Constructions and Reconstructions of Self in . Virtual Reality: Playing in the MUDs SHERRY TURKLE Massachusetts Institute of Technology There are over 300 multi-user games based on at least 13 different kinds of software on the International computer network known as the Internet, Here use the term "MUD" to refer to all the various kinds. All provide worlds for social interaction in a virtual space, worlds in which you can resent yourself as a “character.” in which you can be anonymous, in which you can play a role or roles as close or as far away from your "real self" as you choose. Inthe MUDS., the projections of self are engaged in a resolutely postmodern context. Authorship is not only displaced froma solitary voice, itis exploded. The selfis not only decentered but multiplied without limit. There isan unparaileled opportunity o playwithone'sidentity andto tryout" new ones. ‘MUDS are a new environment for the consiruction and reconstruction of self. Playing in the MUD In an interactive computer game designed to represent a world inspired by the television series Star Trek: The Next Generation, over 1000 players spend up to 80 hours a week participating in imergalactic exploration and wars, They create characters who have casual and romantic sex, who fall inlove and get married, who attend rituals and celebrations. “This is more real than my real life,” says a character who turns out to be a man playing a woman who is pretending to be @ man. In this game the rules of social interaction are built not received. Jn another, more loosely structured game, each player creates a character or several characters, specifying their genders and other physical and psychological attributes. The characters need not be ‘human and there are more than two genders. All interactions take place “in character.” Beyond this, players are invited to help build the computer world itself. Using a relatively simple programming language, they can make “room” in the game space where they can setthe stage and define the rules. Thatis, they make objects in the computer world and specify how they work. Rachel, an 11-year-old, built room she calls “the condo.” It has jewelry boxes containing magical pieces that transport het to different places and momenis in history. When Rachel visits the condo, she invites her friends, she ‘chats, orders pizza, and fins. Other players built TVs showing scenes taking place in the rooms of the ‘game, a transportation systom to navigate the space, and a magical theater that replays past game ‘events. Some have built robots for example a program named “Julia,” that “pretends” to be a person as she offers directions and helps to locate your friends. Both worlds exist on intemational computer networks, which of course means that in 2 certain sense, a physical sense, they don’t exist at all. From all over the world, people use their individual 158 Mind, Culture, and Activity ‘Vol. 1, No, 3 Summer 1994 1074-9039/94/158-167 $1.00 © LCHCmachines to access a program which presents them with a game space-in the high tech world such. ‘spaces have come to be called "virwal"-in that they can navigate, converse, and build. ‘The first game, Trek Muse, and the second, LambdaMOO, are examples of a class of viral worlds known as MUDs—an acronym for “Multi-User Dungeons.” In the early 1970s, role playing. ‘game called “Dungeons and Dragons” swept the game cultures, a game in which a “dungeon master” ‘created a world in which people created characters and played out complex adventures. Several years later, Dungeons and Dragons was interpreted for computational space in a program called “Adven- ture.” There, players proceeded through a maze that was presented to them through text description ‘on a computer screen, The term “dungeon” has persisted in both the games and hitech culture, and in the case of MUDs, refers to a virwal social space that exists on a machine. ‘There are over 300 multi-user games based on at least 13 different kinds of software on the international computer network known as the Internet. Here I use the term “MUD" to refer to all the various kinds. All provide worlds for social interaction in a virtual space, worlds in which you can present yourself asa “character,” in which you an be anonymous, in which youcan play arole asclose ‘ors far away from your “real self” as you choose. Where they differ isin how constrained that world is, Itean be built around amedieval fantasy landscape in which there are dragons to stay and gold coins ‘and magical amulets to collect, or itcan be a relatively open space in which you can play at whatever captures your imagination, both by playing 2 role and by participating in building a world. In the MUDs, the projections of self are engaged in a resolutely postmodem context. There are parallel narratives inthe different rooms of the MUD; one can move forward or backward in time. The cultures of Tolkien, Gibson, and Madonna coexist and interact, Authorship is notonly displaced