You may ask me: What was the thing I regret the most?

Answer: That I decided to go there. That I agreed to go with my sister when I should have stayed home.
That time when I’ve met HIM.

He was a cute guy, but just a few years younger than me. I’m 22. Still young and carefree, yet have a
more stable outlook in life than ever before. I knew him from the start, since we share the same religion.
But I’ve met him again at a religious gathering, when I was at the midst of my own controversies. I was
awkward, since I was not active in the congregation at that time. Nevertheless, I decided to put forward
myself, swallow my shame, and enjoy the day. In doing so, I was met with warmth from those who
attended the gathering, and I was able to enjoy my time being there. He was one of them. Initially
though, we’re just playing games with the others. But soon afterwards, it’s just me and him.

The truth is, I never viewed him as anything but a younger brother. But as the night grew and the talk
was getting longer, my rapport with him was also getting deeper. It was not admiration though, it was
merely friendship. I never imagined building a friendship with someone younger, and a guy at that. But
as anything in this world, the talk comes to an end as I bid him goodbye for the day. I thought that will be
the last time I’ll ever talk to him, but then tomorrow came, when I found out that he sent me a message.
It was a simple hello, which I usually find aggravating, but this time it was different. It was soothing. I
thought he’ll be bored out of our conversations yesterday, yet he’s here chatting with me. I was relieved
for some reason. We chatted for a long while, until we finally came to an understanding. A mutual one.
Eventually, we decided to go even further, something even more than friendship.

The day we started Is the day I’ll never forget. He was my first, so was he. Everyday is my happiest day,
yet everyday is like stepping on a glass. We were being careful as our relationship was not exactly ideal to
begin with. As we continue along, we were faced with anxiety and uncertainty about our newfound
relationship. It doesn’t take long until it all crumbled apart. What started as a friendship turned into
adversary. I can’t pinpoint exactly what went wrong, but perhaps it’s the timing that’s wrong. We’re still
both naïve and ignorant about getting into a romantic relationship, our goals and plans in life, and our
future. We just want to have fun just like how youths supposed to do. Perhaps he just needed time to
think about his own plans and goals, his future, our unseemly relationship that’s why he decided to end
it.

Or perhaps it’s just all in my head. I’ve always hoped that he would sincerely commit to his promise, that
he would still decide to come back when that right timing comes, a probable time when we’re both
stable and capable of handling a mature relationship. But what if everything comes to a downturn?
What if he just decides to give me up, to give us up? I’m not quite sure about the turn of events that will
ensue, but whatever happens, I know that everything will have its own answer in due time.
- Florence