Building

Relationships

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 Introduction
Praise be to Allah, and peace and blessings are upon His Messengers,
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessing of Allah be upon him)
god, who teach Adam and Ibrahim teach us what benefit us and benefit
us with what you taught us and increase us in knowledge.
The Most Merciful God Amen

After that…

My goal of the leader’s metro books is developing the leader skills, and this
book develops an important leadership skill, which is the skill of building
relationships with people. Relationships are very important for the human
beings success and happiness of man in all aspects of his life whether in his
work or his personal life. Building a relationship is a skill, which should be
developed, dealing with people sometimes may become complicated, and
human personalities have many different patterns. Let us navigate the pages
of the book.

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Chapter one:
Types of
relationships

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Introduction
The man is by nature a social being who cannot live away from other
human beings. Everyone needs all, this need for others drives attention to
form direct and indirect relationships with them, In many cases, our
relationship with others is successful. In other occasions, we suffer from
the failure, incompatibility, and strong interdependence, which give the
power to continue, intensify, and become successful relationships. This,
mean to be healthy relationships, which bring a sense of satisfaction in the
human self, and towards who come into contact with them in his
relationship and transactions

Success in forming strong relationships is one of the most important

aspects that a person needs to succeed in life. It is important to refer to that
ability to deal successfully with others, which are in fact acquired skill
through his experiences and interactions with others.

The need for others

The human soul has many needs, including the desire to deal well with
others, and the need to interact with them, so that it provides them with
what he can do and get from them the services and needed assistance in his
life.

It is one of the human life foundations which make the human by nature
aspires to achieve his desires, complement his deficiency, and achieve the
perfection if he cannot get it alone, he resorts to cooperation with a large
group. Each one in it tries to fulfill all the needs so that everyone can secure
his life, the greater number of co-operative people in the group as much
goodness happiness is achieved because the abundance of hands expands
the work area and provides the necessary means of life for all individuals.

God Almighty when created Adam - peace be upon him - and

brought him down to the earth, he did not bring him down alone. but bring
down who keep him company to teach him that he must live on earth in a
form of small or large group, so he bring down his wife Eve to be the first
family in the human history

God Almighty ordered the human beings to search for the common bonds
that make the things of life upright for the benefit of humankind, he said to
them "Help ye one another in righteousness and piety, but help ye not one
another in sin and rancor"

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Psychologists believe that in order for man to be sagacious in his life, an
important condition that must exist, which to be surrounded by love
feelings, attention, respect, appreciation and acceptance. However, a
person who grows up in an environment that feels rejection or refusing and
feels that he is unacceptable or unpopular. Therefore, he acts either
aggressively and violently or with introversion and Isolation from other
individuals.

In his famous theory about the human needs arrangement, which called
(Maslow ) pyramid of human needs. Maslow displays the social human
needs, which include forming a friendship, emotional relationships,
connecting with others in a context of family or a group or a social club or
even a sports team, etc. We are as human beings in general, we need to
find strong social relationships that dominated by feelings of acceptance
and affection, appreciation and mutual respect such as relations within the
family, friends and the work environment. The absence of such relations
cause depression symptoms and desire to isolation from people, depression
and severe unity, which explains the proliferation of suicides which taking
place in our world today

Research has shown that the risk of early death is reduced by 50% if
you are having happy times with family and friends. The members of the
research team at a US university said that strong social relationships are
good for health, such as quitting smoking. Where the social relationships
weakness equivalent to fifteen cigarettes a day, the decline of social life is
equivalent to the suffering of alcoholism.

The importance of social relations represents that it increases the human

health more than vaccines that prevent the disease; man created to live with
others, not to be in a silo and Isolated from matters of life. relationships
between people with its differences and diversity is a subject that took a
large part of the psychologists and sociologists thinking, effort and
research at all ages because of its importance and role in preserving the
social context of human life.

Ibn Khaldun sees “that the humanitarian meeting is necessary because the
human is civilized by nature “he cannot live alone away from his own kind.
The individual cannot achieve self-sufficiency for himself and for this, the
necessity pushes him to cooperation and participation in the community

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life, thus, solidarity, which is one of the most powerful pillars which
underlying the society
This necessity is what we call it the economic necessity or cohabitation,
which is done only by the cooperation of man with his own kind. The
individual cannot get his strength only through various processes of
plowing, harvesting, threshing and milling, kneading, cooking and this
requires multiple hands and many tools, which had to existed makers and
so on.
(Auguste Comte ) was referring the human communities to the emotion
factor, which means the love that drives individuals towards each other. He
believes that this love should be comprehensive for all humanity so that it
can maintain its existence because the individual growth occurs within the
community and adapts to his condition or follow suit
(Durkheim ) believes that social life arises spontaneously and that it is
completely different from the nature of individuals. In this sense, it is
similar to the emergence of living organisms. If an individual feels, in pain,
thinks, imagines, and he is in desperate need food, drink, and shelter.
Therefore, it is normal to live in a society that deals with its members and
thus he can obtain his purposes.

Since social relations are an existential principle that man has been
subjected to at every time and place, and an urgent need to build his
personality and ability to play his role in life, let us shed more light on this
important subject.
Firstly, types of relationships

The first type: clean relationship

it is a relationship that exists without a prior goal or a temporary interest,
such as a brother's relationship with his sister or his brother and his parents
and relatives, as well as the grandfather relationship to his grandson
consider the cleanest relations because they are completely free of benefit
and interest, and those relations divided into two sections.

Types of clean relationships:

1-Blood relationship: It means the relationship that arises from the
bloodlines, and the human has nothing to do with choosing it, but they
are imposed on him and often have no interest, as we mentioned before

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 the sibling's relationships and an individual relationship with his parents
and relatives either from the mother or father side

These relationships can turn into a partnership and interest, such as the
siblings being partners in a particular job, and when a young man
marries his cousin, the relationship turns from a blood relationship to a
partnership and interest relation

2-Friendship relation: Frequently, the true friendship is without any

interest, it is classified as a clean relationship, and as blood relationship
may turn into a partnership and common interest, the friendship relation
can turn to it as well.

It is noted that these clean relationships were not originally created for
an earlier objective, as was the case with interest-based relations.
However, the objective is found here after the existence of the
relationship. It is a subsidiary, not the other way around.

What can be achieved by the clean relations of man

These clean relationships, although they start without a specific goal in
advance and without charge, it determines the human future, which is the
most important effects in his psychological composition and his ability to
adapt to reality and life, but it grows the familiarity seeds and social
interaction. A family is the incubator environment of the individual, Where
values are learned, whether it was positive or negative values.

As well, the friend's group play an important role in forming many social
aspects of the individual, as its existence and the existence of human inside
it is a proof for psychological integrity on the social interaction side. As it
evolves in many cases to more positive aspects and its impact increased
over time, these relationships achieve the following for the human being

Feeling of security and tranquility.

The desire to give without charge.

Learn the supreme meanings, values, and ethics.

learning collective thinking and staying away from the individual

thought

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 They help him to interact positively with the rest of the community and
be willing to coexist and interact with those around him.

They can contribute to developing the talents and discovering the

creativity in the early stages.

They protect him from moral deviations and develop the self-
monitoring aspect of him.

The second type: transient relationships

Transient relationships are the most common form of human
relations which means the relations that take only short time or what we
can call it interpersonal relations for temporary reasons. This relationship
ends with the end of its purpose, and its multiple forms are characterized
by multiple life situations.

You can imagine that you traveled to a foreign country and became
in a society that does not speak the language you know, and suddenly you
find someone who speaks your language and is in contact with you. It
means that the relationship between you will continue but mostly it ends
when you leave that place or the duration that you need that person. When
a foreigner works or being in a place that does not know its language, he
will have a translator with him, the relationship between the translator and
that person is a passing relationship, and it will end with the end of the
purpose

The importance of transient relations

It is important to stress once again that these transient relations are
the most relations that pass on the human. For example, your relationship
with the taxi driver, when you stopped him in the street, and your relation
to the restaurant worker, where you eat your food, your relationship with
the seller who you buy your supplies from him. In addition, the relationship
between a student and a teacher is a transient relationship because it ends
with the end of its purpose, the purpose here is a temporary purpose, and
we cannot consider it a permanent purpose

These relations have a great importance in human life, as many of

the results that affect human life determine it, and this is illustrated in the
following:

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All life and necessary transactions, which are based on life, are basically
transient relationships, we cannot deny its role, or deny its importance,
exploiting the ability to act in the success of these relations, leading
human to achieve the goals and satisfy his desires without problems.

Transient relationships determine the extent of human ability to social

interaction. When an individual fails to master the behavior in transient
relationships, this indicates that there is a defect in the person's
psychological construction.

These relationships can be used in forming distinct permanent relations

so that getting a service will turn from just a transient relationship to a
desire to expand the circle of relations between the individual and the
surroundings. Even the emotional relationships may begin with a
transient relationship; love may begin without a notice. The transient
relationship could be the reason for the existence of this emotion that
can be mutual or unilaterally.

These transient relationships can be a useful tool in social and political

situations. The preconceived knowledge can be a tool for choosing a
particular person. As we say: "First impressions last." When a person is
a candidate for a particular position, and the selection will be on the
others opinion. These transient relationships can play a large role in
spreading positive views towards someone or vice versa, they may
share a negative image about him.

The human being can learn many skills through these relationships,
such as skills of social interaction, cooperation and interdependence,
and mental skills such as linkage, analysis, and social intelligence.

These transient relations can be exploited for financial gains and

commercial purposes, but in that case, we note that they have become a
relationship of interests, which the next type that we will talk about
later.

Discovering the different cultures, by dealing spontaneously with

humans, we will certainly know many aspects and cultural
characteristics and existed social customs in a society when you travel
to a certain country and begin dealing with the others. You will form

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 these transient relationships through direct daily dealing; you start to
identify what they prefer and what they do not prefer, and so on.

Transient relationships contribute to breaking boredom and unity. The

human need for change or presence with others leads to create a
conversation with those around him, even if they do not have prior
knowledge. When you sit on a bus seat or plane or in a cafe, you may
create a transient relationship with people who are next to you for
feeling you the social presence and look for a way out of the circle of
unity.

Transient relations are used as a tool for entertainment, what the actor
do and the audience reaction, for example, is a transient relationship,
which ends with the end of the show, and so many things, such as
watching a football game, or any other game. Alternatively, attending
any kind of shows or attending a seminar in which a person lectures, the
relationship here is no more than a temporary relationship and it ends.

Transient relations help the success of the work in many cases, for
example, workers relationship of a particular site with the officials or
supervisors is a passing relationship, which ends with after finishing the
work or completing the project. The constructive cooperation between
all of these ultimately leads to the success of the whole work system.

How do you create a good transient relationship?

Our need for transient relationships, as we have mentioned before,
with a great importance. It represents the greater part of our relationships
with others; these transient relationships can be a way for achieving many
gains at many levels. It could be also a destruction tool of what we want to
accomplish and in order to manage the transient relationships with others,
we must know these basic rules of human relations, and you must always
keep them in your mind.

Secondly: main rules of human relations

selfishness is inherent in feature of human, we all love ourselves, and
we do not wish for others to be better than us, this rule greatly facilitates
our dealings with others, and do not make us far from reality or romantic
dreamers, we see everything is rosy without any obstacles or problems

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 We all work for himself first even the seller who offers you a service he
wants an owner firstly.

Every person you meet sees himself a very important person, so try to
build your transient relationship on this basis, the restaurant worker, the
bus driver, the baker, and the chef wants to tell you that no one is more
important than he is.

Every human being feels that he is acceptable to others, and this

sensation is a natural feeling so that he can accept himself.

By understanding the previous four constants rules, you can now begin to
form your transient relationships network to be succeeded, which reflect
positively on your goals and how you interact with others.

The first step, feel the others with their importance

It is useful when you are dealing with others to have a dealing
method which based on your appreciation of what they do of work, and
what roles they do, even if it simple role. You can keep that behavior in
your action by activating this feeling, each action which has done by the
other is an important action which an indispensable action, where this
feeling established in your conviction. You can develop that feeling by
observing what the others offer when an elevator operator opens the door
for you do not look at him without interest, and you can do that by a
compliment with simple words, be careful from the arrogance or the vanity
feeling

The second step, make the attractiveness

We may meet millions of people at multiple times, but a few of them make
themselves attractive, make them distinctive, and even influence the others,
people often love the successful ones, try to imitate them, and do not care
about the fugitives and frightened hesitant, and know that your
attractiveness can be made by several means:

- self- confidence and identify a clear goal in life, make your steps
bold and be confident in yourself, and your eyes looking to the goal
of what you can achieve for yourself and by yourself.

- Shake others hands with firmness and not exaggerated austerity, stay
away from shaking hands with soft hands, this indicates a self-doubt,

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 as well stay away from shaking hand an excessive force because it
could feel the others either you are an arrogant person or you deceive
them with the strength of character. In addition, lack of self-
confidence. Lift your head up, straighten your shoulders and walk
confidently.

- make your voice toe express the confidence until reaching to people
before your thoughts, your voice tone deliver your feelings, and
through it, anyone who listens to you will know Do you speak in a
voice expressing courage or frustration and sadness and grief? So
talk clearly and confidently.

- If you want people's love so be passionate about them, do not let

your tongue ever betray you, the ability to talk with courtesy will
make you good, and increase your influence in different people.

- Act with enthusiasm, and soon you will see the reaction to those who
deal with him, and you gain his confidence

- Be patient with the opinions and ideas that you see as contradictory
to your views. It is one of the attractiveness personality magic is the
Conscious listening coupled with appreciation and empathy with
others' opinions, accept and let them relax when they are with you.

- You have to be fun, optimism and whole-heartedly to the life,

so that others love you, come to you, and look forward to
accompanying you.

- Keep your appearance fit; you will earn confidence in yourself

and reassuring, the man who is chaotic in his dress it must
reflect on his thinking.

- Do not be traditional in praise and courtesy. Others must

know that you appreciate them and their value, and treat
them on the basis that they have great importance to you
and always thank them, and make them feel that you belong
to them alone.

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The third step, make a good first impression about you
As we mentioned that the first impressions last, there is no chance to leave
the first meeting pass without being sure that you left something positive
to others, through your words and your actions.

Organized words that are consistent, and far from unacceptable

affectedness, and positively focused face expressions are one the most
important things, which can be used to leave a feeling of affection and
desire for continuing the relationship and grow it. most of the times we
make the others' impressions about us if you gave the others an impression
that you are a lazy and negative person, so they will have the same picture
about you. Moreover, it becomes difficult to change their impression in the
near term, make sure that the others feel that your look to them is a positive
look, respecting them will reflect on their actions towards you and their
opinion of you

The fourth step, make a quick friendship

You can form crosscutting relationships by using these transient
relationships through searching for common bonds with others and
avoiding affectedness and deception. You can create quick friendships
through many means, including

Do not be afraid of others repelling, you can take the initiative to ask
about them and try to identify their circumstances, and their work, and
family conditions.

2- break the boredom with simple humor sense away from the
affectedness and triviality, but through appropriately selected words to
the situation away from posed laughter, people feel the truth more
quickly than the affectedness and deception

Be calm, make your smile like your title, and smile to those you know,
or you do not know them.

Start with a greeting, let your welcome be special, and use some kind
of greeting phrases.

The fifth step, Use a logical way to validate your opinion

People often try to validate their opinions by using argument, not a debate,
and trying to weaken other's point of view to such an extent as to using

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ridicule and it may come to fight or conflict. In fact, making positive
relationships should not depend on these methods in the debate, but you
can follow the following to validate your opinion:

Listen to the dissenting opinion with a kind of attention and waits until
he finished of displaying his point of view.

2- The second party must feel that you are interested in hearing his
opinion even if your relationship with him is a transient relationship
and will not last long. many people are looking for who listen to their
point of views away from its validity or not

do not reject unjustifiably his point of view, and stay away from the
hasty rejected talking or emotion, you can show him that you think
about what he just said, and start to arrange your ideas to respond to his
words.

Show your point of view quietly away from the emotion, and moved
away from the sharp disagreement points.

Sixth step: Treat people according to their status

The human by nature like commendation and gratitude, through
your relationships you will find someone who offers you a service or helps
you in something. So give him the commendation and gratitude without
affectedness and staying away from excessive hypocrisy, it makes bridges
between you and others quickly. direct your look when you give the
commendation to the person who you praise him, try to remember names
well, it is shameful to talk to someone who you dealt with him before and
forget his name, if you could register names in a paper or notebook, it
would help you towards a successful dealing and a distinct relationship .

At one of the petrol stations, it was about 10 Am when a young man came
to apply for a work, and he passed the entire test for that specific job, which
deals directly with the public in the fuel supply operations inside the
station. The days passed, this young man proved his competence and his
skill in dealing with all customers who come into the station, no one of
them complained of him, but all customers ask about him and love to talk
with him. All that interest from customers to that worker was because he
calls the customers by their names, which aroused the curiosity of many,

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how he kept all those names that pass over the day? He even knows jobs
of many of them.

The young man had the ability to focus and love the work, which made
him cheer up all the customers who passing by him every day and start a
conversation with him, this young man did not have a charm but he had
what he can offer to people which is the attention

This great interaction between the worker and customers aroused curiosity
including the manager who wondering asked, "How do you keep the names
of all the customers" The young man said confidently. "It's simple, sir. I
just write down the name of each customer on his fuel tank cover. When
he comes to me, I look to the name and I call him with it.

This young man has been able to attract the hearts of these customers with
a simple and modest idea, which make them feel that they are important to
him, he is keen on memorizing their names and ask about how they do.
Indeed, we really need this feeling of interest in strengthening our
relationships and making strong relationships with others.

Seventh step: the criticism weapon

In our dealing with others, whether an employee who provides us
with a service or who does a specific job for us or we meet them doing
different tasks, there must be mistakes and action that we do not satisfied
with it. It is important that we control our emotions towards what we see
from these mistakes. We must know how to criticize without losing others?
Alternatively, lose our relationship with them, or ending this transaction by
leaving a bad impression on them, for example:

- Make your criticism about the work and not the person, and do not
use the defamation method in criticizing those actions, as you
should listen to the other point of view with attention away from
preconceptions and trying to prove that you are right

- Do not repeat the criticism too much, everyone has the strength to
endure and accept criticism, you can meet someone who is not good
at making a conversation and he is always violent or immoral
reaction, so you would lose much later

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 - Provide criticism with a smile and without scowling, for example,
the worker who does a certain job for you and you found out that he
did what you do not desire, so provide your opinion with a smile and
a kind of good talk

- Thirdly, relations of interests

If transient relationships arise spontaneously, relations of interests arise
intentionally in order to achieve a specific goal or set of goals, love and
marriage relationship can be transformed into a relationship of interest if
one or both parties desires a pre-established goal before entering into the
relationship details

The goal could be getting money, a position and a prestige, we often

see such relationships between upper-class families, or who have power or
wealth. Therefore, marriage relationship has a specific goal before its
finalization, and away from the satisfaction of any of the parties to this
relationship, however, it frequently existed and the pre-goal does not
diminish the existence of its purpose. In the Hadith "The Prophet (peace be
upon him) said, “A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her
lineage, her beauty and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is
religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you
prosper).”

