Discovering Self Compassion Workbook V2

STUDENT WORKBOOK
Discovering Self-Compassion
Course overview
5 week course
This course is available as a pack and PDF

to all students, to make following links easier
“Allow compassion to emerge in the heart”

Lama Lhakpa Yeshe
This course will explore compassion, what compassion is and how it is the cornerstone for
understanding and developing self-compassion. Students will learn some mindfulness skills,
appreciating the value of living in the moment.
The course will also explore the importance of acceptance. Working with our experiences and
symptoms – rather than getting rid of them, so that we can learn that we are more than our mental
and/or physical illness and how this can help build our resilience.
We suggest keeping a journal to collect your thoughts and ideas, quotes and poems. Whatever
you choose, you will be able to review your progress as well as enjoy the process of creativity
(which in itself promotes well-being).
What will I achieve by the end of the course?

• A better understanding of what compassion is.
• The importance and development of self-compassion.
• Mindfulness skills, living in the moment and the importance of developing a regular practise.
(It is only through practising that mindfulness skills can be developed, just like learning how to
play a musical instrument or how to ride a horse).
• Exploring pathways toward acceptance, being open to your experiences.
• Understanding resilience, learning to adapt and cope with life’s difficulties.
• Living by your values, being true to yourself. (This is our morals, what is important to us e.g. the
environment and recycling – this is living by our values, doing what we can as individuals help to
look after the planet that we all share).
*
sabp RECOVERY COLLEGE Discovering Self-Compassion
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Discovering Self-Compassion
“Whatever you can do, or dream you can do... Begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it – begin it now”
Goethe
CONTENTS
Course protocols . . . page 2
Introduction . . . page 3
The value of keeping a journal . . . page 4
We suggest keeping a journal to review your progress. Collect thoughts and ideas, pictures
and poems, stories and quotes. Whatever you choose, whatever resonates with you.
WEEK ONE What is compassion? . . . page 6

Compassion is feeling moved by other peoples suffering.
WEEK TWO What is self-compassion? . . . page 9

Self-compassion is offering kindness toward ourselves.
WEEK THREE Mindfulness . . . page 14

Mindfulness is awareness, living in the present moment.
WEEK FOUR Acceptance . . . page 21

Acceptance, begin small, as small acceptances can lead to big changes.
WEEK FIVE Resilience . . . page 28

(and where do we go from here?)
Resilience is the capacity to adapt and cope with life’s difficulties.
© Surrey Recovery College 2015, edited 2022 by India Ray. We request that no part of this
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material is used for purposes other than the Recovery College’s Discovering Self-
Compassion course. Developed by Janie Louise Hunt and Maria Geoghegan.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
COURSE INFORMATION
Structure of the course

This is a 5 week course, consisting of 5 sessions guided by the workbook.
Each session is designed to take 2 hours. We ask that people attend all of the sessions and
complete the self-directed study between the live sessions to get the most out of the course.
Please let us know in advance if you are unable to attend a session.
The dates of your live sessions will be emailed to you.
Your course workbook will be emailed and posted (if requested) to you at the start of the session.
WEEK ONE – Compassion

WEEK TWO – Self-compassion
WEEK THREE – Mindfulness
WEEK FOUR – Acceptance
WEEK FIVE – Resilience
My course dates are: ______________________________________________________
Class rules and expectations:
• To be on time and stay for the duration of the live sessions.

• To complete the expected self-directed learning between the live sessions.
• To complete some journalling and mindfulness as part of the self-study practice.
• Listen respectfully to one another.
• Speak one at a time.
• Only disclose what you feel comfortable disclosing.
• CONFIDENTIALITY – please do not discuss personal information shared by others within the
course, outside of the course (what is said in the room, stays in the room).
Purpose of the course:

• To gain a better understanding of what compassion is.
• Developing self-compassion.
• What is mindfulness? How it can promote well-being and enrich our lives.
• Open pathways toward acceptance.
• Build resilience.
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Introduction
Over the next 5 weeks we are going to
explore what compassion is and how this is
the cornerstone for understanding and
developing self-compassion.
How mindfulness can enrich our lives, and open

pathways toward acceptance, allowing us to focus
on things differently. And how self-compassion,
mindfulness and acceptance can help us to build
resilience to cope with life’s difficulties.
All these attributes are interwoven

As the weaver we can weave the threads of
compassion, self-compassion, mindfulness,
acceptance and resilience into the fabric of our
everyday lives. We can make choices,
we can take control.
Key to all of this is ‘practice’

A regular mindfulness practice, even when things
are going well for us, will help us to establish a more
nurturing way of living. Difficulties will arise as part
of life, but through good times and difficult times our
practice will help us to weather the storms
and strengthen our resilience.
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The Value of Keeping a Journal

“Creativity takes courage”
Henri Matisse
Creativity is known to help with anxiety, depression and many other mental and physical illnesses.
Although people can often feel quite worried about the idea of journalling or being creative.
You could try to write a little, say 15-20 minutes, 3-5 days a week, more if you wish. It is better to
write little and often so it becomes a regular practice, rather than every once in a while. You may
prefer drawing, doodling, making things.
Working regularly on your journal can help you with your daily practice of mindfulness and
compassion. From time to time, review your journalling. Explore what needs developing, let go of
unhelpful thoughts and habits. Create new and positive ways to proceed on your journey.
You can do your journalling on a computer, but I would suggest good old-fashioned pens and
pencils. The actual process of writing, drawing being creative is therapeutic. Also, if you regularly
use a computer or watch a lot of television, working with these mediums will give you a break from
the screen.
Write about your own personal recovery, there are many benefits to this. It can help you to process
your thoughts and it can also be very cathartic. Document your achievements however small. This
is where self-compassion comes into play, as writing down positive things can help you on your
recovery journey.
Writing can be very meditative too as you become absorbed into what you are writing about as
well as the process of writing itself. Simply write (even doodle, scribble, make notes), don’t worry
about mistakes or letting spelling and punctuation get in the way.
There are some pages of blank lined paper at the end of this session to get you started, or to help
you make notes or reflections on the course as we work through it. Or use this as an excuse to
treat yourself to a new notebook or two or three! Find a favourite old pen or pencil and begin.
Here are some links for some further suggestions:
LINK ONE
lifehacker.com/why-you-should-keep-a-journal-and-how-to-start-yours-1547057185
LINK TWO
apt.rcpsych.org/content/11/5/338.full
LINK THREE
lifehacker.com/5855019/how-to-harness-the-mental-and-emotional-benefits-of-regular-writing
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STUDENT WORKBOOK
“A journey of a thousand miles

begins with a single step”
Chinese proverb – Lao Tzu
Some suggestions to begin your journal:

• Collect thoughts and ideas.
• Review your progress as you go through the course, this will also give you something to reflect
upon/refer to once the course has finished.
• Collect quotes, write your own quotes, write poems, write your own recovery story... Maybe even
send it to the Surrey & Borders Partnership recovery website.
ww.sabp.nhs.uk/our-services/recovery/recovery-college
• Collect magazine cuttings, take photographs, scribble, doodle, draw.
• Collect things from nature, leaves, pressed flowers, seeds.
This is your journal, a place for you.

Even as you journal, this can be a time to practice
mindfulness. Above all be self-compassionate.
Your journal can be your safe haven.

You can choose to share, however much or little or not
at all. It is your space, your place. Be true to yourself,
that’s all that matters.
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STUDENT WORKBOOK
Welcome
to the course
“Be open to life’s experiences,

be guided by awareness”
JLH
Session 1
What is compassion?
Today we are going to explore:
• What is compassion?
• What does compassion mean to you?
• How can we cultivate compassion?
• If we can be compassionate toward others,
why do we find being self-compassionate a difficult thing to do?
What is compassion?
What does compassion mean to you?
Compassion means to suffer together. (com = together, passion = suffering).
It is an emotional response, when we have feelings of care and wanting to help others.
Compassion is feeling moved by other peoples suffering. It might be something we see on the
news e.g. the plight of the migrates escaping from Syria, desperately trying to reach a safe place.
It might be a homeless person on the street or a friend, family member going through a difficult
time. When we have compassion, we have feelings of warmth and care for others. Compassion
is not pity. It is when we can be understanding and offer kindness to another sentient being. It is
about being non-judgemental, offering a helping hand when others fail or make a mistake. Being
compassionate can help us feel better about ourselves, purely through the act of kind thoughts
and/or kind actions.
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‘Feelings’ of compassion can be of warmth, love, affection,

but ‘feelings’ of compassion can also be sadness, grief for
tragedies in which living things are caught up.
p6. The Compassionate Mind • Paul Gilbert
WATCH – Human: The Circle of Compassion

www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhlgXvO5BXk
What does compassion mean to you?

