OTJ-IER BOOKS BY JEl=I= KINNEY

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Last Straw
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Ugly Truth
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Third Wheel

The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book

The Wimpy Kid fvtovie Diary
PUBLISf-l�R'S NOT�: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
incidents are either the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and
any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or
locales is entirely coincidental.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data:

Kinney, Jeff.
Diary of a wimpy kid : Rodrick rules/ by Jeff Kinney.
p.cm.

Summary: Greg Heffley tells about his summer vacation and his attempts to
steer clear of trouble when he returns to middle school and tries to keep his
older brother, Rodrick, from telling everyone about Greg's most humiliating
experience of the summer.

ISBN 978-0-8109-9473-7 (l-larry N. Abrams : alk. paper)

[1. Middle schools-Fiction. 2. Schools-Fiction. 3. Family life-Fiction.

4.Diaries-Fiction. s. Humorous stories.] I. Title.
PZ7.K6232Dr 2008
[Fic]-dc22
2007032296

Wimpy Kid text and illustrations copyright© 2008 Wimpy Kid, Inc.
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID®, WIMPY KID ™ , and the Greg Heffley design™ are
trademarks of Wimpy Kid, Inc. All rights reserved.

Book design by Jeff Kinney

Cover design by Chad W. Beckerman and Jeff Kinney

Published in 2008 by Amulet Books, an imprint of ABRAMS.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a
retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, mechanical,
electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission
from the publisher. Amulet Books and Amulet Paperbacks are registered
trademarks of Harry N. Abrams, Inc.

Amulet Books are available at special discounts when purchased in quantity

for premiums and promotions as well as fundraising or educational use.
Special editions can also be created to specification. For details, contact
specialsales@abramsbooks.com or the address below.

ABRAMS
THE ART o, I0OKS SINCE 1G"'G

115 West 18th Street

New York, NY 10011
www.abramsbooks.com
TO JULIE, WILL, AND GRANT
 SEPTEMBER
Mohday
r .9oess Mo,.., Wcl.S vre-tty vrood o.f hersel.f .for
f"'lctbh.9 ,..,e write ih that joorhctl last year, because
how She weht ahd hou�h+ l"'\e Qhother ohe.

But rel"'\el"'\her how r said +hat it SOl"'\e jerk

cc1.o.9ht ,..,e cc1.rryih.9 ct book with "diary" oh the _
cover they were .9ohhcl. .9et the wroh.9 idea?
vJell, that's e,cactly what hc1.vvehed today-

-'---,�
(MY BROT�ER RODRICK)

Now +hQ+ Rodrick khows r hQVe Qhother jourhal,

r hetter rer+'\er+'\her to keev this ohe locked Uf·
Rodrick c1.c+oc1.lly .9ot ahold o.f ,..,Y
LASTjoorhal
a tew weeks hQck, Qhd it was Q disQster. But
doh't eVeh .9et f"'le started oh T�AT story-
E.veh withoot ,.,y Rodrick vrohler,,s, ,.,y SIJfYlfYler
WQS vrett7 lous7.

Oor .f<l,.,il
didh't .90 <lhywhere or do <lhythih.9
y
fuh, Qhd +hQ+'s PQd's fQult. PQd MQde rv1e joih
+he swi'"" teQM Q8Qih, Qhd_ he WQhted to rt\Qke sure
r didh't r,,iss Qh
y
r,,eets this
y
eQr.

NO STOP
MERCY, Si-t!VERING,
TODD! GREG!

- -----

PQd's 80+ +his ideQ +hQ+ 1''"" destihed to be Q

.9re<lt swir,,r,,er or sor,,ethih.9, so +hilt's wh he _
y
r,,Qkes r,,e joih the teQr,, ever sor,,r,,er.
y

2
At ,.,.,y first swirr, rr,eet Q couvle of years a,90,
PQd told Me +hat wheh +he UMf ire Shot ott the
s+Qrter f istol J r was SUf rosed to dive ih Qhd
s+Qrt swiMMih'9·

But What he DIDNT tell f"le was +hat the starter _

'9Uh ohl/ tired BLANKS.

So r was a Whole lot More worried about Where the

bullet was '90hha lahd +hah r was about '9e+tih'9
f"l/Selt to +he other ehd ot the vool.

3
E-veh Qfter J)Qd exvlQihed the whole "stQrter
fistol n cohcevt to rtle ) r WQS stilI the worst
swirtlrtler oh the teQf'tl.

But 1 J;d ehd Uf wihhih8 "Most rrtlvroved" Qt

the QWQrds hQh�uet Qt the ehd ot the SUrtlrtler.
\hat's ohl because there was a teh-Mihute
/.
dif.ferehce be+weeh ""Y .first race ahd ""Y last ohe.
So 1 8uess J)Qd's still WQitih8 tor rtle to live Uf
to rt\'/ votehtiQI.

1h a lot o.f ways, heih.9 oh the swiM teaM was

worse thQh heih8 ih rtliddle school.

first o.f all, we had to he at the vool by 7:30

every Morhih.9, ahd the water was always
FREEZING cold.

4
Ahd secohd ot QII, we were QII crQf"'lf"'led ihto two
lahes, so r
alwa ys had Sor,iebody oh l"l tail tr ih-9
y y
to 8et Qrouhd t"'le.
----

1he reQSoh we hQd to use two IQhes WQS becQuse

SWif'Yl vrQctice WQS Qt the SQl"'\e tif'Yle QS the 'vJQter
J"QZ.Z. clQSS.

r actuall tried to cohVihce Pad to let r,ie do

y
'vJQter JQz.z. ihsteQd ot swif"'l teQf'Yl, but he wouldh't

80 tor it.

COME ON,
LADIES! GET
Tl-tOSE ARMS UP!
d

-----
----

5
1his WG\S the first so,-.,,-.,er the coG\ch let os boys
weG\r swir,, trohks ihsteG\d o{ those ski,-.,vy rG\cih.9
trohks. Bot MoM said Rodrick's hahd-Me-dowh
bdhih.9 soi+ WG\S "vert'ectly {ihe."

YOUR FRIENDS
WILL BE
JEALOUS
BECAUSE
_, YOU'LL BE
SO FAST!

A+ter SWiM vractice ) Rodrick would "ick Me Of ih

his b"hd's VG\h. Mo,-., h"d this cr"z. ide" thd i{
Y
,-.,e G\hd Rodrick Sfeht "1o"li+t ti,-.,e" oh the ride
ho,-.,e every d"y, we wooldh i" {i.9h+ G\S r,,och. Bot
all it d;d was Make thih'9S a lot worse.

6
Ahd he wouldh't let Me sit Uf troht. He SQid the
chlorihe would ruih his SeQt, eVeh thou�h the VQh is
SoMethih,9 like {ifteeh ye,,.rs old.
-- - --

GET IN
T�E BACK.

1.0DED
,,,1

Rodrick's Vd.h doesh't d.cf11,,.ll h"'ve "'h se,,.+s ih

the bQck ) so r y /
h Qd to s�ueez.e ih with Q II the
b,,.hd eq11ifMeht. Ahd ever the Vd.h Cd.Me to
r
tiM
r
y �
"' stov} h,,.J to fr"'
y
didh t .9e+ ""Y
he,,.J
td.keh otf by ohe of Rodrick's dr11MS,

I
<::J7 SLIDE
--==.: . -- -
7
r ehded Of walbh-9 hor-ie ever7- day ihstead o.f
'9ettih8 Q ride tror,a Rodrick. 1
ti8ured it was
better to just WQlk the two f'Yliles +hah to 8e+
braih daf'Yla8e ridih'9 ih the bQck ot +hQ+_ VQh. _

Halfway throo-9h the Sor-ir-ier, r decided r was

frery r-ioch dohe with swir-i tear-i. So r car-ie Of
with a trick to '9e+ out ot rractice. _____

!'d swif"'l Q tew IQfS, Qhd +heh 1'd QSk the COQCh
it r could use the bQ+hroor,a. \heh r'd just hide
out ih the locker roorva uhtil vractice was over.

\he ohly frobler-i with r-iy flah was that it was

sor-iethih-9 like .forty de-9rees ih the boys' bathroor-i.
So it WQS eVeh colder ih T�ERE thah it was ih
the vool.

8
1 hQJ to wrQ ""ysel.f o ih toilet Q er so 1
p p p p
didh't et h otherl"liQ,
-9 yp

1hQt's how 1 s eht Q retty hi

chohk o.f ""Y
p p -9

StJMMer Vacatioh. Ahd +hat's Wh/ J:'"" actuall lookih8

1
torwQrd to 8oih'9 hQck to school to,...,orrow.

\oesdQ7
vJheh r sot to school todQ , ever bod
y y y
WQS
actih8 all strah8e arouhd ,...,e, ahd Qt tirst 1
didh't Khow W�AT was tJf •
'\heh r ref'Vle,...,bered: r still had the Cheese \ouch
trof'Vl LAST ye<J.r. r '90t +he Cheese \ouch ih
the last week ot school, ahd over the Surtlf'Vler r
COMPLETELY tor'9o+ <J.bout it.

1he vrohle,-., with the Cheese \ooch is that yoo've

'90t it uhtil /OU cah vass it oh to Sof'Vleohe else.
Bot hohod woold eVeh .9et withih thirty feet of_
f'\'le, so r y
r
k hew was '90hh<J. be stuck with the
Cheese \ooch for the whole school year.

1
Luckil , there W<J.5 <J. hew kid h<J.r-.,ed :Sere,-., 'Pihdle
y
ih ho,-.,eroor-.,, So th<J.t took c<J.re otT�AT vrohte,...,.

WELCOME TO OUR
SCl-tOOL, JEREMY!

My first class was 'Pre-Al.9 ehra, ahd the teacher

vu+ f'\'le ri�h+ he><+ to Ale)( Aruda, the Sf'Vl<J.rtest
kid ih +tie whole class.

10
Ale)( is SUPER easy to cov
y
o.f.f o.f, because he
QIWQ s tihishes his test eQrl Qhd vuts his fQver
y y
dowh oh the tloor hex+ to hi,-.,. So it r ever
8et ih Q fihch, it's hice to know r CQh count
oh Alex to bQil ,-.,e out.

Kids whose IQst hQr-,es stQrt with the tirst tew

letters ot +he Ql >\,Qbe+ 8et CQlled oh the r-,ost_
y
b the teacher, ahd that's wh the ehd Uf
y y y
beih8 the s,-.,Qrtest.

Sor,,e veovle thihk that's hot true, but i.f ou

waht to cor,,e dowh to "'Y school, r y
cah vrove it.

�fN
ALEX ARUDA C�RISTOP�ER ZIEGEL

r cah ohl
y
thihk. o.f ONE bd who broke the
IQst-nQr-,e rule, Qhd +hQt's Peter Ute8er. Peter
was the sr,,artest bd ih the class all_the wa Uf
y
until the titth 8rQde.

11
11'Qt's wheh Q buhch ot us st"rted 8iVih8 hiM "
hard tiMe ahovt how his ihitials sovhded wheh yov
SQid theM out loud.

TEACi-tER, EAi-1!
Ti.IE ANSWER .! P.U.!
TO Ti-lAT
QUESTION
IS •.•

'\hese days, Peter doesh't raise his hahd at ALL,

ahd he's vretty l"'lVCh a C stvdeht.

1 8uess 1 -Feel " little bQd Qbout the whole P.U.

thih8 Qhd wh"t hQffehed to Peter. But it's h"rd
hot to tQke credit wheheVer it co�es Uf·

STARTE
Ti-lAT.

12
A
hy
way, today r ,9ot vre� deceht seats ih all
r•iy classes eJ<cevt seVehth-veriod History- My
teQcher is Mr. \-\uff ) Qhd SoMethih8 tells Me he
had Rodrick as a stodeht a few years back.

MR. �EFFLEY, YOU'LL BE

SITTING IN T�IS C�AIR
NEXT TO MY DESK.

'vJedhesday
MoM hl\S beeh MQKih8 Me Qhd Rodrick hel out
v
More Qrovhd +he house ) l\hd how the two of us
are resvohsible for doih,9 the dishes every hi,9ht.

\he rvle is that we're hot allowed to watch ahy

TV or vtay video ,9
a""es vhtil all the dishes are
dohe. Bvt let Me jvst say that Rodrick is the
WORST dishes
v
Qrther ih +he world.

13
As sooh QS dihher is over ) he 8oes uvstQirs to the
hQthrooM Qhd CQMfS out there tor Qh hour. Ahd
b
y
the tiMe he coMes b<lck dowhst<lirs, f',.,.
<llre<ld dohe. ___ _
y
fM READY
TO START!

.,.
But it r ever COMf IQih to MoM Qhd J)Qd ) Rodrick
<llw<lys yulls out the S<ll"'le l<lMe ei<cuse:

MY BODY
IS ON A
SC�EDULE.

r thihk Mol"'I <lhd J)<ld <lre too worried <lbout ""Y

little brother, M<lhhy, to .9
et ihVolved ih <l fi ht
.9

be+weeh Me <lhd Rodrick ri ht how <lh w<l -

.9 y y

14
YesterdQ , MQhh_Y drew Q yiic+ure Qt dQ cQre,
y y
Qhd Mo,..., Qhd PQd ,9ot reQll uy,set wheh the
y y
tovhd it ih his hQck fQCK.

Mo'"" ahd Pad +hov8h+ the ficture WQS StJffosed

to be o.f Tl--lEM, so how they're Qdih,9 QII love
y
ih .froht o.f MQh�, �- __

I LOVE
• AND I
YOU LOVE
S0000
MUC�H
YOU
SO MUC�!

r Khew Who it WQS REALLy suvvosed to be ih

+he ficture: rtle Qhd Rodrick.

15
vJe 30+ ihto Q bi3 blowout over the rer"'lote cohtrol
the other hi ht, t\hd Mt\hh Wt\S there to withess
,9 y
the whole thih3. But Mo� Qhd PQd doh't heed to
tihd out Qbout T�AT.

\hursd"y _ _ __ _ _ �-- � _ __
Ahottier ret\Soh ,.,.,/ su,-,.,,-,.,er Wt\S bhd o.f' lt\,-,.,e Wt\S

r
bect\use ,-,.,Y best .friehd, Rowley, Wt\S oh Vt\ct\tioh _
vre-tty Much the whole ti,-,.,e. thihk he weht to
South Ar"'lericQ or Sorrlethih3 J bu+ to be hohest

with
y
ou, r,.,., hot ret\ll
y
sure.

r 1
doh t khow it this �Qkes �e Q bQd versoh or
whQ+ever J bu+ it's hQrd tor rtle to 3e+ ihterested
ih other veovle's Vacatiohs.

AND Tl-lEN WE'RE MM l-lMM ... l-lEY,

GONNA GET ON A �AVE YOU E VER
BOAT AND CRUISE NOTICED Tl-lIS
DOWN Tl-lIS RIVER ... FRE CKLE BEFORE?

16
Besides, it seer-is like Rowley's .far-iil is alwa s
y y
travelih,9 to sor-ie craz.y vlace ih the world ) ahd
r CQh heVer keef +heir trif s strQi8h+.

'The other reasoh r 1

doh t care about Rowley's trif s
is because wheheVer Rowle cor-ies hack .fror-i ohe o.f
y
his Vacatiohs, he alwa s crar-is it dowh r-iy throat.
y

Last ear, Rowle ahd his .far-iil weht to Australia

y y y
.for teh da s, hut .fror-i the wa he acted wheh he
y y
,9ot hack, ou'd thihk he lived there his whole li.fe.
y

Ahother thih,9 that's reall ahhoyih,9 is that

y
wheheVer Rowle ,9oes to sor-ie hew couhtr , he
y y
8ets ihto WhQ+ever tQd is 8oih8 oh over there.
17
Like wheh Rowley .9ot back .fro,.,. E.urove two
years a.90, he .9ot hooked oh this fO\' sih.9er
hQMed "J"oshie/' who 1 8uess is SoMe hu8e star
or sor,iethin.9. So Rowley car,ie back with his ba.9s
toll o.f Joshie CDs and rosters Qhd s+ott.

WILD
ANIMAL
HEART

r took ohe look Qt +he ficture oh the CD ahd

told Rowley that J"oshie was suvvosed to be .for
silC-year-old .9irls, but he didh't believe r,ie.
Rowley said r was just jealous because he was
the ohe who "discovered" Joshie.

And what r,iaJe it really irritatih.9 was that how

this .9uy was Rowle 's hew hero. So it
y
r ever
tried to say ahy thih.9 critical at all, Rowley didh't
WQht to hear it.

18
 JOS�IE SAYS YOU
S�OULD RESPECT YOUR
PARENTS AND FOLLOW
YOUR DREAMS!

C=
C
---==��� --• -L-
SveG\kih.9 of {orei.9h c:oohtries, todG\y ih frehc:h
class, Madat'Yle Le-Frere told us we're 8oih8 to be
c:hoosih.9 veh fGIIS this yeG\r.

"4heh Rodrick was ih f'Yliddle school, he had Q

seVehteeh-yeG\r-old .9irl fro,._ \-lollG\hd G\S his veh
\'al. 1 khow because 1've seeh the letters ih his
juhk drQwer.
'vJheh Madaf'Yle Le-Frere handed out the torf'YlS, r
f'Ylade sure r checked ott the ho)(eS that would
8e+ Me Q feh val just like Rodrick's.

But after Madar-ie Le.frere read over r-iy forr-i, she

f'Ylade f'Yle start over and fick a8ain. She said 1
had to choose a hot who is r-iy a8e, AND he has
to be frehch. So 1 doh't e><adly have hi8h
hoves for r-iy feh-val e)(veriehce.

friday
Mof'Yl decided to start f'Ylakin8 Rodrick fick f'"tle Uf
atter school, just like he ficked f'Yle Of atter swiM
vractice. 1 8uess that f'Yleans She didn't learh
r did. So when
trol'"'l T�AT e)(veriehce. But
Rodrick ficked r-ie Uf today r asked hir-i to
J

vlease take it easy oh the brakes.

20
Rodrick SQid OK, but +heh he went out ot his
wa7 to {ihd ever 7 sveed hv,-.,v ih towh.

\tJ\)en r 80+ out ot the VQh, r CQlled Rodrick Q

hi-9 jerk, ahd +heh it .90+ vh ical. Mo,-., saw the
r
Whole +hih8 untold tror"l +he livin8 roor"l window.

--------

21
MoM MQde us coMe ihside } ahd she SQt us dowh at
the kitcheh +Qhle. \heh she SQid Me Qhd Rodrick
were '90ih'9 to hQVe to settle our di-{{erehces ih a
"civil MQhher."

MoM told ,-.,e ahd Rodrick we eQch hQd to write

dowh whQ+ we did wroh8J Qhd +heh we hQd to
draw a ficture to '90 QIOh'9 with it. Ahd r khew
el<actly where Mo,.. was .9oih.9 with TI--IAT idea.

MoM used to he Q vreschool teacher J Qhd wheheVer

a kid would do so,-.,ethih8 wroh'9J She'd Make hiM
draw Q ficture ot it. 1 8uess the ideQ WQS to
MQke +he kid teel asha,-.,ed ot WhQ+ he did so he
wouldh't do it Q'9Qih.

I wil I no+ break +he

crayons because +ha+
rnal<es +he other children
ver1 sad.

Cl Cl C::.

22
vJell, Mortl's ideQ rtli'9h+ hQVe worked 8reQ+ oh Q
bvhch of fovr-/eQr-olds, bvt she's 3oih-9 to hQVe
to +tiihK ot Sortlethih� better it she WQhts rtle
Qhd Rodrick to 8et Qloh8· ___ _

---I will not call Rodrick names. --

UNN
BI

23
1he truth is, Rodrick CQh vretty r-iuch treQt r-ie
Qhy WQY he WQhts, becQuSe tie khows t\-iere's hothih.9
r CQh do Qbout it.
See, Rodrick is the ohly ohe who khows Qbout this
REALLYeMbQrrQSSih8 thih8 thQt_hQffehed to Me
over the sur-ir-ier, Qhd he' s beeh holdih.9 it over r-iy
heQd ever sihce. So if r ever tell oh hir-i for Qhy-_
thih.9, he ii Sfill r-iy secret to the whole world.

r just wish r hQd SoMe dirt oh �IM to eVeh

thih8S out. _

1 do know ONE et"'lbarrassih8 thin8 about Rodrick )

but r doh't thihk it's .9ohM do r-ie Qhy .9ood.
\tJheh Rodrick WQS Q soyhor-iore, he WQS sick the dQy
they did school yhotos. So Mor-i told J)Qd to MQil ih
Rodrick's treshMQh ficture tor the school to use
ih the yeQrbook.

Poh't QSk Me how PQd screwed this Uf) bu+ he

seht ih Rodrick's SECOND-8rQde ficture.

24
 Harrington, Hatley, Heffley, Hills,
Leonard Andrew Rodrick Heather

IJh.fortvhQtely, Rodrick WQS Sl"lQrt ehov.9h to riv

thd fQ.9e out o.f his yeQrbook. So i.f rl"l ever

'9
r
0hhQ tihd SoMethih8 to use Q8Qihst hif'Vl )
8uess ! hQVe to keer di88 ih8·

'vJedhesdQy
E-ver sihce MoM QSSi'9hed the dishes to ,...,e Qhd
'Rodrick > J)Qd's heeh 8oih8 dowh to +he turhQce
rooM Qt+er dihher to work oh this MihiQture Civil
vJQr bQttletield ot his.

