Chapter 17

Dereks Story of Survival

As the van drove off, I thought I was done for. There were so many of those God Damned Death Robots! But there I was, and what option did I have. I had to fight, and so fight I did: The first one came at me with a knife. He so loved to kill that this killer robot preferred a knife to his laser eyes, so he could relish his killing all the more.

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But what this robot didnt know was that I had studied a special ancient martial-art/pyramid-scheme developed in the late 1990s. So as he came at me with his knife I did a karate fall onto my back and then used my foot to do a karate flip kick and launched the robot over my head into the bushes on the side of the road. But it wasnt over yet, and two more came at me from my left and my right, this time laser eyes blasting, But lucky for me, I ducked just in time. And their lasers blasted eachother right in the face, similar to the time the other day when the two spaceships crashed into eachother. But there were more, and more, and they seemed to come from every direction. I did what I had to do. I ran. And they gave chase - ran after me, Derek said nodding to a puzzled looking Jason. 119

So I ran to a farm I could see in the distance. And they followed. Luckily they werent as fast as the one who chased the van that time, and they couldnt catch up with me. In the barn I found a tractor, and an old bottle of whiskey and I mixed that with some other junk I found in the barn, and I put it in the fuel tank. I cranked the key. Come on. Come on. I said as I tried to get the tractor to start. But it wouldnt start. I could hear the robots coming down the hill towards the barn. Come on. Come on. I said again as I repeatedly tried to turn on the tractor. The robots were coming on fast. And before I knew it, they were pounding on the door. Come on. Come on. I said again. One of the robots smashed his massive fist through the door and groped around trying to find the handle or whatever. Vroom! the tractor said excitedly. And I was off. I was only going about 10 miles an hour but that was enough. I crashed really slowly through the barn door and into the incoming face of evil and death and destruction and evil. I smashed through the first robot and one of my enormous tractor tires rolled over his groin. Ereeeww! the robot winced and reached down to his business. The robots had formed the attack with solid, but inappropriate logic. The next robot was just five feet behind the first and had no where to go but beneath my tractor.

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Then I hit the next and on and on I went. Slowly, but surely. Killing the robots one by one. Rolling over them and toppling them like some big giants dominos. The tractor took me to a car dealership in the next town. I took one of those big SUVs that was there. And man I have to tell you just as a sidebar, those things are just awful with the gas. I had to fill it up every 100 miles. But I eventually made it down here, to the Presidents underwater fortress The gang stood there amazed and relieved. Derek had been the glue that held the gang together. Without him they had been lost. They had just barely fumbled their way through the mission. So did anything happen with you guys? Derek asked after a moment. Nothing like that, Delilah said. We went to a potluck dinner, Jason added. He took the flier/invitation out of his pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to Derek. He read it and smiled and laughed a little. Then gave it to the president, who also seemed to like it The president politely let everyone have their stupid little reunion for a few minutes and then tried to steer the group back to the task at hand. So anyway, you guys are basically our only hope. The president explained seriously. But fear not. Now that we know what powers them 121

The greed bacteria? Jason interrupted, in order to show that he and the president were on the same wavelength. Precisely. Now that we know what it is, my scientists will develop something to help fight this greed phenomenon. You four will have to take it to the robots and administer it. What about the army? asked Delilah, surely the army guys can do something? None of our conventional weapons can harm these things. We need a different approach. What about the CIA, the FBI, the NBA? Again, we have no plan for this circumstance and the NBA is a bunch of overpaid crybabies. Wait, said Veronica suddenly, counting with her fingers. Wheres Albert? Delilah looked up. He wasnt in the room. Jason was there and Veronica and herself, and now Derek was back, but Albert was nowhere in sight. Maybe hes in the bathroom, Jason suggested. I dont think Ive seen him in a while though. Now that I think about it, Veronica said. Whatever. He was kind of a jerkhole, said Jason. I know the type, the president said staring coldly at one of his security guys, who was playing Tetris or something on his phone. Huh, Delilah said and turned back to the conversation. The president continued. So well develop this thing and then you will have to take it to them and everything. You guys got that? They nodded. They understood what they had to do.

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