Topic 5

Communication in the Context of Relationships

• By the end of this topic, you should be able to:
• 1. Describe the importance of establishing personal relationships;
• 2. Explain three evolutionary stages of a personal relationship;
• 3. Describe the four phases of relationships;
• 4. Describe the factors influencing personal relations at the workplace;
• 5. Describe the relationship between communication and social
change in society; and
• 6. Describe cultural implications in the context of personal relationship.
 COMMUNICATION AND PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIP
• Personal relationships in friendship are forged when there is communication between one individual
and another or several other individuals. Friendship established between people is an important
dimension in interpersonal communication. It is a unique relationship due to commitment sealed
between individuals based on certain rules, types of relationships and also environmental context. A
Malay proverb states that a friend to laugh with is easy to find but a friend to cry with is hard to
come by. Is this true? Have we ever thought of what makes a lasting relationship? How many among
us truly have genuine friends? How long does a friendship last? What causes a long-standing
friendship to end? In daily life, we often relate to others and establish a social relationship with
friends either old or young. We not only interact but also at times attempt to create a close personal
relationship with people in our communication network. What is important in the personal
relationship is commitment between individuals in establishing friendship. When we regard
someone as a friend, we assume the person is close to us and can share his ideas with us. The
classification of friendship depends on experience, needs and personal background of a person.
However, consciously or not, we actually have certain objectives in establishing communication
relations with people we regard as friends. Some people believe that close relationships will bring
happiness in life, while others think close relationships will result in difficulty and troubles. Is it true
that friendship gives meaning to life or only creates difficulties? Our next discussion will focus on
several aspects related to communication in friendship and issues that often arise in such a
relationship. The issue is how communication influences a lasting friendship and how conflicts
between individuals can be controlled to establish a better and meaningful relationship. What
pattern of communication can be seen in friendship? By looking at certain signs or indicators in
friendship, we can see the roles of verbal and non-verbal communication in such a relationship.
5.1.1 The Importance of Establishing Personal
Relationships Some of the objectives for
establishing friendship are:
• (a) Satisfying Human Needs Humans are social creatures. They have
certain needs which must be fulfilled. Many people need friendship
to avoid loneliness, solve conflicts or be loved. People also need each
other to live and to fulfil their desire to socialise. A person will find it
easier to adapt himself in relationships if he is comfortable with other
people. It is normal for people to want to feel needed. The
relationship is established for the purpose of getting attention from
others and satisfying the desire to love and to be loved.
• (b) Controlling Situations Every individual attempts to form and
maintain influence in a friendship. In certain conditions, a person
wishes to ascertain that his relationship is stable, comfortable and
within his control.
• EVOLUTION OF PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS Personal relationships are formed in
unique conditions through certain stages as illustrated in Figure 5.1 below.
• (a) Level 1: Beginning of Friendship At the early stage of friendship, a relationship
begins with interaction in the form of an introduction between a person and the
new acquaintance. The first contact involves initial perception of each other. At
this stage, a person makes personal evaluation about the other person by
generally looking at his style of dressing, charisma, style of speech, attitudes or
non-verbal communication. Based on this evaluation, a perception is formed. In
establishing this perception, a person usually looks at similarities that exist
between them and then decides whether the relationship would be continued or
not. It is also at this early stage that a person exchanges ideas in his effort to
learn more about interests or similarities that exist between them because by
knowing the other person, the person will feel more relaxed and comfortable in
communicating and sharing his ideas.
• (b) Level 2: Close Relations A close relationship is established once people find their
relationship satisfying. At this stage, the feeling that one is in need of each other is
created. Those who reach this level of friendship are more open to sharing their
happiness and frustration. Trust and commitment are important here because they will
start sharing plans and hopes. Consequently, the individuals involved in the relationship
begin to form a friendship. They then do and share many things together. Such a
relationship is found among close friends or a close couple who intend to set up a family.
• (c) Level 3: Strong Relations Relationship at this level requires commitment. The
individuals involved will make plans for the future and agree to share their lives
together. This relationship does not only involve romantic ones but also between close
friends, business partners and so on. For example, housemates who agree to stay
together will share in the payment of rental, bills and food. Business partners also plan
for the future of the company they own. Team cooperation is vital among the members
of an army when facing a battle.