25
J)Qd svehds Qt leQSt three hours Q hi8ht dowh
there worKih8 oh thQt thih8· 1 thihK J)Qd
would he hQff,Y to syehd the whole weekehd
worKih8 oh his bQttletield, bot MoM hQS

OT�ER vlQhS tor hiM.

MoM likes to reht these roMQhtic coMedies, Qhd

She MQKes J)Qd WQt<:h theM with her. But r
Khow PQd is just WQitih8 tor the .first chQhce to
hreQk QWQ,Y Qhd .90 hQck dowh to the bQSef'Yleht.

v4heheVer PQd CQh..t be dowh ih the turhQ<:e

roof'YI, he f'YIQkes sure us kids keey QWQ,Y .fro,..., it.

26
Pad won't let Me or Rodrick 80 NEAR his
battletield) because he thinks we're 8onna l'"'less
Sol'"'lethin8 Uf ·

Ahd earlier toda

y
roverheard Pad say so,-.,ethih.9
to Mahhy to ,-.,ake sure I-IE doesh't .90 vokih.9 _
around hack there ) either.

I Tl-UNK I JUST
�EARD SOME
GRUNTING NOISES
COMING FROM T�E
FURNACE ROOM.

Saturda
y
Rowley ca,-.,e over to ,..,Y
house today- Pad doesh't
like it wheh Rowley co,-.,es over, because Pad
alwa s says Rowley is "accideht vrohe.
y
II
r thihk
it's because this ohe ti,-.,e Rowley was eatih.9 dihher
here) and he drovved a vlate and broke ;+.

27
So how Pad has this idea that Rowley is ,9oih,9
to ruih his whole Civil 'wQr hQttletield ih ohe
klutz-y l"loVe.

'v.JheheVer Rowley co,..,es over to""Y house these

days, he ,9ets the Sal"le ,9reetih,9:

T�E BASEMENT
IS OFF LIMITS.

28
Rowley's dad doesh't like ME, either. \hat's wh
r doh't -90 over to his house riuc.h ahyriore.
y

\he last tirie r

sveht the hi-9ht at Rowley's,
we WQtched this rvloVie where Sorvle kids +Qu8h+
thervlselves Q secret 1Qh8UQ8e +hQ+ ho 8rowh-uf S
could understQhd.

TRANSLATION: AT EXACTLY 2:30 P.M., LET'S

ALL DROP OUR BOOKS ON TI-lE FLOOR.

Me ahd Rowle thou-9ht that was vretty c.ool,

y
Qhd we tried to ti8ure out how to +Qlk ih the
SQ�e IQh'9UQ8e +he kids were usih8 ih the rvloVie.

But we c.ouldh't reall et the hah-9 of it, so we

y -9
rvlQJe Uf our OWN secret 1Qh8UQ8e.
1hen we tried it out Qt dinner.

Bot Rowley's dad r,ost have cracked our code,

becQuSe 1 ended uv 8e+tin8 sent horrle betore
dessert. And r hQVen't been invited to svend
the hi,9ht at Rowley's ever sihce.

30
\r-Jheh Rowle car-ie over to
y
r-it
house toda , he
y
hrou'9h+ a hoheh ot fictures tro,-.,. his tr;f with
hi,-.,.. He SQid +tie best fQrt ot his VQCQtioh WQS
wheh the weht oh a river sa.fari, ahd he showed
y
r-ie all these blurry fidures o.f birds ahd stu.f.f.

Now, 1've beeh to the vJ;ld KihBdo,-.,. QP'"'luSer"'\eht

vark a buhch o.f tir-ies, ahd the have this River -
y
Ravids ride where the have these awesor-ie robot
y
ahir"'\Qls like Borillas ahd dihoSQors.

rt you ask r-ie, Rowley's varehts should have just

saved their r-iohe ahd takeh hir-i there ihstead.
y

DID YOU SEE ANY

S�ARKS FIG�TING NO. AND S�ARKS
GIANT TARANTULAS DON'T FIG�T
ON YOUR SAFARI? TARANTULAS.

31
Bot of coorse Rowley didh't waht to hear ahoot
MY exveriehces, so he just 8a+hered Uf his fictures
Q hd weht bQck hor"le.

\ohi�ht Qtter dihher, Mor"l F"'lQde PQd WQtch ohe

o{ the J"'loVies she rehted, hot Pad reall wahted
y
to work oh his Civil \tJQr bQ+tletield.

\tJheh Mor"l �ot Uf to �o to the bQthroor"l, PQd

stutted Q buheh ot f illows uhder the blQhKet oh h is
side ot the bed to ,..,.Qke it look like he WQS QSleer.

Mof"'I didh't {ihd oot ahoot Pad's deco ohtil after

y
the F"'loVie WQS over.

She F"'lQde PQd cot"'le to bed, eVeh thou�h it WQS

ohl 8:30.
/

32
Ahd how Mahhy sleevs ih Mo,... ahd Pad's bed,
hecQuse he's QtrQid ot the l"'lohster thQt lives ih
the turhQce rool"'l.

"\uesday
r thou,9ht r was dohe hearih,9 about Rowley's
triv J but r was wroh,9. Yesterday J our Social
Studies teacher asked Rowley to tell the class all
about his Vacatioh, ahd today he caMe to school
weQrih8 this ridiculous costu,...,e. But WhQt WQS eVeh
WORSE was wheh SoMe ,9irls caMe Uf to Rowley
Qt luhch Qhd stQrted kissih8 his hut+.

WILL YOU
TELL US MORE If' 1-t
ABOUT YOUR 1-tEl-t.
TRIP?

33
But +heh I reQliz. ed "1Q he +hQ+ WQSh't such Q
1-
had thi''\9 atter all. So 1 started varadih8
Rowle Qrouhd the cQ.feteriQ, hecQuSe Q.fter QII,
y
he IS ,,, best .friehd.
Y

ROWLEY �ERE
JUST GOT BACK
FROM SOUT�
DAKOTA!

$QturdQ
7
Pad has beeh takih8 Me to the Mall ever'/ Saturda
1
tor +he vast tew weeks. A+ tirst J 1
+hou8h+ it
was because he wahted to Sfehd More tiMe with Me.
But +heh 1 realiz.ed he's just Makih8 sure he's out
of +he house tor Rodrick's bahd vractices J Which r
cah totall
1 uhderstahd.
Rodrick Qhd his heQv -r,,efQI hQhd y,rQctice ih the
y
haseMeht oh weekehds.
\he lead sih.9er of the bahd is this .9uy hal"'led
Bill vJQlter J Qhd rtle Qhd PQd burtlved ihto Bill oh
the way out the door today-
---

ORNIN',
. I-IEFFLE

Bill doesh't hQVe Q job J Qhd he still lives with his

varehts, eVeh thou.9h he's thirty-five years old.

f',,, vretty sure :Dad's worst fear is that

Rodrick is '90ih'9 to see Bill QS Sortle kihd ot role
rtlodel, Qhd thQt Rodrick will WQht to follow ih
B;ll's tootstevs.

So wheheVer PQd sees Bill J it just vu+s hiM ih Q

bad l"'lood for the rest of the day.

35
\he reQSOh Rodrick ihViteJ Bill to he ih his bQhd
was because Bill ,90+ Voted "Most Likel to Be a
y
Rock s+Qr" wheh �E WQS ih hi h school.
s

Most Likely to Be a Rock Star

.'/1\)
. U·.
.. .

Bill Walter Anna Wrentham

\hat hash•+ reall worked out for Bill et, Ahd

r +hihk r y y
heQrd AhhQ vJrehthQr,\ is ih vrisoh.

Ah wa , Me ahd Pad weht to the Mall for a few

y y
hours toda , but wheh we ,90+ hack, Rodrick's
y
hahd vractice wash·+ over et, You could hear the
y
uitQrS Qhd drur"lS tror"l Q block QWQ'/, Qhd +here
s

were Q buhc.h ot rQhdor"l teehQ ers hQh ih out ih

s s s

our drivewQ'/.

36
r uess they l"'IUSt have heard the l"'IUSic. C.Ol"'lih,9
,9

out ot the bQSeMeht ahd '90+ drawh to it, sort

ot like how Moths '9et drawh to a li8ht.

\tJheh Pad saw Qll those teehasers in the drivewQy)

he TOTALLY treQked out.

/ ___,_.�
Pad rah ihside to call the covs, bot MoM
stovved hiM betore he could dial �11.

Mol"'I said those teeM ers wereh't doih ah harl"'I,

,9 y
,9
°
ahd that the were just "anrec.iatih,9 Rodric.k's
r
l"'\USic.. But
y
doh'+ eVeh khow how she c.ould sa
y
that wi h a strai h+ .fac.e. Ahd if ou ever heard
; ,9
1
d
Rodric.ks hahd J ou khow what
y
y
r
l"'leah.

37
PQd couldn't relQ,c with QII those teenQ'9ers out in
oor drivewQ ,
y

7
So PQd went uvs+Qirs Qnd '90t his booM bo,c.
\heh he vu+ in Q clQSSicQI Music CD Qnd let it - -
v'Q - Ahd oo woold hot BELIEVE how qoickl
Y y y
the JrivewQ deQreJ oot Qfter thQt,
y

38
Pad was vretty vroud of hit'lself for thihkih-9 Uf
thQt one. But Mo,-,, QCCused hi,-,, ot '9e+tih'9 rid ot
Rodrick's ".fans" oh furfose.

W�AT? I CAN'T
ENJOY MY
MUSIC, TOO?

-
Suhday _ _ ___ _ _
loday, oh the car ride to church, r
was tY\akih-9
faces at Mahhy, try;h-9 to -9et hit'l to lau-9h. r
t'lade this ohe face that t'lade Mahhy lau-9h so
hQrd thQt Qffle juice CQr,,e out of his nose.
 YOU COULD
1-lAVE KILLED
-- 1-lIM! -

\i-Jell, ohce MoM vvt th<lt thov.9ht ih M<lhh/s

heQd J it WQS QII over.

See? \his is the reQSOh r keev My dist<lhce .fro,-,,

M<lhhy. f._very ti,-,,e r try to hQVe Q little .fvh

with hiM J r ehd Uf reBrettihB it.

r reMeMber wheh r WQS yovh.9er, Qhd MoM Qhd

PQd told MC r WQS Be+tihB Q little brother. r
WQS REALLY excited.

4o
After all those ears o.f .9ettih.9 voshed aroohd
h
y
Rodrick, r y
was de.fihitel
y
read
y
to l"'IOVe Of a
hotch oh +tie toteM vole.

,c�

�b-
Bot Mol"'I ahd Pad have always heeh SUPER
vrotective o.f Mahh , ahd the woh't let l"'le la a
y y y
.fih.9er oh hil"'I, eVeh i.f he totall
y
deserves it. _

Like the other day, 1 "'U'9'9ed ih ""; video 8arrie

systerri, ahd it wouldh't start. r Ofehed it Uf

ahd fouhd out that Mahh/ had stuffed a chocolate­
chif cookie ih the disc drive.

41
Ahd ot course MQhh/ used the SQl'V\e excuse he
AL'wAYS uses when he hreQks l'"t\/ stutt.

r reQlly WQhteJ to let MQhhy hQVe it, hot r

coolJh't Jo ah7thih,9 with Mo"" stahdih,9 ri,9ht there.

Mo"" SQiJ she would hQVe Q "tQlk" with MahhJ, ahd

they weht dowhstQirs. A
hQlt hour later ) the
1
cQMe hack Of to ""7 rooM, ahd MahhJ was holdih,9
Sot'Ylethih'9 ih his hahds.

I'M
so
r+ was a ball ot tihtoil with Q buhch ot too+h icks
f

stickih8 out ot it.

Poh't ask Me how that was suvvosed to r"lake uv

r
.for ,.,,y brokeh video .9a,-,,e sys+e,-,,. weht to
throw the s+ofid thih.9 away, bot Mo,-,, wooldh't
eVeh let ""e do T�AT.

YOUR BROTl-tER
MADE Tl-tAT
FOR YOU!

aa

-Tue tirst chahce r 8e+, +hat thih8's '90ih'9 ih the

r
trash. Because ,-,,ark ,.,,y words ) i.f doh·+ .9et rid
ot it,1'""'90hha ehd u sittih8 oh it.
f

43
t-Veh thou8h Mahh/ drives Me totally huts, there is
ONE reasoh r: like haVih8 hiM arouhd. \:..ver sihce
MQhh/ stQrted +Qlkih8, Rodrick has stovved Makih8
Me sell chocolate bars tor his school tuhd-raisers.
Ahd believe Me, 1'M 8rQtetul tor T�AT.

BEFORE ... UM ... �ELLO, NOT

SIR ... WOULD NTEREST
YOU LIKE
TO �ELP
SUPPORT ...

tM

NOW ... WOOD YOU �ow

WIKE SOME ECIO
C�OKWITS?

C'
Mohd<ly
MdJd,-.,e Letrere r+'\dde us write our tirst feh-vdl
letters tod<ly- r ,9
ot <1ssi,9hed to this kid h<l,.,,ed
MdMddoo Mohtfierre ) dhd 1 Buess he lives
SoMerlace ih frahce.

1 Khow 1',-., sovvosed to write ih frehch ahd

MaMadoo is SOf rosed to write ih \:-hBlish ) bot to
be hohest with yoo, writih,9 ih <l forei,9 n l<1h,9 0<1,9e
is vret-ty h"'rd.

So r re<1lly doh't see the heed tor both of OS to

stress out over this whole feh-fdl thih8· _

first ot dll J r thihK we should both just

write ih \:-h81ish to keev thih8S SiMfle.
- -

By the W<ly, re,.,,e,.,,ber how r S<lid r W<lS ,9

ohh<l
ehd Of si+tin,9 oh M<1nhy's sviky tih{oil b<1II thih,9?
'well ) 1WdS hdlt ri8ht.

45
Rowley C<U"le over toda to vla video 8al"'leS, ahd
y y
�E ehded u sittih8 oh it.
f

f',.,, actvall bhd of relieved, to he tiohest witti

y
ou. 1 lost track of ttiat ttiih8 a couvle of da s
y y
a8o, ahd f',.,, just $lad it fiMll turhed Vf·
y

p p

Ahd ih all ttie COl"'ll"'lOtioh, r ttirew Mahh 's

y
"8i+t" ih +he 8QrbQ8e. But SoMethih8 tells Me
MoM wouldh't hQVe s+orred Me this tiMe.

'vJedhesdat
Rodrick hQS Qh �h8lish Q er due toMorrow, Qhd
f f
Mo,.,,'s actuall Mabh8 ti;,.,, do it tii,.,,self for ohce.
y
Rodrick doesh't how tiow to tyve, so tie usuall
y
writes hisQ ers out oh hotebook Q er Qhd +heh
f f f f
hQhds +heM ott to PQd.

46
But wheh J)Qd reQds over Rodrick's work, he __
tihds all sorts ot tactual errors.

WELL, FOR STARTERS,

- - ABRA�AM LINCOLN
DIDN'T WRITE "TO KILL
A MOCKINGBIRD."

Rodrick doesh't reQII/ CQre Qbout the MiStQkes, so

he tells J)(ld to just .90 <the<td <lhd tyve the
fQfer like ;+ is. ____________

1
But J)Qd CQh t StQhd tyfih'9 Q fQver with errors
ih it, So he just rewrites Rodrick's fQver troM
scrQ+ch. Ahd +heh Q couvle dQ7s IQ+er, Rodrick_
hrih'9S his BrQded fQver hoMe Qhd QCtS like he did
it hiMselt.

47
\his hG\s heeh ,9oih,9 oh tor " tew ye" rs, "hd r
'9
uess MoM decided she's
'9
0ih'9 to vu+ ah ehd to
it. So tohi'9h+ she told Pad +hQ+ Rodrick was

'9
0ih'9 to have to do his OWN work this tiMe
Qrouhd, ahd that PQd WQSh't Qllowed to hel out.
v

Rodrick weht ih the coMfuter rooM at+er dihher,

G\hd yoo coold heG\r_hil"'I -tyfih,9 G\hoot ohe letter _
Q Mihute.

r coold tell the soohd of Rodrick +yvih,9 WG\S

driVih,9 P"d totG\ll hG\MhG\S. Oh tov of thd,
y
Rodrick would coMe out ot the COMfuter rooM
ever teh l"'lihotes G\hd G\Sk P"d Sol"'le dol"'lh �oestioh.
y

Wl-lERE'S Tl-IE
SPACE BAR
AGAIN?

48
After a couyile of hours, Pad fiMll cracked.
y

Pcld Wclited tor MoM to 80 to bed J Qhd +heh he

"7yied Rodrick's whole yiayier for hil"l. So J
,9uess this l"leahs Rodrick's s stel"l is safe, at
y
I eel st tor how. -------------

1 hclVe Q book revort due toMorrow J but 1',-.,

reel 11 hot sweQtih8 it.
1
1 touhd +he secret to doih'9 book revorts Q loh8
tiMe cl'90· 1've beeh Milkih8 +he SclMe book tor +he
yiast five ears: "Sherlock Sal"ll"ly Poes
y
rt A ,9
aih."
1here are ahoot twehty short stories ih
"Sherlock Sa,-,,,-,,y :Does rt A,9aih," hot r jost
treat each stor like it's a whole hook, ahd the
y
teQcher heVer hotices.

1hese Sherlock Sa,-,,,-,,y stories are all the sa,-,,e. _

Sorrie 8rowh-uf corrirriits Q crirrie, Qhd +heh
Sherlock Sa,-,,,-,,y fi ores it oot ahd ,-,,akes the _
,9

fersoh look s+ufid.

YOUR FIRST MISTAKE,

MR. BEASLEY, WAS
Wi-tEN YOU FORGOT TO
CONVERT CELSIUS TO
F Ai-tRENi-tEIT ! 0
0

1',-,.. kihd ot Qh e,cfert Qt writih8 book reforts

h how. All oo have to do is write e,cactl what
y y y
the teacher wahts to hear, ahd oo're all set. _
y

So
Man, Sherlock Sammy is
so smart, and I'll bet that's
cause he reads so many
books.

There were a bunch of

hard words in this book,
but I looked them up in
the dictionary so now I
know what they mean.

51
 OCTOBER
Mohday
\here WQS Q kid hQMed ChirQs GovtQ who WQS
ohe of r,iy triehds last year, hot he r,ioved away ih
Johe. 1-\is far,iily had a hi.9 .9oih.9 -away \'ar17, ahd
the Whole heishborhood CQMe. Bot r soess Chiras's
far,iily r,ivst have chah.9ed their r,iihd, because today
Chira� WQS bQck ih school. ________

£.ver ohe was ha\'\'Y to see Chira.9 a.9aih, bot a

y
coovle ot us decided to hQVe Q little tuh with hiM
before otticiall welcor,iih.9 hir,i hack.
y

YEAl-1 ••• I
WONDER
BOY, I SURE l-lOW l-lE'S l-lEY, GUYS!
DO MISS DOING? I'M RIGl-lT
Cl-lIRAG. l-lERE!

52
 NOPE ...
DID YOU MUST 1-tAVE
JUST 1-tEAR BEEN Tl-tE
SOMETl-tING? WIND!

,
•

At luhch ) Ctiirc\9 sat hex+ to r"le. 1 haJ ah

extra chocolate-chi? cookie ih "' luhch ha� ) ahd
r Made a h;'9 deal about it.
'/

I WISl-t C�IRAG WAS

1-tERE. O1-t, 1-tOW 1-tE
LOVED Cl-tOCOLATE­
Cl-tIP COOKIES. BUT I'M SITTING
RIGl-tT NEXT
TO YOU!

I'M NOT
EVEN Tl-tAT
1-tUNGRY ...
53
OK, so l"lt\ be tht\t ohe Wt\S t\ little cruel.
y

(GOBBLE GOBBLE
SMACK SMACK)
\

1 .9uess we'll vroht\bl

y
let Chirt\8 otf the hook
tort1orrow. But then <\9aih ) this 1nvisihle ChirQ8
+hih8 could +urn into the next "P. U."

\uesdt\y _ _ _ _ _ _ _
OK ) so the 1nvisihle ChirQ8 joke is still 8oin3 )
and +he Whole CLASS is ih oh it how. r don't
Wt\ht to .5e+ too .ft\r t\het\J of Myself or t\h,Ythih.5,
hut 1 think 1 Mi8h+ hQVe Class Clowh ih the
ha8 tor dreQt'Y\ih8 this ohe Uf· _______

1n Science ) the teQcher Qsked ,...,e to count the

hut'Y\her o.f kids ih the classroot'Y\ so She'd Khow
how l"lt\h ft\irs o.f St\fe+y .90.9.9les to .9e+ out of
y
+he closet.

54
So r ,-.,QJe Q bi-9 show of coohtih-9 everxohe ih
the roo,-., C)(cev+ ChirQ8·

... 33 ... 34!

T�ERE ARE 34 -
PEOPLE IN
T�IS CLASS.

vJell J +hat REALLY set ChirQ8 ott. r\e 80+ uf

<lhd st!lrteJ yellih-9, <lhd it WQS reQlly hQrJ to
s+Qre strQi'9 h+ QheQd Qhd QCt like he wasn't there.

