Writing practice #1_Task 1

Made Dewinta Cahyaningtyas

The bar chart shows how many times the citizen of the USA tended to eat at fast-food restaurant on the
years of 2003, 2006 and 2013.

Overall, between 2003 until 2013, people in the USA mostly went to fast-food restaurants either once a
week or once or twice a month. Meanwhile, there were only a few people who went to eat fast food
every day, as well as those who never ate it at all.

During the ten-year period, the chart shows that the frequency of people in the USA who usually ate fast
food once a week and once or twice a month was consistently above 20%. Whereas the "once a week"
group reached their highest percentage in 2006, and the "once or twice a month" group got their
highest rate in 2013. The peak of both groups is more than 30% of people.

Turning to the four other groups, the percentage was consistently above 20% in the ten-year period. The
"several times a week" group reach the top of their percentage at 2006 which 20% of people. As for the
"few times a year" group reach their highest percentage in two consecutive periods in 2006 and 2013
with 15% of people. On the other hand, the two other groups opposite each other, the group of people
who went to fast food restaurant every day and they who never went had the same percentage
averagely, which is above 5% of people over the ten-year period.

EXTRA COMMENTS:

1. Please be more specific when presenting the data of each group/variable since the reader would
like to know the detailed information from the chart. In this particular question, you should
present more data for the groups which had significant figures. Please refer to the sample
answer that I provided for your reference. Furthermore, the way you presented the data was
pretty much the same and monotone. You might want to start your sentence with the
percentage first instead of using the groups as the subject.

2. Try to vary your vocabulary by avoiding using the same words repeatedly. You should use
synonyms for the frequently used words such as percentage, group, reach, etc.

3. Please improve your grammatical aspects as there are many errors that should not be there,
such as plural nouns, prepositions, and the correct use of tense. Moreover, be more careful with
spelling mistakes and word choices.

Task Response: 5.0

 generally addresses the task; the format may be inappropriate in places
 recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview; there may be no data to support the
description
 presents, but inadequately covers, key features/bullet points; there may be a tendency to
focus on detail
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
 arranges information and ideas coherently and there is a clear overall progression
 uses cohesive devices effectively, but cohesion within and/or between sentences may be
faulty or mechanical
 may not always use referencing clearly or appropriately

Lexical Resource: 6.0

 uses an adequate range of vocabulary for the task
 attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy
 makes some errors in spelling and/or word formation, but they do not impede
communication

Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5.0

 uses only a limited range of structures
 attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
 may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty; errors can cause
some difficulty for the reader

WT 1 BAND: 5.5