• Think about a time when you have shown compassion to someone e.g. supporting a friend
through a difficult time. It may have been something as simple as making them a cup of tea when
they were upset, or taking the time to listen to them and offering comfort in a time of distress.
How did it make you feel?
• Think about a time when someone has shown compassion to you e.g. when you have been
through a difficult time or when you needed to talk to someone.
• If a friend, family member or work colleague is critical about themselves e.g. how they look,
or their lack of confidence.
How would you respond? What would you say to them?
What kind of support would you give them?
Write some notes or reflections on this in your journal
WATCH – Where Does Compassion Really Come From?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A4a66aFaIME
How can we cultivate compassion?

We can cultivate compassion with mindful awareness of other peoples suffering. Even if we can’t
offer practical help, we can still wish the best for them, offering kind thoughts and words. And
through this mindful awareness of cultivating compassion our practice can grow day by day.
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WATER THE RIGHT SEEDS

The seeds of negativity are always there, but very positive seeds
also exist, such as the seeds of compassion, tolerance and love.
These seeds are always there in the soil, but without rain they
cannot manifest. Our practice is to recognize and water the positive
seeds. If you recognize the seed of compassion in yourself, you
should make sure that it is watered several times every day.
Your True Home the every day wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh
Watch the Youtube link below, then in your journal write some notes.
WATCH – 40 Acts of Compassion

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wi9KdrP34oE
Over the coming week...

Consider how you could demonstrate an act of compassion or kindness. If you are able to do
it, consider how it made you feel and make a note in your journal. Small acts of compassion or
kindness not only makes you feel better, it also waters the seeds of compassion within yourself.
The more you practice compassion, the more it will become a way of life.
Think about the following in preparation for next week’s live class. Make some notes in
your journal if that is helpful to remind yourself.
• How do you treat yourself when you are having a difficult time?
• Do you have self-critical thoughts? (Are they negative/judgemental thoughts?)
• How does it make you feel?
If we can be compassionate toward others, why do we find being self-compassionate a

difficult thing to do? (Leads onto week 2)
If we can acknowledge that others feel sadness and pain, that others need loving kindness then
we can feel compassion. It is a desire to help others, to be kind. It is seeing someone as they are
and loving them anyway. But when we are suffering ourselves, why do we find it so difficult to be
kind to ourselves.
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STUDENT WORKBOOK
Developing Qualities of Inner Compassion

As we have seen from our work together, being self-critical can be very stressful and make us feel
worse. One way of coping with disappointment and our ‘inner bully’ is to learn be compassionate
to the self. This requires a number of things of us:
1. Valuing compassion: Some people are worried that if they are compassionate with
themselves they may somehow be weak or lack the drive to succeed. Thus, they don’t really value
compassion. However, if we think about people who are renowned for their compassion, such as
Buddha, Jesus, Ghandi, Florence Nightingale,and Nelson Mandela, they can hardly be regarded
as weak or ‘unsuccessful’. Learning to be compassionate can actually make us stronger and feel
more confident.
2. Empathy: Empathy means that we can understand how people feel and think, see things
from their point of view. Similarly, when we have empathy for ourselves we can develop a better
understanding for some of our painful feelings of disappointment, anxiety, anger or sadness. This
can mean we may need to learn when to be gently sensitive to our feelings and distress – rather
than try not to notice them or avoid them. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel or
think as we do, and try to deny our feelings rather than working with them. The problem with this is
that we don’t explore them to understand them and then they can be frightening to us.
3. Sympathy: Sympathy is less about our understanding and more about feeling and wanting
to care, help and heal. When we feel sympathy for someone, we can feel sad or distressed with
them. Learning to have sympathy for ourselves means that we can learn to be sad, without being
depressed e.g. without telling ourselves that there is something wrong or bad about feeling sad.
We can also focus on feelings of kindness in our sympathy.
4. Forgiveness: Our selfcritical part is often very unforgiving, and will usually see any opportunity
to attack or condemn as an opportunity not to be missed! Learning the art of forgiveness however,
is important. Forgiveness allows us to learn how to change; we are open to our mistakes and learn
from them.
5. Acceptance/tolerance: There can be many things about ourselves that we might like to
change, and sometimes it is helpful to do that. However, it is also important to develop acceptance
of ourselves as human beings ‘as we are’ with a full range of positive and negative emotions.
Acceptance isn’t passive resignation, such as feelings of being defeated, or not bothering with
oneself. It is an openheartedness to all our fallibilities and efforts. It is like having the flu and
accepting that you have to go to bed perhaps, but also doing all you can to help your recovery.
6. Developing feelings of warmth: This requires us to begin to experience and practice
generating feelings of warmth for the self. To do this we can use images and practice feeling
warmth coming into us. When we are depressed this feeling may be very toned down and hard to
generate – so we will have to practice. It can seem strange and sometimes even frightening so we
can go step at a time.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
7. Growth: Compassion is focused on helping people grow, change and develop. It is life
enhancing in a way that bullying often is not. When we learn to be compassionate with ourselves,
we are learning to deal with our fallible selves, such that we can grow and change. Compassion
can also help us face some of the painful feelings we wish to avoid.
8. Taking responsibility: One element of compassionate mind work is taking responsibility for
one’s selfcritical thinking. We can learn to understand how and why we became selfcritical, often
because we felt threatened in some way. Becoming empathic means coming to see the threats
that lay behind self criticism. To do this we can learn to recognise when it’s happening and then
use our compassionate side to provide alternative views and feelings.
9. Training: When we attack ourselves we stimulate certain pathways in our brain but when
we learn to be compassionate and supportive to our efforts we stimulate different pathways.
Sometimes we are so well practiced at stimulating inner attacks/criticisms that our ability to
stimulate inner support and warmth is rather underdeveloped. Hence, now that we have seen how
we can generate alternatives to our selfattacking thoughts, we can explore ways to help them
have more emotional impact. It does not take away painful realities but it can help us to cope in
a different way. The training part can be like going to a physiotherapist, where you learn to do
exercises and build up certain strengths. The compassion systems in your brain are the ones we
are trying to strengthen with our exercises.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
“When I loved myself enough I began

pouring my feelings into my journals.
These loving companions speak my
language. No translation needed”
Kim McMillen – When I Loved Myself Enough
Session 2
What is self-compassion?
• What is self-compassion?
• How we relate to ourselves can have a major influence on
the quality of our life and how we cope with life’s difficulties.
• What does self-compassion mean to you?
(Self-criticism vs self-compassion)
• How can we cultivate self-compassion?
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is offering kindness toward ourselves in the same way we would extend it toward
others. Understanding that we all have difficulties, failings and can struggle at times. So it is
important we nurture self-compassion and break down the barriers of being too hard on ourselves.
It is turning off our inner voice of criticism into to one of mindful kindness, being supportive and
understanding toward ourselves. Self-compassion is not self-pity or being over-indulgent. It is a
way of supporting and nurturing ourselves, especially when things are difficult.
WATCH – Self Compassion, Part 1 Kristin Neff

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyl6YXp1Y6M
What does self-compassion mean to you?

Write some notes in your journal
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STUDENT WORKBOOK
All to often we can be too hard on ourselves. Sometimes this can come in the form of self-critical
thoughts. “Why am I so stupid? Why do I keeping getting it wrong? It just isn’t good enough!”
We may strive for perfection in a world that is relentlessly busy and we are bombarded with
images of the body perfect, making more money, buying more things. The list is endless. The first
thing we can do is realise we have choices. We can make decisions and changes. If we become
aware of how we can get stuck in a cycle of self-criticism and/or a desire to want more, then
we can begin to take control, and in doing so, we can begin to make changes. Self compassion
is to opposite to self-criticism. Self-criticism does not equip us with anything that helps us to reach
our goals. Mindfulness is key to developing a better relationship with our thoughts and emotions
and ultimately with ourselves. Mindfulness is simply another word for awareness.
With awareness, every critical thought can be changed to a self-compassionate thought. “Why do I
keeping getting it wrong?” can become “I’m finding things difficult today.”
“It just isn’t good enough!” can become “It doesn’t have to be 100% or even 80%. 60% is good
enough especially as I’m not feeling so good today.” By being honest with ourselves, we can allow
ourselves through self-compassion to try to do the best we can in this moment.
Practicing the habit of being self-compassionate over time can replace the detrimental habit of
self-criticism. Being self-compassionate is about looking after ourselves, ensuring our own well-
being which enables us to be more giving and compassionate to others.
Research has shown that the way we relate to ourselves –

whether we regard ourselves kindly or critically, in a friendly
and affectionate way or hostilely – we can have a major
influence on our ability to get through life’s difficulties and
create within ourselves a sense of well-being.
pxiv. The Compassionate Mind • Paul Gilbert
How can we cultivate self-compassion?