• A personal relationship which grows from one level to another depends on the
decisions made by both sides. The decision to maintain a friendship can be either to
remain at the early acquaintance stage or to pursue intimacy at a higher level.
• 5.2.1 Phases of Relationship and Communication Needs Every individual must go
through various levels to establish a personal relationship and friendship
throughout his life. Different relationships are naturally formed throughout
peoples lives due to individual requirements that change according to age and
environment. In general, there are four phases of relationships in friendship
which occur during various phases of a persons life (see Figure 5.2).
• (a) Childhood Phase During childhood, the tendency is to choose to interact and
communicate with friends based on physical characteristics such as height, size as
well as physical things owned by peers. The process of establishing friendship at
this level is based on each others abilities and similarities discovered during the
time spent interacting with one another. Everyone tries to highlight himself. The
established relationship may create friendships. When this happens, they tend to
communicate within the same circle of friends. Such a situation motivates them
to share a common space. In the context of communication between friends,
children have the tendency to share interests and show sensitivity towards
feelings and conditions around them. Children often communicate with the
purpose of creating understanding and developing a common aim.
• (b) Teenage Phase The culture of communication among friends is different from that
of family members. The experience of communicating with friends often creates a
closer relationship among them. Therefore, the desire to form a closer friendship
causes teenagers to form a group personality. Teenagers also perceive friendship as
recognition and acceptance. The selection of certain individuals to be considered as
friends is made based on personal qualities and capability to understand attitudes,
feelings and thoughts that are more intimate and dyadic. Teenagers prefer to
communicate with friends who they can talk to and share problems and opinions with.
The characteristics of a friendship occurring at the teenage level are:
• (i) Trust in each other and in performing responsibilities expected in a friendship;
• (ii) Sincerity in communicating with peers and in making and expressing views and
opinions;
• (iii) Confidence in themselves and ability to defend their own attributes; and
• (iv) Trustworthiness towards peers is considered important in a teenage relationship. In
the case of disloyalty, the person who is disloyal is deemed as breaking the norm and as
being disrespectful of his friends. The ability to communicate and interact with peers
help teenagers in discussing various issues. The communication process is important in
helping them create a self-identity that is stable throughout their growing years.
• (c) Adult Phase Friendships that occur during a persons adult phase establishes
trust and leaves a deep impression. However, barriers exist when people are
separated geographically and have different individual needs. At the adult stage,
a persons life gets more complex as a result of work, mixing with members of
other communities and initiating a close relationship with another person.
Sometimes, competition in life may also cause one to neglect or abandon an
existing adult relationship.
• (d) Old Age Phase At this level, people prefer to establish relationships within a
small group. Communication at this stage is rather closed and limited to a few
friends of the same age. Meanwhile, message sharing at this level focuses on
experience, spiritual life or family.
• 5.2.2 Controlling Conflict in Personal Relations Every friendship established does
not necessarily end in happiness. In a personal relationship, changes in condition,
time and environment can influence the friendship. When a person in a group
fails to fulfil the requirements of a relationship, the friendship will face difficulties.
If a dispute raised in a personal relationship cannot be redressed, it can result in a
conflict. A conflict will cause communication problems which can lead to an
unstable relationship. What are the factors that can cause conflicts in personal
relations? When there is imbalance or differences between individuals, a
harmonious situation will change. A difference of opinion that cannot be resolved
will lead to disputes or quarrels. Sometimes, a relationship without conflicts may
also make the friendship distant because each side feels very comfortable as
there is no issue to be discussed (see Figure 5.3).
• When a relationship becomes distant, the number of shared messages also
dwindles. Existing communication becomes routine and personal interests are
upheld. The situation worsens when conflicts cannot be rectified anymore.
Communication no longer helps the relationship and this adversely affects the
long established friendship. What are the ways to solve conflicts in a personal
relationship? It is undeniable that personal conflicts are not easy to resolve.
