# Addicted to trauma

When we enter into a romantic dance, supported by the 10 billion hands of evolution
we call neurotransmitters, the presence of a specific human becomes a neurochemical
pleasure symphony. Their presence feels like a drug -- an opiate elevator to God.

Their presence turns our nervous system into the most powerful pharmacy in the
world. We become both the drug dealer and the addict.

The trigger we need to merge with the dopamine awe is their presence.

There are different degrees of addiction, and scientists have found that the type
of 'reward schedule' that is most addictive is called 'random interval reward
conditioning.' [[Types of Conditioning]]

This means, if the loved one's affection, presence, kindness, etc is unpredictable,
random or chaotic, this produces the most powerful kind of addiction.

It is the same 'dopamine schedule' behind lottery machines, gambling, Instagram,

and surprised late night texts messages.

Aka; the relationships that tend to be the hardest to release are the ones where
the felt sense of love was inconsistent (this is most often manifested by lovers
with an [avoidant attachment
style](https://www.attachmentproject.com/blog/avoidant-attachment-style/) ). Where
stability and consistency and trust are unpredictable; the dopamine hooks sink
deepest.

It is the question a child has to ask themselves if their caretaker is the source
of trauma:

"How do I learn to love what hurts me?"

Evolution seems to have offered an answer to that question for us:

"Become addicted."

It seems that the utility of addiction may lay in keeping the child bound to the
parent, because to not bond with the parent, no matter how painful, would lead to
death throughout our evolutionary history.

And as adults, our task, if we find ourselves addicted to anything, is to cultivate

the inner resources to nurture our inner wounded child, to embrace them and raise
them and guide them away from what does not serve their growth.

---
author: Erick Godsey
links/topics: [[021 Healing Psychology MOC]]
tags: #trauma #addiction #conditioning