotel.
I felt relieved. Why?
Relieved because I...don't have to commit to him. Maybe he's committed to me right now.
Pero ako, hindi sa kanya. I have no expectations for him and he has no expectations from
me.
Bakit ayaw ko? Hindi ako sigurado.
Mabilis na nagdaan ang mga araw. Ganoon siguro talaga kapag sobrang abala sa isang
bagay. Bigla ka na lang magigising sa araw ng kasal ng anak mo.
I watched Amber glowing in front of the mirror. We are only waiting for the right time to
finally leave the hotel for the ceremony. Ngiting ngiti siya nang nahanap niya ang mga mata
ko sa gitna ng madaming nandoon.
Kalaunan, nagsi alisan na ang mga artists at stylist dahil tapos na rin naman ang
paghahanda.
"Youre the most beautiful bride I've ever seen,"I said in all honestly.
She chuckled. "But it seems like l'm not the most beautiful in my wedding! You're glowing!"
I narrowed my eyes."Don't say that. You are the most beautiful.."
Niyakap ko siya galing sa likod, careful not to ruin her gown and hair and make
 up
"Thank you, Mommy. Not only for planning the wedding, but also... for everything."
I chuckled and released her. "ts amazing how you can still thank me...for everything, when
once upon a time, I ruined your relationship with Jaxon. Or that... I gave you a hard time
when you were a teenager."
Ngumiti si Amber at hinarap ako. "Now that I'm a mother, I understand you more. I know
you did your best."
Nagbadya ang luha sa mga mata ko sa sinabi niya.
"And it all turned out fine. I am here and happy. And maybe, if you didn't do the things that
you did, baka iba ang nangyari at hindi ganito."
I quickly wiped the tears I shed. Suminghap ako at inangat muli ang tingin kay
Amber.
"lI'm proud of how much you've grown, Amber. And I'm sure your father is proud of you,
too."
Ngumiti si Amber at niyakap ako ng mahigpit. I closed my eyes as I enjoyed the solemn
moment between us before she gets married.
I am very happy for her. I am excited for the life ahead of her.
"Mom," I heard Jacques' call behind us.
Kumalas kami sa yakapan at binalingan ang apo ko. He looked serious as she approached
her. Nakita ko na saglit din siyang nagulat sa ayos ni Amber. I smiled and kissed my
grandson before I slowly gave them privacy. Although Jaxon is
Jacques father, I know that Amber's heart is owned by this boy here. Matagal silang
nagsama na silang dalawa lang. They had been through a lot, and for sure this is an
emotional ride for the both of them.
Kalmad0 ang pakiramdam ko mula noon at hanggang sa dumating na kami sa venue. I don't
think I have ever been this at peace with everything. And I can't believe that I am so happy
to feel it. I can't believe I waited this long to experience this kind of peacefulness. Pero
siguro, ito na nga rin ang tamang panahon. It's not late, nor is it early. It is just the right to
feel this way. To be so secured and to be so calm about everything.
I feel like floating as I walked Amber on the aisle. Instead of a red carpet, it's the white
sands of Costa Leona. The sun is almost setting. They chose that time of the day because
Jaxon said the sun is the most amber when it's setting. And he wanted to commemorate his
love for his wife. And Amber agreed because she said that it's the only time of the day when
it didn't hurt, looking and staring at the beauty of the sun.
Tinatanaw ko ang pagbaba ng araw habang naglalakad kami sa dagat ng mga kapamilya, at
kakilala. Senyora Domitilla is invited and I can't believe that even when we are breathing
the same air here right now, I couldnt care at all.
My eyes found Jaxon who looked so stunned as Amber walked beside me.
Gumalaw si Achilles sa tabi ng anak dahilan kung bakit nilipat ko ang mga mata ko sa
kanya. He was watching me intently, and it almost mirrored Jaxon's expression for his
bride.
For another moment of eternity, I remember how much I longed tomarry
Achilles Riego. Wala na akong pakialam kung saang simbahan o saang Iugar. I was born
with a silver spoon and it's a big scandal if I married quietly. Bago ko siya nakilala, alam
kong malaking kasalan o party lang ang puwedeng ganapin para sa akin. Pero noong
minahal ko na siya, I'll marry him even in the dark of the night, without any visitor, without
any decor, any food on the table. I will marry him in the most unfortunate circumstance. I
didn't care. l even planned to tattoo our wedding rings because we needed to get married
soon. I don't have time to choose a wedding band. And he was poor, I didn't care if he
couldn't afford one. I didn't care about his status or his riches. I only want nim.
I smiled a little at my pure innocent heart. Akala ko noon, sobrang sama kong bata. lyon ang
pinaparating lagi sa akin. That I was such a brat. Maybe I was but.. well... I love so pure and
strong.
My gaze met Achilles'. Hindi iyon natanggal sa akin hanggang sa nakalapit na ami
For a moment, he stepped in front. Muntik ko nang maisip na gusto niyang kunin ang
kamay ko pero nakita ko na yumakap si Amber sa kanya. Jaxon then held my hand, a
gesture of courtesy and respect before he takes Amber away.
Pagkatapos ni Jaxon sa akin, yumakap naman si Amber sa akin. Achilles patted
 Jaxon's shoulder. Jaxon and Amber then held hands to face their ceremony.
Nasa kanang bahagi ako naupo. Si Achilles naman nasa kaliwa. I glanced at him and I saw
how he was simply watching me. Nagtagal at saka lang siya sumulyap sa ikakasal nang
nagsimula na ang ceremony.
Ayaw ko mang isipin pero hindi ko napigilan... Ive done this a million times before but right
now, it felt so near.. so... possible.
I will marry Achilles Riego. I will walk down the aisle, alone, in a simple ceremony.
He's on his Navy uniform, while I'm in a simple dress. I'm so happy to see him waiting for
me. He is excited to marry me. For our life ahead together. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami
titira pagkatapos. Hindi sa kanilang bahay, kasi mahahanap kami ni Papa at Mama. At baka
huling suot niya na iyon ng uniporme niya dahil kakailanganin niyang mag resign para lang
makapagtago kaming dalawa.
Maybe we will really live in that house l prepared for us. He is worried about our lives
together but he knows we can do it. Pareho kaming magsisikap na patunayan na kaya
naming dalawa na mamuhay ng mag-isa, basta magkasama.
Magkakaanak kami kalaunan. Magtatrabaho kaming dalawa.
I smiled a little and looked at the flowers on my hand. Then my mind went back again to
what I was thinking about... marrying Achilles. Eloping with him.
Kung hindi lang talaga tungkol sa pagiging magkapatid namin ang problema noon, nagawa
na naming dalawa iyon. He respected my parents but I know he was willing to take me
away, if that was our only problem. He didn't want me to push my family away, but if it
meant not being with me, then he will close his eyes and still take me.
I heard Amber's I do. I smiled as the crowd applauded. It was as if hearing myself say "I do"
to Achilles, in my imaginary elopement and wedding with him. The smile on my lips faded
when I realized what I have been doing this whole time..
My gaze met Achilles'. It was as if he was watching me this whole time.
For a brief and peaceful moment, I admitted that I still... want to love him.
I paused trying to control my thoughts. Masyado ba akong nadala sa mga nangyayari? Sa
kapayapaan? At bakit ko to naiisip ngayon?