Conflict resolution among individuals can sometimes be achieved and sometimes
results in a dead end. There are many ways of overcoming differences in a
relationship. Individuals can get a better understanding of the differences
through discussions that are open and focused on the problems at hand. It is
important to listen and understand the problem. When harmony exists, a
resolution may be achieved to satisfy the wants and needs of all the parties
involved in the conflict.
 COMMUNICATION AT THE WORKPLACE
• When we examine communication at a workplace, we are actually looking at
interpersonal communication occurring in an organisation. The way an
organisation functions depends on the activities of that organisation and the
extent to which its members carry out the organisations operations. The system
of relationship in an organisation ranges from the relationships of individuals to
the complex relationships that involve the whole organisation. Each member of
an organisation may interact face to face or online with the leader, subordinate
or other individuals outside the organisation. The more complex the system in
an organisation, the more complex will be the relationships between members.
Therefore, the pattern of communication practised in an organisation is very
important in establishing a harmonious relationship for a conducive working
environment. A good working environment and good leadership improves
professionalism, management and quality of work, all of which contribute
towards achieving organisational goals. Good relationship between an employer
and employees of the organisation will contribute to higher productivity and
better returns.
• 5.3.1 The Function of Communication at the Workplace In an organisational
context, messages are classified based on task, policy and membership. Each
member of an organisation plays a different role and according to his level and
rank in establishing the exchange of messages in the communication network.
Communication activities such as interview, discussions, meetings and other
verbal communication in the form of formal writing are conducted formally or
informally. Individual roles in a communication system are determined by the
structure of relationship and the system of an organisation. In general,
communication in the context of relationships among organisational members
aims at informing, persuading, making progress and integrating that or other
re l at i o n s h i p s . C o n s i d e r i n g t h e i m p o r ta n c e o f co m m u n i cat i o n , t h e
communication mediator or channel used to interact in a work situation must be
taken into account. Communication at a workplace requires members of an
organisation to have a special level of interactive capability and is bound by
certain principles decided by the organisation.
• Why is communication considered important at the workplace? An organisation
has a hierarchy and formal procedures in order to function well. Communication
is one of the important elements in an organisation no matter where and when it
takes place, be it in a meeting, formal or informal correspondence, e-mail,
appointment or daily interaction in the office. How does information
communicated within an organisation, whether with business colleagues or those
involved directly or indirectly with the organisation, influence the performance of
an organisation? Every form of interaction, beginning with an interview up to a
relationship based on daily work, involves certain behavioural conduct on the
part of organisational members. The organisation structure is formed by
individuals as a result of a communication process at the workplace. In the
relationship between employer and employees, communication serves to control,
motivate, inform, as well as state or voice out emotion. The communication
climate in an organisation is created by the members perception resulting from
the relationship between employer and employees at the workplace.
• Communication among organisational members takes place all the time and in
every activity. Interactions that take place in open communication at the
workplace create a conducive organisational climate. Trust and mutual respect
unite organisational members, causing them to be satisfied in performing their
work. A conflict, on the other hand, will lead to a misunderstanding or harsh
words being spoken or cause members to suffer emotional stress. All these
finally lead to job dissatisfaction.
• 5.3.2 Factors Influencing Personal Relations at the Workplace
• (a) Roles and Functions Every individual in an organisation has specific tasks and responsibilities. A person is employed to fulfil
a given role as determined by the management of the organisation. A manager, for example, is responsible for leading a group
of executives and at the same time, maintain organisational interests. Formally, their task at this level is to report to top
management on the performance of staff and the level of company achievement. The formal task determines who is involved
in the communication network. A manager communicates with members of other departments or units in the organisation or
outside the organisation. He also interacts informally with acquaintances. In whatever situation, communication is established
in formal and informal networks.
• (b) Communication Climate The communication climate of an organisation influences its work situation. It affects the
members and the relationships between them. Openness contributes to a climate that is conducive for two-way
communication, while a rigid situation hinders effective communication and causes job dissatisfaction. The size and type of
organisation, formal or informal, also determines communication climate. The bigger and more formal an organisation, the
more complex will be the communication that takes place in it. Another factor that influences the communication climate is
the pattern of leadership practised in the organisation.