from. a solitary voice, itis exploded. The MUDs are authored by their players, thousands of people in all, often hundreds of people at a time, all logged on from different places. And the self is not only decentered but multiplied without limit. There is an unparalleled opportunity to play with one’s identity and to “try out” new ones. My past research into the experiences of individuals working with computers has led me to underscore the power of this technology not only asa medium for getting things done but for thinking through and working through personal concerns (Turkle, 1984). Engagement with computational technology facilitates a series of “second chances” for adults to work and rework unresolved personal issues and more generally, to think through questions about the nature of self, including questions about definitions of life, intentionality, and intelligence, ‘Whatis true of individuals working alone with a compateris raised toa higher power when people uuse computers io communicate with other people as they do.on the MUDS. Inthe first case, the person. alone with the computer, I have found that individuals use computers to work through identity issues ‘thatcenter around control and mastery; in the second, where the computers used asa communications ‘medium, there is more room to use the control provided by the computer to develop a greater capacity for collaboration and even intimacy. The medium enables the self to explore a social context as well a to reflect on its own nature and powers. ‘My method of investigation of MUDs has been ethnographic and clinical: play the games, “hang ‘out” with game players in virtual as well as real space, interview game players in person both individually and in groups. Some of my richest data came from a series of weekly “pizza parties” for Playing in MUDs 159 ‘Sherry Turkle‘MUDBers within the Boston area? There the topic was open and conversation turned to what was on the players” minds: most ofien love, romance, and what can be counted on as real in virwal space. begin my report from this new social and psychological world by taking one step back to general ‘considerations of how role playing games enable people to work through issues of identity and then ‘move on to the form this takes in MUDs, which enhance the evocative potential of traditional games. by further blurring the line between the game and what players refer toasRL, “real life,” or TRW, “the real world.” ‘Traditional ole playing prompis reflection on personal and interpersonal issues, but in games that take place in ongoing virtual socicties such as MUDS, the focusis on larger social and cultural themes. as well, The networked computer serves as an “evocative object” for thinking about community. ‘Additionally, people playing in the MUDs struggle towards a new, still tentative discourse about the. nature of a social world that is populated both by people and by programs. In this, life in the MUD. ‘may serve as @ harbinger of what is to come in the social spaces that we still contrast with the virtual by calling the “real.” Role Playing Games As identity workshops, MUDs have much in common with traditional role playing games, for example, the role playing games played by Julee, a 19-year-old who has dropped outof Yale after her freshman year. Part of the reason for her leaving college is that she is in an increasingly turbulent relationship with her mother, a devout Catholic, who wmed away from her daughter when she discovered that she had had an abortion the summer before beginning college. From Julee's point of view, her mother has chosen to deny her existence. When asked about her ‘most important experience playing role playing games, Julee described a game in which she had been assigned the ole of a mother facing a conflict with her daughter. Indeed, inthe game, the script says that the daughter is going to betray, even kill, the mother. In the role playing game, played over @ weekend on the Boston University (BU) campus, Julee ‘and her “daughter” talked for hours: Why might the daughter have joined her mother’s opponents, how could they stay tue to their relationship and the game as it had been written? Huddled in a comer of| an empty BU classroom, Julee was having the conversation that her mother had not been willing 10 hhave with her. In the end, Julce's character chose o ignore her loyalty to her team in order to preserve her daughuer’s life. Clearly Julee projected feelings abouther“teal” mother’schoice ontoher expericnce ofthe game, ‘but more was going on than a simple reenactment. Julee was able to reexperience a familiar siwuation ina sewing where she could examine it, do something new with it, and revise her relationship towards it. In many ways, what happened was resonant with the psychoanalytic notion of “working through.” Julec’s experience stands in contrast to images of role playing games that are prevalent in the popular culture. A first popular image portrays role playing