I looked at Achilles again. He's watching the couple for a brief moment but his eyes
returned to me. Binalik ko naman ang mga mata ko kay Amber at Jaxon.
I shifted my weight and had the urge to shake my head because until now... even at this
age... he... makes me feel so young. To have my heart pounding against my chest, it is
unbelievable that he still had such effect on me. Then and now.
"I love this wedding! You organized it, Marem?"
I smiled. "May kinuha kaming organizers but yes... I'm part of the planning and all."
Nasa reception na kami, sa hotel. Everything went smoothly. We had a lot of guests and the
hotel housed all of them. We had to make the hotel exclusive for the whole week because of
it.
"Kaya pala maganda," sabi ng boses ng lalaki sa likod.
Nilingon ko iyon at nakita ko si Markus. Surprised to see him, I hugged him immediately.
"You came!"
He smiled. He looked around and then looked at me again for a small smile."1 wouldn't
miss the wedding of your only daughter, Marem."
"Oh, Markus... I thought you are travelling abroad?" si Senyora na biglang sumulpot.
She is in her wheelchair, with an entourage of nurses behind her. The wedding is huge.
Bukod sa invited guests ni Jaxon at Amber, of course Papa had his own lists of guests. Hindi
naman tumanggi sina Jaxon at Amber doon. In fact, I think Jaxon wanted to invite as many
guests as possible. Pambawi raw sa kumalat na kasal na si Amber kay Nikolai.
Nikolai is not here of course. Amber is not happy about it but she isn't that willing to tell
Jaxon about him. She has a go signal but she's still torn about it. I don't think Jaxon will tell
anyone about it kaya sana masabi niya na ang tungkol kay
Nikolai.
I looked at the old woman in front of me. I still don't know if what she said were true, but if
it were... then there are just secrets that are told through time. Some secrets... taken to the
grave. I dont want that for Nikolai but l am also not in the position to decide for him.
Secrets told. Secrets told late. And secrets... taken to the grave, huh.
"l will resume my travel after this. Umuwi lang para sa kasal ni Amber, Senyora,"
 Markus kissed Senyora's hand.
Senyora smiled at Markus. Binaba ni Markus ang kamay ng matanda. Then
Senyora's eyes raked the crowd I was in. Nagtagal ang mga mata niya sa akin pero
kalaunan, nagtuloy tuloy sa tabi ko... hanggang sa tumigil kay Achilles.
"There you are, Achilles. I was looking for you in this crowd."
Markus chuckled. "Nagkumustahan kami kanina, Senyora. With some of our friends and his
cousins."
"Oh right. I was there with Lucianna. I thought youre gonna be somewhere in
Matilda's crowd. Nandito ka nga pala kina Relani..." sabay baling niya sa hindi kalayuang
Riego.
Relani looked at me and smiled before she raised a glass at me. Binalik nga lang agad ang
tingin kay Senyora.
"I successfully put some of the Lopezes on a blind date, you know... widowers who'd want a
second chance at love. I'd like to pair you to someone."
Napabaling kaming lahat kay Achilles. Achiles then looked at me.
"Im sorry, Senyora," napapaos niyang sinabi. "Im already taken."
Senyora Domitilla was taken abacked by that. Sinuyod niya ang crowd namin.
Natawa ang iba at natawa rin ng kaonti si Senyora. "Oh you are? Isang buwan pa lang yata
noong nag usap tayo at alam kong... single ka."
"Riego, Senyora," Felicia said and smiled.
Senyora smiled at Felicia Riego then her eyes rested on me. "How about you,
Marem? Are you taken, too?"
"No."
Akala ko ako naman ang ire-reto niya. Nagulat ako nang bumalik siya sa katabi kong si
Achilles.
"You should watch it, Achilles. I notice this whole time that you are unneccessarily close to
Maria Emilia. It's so unbecoming if you have a girlfriend. Given that
Marem has... a... history of third parties... which was..." tumango si Senyora
Domitilla sa akin. "Definitely not true!"
She really had the audacity to say that?
"Mabuti nang maingat.." sabay ngisi ni Senyora.
"Im sorry. What I really meant was that I don't have a girlfriend, but I'm committed to
someone. I'm not open to dating anyone that's why I say I'm taken,
Senyora," bawi ni Achilles.
"Oh." Senyora Domitilla shrugged. "How complicated."
Tinapik niya ang wheelchair niya gamit ang isang mamahalin at puno ng diamanteng
pamaypay saka tinuro kung nasaan si Papa na kausap si Darius
Hidalgo. I rolled my eyes as she was wheeled towards them and is out of our crowd.
"Im sorry about that," Annaliese Mercadejas said that in an amused way.
"Oh, believe me l'm used to it by now."
Annaliese smiled and went to Lucianna Mercadejas' crowd. Napabaling ako sa kanan ko at
nakitang nakatinging parehas si Relani Riego at Felicia Riego kay
Achilles. Markus then faced the two women to talk about something.
"There you are," I heard someone behind me.
Nilingon ko iyon at natanaw na si Juanda iyon. Looking elegant in her mauve gown, she has
served the Riegos all these years, hiding the fact that she is the heiress of the Hidalgo
empire, sleeping in the Riego's hands.
"You were looking for me?"
"Is Cassandra with you?" I asked.
"Yes. She's with Eury and Amber, right now. Pero pareho kami ng pananaw ni
Cassandra. Hindi mo na kailangang magpaalam sa amin sa gagawin mo.
I smiled a bit. "l just thought that since... it had been her home. Maybe I should also ask her."

Umiling si Juanda at ngumiti sa akin. "It holds a special place in her but she can create new
memories somewhere else now. It's yours, Marem."
Marahan akong tumango at nag-isip saglit.
Dinala ko ang inumin sa labi at nagpasalamat muli kay Juanda nang nasulyapan ko si
Achilles na titig na titig sa kamay ko. For a moment, I didnt understand why.
But aftera while, I realized...
My accessories were all pearls for this wedding day. Iyon ang rason kung bakit suot ko ang
bigay niyang singsing sa akin noon. Matagal ko nang itinago iyon at kinalimutan na...
hanggang kagabi.
I saw it as I was looking for an accessory for today. I had stylists with me but of
 course it's good to look for timeless and classic pieces from my jewelry to wear on special
occassions like this. After all, this isn't just some event. This is my
Amber's wedding.
Nagpatuloy ang usapan namin ni Juanda pero madalas na bumalik ang mga mata ko kay
Achilles. We were almost done with our conversation when I heard a familiar laugh behind
me.
"Everyone is dancing. I can't believe you aren't.." si Perseus.
Juanda smiled and nodded at Perseus. Kinausap din si Juanda ng isang guest at naglahad
naman ng kamay si Perseus sa akin. I took one glance at Achilles before
I put my hand on Perseus.
Dinala agad ako ni Perseus sa dancefloor.
"You really didn't dance with anybody yet?" Perseus asked.
The jazz music is filling the whole place. Kung kanina ay mga bagong music, parte ng
programme, ngayong patapos na at nag rerelax na lang ang guests, smooth
Jazz na galing sa live band ang tumutugtog.
"You mean after dancing with Amber and Jaxon? Yes, I didn't dance with anybody.
I was busy talking to some guests...