I ... AM .•. A •..

l-lUMAN ...
BEING ...TOO!

55
I wanted to tell him that we never said he wasn't
a human being, it's just that he's an invisible
human being. But I managed to keep my mouth shut.

Before you go and say I'm a bad friend for teasing

Chirag, let me just say this in my own defense:
I'm smaller than about 95% of the kids at my
school, so when it comes to finding someone I can
actually pick on, my options are pretty limited.

And besides, I'm not 100% to blame for dreaming

up this idea. Believe it or not, I got the idea
from Mom. This one time when I was a kid, I
was playing under the kitchen table, and Mom
came looking for me.

56
r doh t Khow Wt\Qt MQde Me do it
J
) bu+ r decided
to v'ay a joke oh Mo,.,, ahd stay hiddeh.

Mo,.,, weht all arouhd the house callih-9 ,...,Y ha,...,e.

r thihk she ,...,ust have {iMlly seeh ,...,e uhder the
J
kitcheh - +Qble ) bu+ She still vretehded She didh t_
Khow Where r WQS.
POOR GREGORY, ALL
ALONE IN Tl-tE SNOW.
Ol-t, BOO l-tOO l-1OO.

---------
r thou-9ht it was vretty {uhhy J ahd vrohahly r
would've stayed hiddeh uhder there for a little
while ,.,,ore. But Mo,.,, {iMlly -9ot ,...,e to crack wheh
she said she was -9ohha -9ive ,...,Y -9u,...,-hall ,...,achihe _
to Rodrick.

57
So i.f you waht to f oiht .fih8ers oh the 1hvisible
Chira8 joke, how you khow who's really to bla,-.,e.

• •

II • I
'•
� q ;t0

-....;;;:::'
I I
---r-

11wrsday
\r.Jell, yesterday, Chira8 vretty r,,uch 8ave Uf oh
+ryih8 to 8e+ ahyohe ih our class to talk to hi,-.,.
Bu+ today he .fouhd our weahess.

ROWLEY, NOPE! I
ooYOU CAN'T EVEN
l-tEAR YOU
Tl-UNK I
EXIST? OR SEE YOU!

58
r for,9ot ALL aboot Rowley- vJheh the joke
first started op, 1 ,.,,ade sore to keep hi,., away
fro,., Chira,9, becaose r had a feelih,9 Rowley
would blow the joke.

Bot r ,9oess r kihd of ,9ot too cocky ahd let ,.,,y

8uQrd down.

Chira,9 started workih,9 oh Rowley at lohch, ahd he

cal"le really dose to ,9et+ih,9 hi,., to crack.

IF YOU SAY I
EXIST, Tl-US
CORN DOG IS
YOURS!

--
r coold tell Rowley was aboot to say Sol"lethih,9,
---

so r had to ad �oick. r told everyohe there

WQS Q +loQtin8 corn do8 h0Verin3 Qbove our lunch
tQble, Qnd_then r "lucked it oot ot _the Qir Qnd -­
Qte it ih two bites.
So thahks to ,.... 1uick thihbh.9, we were able to
Y
keev +he joke '90ih'9·

(GOBBLE, SMACK.)
NOT AS GOOD AS
Tl-tE REGULAR
KIND I Tl-tOUGl-t.

'

But +hQ+ REALLY MQde ChirQ'9 MQd. \-\e s+Qrted

fUhchih.9 ,....y ar,...., but of course r had to yretehd
like r didh't hotice.
Ahd let ,....e tell you, that wash't easy to do.
ChirQ8 l"'li'9ht he St"'lQll, hut thQ+ k;J CQh reall fuhch.
1
IS Tl-tERE A FLEA BREATl-tING
ON ME? BECAUSE IT FEELS
LIKE A TINY LITTLE FLEA IS
BREATl-tING ON ME.

- .u. ....

lf§§fl,
60
friday
'vJell., r Buess Chira8 Must haVe COMflained to a
teacher about 1 little joke.,
rri 1 1 80t
because toda
called down to the troht ottice.

\t.Jhehr .90+ to Vic.e Prihc.ival Roy's rooM, he was

vretry' ,-.,aJ. 1-\e hew all about how r started the
joke ., Qhd he 8ave rrie a sveech about "resvect" _
ahd "dec.ehc.y" ahd all that.

But luc.bly, Mr. Roy .90+ ohe c.ruc.ial -Fae.+ wroh.9,

ahd that was the idehti+y of the versoh we
were vlayih.9 the joke oh. So that ,-.,ade the
avolo.9y var+ a whole lot easier.

I AM DEEPLY SORRY,
AND NOW I DO
INDEED ADMIT T�AT
YOU EXIST, S�ARIF.
?•

--- - -

61
Mr. Roy see,...ieJ yre� satisfied with "'Y ayolo,9y,
ahd he let l"le ,90 without el/eh tackih,9 oh ah/
detehtioh.

f've always heard that wheh Mr. Roy is Johe

chewih'9 Q kid out, he sehds +hel"'l ott with Q vQ+
oh +he hQck Qhd Q lollivov- Ahd how r CQh tell
you firsthahd that it's true. _______

Saturda{
Rowley's birthday yarty is tol"lorrow, so Mo"'
took f"tle to +he f'YlQII to '9e+ hil"'l Q '9it+. 1 ricked
out this cool video '9Ql"'le +hQ+ just CQl"'le out, Qhd r
hahdeJ it to Mo"' so she could yay for it. But Mo"'
said r had to buy it with "'Y OWN l"lohey.
62
1 told Mor,, thG\t .first o.f G\11, 1 hG\Ve z.ero Mohey­

And second o.f G\11, i{ 1 DID hG\Ve G\hy Money, 1

wouldh't he WQStih'9 it oh ROWLEY. _____ __ _

Mor,, didn't seer,, too hG\f?Y with whd SG\id, r

but it's hot MY .fG\ult r,.,,
broke. r
G\duG\lly hG\d
job this SUMMer J hut the veovle r worked tor
r didn't eG\rh G\ sin-9le venny-
Q

stiUed r,,e, So

vJe hQVe these hei'9hhors hQMed the fullers who

live G\ .few doors uv, G\hd they -9
0 G\WG\Y oh VG\cG\tioh

1
ever suMrrier.

'\hey usuG\lly leG\Ve their do-9, Princess, ih the

kennel, but this yeG\r, they told r,,e they'd fG\Y r,,e
.five bucks G\ dG\y to .feed Princess G\hd tG\ke her
out. r .fi-9ured 1'd eG\rh ehou-9h to buy G\ whole
file o.f video -9
G\r,,es with thG\t kind o.f r,,oney-

63
Bot r .911ess Prihcess is .911h-shy aboot .9oih.9 to
the hQ+hrooM ih troht ot strQhsers, so r
ehded Uf Sfehdihs Q lot ot tiMe stQhdih8
Qrouhd ih the hot Suh WQitihs tor _this duMh dos
to horry Of ahd .9
0.

COM 'O'
-
,
/
I
I
'
-
,.,.

1111111
1111111
M.

1'd WQit Qhd WQit Qhd hothihs would hQffeh,

Qhd +heh 1'd just +Qke l'rihcess hQck ihside.

But EVERY tiMe 1'd leQVe, l'rihcess would MQke Q

bi.9 Mess ih the .foyer, ahd r'd have to cleah it Of
the he)(+ day- \oward the ehd o.f the SliMMer r
30+ SMQrt Qhd reQliz.ed it would he Q whole lot
easier to just cleah Of all ot l'rihcess's Messes at
ohce ihstead o.f doih.9 it every sih.9le day-

64
So r ted \)er Qhd let her do her business oh +he
foyer floor for about two weeks.

'iheh, the day before the Fullers were due back,

r headed Uf the hill with all r-iy cleahih,9 SUfflies.

But '9uess WhQ+? \he fullers cut their trif Short

ahd ,9ot hor-ie a day EARLY.

'

- c;:::::, -

1 8uess they didh't khow it's volite to CQII Qt\eQd

Qhd let veovle khow wheh your v'QhS t\QVe Ct\Qh8ed.

65
\ohi'9h+, MoM CQlled Q house Meetih'9 with Me Qhd
Rodrick. She SQid +hQ+ the two ot us Qre QIWQ/S
COMflaihih'9 +hQ+ we doh'+ hQVe Qh Mohe , so she
/ /
CQMe Uf with Q WQ/ tor us to eQrh SoMe CQSh.

\heh she vulled out So,..,e flQy ,..,ohey she ,..,ust've -

du'9 Uf out ot a hoQrd '9Qf'\'\e, ahd She CQlled the
,..,ohey "Mo,.., Bucks." Mo,.., SQid we could eQrh Mo,..,
Bucks by doih5 chores Qhd .9ood deeds Qhd stut.f
like +hat, ahd we could trade +hel'"'l ih tor
REAL ,..,ohey.

Mo,..., hQhded us $1,000 eQch to '9et us s+Qrted.

r thou'9h+ r hQd struck it rich. But +heh she
e)(vlQihed thQt eQch Mo,.., Buck WQS ohly worth Q
vehhy of REAL ,..,ohey-

Mo,..., told us how we should SQVe Uf our Mo,..., Bucks,

Qhd if we were fdieht, we could buy so,..,ethih.9 we
reQlly WQhted.

66
But Rodrick cashed ih his whole stash betore Mo""
was eVeh dohe talkih8·

1heh he weht dowh to the cohVehiehce store ahd

blew his rriohey oh sorrie heavy-rrietal rria,9az.ihes. _

r .f Rodrick wahts to waste his rriohey like that,

he cah 80 ri8h+ ahead. But f'""
'90hha be Srrlart
with MY Mo"" Bucks.

Sohday
loday was Rowley's birthday varty J ahd he had it
at +he f"lall. 1'1"'\
sure r
would haVe +hou8h+ it was
a lot o.f .foh i.f r was about seVeh years old.

67
'That was the avera.9e a.9e o.f the kids at Rowley's
\'arty. Rowley ihVited his whole karate teal"I, ahd
l"IOSt o.f those kids are still ih elel"lehtary school. r
just wish r would have khowh what the "arty
WQS '90hhQ be like so r could hQVe skiffed it.
\r-.le started ot.f flayih.9 these dofey \'arty
.9al"leS like Pih the \ail oh the Pohkey ahd __
stot.f like that. 'The last .9a""e we flayed was
\-\ide-ahd-Seek.

My flah was to just hide ih the hall fit ahd stay

there ohtil the \'arty was over. Bot Sol"le ___
OT�ER kid was already ih there.

rt torhed out this kid wash't .frol"I Rowley's

\'arty. 1-\e was .fro"" the LAST birthday \'arty
+hat haffehed ah hour earlier.

68
1 8uess he rtlUSt hQVe hid ih there durih8 \-\ide­
ahd-Seek, ahd hohody ever FOUND hir,i,

So Rowle,'s vQrty hQd to he vu+ oh hold While

the s+Qtf tried to trQck dowh this kid's vQrehts.

After +hQ+ situQtioh 80+ cleQred Uf, we hQd cQke

ahd wdched Rowle oveh his .ffts. \-le Mostly
y
.9ot Q hvhch o.f kids' toys, hvt he seer,ieJ vretty
hany ahovt it.

••
' ''
//I\

� g_ . ·.
· ct.
\heh Rowley's varehts .9ave hil"l their vreseht.
Ahd $uess WhQ+? r+ WQS Q DIARY.

r+ kihd ot ticked l'YlC ott ) becQuSe r Khew

Rowle asked his varehts -For a diar so he could
y y
he just like r,ie. After Rowle ovehed his vreseht _
y
he SQid:

WE CAN CALL
OURSELVES Tl-IE
"DIARY TWINS"!

r let hil"l khow eJ<actl what r thou.9ht o-F that

idea b
y
y
slu.9.9ih.9 hil"l ih the arr,i. Ahd r reall
y
doh't care that it was his birthda , either. __
y

------

70
Ohe thih,9 1 will sc,,y, thou,9h. 1 used to be ,,,c,,d
Qt Mo,.-., tor 8e+tih8 ,.-.,e Q jourhQI +tiQ+ looked too
,9irly- But c,,fter seeih,9 Rowley's dic,,ry, r,,, hot
so ,,,c,,d c,,hy l"'IOre.

Lc,,tely, Rowley hc,,s beeh TOTALLY ridih,9 !"'le,

He reQds +tie SQMe COMic books r
reQd J Jrihks
the SC,,l"'le bhd of sodc,, r drihk, you Ml"'le it.
Mo,,, s"'ys 1
should be "tlc,,ttered," but to be
hohest with you, it's totc,,lly creefih,9 !"'le out.

A couvle dc,,ys "-,90 1 r did C,,h e,cveril"'leht to see

just how fc,,r Rowley would ,90.

71
r rolled Of ohe o.f ,..,t f Qht le.9s Qhd tied Q bQhdQhhQ
Qroohd rr,y Qhkle Qhd weht to school thQt WQy,

Sore ehoo.9h, the heJ<t dQy Rowley cQrr,e to school

weQrih'9 the SQF'Y\e exQct thih'9·

Ahd th�t's how r ehded llf ih Vice Prihciv�'

Roy's ot.fice .for the secohd tirr,e ih Q week. __

Tl-tERE ARE SOME

Tl-tUGS OUTSIDE MY
1-tOUSE SPORTING
"GANG COLORS."

7 7

MohdQ7
r thov'9ht r WQS totQll ih the cleQr tor the -
y
!hvisible CtiirQ-9 ttiih-9. 'Bo+, hoy, WQS r wroh-9.

72
\ohi ht, Mo""
'9 '9
ot Q CQII tro"" ChirQ 's
'9
DAD.
Mr. GuvtQ told Mort\ QII Qbout the vrQhK we
were vlQ ih.9 oh his Soh, Qhd how
y
r WQS the
rih'9leQder. _ _ ______

'wheh Mort\ �uestiohed r"\e ) r told her r didh't_

eVeh Khow WhQt ChirQ 's dQd WQS tQIKih'9 Qbout.
'9

'Tueh Mor-i l"l<lrched r-ie Of to Rowley's hoose to

heQr whQt �E hQd to SQY,

Locbl , r WQS y,rey,Qred .for this bhd o.f thih.9.

r y
hQd QlreQd
y
drilled Rowle
y
oh whd to do i.f
we ever ot busted, Qhd thQt it we both just
'9

dehied ever thih.9, we'd he OK.

y

73
But the secohd MoM started askih8 Rowley
�uestiohs J he broke dowh.

So atter our visit to Rowley's house J MoM drove

Me over to Chira8's to avolo8iz.e. Ahd let Me tell _
you J T�AT wash't a whole lot ot tuh.

Mr. Gvvta didh't seeM too iMfressed with My

avolo8y J but believe it or hot J Chira8 was actually
vretty cool about it.

74
After 1 avolo8iz.ed, Chira8 ihVited Me ihside to
vla7 video 8aMeS. r
thihk he was so relieved to

1
tihall have ohe ot his daSSMates talkih8 to hiM
a8aih +hat he just decided to tor8ive Me tor_ the
whole ihcideht.

\uesdat
t--Veh thou8h Chira8 let Me ott the hook last
hi'9ht, MoM wash't dohe with Me
1e+.
She wash'+_ reall
1 that Mad about the joke or how
1 treated Chira8· She was just Mad that 1
LIED about it.

So MoM told Me she'll 8rouhd Me tor a MONTl--l

1
it she catches Me 1 ih8 a8aih.

75
Ahd thQt r"\eQhS r:
better WQtth ""''/ stev J
bec:Quse Mo,-..,'s hot 8ohhQ tor8et whQ+ she SQid.
v-lheh it cor,ies to r,iy screwuvs, Mor,i has Q r,ier,iory
like Qh elevhQht. - --

TI-IAT'S Tl-IE SECOND

TIME YOU TRACKED
MUD INTO Tl-IE
KITCI-IEN!

(FIRST TIME: SIX YEARS AGO)

LQst
'/
eQr Mori, cau8h+ ,-..,e l ih'91 ahd
'/
r vaid the
vrice tor it.

Mo"' MQde a '9ih'9erbread house a week betore

ChristMQS J Qhd she vu+ it oh +ov ot the
1
retri8erQtor. She SQid hobod WQS Qllowed to
touch it uhtil Christ,-..,QS Sve dihher.

76
But r
couldh't helv r,,/sel.f. So ever/ hi'9h+ J 1'd _
sheQk dowhstairs Qhd fick o.f.f a little fiece o.f the

'9
ih'9erbreQd house. r
tried to ohl/ eQ+ Q tih
/
fiece eQch tit"le so Mo,.,, wouldh't hotice.

I II

r + WQS reQII/ hQrd to li,.,,it r,,/sel.f to ohe '9

UMdror
or ohe little cru,.,,b o.f '9
ih'9erbreQd eQch hi'9h+ J bu+ __
1 MQhQ8ed to do it Qh/WQ/.

77
r didh't khow how l"'lUCh r hQd QC.tuQlly eQteh uhtil
Mo'"" took it dowh ott the tridBe oh Christl"'lQS �Ve.

- -
-
- Cc§>
•.. . ·•• . .

"'1heh Mol"'l QC.C.used l"'le ot eQtihB QII the C.Qhdy J r

dehied it. But r wish r
just fessed Uf ri'9 ht QWQ J
/
hecQuse thQt tih totQII/ hQc.ktired oh l"'le.

Mol"'l hQd just Bo+teh hired to write Q vQrehtihB

colul"'lh tor the locQI heWSfQver J Qhd She WQS QIWQ/S
loobh.9 for Material. So that ihcideht vre-tty l"IUch
l"'lQde l"'le ihto Q locQI celebrity.

When your child

is being deceptive
Susan The weeks leading up to Christmas
Heffley can be a source of stress for a child
- ---- and can harbor unforeseen temp­
tations. My son Gregory found that

78
You khow, how +tiQ+ r +tiihk Qbovt it, MoM ish't
e><Qc:+ly s�ueQky deQh wheh it c:oMes to beih8
hohest �ERSELF. �----------

----- ----

r: reMeMber Wheh r: WQS Q kid, Qhd She touhd out

r: wash'+ brushihB MY teeth every hi ti+. Stie .faked
'9

Q CQII to +tie dehtist's ottic:e. Ahd +tiQt tQII is +tie

reQSOh why r still brush My teeth tour tiMeS Q dQy.

DR. KRATZ, DO YOU �AVE

DENTURES FOR LITTLE
BO YS? O�, ONLY WOODEN
ONES? I GUESS Tl-lAT WILL
�AVE TO DO, T�EN.

fridQ
1
'v-Jell, it's beeh three dQys Qhd J:'ve kev+ My vroMiSe
to MoM. r:'ve beeh 100% hohest the Whole tiMe,
Qhd believe it or hot, it's hot +hQ+ hQrd.
rh fQC.t, it's Kihd ot liberQtih8· 1've beeh ih Q
couvle of situatiohs alread where r was a lot

l"'lore hohest thah r y

would haVe beeh Q week Q80·

for e)(al"'lvle, the other da

y
r had a cohVersatioh
with this hei8hborhood kid hQl"'led ShQWh ShellQ. _

Tl-lINK AGAIN, Sl-lAWN!

NEITl-lER ONE OF YOUR
Wl-\EN I GROW UP, PARENTS IS TALLER
I'M GONNA BE A Tl-lAN FIVE-FOOT-TWO,
PROFESSIONAL AND YOU'RE Tl-\E ONLY
BASKETBALL 2OO-POUND SIX-YEAR-
PLAYER! OLD I KNOW!

--- ---

80
Ahd esterda , Rowley's {a,...il had a birthda
y y y y
varty tor his ,9rahdtather.

NEXT YEAR, T�AT IS IF

I WANT A YOU'RE
C�OCOLATE ALIVE
CAKE!- NEXT YEAR!

�EV, I'M JUST

TRYING TO BE
REALISTIC!
'

Most veovle doh'+ seel'Yl to Qvvrec:iQte Q versoh QS

hohest QS l'Yle. So doh't QSK l'Yle how Geor�e
V'lQShih'9toh ever '90t to be vresideht. ___

81
�
\odi1y r <1hswered the vhohe, i1hd it W<1S Mrs.
GillMah troM +he PTA J lookih8 tor Mo,-.,. ! tried
to hQhd her the fhohe J hut She Whisvered tor Me
to tell Mrs. GillMQh +hat she wash'+ hoMe.

r couldh't tell it Mo,-., WQS +ryih'9 to trick ,-.,e

ihto lyih.9 or W�AT, bot there W<1S ho wi1y r_
wi1s .9oih.9 to brei1k ,.,.,Y hohes-ty strei1k over
so,-.,ethih8 QS du,-.,h as Tl--lIS.

So r MQde Mo,-., 80 out oh the troht vorch betore

r SQid a word to Mrs. GillMah.

MY MOTl-tER IS
NOT INSIDE
Tl-IE l-tOUSE
RIGl-tT NOW.

82
And tror,\ the look Mo'"" 8QVe r,\e when she CQMe bQck
in the house, 1 kind ot 8e+ +he teelin8 she's hot
8ohha hold l"'\e to that hohesry vled8e ah7l"'lore.

Mohdax
\oda7 was Career Pa7 at school. _1he7 have _
Career Pay ever7 rar to 8et OS kids to start
thihkin8 Qbout our -Future. __

1he7 broo8ht ih a bohch o.f adolts who had all

these dittereht jobs. r
think the ideQ is +hQ+ us
kids will tind out Qhout Q job we like, Qnd +heh
we'll know whQ+ we WQnt to he when we 8row uv.

