Teenage love

by Nicole Shevalye

     I hate you for everything, but . . . I especially hate you for making me still think about you . . .
and I miss you. We started off as strangers that locked eye contact in a split second. It was like in
the movies, time stopped, everything stopped, and I just . . . saw you . . . you . . . I thought, “who are
you?”.  
 
     February 22nd, 2020 a normal day, or so I thought. Endless fields wrapped in heavy snow, as if
the winter had wrapped them in the arms of its embrace. Icicles dancing on trees to the singing of
the wind and the birds. An old car and an old engine trying to accompany this music with its
cracked voice. I cannot help but love it. Family, music, and nature, what else could you ask for? I
don’t know how long we were driving, one hour, maybe two? I was suddenly woken up by a sharp
turn and an abrupt stop. “We’re here” I hear excitement in my dad’s voice. He hadn't seen your dad
in a while, but my dad and your dad are really good friends. It’s really hard to hear your dad getting
exited these days. We slowly start to enter this magical place that I will call ‘my place’ for the next
few months. I see big wooden gates which are drawn in beautiful patterns of berries and flowers. I
slowly step out of the car feeling the snowflakes on my rose cheeks. I carefully begin to listen:
birds, a river, children laughing in the distance, everything is so peaceful. After a while, I begin to
notice two shadows moving closer to us in the distance.
 
     By the time you were in the city for your competition with your little sister, I met your mom and
your little brother. At first, he was really shy around me, but the moment we stepped into your
house, it was like the comfort of the house gave him new energy. Well, I'll just say that getting him
to sleep that night was fun. Making sure not to wake him, I carefully sat myself on the couch
looking at the fireplace. Two flames in the fire danced with each other like they didn’t care who
else may be looking at them in this world. The sound of the bell pulled me back to reality, it should
be them, they’re here. Suddenly out of nowhere, millions of thoughts popped into my head. “Oh
god, I look really bad today. Do I need to put my hair up or down? Just act natural. How does he
look? Why am I so nervous? I mean, he’s just a boy.” The doors open, and I see you.
 
     “Hi, I’m Tim, Timofey.” A soft and comforting voice comes out of this blond haired, blue eyed
boy. He reaches out his hand.
 
     My heart skips a beat. “I-I’m Diana, pleasure to meet you.” I say stumbling over my own words
while reaching out my hand in return. He’s so tall, looking down at me with his ocean blue eyes. In
that same moment I saw a storm in your eyes, killer waves that are capable of destroying everything
that comes in its way. Yet the moment the storm sees this little sailboat, with its white sails
traveling upon your ocean, the winds and the waves became calm.
 
     The next few months were magical with you. Competing with you on who is a faster biker in the
forest, playing hide and seek with you like we were little kids, lake days, making breakfast for the
two families, receiving long and warm hugs from you every morning, cute compliments whenever I
felt down, movie nights . . .  Where did it all go? You changed so suddenly when I left to another
country.

Still remember our last hug, our bodies so tight to each other that nothing could break us apart.
“I’ll miss you…” Timofey whispered in my ear so I could only hear it and buried his face back into
my neck. I chuckled to myself trying to control my emotions and not to cry. I don’t want to lose
you. “Promise me…” I say slowly trying not to breakdown. He raises his head so he could see me,
and patiently waits for my answer.

“Promise me you won’t forget me” I say through the pain in my chest. It hurts.

He smiles while wiping away my tears while cupping my face and says “Not even for a second.”

How could I be so stupid to fall for that? From that day on, it was as if you started to ignore me,
like there was nothing between us. For four months, I wrote and called you and the only response I
received from you was “oh sorry, I didn't see” or “sorry, I’m busy”. Didn’t think about it that much
until I saw the picture that you posted…of you and with another girl. For a second, I felt like I
couldn’t breath. You were using me this whole time, like I was your reusable toy. You knew, right
from the start, that I would always be there for you when you need me. Everything started so sweet,
and ended up in tears of sadness, jealousy and emptiness. How could you do that to me?
 
     I saw you in my dream yesterday. You're lips softly pressing into mine and holding my cheeks
with both of your hands. “I told you, I only love you, and no one else in this world can replace
you.” I knew that was a lie, but it was so good to hear at the same time. I wake up shaking and feel
tears rolling down my cheeks —why were you there, in my dream? I was so happy to forget you
and now you’re back? Why? Why? Why are you doing this to me? I hug my knees closer to my
chest shanking…sobbing…and sobbing…I hate you…
 
      Till this second, I still hate you. Hate you for who you are, hate you for making me fall again
and again for you, hate you for telling me that you love me and always did…hate to see you with
another girl.
 
     I know I’m still young and don’t know what true love is but, what if you were truly next to me
right now, with our eyes locked like it was our first time? What would I do?