It eventually gets better

Casually on a daily set-up, I wonder, have I been a good listener to my friends? have I ever showed my
kindness to a stranger? or have I been a loving daughter to my family? Ever wonder what your life would be like
if you don’t have any parent or a guardian? Would that make you any less-better? There’s just too many questions
wandering around my mind’s horizon and when none of that can’t have any answer it feels like a never-ending
cycle of just “Who am I for real? Growing up with a single father and being raised by my grandmother, losing
them as my only family was always my biggest fear. The reality of never having a “complete family” bond hit me
strongly at a young age when I slowly realized that I actually don’t have any one to lean on, I witnessed before
my eyes the times I had to figure things out and learn on my own. There’s always this point where I envy kids
who can ask their parents what is something about, how does a thing work and ask even the most rubbish questions
a kid could ever ask, because that, that is something I never had. I was a child I didn’t have to understand life, I
needed a wiser being to hold to, I needed to be loved; by a father and a mother.

I cannot truly tell you whether it was my mother’s or father’s fault for my mother’s leaving. I cannot recall
any of these things, but I can say that the event has affected me for the rest of my life. Growing up without a
mother always made me feel like I constantly had a piece of me missing but by the time I knew completely what
a mother was and why mine was absent. And so, I question myself “did I ever had a childhood?” I grew up in a
house where I have to stand up and be there for myself, the kind of house where instead of receiving hugs and
“I’m proud of you” I got picking fights and “what is wrong with you”. But reality would come fast, and I could
hear the words “You should go away and look for your mother that would make our lives easier” then the next
thing I know is I’m in somebody’s garden, hidden for hours and hours but it was only five minutes and I would
go home and nobody would notice I had run away, the last thing would be I’m back at the house blankly staring
at the walls because even I don’t know where she is. Yet, I had to come to accept my mother’s leaving; I still find
it painful to say and admit to myself that I don’t have a mother. It took every ounce to break me but it did
everything to build this version of me. The one who chose to be loving and compassionate. That despite of the
hard-ships life had tossed; people who caused her to broke, she chose not to turn her back and decided to see the
good in people who hurt her. After all, nothing without pain would help me become a beautiful human being I am
today. I have friends, my cousins and aunties, a father who spent his time working and spent money on me. I
have a doting grandmother who waited on me and took care of me at all times. I had the world at my feet and a
silver spoon in my mouth but then there are realizations as I grow older and wiser

I realize still that I lost a mother. The woman who was intended to be my foundation crumbled before I
could stand. The crumbling, however, has strengthened my mother and me. Her leaving has defined me as a
person and has helped me to be prepared for any situation that I may approach. I grew up without a mother and I
figured everything out on my own. I grew up without a mother and learned to be my own mother because I was
strong enough, smart enough and willing enough to figure things out on my own. My mother was never there for
me when I needed her the most. At least she taught me that in the worst storms I can hold my own umbrella