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The 8 Most Common Dating

Questions: Answers from Dr.
Seth

DATING DOS AND DON'TS

Despite the vast individual differences

between the millions of men and women
currently dating and looking for a partner,
most people have the basic same
questions about dating. Take a look at the
list below and hopefully the straight-
shooting answers will be helpful. Store
them in your memory and remind yourself
of these answers the next time you are
faced with any one of them.

Will I ever find someone?

You will find someone as long as you put

yourself out there and go on a lot of
dates. Dating isn’t complicated; it’s a
numbers game. Most men and women
need to go out on many first dates with
lots of different people to find a good
match. Too often people give up too
soon, but keep dating and you will find a
partner.

What if people think I’m not attractive

enough, too short or too fat, and so
forth?

While some men and women may harbor

a fantasy of dating a cover model, rocket
scientist, or someone wealthy, most of us
understand that we will probably end up
with someone similar to us. Regardless of
which insecurities you may have,
remember that many men and women
would be perfectly happy dating
someone who is short, overweight, and
so on because there is also this other
factor that matters, too: personality! Now,
if you have a personality where people
tell you that you turn them off, it means
that you need to spend more time
thinking about how you come across to
others.

My relationships never last that long.

Why not?

A person whose relationships don’t last

long is guilty of one of two things: either
choosing and investing in the wrong
types, or dating and going through the
motions but actually being conflicted,
deep down, about settling down for good.

My friends are married but I’m still

single. Why?

Odds are that you are too picky, you seek

out inappropriate partners, or there is a
part of you that is nervous about
committing to one person.

I get bored easily. Will anyone ever keep

me interested for the rest of my life?

People who get bored easily in dating

often have a huge need for attention and
stimulation. Once you develop more
realistic expectations about relationships
and mature a bit emotionally, you will
probably be like most men and women
who find someone they like and feel good
keeping that person around for a long,
long time.

I feel like people don’t find me sexy.

Doesn’t that mean it will be harder for
me to find someone?

There is no – mark these words – one

person that everyone will find sexy.
Expand your view of what sexy is, and
keep in mind that it’s not what magazines
tell you it is. Proof: Poll your friends and
try to come up with one celebrity each of
you is attracted to. Quickly, you will see
what I mean because everyone has
different types!

I’m so afraid of being cheated on again.

Will the experience of being cheated on
haunt me forever?

Dating and relationships always bring

emotional risks, but protect yourself
emotionally by choosing someone who
has some different personality traits than
the partner who cheated on you. Also
remember that you were cheated on
before and that it didn’t break you
completely. In fact, you’re wiser now
because of it.

I start dating someone, but sooner or

later, they always end up annoying me.
Will I ever find someone who doesn’t
annoy me?

If you always end up feeling bothered or

turned off by someone you’re dating, it
means that you are unconsciously looking
for a reason why you shouldn’t settle
down or commit to one person. The
unconscious part means that you may tell
yourself that you want a relationship, but
deep down, you feel mixed – conflicted –
about being with someone for a long
time. If you are really honest with yourself,
you can ask yourself what you are most
afraid of in settling down. Underneath
your behavior (getting turned off sooner
or later by everyone you date) is fear.

The questions I reviewed above are some

of the most common ones people ask
therapists and dating coaches. While
dating can bring uncertainty and anxiety,
the root issues in dating are more simple
than they seem. Most of these issues boil
down to self-esteem and fear. If you have
other dating questions you want
answered, ask away!

About
the

Author:

Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical

psychologist, author, Psychology Today
blogger, and TV guest expert. He
practices in Los Angeles and treats a
wide range of issues and disorders and
specializes in relationships, parenting,
and addiction. He has had extensive
training in conducting couples therapy
and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love
Prescription: Overcome Relationship
Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love
You Deserve.

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