Hindi pa nga kami nakakalayo sa usapan, may naglahad na ng kamay sa akin, sabay paalam
kay Perseus. Perseus seems sport. I felt bad that our dance was cut short but he was polite
enough to agree. Sinayaw ko ang isa sa mga bisita ni
Papa na galing din sa Navy.
I didn't know his background but as our dance progressed, he mentioned that he's
separated from his wife. Natapos ang sayaw namin at hinatid niya ako sa upuan ko. I saw
how Achilles watched us as we got to know each other.
I was already enjoying our conversation back in the table when my vision was shadowed
by the person in front. Natigilan ako nang natanaw ko si Achilles doon.
"May I have this dance?" he asked.
Niloloko ko ang sarili ko kung sasabihin kong hindi ako nagulat. Alam kong gusto niya ako
pero hindi ko inasahan na aayain niya akong magsayaw.
I pursed my lips and showed him my wine glass. "No."
His lips parted and he nodded. Tumikhim ang katabi ko. Kilala niya si Achilles, for sure. And
to bluntly decline Achilles in front of him, was a blow. I didn't plan that.
Ni hindi ko nga naisip na may kausap pala ako nang agaran kong tinanggihan si
Achilles.
He smiled a little before he excused himself.I sipped on my wine as I watched him go near
his chair, hindi kalayuan sa akin. May lumapit agad sa kanya at narinig kong inaya siyang
magsayaw pero tinanggiharn niya rin.
"May... problema ka sa balae mo? tanong ng katabi ko.
I opened my mouth to talk but another shadow veiled my eyes. Markus is in front of me.
"May I have this dance."
I smiled at him. Nilapag ko ang inumin at saglit na sinulyapan ang kausap kanina para
ilapag ang palad sa nakalahad na kamay ni Markus.
We had a lot of catching up as we danced but I wasnt thinking about that anymore. Parang
naiwan ang isipan ko sa nangyari. I was so blunt. I didn't reject him to spite him. Or reject
him because... I didn't want us to be seen by these people dancing - for sure they are too
busy partying to notice us. I rejected him because..
"You're... staying at Nikolais penthouse?" si Markus kalaunan dahil halos wala ako sa
sariling sumagot sa mga naunang tanong niya.
"Yes," sabi ko sabay baling kay Achilles.
Achilles shook his head at one of the three women who accompanied him right after I
refused him.
"He's in Germany now, though," sabay baling ko kay Markus.
"Kailan daw ang uwi niya?"
"Hindi ko alam. He doesn't have any schedule. He comes home when he wants to,"
He nodded. "He's been... separated for years now... is he... dating someone?"
Natigilan ako at nagtagal ang tingin kay Markus bago unti unting tumango. He nodded and
looked away.
Hindi ko alam paano natapos ang usapan namin ni Markus. Ijust found myself back on the
place where I was, standing with Markus. Wala na roon ang naunang kasayaw. Siguro hindi
na nahintay ang pagbabalik ko para mag usap kami. I'm relieved though, I am more
comfortable sipping on my wine, watching the crowd,
 all alone. Markus is fine, too.
Natabunan ang view ko sa dancefloor nang muling humarap si Achilles sa akin.
"How about this? Puvwede na ba kitang maisayaw?"
Nagtaas ako ng kilay. I put my wine down and tilted my head before I shook it.
"Hindi, Achilles.'"
Kumurap lang siya bago tumango. He then left and went back to where he was standing.
Nagkatinginan kamini Markus. Markus then shook his head and smiled with a bit of
sadness and disappointment.
"Still at this long standing war, huh?"
Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko sa kanya. Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung galit ba ang dahilan
kung bakit ko siya tinatanggihan ..
Takot?
"We grewW up together and I saw how you two were back then..."
"It's a long time ago, Markus. Matatanda na tayo. We're not the same people anymore."
"You're right."
Nagtama ulit ang tingin namin ni Markus.
"We change with time and experiences.. Kaya naisip ko minsan... bakit kaya nagpapakasal
ang mga tao? Kung... magbabago rin naman pala sila kalaunan?"
Napatingin ako kay Amber at Jaxon na nagkakatuwaan kasama sina Snow, Sibal, at iba pang
mga kabataang naroon. Most of the kids were asleep. Jaxon is now carrying Jacques on his
shoulder at umamba nang aalis para ihatid sa kuwarto.
"Why are vows forcing us to stay together and never change when it is natural that we do"
"l guess because vows are commitment... to a life together, beyond changes and
experiences.'
"l guess you're right. And maybe reason why some people fall apart is because vows are
also mere mortal promises. People make mistakes. No matter how hard you try to stay
committed to a life together, if your heart is somewhere else, you can never make it stop
yearning... for a place... or a person..."
Sumulyap ulit ako kay Markus. Hindi ko mapigilang maisip na may iba siyang naiisip sa
sinasabi niya. But I know he's got a point.
He then showed his glass to me. I took my glass and clinked with him.
"This is why weddings should be celebrated. Lalo na kapag totoong nagmamahalan ang
kinasal. It is very rare to find people who love each other, and commit to these mortal
promises. It is very rare. Some marry for other reasons.. do you agree?" he smiled.
I nodded. "Tama ka. This is why things like these should be celebrated... they are rare
My vision darkened again. Naglahad ng kamay ang isang pamilyar na bisita ulit ni
Papa - the highest ranking official of the Navy of this time.
"May I have this dance?"
Iglanced at Markus. He nodded. Binalik ko ang tingin sa nag-aya at nilapag ang kamay sa
nakalahad niyang palad.
He took me to the dancefloor and the first thing my eyes searched for was
Achilles. He was still standing where he was, watching us, intently but with indulgence.
Nang nagtama ang paningin namin, he smiled a bit... as if encouraging me to dance... gaya sa
naunang titig niya sa akin habang may kasayaw ako.
"Hindi ako makapaniwala na kasayaw kita. I only see you back then on TV. And sometimes,
when you visit your father.
Ngumiti ako. Hindi ko siya maalala. Kilala ko lang siya dahil mataas ang posisyon niya
ngayon kaya.
"Im sorry. That was a long time ago. Youre not familiar with me."
He chuckled. "l am Achilles' senior sa PMA. At madalas din akong utusan ng Papa mo, kaya
pamilyar ako sa'yo."
Inodded. "Well. Nice meeting you, Admiral."
Nahuli ko ang sarili kong bumaling ulit kay Achilles. He's looking at the man's back.
Kalaunan, natanto kong naroon nga pala ang kamay ko sa likod ng kasayaw. He must be
looking at the ring. Then his eyes held mine again. Nilipat ko ang titig ko sa kasayaw.
"I really thought you'd marry someone from the Navy. Nabanggit kasi noon ng
Papa mo na gusto niya raw makapangasawa ka ng Navy."
 I chuckled at him. Then quietly... I remembered Achilles again.
My thoughts when we were in the ceremony resurfaced. Ako, naglalakad sa walang taong
simbahan. At siya, naghihintay sa akin.
Wala na ako sa sarili habang nag uusap kami ng admiral. Then eventually, when we got
tired and the song changed, binalik niya ako sa kinatatayuan ko kanina.
"Thank you," banayad kong sinabi sa kanya.
