Week 5: Interdependency

Interdependence
● Independence
○ Doing things on our own without reliance on others
● Dependence
○ Relying on others to do things
● Interdependence
○ Need each other to get some kind of reward
○ Also losing out on some costs
● Codependency
○ Usually one way but can be mutual
○ Extreme form of dependency
○ One depending on another to get self-worth/self-esteem
○ Damaging
○ Can pass through generations by learning

Social exchange
● Two people provide each other with the benefits and rewards that the other wants
● Made up of: rewards and costs, expectations, alternatives

Interdependency: Rewards and Costs

● Rewards: the gratifying experiences and things we get from people (things, experiences, feelings)
○ Impersonal benefits: doesn’t matter who it’s from; can come from anyone; not tied to a
specific partner
○ Personal intimacies: tied to specific person; something you value more bc it’s from that
person
● Costs: punishing, undesirable experiences; something we don’t enjoy
● Rewards - costs = relationship outcomes
○ Rewards > costs = + outcome
○ Rewards < costs = - outcome

Interdependency: Expectations
● Comparison level (CL): the value of the outcome that we have come to expect and that we believe
we deserve when dealing with others
○ Can be up to perception
○ Can change over time (ex. Unsure about having kids in future)
○ We place our partners on the spectrum based on the things we want and their placement
depends on info they’ve given us
● Outcome (our experience) - comparison level (what we expect) = satisfaction/dissatisfaction
Interdependency: Alternatives
● Comparison level for alternative (CLalt): used to determine whether we could be doing better
elsewhere
○ “Are we better off being with our partner? With no one? With someone else?”
○ The lowest levels of outcome we are willing to tolerate from our current partner
○ Paradox of choice
● Outcome (our experience) - CLalt (available alternatives: based on interpretation and can be
untrue) = dependence/interdependence

Interdependency: Four Relationship Types

● Happy and stable
○ Current outcomes > CL > CLalt
● Happy but unstable
○ CLalt > outcome > CL
○ Could be low standards, comfort, special circumstances
● Unhappy but stable
○ CL > current outcomes > CLalt
○ Too comfortable to search for better, may think ending the relationship is more work so they
stay, could stem from power imbalance/violence/abuse
● Unhappy and unstable
○ CLatl > CL > outcome
○ Violence, power imbalance, children

Interdependence Over Time

● CLs tend to fluctuate with the outcomes we experience
● Rewarding relationships can become less and less satisfying as time goes on even though nothing
but our expectations have changed
● Sociocultural influences have caused our expectations to increase
○ Social comparisons
○ Expectations start to increase as we get used to certain things and what used to be rewards
become habits

Interdependency
● Give and take
○ An unromantic view of relationships but the emphasis on the outcomes is important bc
adding up the costs and rewards tells us ab:
■ The current state of a relationship
■ Potentially about the future about the relationship
○ More “give” can indicate increased commitment
● Desirable relationships are much more rewarding than punishing overall
 ○ This matters bc our bad experiences tend to carry more weight than our good experiences

Interdependency: The Effects of Rewards and Costs

● Rewards and costs have separate effects on our wellbeing in relationships
● We try to attain rewards and avoid costs and therefore the two do not cancel each other out
○ Approach motivation: pursuing pleasure
○ Avoidance motivation: seeking to escape punishment
● 2 spectrums:
○ Ability to get positive outcomes
○ Ability to not get negative outcomes
● Relationships with many delights and few costs are FLOURISHING
● Relationships that are safe but dull (few delights, few dangers) are BORING
● Relationships with many delights and many dangers are PRECARIOUS
● Relationships with few rewards and many costs are DISTRESSED

Interdependence and Relational Turbulence

● As partners spend more time together, they disrupt each others’ routines
● Adjusting to new interdependency can lead to a lull in relationship satisfaction

Interdependence
● If both partners in a relationship want it to continue, both protect and maintain the others’ wellbeing
● Relationships tend to be more rewarding when people don’t pursue instant gratification

Interdependency: Exchange vs. Communicable Relationships

● Communal and exchange relationships differ in the rules that govern giving and receiving benefits
○ Exchange: people benefit from each other through incurring or repaying obligation (friends)
○ Communal: people do things for someone bc of the interest in the other’s well being (close
friends/partners/family)

