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ATTACK UPDATE

CHILDREN TERRIFIED
Amidst reports that a 'giant monster' was lurking
about the place, children across the nation screamed
and cried themselves to sleep last night say parents
by Desmond Donavan

CAN BEES
Yesterday's supposed attack by what remains to be
an unknown monstrous fiend, has led to widespre-
ad panic with children becoming the most affected.
Throughout the nations cities and towns residents
were kept awake last night to the sound of children
screaming and crying and calling for their mumm-
SMELL?
ies and daddies.
Parents have desperately tried to calm their child-
ren, fearing a potential attack of similar proportio-
ns will be imminent. Should this happen, parents
are facing weeks of sleepless nights. Such attempts
to calm their young have included lying.
Sarah Westfold of Folkton has three daughters all
of which were panic stricken. "I tried to convince
them it was a giant clown, but it made things
worse" "I said that a big circus was coming to town
and they could all have their faces painted, but that
just made them sick"
Sickness is just one of the side affects due to such
extreme panic, one child in Shoesley, North, cried
himself dry and was rushed to hospital where he
CONCLUSIVE
had to drink twenty pints of water. A child in
Glenmorris started to dig herself a bunker in her
RESEARCH
garden, with her bare hands. BY THE
The government has announced that they are to ed-
it footage of the attack by digitally removing the UNIVERSITY OF
unknown phenomenom and replacing it with Noel
Edmonds, which will be distributed to parents ST. EASTER
and their children on DVD. Scientists feel that
Mr. Edmonds’ face has a calming effect and that
when looked upon, children are overcome with a PAGE 9
TURN TO PAGE 4 FEAR: Bruno is so full of fear, that he can never stop staring