Self-compassion is learning to be kind to yourself. It is a process of coming to better understand
ourselves and our difficulties. Allowing ourselves to make mistakes, to feel our anger, our fear, our
sadness. With mindfulness we can become aware of how our thoughts can become judgemental.
Through this observation we can change how we respond to those thoughts and learn to become
more caring, supportive and understanding toward ourselves. We can change our thoughts to
ones of kindness and being non-judgemental.
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• Self-criticism can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.
• Self-compassion is linked to well-being, and diminishes anxiety and depression, better emotional
coping skills and compassion for others.
In learning how to cultivate self-compassion, it is important to practice moments of self-kindness,

this maybe just getting ourselves a cup of tea or taking a hot bath and to continually build on
those moments day by day. This can feel daunting as it challenges the idea of perhaps not being
worthy or deserving. It takes courage and discipline, determination and hope. But cultivating self-
compassion, little by little we can develop and change the relationship we have with ourselves
from one of self-criticism to self-compassion.
We need to train and strengthen our self-compassionate side. Remember to water the seeds of
compassion and self-compassion rather than the seeds of self-criticism.
The evidence is now overwhelming: feeling love and compassion for

ourselves and others is deeply healing and soothing, and helps us
face the many challenges that will come our way.
pxxi. The Compassionate Mind • Paul Gilbert
We can often find it easier to be compassionate toward others than toward ourselves. This may be
because we have a sense of unworthiness, or think that it is selfish. But if we can understand that
we all have difficulties on our journey through life, so why shouldn’t we all receive kindness, including
self-kindness to help us on our way? Self-compassion is not feeling we have to achieve all of the
time. It is about giving ourselves time out from the hectic lives we lead. Being true to ourselves
and working with what we can do rather than with what we can’t do, is about seeing our strengths
and weaknesses as part of being human – recognising and acknowledging our humanness.
Think about how you would treat a friend who is struggling? Write in your journal what you would
say or do. Now think about a time when you were struggling and write down what you would do for
yourself. Is there a difference? It can be surprising to realising how badly we can treat ourselves.
But with awareness, you can turn things around. You can learn to treat yourself with the same
kindness you would give to a friend. This is self-compassion (loving-kindness).
WATCH – Self-Compassion: The School of Life

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kfUE41-JFw
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STUDENT WORKBOOK
A PRECIOUS GIFT
Self-compassion is a gift available to anyone willing to open up to
themselves. When we develop the habit of self-kindness, suffering
becomes an opportunity to experience love and tenderness from
within. No matter how difficult things get we can always wrap our
torn and tattered selves in our own soft embrace.
We can soothe and comfort our own pain, just as a child is soothed
and comforted by her mother’s arms. We don’t have to wait until
we are perfect, until life goes exactly as we want it to. We don’t
need others to respond with care and compassion in order to feel
worthy of love. We don’t need to look outside ourselves for the
acceptance and security we crave. This is not to say we don’t need
other people. Of course we do. Burt who is in the best position to
know the full extent of the pain and fear you face, to what you need
most? Who is the only person in your life who is available 24/7 to
provide you with care and kindness? You.
P.60 Self-compassion stop beating yourself up and leave
insecurity behind • Kristen Neff PHD
Kristin Neff PhD – Self-compassion consists of three components

• SELF-KINDNESS: Being kind, gentle and understanding with yourself when you are suffering.
•C
OMMON HUMANITY: Realising that you’re not alone in your struggles. When we’re
struggling, we tend to feel extremely isolated. We think we’re the only ones to experience loss,
make mistakes, feel rejected and fail. But it’s these very struggles that are part of our shared
experience as humans.
•M
INDFULNESS: Observing life as it is, without being judgemental or suppressing your thoughts
and feelings.
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Task: An act of self-compassion

Over the coming week, demonstrate an act of self-compassion/kindness.
E.g. If you find you are self-criticizing, pause for a moment and then begin to relate to
yourself with kindness instead.
It is about developing a new relationship with yourself, one of kindness and warmth rather than
one that is criticising and judgemental. Awareness of our critical thoughts, gives us the opportunity
to make changes, not only in the way we think but how we relate to ourselves and to others.
Awareness is mindfulness.
We can bring mindfulness into any part of our day. When we brush our teeth, wash the dishes
cycling or walking, journalling or bringing loving-kindness as a gift to ourselves when we are facing
life’s difficulties. Mindfulness will be week three’s topic.
Task: Compassionate Letter Writing

(See separate Paul Gilbert handout
“To start your letter, try to feel that part of you that can be kind and understanding of others...”
“There is no right or wrong way, it is the process of trying to think in a different way that is important.”
“The benefits of this work may not be immediate but like exercising to get fit can emerge over time
with continued practice.”
You could do compassionate letter writing as part of your journal. Sometimes it can be difficult
to get started, but you could write your letter in the form of a short story, a poem or even a short
quote – something that resonates with you and is supportive and encouraging. This can be quite
challenging depending on where you are on your personal journey.
Task: How self-compassionate are you? Take the test

If you wish to, take the test to see how self-compassionate you are (see link below). Keep a note
of your scores in your journal. At the end of the course do the questionnaire again to see how
your score has changed. You can try again a month or three months later. Don’t worry at all if your
score is low; this is an opportunity to practice your work with mindful self-compassion. Start in
small ways to be more self-compassionate from this very moment.
TAKE THE TEST

