To Love You is No Great Burden

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/38513335.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Crescent City Series - Sarah J. Maas
Relationship: Lidia Cervos/Ruhn Danaan, NightBright, RuhnLidia
Character: Ruhn Danaan, Lidia Cervos
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Tumblr Prompt, Soft Ruhn,
Emotional Damage, Post-War, HOSAB Spoilers, Spoilers, NightBright -
Freeform, Ruhn is a soft supportive boi, Lidia is gonna have a LOT of
emotional baggage
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2022-04-21 Words: 2,106 Chapters: 1/1

To Love You is No Great Burden

by HLizR50

Summary

Oneshot from a Tumblr prompt: "You're not a burden..."

Lidia had been silent since they left the gala, walking at his side with her strappy heels in her hand.
It grated on him, but Ruhn didn’t want to push her. It was difficult for him to watch her go through
this - to encourage her to be brave and put herself out there and watch as people glared and gawked
and did much worse things.

The proof was blooming purple and blue across her cheek.

The only words she’d spoken since the enormous Vanir male had sent her sprawling, the navy silk
and chiffon fluttering like ocean waves in the firstlight, were in the whispered plea to the Valbaran
prince to not make a scene. To not beat the asshole to a bloody pulp. So, after a menacing glare and
a purely male display of bared teeth, he’d turned, helped his mate to her feet, and began ushering
her out of the gallery.

He wouldn’t ask her why she hadn’t stopped him, even though she could have easily killed the
hulking male. They’d had the conversation too many times, and it would only leave him frustrated,
feeling helpless for not being able to help her deal with all of this. For not being able to convince
her that it was okay to defend herself. She was too aware of her history, too sure that any act of
violence, even in self defense, would foster the opinion that the Hind was still a menace and had
been set free upon the gleaming streets of the Crescent City. Sometimes he even felt guilty for
saving her life and bringing her back home with him. Lidia Cervos had sacrificed more than the
world realized. Had given all of herself, so that her dream of a better world might one day come
true. She hadn’t expected to live to see it, nor to experience the backlash from the citizenry that
would not or could not understand. Even as they benefited from all that she’d given up.

Ruhn’s tongue worked on the ring in his lip, his concern growing in the lengthening quiet. Even as
he ushered her through their door, she said nothing.

“Come on, sweet girl,” he murmured as he began guiding her toward their bedroom and the
adjoining master bath, “Let’s get you into something comfortable and check on that bruise.”

A small nod. No eye contact.

She gave him nothing. No smiles. No scathing remarks. No eye rolls when he couldn’t help but
admire her body when her gown had fallen to the floor before he gingerly pulled his black hoodie
over her head. It nearly fell to her knees.

It wasn’t until he was gently thumbing at her swollen cheek, ensuring that the injury required
nothing more than ice and fae healing, that the words - far too small for a woman so strong -
whispered into existence.

“I’m sorry.”

Ruhn’s brows furrowed as he looked down at her, head tilting. He kept his hand on her cheek,
letting his thumb slide gently over her discolored skin. “What in the world are you sorry for?”
When her lashes lowered, her gaze falling to the floor, he tilted her head back up to face him. She
took a deep breath, her eyes growing glassy.

“For all of this. For everything.” Lidia sniffled, her bottom lip starting to tremble. And the prince
thought his heart might shatter. “You have only been loving and understanding and good. And the
gods have burdened you with someone like me. You can’t take your mate and enjoy a night out at
a restaurant, or partake in charity galas or balls, or be the leader you were meant to be. Because
your mate is the Hind -”

“ Was the Hind,” he cut her off, and her eyes grew luminous and defiant.

“Does it matter?” she cried. “Nobody will forget, Ruhn. You could do so much more, have so
much more. But instead you’re here. With me. After another ruined evening. And I’m sorry.” The
tears were falling freely, and she made no move to wipe them away. Ruhn’s eyes widened at her
admission.

“Oh, baby , no,” he whispered fiercely. His hands found her hips and lifted her onto the marble
surface of the double vanity. Cupping her cheeks, he leaned his forehead against hers. “Lidia, you
are not a burden. You could never be.” Her lids remained closed, her vulnerability flowing over her
cheeks and sagging her shoulders.

“I just…” she trailed off, and her uncertainty squeezed uncomfortably at his insides. He knew how
much she hated being unsure of herself. How for years she knew exactly what she was doing. How
she should feel and react. How she should be . Now, without Ophion, without a war, she was just a
civilian. Something she hadn’t been since she was a child. The newness of a peace-time life, and
the shadow of the Hind, had knocked her off balance. And, even though the two of them now
shared a home and a life together, Lidia was still understandably reluctant to open up about her
perceived weaknesses and insecurities. She had been cold and unmoving, never had the option of
being anything else. His hands moved away from her face and found her hands, clutching them
atop her thighs.
“Come on, Lids. Talk to me,” Ruhn urged, giving those hands a gentle squeeze. “After everything
we’ve been through? You know you can.” It almost startled him when she quickly removed her
hands from his grasp and gripped his face, her eyes molten gold and shimmering with emotion as
they finally lifted to meet his own.