Even love relationship is not devoid of an object and a purpose,

its objective could be a person's need to feel something, although
it may begin spontaneously without planning, we cannot lose
sight of the goal role in keeping the relationships and increase its
strength. The platonic love which has no purpose exists only in
lovers stories, and not existed in reality at least in our time
These relations of interests can be divided into two types:

A temporary relation of interests and permanent relations of interests, both

of them have their specific terms and conditions of success and usefulness
for the individual or for the group.

- The fourth type, Partnership

This relationship established for some purpose and is not a result of a
specific age or society, but it exists throughout the ages.as we have

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mentioned, the brother's relationship with his sister or brother or the
relationship of friendship can be developed into a kind of interest. .each
side aims to get a certain purpose

This relationship begins with a clean aim without a goal, and with
the passage of time the person seeks for his interest, he finds it with another
side, which has already standing relationship with that side by descent or
blood. The situation changes, or let us say a subsidiary relationship with a
specific purpose was established beside the main relationship such as
brothers and sisters could be partners in some business, or they become
partners because of the heritage and here the problems of difference and
clash may arise because of the change in expectations between the parties.
The brother relationship is set aside to show us the partner relationship,
which includes tension, attraction, and difference.

The same is true for the marriage relationship; a woman could

identify her purpose before starting the relation like searching for money
or fame because of that marriage or for social and psychological safety.
Thus, the relationship here has a predetermined purpose. In addition, the
same thing for a man who could search for beauty, rest or stability. At the
same time, the relationship between spouses is a partnership relationship;
both of them have rights and duties.

- The fifth type, Long-term interests relationships

It is a kind of social relationships, which has a known and specific
purpose. The relationship establishment was not a coincidence, without
further ado but that relationship was planned by one of the parties, or
by all parties for a purpose for a certain goal, which is not explicitly
declared, but reaching it take a long time. However, the only way to
reach that purpose is establishing that relationship, for example, a young
man may plan to fall a daughter of a rich man in his love to marry her,
so the interest and intention factor exist for reaching a goal

Another example, when a person searches for a family that has a social
status or occupies an important position in the state to be his in-laws.
This means that relationship arose for a purpose and we cannot lose
sight of its great role in expanding the relations between people. All of
us search for the thing, which we find an interest in it and this is the
nature of human beings.

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Different values and its impact on the cleanliness of the
relationship
Values are set of principles, teachings and ethical controls that
determine the behavior of the individual and identify for him the proper
path that leads him to do his life duties and his role in the society, which
he belongs. Besides that, it is an invincible fence, which prevents him from
falling into guilt and prevents him from committing any act contrary to his
conscience, or contrary to his principles and ethics. Values are what affect
our deep structure, they are the reference to our judgment of what is evil or
good, true or false, and is not conscious.

Values vary from society to society and vary from one person to another,
but they are, unanimous essential for every human being and for every
society. These values, which are considered the constants of society, need
to be strengthened and developed, the religious conviction or authority of
the state and the ruler in publishing values and monitor compliance with it
and circulate it as Ibn Khaldun considered in his introduction

Where he considered that social values must have a compass in order to

control the society. Religious influence comes first for its sanctity, which
imposes a form of sociology. Ibn Khaldun explains people's need in society
for religious rules so he said, “when civilization in the world has thus
become a fact"

People who exercise a restraining influence, therefore, must be one of

themselves. He must dominate them and have power and authority over
them so that no one of them will be able to attack another. This is the
meaning of royal authority. It has thus become clear that royal authority is
a natural quality of man, which is absolutely necessary to humankind...

Values may vary by changing circumstances, changing the

relationship quality, or it is just a little less effective under certain
circumstances, and this is reflected in the quality of the relationship among
individuals. Clean relationships can be affected by changing goals by
different parties, but there are still irreplaceable constants, brothers may

5 The role of social values in the state formation, Ibn Khaldun

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argue if their point of view has changed or the objective that each one of
them seeks to achieve

The value of the right or justice may be absent if the individual feels
that his interests may be harmed or when he wants to get something, which
he needs, to it. Hence, the disagreement and conflict arise and it could reach
to estrangement and hostility. This is noticeable in many families,
especially in our Arab society. For example, when brothers and relatives
start distributing the inheritance, you will find that they are keen on
personal interest and try to obtain the greatest possible benefit, and this
causes many social and family problems, which reflected on the clean
relations, which have been existed until the distribution time, so the souls
begin to change

The friendship which we have classified as a clean relationship is

also greatly affected when the ruling values of the society are absent in one
party. The friend is betraying his friend or disguised him, or overwhelmed
by the greed factor when it comes to something financial, and in the Holy
Quran, Allah the Highest says, "many associates oppress one another,
except for those who believe and do righteous deeds - and few are
they." Surah Sad verse 24

Therefore, the prevailing values in the society have not been respected
because of the greed motives or the desire to acquire without taking into
account the rights of others, and thus they greatly affected and may lose its
place in people over time, and become meaningless mere slogans if the
conflict culture prevailed and purely selfishness.

Fourthly, Relations, expectations, and decisions

Human relations are built in many aspects of expectations, and when
someone achieves our expectations about him, a sense of satisfaction is
generated, and a desire to continue the relationship with him. When he fails
to meet these expectations, the relationship tends to the lukewarm it may
stop after a period of time (protracted or shortening) as its importance to
us.

These expectations are formulated by religion, culture, values and

experiences. They represent a familiarity among people in their
relationships with each other, such as the relationship between spouses, or

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children with their parents or between friends. In some cases, we may
express our expectations from others and disclose it; others may conclude
it from us without any disclosure. Our relationships usually change if
others fail to conclude our expectations and our failure to express them

Social relations lead to the emergence of a set of bilateral social

expectations, husband expects from his wife to participate the burden, and
cooperate with him regarding his small family affairs and having a calm
continuous life. As well as the wife expects from her husband to be faithful
to her and take his responsibility and spending money on her and her
children and taking care and protect the family, which they were
established together. As well, a seller expects from a buyer to pay for what
he bought, and a buyer expects from a seller not to cheat him and not
exaggerate at goods prices, which he bought from him

The existence and continuity of human relations are governed by multiple

controls such as values that govern the society as well as expectations, and
what we expect from the behavior of others which leads to making the right
decision to keep or stop the relationship.

These expectations can be divided into two types:

Expectations which I concern about it

Expectations which I do not concern about it

Expectations, which I concern about it

These expectations are related to our relationship with people who

we care about them, and we need to maintain our relationship with them.
Our expectation of their action would be high expectations and we thought
they would do the right and make sure of our satisfactions; we can identify
them by the mind or by feeling the value and role of this person in our lives.

These expectations can change by circumstances changes and different

interests and perspectives, and here we can choose between two things do
we keep the relationship? Or, cut it?

6 The Gift as a Form of Social Relations – Dr/ Selim

25
The decision here needs some kind of concentration and not rushing. It
may have many problems that could harm by expecting its simplicity, for
example, in the marriage relationship, when they decide to break up
because a husband did not find in his wife what he expected from her
actions or doing something else he thought she could not do it and the
same thing with a wife. Break up decision has many damages that affect
everyone, including people who have nothing to do such as the children-
if there are children - the decision here needs a huge pause to think and
wait before taking it

Basic rules in the law of expectations and its relation to relationships.

Flexibility and the ability to change our expectations and deal with new
circumstances, which means that every person and every situation needs
a particular vision and a certain way and a certain dealing. We put in
our minds the psychological structure of this person and his conditions,
as we take into account his situation now when we deal with him. Many
people make mistakes when they try to deal with all people and in all
circumstances in one affixation way. They may think that this is a kind
of a principle or behavior consistency. Flexibility does not mean
changing the basic principles of dealing or dealing with two or multiple
respects but put for each human condition what is suitable of health
responses

2- Making excuses and accepting mistakes from others on the grounds that
human nature is printed on the feasibility of good and evil, and all
people are in a state of struggle for themselves between these two poles,
and success in that is relative and uneven

Therefore, we should not be surprised when we find someone who is

involved in mistakes. His nature necessitates that, and our nature is
like his nature. All the sons of Adam are sinners and the best of sinners
are those who repent. Blessed is just about everyone reforms himself
firstly and then helps people on righteousness secondly, this
acceptance does not approval to mistakes but this means seeking
excuses and appreciating the circumstances that make you for doing

26
 that, and then trying to reform which based on loving someone despite
refusing the wrong action in which he was involved

Adjust the distances, set expectations, and approach a reasonable

ceiling as we hope from others, which is one of the best ways and
success in relations. It can be summarized that we want to get closer or
moving away from a person who we deal with him according to his and
our circumstances, his and our acceptance level, his and our needs. So
that there is a state of dynamic balance in the relationship, and do not
move away to break the relationship, and do not get closer which could
lead to the sensitivity or suffocation.

This strategy requires a good appreciation of our situation and the

situation of the person who we are dealing with him, moment by
moment, and then adjust the distance closer or getting away according
to that situation. We can see that in the relationship between a couple,
we see that they get closer at some moments from each other, but they
need to move away from each other for some time so that each one of
them feel their independence and privacy, uniqueness, and freedom.
Between this and those variation degrees among getting closer or
moving away which determined by the situation of the parties and
responding to their changing and volatile needs.

The ability to read the expectations and proficiency in reading non -

verbal communication, many people may ignore the body language
while dealing with others and predict what they will do; they lose many

7adjusting the rhythm of human relations - Dr. Mohammed Mahdi

8 adjusting the rhythm of human relations - Dr. Mohammed Mahdi

27
 connotations in the communication content. As many studies indicate
that the language of verbal (speech) Give us only 30% of the
communication concept, while the non-verbal language gives us about
70% of that content.

The non-verbal language consists of many things including eyesight,

facial expression, head and neck movement, movement of hands and
feet, a way of sitting, the distance between sender and receiver, the tone
of voice; the way we can easily determine the ceiling of our
expectations and the success of our relationships with others.

Expectations and their role in the occurrence of difference or clash

The more expectations change, the more the relationship changes due to
the lack of adherence to the previous rules. People with a more
understanding mind than those who have feelings and rational thinkers
can set their expectations and deal with them positively on these previous
grounds. As for emotional individuals, Their mood and psychological
state, they may lose a lot due to the rush towards their emotions, so we
always advise not to take any decisions in moments of rush behind the
passion, perhaps this decision is not right.

Expectations and decisions

We can link expectations and decisions across several requirements
including:

Things we do not expect either negative or positive, and from here the
decision should be after a period of reflection, we can make certain
decisions according to new changes or as we did not expect it. Our
ability to link, analysis, and logical thinking contribute to the right
decision, and therefore its impact on relations come later.

our ability to assimilation, which means our ability to understand the

surrounding circumstances with us and others, we may need to find an
excuse for someone who we expected a high expectation from him or a
change in the person behavior who we expected a weak or negative
expectation from him. changing attitudes have many reasons and
motives Which we can with a little thought to perceive it

28
Commitment to do the right or what we think is right according to our
values and what was imposed from our normal nature. No human regret
to do the right thing in any way but he may regret about the wrong act.

Our ability to forgive, understanding, and find excuses, especially with

people who we do not think that they are deliberately doing the wrong
or we expected something and change this expectation.

29
 Chapter two:
The importance of
building
relationships

30
Introduction
Through what we have offered of relationships and the need to ensure the
continuity of the social life of human beings, we must demonstrate the
importance that these relations which give those relationships a force that
influences human behavior and drives it towards a greater desire to find
common bonds with others.

Human relations are based on a number of foundations that must be known

in order to be properly constructed. These foundations derive from the
individual's sense of self which know as (Me) and his relation to (others)
them. As well as the ability, give those relationships the motivation to
continue or bring them back once again after the breakup, which we call it
(revival of relations).

Firstly, the foundations of the correct relations

The success of a person in establishing healthy and strong social
relationships with others considers one of his success stories in life. This
success gives him the ability to move towards the better life, which he
wishes. Those relationships to be classified as successful relationship, man
must build the successful factor of success by gaining experience through
contacting to other human beings at different levels

A person's success in his relationships gives him a kind of psychological

comfort and satisfaction with himself and others, and the relationships
that we mean it is all relationships that take place between the human and
other individuals in the workplace, study, family or emotional
relationships and society in general.

The foundations that ensure establishing strong, balanced and

successful relationships, including:

Mutual respect for all:

It is one of the foundations and constants which can not ignore its
role, so mutual respect between all is what gives a person the ability to give
and do the collective work. The presence of respect leads to more
confidence and dedication in work and increasing desire to give. so each
relationship between two people should be based on respecting each other
regardless of gender - man or woman - race, religion, political doctrine,
social status, or culture.
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 The lack of respect between the spouses or the loved ones leads to
the tyranny of one side to the other side with emotional tyranny and
psychological oppression as well. It leads to a denial of the most basic
rights to express or declare rejection. As well, the lack of respect between
friends leads to losing love and friendship and the lack of respect among
neighbors leads to the society division into sects and resulting in class and
sectarian strife. Lack of respect between the employer and those who work
with from employees and workers leads to administrative tyranny, and the
appearance of some factors, which spoil work environment such as
hypocrisy, nepotism, and bribery among employees.

What applies to individuals also applies to large countries and entities.

For example, if there were no respect among States, there would be
several forms of aggression and a desire to control the capabilities of
nations and peoples. The European colonialism of African, Asian and
Latin countries was proof of this in centuries ago. The Europeans saw
that those countries did not know how to manage their huge wealth, and
according to the European perspective - they had less capability of
knowledge and developing the policies or renaissance in an independent
way. Unfortunately, the colonial countries with that empty thinking
without any respect for the capabilities of people and respect their
cultural independence contributed only to more backward, looted its
wealth without mercy or pity, and made them third world countries.

Trust and safety

It is supposed to that dealing with people on the basis of mutual trust.
Our respect for ourselves obligates us not to betray this trust in any way.
We give respect to all people irrespective of their environment, sex, race,
religion, poverty or gender because they are human beings. All humans are
equal in the heaven laws but we do not give our trust to all people and we
did not put it in the wrong place, and those who deserve it must be moral
and honest

Mutual trust is the basis of each modest relationship, for example, the lack
of trust between the neighbors leads to be afraid of each other and being
stalked to each other and spreading a lot of sayings and rumors among
them. The lack of trust between the president and his subordinates in work
leads to disruption of transactions and spread of plots. The lack of trust
between lovers and friends leads to disunity among them. The lack of trust
32
between members of a party and one association leads to a split and clash
among them. Every day, there is an election for a new president and
withdraw confidence from another, the lack of confidence of citizens in the
state leads to a large number of strikes and riots and sedition. The lack of
confidence among States leads to a poor relationship between them, which
may result in skirmishes and wars

The confidence of those we deal with them and feeling safe towards their
behavior is beneficial to all and gives the relations between human beings
and human groups a great force that drives them to grow and multiply.

Teamwork
It means the existence of fruitful cooperation between all so that each party
seeks to success the relationship between them, and this cooperation is
based on several bases, including:

1- Carry out the imposed duties for the other party, human relations on the
basis of the principle of taking and giving; do not demand others to do
if you did not offer what you have also.

Free of selfishness and the desire to take advantage of all the advantages
and getting all services free of charge or without the required effort to
others.

Work in an integrated manner, so that each individual completes the

deficiency of others, and an individual becomes a ring in the social
chain. For example, people of a particular area can cooperate in
organizing and cleaning the region, and this will not be done correctly
or sound unless everyone cooperated and participated in removing
waste and cleaning the streets and planting trees. this actions cannot be
done by an individual alone but he needs the others to reach that goal

Emotional participation in good times and bad times and in the cases of
deaths and disasters such as fires and earthquakes. When an individual
feels that people who surrounding him are standing with him to push
towards more cooperation with them and love the life and teamwork

Preferring the public interest to personal interests. For example,

cooperation between employees can be only for benefit of the job or the
citizen, not for employee's special interest. Cooperation shall not be for

33
 the looting of the citizen and the looting of State property. Cooperation
between the two countries shall be based on the interest of the parties.
And so on.

Mutual feelings
Which means feeling with a sense of familiarity and a hidden sense of
intimacy. This desire is not only about the relationship between men and
women, but we mean here the social side, where the emotional side is only
part of it. Each modest relationship makes intimacy among the two sides
and its level increases or decreases as the relationship type and it is strength

It represents also in the members of the same family love, and the affection
between two friends and the harmony between the neighbors and among
people of the same country.in the holidays, joys and calamities, sympathy
among peoples in the joys and crises and disasters. Like a sympathy, of all
peoples with a people who hit by an earthquake or flood. This emotional
harmony is necessary for each emotional, family, partisan, union or
national relationship, its lack leads to a loss of strong basis of the
relationship, which threatens to fail.

Utility and interest

It is important to note that relations between people, whether
individuals or groups are not free of interest or benefit, without interest or
interest, their presence gives these relations strength and increases the
chances of its survival and renewal and even growth towards more. The
relationship between neighbors is not free of mutual benefit from time to
time, as well as the relationship between the workers and the bosses.
People who are responsible for the company or the factory seek for profits,
while the workers have a goal of obtaining the wage that helps them to
receive their needs and the needs of their families.

As well as attending a training course and your relationship with the

trainer is an interest and mutual benefit relationship. you are interested in
knowledge and he wants money, even the things that you think they are
free of charge, in fact, they based on the same mutual benefit principle,
nothing in our lives is offered free of charge. The objective of the action is
obtaining a benefit if someone makes a donation with an amount of money,
and he has no earthly purpose and his desire only for paradise, then this is
also obtaining a benefit and so on.

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The relations of countries are governed first by the principle of giving and
taking. Policies in the world are not based on the principle of giving for
nothing, but everything has a price even if it seems to be the opposite,
however, it is the truth. As well as the relationship between the spouses and
the lovers based on a desire to get money or moral return, we cannot deny
that matter, but we must consider it when we want to establish a strong
relationship with others.

We must note that ordering these foundations and balance degree

between them varies from one relationship to another. Emotions are the
first and most important part of the love relationship, for example, the
relationship between the mother and her son, however, they become mere
human sympathy in the professional and functional relations regulated by
law, not the emotions. The principle of cooperation becomes the ruling
basis of labor relations and the family sphere, while the role of utility in
relations within a home or between the mother and her children is
reduced. The principle of mutual respect is the first basis in terms of
studying fields and requesting knowledge and cooperation between the
huge institutions and so on

Secondly: (Me - the others)

The existence of a person in a society, or his existence among a group of
people in order to describe it as a successful existence, it must be based on
a set of important rules that enable the individual to transcend the slopes
and overcome the obstacles that may prevent him from establishing strong
and balanced relations with others

Breaking the ice

Breaking the ice means removing the fear of dealing with others by
reaching a way that makes you closer quickly. You can follow some
steps to start a relationship with others even if it is a passing relationship
or a relationship of interests

1- Giving peace or greeting in any form.

Introduce yourself; people fear the mysterious and unknown thing.

A Light smile while talking.

35
 Do not be a heavy guest, meaning not impose yourself on the
attendees, but wait for their reaction to what you did in the previous
steps.

Do not talk about yourself too much, but start talking about a general
matter.

Organize yourself while you speak so that your words are not too
fast or slow, and your voice is not high or low.

Be a good listener to what others are saying.

Firstly stay away from asking about (income - age - religion).