games as depressing and dangerous ‘environments. It is captured in the urban legend which describes an emotionally troubled student disappearing and committing suicide during a game of Dungeons and Dragons. Another popular ‘mage, and one that has been supported by some academic writing on role playing games, turns them 160 Mind, Culture, and Activity Volume 1,No. 3into places of escape. Players are seen as leaving their “real” lives and problems behind to lose themselves in the game space. Julee’s story belies both stereotypes. For her the game is psychologi- cally constructive rather than destructive, And she uses it not for escape but as a vehicle for engaging ina significant dialogue with important events and relationships in her “real” life, Role playing games are able 1o serve in this evocative capacity precisely because they are not ‘simple escapes [rom the real to the unreal, bt because they stand betwixt and between, both in and notin real life, Bu in the final analysis, what puts Julee"s game most firmly inthe category of game is that it had an end point. The weekend was over and so was the game. MUDS present a far more complicated case. In a certain sense, they don’t have to end. Their ‘boundaries are more fuzzy; the routine of playing them becomes part oftheir players real lives. The virtual reality becomesnotsomuchan alternative asa parallel life. Indeed, dedicated players who work with computers all day describe how they temporarily put their characters o “slecp,” remain logged ‘on to the game, pursue other activities, and periodically retum to the game space. Such blurring of boundaries between roleand sel present new opportunities to use the role to work ‘on the self. As one experienced player putt, "you are the character and you are not the character both atthe same time.” And “you are who you pretend tobe.” This ambiguity contributes to the games’ ability tobeaplace in which o address issues of identity and intimacy. They take the possibilities that Julee found in roleplaying games and raise them toa higher power. Virtual Re: ities: Role Playing to.a Higher Power ‘The notion“*you.are who you pretend to be" hasa mythic resonance. The Pygmalion story endures ‘because itspeaks toa powerful fantasy: that we are not limited by our histories, that we-can be recreated ‘or can recreate ourselves. In the real world, we are thrilled by stories of self transformation. Madonna sour modem Eliza Doolittle; Ivana Trump isthe object of morbid fascination. But of course, for most people such recreations of self are difficult. Virtual worlds provide environments for experiences that ‘may be hard to come by in the real Not the least of these experiences is the opportunity to play an “aspect of your self” that you embody as a separate self in the game space.* Peter is a 23-year-old physies graduate student at the University of Massachusetts. His life revolves around his work inthe laboratory and his plans for alifein science. He says thathis only friend is his roommate, another student whom he describes as being even more reclusive than he. This circumscribed, almost monastic life does not represent a radical departure for Peter. He has had heart twouble since he was a child; his health is delicate, one small rebellion, a ski trip when he first came ‘up to Boston, put him in the hospital for thrce weeks. His response has been to cireumscribe his world. Peter has never traveled, He lives in a small compass. In an interview with Peter he immediatcly made itclear why he plays on MUDs: “I do itso ean talk to people.” He is logged on forat cast 40 hours a week, but itis hard to call what he does “playing” ‘a game. He spends his time on the MUDs constructing life tat in only a seeming paradox is more expansive than his own, He tells me with dotight that the MUD he frequents most often is physically located on a computer in Germany. Playing in MUDs 161 Sherry Turkle‘And I started talking to them [the inhabitants of the MUD] and they're like, “This costs so many and 50 many Deutschmarks.” And I'm like, "What are Deuisehmarks? Where is this place located" And they say: “Don't you kro, this is Germany.” Itis from MUDs that Peter has learned what he knows of politics, of economies, of the differences ‘between capitalism and welfare state socialism. He revels inthe differences between the styles of ‘Americans and Europeans on the MUDs and in the thrill of speaking to a player in Norway who can see the Northern lights. On the MUD, Peter shapes a character, Achilles, who is his ideal self, Life ina University of Massachusetts dorm has put him in modest and unaesthetic circumstances. Yet the room he inhabits con the MUD is elegant, romantic, out of @ Ralph Lauren ad. Peter's story illustrates several aspects of the relationship of MUDding and identity. First, the ‘MUD serves as a kind of Rorschach inkblot, a projection of inner fantasies. Second, unlike a Rorschach, it does not stay on a page. Iis part of Peter's everyday