“I need you to be honest with me, Ruhn. You are easily the best thing that has happened to me. My
first friend. My first love. The first to accept me, monster and all.” Her voice was hushed and
steady in spite of her tears. “I carry the weight of so much guilt, every day. But what I can’t bear
the thought of, more than anything, is that I could very well be ruining your life. That your
reputation is irreparably damaged because of me, and that you will never be able to reach your
potential because you are too stubborn and good to give up on me.” Her confession washed over
him, and it both warmed and broke his heart.

The prince knew of her guilt. He’d held her close, whispering sweet words when the consuming
darkness had woken her from slumber with crying and screaming and begging for forgiveness.
And, though she had forgiven him far too quickly than he deserved, Ruhn still felt the shame,
knowing that he’d abandoned her in the Eternal City. For so long, as she pleaded for him to listen,
to just give her a chance as the fire-swathed agent he’d known on the bridge, and not the creature
she had to pretend to be.

But never, in the ten months since the Asteri had been defeated and the two of them, along with his
sister, Athalar, and his band of brothers had all begun working with the leaders of Pangera to usher
in a new political and social era, had he realized that she was so concerned just for him . For his
image. His reputation. What it would mean for him to enter a room with Lidia Cervos at his side.

He hated it. All of it. And he wished so many times that he would have done more, instead of being
an embittered male who never truly tried to break from his father’s grasp beyond rebelling with
piercings and tattoos and a shitty attitude. Maybe he could have helped her. Maybe she wouldn’t
have had to become the Hind. He knew, realistically, that those thoughts didn’t serve him. There
was no changing the past, and even if he would have joined Ophion sooner, the chances of
crossing paths with her would have been infinitesimally small. But this… Solas, that she felt guilt
for him…

Ruhn didn’t give a flying fuck about his reputation. Had he ever?

“Lidia Cervos, you listen to me,” he practically growled. His hands folded over hers at his jaw, and
his gaze burned into her eyes as he brought the fingers of one hand to his lips, and then the other.
“You, of all people, should know that I don’t pretend. I don’t deal with societal bullshit and I
couldn’t care less about political maneuvering.” Her jaw dropped, a rebuttal imminent, but he
stopped her with a sharp ‘ No’ .

“I can probably count on one hand - two hands max - the number of people whose opinions really
matter to me. And all of those people - Flynn and Dec, Ithan, Willow, Bryce… Hel, even Pax and
Athalar - they know who you are.” The prince blinked away for a moment, to lean in and press his
lips firmly to her brow, and then he continued. “I don’t give a single, solitary fuck about what
anyone out there has to say about my relationship with you. You deserve to be a part of this world,
Lidia. And I’ll be damned if I don’t spend the rest of my life defending your sacrifice and telling
everyone, whether they want to hear it or not, that we would still be slaves to the Asteri if it
weren’t for you. That is the only thing that matters to me.”

His eyes were burning with the fierceness of that devotion, and he had to flutter his lashes to try to
dry the building moisture that was threatening to overflow.

“Ruhn.” Her voice was so quiet and soft, a muted melody of pain and gratitude and something that
sounded too much like disbelief for his liking.

“Lidia. My sweet girl.” It was his turn to cup her cheeks, taking care not to press too heavily into
the bruise that had started the current spiral. “I know I will never understand the weight of your
guilt, and I pray to whatever god or goddess will listen that one day you will let me help you
shoulder it. But you are not ruining my life, and you are not a burden. I fucking love you, and I
would choose you over any stuffy Vanir and over any political post. You gave me purpose and
direction, and now, when I feel stressed or uncertain or incapable, I think of you and how strong
and brave and cunning you are. You give me the strength to fulfill my potential, Lidia. Not the
other way around.” Those luminous, golden eyes grew rounder and wider with each devoted word.
And then she asked one tiny question with an adorable little sniffle, like a timid youngling who had
never been able to trust anyone at all.

“You promise?” Hope gleamed like the sun in her wide-eyed stare. Child-like and innocent and
heartbreaking. Ruhn’s lips curled up into what he only hoped was an encouraging - yet devastating
- grin.

“I promise, Lidia.”

His mate flung her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, shoulders heaving as she
set her emotions free. She was crying. Sobbing . Allowing him to be what he’d only dreamed he
could be for her. A rock. A support. Someone she could depend on. Someone with whom she
could be entirely honest and open and vulnerable. He wrapped his muscled arms around her, only
just realizing that he was still in the crisp, blood red button-down shirt and gray trousers from the
gallery event that had become a distant memory. His hands traced the length of her spine as he
whispered hushes and pressed tender kisses into Lidia’s hair.

It was unknown minutes before she quieted, still holding onto him as if he might disappear at any
moment. Taking advantage he lifted her up, a smile forming as her legs automatically wrapped
around his hips. He kept his arms around the small of her back, determined to be a good boy and
not grab her by her pert little ass in that sweet, tender moment.

“Why don’t we cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, okay?” He was already carrying her out to
the living room when she nodded against him before burrowing herself further into his neck. And
as he held her close in the muted light of the television, his fingers brushing over her back and
thighs and arms and twirling into her hair, he felt her sigh, her body relaxing more than he had ever
seen from her.

“I love you, too, Ruhn,” she whispered, his pulse skittering where her breath warmed his neck. And
he knew, in that moment, that everything was going to be alright.

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