Interdependency and Equity

 ● Equitable relationships are typically most satisfying bc each partner gains benefits from the
relationship that are proportional to the contributions put in
○ Giving people what they want/need based on what they have
● Being treated fairly vs having excellent outcomes

Interdependency and Commitment

● Commitment: the desire for a relationship to continue and a willingness to maintain it
● Committed partners:
○ Expect relationship continuation
○ Are future oriented
○ Are attached to one another

Interdependence
● Rewards and costs are important influences
● We depend on others for rewards

Textbook
● Approach motivation - get benefits
● Avoidance motivation - avoid costs
● Precarious Flourishing Boring Distressed
○ Poopy Farts while Balls Deep
● Self expansion model
○ Initially - attracted to partnerships that expand our interest, skills and experience
○ Once partner becomes familiar - partnership begins to feel more bland ordinary
○ Keep to staying happy in this model is to combat boredom by creatively finding ways to
continue your personal growth
■ Go on adventures together. Before the adventure was your partner. Now you must find
adventures together
● Proportional justice: each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to his/her
contributions to i t
 Week 6: Friendship

Friendship
● “A voluntary personal relationship, typically providing intimacy and assistance, in which the two
parties like on another and enjoy each other’s company”
○ Voluntary: not all friendships are voluntary, maybe situational (roomate, parent’s friends kids)
○ Intimacy and assistance: not all friendships have intimacy or assistance (soccer friends -
don’t know where they live, if they have a family, etc.)
○ TLDR: it is hard to define friendships, strangers, acquaintances, etc.

Components of Friendships
● Affection for one another
○ But what does affection mean
○ High five after a scored goal vs public affection
● Companionship (shared interests and activities)
○ High self monitoring: more friends (soccer friends, school friends, work friends)
● Trustworthy
○ Assume out friends have our best interests in mind
● Reciprocal self-disclosure, emotional support, practical support
○ Varies based on friendship - might not self disclose with soccer friends

How to support a friend or family member

● Do:
○ Listen and validate
○ Ask what they need from you
○ Offer to help with everyday tasks
○ Celebrate their wins (including small ones)
○ Read up on what they’re struggling with
○ Check in with them regularly
○ Recognize that not all [mental health] struggles look the same
○ Normalize talking ab mental health
● Don’t
○ Compare their experience to others
○ Use stigmatizing language
○ Take their behaviour personally
○ Be confrontational or try to control the situation
○ Get discouraged
○ Burn yourself out trying to support your loved one
○ Try to fix them
○ Avoid the feelings that come up for you
Friendships in early childhood
● Unoccupied play (0-3 months)
○ Babies can’t play
● Solitary play (0-2 years)
○ Play based on learning and engaging with environment; not reciprocal play
● Spectator/onlooker play (2 years)
○ Noticing other kids/caregivers are doing other things
○ Everything is a game - don’t know what doing laundry is
● Parallel play (2+ years)
○ Doing the same activity in close proximity to each other
○ Playing legos next to each other
● Associate play (3-4 years)
○ Work together towards a common goal → work together to build the tallest lego building
○ Don’t understand sharing, turn taking, others’ feelings
● Cooperative play (4+ years)

Friendships in Childhood
● Young children have favourite playmates
● As children develop, they form more complex relationships
● Preadolescents develop a need for intimacy

Peer Relationships in Childhood

● Children tend to:
○ Make friends quickly (have the time, overly optimistic = persistent, no particular
values/beliefs)
○ Have multiple opportunities to form friendships with same-age peers (school, playground,
etc.)
○ Choose friends who are like them in interests, play preferences and demographics
● Usually by age 10, children have at least one best friend (+ a hierarchy of favourite friends)
● Friendships tend to remain stable from middle childhood into adolescence
○ Especially among high quality relationships
● Older children:
○ Become more upset at losing a friend and internalize losses of person + experiences with
them
○ Find making friends more challenging than young children do: “infiltrating a friendship circle”
● Children may experience problems if they experience relationship challenges or losses (like when
you meet someone and are like damn they were definitely not socialized as a kid)
● Children with psychological problems are at risk of friendship loss and therefore show poor
adjustment (cannot feel shame or guilt)
● Approx 15% of kids are consistently friendless or lacking a best friend
 ○ This is not necessarily harmful or indicative of problems or loneliness (so don’t shame them
for it)
○ Some children prefer solitude

