being an adult isn't exactly as fun as i thought it was going to be. being an adult is tiring.

it
eats you from the inside until you can't even think straight. being an adult is fun and free. you
can do anything you want without having to care about what others think. being an adult is
very exhausting. dare i say it's a mixture of both heaven and hell (heavy on hell, though).

there's a saying all over the internet that goes “life is not all rainbows.”
what if i want it to be all rainbows? what if i don't want to experience all the hardships of
life? what if i want the universe to flip my life 180 degrees from now? what if...

what if.

what if i just end it all here and everything will stop?

i can't, can't i? i know i can't, and i know i don't want this to end right now.

despite all the distress and misfortunes of life, of being an adult, somehow, there's always
something that makes me want to survive. to pull through. be it something as little as the
sound of my cats, or as big as my dream to travel the world.

or just... being in love.

that's the reason why i'm still here, at the very second, alive and breathing.

you do know that love comes in many different forms, right? well, mine comes in the form of
lee jeno. yes. lee jeno himself.

i feel at peace when i see him. i feel like i can conquer the world whenever he's around. i feel
like the happiest person alive. he is the embodiment of peacefulness and home. he is my
home.

knowing that there's a lee jeno out there who's the same as me--going through an adulthood--
is very calming. i know that i'm not alone, i know that i'm not the only one who's struggling
and that makes me want to get through life.

so, yes. being and adult is both heaven and hell. but it's all bearable because i have him to
always remind me that i'm not alone. that i can endure all the pain, all the obstacles of life, all
the hell.

it’s bearable because i have him.