Bot what REALLy havvehs

is that 700 jost
tind out which jobs to rule out.

Electrical
AND T�AT'S
Enj�neer W�Y I LOVE- ---
BEING AN
ForP\ulctte Concert'
of' Operations �:----..
ELECTRICAL
.,. ENGINEER!
J,
\.lrtff Plcans Cll'\d
Proced�s
J,
_ Inte3rate Pia
and-Proced

83
After the vresehtQtiohS J we hQJ to till out
these �uestiohhQires. 'The tirst �uestioh WQS J
"v-Jhere do
1ou see
1oursel.f ih titteeh
1eQrs?"
1 khow EXACTLY where 1'11 be ih .fi.fteeh years:
ih ""Y vool) Qt-""Y rr,QhSioh) couhtih'9 ""Y Mohey. But
there wereh't ahy check boJ<es .forTI-IAT oytioh.

Jim®-

� =:II"-��

'The �uestiohhQires Qre SUf vosed to vredict WhQ+

Kihd ot job
1ou're BoihB to hQVe wheh 1ou Brow
Uf · "'1heh r WQS tihiShed J r looked Uf M'/ job oh
the ChQrt J Qhd r Bot "Clerk. n

\iJell, there ,-.,ost be so,-.,ethih.9 wroh.9 with the way

they set these .for,-.,s oy or so,-.,ethih.9, becaose 1
doh't khow ahy clerks who are billiohaires.

84
Sol"le other kids were uhhavvy with the jobs
the ehded I.if with, too. But the teacher said
y
we shouldh't take these thih-9s too seriousl ,
y

tellih-9 that to £..dward Mealey- Last

\r-Jell, tr
y

year, he -9ot "Sahitatioh \r-Jorker" oh his job _

chQrt, Qhd the teQchers hQVe beeh treQtih8 hi,...,
J;f.{ereht ever sihce. _ __

EDWARD, COULD
YOU PLEASE
CLEAN UP T�IS
JUICE SPILL?

Rowley 80+ "Nurse" oh his job chQr+, Qhd he

seel"\ed vretty havv
y
about it. A COi.if ie o.f -9irls
-9ot Nurse, too, ahd the were chattih-9 awa
y y
with Rowle a.fter class.
y

85
NeJ<t year rhave to re,-.,e,-.,ber to sit heJ<t to
Rowley ahd c.ovy his job .for,-., so r
c.ah .9et ih oh
SoMe ot +hat QCtioh.

///\,�

·u
:ti

Saturday
Me Qhd Rodrick were just sittih8 Qrouhd the
house today, so Mo,-., seht us over to Gra,-.,,-.,a's to
rQke her leaves. _ _

Mo,-., said she'd vay us $100 ih Mo,-., Bucks .for

eQch ha8 we tilled. Plus ) GraMMa said she'd 8ive us
hot chocolate Qfter we were tihished.

r really didh� .feel like worbh.9 oh a Saturday}

hut r heeded the cash. Besides Gral"'\Ma Makes
)

really aweso,-.,e hot c.hoc.olate. So we .9ot so,-.,e

rQkes Qhd rlQstic ha8S troM our 8QrQ8e ahd
headed dowh to GraMMa's house.

86
r took ohe side of the y,�rd, ahd Rodrick took
+he other. But teh rtlihutes ihto +he job J

Rodrick CQrtle over Qhd told rtle r: WQS doih'9

everythih-9 all wroh-9,

-
�'Nt,,

,cs
�
-f>..

Rodrick said r was vuttih-9 'wAy too r-iahy leaves

ih eQch hQ'9J Qhd +hQ+ it r just tied the bQ'9 closer
to +he ho+to,.., J r: could '9e+ dohe Q lot �uicker.

V.

87
See, how this is the kind o.f advice you're
SUPPOSED to ,9et .fro,.,. your older brother.

After Rodrick Showed Me +ha+ trick J we weht __ _

throu,9h ba,9s like nobody's business. 1n .fad, we
rah out ih halt Qh hour.

Gra,.,.,.,.a didn't see,.,. too havvy about .forbn,9 over

+he ho+ chocolate wheh we caMe ihside. But like
they say, a deal's a deal.

Monday
E.ver since Career Pay, Rowley has been svendin,9
luhch with Q buhch ot Birls Who sit Qt +he corher
+Qble ih the CQteteria. r Buess the Brouv ot theM
is like +he fu+ure Nurses ot AMericQ or SoMethihB·

88
Poh't ask r,ie W�AT they talk about over there.
\he just whisver ahd .9i�le like a buhch of
y
first-Braders.

All r cah sa
y
is, the
y
better hot be talbh.9
about ME.

You rerrierriber how r said Rodrick is the ohl

y
ohe
who khows about that reall eMbarrassih.9 thih.9
y
+hat ha ehed to rrie over the surrirrier? 'vJell,
ff

Rowle khows the SECOND r,iost eMbarrassih.9

y
+hihB +ha+ ever ha
ff
ehed to rrie, ahd r reall
y
doh't heed hirri di ih'9 it back U ·
8$ f

Back ih fifth Brade, we hQd Q vroject ih S ahish

f
where we had to do a skit ih froht of the class,
ahd M varther was Rowle -
y 7
\.Je had to do the whole skit ih Svahish. Rowley
asked ,-.,e what r
woold do tor a cahdy bar, ahd
r said r'd stahd oh ""7 head.
Bot Wheh r tried to do Q heQdStQhd r tiy,y,ed )

over, ahd ""7 rear ehd weht ri ,9

ht throo,9h the wall.

ESTARIO
PARADO
EN MI
AY-AY-AY!

'vJel I ) +he school heVer bothered to ti)( +he hole ) so

for the rest of ""7 ti,-.,e ih ele,-.,ehtary school, ""7
bott-vriht was oh disvlay ih Mrs. Gohz.ales's rool"'I.

Ahd j.{ Rowley's svreadih,9 that story aroohd )

believe Me 1'M '90hhQ tell the Whole world Who Q+e
+he Cheese.
'wedhesdQ
lodQy
j
r reQliz.ed thd i.f r WQhted to khow whQt
Rowley ahd those irls are talkih about Qt luhch,
'9 '9

QII 1 hQVe to do is reQd his DIARY. 1'1l bet he's

writih.9 dowh QII sorts o.f juicy .9ossiv ih thd thih.9.

'Th
e vrohleM is, Rowley's diQry is LOCKED. So eVeh
i.f r .90+ Qhold o.f it, r wouldh't hQVe o.hy wo.y to
Ofeh it. But +heh r All r
+hou h+ ot Sof"'lethih'9 -
'9

hQd to do WQS huy the SQMe e,cQd diQry I-IE hQs,

Qhd +heh 1'd hQVe Q key-

So r weht to the bookstore tohi h+ Qhd 0t

r
'9 '9

the IQSt ohe oh the shelf. just hove huyih.9

this thih'9 WQS worth it, becQUSe r had to CQSh

ih hQl.f o.f My MoM Bucks to \'QY .for it. Ahd r

doh't thihk PQd WQS too thrilled with the ideQ ot

Me huyih.9 Q Sweet Secrets PiQry, either. ___

\hursdQ
y
After Phys t-d todQy) r SQW thd Rowley
QccidehtQlly le.ft his diQry oh the hehch. So wheh
the COQSt WQS cleQr,_ r used ,...'/. hew key oh his
diQry, Qhd sure ehou.9h, it worked.

---

0 0 0
 Om-&-�'T�
���

- �
� r JWlw_, � �
c#t��Jww-
kl:A&t-�
)/Tl��--- - --

r +liy,ved +hroush +he rest o+ +he book to see it

r,, y har,,e w11s ih there 11h where, hut it w11s just
y
y,ase Q+ter y,Qse ot this sarhase.

After seeih-9 wh11t's -9oih-9 oh ih Rowley's he11d,

r,.,kihd of st11rtih-9 to wohder wh eVeh
y
r,.,
triehds with hir"'l ih +he tirst y,lace.

S11turd11
7
'\hih-9s 11t hor,,e h11ve heeh re11ll -9ood for 11hout 11
y
week. Rodrick hQs the tlu, so he doesh't haVe
the ehers to bother r,,e. Ahd M11hh h11s heeh
y y
11t Gr11r,,r,,11's, so 't've h11d the 1V 1111 to r,,yself.
YesterdQy, Mol"l Qhd PQd l"lQde Q sorvrise
QhhoohceMeht. 'They SQid they were oih.9 QWQY
.9

.for +he hi h+, Qhd +ha+ ,...,e and Rodrick were in

'9

chQr8e ot the house._ _ _ __ _

'ThQ+ WQS Sol"le vretty hi hews, hecQoSe Mol"l Qhd

.9

Pad haVe NEVER let+ ,...,e Qhd Rodrick oh our

own be.fore.

r thihk they've QIWQys heeh QfrQid thQt if they

0 QWQY, Rodrick is ohM hQVe Q ho e f"r+y
.9 .9 .9

and trash the house.

Bot with Rodrick khocked oot with the -Ao, they

l'"'lust've seen their bi8 chQhce. So Qfter Mol'"'l 8ave

" u
l Ql)Out
uS a Sfeecn L LI i n ah J trust n ah d
reSfOhSivi +y
QII thQt, th took off
ey
\he SECOND Mol'Yl Qhd PQd WQlked oot +he
door ) Rodrick jot'Ylfed Of ott ot +he couch Qhd

f icked Vf the
f hohe. \heh he called ever
y
.friehd
he hew ahd told thel"'I he was havih,9 a var-ty, -

· ·········· · ·. . · cQ
.............
•• I

1 thoo8ht Qhoot CQllih8 Mol'Yl Qhd PQd to tell

+hel'Yl whQ+ Rodrick WQS Of to J hot 1've heVer
actuall BEEN to a hi h school var-ty be-Fore, so
r r
y ,9

WQS corioos. decided to jost keef l'Yly l'YlOOth

Shot Qhd SoQk it QII ih.

Rodrick told t'Y\e to $et Sol'Yle toldih8 tQbles oot ot

+he bQSet'Yleht Qhd hrih8 Q COOfle ot hQ8S ot ice oo+
ot the dowhstQirs treez.er. Rodrick's triehds s+Qrted

to show Vf arovhd 7:00, ahd before 7011 hew it, __

+here were CQrS fQrked Of Qhd dowh +he street.
\he tirst versoh to WQlk throu8h the door WQS
"Rodrick's triehd v4ard. A buhch More veofle
stQrted StiowihB Uf Qfter thQt, ahd "Rodrick told
,...,e we were BohhQ heed ,...,ore tQbles. So 1 weht
dowhstQirs to 8et -the,...,.

But QS sooh QS r: stevfed toot ih the bQSel"'\eht

r
J

heQrd -the door lock behihd l"'\e. ------

r vouhded oh the door J bu+ "Rodrick just

crQhked Uf the 1"1usic to drowh Me out. So 1 WQS
stuck dowh there.

MQh, 1 should've khowh "Rodrick would 80 Qhd

vull Sort\ethi\'\9 like thQ+.

'16
r ,3uess it was y,retty dul"lh of l"le to thihk
Rodrick WQS 0hhQ let Me ih oh +he Qctioh.
'9

rt souhded like it was a y,retty wild y,arty. r

+hihk SoMe GIRLS eVeh showed Uf Qt ohe
fOiht, hut r couldh't he too sure J hecQUSe it WQS
hQrd to keev trQck ot whQ+ WQS '90ih'9 oh troM
just lo0Kih'9 Qt +he hottoMS of veovle's shoes. _

\he y,ar-ty was still ,3oih,3 stroh-3 at 2:00 A.M.,

hut +hQt's Wheh :t 8QVe Uf- :t Sfeht +he hi '9
h+ oh
ohe of +he SfQre beds ih +he hQseMeht, eVeh
thou,3h there were ho hlahkets oh it. r y,ractically
troz.e to deQ+h, hut there WQS ho WAy r WQS

8ohhQ use Q hlQhke+ troM Rodrick's bed.

So,-.iehod ,-.iust've uhlocked the hase,-.ieht door
y
0Verhi'9h+ J beccUJSe wheh r woke Uf this Morhih8 J it
WQS Ofeh. Ahd wheh r WQlked u s+Qirs J it looked
v

like a torMdo had touched dowh ih the fa,-.iil roo,-.i.

y

\he IQst of Rodrick's friehds WQsh't 8ohe uhtil _

3:00 ih the afternooh. Ahd ohce ever ohe left,
Rodrick told Me r t\Qd to hel
v
y
hiM cleQh Uf- ---

ro

r told Rodrick he WQS out of his Mihd if he

thou8h+ 1 WQS hel v
ih'9- But +heh Rodrick SQid
+hat i.f he -90+. busted .for_ the varty, he was _
+Qkih8 ME dowh with hiM.
He said it r didh't he Iv hirri c.leah Uf +tie rriess,
he would tell all "'t triehds about +tie +tiih8 that
haffehed to rrie this surrirrier.

r couldh't believe Rodrick would vla7 dirty like

+tia+. But r could tell he was serious, So just r
80+ to work.

0 i

Morri ahd Pad were SUfvosed to he back b7

7:00, ahd we still had a TON of work to do.

r + wash'+ easy to erase all the evidehce of the

var+y, because 'Rodrick's triehds had let+ trQSh ih
all these craz.y ylaces. At ohe yoiht, wheh r
weht to rriake rri sel.f a bowl of cereal, a hal.f-eateh
1
fiece o.f V iz.z.a .fell out o.f the ho,c.
B 6:45, we hQd thih,9s fre++y well wrQffed
y
u". r weht tJfStQirs to tQke Q shower ) Qhd
thQt's wheh 1 SQW the rtleSSQ8e wri+teh oh the
ihside ot the bQthroof"'l door. _ _ ____

1 tried scrubbih8 the writihs ott with SOQf Qhd _

WQter, but whoever wrote thQt thih'9 f"'lust've used Q
ferf"'lQheht f"'lQrker.

MoM Qhd J)Qd were ,9ohhQ he hoMe Qh Mihute, so

y
1 thou8ht we were doortled. But .:+heh Rodrick
hQd Q '9ehios ideQ. r\e SQid we could switch the
door out Qhd REPLACE it with Q closet door
trof"'l the bQSertleht.

So we 8ot Sortle screwdrivers Qhd weht to work.

100
'We fiMlly r,,�h�.9eJ to .9et the door oft its
hih'9es J Qhd +heh we CQrried_it dowhstQirs. ___

\heh we 80+ the closet door -Fro,..,. Rodrick's root"'\

ih the bQSet"'leht Qhd brou8h+ it UPSTAIRS.

101
vJe f"'\Qde it with ho tif"'le to svare. Mof"'l Qhd
Pad's car rolled ihto the driveway ri,9h+ wheh we
were ti'9 htehih'9 the IQst screw.

You could tell they were vretty relieved the house

hadh':t_ burhed dowh while they were away, __

r 1
doh t thihk we're totally out o.f the woods just

yet. Because with the way Pad was vokih-9

arouhd tohi'9ht, r',..., sure it woh't be loh8 betore
he .fi,9ures out about the varty.

vJell, 'Rodrick f"'li'9 ht hQVe lucked out this tif"'le,

but all
1
r
cah say is, he should be ,9 lad MANNY
wash t there to see the varty. Mahhy is a
�UGE tQ+tletale. rh tact, he's beeh tellih'9 oh
f"'le ever sihce he could tQlk. He's eVeh told oh f"'le
tor stutt 1 did BEFORE he could +Qtk.
102
'vJheh 1 WQS Q kid 1 broke the slidih8 8IQSS door
)

ih the .faMil rooM. MoM ahd Pad didh't have ah

evidehce that
y
r was the ohe who did it, so the
y

y
couldh't ve8 it oh f"tle ) Qhd 1 WQS ih the cleQr. __
But Mahhy was there wheh it hayyehed, ahd two
ears later, he s�uealed oh r-1e.
y

BUBBY T�OWED
\.JOCK AT BIG
WINDOW. l

So a.fter Mahh
y
started talbh.9, r had to
worr about all _the bad thih.9s he saw r-1e do
y
wheh he was a bab .
y

• SQU\RT
5QU\�T
--
�
o:

103
r used to be a bi.9 tattletale ,-,,yself uhtil r learhed
,.,,1 lessoh. Ohe ti,-,,e, r told oh Rodrick for sayih.9
Q bQd word. MoM Qsked Me which word he SQid, so
1 svelled it out. Ahd it WQS Q loh8 ohe, too.

!
ehded uv 8e+tih8 Q bQr ot SOQf ih My _
\rJell J _
Mouth tor khowih8 how to srell Q bQd word, Qhd
Rodrick 8ot ott scot-tree.

Mohday
·□
\oMorrow, 1 hQVe Qh \:..h8lish QSSi8hMeht due Where
r hQVe to write Qh 11 Qlle8or1. n

1hat's basically a story that says ohe thih.9 but

MeQhS SoMethih8 else. r
WQS hQVih8 trouble 8et+ih8
ihSf ired, but +heh ! SQW Rodrick outside workih8
oh his VQh, Qhd r 80+ Qh ideQ.
104
 Rory Screws Up
by Greg Heffley

Once upon a time there was this monkey named Rory.

The family he lived with loved him very much, even
though he was constantly screwing things up.

ORY!.

One day Rory accidentally rang the doorbell, and

everybody thought he did it on purpose. So they
gave him some bananas as a reward.

YOU ARE SO
SMART, RORY!

105
Well, now Rory was going around thinking he was
some sort of monkey genius or something. And one
day, he heard his owner say-

Y DANG
IS BROK

So Rory's primitive mind raced to formulate a plan.

And here is what he eventually came up with:

Rory worked all day and all night, and to make a long
story short, the end result was not a fixed car.

ORY!

c;::::';,
106
After it was all over, Rory had learned a very
valuable lesson: Rory is a monkey. And monkeys
don't fix cars.

THE END

After r .fihished rr.7 vaver, r showed it to

Rodrick. 1 ti8ured he wouldh't 8e+ it, Qhd sure
ehou8h, 1 WQS ri8h+.
MONKEYS DON'T
UNDERSTAND
ENGLISJ-1, STUPID.

Like r SQid be.fore, Rodrick khows he's '90t Me

uhder his thuMb with this "secret" thih'9· So r-
hQVe to 8et "" licks ih Qh/ WQ/
"/
f CQh.

107
'wedhesday
loday was Mahhy's first day of vreschool, ahd
avvarehtl it didh't .90 So .9rea+.
y

All the other kids ih Mahhy's school started hack

ih Sev+e,-.,her. Bv+ Mahhy wash·+ votty traihed
J
uhtil last week ) so that s wh he had to wait
y
vhtil how to ,-.,ake the jv,-.,v fro,-., day care. --

Mahhy's vreschool was havih.9 their 1-\alloweeh

varry' today J So it wash·+ the .9rea+est way to
ihtroduce hil'Yl to his claSSl'Ylates.

Mahhy's teachers had to call Mol'Yl at work ahd

haVe her col'Yle 8et hil'Yl.

108
r MY r
r
reMel"'\ber tirst dQy ot vreschool. didh't
reall know an one, so was yretty scared
y y
Qbout beih'9 Qrouhd Q buhch ot hew Kids. But this
ho/. na,...,ed Quinn ca,...,e ri ht over and started
.9

tQIKih'9 to Me.

Ti-tEN Wi-tY DON'T

YOU MARRY IT?

r didn't
.9
et that it was a joke, so it reall
y
treQked Me out.

Q
,0

101
r told Morr1 r didh't Waht to so back to vreschool,
ahd r told her all about Guihh ahd what he said.

But Morr1 told Me Guihh was just beihs silly J ahd

r didh't heed to listeh to hiM.

After Morr1 e,cvlaihed the joke, r actually thousht

it was vre� tuhhy. r couldh't wait to so back to
school the he,ct day ahd try it out rr1ysel.f.

YOU'RE GONNA
GROW UP AND GET
MARRIED TO SOME
ICE CREAM! �A!

--------------
0

110
 NOVEMBER
Mohda7
r+·s heeh over a week sihce Rodrick's var"7, ahd
r stoned worryih.9 that Mo,.. ahd Pad were
8ohhQ bust us tor it. But rel'Y\el'Y\ber thQt bathrool'Y\
door we switched out? vJell, 1 tor8ot all about it
uhtil tohi'9ht.

Rodrick was uvstairs ih rvi roorvi hu8'9ih'9 rvie, ahd

y
Pad weht ihto the bathrooM. A couvle secohds later,
he said sorviethih8 that rviade Rodrick stov cold.

l-lEY.•. DIDN'T
Tl-lIS DOOR
USED TO LOCK?

r thou8ht it was over. 1+ PQd Khew about the

DOOR, it WQS just a Matter of tiMe before he
foohd oot ahoot +tie var"o/·

111
 I MUST BE
LOSING MY
MARBLES.

Yoo how, M11ybe it wooldh't he so h11d if Mo,...

dhd P11d foohd oot 11hoot the v11rty. Rodrick
would set '9rouhded, Which would he AWESOME.
So ifr Cdh fi8ore oot d w11y to svill the he11hs
without Rodrick tihdih8 out r '90hhQ '90 .(or it.
1
J f'Yl

\oesd11f
r 8ot ""Y first letter fro,... ""Y frehch veh fdl,
Ma,-.,adou, toda
1. 1 decided to adjust ,..,1 attitude
Qhd �ive this Whole reh-rQI +hih� rr.y hes+ effort.
So wheh r wrote h11ck to M11M11doo tod11y, r tried
to he as helv+ul as vossihle.

