Nowadays, there are a number of museum which charge the visitor with an entrance ticket while

many others are still free. In my opinion, the required admission for visiting the museum has more
benefits than drawbacks.

However, the admission which is required to enter the museum might be the obstacle for those
who want to visit the museum but do not have a sufficient fund. With the admission, the museum
seems to be an exclusive place for the have ones only.

On the other hand, The admission can be used for museum’s maintenance, so that it will be able to
provide better service and excellent quality of the museum’s content. As a result, the visitor will get
the great experience when visiting the museum. For example, when museum displays the famous
artist’s masterpiece, it also need to pay for the display’s license to the artist. Hence, the admission
will allow the museum to provide exclusive content for its visitor.

In addition, entrance fee will be the filter for the visitor. Thus, the people who enter such museum
will have a common interest and intention. For example, enjoying the art, the visitor will be
comfortable with such environment due to the conducive situation. Moreover, there are number of
people who enjoy the solitude moment when they are in the museum, they likely to prefer the quiet
and friendly atmosphere. If there is no admission required for museum’s entrance, It might lead to
chaotic atmosphere due to the crowded situation.

All in all, although the entrance’s admission might bring the drawback, on the other hand, it will also
provide the advantageous which can be beneficial not only for the customer, but also the museum
itself.

EXTRA COMMENTS:

1. Please provide a balanced argument in the 2nd paragraph by adding more explanations and
an example
2. It would be best to follow a main idea with an explanation first rather than an example

Task Response: 6.0

 addresses all parts of the task although some parts may be more fully covered than
others
 presents a relevant position although the conclusions may become unclear or
repetitive
 presents relevant main ideas but some may be inadequately developed/unclear

Coherence & Cohesion: 6.0

 arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may
be faulty or mechanical
 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately uses paragraphing, but not
always logically
Lexical Resource: 6.0

 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task

 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede
communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.0

 uses only a limited range of structures

 attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
 may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can
cause some difficulty for the reader

WT 2 BAND: 6.0