Hi my name is Emily. I'm tired. I feel helpless. I'm about to go to Rosario to my dad's house.

The last time I saw him, I think he was about 14 years old. Now I am 20 years old. My father
has a wife and two daughters, the 3 of them live in a very nice and big house,
I plan to stay there for a long time, until I fully recover or so my mother says, but I feel like I
will never be able to recover or at least not fully. I have been struggling for 2 years with an
eating disorder.
My mom does her best to help me every day, but this month is different. It is Tomás'
tournament, he has been playing football for 3 years and it is very important that someone is
there for him, I would like to be able to go but my mom thinks it would be better if I go with
my dad and be accompanied by someone, even if I go to my father's It's the same as staying
home alone. I never got along badly with him but he always worked all day and we almost
never saw each other at home, I think it's for the same reason that my mother decided to
separate, I know it won't be the same as before since I haven't seen him in 6 years and I
have another mentality and I guess he does too.
I arrived at my father's. I'm nervous. They were waiting for me with a plate of abundant food
on the table, I can't explain what I felt at that moment. The days go by and I only think about
lunchtime. In this house they make it seem like the most important thing, even though deep
down I know it is.
I get along with my sisters or I don't even know what they are anymore, "daughters of my
father's wife".
We talk about everything, I feel comfortable. Now it's Saturday, I made one of the most
important decisions of my life, I decided that on Monday I'm going to live in a house for
people with tca, so I can recover? I'm scared, but I feel that going to this place is not going to
be enough if I don't put in all my will. Not like days ago, I hardly have any strength. It's
Monday. My father's wife takes me to the rehabilitation center. It's very awkward, we're both
silent. my father was not there much, I don't know why this time I expected it to be different..
we are almost there, I am trembling from the fear that I feel at this moment, my father's wife
noticed it, and she told me that everything was going to be fine, that she herself was going to
take care of communicating with my mother so that she would be at so much of everything
and that in the same way she was sure that my mother would come to visit me.
I think it's the first real conversation I've had with her, since we never saw each other much
at home, because she was always doing her homework or playing with her daughters.
I have just arrived..
I say goodbye to everyone and go inside.
It is a place full of people, the vibes here are strange.
The days go by and I feel comfortable, I feel that people here are like me, or at least they
understand what I'm going through.
I have been here for 1 month and every day there are new obstacles to overcome, 2 months
I am very well and more and more motivated. It has been 5 months, and I am very happy
and proud of what I have achieved. Tomorrow I return home... My mother came to visit me
every day. What motivates me most at this time is thinking about going home. I imagine
sitting on the couch at home with my little brother and mother, finally eating.
It's already the day to go home, my mother seems more excited than me, I grabbed my
suitcase and ran to the car. When I left I found the most unexpected surprise, my father's
wife was also there. When she saw me, she had a huge smile on her face. The first thing
she told me was that she wanted me to visit her again, that she would be more than
welcome at her house, and that her daughters wanted to play with me again. Now I find her
very nice. I think the first moment I saw her I somehow felt threatened.
I said goodbye to her and got in the car with my mom.
During the trip my mother kept asking me questions, she seemed very happy that I was
coming home.
When I arrived I ran into Tomas and he came running to hug me. I had never missed him so
much, we sat down and I felt like we talked for hours but the talk never ended. He was very
happy to see me again and he kept telling me how it went with the trip. I think he's the only
person who hasn't treated me differently since I came back. Everyone was very worried
while he kept telling me about the game and the new friends he made.
I feel very comfortable with my mother and Tomas...
I know that even if I have recovered I will never be a "normal" girl, but I think that's what life
is about, healing and moving on.