TEST 4 , WR ITIN G TA S K 2

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 7.5 score.

In the age of modernisation and development, modernised technologies have become a worldwide
trend. This does not only apply to the field of technological engineering and development itself,
but also the field of medicine. A long time ago, people would immediately search for “doctors” if
they fall ill. Looking back at the history of South Korea, specifically during the Joseon Era, villagers,
especially the poor ones depended solely on the treatment provided by traditional doctors back then.
However, modern people no longer visit their usual doctors when they fall sick. Today, the role of
doctors is being replaced by the use of alternative medicines. Although some might say that there
are a number of benefits that comes with it, I think this m is more towards a negative development.
Firstly, when you are sick, the first thing you should do is to visit a doctor. If you have your own
personal doctor, then it is highly advisable to consult with your own personal doctors. This is
because a doctor’s opinion on your health is very important in order to determine what type of
treatment would be best for you. Nowadays, people are more likely to choose alternative
medicines or treatments possibly because it is much more faster and more convenient compared
to visiting a doctor, which would take up much of your time. This could probably explain why
alternative medicines are becoming more popular due to the society’s busy lifestyles. However, not
all of these alternative medicines are suitable for you. In certain cases, some of these medicines
might even cause other health complications especially if consumed without a doctor’s prescription.
This is because your body might not be able to adapt to the chemicals contained in the medicine
that you consumed. Therefore, I would like to highlight the importance of visiting a doctor when you
have health problems instead of just blindly consuming these alternative medicines. In my opinion,
it is very important to get a doctor’s opinion on what’s really happening inside your body in order
to really understand the factors that contribute to your health problems. Once you’ve understood
the problems inside your body, only then you’ll understand that the treatment that your doctor has
chosen for you would be the best one for your health. In simpler words, there’s no better way for to
understand your body other than by getting a dignost diagnostic test from your doctor.
Personally, I think visiting a doctor is better than taking alternative medicines or treatments not
just in terms of health, but also in terms of safety. When taking alternative medicines, sometimes we
wouldn’t know where the medicines actually came from and whether its source is legal or not. In the
modern era we are living in today, drug su smuggling has become a global threat to our society. The
scariest part is that sometimes these drugs are modified into to make them look like medicines. This
might become a whole lot worse if these drugs are adapted into the medicinal industry. For safety
measures, I think that visiting a doctor to get a health consultation is the better option because it
involves a direct communication between the doctor and the patient face – to face. Thus, I think this
is much more safer because you know who you are dealing with. Despite visiting a doctor might take
up most of your time, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. 1
© Cambridge University Press & Assessment 2022
Here is the examiner’s comment:

This is a strong, detailed and well-developed response. There are lots of appropriate
ideas, the candidate’s position is presented at the end of the first paragraph and it is
evidenced consistently. To improve this response, the candidate could give more detail
about ‘alternative medicines’ and make the conclusion more relevant to the question.

There are lots of ideas presented and the response is organised into three lengthy
paragraphs. Breaking the ideas down into smaller paragraphs and having a separate
paragraph for the conclusion would improve the response. However, cohesion is used
well throughout, except for [Despite / Although].

Vocabulary is used fluently and flexibly [depended solely on | health complications |

adapt to the chemicals | blindly consuming]. The range of grammatical structures
is wide. Sentences are mostly error-free, although there are occasional errors with
comparatives [much more faster | much more safer] and a conditional [if they fall ill /
if they fell ill].

This response could be improved by a more appropriate conclusion and paragraphing.

IELTS 17 Academic, Sample Writing answers 2

© Cambridge University Press & Assessment 2022