Peer relationships
● Peer acceptance: the degree to which a child is viewed as a worth partner by peers (being included)
● Peer rejection: an ongoing interaction where a child is deliberately excluded by peers
● Rejected children are similar in that they:
○ Misinterpret others’ behaviours and motives (verbal and nonverbal)
○ Have trouble understanding and regulating emotions (their own and others)
○ Are poor listeners (so others might not want to talk to them)
○ Are less socially competent than other children (bc they don’t have many interactions)
○ Sometimes there is a reason: doesn’t speak same language as other kids, liking chinchillas

Peer relationships during adolescence

● In adolescence: less time spent with family and more time spent with peers (school)
○ Therefore, increasingly lean on friends rather than family

Friendship during young adulthood

● Begins late teens/early 20s
● Coincides with entering post-secondary education
● Relationships typically change during this transition
○ 1st year uni: one of most least socially satisfying parts of life
○ As people adjust = increased social satisfaction

Friendship during midlife (after post secondary)

● Settling down with a romantic partner is typically associated with spending less time with families
and friends
● Social networks change
○ Spend more time with partner their friends and family

Friendship later in life

● Smaller social networks
● Same number of close friends
● Less time with casual friends and acquaintances
○ More choose with who they spend time with
○ Children, grandchildren, etc.

Differences in friendships
● Friendships not only differ across the lifestyle, but they also differ from person to person
Friendship changes
● Shyness
● Loneliness
● Ending a friendship

Friendship challenges
● Shyness: inhibited behaviour and nervous discomfort in social settings
● People who are shy:
○ Fear negative evaluation from others
○ Tend to have poor self-esteem and doubt themselves
○ Feel less competent in their interactions with others

Friendship challenged: shyness

● Shy concern over others evaluations
● Timid and awkward social behaviour
● Negative impressions on others
● Other’s responses are less engaging and more distant

Friendships challenges: loneliness

● Loneliness: the unhappy discrepancy between the number and quality of partnerships we want vs
those we have
○ Occurs when we want more, or more satisfying, connections with others than we presently
have
○ Someone w/ 300 friends can feel alone → feel like they need more
○ FOMO does not = loneliness

Adult friendship dissolution process model

 Week 7: Love

Importance of Learning about Love

● We are all embedded in relationships
● Our relationships vary based on
○ Who we are
○ Who our friends/family/partners are
○ The time, place, and experience
● Societal perspectives/values/beliefs
○ Should be exclusive (love)
○ Your friends can be friends with others
● People show affection differently
○ Does hugging mean love

Love
● Centuries ago, love was not considered a part of marriage
○ Love was believed to be irrational and something that would destroy a marriage (can get us
to act a certain way - mental instability)
○ Marriage was important economically and led to children and the creation of alliances
■ Pooling resources = more access

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

● Intimacy: feelings of warmth, understanding, trust, support and sharing
● Passion: physical arousal and desire, excitement needs
● Commitment: feelings of permanence, stability and the decisions to devote oneself to a relationship
and to work to maintain it
Love as Time Goes On
● Relationships change and/or end for many reasons
● Sternberg proposes that consummate love is the best type of love as it involves all three main types,
but it is rarely sustainable
○ Sometimes we hold onto relationships longer than we should

Thoughts and Love

● Thoughts/beliefs/judgements are liked to love
● People who love each other think about one another in different ways than they think about other
people
○ Cognitive behavioral therapy
○ How we perceive love changes how we approach it
● Rubin’s (1974) love scale
○ Argues that romantic love is multifaceted and involves both giving (caring) and taking
(Dependence) - give + receive
● Rubin’s love scale is similar to Sternberg’s triangular theory of love in that Rubin argued there is:
○ Intimacy (as Sternberg defined it)
○ Dependence (what Sternberg called passion)
■ We can get a coffee from anyone, can’t get emotional stuff from everyone (select few)
● However, Rubin argues that love also involved:
○ Caring (something that Sternberg did not address)

Love: Sternberg vs. Rubin

● Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
○ Intimacy
○ Passion (dependence according to Rubin)
○ Commitment
● Rubin’s scale of love
○ Intimacy
○ Dependence (passion according to Sternbetg)
○ Caring
Thoughts and Love
● Thoughts about our partners are important
 ○ People tend to view their partners in a positive light
○ Love can be blind
○ Love can cause us to ignore alternatives
○ We are more likely to have positive views of ourselves