https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/
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Compassionate Letter Writing
The idea of compassionate letter writing is to help you refocus your thoughts and feelings on being
supportive, helpful and caring of yourself. In practicing doing this it can help you to access an
aspect of yourself that can help tone down more negative feelings and thoughts.
To start your letter, try to feel that part of you that can be kind and understanding of others; how
you would be if caring for someone you like. Consider your general manner, facial expressions,
voice tone and feelings that come with your caring self. Think about that part of you as the type of
self you would like to be. Think about the qualities you would like your compassionate self to have.
It doesn’t matter if you feel you are like this-but focus on the ideal you would like to be. Spend a
few moments really thinking about this and trying to feel in contact with that kind part of you.
As you write your letter, try to allow yourself to have understanding and acceptance of your
distress. For example, your letter might start with “I am sad you feel distressed; your distress is
understandable because…” Note the reasons, realising your distress makes sense. Then perhaps
you could continue your letter with… “I would like you to know that…” (e.g. your letter might point
out that as we become depressed, our depression can come with a powerful set of thoughts and
feelings-so how you see things right now may be the depression view on things) Given this, we can
try and ‘step to the side of depression’ and write and focus on how best to cope, and what is helpful.
Ideas
There are a number of ideas that you might consider in your letter. Do not feel you have to cover
them all. In fact you might like to try different things in different letters to yourself. With all of these
ideas, although it can be difficult, try to avoid telling yourself what you should or should not think,
feel or do. There is no right or wrong, it is a process of trying to think in a different way that is
important.
Standing Back: Once you have acknowledged your distress and not blamed yourself for it. It is
useful if your letter can help you stand back from the distress of your situation for the moment.
If you could do that, what would be helpful for you to focus on and attend to? For example, you
might think about how you would feel about the situation in a couple of days, weeks or months,
or you might recall that the depression can lift at certain times and remember how you felt then. It
can be helpful to recall in your letter, and bring to your attention, times that you have coped with
difficulties before; bring those to mind. If there are any tendencies to dismiss them, note them, but
try to hold your focus on your letter. Your letter can focus on your efforts and on what you are able
to do.
Your compassionate side might gently help you see things in a less black and white way. Your
compassionate side is never condemning and will help you reduce self-blaming.
© Surrey Recovery College 2015, edited 2022 by India Ray. We request that
no part of this material is used for purposes other than the Recovery College’s Discovering
Self-Compassion course. Developed by Janie Louise Hunt and Maria Geoghegan.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Remember your compassionate side will help you with kindness and understanding. Here are
some examples: If someone has shunned you and you are upset by that, your compassionate
side will help you recognise your upset but also that thoughts such as, ‘the person doesn’t like
me, or that I am therefore unlikeable,’ maybe very unfair. Perhaps a more balanced view would
be the person who shunned you can do this to others and has difficulties of their own; your
compassionate side can remind you that you have other friends who don’t treat you this way.
As another example if you have forgotten to do something, or have made a mistake and are
very frustrated and you are cross with yourself, your compassionate side will understand your
frustration and anger but help you see that the mistake was a genuine mistake and is not evidence
of being stupid or useless. It will help you think about what is the most compassionate and helpful
thing to do in these circumstances.
Not alone: When we feel distressed we can often feel we are different in some way. However,
rather than feeling alone and ashamed remember many others can feel depressed with negative
thoughts about themselves, the world or their future. In fact, 1 in 20, or more of us can be
depressed at any time, so depression is very sad but far from uncommon. Your depression is not a
personal weakness, inadequacy, badness or failure.
Self-criticism: If you are feeling down, disappointed or being harsh on yourself, note in your letter
that self-criticism is often triggered by disappointment (e.g. making a mistake or not looking like we
would like to), loss (e.g. of hoped for love) or fear (e.g. of criticism and/or rejection). May be being
self-critical is a way you have learned to cope with these things or take your frustration out on
yourself, but this is not a kind or supportive thing to do. Understandable perhaps, but it does not
help us deal with the disappointment, loss or fear. Allow yourself to be sensitive to these feelings.
Compassionate behaviour: It is useful to think about what might be the compassionate thing to
do at this moment or at some time ahead – how might your compassionate part help you do these
things? So in your letter you might want to think about how you can bring compassion into action
in your life. If there are things you are avoiding or finding difficult to do, write down some small
steps to move you forward. Try to write down steps and ideas that encourage you and support you
to do the things that you might find difficult. If you are unsure what to do, may be try to brain storm
as many options as you can and think each ones appeal to you. Could you ask others for help?
Dilemmas: If you are in a dilemma about something, focus on the gentle compassionate voice
inside you and write down the different sides of the dilemma. Note that dilemmas are often difficult,
and at times there are hard choices to be made. Therefore, these may take time to work through.
Talking through with others might be a helpful thing to do. Acceptance of the benefits and losses of
a decision can take time.
Compassion for feelings: Your compassionate side will have compassion for your feelings. If
you are having powerful feelings of frustration, anger or anxiety, then compassionately recognise
these. Negative emotions are part of being human and can become more powerful in depression
or when we are distressed but they do not make you a bad person-just a human being trying to
cope with difficult feelings. We can learn to work with these feelings as part of our ‘humanness’
without blaming or condemning ourselves for them. Your compassionate mind will remind you
that we often don’t choose to feel negatively and these feelings can come quite quickly. In this
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sense it is ‘not our fault’, although we can learn how to work with these difficult feelings and take
responsibility.
Loss of positive feelings: If you are feeling bad because you have lost positive feelings then we
can be compassionate to this loss – it is very sad to lose positive feelings. Sometimes we lose
positive feelings because a relationship has run its course, or we are just exhausted, or depression
can block positive emotion systems. As we recover from the depression these positive systems
can return. Your compassionate letter can help you see this without self-blaming.
What is helpful: Your letter will be a way of practicing how to really focus on things that you feel
help you. If thoughts come to mind that make you feel worse, then notice them, let them go and
refocus on what might be helpful-remember there are no ‘I should’s’.
Warmth: Now try to focus on the feelings of warmth and genuine wish to help in the letter as you
write it. Spend time breathing gently and really try, as best you can, to let feelings of warmth be
there for you. When you have written your letter, read it through slowly, with as much warmth as you
can muster, If you were writing to somebody else would you feel your letter is kind and helpful?
Could you change anything to make it more warm and helpful? Remember that this is an
exercise that might seem difficult to do at times but with practice you are exercising a part of your
mind that can be developed to be helpful to you. Some people find that they can rework their
letters the next day so they can think through things in a different way.
The key of this exercise is the desire and effort of becoming inwardly gentle, compassionate and
self-supportive. The benefits of this work may not be immediate but like ‘exercising to get fit’ can
emerge over time with continued practice.
Sometimes people find that even though they are depressed they would very much like to develop
a sense of self that can be wise and compassionate to both themselves and others. You can
practice thinking about how, each day, you can become more and more as you wish to be. As in
all things there will be good times and not so good. Spend time imagining your postures and facial
expressions, thoughts and feelings that go with being compassionate and practice creating these
inside you. This means being open with our difficulties and distress, rather than just trying to get
rid of them.
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Building A
Compassionate Image
This exercise is to help you build up a compassionate image for you to work with and develop (you
can have more than one if your wish, and they can change over time). Whatever image comes
to mind, or you choose to work with note that it is your creation and therefore your own personal
ideal what you would really like from feeling cared for and cared about.
However, in this practice it is important that you try to give your image certain qualities.
These will include:
Wisdom, Strength, Warmth and Non-Judgement
So in each box below think of these qualities (wisdom, strength, warmth and non-judgement)
and imagine what they would look, sound or feel like. If possible we begin by focusing on our
breathing, finding our calming rhythm and making a half smile.
Then we can let images emerge in the mind – as best you can – do not too try to hard if nothing
comes to the mind, or the minds wanders, just gently bring it back to the breathing and practice
compassionately accepting.
Here are some questions that might help you build an image: would you want your caring/nurturing
image to feel/look/seem old or young; male or female (or non-human looking e.g. an animal, sea
or light). Would your ‘image’ have gone through similar experiences to you?
Would they be like a friend or even part of a team that welcomes you to belong? What colours and
sounds are associated with the qualities of wisdom, strength, warmth and non-judgement.
Remember your image brings full compassion to you and for you.
• How would you like your ideal caring-compassionate image to look – visual qualities?
• How would you like your ideal caring-compassionate image to sound e.g. voice tone?
• What other sensory qualities can you give to it?
• How would you like your ideal caring-compassionate image to relate to you?
• How would like to relate to your ideal caring compassionate image?
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“You are only alive in this moment.

The only moment we are ever alive is NOW”
Jon Kabit-Zinn
Session 3
What is mindfulness?
• What is mindfulness?
• The practice of mindfulness.
• How mindfulness can promote well-being and enrich our lives.
What is mindfulness?
Mindfulness is simply awareness, being aware, a presence of mind: bringing awareness to our
daily lives/activities. It is deliberately noticing what you are experiencing in the moment, non-
judgementally. Our minds will naturally wander, but each time you notice your mind wandering,
simply bring your attention back to the present moment.
You can do this through mindful breathing or focusing on the sounds around you. Or by fully
engaging in an activity, such as your daily chores, running and exercising, walking, eating, being
in the city or being in nature. With time and practice, mindfulness can become second nature.
Practice is key to developing mindfulness skills. Mindfulness self-compassion helps to promote
emotional and psychological well-being. Connecting with our innate compassion for others and
the environment creates space for self-compassion to grow, and when self-compassion grows it
supports and encourages compassion to grow. It is cyclical.
Moment to moment non-judgemental awareness.

The present moment. Not the past or the future. Just this moment.
Mindfulness is noticing. It is this very moment.
Jon Kabit-Zinn
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HOW TO SIT
The first thing to do is stop whatever else you are doing.
Now sit down somewhere comfortable. Anywhere is fine.
Notice your breathing. As you breathe in,
be aware that you are breathing in.
As you breath out, be aware you are breathing out.
How To Sit • Thich Nhat Hanh
Exercise One: Mindful Breathing LISTEN – Mindfulness of the Breath
•T
ake a comfortable sitting posture. You can sit on a hard back chair, feet flat on the floor.
Alternatively, you can sit cross-legged on the floor. (It is important that you feel comfortable.)
•S
it up straight, but not too tight or stiff. Place your hands loosely on your lap, perhaps
cupping one hand inside the other like a little bowl. Relax your shoulders, your jaw, your facial
muscles. Slowly work through your whole body from your head to your toes. Try to relax any
tense or tight areas.
• If you feel comfortable, close your eyes or just softly focus them on a spot on the floor metre
or two in front of you.
•G
ently, and mindfully, bring your attention to your breathing. Slowly, mindfully breathing
in. Slowly, mindfully breathing out. When your mind wanders, simply bring it back to your breath
back to the present moment.
•N
otice and experience the physical sensations of breathing. The soft rising and falling of
your belly, your chest. Bring awareness to the coolness of your breathe as you breath in, and to
the warmth of your breathe as you breath out. As you breathe in say to yourself “I am breathing
in”. As you breathe out say to yourself “I am breathing out”. Notice the gap, the small pause
between the in breath and the releasing of the out breath and the small pause just as you are
about to breath in again after releasing the out breath. As thoughts arrive, let them go, like clouds
or balloons floating away, returning your focus to your breath. Gently, softly, mindfully breathing.
•N
ow bring your awareness to the sensations of the body as a whole, the chair or floor you
are sitting on. When you are ready gently, softly open your eyes and bring your attention back
into the room.
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How did that make you feel (in mind and body)?
You may have felt calm and relaxed, or maybe agitated, restless. There is no right or wrong.
Mindfulness is working with things as they happen – in the moment.
Notice how the mind and body are connected. With practice, mindful breathing can allow your
mind and body to work together. If we can calm our minds we can calm our bodies and vice-versa.
Make some notes in your journal.
Exercise Two: Mindful Eating LISTEN – Mindful Eating
How often do we eat our food, without noticing what we are eating or how much? When we eat
with mindfulness we can appreciate and enjoy food a lot more. We need food to sustain us, but
we can also get a lot of pleasure when we eat more slowly, with mindfulness. We eat with our
eyes too! If food looks appetising we look forward to eating it. Also the smell of food increases our
anticipation adding to the pleasure of eating. Eating slowly allows time to enjoy your food.
Try this: Take a small piece of food, such as one raisin or a blueberry or a grape. Or one square
of chocolate – white, milk or dark. Try something different e.g. have a square of dark chocolate if
you usually eat milk.
Don’t eat it! First simply hold it in the palm of your hand and mindfully look at it. What do you
notice? Does it have a texture? What colour is it? Does it feel sticky, rough or smooth? Does it
have a smell? Take a moment to consider all these things before popping it into your mouth. Now
place the fruit or chocolate on your tongue, simply letting it rest there.
NO chewing just yet. What do you notice? How does it feel – is it rough or smooth? What does it
taste like at this stage?
Start to slowly chew it. Notice the taste filling your mouth. Does it stick to your teeth or the roof of
your mouth? Before you swallow it, try to absorb all you are experiencing in the moment. Using all
your senses (sight, sound, smell, taste, touch), immerse yourself in mindfulness, allowing yourself
to engage fully in what you are doing/experiencing in the moment. Once you have swallowed your
piece of fruit or chocolate, notice any residual taste in your mouth.
Do you want to eat more? By being mindful we can enrich our pleasure and enjoyment of food.
WATCH – Easy Mindfulness Exercises

www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-IZArfQHOo
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The practice of mindfulness

