The 21 years that I have lived on this earth has not been easy.

I’ve been
through a lot of ups and downs in life. However, most of the time, I suffered from
pain, being broken and there are times that I got lost on track. I’m used of being
alone and so, I don’t have someone to talk to about my problems in life. Life is
really tough for me. The pressure, expectations, judgements, and other negative
forces are always present. Until I ended up blaming myself because of the fact
that I was not enough, that I cannot be like the others, and that I’ve made a lot of
mistakes. Honestly, I am a suicidal person. The thought of killing myself and the
idea of dying was my last resort and my solution for escaping from my harsh
reality. This didn’t just happen once, but most of the time. Every single day is a
battle for me. I got tired and I lost hope for everything. Lately, I suffered from
anxiety and depression. Here I go again, having suicidal thoughts. Every time it
sinks in my mind, I cry so hard and I’m totally not in my normal state.

But you know what? God is so good! He was there for me and He found a
way that I will not go through with it. This was the time when I learned to say NO!
I thought of the people who love me just like my family and my true circle of
friends. I am lucky enough to have them in my life. I couldn’t survive without
them. They have been there for me even if there are times that I am hard to
understand. I remember a line from a song: “You won’t give me what I can’t
bear,” and indeed, I can say that this is true. The Lord loves us so much, so He
won’t give us trials that we can’t handle and surpass. This song entitled “Take Me
Out of The Dark” is such a pleasing song for me because when you ask help from
God, He is there for you, He is willing to fight with you on your battle, and He
won’t leave you no matter what will happen. By this time, I am calming myself
and one way of doing this is to listen God’s songs. These really give me comfort
and the desire to continue to live because there is always a tomorrow and there’s
a sunshine after a rain. Actually, this put me at peace. With the presence of our
Lord, with the people who love me dearly, and of course, with the help from
myself, I can attain peace and I can realize and learn things.

This is life: it is full of unexpected things and plot twists. I may suffer for
now but one day, I will achieve real happiness. I will just keep on trying and trying
because I realize now that I have survived from the darkness. And so, the lesson I
learned from when I said no to my own demons was this: “Believe in yourself,
have faith in God, and be with genuine people so that you can not only survive
in this world, but also live your life with eventual happiness.”