Companionate Love
● Committed, deep friendship
● Long lasing satisfied relationships tend to include a lot of companionate love
● Involves oxytocin

Compassionate Love
● Not in Sternberg’s triangular theory of love
● Involves care and concern for another person’s wellbeing
● Tend to share in pain and joy
● Associated with more satisfaction and commitment over time

Romantic love vs companionate love

● Romantic love
○ Strong emotions, idealization, sometimes obsession
○ Dopamine (reward and pleasure)
● Companionate love
○ Close, comfortable
○ Oxytocin (relaxation, reduction in stress, bonding, sense of wellbeing)

Factors influencing love

● Culture
○ Who is permitted to love who
○ How do we show love
○ Kissing children on lips, appropriate or not?
○ How many cheek kisses when you greet somebody?
● Attachment
○ Early life experiences influences how we love
○ Secure = take more risks bc self worth is not based on their attachment with others
● Type of relationship
○ First serious relationship, best friend, pet = different types of love
● Length of relationship
○ Social construct: weird to say I love you too fast or too slow
● Personal beliefs
○ Give love to everyone vs more reserved with how they give love
○ Destiny mindset vs growth mindset
● Age
 ○ Love at 14 with a bf may be different than at 19
● Experience
○ Tied to all other elements here
○ Less hesitant to say i love you to a new boyfriend if it went well with an ex
● Proximity/location
○ Ex. someone moving away → may be more or less likely to tell them you love them

Kids and Love

● True love: friendship, appreciation and happiness, simple
● Chills, heart pounding, chills, warm → physical markers
● Should treat them special, be nice, consider their needs
● TLDR: kids are more aware of love than you think and don’t complicate it as much as adults

Four conceptualizations of love

1. Love is a universal emotional experience and defined similarly across cultures
2. Love is a universal emotional experience and is defined differently across cultures
3. Love isn’t a universal emotional experience and is defined similarly across cultures
4. Love isn’t a universal emotional experience and is defined differently across cultures

Physiology and Love

● Infinite energy → want to experience as man things with partner as possible
● Having a baby → feel their sole goal is to protect it
● There are differences between physiological responses related to passion and intimacy
● Three biological systems respond differently to various aspects of love:
○ Lust
■ Regulated by hormones
■ Drives reproduction by increasing motivation to have sex
○ Attraction
■ Regulated by NT dopamine (feelings of reward)
■ Drives pair bonding
■ Associated with excitement (gambling, drugs, phone notification, pair bonding)
○ Attachment
■ Regulated by oxytocin
■ Creates feelings of comfort and connection
■ Hug for 15-20s = release oxytocin
● Arousal can be positive or negative
● Research has shown that when people are aroused, they tend to feel stronger feelings for the person
near them
○ Adrenaline fuels love
■ Ex. standing on a high bridge = arousal = connection btwn people on a bridge
● May foster a feeling of instant connection
 ● Nonlove: no intimacy, passion and commitment
● Liking: high intimacy, low passion and commitment
● Infatuation: high passion, low intimacy or commitment
● Empty love: high commitment, low intimacy and passion
● Romantic love: high intimacy and passion
● Companionate love: intimacy and commitment
● Fatuous love: passion and commitment
● Consummate love: all 3
● Sternberg: Passion, Intimacy Commitment
○ Spicy Penis Is Concerning
● Rubin: Caring, Intimacy, Dependence
○ Remain Calm, I Dookied
○ Sternberg passion = rubin dependence

3 types of commitment
● Personal commitment: people want to continue a relationship because they are attracted to their
partners and the relationship is satisfying
● Constraint commitment: when people feel they have to continue a relationship bc it would be too
costly for them to leave (social and financial costs)
● Moral commitment: derives from a sense of moral obligation to one’s partner or relationship. People
feel they ought to continue the relationship bc it would be improper to end it and break their
promise/vows
4 themes underlying an individual’s motivations to have sex
● Emotional: having sex as a communication of love and commitment
● Physical: have sex for physical pleasure and the physical attractiveness of a potential partner
● Pragmatic: have sex to attain a goal (make someone jealous, having a baby, etc.)
● Insecurity: when you want to boost your self esteem or keep a partner from straying
The good genes hypothesis
● Women (esp those with less desirable mates) can profit from a dual mating strategy in which they
pursue long term partners who will contribute resources to protect and feed their offspring while also
seeking good genes for their children from other men
 Week 8: Sexuality