Mindfulness is a practise which can be done wherever you are and at any time, day or night. It
does take time and effort. But by practising daily mindfulness, it can become a integral part of your
life. Begin with something you do everyday like brushing your teeth or doing the dishes.
Become fully aware of what you are doing. When your mind wanders, just gently guide it back to
the task, back to the present moment and all that you are experiencing in that moment.
Ideas for daily mindfulness

• Begin your day with three mindful breaths (and repeat regularly throughout the day).
• Notice and adjust your posture throughout the day (especially if your day involves a lot of sitting
like working on a computer).
• Eat mindfully (use all your senses to enjoy your food).
• Become more aware of your drive/walk to work.
• Look up at the sky (how often do we ever look up, simply notice the sky whether summer blue or
rain laden clouds).
• Notice trees, flowers blooming, birds singing, even the raindrops splashing into puddles.
• Notice sounds (without discrimination or judgment).
The practice of mindfulness is very simple.

You stop, you breathe, and you still your mind.
You come home to yourself so that you can enjoy
the here and now in every moment.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Being non-judgemental is a key element of mindfulness. This can be a challenge. Our judging
minds automatically judge things e.g. as good or bad, right or wrong. With practice our awareness
can grow, giving rise to many opportunities to also practice self-compassion.
In the same way we are mindful of what we are experiencing in the moment, we can be mindful
of our thoughts too. So if self-critical/judging thoughts creep in, with mindfulness we can nip these
thoughts in the bud, not allowing them to dominate our lives.
WATCH – Mindfulness 9 Attitudes – Non-judging

www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNICQ-x_Gek
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How mindfulness can promote well-being and enrich our lives

• Reduces stress and anxiety, depression and physical pain.
• Helps us to cultivate compassion and self-compassion.
• Helps us to find acceptance and to build resilience.
RETURN TO WISDOM
The practices of mindful walking, mindful sitting,
and mindful breathing are our foundation.
With our mindful breath and mindful steps,
we can produce the energy of mindfulness and return to
the awakened wisdom lying in each cell of our body.
That energy will embrace us and heal us.
Your True Home: The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh
Mindfulness is our true teacher, tapping into the resources we already have, our inner wisdom. But
first we need to slow down, stop the noise of our minds running away with our thoughts in every
direction. We need to bring stillness to the moment so that we can focus on our breath and guide
our minds to experience just this moment. One moment at a time.
If sitting and focusing on your breath is a little difficult, if perhaps you feel anxious, try focusing
on sounds. Initially focus on any sounds within the room, then further away, outside. Each time
your mind wonders (this is the nature of the mind), gently bring it back to the present moment and
return to focusing on sounds.
Activity: Take a walk

A garden, a forest, down a country lane or even a city park. Walking mindfully, bring awareness
to each step you are taking, the pace you are walking. Maybe slow down a little. Connecting/re-
connecting with nature improves our well-being. Write some reflections in your journal.
WATCH – You are only alive in THIS moment!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeSI2NEmGNw
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The importance of practising mindfulness

Now that you have a little understanding of what mindfulness is, it is important to practice and
to keep your practice going everyday if possible. It is better to do 5-10 minutes, 6 out of 7 days
a week than it is to do one hour once a week. You can gradually build up on the time you give
to your mindfulness practice. The great thing about mindfulness is that you can do it anywhere,
anytime. Even your mindful breathing can be done on your commute to work. If you find you
haven’t done it for a few days, try to pick up your practice again and again and again.
To begin: Choose one activity, like brushing your teeth and do this mindfully every day. If you want
to add other activities such as eating mindfully, build it into your routine slowly and gently.
Choosing to practice daily mindfulness will increase your awareness, allowing you to nip negative
thoughts in the bud, leaving space for new seeds of positivity to grow. The more you practice the
more your mindfulness will develop, as will your self-compassion and resilience.
Mindfulness has the power to enrich your life too. Simply noticing what you are experiencing in
the moment – the food you eat, the book you’re reading, a walk, even washing the dishes you can
become are of the warm soapy bubbles and the sound of the water. Have mindfulness Sundays.
Bake bread or a cake and be totally absorbed in your experience.
Over the coming week practice the mindfulness breathing exercise (or another mindfulness
exercise of your choosing). At the beginning or at the end of the day is often the best. But find a
time and a place that works for you. And if you can, try to practice 4-6 times throughout the week.
A mindfulness practice – mindful breathing

• Sit quietly on a straight-backed chair or cross-legged on the floor.
• Bring your attention to your breathing, noticing the sensations of the cool breath going in and the
warm breath coming out. Feel your belly rising and falling.
• Allow your thoughts to come and go without judgement (like clouds floating across the sky).
• Each time your mind wonders, bring your attention back to your breathing.
• You can expand your focus of attention to sounds or sensations in your body.
• Embrace each mindful breath, each time your mind wanders, with compassion.
You can begin your practice with just 3-5 minutes, building it up to half an hour or more. It is
important to do your practice regularly, and choose a regular time each day.
Task: In your journal compile a list of mindfulness moments

You may be surprised by how many mindfulness moments you actually have, write about
your experiences. Journalling itself is a mindfulness practice.
E.g. If you are out on a walk – how did the wind feel on your face? Enjoying a hot drink – how did
the shape and the warmth of the cup feel in your hands? How did it taste? Did it feel comforting?
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THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
Wendell Berry
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Daily Mindfulness Ideas

• When you first wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed, bring your attention to your
breathing. Observe 5 mindful breaths.
• Notice changes in your posture. Be aware of how your body and mind feel when you move from
lying down, to sitting, to standing, to talking. Notice each time you make a transition from one
posture to the next.
• Whenever you hear a phone ring, a bird sing, a train pass by, laughter, a car horn, the wind, the
sounds of a door closing – use any sound as the bell of mindfulness. Really listen and be present
and awake.
• Throughout the day, take a few moments to bring your attention to your breathing. Take
5 mindful breaths.
• Whenever you eat or drink something, take a minute and breathe. Look at your food and realise
that the food was connected to something that nourished its growth. Can you see the sunlight,
the rain, the earth, the farmer, the trucker in your food? Pay attention as you eat, consciously
consuming this food for your physical health. Bring awareness to seeing your food, smelling your
food, tasting your food, chewing your food and swallowing your food.
• Notice your body while you walk or stand. Take a moment to notice your posture. Pay attention to
the contact of the ground under your feet. Feel the air on your face, arms and legs as you walk.
Are you rushing?
• Bring awareness to listening and talking. Can you listen without agreeing or disagreeing, liking
or disliking, or planning what you will say when it is your turn? When talking and you just say
what you need to say without overstating or understating? Can you notice how your mind and
body feel?
• Whenever you wait in line, use this time to notice standing and breathing. Feel the contact
of your feet on the floor and how your body feels. Bring attention to the rise and fall of your
abdomen. Are you feeling impatient?
• Be aware of any points of tightness in your body throughout the day. See if you can breath into
them and, as you exhale, let go of excess tension. Is there tension stored anywhere in your
body? For example your neck, shoulders, stomach, jaw or lower back? If possible stretch or do
yoga once a day.
• Focus attention on your daily activities such as brushing your teeth, washing up, brushing your
hair, putting on your shoes, doing your job. Bring mindfulness to each activity.
• Before you go to sleep at night, take a few minutes and bring your attention to your breathing.
Observe 5 mindful breaths.
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“Accept – then act.