Provide help, even as simple as carrying of something, which you

can afford.

Beware of nonsense and obscenities., it will reduce how people look

at you

This ice-breaking phase is the first step to successfully deal with and
establish good relationships with others. It enables you to see many ideas
and directions of individuals and the methods that will help you to start a
fruitful dialogue and discussion with others.

Firstly, me
What meant by I, the same person, mean when dealing with others, or if he
wants to know more about others and build a kind of relationship between
him and them? There are normal relationships, which an individual is a part
of it without his choice as his relationship with his family and relatives, he
did not choose them but should think of the best ways to treat well within
the family

In addition, there are relationships that are imposed on us by the

community. Such as the relationship between a student and his school or
like your relationship with the imam of the mosque, which you pray in it,
often you do not choose the professor who teaches you in the university or
your imam in prayer or the one who gives you Friday sermon. Despite your
relationship with this person, it is a transient relationship, but you can
benefit greatly which makes you interact ideally to get the benefit and reach
the goal for which you are in this or that place.

36
There are relationships which with the individual choice such as working
relationship, friendship, marriage, and others, and we need to reach with
them to the extent that makes them away of happy life. Strengthen the
links between us and other parties to reach a kind of public satisfaction

Know yourself
One of the fundamentals of successful dealing is that a human recognizes
his abilities and characteristics, in other words, that human get knowing
himself, knows his skills and what strengths he has that can be exploited,
and weaknesses that can be avoided while building relationships with
others.

Every human being personality is not free of a skill part and creativity,
so search for all skills that you have and look for ways to develop them
to benefit from them during your dealing with others

2- Accept yourself with everything in it, what you cannot change such as
your look and family history do not care much of it, and what you can
change it as skills and aspects of education, do not hesitate to change
it for the better.

You cannot satisfy all people, but as much as possible, improve your
relationships as much as possible. Do not be preoccupied with the
opinions of the critics as long as you do what you should do.

Accepting others, with their qualities, there is no room for the existence
of ideal people, any relationship is intended to grow and continue
should be governed by the acceptance of others. it is very important to
develop our morals the spirit of unconditional acceptance, if someone
comes back time and again in anger and emotion, show him each time
the love, understanding, and warmth, his situation will change and
gradually his angry will go and you will become a close friend to him.

Identify what you have to give it to others, and know what you need
from others, our nature imposed on us the need for others, but know
what you will offer also.

Stay away from behaviors that alienate others from you such as being
rise above, lordliness and bad manners, and have the decency that you
want from others, and do not impose money to accept it on yourself.

37
 Support positive behaviors inside you by training on them such as
helping others and provide favor, and know the ways that bring you
closer than others.

Do not be fanatic to your opinion, maybe others are right and you are
wrong, so be flexible who can turn to what you see it is right without
feeling that you have given up your ideas.

Fear of failure is a failure, but try and if you failed so try again, you will
not learn to swim while you are sitting on the beach, but you must swim
to be a skilled swimmer.

Your treasure is inside you, look for it and do not despair if you do not
reach it from the first time.

Secondly, the others

The meaning of others are all human beings who you have some kind of
relationship, and to ensure good cooperation and good relationship with
them you must know several facts:

Humans are different, what can benefit you in your relationship with
someone, may not work with someone else.

Each one has a positive side that you can benefit from it

Accepting people, including the same degree that you want to be

accepted by others, you are not fallible .and not an angel.

The best person is the one who benefits all human beings, determine
your relationship with others to the extent of goodness within them, and
do not cooperate with others in evil manners

Do not rush to judge others, we often lose friends or lose opportunities

to cooperate and establishing good relations with them. when we have
a surface look at judging people or subjects, this superficial view makes
our thoughts directed in the wrong direction which could make us
regret about a success which we lost it because of this superficiality

At a station in the American city of Boston, a train stopped and a

couple who was wearing simple clothes came out, with shy steps the couple
went directly to the president of Harvard University office. They did not

38
have an appointment to meet the man in advance, the secretary refused to
enter them because the university president was busy, and he will not be
able to meet them but they decided to wait for him until he finished his
works, the couple waited for several hours with severe and deliberate
negligence by the secretary.

With the passage of time, and the insistence of the couple, the
secretary's anger began to escalate, so she decided to interrupt her boss,
and she begged him to meet them for a few minutes

The president of the university agreed to meet them for a few

minutes. The couple entered his office and the wife started to talk and told
the university president that they had a son who studied at Harvard for a
year but died in an accident. In addition, maybe he was happy during that
time at this prestigious university. They have decided to make a donation
to honor the memory of their son. However, the president of Harvard did
not be affected by the wife talk but he snippy respond “Madam, we cannot
build a building and commemorate everyone who studied at Harvard and
then died; otherwise, the university would turn into a forest of buildings
and memorials. Here the wife respond, "We do not want to put a statue, but
we want to donate a building that has his name for Harvard University

The president of the university respond with arrogance and vanity

you know how much it cost to build a building in the university? We spent
seven and a half million dollars to build the university buildings. the couple
paused for a second, then the lady turned and said to her husband " mister
Stanford: As long as this is the cost of creating a whole university, why not
we create a new university that bearing the name of our son? The husband
agreed by nodded his head

The couple returned to California State and established Stanford

University in 1884, which still exists.

The superficial view of Harvard University president was the reason for
the loss an opportunity to expand the university and adding a building,
which might benefit the students of the university. His look at the couple's
clothes and their apparent appearance were wrong. You will not know the
contents of a book if you just read its title and the same thing is true
according to our view of others. The superficial view makes us lose

39
important relationships, which could add more for us or changed the path
of our life.

Understanding the characteristics and circumstances of others'

personalities

The psychological aspect plays a major role in moving people, as it is

reflected in a large way on their actions. Knowing the different patterns of
characters helps to deal successfully with them and greater opportunities
for fruitful and beneficial relationships for all.

One of the most popular patterns that you should know it to ensure
this good dealing

The suspicious personality

He is a person who always assumes mistrust and assumes evil in other, and
their actions are always questionable to him, and these characteristics lead
him to doubt in all intentions. He has for every action even if it was
spontaneous a cause of controversy and quarrels, and he is good at arguing
and defending his opinion and linking things which do not have any link
between them. He always influenced by the views of others and trying to
drop what he feels on them, focuses on the mistakes of others, to ensure a
successful dealing with such a character you should do the following

Being care to clarify all the large and small things which you intend to
do and clarify the obstacles and risks that may result from the things
you intend to do.

Avoid the argument with him and do not criticize his actions, but try to
praise what he did, although if you are not convinced.

When you make a conversation with him prepared well arguments and
evidence that cannot be doubted.

Do not make him exercise the projection on you, then you will become
in the position of the accused or defender.

Respect him continuously and feel him with your appreciation for his
ideas.

40
The Naïve personality
A person who is characterized by superficiality and indifference to what is
happening around him and he cannot be relied upon in large or small
matters, he is engaged in trivialities, without taking into account the
circumstances or potential dangers

This kind of personality cannot be responsible for something, but he needs

someone to be responsible for him. These character’s qualities are:

Indifference and unawares.to what is going on around him and loss of

purpose

Excessive spontaneity and lack of risk assessment.

Tolerance to the extent of loss of rights and property.

Satisfaction with criticism, even if it is wrong, due to loss of self-

confidence.

Fear and awe of the experiment.

How to deal with that kind of personality

Clarify the difference between good expectations and naiveté, and a
person needs a kind of firmness in his dealings.

Clarification, explanation, and keen to hear his opinion and implement

his ideas if possible.

Give him the confidence to carry the responsibility gradually.

stay away from making fun of him and making him a mockery material

making sure to clarify the resulting dangers from his negligence and
naiveté

The cruel personality

It means the people who have strong personalities that do not have any kind
of mercy, but he has a dead heart and does not bat an eye no matter what
the image calls for compassion.

These personalities have the following characteristics:

41
 intensity and firmness and the ability to punish without mercy and love
to practice it

enjoyment of cruelty practice towards others even if they are closer to

him, such as children and parents

stubbornness and non-response to any compromises

The tendency to lie to justify his actions.

Accusing others of negligence or deliberately wrongdoing.

How to deal with that kind of personality

You can develop a plan to establish useful relationships with this character
through the following means:

Agreement on all points before starting to work or dealing, each party

knows his rights and duties

do not compromise to satisfy him so he will continue in his requests,

and push towards the exploitation of this waiver to impose his opinion

Use a calm conversation to visualize the different aspects of the matter.

warning him of the danger of injustice and infringement and try to

involve him in charitable and humanitarian matters

Develop his tolerance side by using your tolerance with him

The compassionate personality

They are people who are so kind and unprecedented forgiving that may
spoil their lives and one of their qualities

the predominance of compassion feelings and softhearted in general,

who deserves it and who is not worthy, and it is in the wrong place

inability to show or use the firmness and severity with others, and using
the appropriate methods of intimidation, even with members of his
family or in the work environment or others who may require a dealing
with some them with a harshness

42
 Enjoying the compassion for others and their happiness and reassurance
to them and always hate the harshness.

The tendency to use the methods of encouragement and exaggeration

even in some places where it is useful only to intimidate.

Stay away from deductions and arguments and the imposition of

sanctions even with who is injustice him and he may relinquish his
legitimate rights compassionate or fear of his opponent, although his
opponent is required to be punished and it is the only way that works
for him

How to deal with that kind of personality

These people are one of the best human beings, but you must beware of
their anger. When they are angry then they turn into different people,

Non-violation of the covenant and promise they love honesty and

loyalty and do not trust who betray their trust.

Invest in the lack of controversy in presenting the idea, which you want
to implement as long as you are confident of its success.

taking advantages from them in the charitable and social aspects

because they are keen on participating significantly

do not let them manage the work because their excess goodness may
spoil the work

they can do the work which needs a thinking, concentration, and

reflection

Fifthly, the aggressive personality

This person, by nature, tends to harm others and does not hesitate to harm
those who disagree with him. with a great ability to do the infringing acts
without taking into consideration the values or laws that exist in the society
and in fact, this person is a victim of a wrong education and a bad way of
co-existence at a certain period of his life.

For example, that Hajjaj ibn Yusuf al-Thaqafi is one of the toughest that
ever known in the Islamic history in daring to commit crimes against
opponents of bane omyea. He was a peaceful person until he got insulted

43
in front of his young students by soldiers who were loyal to one of the
princes or caliphs. After that, he turned to Hajjaj who was known in history
that he struck the Kaaba - the holy mosque in Mecca with a catapult when
Abdullah ibn al-Zubair (may Allah be pleased with him) took cover in it.

A human being may his behavior and actions changes and his
psychological state, of course, is the biggest influential in this turn. Try to
come up with that pressure that pushes him to the violence sometimes, from
here, our understanding of this violent personality is the only way to find
out the best methods to deal with them and establishing successful
relationships with them

One of its most important behavioral characteristics of the aggressive

personality:

Boldness to commit a severe violation and acts that anger others.

Not respecting the feelings of others and treating them with a kind of
authoritarianism and the desire to impose the opinion.

anger for trivial reasons while insisting on revenge unnecessarily

Sharpness in the conversation with always the usage of high voice.

Recklessness in the reaction and taking unstudied decisions and without

awareness.

How do you have successful relationships with these people?

It is necessary to listen carefully to what he says and paying attention
to his opinions

Do not make his emotion leaking to you, but use the argument and
persuasion.

Hold your opinion as long as you realize that you are right, and do not
give up.

Do not take each thing on a personal charge, but turn it to general issues

Use the fun style and let your answers be yes, but showing the
agreement to opinions will give him an enthusiasm for cooperation but
also gives an impression that there are other opinions that may be
useful.

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 These characters can be used to control the rhythm of work and prevent
rebellion and hesitation from some of them

Their existing energy can be directed towards public utility and

implementation of management ideas.

Sixthly, loving appearance personality

They are the ones who like to draw the attention of others in every possible
way and exaggerate it through strange clothes and unusual behaviors, with
excessive self-interest and the desire to be permanently focused on him.

interest in attracting the attention of others and the passion for drawing
the attention and for being the center of conversation and concentration

Exaggerating in expressing the emotions and feelings with actions and

phrases which may not be appropriate to the situation which has an
excitation speed and sometimes unable to express the feelings.

exaggeration in showing the activity and vitality, with the tendency to

frequent renewal and diversification in the interests and manifestations,
property and personal relations (in line with what attracts attention) in
addition to the hatred of routine and stereotypical.

exaggeration in establishing many and varied social relations,

especially with people who have money and powers and positions in
order to enter the circle of social interest and presence under the bright
lights that attract attention. Therefore, those kinds of relationships
characterized by the speed of volatility, overcome and shifting
according to the lights location.

The surface of thinking and its shallowness and its distance from reality
with naivety and quick response.

Using a method of tempting for the other gender if there is a weakness

of his religion, such as exaggeration in adornment and sophistication in
the talk and actions.

9 Types of characters and how to deal with them - Omar al-Qasumi

45
 Seeking happiness through the admiration and satisfaction of others,
where the person sees himself as a sociable, fun and agree with others
and they agree and admire him and love to spend time with him.

How to deal with that kind of personality

In order to establish a good and fruitful relationship with these, we can

follow the following points:

We can use them in areas of public relations and deal directly with the
public.

Their compassionate feelings make it possible to benefit from them in

charitable and social aspects.

They can be used to influence others' ability to represent and influence.

They are good at working if you show interest in them and they remain
in that situation as long as they feel it.

You can learn from them the ability to persuade and use good body
language.

Thirdly: Reviving relations

In many cases, our relationship with others is subject to tremors and turns
that prevent them from continuing, leading to separation. This may occur
between brothers, friends, spouses, work colleagues, neighbors, loved
ones, etc. However, it is important to know what kind of methods that can
be followed to bring back these relations to its normal condition or what
we can call it the revival of relations, and the most important of these
methods:

The desire to reform the relationship, which means the intention or

pushing willingness to get back what they had. In addition, it requires
that there is existed desire in all parties; its presence in one side would
not be useful.

Being honest and clarifying the facts so that each party knows what the
other party was referring to, and what is he up to now, so you must
choose the right time and place first, and then give ideas and point of
views of each party in a calm manner.

46
 Settlement of disputes. Which intended to reach appropriate
solutions to all the problems that may impede the continuation
of the relationship. This means that each party has the ability
to compromise and accept a middle ground.
Making concessions in situations of acute disagreement and trying to
reach a certain consensus We should know that making concessions is
not a weakness but it is a way in which the other side can make
concessions as well; thus we can create an appropriate environment to
help discard differences and to move towards a proper return of
relations.

Rebuilding confidence: the confidence is as the organism if he faces

some certain diseases or health relapses which need your attention,
follow-up, confirmation of medicines and doctor visits on time.
Clarifying your desire to rebuild confidence and constant affirmation is
the first medicine to treat loss of confidence. This is a very important
step, which you cannot ignore it and sometimes appreciated by the other
party, and you have endurance and stress on it. confess to the other
person that you realize that you have broken his confidence in you,
confirm your desire to rebuild that confidence

Being patient and showing a serious desire in rebuild the relationship.

The greatest problem in such cases is the unjustified speed and the
desire to return quickly to the pre-misunderstanding phase, while the
psychological factor for the other side cannot be grasped and perception
the extent of his acceptance of the breathless rhythm from our side to
reform with our ignorance of assessing the magnitude of the problem.
You must understand that rebuilding confidence takes a relatively long
time, so be patient with the other person, but continued permanently in
reconciliation efforts and provide positive reassuring perceptions of the
other side of the relationship.

Fourthly: Islamic perspective of social relations

Through our talk about social relations and human relations, we must note
that the ideological and religious side plays an important role in the
creation, continuation, and developing those relations. What we mean here
is the Islamic theory in building relations, and how we pay careful attention
47
to find a kind of interdependence between members of society and
institutions, bodies and individuals for the protection of the individual and
the protection of society, and for the benefit of the individual and the
benefit of society? From here, we will explore the Islamic foundations to
build real and strong relations within the Islamic community, which
reflected on the relationship of the Muslim individual with his brothers and
with the rest people of the human race

Islamic foundations for establishing relations

taking care of the human because the human being is the social life axis
on earth, which is honored by God - Almighty "We have indeed created
man in the best of molds" ٍ Surah At-Tin verse (4) and also saying" and
has given you shape- and made your shapes beautiful" Surah Al-
Ghaafir verse (64)

Building relationships for the good of all, the Islam looked at society
as an integral whole, and individual is a part of this great community,
God - the Almighty said "Help ye one another in righteousness and
piety, but help ye, not one another in sin and rancor" Surah Al-Maaida
verse (2). Cooperation is the most important conditions of integration
and a developing method and strengthening the relationships between
individuals or groups.

Integration between individuals, the need for others in many aspects of

life make an individual asks others for help, while at the same time,
sharing with others what is needed to be shared. this integration between
individuals gives the relationship a kind of strength, and ensure for it
remaining, diversity, and expansion, the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) said "The best person is the one who benefits all
human beings"

Equality between all there is no distinction between individual and

individual or between a man and a woman. Everyone is responsible for
his actions and has his independent entity, which must be respected the
Prophet (peace be upon him) "People are equal like comb teeth"

Mutual respect: Islam call for the cooperation between members of the
community which its solid foundation is a kind of respect and
appreciation for what is presented from others regardless that type of

48
 work. This respect pushes everyone to adopt the concerted action as a
method of social life that leads the society to achieve its objectives. this
respect contributes to strengthening the relationships and prevents the
imbalance and clash, in the hadith "said, "Anyone who does not show
mercy to our children nor acknowledge the right of our old people is not
one of us."

Friendliness and love are the believer’s motto, cooperation and the
establishment of relations must be based on the basis of pure and true
love, where the individual is keen on the interest of other Muslims as a
concern for his interest, and offer the goodness good for all willingly,
without any boasting. as well as the relationship at home Between the
man and his wife based on love, God - Almighty said "And of His signs
is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find
tranquility in them, and He placed between you affection and
mercy"ٍ Surah Ar-Rum verse (21).

Compassion, symbiosis, and interdependence: a human being cannot

live in isolation of those around him. Islam has placed the
interdependence, symbiosis, and compassion in the forefront of
collective action priorities, make it a means for developing relations and
maintain the cohesion of the community and its unity. A Muslim
individual must help the others because his happiness cannot be
achieved except by delighting others In the Hadith the Prophet (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "The believers in their
mutual kindness, compassion, and sympathy are just like one body.
When one of the limbs suffers, the whole body responds to it with
wakefulness and fever". so anyone who can help people in need and
provide assistance in all its aspects

The foundations of successful relations from the Islamic perspective

In order to ensure the success of the relations between the members of the
community and increase the factors of close collaboration, there must be
several elements, including:

49
 altruism

It means that an individual has the ability to provide goodness to others

without consideration of a return to the self, which means the abandonment
of excessive selfishness that makes man greedy in his relations with others
and wants to get everything without giving to other what he has. Islam
makes altruism as a status for the believers and makes the individuals love
it in order to ensure the reform of relations and it should continue in
delivering the service to all.