112
 •

r really thihk you heed to work

oh our f.h-9lish.
y
Sihcerel ,
y ���-9 _
r think it's duMb thQt MQdQMe Le-Frere won 't let
os use e-,,,ail with our yieh yials. Albert Moryih
y
has alread writteh hack ah� forth with his yieh
y
vQI Q buhch ot tiMeS, Qhd its costin8 theM Q lot
ot Money in StaMf S.

Dear Jacques- fJJUJSL A&tl:J l)ear Jacques-

How old are �ou? 12. Oh.

COST: $14
113
frido.y
\ohi�ht I Rowley's vo.rehts weht out to dihher,
so the �ot hi"' o. ho.b sitter.
y y

r doh'.+ khow wh Rowle co.h't just wo.tch hir,isel-{

y y
tor Q -Few hours, but believe Me 1'"" hot coMf IQihih8·
Rowley's ho.h sitter is 1-\eo.ther \-\ills, o.hd she's the
y
vre+tiest 8irl at CrosSIQhd \-\i8h School. ----

So wheheVer the J"ettersohS

'9
0 out J r alwa1s Make

sure to he Uf Qt Rowle1's tor "stor1 tiMe."

CAN YOU SORRY... T�ERE'S

scooc� REALLY NOT
OVER A ENOUG� ROOM.
LITTLE
BIT?

- - --

r weht Uf to Rowle1's Qt about 8:00 tohi ht.

'9
r
even svlashed oh SoMe ot Rodrick's colo8he to MQke
sure J: Made a 8ood iMfressioh oh r\eQther.

114
r khocked oh +he door Qhd WQited tor \-\eQ+her
to QhSwer. But r WQS CQU'9h+ Q little ott '9UQrd
wheh Rowley's he,ct -door hei hhor Lelahd
.9

QhSwered ihsteQd.

r cah't believe Rowley's varehts switched

bab sitters fro,... Heather to
y
LELAND. \hey
should've Qt leQst checked with Me hetore doih'9
S0Methih'9 stuy,id like Tl-IA�-

Ohce r reQliz.ed \-\eQ+her WQSh't there, r turhed

aroohd to 0 hack hol"le. Bot Rowley asked l"le i.f
r
.9

wahted to hah oo+ ahd vlay Ma ick ahd -­

.9 .9

Mohsters with hiM Qhd LelQhd.

115
\he ohl/ reo.soh r so.id "
r
s" wo.s beco.use r
thou8h+ it WQS so,-.,e kihd ot video 8Q,-.,e. But
+heh r fouhd out tho.+ ;ou vlo.; it with vehcils
o.hd f"'ver o.hd these svecio.l dice, o.hd tho.+ ;oc/re
11
suvvosed to use ;our "il"'lo.-9iho.tioh or who.tever.

f+ o.duo.11; turhed out to be vret1y fuh, Mos+I;

beco.use ih Mo.-9ick o.hd Mohsters ;ou co.h do o.11 _
sorts of s+uU ;ou could heVer do ih :reo.l life.
1

I LIGl-tT ROWLEY'S
EYEBROWS WITl-t
A TORC�.

Mbeh r '9
0t ho,-.,e, r told Mo,-., Qll Qbout MQ8ick
o.hd Mohsters o.hd how Lelo.hd wo.s o. reo.11; o.wesoMe
Puh8eoh Keever. Rodrick oVerheQrd ,-.,e tQlkih8
Qbout LelQhd, ahd he SQid +ha+_Lelahd is +he __
bi'93est herd at his hi8h school.

116
But this is co,...ih-9 fro,.. a uy who Sfehds his
,9

Saturday hi,9hts \'uttih-9 fake throw-u\' oh \'eo\'le's

CQrS in +he Hol'"'le Pey,o+ y,Qrkin8 lot. So 1
think
r 'I I just tQke Rodrick's Ofihioh with Q BrQih ot SQlt.

�AT T�
�ECK?

r<'n

'wedhesday
1've heeh ,9oih,9 u\' to Lelahd's house every day
after school to \'lay Ma,9ick ahd Mohsters. wasr
headed u\' there a,9aih today wheh Mo,.. sto\'\'ed
l'"'le Qt the door.

Mol'"'l hQS been QCtin8 reQI susy,icious ot this whole

MQ8ick Qnd Monsters thin8.

117
And tro,-,. the �uestiohS She's been QSkin8 ,-,.e, 1
8uess She ,-,.us+ think LelQnd is teQchih8 ,-,.e Qnd
Rowley witchcrQ-F+ or sor<1ethih.9. So todQy,
Mo,-,. SQid She WQhted to 80 WIJl--t ,-,.e to _ _ __
LelQhd's to WQtch l/S vlQy.

r BEGGED Mo,-,. hot to Cof'Yle, becQUSe tirst ot

QII r knew She would never Qvvrove ot QII the -
Violehce in +he 8Q,-,.e.

And secohd ot QII, 1 knew +hQ+ hQVih8 her in

the roor,i wovld totQlly rvih the whole ei<veriehce
tor everyone.

118
v.Jheh r hessed Mort\ hot to joih us ) it (V\Qde her
eVeh MORE susf icious. So how there WQS ho
chQh'9ih'9 her TV\ihd.

Rowley Qhd LelQhd couldh't hQVe cQred less thQt

Mof'YI CQJ'Yle with f'\'le, But _r couldh't ehjoy f'Ylysel.f,
hecQuSe r .felt like Q totQI dork ylQyih
,9
ih
troht ot her.__ __ __ _
Ul-1 ... MY WIZARD
TALROC UTTERS Tl-IE
SPELL OF TALRUNE.

r .fi ured Mof'YI would eVehtuQlly

,9 ,9
et bored Qhd
just 80 horvie ) but she stuck Qrouhd. Ahd ri8h+
wheh r thou,9ht she WQS .fiMlly
,9
ohhQ leQVe, -
Mo,..,.. SQid thQt S�E WQhted to joih ih the BQMe.

So LelQhd stQrted settih8 Uf Q chQrQcter tor

Mof'YI, eVeh thou h
,9
r
WQS tr ;h to si Ml to hif'YI
y ,9 ,9

thQ+ it WQS Q b;8 ,..,..;s+Qke.

v.Jheh Lelahd created a character tor MoM, MoM
told Lelahd she wahted 1--lER character to he MY
character's Mother ih +he 8aMe.

r d;d SoMe �uick thinKinB Qnd told MoM thQt QII

the ChQrQcters in MQBick Qnd Monsters Qre orv hQnS,
so She couldn't be M Mother.
'j

Ahd MoM believed Me. But +heh she asked Lelahd

it she could NAME her character "MoM, n ahd he

1 haVe to 8ive MoM credit tor ti '9

urih'9 out +hat
loovhole, but it tot�ll ruihed the rest of the
y
8aMe tor Me.

120
t-Veh thou8h Mol'Yl wasn't technic.a11
1 l'Yl/ Mother in
the 8aMe, she sure ACTED like she was.

At this one foint, our characters were hah'9ih'9 out

ih a taVern waitih'9 tor a Sf/ to arriVe, and l'Yl/
dwarf, Gril'Yllon, ordered a fiht of Mead. Mead is
sort of like beer ih Ma8ic.k and Monsters, and 1
8uess MoM didn't avvrove of T�AT_. --

MOM ACCIDENTALLY
BUMPS GRIMLON'S
ARM AND SPILLS
l-tIS DRINK.

\he worst var+ of the 8aMe was when we 80+

into a battle situation. See, the whole voiht ot
Ma8ick and Monsters is that 701/re suvvosed to
kill as Mah/ Monsters as vossihle so 7ou cah 8et
voints and MoVe Uf ih levels.

121
 YOU RUN INTO A
PACK OF ORCS ...
AND T�EY LOOK
�UNGRY!

WE GIVE T�EM
ALL OF OUR
FOOD!

At+er Qbout ah hour ot thih'9S '90ih'9 like this ) r

decided to �uit. So r .9,tthered uv ,..,.,
1
stu.f.f, <lhd
,...,e ahd Mo,..., heQded ho,...,e.

122
Oh the wo.y back, Mo,.., wo.s really to.lbh-9 Uf
MQ8ick Qhd Mohsters J SQyih8 how it could helv Me
with ""1 ",..,o.+h skills" o.hd stuft like tho.+. All r
co.h so.y is, r
hove she ish't vlo.hhih-9 oh becol"lih-9
Q re8u1Qr Qt these 8QMes. BecQuse +tie tirst
ChQhCe 1 8e+ J "Mort\" is 8e+tih8 hQhded over_ to
Q \'Qck ot Ores.

11wrsdo.t
A.fter school todQ/ J MoM took Me to the bookstore

1
Qhd bou�h+ just Qbout ever MQ�ick Qhd Mohsters
book oh the Shel.(. She Must've drovfed Qbout
$ 200 J Qhd She didh't eVeh MQke Me CQSh ih Q
sih81e MoM Buck.

1 reo.liz.ed l"IO.ybe 1 jud-9ed Mol"I o. little too 1uick,

o.hd ""o.ybe it wo.shf such o. bo.J thih-9 ho.Vih-9 her __
ih our 8rouv Qfter QII.

123
r was all set to take ""Y hew books Uf to Lelahd's,
hut thQt's Wheh r touhd out there WQS Q CQtCh.

Mor,, actually bou-9ht all those books so r,,e ahd

RODRICK could v'QY MQsick Qhd Mohsters
to-9ether. She said it was a -9ood way for the _
two ot us to work out our ditterehces.

Mo,-., told Rodrick She WQhted hi,-., to he the

Puh8eoh Keever ) just like LelQhd. \heh She
du,-.,ved the file ot books oh Rodrick's hed Qhd
told hir,, to start studyih-9 Uf, _ _ __

rt was bad ehou-9h vlayih-9 ih froht of Mor,, at

Lelahd's house, but r khew vlayih-9 with Rodrick
would he Qbout teh ti,-.,es worse.
Mol"'I was serious about l"'le ahd Rodrick vla ih,9
to8ether J so r khew r WQS '90hhQ hQVe to
y

r
'90

throu.9h with it. sveht about ah hour uv ih ""Y

roo,..., ,.-.,Qkih8 uy, chQrQcters with hQ,.-.,eS Rodrick
couldh't rtlQKe tuh ot J like "Joe" Qhd "Bob."

Ohce r WQS tihished J r ,.-.,et Rodrick ih the

kitcheh J Qhd we stQrted our 8Q,.-.,e.

YOU AND YOUR GROUP OF

NERDS FALL INTO A PIT AND
IT'S FULL OF DYNAMITE AND
YOU BLOW UP. Ti-tE END.

J: 8uess r Should be 8rQtetul thQt it WQS over

with �uickl - Ahd
y
r just hove Mol"'I saved her -
receiy,ts oh those books.

125
friJG\7
\he teachers have really beeh crackih'9 dowh oh
kids col>yih.9 oft of eG\ch other this yeG\r,
Re,...,e,...,ber how 1 said 1 was 81ad 1 80+ vu+
he)(+ to Ale)( Aruda in Pre-Al8ebra? \t-Jell, T�AT
hG\sh't Johe ,-.,e G\hy .900J. _________

Mrs. Lee is rv-.'/ Pre-Al8ehra teacher, ahd r'rv-.

8uessih8 she Qlso hQd Rodrick wheh he was ih f'YliJdl�
school. Because +hQ+ wo""ah watches f'Yle like Q l--lAWK.

r
So,...,etif'VleS think it would be really cool it r
hG\J G\ .9IG\SS eye or so,-.,ethih-9 like thG\t. first of
G\11, 1 could use it to r'G\Y G\11 sorts of WG\cky
tricks oh ""Y triehds.

K! W�JX
IS IT?

n
But the r"laih thih'9 1'd use it tor is to helv r"l e
8e+ better 8rades.
Oh the first Jay of school, 1'J air,i r,iy .9lass eye
dowh like this:

-REAL
EYE

\heh_l'J .90 Uf to the teacher_ahJ sa "Listeh, r

just wahteJ to tell you r y1
have a .9lass eye. So Joh't
'90 thihkih8r',-.,
looKih8 Qt other veovle's fQvers. n

OKEE DOKE.
T�ANKS FOR
LETTING
ME KNOW.

\heh, Jurih.9 a test, 1'J air,i r,i7. .9lass eye Jowh _

at l"ly OWN vaver, ahJ 1'J look at S0l"le hraih
y
kid's vaver with l"ly REAL eye.

127
r coold coy
y
d.Wd. ! Ahd the ted.cher woold be
y
too dut'"'lb to hotice.

T�AT POOR
GLASS EYE
KID.

Vh.fortoMtel , 1 DON'T h"'ve "' 1,,.ss eye. So i.f

r
y .9

Mol"l d.Sks Me wh -Aohked M fOf �oiz. ih

y y
Pre-Al ebr,,. tod"'/, thd's M/ eJ<cose.
.9

Sohd"'X
Rodrick has beeh hittih8 Mot'Yl ahd Pad uf tor
Cd.Sh Id.tel/ J So
.9
r
oess the Mol"l Bocks yro.9r"-M
ish't reall workih8 out tor hit'Yl. Mot'Yl has tried to
y
M"-ke Rodrick do More chores to ed.rh SoMe Mohe/,
but +hat hash'+ beeh 8oih8 too well.

IS Tl-tIS YOU NEED

�ow YOU TO BE USING
DO I T? A CLEAN
RAG, SON!

128
Bot tohi ht, Mo,.., fi ored oot a wa Rodrick
.9 .9 y
coold earh so,..,e cash. M school seht ho,..,e a
y
hewsletter sa ;h.9 that Mosic E..docatioh has beeh
y
CQhcelled beCQUSe ot bud8e+ cuts, so vQrehts
Should 8e+ their kids vriVQte rviusic lessohs.

Morvi told Rodrick he could ive ME vriVQte drurvi

'9

lessohs 1 Qhd +hQ+ She would PAY hirvi tor it. __

r thihk Morvi CQMe Uf with the ideQ beCQUSe

latel Rodrick's beeh tellih.9 ever ohe he's a
y y
u
vroteSS10hQ d
r . I rurvirvier. _____
n

\here's this local show called the "Co,..,,..,ohi

"o/
follies" where Qll +he hei hhorhood vQrehts do Q
'9

buhch ot coMed skits 1 Qhd it's beeh ruhhih'9 ih our_

y
locQI +heQter -For Qbout two weeks.
\he other hi'9 ht, the re v1Qr drvf'Vlf'Vler ot sick,
'9 '9

so Rodrick tilled ih, Qhd he ot fQid tiVe bucks.

'9

1 doh't how if th<lt re<llly f"'l<lkes Rodrick <l

"vrotessiohQI drut'Ylt'Yler, n but thQt didh't stov t'Y\e
trot'Yl usih8 it to score f oihts with the 8irls Qt school.

MY BROTl-lER'S A
PROFESSIONAL
DRUMMER!

130
'vJheh MoM told Rodrick he should stQrt 8iVih8
Me druM lessohs, he WQSh't too hot oh the ideQ.
Bot then Mo'"" S<lid she'd f<lY tii'"" ten doll<lrs Q
lesson, Qnd tti<lt rcould .9e+ Q honcti o-f '""1
triehds to si8h uf) too.

So how 1've '90t+Q recruit SoMe veovle tor

Rodrick's Prol"'I AcQdel"'ly- And r
cQn <llreQd
y
tell, this ish't '90hhQ be Q lot ot tuh.

Mond<ly
r couldn't e+ Qny o-f '""1-friends to si.9 n Of -for
.9
Rodrick's drol"'I sd�ool e,ccev+ Rowle , Qnd
y
r kind
o-f tiQd to trick �IM into doin.9 it. Rowle is
y
<llw<l s S<l in.9 tie w<lnts to le<lrn tiow to fl<l +tie
y y y
droMs, hot tie w<lnts to fl<l +tie kind the ose
y y
ih MQrchih'9 bQhds.

131
r told Rowley r khew tor Q FACT thQt
Rodrick WQS 8oih8 to cover all +hat s+utt ih week
four I Qhd thQt .9ot Rowley fretty eJ<cited.

r WQS just 81ad r WQSh't '90hhQ haVe to +Qke

drur-i lessohs QII by r-iyself. ________

Rowley CQr-ie over Q{ter school, Qhd we weht dowh

to the basel"'leht to start our tirst lessoh. Rodrick
StQrted us oft with sor-ie fretty bQsic drur-i drills.

1here WQS ohly ohe frQdice fQd Qhd two drur-i­

sticks, so Rowley hQd to use Q fQfer fide Qhd
Sol"'le "'Qstic utehsils. But 1 8uess +hat's What
hQffehs wheh you're the IQst fersoh to si.9 h Of
tor a clQSS.

132
A+ter about titteeh r,iihutes J 'Rodrick '90+ a call tro,-.,
vJ<lrd 1 <lhd that y,ut <lh end to our tirst lesson.

CLASS IS
DISMISSED
EARLY TODAY.

Mol"I w�sh't too h�vvy to see Me �hd Rowley

uy>St<lirs so sooh 1 <lnd she sent us h<lck down to
the b<lSertleht. She S<lid hot to cor"le uy> until
Rodrick h<ld at least siVeh us Q y,ractice assisnMeht.
So he did.

YOUR �OMEWORK
IS TO LISTEN TO
SOME MUSIC WIT�
DRUMS IN IT.

133
vJell ) Rodrick l'Yli'9h+ be Q Bood drul'Yll'Yler ) bu+ he's
hot Q -9ood teQcher. Me Qhd Rowle7 tried oor best
to do the drills Rodrick tQo-9ht os, hot ever7 til"'le
we t'Ylessed Uf) Rodrick would Bet trustrQted.

WRONG,
WRONG,
WRONG!

£.vehtoQII/, he -9ot so .fed of thQt he took oor

drol"'lsticks QWQ/° Rodrick sd dowh Qt his drol"'I
set Qhd told us to "wQ+ch Qhd leQrh." \heh he
stQrted doih-9 this reQII/ loh-9 dro"" solo thQt
didh't hQVe Qh7thih-9 to do with the drills he
WQS teQchih8 us.

134
Rodrick didh't eVeh look uv troM his druM set __
wheh l"le Qhd Rowle left Qhd weht vvstdirs.
y

1'"" hot COl"lf ldihih,9,

thov,9h. Becdvse the WQY 1
see it, this WQY everyohe wihs.

\hursda7
v-Je've ,9ot Q �istory fdver dve the dQy before
\hahks8iVil·\9, ahd 1 'd better start 8ettih8 serious
about it.

135
\he teQchers Qre 8e+tih8 Q lot stricter Qbout the
�udlity ot work we turn ih, Qhd the WQY r USUQll
y
do thih,9s ish't workih,9 so ,9ood dh r-iore.
y

LQst week we hQd Q ?Qver due ih Sciehce, Qhd

Mrs. BrecKMQh SQid we hQd to choose Qh QhiMQI _
to write Qbout. So r ficked the Moose. r Khow
r should hQVe ,9ohe to the lihrdr
y
Qhd dohe -­
reseQrch, but 1 just decided to wih8 it.

The Amazing Moose

by Greg Heffley
Diet: The moose eats many, many things, but
the list would be way too long to put in
this paper. So I will save us all some
time by just listing the things that the
moose does NOT eat.

- BUBBLE GUM - METAL PIZZA

Even though there are moose habitats set up all
over the place, the moose is almost extinct.

BUT WE SMELL A
�ECK OF A LOT
BETTER T�AN
ANTELOPES.

Everybody knows the moose evolved from birds,

just like people did. But somewhere along the
line people got arms, and the moose got stuck
with those useless horns.

ffeD
)

>

THEEND
r QCtvQll
y
tho11.9ht r did Q vretty .9ood job. But
1 8uess Mrs. BrecKMah Must be ah e><yert oh
Mooses or S0Methih'9, because she Made Me 80 to
the librQry Qhd stQrt the \'Q\'er over froM scrQtch.

Ahd MY NEXT \'Q\'er ish't .9ohM be Qhy eQsier.

1 haVe to write Q yoeM Qbout the 1 �OOs tor
Mr. Hutts class, ahd r doh't Khow the tirst
thih.9 Qbout 1-\istor
y
OR y
r
voetr . So .911ess 1'd
better stQrt hittih8 the books.

MohdQ7
r WQS II\' Qt Rowley's "IQyih.9 boQrd ,9QMeS
yesterdQy, Qhd the crQZ.iest thih.9 hQvvehed.
\,.Jheh Rowley WQS ih the bQthrooM, r hoticed
thQt there WQS SoMe ylay Mohe'/ sticKih8 out ot
the bo>< ot ohe ot the other 8QMes.

- - --

138
r cooldh't believe My eyes. Becc�ose the vlay
Mohey ihside that .9aMe was the EXACT saMe
bhd of Mohey MoM oses for MoM Bocks.

r
-- ----- -

'vJheh couhteJ it uy,) there WQS Sot'Ylethih'9 like

$100)000 ih CQSh ih +hQ+ box.