life. Beyond expanding his social reach, MUDs have brought Peter the only romance and intimacy he has ever known. Ata social event held in virtual space, a “wedding” of two regular players on his favorite Germany-based MUD, Peter ‘met Winterlight, one of the three female players. Peter who has known little success with women, was able to charm this most desirable and sought alter player. Their encounter led toa courtship in which he is tender and romantic, chivalrous and poetic. One is reminded of Cyrano who could only find his ‘voice through another's persona. It is Achilles, Peter's character on the MUD, who can create the ‘magic and win the girl ‘While people work one-on-one with the computer the machine becomes an evocative object for thinking through issues of identity which tend to be centered on control and mastery. But Peter's experience (where the computeris a mediator toareality shared with other people) has putcomputation more directly in the service ofthe development ofa greater capacity for friendship, the development ‘of confidence for a greater capacity for intimacy. ‘But what of the contrast between Peter and Julec? What can we say about the difference between role playing games in the corridors of BU and on computer virtual worlds? Julee and Peter both use games to remake the self. Their games, however, are evocative for different reasons. Julee’s role playing has the powerful quality of real-time psychodrama, but on the ‘other hand Peter's game is ongoing and provides him with anonymity, invisibility, and potential ‘multiplicity. Ongoing: He can play itas much ashe wants, all day if he wants, every day if he chooses ashe often does. There are always people logged on to the game; there is always someone to talk to ‘or something to do, Anonymous: Once Potcr creates his character, thats his only identity on the game. His character need not have his gender or share any recognizable Feature with him. He can be who he wants and play with no concer that “he,” Peter, will be held accountable in “real ile for his characters’ actions, quarrels, or relationships. The degree to which he brings the game into his real life ishis choice. Invisible: The created character can have any physical description and will be responded toas.a function of that description. The plain can experience the self presentation of great beauty; the nerdy can be elegant; the obese can be slender. Multiplicity: Peter can create several characters, playing out and playing with different aspects ofhis ef. An ongoing game, an anonymous personae, ‘physical invisibility, and the possibility to be not one but many, these are the qualities atthe root of 162 Mind, Culture, and Activity Volume 1, No. 3the holding power and evocative potential of MUDs as “identity workshops.”* Faced withthe notion that “you are what you pretend to be,” Peter can only hope tha it is true for he is playing his ideal sel Peter plays what in the psychoanalytic tradition would be called an “ego ideal.” Other players ‘create a character or multiple characters that are closer to embodying aspects of themselves that they ‘hater fear or perhaps have notever consciously confronted before. One male player describes his role Playing as daring to be passive. I don't mean in having sex on the MUD. I mean in letting other people take the initiative in friendships, in not feeling when I am in character that need to control everything. My ‘mother controlled my whole family, well, certainly me. Sol grew up thinking “never agen.” My ‘real life" is exhausting that way. On MUDs Ido something else. Ida’ teven realize this connection to my ‘mother until something happened inthe game and somebody tried to boss my pretty laid-back character around and I went crazy, And then I saw what I was doing, “The possibilities the medium offers for projecting both conscious and unconscious aspects of the self suggests an analogy between MUDs and psychotherapeutic mitieus. The goal of psychotherapy isnot of course to simply provide a place for “acting out” behavior that expresses one's conflicts, but to fumish a contained and confidential environment for “working through” unresolved issues. The distinction between acting out and working through is crucial to thinking about MUDs as setings for personal growth. For its in the context of this distinction that the much-discussed issue of “MUDs addiction” should be situated. The accusation of being “addicted” to psychotherapy is only made seriously when friends o family suspect that over a period of time, the therapy is supporting repetitions and reenactments rather than new resolutions. MUDding is no more “addictive” than therapy when it works asa pathway to psychological growth. Robert isa college freshman who in the months before beginning college had to cope with his father’s having lost his job and disgraced his family because of alcoholism. The job loss led to his ‘parents’ relocation to another part of the country, far away from all of