Whatever the present moment contains,
accept it as if you had chosen it.
Always work with it, not against it”
Eckhart Tolle
Session 4
Acceptance
• What is acceptance?
• How do we learn to accept?
(Acceptance rather than resignation)
• What is self-acceptance?
• Acceptance and commitment.
What is acceptance?
• Letting go, allowing things to be as they are, not clinging or grasping, being open, not resisting.
One thing acceptance is NOT, is resignation. (Small acceptances can lead to bigger ones).
• Learning to work with being open to our experiences.
• Learning to work with being open to our thoughts and feelings,
• Learning to live with our symptoms, mental and/or physical.
Acceptance allows us to learn to be less judgemental. With mindful acceptance we can help
ourselves to begin to make changes, however small. We can learn to celebrate what we can do
rather than feel defeated by what we can’t do, what we can change and not with what we can’t.
And we can celebrate who we are despite having a mental/physical illness.
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Even if we accept we can’t accept, that in itself is the beginning of acceptance, being mindful
that we find it difficult to accept. This difficulty in accepting, gives us the opportunity to foster
self-compassion. When we can accept e.g. mental/physical illness, we can learn to relate to
ourselves differently, with self-nurturance and self-compassion. Learning to be true to ourselves,
realising we have choices, allows an open, enquiring and non-judgemental mind to create a
pathway toward acceptance.
WATCH – Headspace: accepting the mind

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUcC71-W9Os
Through the simple practice of seeing our own goodness, we

undo the deeply rooted habits of blame and self-hate that keep
us feeling isolated and unworthy. The contemporary Indian
master Bapuji lovingly reminds us to cherish our goodness:
My beloved child, break your heart no longer.

Each time you judge yourself you break your own heart.
You stop feeding on love which is the well spring of your vitality.
Time has come, your time.
To live, to celebrate and see the goodness that you are...
Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obstruct you.
If one comes, even for the name of “truth”,
Forgive it for its unknowing.
Do not fight.
Let go.
And breath – into the goodness that you are.
Radical Acceptance • Tara Brach
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How do we learn to accept? (Acceptance rather than resignation)

Acceptance comes in many forms. Sometimes it maybe that we need to ask for and accept help
from others. We may need to learn to come to terms accepting a mental/physical diagnosis,
understanding our symptoms and learning to cope and accept them. When we find it difficult to
accept it can create an inner anxiety, turmoil and frustration that only adds to the discomfort within,
within our mind and within our body.
Defining acceptance: it is an openness to how we are feeling, how things are for us in any
given moment. It is NOT resignation, quite the opposite. Acceptance is letting go of resistance
and denial as opposed to simply giving up in the belief that there is nothing we can do or change
about our situation.
WATCH – The Difference Between Acceptance and Surrender

www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSTyM9wCjTI
We learn to accept by living in the moment. By being fully present to our experiences. It may be
as simple as hoping for a sunny day but it turns out to be raining. How we engage and embrace
with the experience can make all the difference. We can decide to stay at home and keep out of
the rain. Or we can go on the planned picnic and walk and still have fun anyway.
Simply by engaging with things as they are, rather than getting frustrated because things are not
as we had hoped or expected. We may still feel disappointed, but by accepting the situation as it
is in the moment allows us to live life differently, more fully.
More profoundly though, when we are experiencing distressing and anxious thoughts and
emotions, staying in the moment can be hugely difficult. But if we can embrace with what is
happening to us, even though we don’t like it, we can develop our self-compassion, allowing
acceptance to take root, guiding us forward.
Mindful breathing brings body and mind together and brings us back into the present moment.
We can calm the rise of anxiety allowing it to subside, helping to calm our mind and allowing
space for acceptance. If we can recognise and learn to live with whatever arises, embracing our
tears, our vulnerability, then our inner strength and wisdom can take fruition. It takes courage to
do this. But if we do it over and over and over again, riding the waves of anxiety, we can come
through the storm to find a place of safety. In this we find a sense of purpose through embracing
life’s difficulties. This is what makes us strong, building our resilience. With reflection, you can
realise your true strength, your courage and the wisdom that is born from each moment you live.
“Let your wisdom grow stronger than your fears”

JLH
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What is self-acceptance?
Self-acceptance is learning to understand, respect and relate to ourselves with self-compassion.
Often we can be more accepting of others but harsh and self-critical of ourselves. Self-acceptance
can often be a very difficult thing to do. It may be trying to accept what we look like, or accepting
who we are in terms of how our mental and/or physical illness manifests in us. Acceptance is
about our short comings because we are human, but we have our achievements too.
Remember the judging mind – how it focuses on negativity. But awareness can help us to refocus
our thoughts, to see the good in ourselves. Our goal is not perfectionism in any way, shape or
form. Our goal is to work with things just as they are – IN THIS MOMENT!
To understand that it is not about being perfect, but getting to know ourselves, our humanness.
Bringing a level of satisfaction, happiness with ourselves as this is an important part of good
mental and physical well-being.
To be beautiful means to be yourself.

You don’t need to be accepted by others.
You need to accept yourself.
Thich Nhat Hanh
Be proud of who you are. If there are things you want to change, begin with small changes. Be
guided by your values. Remember you don’t need to aim for perfection, 60% is good enough!
Importantly, be self-compassionate. Make the most of your potential.
When you do things because they are truly meaningful to you,

because deep in your heart they truly matter to you
– they are called “value guided actions”.
The Happiness Trap • Russ Harris
Examples of how we can make small changes towards self-acceptance

E.g. If we find it difficult to get up in the morning
This may be due to medication, or lack of motivation/depression. But if we take these things into
consideration, with self-compassion we can appreciate and bring acceptance to how things are
difficult for us. When we acknowledge our difficulties, we can begin to make small changes.
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Try getting up 5 minutes earlier. Then build on this each week, by changing by only 5 minutes
week by week.
We don’t need to strive for perfection, we can begin again and again. This allows for opportunities
to be self-compassionate and self-accepting. It will take time, commitment and determination to
make changes, to break old habits and to make new ones.
E.g. If we need to lose some weight (or the need to put on a healthy weight)
We can be mindful of what we eat, make healthier choices. There will be difficult times, but
with self acceptance of who we are, we can work towards making the necessary changes with
mindfulness and compassion.
Being healthier and fitter can go a long way to helping us feel better about ourselves and this in
itself can increase our self-acceptance, as well as our self-confidence and self-esteem. Feel better
about ourselves and this in itself can increase our self-acceptance.
It is always very difficult for us to achieve goals that do not meet with our values or needs in life.
“Unless we accept things as they are,

we will try to force things as they are not...”
Jon Kabit-Zinn
WATCH – Mindfulness 9 Attitudes – Acceptance

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOGsj0Aklx8
Acceptance and commitment

How we think and how we react/respond to our thoughts can have a huge affect on the quality
of our lives. We can react with negativity or respond with mindfulness and loving-kindness,
allowing for acceptance to develop and grow.
You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked.
Try approving of yourself and see what happens.
Louise L. Hay
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Task: Expansion Exercise (see separate handout)
LISTEN HERE
youtube.com/watch?v=WIw7l3tN-mc&list=PLfVgWWNqce45izNXQHMaVTanXG5i8TQu4&index=11
•C
onnect with the present moment by coming back to your breath. Calm mindful breathing can
help soothe distressing thoughts and emotions. Focus on your experience in the moment rather
than engaging with past anxieties or future fears.
•M
aking room for our thoughts, giving them space, rather than suppressing them or
avoiding them.
•O
bserving our thoughts with loving-kindness we can come to better understand ourselves, and
change our relationship with our thoughts and feelings and ultimately with ourselves.
• Relating to our thoughts differently, with mindfulness and self-compassion, is the beginning of
acceptance. So when negative thoughts, self-criticism or catastrophising thoughts occur, rather
than letting them overwhelm us, we can allow them to come and go in their own time.
• Our values, what is important to us, what sort of person do we want to be, can give us direction.
This in turn can guide us to make important changes.
•T
aking action is making a commitment. Being motivated and guided by your values, leads
toward a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
Task: Make some notes in response to these questions; we will be discussing

these reflections as a group
• Why connect to the present moment?
• How do negative/critical thoughts make you feel?
• How do positive/ value focus-led thoughts make us feel?
• What is the importance of focusing on our values?
• What is the importance of commitment?
If thoughts are helpful – if they help us to be kind and compassionate

to ourselves, or to clarify our values and make effective plans
and take effective action to enrich and enhance our lives in
practical ways – then we can make good use of them.
The Happiness Trap • Russ Harris
26
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Over the next week...

Practice using the expansion exercise work with a difficult feeling when it arises over the coming
week. Remembering to observe, breath, create space and allow. (See separate handout)
Keep journalling, enjoy being creative, enjoy exploring.
Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world.