Tumango siya at may sasabihin pa sana nang narinig ko ang pagtawag ni Papa sa kanya.
I was left alone. Markus went to a crowd nearby while waiting for me to be back.
Nang natanaw ako, nakita kong babalik na siya para siguro makapagpatuloy kami sa pag
uusap. Kaya lang..
My vision was shadowed again. Sa totoo lang, akala ko tapos na si Achilles. I was shocked to
see him again in front of me.
"May I have this dance?" he asked again.
Sa pagkakataong iyon, pinatagal ko muna. Pinagmasdan ko siya. I saw how from my eyes,
his eyes dropped to my hand. He's looking at the pearl ring he gave me before. I pursed my
lips and sighed.
I saw how his eyes lifted on my lips for a brief moment before it returned to my eyes.
"Balik ka nang balik kasi alam mong... hindi ko rin kayang hindi ka tanggapin."
His eyes widened. At agad agad, binawasan niya lalo ang distansiya naming dalawa. He
stepped closer to me and I can almost breath in his scent.
I tried my best to be calm about it but I couldn't. To have him this close... Markus is right.
Loves like this, needed to be celebrated. They are, indeed, rare.
Ilang beses akong nasaktan at nabigo, pero mahal ko pa rin. At hindi ko alam kung ilang
beses din siyang nasaktar abigo, at nagtiis..
Nanatili ang titig niya sa akin, naghahanap ang mga mata. Para bang may sinabi ako na
hindi niya maintindihan. He was panicking, and almost losing it. I looked at him calmly even
when my heart is beating wildly.
"You know I will always love you back, even if I say I won't.. even if I ruin your life, you
know it in your heart... that I will always love you. I will always accept you."
His lips parted in awe. I might be wrong when I thought that he knew, because it seems like
this came a shock to him.
His eyes remained on mine, holding my gaze hostage. I saw how tears veiled them like
shadows. He licked his lips as tears stung his eyes. I smiled calmly.
"You served my anger, you cradled my resentment, because you knew I love you... despite
my violent reactions."
Umiling siya at pumatak ang mga luha. To see him in tears, I felt like my heart is being
punched to death.
"l served your anger, and cradled your resentment and revenge... because... l am in love
with you."
I swallowed the lump on my throat.
Akala ko lumapit siya para yakapin o halikan ako. Akala ko aangkinin niya ako pagkatapos
ng sinabi kong iyon.
But then he didn't. He stood in front of me, his eyes shadowed and his expression
unreadable now. His lips were pressed together in a thin line, maybe gritting his teeth.
And very slowly, he kneeled. Umawang ang labi ko habang pinagmamasdan siyang tuluyan
nang lumuhod sa harap ko.
The party is almost over, some guests went home, but the others were having fun. Hindi
nakatakas sa akin ang pagkakatigilan ng ibang nakakita sa pagluhod ni
Achilles sa harap ko.
Wala siyang sinabi. Nanatili siyang nakaluhod sa harap ko, nakayuko na para bang
sumasamba. Habang pinagmamasdan ko siya sa harap ko, pinilit kong tatagan ang sarili ko.
Here is the man who rejected me so many timess before. He had his reasons but
I was hurt. He was also hurt but it scarred me. He was also Scarred, and yet, instead of
revenge like what I did to him, he took care of mine
We are two very different people. Kahit sa pagmamahal, ibang iba kami.
Pero parehong mahal namin ang isa't-isa, hanggang ngayon.
My tears fell as I watch him solemnly kneeling, unmoving in front of me. Slowly, just
enough, I stepped closer pain, relief, and calmness...
 d bent to hug him. I closed my eyes and felt the
He hugged me back. Tighter than how I welcomed him in my arms. It was so tight, it was as
if he's scared of losing me again.
"This is enough," I whispered shakily.
Hindi siya nagsalita. Nanatili siyang mahigpit na nakayakap.
"Immortal loves don't need mortal promises."
Swipe left to read the next chapter.

Pagdaong

This is the continuation of the many conclusions of this story. Wakas is Achilles
POV and as of the moment, I have no plans yet to post it. Puwede pang magbago ang isip ko
eventually, so I'm not closing my doors. Thank you for this journey.
The sail ends, the journey was worthwhile, but life has yet to begin. Enjoy!
Pagdaong
This isn't a chance to save the past, I repeated in my head.
What is this, then? This is a beginning.
The past doesn't need saving. It happened the way it happened for us to have
Sibal, Jaxon, and Amber. It happened so we could be part of the lives of both
Alana and Dencio. I refuse to label them as mistakes. Or at least I refuse to look back at
those decisions with a bitter heart. We are happy now because of those decisions, and we
wouldn't have it any other way.
"Itinawag nga po ni Madame Wanda ang tungkol dito."
Tumango ako pagkalabas sa itim na SUV. I glanced at the premises of the estate I bought
years ago and realized that nothing has changed much.
Ang sabi ko noong bumalik ako ng Costa Leona, the closure Achilles and I initiated helped a
lot. From our talks to our confrontations to Senyora Domitilla, it made my heart lighter. It
removed all the urges to take my revenge and be so angry. It made me at peace.
Pero hindi ko alam na may mas ipapayapa pa pala ako. I maintained a straight face as the
caretaker guided me towards the fence of the house here in
Concepcion.
At sa bavwat paglalakad, nangingiti ako tuwing naiisip ang ano mang imahinasyon ng
batang ako habang tinatahak iyon noon. In front is the shores of the place, facing the group
of islands not very known to many tourists. l imagine a father and his sons and daughters
playing on the shore. I imagine a mother, from the wooden single door calling all of them
for lunch or dinner. I imagine the kids running towards the house as they excitedly rushed
for the food.
"Nabanggit niya rin po na tanungin daw kita kung sigurado na raw po ba?" nagkamot sa
batok ang babaeng care aker sabay halakhak.
Ngumiti ako at tumango. "Oo. Ill just... roam around for a bit, Becca."
"Ah. Okay lang, Ma'am. Maiwan ko na po muna kayo. May aayusin lang din ako sa likod."
Tumango ako at tiningala ang malaking pintuan ng bahay. The wind blew the hem of my
long white dress and my hair ina half pony tail.
Marami pagpipilian noon na bahay. Ang iba, sa mas maayos na lugar at ang iba, mas
maganda rin dito.
Iran my fingers towards the carved wood of a familiar word that caught my eye.
The reason why I agreed to buying this, instead of those others that seem better.
"Saudade," I whispered.
It's a word for a deep longing for something... or someone... some place... some time... or
some person... I don't know exactly. It could also be a feeling.
It supposedly made a long time ago, when the loved ones usually leave home for war. There
were no other means of communication but letters, and sometimes they fail to send it. Kung
hindi abala na sa pakikipaglaban, nawala na rin sa address o sa bahay ang pinagpapadalhan
dahil lumikas, pinatay, pinasabog, o sadyang umalis na roon. O minsan, ang mga
naghihintay, hindi na nabalikan ng
 umalis... dahil sa parehong dahilan.
They needed a term for a feeling of intense and deep longing for something or
someone...like a home... or a place you're comfortable with... a person who can comfort you.
Or a time when everything was carefree, and there were no battles to be fought, no wounds
to take care of, and no war to be won.
I smiled through the lump of my throat as I remember things.