Sex and Sexuality

● Sex: biological categories determined by genetics (ex. Sex chromosomes – XX female, XY male)
○ Primary sex characteristics
○ Secondary sex characteristics
● Intersex: people who are born with characteristics that do not fit the binary notion of male or female
bodies
○ Physical (ovaries and testes) or genetic (Klinefelter’s syndrome) abnormalities
○ Historically, correction surgeries performed when baby is born, now wait until person can
decide for themselves
● Gender: is determined by socialization and the roles that the individual adopts
○ A construct - it's what we make it out to be
○ Societal expectations and stereotypes that we place on people often based on their sex
characteristics
■ Ex. baby boy dressed in blue → also liked to consumerism (can’t reuse clothes/toys on
second kid)
● Gender role norms: normative expectations for males and females that are applied to individuals’
everyday behaviour
○ Ex. women should cook dinner, men should mow the lawn
○ Ex. women can express emotion, men cannot
● Gender stereotypes: broad generalized judgements of the activities, attitudes, skills, and
characteristics deemed appropriate for males or females in each culture
○ Norms and stereotypes exist in all cultures but are not identical ex. in N. America women
should be thin, in other places they should be fat
● Gender expression: how we demonstrate our gender in our behaviour, mannerisms and our outward
appearance (how we present ourself to the world)
● Gender identity: a person’s internal, deeply held sense of their gender (how they see themself)
○ Expression and identity may not always match
○ Are fluid and can change based on new info or experiences unlike sex (fixed)
○ Infinite possibilities? Some say yes
○ A spectrum/scale you can slide across (f ←→ m)
○ Adolescence: experimenting with identity (FMST 210)
● Transgender: people whose gender identity is different from their biological sex
● Non-binary: people who do not identify exclusively as male or female and therefore defines
themselves outside of these binary terms
● Cisgender: gender identity is the same as biological sex
● Sexuality: everything related to sexual behaviour (but now what is considered sexual)
● Sexual attraction: desire to have sex or form a sexual relationship with other people (different from
romantic attraction but they tend to coincide)
 ● Sexual orientation: who you’re sexually attracted to
○ Bisexual - 2 genders
○ Pansexual - attraction regardless of gender
○ Asexual - no sexual attraction
● Sexual scripts: the cultural prescriptions that dictate when, where, how and with whom sex can occur
and what that sex means when it happens (hooking up - one person may think it means nothing, the
other person may think that means they’re now in a relationship)
● Sexualization: to make something sexual
○ Nothing is sexual until we make it sexual (sexualizing halloween costumes)

Sexual Attitudes
● Our attitudes towards sex have become more accepting in the past five decades, specifically about:
○ Casual sex
○ Sex before marriage (depends on culture, religion, society)
○ Sex outside of committed relationships (infidelity vs single hookups)
○ Who can have sex with who (age, family members)
● Hookups: sexual interactions with non-romantic partners that usually lasts only one night and do not
involve any expectation of a lasting relationship
● Sexual double standard
○ Traditionally, women have been viewed more negatively than men
■ Religion: “women should be pure”
■ No one wants to raise a baby that is not their own, only sleep with one person to
ensure paternity
○ However, this appears to be less subtle today for hookups
○ Women are judged more for getting an STI than men are

Sexual Desire: Historical View

● Compared to women, men (historically):
○ Masturbate more
○ Want sex more often
○ Typically initiate sex sooner in new relationships
○ Think about sex more often
○ Spend more money on sex
○ More accepting of casual sex

Sexual Desire: Modern View

● We tend to view sexual desire as a sudden spark
● When the definition is broadened to account for both spontaneous and responsive sexual desire,
sexual desire across men and women is similar