Today I am wise,so I am changing myself.
Rumi
THE GUEST HOUSE • RUMI

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
27
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Expansion Exercise
Based on Russ Harris – The Happiness Trap
When we feel difficult/strong emotions which can seem overwhelming, not only is there the
emotion itself, but physical sensations too. E.g. a lump in your throat, knotted stomach, a tightness
in your chest.
Expansion means opening up and making room for these difficult feelings, urges and sensations.
When breathing into and around an unpleasant feeling/sensation we can create a space, open up
to an unpleasant emotion. You don’t have to like or want these feelings, the aim is to allow it to be
there despite the unpleasantness.
There are four basic steps to expansion:
1. Observe (mindfulness)
Observing your feelings/sensations in your body
2. Breath
Breathing mindfully, slow deep breathes to lessen tension in your body and to bring a calmness
within you.
3. Create space (expansion)
Creating space/making room around a sensation.
4. Allow (acceptance)
Not changing or trying to get rid of an emotion/sensation, but changing your relationship to it, to
one of compassion/self-compassion
A facilitator guided exercise

This exercise can help you to cope with overwhelming feelings
Working with expansion allows the for the development of acceptance.
Take a comfortable sitting posture. You can sit on a hard back chair, have your feet flat on the
floor. If you wish, you can sit cross-legged on the floor. (It is important that you feel comfortable.)
Begin by sitting up straight, but not too tight or stiff.
Have your hands placed loosely on your lap, perhaps cupping one hand inside the other like a little
bowl. Relax your shoulders, your jaw, your facial muscles. Close your eyes if that feels comfortable
for you, or just softly focus them on a spot on the floor a metre or two in front of you.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
1. Observe (mindfulness)
Take a few moments to mindfully observe the sensations in your body.
Slowly work through your whole body from your head to your toes.
There may be a few noticeable sensations, try to focus on just one.
Zoom in on that part of your body where you are feeling a strong sensation. It may be around the
heart area, or a knot in your in your tummy, or tension at the back of your neck.
Simply observe this sensation without trying to change it.
Notice where it starts and where it finishes.
You are simply observing rather than engaging with this sensation.
Be curious about it. For instance, does it have a colour or a shape? Is it warm or cold, still or
pulsating? Is it inside your body or on the surface of your body? You may feel sensations within
the sensation. Allow it to be as it is.
2. Breathe
As you observe, breathe into and around the sensation.
Mindfully, slowly breathing in and out.
Letting go of any tension in your body and letting a calmness settle within you. Breathe slowly and
deeply in and around the sensation.
3. Create space (expansion)

As you breathe in, open up a space around the sensation.
Don’t try to get rid of it or to change it. You don’t have to like it.
The aim is to observe the sensation, breathing into it, creating a space around it.
Let this space expand around the sensation.
As a space opens up, imagine this space being a soft, warm light from which a glow expands,
gradually getting bigger around the sensation in your body.
Feel the warmth and softness from this glow that brings with it, the understanding and kindness
of compassion.
See if you can expand further and deeper within, to discover the compassion and self-compassion
that resides in all of us.
4. Allow (acceptance)
Breath into and allow the sensation to be there even though you may not like it.
Bringing your awareness to the sensation, acknowledging that it is there, is a pathway towards
acceptance. Remember, it is not about getting rid of it, or trying to change it, but allowing it to just
be there.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
If the sensation changes of it’s own accord allow it to change.

If it doesn’t change, that’s okay too.
In allowing the sensation to just be there, we can change our relationship to it.
Breathe into it mindfully and remember the warm glow of compassion expanding around it. Allow
some time for this.
TAKE A FEW MOMENTS TO PAUSE.
As we bring this practice to a close, take a few deep mindful breaths and when you are ready
open your eyes and bring your attention back into the room. Allow a few moments to adjust and
absorb this exercise.
STUDENT WORKBOOK
“Resilience is the ability to cope

with life’s challenges and to adapt
to adversity.”
Mind.org.uk
Session 5
Resilience (and where do we go from here?)
Today we are going to discuss:
• What is resilience?
• Building resilience, promoting well-being.
• Be true to yourself.
What is resilience?
Resilience is the capacity to adapt and cope with life’s difficulties.
We all have the ability to be resilient, this will fluctuate throughout our lives. Sometimes we
will cope better than at other times. Sometimes we may surprise ourselves with how we have
managed to cope through a very difficult time. Managing and coping with intense emotions helps
to build our emotional resilience.
Write some reflections in your journal about times when you have showed resilience in the face of
adversity. We all have different types of resilience to different situations, at different times.
WATCH – When Things Get Rough, How Do You Find Your Footing?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=27JB-aypIA4
Establishing a foundation for resilience.

Mark Nepo, author and poet, beautifully puts it as, finding solid ground. A place we can find
strength to face adversity. He asks, “What’s one thing that grounds you?”
28
STUDENT WORKBOOK
This may be support from family, coffee with a friend, listening to some music that is special to
you, going for a walk and being in nature, being by the sea.
Recovery is not about ‘getting rid’ of problems. It is about

seeing ourselves beyond our problems – our abilities,
possibilities, interests and dreams – and recovering the social
roles and relationships that give life value and meaning.
Repper and Perkins, 2003
Building resilience, promoting well-being

We all have difficulties and stressful times in our lives. Resilience is our ability to bounce back
from adversity making us stronger. Through these difficulties we can learn to ride the storm by
harnessing our inner strength, our resilience. This will better aid us to calm future storms, to
overcome these difficulties, therefore developing and building our resilience.
I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.

Maya Angelou
This is a personal journey for each of us. It is important though, that we do this with compassion,
understanding that we are going through a difficult time.
With mindfulness we can return to our breath to soothe us, to be present in the moment. Self-
compassion, mindfulness and acceptance are important attributes to building our resilience and
promoting our well-being.
Well-being is about looking after ourselves mentally and physically.
This includes:
• The importance of getting a good nights sleep.
• Eating well.
• Balance – this may be work/life balance, home/life balance having de-stress time for yourself.
• Connecting with others – family and friends, colleagues, meeting new people.
29
STUDENT WORKBOOK
• Projects, hobbies, doing something you enjoy.

• Learning something new.
• Being in nature/time outside.
• Regular exercise – from biking to walking, yoga and running, swimming and going to the gym.
Whatever you choose, try to do a little everyday.
(and where do we go from here?)
Be true to yourself
The western world is so focused on goals/achievements (money, buying a house etc...) What
really matters is being true to yourself. Living by your values, what is important to you, enquiring
what kind of person you want to be and how you want to live your life.
Our values can motivate and guide us, leading to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. We learn
from our experiences as our lives, morals, values and beliefs evolve over time. Sometimes it is
trial and error. Sometimes we make mistakes but we also get things right.
Intuition is our guide – if something doesn’t feel right, it is important to question why? Does it
go against your values, your beliefs? We will change and grow throughout our lives. Our values
and beliefs may change as we gain insight and a better understanding of ourselves and the
world. In achieving our goals, we need to live by our values and do things with compassion and
self-compassion along the way. Working with our strengths and limitations. Living with integrity
and honesty.
Whatever you choose to do, wherever your life leads you, do it with mindfulness so you can fully
receive the gift of your experiences. Embrace them with loving-kindness. Above all, be true to
yourself. Have time for yourself.
“It is indeed a radical act of love just to sit down

and be quiet for a time by yourself”
Jon Kabit-Zinn
WATCH – Dr. Maya Angelou’s 3-Word Secret to Living Your Best Life
www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr6LMr-rXEc
30
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Reflections on the course

Compassion, self-compassion, mindfulness, acceptance and resilience are all interwoven. We
weave the fabric of our own lives and by realising we have choices, we can take control, we can
make changes, however small. Change is what helps us to grow, to let go, to face our challenges.
It is important we do this with compassion and self-compassion. Acceptance will follow naturally in
due course if we allow ourselves to be open to our experiences. From adversity we can water the
seeds of self-compassion and in turn give compassion to others.
Mindfulness practice is a key aspect to discovering self-compassion. This means to keep
trying, again and again, to bring ourselves back to the present moment, just this moment. The
more we practice, by bringing mindfulness into our daily lives, the more awareness we have, can
only enrich our lives. From noticing the trees and seeing the sky, to calming our thoughts and
feelings through mindful breathing. Try to see mindfulness as a true foundation on which you can
build resilience.
Useful resources
Your student handouts can serve as a reminder for exercises you can work with and as reference if
you wish to further explore compassion, self-compassion, mindfulness, acceptance and resilience.
Keep writing your journal

Let it take you on your personal journey of exploration and discovery.
Reflections from students and facilitators

What we learn from each other can help us to learn about ourselves. This brings insight which can
signpost us in different directions that perhaps we wouldn’t have thought about or realised before.
Every day brings us opportunities to be compassionate to others and ourselves, to be mindful and
accepting. Come to know and understand these opportunities and as Rumi’s poem The Guest
House says: Welcome and entertain them all!
Book list
The book list provided is a starting point. There are many more books out there on the topics we
have discussed on this course. Go with whatever resonates with you.
Resources
Other Recovery College courses, websites, apps, Mary Frances Trust, Richmond Fellowship,
Mind.org.uk
31
STUDENT WORKBOOK
“Be kind whenever possible.

It is always possible”
H. H. Dalai Lama
And remember to be kind to yourself too.
We are more than our illness.