1t ohl took Me ahoot two secohds to .fi.9ore oot

r
whQ+ to do hex+.

W�AT
S�OULD WE GOTTA
PLAY NOW? GO!

- ------ - -

'vJheh r 80+ hot'Yle ) r rQh uy,s+Qirs Qhd s+utted

the Mohey ohder My Mattress. r tossed ahd
turhed QII hi'9 h+ tr ih'9 to ti8ure out Wt\Qt to do
y
with M hew MoM "Bocks.
Y

131
r have Sor-ie way o.f
realized Mor-i would y,robabl
y
howih.9 the di.f.ferehce be+weeh y,hoh Mor-i 'Bucks
y
ahd the real thih8· So this rvlorhih8, 1 decided
to try a little exverirvleht.

r asked Mort\ it r could cash ih Sortle Mort\ Bucks

So r could bu star-iy,s to write r-iy y,eh y,al. r
y
y
was reall hervous wheh r hahded Mor-i the Mohe - -
y

r cah't believe r-iy luck! r .fi ure

.9
r cah r-iake
this .$100,000 last all the wa throu.9h hi h
school, ahd r-ia be eVeh .farther.
y
y
r .9

r-ii ht hot
.9

eVeh haVe to 8et a real job later oh.

\he trick will be to hot cash ih too rtluch at ohe

tirvle, or Morvl will khow Sortlethih8's Uf ·

140
Ahd r tiaVe to reMel"t\ber to eQrh Q few MoM
Bucks tor reQI \)ere ahd +\)ere so s\)e doesh't �et
too SU Sf icious.

r will s<>.y one thin.9 .for sure, thou.9h, <>.nJ it's

th<>.t_ 1 won't he usin.9 the r,,oney Mor,, .9<>.Ve r,,e -
to buy sf<>.r,,fS,

1 .9ot "' ficture .fro,., ,.,y ven-v"'', M,,.,.,,,_Jou, in

the ,.,,,.it yesterJ,,_y, ,,.nJ th<>.t vretty r,,uch blleJ
ah CtiQhce of Me writih�
/
�IM back.

141
\uesdc.7
My bi-9 1-\istor y y,c.y,er is due +o,...,orrow, but
they've beeh sc.yih,9 c.11 week the.+ it's .9ohhc. Show
Qhout Q FOOi tohi'9ht.

Q
At Qround 10:00 ) 1 veeked out the window to
see how Mc.hy ihches o.f Show were oh the .9rouhd
So .fc.r. But r
couldh't believe ,..., eyes wheh
y
r
vulled hQck the curtQih.
Mah ) 1 was couhtihB oh school beihB CANCELLED
tol"'lorrow. r turhed oh the hews to see WhQ+
havvehed, but the weather .9uy was tellih.9 a
TOTALLY Jitfereht story thah he was three
hours Q'90·

YOU CAN SAY

WE REALLY Tl-lAT AGAIN,
DODGED A BARBARA!
BULLE T Tl-11S 1-lA 1-lA 1-lA! -
TIME, BOB!

\hat Meaht r had to .9et crackih.9 oh l"'ly

r\istory vaver._\he vroble,... was, it was too late _
to .90 to the library, ahd we doh't have ahy
books ih our house +hQ+ Qre Qbou+ +he l �OOs.
So r khew r hQd to thihk ot Sol"'lethih'9 �uick.

143
Pad has bailed Rodrick out a MILLION tif'YleS
oh his school varers. So 1 ti8ured he could heir
f'Yle J too.
- - ----

1 told Pad about ""1 situatioh, thihbh.9 he'd

juf'Ylr ri8h+ ih ahd heir. But _1 8uess Pad has
learhed his lessoh ih +hat devartf'Yleht.

00D LUC
IT'-1 Tl-I/\

Rodrick f'Ylust haVe overheard f"tle talkih8 to Pad J

because he told f'Yle 1 should tollow hif'Yl dowhstairs.

Yoo how how Rodrick had Mr. 1-\o.ff, ""1 l-\istor7

teacher J ih f'Yliddle school? vJell J it turhs out Mr.
\-\utt 8ave Rodrick's class the EXACT Saf"tle
assi.9 hr,,eht wheh he was ih ""1 .9
rade.

144
Rodrick du8 Qrouhd ih his juhk drQwer Qhd touhd
his old fQfer. Ahd +heh he told '""e he'd sell it
to rtle tor tiVe bucks.

1 told hir-l there WQS ho WAY 1'd do +hQ+.

1'11 adMit, it was vretty teMy>tih.9. Because

hurtlber ohe 1 sihce QII ot Rodrick's QSSi8hr-lehts_
hQVe 8ohe +hrou8h J)Qd J r khew Rodrick 80+ Q
8ood 8rQde oh his fQfer. Ahd huMber +wo 1 it
WQS ih ohe ot those cleQr y,IQstic bihders +hQ+
teachers .90 crazy .for.

Plus } 1 hQd Q hu8e stQSh ot MoM Bucks uhder

""Y ""attress uvstairs, ahd r hew r could vay
Rodrick with +hQ+.

145
But 1 couldh't do it. 1 Meah ) 1've covied ott
ot veovle's vQvers oh 1uiz.z.es ahd s+utt be-Fore )
but BUYING a vaver ott ot Sol'Yleohe would be

+akih8 it to a whole hother level. _ _

So r decided r_ was '90hha just ha Ve to suck it_

Uf ahd do the vaver rtl7selt.

1 started doih8 Sortle research oh +he COrtlf uter )

but at about r"lidhi h+ ) the worst vossible +hih8
'9

havvehed: 1he vower weht out.

£>LINK
.
I"
-

1ha+'s wheh r khew r was ih Sol'Yle serious trouble.

r hew r'd tluhk \-\istory ;-{ r didh't turh in Q

vaver. So eVeh thou8h 1 didh't Waht to ) 1 decided

to take Rodrick Uf oh his otter.

146
r scrQved +o8e+t.er $500 ih Mof"l Bucks Qhd
went down to +t.e bQSef"lent. But Rodrick didh't
let Me oft thcd eo.s7:..

MY FEE l-1AS
GONE UP.

Rodrick told f"\e his new vrice WQS $20,000 in

Mof"l Bucks. r told hif"l r didn't t\QVe it J so t.e
just rolled over Qhd went bQck to sleev.

At tho.+ fOiht J r wo.s reo.lly desvero.te. So r

went uvs+Qirs Qhd 8rQbbed Q bi8 t\Qhdtul ot
thousand dollar bills and brou8h+ +hef"l down to
Rodrick's rooM.r .90.ve hiM the Mohey, o.hd he
turhed over the f"'ver. r felt reo.lly bo.d o.bout
whQ+ r did bu+ r just tried hot to think
J

Qbout it Qhd went to sleev.

147
vJedhesdQy
Oh the bus ride to school, r took Rodrick's vaver
out of r-oy ha.9. But r took ohe look Qt it Qhd
khew sor-oethih.9 WQS seriousl wroh.9.
y

1
first of QII, the voer-o WQSh t tyved out. rt WQS
ih Rodrick's owh hQhdwritih8·

\hQt's wheh it hit r-oe: J)Qd ohl started doih.9

y
Rodrick's vavers tor hi,-., ohce he Bot to �IG�
school. So thQt ,-.,eQht_this vQver WQS Rodrick's_
OWN work.

1 started readih8 Rodrick's vaver to see it 1

could still use it. But avvarehtl Rodrick was
y
J

eVeh worse about doih8 his research thah ME.

148
 A Hundred '/ears rbo
b-j Rodrick Heffiey

Sot'letifl'\es I sit and worJer

About- stuff I clon!f- know
L,ke what the heck fhe earth was like
-A hunclred years OjO- -

Did cavemen ride on dinosaurs?��

D ;d -flowers even �row?
IJel I we could �uess but then- was back
A hundred 1ears OjO.

I wish they buil+ a time machine

And. they ricked rne to 30
To check oo+ whcit +he Scene was like
A hundred years °'90.

Did !fm+ spiders rule the ecarth?

Were deser+s tilled with snow?
I wonder what +he story was
A hundred ye<J.rs ajo.
r .9oess r
learhed rriy lessoh ahoot hoyih.9 a
vaver ott Sot'Yleohe. Or at leQSt ott ot RODRICK.

\tJheh third veriod rolled arouhd, r didh't have

ahythih.9 to tof"h ih to Mr. 1-\o-Ft. r .9oess that
rrieahs r 'II be tabh.9 sorrirrier school for 1-\istor , -
y

Ahd rri da .9ot a whole lot_ worse after _that._

\tJheh r
y y
80+ hoMe troM school, MoM WQS waitih8
tor t'Yle at the troht door.

'

You know +hat stack ot bills r fQid Rodrick

with? vJell, he tried to cash +heM ALL ih at
ohce to .9et rriohe
y
for a osed rriotorc c.le.
y
r 'rri sore
Morro khew sorriethih.9 was fish , sihce Rodrick has
y
never eQrhed a sih8le Mol'YI Buck oh his owh.

150
Rodrick told MoM where he ot the Mohey , ahd
"'Y "'Y
-9

she du-9 arouhd rooM uhtil she .fouhd stash

uhder the Mattress. MoM khew She heVer fu+
$100,000 ihto circulQtioh, so she cohtiscated ALL
"'Y cash, eVeh the ohes r earhed .for real. r -9
uess
+hat's the ehd ot the Mof'Vl Bucks y,ro�rQf'Vl. ___

lo he hohest with you, J:'"'

bhd o.f relieved. __
Sleevih-9 oh that file o.f cash ever y hi ht was
-9

rea 11
1 stressih'9 Me out.

MoM was Mad +hat r tried to vu+ ohe over oh

her like +hQ+, so she 8QVe r-.,e a uhiShMeht. But
r -9ot that out o.f the way
y
he.fore dihher.

MOM SAYS WE
l-lAVE TO CLEAN
Tl-IE Wl-lOLE
GARAGE.

151
1hursdo.y
\odo. wo.s 1ho.hks.9iVih.9, o.hd it sto.rted ot.f like
y
it alwQys does: with Auht Loretta showih
'9
Uf
two hours eo.rl , _ _
y

r __

MoM o.lwo. s Mo.kes Me o.hd Rodrick "ehterto.ih"

y
Auht Loretta ) ahd thQt l'Y\eQhS tQlk to her uhtil
the rest of the .fo.Mil
y
shows uv,

1he bi3'9 est ti'9 hts l'Y\e ahd Rodrick haVe ever had
were over who hQS to 3reet her tirst .

,... ..
I •I
-
�[!]
7
152
\he rest o.f the .far,iily started tricklih.9 ih aro11hd
11:00. PQd's hrother, Uhcle .Joe, Qhd his kids
were +he IQs+ ohes to Show Uf arouhd 12:30.
- -----

I AUN
FWAN

Mor,i thihks it's really wte, h11t Pad swears that

Uhcle .Joe tells his kids to do it oh y,ury,ose.

\hih.9s are vre-tty tehse hetweeh Pad ahd Uhcle

.Joe, hecause Pad is still l"'\ad at Uhde .Joe tor
Sol"'\ethih8 he did LAST\hanks8iVih8· Back +heh,
Mahhy had j11st started votty traihih.9, ahd he
was doih.9 vre-tty .9ood. rh .fact, he was vrohahty
Qhout two weeks trot"'\ heih8 out of diavers.

153
Bot Vhcle Joe said SoMethih8 to Mahh that
y
chah8ed ever thih8·
y

BETTER LOOK OUT FOR

TI-IE "POlTY MONSTER,"
LITTLE FELLA!

[
[

rt WQS si,c r"'\Ohths betore MQhh/ would eVeh stev

toot ih the bQthroor"'l Q8Qih.

'f_very ti,-.ie Pad chah8ed a dirty diayer after that,

1 heQrJ hir"'l cursih8 Uhde J"oe uhder his breQ+h. _

vJe hQJ dihher Qrouhd 2:00 ) Qhd +heh veovle

weht ihto the liVih8 roor"'l to +Qlk. 1 didh't teel
like talbh8, so 1 weht ih the {a,-.iil
y
rooM to yla
y
video 8Qr"'leS.
t-vehtu<llly) r
,9uess J)QJ hQd ehou,9h of the
f<l,,,ily, too, so he weht dowhst<lirs to work oh his
Civil vJQr bQttletield. Bot he tor8o+ to lock the
door to the torhQce rool"'l, Qhd Uhcle J"oe WQlked
ih Qfter hi,...,.
------�

Uhde Joe see,,,ed vretty ihterested ih whQt J)QJ

WQS worKih'9 oh, so Pad told hi,..., QII Qboot it.

PQd 8ave Uhcle J"oe this bi8 sveech Qboot +he

150th Re'9il"'leht Qhd the role it v1Qyed at
Gettyshur-9, Qhd sveht Qhout Q hQlt hour descrihih,9
the whole hQ+tle.

But rdoh't thihk Uhde Joe WQS reQlly listehih,9

to Pad's sveech.
NICE
TOYS,
BIG
BROT�ER!

-----

155
'\tiQhks8iVih8 didh't IQst too ,-.,uc.h loh8er Qfter +hQ+.
PQd weht uvs+Qirs Qhd turhed Uf +he +her,-.,os+Q+
uhtil it 80+ stuff out. Ahd
y Qhd everyohe deQred
+hQ+'s vretty t'Yluch how '\tiQhks'9iVih'9 ehds ever
y
eQr Qt our house.
y

DECEMBER
Saturda
y
You re,-.,e,-.,ber how r SQid MoM Qhd PQd were
.9oih.9 to eVehtuall7 .fihd out about Rodrick's
var+,Y? 'well, it .fiMll hanehed toda7.
,Y

MoM seht PQd out to fick Uf the fictures troM

:Tuahks.9iVih.9, ahd wheh Pad .9ot hack, 7ou could
tell he wash'+ havv about Sol"'lethih.9.
,Y

156
 '

1
r:t looked like ohe ot 'Rodrick's triehds accidehta11
1
took Q ficture with MoM S CaMera, which she keevs
oh the shelf above the stereo. Ahd wheh he took

the ficture, it cavtured the whole scehe.

SAT OCT 27

157
Rodrick tried to dehy that he had a varty. Bot
everythih,9 was ri,9ht there ih the fictore, so
there really wash't ahy foiht.

MoM ahd Pad took away Rodrick's car keys ahd

told hil"'l his f UhiShl"'leht is +hQ+ he's hot Qllowed
to leQVe +he house tor Q Whole MONT�.

lher were eVeh Mad at ME, becaose they said r

WQS Rodrick's "QCCOl"'lflice." So r
'90t hit with Q
two-week video '9Ql"'le hQh.

Sohday _
Mol"'l Qhd PQd hQVe heeh Qll over Rodrick's CQSe
ever sihce they .foohd oot aboot his varty.
Rodrick osoally sleevs ohtil 2:00 ih the a-Fterhooh
oh weekehds, bot today Pad Made Rodrick ,9
et
oot o.f bed by 8:00 A.M.

Mabh,9 Rodrick ,9
et oot o.f bed early is a vretty
h;8 blow to hil"'l J hecQuSe Rodrick LOVES to
sleev. Ohe tiMe last .fall, Rodrick slevt .for thirty­
Si)( hours STRAIG�T.

158
1-\e sleyt all the way .fro,... Suhday hi.9 ht uhtil
\uesday Morhih-9, ahd he didh't eVeh realize he
Missed a whole day of his life uhtil \uesday hi.9 ht.

l-lEY ... Wl-lERE'S

MONDAY NIGi-lT
-�OOTBALL?

But it looks like Rodrick has fouhd a way arouhd

the hew 8:00 rule. Now, wheh Pad tells Rodrick
to '9et out ot bed, Rodrick just dra'9s his stutt
uvstairs with hiM ahd he sleevs oh +he couch
uhtil it's tiMe for dihher. So r .9
uess you .9
otta
'9ive this rouhd to Rodrick.
\vesday
MoM ahd :Pad are ,9oih,9 away a,9aih this weekehd,
1
ahd they re droffih-9 Me ahJ Rodrick oft at
Grahd a's. \tiey said they
v
WERE
,9ohht\ let vs
stay hoMe, hvt we roveJ we cah't he trvsted oh
v

our own.

GrQnd Q lives over in Leisure lowers ) Which is

v

this old folks' horv,e. r hQd to Sfend Q week

+here with Rodrick Q few rv,onths Q80 ) Qnd it WQS
+he low fOint of rv,/ whole surv,rv,er.

Mahhy is stay;h-9 with GraMMa this weekehd, ahd

1'd 8ive ANYTI--IING to trQde flQces with hirv,.

GrQ,-.,,-.,Q QlwQys hQS her frid8e stocked with sodQ
Qnd CQke QnJ stuff like +hQt ) Qnd she hQS CQble
TV with QII the rv,oVie chQnnels.

160
\he reasoh Mahh7 is .9oih.9 to Gra,..,,..,a's is because
Mahhy is Gra,..,,..,a's favorite. Ahd all you heed to do
is take ohe look at her retriBerator tor the vroot.

But if ahyohe ever accuses Gra,..,,..,a of showih.9

taVorites J she Bets all detehsive.

I LOVE ALL MY
GRANDC�ILDREN
T�E SAME.

161
Ahd it's hot just +tie fictures oh +tie trid'9 e,
either. Gra,...,,...,a has Mahh/s drawih.9s ahd stut-f
hah8in8 Uf all over the house.

\tie ohl/ thih.9 that Gra,...,,...,a has .fro,..., ME is

this note r_wrote her when r was Si)(. r was
,...,ad at her because she wouldh't .9ive ,...,e ah/ ice
1
creartl he.fore dinner, so here's what_ _wrote: __

Gra,...,,...,a has kevt that hote all these years, ahd

she's STILL holdih.9 it over ,..., head.
/

AND Tl-lIS IS Wl-lAT MY

WONDERFUL GRANDSON
GREGORY MADE FOR ME!
r .9oess every .9rahd areht has their -Favorite,
ahd r v
cah uhderstand thQt. But at least
Grahd a is U
f
troht about it.
f

GREGORY
IS MY
FAVORITE!

Satorda7
vJell J Mof'Yl ahd Pad _ dut'Yl ed t'Yle ahd 'Rodrick ott
v

at Grahd a's today, jost like they said they

v
were 8ohha do.

r started loobh.9 .for ways to ehtertaih ,.,ysel-F,

but there's hothih8 ih Grahd a's cohdo that's
tuh to do J so r v

just sat dowh with hif'Yl ahd

watched TV. But Grahd Q doesh't eVeh watch
f

real shows. He just kee s his

v
TV tuned to the
secori+y ca,.,era that's ih the froht lobb of his
y
buildin8.

163
Ahd after a few hours of T�AT, y
ou start to
80 Q little huts.

0�, SURE!BARRY GROSSMAN

�AS TIME TO GO OUT FOR A
T�REE-�OUR WALK, BUT �E
DOESN'T �AVE TIME TO
RETURN MY VACUUM!

...

At Qbout 5:00, GrQhd a r+'lade

v
us dihher. GrQhd Q
f
r+'lQkes this QWtul thih8 C.Qlled "watercress SQIQd,"
ahd it's the worst thih.9 ou ever tasted.
y

r t's basicall
y
a buhch of cold .9reeh beahS ahd -­
c.uc.ur+,bers +loQtih8 ih a ool ot Vihe8Qr.
v
Rodrick Khows r hQ+e WQtercress SQIQd More +hQh
ANYT�ING, so the last ti,..e we sta yed at
Grahdva's, Rodrick Made sore to file it oh ""Y vlate.

GREG LOVES
WATERCRESS
SALAD!

r had to sit there ahd choke dowh every bite

1 1
So
GrQhdfQ S teelih8s wouldh t be hurt.

Ahd 8uess whQ+ r 80+ QS Q rewQrd tor cleQhih8

""Y vlate?
�ERE
OU

165
\ohi h+ J GrQhd Q 8QVe us our SQIQd J Qhd 1
r r
'9 f

QCted like WQS '90hhQ eQ+ it. But +heh

just stuf.Fed it Qll ih ,.,y vocket wheh ho ohe
WQS lookih8·

r + -{el+ vre-tty dis,9ustih,9 wheh the cold Vihe,9Qr

s+Qrted ruhhih,9 dowh ,.,Y le,9, but believe r,,e it

WQS Qbou+ Q +houSQhd tir"leS better +hQh hQVih8

to EAT it.

A+ter dihher J the three ot us weht ihto +he liVih8

roor,,. GrQhd Q hQs Qll these reQll old boQrd
f y
,9Qr,,es, Qhd he QIWQ s r,,Qkes r,,e Qhd Rodrick vlQ
y y
+hertl with hir"l.

\-\e hQS this ohe 8Qr"le cQlled "Gu+busters/' where

ohe vlQ er reQds Q CQrd, Qhd the other vlQ er -­
y y
tries hot to 1Qu8h·

166
r alwa
y s
beat Grahd a, Mostl because the jokes
v y
doh't r,iake ah sehse to r,ie.
y

PUTTING ECONOMIC
POLICY BEFORE FISCAL
RESPONSIBILI1Y
IS LIKE PUTTING AW, l-lA
Tl-IE CART BEFORE l-lAW!
Tl-IE l-lORSE.

r alwa s beat Rodrick, too, but that's because

y
Rodrick loses oh ur ose. vJheheVer it's l'l turh
v v y
to reQJ Q cQrJ, he MQkes sure he hQs Q hi
'9

Mou+htul ot Milk.