Forgiveness and tolerance

To ensure proper and correct relations between individuals, Islam

encouraged individuals to have forgiveness, tolerance and make excuses
for others so that we treat human beings as inherently make mistakes we
should not ask them to tolerate us if we do not offer such tolerance. This
forgiveness and tolerance are among the most important elements of the
continuation of relations, God -Almighty said: "Take what is given freely,
enjoin what is good, and turn away from the ignorant." Surah Al-A'raf
verse (199)

Staying away from hurting others

One of the most important elements of the interpersonal relations success
is getting away from harming others in any form, whether this harm is
physical or moral. There is no room for the continuation of relations and
to be succeeded in a case of there was a real willingness to harm. From
here, Islam establishes laws and regulations that prevent the action, which
can be a cause of this abuse.

Assuming good will and keeping away from the bad thinking of others.

Which is an important guarantee for the continuation of relations and its

growth for seeing the good side in personalities of others and do not assume
that they think of hurting him unless being sure of that, this thing is a strong
motivation to increase interdependence and successful handling and
fruitful cooperation

having good qualities

50
It is the most important thing that strengthens the relationship between a
human being and others. Honesty, faithfulness, sincerity, good manners,
chastity and compassion are all qualities that Islam urges its followers to
commit to them and order them to adhere for opening the hearts of others
and ensure trust in dealing and spreading virtue among people. Through
those qualities, an individual can communicate well with others and
increase opportunities for sound and valid relations that benefit all

Reform among people

It is one of the most important means of spreading good relations and

developing existing relations and ensuring continuity of communication.
Since the society includes many individuals with different orientations, it
is natural that there are conflict and disagreement.

Hence Islam urged the existence of a tendency of reform by individuals to

bring convergence of views and repair the corrupt relations between
individuals God -Almighty said "The believers are but brothers, so make
settlement between your brothers" Surah Al-Hujurat

Fifthly: Western values and their impact on the

relationships between individuals:
Western civilization and its scientific and technological
achievements have affected the whole world. No one can deny its virtue
and its role. It is noted that Western civilization is based on several
principles that still depend on it: what we can see fit for all cultures, And
somewhat different those cultures in accept it and working with it. What is
a matter to us how did that civilization and Western civilization look at the
relations between human beings? What are the foundations of those
relations? This is the focus of our talking in this part of work.

In spite of the fact that Western civilization is characterized by the spread

of knowledge and awareness, as well as the spread of the values of work,
justice, equality and achieving many achievements and scientific and
economic breakthroughs and great control over the world. However, it
suffers from a major imbalance in the social side or in forming relations
without goals. what we call it clean relationships which have not any
particular interest will not be found in many Western societies, however,
you will find relations of interest will be the predominant type among

51
individuals, and we can lay down a set of foundations that govern the
relations between individuals in western societies,

Pure financial perspective

One of the most important features and characteristics of Western

civilization is the tyranny of the material aspect of the other aspects.
Thinking about the price is the first thing that comes to mind, even if they
claim the opposite. This materialistic view has overshadowed the form of
interpersonal relations, resulting in a kind of desire for hegemony and
control of resources, which created a great rupture in the relations between
individuals.

People with powers control the weak

It is also noted that the culture of domination created large centers of power
that possessed many important sources, which made them control the less
material, cognitive or cultural layers. This control created a kind of visual
and invisible social conflict.

Family disintegration

The culture of absolute freedom and the lack of human aspects has created
a kind of family dispersion among family members. Once a certain boy or
girl has reached a certain age they left their parents to live somewhere away
from them and perhaps, this relationship may have been cut off forever.
This family disintegration has had a major impact on the social aspects of
individuals.

the culture of consumerism

With the spread of the capitalist doctrine and its spread in Europe and
America, the culture of consumerism has increased for individuals, People
have become greedy, covetousness and willing to make money by all
means, and in turn reflected in the form of relations between individuals.
Utility or seeking for benefit has become what is distinguished those
relations and affect them

spiritual vacuum and the absence of the ideological side

The complete separation between religion and transactions has a great

impact on the relations between individuals within this society, which

52
 suffers from the decline of the religious belief and guidance role. Values
have become far from the faith and been closely related to the
perceptions and trends of individuals.

Rights should not be lost

One of the characteristics of individuals in Western societies is their

insistence on taking their rights and not giving up to injustice and
confronting it in every possible way. This adherence to the right is an
advantage, which is missed in our Arab East world. This phenomenon also
motivates individuals to give rights to their owners even by force.

These different characteristics have been largely reflected in the form of

interpersonal relations, unlike the Islamic society, which believes that
interpersonal relations must be vibrant. Western society places relations
between individuals in a routine manner based on interest and benefit first.
So we found that isolation was between the individuals even were existed
in narrow geographic range.

53
Chapter three
In emotional
relationships

54
Introduction
A human being is composed of a body, which moved by the soul and led
by a spirit. a human being is made up of three things, soul, spirit, and body
and there isn't a fourth, the body is only a garment worn by the soul, and
the spirit is only a revival of the body cells; it is a revival of all cells and
components of the human body. The spirit let you live through the body to
make the heart is beating, the stomach can digest, and blood flows in the
body. As well for the nature functionality of all cells and components of
the body so that the body mediates between the spirit of man and himself.

In addition, the closest analogy between the body's relationship with the
soul and spirit is the components of the car, so what is the car consist of...?

The car consist of an external frame of the car, which represents the
body. The energy that makes the car moving represents the spirit. The car
leader is the soul. Without the three components, the car will not move, so
the person without a soul and a spirit and a body will not be exist

Therefore, a human being needs to develop his mind and skills in order to
succeed in his social and professional life (practical and functionality) and
personal and educational (scientific), but one of the mistakes that occur
for many people are the inability to build relationships in general, and the
inability to build emotional relationships especially .

People may recognize the importance of building social

relationships in order to deal properly with others, starting from family
members then reaching to the outer society members. Moreover, ignoring
one of the most important social relationships which component a human
personality that is the emotional relationships, which are the hidden engine
of the human personality and attitudes regardless of his age, position, life.

Emotional relationships are a solid part of human life, especially

when the Psychologists and sociologists were unanimous in saying that a
person needs to love and passion in his life in order to be a normal person.
Perhaps the emotional relations in the comprehensive concept begin from
the childhood. Some people limits the passion in a love concept between a
man and woman so they narrowed the love concept. Despite the love
between a male and a female is a concept that embodies the concept of love

55
and building the emotional relationships. Although love begins in every
person's life since his birth

Research and studies also show that the fetus feels affection, love, and all
that surrounds him in the outside world even when he is in his mother's
womb. Therefore, the motion is building a human being to be normal if it
existed with its correct concept, in the case of a human does not get enough
of it, so he psychologically would grow up unbalanced, which reflected in
his behavior as well. A child since his inception will be normal when
surrounded by feelings of love and attention and appreciation, while
people's who are not psychologically and behaviorally imbalanced, they
are who have not received love in their lives especially since childhood.

From the beginning, love existed between Adam and Eve, where they
acquired this love from God, and after the first fall of man in sin, the
journey of man on earth began by in conjunction with Adam and Eve
together. Without their passion, both of them could be dead of loneliness
and fear, both of them support each other in discovering the world together.

The correct concept of emotional relationship

Love is almost one of the most important types of emotion inherent in all
cultures in different countries, both Arab and Western countries, which
allows the harmony of hearts between different types of people despite the
difference of sex, color and race, and despite the differences of cultures.

Love is inexplicable only through living and testing it. Love in Wikipedia
is known as the passion for strong affection and strong personal
attachment. In philosophy, love is an ideal virtue that combines various
human emotions such as kindness, compassion, and affection.

Love is the one that revolves around the love of God. Love is the love of
God firstly. Not anyone who does not love the right loves himself. Then
comes the homeland love, love of religion, love of father and mother,
brother, sister, and friend and reaching to the love among two people who
their hearts comprised between them which is the most common type of
love. While the concept of love is completed when we find that love is
the basis of existence in all religions and not only virtue, and human
relations, social relations, and all relations based on the affection, love,
and respect.

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The emotion impact on decision
Why we talk about emotion…?

Nothing affects our actions, our behaviors, and thus our decisions were
influenced by the emotion. This is despite the different nature of the
decisions that may be related to the family, study, professional life, the
decision of marriage and other crucial decisions which so-called
facilitative decisions

Therefore, it is difficult to separate the mind and the emotion when making
decisions despite the prevalence of some people to their minds at the
expense of their passion and the prevalence greater proportion of their
passion at the expense of their minds, which results in negative and positive
effects for each case separately.

Which makes us wonder on what basis a person takes his decisions, is it

based on emotion? Alternatively, based on the mind? What is the
difference between emotion and mind and what is the decision-making...?

Firstly, what is the emotion?

A psychological and mental state automatically appears under the

guidance of the nervous system. It calls for a positive or negative
psychological state. The emotion is not inherited but acquired. The
human being is not born with hatred or love for others but acquires as a
result of his contacts with others. The passion consists of a number of
different emotions centered on one subject.

Secondly, what is the mind?

God gives us the mind to distinguish us from other beings. Man uses the
mind to practice all the functions of thinking that help him to understand
things and enable him to distinguish between them in the light of data,
information, images and a man in the brain preserves all that. Thus, the
mind is the used tool in which man distinguishes between right and wrong,
but with a condition which thinking away from the negative influences,
emotional reaction considers one of the basic functions of the mind

57
Thirdly, what is the decision?
Which is the choice between alternatives and solutions by choosing the
best solutions to the current situation in which a person stands, whether it
is a situation or problem that obstructs the path of people?

Finally, what is the role of passion in decision-making? This is what we

review it below:

A Psychiatrist opinion about the emotion role in decision-making

All of us think that psychologists tell us that we must remove emotion,

provide reason when making a decision as a kind of control over emotions,
and make a more rational decision, which is a completely false belief,
where psychiatry emphasizes the need to use emotion when making
decisions as a condition of decision-making in its correct form.

Psychologists and professors of psychiatry justify that a normal human is

able to satisfy his mind and passion together without an expense of one of
them, thus achieving the integration of psychological, physical and mental
needs. Therefore, we find that a man uses the emotion as the only guarantor
to make the right decision, the true guarantor for making a correct decision
for a person who seeks the prevalence of emotion over the mind when
making a decision and also for people who depends on their minds over
their emotions when making a decision

However, how the passion is the guarantor for taking a correct

decision...?

Psychologists headed by Amgad El-Agroudy, who is a professor of

psychiatry and Psychological diseases consultant say that emotion plays
the balancing role in a human life, It achieves the consistency between
human nature and his self which achieve the satisfaction that rational
people do not get in making decisions. In addition, seeking to prevail the
mind over the emotion when making decisions of their lives and especially
fateful decisions.

The decision-making process is accompanied by psychological factors

before, during, and after making the decision. People who prevail mind
over emotion do not feel comfort or satisfaction; also, people who prevail

58
emotion over mind do not feel comfort or satisfaction. So balancing the
mind and emotion brings psychological comfort to the person

Psychiatry also asserts that emotion helps to make decisions that are more
rational. Psychologists point out that a person cannot live a normal life
without being in a good state of mind because the psychological nature of
the person consists of two aspects:

The first aspect is the emotion, feelings, and sensations.

The second aspect: consists of mind, thinking, and logic.

When the situation calls for a decision, the mastermind will consult the
emotion and not the reverse for making a psychologically correct decision.
It is also true on the ground. Psychiatry seeks to correct the concept of
prevailing mind over emotion and disqualifying the emotion aside when
making decisions, which achieve

1-Psychological comfort.

2- A human being conciliation with himself

3- Feeling of satisfaction

Emotion and Decision

We make many decisions in our lives and sometimes they are more or less
logical, but we cannot ignore the fact that emotion in one way or another
ultimately controls our decisions.

Making emotional vs. logical decisions

Decision-making is a cognitive process. The decision is a choice between

alternatives. We often have different preferences for our preferred
approach, due to the difference between thinking and feeling.

Logical decision-making
When we use logic to make decisions besides excluding the emotions, by
using only rational methods, which based on the utility principle, where
each option is assessed separately and we choose the preferred option, it is
a representation of logical decision making.

59
Making emotional decisions
A full range of decisions is taken using emotion, depending on the degree
of logic that is included in this process, which represents emotional
decisions.

Common emotional decisions may use some logic, but the main driving
force is the emotion, which either transcends the logic or uses a false logic
to support emotional choices (and this is very common), while another
common use in emotional decision making is to start decisions with Logic,
then comes the emotion role when making the final choice

The Portuguese researcher Antonio Damasio, a professor of neuroscience

at the University of Southern California, conducted a study on a group of
people who have a brain injury. He found out that this part of the brain
controls the emotions and found that all other aspects looked normal, but
they lost the ability of feeling and emotions

The interesting thing was that their ability to make decisions began to be
seriously strained, as they had very difficult to make decisions in the most
basic aspects of life, even with regard to the place of living, food, etc.,
which refers to the emotion role in making the simplest decisions to the
most important and the most fateful decisions. Therefore, when we talk
about the decision we found that emotions are very important in choosing,
in fact even with what we believe of logical decisions are basically always
dependent on emotion.

Even logical decisions are vague unless emotion and feelings interfere with
us and inspire us how are true or wrong decisions, When logical decisions
are wrong, emotions give signals in the unconscious area that tell us much
about what we really choose.

When I have seen the study result of Antonio Damasio, a professor of

neuroscience. I have a very important question which is it conceivable that
the unconscious is responsible for decisions? At least is it the impact of
emotion that strongly influences the decision-making process?

Which be focused by (Antonio Damasio), when he did an experiment,

which connects to the brain and recorders by pressing a red button. The
idea was that if the conscious mind is responsible for that so that part of

60
the brain would change for the first time. If the decision was made in the
unconscious, that part of the brain will work first.

The answer was ... that the unconscious started the first activity, so the
conclusion was shocking which is the subconscious is responsible for that
and we live the illusion consciously. Emotions also emanate from the
subconscious, this makes the most likely that decisions have a strong
emotional impact.

Tips for making a right decision

Despite the difficulty of decision-making among many people and their
fear of controlling the emotions over their decisions, however, the right
decision as we have reviewed the psychiatry opinion which the emotion
used to make balance and making the decision more rational, but how
people get rid of their questions that revolve in their minds after making a
decision...?

In many cases, people cannot stop thinking of making a decision,

especially those who are hesitant and suffer from making a decision. If they
make a decision after great suffering, they all wonder: Is the decision that
you made correct? Will it have positive results or not? To avoid the
confusion that accompanies decision-making, the following tips can be
used to make the right decision:

1- Did one of your colleagues or friends ever tell you that when he
wants to make a certain decision in his life whether it is a daily
decision or fateful decisions? he goes to a place which has a great
impact on his heart and feels relaxed and comfortable and then he
can make the decision without the influence of external parties, free
of any tension and nervous pressure ...?!

The same thing requires a correct decision. Whatever the used method to
keep away from the opinions of others who influence your decisions and
the tension and nervous pressure. You should be calm while making the
decision and not be subject to negative psychological effects such as
anxiety, anger, and tension.

2- Do not cancel the emotion

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As we have emphasized previously that the decisions we made in our lives,
whether a crucial decision or a normal decision which have been taken in
our daily life, those decisions are affecting our actions and our behaviors
in our whole life. Therefore, we must combine between the emotion and
mind and not prevail the mind over emotion or vice versa. However, we
must achieve the psychological comfort that people got during and after
making a decision through consulting the mind to the emotion when
making the right decision in order not to regret in the future if you ignore
your feelings when making your decisions or to be accompanied by
remorse if you go behind the emotion without the mind.

3- Do not forget the principles

The struggle between the mind and emotion will always be an eternal
struggle. Many say As long as decisions must be made by the harmony of
mind and emotion, how can this be achieved, and often what the heart need
it is contrary to the mind and vice versa?

Principles are one of the most important pillars of decision-making. They

are the ones that directly depend on them for achieving the balance between
the mind and emotion when making decisions. When you make decisions
about your life, make sure to make decisions that take into account your
principles, your emotions, your mind.

4- Remember your past experience and take advantage of the previous

experiment

Your previous experience and the experiences of others give you enough
experience to help you out making a decision. Therefore, be sure to recover
your previous experience for making a decision. Some similar events,
processes, and attitudes help you make a decision and you can take
advantage of others' attitudes and experiences.

5- See things from all sides

Did you know that most of the people who regret their decisions are the
people who do the first thing that comes to mind without thinking and
without giving themselves the opportunity to think deeply and review it
from all angles?...

62
Therefore, it is advisable to think well and see it in all aspects before
making a decision. For example, you can determine the advantages of the
decision emotionally, mentally and psychologically and find more than one
option and then take the option that balances the emotion and mind
together.

Studies and research have confirmed that emotion is an essential part of the
decision-making process, which cannot be overlooked which can lead to
negative results

Stages of emotional relationship

Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. They begin with
fascination and pass through several stages along the way. These stages are
the true tests of love, and their purpose is to measure and see the possibility
of compatibility with parties together

Sometimes the relationship is wrong and takes the biggest share of the fall,
whether for an emotional relationship between a man and a woman or
married. Perhaps this explains the penetration of love in many relationships
after marriage when we see a couple relationship at the beginning of their
marriage and they seemed that they want to stay together forever, but after
a few years, they ended up being monotonous and bored in their emotional
relationship. If you notice this, you will know that love goes through many
stages.

Are you in a new relationship? On the other hand, are you in

a relationship with someone you know it years ago or in the
identification phase?
No matter how long your relationship lasted. Alternatively, how long can
it last? Because all relationships fit comfortably in one of these stages:

The first stage (stage of fascination)

Which is the first stage in each relationship, any emotional relationship

always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge, a desire
to stay together. Each one of them may be intensely attached to the other.
At this stage, each side of the emotional relationship overlooks any defects
in the other and focuses only on the good aspects.

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The second stage (understanding phase)

At this stage, each side seeks at the beginning to know the other better. If
you have long conversations with your partner until late at night. life is
rosy because most conversations and attitudes that went through the
understanding phase are trying to understand what the other party likes or
hates in order to know everything about the interests of partner life and of
course, many secrets are revealed at this stage as well. So many say
metaphorically that at this stage you are enchanted, life looks so beautiful
and romantic.

The third stage (Turbulence phase)

Life does not have one rhythm as well for the relationships, which look like
the life with its different curiosity. After the period of fascination and
understanding, conflict often results from differing each side on to another
especially when the relationship develops and be on the track to form a
happy love story. After a few months of flirting, the first disagreement
occurs.

Do you remember the first fight? Alternatively, the first angry

disagreement happened between you and your partner for the first time ever
in the relationship...?

Each one of you will be in confrontation with the other although settling
this dispute or conflict can be quick.

The fourth stage (opinion making phase)

The stage of making opinion is a very special stage of developing the

relationship especially when each side feels like taking a corner alone in
his mind and heart to make an opinion about the other. Although remaining
with the other side and does not move away from him at this stage each
open make an opinion about the other over days and months. Each one
knows what is not expected of the other, also be sure about the things that
expected to find such a person, as the stage of opinion making arises in the
promises and commitments to the relationship.

It should be noted that the stage of opinion making oscillates in it the

situation, which the lovers experienced joy and ecstasy, sadness and

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depression with the difference of opinion, which was made by each of the
beloved.