Robert's friends. For a period ‘of several months, Robert, now at college, MUDded over 80 hours a week. Around the time ofa fire in his dormitory which destroyed all his possessions, Robert was playing over 120 hours a week, sleeping four hours night, and only taking brief breaks to get food, which he would eat whe playing. ‘At the end of the school year, however, Robert's MUD experience was essentially over. He had gotten his own apurtment; he had a job asa salesman; he had formed a rock band witha few friends. Looking back on the experience he thought that MUDding had served its purpose: it kept him from ‘what he called his “suicidal thoughts,” in essence by keeping him too busy to have them: it kept him from drinking (“I have something more fun and safe to do”); it enabled him to function with responsibility and competency asa highly placed administrator, it afforded an emotional environment ‘where he could be in complete control of how much he revealed about his life, about his parents, even bout something as simple for other people as where he was from. In sum, MUDs had provided what Erik Erikson would have calleda “psychosocial moratorium.” had been a place from which he could reassemble a sense of boundarics that enabled him to pursue less bounded relationships * ‘Through theories which stress the centered subject and through the fragmented selves presentod by patients,” contemporary psychology confronts whatis problematic in traditinal notions of unitary self, MUDs have become a new context which provokes reflection on such questions. Virwal Playing in MUDs 163 Sherry Turklecommunities such as MUDs are the most dramatic example of the way the culture of simulation challenges traditional notions of human identity. Indeed, they make possible the construction of an identity that is so fluid and multiple trat it strains the very limits of the notion. Identity, after all, literally means one. When we live through our electronic self-representations we have unlimited possibilities to be many. People become masters of self-presentation and self-creation. The very notion of an inner, “irue self” is called into question. ‘These remarks have addressed MUDs as privileged spaces for thinking through and working through issues of personal identity. Additionally, when role playing moves from circumsciribed “weekend encounters” such as those Julee participated in onto a sustained virtual stage, a new social world grows up too. The development of virtual social life is of signal importance: it makes MUDS very special kinds of evocative objects. Evocative Objects: Gender, Community, and “Bots” In The Second Seif(1984) I called the personal computer an evocative object because it provoked self-reflection and stimulated thought. Itled to reevaluations and reconsiderations of things taken for granted, for example, about the nature of intelligence, free will, and our notions of whatis alive. And | found thatthe computer did this not just because it presented people with ideas as did traditional philosophy, bt because itpresented them with experiences, an ongoing culture of personal computing that provoked a new philosophy in everyday life. “The same kind of process, this provocation of new discourse and reflection, is taking place around ‘computer-mediated communications in virtual realities such as MUDs. But the emphasis of the new discourse and reflection is on social and culuural issues as well as individual ones. (One dramatic example is the novel and compelling discourse that surrounds the experience of “gender swapping” in virtual reality, whereby men may play the roles of women and women the roles ‘of men. As MUD players talked to me about their experiences with gender swapping, hey cenainly ‘gave reason to believe that unrough ths practice they were working through personal issues una had todo with accepting the feminine andor the masculine in ther ow personalities. Butthey weredoing, something else as well which transcended the love of individual personality and its dynamics. People ‘were using gender swapping asa first hand experience through which to form ideas about the role of sender in human interactions. Inthe ongoing culture of MUDS, these issues are discussed both within the space of the games and in a discussion group on USENET called “ree.games.mud.” Discussion on USENET about gender swapping has dealt with how female characters are besieged with attention, sexual advances, and unrequested offers of assistance which imply that ‘women can’t do things by themselves. It has dealt with the question of whether women who aré ‘consistently treated as incompownt may start to belive it. Men playing women on role playing games have remarked that other male players (read male characters) sometimes expect sexual favorsin return for technical assistance. In this case, offering technical help, like picking up the check at dinner, is being used to purchase rathor than win a woman’s regard. While such expectations can be subtly “expressed, indeed sometimes overlooked ineal life, when such things happenin MUDs, they are more visible, often widely witnessed, and openly discussed. As this takes place, the MUD becomes an ‘evocative object fora richer understanding not only of sexual harassment butof the social construction of gender. 