I realized that I always want to go home... to a place... or a person... who would accept me...
all of me. Or a time, if there ever was, when I didn't care about anything... of pain...
suffering... or even guilt.
A time, a place, or a person who would accept me no matter what--my anger, my sadness,
my wrath, my sorrows, and my even my best, and my worst. Lahat naman yata tayo
ganoon. lyon ang pinakahinahanap natin. Ang tao, lugar, o ano mang bagay na tatanggap sa
atin, gaano man tayo ka sama, gaano man tayo ka galit, gaano man tayo ka lungkot. Hindi
lang talaga tayo ganoon kalakas na aminin sa mga sarili natin na yon ang hinahanap natin.
T let my fingers trace the carved words.
Ibebenta ko na ang property na ito.
Bukod sa hindi ko kayang ibenta ang properties na iniwan ni Dencio dahil para sa akin,
kanya 'yon at kay Amber 'yon, tingin ko kailangan ko na ring bitiwan 'to.
This is the supposed home of my future with Achilles. This is what I bought and where we
should e hidden all these years.
We are together now and he respected my decision to stay that way and not get married
anymore. l always believe that at this age, people should celebrate love more... and all the
more they should get married.
But for me... for us... I think this is enough. Mahal ko siya noon kahit hindi pa kami kasal.
Minahal ko pa rin siya kahit matindi ang galit ko. At masaya na ang mga anak at mga apo
namin ngayon. Kuntento na ako na mahal niya ako at na mahal ko siya.
Tama na iyon. Hindi ko na kailangan manumpa para mahalin siya. At this point, I don't
think I could ever stop loving him. We are already at the twilight of our years and there is
no hope to unlove him. Same for him so.. It must be immortal.
Ireally don't believe in the past life, but it always felt like an unfinished love. Like he left at
the peak of our lives, to sail far... while I hoped that he would return... and wait for his
return.. but he didn't. I didn't know if he ran away, killed in battle, find another love, or the
ship sank.
It always felt like we weren't loving each other only in this lifetime. It felt like we've loved
each other long before, and we will love each other long after.
Pumasok ako at tiningnan ang kabuuan ng sala. Simple lang iyon at gawa sa kahoy ang
lahat. It was hardwood, maybe teak or narra. It was an old house, probably since the sixties
or so. But since it is made of good materials, it's still standing despite the saltiness of the
winds from the shore.
Ang alam ko, iyon ang isa sa mga unang bahay dito sa lalawigan.
Hindi gaanong nabe-benta noon dahil takot sa multo o sa kalumaan ng bahay, pero ako...
hindi. I smiled as I looked at the mirror in the sala. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng
panghihinayang. Despite the memories that never happened, this is indeed a good buy for
me. It's old, unique, and of good quality.
Alam kong hindi na naman ako magastos ngayon at mukha namang ibinalik na ni
Amber ang access ko sa mga cards pero... bago nangyari yon, pinlano ko na ang pagbebenta
ng ari-arian. At bukod sa mga alahas at paintings na binili ko talaga gamit ang sariling pera,
ito lang ang bahay at lupa na mayroon ako
An urge to stop myself from selling it caught up with me. Ano pa ba ang dahilan ng
pagbebenta ko nito kung hindi ko na naman kailangan ng pera ngayon? To let go of the
past? Like a ritual? I have moved on from it and starting anew with
Achilles.
Emosyonal ako nang naisip na ibenta to. Gigil akong itulak palayo ang mga nagpapaalala sa
akin sa ano mang negatibong emosyon ng nakaraan. Now that I have come to terms with it,
the urge isn't as powerful anymore.
My eyes looked around to find the caretaker but she's gone.
Babawin ko na ba?
Nagpaalam ako kina Amber at Snow na mag isa munang aalis. At siyempre, pati kay
Achilles. The past few weeks, we were inseparable. I don't really mind, though. Pero akala
ko sa unang kagustuhan kong umalis na mag-isa, magdadalawang isip siyang pumayag pero
hindi. He was lenient. He immediately
 agreed and understood. He didn't even ask where I was going or who I'm with.
Bago ako nakapagpatuloy, tumunog ang cellphone ko. I read Amber's name and
mmediately answered it.
"Hello..
"Mom, sigurado ka bang uuwi ka mamaya?"
"Amber, oo naman."
"Kung gano'n, bakit ba talaga 'di mo sinama si Tito Achilles sa lalakarin mo? Im worried. I
feel like you are avoiding the dinner later."
Natawa ako ng kaonti.
"Hija, why would I?"
Although, I am nervous about later. Magtatapos na ang bakasyon ng lahat galing sa kasal ni
Jaxon at Amber. Lahat, I meant lahat ng mga taga Costa Leona na dumalo. Of course, the
other guests already left after two or three days since the wedding. Samantalang ang mga
taga Costa Leona, ginawang excuse to spend more time with each other as a family.
Hindi naman iyon ang unang pagkakataon na magkakasama kami sa isang event.
But finally, after years of silent wars, I think whatever it was between the families were
lifted... and tonight is the acknowledgement of it.
Kailangan nga ba ang simula no'n? Hindi kina Amber at Jaxon, o kay Snow at
Siba... Hindi sa akin at kay Achilles... Kundi kay Papa at kay Leona Riego. Kay Tita
Domitilla, at Mama... At kay Vincentius Hidalgo at kay Drusilla Zaldarriaga. All of them,
about unreciprocated loves that got ugly.
How do we heal those kind of pain that spans generation? One word: Love.
Minahal ni Jaxon Riego si Amber Sevilla... ni Sibal Riego si Snow Galvez... ni
Andres Zaldarriaga si Cassandra Hidalgo. And after that night at the wedding, and after
they learned that I have also accepted and reciprocated Achilles Riego's love... it
immediately made the last barricade between the families fall.
Kaya kahit ilang events na naman kaming nagkikita, ngayong gabi pa lang tuluyang
magkikita bilang magkakaibigan... pamilya..
Our children are married, and yet, it still needed me being at peace with Achilles, and him
loving me for the world to see, to finally put an end to whatever it was between the
families.
"Im fine. Talagang may nilakad lang ako."
"Sigurado ka, Mom? I mean, I would understand if you won't come. Especially nandito si
Senyora."
Natawa ako ng kaonti. "l can deal with her. It's still morning, Amber. Mamayang gabi pa
naman 'yan kaya makakauwi pa ako. Don't worry. I promise Il be there.
"Okay, Mom. Thank you. I'll be expecting you."
"Please do..."
Ngumiti ako. Napatawad ko ba si Senyora Domitilla? Hindi alam. Siguro. Siguro hindi.
Nananatiling hindi ko gusto ang nangyari pero alam ko rin na naitulak lang siya ng mga
desisyon niya noon. If l condemn her for it, Amber should condemn me too for spreading
false information to protect her. Nobody is perfect. We make mistakes. And although that's
not a reason to hurt other people, now that it's over and done, and we can't take it back... I
am choosing a path that would make me at peace--coming to terms with it and accepting
everything.
"You really don't want to tell me where you are, Mom?"
"l will tell you. Kapag nabawi ko ang nauna kong desisyon," I said playfully.
"Desisyon?" She sounded confused but she didn't ask further. "At.. mag isa ka talaga?"