167
At 10:00, 1 WQS reQd .for bed. Bot Rodrick
called the couch J ahd thQt Meaht
y
r hQd to slee
v

with Grahd a a8Qih.

v

All r <:Qh SQY is, i.f Mo,.., Qhd ])Qd were tr y;h,9
to teach ""e Q lessoh tor c.overih8 tor Rodrick J _
well J ""issioh QC.COM\' lished.

COULD YOU PUT

MY TEETl-t IN
Tl-tAT GLASS?

Suhdax
Rodrick hQS a bi8 Sc.iehc.e fQir v
rojec.t due
ri8ht betore ChristMQS breQk J Qhd it looks like
MoM Qhd PQd Qre MQkih8 Rodrick do this ohe Qll
b hi,-.,sel.f.
y

168
Last year, 'Rodric.k's sc.iehc.e vrojed was c.alled
"Poes v4Q+chih8 Violeht Movies MQke Peovle 1hihk
Violeht 1hou8h+s ?"

r '9
uess the ideQ WQS to hQVe veovle WQtch horror
r"loVies Qhd +heh drQw fictures Qt+erwQrJ to show
how the r"loVies Qttected +hel"'l.

But it was really just ah e,cc.use for 'Rodric.k ahd

his triehds to WQtch Q buhch ot horror r"loVies oh
school hi'9h+s.

Rodrick's triehds 80+ the r"IOVie-wQ+chih8 vQrt

dohe, hut they didh't draw a sih.9le fidure. Ahd
the hi'9h+ betore the Sciehce fQir > Rodrick didh't
have ahythih.9 to show for hi,-.,self.
So r,ie, Mor,i, Qhd PQd hQd to bQ;I Rodrick out. PQd

tyred ur the rarer, Morvl rv\ade the roster board

stutt, Qhd r hQd to drQW Q tuhch ot rictures.

r did ,.,.y best to il"'ld,9ihe whdt teehd.9ers would

drQw Qfter WQtchih8 Violeht MoVies. _____

••

\he thih8 thQt REALLY stihKS is thQt f

<:du.9ht hedt .fro,.,. Mo,.,. wheh she SdW ,.,. drdwih.9s,
7,
becduse she Sdid th were "disturbih.9. ' Ahd
thdt's wh
y
r ey
WdS ohl
t
dtlowed to Wdtch G-rdted
Movies for the rest of the edr.
y

But if ou Wdht to tdlk dbout "disturbih.9," ou

y y
should've seeh SoMe of the stuff Mdhh WdS
y
coMih.9 uv with those dd s.
y

170
Ohe hi ht, 'Rodrick accidehtally le.ft ohe o.f his
-9

horror MoVies ih the DVD

y>layer, ahd wheh
Mahhy weht to turh oh cartoohs the he,ct day,
he �ot Rodrick's f'YloVie ihstead.

r caMe across Qcouvle o.f Mahh 's drawih-9s

y
at+er +hat 1 ahd Sof'Yle ot +hef'Yl were ehou�h to
�ive ME hi�htf'Ylares.

171
\uesde17
Mor,, Qhd J)Qd set uf due dQ+es tor Rodrick oh his
Sciehce fe1ir vrojec+, e1hd b
y
6:ootohi.9ht, he WGIS
suvvosed to tel I +her,, the +her,,e ot his e,cveri,-.,eht.

Rodrick WQS WQtchih8 Q show Qbout QStrohQuts,

e1hd whe1t he1vvehS to the,.. e1-Fter they've beeh Of
ih SfQCe tor Q loh8 ti,-.,e. \he show SQid +hQ+
wheh the e1strohelots .9 etbe1ck to \::.e1rth, the/re
e1c+oe1ll
y
TALLER the1h wheh the le-Ft.
y

Ahd the ree1soh is bece1ose there's ho .9 re1vi+y ih

SfQCe, So their Sfihes decor,,vress or Sor,,ethih'9-

172
Rodrick told Mo,.-., Qhd PQd he WQS '90ih'9 to do
his sciehce ex\'eri,.-.,eht oh the ettect ot "z.ero
.9r,wity" oh the hoMQh Sfihe. Ahd .froM the WQY
Rodrick WQS tQlkih.9 it Of, you'd thihk the results
ot his ex\'eri,.-.,eht_ were '90hhQ hehetit r"'lQhkihd.

PQd seeMed vretty ;,.-.,vressed. Or MQ/he he WQS

just relieved thQt Rodrick QCtuall/ CQMe throush oh
his tirst tQsk. But r thihk PQd StQrted to see
thihss Q little J;.f.Fereht later oh wheh he told
Rodrick to tQke the trQsh out to the curb.

I CAN'T. I'M
DOING MY
RESEARCi-t.

173
vJedhesdG\y
YesterdG\y Git school, they G\hhouhced tryouts .for
+he bi� 'v-Jihter \aleht Show.

As sooh as r touhd out about it, r CQl'V\e uv

with this AWESOME ideG\ .for coMedy sbt _
thGlt Me G\hd Rowley could do. But r G\dMit the
GI

REAL reG\SOh r wrote it WG\S to .9ive Myself G\h

e><cuse to tG1lk to 1-\olly \-\ills, who is l-\eG1ther 1-\ills's
sister G\hd the Most yoyulG1r .9irl ih MY .9rG1de.

The Boy Whose

Fa111ily Thinks
He:s a DOG
LOOK, �ONEY!
OUR DOG IS I AM A
- STANDING ON - PERSON
ITS �IND LEGS! NOTA
DOG!
 l-lEY, YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE
UP ON Tl-IE COUC'-1,
YOU DUMB MUTT!

BUT I'M NOT

A DOG, I'M
YOUR SON!

DON'T YOU
GROWL AT
ME!

WE'RE OFF ON A
ROMANTIC VACATION.
I GUESS WE'LL l-lAVE
TO PUT YOU IN
Tl-IE KENNEL!
BUT I WANT
TO GO
WIT� YOU
GUYS!
WELL,
WOOF
WOOF
WOOF TO
YOU, TOO!

The En�.
 CREDITS
WRITER - GREG l-tEFFLEY
DIRECTOR - GREG l-tEFFLEY
DAD - GREG l-tEFFLEY
MOM - i-tOLLY l-tILLS
DOG-BOY - ROWLEY JEFFERSON

-r showed Rowley the scriv+ bu+ he

J
1
WdSh t too
ehthusiastic. about the idea.

You'd thihk Rowley would be ,9rdteful thdt 1

was 8ohha f'"'lake hif'"'l a hi8 star. But like MoM
dlwdys sdys, there dre Sol"'le veovle you just_ --­
J
c.ah t f lease.

176
11wrsda7
Rowley weht ahd fouhd SOl"'leohe ELSE to varther
with tor +tie \Qleht Show. \-\e's 8ohhQ do Q f"'lQ8ic
QCt with this kid tror"'l his kQrQ+e clQSS hQf"'led
Scotty Pou81Qs.

Ahd if
y
ou waht to khow if f',,, jealous, let Me
vu+ it to ou this wa = Scotty Pou
y y .9
las is ih the
FIRST GRADE. So Rowle will be y
luck
y
if he
doesh't 8e+ heQ+ Uf Qt school tor this.

7'
•

\hey're havih ohe bi \aleht Show for the

.9 .9

ele,,,ehtar school, the Middle school, ahd the

y
hi h School. So +tiQ+ f"'leQhS Rodrick Qhd his
'9

hQhd Qre Ohha he ih +tie SQf"'le cor"'lretitioh QS _

'9

Rowle ahd Scotty Pou.9las.

y

Rodrick's ALL tired Uf about +tie \Qleht Show.

1
His hQhd hQS heVer flQ eJ ih _troht ot Q crowd 1 _

so the see this QS their hi ChQhce to et hoticed.

/ '9 '9

177
Rodrick is still Brouhded, but the rule is thQt he's
hot Qllowed to leQVe the house. So his bQhd just
COMeS over every dQy Qhd vrQctices dowh ih the
bQSeMeht. r thihk PQd's StQrtihB to wish he hQd
worded Rodrick's fuhiShMeht Q little dif{erehtly.

- ---

'2,�-0UM 8Ut1
CRASH BA11

But it Rodrick's hQhd reQlly thihks they CQh wih

this \Qleht Show, they better Bet serious Qhd
v1Qy SoMe QCtuQI Music. BecQUSe they Sfeht their
IQst two vrQctices toolihB Qrouhd with Q hew echo
vedQI they Bot over the weekehd.

SOMEBODY
FARTED FARTED
FARTED FARTED
FARTED

178
frid"t
PQd ehded Rodrick's fuhish,-.,eht two weeks eQr ,
,
becQuse he WQS 8oih8 bohkers listehih8 to Lode
Piver vrdctice every ddy So tohis h+' Rodrick
-
weht to his triehd \rJQrJ's tor the weekehd.

\rJith Rodrick out ot +he house, +hQ+ ,-.,eQht +he

hdse,-.,eht WdS -Free. So r ihVited Rowle
y
over to
svehd the hi h+.
'9

Me dhd Rowle hoo h+ d hohch of Cdhd dhd

y s y
sodd, dhd Rowle
y
hroo h+ over his vortdhle
s
TV.
\rJe eVeh l"'lQhQ8ed to 8e+ our hQhds oh Q couvle ot
Rodrick's horror ,-.,ovies, so we were QII set. But
+heh Mo,-., <:dMe dowhstdirs with Mdhh -
y

LOOK Wi-1O
CAME TO
JOIN -­
YOU!
1he ohly reasoh Mor,i dur,ived Mahhy oh us was
So he could sv y ahd tell her i.f we were doih_g
ahythih_g wroh_g .

'f_very sih_gle tir,ie 1've had a sleevover J Mahhy

has ruihed it. 1he last tir,ie Rowley slevt over -
WQS the WORST.

Mahhy r,iust've ,gotteh cold ih the Middle o.f the

hi_ght, so he crawled ihto Rowley's sleef ih_g ha,g
to 8e+ WQrl'"'l.

-'\hat .freaked Rowley out ehou,gh to r,iake hir,i ,90

hor,ie early- Ahd he hash't beeh hack to Sf ehd __
the hi'9h+ ever sihce.

180
rt looked like Mahhy was ,9ohha ruih ANOTl--lER
sleevover. Me ahd Rowley cotildh't watch our horror
r,oVies with Mahhy arouhd, so we decided to just
vtay hoard ,9ar,es ihstead.

But_ r JM Q little sick ot hoard

'9
aMeS, ahd - --­
besides, Rowley was bhd of driVih-9 ,-.,e craz.y-

\ie heeded to ,90 to the bathroor, every five

Mihutes, ahd wheheVer he'd coMe hack dowhstQirs,
he'd kick a y,illow across +tie rooM.

001-1-YAI-I

1t Mi ht haVe heeh tuhhy the -First couy,le ot tiMeS,

'9

but theh it reall started ,9ettih,9 oh

y
""Y herves. So
the he,ct ti,-.,e Rowley weht uvstairs to use the
hathroor,, r vtayed a vrahk oh hi,-.,.

181
r vu+ ohe ot Pad's dul'"'lbbells uhderheQ+h Q fillow.
Ahd StJre ehotJ.9h, the he,ct til"'le Rowley c111'Y\e
dowhstQirs, he 8
QVe it a bi8 kick.

vJell, th11t did it. Rowley st11rted bltJbberih.9 like

11 b11b , 11hd
y
r CotJldh't �tJiet hil"'I dowh. ---

Ahd with 1111_the r11cket Rowley w11s l'Y\11bh.9, Mol"'I

CQl'"'le dowhstairs.

Mol"'I took 11 look 11t Rowley's bi.9 toe, 11hd she

seel'Y\ed vretty cohcerhed. r thihk Mol"'l's - -­
Sehsitive 11botJt Rowley .9et+ih.9 ihj tJred ih otJr
house at+er +he tihtoil bQII ihcideht, so She
drove hil'"'l ri8h+ hol'"'le.

182
As sooh Mor-i QhJ Rowley WQlkeJ oot the door,
QS

1 hew -r:'J better stQrt worbh.9 oh MQhhy-

MQhht SQW r-ie vot thd dor-ibbell ohder the fillow J

Qhd r khew he would tell Mof'Yl whQt r did. So -r:
CQf'Yle Uf with Qh ideQ to Keef hif'Yl trof'Yl shitchih8·

1 fQCked Sof'Yle hQ8S Qhd told MQhhy 1 WQS

.9ohM roh QWQY fror-i hor-ie so 1 JiJh't hQVe to
fQce Mol'"'l tor Wt\Qt 1 did.

\heh 1 WQlked out +he door Qhd QCted like 1

WQS leQVih8 tor 8ood.

GOOD-BYE,
Ol-1, FAMILY.
GOOD-BYE,
GOOD-BYE,
GOOD-BYE!

--- :1�
-----;-. __-____
r'V""\

183
r 80+ the\+ ;Jee\ troM Rodrick. He used to vull
+he SC\l'Yle kihd ot thih8 oh ""e Wheh I-IE J;J
Sor"\ethih8 hQd Qhd he k hew r WC\S '90hhe\ tell oh
I-UM. He would Qc.+ like he WQS ruhhin-9 QWQ/,
C\hd +heh tive Mihutes IC\ter, he would just WC\lk
he\ck ihside.

And by thQt ti,-.,e, r WQS reQdy to .for.9ive hi,-.,

tor WhQ+ever he did.

So Q.fter r told MQhh/ r WQS leQVih-9 ho,-.,e, r

Stiu+ +tie door ahd waited outside tor a tew r,,ihutes.
Ahd Wheh r Of ehed +he door r e,cvec+ed to tihd
)
1
hi,-., cry;n-9 in the .foyer. But MQhh/ WQSh t where
r let+ hir"l. r started WQlkih� arouhd +he house
lookih� tor hir"l ) ahd �uess where he was?

184
 _,, r,oBBLE -.':
..
•:., 5r-,1ACK -.·:
..
•
.. ·..
•:- �
. \
-�

Ah/way, i.f le-t+ih,9 Mahh/ eat ""/ cahd/ is the

vrice fhave to va1 to Keev hirvi 1oiet, cah live 1
with it.

Sa+orda
A-Fter
t
1 woke Uf this Morhih'9, r weht dowh to
+he kitcheh. But ohe look at MoM's tace told Me
that Mahh/ sold rvie oot. _

185
MQhhy told MoM everythih.9 . �e eVeh told her
Qbout our horror rr>oVies. Poh't eVeh QSK rr>e how
he Khew Qbou+ T�AT.

Mol"'l l"'lQde Me cQII Rowley to Qvolo.9 iz.e, but theh

she f"t)Qde rr>e +Qlk to his vQrehts Qhd Qvolo8iz.e to
T�EM, too. So r doh'+ thihK 1'rr> '90ih8 to 8e+
ihVited bQck over to Rowley's house Qhy tiMe sooh.

\heh Morr> 80+ oh the fhohe with Mrs. .Jettersoh.

Mrs. Je.ftersoh SQid Rowley's bi.9 toe WQS hrokeh,
Qhd thQt he hQd to stQy oft it {or Q week.

\heh Mrs. Je.ftersoh SQid Rowley is "heQrtbrokeh,"

becQuSe this rr>eQhS he' ll hQVe to rr>iss the \Qleht
Show tryouts. Ahd he's beeh vrQcticih.9 his 1"'lQ.9 ic
Qct with Scotty Pou.9 IQS QII week.
- - ---- -- ---

186
So MoM told Mrs. .Jettersoh thQt r
would be
�APPY to .fill ih .for Rowley at the tryouts. r
stQrted tu88ih8 Qt MoM's sleeve to let her khow
this WQS Q TERRIBLE ideQ, but ot course she
just i'9 hored Me.

A+ter MoM 8ot ott the fhohe, r

told her the
IQst thih8 1 heeded Qt school is to be ohStQ8e
doih8 MQ8ic tricks with Q kid who WQS ih rull-urs

1
Q eQr Q8o·

But Mof'l f'lQde f'le ,90 throu,9h with it QhywQy­

She took f'le dowh to Scotty's house Qhd
e><flQihed the situQtioh to his Mother. So how
there WQS ho 8e+tih8 out ot it.

187
Mrs. Pou81Qs invited ,..,e inside, Qnd ,-..,e Qnd
Scotty weht Uf to his roor, to start vracticih.9.
vJell, the tirst thin8 r tound out WQS thQt
Rowley ahd Scotty were hot e�ual varthers ih this
act. 1<owley was actually Scotty's ASSISTANT.

r told Seo� there was ho \,JAy r

was .9ohha
he Q l'\'\QBiciQn s QSSistQnt to Q tirst-BrQder. But
Scotty SQid it WQS 1-11S MQ'9ic set, Qhd he stQrted
throwin8 Q hi8 tQntru,-..,.

So r just went Qlon8 with the ideQ to keev

Scotty �uiet, because believe r,e, r did hot heed
ahy r,ore trouble.

\heh Scotty hQhded Me this Shirt +hQt WQS covered

with all these svarkly se�uihs, ahd he told r,e
that it was r,y costur,e.

188
1t looked like SoMethih8 Grc�MMa would wear to
Bih'90- r told Scotty Ma he
/
r could wear S0Methih'9

cooler ) like a leather jacket ) bu+ he said +hat

wouldh't he "Ma8ic" ehou8h•

Ah wa , it turhs out all

y y
1
have to do .for the _
act is hahd Scotty a vrov ever ohce ih a while,
y
so l"'la he it reall ish� .9oih.9 to he all that had._
y y

But ask Me how 1 teel d'9aih it we 8et ih ahd

haVe to vertorM ohsta8e ih troht ot tiVe huhdred
veovle ihstead o.f Scotty's hah sister.
y

ND FOR MY
EXT TWICK ...

..
MAGIC
,�-:
SET

Suhda
y
1'11tell ou ONE .9ood thih.9 that's col"'le out o.f
y
vracticih.9 this 1"'la.9ic act with Scotty Pou.9las:
1t's 8iVeh Me a buhch ot 8ood ideas tor More
Crei8htoh the Cretih coMics.
'Rowley �uit doih.9 his co,,,ic strif "Zoo-\rJee
Mat'Y\a ! " tor +tie school fa fer a few t'Ylohths a'9o J
because he said he wahted to haVe l'"'lore til'"'le to
vlay with his Pihohlaz.er actioh .fi ures. \hat
.9
rtleahS +he cartoohist job is ofeh a8aih J ahd
,,,aybe 1 have a shot.__________
rM GONNA MAKE Tl-US TA DA! YOU DIDNT

)
APPLE DISAPPEAR.

)
MAKE IT
DISAPPEAR, YOU
0�, JUST ATE IT!
BOY!
(

U� 0�, YOU OK, WAT� ™IS.

FIGURED OUT NOW AINT
MY TRICK. YOU DIDNT TI-tAT
EVEN EAT ™E MAGIC? ™AT'S NOT
) (OLE ll-UNG! MAGIC, IT'S
) JUST A
LIGITTER!

OOPS. I BOO! YOU'RE PLUS, ™AT'S OOPS.

™OUG-IT IT NOT A NOT EVEN A
WAS MAGIC. MAGICIAN, MAGICIAN'S

)
YOU'RE AN I-IAT. IT'S AN
IDIOT! A8RAJ-tAM
LINCOLN
( .
,,....,,,1, /
I-IAT!
...
MohdQ7
\r.Jell, -9ood hews oh the \Qleht Show. \he tryouts
were todQ , Qhd r,ie Qhd Scotty didh't r,iQke it ih.
7

OK, So l"lQybe r could hQVe dohe Q better job QS

Scotty's assistaht. But r didh't blow it oh
PURPOSE. 1 just tor8ot to hahd hiM his
f rOf S ohce or twice.

vJe were the ONLY ohes who didh't rriake the

cut, Qhd thd QctuQll is kihd of er,ibQrrQSSih-9. _
7

r how we wereh't exQctl the best Qct tr ;h-9

7 y
out todQ , but we wereh't the WORST, either.
7
Sorrie ot the Qcts thQt 8ot ih were Q lot larrier
thah our MQ8ic act.
\his kihder-9Qrther hQ,-.,ed \-\Qrr Gilhertsoh ,-.,Qde
y
the cut J Qhd QII he d;d WQS roller-skQ+e ti8ure
ei-9h+s Qrouhd Q hoof'Yl ho)( thQ+ WQS v1Q ;h-9
y
"YQhkee Poodle PQhd -'' _ _ __
y

nJn
--0
C--- ��� --

'Rodrick's bQhd MQde it ih J too, Qhd he's QCtih8

like thQt's SoMe hu8e QCCOMf lishMeht.

Like r SQid before, Rodrick is reQll eJ<cited

Qbout the \tJihter \Qleht Show. r y
h tQct J he
QcfuQll
y
-90+ his Sciehce fQir vrojec+ dohe Q dQ
y
EARLYso he could s�ueez.e ih SoMe e>CtrQ bQhd
vrQctices be tore the bi8 hi8ht.

