Hi Maggie!!

I really enjoyed your story, and I think you’ve got a really great start. Your plot is engaging and
entertaining, allowing for backstory and context to be easily woven in. You’ve got some really
great descriptions and I think it wraps up beautifully. It’s the perfect plotline for a short story, and
I feel like I get a really great amount of information within the 5ish pages!

Your protagonist is well-written, with a solid amount of characterization. I wish I knew as much
about the (pseudo) antagonist, Oliver, though it makes sense that Amelia wouldn’t know the
whole story. It seems like the POV is 3rd person limited, so I’m not surprised by this too much.
I’d encourage you to add a little more flesh to Oliver, through more descriptions from Amelia. I
really like the line where she gets a little derailed over their honeymoon, and I’d love to see
more of that! I’m a big fan of talking to myself, so it’d be great to add more of her voice.

There are a few grammatical issues and/or phrasing problems that I’ve highlighted in your draft,
with some suggested corrections! Feel free to use or ignore them, but editing is kinda my jam
and I thought it’d help out! You’ve got a lot of great descriptions, but when so many are put in
the same sentence it can detract from each little detail. I’d say that focusing on little things can
really help flesh out a paragraph, but sometimes I really enjoyed how thorough your descriptions
were. Player’s choice, but feel free to let me know if you need any extra help editing once you
finish revisions.

The ending is really nice, and it wraps it up together quite nicely. I’d suggest adding a little more
to flesh out what Amelia is seeing in the mirror. Is her face clean of the makeup she’d cried off
prior? How does her hair look now? What makes her empowered? I think describing her new
appearance to contrast with her initial description would be a really strong way to show what
“empowered” looks like to her.

Overall, I really enjoyed your story and I can’t wait to see the end product!!

- Andy Chapman <3