Of course, I'm just with our driver and I'm just here in Concepcion, hours away from Costa
Leona.
"Yes, Amber."
Nahagip ko ang pagdaan ng caretaker sa pintuan sa likod. Agad akong naglakad patungo
doon.
"TIl call you back later. "l be okay, okay?"
"Okay, Mom. Call me," aniya.
We said our goodbyes shortly and I put the phone down so I can talk to the caretaker.
"Uh.. Becca..." I called as I walked towards where lI saw her.
Sigurado na ba ako? Ayaw ko na bang ibenta 'to?
Nakakahiya sa bibili. Pinapunta ko pa rito para magpirmahan kahit na puwede namang
ipadala na lang ang mga dokumento. I really just want to see the house for the last time,
and I want to see who's buying it to judge if he or she will take
 care of it... but noW...
"Rebecca?" sabi ko sabay amba na pupunta sa likod ng bahay.
"Ma'am?"
She appeared on the inner door. Sumungaw ang ulo para makita ako at tingnan kung ano
ang sadya ko.
"Papunta na raw ba ang bibili? Kasi uh... Parang... ayaw ko nang ibenta."
"M-Ma'am? Nagbago ang isip n'yo?" gulantang na humarap ang caretaker.
"Alam kong hindi professional ang move, at willing ako na bayaran ang damages at ang
effort ng bibili."
"Naku, Ma'am. Big time si Sir at baka magalit o idemanda kayo kung hindi n'yo ibenta. At...
uh... marami nang nag e-expect sa mga kapitbahay na dito siya titira kaya.
Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa excuses. It seemed weird.
"Well, I think I change my mind. I think I'm allowed to. Hindi ko na ibebenta ang bahay. I
wanna keep it."
Her jaw dropped. Lumagpas ang titig niya sa akin patungo sa likod ko. Bago ko malingon
ang tinitingnan niya..
"Hindi puwede. Bibilhin ko," I heard a familiar voice behind me.
Agad akong bumaling. Behind me is Achilles, in his fresh linen dress shirt, and khaki pants.
Lumakad siya patungo sa akin, sa likod niya ang kabahayan. It transported me, at first, at a
time that wasn't real. But it immediately snapped back to the present.
Natawa ako, hindi dahil nakakatawa dahil kinabahan. Bakit siya nandito at paano niya
nalaman na nandito ako? At... ano'ng bibilhin niya?
"A-Achilles?"
He smiled. "You're selling it, right?"
Napakurap kurap ako. Lumapit pa lalo siya at nang isang hakbang na lang ang distansiya
namin, nagtaas siya ng kilay.
"You're selling it."
"Uh, Ma'am..." ang caretaker na biglang sumulpot sa gilid namin. "Ito po pala ang buyer ng
bahay... Magkakilala po pala kayo ni Sir."
Achilles Iips pursed at the caretaker. The caretaker blushed and her eyes stayed with
Achilles. Iniwan naman siya ng titig ni Achilles nang bumaling sa akin.
Binalikan ko ang caretaker.
"Oo, magkakilala kami," sagot ko.
Ngumiti ang caretaker sa akin pero bumalik din agad kay Achilles.
"Rebecca, mag-uusap muna kami," Achilles dismissed her kindly.
Tumango agad si Rebecca at umalis sa glid namin. Lumipat siya sa malayong parte ng sala.
Sinundan namin siya ng tingin ni Achilles. I think we both expected her to at least leave the
house but she didn't. Hindi niya naman kami maririnig sa malayo pero mas maganda
sanang lumabas siya.
Hindi ko na nga lang hinintay iyon. Nilingon ko si Achilles.
"You're the buyer?"
And to think I tripled the price because I didn't want to sell it that bad. Nagulat ako na
naibenta ko. Inisip ko na baka pa si Andres ang bumili. Pero nasisiguro kong lalapit iyon sa
akin at magpapaalam kung siya. O siguro someone with a good eye to realize that this isn't
an ordinary house. This is vintage.
Tumango siya.
"Hindi mo sinabi sa akin?" gulantang pa rin ako pero alam ko rin na hindi niya naman alam
ang tungkol dito.
"I thought you didnt want anyone to know about it."
Kumunot ang noo ko at nag isip saglit bago binalikan siya ng tingin.
"No'ng sinabi ni Rebecca sa akin na gusto mong makipagkita bago maibenta, saka ko lang
natanggap na malalaman mo rin."
"So you want to hide it from me?"
"I will tell you about it eventually. But knowing that you're keeping it a secret, akala ko
ayaw mo ring malaman nang kahit na sino ang tungkol dito... kahit sa akin. So I didn't
bother to tell you about it."
"B-Bakit mo naman to bibilhin? At p-paano mo nalaman na..."
Hindi ko maipagpatuloy.
That's when it dawned on me how awkward this is. Kumportable ako sa kanya pero
nagsisimula pa lang kami ulit. Bago. Bukod pa riyan, ang bahay na to ay malaking simbolo
ng nakaraan namin--na ayaw ko na sanang pag usapan pa.
"Ive found it years ago. I constantly check on it. At no'ng nalaman ko na ibebenta
 mo, bibilhin ko agad."
"A-Ano namang gagawin mo dito?" natatawa ako na natataranta sa mga tanong.
"This is an old home. It isn't much of an asset."
Bahagyarng tumaas ang isang kilay niya, para bang hinahamon niya akong sagutin ang
tanong na iyon. Alam niya na hindi ako magiging kumportable sa sagot niya kaya hindi niya
agad sinabi.
I couldn't maintain the eye contact so I walked past him and looked around the house.
Binalingan ulit siya at natanaw kong mabagal siyang sumunod ng tingin sa akin. Nagtama
ang mga mata namin.
For a few moments, I felt how his mind wondered as he looked at me in the middle of the
living room. Nasa harap ko siya at kinakausap ko siya pero parang wala siya roon... nasa
ibang mundo... at iba ang iniisip.
"Achilles..." | snapped him back.
Suminghap siya. "Naalala ko na nasabi mo noon na may bahay kang hinanda para sa atin.
I've been curious about it for years. Then I found it. You are selling it o I"Il buy it."
"Pero para saan pa.." I said softly then I realized I might not like the answers he'll give.
He closed the distance between us with large and slow steps. My eyes widened a fraction as
I looked at him in front of me. He looked down on me.
"Do you want an honest answer or not?"
Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko at hindi na ako nakasagot.
He swallowed hard and licked his lips before he continued. "As a young boy, was
immediately faced with so many responsibilities. Mga responsibilidad na. alam kong hindi
ko puwedeng talikuran."
I know that. I know him so well.
"And sometimes, during the hard moments..." his voice broke a little. "l always think about
how much I long for comfort... I don't where to find it. Hindi ko mahanap sa mga kaibigan...
sa kahit ano. Alam ko lang, gusto ko ng pahinga.. hindi ko alam kung lugar ba iyon, bagay,
oras, o tao."
The moment I heard those words, the image ofa young girl so angry with the world and her
family flashed on my mind. Namilog ang mga mata ko at nangilid ang mga luha.
"When I met you, I realized it was not a single thing. It's a collection of things: a feeling, a
person, a time, a touch..." he touched my chin. "An embrace, a kiss, a place... many many
things, Marem."