But when Rodrick turned ih his vroject J his

Sciehce teQcher told hiM he WQS 8ohhQ t\QVe to
stQrt over Qhd coMe Uf with Q whole hew ideQ. He
n
said thQt Rodrick didn't use the "scientitic Method
with Q h vo+hesis Qhd Q cohclusioh Qhd QII +hQ+.
y
Rodrick told the teQcher he Qd11Qlly .9rew Q
si,cteehth o.f Qh ihch durih.9 his "z.ero .9rQVi-ty"
exverir"fleht, So +hQ+ vroved he WQS oh to Sor"flethihB·

But his teQcher SQid +hQ+'s Q hor,-.,QI Qrtlouht tor Q

hoy Rodrick's Q.9e to .9row_ ih Q Mohth. ____

1
v.Jell ) this reall stinks tor t"'\e ) because r had decided
to do I"'\'/ Science Fair vroject oh "z.ero '9ravi+y ) n too.

And how it looks like all +he research r J;J was

just Q bi� WQSte ot tiMe.
PQd told Rodrick he's 8oit\9 to hQVe to just skif
the \Qleht Show so he CQh do Q hew exveril'Yleht J
but Rodrick says he's hot .9oih.9 to do it.

Rodrick told PQd he doesh't CARE Qbout school

ahyr,iore. 1-\e said his ylah is to wih the taleht
Show Qhd use the tQve ot the vertorl'YlQhCe to
8et si8hed to Q record IQbel._ \heh he'll �uit __
school Qhd just do the bQhd tull-til'Yle.

rt souhds like Q terrible v'Qh to l'Yle J but r

thihk Pad is yre++y oyeh to the idea.

-----

1 '14
'wedhesday
\ohi h+ WQS the bi8 vJihter \Qleht Show.
'9
1 didh't
WQht to 0, Qhd heither did PQd. But MoM MQde
'9

us both 80 to show our suvvort tor Rodrick.

Rodrick ahd Mol"'l weht to the school earl to _

y
brih8 SoMe stutt +tiQ+ Rodrick's bQhd heeded, so
PQd t\Qd to ride ih +tie bQhd's VQh with Bill. Ahd
1
PQd WQSh t too thrilled wheh he rQh ihto his boss
ih the School vQrkih8 lot.

I-UVA,
NK

1he Show kicked ott Qt 7:00, Qhd let Me just

sa ,
y
r thihk it was a reall
y
bad idea to col"'lbihe -
+he three Schools tor this +tiih8·
'They ehded uyi hdVih-9 bhder-9drthers sih-9ih-9
soh-9s to their teddy bedrs followed by ei-9hteeh­
yeQr-olds doih-9 syieed Metdl -9uitdr solos.

AND NOW FOR

LARRY LARKIN'S
PERFORMANCE OF
"CARNAGE."

5coo
":)COOT

--,(

r doh't thihk PQd Qnroved of Ldrry LQrbh

dhd dll his yiiercih-9s. 1-\Qlfwdy throu-9h Ldrry's
'9ui+Qr solo ) Pad leaned over and Whisrered to
the l'Y\ah sittih'9 he,<+ to hit'¥\.

Wl-lAT'S Tl-IE WORST

- Tl-tING Tl-lAT KID UP-
Tl-lERE COULD SAY
TO YOU?

116
r wish r had til"'le to warh Pad that the Boy
he was talbhB to was Larry's father.

- -- -- "l-1! , DAD! "

Ahother vroblel"'l with Col"'lbihih8 the schools WQS

that there were too l"'lahy ads, ahd the show
weht oh FOREVER. _

At �:30 they decided to start rohhihB two ads

Qt the SQl"'le til"'le to keev the show l"'lOVih8 QIOh'9·
Sol"'letil"'leS it worked oot all riBht, like wheh they
had Pa-tty farrell ta -dahcihB while S ehcer Kitt
y, y,
WQS jo881ih8· Bot other til"'leS it didn't work out
too Bood, like wheh \errehce J"al"'leS y,
layed a
hQrl"'lohicQ oh Q unicycle while ChQrise Kline reQJ
her voel"'l Qbout 81obQI WQrl"'lih8·
-- --- - -- - -

1'17
Before the show, Rodrick asked ""e to video+ave his
bahd durih'9 their act, but r told hil"'l ho WA y.

\-\e's beeh such a jerk to t"'le latel

y
that r cah't
believe he was tr1ih'9 to hit Me uf tor a favor. So

Mo"" voluhteered tor ca Mera duty. ______

Rodrick's bahd 8ot faired Uf with \-\arr Gilbertsoh,

y
the roller-skatih'9 kid. Ahd 1'"" sure Rodrick wash'+
too haff/ about Tl-IAT.

Wl-tO'S READY TO
RRRROCCCCKKKKK?

�a;AM!)

r hoticed Pad wash'+ sittih'9 hex+ to t"'le while

Rodrick's bahd vta ed, So
y
r looked arouhd tor hil"'l.
PG\d WQS stG\hdih� ih +tie bQck o.f +tie � rr. with
y
co+toh bQIIS sticbh.9 out o.f his eQrS, QhJ tie s+Q yeJ
there until the soh'9 WG\S over.

A.fter Rodrick's hG\nd ver.for,..,,ed J th hG\nded out

ey
the G\WG\rds. Rodrick's hG\nd didn't win G\nythih'9J
hut HG\rr
1 Gilbertson WG\lked G\WG\/ with the friz.e
tor "Best MusicG\I Act."

/Ill\
I -- -
• •
But 1-ou'II heVer .9uess who the Grahd Prize \.Jihher
was: 'Rowley's bab sitter, Lelahd.
y

r never thou8ht 1'd Q8ree with Rodrick oh

ah thih.9, hut
y
_f',.., startih.9 to wohder if ,-.,a
y
he
he was ri8ht Qbou+ LelQhd bein8 a nerd Qfter QII.

I-IEY, WI-IO'S
�E DUMMY
I-IERE?

Atter the show, Rodrick's bQnd CQl'V\e back to our

house to watch the videotQve of their vertorl'V\ahce.

\he
1
were all '9ru,-,,blin'9 about how the/ '9ot
�,robbed," and how the jud8es don't Know the .first_
thih'9 about rock and roll.

200
So their vlQh WQS to just l"'lQil the video+Qve ott
to Sol"'le record IQhels Qhd let their vertorl"'lQhCe
sveQk tor itselt.

\he y QII SQt dowh ih troht ot the TV Qhd

Rodrick vu+ the +Qve ih the f"t'lQchihe. But it took
aboot thirty secohds {or everyohe to realiz.e the
tQve WQS worthless. -

Yoo know how Rodrick QSked Morr1 to videotQve the

Show? vJell, she did Q vretty 8ood job ot tilrr1ih8, bot
she tQlked nonstov dorih8 the .first two rr1inotes. And
the C:Qf"lerQ f ic:ked Of ever little c:orr1Meht she f"lQde.
y

TI-tAT SI-URT MAKES

RODRICK'S ARMS LOOK
so SKINNY!

201
£.very tiMe Bill stuck out his toh8ue ahd .f1icked it
uy, ahd dowh like a rock star, you could hear MoM
rih8 ih with her oy,ihioh.

rh tact, the ohly tiMe Mot"'\ stoy,y,ed talkih8 was

wheh Rodrick did his druM solo. But durih8 that
y,ar+, the caMera was shakih8 arouhd so l"'luch +hat

you couldh't eVeh see ahythih8·

At tirst, Rodrick ahd his bahdMates were really

Mad. But +heh ohe ot the,..,, rel"'let"'lbered +hat the
school +ay,ed the \aleht Show, ahd it's suy,y,osed to
be oh the local cable chahhel toMorrow hi'9h+.

1 8uess +hat l"'\eahS they'll all be COMih8 hack over

to watch T�AT.

202
\hursday
vJell, thih8s have 8otteh REALLY had tor Me ih
the last .few hours.

Rodrick ahd his bahdMates caMe over arouhd 7 :00

tohi8ht to watch the \aleht Show oh TV. \hey _
sat throu8h the whole three-hour show uhtil their
bahd caMe oh.

\he school actually did a deceht job o.f tafih8 the

ver.forMahce, ahd thih8S were looKih8 vretty 8ood
Uf uhtil Rodrick's druM solo.

\hat's wheh MoM started dahcih8· Ahd whoever was

doih8 the tilMih8 z.ooMed ri8ht ih oh MoM, ahd kevt
the CQMerQ fOihted Qt her tor the rest o.f the soh8·

203
1hQt MeQht Rodrick didh't hQVe ANYT�ING he
could sehd to record coMfQhies. Ahd he WQS reQll/
MQd Qbout it, too.

At first he WQS MQd Qt MoM tor Messih'9 thih'9S u\'.

But MoM SQid thQt it Rodrick didh't WQht veovle to
dQhce, he Shouldh't \'IQ/ Music.

'\heh Rodrick turhed oh ME. \-\e SQid this WQS Qll

MY fQult J becQUSe it r just +Qved the show like he
Qsked Me to, hohe of this would've hQffehed.

But r told hiM +hQ+ MQybe it he WQSh't such Q

jerk r would hQVe dohe it tor hiM.
J

'We stQrted to ell Qt eQch other. MoM Qhd PQd

7
broke us Uf, Qhd +heh they seht Rodrick dowh to
his rooM Qhd Me Uf to Mihe.

20'-t
But Q couvle ot hours lQter r weht dowhStQirs J
o.hd r ro.h ihto Rodrick ih the kitcheh. He WQS

s,-.,ilih'9J so r khew so,-.,ethih'9 WQS Uf·

Rodrick told l"'le ,,,Y "secret was out."

A+ tirs+ J r didh't khow WhQ+ he WQS +QlkihB

o.hout. But +heh r Bot ;+: He WQS to.lkihB Qhout
the thih'9 thQ+ hQffehed to ,-.,e this su,-.,,-.,er.

r ro.h dowh to the hQse,-.,eht J o.hd r ficked Uf

Rodrick's fhohe to see it he hQd f'Y\Qde o.h _
y
co.Its. Ahd sure ehou'9h J it looked like he had
co.lied EVERY triehd ot his Who ho.d Q brother
or sister ,.,..
1 Q�e. ___________

'• t •,

By to,,,orrow l"'IOrhih.9, EVERYONE at ,,,t

school will khow the stor - Ahd
y
f',,,
sure Rodrick
e,ca.9.9erated the fads to l"'lake the stor souhd
y
eVeh WORSE.

20S
Now thd ,...,y secret's out there, r
waht to vut
oh record What REALLY ha ehed, Qhd hot
ff
Rodrick's twisted versioh.

So here it 8oes.

Over the su,...,,...,er, Me ahd Rodrick had to stay

with Grahd Q Qt his cohdo ih Leisure lowers tor
f

a .few days, But there was NOTI-IING to do,

ahd r was '90ih'9 bohkers.

r was so bored' r
broke out ,...,y old jourMI ahd
stQrted to write ih it. But takih8 out Q book
thQt SQid "J;Qr 1" oh the cover ih troht ot
Rodrick WQS Q �UGE f"'liStQke.

206
Rodrick stole "'Y jourhal Qhd rroQde Q ruh {or it.
1-\e vrobQbly would hQVe rr.Qde it ihto the bQthroorro
Qhd locked the door it Sorrleohe hQdh't let+
Gvthvsters sittih3 ovt.

0\1
�t!Jm.,
r SCOOfed +he book ott +he tloor Qhd rQh out
ihto the hQIIWQY Qhd dowh the stQirwell. \heh,
r ducked ihto the bQthroorro ih the rroQih lobby
Qhd locked rroysel{ ih Q stQII.

r kevt "'Y teet oft the .floor so thQt it Rodrick

CQMe ih J he wouldh't khow r
WQS ih there.

r khew thQt i{ Rodrick ,9ot Qhold of "'Y jourhal, it

r
would be Q hi'9htrrlQre. So decided to just rif +he
whole thih-9 ihto tihy little feces Qhd .flush therro
dowh the toilet. rt WQS better to just destroy the
thih8 +hQh risk Rodrick 8ettih'9 his hQhds oh it.

207
 9

But QS Sooh QS 1 StQrted riffih'9 fQ8es out ot the

hook, 1 heQrd the hQ+hrooM door Ofeh. _r_+hou8h+

it WQS Rodrick, so r just s+Q ed COMf letel

y y
still.

r didh't heQr Qh thih'9, So

y
r feeked over the +of
ot the s+Qll to see WhQ+ WQS 8oih8 oh. \hQ+'s wheh

r SQW Q WOMQh StQhdih'9 ih troht ot the Mirror,

fu+tih8 oh MQkeuf.

1 ti8ured the lQJ y

just QCcidehtQll
y
WQhdered ihto
the Meh's rooM, bec:Quse feofle Qt Leisure lowers Qre
QlWQ/s doih8 s+utt like +hQ+.

208
1 WQS Qhout to sveQk Uf Qhd tell this IQdy she
WQS ih +he wroh8 bQ+hrooM ) bu+ ri8h+ +heh
SoMeohe else WQlked ih. Ahd 8uess WhQ+? 1+ was
ANOT�ER WOMQh.

\hat's wheh r reQliz.ed +hat r WQS the ohe Who

Messed Uf) ahd 1 WQS ih +he WOMEN's bQ+hrooM.

1 vrQyed thQt those IQdies would just WQSh their

hQhds Qhd leave So r could MQke Q rvh tor it.
But they SQt dowh ih the stQIIS oh either side of r,ie,
Ahd every tir,ie ohe wor,iQh would leQVe the hQthroor,i,
Sor"'leohe else would COMe ih Qhd +Qke +heir flQce.
So r couldh't leave.

----- -
r -F Rowley thihks he had it had wheh those kids
Made hiM eat the Cheese, he sho1Jld try beih.9
stock ih the Leisure lowers IQdies' roo,-., tor Qh
hour Qhd Q hQI+. ---- -

r .91Jess SoMeohe eVeht1Jally heard Me ih there, ahd

they revorted Me to the troht desk. 'v-Jithih a -Few
,-.,ihotes 1 word Bot Qroohd the boildihB thQt there
WQS Q "Pee ih'9 lo,..,n ih the wo,-.,eh's roortl.
f

,----i!;i_ 000000

By the tiMe security caMe ih ahd .9ot Me 01Jt o.f

there, everyohe who lived ih Leis1Jre lowers was
dowh ih the lobby - Ahd Rodrick saw the whole
thih'9 ohtold ors+Qirs oh GrQhd Q's
f
TV.

210
Now th,d the story WdS out, r hew r couldh't
show r"ly tQCe Qt School. So r told Mort1 she WQS
'90hhQ hQVe to trQhSter rt1e sort1ewhere else, Qhd
1 told her why-

Mor-i Sdidr shouldh't worry dbout whdt other

veovle thihk. She told Me thdt "'Y cldSSMdtes
would uhderstQhd thQt_r hQd just rt1Qde Qh
"\ L "
nohest rt1istQ,::.e.

So thQt just vroves ohce Qhd tor QII thQt Mort1

doesh't uhderstdhd d Tl-UNG dbout kids "'Y d,9e.
Now 1'r-i bcbh,9 r-iysel.f .for hot keevih,9 uv "'Y
veh-vQ' relQtiohshif with MQrt1Qdou. BecQUSe it rt1e
dhd hir-i hdd stdyed ih touch, Mdybe r could hdVe
'90he to frQhce QS Qh e,cchQh'9e studeht Qhd hid
out Tl--tERE tor Q tew yeQrs.

211
 COMMENT
ALLEZ­ Y�,
VOUS?
1-tATEVER

- - �·
AEROPORT -

All r khow is ) the ohe vlQce r doh't WQht to

80 to,-.,orrow is school. Ahd it looks like thQt's
e,c<\ctl7 where 1'"' he<\ded.

frid<\X _ _ __ _ _ __
\he CRAZIEST thihS haffehed today. v-Jheh r
walked ih the door at school, a buhch o.f suys corhered
Me J ahd r hrQced Mysel.f tor the teasihs to start.
Bvt ihSte<\d of h<\r<\ssih.9 Me, the
y st<\rted
CONGRATULATING Me. --
E-ver ohe was shakih8 ""'/ hahd ahd vattih8 rvie oh
1
the back ) ahd r
didh't khow Wl--1AT was '90ih'9 oh.

1
\t-Jith all those 8u s +alkih8 to rvie a+ the sarvie
tirvie ) it took rvie a while to rviake sehse ot ah thih8·
1
But heres what rvius+ have havvehed.

\he stor/ Rodrick told his triehds 80+ vassed oh

to their brothers ahd sisters ) ahd +heh +he
1
told Tl--1EIR triehds.

Bu+ h/ the tirvie word svread arouhd ) all the -

1
details 80+ +o+all rviessed _ u\'· ________

So the stor
1 weht .frorvi rvie accidehtall
1
walkih8
ihto the worvieh's hathroorvi at Leisure lowers to
rvie ihtiltratih'9 the 8irls' locker roorvi at Crosslahd
�IG� SC�OOL.

213
1 cooldh't believe everythih,9 ,9ot twisted like
+ha+ but 1 wash"+ about to set the record
J

straiBh+, either.

/
/

All ot the suddeh, 1 was the hero at school. 1

eVeh Bot a hicKhaMe. Peovle were callin8 Me the
"Stea I thihator. n _ _________________ _________ ______

SoMeohe even Made Me a Stealthinator headhahd J

G\hd yoo better believe 1
wore it. 1\-iih,9s like this
1
NEVER havveh to Me, so wash'+ Bohha vass
Uf M/ MoMeht ot 8lor
1.
214
Ahd tor the tirst tit'Y\e ever, r Khew WhQ+ it
tel+ like to be +he t'Y\OSt fOfUIQr kid Qt school.

--
-
--
0
0

Uh-fortuMtely, the ,9irls wereh't QS ;,...,vressed

with MC QS the ,9uys were. rh -fQct, r thihk r
,..,,;Bh+ hQVe Q little trouble Be+tihB Sot'Y\eohe to Bo
to the VQlehtihe's PQhce with t"'le.

YOU'RE
DISGUSTING!

215
Mohdc1
y
You khow how Rodrick WQhted his bQhd to 3et
hoticed? \,,Jel I J he kihd ot 3ot his wish ) becQuse
EVERYBODY khoWS Who Lz;ded Piver is how. -

r ,9vess SoMehod
y
MVSt hc1ve thov,9ht the tc1ve o.f
MoM cvttih,9 loose c1t the \c1leht Show WQS vretty
fvhh , hecc1vse it's 11ll over the 1hterhet. Ahd
j
how ever ohe khows Rodrick r\e.ftle c1s the drvMMer
y y
trorre the "PQhcih3 Morre" video.

\:-ver sihce ) Rodrick's beeh hidih3 out ih the

bQserreeht J WQitih3 tor the whole thih3 to blow
over. Ahd 1 hQVe to Qdrreit 1 do teel kihd ot
J

sorry .for hi,..,,

1',-,.. 3e+tih3 teQsed Qbout the video Qt school )

too but Qt leQst 1',-,.. hot IN it.

)

216
Ahd eVeh +hou8ti Rodrick CQh be Q hu8e jerk
SoMetiMes, he IS M7 brother.

\o,.,_orrow is the Sciehce fair J ahd it Rodrick doesh't

turh ih a vroject J he's '90hha .fluhk out ot school.

So that's why 1 ottered to helv hi"" out with his

vroject J hut just -this ohe last ti"1e. vJe worked
to8ether QII hi'9ht, ahd 1 doh't "1eah to hrQ'9,

1
hut we did a reall Bood job.

Ahyway, wheh Rodrick Bets first Priz.e to"1orrow

ahd vasses Sciehce, r just hofe he realiz.es how
lucky he is to h�Ve � brother like ME.

-•

DOheSis:
½-\"IPot
plan-ts
proh<ih\.t
e.
snee-z.
 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I'll be forever grateful to my family for providing the inspiration,
encouragement, and support I need to create these books. A
huge thanks goes to my brothers, Scott and Pat; my sister, Re;
and to my mom and dad. Without you, there would be no
Heffleys. Thanks to my wife, Julie, and my kids, who have made
so many sacrifices to make my dream of being a cartoonist
come true. Thanks also to my in-laws, Tom and Gail, who have
been there with a helping hand during every deadline.

Thanks to the terrific folks at Abrams, especially Charlie

Kochman, an incredibly dedicated editor and a remarkable
human being, and to those people at Abrams with whom I've
had the pleasure of working most closely: Jason Wells,
Howard Reeves, Susan Van Metre, Chad W. Beckerman,
Samara Klein, Valerie Ralph, and Scott Auerbach. A special
thanks goes to Michael Jacobs.

Thanks to Jess Brallier for bringing Greg Heffley to the

world on Funbrain.com. Thanks to Betsy Bird (Fuse #8) for
wielding her considerable influence to spread the word
about Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Lastly, thanks to Dee Sockol-Frye,
and to all of the booksellers across the country who put
these books into kids' hands.

ABOUT TME AUTMOR

Jeff Kinney is an online game developer and designer, and a
#1 New York Times bestselling author. In 2009, Jeff was
named one of Time magazine's 100 Most Influential People in
the World. He spent his childhood in the Washington, D.C.,
area and moved to New England in 1995. Jeff lives in
southern Massachusetts with his wife and their two sons.
 *"A laugh-out-loud 'novel
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in cart oons . . . should keep
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readers in stitches. g
d ,ghtfu\, hilarity."
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oo n -fi \\e -Publishers Weekly,
cart -kirkus
nove\.., starred review
Reviews
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