The fifth stage (molding phase)

Molding phase is where each of the parties to the relationship trying to pour
over the other ideal partner expectations after that side made his opinion
about the other. That side strives to change the other and make him either
a replica of an ideal partner who wants it or trying to change in it what he
can do and adapt to what he cannot do. at this stage, each one is trying
hard to formulate an opinion to fit with the ideal partner which leads to a
lot of push and pull accompanied by taking and giving and both partners is
continually trying to convince the other with a skill. Which represents a
conflict of a power struggle that threatens any relationship and can
terminate it especially if tyranny in opinion was found

The sixth stage (Happiness phase)

The happiness stage outcome of the efforts of both parties if each of them
can keep the relationship alive. The relationship has passed the stage of
molding, but we must point out that the two parties live in the stage of
happiness when both sides strive to understand each other's expectations to
live happily

It is natural when a human feels happy to see everything perfect as if he is

playing in a perfect match. Therefore, the decision at this point is to
continue the relationship, which is crowned by bonding or marriage. It is
also the attachment stage for each one. The parties really feel as if they are
connected to each other and love each other. Intensively.

The seventh stage: uncertainty phase

Doubts arise in many relationships. Doubts begin to creep into the

relationship after happiness prevails. Somewhere along the way, the parties
think of their past relationships as suspicion increasing and thinking of
other potential partners appears.

As you may decide to change the decision to continue your relationship,

especially since a person always blames the other party when he or she is
dissatisfied; so things may end up blaming this relationship.

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The Eighth stage (exploration or bust)

In this stage, instincts play a prominent role many people may overlook
some doubts and some comparisons in order to get the feelings that were
initially at the stage of fascination. in a case of married couples, each one
of them searches for what is arouse from the other and push him to feel an
interesting and distinctive relationship away from the monotony and
boredom.

The ninth stage (Full Confidence phase)

It is the happiest stage in the stages of love and its development. It reminds
the two lovers of the first stage of fascination. The happy stage occurs when
the two sides make sure of their love for each other and trust each other
completely, to have unbreakable confidence at the same time.

At this stage, each party explores the direction of the relationship and each
party determines whether he is entirely happy or happy with the other. It is
easy to predict behavior and decisions, but the stability of love comes from
the desire to take the decision to continue, this is a foregone conclusion

This final stage of love has a great pleasure, which there is no excuse for
the two sides to appreciate each other because love is the passion that
engulfs the beloved.

If you are in an emotional relationship in a period of your life and this

relationship ended or you are now in an emotional relationship and you still
in the stage of youth love and you have seen all or most of these stages. Do
not let the dark side of these stages scare you; instead, you can consider
these nine stages of love as a foundation, which paving a better and
promising love future and happiness, just remember to keep, love alive all
the time.

Law of Relationships (Four Laws that control

the emotional relationships)
It is obvious to wonder what governs the law of relations. In addition,
what can make us able to build a long-term relationship...?

A person feels secure when he finds himself in a secure relationship, which

is found when he plans for building a long-term relationship on a solid
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basis that able to provide strong support to meet the challenges of the
coming years. This takes a time to find the right bases for building the
relationship, especially as it is not fixed. Sometimes we may discover that
it is not available in the relationship and sometimes we feel that it is an
illusion and we may determine its presence in the emotional relationship.

Because this thing needs time to develop and maturity of the two sides of
the emotional relationship so as not to fall into the trap of rushing to marry
or other long-term commitments that affect the emotional relationship so
as not to be the result of the relationship is a disappointment. Any
emotional relationship is not mixed with disappointment when it was built
on a law that governs it

It should be noted that there are four laws governing any relationship
if they have existed the relationship would be deepened and became a
long -term relationship, and if both parties and partners of life failed
to provide it on their emotional relationship, it creates an imbalance
which prevents the construction of a correct emotional relationship

1- Shared value
Shared values are an integral part of a long-term successful relationship.
Common values affect critical areas and situations in any relationship,
including child-rearing, financial issues, key issues that are encountered by
both sides of the relationship. The existence of common values help to
reduce the big conflict situations such as a conflict that can tear apart an
emotional relationship that is difficult to solve

For example, if one parent supports corporal punishment and the other
opposes, a frugal partner and the other spends recklessly and extravagantly,
or the concept of fidelity is different for both of them, it inevitably causes
an ongoing problem, so emotional relationships need to:

1- Taking a long time

2- Get knowing each other

3- Finding common and similar values

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 2- Compatible life objectives

The goals of a similar or compatible life are another cornerstone of

emotional relationships. This is the foundation for people to build a good
long-term relationship. It is important that the relationship takes time for
each party to talk about it for their future. so that the two parties see
themselves for five or ten years later which enabling them to create a
consensus on the material and financial side to be a protective arm that
protects them from financial conflict because it is one of the main reasons
for divorce, which ends many, many emotional relationships.

Preston Nee, a professor of communication studies at California university

point out in an article in the journal Psychology Today, that emotional
relationships are closely related to lifestyle and balance between home,
work, and finances. If you do not have a few similar long-term goals, the
chances of a long-term emotional relationship are low.

3- Common interests

It is important to invest time in discovering common interests. This advice

is in accordance with the guidance and advice of the University of Texas
at the Mental Health Center, which recommends that there are common
things to do and talk about them together which helping on friendship and
strengthening intimacy, which is vital to the success of any long-term
relationship.

Spending some time together in common activities, and others such as

household and family chores help to maintain and nurture the relationship,
much less that avoids stagnation and hardness, especially when the matter
develops by adding hobbies and activities to the list of things which they
enjoy do it together. This helps maintain a renewed, exciting and
interesting relationship.

4- Acquisition of decision, communication and conflict skills

The complementary laws that are indispensable for building a strong and
long-term relationship cannot be achieved without the two parties having
the skills that enable them to connect and develop the love. Without
effective communication, there is always a danger to the relationship,

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especially since the inability to communicate which impedes the
expression of desires and thus impedes its achievement.

But it is absolutely necessary, says Dr. John Grovel, a professor of mental

health, "learning how to communicate frankly and honestly is the key to
building healthy relationships and lasting relationships"

According to the Center for Mental Health at the University of Texas, good
communication skills are a vital part of conflict resolution. It is necessary
to be able to respect differences and make concessions when it is possible.
as well as the need of each side of an emotional relationship to be able to
make a balance between the validity of the relationship between the value
of winning the conflict, which ends many relationships as a result of the
ongoing differences and problems.

Building healthy relationship tools

1- The relationship is like the houses and homes that protect us. The
sound and stable emotional relationship are able to stand against the
time tests. which is the same thing in the house that protects us from
the treachery of time, so as much as people are interested in building
a good house and as much to establish it as we need to build a healthy
relationship on a strong basis.

Long-term emotional relationships need a good foundation. The first thing

to do when building a home is to decide what kind of foundation you want
and choose similar things and tools. If you are on the threshold of a new
relationship, what you need to do is to take due care of that relationship.
Emotional attention is the core of the emotional relationship and helps to
build a new relationship on a good basis and it is a better chance for a
successful relationship. When you have the positive foundation,
knowledge, and strength, and the confidence to create anything you want,
all of that helps to build a healthy relationship. This is the main fact, which
enabled those who have achieved all their dreams

2- Like houses, all relationships need periodic maintenance and repair,

perhaps along the way. There are things that happen over time. The
parties must be aware of the emotional relationship so as not to get

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 to the point of collapse, which happens by accumulating these things
along the way.

Most contractors say that if your home has good bones, you can repair
everything you need so that you can remodel and expand it. This applies to
the rest of your life. If your relationship is built on solid foundations, you
can maintain it regularly and protect it from collapsing.

3- Judging yourself or your partner harshly because something is not

going in the right direction that will not help you get out of your
problem, but you can count on the confidence that can overcome
anything much easier. If you have the right tools, such as getting
ready to accept help and accepting a loving partner, and having a
good foundation for building a relationship that does not require any
special training or education, you can count on your talents,
experience, and abilities that God has given to you.

4- Having a strong respect base, the success of building any

relationship in the universe are the best way to create a life for
yourself and for those you love.

4 Keys to the success of the emotional

relationship
Here are four keys to making your current commitment is your last love

1- Do you trust your partner?

Confidence is the first and perhaps most important indicator of success the
long-term the relationship. Without confidence, the relationship is weak
and fragile at any time. Ask yourself the following questions: In general,
is your partner reliable? Is he reliable? Can you count on your partner as a
"rock" in your life? What about you for your partner?

For some, trust is a complex issue. Some people have blind trust, while
others associate trust with wishful thinking, others are able to properly
assess a life partner and know that he is trustworthy or unworthy and the
same thing is required.

2- Is there a disdain between both of you?

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Dr. Jon Gutman from the University of Washington, who is an expert on
marital relations and emotional relationships, concluded after more than 20
years of research that the main reason behind the rise in the divorce
indicator occurs when disdain is shown in the relationship.

Contempt is the opposite of respect and often comes as a result of

misrepresentation of feelings and the situations that both parties are
subjected to through negative judgment or criticism, or cynicism regarding
the value of the individual.

Perhaps what was reached by communication studies solve that thing,

where that study recommended that effective communication require
separation of the person from the issue or behavior, with the need to take
that thing leniently and the criticized side is an effective interlocutor
without resorting to the parties to attack, minimize or ignore this issue.

Ask yourself the following: Is your partner really kind of above in his
contacts with you, or bringing a conversation with him constantly? Is there
kindness in the communication between you...? What about
communication with your partner?

If you are in an abusive relationship, I have good news for you. As long as
you and your partner are ready to make improvements, your emotional
relationship will naturally return to normal.

3- How do you and your partner deal with the ongoing conflict in
the relationship?

The ongoing conflict in any relationship, whether it is a relationship of

lovers at the beginning of the road or between couples is difficult to deal
with it, in addition to the weakness of conflict resolution skills that make a
bad situation worse, especially because it is up to freezing emotionally.

Successful relationships are the allies of people who have the ability to
solve problems and who have the ability to take care of the issue rather
than attack someone. Even when they are angry, and most importantly, that
people who are able to succeed in their emotional relationships are those
who have the ability to learn and grow through the difficulties which they
faced with others, as experience grows then it improves over time.

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 4- How do you and your partner deal with external adversities and
crises?

One of the most successful attributes of relationships is the partner’s ability

to stand together in facing the external challenges. The real test of the
relationship is whether the parties of the relationship are able to stand with
each other in difficult times.

Consider these questions: Do adversity bring you closer to your partner or

keep you away? Do crises gathering both of you or keep you apart? Do
you and your partner deal with difficulties such as children or adults. Are
there good moments between you and your partner? In difficult times or do
you only enjoy good times?

"Challenges are a lifelong bond"

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73
Introduction
In this chapter, we will try to offer the best ways to maintain our existing
relationship with others. As well as the helping means to maintain our
relationships with those around us who do not have an interest in our
relationship, and that requires knowing how to get closer to the others.
With the ability to give and present benefit

The values that govern the behavior of individuals play an important role
in strengthening and maintaining relationships in a communicative,
cohesive and growing state. An important thing that makes an individual
able to maintain his relationship is that he has the ability to understand the
surroundings and recognize their nature, thus has the ability to act perfectly
that based on the motivations of others.

In order to ensure a fruitful and continuous relationship without

interruption, you must be in your personality and directions, so that you do
not be artificial or claim what is not in you. Whoever seeks perfection is
not like who claims it. The first one seeks to develop himself and knows
the best ways to exploit his skill. The second one thought that he is
unprecedented and he does not need the others, therefore negatively
affected his relationship with others, and lose the ability to maintain them.

Free of charge relationships

Can we establish relationships away from the interest factor? So that these
relationships arise and grow automatically, and evolve from transient
relationships to permanent and connected relationships. Can we know how
to win friends? Is there any way to do that?

They say that the grandfather's relationship with the grandson is the
cleanest relationship, due to the absence of the interest factor. He is not
asking for a return from his grandchild but he does everything he can to
please and satisfy him. The basis for establishing such relations is to be far
from the factor of searching for what you can get from it but it is a need for
people to be around him, he asks their love and affection to feel his
humanity, and he is not alone in this world.

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 It is important to note that human capacity to establish such
relationships and positive interaction with those around him, which is one
of the most important signs of mental health. Some of the best ways to
build these relationships

Appreciate the others

One of the most powerful drivers towards positive behavior is the

human feeling of appreciation of those around him. When we deal with
people and want to establish strong relationships between them and us so
we must realize that, we deal with people who often control emotion in
their behaviors and actions. Logic does not have a great place in their lives
when the other side feels that you appreciate and respect him for what he
offers and give him a feeling that he has a great value. This is an important
way to open the horizon of fruitful relations and strong relations

In the same context, we must know that sharp criticism and attack
permanently is a way to cut all relationships and even leave negative
impressions to others. How many people left their talents and creativity
because they found only the irony around them? Instead of conviction, the
people let us understand them and we will find many positive aspects
within them, through which we can access themselves and strengthen our
relationship with them

The greatest driver of positive behavior is the feeling of being important,

which will give you the opportunity to communicate positively and
establish lasting relationships and true friendships.

2- Be tolerant to the extreme

Maybe you ride a bus and someone passes by you and unintentionally
squeezes your foot or pulls your shirt. Showing the tolerant and balanced
behavior changes many of others' views about you and makes a strong
bridge to a relationship that can become a friendship and acquaintance, but
a life relationship later. we will not understand people unless we forgive
them, anger and being nervous make pull the wool over the eyes and
prevents us from understanding the reality and nature of others, but
prevents us from understanding the circumstances surrounding them. One
of the most important things that spoil our relationship with others is our
desire for revenge. We may destroy a promising relationship with a great

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person when we are far from understanding the circumstances and motives
that surrounding him.

Stay away from flattery and cheap praise

Our appreciation to others is quite different from flattery, hypocrisy, and

social duplicity. Your cheap Praise for people who have powers or eminent
positions will not give you a distinguished relationship. A human being by
nature can distinguish between flattery and appreciation. Your judgment of
a person who is less than you in your work aspect and you saw him well
this is desirable, but your hypocrisy for those who are higher above you in
a position is noticeable and reprehensible and not a way to establish a
privileged relationship. This flattery and hypocrisy are a way to reach a
specific goal, which turns the relationship from being free to a relationship
of exploitation and desire to get a benefit.

Tell people what they want

Our desire to establish a genuine and sincere relationship must begin by

informing others that we share them what they want, not what we want. In
many cases, people need someone to hear and give him an advice, when
we have a distress and need someone who stands next to us. Not those who
want to benefit from us; these are more prominent in our hearts of those
who want to collect a benefit

Learn the pleasure of giving

Our true desire to establish a clean relationship, such as true friendship,

must be based on the idea of giving without looking to a return " your need
of the charity benefit is greater than who needs that charity" perhaps if
people understand this sentence meaning then the tender will turn to a
pleasure which is not comparable to other pleasure. However, the problem
may not be the person who gives as much as the person who receives that
tender, as it is exclusive right to him even if this tender changed according
to the circumstances then the dealing will change

In our many relationships, we may find ourselves forced to give,

sometimes we give for getting some benefit. However, clean relations
empty of the interest and desire to get a return.

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Get closer to people more
The financial culture that has dominated the world in recent times has made
man in an isolation of those around him. In addition, increased his isolation
from those around him by means of modern technology which so-called
social media sites such as (Facebook and Twitter) and others that made the
human-centered around himself and decreased the opportunities to interact
with him and those around him.

In order for a person to get rid of this isolation, he must follow several
means of closeness to others, removing his isolation and reduce his social
estrangement.

Start with your small family

A man can do no more than he can, any person who is suffering from social
disintegration, distance and affliction cannot establish a good relationship
with others. The seeds of conversation, discussion and relations are placed
within the family and the small society surrounding the human being.

The culture of conversation within the family should prevail. What drives
an individual more integrated into the virtual world, the world of social
networking sites and also moving away from establishing genuine
relationships are the absence of conversation with the family and the
absence of a language of understanding between parents and children. The
individual searches for those who hear him out and rush to chat rooms and
social media sites. This conversation between members of the family
should be continuous, parents should it with their children to talk about
their ideas and problems, and devoting some time to have fun and
entertainment and listen to the tales, and it is useful to develop several rules
during family meetings. Such as:

The obligation to turning off the mobile phone during the family
gathering or food, as well as close everything that could disrupt the
meeting such as television and computers.

Listen to the speaker especially the children, and not disrupt him, and
leave him until finishing from displaying his thoughts

Staying away from the language of forbidding, the threat and preventing
ideas, and create an environment of love and acceptance.

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 When the husband enters his home, he must make his time at home for
his wife and children; so he should not open his phone except for
necessity while being sure of avoiding browsing the internet or social
media sites while sitting with them

Determine a specific time for individuals to follow up those pages, this

schedule has to be clear to all and can be written and placed in a
prominent place in the house, to abide by all individuals.

Parents should monitor their children as they browse these pages, such
as the father or mother be in the friend list of their children; this allows
them to see what they publish, participate, or sharing

Determining a day of the week in which not all members of the family
browse any of these sites or pages, and make this day for fun,
entertainment and celebration in the family these points are the most
important thing that makes for a human the ability to establish fruitful
relations with others.

Humility is the secret of communication

They said: The arrogant is like a bird the more flying the more getting
smaller in people's eyes. Any human earns from arrogance only the
isolation and hatred. This hatred creates a great barrier between himself
and others. He cannot deal with and cannot establish the strong relations
that give it the ability to continue.

Humility has never been a weakness, but it is the magic key to attracting
hearts, strengthening relationships and a great motivation for loving the
people, increasing cooperation, and building and maintaining beneficial
relations.

In order to the humility be one of your permanent qualities follow the

following:

Know that you are not the best person: Whatever you are talented, there
is always someone who can do things better than you, look at him and
think about improving yourself.

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 Correct your mistakes: We always judge others because it is much
easier than looking at ourselves, but unfortunately, it is unacceptable
and harmful to us and to people around us. Judging others causes strife
in relationships, which prevent new relationships from forming, and
perhaps even worse than that, it may prevent us from trying to improve
ourselves.

Recognize the grace of God to you: Many people may wish to live your
life instead of you; Look at others who do not have half of what you
own and appreciate that and be grateful.

Accept your mistakes and seek to avoid them. Making mistakes and
accept them is an integral part of humility, you should understand that
everyone makes mistakes at some time in their lives, and this does not
mean becoming an indifferent person, on the contrary, you should try
to avoid mistakes as much as you can.

Avoid talking about your achievements a lot: It is okay to have respect

and appreciation for yourself and feel proud of your achievements, but
no one likes the person who always tries to draw attention to himself
and his own achievements if a person do a work worthy of praise the
others will mention and praise it

Admit the other credibility: we are human beings, and what we have
now is a great influence of others creditability and their guidance to us,
and countless people have helped you to be the person you are now.

Estimate the talents of others: Challenge yourself by looking at others

and appreciating things, which they can do, and more generally,
appreciate people for what they are.

Do not compare yourself to others: While the competition can be

healthy and stimulating, it is almost impossible to be a modest person
when he constantly seeks to be "the best" or try to overcome others, and
instead try to look at yourself more to develop it

Show attention to others

The best means to be close to people is showing interest in them, attention
to their conditions and events. Any human appreciates who cares about
him, for example, is it permissible for a husband to forget the birthday of

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his wife. Is it permissible to ignore the condolences for his friend in case
of depression? It is a simple action and perhaps free of charge, but they
create a world of trust and love. Your ability to show genuine interest in
both a person or things that matter to that person or anything else that is
relevant to him it will give the relationship a great power and a great status
to him.