One in four of us will experience mental illness at
some point in our lives. Despite this, stigma and
discrimination are still prevalent.
But with greater understanding...
We can take the ethos of the recovery college into the
wider world and help to open the eyes of others to
have a better understanding of mental illness.
WATCH – We Are Mind

www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPxHTZRwXX8
“Compassion is the tender opening

of our hearts to pain and suffering”
Ram Dass
Thank you for completing this course workbook, we look forward to seeing you in the final live
session and we hope that this has been a useful resource on your recovery journey.
32
STUDENT WORKBOOK
Book List
• Altman, Donald, (2011), One Minute Mindfulness, (50 Simple Ways to Find Peace, Clarity, and
New Possibilities in a Stressed-out World, New World Library
• Brach, Tara, (2003), Radical Acceptance, (Awakening the Love That Heals Fear and Shame
Within Us), Rider
• Bays, Jan Chozen, (2011), How to Train a Wild Elephant, (Simple Daily Mindfulness Practices for
Living Life More Fully & Joyfully), Shambhala
• Cameron, Julia, (2012), The Artist’s Way, (A Course in Discovering and Recovering Your Creative
Self), Pan Books
• Cameron, Julia, (2004), The Sound of Paper, (Inspiration and Practical Guidance for Starting the
Creative Process), Penguin Books
• Carne, Kate, (2016), Seven Secrets of Mindfulness, (How to Keep Your Everyday Practice Alive),
Rider
• Carter-Johnson, Arabella, (2016), Iris Grace, (The Story of a Little Girl Whose Talent Unlocked
Her Silent World), Penguin, Micheal Joseph
• Chodron, Pema, (2005), Start Where You Are, Thorsons
• Coelho, Paulo, (2003), Manual of the Warrior of Light, HarperCollins
• Coelho, Paulo, (2012), Manuscript Found in Accra, Harper
• Do-hyun, Ahn, (2015), The Salmon Who Dared to Leap Higher, Pan Books
• Estes, Clarissa Pinkola, (2008), Women Who Run With the Wolves, (Contacting the Power of the
Wild Women), Rider
• Fielding, Esme, (2013), Moments of Mindfulness, Summersdale
• Germer, Christoper K., (2009), The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion, (Freeing Yourself From
Destructive Thoughts and Emotions), The Guilford Press
• Gilbert, Paul, (2009), The Compassionate Mind (A New Approach to Life’s Challenges),
Constable
• Gilbert, Paul, (1997), Overcoming Depression (A Self-help Guide Using Cognitive Behavioural
Techniques), Robinson
• Goldberg, Natalie, (2005), Writing Down the Bones, (Freeing the Writer Within), Shambhala
• Goleman, Daniel, (1996), Emotional Intelligence, (Why it Can Matter More Than IQ), Bloomsbury
• Haig, Matt, (2018), Notes on a Nervous Planet, Canongate
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2001), Anger, (Buddhist Wisdom for Cooling the Flames), Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2012), Fear, (Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm), Rider
STUDENT WORKBOOK
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2008), The Miracle of Mindfulness, (A Manual on Meditation), Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2011), The Novice, (A Story of Love and Truth), Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2014), Peace of Mind, (Becoming Fully Present), Bantam Press
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2011), Peace is Every Breath, (A Practice for Our Busy Lives), Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (1991), Peace is Every Step, (The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life),
Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2014), Silence, (The Power of Quiet in a World Full of Noise), Rider
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (1992), Touching Peace, (Practiicing the Art of Mindful Living), Parallax Press
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2010), You Are Here, (Discovering the Magic of the Present Moment),
Shambhala
• Hanh, Thich Nhat, (2011), Your True Home, (The Everyday Wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh),
Shambhala
• Haran, Maeve, (2008), Froth on the Cappuccino, (How Small Pleasures Can Save Your Life),
Hay House
• Harris, Russ, (2008), The Happiness Trap (Based on ACT: A Revolutionary Mindfulness-Based
Programme for Overcoming Stress, Anxiety and Depression), Robinson
• Hesse, Hermann, (2008), Siddhartha, Penguin Books
• Higashida, Naoki, (2014), The Reason I Jump, (One Boy’s Voice From the Silence of Autisum),
Sceptre
• Hoff, Benjamin, (2015), The Tao of Pooh and the Te of Piglet, (The Principles of Taoism
demonstrated by Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet), Egmont
• Hwang, Sun-mi, (Translated by Chi-Young Kim), (2014), The Hen Who Dreamed She Could Fly,
Oneworld
• Kabit-Zinn, Jon, (2008), Arriving at Your Own Door, (108 lessons in Mindfulness), Piatkus
• Kabit-Zinn, Jon, (2005), Coming to Our Senses, (Healing Ourselves and the World Through
Mindfulness), Piatkus
• Kabit-Zinn, Jon, (2004), Wherever You Go, There You Are, (Mindfulness Meditation for Everyday
Life), Piatkus
• Kornfield, Jack, (2002), A Path With Heart, (The Classic Guide Through the Perils and Promises
of Spiritual Life), Rider
• Kumar, Satish, (2006), No Destination, An Autobiography, A Resurgence Book
• Kumar, Satish, (2013), Soil, Soul, Society, a new trinity for our time, Leaping Hare Press
• Lama, Dalai, H.H. (1998), The Art of Happiness (A Handbook for Living), Coronet Books
• Langley, Martha, (2011), Mindfulness Made Easy, Teach Yourself
STUDENT WORKBOOK
• Lo, Imo, Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity

• Neff, Kristen, (2011), Self Compassion (Stop Beating Yourself up and Leave Insecurity Behind),
Hodder & Stoughton
• Nepo, Mark, (2011), The Book of Awakening, Quercus
• McMillen, Kim, (2001), When I Loved Myself Enough, Pan Macmillan
• Milne, A.A., (2013), Winnie-the-Pooh, Egmont
• Peck, M. Scott, (2011), The Road Less Travelled, Rider
• Penman, Dan Dr., (2012), Mindfulness for Creativity (Adapt, Create and Thrive in a Frantic
World), Piatkus
• Rubin, Gretchen, (2009), The Happiness Project, (Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the
Morning, Clean my Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, and Generally Have More Fun, Harper
• Tolle, Eckhart, (2005), A New Earth, (create a better Life), Penguin Books
• Tolle, Eckhart, (2002), Practising the Power of Now, (Essential Teachings, Meditations and
Exercises From The Power of Now), Hodder Mobius
• Williams, Mark, Penman, Danny, (2007), Mindfulness, (a Practical Guide to Finding Peace in a
Frantic World), Piatkus
• Williams, Mark, Teasedale, John, Segal, Zindel, Kabit-Zinn, Jon, (2007), The Mindful Way
Through Depression, (Freeing Yourself From Chronic Unhappiness), The Guilford Press
“PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE simultaneously.

Yesterday can teach us to let go.
Today can teach us to be in the moment.
Tomorrow can teach us to be patient.”
JLH

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STUDENT WORKBOOK

This course is available as a pack and PDF

“Allow compassion to emerge in the heart”

What will I achieve by the end of the course?

WEEK ONE What is compassion? . . . page 6

WEEK TWO What is self-compassion? . . . page 9

WEEK THREE Mindfulness . . . page 14

WEEK FOUR Acceptance . . . page 21

WEEK FIVE Resilience . . . page 28

Structure of the course

WEEK ONE – Compassion

My course dates are: ______________________________________________________

Class rules and expectations:

• To be on time and stay for the duration of the live sessions.

Purpose of the course:

How mindfulness can enrich our lives, and open

All these attributes are interwoven

Key to all of this is ‘practice’

The Value of Keeping a Journal

Here are some links for some further suggestions:

“A journey of a thousand miles

Some suggestions to begin your journal:

This is your journal, a place for you.

Your journal can be your safe haven.

“Be open to life’s experiences,

‘Feelings’ of compassion can be of warmth, love, affection,

WATCH – Human: The Circle of Compassion

What does compassion mean to you?

Write some notes or reflections on this in your journal

WATCH – Where Does Compassion Really Come From?

How can we cultivate compassion?

WATER THE RIGHT SEEDS

WATCH – 40 Acts of Compassion

Over the coming week...

If we can be compassionate toward others, why do we find being self-compassionate a

Developing Qualities of Inner Compassion

“When I loved myself enough I began

WATCH – Self Compassion, Part 1 Kristin Neff

What does self-compassion mean to you?

Research has shown that the way we relate to ourselves –

How can we cultivate self-compassion?

• Self-criticism can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety and depression.

In learning how to cultivate self-compassion, it is important to practice moments of self-kindness,

The evidence is now overwhelming: feeling love and compassion for

WATCH – Self-Compassion: The School of Life

Kristin Neff PhD – Self-compassion consists of three components

Task: An act of self-compassion

Task: Compassionate Letter Writing

Task: How self-compassionate are you? Take the test

TAKE THE TEST

Compassionate Letter Writing

“You are only alive in this moment.

Moment to moment non-judgemental awareness.

Exercise One: Mindful Breathing LISTEN – Mindfulness of the Breath

Make some notes in your journal.

Exercise Two: Mindful Eating LISTEN – Mindful Eating

WATCH – Easy Mindfulness Exercises

The practice of mindfulness

Ideas for daily mindfulness