Sexual satisfaction
 ● Sexual satisfaction can be impacted by:
○ Quality of the connection between partners
■ 1 night stand: sexual connection
■ Romantic partner: intellectual/commitment/intimacy connection
○ Frequency - more doesn’t mean better but frequency does matter to some
○ Fulfilling basic human needs:
■ Autonomy: people have control over their decisions
■ Competence (in what they do)
■ Relatedness: connection with the other person (varies - knowing name vs
relationship/love connection)
● People who subscribe to gender roles tend to have less satisfying sex
○ Creates expectations that may not be fulfilled
○ Don’t take their + other person’s individual desires into consideration
○ Ex. she wants him to make the 1st move but he wants her to
● Motives underlying sex influence satisfaction
○ Want to express love and feel close, or want to get back at an ex
● Growth beliefs vs destiny beliefs
○ Growth: improvement is possible
● Unlikely to be sexually satisfied if they are dissatisfied with the relationship overall
○ Makeup sex → negative arousal mistaken for positive arousal
● The most satisfying sex seems to be based on:
○ Each person having their needs met by someone who understand and respects one’s
specific sexual desires - equity
○ Valuing one’s partner and being devotes to the relationship
○ Enjoying being with each other, in and out of bed

Safer sex
● Using protection is based on many factors
● Education can counteract some misinformation that deters safer sex practices
○ But, changing people’s perspectives can still be difficult → education may not work if people
are dumb
● Fortunately, many people are happy when a partner brings up the topic
○ Hard to bring it up but important to discuss
○ Have convo in neutral atmosphere, outside of bedroom so you’re thinking clearly
○ Respect what they’re saying, be responsive

Sexual risk and cognitive biases

● Illusion of unique invulnerability: the belief that bad things are more likely to happen to others, so
we fail to take precautions to protect ourselves from the danger
○ 1 in 3 people will have an STI in their life
 ● Pluralistic ignorance: when people wrongly believe that their feelings and beliefs are different from
others

Sexual risk and context

● Intoxication (drugs, alcohol)
● Lack of accurate information
○ Abstinence-based education
■ Increased prevalence of teen pregnancy, STIs
● Power imbalances (actors/directors)
● Concern for decreased pleasure and intimacy if using protection

Sexual communication
● A lot of people feel awkward or nervous talking about sex, so often they just don’t
○ Socially constructed that these convos are hard to have
● Clear communication about sex is associated with better sexual functioning
○ Increased states of arousal, increased lubrication, more orgasms
● People have more fulfilling sexual interactions when they:
○ Talk candidly about sex
○ Ask for what they want (advocate for their desires)
○ Give helpful instructions and feedback to their partners (constructive criticism)
● Therefore, better communication can lead to more satisfied sex

Sexual behaviour
● In committed relationships
○ Many people in committed relationships enjoy sex more than when having sex in a casual
relationship
■ Fear of rejection holds us back when communicating about sex, more comfortable
talking to a romantic partner
○ Frequency of sex in committed relationships is lower now than generations before
■ Bc of phones: partners sitting next to each other on their phones or alone on their
phones instead

Consensual Non-Monogamy (CNM)

● An arrangement where partners agree that it is acceptable to have more than one sexual or
romantic partner at the same time
● Both people are aware of the arrangement (consent) → different from cheating
● LOTS of communication needed
● Looks different for different relationships
● Takes different forms:
○ Open relationship
 ■ Individuals are not restricted to being with their partner only, either sexually,
romantically or both
○ Swinging
■ Engaging in sexual activity with others as a couple
○ Polyamory
■ Committed relationships with multiple people (this is my bf and this is my other bf)

Infidelity
● Extradyadic sex: having sex outside of the couple with someone other than one’s partner without
permission of one’s partner
1. People who continue to consider alternatives when in a relationship
a. Are more likely to cheat as opposed to someone that’s fully committed
2. Keep a backburner
a. Talking to an ex or stringing someone along = increased infidelity
3. Maintain contact with people they consider alternatives
4. Manipulative, low in agreeableness and conscientiousness
5. High anxiety about abandonment
a. May cheat bc they think “I’ll do it before it inevitably happens to me”
b. Want to be the hurter not the hurt
6. Have cheated previously

Sexual coercion
● Putting pressure or forcing someone to engage in sexual activity against the other person’s will
○ Verbal persuasion
○ Plying someone with a substance to weaken resistance
■ “Drink more”
■ Drugging their drink
○ Threat or actual use of force
○ Touching someone without consent

Consent is as simple as fries

● Freely given (can’t be coerced)
● Reversible (can be withdrawn)
● Informed (what does sex mean to you?)
● Enthusiastic (must be a yes)
● Specific (consenting to one thing doesn’t mean yes to other things)