Here is how to show this interest:

Use distinctive words when greeting others: No matter how many

meetings with someone who you have a relationship with so do not
neglect to offer a distinctive greeting and warm peace, the Prophet
(peace be upon him) said: "Promote greetings amongst yourselves.”
Ignore greeting make others feel that you do not care about them when
you meet your friend or colleague at work, go to him, salute him, and
shook his hand warmly.

Do not deal with a person as if he is nobody: Use the name of the person
in all your communications, written or oral and you can precede the
words of reverence and respect. This raises your and his concern, also
do not forget that a human nature likes praise and commendation and
he gives a lot if he felt with your concern. do not call your children
with a word that refers to generalization but call each of them with
their names, and you can use the word sweetheart when you call your
wife

Listen to them as they speak: Do not leave out your talker but be
interested in his words and give him an expression that you are
listening to him with all your heart and your mind. Do not give him a
feeling that you do not care about what he says, but make him feels
that you appreciate every uttered word. Make that matter with your
colleagues, brothers, wife, and children do not engage in another
matter while they are speaking such as browsing your phone or turning
magazine pages, this negative behavior leaves a bad impression on the
other.

Ask and understand: A great way to show interest is to ask questions.

It can be as simple as starting a conversation with a colleague about
work, or asking about general conditions if he is an ordinary man.

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 Asking questions generally, which motivates people to talk about
themselves and their interests.

Re-establish relationships: One of the best ways to demonstrate the

importance of having a relationship of pure affection without purposes
with someone, contact him just for reassurance and knowing his latest
news...contacts like that become few these days. It comes from people
who do not have a personal interest but they just check on you, this
type of calls have a good impact on the soul and we love it very much.
Think about it, did you call some people just for saying hello or know
what is going on in their lives? Alternatively, are you like most people
who called asking for a favor?

Emotional involvement: by calling your friend who exposed to a health

problem is considered one of the most important forms of attention and
compliment and you can visit him as well multiple visits will be better.
Participate with your colleagues and friends their happy occasions,
which strengthen your relationships, increases their sense of attention,
and give you a great place in their hearts even colleagues from other
religions call them in their festivals and congratulated them.

Forgive others, and forgive those who offended you!

One of the most important means of getting closer to others and ensuring
the continuation of our relations with them and increase the opportunities
for cooperation and communication is to learn how to forgive? As we deal
with human beings who used to make mistakes, and we must face the
impact of these mistakes and will deliberately or unintentionally harm us
and we will be affected by the harm that caused by the actions of others. In
addition, to ensure that we keep close to them you must make it a habit for
you to forgive, God The Almighty - "and let them pardon and overlook.
Would you not like that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving
and Merciful" Surah an-Nur

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Allah
augments the honor of one who forgives". What makes us angry and break
our relationship with others when they do unacceptable action and our

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inability to act wisely to accept what we may see it wrong, in order to get
used to tolerance so you should follow the following

Assume good faith with the surrounding and avoid mistrust them The
devil tries to sign enmity and hatred between you and them and this
makes you assume always that they deliberately wrong and you
conception is often incorrect

Remember that you are not always right, and you make mistakes and
do what is harmful to others and you need to forgive them so that life
will continue.

Make the forgiveness a daily-obliged behavior and you should use it in

your work and your home and with whom you deal with them formally
or unofficially.

Learn how to overcome the difficulties and problems in order to

maintain your relationships around you and take care to change things
for the better.

Do not bias towards your opinion and do not stop the conversation, and
try to bring the different points of view, do not be a solid to be broken,
and do not be soft.

Think about the consequences and negative results of disagreement and

separation or break ties with those with whom they have a working
relationship, friendship or family relationship.

Make a place of permanent reconciliation; even if you disagree with

them do not cut all ties, and do not act in the case of anger, and a little
calm and give yourself a chance to think and review.

we are making happiness and also misery, recognize your mistake, and
apologize and do not be like those who take the misplaced pride,

Be firm in the positions of firmness and make the punishment to the

extent of mistake, a manager in his work will find the staff and workers
who leave the work or neglect in it or does not comply with the laws
and conditions of work as far as his mistake then punish him according
to mistakes. As well, you will find from your friends who makes
mistakes and in the family, you will find mistakes from the wife and

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 children and yourself as well do many mistakes, o be as responsible for
bearing the consequences of your mistake.

Give them a chance to defend themselves and clarify their views and
understanding their motives which may be unintentionally wrong and
perhaps a third party was wrong or has not yet shown, so do not rush to
the punishment before understanding the full picture.

While the father - the pencil maker - was busy making an amount of
pencils, which have been asked from him, his little son, get close to him
and contemplate his father's skill in making those pencils. When the father
did what he was asked for, he grabbed the last pen before putting it in the
last box, and looked at the pencil and talked to it. You pencil, four things
you should know as you cross the path of life.

Firstly: You will be exposed to sharpen in many times, and in many

periods, but I know that sharpen is made of you a better pencil

Secondly: When you write a certain error, you should have the courage to
correct it, remove the error, and write the correct one

Thirdly: The greatest thing you have is what is inside you. The outer shell
is only for your packaging, and it has no value.

Fourthly: Leave your trail in every surface you write on, so do not leave
without putting your mark.

The little boy heard those words and knew that his father wanted to advise
him: Dad, what should I learn from your words to the pen?

The father answered, “I want your life to be just like the pencil, if you put
yourself in his place and applied those tips to yourself, you will be better
and be a great human being

If each one of us applies these tips to himself, life will change for the better,
its shape will be more beautiful, and our role will be more effective in
society. Let us all know that life will not be free of difficulties that sharpen
our abilities, give us experience in life, give us the greater ability and better
opportunities to deal with problems. When we make a certain mistake then
we must have the courage to admit it and correct it, correcting the mistakes
give opportunities towards success, we should also make our essence is the

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best of us. No matter how bright the external manifestation is, without a
good essence, there is no value for a man, and whoever has the best inner
self, he is a great man, despite people who have appearances deceive, and
they have no value

The importance of values to ensure continuity of relations

The dominant set of values in a society represents the basic foundation for
ensuring that individuals are treated optimally and that society is protected
from the excesses of some individuals. Not all individuals are equally
charitable. Some of them want to have everything free of charge and some
of them see themselves better than others do. Some of them want to be
dominant and controlling, and some of them know only abuse and evil, but
these groups represent only a small proportion of societies, many of them
committed to the society values and want to spread it out. Therefore, values
play an important role in directing human behavior, as far as commitment
to these values as much as the relations between individuals.

Values are the set of principles, teachings and ethical controls that
determine the behavior of an individual; it draws for him the right path that
leads him to do his life duties and his role in the society to which he
belongs. Besides that, values are the fence that protects him from sin and
error prevents him from committing any act contrary his conscience, or
contrary to his principles and morals. Values are what affect our deep
structure, and a reference to our judgment of what is evil or good, true or
false which is unconscious. Values vary from society to another society
and vary from person to another one, but they are unanimous, essential for
every human being and every society that seeks to build itself, develop its
social and economic structure, and nurture loyal generations of its
homeland.

These values include honesty, patience, forgiveness, justice, freedom,

equality, fraternity, cooperation, mercy, and solidarity. It is clear to us that
it is related things to the person, which arise within him and reflects on his
actions with those around him. The society role is motivating these values
and help to disseminate them among individuals.

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Values in our societies are important and here is some of them

It is a guarantee of the society integrity: the society monitoring of

individuals cannot be permanent. The individual cannot be monitored
throughout the day and in all cases to know his behaviors or actions, but
there is a specific rule that prevents individuals from making mistakes
and avoiding violating the accepted rules, this specific role arise from
the individual without fear of observation or fear of the law, which is
the values that believe in it and move his behavior

Values are an indicator of maturity and understanding of life the

societies and countries where the values prevail are more mature and
understanding of life in addition to being creative communities that led
to a great success. For example, the United States of America is
currently the most developed and controlled in terms of Military and
economically in the world but why is that? Only because it is based on
philosophy, science, and knowledge, they followed these values so they
have on the throne of nations now. Also Japan and many other
countries. If we saw our history as Muslims. We found out that we were
on the tops of nations, but why was that? Because the Islamic values
that were applied properly and the architecture of the earth and the
spread of Islam and the values of God, which undisputed and this was
mad us on the throne of nations. Value are building or destroy the nation

You gain the importance: God created us - the Almighty - from clay;
we have a feeling, desire, and hate, relate, learn ... etc. all these things
must embody the personality and determine your values that you live
on and you want to die for it. For example, a person who upholds the
principle that he wants to live a decent life and does not unjustly
consume one another’s wealth, and he is never stealing or betray the
secretariat. This value will make him valuable to his death and he will
be a hero. Anyone who lives without a principle and without values will
surely die without dignity. Being special from others will make you a
unique character that attracted others. so do not live your life as the
others want, but live it as you want and you will be satisfied

Determining what should be done in this life: It is known that God - the
Almighty - created us in this life and it has fatigue without any rest for
a human being in it, God -did not create us in heaven. you should fully

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 believe that everyone in this life fights for the values that live on it, so
do not give up on them, for example, a person who sticks to the principle
of living free, how many battles in his life have in order not to leave this
principle !!! Life is a battle either to live to achieve your values and
principles or to die without dignity; the decision is in your hand.

Values and relationships

Our relationships with others are governed by several determinants,
including the expectations that we can imagine for dealing and our
relationship to them, including the values through which we deal.

In addition, values play a large role in the formation of relations and

strengthen or demolish it alike, it is natural that relations between human
beings, whether those relations are clean or relations of interests or
transient relations. In all cases, those values impact must be shown on the
behavior of individuals and through their dealings with others, how can
these values be used to develop relations and ensure normally their
continuity?

The truth of the relationship: The value of truthfulness is one of the most
important values that affecting the behavior, there is no right or wrong
Otherwise, followed by honesty or lying as a kind of defense or
justification. When the individuals characterized by the honesty that is
reflected greatly in forming the relationships between them, which lead
to its cohesion, developing it, and increasing levels of confidence and
the desire in more cooperation. On the contrary, relations are broken if
it is proved that one of the parties deliberately lies or continues to take
the means to face his mistakes or establish relations on this basis. Many
people refuse to deal with those who are known for lying.

Justice and Equality are the basis of balanced relations, it is important

that a human being realizes the fact that all human beings are equal so
he should deal with them as they treat him. A person who thinks he is
better than the others are or he is above them, lose his relationships and
become in a real isolation. When an individual takes a leading position,
then justice must be his method or adjust the rhythm and workflow. The
leader who differentiates between his subordinates then he will lose

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their cooperation with him and may fail in his mission if he is not
standing at an equal distance from everyone, as well the head of the
household is he is not fair to the family members, the relationship
worsened between him and them and between each other too.

Cooperation is the way for good relations, human beings are sociable
by nature, and he cannot be isolated from society. He needs others to
satisfy the basic needs of clothing, food and medicine and other
requirements of life, and others need him as well. therefore, cooperation
was an urgent necessity, so all civilizations have agreed on the need to
abide by it and to codify and control it so as to cooperate for the
common benefit and not on falsehood, evil, injustice and encroachment
on the rights of others. therefore, the individual should become
accustomed to fruitful and effective cooperation since childhood, Many
projects and business and even life things cannot be done by the
individual himself but he has to cooperate with others because he needs
them to be able to live his life

The Secretariat and the individual's need for security, It is important to

refer to the value of the Secretariat which is one of the most important
values that affecting the individual's sense of security within the
community. You can imagine a society with no security how can you
establish strong or distinctive relations. In addition, how can we
guarantee it is sustained if an individual does not feel secure towards
those around him and they are committed to his restitution and do their
duties without denying them?

Interdependence, solidarity and the Union are values, which lead to

stronger relationships. Human relationships, in general, are not
mechanical sports relations that be subject to fixed laws, but it differs
from individual to individual and from society to another one, the more
positive values prevailed the more increasing relations among
individuals, expanded, and distinguished. one of the values that
contribute to interdependence, solidarity and the Union in confronting
the difficulties and adversity, therefore we note that these values
increase with increasing the level of civilization of the community, and
keeping an eye on the collective action and ensuring help the other
without looking to a return

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 Tolerance and acceptance of others: The value of tolerance is one of the
most important influences in forming relationships between
individuals. The greater value of tolerance he has, the better to establish
good relations with others. The practice of tolerance does not conflict
with respect for human rights, this does not mean to accept social
inequality or abandon the individual’s beliefs or complacency about it.
It means that any individual is free to adhere to his beliefs and accepts
others to adhere to their beliefs. Tolerance means acknowledging that
people who are different in their appearance, status, language, behavior
and values have the right to live in peace. It means also the individual's
opinions should not be imposed on others and accepts to cooperate with
others no matter how different their beliefs or ideas and has the ability
to maintain those relationships in the presence of this difference.

People Like metals

Who asks for human beings without mistakes lives alone

This is a fact that needs no proof. As long as you deal with human beings,
you must know that they have committed sins and committed mistakes and
foolishness that may harm other people. We do not justify the mistakes,
but we want to have the energy and patience to find others to ensure the
continuity of society.

People are different, some of them can deal with others and some of them
lose the skills of dealing with others correctly. so it is necessary to
understand the motives of people before judging our relationship to them
in terms of continuity or estrangement, and knowing the motives and
circumstances, what we mean by saying, people like metals, is a human
nature and life conditions around him and his perspective on human
relations greatly affect his relations with others.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "People are
like ores. Those who were excellent in the Days of Ignorance are excellent
in Islam provided they acquire the knowledge and understanding of the
religion. You will find the best people in it (Islam) those who had a deep
hatred (for leadership). You will find the worst among the people a double-
faced person who appears to some people with one face and to others with

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another face”. The meaning of this phrase, as mentioned - Hafiz Ibn Hajar
- in his book, Fatah-al-Bari of saying: "people like metals which mean they
have different assets, and metals is the plural of metal which is the stable
thing in the earth, sometimes be precious and sometimes be despicable, as
well as people.

This means that the natures of people are not in one picture. They are
different. What you may find in a person could not be found in another
person, you must build your interaction with him or her on this basis. You
must accept their differences and co-exist with them. This is a sign of the
mental health of the individual to have the ability to adapt different
situations and deal with all individuals appropriately without division,
conflict or disagreement, and this kind of understanding can be found
through several means, including:

Search for common interests

Finding a strong relationship with different people can be achieved
through searching for the common interest that benefits all, which
can be guaranteed by relationships based on the theory of interests.
A human by nature search for what gives him the comfort and what
brings to him the happiness if he found a common goal, the
differences will disappear. This relationship can be developed
gradually to eliminate these differences. The more interests are
intertwined whenever the differences are set aside, the Muslim may
share a person who owes another religion in a commercial or
industrial business, and the goal is common between them (profit
and gain). The idea of different faith will not be more than a special
thing for everyone. We can develop our relationship with others
even in cases of difference when we find common goal and
collective goal

Recognition of difference
It is noticeable in our Arab world that our view of the difference, whether
ethnic or ideological, is being exploited for the destruction of homelands.
The truth is that one of the most important signs of successful interaction
and strong relationships with others is to acknowledge the existence of this
difference. We build relationships on this basis of which deny it does not

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mean the absence of its existence. but it like the one who closes his eyes to
the sunlight, thinking that this conceals its light, the fact is that everyone
sees the sun's light and sees its way only it. In addition, what we see in the
world in different cultures that made recognition of the difference is the
way to ensure the cooperation of all individuals to serve their countries and
provide the public interest over the narrowness personal interest. These
nations led towards further renaissance and cooperation among the pillars
of society. Unfortunately, our Arab world is still far from understanding
this fact. In the same context, the individual interaction with the difference
is not different from the collective deal with it, but it starts from individuals
and is reflected in the community as a whole.

Staying away from insult

Just as the appreciation of other is one of the most important alphabets of
good relations with others. Insulting comes as a negative means, which
spoil all relations, but it creates barriers between close individuals. Within
one family relationship between the couple greatly worsens if one of them
insulting the other or if the parents deliberately insulting the children in the
same context the relationship between relatives and parents if they used
insulting which leads to discord, disagreement, and breaking the
relationships. In the field of work and study, humiliation can spoil all areas
of dealing and life. In order to ensure that your relationships with others
continue, do not intentionally insult someone close or distant, either
because of things that he does not involve to it or things that he has created
by himself, but if you find a mistake, try to help them overcome it.

Insulting also creates the desire for revenge, and thus the continuation of
the relationship or taking advantage of it becomes difficult and almost
impossible

narrowing the gap

To ensure the continuity of our relationship with others and to get benefits
from them requires a conscious understanding of the methods to reach
compromises and narrowing the gap between points of views. This can be
achieved by understanding, clarifying and listening to all opinions and
consultations, so that one party does not impose his opinion on another, but

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accepting all ideas and discusses them in an atmosphere of freedom. The
basic role here is Disagreement does not damage amicability

Understand the surrounding circumstances

Our desire to continue and maintain our relationships with others must be
based on something important, which understanding the surrounding
circumstances with those whom we have a relationship with them. The
situation may change if we can understand those circumstances and the
motives that surround them. In many cases, we lose an important
relationship because of our inability to absorb the motives that drive the
other party to behave in a way that does not please us. Understanding the
circumstances, the nature of individuals, their mental and mood condition,
seeking excuses, and the assumption of goodwill are important avenues for
strong relations, but the restoration of relationships that have been affected
before.

Be yourself!
in our show of certain means to maintain relationships with others, we have
been exposed to many important aspects that ensure the relations are
distinguished and now we will be presented to the fifth element, Be
yourself, just be yourself, do not bother or lose confidence in yourself.

Managing the social relations

Human relationships are characterized by vitality and flow. So do not
adhere to one template or form. The way we deal with others is subject to
several determinants that affect and influenced by them. More importantly,
we must identify the best ways to reach normal relationships with the
ability to create common links with others and find out the best ways to
manage our relationship with them.

Relationship management means that knowing the best ways to maintain

relationships with you and others so that the emergency does not affect it.
The enthusiasm remains so that you do not feel the disdain towards those
who care about and this feeling does not transfer to them. You can use the
following strategies successfully to manage your relationships:

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The most important strategies for successful relationships
management
First, you are responsible for people's look at you

It is important to understand that people look at you and deal with you
based primarily on the form of your relationships with them do not give
people reprimand and wait for respect from them.

My friend Essam has a big tourist company, but he does not understand the
employees’ secret of getting away from him. He says: "I feel with the
employee's depression when I entered into my company, even though I am
not a harsh person and I do not make sanctions on them. Even my children
at home, I do not feel very friendly between them and me, they leave me
sitting alone, and they go to their rooms, and let me alone with the
television I feel very isolated, so what makes people get away from me?

