Chapter 12

Derek!
CornNuts! Derek said excitedly, but you couldnt quite tell if he was excitedly excited or excitedly totally grossed out. Everyone sat quiet and looked at him, waiting to see what he was going to say next, hoping he wouldnt be disappointed I havent had these in years I didnt even know they still made them The gang was quiet, still nervous, still awaiting his response. I used to love these things, he said smiling, and smashed his hand into the bag. And it was a big bag! Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. They were back on the road and traveling at a good clip. It felt good to be moving again, it was safer than staying in one place. They hadnt seen another vehicle in hours. It seemed strange, because the highway looked like it would have been popular. (Not prom-queen-popular but well-used.) I mean, there was a robot alien invasion going on, but still. Youd think that there were some people still around, going somewhere to hide or to see if someone was still alive. 86

Around noon, on a very straight patch of road, they finally saw another car. Delilah was in the passenger seat and after all the sex she had done earlier with Derek, she was feeling pretty good about humanity and sex and everything. Hey! theres another car. Yeah, said Jason, its been a while hasnt it. Im gonna wave. Delilah said. Okay, Jason said. I mean whatever. Why are you telling us that. Its stupid. Just wave or dont wave, its not a big deal. You dont have to explain everything youre going to do before you do it. But she was giddy, enjoying herself despite everything. The massacre of her friends and family, the bleak bleak future. She had just made it with a sexy guy and she was happy. As the other car came closer they could see that it was a truck, loaded with stuff in the back. Some poor assholes, trying to get away and hide, somewhere the robot assassins could never find them. Delilah placed her hand on Dereks leg, suggestively close to his zipper, and leaned over him as he drove the van. Her head was close to his and he could smell her hair. It made it super frigging hard to drive, but it was nice too. She inched a little closer to the drivers side door and rolled the window all the way down. Carefully as not to make Derek crash, she climbed over him enough to get her head and shoulders out the window. 87

Now her lower back was in his face, and it was still hard to drive, and it was still pretty cool. The car was definitely a pickup truck, they could see that now, and it was almost there. Delilah commenced with the waving that she had told Jason about earlier, and cried out a cheer that Ive never been able to do without feeling insincere. Whoooo! she cried to her fellow earthlings. But they werent earthlings. Not at all. As the truck closed in on them, the gang could finally see their company for what it was. The truck was full of Killer Robots! The driver robot of the truck saw this human female hanging out the window ahootin and hollerin and took it as a taunt. The marauding robots in the back saw her too, but they were so surprised that they didnt even have time to shoot at the van with their laser eyes. Derek saw the robots, and slammed his foot to the gas pedal. They safely passed the truck without a moment to spare. Laser eye blasts flashed in the rearview mirror. The truck did a hard u-turn and skidded and burned rubber and everything.

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One of the clumsier Robots fell out the back of the truck and sprained his ankle a little bit, and thus, afforded our heroes a slight head start. The van had a solid motor, a straight six, good enough to haul and drive, durable and long lasting, but it was by no means a performance automobile. Needless to say, after the robots collected their man-overboard, it didnt take long for them to make up the lost ground. Their gaining on us! Veronica cried out. Derek calculated the situation and slammed his foot to the brakes. This time it was the vans turn to make squeely noises with its tires and mark up the road all over the place. What are you doing, you idiot?! Albert asked loudly. The name-calling was uncalled for, but the rest of the team couldnt help sharing the sentiment. Well never beat that truck, not today. Its time to fight. Fight? Delilah asked. Fight? Albert asked at the exact same time, sounding even more terrified than Delilah. Well never win, Veronica said matter-o-factly. 89

Youre right, Derek said, You wont be here. What do you mean? Delilah cried out. She wanted more to fight, to kick, to punch at the massive metal beasts with her own thin fists, than to leave Derek behind to unknown horror. The van idling, Derek climbed out of the drivers seat and made his way to the back of the van. Take the wheel, he said to Delilah. I cant, she said, crying. Delilah, baby. I need you to do this. She obediently climbed up into the drivers seat. But I cant, I cant do it. Come with us, you dont have to. We can just run away. We can keep going. she cried. He buckled her seatbelt. Dereks dont run. He said, gently cupping her awesome boob and starring into her eyes. Derek, Delilah pleaded, but it was no use, he had made his decision. He grabbed the tire iron from under the seat and a cigarette from a pack on the dashboard. The robots had stopped not 30 yards from the van, waiting to see the gangs next move. They were weary about leaving their own vehicle in case the humans drove off suddenly, after the robots were all out of the truck. Slam! said the sliding door with a thunderous voice as Derek opened it and proudly climbed out (in slow motion). He walked methodically to the rear of the van and stood for a moment. He lit the cigarette in a super cool way and took one awesome cool drag. He stood there for a minute not doing anything. Then another minute. He was waiting, calculating Counting 90

Drive! Derek bellowed, as the killer robot assassins quit their steed and came rushing at the pathetic fleshbot. Delilah smashed her foot to the floor and the van took off. She didnt want to look back, but she had to, just one peak, to see what was happening to her dear Derek. She saw him toss the cigarette onto the ground were the van had just been sitting - and just as he had planned, it hit the gasoline that had dripped onto the pavement. Then all she could see was enormous flames. Derek... she whimpered.

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