164 Mind, Culture, and Activity Volume 1,No. 3‘MUDding throws issues ofthe impact of gender on human relations into relief and brings the issue home; the seriousness and intensity of discussions of gender among MUDders speaks to the fact that the game allows its players to experience rather than merely observe whatit feels ike to bethe opposite _gender or to have no gender at all. MUDs are objects for thinking about gender, but there are similar stories to tell about discussions in MUD environments about violence, property, and privacy. Virtual ‘communities compel conversations about the nature of community itself. On an early MUD known as Habitat, which ran as an experiment in the United States and has become a successful commercial venture in Japan, players were originally allowed to have guns. However, when you ae shot, you do not cease to exist bu simply lose all the things you were carrying and are transported back to your virtal home. For some players, thievery and murder became the highlight ofthe “game.” For others, these activities were experienced as a violent intrusion on their peaceful world. An intense debate ensued.* ‘Some players argued that guns should be eliminated; unlike in the real world, a perfect gun ban is possible with a few lines of code. Others argued that what was damaging was not the violence but the trivialization of violence, and maintained that guns should persist, but their consequences should bbe made more real: when you are killed, your character should cease to exist and not simply be sent home. Still others believed that since Habitat was “just a game,” and playing assassin was partof the fun, there could be no harm in a little virwal violence. ‘As the debate raged, a player who was priest in real life founded the “Order ofthe Holy Walnut” ‘whose members pledged not to carry guns. Inthe end, the game designers divided the world ino two parts: in town, violence was prohibited: in the wilds outside of town, it was allowed, Eventually a democratic voting process was installed and a sheriff elecied. Debates then ensued about the nature ‘of Habitat laws and the proper balance between individual freedom and law and order. What is remarkable isnot just the solution, but the quality ofthe debate which led up to that solution. The For more materialonthe conirest with raditional roleplaying see Gary Alan Fine,Shared Faniasy:Role Playing Games as Social Words (Chicago: The University of Chicago Press, 1983). Henty Jenkins’ study of fan culture, Textual Poachers: Television Fans and Participatory Culture (New York: Roviledge, 1992), illuminates the general question of how individuals appropriate fantasy materials inthe construction of identity 4+" The Well” has atopic (discussion group) on “On Line Personae."In a March 24, 1992 posing io this group, F. Randall Farmer noted thane group of sbout 50 Habitat users about aquarter experienced tei online personae {8 a separate creature that acted in ways they doin teal ife, and a quarter experienced their online personae a8 a separate creature that acted in ways they do notin real life. This felicitous phrase was coined by Amy Brickman (1992). ‘Ofcourse, taking the analogy between therapeutic milieu and vital realty seriously meansthatineidenis when players lose their anonymity are potemally psychologically damaging. In therapy, the transference isto the person of the therapist or othe therapy group in virtual space, the transference isto the “body” ofthe MUD often as represented by its “wizards” or zystem administrators. "Perhaps most dramatically demonstrated by the increasing numbers of patients who present with multiple Personality disorder. literally “divided selves.” "For more detail on this example, see Chip Momingstar and F. Randsll Farmer (1992, pp. 289-91). See Turkle (1984), Thinking of oneself as a machine, p. 271-305 References Bruckman, A. (1992). /dentty workshops: Emergent social and psychological phencinena in text-based vrtwal reality. Unpublished manuscript. ‘Cumis,P. (1992). Mudding: Social phenomena in text-based virual realities. Proceedings of DIAC “92 ‘Available via onymous ftp from parcftp.xer0x.com, pubyMOOIpapecs DIACI2. [ps.tet)). Morningstar, C., & Farmer, F.R. (1992). The lessons of Lacasfilm's Habitat. In M. Benedikt (Ed), Cyberspace: First steps. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press, Stone, AR, (1992). Will the eal body please stand up?: Boundary tories about virtual cultures. In M. Benedikt (Ed.), Cyberspace: First steps. Cambridge, MA: MIT Press. ‘Turkle, . (1984), The second self: Computers and the human sprit. New York: Simon & Schuster. Playing in MUDs 167 Sherry Turkle