I wanted to hold back my tears but I couldn't. Dahil iyon mismo ang nararamdaman ko.
Pumatak ang takas na luha sa mga mata ko. Bumagsak ang tingin ko. Achilles tried to wipe a
lone tear on the other cheek.
We are so opposite and yet so alike. Even in our thoughts, it sounds the same.
Alam ko na kung bakit sobrang minahal ko siya at hanggang ngayon, mahal na mahal ko pa
rin siya.
"When I lost you, it felt like I was lost too. Not dead or hopeless. It felt like a person or a
child, leaving home... Leaving the comfort and knowing that no matter where he goes, hell
never find it anywhere... unless he comes back.
Pumikit ako dahil mas lalong namuo ang mga luha ko.
"Hindi tayo tumira dito. Wala tayong alaala dito. Pero alam kong laman 'to ng pangarap mo.
Pangarap nating dalawa."
T held my breath to help myself settle down.
"This is the symbol of the home that I left. Of the comfort that I longed for. Kaya bibilhin ko
to. Kahit magkano.
Natawa ako sa gitna ng emosyon at umiling ako. "Hindi ko na ibebenta 'to."
His bloodshot eyes pierced me evilly. ""Il buy it, Maria Emilia. No matter what." l equalled
his aggressive gaze. Umiling ako. His eyes then pleaded with mine. My eyes turned gentle as
I laughed it off. Umiling ulit ako.
"Kahit magmakaawa ka, hindi ko ibebenta 'to. Hindi na lalo pagkatapos ng sinabi mo.
"If I buy it, it's still yours," aniya.
"Why should you buy it, then? It's yours now.."
I saw how it stunned him a little.
Like the sun he mentioned, who isn't owned by him... but owns him.
Marahan akong lumapit sa kaonting distansiya naming dalawa. I was already tall enough
with my shoes. I didn't have to tiptoe a little to reach his lips.
His eyes didn't close as I went nearer. I closed my eyes gently, aware that he
 didn't close his. And softly, like a brush of the wind, I kissed his lips.
I was meant to love him so fiercely, like the sun--scorching, like the heat--burning.
He was meant to love me the way he does, like the wind--gentle, like the sand-- soft. Both
are like the waves-wild when there's a storm, and calm when it's
Summer. lam sure now how we are meant to be. How even when things didn't turn out the
way we both wanted, we are still meant to be here... to be together right now.
Hindi kami nagtagal do'n. We roamed around the house, in each corner... holding each
other's hands.
This is both the past and the future... all in the present.
Sa huli, bago kami umalis... pinagmasdan namin ang tahimik na dagat.
"Bumalik ulit tayo dito."
Tumango ako. "We can invite them, too. If you want."
Nilingon ako ni Achilles. "We will. After a few weeks of us alone here."
Ngumuso ako at nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya bago unti-unting tumango.
"Okay. If you say so.'
Hindi kami puwedeng magtagal dahil medyo malayo ang biyahe pabalik ng Costa
Leona. We weren't late, though. But they were already all there when we came back. Siguro
dahil excited, o siguro dahil palubog na naman ang araw at malapit na ang dinner.
We entered the restaurant holding hands. It grew silent a bit when their attention were on
us. I didn't want to act like an immature teenager and get my hand out of Achilles' hold
from their stares. Pero parang nauudyok ako dahil sobrang tagal ng titig nilang lahat sa
mga kamay namin na hindi ko yata kakayanin pa kung tumagal pa ng isa pang segundo.
"Saan ba kayo galing, Tita?" salubong ni Snow sa akin.
The restaurant is filled with the families we were all very familiar with. Amber stood and
found me while she was sitting beside Relani Riego and Ares Riego.
Lumapit siya sa akin para bumati.
"Akala ko maghihintay pa kami bago magstart ang dinner."
Nilingon ko ang lamesa ng matatanda kung nasaan si Senyora Domitilla, Darius
Hidalgo, si Papa, Kuya Remus, Juanda Hidalgo, Felicia Riego, Lucianna
Mercadejas, Athena Galvez, Annaliese Mercadejas, Relani Riego, Ares Riego,
Anton Mercadejas, Solomon Galvez, at Uriel Mercadejas.
Senyora Domitilla smirked when my eyes met hers. I smirked back at her. Her brow shot up
and nodded peacefuly at me.
The kids and their babies are next to the elders table. Puno ng tawanan ang mga bata.
Samantalang ang mga anak nila, magugulo na nagtatakbuhan at naglalaro.
I went to our table. I let go of Achilles' hand when Irealized how the men and women were
separated. Siguro para mas makapag usap ng mabuti ang lahat.
Felicia Riego smiled and stood to meet me so I could sit beside her and Juanda.
"Dito ka na."
"Thank you."
"You must be so uncomfortable when everyone stared at you and Achilles."
Tinawanan ko iyon. "Hindi naman," I lied.
She smiled. "l hope so. I don't want you to keep it in the dark. We should celebrate love
when we feel it," sabay sulyap niya kay Juanda na nakikinig sa usapan. "Some of us have
loved and lost. I know the feeling of having so much love and not being able to pour it to
our loved one. Cherish the moment. Time is what is left for all of us."
Tumango ako at bumaling sa mga nasa likod ni Felicia Riego.
"Are you getting married?" Lucianna asked.
Natawa ako at umiling. "Hindi naman kailangan no'n."
Tumango si Annaliese. "Siguro nga. At this point, what's important is it's true and mutual.,"
"So Achilles really agreed? Relani asked.
Natawa si Athena. "l guess it's already an honor that his love is reciprocated.
Everything else is just a bonus."
Natigil lang kalaunan ang usapan dahil magsisimula na ang dinner. And Senyora,
I was shocked that she stood. Natigil ang tawanan para tingnan siya.
"l just want to say that a lot has happened in the past decades..." she paused dramatically
long. "Marami tayong pagkakamali lahat, and yet, in the present, right now. We are all
here."
 Tumingin ako sa pagkain sa harap at nakinig lang sa kanya.
"Many things have changed. Many traditions were ended. Many traditions were started.I
don't know how it all happened. But one thing's for sure, we were all brought here back in
Costa Leona. To be here right now... despite everything.. after everything... is a huge honor."
Nabigla ako ng kaonti. I didn't expect her to be humble... even a little.
"l don't have much time left, for sure. With this age and my health..."
Saglit akong nakaramdam ng... panghihinayang o awa... o simpatya.
"But I guess I'm still here right now to witness this. Love tramples evil. Love tramples
problems. And love... tramples even death. May we live this life full of love, no regrets... that
death isn't so bad" she then raised her glass.
Everyone raised her glass. Her grandsons cheered and the kids laughed a bit.
Samantalang sa lamesa namin, tahimik at matagal bago nag taas ng inumin. Isa ako sa
huling nagtaas.
"Thank you! Let's begin the dinner!" l enjoyed the dinner. Marami kaming pinag usapan at
parang bago sa akin na maging sobrang kumportable sa dinaluhan. Siguro dahil ang mga
nandito, pamilya nang tunay. Alam ang lahat ng pinagdaanan ng isa't isa. At some point, we
were all strangers until Costa Leona. The will of the wind brought us here. and it knows
that we all belong here. Kaya siguro magaan ang loob ko.
"Marem. Achilles," si Papa na matagal bago nakatayo.