• (c) Communication Flow Communication flow influences work relationships and information sharing between organisational
members. From the managementÊs perspective, information sharing among employers, employees and individuals outside
the organisation is vital. Therefore, members of an organisation must understand the process of information channelling.
• (d) Communication Mediators Information channelled effectively in an organisation is usually in the form of writing, pictures,
a combination of writing and pictures and a combination of verbal exchanges, writing and pictures. The information
technology available today is introducing new ways in organisational communication. Office automation has changed
communication methods that were previously done manually. The selection of communication mediators used at the
workplace depends on several factors.
• These are as follows:
• (a) Mediator sources that are available in the organisation.
• (b) Cost effectiveness in comprehensive communication with all members of the organisation. The use of electronic mail or e-
mail, for example, is faster and saves cost compared to mail correspondence.
• (c) The impact of the mediator used in an organisation whether successful in
achieving the objectives of the message delivered and the speed of feedback
received.
• (d) The capacity of applied mediator devices and the extent to which the
communicator is able to deliver the information and understand the message
delivered are crucial. The capability of members to use information technology
and communication ensure that the information is received and utilised in a
timely and effective manner. Skills in using computer applications and software
facilitate task work and the internal and external communication of an
organisation. Selection of communication mediators may influence the desired
effect of the communication. Information may flow from top to bottom or vice
versa and it involves a combination of media, consumers and the kinds of
communication activities performed. Formal communication in a working
environment must be identified, planned comprehensively and carried out
continuously. It must be sensitive to the organisational situation and needs, open
to ideas and suit organisational objectives. Communication that is burdened with
ambiguity and uncertainty will result in mixed reactions and misunderstanding
among members. Understanding of the roles of each member in communication
is crucial in order to prevent conflicts.
 COMMUNICATION AND SOCIETY
• Living in a society requires various important factors to be taken into account. A good
communication practice involves not just oneself but also others. The ability to adapt oneself in
social situations can be useful in building personal relationships with other groups. 5.4.1
Understanding the Concept of Society As stated by Mandelbaum (1972), the concepts of community
are as follows: (a) A society consists of individuals who orientate themselves as inhabitants in a
certain environment. (b) Norms and culture of a society depend on the extent to which social
perception is shaped to accept and adapt the aspects of the individuals life. (c) The society always
changes and the changes are highlighted in the communication process which takes place.
• Therefore, the communication process in a community becomes more complex due to the existence
of a system in the community itself. Among the barriers that complicate communication in a society
are population factor; overlapping of values and roles; and existence of factories, housing areas,
crime-prone areas, illegal settlement areas, etc (see Figure 5.6).
• (a) Channel The channels that are used as a communication mediator should be able to achieve the
goals of communication delivered in the messages to the whole community effectively. Various
forms of media like newspaper or electronics are able to deliver messages that can be received and
understood by members of the society in different parts of the country. (b) Information Processing
This involves tasks such as storing and delivering information, as well as encoding and decoding it.
Information processing centres can be established in various communities to help members of the
society. (c) Code All symbols used in a code should be made into a system that can be easily
deciphered by the public.
• Besides the factors explained above, an effective communication system should take into account the
following two important aspects:
• (a) The existence of an effective communication system that integrates the various forms of media
received by a community An effective communication system aims at ensuring that all information can
be distributed widely. The integration of various forms of media enables the society to select a suitable
and meaningful news channel and in accordance with their needs. This channel should also facilitate
the process of accessing needed information.
• (b) A system of storing information that is effective and free from the influence of any party This
system should be consistent with the capacity of the community and institutions distributing the
information so that the society may utilise the information effectively. We also need to pay attention to
the sources of information in the context of the society. Usually, the institution that has the influence
and a high financial capacity has more capability to distribute information widely. Such an institution is
able to shape the societyÊs thought orientation which is the result of selective information delivered.
Communication in the community should also take into account existing physical facilities, such as
telecommunication facilities, transport and other basic infrastructure.