My friend has presented a real tragedy that a human being may feel that he
is ostracized, hated, or let us say those around him cannot accept him. In
fact, if our friend searches in himself and in his actions, he will find out
that he is the reason of what he is. Our friend Essam makes fun of all the
people around him and does not have the skill to support them. His ability
to mockery from others is huge, he makes fun of the driver and always
reminds him of his wife's past who got know her in one of the clubs and
makes fun of his older son because of his failure in the second-grade math
exam and makes fun of his wife because her brother was caught taking
drugs. As well makes fun of the receptionist because her husband married
another woman, and so on. The only things he mastered are ridicule and
mockery, which made everyone avoid him, and feel upset with him because
he always reminds them of what they do not want to remember or think
about it.

Secondly: the effective discussion

One of the most important strategies for dealing with people and
establishing strong relationships is that the individual has the ability to
effectively debate and manage the distinctive conversation and in order to
reach such a degree of ability to guide the conversation to your advantage,
commit to the following:

Do not stick to your opinion m which may be wrong

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Some people do not accept the opinions of others and think they have the
whole truth and they are always right and their opinions are not negotiable
which makes a big gap between them and other people. Like these
speakers, they always chanting phrases: you are wrong, I do not agree at
all, from where did you get this misinformation? You do not understand ...
and so on. This method alienates, does not get close... cuts does not
connect, and imposes obstacles to the continuation of negotiations or
discussions in a manner that leads to useful results.

Humans by nature hate the criticism

When you disagree with someone in your opinion, do not talk to criticize
his ideas and opinions. Criticism does not work with all human because it
is difficult for the human soul to bear it and because criticizing others and
highlighting their mistakes is an easy way to deteriorate the relationship
between us. Studies have shown that 99% of people do not criticize
themselves Regardless of their mistakes, which makes them seek to justify
what they did. Criticism is a dangerous spark that causes vanity. It is a
double-edged sword. Therefore, you must good use of it. Remember that
when you deal with others, you do not deal with rigid logical creatures that
do not feel or affected, but you deal with emotional creatures that have
body, soul, mind, and heart which inflamed and aroused by arrogance and
ostentation. They hate to look at their flaws and leave their advantages.

do not expand the circle of discord and difference

One of the most important steps to manage the conversation in a proper

manner is to bring the opinions closer and reduce the points of
disagreement so as not to expand its circle and found a difficulty to control
it. If you found the other party has taken a radical approach to difference,
you can change the subject and search for a point of agreement or bring a
sense of humor to dampen the conversation. In fact, each problem whether
it is a family, practical or even political issue start as a simple issue, but the
misunderstanding is the first spark that makes the situation turn into a crisis
and ignite the conflict and anger between the parties. Understanding with
quiet sound methods without tension or hardness of false opinions is the
basis for solving all the problems and it is necessary to maintain a good
relationship we must believe that positive communication (the interview

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between the parties to the conflict) and good understanding with others is
the basis of harmony, happiness, and success in life.

Thirdly: gain the friendliness by giving hope

The process of reaching out to the hearts of others and gaining their
affection, love, and closeness requires thinking and the ability to control
the emotions and show all your love and affection and bring the good and
cultivate the smile in their hearts, however, giving hope inside them.
Humans tend to people who promise goodness and having smiling face and
love optimism. Making the smile and provide the happiness to others grant
to those who offer it a greater happiness than what others find. They are
also qualities of the real person. There is no real humanity except by
offering what pleases others, and whatever was your circumstances or
possibilities you can offer to others what can be pleased him. A good word
and a sincere smile can bring pleasure to the hearts of people, which do not
cost anything but it may change the lives of others.

Giving hope and joy to the hearts of the surrounding is one of the secrets
of happiness that gives to an individual a place in the lives of those around.
Who cultivates hope in the hearts of people find the impact of what is sown,
and be happier when he finds what has been changed in the lives of others,
and this is the real summit of humanity.

One of the young girls was seriously ill, and the doctors estimated her a
few days and then she would pass away. The girl looked at the tree next to
the window and said to her sister: "I will die when the tree leaves fall" The
older sister looked at her tenderly. "let us enjoy our days and do not think
about the tree, there are many papers, the day passed and the little girl saw
every day one tree leaves fall, until one tree leaves remain, and the girl
looked at her sister and told her "There is only one tree left and I will die
tomorrow". her Sister told her " let us enjoy the day and tomorrow we will
see, the next day came and the little girl found the leaves on the tree and
another day pass and then the autumn and winter came and the spring and
the paper are still on the tree, and her sister next to her. Her condition began
to improve and she starts to recover slowly until she completely healed.
When she was able to move she headed towards the tree and touched the
paper that did not fall, and it was a plastic sheet of ornamental trees, she

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knew that her sister is the one who put it; to give her a hope and stay away
from despair.

The value of human to others represent in what he gives from hope and
optimism, and those who are accustomed to giving are the happiest
people; because they give hope. If everyone thought to distribute the
hope to a miserable person, the world around us would change. Make
sure to give hope and goodness, and you will not deprive the reward
and your life will not devoid of the smile

Fourthly - assume the duties of relations

One of the most important strategies of relationship management is for a

person to know that his relationship with others will impose some duties
on him, including what may be a constraint on him. For example, the
relationship of marriage has imposed duties on the couple, and the
relationship of friendship has what we can call the rights of friends, such
as providing advice, guidance, financial and moral participation in sadness
and joy. Including understanding and appreciation of circumstances, and
dealing with the realities according to its type and size and thus ensuring
strong bonds to our relationship with others.

A friend told me about a person he had a strong friendship with since he

was in school. He was a high school classmate. When he joined the
university a year earlier, the days passed and both of them were graduated
from the college, and both of them throw themselves into work, however,
they still kept their good relationship. after a while, he found his friend
calling him, telling him that he owned a construction and building company
and he would like to participate with him in that activity. My friend thought
he wanted his partnership, but he told him he wanted a sum of money for
a monthly interest of 15% He did not think that his friend could betray him.
The first month ended, and he found in his account the amount agreed
upon. it is been a month after a month and my friend found the agreed
amounts deposited in his account, and because of greed or overconfidence
my friend called other friends and some of his family members and
gathered one million riyals. He gave that amount of money to his friend
(the project owner) and waited to the end of the month and he found out
his balance is the same, so he called his friend on the phone and found out
his telephone is turned off. He asked about the company's headquarters and

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knew that it closed its doors. He asked about his friend, who did not find
him inside the country. He knew that he collected large sums in the same
way and fled abroad. My friend was asked to refund the sums he collected,
and he lost what he had given to him firstly.

In fact, I blame my friend because accursed greed dragged him into this
mess, however, at the same time, the betrayal of his first friend was the
saddest thing he never imagined that he would do that to him

When we disappoint our close friends, our wounds are stronger than we
imagine which left an indelible negative impact. When there is a
relationship between you and others, you are committed to fulfilling them
to ensure their continuation.

Fifthly: the effective communication

In order to achieve successful management of communication and
relationships with others, it is necessary to rely on an effective
communication strategy between you and them. Effective communication
means to deliver some message through several means or through a single
method such as talking, looks, facial expressions, or physical gestures.
Connecting what you want is an evidence of the success of the
communication process.

Several ways that make you able to establish effective communication with
the environment and ensure interaction and proper handling with them,
including:

Listen carefully to what they say, so do not be distracted from them

when they speak especially if the conversation takes the form of
seriousness.

a quick reading of facial expressions and knowing the emotions and

trying to respond to them

Present the facts in time and clarify what is hidden or misunderstood.

Help others to clarify what they mean.

Do not dictate solutions, but hear them to the end, and present your
advice in a form of suggestions and not in the form of orders.

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Make sure of their basic idea, do not go out of the main topic, and
preoccupied with sub-issues.

Be neutral and honest in the description, and do not reduce the great
thing, and do not magnify the little and easy matter

Diversify your voice tone, and make them feel that you are near and
keen to understand, and your desire to deliver your thoughts to them.

Stay away from puns and ambiguous phrases, be easy and use simple
phrases.

Link between your and their ideas, and finish the conversation
before you lose them, and do not show points of disagreement first,
but make it the last thing when you speak

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 Chapter Five:
Towards optimal
utilization of
relations

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Our relationships with others, such as family, relatives, and friends, or
relationships at a slightly higher level, such as fellowship in work, study,
neighbors. or farther than that, as our transient relationships, are all a tool
to connect people to what surrounds them, satisfy their desires and deal
with their social instincts, and it should have a significant impact on our
life

In this chapter, we will try to put some outlines and some principles that
could be built upon, in order to make maximum use of our relations with
others. Taking advantages here does not mean absolute financial benefit,
but addresses several aspects that can be beneficial to the individual such
as psychological aspect and feel with comfort through establishing
privileged relations, the social side and the ability to deal directly and
positively with the rest of the community.

Firstly: Determine the purpose of the relationship

We have already mentioned that relationships are categorized on the basis
of its objective to clean relationships, transient relations, and specific
interest’s relationships.

The clean relationships, which represent in parents with children or

grandchildren and friendship relations in many cases which devoid the
existence of the interest, however. this kind of relationships are normal,
no one of the parties has a prior intention to establish a relationship or
getting a return on it, but it has several benefits to the individual,
Including the psychological and social aspects.

The happiness Feeling

many field studies reveal the impact of social interaction and social media
networks that we live in on how happy we are, as it said by the author of
"Psychology of Happiness" Michael argyle, for two important elements:
emotional support (trust) and common interests.

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Love and marriage
Falling in love is the clearest example of a happy relationship. Love is the
most profound relationship, and this kind of relation inspires the most
positive feelings. in general, Married couple are happier than single,
widows and divorced couple, and unmarried men are less happy than
unmarried women, which indicated to the benefit of marriage is more for
men than for women, where men receive more support from marriage if
they compared to women.

The feeling of interest or happiness:

The question now is: Why do social relationships give us such a sense of
our importance? For example, marriage gives us this feeling of satisfaction.
The results of the studies indicate the emergence of positive verbal
responses and the lack of negative responses, especially criticism of happy
marriages.

also, it is noted the happiness joyful behavior, such as exchanging gifts,

getting ready for practical help, enjoying more with life. The time spent by
the couple together, agreeing on financial issues, adopting a positive
attitude based on finding solutions to the problems that occur, and of
course, each partner providing support to the other, this is also noted.
Considering the lack of negative behavior.

Friendship:
Many studies suggest that those who have more friends or spend more time
with their friends tend to be happier. Friendship is a source of happiness. It
comes in importance after marriage and family life but it precedes working
and enjoying leisure, and the first thing provided by friends one to another
is the immediate improvement of morale condition

The relationship of friendship as a clean relationship can give benefit for

the individual and achieve several goals, even if it did not exist before the
start of the relationship, including:

- Practical assistance and information: although it is less than from the

family and co-workers.

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 The objective of business relationships:
Work relations and fellowship in the job and study vary from the existence
of a kind of friendship to mere a casual acquaintance. It may reach to a
marriage relationship between colleagues, in order to be able to establish
successful working relationships you must know the fundamentals of those
relationships.
Satisfaction with work
Satisfaction with work is one of the most important aspects of a general
sense of satisfaction and increases job satisfaction among those who are
popular in the work environment, who belong to a small and homogeneous
group, and who have greater opportunities for social interaction at work.
Mutual appreciation

The appreciation from supervisors and heads of work and the

encouragement of participation in decision-making, which makes
subordinates happier. Men tend to have a hierarchical roles system, while
women tend to be equal within a group.
Psychological and social support

Each of us needs social support to relieve stress and increase happiness.

This support provides self-esteem and confidence, and generates positive
emotions and reduces the negative impact of external events (availability
of support and assistance).
Feeling of collective accomplishment

The value of work differs from one person to another, so everyone looks
at what they do not agree with, but it varies among them. Some of them see
that work is just a way to make money. Some of them consider work as a
way to achieve something. Some of them see work as life. This different
point of views can be overcome and the relationship will be stronger by
creating a conducive environment to that achievement, and this must be a
collective achievement, and this success does not belong to one person

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Getting a benefit
Finding a relationship that does not have an impact on an individual is very
difficult, especially in our time that financial aspects have been dominated.
This physical view controls many of the attitudes of individuals within the
community, the presence of benefit or interest can strengthen ties of
relations between people. Especially when we are contacting a large
number of individuals through modern means. Our relationships can be
developed by taking advantage of this great environment, among other
things:
Getting a job opportunity

Relations are becoming increasingly popular as a means of looking for a

job, but experts advise both students and those who still have a job to start
early in their relationships to get a right faster job. Jürgen Hesse, head of
the Center for Professional Consultations in Berlin said" Relationships are
common. For thousands of years, people have depended on each other and
benefited from the potential of others".
Establishing some project

We can invest relations with others in establishing projects that benefit

everyone, you can develop relations with others such as friends, and
brothers, increasing the factors of interdependence and the horizon of
cooperation and communication becomes almost permanent. In a rapidly
changing world is witnessing rapid changes in the work and in the field of
projects, and in projects field who has the practical thought try to establish
social relationships to for partnerships
Providing paid services

One of the things that can be used through social relations is providing a
kind of services for getting paid, many people take advantage of their
social relations, friendships, and fellowships and much more in
implementing ideas that can serve the other, for getting paid. for example,
a skilled woman with cooking and making meals and sweets can use her
relations with neighbors and friends to sell her products without the need
to go out and sell it in the market or any other method

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 Scientific benefit:

Researchers in the human and social fields take advantage of their

relationships with others to create a good environment for research, to
obtain results and to apply the theories, which they seek to them.
Having fun and entertainment

When individual plays with friends and neighbors, or between a husband

and his wife and children, is a kind of pleasure and entertainment. He may
be happier when he finds those around him feeling equally happy.

Secondly: the communication helping factors

The first skill that an individual needs to be able to establish successful
relationships is successful communication and the ability to build a
network of relationships. This can only be achieved if the individual is
characterized by several qualities, including:
Firstly: feeling of security
Sensory and moral security is one of the most important drivers of proper
social behavior. One of the most important conditions for achieving this
sense of security is through a stable social environment, in the sense of
being protected and capable of trusting others, knowing what you can
expect in the future, and the ability to know the sequence of events. the
correct knowledge of your ability and how to use them, as well as planning
for reasons of fear of the unknown and others around you.

Among the ways to deepen the sense of security:

•Forgetting the abuse that was sometimes done in childhood. These

psychological deposits affect the shape of the individual's relationships
with others.

•Choose your friends correctly، so you can rest assured to live with them
in a team spirit that ensures and supports each other.

•Increase and develop knowledge and public culture.

•Deepening the connection with God -the Almighty -to abandon sins and
diligence in the worship.

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 •Work to create good relationships with all those around you where you
can work to neutralize who hostile you، gain love and neutrality، deepen
communication and love with all who love you and so on.
Secondly: feeling of self-identity
Know yourself well, and you must recognize yourself through a
realistic view of your weaknesses and strengths. In addition, how
they look in the eyes of others, as well as your interest and respect
for yourself that may hurt or defect in yourself and then others.
The tools and methods specific to that:

Pay attention to know the reaction of others to your behavior and your
actions and your different behaviors.

Be very careful with individuals below the moral, cognitive and social
level so as not to be affected by them, the self is vulnerable to those
around it without knowing.

Care and scrutiny in the selection of colleagues and friends, and the
developing social and ethical standards and knowledge of that choice.

Only seek advice and consultation from adults, specialists, and trusted
persons.

Positively dealing with the criticism and the observations of others.

Developing the special talents and abilities and try to professionalism

in one of them.

Achieve a measure of successes, achievements, and excellence that

enhances your confidence in your ability to act and achievement and
success, and then confidence in largely yourself.
Thirdly: a feeling of belonging.
which means the feeling of privacy and importance, through your
association with a large entity, which gives your privacy, reference, power,
and respect of the community for you, such as your membership of a team
or a club or institution or a certain idea that have the acceptance the respect
of society, through:

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 •Openness to society and forming a strong and carefully chosen public
relations network.

•living with team spirit that depends on good communication،

cooperation، integration and interdependence with others.

•belonging to one of the clubs or charities or different cultural.

•completing the postgraduate studies if possible.

•working in a large institution.

•Maintain identity and avoid blind imitation.

Fourthly: feeling of the goal
Set goals for your life in general and for the stages of your remaining age,
then for each year, then for each month and then for each day, which means
that you have a clear vision of your life and an important mission that you
believe in and live to achieve.

•Know the exact reality of your current life.

•make a list of your dreams and ambitions.

•Draw a plan for your life and set goals for 5 to 6 years and then annual
and monthly goals.

•The importance of taking into account the ambition under the objectivity.

•Modeling، imitating and mediating with prominent and successful media

in different fields.
Fifthly: a feeling of competence and ability.
Which means the self-belief in the ability to accomplish the work, achieve
the goals, and overcome the obstacles, problems, and challenges that can
face you by:

•Continuity of activity and mobility، with the multiplicity and diversity of

experiences، which earns a lot of different skills and life experiences،
which enhance your ability to act and success.

•Knowledge and general culture، with a broad cultural specialization in

one of the branches that you love and being distinguished in it

•counting and remember your previous successful experiences

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•Study and analyze your unsuccessful experiences، identify the reasons for
why you did not succeed and come up with practical instructions that help
you succeed in the following times.

•The tendency towards the process and applying your knowledge and
acquired skills، which means shifting from the field of wishful thinking to
the field of work and application.

turn a blind eye and perhaps deliberately neglect the frustrated the
discouraged and the pessimistic they are many but they are on both sides
of the path of success in which you walk.
Thirdly: The human beings are not the same (managing the difference
)between humans
It is normal to find differences between people ﴾but they will not cease to
disagree. Except him on whom your Lord has bestowed His mercy and for
that did He create them ﴿. These differences vary between intellectual
differences and ideological differences, differences in behavior,
understanding, and ability to deal with the circumstances, data and
differences in convictions. It is normal that a human being deals with
heterogeneous varieties of human beings in order to achieve a distinct kind
of relationship to achieve its goal; it is necessary to take into account these
differences and circumstances surrounding individuals in order to
recognize the motives for actions.
Reasons for differences between humans

Lack of information and lack of knowledge

One of the most important causes of difference and division between
people is the lack of available information about a particular matter,
everyone tries to make his way in something that is not clear, and tries to
prove his point of view by all means.

A friend told me that he was on a trip to Saudi Arabia to perform Umrah,

and while they were in Mecca, there was news that there was a light in the
city painting the image of the Kaaba in the space, and there were different
views on the interpretation of it. Some of them said it was a divine miracle
and some of them said it just a coincidence and there were loud voices and
everyone starts to credible his opinions with proofs and arguments. When
we moved to the city, we discovered that it was just a laser light to guide
people to the place of the Prophet's Mosque.
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Therefore, ignorance and lack of knowledge remain one of the most
important causes of difference and the causes of conflict and disharmony
and rivalry between human beings.
Standards differences
The standards we are referring to are ethical standards and dogmatic
constants that govern the behavior of the individual. These standards
may vary from one society to another society and from individual to
another individual, including different means of reasoning, access to
facts and ability to respond to the prevailing culture in society.

What is prohibited for a society may be permissible in another society

and what someone accepts someone else may reject it, and what it could
be mandatory for someone, someone else sees it as a secondary matter,
concerns and ideas are different. This is reflected in behavior and
interaction between individuals. For example, Western societies do not
consider drinking alcohol forbidden but in our Arabic communities it is
different and considered a crime and punishable by law. If a western
man comes to our country and drinks alcohol in front of people on the
street, others will criticize him. The police will be informed of his
destination. According to his original culture, he did not deserve
punishment, but in our traditions, according to our culture, he is an
aggressor and out of traditions
The ambiguity of the disputed subject
The lack of identification the disputed subject makes rapprochement
weak in points of views and the awareness of under dispute subject
shows the disagreement and agreement points. The difference of point
of views differing from the beholder and perspective to him, the first
party brings to mind what his friend does not know, and this distance
the gap and prolong the debate.