Binigyan siya ng sungkod ng mga nurse na pumunta doon saglit. I wondered why he called
us. Achilles immediately stood at sinubukang alalayan si Papa
I excused myself to the crowd. Nagtaka at kuryoso din sila pero iginiya kami ni
Papa sa dalampasigan.
Gabi na at malaki ang buwan sa langit. The dark sky is dotted with so many stars.
"What is it, Papa?" l asked.
Nagpatuloy siya sa paglalakad hanggang sa kaonti na lang ay maaabot na siya ng mga alon.
Achilles is behind him, trying to hold him. But my father refused when he stood and looked
at us. Lumapit pa lalo ako hanggang sa nagtabi kami ni
Achilles.
Seryoso si Papa noong una. Tinitigan niya kaming dalawa pero kalaunan, pumikit siya at
ngumiti.
"Hindi na kayo mga bata. Kaya didiretsuhin ko na kayo. Uuwi na ba ako sa
Batangas, o magpapakasal pa kayo"
I couldn't hide the silly and funny feeling when he asked. Kaya agad kong sinagot.
"Hindi na, Papa."
Nagtaas ng kilay si Papa sa akin. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
And like he was confused, and Achilles would provide him a clearer answer, nilingon niya
ito. "Achilles.
"Gaya ng sabi ni Marem. Hindi na po."
"You agree to her because that's what she wants? Or you wanna get married?" tanong ni
Papa.
"l want what she wants, Admiral," si Achilles.
"Hmm.
Lumapit pa lalo si Papa sa dagat. Nakita kong naabot na siya ng maliit na alon.
Bumaon ng kaonti ang sungkod niya sa buhangin.
"Good that you remember that I am an admiral."
Kumunot ang noo o. Seryoso si Achilles pero ramdam kong hindi niya rin alam ang igig
sabihin ni Papa.
"Hindi kayo magpapakasal pero gusto kong magpakasal kayo."
Natawa ako. "That's not up to you, Papa."
"You both desperately want to get married a long time ago."
"Yes," sagot ko. "We desperately want to get married a long time ago. Lalo na ako. Not
getting married right now meant that I know it's not every little thing. It isn't the reason to
live. It isn't the meaning of life. Love is. Kaya sapat na na nagmamahal kami."
Getting married to him, isn't the meaning of life. There are many other things that make us
whole... It is a collective term, of feeling grateful and at peace, internally, being content with
your daughter's life, being able to close the past, and living in the moment.
Achilles was watching me the whole time I said that. The moon's light reflected on his eye.
Ramdam ko ang haplos ng matinding adorasyon at pagkakamangha
 sa akin sa titig niya pa lang. I smiled at him and looked at my father again.
"Okay then. But I am not leaving this life, without this..."
Hinarap niya kami.
"l was the reason why you didn't end up with each other--why you didn't get married. And I
don't want to leave this earth without marrying you two... not as your father... but as an
Admiral."
Kumunot ang noo ko at bahagyang namangha rin sa kanya.
Taas noo siyang tumingin sa aming dalawa.
"Im marrying you two-"
"But we're not in a ship, Papa," natawa ako.
So silly. Hindi ko sineryoso iyon. Siyempre, hindi naman 'yon totoo. Pero for the sake of
what he said, I contested it.
Nilahad nga lang ni Papa ang sang bangka na nakatali sa dalampasigan.
Salmo, I read.
It's one of Achilles' boats. Nilingon ko siya. He looked at me like he was gauging me.
"This is all so silly-"
Natigil na ako dahil nakita kong lumusong na si Papa sa dagat. Nahihirapan siya kaya agad
na dumalo si Achilles para alalayan siya.
"Kaya ko na, Achilles!" he said in a commanding voice even when he obviously couldn't do
it. lilang bodyguards at nurses ang lumapit ng kaonti sa dalampasigan, nag aalala siguro kay
Papa. Kaya nakuha noon ang atensiyon ng mga nasa restaurant at lalong nagtinginan ang
mga ito.
Nasa bangka na si Papa. At dahil umalalay si Achilles, nandoon na rin siya.
"Come here, Maria Emilia," banta ni Papa.
"Papa, this is dangerous! lbalik mo siya rito, Achilles!" 1 said.
Achilles then looked at my father. My father tried to whip his cane to Achilles.
Achilles shook his head and tried again. Nakita kong muntik nang matamaan si
Achilles sa sungkod!
"Papa!" I said angrily.
Lumapit ako sa iritasyon. Nakita ako ni Achilles na nasa dagat na. Namilog ang mga mata
niya at una akong dinaluhan, iniwan si Papa sa bangka.
"Sa dalampasigan ka na maghintay," sabay yakap ni Achilles sa akin at sinusubukang igjya
ako pabalik, umaambang iaangat ako kung susugod pa lalo ako.
Tinapik ko ang braso niya. "Puntahan na natin! He's stubborn! Lalo na ngayong matanda
na! Tapusin na natin to!"
Kumawala ako kay Achilles para makalapit sa bangka kay Papa. Nahirapan akong umakyat
sa bangka. Achilles then hugged me and pulled me up on the steps of the boat.
Nakaakyat ako. Achilles pulled himself up and the boat shook a little. Muntik na akong
matumba. Agad niya akong dinaluhan! At siyempre, natumba si Papa pero napaupo ito sa
gilid at kalaunan, tumayo rin.
"l am not unfamiliar with the sea. I'm a naval general," anito sa mayabang na boses.
"This is ridiculous! Hindi naman totoo 'to, Papa," I said.
He cleared his throat.
"Friends, Family. dearly beloved... people of Costa Leona.." he said in a deep voice. "We are
gathered here today to join Achilles and Maria Emilia in matrimony."
Magsasalita sana ako pero nagulat ako nang nilingon ko ang dalampasigan at naroon na
silang lahat, nakikinig at nanonood!
"Achilles, do you take Maria Emilia to be your wife, to live together, to love her, to honor
her, to comfort her, and to keep her, in sickness and in health... forsaking all others, for as
long as you both shall live?"
"Yes, I do!" Achilles said it so loud and so clear that the young ones in the shore cheered!
Pumikit ako at nakaramdam ng matinding hiya. Wala nga lang akong panahon na damhin
ang hiyang iyon dahil agad nagsalita si Papa.
"Maria Emilia! do you take Achilles to be your husband, to live together, to love him, to
honor him, to comfort him, and to keep him, in sickness and in health... forsaking all others,
for as long as you both shall live?"
Sobrang tahimik ng lahat na pakiramdam ko iniisip nilang hindi ako sasagot. I
 was tempted not to say anything. But there's something about the words... that's pushing
me to say it.
"l... do," I whispered it and the winds embraced it... whispering it to everyone who wanted
to listen.
It echoed. It felt surreal to hear myself say it. It felt so womanly. So in love. So holy. So
undying... and so free.
"Yes, I do," I whispered it again to feel it once more.
Nobody cheered. Unlike Achilles' I do. Maybe because they felt what I felt too.
"You may now kiss the bride."
Hinarap ako ni Achilles. I looked at him. His hand then slid on the soft part of my nape up,
raking my hair to guide my lips to him. I can feel my heartbeat so loud.
Then we kissed.

***END***

Converted by Charlie's Angels

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