• Communication and Social Change in the Society The relationship between
communication and social change in the society can be analysed in various ways
as can be seen in Figure 5.8.
• (a) The process of social change has a direct relationship on the communication
process This involves advancement of knowledge including techniques, ideas,
information, institutions and cultural practices.
• (b) The process of social change brings about changes in the way of life This is
evident in the use of technological devices which function as communication
media that generate interactivity in community relationship. The change may
enhance the involvement of society in the process of receiving and distributing
information.
• (c) The generation of freedom to voice out opinion The society has the
opportunity to voice out opinions with the help of current communication
technology. However, the situation is influenced by the rising awareness of
society members towards the quality of messages delivered through the media
and quantitative requirements on various forms of information.
UNDERSTANDING COMMUNICATION IN
INTERCULTURAL RELATIONS
• Another important aspect in human relationship is culture. Cultural concepts can be seen through
various approaches and cover a wide range of meaning. Cultural implications take place in many
aspects of life and at the same time affect the practised pattern of communication. In interaction
between individuals or in group communication, culture influences the communication process.
Failure to understand and take into account cultural factors makes communication futile.
Consequently, misunderstanding occurs and leads to conflicts and affects communication adversely.
Failure to understand culture causes rejection of the intended communication and complicates the
formation of harmonious communication in a society. 5.5.1 Meaning of Culture and Intercultural
Concept Culture can be viewed from various perspectives. Anthropological professors define culture
as a complex system consisting of knowledge, beliefs, arts, morals, customs and all forms of conduct
of humans as members of a society. Culture is also seen as a symbolic process that is learned,
practised and passed down from one generation to another through communication. A person is not
considered part of a culture just because he is born into a particular culture (enculturation). Culture is
related to beliefs, attitudes, values, wealth and love. DeVito (2000) relates culture as artefacts
channelled through communication, other than the beliefs and behaviours of a person. A subjective
approach towards culture combines beliefs, values and norms that guide a personÊs conduct. A
personÊs conduct results from his perception and expectation of life. Culture is seen as the sharing of
a set of ideas and practices contained in the mental software which controls a persons behaviour.
• 5.5.2 Cultural Implications in the Context of Personal Relationship The world population is made up of various races who speak
different languages and practise different customs and ways of life. Today, we can see normal friendships or intimate personal
relationships depending on the ability of members of different cultures to communicate with each other. Differences in values,
daily practices, practices, ethnicity, beliefs and attitudes threaten communication. The differences in a multicultural society
are wide and therefore generate various interpretations and expectations in the process of sharing meaning. Western culture
emphasises individualism in life while the main requirements in forming personal relationships in Eastern cultures are customs,
responsibilities and loyalty. Culture influences the form and content of a message. There are various barriers in understanding
intercultural communication. DeVito (2002), Wood (2001), Beebe, Beebe & Redmund (1999) identify several factors such as:
• (a) There exist similarities in individuals from different cultural backgrounds. Conditions may become worse when there is a
tendency to look at and evaluate other people from ones own cultural perspective and regard his own culture as the best,
positive and natural, which is termed as „ethnocentrism. The level of ethnocentricity influences communication behaviour in
individual, group, public and mass communication
• (b) Cognitive ability affects what and how a person forms a perception
• (c) Spoken language affects the messages delivered and causes the interpretation of meaning to vary from culture to culture.
• (d) Every culture has a different way of accepting and looking at a persons roles. The perception that influences the self-
construct on the stereotype and cognitive scheme leads to certain actions, attributes or bias against other cultures. Indirectly,
it forms a different view on the goals that are considered important among the experts in those cultures.
• (e) Stereotypes, prejudices and misconception that are used as criteria in a different culture will hinder communication. For
example, perception of race, value, physical appearance and gender influence intercultural communication.
• (f) The tendency to evaluate a person negatively or positively may cause failure to receive and understand the thoughts and
feelings of the interacting parties and prevent multicultural communication.
• (g) A high level of uncertainties causes an uncomfortable feeling because differences in culture, speech and practices will
hinder interpersonal and intercultural communication.