Identifying the conflict matter and the search point: it saves time and
effort for researchers and the discussants. It is useful to reach to a
common idea because if the conflict matter does not be identified then
the disagreement will spread and one of them go to a side and the other
one goes to another side. It must identify the dispute subject and
indicate to each side his desires, concepts, and terms, especially the
most critical ones

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Victory of the opinion, not the fact
One of the main causes of the difference is the intolerance of opinion
whatever it is. The conflict does not generate because of the difference
of opinions, but it is because of the fancy, which makes everyone insist
on his opinion, no matter how the other opinion is right. An idea may
overcome a person's mind, and make it control his mind, avoid its
contradictions, prevent its antagonists, and some other let it to over
control him and passing through the perception to the nerves and might
revolt if someone else offers another thing. In addition, not accept to
review it and does not overturn the consideration of its evidence, and
does not comply with the opinion of the contrary, and possessed by the
spirit of hostility, which could amount to an explosion on his opponent.
The origin of this intolerance and its motivation irritation in the nerves,
but putting the self in the hand, and the right in another hand and
presumption the self over the right
Different interests

When there is interest’s conflict, the disagreement will occur. Everyone

first looks for what interests him. Perhaps the distances between those
closed ones because of divergence of common interests. In addition,
perhaps different people should be gathered when they agreed on their
interests

This reason spread clearly among human beings. The law of the interest
controls the actions of individuals and leads many to quarrels and strife,
especially in light of the spread of material culture, which raises the
material and makes it the most important determinants of human behavior.
Dealing with the difference between humans
One of the most important things that an individual should learn is to know
how to deal with this difference in human orientation. In addition, ways of
their thinking? In addition, the different interests? Moreover, their view of
things? Moreover, be accommodated to this difference to the extent that
makes the process of communication with them is easy and available.
Rules of successfully dealing with the difference
Respect the privacy: Each person has his own things that do not like to
be seen by anyone and at the same time, he will not waive them. in order
to create a successful deal with others Do not enter yourself in the

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privacy of people and do not intrude into their secrets and make your
dealings with them as much as they allow you to know

Do not embarrass others with your provocative questions: one of the

things that people do not like to be asked about, such as age, income,
and religion. Treat the human as he is a human being so do not ask the
divorced why you got divorced? Alternatively, an unmarried woman
why did not you get married? In addition, do not ask an employee about
his salary? In addition, stay away from asking about religion and belief
unless it is officially necessary.

Do not discuss anyone in his convictions: fanatical to his opinion will

not be useful to debate with him, but it will turn to conflict and
difference and it may reach the limit to quarrel, but you must move
away from making a conversation with an angry or biased person

Do not judge the intentions: considering the goodwill of people is the

first way to know how to deal with the difference? Prejudices, innate
intentions and mistrust destroy the relationship before it begins and will
put many barriers between individuals and prevent convergence and
mutual understanding.

Do not catch the mistakes: Catching the others mistakes consider a

cheap attempt to win over the other where we go deep of himself and
digging in his history and follow his pitfalls and then publish it whether
a person or an object or idea, which we reject it. It is natural that friction
and work generate some mistakes and no one of us can claim he does
not make mistakes and it is necessary to help others to overcome their
mistakes and try to fix it.

Listen from them do not hear about them: when we build our opinions
about whom we disagree with them based on what we hear from others
about them and making a judgment without verifying the truth of what
we have heard. Perhaps this made a big barrier and led to corruption
dialogue and we will not be able to reach a point of the agreement
because our feelings affected by the preconceptions. However, it is
important to hear from the person himself and give him the opportunity
to clarify his point of views and explain its dimensions and then discuss
it and judge what has been submitted.

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 Make your goal is reaching the truth: It is important to know that the
difference will not be on the right. The right is apparent but the
difference is about the details as it is said: "The devil lies in the details,"
We searched for access to the truth will not make us disagree with others
but indulge in the details that can useless and lead to a difference.

Do not make the difference is a reason for the rupture: Differences and
disagreements are inevitable in all cases and in all relations. there is no
relationship without disagreement or difference, but it is important not
that difference of opinions to cause estrangement and loss of the
relationship, as it is said: Difference in opinion doesn't invalidate the
intimacy

Learn how to get benefit from the dispute? The difference of opinions
is a kind of richness and a means to reach the best solutions and best
results. You can get a new idea which did not exist before by interacting
with different opinions and listen to each opinion and those relations
can be strengthened across this diversity in ideas; opportunities for
proximity and communication are increasing.

Be patient and creative: It is important to learn how to control your

emotions without recklessness. In addition, creating an appropriate
environment for a conversation in order to reach a solution that satisfies
everyone and not for one party at the expense of the other. Try to choose
the solution that provides profit for all parties or the largest possible
profit for each party and looks for unconventional creative solutions.

Managing differences within relationships

Differences vary within all relationships. The marriage relationship is full
of situations in which the dispute occurs as well as family relations and
friendship relations, including work relations and fellowship relations. In
the next lines, we will provide the best ways to deal with different views in
various relationships

Differences within the family

The marital relationship is one of the most important and greatest
human relations. God -Almighty called it the Great Charter. He said,
"And they have taken from you a solemn covenant?" Surah An-Nisa
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 verse (21). In addition "And of His signs is that He created for you
from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them, and He
placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for
a people who give thought" Surah Ar-Rum verse (21). It is natural
that disagreements arise within the family and most importantly to
know how to manage those differences to reach out solutions that do
not spoil that great relationship. In order to succeed in this we must
follow the following:

Avoid threat and intimidation the wife does not resort to threatening
to leave the house or the husband threatens to beat the wife or
divorce or otherwise.

The ability to contain and absorb.

A woman in a village came to one of the scientists and thought he was

a magician and asked him to do her a magical work so that her husband
loves her so much and any woman in the world does not see such a love
like that

Moreover, because he is a scientist and a teacher, he told her that you

are asking for something that is not easy, you asked for something great.
Are you ready to bear the costs?

She replied: Yes

He said to her: It would be done only if I brought a piece of hair from

the neck of a lion

She replied: A lion? In addition, he said: yes

She said, "How can I do that and the lion is a predatory animal and I am
not sure that he will kill me? Is there an easier and safer way?

He said to her: You cannot do what you desire of your husband love
only with that way and if you thought, you will find an appropriate way
to achieve the goal...

The woman went and wondering how to get the required hair, so she
consulted someone who she trust in his wisdom and he told her that he
lion does not prey unless he is hungry so she has to feed him to be safe
from him

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She took his advice, went to the nearest forest, began to throw pieces of
meat to the lion, moved away, and continued to throw the meat until the
lion was familiarized with her

Moreover, every time she approached him a little until the day came
that the lion extends next to her and he does not doubt her love for him
and put her hand on his head. She began to wipe it on his hair and neck
with all tenderness and while the lion in this enjoyment and relaxation
it was not difficult to take a hair calmly from him.

Once she got that hair, she rushed to the scientist who she thought he is
a magician to give it to him and the joy filled herself like an angel who
will take her husband's heart forever.

When the scientist saw the hair, he asked her: What did you do so you
could get this hair?

She explained to him the plan to tame the lion, which summarized in
knowing the entrance to the lion's heart, which is at first, his abdomen,
and then continue to patience until that time to pick the fruit

Then the scientist told her: "Madam ... Your husband is no more
ferocious than a lion. Do with your husband like what you did with the
lion.

You should know the entrance to his heart and satisfy his hunger, and
you will capture him, and put the plan for that and be patient.

Caution this applies to men as it applies to women.

Change yourself for the better: a human being tends especially in

troubled relationships to insist on telling himself and others that he
does not need to be changed, but who need to change is the other
side, and this could be true. However, most importantly, Change our
thoughts and adjust our behaviors to suit the partner we chose to live
with.

learn the arts of entertainment and fun: It is important that a home is

a place to enjoy life, and from these aspects are the entertainment
and having fun which should be exercised by the couple. The smile
without indecent assault, obscene words and without a mockery of

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 someone in the family gives a house an atmosphere of joy and
contributes to overcoming the pressures of life and problems and we
can overcome the disagreement and differences.

Reduce the differences, do not let the differences widen and become
more complex and move to higher levels if it can be overcome or
solved in a simplified manner.

Managing differences in the work field

The field of work, study and fellowship will not be free from the problems
that will arise during the interaction between individuals. It is natural that
the boss or manager are enlightened thinkers and has the ability to manage
those differences and guide everyone to the public interest. In order to a
manager be able to play this role, he must have the following
characteristics:

Justice: It must be the distance of the director with his subordinates on

the same dimension and he should not differentiate between one person
and another and should not favor anyone at the expense of another one.

Understanding the nature of people: knowing the nature of individuals

contributes significantly to successful dealing with them and that by
understanding the circumstances, which surround them and affect their
actions.

Make yourself part of the system and you will understand everything
that goes on and you can resolve the differences and deal with the
problems.

Listen to all do not hear a party without a party, but your neutral view
must be based on listening and know the views of the different.

Do not allow the over expenditure, ignoring the excesses of one of the
parties push it to go too far and can pay the other party to respond in the
same way.

punishment to the extent of error: Do not excessive and do not

compromise and do not deliberately insult which makes the hatred

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 Exclude the emotions and personal relationships: The environment of
management and work is not upright if the emotions and special
relations involved between the employer and his subordinates.

do not turn a conflict into a struggle, but stick to remain it just difference
of point of views

Never forfeiting your principles

The existence of man in a human environment requires him to deal with

many types of human beings and each class has its orientations, ideas and
behavioral drives. Each category has its own principles which governing
these behaviors. It is essential that when we deal with human beings to
keep the supreme principles that govern our behavior remain constant and
do not change it for satisfying a side over another side

Principles are the laws or rules that must be or are usually to be followed
or advisable to follow or are the inevitable result of something. The
principles of any system are what its owners understand of its basic
characteristics, r reflect the purpose of its existence. Another definition,
which is the first point that a human thinking launches in something, and
from that point, he can determine the right and wrong. Therefore, a person
can make his decision according to the reached results, and according to
the extent of his commitment and belief in the need to implement what is
not contrary to its principle.

The importance of adherence to ethical principles

The existence of a set of moral values and principles which governing the
lives of individuals and societies is a real guarantee for the survival of
society and the connection of its components of individuals, groups, and
institutions. These principles play a great role in guiding individuals
towards cooperation and interdependence and establishing relations on
sound foundations that guarantee their survival, evolution, and its
importance refers to the following:

Values and principles are the foundations of the survival of nations and
the absence of lofty principles is an indicator of the collapse of any
civilization

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 Nations are strong with their morals if these morals have gone they
gone.

It is the means of interconnection between individuals as it pushes

towards establishing good relations and fruitful between all.

Commitment to values and principles is the means of society to

preserve its cultural, cognitive and scientific achievements.

Adhering to the lofty principles expands the environment of the

individual's relationships and thus leads to greater interdependence.

Values, ethics and the lofty principles push individuals to behave in a

way that does not harm others and does not cause them harm, which
removes from a soul the malice and indignation

High principles make the human being keen to provide public benefit
and demand for useful work.

Attention to others is one of the principles that hat must be committed.

Neglecting others intentionally or unintentionally is the cause of the
interruption, and cause irresponsible behavior and unintended to spoil
many relationships, although these behaviors unintended but they
indicate the lack of feeling with the other party. The lack of respect
from the other party to others leads to coldness even if it is on the long
run. Make me feel that I am important in your life in order to take all
my attention.

Turn things around for the better

This analogy explains people's ability to turn frustration and disconnection
into hope and contact with others. When a relationship develops between
you and others, you will find in their behaviors what you do not like and
you may find something that differs with your principles, orientations, and
your life perspective. The ability to transform erroneous behaviors into
correct behaviors is the most important character traits that affect others.

Put your footprint in the hearts of others.

One of the signs of success in relationships is when you are an influential

person in others and drives them towards more giving or more success.

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Only those who have great goals affect people. Even if they are wrong
goals, your ability to influence others depends on the shape of your
relationships with them. Then these relationships may expand, and others
may not find what attracts them and thus the relationship is lost or dwarfed.

involve them in the achievement

One of the things that encourage people to collaborate and build

relationships are a sense of accomplishment and ability to succeed. For
example, the boss not only attributes success to himself, but success is
attributed to everyone from the sanitation workers to the largest manager
in the place and so on. Making others feel of their ability to accomplish
helps them to maintain and develop good relationships. The nature of man
drives him toward social life within a group that may be large and may be
small. By his nature, he is a social human being who sees his success
through the looks and interaction of others. People are always looking for
success and excellence through the exploitation of their skills and abilities
and always loves those who seek to encourage him. Often success can only
be achieved through cooperation between a group of individuals and make
a kind of integration between their abilities then reaching to the desirable
goal and achieving the collective success that benefits for everyone.

In one of the rural provinces, the government decided to hold a competition

among the farmers in producing maize, the one who owns a land with the
largest productivity is the winner of the award, farmers prepared for the
competition, and plants began to grow quickly until the date of harvest.
The prize went to one of the farmers who has a field that was located the
center of the fields. It repeated year after year, and the prize goes to the
same farmer every year.

This phenomenon prompted one of the journalists to discuss with him

about his secret to win that trophy every year, although he gives his good
seed to his neighbors, and nobody else wins but him. The journalist wonder
from he does not fear that hat one of them won the prize after using good
seeds. the farmer looked at the journalist and said:((Sir, the wind is moving
the pollen from one field to another; if I give my neighbor a bad seeds, it
will affect my field crop after the wind is passed to the weak vaccine, I see
a reflection of what I present on my field productivity )

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This farmer realizes that your success is successfully linked to those around
you. He learned that the strong sound seeds will reach the vaccine to his
field and therefore there is no fear but he will find the result that he wishes
because he cared about those around him.

Try to make them happy

An individual happiness derives from the happiness of others. This is the

fact that we must keep it in our mind; if we want life and lasting happiness.
A person who seeks for the success of those around him and makes them
happy is the first beneficiaries of their success, and the happiness of others
culture must prevail in society. Everyone should know that it does not make
sense to live without the others, and there is no happiness but with love and
cooperation, and there is no value for an individual happiness without
making those around him happy. The pleasure and smile open all the closed
doors between them and us and their views have changed in our
personalities

do a favor for them and do not wait for a return

One of the most popular behaviors that attract people and make a bridge
between you and them is their feeling that you do a favor for them and does
not wait for nay return, and perhaps their violated behaviors turned into
commitment and perhaps increased their connection to you.

In one big city, a person lived in a town far from his workplace. He rode
the train every morning to go to work. A woman who was riding every
morning and sitting next to the train window draw his attention. Once the
train moved and that woman started to throw some kind of seeds on the
roadside and she repeated it day after a day. Therefore, the man wanted to
know the secret behind what that woman did. he watched her every day
until he had the opportunity and sat on the opposite seat to her and when
he saw her throw the seeds on the roadside, he asked her why did you throw
those seeds on the roadside?!!!

The woman smiled and answered confidently: "I ride this train very much,
and I do not like seeing the road empty of plants. I wanted to throw the
seeds of roses to grow beside the road" he disrupts her and said” but it is
only a little of them fall on the roadside and the remains of them flying
away. she answered" I did that every day to ensure that those seeds spread

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it all the way and if the winter comes and the rain fails, the flower grows
beside the road, and the picture changes. Here I turned to her saying: Do
you think you will see those flowers when they will have grown?

Here the woman smiled and said: I throw those seeds for someone else see
the roses on the roadside and feel the beauty of life, and do not be tired if
the way is long.

The days passed, the old woman disappeared, and the winter came,
followed by the spring, and the plant grew, and the road turned into a
flower garden, and the man saw a girl asking her father: Who planted these
flowers by the roadside? The father said: No one knows who did this, but
the road is now more beautiful. The man smiled and remembered the old
woman's words and said to himself: She has achieved what she wished for;
May every human being did the same, and throw flowers seeds in the lives
of others.

doing a favor does not mean that you get the price, but present it in any
case, and do not wait for gratitude, others will benefit from your favor,
even if they forget your name, what you gave will remain the best witness
to you

Hear and listen in an effective manner

In many cases, a human being desire to find those who listen to him and
participate him in his concerns to establish a relationship and increase their
interdependence. When we fall into a psychological, social or emotional
problem, our first search is for those who listen to us before they give us
advice. Active listening is hearing out and focus listening of a set of
information about a subject, which the sender attempts to communicate to
the addressee, for a full understanding of that subject. It is an important
skill of a successful person because most of our time is spent in audio
communication, therefore, he built builds a kind of trust and mutual
affection and promotes understanding among people. Most of the problems
that occur in relationships between people are a lack of familiarity with that
skill which is a major cause. Listening requires a great effort because there
are physical obstacles and psychological barriers that prevent us from
reaching this effective listening. It is important that we set some rules to
reach this effective listening between others and us.

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Basic rules for effective listening:

The process of effective listening has four steps, which are:

Listening to the words

Knowing the meanings of the words that you have heard.

knowing the ideas behind the words

Knowing the message behind the ideas.

For these steps to be successful, the following basic rules must be

available:

Full time for the speaker

paying attention to all key ideas of the speaker

giving an opportunity to the speaker to say everything he wants to

express it as you say to him I am all ears ....Take your comfort in
speaking

Listening for understanding, not for the purpose of contradiction.

Paying attention to each word

Paying attention to the non-verbal expression of the speaker such as

gestures, hands and eyes movement, etc.

Try to read what the speaker did not say frankly.

Avoid rushing to make a decision, or take on the speaker or subject

pre-judged and negative direction.

Avoid the classification of the speaker and releasing peremptory

judgments before completion.

If you are not comfortable, treat the cause.

Adjust yourself by ignoring the things that are striking and transient.

Get used to write and understand the main points and evidence, or a
summary of the message content and write your comments beside it.

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 Do not attempt to interrupt by correcting the words or asking
questions, or even answer unless he asked you to do so.

In the absence of understanding of some sentences and words, ask the

speaker to clarify them.

Adjust your reactions to the exciting words.

Reduce the movements such as bang the fingers, playing with the pen,
rubbing the eyes, pounding, yawning.

As a listener, try to understand things from the speaker's point of view

to reveal the objective that the speaker wished to reach.

Be patient, even if the speaker way or his words are not pleasant.

Try to have more connection in your relationship with others

This means productivity. There is a direct correlation between increasing

the productivity and the quality of human relations; the stronger
relationships you have, the greater increasing in the productivity and vice
versa.

Even at the family level, the more powerful your relationship becomes, you
will become more productive in your business and your affairs. When there
is a disagreement, the life will turn into a living hell for the family and
affects your work and productivity. In order for your relationships to
remain strong, both sides of the relationship should benefit equally from
this relationship. When one side gains more benefits than the other does,
serious signs of disconnection begin to appear. Finding a balance between
what you, take and what you give will lead to continuous success in the
relationship.

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